#- stories in where there's literally no plot and instead several hundred thousand words where characters just fuck around

[velvetcovered-brick]

I will read almost anything in fanfic.

Almost a n y t h i n g.

But sometimes there's stories where the charactization, the scenarios, the situations, are just so out there, so bad, so poorly done, you have a choice:

Stop reading.

Or angrily hate-fuck your way through them because you're too stubborn to stop and then you finish and you wish you hadn't wasted your time.

And for many reasons, despite everyone in the community loving this series of fics, gushing about it, I can tell you that Language of Love in Schitt's Creek is fucking bad. I'm not going to kiss ass. It's bad.

Patrick and David are out of character. Phrases and pet names and that vein are overused and embarrassing to read; they barely tag and use the AN for trigger warnings which defeats the purpose of a tagging system and at that point put the story on ff.net instead if you won't use the tags. The scenarios and conflict, which are always necessary for a healthy story, swing way too far out into the realm of uncomfortable and incredulous (again, I'll read anything so I'm not explicitly bothered but I can only imagine others. Who wants to read hundreds of thousands of words to a story to only stop after a point because in the AN the writer said your trigger instead of warning you up front???) and incredulous. Not just in general storytelling but rather for the story of David and Patrick.

While canon D&P aren't the healthiest couple, codependency amongst other things, these stories take a single grain of their negative attributes and re-center their whole personalities on these negative attributes. I have never met an interpretation of David and Patrick that I heartily dislike until these stories. And I've read A LOT of SC fanfiction.

The stories do have some good plot points, some interesting moments, and even interesting insight for character's personalities, but it's all moot if everyone is a villain in the worst ways and it's angst after angst after angst. And when I say that it's too much negativity, that's says something. Coming from a person who actively rereads stories found in angsty tags for fun.

I literally read these stories, hoping it got better as we all do over time in storytelling. No. I just got more angry and bitter. Especially at myself because I don't know when to stop. My limits in reading fic are severe, poorly written to the point they need a 9th grade English lesson, and several extreme kinks. When I can willingly read some of the worst kinks out there, but can't stand how these characters are being given to us, I have to say something.

I am sorry Pandora. I like some of your stuff. Just...this is not it. Please don't take offense, I'm just saying, while it's impressive you've written this much and dedicated a lot of time to this series, I personally find the LoL series trite in a way that its reminiscent of an ouroboros. The same recycled drama but with a new coat of troubled paint, fresh in a new way to be a horrible person for that character.

[basaltbutch]

heavy are the shoulders who have niche tastes in stories :(

[iturbide]

Is there any game you really like but never had the chance to talk about?

gosh I have a lot of very quiet game interests that just never come up because basically all the asks I get are about Fire Emblem (not that it's bad, because I certainly write a lot of it)

The big ones I've already talked about at least in brief. The main ones are Pokemon, which I keep doing crossovers for; and Ace Attorney, which I think I've been into longer than Fire Emblem (and I have at least a hundred thousand words of ancient fic to prove it). But I've also been a big fan of the Assassin's Creed series since the first game, and that's definitely not something that comes up all that often: I do have one crossover between Awakening and Assassin's Creed generally, taking a lot of elements that make the series what it is and weaving them into the Awakening setting, but that's about as close as I've come to really talking about it.

The really big one at this point has to be Dragalia Lost, though. It's another Nintendo mobile game that doesn't seem to get a lot of press, but it's somehow everything I really wanted in a mobile game I think?

There's actual meat to its story: it takes a while to play through even one chapter because there's so much to read and engage with, and it has an interesting plot that develops through both the main story chapters and the other events

The events are also amazing. They do some really interesting, really unexpected things with their events, including several that are basically Lovecraftian horror stories (lookin' at you Accursed Archives) -- and they're gradually making these old events available to all players at any time through the Event Compendium, rather than forcing newer players to wait for a re-run or just retiring them entirely

It doesn't do the dark is evil thing. The Shadow roster is incredible and I love the main Shadow Dragon so much I can't even also the main dragon pseudo-deity is handled in a way that seems like it was basically made for me

It gives out a lot of free characters, both through the story and through a specific class of event, and they hold up well in the game's meta

They also put in the effort to keep old characters relevant rather than just phasing them out: the power-ups from those upgrades have made some of the free and launch characters the best in the meta for certain content

Virtually every character has a unique story that you can read to get a better understanding of who they are as a person, and some of them are really intensely emotional

They also show their main story characters a lot of love. Not only do they feature in every chapter, giving attention to the bonds and interactions between their core cast, but most of those main story characters have multiple alts at this point (which is good for me, because I love Luca so much he's a character I will always go for broke on when I see a new alt)

It's primarily co-op rather than competitive, meaning you're working together with other players from around the world to achieve a common goal

The developers actually pay attention to the game's balance and address issues, up to and including boosting the power of all characters outside of the Shadow roster when they realized people were just using their Shadow teams to clear everything because they were so outrageously overpowered compared to every other element

The developers also pay attention to feedback and overhaul old systems to make them more streamlined, intuitive, and user-friendly (which they've done with both branches of the equipment system within the past two years)

The game is constantly updating with new challenging modes for high-level players to take on and newer ones to look forward to meeting once they progress

Those same modes also keep throwing new challenges at players that can cripple some of the main meta contenders, letting characters that might have fallen out of use to find a niche where they excel.

It's unbelievably generous when it comes to summoning, compared to other games I've seen. They set new players up with a 5-star character and give them challenges to earn guaranteed 5-star vouchers for dragons or adventurers to get them started on solid footing. On top of that, not only do they give out a free tenfold summon voucher with every major update and for pretty much every major event, they give players TONS of single summon vouchers, lots of wyrmite (including log-in bonuses, new quests on every difficulty level, returning events, adventurer and dragon stories, and endeavors), and not-infrequent free summon events -- there's one starting Monday where we basically get 250 free summons (14 days of free tenfold summons and one day of 100 free summons). AND THERE'S A SPARK SYSTEM.

There's no advantage for whales. No, seriously: when you summon a duplicate adventurer, you get Eldwater instead of the character, which is used to promote 3- and 4-star adventurers, enhance their abilities, or upgrade equipment. If you see someone with a strong character, you can rest assured that with enough effort, yours can be exactly as strong as theirs without paying a cent (which I know because that's literally how I did it).

I could go on for ages about Dragalia okay it's just a really enjoyable game and I engage with that more eagerly on a daily basis than I have with Heroes in several years.

[aftergloom]

Writing Process

• I love this idea. I should really focus on this other WIP on my plate because you learn through finishing things, but PLOT BUNNEHH GRRAAAAAAH.

• Maybe I’ll just write the opening five hundred words and that’ll be okay. It can just stay a drabble and I can get it out of my system.

• Several hours and several thousand words later: So I have a complete outline for a thirty-two chapter fic, a setting list with detailed descriptions of every place in the world where the characters go, and forty two pages of character design for the key players and their supporting cast. Each.

• No one’s going to want to read this.

• That’s okay I can just write a bit of it for myself. 

• I wrote a bit of it and still, no one’s going to want to read this what’s the point.

• Why do I suck so hard. I can’t write my way out of a hat box.

• Maybe I can just splice in some smut?

• Wrote another thousand of words of angst that left me in literal tears.

• No, seriously. People are going to hate this. Why do I like suffering? I don’t know. Still weepy AF. 

• Okay, let’s try for smut again. Go away, plot.

• PLOT.

• PLOT.

• PLOT.

• Ooooh more world building. Necromancy! Death rites! Oh, maybe I can stick the Kubler-Ross model for grieving in here as an archetype matched 1:1 against the various acts of the story to reinforce the theme.

• I should really work on that other fic.

• Am I actually going to be able to finish this?

• Abandons the thing for weeks under the guide of being “busy” if “busy” means watching back to back seasons of Love Island to distract myself.

• Cannibalizes part of that other one-shot that remains unpublished because it has one string of ultra-enduring theme for the main protagonist and uses it as the backbone for the whole narrative, giggling madly the whole while. 

• I am a genius!

• *reads several books and makes a bunch of lists containing words I like*

• *reads a handful of fics that are a ton better than anything I could ever write AND WHAT’S THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER.*

• Returns to the work, forced to re-read everything to figure out where I was going despite the copious plot notes already taken.

• No one’s going to read this.

• Tentatively posts one chapter to Ao3.

• Fifty people read it. Two kudos. Half a comment which is more of a slap in the face about Ahsoka’s age. Success?

• Contemplate giving up writing altogether.

• Writes the rest of the story at a trudging slog.

• Posts the whole thing, week by week, gradually feeling more bitter about the whole of it and my waning skills at this particular craft. Maybe I should start sculpting polymers or take up macrame as a hobby instead. Needlepoint? 

• Someone posts a nice comment and I am 1000% validated and feel 1000000000% better about myself and the thing I made.

• Forgets about the story for six months after it’s completed.

• A year passes.

• Re-reads the story and discovers... it wasn’t that bad? I wrote this? This is actually pretty good? Maybe I’ll do something like this again.

• PLOT BUNNEEEEEEH.

• Repeat.

[mobius-prime]

192. Sonic the Hedgehog #124

Sonic Adventure 2.5: Λlphλ

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils: J. Axer and Steven Butler Colors: Jason Jensen

All right everyone, we've finally made it to the "Endgame" of the fourth era! While it's not quite as epic and game-changing, this story, spanning this issue and the next, alters the setting and the plot quite a bit, and also sees the return of Shadow the Hedgehog, whom we only got to see a quick cameo of back in Sonic Adventure 2. Also, amusingly, the word "Alpha" in the title is actually spelled with the Greek letter Lambda, not the actual letter Alpha. I know it's for the Aesthetic™ and all, but it's still funny. But anyway, let's jump in and see what this era's finale has in store for us!

So first, we learn the story of how Shadow survived his fall from orbit. Turns out, he didn't actually fall at all! Before he entered the atmosphere, he was caught in a beam from an alien spaceship, and brought aboard.

Well now, isn't this interesting! These are the same aliens that transformed Eggman and Snively back to their organic forms a few issues ago. It seems they're quite interested in meddling in the affairs of the planet, for whatever reason, and now they're using Shadow as a method of escaping from a second spaceship full of different aliens who appear to be quite aggressive. Shadow tries to fight back against them, but the ship hits him with an energy beam, and he begins to lose consciousness once again, falling back towards the atmosphere just as before. Meanwhile back in Knothole, Sonic wakes up, seemingly excited about something big today. He races to Knothole Castle where he kisses Sally hello, the two now openly dating now that they've admitted their true feelings for each other. She asks him if he's ready to "pop the question," to which he says he… is… wait, what question is this, Sally?! You can't mean…

At the same time, in Station Square, the president finds himself contacted by Eggman, who tries to make him a deal to become allies in exchange for advanced technology and protection. Of course, he's trying to propose an alliance to the same people who literally nuked his city because they didn't like him, so this goes about as well as you expect. Naturally, Eggman doesn't like this response one bit.

Rouge swoops in to save the president and his driver as the car careens into a river, but just as they think they've escaped danger, the entire false sky above the city shatters under the attack from a mysterious foe… But before we find out who has done this, it's time to find out what question Sonic is supposed to be asking.

…okay, honestly, this is just bizarre to me. I get that absolute monarchies tend to want to marry their heirs off young to secure alliances, but really? These two haven't even properly dated yet, beyond a little these past months (as at least a couple months are implied to have passed since Sally's kidnapping), and now at the age of sixteen they're planning a future wedding? This entire bit seems so weirdly out of character for both Sally and Sonic, if you ask me. The comic has flirted with the idea of marriage between the two in the past, but that was mostly during the earlier issues when each story was only focused on being silly and telling a funny, self-contained story. Obviously, these two have had a deep crush on each other for years now, and have a lot of chemistry in their own way, but a de facto engagement between the two of them is just strange. Sally is much more pragmatic than that, having broken off a potential relationship once before in favor of focusing on her official duties, and as for Sonic, we've been directly shown before that he's flighty, afraid of commitment, and generally prefers casual friendships to heavily romantic relationships. Now, this might make more sense if you instead view it as an announcement of convenience, a plot concocted by the both of them to get Sally's parents off her back about being married off to a "suitable partner" as the future ruler of the kingdom. If it were portrayed this way, then maybe I could give this a pass. But we're given no such inkling that it's anything other than exactly what it appears to be. And that, to me, makes this plot point a completely bizarre departure from the usual attitudes of both these characters to romance and relationships. Even weirder, as we'll see, this doesn't even affect the plot of the comic at all in future issues - while there's a reference to it here and there, it's nothing plot-important and could have easily been written out without much trouble.

Anyway, Sonic runs out to investigate the boom only to find Shadow lying in a crater outside the castle. Man, lucky for him that he just so happened to land here instead of literally anywhere else, huh? Sonic approaches him and Shadow lashes out in confusion, knocking Sonic aside, before coming to and apologizing. All this does is rile Sonic up and he tries to attack Shadow in retaliation. Really, Sonic? You thought Shadow was freaking dead, and the moment you see him again you try to punch his lights out? Sally, luckily, steps in to reprimand him for his behavior, and Nicole contacts her, telling her there's an emergency message for them back at the castle. The Freedom Fighters, along with Shadow, follow her back in, where both Eggman and Rouge contact the royal family simultaneously, each claiming their cities have been attacked by an overwhelmingly strong foe. Shadow confirms that this is likely an attack from the same vessel he had just been fighting, but then… something happens. A telepathic message spreads out across the globe, echoing in the minds of every single sentient being on the planet, demanding the attention of the "inhabitants of planet Earth…"

Well, this is bad. And now, they're back to finish what they started… Eggman panics and tries to immediately get King Max to agree to an alliance of convenience, but Max cuts him off without another word, justifying his actions to his shocked onlookers as making sure Eggman is good and ready to accept a truce on his terms by making him sweat a bit first. Sonic expresses confusion that the aliens seem to be confusing Mobius with another planet called Earth, but they get a call from Angel Island at that moment where Locke offers his assistance. Of course the Freedom Fighters ask about Knuckles, and he sorrowfully informs them that he's dead. They're shocked and saddened, but don't have time to mourn, as they have to prove the Xorda wrong about their planet. Sally begins some research into the history of the planet, but Hope unexpectedly steps forward, offering her own insight into how the Xorda ended up here in the first place.

Oh boy, Shadow, I sense we're going to have some emotional turmoil over Hope in our future. Also, I just wanna note that this issue claims that the Xorda were last here three thousand years ago, but future issues retcon this into twelve thousand years. Anyway, Sally soon discovers something shocking in her research… Mobius and Earth are, in fact, the same planet!

This. Is. It! This is the big reveal that I've been so carefully dancing around for almost two hundred issues! I have been meticulously wording every reference to Mobius being an "Earth-like planet" to be spoiler-free but also totally accurate in the light of this reveal. Yes, ladies, gents and enbies, the Archie Sonic preboot takes place twelve thousand years into our own future. The first Xorda invasion was, in fact, the first recorded Day of Fury, which is why it's recorded as having wiped out nearly all life on the planet. And this is also the origin of the split between five fingered humans, and four fingered Overlanders. The humans survived underground, unaffected by the gene bombs dropped by the Xorda, while the Overlanders are the result of, essentially, re-evolved humans that were affected by the gene bombs. And as for Mobians? Well, we are talking about a weapon called a gene bomb, so Mobians obviously came about through severe mutations caused by said bombs, eventually becoming the dominant species of the planet! This is why the planet's continents look very similar to those of Earth, with the differences easily explained by not only twelve thousand years of continental drift, but the massive geographical alterations that such a dramatic cataclysm would have caused on the planet. All those old references to previous Earth civilizations exist because those things actually happened, even if the people making said references no longer know what the Confederate States were, or who the Aborigines were. I know this reveal wasn't particularly liked by a lot of readers, and certainly without the context of the previous two hundred issues it sounds downright absurd (hell, even with the context it kind of does), but in the end my personal opinion is that this was a bit of a masterstroke on Karl's part. It's a great way to tie a lot of old plot threads together and develop a more cohesive and solid history for Mobius as a planet, and ultimately provides us with a more clear timeline of events for the various races and civilizations of the world. And it's all thanks to a species of creepy vengeful Mother Brain octopus alien things deciding to commit genocide!

Afterlife (Part Four)

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Art Mawhinney Colors: J. Jensen

So, Kenders. With the big milestone issue fast approaching, is there anything you wanna add in this next installment of Afterlife? Like, perhaps, finally addressing what exactly is supposed to, y'know, happen in the afterlife? Knuckles certainly wants to know, having spent the last two issues doing nothing but reliving his entire previous life verbatim. Aurora explains that though he feels it's unfair that he died, it was unavoidable, as he simply came into his power too quickly and couldn't temper it or learn to control it quickly enough to pull off his saving-Dimitri stunt without essentially going supernova.

This part actually does interest me, because Knuckles' reaction implies that until now, the fact of his death hasn't fully sunken in. He seems to be under the impression that he can come back from it and just resume his life where he left off, instead of traveling onward into the next phase of life. Aurora apologizes and explains that everyone only gets one chance at life, and beckons him toward the mystical portal to the Chaos Force. Knuckles requests only one more thing, to become his normal red self once more, and when Aurora gently corrects him that he doesn't need her help for that, he finds himself instantly back to his old color scheme with a mere thought, which raises the minor question of whether he would have been able to revert back to red all along, or whether it's due to the malleable nature of existence in the afterlife that he's able to do so now. Regardless, the reign of Green Knuckles over the comic's B-stories has finally ended, and Rad Red steps into the portal, ready to claim his destiny. And thus, we get ready to say goodbye to our favorite echidna once and for all, as he takes his place amongst the… wait, hang on a second…

Good old Athair! I missed you, buddy. Aurora tries to argue that Knuckles should still advance forward into the Chaos Force, but Athair merely frowns and crosses his arms, leaving the ending of this story ambiguous… and ripe for a true conclusion next issue, as we hit another major milestone in the history of the comic!

[actualmermaid]

Pieces of the Stars blooper reel

As I toil over the last 3 chapters (!!!) of PotS, I can’t help but think about what the drafts have been through over the past few years--specifically, some of the stuff that didn’t make the final edit, and why.

I thought about making this a grand retrospective once I posted the last chapter, but I don’t think the last bits will go through the same kind of shredding-and-reassembling process that the earlier parts did. And I also need to get some stuff out of my head tonight, so hopefully some of you will find this interesting. (PS this list is non-exhaustive.) Thing 1: My original concept for PotS included a prologue and epilogue. I got a few hundred words into the prologue before realizing that having it there was undermining everything I wanted to achieve with PotS, so I abandoned it and started with chapter 1.

The prologue started just after Arwen’s wedding, opening with Elrond having a meal alone in Pelargir and mulling over his sorrow and acceptance of her choice to become mortal when he happens to meet Maglor (still alive and currently a seafaring merchant) for the first time since his youth. Their conversation becomes a framing device for the rest of the story, which from the beginning is implied to be an adult’s understanding of the things he witnessed as a child and came to reconcile as he grew older. The epilogue picks up with them again after the end of the main story, and Elrond invites Maglor back to meet his family for the first and last time, showing that he still loves him even after coming to terms with what Maglor did in the past.

The main reason I got rid of this is that it took away almost all of the ambiguity I was going for regarding Elrond’s powers, Maglor’s eventual fate, the nature of mortality and immortality, and some other stuff. It wrapped it up in too neat a package. At the end of PotS I wanted to leave the reader still grappling with the questions that Elrond himself has as he comes of age—what exactly makes an elf or Man? How does he reconcile his love for Maglor and Maedhros with the knowledge of what they did to his family? What is the origin and extent of his psychic abilities? Will he ever see Maglor again? How about Elros? How about his parents? Why is he so uncomfortable with uncertainty? It’s messy, and giving absolute answers to any of it made that struggle feel cheap.

Thing 2: A “Maglor and/or Maedhros awkwardly explain the birds and the bees to the kids” scene seems semi-mandatory for E&E-come-of-age stories, so I started writing one, but abandoned it pretty early on.

For one, the humor in these types of scenes is almost always meant to come from the awkwardness, and I hate it when I get secondhand embarrassment from stories, so why would I inflict it on other people? Also, Elrond and Elros are farm kids. They know where babies come from. They might have some easily-debunked misconceptions (the early scene where they’re watching the hens with the chicks was funny because they think babies come from eggs and their mom is a bird, please laugh), but the general mechanics of reproduction are not a mystery to them.

The other reason why this scene wouldn’t work here is because I don’t write elvish society as prudish or awkward about sex, so making everyone act weird about it for laughs would be inconsistent with that. I'm much happier with having a couple of different scenes (like the pancake scene or the one where Osgardir explains the differences between elves and mortals) where the kids learn about courtship, gender diversity, and so forth as necessary for their character development instead of forcing an obligatory “birds and the bees” scene.

Thing 3: I planned to have Maedhros seriously attempt suicide at some point during Elrond’s apprenticeship, and Elrond uses his gift to save his life. I tested several different approaches to this and wasn’t satisfied with any of them, so eventually I scrapped that whole arc and several thousand words of prose. There was also an earlier bit when Elrond is experiencing visions and can’t control them yet, and he ends up seeing/experiencing a bunch of Maedhros’ past attempts, culminating in a terrifying vision where the floor was literally lava.

The biggest reason I cut this was that it was a plot tumor that contributed nothing to anyone’s characterization or relationships that I wasn’t able to distribute among other, more important scenes. Additionally, I was increasingly uncomfortable with assigning Elrond the role of Maedhros’ trauma-sponge in that situation. I know it’s really popular in these stories for Elrond to provide some psychological support to the Fëanorians, but IMO if it’s done poorly it’s just super dysfunctional and it’s awkward to see people act like it’s cute.

I’m much happier with the final edit and the implication that Maedhros is voluntarily working to keep it together for the boys’ sake. I also didn’t have to sacrifice the part where Elrond uses his gift to help Maedhros: I just drew on some stuff from my old fic “Reflection” and had Elrond experimenting with his gift to help Maedhros with chronic pain.

Thing 4: A whole character, Dúnith the herbalist, got fired. She was a green-elf and I liked having her around to explore cultural differences with the Noldor, but in the end, I spent too much time trying to explain why she was there and mentioning her in the background and I realized her entire existence was unnecessary. (I killed off Rythredion for the same reason--he served his purpose and I ran out of things for him to do, and keeping track of where he was got annoying.)

I was sad to lose a whole scene where she, Elrond, and Osgardir go foraging for herbs and Elrond gets poison ivy all over his whole body, but it moved nothing forward and was competing for space with more important scenes. She was also Osgardir’s friend-with-benefits, which was fun, but also unnecessary. All of Dúnith the herbalist’s necessary functions were very easily redistributed to other scenes and characters. The dwarf caravan, for example, brought news from the outside world and gave us an opportunity to look at cultural differences. The actual green-elf lore that Dúnith brought to the story went to Amrúnith, a pre-existing character with her own life, i.e. someone I didn’t have to micromanage.

Couple things I learned from all this:

you don’t have to include a scene or dynamic just because other E&E fics do

if you have to fight to explain why a character is there or why something is happening, seriously reconsider whether that thing belongs in the story

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

Gonna write my scatterbrained Spicy Hot Takes on Agartha before the news is stale and I delete this annoying and boring chapter from my mental landscape, so bear with me:

I think Agartha’s main issue was just straight up poor writing. The Japanese direct translations being as downright offensive as they were is one thing - but overall, the chapter is just one plot contrivance after another. It tries so, so hard to go for a certain tone but can’t seem to stick to any one thing or idea. Disregarding themes about sexuality probably would have been the very best way to go about this chapter, since I think the most interesting part was the theme about storytelling and in-authenticity - we all know that That Line was annoying af in a game like FGO, but it CAN work in a series like Fate as a whole. I had a helluva long day at work so allow me to explain in the least scatter-brained way I can manage right now:

Here’s what I’m thinking: Scheherazade, whose name I guarantee I will spell wrong/differently every time I write it even though I’ve been able to pronounce it properly since I was thirteen (I was in a speaking competition and told some of the Thousand and One Nights using her framework as the opening monologue, long story short ANYWAY -) is traumatized by her ordeal with the king. This is a really good and interesting thing to explore! Fitting it in with the theme of storytelling - Scheherazade is deeply afraid of dying and will do whatever it takes to live, so she makes a fantasy world and fills it with legends, and feeds their energy to a Holy Grail. With this, and the power of a Demon God at her side, she plans to reveal magic to the human world in the most destructive fashion possible, allowing the fantastic to become ordinary, and destroying the Throne of Heroes itself in the process. Fate is a series were stories have power - but Scheherazade survived basically by telling the most fantastical, interesting tales she could and never finishing them. She always would pause in the middle, and say, “That’s all for tonight.” I think this is the kind of thing we can run with in terms of setting.

Dahut is the weirdest example because it’s the one story in the chapter that I know next to nothing about. At one point it’s mentioned that Dahut is impossible to summon as a Servant, and so Drake was “forced” into the role of the Pirate Princess. Ys is probably the weakest part of the chapter for that, but I did like the idea of her being “Drake Alter,” where Drake vibrantly pursues her goals and desires but takes nothing for granted; Dahut gives into her every whim and takes absolutely everything for granted. The conflict between “Drake” and “Dahut” should have been emphasized more instead of having the player/Da Vinci dismiss her as “Oh, it’s not Drake, except when she conveniently comes back to delivery us the MacGuffins Ex Machina in the eleventh hour.” Dahut has little connection to Drake - it’s not her story, but a role she was forced into because Scheherazade was building a very specific kind of world. Therefore it is inauthentic. Perhaps that’s all it needs to be in this context. 

This can also work with the Amazons. Scheherazade never told stories of the Amazons, but she has access to basically all stories in the world through her Noble Phantasm - she learns that they are a society of warrior women who live without men, and so decides that they will be a society which oppresses men due to her fear/bitterness towards men after the ordeal she suffered through. The “oppressing men” plotline was honestly dumb all around but using the Amazons as a mechanism to explore Scheherazade's trauma would’ve been more interesting than just having them be the Big Bad before the Big Bad Columbus Reveal: Scheherazade doesn’t like fighting, but wishes that she had been strong enough to protect herself. Because she views herself as a coward and her ordeal with the king has complicated her view of sexuality - “I’m better suited to a bedchamber than a battlefield” - she uses the Amazons of Agartha as a mechanism to cope. 

This brings us to Wu, whose design I’m still not happy about even though I think the in-story justification is somewhat fair. (Let Helena and Wu be gray-haired grannies together or so help me!) Wu was absolutely an authoritarian ruler who did, in fact, invade and conquer several nations and institute a terrifying network of secret police. In her later life, she was given to decadence - but her tenure on the throne showed her to be a highly competent administrator. Notably, she ruled over an era of religious tension and balanced matters quite well, and though she was accused of undoing meritocracy to put her supporters into power, many of the men she appointed held positions in government long after she’d died because they were actually good at their jobs. Wu has been heavily mythologized over the years - later Tang emperors and Neo-Confucian scholars wrote her off (Wu founded her own dynasty under her own name, so they kind of had to legitimize it somehow), she became associated the nine-tailed fox spirit thanks to a few popular novels and poems, etc., etc., etc. The crazy thing is that Wu actually left very few records of herself behind, apart from some poems. Even the inscription on her tomb is blank! People can say whatever they want about her - it’s extremely difficult to know the full truth of the matter without any objective observers in the field (and without Wu’s own words to give context/another story), especially if you don’t read any Chinese. 

BTW - the first thing I learned history class is that when you’re dealing with primary sources, you must always remember that translators have agendas. Every word is a deliberate choice, and it changes the meaning from the original text. When dealing with historical documents, this is not always a good thing. 

Scheherazade reads some, but not all of these stories, and integrates Wu into her world as the sadist empress with an iron grip on her decadent mythical city. 

Do you see what I’m getting at here? It’s a lot, but I’m not done. Now we have to deal with Columbus - there’s “In Defense of Columbus” video is floating around in the Agartha tag, but I haven’t watched it in full and haven’t done like, any intensive research on Columbus in particular, so I’m going to apologize right now for any historical inaccuracies/misconceptions that I’m about to write. The point I want to make here mainly is that Columbus, like Wu, has been heavily, heavily mythologized for both good and evil at various points. The thing about Columbus that is also interesting is that the authenticity of his journals is or was apparently a subject of debate. The man who published most of them actually happened to be Bartolomew de las Casas - one of the founders/first vocal supporters of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. The reason de la Casas supported this is because he believed that using African labor would be an improvement over enslaving the native populations of the New World. Soon after, he had a change of heart and devoted the rest of his life to fighting against slavery in all forms. De la Casas went on to be named a saint, and was possibly the first person in history to propose the idea of universal human rights - which is how I had heard of him until literally just this afternoon; I had no idea he’d ever supported the slave trade until I was looking up basic info about Columbus’s writings so I could write this long-ass post. History is full of complicated people. 

But as I mentioned in Wu’s bit, it’s very important to note that in many ways, Columbus is literally just whatever people decide he is. Like, he never even set foot in any land that would become the United States, and yet he’s a huge symbol here! Along these lines, his amnesia would fit the theme of inauthentic storytelling, choosing what to read and what to believe in. Columbus regaining his memories was an understated moment, which is actually fucking fantastic because it could be used to really emphasize the choice that is being made here. He’s a Heroic Spirit who can choose to be whatever he wants. He can choose to be the simple hero-explorer that schoolchildren sing about, or he can choose to be the Big Bad, the first and perhaps most infamous conquistador. And he chooses to be the bad guy. That is so fuckin’ fantastic, y’all! I honest to God love that not only did FGO portray Columbus as a villain of history but that the bad reputation is something he chooses to maintain! I can write a list of Servants who were less than stellar people and got a makeover for Fate. Nero is probably one of the worst examples but like - Ozymandias absolutely owned slaves in his life as a pharaoh. Hercules and Medea murdered their own children. Asterios literally ate humans as the Minotaur. Gilles de Rais exists as a playable character. Jack the Ripper is your daughter. Hell, Nobunaga burned temples with the monks still inside - but she feels bad about it now! Enough digressing but I a hundred percent get why Japanese fans found Columbus “refreshing” at his introduction. He owns his cruelty, his desire to exploit others - he challenges the narrative that everyone is redeemable because he doesn’t even want to be redeemed, he just wants to get rich and famous, and he doesn’t give a shit who he steps over in the process! Like, Columbus said, “I’m just doing what comes naturally,” at one point when he still had amnesia, so when he got his memory back and turned on the player, I really would’ve liked for him to say is something like, “You’ve already decided that I’m the bad guy, right? You know my story, and I’m nothing if not a man of my word.”

These kinds of questions/debates could have been used to emphasize the themes of Agartha. Legends are what people decide they are. People make choices and history decides whether they were good or evil or important retroactively. Can you know what someone is like by reading a translation of their poetry? Can you judge a king’s reign by the words of their successors or their rivals? Does the context of a story matter? This all could have been super interesting to explore!

Like I said, the main theme of Agartha being “inauthentic storytelling” could have been hella, hella good considering that this is a world created by Scheherazade’s fears and trauma feeding into her escapist desires. But Minase’s incompetence as a writer made everything so hamfisted and awkward that everything just suffered under his desire to insert his fetishes at every moment. It was so obvious that he didn’t read any material for old Fate characters - like Astolfo you poor sweet thing, you deserved so much better! - and even the new characters that he clearly did research on, like Columbus, fell flat because he couldn’t figure out what he was trying to say beyond mildly-to-extra offensive sex jokes.

[truthbeetoldmedia]

The 100 5x12 "Damocles Pt 1" Review

Guys…..I don’t even know. This show was my favorite TV show in years, maybe ever until this season (well, I kinda didn’t love Season 4 but that finale was so amazing I was still hooked) but now I don’t even know how the show wants me to feel? Do the writers want us all to stop watching? This season went off the rails after episode 5x05 and I am not a happy camper so be prepared for a salty review.

The good:

“Say hello to my little friend.” Murphy quoting Scarface as he shoots the giant laser gun, only for him to screw it up and almost blow everyone up is grade A John Murphy content.

While I’m on that scene with the laser gun, I just want to say that Dean White has such an eye for cinematography and I loved the way this whole scene was shot. Same with the march through the gorge, this episode did nail directing!

Emori and Murphy exchanging little smiles after he uses the same screw up later to give them cover to escape in the rover. Post apocalyptic Bonnie and Clyde 4ever.

SHAW. Miles Zeke “I will break if they torture you” Shaw. He is a treasure guys, he would rather die by being electrocuted than live knowing he killed hundreds of people or was the reason Raven got tortured. Protect this man. I want him and Raven to spend forever together.

Echo reading Clarke to filth for leaving Bellamy to likely die in the fighting pit because she was angry. This will be extended into the “bad” and “ugly” section.

Monty calmly telling Echo he’s not doing what she wants him to do over the radio.

Abby and Clarke actually having an affectionate second as mom and daughter...even though it was still kinda empty.

Clarke FINALLY waking up and helping her friends...this will also show up in my bad/ugly section.

Indra and Gaia having an actual mother/daughter moment. ”I’m not leaving my daughter” I want them both to survive, they deserve to be happy with each other.

I loved Octavia finally realizing how bad of a leader she’s been, I do not want her to get off the hook that easy. She has made terrible decisions and they lead up to this first 10 minutes of the episode, with her loyal army getting butchered in front of her. Of course the first to die was the little boy she had taught to fight, Ethan being the symbol of Octavia’s “hope” for the future of her people, (I hate the word Wonkru) and all of them mowed down in front of her. But I also hate it took this to get through to her — Thelonious Jaha is so disappointed in her.

“Guess she’s not up for mother of the year.” Raven as she’s taking the shock collar off Madi, TRULY iconic.

BELLAMY BLAKE is consistently the only “good” part of this show for me anymore (aside from Monty, who is almost as absent as his criminally underutilized other half Harper), and this episode we saw Bellamy do what he does best! Protect his sister, save people, put others first; but also he stands up for himself and tells Octavia “This is is all your fault, all these people died because of you.” YES, SON! Let her have it! Don’t hold back! When Octavia says, “Do you want me to die?” And he just responds, “Yes,” we know he didn’t honestly mean that considering how much he tried to keep her alive this episode.

Bellamy’s pep talk to Gaia — “Keep fighting, if not for you then for her” — and him carrying her warmed my heart.

Octavia saying “Wonkru is broken, I broke it” and Indra just flat out saying “Yes you did.”

Clarke reminding Echo that she has blood on her hands. “Don’t think all those people you helped blow up in Mt Weather didn’t count because you were following orders.” I about stood up on my feet and clapped.

Also in this same scene Clarke’s face when Echo tells her Bellamy isn’t dead and he survived her betrayal, girl was SHOOK. And the exchange of “Don’t pretend like you care about Bellamy now” and Clarke interjecting “I ALWAYS cared” — too bad this is the extent of emotion she gets to show for Bellamy in the last two episodes...when in reality she should have been crying buckets of tears.

The last second rescue of Bellamy and Co. in the gorge right when you think Octavia’s “fight is over.” It was great to see the rover back in action Monty and crew saving their friends, I just wish Clarke was there too.

I do think this episode had good moments. BUT hold onto your hats, we are about to dive deep into some salt! And also some plot lines that they seem to be “retconning” for no reason except to give fanservice to a group of people far too late and in the worst way possible...without further ado:

The bad:

Well, there were several little things that I was honestly confused by.

Kane and Vinson...what was that scene for? What did it accomplish? It was so random — what were Vinson's motivations, why did he want Abby to keep being a pill head? I loved the way he went out and the acting between Henry Ian Cusick and Mike Dopud is fabulous but, honestly, it was pointless and had no real impact on the story, like half of the plot this season if I’m being honest.

Why is the Flame and how it interfaces with the commander the most inconsistently written plot this show has ever done? Raven spent half her time in Season 3B reading Becca’s journals and explaining how the Flame works — but now it seems to work any way the writers need it to? In episode 3x12 Monty asks Raven if the minds uploaded to the City of Light (which I’m assuming is a large scale version of the Flame where thousands of “consciousnesses” can be uploaded and exist at once since Becca designed both): “There’s a chance my mom’s still alive?” to which Raven replies, “Depends on your definition of alive.” In 5x12 when Madi so creepily channels “Lexa” it’s indeed not her but a saved version of her mind from before her death, so Madi should be able to theoretically access her memories BUT in no way should Lexa be conscious to what’s going on in the present and “speak through” Madi — If this were the case why didn’t Becca tell the previous commanders who she was? That the flame was tech and not a spirit? Why didn’t the commander during the first Mount Weather troubles tell the next one about how to defeat them or how to help them therefore make peace? Why didn’t they tell Lexa the “threat” that crashed to earth was actually 100 CHILDREN that didn’t want to die or kill they just wanted to survive? IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE GUYS. Jason, if you happen to read this, EXPLAIN.

In the same episode we are told the flame is ALIE 2.0 made to merge with and enhance the brain of the “host” aka commander. She goes on to say the reason commanders didn’t know it was AI was because the program “degraded over time.” SO how pray tell did a 12 year old girl reset the password on this thing when the 15 or however many prior commanders couldn’t? EXPLAIN. How did she channel a commander when from what we’ve been told it’s never been done, or grounders wouldn’t be technology fearing, warring clans? This plot has more holes than a wheel of Swiss cheese.

I’m gonna stop yelling about this, I promise. I just hate this whole plot and the Flame should’ve went up in flames during Praimfaya.

Killing Ethan. So Thelonious Jaha literally dies to save his adopted son, and he is the first casualty in the gorge? Really, writers? Jaha lost his biological son, Wells, grieved him for almost 5 seasons and in turn sacrifices his life to protect his surrogate son the way he couldn’t protect his biological one, and this is how Jaha is rewarded? I really can’t believe.

The general attitude the writers seem to have about Clarke’s emotions and love, etc. Yes, she can miss Lexa, BUT I don’t believe the levels she misses a person that she knew in total for 4 months and hated approximately 3 months and one day, but not still be gutted over losing her best friend of FIFTEEN YEARS, WELLS JAHA. Or her actual father, or Bellamy — her canon post-Wells best friend in the series — whom she thinks she left to DIE? And if she can forgive Lexa’s multiple betrayals so quick she should already have forgiven Bellamy and feel like the worst person, to be honest. This season has treated the character of Clarke Griffin poorly and she deserved better.

On that subject, why is Clarke a side character instead of the lead female character? Why is her storyline like post apocalyptic Mommy Dearest? Why is she yet again isolated from her friends and family? EXPLAIN.

Okay now that I’ve gotten the above off my chest we are gonna dive straight into

The ugly:

Phew! I tell ya what, this season has exhausted me mentally and emotionally and not for good reasons.

Clarke won’t remove the flame from Madi because she “promised her” but she will force a shock collar on her and shock her with the voltage that brings a full grown man to the ground? REALLY, YOU GUYS WENT THERE? Are any of you even parents?

The whole storyline that Madi can see and feel Lexa’s memories is a whole other level of ICK! I didn’t think I’d ever have to deal with on this show. There are so many ways the writers could have not “gone there” with this story: never letting Madi have the flame, making sure we understood Madi, a twelve-year-old child, could only see relevant memories of the commanders, etc., but no. Instead, they imply that the former “lover” of her “mom” can consciously “speak” through her and show/tell the child anything. It is disturbing and I cannot believe the writers actually went there and were okay with it. Again, I am shocked that some of these people have children because they are not treated well in this show. And the  parents are usually the worst offenders.

On that note, I’d like to mention Abby’s advice and Clarke LISTENING. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Abby, and I know she’s always “tried” but she has been for 90% of the show a terrible parent. You would not want to use her as a role model for good parenting, that’s for sure.

It’s not a for sure thing yet, but if that end scene of “saving” Bellamy, Gaia and Indra is Octavia’s “redemption” I am gonna pop a forehead vein. Bellamy and Clarke still get what they did seasons ago thrown in their faces daily. I expect this x 100 for Octavia because she actively chose to do all the hideous things she did. She is not a hero, she is a villain and should be treated as such for the rest of the season. She can get a “redemption” next season if she has to have one.

If you made it through this very critical review I applaud you (and if any of the writers or directors read this, know that I respect your talent; this ranting is because I know what you guys are capable of and it’s so much better than what I’ve see this season).

To end things on a slightly positive note, next week is the season finale! Can you believe it’s already here?! Also can you believe we’ve survived this VERY rocky season? There have definitely been great moment this season, just not enough. But here are the things I’m looking forward to  or hope happen next week:

We finally get to meet Shannon Kook’s character! I’ve been waiting to meet him for months!

Hopefully Bellamy and Clarke reconcile and reconnect, I miss their amazing bond and protectiveness of one another.

Hopefully Kane and Gaia are alive and healing?

After she helps Wonkru, I hope Madi has the flame removed and it gets destroyed, never to be mentioned again.

I hope Diyoza and her baby are A-OK and we will see them next season. Same goes for Shaw, I want him alive and happy being the sweet love Raven Reyes has always deserved.

I want Clarke to mend her relationships with all of her friends and people, to apologize and to accept apologies. I want her to feel loved, I am tired of her always being isolated.

I want Bellamy to feel loved and understood, especially by Clarke and not in a “shippy” way (though I’m all for it). I want her to acknowledge that she left him to die, that she sorely regrets it and that she loves him especially if she can express that kind of sentiment for a computer hard drive and someone she liked for two weeks of her life. Bellamy and Clarke deserve an entire episode to work through their stuff because their relationship is literally the central relationship of the entire series, and to not let them acknowledge what they mean to each other and make amends does the show and the characters a disservice.

I want the season to end with hope! This season in ways has been more depressing and frustrating than Season 3 ever dreamed of being. We need light at the end of the tunnel or Season 6 may have an audience of 17 people. Levity and hope don't take away from drama and angst if executed correctly. If you can’t write both sides into the same space it’s not a problem with your story, it’s a problem with who’s writing it.  

I will have hope that they can and will do better (the characters and the writers) until the end BUT I will still bring the salt when I need to.

I give this episode 3 bees because it had potential, great cinematography, and some great Murphy one liners. But it was overall flat and disappointing.

What were your thoughts of this episode? What are you hoping for in the finale? Comment below!

And tune in to the season finale next week! Our founder Sam will be live tweeting and writing up the finale review!

The 100 airs at 8/7c on The CW.

Gina’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝

[nanowrimo]

5 Tips for Writing a Bestseller with Ulysses

Every year, we’re lucky to have great sponsors for our nonprofit events. Ulysses, a NaNoWriMo 2017 sponsor, is a professional writing app for macOS and iOS.  Today, New York Times bestselling author Lauren Layne shares her best tips for writing books that sell:

I’m what one might call a “process-junkie”. Although I’ve been a full-time author since 2013, my background is in the corporate world, and I was on an operations team. Figuring out the best way to go about accomplishing tasks and goals was literally my day job.

And it’s a proclivity that’s carried over into my writing life. I’ve published over two-dozen books, and in my early days, half the battle was figuring out how to write those books with the most effective, stress-free system possible.

It took me a couple years and several writing programs, but I’ve finally found my Holy Grail of systems: Ulysses.

I’ve been using the writing app since 2015, and it’s the first and only program that I’ve never cheated on. In the past, I’d flit from program to program, convinced that the next one would make the writing process easier. I’ve used Ulysses for two years now, and never once wavered in my loyalty. Simply put, it works. Ulysses is built for writing quickly and writing well. Since switching to Ulysses, I’ve signed multiple book deals, hit the USA TODAY bestseller list multiple times, and even made the elusive New York Times list. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Here are my 5 top tips for writing books that sell, as well as how I utilize Ulysses to achieve them:

1. Your story comes first.

Looking to write a book that sells? It won’t matter how compelling your characters, how nuanced your setting, how exquisite your prose if you don’t have a story—a plot. Bestsellers tend to be high-concept; they’re stories that can be described in 1-2 sentences, in what’s often known as an “elevator pitch.” 

Take a look at these examples: Orphan finds out he’s a wizard and gets sent to wizarding boarding school. Teen volunteers to take sister’s place in death match on live television. A Harvard professor follows clues left in Da Vinci paintings to solve a two-thousand year old secret. Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, and The Da Vinci Code. Three wildly successful books that pique reader interest right from the very first: “It’s a story about ...”

Even if you’re not a planner/outliner, it’s crucial to know what your story’s about before you write. Luckily, Ulysses makes it extremely easy to keep your plot front-and-center as you begin the writing process. Unlike traditional word processors where you have to work with one long scrolling document, Ulysses allows you to create “sheets” within your book’s project folder/group. The first thing I do before starting any book is to create a sheet that I label STORY. It’s where, in a single sentence, I sum up the core of the book’s plot. I’ll use other sheets/features for more detailed planning, but having a single sheet with a single sentence serves as a quick reminder of what the story’s about when I start to lose my way.

2. Think scenes, not chapters.

When I first started writing, I used to picture my manuscript as one big entity (the book) chopped by into random intervals (chapters). The result was a meandering, often boring, slog. My breakthrough came when I moved beyond books on writing to books on screenplay writing. That’s when it clicked. A book, just like a movie, is made up of scenes. Small, mini-stories, that are interesting in and of themselves. Often, those scenes are contained neatly within one chapter, but not always! Some scenes span multiple chapters, other chapters contain multiple scenes. Think of your book like a movie—something should happen in each scene. It doesn’t have to be an action scene, per say, but each scene must move the story forward in some way (even via dialog) in order to keep readers turning the pages.

Ulysses is perfectly designed for this “scene” approach to writing. I set up all of my books so that each scene gets a dedicated “sheet,” and the list of scenes sits along the left side of my screen as I write (or can be hidden, for distraction-free writing). If I want to access a particular scene, I need only to click on it from the list. No scrolling through hundreds of pages to find “that one part ...”

3. Leave breadcrumbs for yourself.

The hardest part about writing a book in a month (or writing a book at all!) is staying excited when we get to what’s known as “the sagging middle”—that part of the story where the fresh newness has worn off, and The End seems very far away. To combat this mid-book slump, I like to skim over all of the scenes I’ve already written, as well as create placeholder sheets/scenes for whats to come. As mentioned above, Ulysses makes it easy to organize your book by scene, but there’s another trick that makes this even better: by putting two “plus signs” on either side of a piece of text, you can create a note to yourself, that won’t show up in the final document. For example, I can also remind myself what Chapter Twelve is about by putting two plus signs around this chunk of text at the top of my Ulysses sheet for that scene:

++Jennifer shows up late for work (again) after her son’s morning asthma attack, and her boss, while sympathetic, tells Jennifer that it’s simply not working out. She’s fired. As she’s carrying her box of things to her car, the box breaks. It starts to rain as the scene ends, and Jennifer thinks she’s officially hit rock bottom.++

The above text will show up for me in Ulysses, but the plus signs tell Ulysses not to export that particular “note to self” in the final Word document. Not only does this scene summary make for easy quick reference looking back at what you’ve already written, but it can serve as motivation/ inspiration on future scenes! You can see the crux of that exciting climax scene waiting to be written, even if you’re not quite there yet.

4. Break the writing rules.

I used to think there was one “right way” to write a novel—that precise writing was good writing. I’d agonize that all of my chapters had to be roughly the same length, and at least 2,000 words. I’d think that if I did alternating POVs at the start of the book, I had to keep that going throughout the entire book. I thought that one-sentence paragraphs weren’t allowed. Or that you could never ever start a sentence with but or so, and that sentence fragments were completely off limits. I followed all the rules, published a few books with a big publisher... and sold almost no books, and made almost no money.

I figured if I wasn’t going to make much money from my books, I might as well have some fun with it! So, I started breaking rules. If a particular scene ended up at 898 words, and I loved the idea of it being its own chapter, I did that, even if the surrounding chapters were 3,000+. I once wrote a book where 80% was the heroine’s POV in first person, 20% was the male POV in third- person. I’ve written scenes made up primarily of text messages.

And you know what happened when I started breaking rules? I started hitting bestseller lists. Breaking rules and trying something different doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer—it means you’re developing your own style. This again is where Ulysses really shines. Traditional word processors force you to see your book in a very “finished” format, even in your earliest drafts. You may not realize it, but this “formal” appearance can really hamper any creative innovation. Ulysses provides freedom of structure, and because it’s a Markdown editor, you’ll be focused on what your words and stories are, rather than whether they or not they adhere to the “rules.”

5. Push through to the end.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, don’t stop until you reach the end! This seems so obvious, but it’s truly the most crucial advice I can give. A finished book is what separates authors from writers. Writers write. They put words on a page. But they also sometimes stop. Authors push through to the end so they have something to publish. Confession: my official story is that I wrote my first book in 2011, but the truth is, I tried NaNoWriMo 3 times in the early 2000s. I’d always start out November strong, excited about my new story, already envisioning the mansion I’d buy when I edged out Stephen King in book sales. All three of those times, I quit before even reaching 30,000 words. But the strange thing: it was never a sudden stop. It’s not as though I was on an inspired writing tear one day, and then would just abruptly abandon the book the next day. It was slow. Subtle. I’d tell myself that I had writer’s block, and just needed to “reevaluate” my story, and go back to fiddling with the my outline. Or tweaking my notes. I’d tell myself that I just needed a little time away from my story, and would watch TV instead. Or I’d tell myself that my problem was lack of organization. I’d spend hours (yes, hours) in my then-writing program, playing with formatting and cork boards and style editors. Slowly, I’d fall further and further behind in my word count, until finally I just... quit.

This is why Ulysses is so crucial. I know I sound like a broken record, but Ulysses is one of the few programs that gets it right. It keeps the focus on what matters: words. But with just enough organization prowess so that you don’t lose your way.

Lauren Layne is the New York Times bestselling author of over a dozen romantic comedies. A former e-commerce and web marketing manager from Seattle, Lauren relocated to New York City in 2011 to pursue a full-time writing career. She lives with her husband in midtown Manhattan.

[marvelandponder]

Rainbow Power, Y’all

Happy (belated) Pride month, everybody! I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of how I wanted to talk about gay ponies. Mostly because I literally never shut up about it so writing a opinion-based Should MLP Have a Gay Couple? editorial would be kind of self-explanatory. Kind of really self-explanatory. 

Plus, we already have one. Lyra and Bon Bon might have to chant “best friends” a hundred times before they can make goo-goo eyes at each other, but that body language and even just the way they talk to each other in is pretty telling.

Damn, that’s pretty gay. 

Oh and also this happened last year on the official Facebook apparently:

God, I love this show. Taking into account the fact that the other two are married couples, this is a Valentines Day promotion, and that making someone’s heart “gallop” can’t really be misconstrued as platonic, I seriously love this.

So, I mean, I can’t exactly stop you from interpreting them as platonic, but I would consider them canon and I’m even glad for the subtlety. Not all depictions need to state the obvious, so long as it is obvious.

I think with these two the intention was to make it ambiguous enough for parents to decide if they want to explain the concept. Kids aren’t stupid, but I think the demographic won’t pick up on the context clues that this could be a romantic relationship when they’ve been primed with the words “best friends” a number of times.

So, at that point, it’s up to the parents who watch the show with their kids to decide (if they haven’t already) if this is how and when they’d like to explain the concept of a same-sex relationship, with this as a visual aide. If Lyra and Bon Bon end up being baby’s first gay relationship, so to speak, that’s awesome.

So, if I’m so satisfied with those two, why write this? Why push for more in an already accepting climate, especially when an effort has already been made? Isn’t that greedy? Or exploitative? Has my shipping brain finally lead me down the road to delusion?

I hear you answering yes to that last one, but I’m just gonna ignore that.

As to the question, it comes down to the word choice. I’m not asking if it should be done---it’s already been done. I’m not asking if Hasbro would allow it, because whether or not they’d show a lot of support, they have shown some.

I’m asking how it could be done with the intention of explaining why it would or wouldn’t add something of value. 

Because the landscape of children’s television is changing rapidly. From the time Friendship is Magic started in 2010 until good ol’ 2017, the number of kids’ shows that have incorporated LGBT+ characters and couples has only grown exponentially from before.

On top of that, I’m a little biased in my perception, but I’m not the only one whose noticed that this year’s pride month has been the most visibly celebrated yet. For better or worse, the amount of companies trying to support the LGBT+ community during pride has only grown. 

This year’s Amazon Pride float was Rainbow Dash and MLP themed in Dublin. Don’t know if Amazon got Hasbro’s permission to use their character in a parade, but they gave her a horn because unicorns apparently are gay (just as a rule) and now she’s an alicorn. 

By the way, they totally messed up those flags. If it had said My Little Pride, they could’ve been selling thousands of them. To me. Wasted potential, I tell you.

And again my bias showing: I can’t speak for other regions, but where I live all public schools, from elementary to universities and colleges, have rainbow pride flags flying.

All the schools I’ve gone to growing up are now flying pride flags for a full month.

That’s... I can’t tell you how heartwarming it is to see. And my elementary school services kindergarten kids all the way up to grade 8---some children as young as 5-6 years old are now growing up with that being a natural part of their environment throughout their entire childhood.

When we were growing up and I think in a lot of places around the world still, there was a question of when it should be taught to kids and whether the concept alone was age appropriate, but little by little, that’s just not the case anymore. 

From their shows and media to even some of their schools, more and more kids are learning about this in a natural way from a young age, to the point that it is just love and it is just who these people are to them. And for once I mean it when I say I think that’s beautiful.

But things evolve like this at different rates in different places, so we’re not perfect yet, and the push for more is out of a desire to see the progress continue and for more groups than the ones that are typically represented.

Would I be heartbroken if this was as gay as MLP ever got? Nah (besides, through the power of denial, all my ships are already canon!). But at this point the question is starting to become why not? instead of just why? so even if this remains a hypothetical discussion, I think it’s still an important one.

I’m going to forever cherish the subtlety of those Lyra and Bon Bon scenes, but it’s the first pride month that I’ve been out and I feel like celebrating. Let’s get gay.

Love in Friendship is Magic

Right off the bat, I think it’s important to establish that we’re not trying to change the show fundamentally. It’s about friendship, and while other relationships are shown to be deep and fulfilling as well (family and even romantic), the show’s focus on how meaningful friendship is great.

But here’s my thing with the “this show is about friendship!” argument. It’s not like we don’t already have other types of relationships. Several episodes have been dedicated to developing purely familial relationships.

And even beyond the platonic, Spike has (had?) a crush that factored into the plot of a few episodes, Big Mac now seems to have an on-going relationship, and there are a few prominent married couples. This stuff exists largely in the background, comparatively, but it’s not like romance doesn’t have a place in the show. It just doesn’t surpass the focus on friendship.

So, yeah, just because they have a romance doesn’t mean it has to take over the show, nor should it. 

If we were going to go the route of canonizing an LGBT+ couple, that would still be something to take into account.

It doesn’t mean that main characters can’t have a romance necessarily, just that they should work in a friendship lesson along with it.

If Starlight and Trixie were dating for instance (she said, as if it was a random example instead of her ship), a story would probably mostly center around their friends helping them through relationship troubles or preparing for adorable dates. Or, on the flip side, their friends learning the lesson of when not to interfere.

Or, now that Starlight’s cutie mark is on the map (indicating that other ponies can be called if necessary), perhaps a couple could be called to solve a friendship problem instead of two friends.

Basically, so long as there’s still some element of friendship, the writers can introduce a new kind of relationship and develop it in tandem with the friendships already present.

Or, as there is in The Perfect Pear (without giving spoilers beyond what the summary said, for those waiting for the US release), we could just have an episode with a bigger focus on a romance.

Notice how all these scenarios aren’t dependent on the idea that this romance be queer. I’m a bit torn on this issue, because I can see both sides, but I think I usually lean towards the idea that because there ideally doesn’t need to be a difference between straight romances and gay romances, there doesn’t need to be a story reason for them to be gay.

Like I said, I do see the appeal of stories that require the couple and/or characters to be queer, but there’s pros and cons to either side.

We don’t necessarily need to see a story dealing with homophobia in Equestria, in part because that contrasts so much with the Equestria we already know. It’s too loving. It took 4 seasons to address Scootaloo’s disability not because no one noticed, but because everyone accepted her for who she was (aside from DT and SS). It’s not like homophobia or hatred can’t exist in this world, but it’s just not widespread.

A really good reason to include romance in general and even “different kinds of love” so to speak is to give Cadence more screen-time and development.

I’d love to see the Princess of Love guiding her subjects! She could even help a character come out, which would be both a reason to have an LGBT+ character and/or romance in the show, but also make the concept relatable to young kids---a story about accepting who you are and what you love makes sense to them.

I think there’s definitely potential to take this in interesting places, develop pre-established characters and relationships, and all without stealing the focus from friendship too much. 

Who Wins the Dreaded Shipping Wars

On the right, Ashleigh Ball posting a fanmade picture of an AppleDash wedding for World Pride Day. On the left, IDW comic writer Jeremy Whitley arguing for FlutterDash... either way, I’m down for this.

Fan expectation is a funny thing.

We both crave for the show to address what we’ve long speculated on, and dread it.

In the case of the Apple family’s parents, there’s been countless emotional fan-theories, stories, and ideas, and yet The Perfect Pear remains one of the most anticipated episodes (for those who have yet to watch it).

With Slice of Life, we were surprised to find some headcanons confirmed and celebrated, but also some destroyed by canon.

I think when it comes to confirming LGBT+ characters and relationships, it’s really no different. We all have different ideas about who these characters are, and those of us who ship have ideas about who they might like.

So, yeah, even if we went down the road of confirming minor characters as LGBT+, if we already know them, it would likely step on a few toes. But honestly I’d rather step on those toes than introduce a new character for the sole purpose of them being gay. Sorta boils them down to just one purpose/one “trait.”

And in the end, as much as it sucks to have your ship sunk or your headcanons burst into flames, 1. If we never wanted the show to establish new things about these characters, why continue watching? and 2. My friends, I’ve been a shipper for a long time and I can say from experience: a ship doesn’t sink even when canon contradicts you. Denial and imagination are a fan’s most awesome tools. 

Oh and would you look at that, my transition is here.

Love in EQG

Just as a sidenote, because of what I ship, I’ve said before that I think the Equestria Girls franchise would actually be a perfect place to include LGBT+ relationships because the series already has a heavier focus on romance than the show.

If you’re going to have these high school drama romance subplots, which is a staple of the series now, might as well go ahead and make it gay! *Cough* Sciset still makes the most sense from a storytelling perspective *cough*

Queerer than Ever Before

I wanted to include a section like this because it’s something we’re still working on in animation as a whole: representing more than just gay and lesbian relationships.

I’m happy to report bisexuals and in and out of relationships are also now getting more love, but that’s about where the buck stops. Steven Universe has the closest thing to trans and bigender or androgynous representation, which is mostly not literal. As in, they have fusions of two different characters, and characters like Garnet who feel better in a different form, but as of yet there’s no straight up trans or non-cis-gendered characters.

BMO from Adventure Time could certainly count as gender-fluid, though, so it’s not all bad news bears.

Pansexuality and asexuality have yet to be represented in children’s animation (in adult animation, Rick Sanchez of Rick and Morty is canonically pansexual, though!) aside from Spongebob being confirmed to be asexual off-screen by the show’s creator “because he’s a sponge.”

We’re largely still figuring out how these people and more groups I haven’t even mentioned ideally should be represented, but trying is still the first step.

For example, Big Mac’s not trans, but while I reaaaally didn’t love that his cross-dressing was a joke in Brotherhooves Social, I can also appreciate the fact that everyone around him was aware he was originally a stallion but let him compete in the Sisterhooves Social anyway, a trans issue we’re still debating in reality.

So, the comedy of the episode is kinda transphobic (not because Big Mac is trans, he’s not in canon, but because the comedy comes from him being in drag), but once again Equestria itself proves to be a really accepting, tolerant place. 

And I think it can be hard to know how to represent these voices well (there’s also the fact that MLP theoretically could hire on a guest writer, as they do now every season, if they wanted to specifically have someone who’s non-cisgendered tackle a story of that nature), but hey, why not be the first to try? Wouldn’t it suit the show’s loving nature to be inclusive?

LGBT+ in Equestria

More and more these days it’s becoming the norm to include more ways to love others and oneself in kids cartoons. You could argue not every show needs to have LGBT+ inclusion, which I can agree with, but by the same token and especially for shows with an expansive world, no serialized ongoing plot to adhere to, and focus on love and acceptance already, the show doesn’t need to be entirely straight, either.

Ask why not, instead of just why.

There are ways to make romance relevant to the target audience without teaching them they need it to be happy, and there are ways of explaining these concepts to them without forcing a political stance. For kids, it’s simple. Love is love, and you are who you are. That’s really all there is to it.

I’d be over the moon if the show ever had the chance to represent more than they already have. In the same way I wanted to Applejack’s parents to be dead, I’d ideally want to see how MLP specifically would deal with this hard topic with its usual kindness, gentleness, and love. As in the former case, I think it has the potential to be something wonderful.

In the end, though, I of course can’t say if we will ever see more, or exactly would or should it would be handled. 

I suppose we can only hope to follow Lyra and Bon Bon’s example.

Other MLP stuff? Oh yeah, I’ve done that! I’ve got more editorials like this one over here, and episode reviews over here. But because plain old links aren’t pretty, have the last three things I’ve done with purty pictures:

Dr. Wolf Theory Reading, Parental Glidenace Review, and Celestia/Daybreaker Editorial

Year of the Pony

Visuals in this Post Wouldn’t Be Possible Without...

Pinkie Pie Vector by MPNoir Flag Vector by JayBugJimmies Lyra and Bon Bon Poster by BronybyException

Art from talented artists, what could be better? Hit up those links and check out their awesome galleries!

The Real Agenda Here is My Shipping Agenda

[strigops]

i wrote a Thing for a story i’ve been kicking around since february. i recently overhauled most of the characters and some of the plot so it makes a bit more sense, and decided to play around with their new characterization to get familiar with them. it’s a bare bones prototype, but i had fun with it so im posting it!

Warrah stands on the river bank beneath the bridge, peering into the water at a face that is not her face, trying to choke out words that, no matter how hard she tries, are not words. She panics and coughs and tries to scramble away, nearly ends up in the river for it as her legs struggle to work the way they used to, the way they should. She didn’t even go that far back, she recalls, only slipped back in time roughly a hundred years. She’d only just said goodbye to a man she’d met there, a young shifter named Pol. Warrah tries to think back to what had caused this, but suddenly everything is shifting and being rearranged again. She’s bigger than she was a second ago. Face down in the dust, normal face and hands, she notes, groping her head. Herself again. She feels chewed up and spat out, like the spirit of whatever form she’d just taken had mauled her. Warrah pushes herself up on hands and knees and glances behind her. Her footprints go from shoes, to meandering paw prints scuffling against themselves in the dirt, to the shoe-prints beneath her now. Her tongue catches up with her now, letting out what she hopes is a mostly human yell before heaving into the river.

Time travel be damned, this isn’t the kind of weird Warrah signed up for.

Warrah gets to her feet and heads home, not really sure what else to do. She considers sending a hopefully-not-as-panicked-as-she-feels text to her Patron, but thinks better of it. She doesn’t need her mentor seeing her like this, the always capable Warrah, blubbering into the phone because of something she doesn’t understand. She walks all the way home this time; she looks enough like a wild animal on her own right now, she doesn’t need the added attention of suddenly turning into some dog-thing on the bus. She’s jamming her hand into her pocket the second she gets through her door- oh god dammit wouldn’t that be perfect if she left her phone on a café table in 1908- and is relieved to already have several messages from Holly. She briefly thinks about calling, but decides against it. Texting is easier. Texting leads to less noticeable panic attack-induced crying. Warrah reads a few messages telling her to let Holly know when she gets back to the present before spilling her guts.

warrah

hey hol

hollyhock

Hey! You back?

Not that you could respond while you were still where wherever you wandered off to :P

warrah

yeah it was fun, up until the end

uh listen hol?

something weird happened and im still hoping this is some really godawful dream but you gotta believe me

and you cant tell helianthe

hollyhock

Woah, what happened? You ok??

warrah

ok is kinda subjective. mentally, no im a little freaked out. physically uh. also subjective.

im like ALIVE but something real fucked up happened when i tried to trip back

hollyhock

Are you hurt? Did you get messed up in a rift? I’m coming over

Warrah swears and before she can send a strongly worded “NOOOO”, Holly is tumbling through a black hole in the middle of her living room. Her lack of usual grace just makes Warrah feel bad for scaring her.

“I was really hoping you weren’t gonna do that,” Warrah sighs with a tired expression. Holly’s expression goes from concerned to peeved.

“The last time I didn’t do that when you freaked out, you stopped talking to anyone and disappeared for a week,” Holly is standing in her space now, annoyed but obviously still worried. Warrah groans, they could have the bottled up emotions talk (again) some other time.

“Ok, but this is, like, a thousand times worse,” and Warrah stops herself right there and kicks herself again at the way Holly’s face drops, “No, no, no, don’t get worried. Yet. Fuck, just don’t get freaked out, I’m FINE.”

Warrah sits down on her recliner, because she’s not fine, and she can feel the atmosphere around Holly crackling with so much uneasy energy that she’s afraid she’ll either explode or accidentally project a rift into space on her living room wall. She starts over. Holly continues not blinking.

“Everything was fine when I tripped back. It felt weird, because I kind of forced myself out of time, but it was all good until I got back to now. I promise I’m not actually hurt.” Holly’s gone soft again with the reassurance that Warrah is absolutely sure she’s not dying, and she uncrosses her arms.

“Then what happened,” she says quietly.

“I don’t know. I- I really don’t know, I just, one second I was walking home by the river, and the next I was on the ground and I wasn’t… me, everything got all weird and I wasn’t human-“ she stops abruptly again to stop herself from rambling, tries to stop the way her voice is quivering. For her part, Holly looks entirely confused.

“What do you mean ‘not human’?”

“I don’t know! I looked into the river and it wasn’t my face! It looked like a dog but different, I don’t know what the hell it was,” Holly dodges a hand that Warrah flings into the air. She’s yelling now, having given up any pretenses of being calm.

“Are you saying you… turned into an animal?”

“YES! I couldn’t even talk, like my mouth wasn’t right, it wouldn’t work, I don’t how what happened!”

Warrah flops back dramatically onto the recliner, hands clutching her face, and Holly spends a good several seconds trying to convince her pry them away and continue talking. Her attempts are futile, so she speaks instead.

“There’s no way you should be able to shift-“

“No shit,” Warrah’s muffled reply cuts her off.

“- but you play both sides of the fences as far as space/time is concerned. You obviously shifted, there’s no other explanation for that. You’ve got a lot power spread out over different fields,” Warrah’s removed her hands from her face in favor of gripping the sides of the recliner like she’s strangling them, and Holly doesn’t even want to suggest what she’s thinking.

“Maybe you’re a shifter too?”

“That’s literally impossible. Like, that’s literally never happened. Ever.”

“Shifting is weird. The rules change all the time, maybe you’re the first one.”

“Yeah, they change a lot, but you can’t have both, that can’t happen. You can’t double dip, it doesn’t work like that.”

“Well apparently it does work like that, because unless you had the most vivid hallucination anyone’s ever had, you turned into an animal RIGHT after time traveling back from nineteen-whenever!”

Warrah’s hands return to her face, and nothing else is said for several minutes because there really is nothing to be said. The powers don’t work like this, it’s one of the first things they’re taught. You may be born bending space and time or shapeshifting, but never both. Warrah is lost staring at the ceiling in a dissociative state that, at the moment, is a grand relief, until the prickling of Holly’s nervous energy starts making her ears itch. She looks at her pointedly, and Holly removes her knuckle from between her teeth and says the last thing Warrah wanted to hear.

“We need to see Helianthe.”

They’re both seated nervously on the recliner, Holly perched on one of the arms, staring at their phones.

“You text her,” Warrah says.

“What? No, you’re the one with the problem.”

“Ok, yeah, but… please text her.”

“Nope.”

“Hol, she is gonna skin me alive without even having to look at me if I bother her right now-”

“No! What makes you think she’s going to be nicer to me?”

“Because she actually likes you.”

They go back and forth a few more rounds, before Holly snatches Warrah’s phone off her lap and warps across the apartment through a small wormhole in a fraction of a second. She ignores Warrah’s cry of “Not faaaaaiir!” followed by panicked running as she tries to find her, quickly sending the text to Helianthe. Warrah hears the muffled whoosh of an outgoing message from the closet, and skids to a stop to yank open the door. Holly shoves the phone back into Warrah’s hands like it’s going to bite her, and teleports back to the living room. Warrah clumsily tries to find the message she’s sent.

“I’m gonna die. You killed me,” she says flatly.

“Oh no, I’m pretty sure that blame will be placed on me,” Warrah startles, whips around, and stumbles against the closet door just in time to see Helianthe appear from around the corner. She looks past her at Holly, who makes a “peace out” gesture and makes to warp the hell out of dodge. She’s intercepted by Helianthe in half of a second.

“You’re not getting out of this either, I know that text was from you,” she looms over Holly, who skips out of the way in appeasement.

“That’s quite the vague message, by the way. ‘Warrah needs your help’. Are you dead in a ditch or do you need help with your math homework?” She growls, and the air crackles. Clearly they had gotten her from something.

“In my defense, I wasn’t the one who worded it that way,” Warrah backs up as far as the wall will let her and ignores Holly’s betrayed expression.

“Stop throwing each other under the bus and get to the point,” Helianthe sighs.

Holly and Warrah spare a few glances. How were they possibly going to explain this?

“Spill it,” she growls, and Warrah thinks she feels the air around them shake a little.

“Ok, ok, um. Something… weird happened when I came back from my last trip,” Warrah starts.

“Weird?” Helianthe’s eyebrow quirks up.

“Something that shouldn’t have happened,” Warrah gains courage at Helianthe’s apparent interest, “I got back and was walking home and. Uh. I think I shifted?”

“What,” Helianthe says.

“I turned into a dog. I think. Dog-thing,” Warrah blurts out. Helianthe’s eyes narrow and she stares at her.

“What the hell kind of old-timey drugs did you get into back there?” she huffs a laugh without smiling.

“Wha- Nothing!” Warrah sputters indignantly “I fucking shifted! It happened!”

“That is literally impossible.”

“That’s what I said!”

“No, that cannot happen. You know that.” Helianthe gives her a weird look.

“Alright, fine, what’s gonna convince you? Do I need to go get a drug test? Breathalyzer?” Warrah stops waving her hands around when she remembers the ground by the river.

“Wait,” she says, “When I shifted, when I turned back I looked and there were tracks. Mine, then not mine, then mine again. I bet they’re still there.”

Helianthe just looks at her, and Warrah can hear what she’s probably thinking, “how dare you drag me all over town in the middle of the night, what a complete waste of energy, you wasted dumbass”, but Warrah just crosses her arms and stands her ground. Helianthe knows what’s expected of her. Caves. She owes it to one of her best students.

“There better be something there,” she sighs, and tells her to lead the way.

“I don’t think I can ‘port that far,” Warrah confesses. Holly looks up the address, and in the next second is dragging her by the hand through her own portal. Warrah flops into her back as they exit, head swimming, distantly aware of Helianthe’s offhanded praising of Holly’s portal work.

Warrah wobbles over to the bridge, inner ear screaming, and starts swaying for another reason once she gets to the bank. There are the footprints. Hers, then not hers. Helianthe appears beside her, eyebrows shooting into her hairline.

“Well, those certainly are shifter prints alright,” she doesn’t sound one hundred percent convinced, but she’s getting there and Warrah isn’t going to let up.

Warrah stomps one foot on the ground, stamping the impression of her shoe into the dust. She removes her foot and looks up at Helianthe almost in a pout.

“Well,” Helianthe draws out “That’s the same shoe. And the same size of shoe. And the tracks…” She looks back, walks a few yards to see the tracks begin from nowhere. Either they’d dropped out of the sky, or they belonged to a time tripper ‘porting back to her own time. She lets out a frustrated hum, looking back at the animal tracks.

“Say these are yours,” she says “And this did happen. Say you suddenly shifted out of the blue. Never mind that is absolutely not supposed to happen, say these are yours. Shifters are supposed to be able to shift at will, even when their abilities first appear to them.”

Warrah doesn’t like the implications of where this is going.

“If you did shift, you can do it again. So, do it again.”

“What! I don’t know how, I don’t even know how I did it the first time!” Warrah yells in confusion.

“You can do it, if you did it once it won’t be too hard. I’m no shifter Master, but just listen; think about what if felt like when it happened. Just focus on that, your body will know what to do from there.”

Warrah doesn’t like the idea of her body doing anything unsupervised. But she listens anyway. At first, she tries to ignore the sick feeling from before, but then guesses that that was part of it too. She tries to think back, and she wonders if this is what having a flashback feels like, it’s so much different than whipping through time. She focuses and focuses, even when she really starts to feel not-so-good again, and doesn’t stop until she hears Holly’s boots scuffling back, away from her, and Helianthe’s exclamation of “Jesus!” as she steps back. Warrah opens her eyes, and she’s closer to the ground than she remembered. Oh god, she thinks, I was closer to the ground before. She looks down at her feet, now paws, and yelps in a voice that scares her more than her appearance does. She panics and looks up at her mentor again, desperate for any instruction.

“I didn’t think that was actually going to happen,” Helianthe breathes out. Holly looks frozen behind her, speechless. Warrah lets out another panicky noise akin to a cat being stepped on, and Helianthe straightens herself out.

“Alright, don’t panic. Think about yourself now. Just do what you did before, only the other way around, ok?”

Warrah does as she says, and the process of turning back is so much less traumatic, she thinks, flopping into the dirt for the second time that night. She lets out a weird whining noise that reminds her too much of The Animal, and she doesn’t realize how long she’s been laying there, no one speaking, until Holly comes over to peel her off the ground. She lets her haul her up, and thinks about throwing up in the river again. She’s pretty sure she’s crying in front of her near-omnipotent mentor, but she also doesn’t think she cares anymore. Helianthe just tries to mask her shock and sighs.

“Ok. That did happen,” she says, “And… don’t freak out any more than you already are, but you have more than one rule to worry about breaking.”

Warrah isn’t sure if she even has the ability to be shocked anymore. Why the hell not, she thinks.

“You didn’t turn into a dog,” Holly says slowly.

“That was a thylacine,” Helianthe says.

Warrah’s pretty sure she blacks out for a second. She isn’t sure if it’s the physical or mental shock, but there are several seconds of conversation she mostly doesn’t remember, but the snippets she does catch are somewhere along the lines of “this can’t happen”, “supposed to be dead“, and “affront to nature”. She gets the idea, she knows the rules of shifters without being one. Though, she laughs humorlessly in her head, that seems to have changed.

She comes back to the present and Helianthe is still ranting, Holly trying to help her puzzle it out while still holding Warrah up.

“This isn’t right, I have to talk to Diana,” Helianthe whispers quietly, and THAT gets Warrah’s attention.

Master Shapeshifter Diana, oldest Patron aside from the original “deities”. She knows that Helianthe is her acquaintance, all the Patrons know each other, but the thought of Warrah’s name coming up in front of someone so insanely important makes her want to dissolve into the ground.

“Uh, can you not,” Warrah says a little distantly, still on the verge of leaving this plane of existence to wherever her brain thinks it’s safer.

“No, I need to speak with her. Holly, take Warrah home, I need to wrap some things up before we figure this out.”

Helianthe disappears into a disk of swirling black, leaving them to sort that out themselves. Warrah slides her feet along the dirt until she’s sitting, bringing Holly down with her.

“I need to sleep,” Warrah says plainly.

Holly takes Warrah back to her dorm, ‘ports her in so no one sees how much of a mess she is (and Warrah does throw up this time, the bodily confusion of flinging yourself through a wormhole finally pushing her over the edge). Holly’s room is dimly lit and all star motifs and shades of black and purple, and Warrah climbs into the nest of blankets under her bed. There’s still a bag of cheese curls under there from the last time she was over. Holly is obviously trying not to think about what just happened too hard, and forgoes sleep for continuing to work diligently on some comic project. Warrah falls asleep to the sounds of her pen scraping against paper, hand still shoved in the bag of cheese curls.

If she’s going to meet another god, she doesn’t care if it’s with cheese dust all over her sleeve. The world can take or leave her, time traveling and shifting and bad snacking habits or nothing.