#-later' and then bada bing bada boom job done

[ajaxdishsoap]

Jesus did not say that every time we rebuke or abuse the poor and down-trodden we're rebuking and abusing Him for Christians to put conditions on their aid for people

[dramallamas]

The (unserious) notes of Beyond Evil. Episode Three Edition

Previous Episode || Next Episode

Cant wait to psychoanalyse this episode later with the scriptbook!

Jinmuk je te deteste dont even dare feel sad you monster

that shot of Juwon lazing on his sofa im down bad

He has nice handwriting tho

Honestly when is this man not thinking about Dongsik

The fly jumpscared me bc of my headphones

Dongsik you bastard (affectionately)

He is not ok rn

Juwon eavesdropping was me and my flatmate last night trying to find out the drama

The camerawork in this show is beautiful omg

Dongsik has no right to look this fine rn tho

Oop spotted!

Jihwa knew both of them were at the station lol

And bada bing bada boom we are in the recording room

And theyre off and Jihwa is so done

Juwon is so like WTF with this whole thing.

If looks could kill Dongsik would be dead 💀

why at 5am?! WHY WERE YOU UP AT 5AM?!

Bro Juwon doesnt hold back

Dongsik <3

Juwon could murder im sure of it. He has it ij him.

I like watching the gay men fight… because its fun :)

THE ONLY TIME I WILL AGREE WITH HAN KIHWAN IS RN “What a nut job. I like him [Dongsik].”

Juwon pissing off Kihwan is just so great at all times.

Theyre gonna find the wrong body and blow this case even bigger

Dongsik again <3 the onlt dilf of my life tbh

My heart breaks for him though. He masks a lot if pain

“What if I ran into older Yuyeon on the street, but failed to recognise her. That worries me a lot…” 💔

Fellas is it gay to stare at another mans smiling photo for a long time whilst in your room?

Juwon you have always been a crafty bitch and I respect that

YJG is a brilliant actor he is a master at subtle emotions which makes him one of the most expressive characters in the show

YAY you found a phone

Bad news for Juwon its Geumhwas phone that has his number.

Mate ur laughing like a maniac like dongsik does. You two arent as different as you think.

But my god you like to jump to the wrong conclusions

Watching the scene with nam sangbae and dongsik makes me cry but i cant because im in the living room with my flatmates. And the score in the background just 😭

Me 🤝 Dongsik : Laughing to hide pain

Man will stay in work just for Juwon

They back and forth in every scene like its all they do.

Mf going on about the culprit always returning to the scene and here comes JINMUK AHDKFMSP FORESHADOWING WE MISSED

Part of me think that Dongsik is suspicious of Jinmuk atp.

If you told them that they would be so close by the end of the series they would be fucking disgusted.

Oop juwon getting interrogated.

Juwon pausing before adding 요 at the end of his sentence like bro you are forgetting your respect conjugation

oh shit juwon not looking good for you is it.

"Given his nature, there is no way he [Juwon] would get involved in a crime" HYEOK YOU DONT EVEN KNOW-

Hyeok became his tutor in 2010... when JW was 17. does that mean that he helped JW in Korea rather than britain? or the tail end of britain onwards.

Hyeok you are such a kiss-ass

Do Haewon 🤢 she is so fake i hate it (which is the poing ig lmao)

LEE CHANGJIN. hes so funny for a bad guy

Jeongje is so frustrated with his mum (same)

Juwon is this close to slapping Hyeok at times.

aliens? rude much kihwan (what did we expect)

and there goes juwon loosing his cool.

annoyingly kihwan makes some points even if its for self centered gain. still hate kihwan dw

bro standing outside as ppl talk about him like 🧍

And then the eye contact between him and dongsik god having a whole silent conversation

Nice recovery juwon.

Them being nice to each other? NOT THIS EARLY BOIS

And boom personal space who? They dont know it.

Dongsik telling Juwon to go to therapy lmaooo

Juwon grabbing Dongsik probably became a… different thing later on yk? Hehe

This episode is basically Juwon and his terrible no good very bad couple days.

Bro you need to hike/walk more Juwon how are you already sweating.

You make think you have him, but nope he has you.

JUWON BREAKS INTO DS BASEMENT PART ONE HERE WE GO

The tiny bloodstain ofc. He def left it deliberately somewhat

And i am so hyped for episode four because of the incoming moments.

Juwon this isnt the victory you think it is trust me

see you all next episode! bye ^^

[rainbow--panic]

What about Monty with a boyfriend who doesn't care about his anger outburst and would take him by the tail and drag him to his room to help with cleaning lol

Bada bing bada boom, your ask is my (not really late) command!!

Monty’s anger issues were sure a sight to behold. Everynight something got destroyed by his hands and the reasons always varied as to why. “It was in my way” was the most common excuse, followed by “It wasn’t even important” or “Well you shouldn’t have left it layin ‘round”. The cleanup bots weren’t allowed within 100 ft of Monty, and these outbursts were the reason. Nobody knew how the hell an animatronic gator had been able to be this angry, everyone assumed there was a malfunction in his code that told him to destroy certain things within reach or if his outbursts were set on a timer.

You had started the your job here as a security personnel but after you went into to Montys room while he was having an outburst one night, after all the guests have left, and managed to get monty to clean up after himself you had been promoted, or demoted, to Monty’s personal janitor. Your pay went up a whopping 27 cents and all you essentially had to do was clean up after Monty wherever he went. It was a decent job for minimum pay, wasn’t extremely difficult, at least now it wasn’t. You had been working here for the better half of almost two years, in that time you and Monty had been close friends, close enough to the point where the two of you were officially boyfriends. 

When monty first asked you to be his boyfriend, you thought he was joking with you, regardless you agreed and found out Monty was serious exactly three weeks later when you were speaking with chica who was the one to break the news to you as she had accidentally let it slip that monty had managed to finago a cool “Monty Golf” jacket you had been wanting. It was one of them limited edition ‘see them now, buy them now, gone tomorrow’ kinda things. She told you he was going to get you it for your year anniversary of being here at the pizzaplex.

You can only imagine chica's dumbfounded look as you looked at her and said “Oh crap he was serious about that?” You made your way back to Monty’s room only to hear him destroying it. You tried t get inside but the door wouldn’t budge. ‘Monty probably kicked it too hard again’ you thought to yourself. You made your way to Freddie's room, he was nowhere in sight. You made your way to the back where his recharge pod was and he wasn’t there either. ‘Most likely getting repairs done’ you thought to yourself again as you stacked some boxes and made your way through the dust vent. 

You heard scuttling in the distance, something had gotten into the vents a while ago but you were going to be damned if you were going to be the one to find out what, as far as you were concerned you didn't make enough money to find out what was in the vents. You made your way past Roxy’s room, as usual she was talking to herself in the mirror. You decided to be funny.

“You are beautiful, everyone was watching you!” she says to her reflection.

“You smell like beef”

Roxy’s head popped up and she looked around. “Who said that?” she yelled angrily.

“It is I Roxy, your inner thoughts, you smell like beef, everyone knows but no one tell you because they don’t want to hurt your increasing ego” You held back a snicker and decided to scuttle through the vents before Roxy realized you had been the one to say that. You had nothing against Roxy necessarily, but yall had a bit of an incident when you first started working here and every now and again when you had a chance you liked to poke her.

You continued to crawl and finally made it to Montys vent. The lights were off, he probably ended up throwing something at them and broke them. “Monty!” you called threw the vents as you began to open it. “Go away (Y/N)! I’m not in the mood for you” he yelled. “Jeez, hurtful much, Monty?” you asked as you opened the vent and it fell to the floor. “Monty I left my light in your room, hand it to me so I can make my way down safely, wont ya?” You began to feel your way around. You had a basic recollection of what Monty's room looked like, but stuff often got moved around in his room, either by him or because of him.

Monty had stopped his tantrum and was quiet, because of his classes you couldn’t really see his eyes. You assumed he was looking for your flashlight for you as you asked him to. You turned yourself so you could hang on to the vent as you lowed yourself down, you fekt around for that one arcade game with your foot but you couldn’t feel it anywhere and you didn’t want to just let go because you don't want to lose whatever footing you had and end up falling on a something that could break something. You felt metallic, cold, hands grabbing your waist. With an ‘eek!’ you let go of the vent and allowed yourself to be helped down by Monty.

You turned in the direction you felt Monty in. Up close you could see the light from his eyes behind his shades. “Monty! Did you find my light?” 

“No, you need to leave, now!” He commanded.

“Monty, as your boyfriend, I am not doing that, now move your gator butt and find me my light please so I can see what I’ll be needing to clean up.”

This night, like most other nights, your stubbornness won and Monty walked off in a huff and grabbed you your flashlight. You quickly lit up the room, first examining your boyfriend. He seemed fine, a few scratches here and there but that is always expected. You then looked around his room and found the arcade game destroyed against the door, the door had a large dent in it and the arcade games’ insides were all around it, but aside from that the room was not in that bad of a shape. 

“What set you off tonight Monty?” you looked over to him as he had started walking to his back room. He didn’t answer you for a moment but soon after he walked back there the lights turned on, surprisingly only one light was damaged but the rest worked fine. Montys curtain was closed as usual. His now illuminated room looked, for the most part, spotless. He came from the back and looked down at you, his glasses still off. “(Y/N) I’m sorry” his eyes met yours for only a moment as he looked elsewhere. “For what Monty? Your room is looking a lot better than usual!” You smiled up at him. “No, today is your year anniversary here and I can’t find the gift I got you, I don’t know where it is.” You smiled at him as you moved your flashlight to its place on your belt. 

You motioned for him to bend down a bit as you gently grabbed both side of his face plating and gave him a kiss at the tip of his ‘nose’. “You’re sweet for remembering my anniversary, I didn’t even remember it, but no worries Monty, it's just a silly little jacket.” The quiet room seemed to be even more silent than usual as you realized what you said. Monty looked at you with stern eyes. “Who told you it was a jacket?”

For the rest of the time being you tried to convince Monty that you didn;t say anything about a jacket and called the technicians to help you pry open the door. By the end of the night the door was fix, arcade game cleaned up, and Freddy even came by to give Monty your gift. Turns out Monty gave it to freddy for safekeeping and that night freddy unexpectedly had to go to repairs. Either way you got a sick new biker jacket, perfect for you and your tricycle riding self.

[blurrprime]

I know family dynamics are an odd one to try and work within tf lore but I'm kinda surprised there isn't more playing with the idea of families? Not based on kinship; perhaps closer to a guild or even syndicate. Because I think that can work well especially if we add in a Roman flair to the idea of adoption.

As a quick reference to what I mean: Adoption (this is specifically for the Empire, it varied a bit in the Republic and prior) was a common thing among the elite but wasn't unseen within lower classes. It wasn't typically done as a child-rearing thing but was a way for families to strengthen their political hold and move up lower-class family members. It was common for family friends, uncles, cousins, etc to adopt a family member so they could get a better political, military, etc position. Ex. your uncle adopts you and trains you to be a senator so he can promote you as a "successor" of sorts. That sort of thing

So in a Cybertronian context, its common in higher classes, and maybe your amica endura is raising a sparkling and you need to secure your line of succession in the Senate? Bada-bing bada-boom you take in that cybertronian as your own later in their life. It keeps everything tight-knit and in a species that doesn't reproduce on their own it makes sense to have to build this web. It means senatorial power can stay within one "family" and would ensure they have better military standing. You see a gladiator that is doing a hell of a good job? Formally adopt him into your family group so you now have ensured a formidable member and it pulls the gladiator out of the ring. So on and so forth.

It works best within a class system rather than a caste, as social positions have some more leeway in terms of mobility (up or down) that way. It's harder to feasibly adopt a lower caste than someone of a lower class.

[stxrrywildflower]

bonnie and clyde

pairing - spencer reid x reader

summary - you and spencer dress up for the annual bau halloween party

warnings - gore makeup details

though it had become a lot more talked about in the past few years, the bau always hosted some form of a halloween party for all agents.

spencer rarely went, much rather preferring to stay home and curl up on the couch watching spooky movies. though halloween was in fact his favorite holiday, going to a party with lots of people just seemed like an actual nightmare.

this year was different. he was dating you now and once you caught news of the party from emily, you pushed him to go.

“come on spencer, it’s literally my job to do makeup like this. it would be so fun,” you pleaded.

“you know sometimes i forget you’re an sfx artist,” he trailed off, toying with the corners of the book page. you sat down beside him, resting your legs over his and wrapping an arm around his neck. “and this is the perfect reminder.”

spencer sighed. “what do you have in mind?”

“wait so that’s a yes?” you bit your lip to hide your grin. there were endless possibilities for couples halloween costumes. “that’s a yes,” spencer confirmed.

you broke out into a grin, hugging him tightly before standing up once more. “this is going to be so great. i already have lots of ideas for us to do as a couples costume. i’ll probably need some new products but it’s honestly fine,” you spoke.

spencer laughed at your rambling, going back to his work with a small smile on his face. was he a little scared? honestly, yes. but it was well worth it to see you happy.

over the next few days, you went through your various work portfolios to find a costume idea that would work.

you finally narrowed it down to four; beetlejuice and lydia, bonnie and clyde, jack skellington and sally, or just two skeletons. all of them would be heavy with the makeup and super fun for you to dress up as.

when presented to him, spencer looked deeply into the photos.

“i like these,” he spoke, pointing down to the bonnie and clyde set of photos.

“really?” you asked.

spencer nodded. “yeah, they’re my favorites.”

“so bonnie and clyde?”

“bonnie and clyde,” spencer confirmed.

sure it was a bit ironic that you were dressing up as criminals but hey, it was halloween and most bets were off. you were sure the others attending were doing the same.

you and spencer both already owned most of the things you needed; most of the costume details were done with your sfx makeup anyway.

____

the day of the party, also halloween, you and spencer thankfully got to sleep late. he didn’t have work and either did you allowing for you both to actually spend a morning in together.

“morning petal,” spencer greeted, voice still scratchy from just waking up.

you hummed against his shoulder, “morning.”

the two of you layed around for a bit longer, savoring the time you had together prior to your commitments that night. when you were finally a bit more awake, you gave spencer his instructions for the day.

“i need you to head in and shower. make sure to wash your face,” you told spencer.

“are you showering too?”

you nodded. “i will eventually. i just have to get everything out first so we can save some times.”

spencer pulled you back down towards him, resting his hands loosely on your waist. “you know how we could save some time?” he asked. you quirked your eyebrow. “how?”

“showering together,” he answered cheekily.

you rolled your eyes. “fine, but no funny buisness.”

“uh huh, no funny business,” spencer grinned.

once you two were finished in the shower, you were probably in there longer then intended for obvious reasons, you started to actually get ready for the party.

as spencer got changed into his costume, you slipped on just a pair of shorts and a t-shirt; you could change once you were done with your makeup later.

you had everything set up in the kitchen table as it was easier with lighting and both space.

“bada bing,” spencer spoke with an accent, strolling into the room a few minutes holding his suspenders out in front of him. “bada boom,” you finished.

his clyde outfit consisted of black dress pants, a white button up shirt, suspenders and a hat, and then his usual dress shoes. you, however, had made the shirts both bloody and scuffed with other marks to add onto the effect.

you grinned at him as you finished applying the last few touches of your more natural makeup; you would start on the sfx in the few moments.

“how do you feel?” you asked.

“like a million bucks,” spencer replied, clearly proud of the horrible pun he had made about the couple you were dressing up as. “perfect,” you spoke.

“now i need you to sit down right here,” you pointed to the chair. spencer did as he was told, grabbing a book off of the shelf as he did so.

you started off with a light foundation that matched spencer’s already pale skin. your boyfriends face scrunched up at the feeling of the wet makeup on his face. adding on the pressing of the beauty blender, spencer was not loving it.

“you need to stop scrunching up,” you commented. spencer frowned. “babe i can only try so hard. it’s my faces natural reaction.”

once foundation was finished, you moved on to general dirt and other scuff marks. the biggest part of your costume thag held it all together was the single gunshot wound on the forehead.

“alright so now i’m actually working with fake blood and some scar wax for this. it’s going to feel a bit cold when i add all of the liquids for the gunshot. does that sound okay?” you asked.

“wait a gunshot?”

you nodded, “yup. i’m doing on me too. it adds to the whole concept.”

“yeah well let’s hope that doesn’t happen anytime in the future,” spencer spoke.

spencer once again flinched as you started applying the dough like substance onto the center of the forehead. it took you a few minutes to get it into the proper shape before you added makeup to make it look like an actual wound.

“i need you to shake your head a bit,” you commanded once adding the blood. “perfect. honestly, i think you’re ready to go. do you want to see?”

spencer nodded excitedly. you turned the mirror you had placed on the table to show him his reflection. he immediately broke into a grin. “i love it,” spencer spoke. “you’re amazing.”

he leaned up to kiss you gently. “this is so cool,” he added.

“alright i’m going to go get changed. just stay here and please try not to mess up your makeup.” spencer sat back down and picked up his book once more. you figured he wouldn’t move from there.

you slipped back into the bedroom to get changed into your bonnie outfit for the night. your makeup wouldn’t take much longer after that, it was a lot easier to do sfx work on yourself then other people.

thirty minutes later, you were completely ready for the party that night. spencer, thankfully, didn’t rub his face in the time you were gone. “are you ready to go?”

spencer glanced back up again. “oh wow. you look incredible.”

you blushed at the compliment. “please, that’s all you.” he met you halfway, kissing you once more. “i’m glad you pushed me to do this.”

“i’m just happy you agreed,” you laughed. you two lingered for a moment after that, a few lazy kissed thrown in there before you actually had to go.

“now come on,” spencer ushered once he saw the time. “let’s go wreck some havoc.”

☆ ☆ ☆

tags - @kissessforharryyy @blakes-dictionxry @hurricanejjareau @ogmilkis @ssa-morgan @gublertoon @ah-blossom @emilyslefteyebrow @holding-on-to-my-youth

[dragonheart-swtor]

Imperial Agent Storyline: Drunk History Version

Since people really seemed to like the last one! Y’all’s collective wish is my command. Spoilers for the Imperial Agent storyline, obviously. Enjoy!

- so you start out with your agent on Hutta, a little polluted slimeball of a world that literally everyone but the Hutts canonically hates. there's lore but we're going to ignore it. the important thing is that you're here to con a Hutt, always a dangerous gambit, into working with/for the Empire.

- you sneak into a corner to space facetime your boss, a guy we only ever know as Keeper because Intelligence is weird about names. sneaking into corners to facetime people is a repeating theme throughout the story.

- you are informed that you've already got a cover story set up, and you'll be posing as an infamous pirate called the Red Blade who'll be able to get in close to the Hutt in question, whose name I've forgotten. Nethro or Nefro or something.

- "wait, what about the actual Red Blade," you ask your boss, probably

- "he's halfway across the galaxy, you don't need to worry about him," your boss replies, in a textbook example of what we in the writing business call “foreshadowing”

- (spoiler alert: you need to worry about him)

- but we won't worry about that for now. bada bing bada boom, you stroll on into the Hutt's place. you are immediately confronted by a guy who, shock and horror, actually knows the real Red Blade and knows you ain't him. (one would think that all-seeing Intelligence would have known about him, but nuance.) this is a problem for a number of obvious reasons.

- your options are as follows: bribe him, kill him, or sleep with him. (this is also something of a recurring theme throughout the story.) whatever option you take, he's dealt with. (yes, this is the man eris fucked five minutes into her storyline.)

- (I didn’t want to pay him money, leave me alone.)

- anyway, the mission progresses smoothly. meet the Hutt, do some jobs for the Hutt, betray the Hutt's right hand and stab him in the back right after convincing him you were friends, invade the Hutt's rival's palace, McMurder the Hutt's rival, you know. your average day at the office

- most of the way through, the Hutt's other right hand starts to be suspicious about you. this is Kaliyo Djannis, and she will be Plot Relevant™.

- by which I mean she shortly thereafter walks in on you facetiming your boss and gets hired by Intelligence to help out for gods know what reason. welcome to your first companion

- (or possibly you walk in on her facetiming your boss in your room, I.. don't remember, honestly. something like that.)

- anyway one Hutt is dead the other is working with us bada bing bada boom this is going great and hey remember when I said you needed to worry about that guy you're impersonating this whole time? yeah, about that,

- so the real actual Red Blade comes sailing in to Hutta and Intelligence immediately calls you up like "hey, hate to bother you, but your cover's about to get blown in a big way and we need you to murder the guy whose identity you've stolen before he can expose you.” 

- "so, just like that training mission last week. gotcha, boss, no problem."

- murder time™

- congration you done it! go home to Dromund Kaas.

- "You're on Imperial soil now, agent. Welcome home." [nonhuman Agent immediately experiences 27492738957 microaggressions] (this joke isn’t mine, for the record)

- first off, Intelligence HQ has a bomb aesthetic, as does the entire Empire in general

- second off, you do walk in on your boss talking to - by which I mean "being given a speech by" - a Dark Lord, which is less than optimal for a number of reasons, first and foremost that speeches by Dark Lords of the Sith quite often immediately precede someone getting killed

- said Dark Lord is one Darth Jadus, who will proceed to be a thorn in your side for approximately the next three hours of gameplay

- (don't worry, after that three hours you'll get a worse thorn)

- Darth Jadus decides he likes you and declares you "his" agent, which you immediately get the gist is about the worst thing that can happen to an Intelligence agent from the way everyone around you treats you like you've just had a ticking bomb strapped to your back for the rest of this meeting

- you're sent on a handful of missions, including one to the Dark Temple which, you know, Force-deaf people aren't supposed to be in, but Jadus Does Not Care

- Jadus calls you into his office at one point and tells you he's going to do some ritual to bind you to his service or something, it's not really clear, but it's clearly Not Optional and also terrifying in concept

- now, quick sidebar. there are basically two paths to take here: one where you suck up to the Sith and treat them with the utmost care and respect and fear like you're kind of supposed to, and one where you mouth off at every opportunity. Eris is mortally terrified of Sith, so she just kind of.. submitted knowing she was going to die if she didn't.

- my second run, however, was just a "hey how bad can I fuck this up" character because I already knew the story.

- I decided to mouth off to Jadus at every opportunity, including adamantly refusing this ritual.

- "What can he do to me?" I asked the person I was playing with. "I'm the protagonist! It's not like he can kill me!"

- Jadus: *kills me*

- me:

- (mechanically, anyway; story-wise I'm sure he just. put her on the brink of death. but mechanically speaking he literally actually did kill my toon)

- (this should be a warning for exactly how much this storyline is willing to put its usually-heavily-plot-armored protagonist through.)

- anyway.

-  do some missions, blah blah blah, Sith possession in the Dark Temple, blah blah blah, you know the drill

-  well, turns out Jadus is going on tour with several hundred Imperial civilians, military, and Sith, allegedly all hand chosen, to share his ~vision for the Empire~. that's all well and good, whatever I gue-

- sorry what do you mean his ship exploded

- what do you mean a member of the Dark Council just blew up in orbit

- cue Kill Bill sirens

- Panic! At The Intelligence HQ

- this throws everything into chaos; not only was Jadus more directly involved in Intelligence, but he was a Dark Councilor so now there's a massive power vacuum

- the Sith who ends up filling this power vacuum? Jadus's daughter, Darth Zhorrid.

- remember when I said you'd have a bigger thorn in your side after Jadus?

- so yeah. so Zhorrid is, for lack of a better word, fucking terrifying

- she's sadistic and completely careless of others' lives or wellbeing and oh yeah she also instantly latches onto you even harder than her father did and demands you find his killer

- a lot of your meetings with her aren't really plot-relevant so I'll sum them all up here:

- Zhorrid was horribly abused by Jadus, completely broken. She tells you a story about how she used to sing, and her father hired a tutor, then had her sing at a Kaas City performance until her throat was so damaged she could never sing again. He tore every scrap of joy out of her life, completely failed to teach her what she needed to know to survive the rigors of the Dark Council, and instilled every ounce of hatred, sadism, and complete lack of pity he could in her.

- She kills people for no reason other than a whim, because she was listening to a Sith opera and the aria was "very moving" (an actual literal thing that happens).

- She acts like a complete spoiled brat child. At one point the other Dark Councilors literally beat and torture her, presumably for this reason because she's insufferable and arrogant and way out of her depth, and she cries to you about it

- If you’re like me, your response to all this is basically “cool motive, still murder”

- I have sidetracked  very hard. where was I

- so you spend a while trying to hunt down the people who blew up Jadus's ship. There's a bunch of rebels, you hunt them down, they've got biotech weapons called Eradicators set up to destroy cities on multiple planets, skippity skip to the big reveal

- Jadus is alive, and he organized the whole thing so he'd be able to remake the Empire into the image he wanted. He tortured and enslaved the survivors of the Dominator's destruction

- Jadus gives you a whole speech about how fear is a gift to be shared and "Through victory my chains are broken" but there must be chains to break and blah blah blah holy shit this man is genocidal

- you have three choices: join him for real, pretend to join him so you can sabotage his ship and then kill him (at the cost of hundreds of thousands of Imperial lives), or refuse outright and save those hundreds of thousands of lives but Jadus escapes (and you know he's allegedly likely to return and do even worse damage later).

- (Quick sidebar again, for those who haven’t played it: Eris chose the second option and has nightmares about it for the rest of her life. It's actually extremely haunting in-game - as you're running through Jadus's ship to sabotage it as fast as possible, you can hear the distress calls from various colonies and planets being attacked, the screams of the dying that you doomed. It's horrifying.)

- so yeah there’s really no winning that situation but hey! at least Chapter One’s over. surely in Chapter Two things can’t get worse.

- Chapter Two: Things Get Worse

- there's this guy, Ardun Kothe, an SIS agent. he's a huge threat for some reason I don't remember. you're supposed to infiltrate the SIS to get close to and eventually kill him. not an easy job, but okay, we can do this.

- Intelligence sets up the meeting; months ago they sent the first word to Kothe that there was an Intelligence agent ready to turn and they've been building up from there, sending him a steady stream of information

- enter Hunter, aka the worst bastard in this entire storyline and that is an achievement. He's the one you meet first on Nar Shaddaa.

- you do some missions for the SIS, whatever, it's not important. You finally get to meet the rest of the team - and Ardun Kothe.

- Kothe wants to speak alone, which is p typical tbh. He expresses some doubts, which you assuage as best you can; he gives you your code name: Legate. It's from a form of sabbac, he explains, you'll have to play with him sometime.

- (It is difficult for me to make what happens next funny instead of horrifying, so forgive me if the tone changes a bit here.)

- Everything is going fine.

- "I'm sorry about this, Legate."

- What?

- "Keyword: onomatophobia. Engage Thesh protocols, phase one."

- Everything is not fine.

- You black out and have an extremely rude awakening.

- So it turns out whatever happened with Jadus, the Dark Council decided you were too dangerous (usually for doing your job too fuckin well) and that you needed to be leashed. So not you have mind control programming in your brain, and anyone who has your keyword can take complete and unequivocal control of your body. this is, in a word, not great.

- (This is, as I mentioned, actually extremely horrifying. You have dialogue options and they don’t change what you actually say. You have an opportunity to shoot Kothe and even if you try to select it nothing happens. But we’re not here for the horror take (not today, anyway) so let’s just This Is Fine that and move on)

- Tl;dr you can’t harm Kothe or any members of his team, you’re forced to obey anyone who has your keyword, and this wouldn’t be that much of a problem because we’ll just tell Watcher Two what’s happened and oh wait you can’t tell anyone about your programming either. well, shit.

- You go on to work double agent, like it was planned, with this new, uh. twist

- about a third of the way through the chapter, your mind kind of cracks and you start having hallucinations - seeing things you know can't be real during a holocall, passing out in the middle of your ship and waking up in medbay.

- After that, a new voice lives in your head! Watcher X, someone you either killed or let flee on Nar Shaddaa, has sort of joined the party. Is he an AI in the spinal implant the real Watcher X gave you? is he a figment of your broken mind trying to process its situation? Who knows! Not you! either way, this is not optimal but at least he seems to be being helpful this time

- so anyway we should probably try and figure out how to undo this programming bc Intelligence is being Wholly Unhelpful

- (ASAP, please, especially with how horrible Hunter acts toward you - let’s go with “uncomfortably leery,” which I promise is generous.)

- by the way, your companions still have no idea what’s going on during all this, although they try to be varying levels of supportive (thank you vector I love you bug husband)

- Good news! The Intelligence Archive almost definitely has information on what they did to you and how to fix it. Bad news! You’re definitely not authorized to look that up and crashing the power mainframe to make sure they don’t see you do it sends the security droids after you. whoops.

- Good news! There’s a way to fix you. Bad news! You have to make and inject yourself with a still-kinda-experimental cocktail of chemicals and it may or may not give you permanent brain damage. it’s fine. this is fine.

- also it takes a while to kick in which is Less Than Optimal and by the time it finally does you’ve just been left with a binding order to stay and guard the door on what is, for you, a suicide mission. there’s some incentive to “break your chains” for ya.

- You fight and kill Kothe. Who, shock and awe! is an ex-Jedi! this was in no way painfully obvious by how he kept talking about “sensing” things, I’m sure. definitely not.

- Hunter escapes, because of fuckin course he does. Hunter, who suddenly seems far more in control of everything than he had before. Hunter, who knows far more than he should. Hunter, who ends up leading you to a much, much larger conspiracy.

- End Chapter 2.

- Hate to disappoint, but Chapter 3 is honestly the least interesting to me personally, so this’ll be brief compared to the previous chapters

- You spend a lot of time hunting down this much larger conspiracy, including Hunter specifically. There's a lot of betrayal and secret reveals. (It's not tedious by any stretch of the imagination, but the story beats definitely don't stick in my head as well as the first two chapters, even after two playthroughs.)

- you go to Voss and, in order to get into a Voss-only archive, get married to a person you just met before almost immediately leaving the planet (and your new spouse) behind. this is never mentioned again.

- you get hold of a holorecording from the Star Cabal, the big conspiracy. problem: the holorecording contains a trap for the brain-enhanced Watchers, and now half of Intelligence is in a vegetative state. this is not optimal.

- partially as a result of this, Intelligence basically gets dissolved, which is Not Great because it puts you right under the thumb of yet another asshole Sith lord

- the Watchers are recovering, though, so that’s something. Watcher Two, now Keeper (the old Keeper got promoted), contacts you so you can keep working on this Star Cabal thing.

- you get intentionally captured so the Star Cabal can torture you and you can “break” and give them false information to lead them into a trap. you are immediately afterward expected to get back to work like nothing happened. this is never mentioned again.

- You track the Star Cabal to their base, way out in the Unknown Regions iirc, and infiltrate it during a meeting of the top agents.

- murder time 2: electric boogaloo (well, more like murder time 45, to be honest, but shh it’s fine)

- You fight the Star Cabal guys, chase Hunter through the whole place, and finally corner him.

- (Salt warning ahead on my part for the next story beat, if you can call it that.)

- Hunter, when beaten, reveals what I personally think is the most bullshit stupid reveal in the entire game: he is actually a she, and has been using a stealth field generator (or something similar) to change his/her appearance the entire time. There are multiple interpretations of this - "he's trans" is my least favorite, sorry-not-sorry, because a) it's pretty clear she still considers herself a woman and Hunter is just a convenient persona, and also b) a clearly predatory man is absolutely horrid representation as far as playing into harmful stereotypes about trans people, thanks. Personally, my rather cynical interpretation is that they wanted one more shock value reveal at the end of the storyline and I guess couldn't come up with anything better. It's my least favorite thing in the whole IA storyline.

- anyway, that's not really important. I just needed to be mad about it for a minute. ignore me. moving on

- The important part is this: what you gain from the Star Cabal's base is an item called the Black Codex, an ancient piece of technology with the power to erase all records of a person's existence.

- Unless you are very stubborn about it the Agent’s reaction to this is basically “oh thank fuck I’m freeeeeeeeee” and you fly off into the hyperspace sunset with your crew, giving middle fingers to the Sith whose grip you’re escaping all the way. which, really, who can blame you.

And that’s the Imperial Agent storyline, folks. Roll credits. I’ll probably do the Bounty Hunter storyline next while it’s still fresh in my mind, but I could also do the Sith Warrior storyline probably if y’all’re more interested, vote now on your phones.

[saturno-sol]

Ok Here’s that Hollow Knight Four Swords AU heehee

So basic gist of this is what the Four Swords crew would be like if they were bugs in Hallownest! (This AU would lie just before the infection starts up, and then cut to in-game) I’ll put this under a read more because whew boy did I pour out my soul into this

First lets start off with Green!

 I’m thinking that he’d either be a Mantis, or a leafbug, def something green (but lets go with leafbug for now)

I think he’d live in Greenpath (heh) helping out the Mosskins just to make sure that the pilgrims traveling to the City of Tears don’t go where they’re not supposed to

He’s helpful though! offering up his services as a guide if anyone got lost

He’s loyal to Unn, because he got separated from his parents when they were travelling to the City and a few Mosskins adopted him instead. So they taught him to be wary of Hallownest and its King

He learned how to wield a Nail from them and also uses a shellwood sheild.

Once the Infection starts up, he and the Mosskin family that adopted him decided to try to travel deeper into Greenpath, thinking that the Infection was caused by contact with other bugs, not dreams

Sadly, the Mosskins he was with ultimately fell to the Light, and left him alone to fend for himself.

He then keeps to himself, thinking that he’s better alone (Kinda like the start of the Manga when he’s just Link) until he ventures out of Greenpath and stumbles into Blue! They fight until they both realize that neither of them are infected. 

He tries to stick with Blue, because he really doesn’t know the biomes of Hallownest that well, but they butt heads often. 

Now onto Blue!

Blue in this AU is a Blue Mud Dauber

He lived in the Hive, then later in Kingdom’s Edge where he would test his strength in the Coliseum of Fools

He’s still arrogant and a bit hot headed, so he decided to leave the Hive since he kept butting heads with Hive Knight on how to be a better guard.

He first trained in the Hive using a stinger weapon (Like Hive Knight) before picking up a club when one of the challengers from CoF died

I feel like he and Oro would get along somewhat, though Blue doesn’t appreciate how training is behind a pay wall of Geo that he just doesn’t have. 

He would occasionally fight in the CoF just to prove that he’s strong, but he’s stopped at the first trial (He’s still young and a lil bit scared of what would happen if he lost)

Once the Infection started up, Blue decides to steer clear of the CoF due to the fact that more Fools started being hyper-aggressive in the fights, so he looked for a better place to go that wouldn’t kill him (He doesn’t know where to go though, so he decides he’s going to leave Hallownest entirely to go look for another fight ring)

He found a way into the Royal Waterways through Isma’s Grove (Though it wasn’t called that just yet) and into the Fungal Wastes near Mantis Territory

 He skirted the Mantis Village (This would be the time that the Traitor Lord split from the other Mantises) and found himself at the entrance to Greenpath from Fog Canyon

That’s where he stumbles into Green and they spar, he then tells Green to get lost before continuing his travels (With Green following behind lol)

Next up we got Red! 

Red is a ladybug (I couldn’t find a better bug but if anyone else has a better idea for Red please let me know!)

He grew up in Dirtmouth as an orphan due to a mining accident killing his parents as they worked in Crystal Peaks

Luckily he was taken care of by the town and he became a baker’s apprentice

(Ok I like to think that the Grimm Troupe came to Hallownest before the Knight summoned them since Grimm knows about the vessel plan)

When Grimm and his Troupe pay a visit to Hallownest, Red was one of the only bugs brave enough to see one of their shows.

He became absolutely enchanted by the circus and it left an impression on him

When the infection hits his mentor and kills them, leaving Red without a job or a home, he decided to join the Grimm Troupe

When he does, he’s given a mask and a new name “Rouge” and learns how to be a fire dancer. 

Rouge is a bit more daring that Red was, trying out highly dangerous stunts, but he’s still a kind soul, helping out to pitch tents or help mend costumes or cook food for the Troupe.

His primary weapon as Rouge is a Flame Staff

Once the Grimm Troupe is summoned by the Knight, Rouge is tasked with collecting Nightmare Flames for the Ritual. 

(This is going to go through the Banishment Route just so that there’s an excuse for why Red stays behind) When the Knight banishes the Grimm Troupe, both Brumm and Rouge stay behind in Hallownest as Nymm and Red because of Red’s attachment to Dirtmouth (Ig? Idk I just need Red to stay)

As he now has no memories of either his past or his time with the Troupe, he decides to stay in Dirtmouth and sometimes wander into the Forgotten Crossroads before it gets infected. 

He meets up with Blue and Green when they make it up to Dirtmouth for a supply run, and he decides to travel with them (much to Blue’s chagrin)

He’s still a capable fighter! Now he wields a staff he made from the metal scraps from ruins of the old village in the Crossroads

Now for Vio!

Vio is a Purple Emperor Butterfly

He lived in the City of Tears as a burgeoning scholar, planning to work for Monomon’s Archives once he was done with his studies. 

He prefers being alone, holed up in a library pouring over the history of Hallownest. 

When the infection starts up and the City is blocked off from the rest of Hallownest, Vio panics and decides to hole up in his apartment until the hysteria calms down.

Once most of the panic dies down, there’s a big struggle over finding supplies and food among the citizens of the City, with the nobility hogging most of it

 In the scuffles, Vio stumbles into the Soul Sanctum, hoping that the Sanctum has food/supplies

He instead finds a container, and in that container is a Shade, a near to melting Shade

He decides to break it out of the container it was in as a sort of act of pity, and gets the hell out of the Sanctum, not knowing that he was followed...

(I’ll explain why Shadow can do all this stuff once we get to them but) It turns out that the Shade he freed now resided in his shadow as he traveled into to the Ancient Basin after stealing a Tram Pass and traveling to Kingdom’s Edge

He finally notices Shadow and promptly freaks out but slowly learns that Shadow is just chillin, and he tries to communicate with them to an extent of charades 

They soon become good friends, with Vio telling them stories about the different subjects he learned about and Shadow trying to mime out what had happened to them, causing Vio to learn that their shell had split open and they needed a new mask to keep staying alive outside of their container

Not to mention that Vio started experiencing Void exposure due to Shadow leeching off of his life force to stay corporeal (Like the Bug from the Queen’s Garden, the “Too long spent together we became as one”)

So now with the both of them up against the clock, Vio decides to do something hella risky, head to Deepnest where the supposed “Mask Maker” lived and hoped that a new mask would save the both of them

They head to Deepnest, almost die, but make it to the Mask Maker where it seemed that he was already expecting them. 

Bada-bing bada-boom, Shadow now has a new mask and a new form, and Vio stops feeling the effects of Void exposure

They both decide to go up and out exploring, hoping to leave Hallownest behind

So they travel together, and actually run into Blue, Green and Red in Dirtmouth, and decide to stay for a bit to at least advise them of the dangers deeper below. 

Oh before I forget, Vio wields a crossbow, and practiced target shooting on the Primal Aspids in Kingdom’s Edge (hehe)  

They join the little band of travelers and wham! Four Swords Squad is united 

Now onto our final character, Shadow!

Shadow is a vessel! They have two horns on their head that curve in a wave behind (Like his hat in the Manga)

Shadow actually escaped the Abyss after it was sealed, since they hatched after the Pure Vessel ascended, they along with a few others took the tunnels out into Deepnest.

They encountered Nosk before simply running out of its lair, not looking back to see if their siblings needed help (It’s not because they’re cruel, it was simply a flight reflex taking over before helping type thing) 

They somehow slipped into the tram and ended up in the Ancient Basin and into the City of Tears.

None paid them any mind because no one knew what Vessels were except for the Dreamers. So they slunk around the City just marveling at all the new senses they were experiencing 

But there's a reason that Vio finds them as a Shade. They had just so happened to be near the Soul Sanctum when they were captured by its denizens

Vaati (Yes he’s here but he succumbs to the infection real quick) is one of the Soul Twisters that tries out a new experiment in hopes of gaining favor from Soul Master.

He decides to try to leech Soul off of Shadow without turning them into a husk, thing is, Shadow didn’t have any Soul to begin with, so the process breaks their shell and their Shade pops out 

But due to the nature of the container being able to hold intangible things like Soul, and Shadow’s will to live being super strong, Shadow’s Shade stays trapped in the container

Vaati decides to keep them in there and simply monitor how they react to Soul, and even Infection exposure 

It goes like this for a while before the City shuts down and chaos erupts, with the Soul Master instructing his minions to capture more bugs for more Soul, leaving the Sanctum pretty empty....and thats when Vio shows up

Vio breaks the container, and with no where else to go (unless you count the Abyss but Shadow did not want to rest) Shadow dives into Vio’s shadow as a last ditch effort, being able to cling to Vio’s soul reserves to keep them from truly fading

You know what happens next, they both live in Kingdom’s Edge for a while, and Shadow used miming through the shadows reflected on the walls to try to puppet out what had happened to them when asked by Vio.

Once they make it to the Mask Maker and get they’re new mask, they finally are able to experience the world again, this time with someone trusted by their side. Vio promises to try to learn sign to help teach them so that they can communicate now that they actually have hands

Due to the fact that they had been in Vio’s shadow for a good while, they’re naturally clingy to him, either by leaning against him, or holding his hand (with Vio being a bit flustered at the contact) and they’re very wary of the other Four Swords at the start, but soon warm up to them little by little

Now it’s canon that all Vessels are genderless, so Shadow in this AU goes by they/them, later on once they’ve been with Vio and the Gang long enough, they decide that they like He/Him pronouns too, so Shadow does go by They/He 

Shadow has no weapon, but they do know Shade Soul and Desolate Dive from being experimented on in the Soul Sanctum so cool spell combos along with the Gang’s fighting style

And there you have it folks! If you have any questions or any suggestions please don’t be afraid to send me an ask! I love interacting with people who share my interests! 

[thegreatdivorce]

There and back again...

This post is about a lot of things, but it’s mainly about my love for Faramir and Eowyn… and about how the book is always better than the movie. But we have to go back a lil before we can start. 

I read Lord of the Rings for the first time when I was 14 years old. It took me a long time to get through it. I think a whole year, maybe more. I had trouble for a few reasons: one, it’s a big story for a young reader, and two, my motivation was probably in the wrong place. I grew up on a healthy diet of C. S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, my dad read the Chronicles of Narnia series to me as a kid and I read The Hobbit (on my dad’s special collectors edition) not long after that, but I never made it to Lord of the Rings until the films came out. And I only really read the books then because I loved the films so much. Let me repeat that with more emphasis, I loved. these films. so. much. I could recite lines from the movies, yes, but I could also recite lines from the commentary the cast created for each extended edition. I can still recall the jokes, pranks, and memories the cast hold dear almost as if I had lived through them myself as the 10th member of the fellowship. I still call David Wenham ‘Daisy Wenham,’ and if the word ‘wig’ appears in conversation my brain immediately goes to, “your hair changes dramatically from short to long… do you wear wigs?” If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you are not a true fan of the film series. It meant so much to me when I was younger that I think I started the books as a way to stay in that world a lil longer. And I guess constantly comparing the books to a beloved film series is not the best way to read because I didn’t enjoy them as much as I thought I would. To be clear, I didn’t dislike the books, Return of the Kings marks one of the few books to make me cry (Theoden’s death got to me), but the books didn’t impact me in the same way the films did. 

Fast forward some 13 years later and something, I’m not exactly sure what, convinced me to read the books again. I have a long book list, one that I am sorely behind on, so choosing a 1000+ page saga (one that I’ve already read before) while other books are waiting to be cracked open for the first time was probably not the most productive decision I’ve made, but I regret nothing. I still own the same copy of LOTR I owned when I first read the series and man, there’s something about the smell of a book that can bring you right back to where you were when you first opened it because that’s exactly what happened when I started re-reading it. There is something nice about feeling like you’re 14 again… feeling like your whole life is ahead of you, but the only thing you have to worry about is reading this one book. 

Although the smell of the book felt the same, other things felt different. Aragorn does not struggle at all with the idea of his kingship like Viggo does in the film, Sam feels a bit more of a simpleton in the books, and Frodo seems older and wiser than the 19-year-old Elijah Wood feels in the movies. All of these things are small differences and as I was reading book one and book two, I found I still liked the movies for what they are and tried to be (although that scene where Frodo tells Sam to leave just before Shelob’s lair, that he doesn’t need him anymore, will never make sense to me), but for the most part I liked both film and book fairly evenly. But entering into book three, I realized how certain characters got the short end of the movie stick. Particularly Eowyn and Faramir. I’ll be frank, I don’t know how you would have written more of them into the story without bogging down the pacing of the rest of the movie, but that’s kind of my point, Eowyn’s story is so good she needs her own dang movie so everyone can discuss how amazing and complex she is. And Faramir too, but we’ll get to him in a moment. 

Eowyn in the movie is played wonderfully by Miranda Otto. Seriously, the casting of this series is pretty near perfect. Her part is relatively small, but they touch on all the main points of her character. She’s a fierce warrior, but she feels stuck in a cage staying at home having to care for her people and the man she considers a father all by herself, she falls for Aragorn, he doesn’t return her love, she wants to ride to war, she does so secretly, she kills the Witch-King, she receives the honor and valor she has always wanted, she marries Faramir, bada bing, bada boom, done. It’s a nice lil package, but it’s the highlight reel because there is so much more to Eowyn than that...

So to know Eowyn, we have to know the people of Rohan. Faramir does a nice job summing them up when he refers to them while talking to Sam and Frodo in The Window on the West, “If the Rohirrim are grown in some ways more like to us (the people of Gondor), enhanced in arts and gentleness, we too have become more like to them. For as the Rohirrim do, we now love war and valor as things good in themselves, both as a sport and an end. We esteem a warrior, nonetheless, above other crafts.” Faramir continues to talk of war “as is the need of their day,” a necessary evil, but you can tell... he’s really not into it. This is shown in a few different ways throughout the books (his relationship in contrast with his brother/father as one example), but the place it really hits home happens earlier in the same chapter when he states this zinger, “War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.” (Side note, Faramir is the best and I know everybody loves fawning over King Viggo Aragorn, but y'all are sleeping on the best man in the whole series! Faramir is where it is at. He’s far more complex than Aragorn and I will fangirl over him more later on, but we’re still on Eowyn, so I’ll continue.) So the people of Rohan are a proud, fierce, war-loving crowd. They actually sing songs as they are killing people in battle. Think “whistle while you work,” but fiercer and more insane. But Faramir is not dissing them; he is not implying they are war-hungry, or war-mongers, simply the Rohirrim believe proving themselves in battle is a right they deserve. 

Enter Eowyn. In contrast to Faramir, who seems to have a sober understanding of war and battle, Eowyn finds her worth in it. We can see this most obviously in her attraction to Aragorn. In the movie, their attraction seems to develop in a natural, innocent way. I vaguely remember Miranda Otto mentioning in some interview for the DVD special features that part of the reason why it’s so tragic that Aragorn turns Eowyn down is that he knows they would make a good match. Essentially if Aragorn hadn’t met Arwen first, Aragorn and Eowyn could be together. Honestly, with how the movie presented their relationship, yah, I get it. Except that’s not how it is in the books. Aragorn, in The Houses of Healing, looks to Eomer and says, “I say to you that she loves you more truly than me; for you she loves and knows; but in me she loves only a shadow and a thought: a hope of glory and great deeds, and lands far from the fields of Rohan.” Eowyn desires the great deeds of war, not like Faramir does: as a means to protect a people, but as a way to prove herself. Faramir seems to find an honor in all crafts and positions, but Eowyn, although protective of them, talks lowly of her own people, consistently stating she is not a “dry-nurse” or a “serving-woman” but higher above them as a member of the House of Eorl. Eowyn speaks of a hierarchy within Rohan, consistently placing herself above the other women who are care-takers or mothers. What makes this even more tragic is that it’s not entirely her fault that she has come to this thinking. Gandalf, again in The House of Healing, explains to Eomer, “Think you that Wormtongue had poison only for Theoden’s ears? ‘What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among dogs?’ Have you not heard these words before? My lord, if your sister’s love for you, and her will still bent her duty, had not restrained her lips, you might have heard even such things as these escape them. But who knows what she spoke in the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all her life seemed shrinking, and the walls of her bower closing in on her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?” It’s tragic. And what’s worse is Eomer’s shock in thinking about his sister in this light. He never really knew her. No one did. Eowyn has always been fighting alone. Which is what makes her conclusion so satisfying... 

Eowyn rides into the Battle of Pelennor and kills the Witch-king (with the help of Merry). As I mentioned before, this is covered very well in the film, there is the great “I am no man” line which is taken from the book and although Eowyn is injured it seems she finally got her chance to defend herself in battle, like the other able-bodied men, so we’re meant to rejoice at her triumph, which I did when I saw the film. Except, again, that’s not the point in the book. Obviously, it’s great that the Witch-king is dead, but that event is the rising action leading into Eowyn’s healing, not her resolution… because Eowyn still wants to die in battle. She survived the Witch-king, she is being forced to heal her wounds in the House of Healing, but all she wants to do is die. Die as King Theoden has just done in battle (crushed by the body of his own horse) because this is the only way she can achieve the honor she feels she deserves. Because, again, Aragorn won’t give her that honor. And Faramir challenges this notion directly to Eowyn when they meet each other in the House of Healing, “You desired to have the love of the Lord Aragorn. Because he was high and puissant, and you wanted to have renown and glory and to be lifted far above the mean things of that crawled on the earth. But when he gave you only understanding and pity, then you desired to have nothing, unless a brave death in battle.” And it is only here, with Faramir, the first person to really see Eowyn and challenge her openly, does she acknowledge the truth, and her darkness (her desire for death) passes. It’s so beautiful. Eowyn exclaims, “Behold, the shadow has departed! I will be a shieldmaiden no longer, nor vie with the great Riders, nor take joy only in the songs of slaying. I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren.” And if you find a sadness or a disappointment in Eowyn’s proclamation of a life of peace than you are not paying attention to what Tolkien is putting down.  

This is important because I’ve heard this complaint before… Tolkien is not saying that it is wrong for Eowyn to participate in battle, to be a shieldmaiden, because she is a woman, (there are multiple instances in the book where Eowyn is described as a worthy warrior alongside her male companions. Hamma, may he rests in peace, nominates Eowyn as the person to manage the. whole. kingdom in place of the king when Theoden and Eomer leave for Helms Deep. So there’s that.) Tolkien is saying it is wrong to glorify battle, death, and destruction. full stop. No matter who you are. It is a point that is continually being made time and time again throughout the whole series by almost every character. And it should be no surprise coming from a man who fought in the first world war and then lived through the second. “I will not take joy only in the songs of slaying,” is really what Tolkien is trying to drive home here. Eowyn is still a warrior. Right after she accepts Faramir’s proposal and Aragorn is crowned king, Eowyn is like, “Faramir, I love you. I’m gonna marry you. But I have some important business to take care of back in Rohan with my brother, so I’m gonna leave… I’ll be back in like a month probably. Bye.” Yes, girl! That is the moment we should be applauding. Not the moment where Eowyn kills the Witch-king, but the moment where Eowyn realizes herself as a warrior but also a healer and there being a time and honor in both of those crafts if they have a proper foundation. It’s the moment when Eowyn finally sees and knows herself. And you know what Faramir says in response to Eowyn’s leaving? Nothing. He lets her go to do her thing because he is the best and I love him.

On to Faramir!

Ok. So. I’ll be brief here. Or I’ll try to be. One, because I think I’ve already shown a fair amount of Faramir’s great qualities, but also because I think his character in the film shows a stronger resemblance to the book than Eowyn’s. If we can all ignore that scene where Faramir drags Frodo and Sam to Osgiliath (because that never happens *eye roll*), and focus on the dialogue dealing with his dad, we’re getting pretty faithful Faramir content as pretty much all of the Faramir - Denethor dialogue is taken directly from the book, and it’s all golden. And when I say golden, I mean deadly. The, “‘Since you were robbed of Boromir, I will do what I can in his stead. If I should return, think better of me, Father.’ - ‘That will depend on the manner of your return.’” exchange between Faramir and Denethor is brutal. To say that Faramir has daddy issues is an understatement. But that brings us up to an important point. Faramir is just as broken as Eowyn is and their meeting is not so much so Faramir can save Eowyn but for them to find healing in each other. 

Faramir’s dad is insane. Literally. By the end of the book, Denethor loses his mind and tries to kill both him and his son by burning them alive. Faramir is not fully aware his dad is trying to kill him because by the time Denethor is building a funeral pyre, Faramir is slipping in and out of consciousness due to his battle wounds (to clarify, Denethor thinks his son is already dead, which is why he wants to share the funeral pyre with him. It doesn’t make it better, but it’s the facts). So the last thing Faramir hears, in full conscience, is that his dad wishes that he had died in his brother’s place and the only way he can prove his worth is sustaining victory in battle. Which he knows he cannot do. So Faramir goes to battle, is injured, and ultimately wants to die. Sound familiar? But he doesn’t. Aragorn calls him back to health in the House of Healing and he meets Eowyn. 

Faramir likes Eowyn from the moment they meet but can see she is struggling and doesn’t know the exact cause of her pain. So he talks to the best wingman in Middle Earth, Merry, and puts all the details together that Eowyn is still pretty hung up on Aragorn, and for all the wrong reasons. Faramir decides to gently pursue Eowyn which, if you think about it, is quite the courageous thing to do considering Faramir’s past. Faramir’s whole life consists of being left behind, the man that is not chosen. As we established above, his own father chose and loved his brother, Boromir, over him. Boromir was chosen to join the Fellowship of the Ring, not Faramir. It’s even in his job description to be picked over. Faramir is a Steward of Gondor, he’s to hold court until the proper king appears and then literally step out of the way. Here is another area where potentially someone is going to choose someone else in place of him. Faramir questions Eowyn about her love for Aragorn asking, “[I’m assuming] you cannot choose between us. Eowyn, do you not love me, or will you not?” Ugh, tragic. She admits, “I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man’s pity.” Faramir clarifies, “I do not offer you my pity. For you are a lady high and valiant and you yourself won renown that shall not be forgotten; and you are a lady beautiful, I deem, beyond even the words of the Elven-tongue to tell. And I love you. Once I pitied your sorrow. But now, were you sorrowless, without fear, or any lack, were you the blissful Queen of Gondor, still I would love you. Eowyn, do you not love me?” 

It’s actually nerve-wracking when you leave out Eowyn’s response to this question; to know Faramir is asking someone he loves dearly for love in return, something he was rarely afforded in his life, especially in the beautiful way in which he asked it. He sees Eowyn for who she truly is, someone even she doesn’t fully recognize yet, and who she can be: a valiant queen. And not just any queen, Faramir says the Queen of Gondor, Aragorn’s wife. Faramir basically admits, “I know there’s a chance you could still be with Aragorn, but even if you did, I would still love you regardless.” It’s so courageous and beautiful, and in a lot of ways, the ultimate test to see if Faramir has really healed over the wounds his father has left. The wounds of being left unchosen. But Eowyn does choose, she chooses to be with him, and they ultimately provide healing and understanding to each other. 

And that’s all left unsaid in the films. None of it is really in there which is such a bummer because it’s so good. And this whole story has been waiting for me to re-discover it on my shelf for the past 13 years and I’ve finally made my way back. Can’t believe I almost missed it.

Anyhow, thank you for coming to my TED Talk on why Faramir and Eowyn are the best and why reading books is cool. 

I probably could write more, but I’ve taken a brief break in reading the dang book to write this essay and I still have a few more chapters to go to finish the whole thing. 

Good day.

[metavanaj]

AJ’S ARCADE | TIME CRISIS 5

Game: Time Crisis (Released 2015)

On the 4th of January 2019, I was blessed with the opportunity to play Time Crisis 5 - which as of the time of writing this, remains trapped in the arcade. Mid-way through 2018, I found out that they had ported past Time Crisis games, which sparked a light gun phase thus I’ve been scooping up every one I can for the Nintendo Wii, PlayStation 2 and the PlayStation 3; hence the vested interest & high hopes for TC5. Having played all the past main line TC games, how does the latest 2015 romp hold up? Eh.

Before we go any further though, I thought I’d should let you, the precious reader, know that I only played through the first three stages. While I had access to the True Mastermind edition, with the extra three stages I only managed to have enough time to play through those first three stages twice - once to enjoy the spectacle, and once to try master them. However, I will make reference to the latter three stages, as I have watched a few playthroughs on YouTube, so I could experience the story, without the pressure of the gameplay.

Now, let us dissect this bitch.

The Good

Story - It has one...?

To say past games haven’t had much of a narrative would absolutely be true. Usually, the formula consists for two bros., two handguns vs a whole terrorist organisation, and taking them down before they unleash a super weapon of some sorts. Throw in a few interesting boss fights, some varied locales a not-so-surprising showdown with Wild-Dog...boom-bada bing, you have a Time Crisis narrative.

Past entries of the series have literally been too short (in terms of game time) to tell anything of worth, in the story department. Time Crisis 5, being twice as long as any previous entry, actually has enough breathing room to tell a story...for an arcade game. Mind you not anything complex, but it’s leagues better than any other light gun shooter, that dare put in possess cutscenes, inter-midst gameplay, and call it a plot. The plot actually goes somewhere - literally, and figuratively. From stages 4-6 onwards, Time Crisis 5 deviates from its usual action movie plot and manages to actually possess a few decent twists & turns, which all culminates in a satisfying finale. I wouldn’t say it’s emotional but it does evoke an emotion...and this is an hour long arcade game; that’s pretty outstanding. The series for the first time in history, makes reference to the fact it does indeed have a history; however I won’t delve into it as it would involve major spoilers - I’ll just say that it’s pretty neat.

Sights - Gwaphics

To say Time Crisis 5 is gorgeous would be an understatement. The game bleeds beauty in the presentation department. Not only does the game look like a modern, vivid, and colorful spectacle for each and every frame but even small things like the UI and HUD looks uber crisp. I especially like the simple ‘end of area’ screen in which the game primarily utilises the color of the whatever character you’re playing.  While I still believe Time Crisis 1-3 still look decent regarding their age, acting as sort of landmarks of the series graphical progression, I believe TC5 straight makes TC4’s early-HD-looking ass a lot less appealing; making that game appear to age not so gracefully. While I do praise the visuals highly, it’s not 100% great all the time. Bandai Namco, have indeed utilised Unreal Engine, instead of whatever in-house concoction they usually come up with. While I’m not entirely sure if it’s 4, or a heavily modified version of 3, either way the team behind it all have left in a few jaggies here and there. Nothing too bad mind you, it just means the game looks great most of the time, instead of all the time.

Sounds - VO, Sound Design, Music?

There’s not much to say here. It’s an arcade on-rail shooter - of course the sound design is amazing. Each bullet iss followed a meaty sound effect, which of course  is poorly balanced with the rest of the audio, so everything is drowned out by gunshots . I was in a noisy arcade so I didn’t get to appreciate other environmental sounds and the music, as much as I would have like.. Watching it back, there’s nothing special about TC5’s soundtrack but it still remains fitting and energising. The main theme is a pretty nice EDM interpretation of the series main theme but that’s it really. Personally, while the series has had a great soundtracks, in the past, I would call any of the OSTs after TC 1 & 2 too memorable at all. As I said, it’s fitting and that’s all it needs to be.

Voiceovers, voiceovers, voiceovers. By god, they’re voiceovers, alright. The game features dual audio but I only experienced the English VO - mind you, I have seen a playthrough with the Japanese ones. Both languages provide the equal parts cheese and cringe, both giving the ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ vibe. This is House of the Dead 2 levels of bad but it’s up to par with rest of the series so you’ve got nothing to worry about. I will say that the English VO tends to have more awkward moments more frequently but they both get the job done and they both provide a different experience. What more could you want?

Gameplay - It’s Time Crisis Alright.

Gameplay, at it’s core, is the same formula seen in TC3 & 4. It’s your usual shooting gallery with a cover mechanic. If you get to greedy an enemy’ll throw out a special red bullet that will take off one of your lives; the game will let you know this happening with a bright red ‘crisis flash’. The game also has you on a time meaning you can’t take your sweet time from behind cover - however, Time Crisis hasn’t felt like an actual crisis of time since the first game so you might as well take your sweet time behind cover. Introduced in TC3, is weapon switching; weapon switching functions a little differently in this game, so I’ll delve into that later into this piece. All you need to know is you have access to 4 guns: a handgun, machine gun, shotgun and a grenade launcher (all of which fire just as you’d expect). All of these little things add up to create some great set pieces and intense gunfights. TC5, as the series second HD outing, introduces that enhanced presentation and a small but meaningful load of mechanics. I won’t go in-depth about some of the new additions as they make brief appearances and are mostly featured in the latter three stages. Let’s just say as no point does TC5 feel ‘same-y’ or ‘stale’

The Bad

The Gameplay - Ok, let me elaborate.

Right, I just said that the gameplay’s good, right? Why is it now in the bad-section? Well, it’s a mixed bag. While, TC5 still retains what made the past games fun, this iteration features some drawbacks...and some they’re pretty game defining. For every step forward TC5 takes, it takes two steps back. These little niggles start to quickly add up and begin to degrade the quality of the experience. This game could be the best in the series, but with the flaws I’ll mention below in mind, it ends up feeling like an incredibly mediocre outing when it should in fact be the biggest and baddest TC yet.

Frame Rate - Cinematic But Not Practical

The game is capped at 30fps and it sure doesn’t feel like it was built around that frame rate. Need I say more? While this doesn’t impact gameplay for the most part, it can become an irritation. The game isn’t a rock-solid 30fps and that’s where I begin to have issues with the frame rate. It’s nothing horrible (just brief dips to 25fps, it felt like), but it could mean the difference between you losing a life or not, which could mean the difference between spending another dollar or not.  The game functions at 30fps but it doesn’t thrive at it; an obvious boost to 60 would indeed rectify, or at least help mask a lot of the issues I have. The main one, that directly tied to frame rate, is the ducking behind cover; vital for both shielding yourself and reloading. Numerous times during my play session I was blindsided by bullets I was meant to dodge...half of these yes, I’ll admit were my fault but other the other half, not so much. I would often left go of the pedal, with in an appropriate reaction window, but the animation of ducking behind cover wouldn’t play out in time. Sure, I could adapt to the new rhythm (like most 30fps games force you to) but I shouldn’t have to - every past entry has ran at 60 and the ducking mechanic has function fine. It shouldn’t be problem now. If I had to take a guess, the creators have prioritised graphical fidelity, with the frame-rate being an afterthought.

Weapon Switching - Don’t Fix What Ain’t Broke

OK - so this might not be a major problem but it was with my experience of the game. The new guns feature a little button on the side for weapon switching, similar to a GunCon2 which is pretty cool. This replaces pulling the trigger behind cover to switch weapons. However, this means you’re force to take a two handed grip - not necessarily a bad thing but does remove an option. My concern was more the button wasn’t very responsive. I could quickly snap between handgun to machine gun but trying to switch to the other two guns was hassle for some reason. The button almost pushes through to the other side and gets stuck - this might’ve just been an issue with the gun I was using though, but it did result in some imprecise weapon switching. All I’m saying is that the way, weapon switching has worked in the past was fine, and I believe the button on the side of the gun could’ve been used for something else.

Dual Pedals - It’s weird

New to the Time Crisis 5 is that aforementioned dual cover system. It...works - kinda, not really, sorta. On paper, it sounds like an excellent idea but in execution, it’s a little clunky and clunky play gets you killed. So you use the two pedals to switch between cover right? Yes, that part’s fine. Personally the animation getting between cover is a little long, but not too bad. It’s more say I’m poking out of the left cover. If I want to the be poking out of the right one, I would need to tap the right pedal which would put me behind the right cover - to then poke out of it, I would need to double tap the pedal and then hold it down. While I wouldn’t complain about the extra foot work, it just doesn’t feel kinaesthetically sound. It’s not entirely bad though. Tt’s just more that the 30fps caps lead to some imprecise cover shifting, which results more often than not for you to be smacked by a bullet you saw coming. If the game did have to be tied to that 30fps though, I feel a viable way to fix this would be to just use the pedals to switch between covers and use the button on the side for peeking out of cover, tying the two actions to two seperate inputs for more precise play. I guess if the button on the side is being used, might as well revert back to old weapon switching method.

The Handgun - What have you done to my baby?!?

The handgun got nerfed and I am sad. Past titles didn’t have a cap on how fast you could fire the handgun - it would fire as fast as you could finger blast. Rhyme and innuendo intentional. Hell, TC1 & 2 are entirely built around just having the handgun and how fast you can fire it. The fire rate on the handgun, in TC5, isn’t abysmal but it makes the little thing less satisfying to use, as well as less viable when stacked up against the machine gun. Yet again, people were easily doing handgun only runs of TC3 & 4 just because of how easy it was to use the handgun. It’s a bit of double edge sword so I can see why such a change happened, so as to make the hand gun feel like an obvious downgrade. I’m just not sure the way they did it in TC5, was the way to do it.

The FABULOUS

Character Designs - Oh yeah, baby

Say what you will but I like the path the series has taken since TC3, becoming increasingly more ‘mong’ as the series goes on - TC5 is the ‘mongiest’ entry thus far. The game also introduces some much need color into the overall presentation, which not only reflects well on flamboyant tone overhaul but also just makes the game more visually appealing to the eye. Oh and all the characters look visually distinct from one enough, not just the dual twink protagonists this time round. Essentially, everyone who’s not a target has been given the attention that a MC would be given.

The EVEN FABULOUS-ER?!?

Wild Dog & Wild Fang

‘Nuff said.

And that’s Time Crisis 5 - it makes some weird design choices that affect the flow of combat and your reaction time but ultimately it retains a lot of what the series has been praised before. While I wouldn’t say it’s as tight a gameplay experience as, say TC2 & 3 (even for 4 that matter - hey it runs at 60fps), it’s certainly a good enough title to add to the lineage. The new mechanics in the game also do a decent job of setting itself apart from past entries. I also feel lot of the issues I mentioned would actually be easily rectified with a higher frame rate. Maybe a console release could fix this, hey Bandai Namco? *wink wink* If you see TC5 out in wild, give it a few quarters and minutes of your time - it’s not the most polished experience but it sure is one hell of a ride.

[jcohang]

♡ + Biological Family

Headcanons!  (always accepting)

Memories of his biological family end just shy of his teen years.  What he does know, though, is the fact that he’s the end result of a drunken hook-up; mama had a couple, met a handsome stranger in a similar state of intoxicated, and bada-bing, bada-boom—nine months later, she was awarded a bouncing baby boy.  A bit of a whoops there, but she made it work.  She was one who would take any job to take care of her only son, and as a result of this, he wanted for little growing up.  Sure, Mama was scarce at times; there were days when he wouldn’t see her until late in the night, when she accidentally woke him with a routine check before turning in herself.  That was life for a while.  Eventually, genetics and her rather unhealthy lifestyle (quick meals, minimal sleep, long hours at -insert job here-, and so forth) caught up with her.  When things begin to go wrong with the heart, it can become a steep, downward fall if not treated in a timely manner.  Maybe the fact that she waited so long to take care of it had something to do with the end result.  Maybe it was doctor error.  To this day, he doesn’t know for sure.  What he does know, though, is that–despite every assurance made by staff–she passed away on the table while aforementioned doctor was attempting to fix the problem.

That day also contributes a lot to his…let’s call it a strong aversion to medical treatment–but that’s for another post, I think.

But ayway, his mother had done a hell of a job becoming both parents for him, and later on, Baek sort of took on a father-figure role in his life; whether the man realized it or not, it happened.  So, his actual dad?  He doesn’t know what happened to the man, doesn’t really care, and if anyone were to ask him about it, the best answer one will receive is, I don’t have one.  It’s not a sore subject or anything like that, just one of those things deemed ‘not worth talking about’.

[ethantherenegade]

Holy Shit, I Wrote A Thing

So, this little drabble is for @catastrotaffy, for an art exchange. Taffy’s OC Brian “Bloodmouth” Sinclar meets my OC James Caldwell Jr. in Nuka World.

TW: References to blood and gratuitous violence.

November 2277

High noon. Caldwell sat in a booth in the Fizzletop Grille, looking out towards his domain as the door to his lair slowly creaked open. A young man, about his age, poked his head through the door.

“You wanted to see me, Overboss?”

“I asked Gage to send me someone competent. If that’s not you, you can leave now.” Caldwell didn’t bother turning around as he sat with a plate of food before him, “But… if you are up to the task, then by all means, have a seat.”

The young man shuffled into the room, puffing out his chest as he strode to where the bald man sat. As he took the seat in the booth opposite him, the Overboss finally took notice of who graced his presence. He was skinny and short with a puffy blue coat, a wool-knit cap, brown messy hair, and lastly he was missing a tooth.

“What do they call you, boy?”

“Bloodmouth.” The little man answered, a little nervous in the presence of his boss.

“Perhaps I should’ve made my question clearer,” Caldwell sighed, pulling out a Disciple-made knife and carving into his grilled Nuka-Lurk, “What is your name, boy?”

To his credit, the man didn’t show much fear when he answered, “Brian.”

“Hmm.” Caldwell took a bite of his food. He always hated Mirelurk, but unfortunately, there were not many options for variety. “You have an accent. Where are you from?”

“Brooklyn. Bada-bing, bada-boom.” Brian responded, chuckling a little at the use of the stereotype. However, the laugh died off as he noticed the stone cold look of his Overboss.

“I see.” Caldwell deadpanned. “Down to business. Rumor has reached me that someone has been sheltering survivors of Caesar’s Legion. Gage has led me to understand that you are not overtly affiliated with any particular raider group. As such, I entrust you with this task. Find the last of Caesar’s Legion and those harboring them, kill them, and bring back their heads.”

“Is that all?” Brian asked, sighing with relief, “I thought you were gonna send me to clear out Kiddie Kingdom alone or something.”

“That may be a possible punishment if you fail.” Caldwell smirked, “Or perhaps I may skip the foreplay and simply strap you into a chair with a feral, see how long it takes for it to crack the back of your skull open.”

With the threat of being eaten by a ghoul, Brian’s face paled a little, “Y-you got it.”

“There will be great rewards for success, and terrible discipline for failure.” Caldwell leaned across the table, “The question is… are you ready to kill, or ready to die?”

“Well, I finally get a chance to use this again.”

With a thud, the contents of the table shook and jumped as the scrawny man dropped an absolutely enormous weapon on the table.

“…Where the fuck were you keeping that? And how the fuck do you carry that thing around?” Caldwell asked, staring at the Gauss rifle on the table between the raiders. Brian merely shrugged. “Whatever, just get to work.”

Two hours later, Caldwell lounged on a couch. Music played through his Pip-Boy as he smoked a hand-rolled cigarette with some herbs that Mr. Brownstone had been growing. Feeling relaxed and loose, the Overboss quietly sang along to the song.

“When I was just a baby, my father told me, ‘Son, always be a good boy, don’t ever play with guns.’ But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die… When I hear that whistle blowing-“

The sound of several wet thuds on the coffee table next to him drew the warlord’s attention. Before him stood Brian, who’d placed the heads of two raiders on the table, and was reaching into a bag to pull out the heads of a member of Caesar’s Legion and a member of Nuka World’s indentured work force.

“Job’s done.” Brian smiled, the fact that he was missing a tooth clearly displayed.

“Already?” Caldwell couldn’t hide his surprise, “What the fu- how?”

“Well, it turns out people are fucking scared of being eaten.” Brian shrugged, “Take a bite out of one, and the rest fall in line.”

“Jesus.” Caldwell said flatly. “I’ll have to keep your crazy ass in mind when I have another problem. Now, about your reward- first could you put those away?”

Wordlessly, Brian shoved the four decapitated heads into the bag. Caldwell shut off the music on his Pip-Boy and walked over to a box he’d prepared.

“Now, Gage helped me prepare this… gift basket of sorts on the chance of your success. It appears I’ll have to add to it, but take a look inside first.”

Brian scrambled over to pry open the box. Inside was a collection of treats, boxes upon boxes of the assorted sweets Nuka World had to offer. Cotton candy bites, funnel cakes, a few bottles of Nuka Cola. And of course, a bag of caps.

“What’s this?” Brian asked, pulling an item out of the crate.

“Gage told me of your… interest in our DJ.” Caldwell said, pretending not to notice how Brian flushed ever so slightly at the mention of RedEye, “And I found a Pre-War singer that is remarkably similar. His name was Andrew W.K. and this is his first album.”

“I Get Wet.” Brian read the title as he looked at the record’s album art, featuring a man with blood pouring from his nose and down his face.

“And lastly,” Caldwell said, pulling an oak-wood baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, “This is Negan. I used him to beat the ever-loving shit out of Cato Hostilius for betraying me. And now, he’s your’s.”

Suddenly, Caldwell felt something grab hold of him. After mistaking it for an illusion brought on by Brownstone’s weed, Caldwell looked down to see that Brian was hugging him. After a moment, the smaller man let go and shuffled away embarrassedly.

“…I’m going to assume that was an impulse reaction and forget it ever happened.”

“Yes please.”

Caldwell passed the barbed bat over to the young raider. “Enjoy your reward. Use Negan well.”

“I will, don’t you fuckin’ worry about that.”

[webanalytics]

Closing Data's Last-Mile Gap: Visualizing For Impact!

I worry about data’s last-mile gap a lot. As a lover of data-influenced decision making, perhaps you worry as well.

A lot of hard work has gone into collecting the requirements and implementation. An additional massive investment was made in the effort to perform ninja like analysis. The end result was a collection trends and insights.

The last-mile gap is the distance between your trends and getting an influential company leader to take action.

Your biggest asset in closing that last-mile gap is the way you present the data.

On a slide. On a dashboard in Google Data Studio. Or simply something you plan to sketch on a whiteboard. This presentation of the data will decide if your trends and insights are understood, accepted and inferences drawn as to what action should be taken.

If your data presentation is good, you reduce the last-mile gap. If your data presentation is confusing/complex/wild, all the hard work that went into collecting the data, analyzing it, digging for context will all be for naught.

With the benefits so obvious, you might imagine that the last-mile gap is not a widely prevalent issue. I’m afraid that is not true. I see reports, dashboards, presentations with wide gaps. It breaks my heart, because I can truly appreciate all that hard work that went into creating work that resulted in no data-influence.

Hence today, one more look at this pernicious problem and a collection of principles you can apply to close the last-mile gap that exists at your work.

For our lessons today, I’m using an example that comes from analysis delivered by the collective efforts of a top American university, a top 5 global consulting company, and a major industry association. The analysis is publicly available.

I’ve chosen to block out the name of entities involved. Last-mile gaps exist at all our companies. It is not important where this 2018 analysis came from. In the tiny chance that you recognize the source, I request you to keep it out of your comments as well.

For each of the 17 examples we review, I’ll share an alternative version I created. I invite you to play along and share your version of any of the examples. I’ll add them to the post, and credit you.

Ready?

Let’s go!

I persistently advocate for simplicity in slides. Don’t create handouts!

In this case the goal was to create handouts, perhaps to make it easier for audiences to consume the data by themselves. I would humbly still advocate for simplicity when it comes to data presentation.

Some of the fixes to solve for simplicity could be to use fewer sprinkles, a simpler header – graphics and text –, and we can be very selective about what’s on he slide. As you look at the slide, I’m sure you’ll come up with other ways in which we can liberate the white space for the tyranny of text/colors.

Solving for simplicity contributes to communication effectiveness. It of course reflects on your brand, and, most of all, helps you have better control over the story you are trying to tell.

For the rest of this post I’ll ignore the simplicity and storytelling elements and focus exclusively on the data itself. How, what, why and instead of.

Look at the graph above, and the little table… Ponder for a moment what you would do to close the last-mile gap and help the essential message shine through.

Here are some things that stood out for me:

1. Graphing choices can exaggerate or undersell reality.

One way to exaggerate is to start your y-axis at 40, as it the case above. The resulting line exaggerates the trend and ends up implying something that might not quite be there.

Start at zero. Please.

2. False precision can cause clutter, and undercut the Analyst’s brilliance.

This is very subtle.

You’ll notice that the numbers on the graph are expressed with one decimal point. As in 47.7, 56.5, etc. If you pause and consider how this data is collected, via a small triple digit sample self-reported survey results, you’ll quickly realize that the error range in this data is likely a few points. If that’s true, showing the .6, .5 is implying a precision that simply does not exist.

Besides, this false precision also clutters the graph.

3. Remove the distractions, ruthlessly.

In an 11-year span, each data point is a lot less important than the trend. Do you need the dots on the graph? Do you even need the numbers for the individual months?

When it comes to closing the last-mile gap it is helpful to have a ruthless streak. It is helpful because in service of our ultimate objective, you’ll have to kill some of your favorite things, you’ll have push back against your boss/peers who might love clutter, and you might have to help change an entire culture. Hard, painful, work. But, immensely worth it.

Here’s an alternative way to present the data, using nothing more than the standard settings in good old Excel:

It shows the trend, simply. You can see it is up broadly over eleven years. That it was under 50 and is now close to 70.

Did you notice the trend is not as exaggerated as the original? And, still effective!

You might use a different font, perhaps have the graph be smaller, or maybe twist the month-year in the other direction. No problem. I’m confident if you apply the first three filters, whatever you create will close the last-mile gap better.

Here’s an example of doing exactly the opposite of principle #1. The y-axis is artificially set at 100%, as a result the trend is understated.

You don’t need to go this far.

Just let your favorite graphing tool auto-set the major and minor-axis, which will result in the graph looking like this…

Simple. No funny business. 

The trend stands by itself waiting your words as to why it is meaningful.

This next one is pretty interesting. My request to you is to not scroll beyond the slide. Pause. Absorb the graph. Try to understand what the author is really trying to say.

For bonus points, consider the perspective of the person reading this graph rather than the person who created it.

Read. Don’t scroll. Absorb.

How well did you understand the trend and the insight being communicated? What would you have done differently if you’d created the graph?

Here are some things that stood out for me:

4. Show as much data as is required, and no more.

The goal in the original seems to be to show top priorities for 12 months. If so, is the data for August 2017 really adding value?

Often we want to show all the data we have (after all we spent time collecting it!). In this case, it get’s in the way of understanding the 12 month shift.

5. Experiment with visualization options, even in Excel!

We have five dimensions of data, and two data points each (if you apply principle #4). We want the audience to be able to compare two data points for each dimension, and look across all five dimensions.

The bar chart is a sub-optimal way to let the audience see this. Consider experimenting with different visuals in Excel (or D3js).

I applied the radar chart to this data, and got this lovely end result…

It is ten million times easier to see the two data points for five dimensions, and realize that only two have changed.

Likewise, the overall trend also pops out at you so much easier in this case.

It would have taken ten minutes for us to explain the data and trend in the original. We can do that in five seconds now. You can use the time remaining discussing why this trend is material and what to do about it (if anything). Actually allowing data to play its natural role: Influence decisions.

This is a really nice example of a lesson that we tend to forget all the time (myself included).

You know the exercise by now. Pause, reflect on this slide, then scroll.

Here’s what stood out for me:

6. Don’t send a graphic to do a table’s job.

In this case, we are comparing two simple data points, on two dimensions (past, present). Why do we need a graph taking up all the space?

Why not just have a table that shows previous 12 months as 7.1% and a row under it with next 12 months as 8.9%?

Even better, why not just have one line of text:

Percent change in marketing budgets = +1.8 PP

Why have two fat bars?

Once you arrive at that conclusion, you’ll apply principle #4 and realize that the most interesting data on this slide is not the visual… Rather, it is the table on the top right corner of the slide.

Bada, bing, bada, boom, ten seconds later here’s your slide:

A simple table with a touch of colors that draws out the core message simply, directly and quickly.

The lighter shade for the core numbers will result in them being pushed a bit into the background. This simple choice guides the reader’s eyes gently to the delta (the most important bit).

I like playing with the borders a bit, as you see above. You might have other things you are picky about. And, that is ok. :)

To illustrate principle #6, here’s another slide where the graphic is completely unnecessary:

A tiny table with two data points will do just fine.

Here’s a bonus lesson for the analysis ninjas out there. Please don’t imply a linear trend between “current levels” and “next three years.” There is no indication that data from 2017 to 2020 is available, and it is highly unlikely that it will follow a linear trend. This is another example of breaking principle #1.

(Let’s not lose sight of the big picture: I am delighted that spending on analytics is going to increase that much! As our leaders spend this largesse, I hope that they’ll remember the 10/90 rule to ensure optimal returns. The money needs to go to you!)

This one flummoxed me.

Let’s see if you can internalize what is going on. Stare at the graph intently, seriously, and see if you get the points…

Bold items naturally catch the eye, in this case the blue bars. Most people in the western world look from left to right, that is how you’ll likely try and understand what’s going on.

Your first impression will likely be that the blue bars are showing a random trend in marketing spending.

If you are the curious type you’ll realize that is the wrong conclusion, and you’ll want to understand what’s really going on. Soon enough you’ll get to the x-axis and a carefully review will illuminate that the reason for the weirdness is the choice to show the industry names alphabetically!

7. Please, please, please keep the end-user in mind.

In this case the end-users (our senior leaders) would be primarily be interested in understanding where marketing spending is highest and lowest. This is very difficult to accomplish above.

Secondarily, they’ll want to know where they fall in context of all other industries, this is almost impossible to accomplish above.

The reason the x-axis is organized alphabetically is to allow you to look up your specific industry easily. This thought is good. My hypothesis is that it likely forms a small percent of the use cases, primarily because just knowing your spend is not that valuable. What’s valuable are the above two use cases.

Here’s what I recommend keeping front of mind: If a non-analyst is looking at the data, what uses cases form the basis of the value they’ll extract. Then, ensure the info viz is solving for that.

In this case the bars with the data seem to be randomly sorted. The visualization is getting in the way, creating a wider last-mile gap.

Luckily this is a quick fix in good old Excel. Two minutes later, you’ll have a little waterfall…

It is easy to see the outliers and the pack of eight that are close to each other (something you can’t even see in the original).

It will certainly take an extra couple of seconds to find your industry, but in service of the two bigger use cases,  it is a small price to pay.

You can play with the layout to your heart’s content. If you dislike waterfalls for some reason and prefer towers…

I like the waterfall, but this is not bad. :)

Play with the colors, drop shadows, fonts, and more. Make the graph your own. Just don’t forget to look at it through the eyes of the end user and solve for their use cases.

(Speaking of colors… I’m partial to chart styles 17 through 24 in Excel. In my work you’ll see a particular affection for style 18.)

I hate pie charts. I really do.

You can read a 506 word love-letter to my profound dislike (including a lovely exercise you can do).

Here’s the scientific reason:

Comparison by angle is significantly more difficult than by length.

That is well on display below…

The colors in the pie will catch your eye. Yet, from the sizes of the slices it is difficult to internalizes the differences between each dimension.

8. Eat Pies, Don't Share Them!

Since humans find comparing lengths much easier, it should only take a few minutes to take the data and convert the slide above into something that closes the last-mile gap efficiently.

The above slide is a good example how to apply all the principles you’ve learned thus far. The question and the data are the hero, almost all by themselves. Allowing you to focus sharply on your story.

Scroll up and down and compare the two slides. You’ll see many more differences.

I’ve extoled the virtue of using a table, instead of trying to be extra sexy and throwing in a graphic.

The challenge with tables is that they can become overwhelming very quickly.

Here’s an example that illuminates that clearly.

It feels like there is a lot. It also breaks principle #2, false precision,  which makes things worse.

Considering the core message the analysis is trying to send, I believe that it is also breaking rule #4, extra perhaps unnecessary data.

9. Make your tables pop, guide the reader’s eye.

There are numerous tools available to you inside Excel to make your tables pop. I usually start by playing with the options at my disposal under Conditional Formatting.

One straight-forward option is to use Color Scales, green to yellow, to produce a simpler table that pops…

The elimination of the overall average makes the table tighter.

It is easier to look at the trend in each column. What’s even more delightful is the second use case of comparing the highs and lows across the four dimensions. So much easier.

While all the data is still there, most senior leaders want to understand trends and the contrasts. They want relative positioning, the above table does not require expending too many brain cells to get that. And, if your boss does not trust you… She still has the numbers there.

Notice the combination of fonts, colors, style treatments, in the table above. Bunch of subtle points there.

If your personal tastes are different, no problem. There are other styles you can use.

Here’s the data rendered using solid fill Data Bars…

In this case I feel data bars add clutter, but they make internalizing the trend across individual dimensions easier.

If, like me, you are biased towards radical simplicity via white space, you can keep the table. Consider applying some subtle font color treatment to create something that’s still a step change over the original…

I’ve shown the highs and lows in a way that you’ll see them quickly.

Red was chosen on purpose to emphasize that it was the most important thing from the customer’s perspective. Blue fades into the background a bit because it is the least important.

One final touch.

I felt it might be of value to see the product and services dimensions together, comparing them across B2B and B2C.

Here’s that version…

There’s a little air gap in the table to emphasize the two comparisons are different. You can usually use visual cues like these to help the consumers of your analysis.

We disagree on a whole lot of subjects in our country these days, but the one thing we can all agree on is that the human attention span is probably ten micro-seconds.

Add to that short attention span the fact that each executive has 18 other urgent things taking up their brain cells. As if all that was not hard enough, while you are presenting they are also likely on their phone or laptop.

Persuading anyone in these circumstances is a herculean task.

With that context in mind, how many leaders do you think will understand what’s going on here…

4 dimensions x 5 time periods x crazy swings = Ouch!

For bonus points, notice the randomness in the x-axis. It jumps from 2014 to 2017 without any visible explanation. To make things worse, look at the trend lines – they connect the two data points to imply a trend between 2015, 2016 that may or may not exist.

For even more bonus points, notice that there are four Februaries and as if it is no big deal an August is thrown in randomly.

Ouch. Ouch.

These might seem like small issues, but I assure you that you’ll instantly lose credibility with any intelligent leader in the room. They won’t raise their hand and start to berate you. They’ll quietly make a mental note about you, and then not pay any attention to anything you are saying.

There’s an even more important principle to learn from this visual…

10. Let the higher order bit be your anchor.

It can be difficult to figure out how to go from the complex to the simple.  My recommendation is to start with the most important thing you are trying to say.

In this instance the goal is to illuminate the percent change in marketing knowledge in the next 12 months. So, are the rest of the data points necessary and of value?

In service of the higher order bit, I would argue that we can also get rid of the two Februaries and the lonely August. (Though I sincerely respect the effort it took to get those data points.)

With those decisions we are left with just two data points. We can move to a simple table and close the last-mile gap by creating this slide…

Simpler, right?

We can do one better.

If the objective is to just show the change, we can just show the percentage change.

The colors help focus the attention even more.

To see the dramatic change, scroll back up and look at the original and then come back here. Incredible, right?

It might seem that this is hard work that takes time. It does take more time. But, it is not in the ink rather it is in the think. Discussing, debating, really thinking through what we are trying to communicate. The visualizing part takes a lot less time.

The biggest problem with this type of analysis, compiled into 95 slides, is that it never answers the question why?

Take this slide as an example. It shares a very positive view of analytics…

The slide breaks all ten principles we’ve discussed in this post, but beyond that there is a bigger problem here.

11. Why. Your job is to answer why!

Your first instinct is the marvel at the shift (all blues are up!), and reflect on how this graph is long-term job security for everyone who reads this blog.  But, you’re an Analyst and that good feeling won’t last.

Your mind quickly goes to… Why? What is causing this shift?

Look at Mining/Construction, 60 percent points of change. OMG! Why?

The entity creating this report sadly never answers any why question anywhere. Perhaps by design.

But, consider this: Data creates curiosity. If the Analyst does not satiate that curiosity via deeper analysis that explains why, the same data turns into a disappointment. It certainly drives no change.

I’ve written about this topic before, using an example from Econsultancy and Lynchpin: Smarter Survey Results and Impact: Abandon the Asker-Puker Model!

Without the why your last-mile gap is a million miles wide. If you are going to be in the data regurgitation business, please consider it your job to answer the why question. Without it all this is… fake news.

A challenge for you to tackle.

Now that you are aware of the 11 principles that aid in closing the last-mile gap, I want you to tackle something on my behalf.

I had not idea what to do with this slide… Can you create an after version?

Partly the issue is that I could not truly internalize what was being said. Partly it is that the numbers don’t really seem to change much. Partly it is because I was torn between the graphic and the table on the top right.

Regardless, I gave up. Perhaps you can teach me, and our readers, what a version with a reduced last-mile gap will look like.

Just email me your version (blog at kaushik dot net) or comment below.

Here’s a summary of the 11 principles you can use to close the last-mile gap:

01. Graphing choices can exaggerate or undersell reality. 02. False precision can cause clutter, and undercut the Analyst’s brilliance. 03. Remove the distractions, ruthlessly. 04. Show as much data as is required, and no more. 05. Experiment with visualization options, even in Excel! 06. Don’t send a graphic to do a table’s job. 07. Please, please, please keep the end-user in mind. 08. Eat Pies, Don't Share Them! 09. Make your tables pop, guide the reader’s eye. 10. Let the higher order bit be your anchor. 11. Why. Your job is to answer why!

I wish you smaller gaps and more decisions that are data-influenced.

As always, it is your turn now.

In your practice, how wide is the last-mile gap? What do you think contributes to the gap the most? Which of the above principles have you used, to good effect? Do you have a favorite principle, or five, to close the gap? If you had to kill one practice when it comes to data presentation, who would be the chosen candidate?

Please share versions of the above examples that you’ve taken a crack at fixing. And, your lessons, best practices, and as always your critique via comments below.

Thank you.

The post Closing Data's Last-Mile Gap: Visualizing For Impact! appeared first on Occam's Razor by Avinash Kaushik.

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Closing Data's Last-Mile Gap: Visualizing For Impact!

I worry about data’s last-mile gap a lot. As a lover of data-influenced decision making, perhaps you worry as well.

A lot of hard work has gone into collecting the requirements and implementation. An additional massive investment was made in the effort to perform ninja like analysis. The end result was a collection trends and insights.

The last-mile gap is the distance between your trends and getting an influential company leader to take action.

Your biggest asset in closing that last-mile gap is the way you present the data.

On a slide. On a dashboard in Google Data Studio. Or simply something you plan to sketch on a whiteboard. This presentation of the data will decide if your trends and insights are understood, accepted and inferences drawn as to what action should be taken.

If your data presentation is good, you reduce the last-mile gap. If your data presentation is confusing/complex/wild, all the hard work that went into collecting the data, analyzing it, digging for context will all be for naught.

With the benefits so obvious, you might imagine that the last-mile gap is not a widely prevalent issue. I’m afraid that is not true. I see reports, dashboards, presentations with wide gaps. It breaks my heart, because I can truly appreciate all that hard work that went into creating work that resulted in no data-influence.

Hence today, one more look at this pernicious problem and a collection of principles you can apply to close the last-mile gap that exists at your work.

For our lessons today, I’m using an example that comes from analysis delivered by the collective efforts of a top American university, a top 5 global consulting company, and a major industry association. The analysis is publicly available.

I’ve chosen to block out the name of entities involved. Last-mile gaps exist at all our companies. It is not important where this 2018 analysis came from. In the tiny chance that you recognize the source, I request you to keep it out of your comments as well.

For each of the 17 examples we review, I’ll share an alternative version I created. I invite you to play along and share your version of any of the examples. I’ll add them to the post, and credit you.

Ready?

Let’s go!

I persistently advocate for simplicity in slides. Don’t create handouts!

In this case the goal was to create handouts, perhaps to make it easier for audiences to consume the data by themselves. I would humbly still advocate for simplicity when it comes to data presentation.

Some of the fixes to solve for simplicity could be to use fewer sprinkles, a simpler header – graphics and text –, and we can be very selective about what’s on he slide. As you look at the slide, I’m sure you’ll come up with other ways in which we can liberate the white space for the tyranny of text/colors.

Solving for simplicity contributes to communication effectiveness. It of course reflects on your brand, and, most of all, helps you have better control over the story you are trying to tell.

For the rest of this post I’ll ignore the simplicity and storytelling elements and focus exclusively on the data itself. How, what, why and instead of.

Look at the graph above, and the little table… Ponder for a moment what you would do to close the last-mile gap and help the essential message shine through.

Here are some things that stood out for me:

1. Graphing choices can exaggerate or undersell reality.

One way to exaggerate is to start your y-axis at 40, as it the case above. The resulting line exaggerates the trend and ends up implying something that might not quite be there.

Start at zero. Please.

2. False precision can cause clutter, and undercut the Analyst’s brilliance.

This is very subtle.

You’ll notice that the numbers on the graph are expressed with one decimal point. As in 47.7, 56.5, etc. If you pause and consider how this data is collected, via a small triple digit sample self-reported survey results, you’ll quickly realize that the error range in this data is likely a few points. If that’s true, showing the .6, .5 is implying a precision that simply does not exist.

Besides, this false precision also clutters the graph.

3. Remove the distractions, ruthlessly.

In an 11-year span, each data point is a lot less important than the trend. Do you need the dots on the graph? Do you even need the numbers for the individual months?

When it comes to closing the last-mile gap it is helpful to have a ruthless streak. It is helpful because in service of our ultimate objective, you’ll have to kill some of your favorite things, you’ll have push back against your boss/peers who might love clutter, and you might have to help change an entire culture. Hard, painful, work. But, immensely worth it.

Here’s an alternative way to present the data, using nothing more than the standard settings in good old Excel:

It shows the trend, simply. You can see it is up broadly over eleven years. That it was under 50 and is now close to 70.

Did you notice the trend is not as exaggerated as the original? And, still effective!

You might use a different font, perhaps have the graph be smaller, or maybe twist the month-year in the other direction. No problem. I’m confident if you apply the first three filters, whatever you create will close the last-mile gap better.

Here’s an example of doing exactly the opposite of principle #1. The y-axis is artificially set at 100%, as a result the trend is understated.

You don’t need to go this far.

Just let your favorite graphing tool auto-set the major and minor-axis, which will result in the graph looking like this…

Simple. No funny business. 

The trend stands by itself waiting your words as to why it is meaningful.

This next one is pretty interesting. My request to you is to not scroll beyond the slide. Pause. Absorb the graph. Try to understand what the author is really trying to say.

For bonus points, consider the perspective of the person reading this graph rather than the person who created it.

Read. Don’t scroll. Absorb.

How well did you understand the trend and the insight being communicated? What would you have done differently if you’d created the graph?

Here are some things that stood out for me:

4. Show as much data as is required, and no more.

The goal in the original seems to be to show top priorities for 12 months. If so, is the data for August 2017 really adding value?

Often we want to show all the data we have (after all we spent time collecting it!). In this case, it get’s in the way of understanding the 12 month shift.

5. Experiment with visualization options, even in Excel!

We have five dimensions of data, and two data points each (if you apply principle #4). We want the audience to be able to compare two data points for each dimension, and look across all five dimensions.

The bar chart is a sub-optimal way to let the audience see this. Consider experimenting with different visuals in Excel (or D3js).

I applied the radar chart to this data, and got this lovely end result…

It is ten million times easier to see the two data points for five dimensions, and realize that only two have changed.

Likewise, the overall trend also pops out at you so much easier in this case.

It would have taken ten minutes for us to explain the data and trend in the original. We can do that in five seconds now. You can use the time remaining discussing why this trend is material and what to do about it (if anything). Actually allowing data to play its natural role: Influence decisions.

This is a really nice example of a lesson that we tend to forget all the time (myself included).

You know the exercise by now. Pause, reflect on this slide, then scroll.

Here’s what stood out for me:

6. Don’t send a graphic to do a table’s job.

In this case, we are comparing two simple data points, on two dimensions (past, present). Why do we need a graph taking up all the space?

Why not just have a table that shows previous 12 months as 7.1% and a row under it with next 12 months as 8.9%?

Even better, why not just have one line of text:

Percent change in marketing budgets = +1.8 PP

Why have two fat bars?

Once you arrive at that conclusion, you’ll apply principle #4 and realize that the most interesting data on this slide is not the visual… Rather, it is the table on the top right corner of the slide.

Bada, bing, bada, boom, ten seconds later here’s your slide:

A simple table with a touch of colors that draws out the core message simply, directly and quickly.

The lighter shade for the core numbers will result in them being pushed a bit into the background. This simple choice guides the reader’s eyes gently to the delta (the most important bit).

I like playing with the borders a bit, as you see above. You might have other things you are picky about. And, that is ok. :)

To illustrate principle #6, here’s another slide where the graphic is completely unnecessary:

A tiny table with two data points will do just fine.

Here’s a bonus lesson for the analysis ninjas out there. Please don’t imply a linear trend between “current levels” and “next three years.” There is no indication that data from 2017 to 2020 is available, and it is highly unlikely that it will follow a linear trend. This is another example of breaking principle #1.

(Let’s not lose sight of the big picture: I am delighted that spending on analytics is going to increase that much! As our leaders spend this largesse, I hope that they’ll remember the 10/90 rule to ensure optimal returns. The money needs to go to you!)

This one flummoxed me.

Let’s see if you can internalize what is going on. Stare at the graph intently, seriously, and see if you get the points…

Bold items naturally catch the eye, in this case the blue bars. Most people in the western world look from left to right, that is how you’ll likely try and understand what’s going on.

Your first impression will likely be that the blue bars are showing a random trend in marketing spending.

If you are the curious type you’ll realize that is the wrong conclusion, and you’ll want to understand what’s really going on. Soon enough you’ll get to the x-axis and a carefully review will illuminate that the reason for the weirdness is the choice to show the industry names alphabetically!

7. Please, please, please keep the end-user in mind.

In this case the end-users (our senior leaders) would be primarily be interested in understanding where marketing spending is highest and lowest. This is very difficult to accomplish above.

Secondarily, they’ll want to know where they fall in context of all other industries, this is almost impossible to accomplish above.

The reason the x-axis is organized alphabetically is to allow you to look up your specific industry easily. This thought is good. My hypothesis is that it likely forms a small percent of the use cases, primarily because just knowing your spend is not that valuable. What’s valuable are the above two use cases.

Here’s what I recommend keeping front of mind: If a non-analyst is looking at the data, what uses cases form the basis of the value they’ll extract. Then, ensure the info viz is solving for that.

In this case the bars with the data seem to be randomly sorted. The visualization is getting in the way, creating a wider last-mile gap.

Luckily this is a quick fix in good old Excel. Two minutes later, you’ll have a little waterfall…

It is easy to see the outliers and the pack of eight that are close to each other (something you can’t even see in the original).

It will certainly take an extra couple of seconds to find your industry, but in service of the two bigger use cases,  it is a small price to pay.

You can play with the layout to your heart’s content. If you dislike waterfalls for some reason and prefer towers…

I like the waterfall, but this is not bad. :)

Play with the colors, drop shadows, fonts, and more. Make the graph your own. Just don’t forget to look at it through the eyes of the end user and solve for their use cases.

(Speaking of colors… I’m partial to chart styles 17 through 24 in Excel. In my work you’ll see a particular affection for style 18.)

I hate pie charts. I really do.

You can read a 506 word love-letter to my profound dislike (including a lovely exercise you can do).

Here’s the scientific reason:

Comparison by angle is significantly more difficult than by length.

That is well on display below…

The colors in the pie will catch your eye. Yet, from the sizes of the slices it is difficult to internalizes the differences between each dimension.

8. Eat Pies, Don't Share Them!

Since humans find comparing lengths much easier, it should only take a few minutes to take the data and convert the slide above into something that closes the last-mile gap efficiently.

The above slide is a good example how to apply all the principles you’ve learned thus far. The question and the data are the hero, almost all by themselves. Allowing you to focus sharply on your story.

Scroll up and down and compare the two slides. You’ll see many more differences.

I’ve extoled the virtue of using a table, instead of trying to be extra sexy and throwing in a graphic.

The challenge with tables is that they can become overwhelming very quickly.

Here’s an example that illuminates that clearly.

It feels like there is a lot. It also breaks principle #2, false precision,  which makes things worse.

Considering the core message the analysis is trying to send, I believe that it is also breaking rule #4, extra perhaps unnecessary data.

9. Make your tables pop, guide the reader’s eye.

There are numerous tools available to you inside Excel to make your tables pop. I usually start by playing with the options at my disposal under Conditional Formatting.

One straight-forward option is to use Color Scales, green to yellow, to produce a simpler table that pops…

The elimination of the overall average makes the table tighter.

It is easier to look at the trend in each column. What’s even more delightful is the second use case of comparing the highs and lows across the four dimensions. So much easier.

While all the data is still there, most senior leaders want to understand trends and the contrasts. They want relative positioning, the above table does not require expending too many brain cells to get that. And, if your boss does not trust you… She still has the numbers there.

Notice the combination of fonts, colors, style treatments, in the table above. Bunch of subtle points there.

If your personal tastes are different, no problem. There are other styles you can use.

Here’s the data rendered using solid fill Data Bars���

In this case I feel data bars add clutter, but they make internalizing the trend across individual dimensions easier.

If, like me, you are biased towards radical simplicity via white space, you can keep the table. Consider applying some subtle font color treatment to create something that’s still a step change over the original…

I’ve shown the highs and lows in a way that you’ll see them quickly.

Red was chosen on purpose to emphasize that it was the most important thing from the customer’s perspective. Blue fades into the background a bit because it is the least important.

One final touch.

I felt it might be of value to see the product and services dimensions together, comparing them across B2B and B2C.

Here’s that version…

There’s a little air gap in the table to emphasize the two comparisons are different. You can usually use visual cues like these to help the consumers of your analysis.

We disagree on a whole lot of subjects in our country these days, but the one thing we can all agree on is that the human attention span is probably ten micro-seconds.

Add to that short attention span the fact that each executive has 18 other urgent things taking up their brain cells. As if all that was not hard enough, while you are presenting they are also likely on their phone or laptop.

Persuading anyone in these circumstances is a herculean task.

With that context in mind, how many leaders do you think will understand what’s going on here…

4 dimensions x 5 time periods x crazy swings = Ouch!

For bonus points, notice the randomness in the x-axis. It jumps from 2014 to 2017 without any visible explanation. To make things worse, look at the trend lines – they connect the two data points to imply a trend between 2015, 2016 that may or may not exist.

For even more bonus points, notice that there are four Februaries and as if it is no big deal an August is thrown in randomly.

Ouch. Ouch.

These might seem like small issues, but I assure you that you’ll instantly lose credibility with any intelligent leader in the room. They won’t raise their hand and start to berate you. They’ll quietly make a mental note about you, and then not pay any attention to anything you are saying.

There’s an even more important principle to learn from this visual…

10. Let the higher order bit be your anchor.

It can be difficult to figure out how to go from the complex to the simple.  My recommendation is to start with the most important thing you are trying to say.

In this instance the goal is to illuminate the percent change in marketing knowledge in the next 12 months. So, are the rest of the data points necessary and of value?

In service of the higher order bit, I would argue that we can also get rid of the two Februaries and the lonely August. (Though I sincerely respect the effort it took to get those data points.)

With those decisions we are left with just two data points. We can move to a simple table and close the last-mile gap by creating this slide…

Simpler, right?

We can do one better.

If the objective is to just show the change, we can just show the percentage change.

The colors help focus the attention even more.

To see the dramatic change, scroll back up and look at the original and then come back here. Incredible, right?

It might seem that this is hard work that takes time. It does take more time. But, it is not in the ink rather it is in the think. Discussing, debating, really thinking through what we are trying to communicate. The visualizing part takes a lot less time.

The biggest problem with this type of analysis, compiled into 95 slides, is that it never answers the question why?

Take this slide as an example. It shares a very positive view of analytics…

The slide breaks all ten principles we’ve discussed in this post, but beyond that there is a bigger problem here.

11. Why. Your job is to answer why!

Your first instinct is the marvel at the shift (all blues are up!), and reflect on how this graph is long-term job security for everyone who reads this blog.  But, you’re an Analyst and that good feeling won’t last.

Your mind quickly goes to… Why? What is causing this shift?

Look at Mining/Construction, 60 percent points of change. OMG! Why?

The entity creating this report sadly never answers any why question anywhere. Perhaps by design.

But, consider this: Data creates curiosity. If the Analyst does not satiate that curiosity via deeper analysis that explains why, the same data turns into a disappointment. It certainly drives no change.

I’ve written about this topic before, using an example from Econsultancy and Lynchpin: Smarter Survey Results and Impact: Abandon the Asker-Puker Model!

Without the why your last-mile gap is a million miles wide. If you are going to be in the data regurgitation business, please consider it your job to answer the why question. Without it all this is… fake news.

A challenge for you to tackle.

Now that you are aware of the 11 principles that aid in closing the last-mile gap, I want you to tackle something on my behalf.

I had not idea what to do with this slide… Can you create an after version?

Partly the issue is that I could not truly internalize what was being said. Partly it is that the numbers don’t really seem to change much. Partly it is because I was torn between the graphic and the table on the top right.

Regardless, I gave up. Perhaps you can teach me, and our readers, what a version with a reduced last-mile gap will look like.

Just email me your version (blog at kaushik dot net) or comment below.

Here’s a summary of the 11 principles you can use to close the last-mile gap:

01. Graphing choices can exaggerate or undersell reality. 02. False precision can cause clutter, and undercut the Analyst’s brilliance. 03. Remove the distractions, ruthlessly. 04. Show as much data as is required, and no more. 05. Experiment with visualization options, even in Excel! 06. Don’t send a graphic to do a table’s job. 07. Please, please, please keep the end-user in mind. 08. Eat Pies, Don't Share Them! 09. Make your tables pop, guide the reader’s eye. 10. Let the higher order bit be your anchor. 11. Why. Your job is to answer why!

I wish you smaller gaps and more decisions that are data-influenced.

As always, it is your turn now.

In your practice, how wide is the last-mile gap? What do you think contributes to the gap the most? Which of the above principles have you used, to good effect? Do you have a favorite principle, or five, to close the gap? If you had to kill one practice when it comes to data presentation, who would be the chosen candidate?

Please share versions of the above examples that you’ve taken a crack at fixing. And, your lessons, best practices, and as always your critique via comments below.

Thank you.

The post Closing Data's Last-Mile Gap: Visualizing For Impact! appeared first on Occam's Razor by Avinash Kaushik.

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