#. . . ima blame it on my period

[ruanais]

I feel dizzy :(

[samoankpoper21]

JJK Men When You Get Your Period

A/N Split their reaction into 3 categories: freaking out, this is nothing, and wHAT 🤣 don't know if these would be considered "canon" but it's what I think may or may not be their accurate reaction 🤣Enjoy~!!

Gojo Satoru: This dude is high key low key freaking out I'm not even joking 🤣 he's seen blood but why is it coming out of there 🤣 "Babyyyyyy," Satoru's sweet voice rang throughout your shared apartment. You exited the bedroom in your robe, Satoru's smile dropping a little. "What's wrong honey? Why aren't you dressed?" "Satoru, I don't think I can escort you to your company's all white event." "Eh? Why? What's wrong? Talk to me." "In the state I'm in I'll end up cursing the whole event." "What are you talking about? You're scaring me Y/N-chan." "Everyone knows you don't wear white, especially now." "Make it make sense." "Babe I just started my period." "O-oh...ooooooooohmygawd are you ok?! Are you hurt?! Should I call in?! Yeah ima call in." "Satoru, stop being dramatic." you chided. "Go in my stead. This is the school's founding anniversary and plus you guys are honoring those who we lost. Can you imagine how Yaga and the rest of the staff will feel knowing one of their most prominent members doesn't show up?" "But what about you?" he pouted. You grabbed his face planting a kiss on his forehead atop his blindfold. "I'll be fine love. I'm just bloated and bleeding." "You're bleeding?!" "Satoru, I swear to gawd we go through this every month."

Yuji Itadori: Much like his (adoptive) father he's freaking out too. This is uncharted territory for him. "Megumi! Have you seen Y/N?" "She went home early, said somethin' bout not feeling too good." Yuji rushed off telling Megumi to cover for him. He ran to the store and brought you a bouquet of daisies, quickly paying the cashier, and rushing to your apartment. A flurry of knocks could be heard at your door and you groaned knowing who it was. "Y/N! Y/N! Hello? Y/N!" He reminded you of a puppy, albeit an annoyingly cute one. You cracked the door and you swear you saw his eyes light up with stars. "Y/N!" He quickly hugged you allowing himself in. "Daisies?" "Oh," he offered the bouquet towards you. "These are for you." You chuckle. "Yuji, I'm not dead, though I do feel like I'm dying." "Huh? What's going on Y/N-chan? Are you alright? Do you need to go the hospital? Where does it hurt? On a scale of 1-10 how bad is your pain level?" "Yuji," you chuckle again. "Calm down. My period started today." "Eh?" you kissed his cheek reassuring him. "Don't worry I'm not gong to die off of a little bit of blood." "Little blood?!" "Yuji I bleed from my vagina once a month." "Oh," he blushes at how you can nonchalantly refer to your genitalia. To this day he still blushes when you say dick. "Lay with me? I need your warmth as my personal heating pad."

Yuta Okkotsu: He wouldn't freak out per se but he is a bit confused as to what to do. He'll try to help you out as best as he could while trying to keep Rika at bay 😅 "Rika-chan, please!" "I swear to gawd Yuta if you don't get her out of here I'll make her disappear for you." Your patience was at an all time low as the pain from your cramps intensified. It didn't help that your boyfriend was low key clueless so he thought it was a bright idea to summon his former lover to 'help' him. You couldn't blame him though, he isolated himself growing up so obviously he missed out on 'the talk'. You took a deep breath and ask through gritted teeth, "Rika dear, be a doll and give us a second hm?" She looked to Yuta and he nodded, you letting out the breath you were holding. "I don't understand-" "Yuta-kun, please. Let me say this first. I don't blame you for not knowing what do with these situations due to your upbringing but I've said this before: this is normal. To bleed every month. It lets us women know that 1) we are not pregnant and 2) prepares us for the pains of child birth." A blush spread across his face. "O-oh, is that so?" "Yes and I would appreciate it if you asked me instead of relying on Rika. Part of being on my period means I'll be experiencing mood swings like now and weird cravings. I'm your girlfriend Yuta. I'm in the here and now." "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was like that." "It's ok." A moment of silence passed when he asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?" "Get me a pint of rocky road ice cream and we'll call it even."

Toge Inumaki: This poor baby would low key be freaking out 😅 he understands that you're bound to be in pain once a month but he still can't help but fret around 😅 "Mustard leaf! Mustard leaf!" "I'm fine Toge-kun. You don't have to worry. This is normal hunn'." "Bonito flakes!" "Toge-kun this. is. normal." "Salmon roe." You chuckled grabbing his face planting a kiss on his forehead. "Baby, the pain is nothing. It's just preparing me in the event that we have kids." His eyes grew big as he shyly says, "Salmon." You chuckled again kissing his forehead.

Kento Nanami: This man is a GOD SEND 😭 you want ice cream? He'll get it for you. Need a heating pad? Say less. This man is literally attentive to your needs especially when it's that time of month for you - he's those boyfriends that'll have a basket full of your favorite snacks ready for you 😭❤️ You walked into your shared apartment, body feeling heavy. Today was a long day at work and it doesn't help that you were on your period. You dropped your keys in the tray setting your purse down when you realized the scented candles, lights dim. "Baby?" Kento came around the corner mixing chocolate chip cookie dough in a bowl, your heart swelling at the image of him still in his dress shirt apron thrown over. "Hey love. Go ahead and take a bath. I ran the water so by the time your're done the cookies should be ready." You could feel your lips trembling as you walked to him enveloping him in a back hug. "Honey?" "You're such a blessing to me you know that? Too good for me." He turned around hugging you to him kissing your forehead. "I love you." "I love you too."

Megumi Fushiguro: This is nothing new to him, he's had to deal with Tsumiki when it was her time of the month. I feel like Megumi would be the one to get the sanitary napkins for you, no shame in his game 🤭 2 girls passed by whispering about how good looking Megumi is, Megumi not paying them any mind. He stood there pondering between the boxes of super tampons or ultra. "Would you like some help?" One of the girls offered. "No thank you. These are for my girlfriend." "Lucky girl." She purred as she moved closer. Megumi stepped back shoving the box of assorted pack in her face. "Thanks but I've found what I've been looking for."

Geto Suguru: Unlike his husbando counterpart Satoru, Suguru handles you with ease. He pries into your feelings trying to understand what it is that makes you tick during the time of the month and tries to help out as best as he could. A warm hand on your forehead rouses you from your sleep. You peel your eyes open to see your boyfriend. "Suguru?" "Hi love." he whispers. "How long was I out for?" "Couple hours," You try to sit up but wince at the pain in your lower abdomen. "You need another heating pad?" "No thank you." You look at your boyfriend small pools of tears welling at the corners of your eyes. "What's wrong love?" "I'm just-you're so good to me thank you, especially when my emotions are all over the place during the time of the month." Shushing you, he kissed your forehead gently reassuring, "Of course love. I'll always be here for you."

Ryomen Sukuna: This dude is a little shit ngl 🤣 when you're on your period he calls it your devil week because apparently that's when you act out 🙄 The King of Curses is usually never afraid of anything unless it's you on your period; he gets the concept of it and tries to steer away from you. There are a few times where he teases you about being on your period but he knows it never ends well 😅 You have a condition called menorrhagia so when you bleed you bleeeed. You had just got through changing out your pad for the 4th time within the last hour and a half when Sukuna snarkily remarks, "I've seen way more blood than that. What you got going on is nothing." You fling the used pad at his head. "What the hell Y/N!" "You see those clumps of jelly? That's my blood coming out of this vagina. Wanna know the worst part? Those jelly like clumps are blood clots, so don't you DARE FUCKING TALK TO ME ABOUT HOW LITTLE MY BLOOD IS BECAUSE GOT DAMN IT SUKUNA I WILL BLEED ALL OVER YOU IF I HAVE TO! "Ok ok chill it with the theatrics." "I swear to gawd Sukuna I will kill you with my own bare hands so help me God. If I can't kill you with these hands I will pour some holy water down your throat" "On that note let me go buy your favorite ice cream."

Choso: Choso is practically a blood bender 🤣 nah but in all seriousness when it's that time of month for you Choso is just 😅 his reaction is just 🤦🏽‍♀️ You groaned at how heavy your flow was. You were changing your pad while your boyfriend Choso was stepping out the shower glancing at your full one. "Ew babe, don't look at it. It's gross." "That's a lot of blood." "I know it's so annoying. Like how the hell am I bleeding this much and I'm still living and breathing!" "I can manipulate it you know, make it go back in thinner or something." "What?!" "Huh?"

Toji Fushiguro: I know there are some sharks out there and Toji is one of them 🤧 I don't know what it is about that time of month but it makes him twice as horny for you. Toji sniffed the air closing his eyes, inhaling deeply at your scent. He knew that it was that time of month for you. You were laying in bed when you felt your feet being dragged to the edge of the bed. "Toji!" you squealed. "I need you." "Babe," you tried pushing him away as he began leaving hickies on your neck. "I-ngh-I'm on my period right now." "I know." You grabbed his face asking, "Are you sure?! You're not going to be grossed out by all the blood??" "The fuck? Hell no. Besides I know you get just as horny as I do." You paused. Well there's no denying that. "Don't worry I bought the dark towels."

[generouskittentidalwave]

Talking about Odysseus after disappearing for months

Ah greek mythos tumblr, one of my first tumblr stomping grounds. Alright ima make this short and sweet on my current thoughts on Odysseus

Ancient greek Odysseus is such a fun character and one of my fav ancient greek heroes that I've studied so hard I know things about him by heart. However it's hard to outwardly enjoy his character with the public as ppl either take things heavily out of context because they don't know ancient Greek and translations suck, and they read stuff about him also heavily taken out of context by those same ppl that paint him as an asshole, abusive, aggressive, womanizer who cheated, which none of these are true, and the asshole part is only half true as it could be seen as an asshole by our standards but back then he was genuinely a good sane guy with the hubris the size of an ox and heavily undiagnosed adhd. Or they see Odysseus as one character which a lot of ppl, even ppl who love his character, do so they claim everything the character has ever done to being one person, both good and bad, when that is furtherest from the truth.

In reality Odysseus is not one single person and never has been. Homer did not create his character, he created an adapted and revised version of his character that many have created before he came along and many have created after him. Even non Greeks created stories about him. The story about Odysseus leaving that one guy on the island? Yeah never actually happened in greek terms, in reality Odysseus wasn't actually there in the story at all and didn't do or say much of anything other than "🕴" the whole time, yet because of that one story ppl blame him for being the main cause of it anyway. Odysseus has never been and never will be one person, you basically find a variation of him that you like and enjoy it and add bits from other stories to it and boom there ya go, enjoy it. That's how it works and always has worked for centuries.

And Odysseus is being brought back and rewritten all over again in our modern era via Epic the musical by taking a character that was created beforehand and adapting and revising said character, just like homer once did, and so did the others before them. And in the future ppl may question the morals of said musical and make another Odysseus to fit their modern time. It's an endless cycle that will repeat itself forever.

If you were to ask me who my favorite Odysseus is? The Odysseus in EPIC the musical while adding a few bits of the Iliad here and there (hoping he makes an Iliad musical one day), it's the one I grew most attached to and love as an adaption. Ancient Odysseus is an amazing one but Modern Odysseus is my personal favorite.

So enjoy your variation of Odysseus and have fun with it as long as you stay respectful to the greek culture and it's original source (aka don't make Odysseus a horrible man and his two rapists girlbosses and label him a cheater, that shit AIN'T flying around here. Period.)

And I hope you all have an amazing day and night! ^^

[readingwriter92]

Am I super stressed bc I make bad decisions ? Hecky yeah

Am I still gunna take a ten min break before finishing this thing bc I have been working for like. Three hours and I have zero attention span rn? Yeeeeee

[haaarry]

Idk about y’all, but I’m STILL horny from last night

[litheriel]

sighhh I currently feel extremely useless at work.. it’s like I can’t even do a simple task without help and that’s-- so very frustrating and demotivating

[phoenix-downer]

I was wondering if you saw the official Melody of Memory announcement trailer with the subtitles added. There seems to be a controversy on how the localization team changes Kairis words from "because I wasn't strong enough" to "because of what you've done" I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Do you think this changes Kairi's character or is it not a huge thing?

Thanks for the ask! 

Spoiler alert: taking a look at it, I think the fan translations are technically correct about Kairi blaming her lack of strength for Sora and the others getting hurt, because she does, but the official localization team better captures the overall meaning of what she says, because she also blames the hooded figure for her fate being messed with, which presumably led to her lack of strength in the first place. I’m basing my reasoning on how the scope of certain grammar patterns she’s using probably impact the meaning of what she’s saying.

Looking at the Japanese version in more detail...

(This transcription is done by me, so the commas and periods are just guesses, and the Japanese version of KH doesn’t really use periods that much anyway, they’re more for my convenience. Usual disclaimer applies about how there are still things I don’t know about Japanese and my language and translation skills are a work in progress, etc.)

 JP: あなたのせいで、私の運命は運動され、私の力が足りないせいで、みんなや、ソラが傷ついた。今、目の前にあなたは、たとえ記憶や幻あても、私はあなたを許さない。

Romaji: Anata no seide, watashi no unmei wa undōsare, watashi no chikara ga tarinai seide, minna ya, Sora ga kizu tsuita. Ima, me no mae ni anata wa, tatoe kioku ya maborshi atemo, watashi wa anata o yurusanai. 

EN: You’re the one who keeps messing with my fate. If it weren’t for what you’ve done, then Sora and everyone would be safe. Even if you’re not really here and this is just a memory or an illusion... I won’t let you walk away! 

TN: Because of you, my fate keeps getting messed with. (And because of you), my power isn’t strong enough, (and because my power isn’t strong enough), Sora and everyone else got hurt. Now, you’re in front of me, and even if it’s just a memory or an illusion... I won’t let you get away! 

Notes: Kairi starts out the whole thing by resting the blame on the hooded figure with the grammar form ~seide. This is used to indicate something or someone has caused a negative result. It’s a means of placing blame for something that happened and pointing to someone or something as the cause. A different phrase is used to give credit for something good that’s happened, ~okagede. Both of these words are covered by English words or phrases such as “because of~” or “thanks to~,” and we rely on tone of voice and intonation to differentiate between “good cause” and “bad cause.” Unless, of course, we choose to use something else (like the phrase “It’s your fault,” which is only has the “bad cause” meaning) to make that more clear in the semantics of the word. 

Because Kairi uses anata no seide to blame the hooded figure (who she refers to as “you” or anata at the very beginning of her speech for all the things she lists off afterwards, it sounds to me like the blame for all the things she lists afterwards falls on the hooded figure. That’s what the official localization captures that some of the fan translations did not. 

I think that the way that the “my fate keeps getting messed with” part ends also indicates that what comes next is linked to it, and thus the hooded figure is responsible for it, too. Why? Well, because the verb the official localization translates as “mess with” ends on sare, which is the stem form of the passive form of the verb “do.” Why Kairi uses the stem form of sareru instead of the te-form sarete, which would normally be used for connecting sentences or phrases, I’m not sure, but IIRC the stem form can also be used to link sentences and phrases together. The stem form also sounds more formal to me, so maybe that’s why Kairi uses it? To give her that “princess” air, and because she’s generally pretty polite (though here she’s using casual verb endings and not formal ones). Don’t take my word for it though, as much as the social aspects of language are my favorite, they’re also the easiest for me to mess up because they’re the kind of thing you generally need to engage in lots of real world conversations involving the specific piece of grammar in question to pick up on.

Also, the compound that the official localization translated as “keeps messing with” is literally “is moved,” but we don’t say people’s fates are moved in English, it’s not the right collocation (which means the set of words that normally combine together), so that’s why there’s a discrepancy there with some of the fan translations as well. 

Anyway, the next part, which has Kairi blaming herself for being too weak, is something like, “Because my power is insufficient...” in Japanese, with the grammar form ~seide being used to blame her insufficient strength on Sora and the others getting hurt. However, remember what I said earlier about scope? While it’s true Kairi blames her insufficient power on Sora and the others getting hurt, I believe this still falls under the scope of the hooded figure’s fault. She wouldn’t have been too weak if it weren’t for the hooded figure messing with her fate, in other words. 

That’s what’s captured in the official localization that’s missing in some of the fan translations. Now, it’s true that the official localization does not spell out in the grammar that Kairi blames the hooded figure overall for everything AND blames her insufficient strength for leading to Sora and the others getting hurt. However, this might not be the final translation, and even if it is, it’s not really inaccurate or anything, especially when you look at the original Japanese version. And they may be able to make up the “lost” meaning of Kairi blaming her insufficient strength in other ways, like with the tone and intonation of Kairi’s English line delivery. 

The last point of contention I’ve seen is the very last thing Kairi says, “I won’t let you walk away!” When you walk away, you don’t hear me say, please, oh baby, don’t go, anyone? Putting on my tinfoil hat, I’m gonna laugh if this is some A+ foreshadowing from the localization team about the identity of the hooded figure... Anyway, people have been wondering how fan translations could come up with things like “I’ll never forgive you!” when the official localization has  “I won’t let you walk away!” 

It all comes down to the verb used, which is yurusu. Yurusu can mean many things. It’s a very flexible verb. I’m gonna copy several of its possible meanings from jisho.org to give you an idea of its range: 

Now, while it’s true that the negative form, yurusanai, which is what Kairi uses here, tends to be used in anime a lot for characters to scream at their enemies about how they won’t forgive them, that’s not the only possible meaning of yurusanai. 

Notice how the official localization uses something close to meaning #3, to release, to let off. An important part of localization is context, and the official localization team looked at the entire context of the sentence and decided that this was the meaning that most closely matched the situation. I am nowhere near their level, so I trust what they went with and defer to their expertise. 

Plus, it makes sense, you know? Right before this, Kairi says the part about  how even if this is just a memory or an illusion, she’ll... When you think about it, it makes sense that she wouldn’t want the figure that’s messed with her fate so much to get away, so that’s why she says she won’t let the person walk away in the official localization. 

(Also, just an interesting side note, Kairi uses pronouns a lot in this speech. The norm for Japanese conversation is to drop pronouns when they’re understood from context, which is different from English, where we need to use them most of the time with some exceptions. If my hunch is right, she’s stressing the pronouns so much in the Japanese version because she wants to clearly demarcate herself from the person she’s addressing, to draw a “me vs. you” line in the sand. She means serious business and these are her fighting words, basically.)

Hope that answers your question!

[throwdacheese]

Anne with an E rant

I got really bored one day and thought hUh you know what ima pick a random show on netflix and stick with it. That show was ‘Anne with an E.’ I would have never chosen to watch it voluntarily but gee golly am I glad I watched it because that show truly blew my mind. That show was so captivating and genuine and just so filled with heart that I forget that I’m watching a show and not just observing the true lives of families in the 1800s. I’ve never watched a show so...authentic. Most shows like to include modern “issues” or diversity in their shows, but they do it in a way that feels forced, like they’re just appealing to the current interests or current beliefs of their audience. But AWAE addresses so many problems and issues fitting to the show’s time period and somewhat still to today. They do it so naturally and beautifully that it’s not all up in your face like “Oh YEAH HERE’s FEMINISM!!! FEMinISM HAVE YOU HEARD OF IT??? EQUALITY-“ no. That show expresses and teaches so many valuable lessons. Netflix has so many shows full of unnecessary nudity or whatsoever, and not enough heartfelt shows that could teach many people and contribute to the improvement of society. How often can you say a tv show has inspired you to achieve so much more in your life? Taught you life lessons applicable to yourselves? Addressed issues such as racism or discrimination? Taught you love and compassion and self-worth? That show makes YOU, yourself, feel loved through a screen. You can feel the warmth of Anne’s family, the warmth of her friendships, and small interactions between each character. It’s a small town, and it truly feels like one and as if they were a true community. Each storyline, whether the main protagonists or side characters, feels like it really natters and not just random filler. You’re hooked by everyone. Even the unfriendly ones. With each characters’ death, you genuinely sympathize. That show portrays happiness that is so contagious and comforting to its audience. When the Cuthberts welcomed Anne, when Bash and Mary welcomed Elijah and Delphine, when Aunt Jo welcomed Cole, when Anne welcomed Ka’kwet, and so many other moments— they all showed you joy. It doesn’t have to tell you the potency of love. It just shows it. You FEEL it. It teaches the audience of any age unconditional compassion for others. It shows that love isn’t always so clear and bright and bubbly all the time. Sometimes people who love each other have their quarrels and disagreements. They have misunderstandings. Or relationships between parents and their children and how love sometimes can be expressed differently from what’s expected or desired. I could go on and on about this show and why it is so important, but in generalization, it is an. Amazing. Wonderful. Heartfelt. Show. It might not follow the original Anne of Green Gables as much, but the changes made to it still kept elements of its origin and made it so real. As if they were real. And that kind of show is very, very rare to make and to find. Cancelling this show is a bad move on Netflix’s part as they’d rather continue shows of common themes of unnecessary nudity and fruitless plots. There are so many shows based around teenagers and high school and they’re all about sex and other reckless activities but AWAE shows students in such an innocent and encouraging way. They are hilariously curious and naive! If the show was not as successful as they expected, their terrible promotion (or lack thereof) of the show can be blamed. I haven’t even heard of this show until I dug through the lists on Netflix. Good shows with good messages— LITERAL ART— should not be oppressed!!! This show had me bawl and laugh and feel all kinds of things and many of us wish I could have more of it. For now that’s all I gotta say.

[gamergirluprising]

Alastor’s Possible Backstory, Emotional, And Mental State.

Okay, so, I find Alastor from Hazbin Hotel one of the few characters that interest me due to his sheer mysterious aura. He has a lot of secrets and I’d like to dissect this man down to his mannerisms, his beliefs, his (low-key/high-key?) pessimistic view of life, and his use of voodoo. I personally am not a fan of the said show since it’s pretty vulgar and hasn’t caught my attention due to the possible problems I see in the show (Why the heck did the God in this universe allow a hierarchy to take place AND give people superpowers by turning them into magical animals and such? Why did he even make a Hell?) 

But anyway, I’m not here to discuss my likes and dislikes about the show, I'm here to discuss the Radio Demon and what could have possibly happened in his life as a child to start this craziness and explain his complex personality, mental state, and emotional state. Alrighty with that being said, LET’S DISSECT!

ＭＥＮＴＡ L~𝓔𝓜𝓞𝓣𝓘𝓞𝓝𝓐𝓛 ~BEGINNING

Dude’s got a mental problem fam, and I'm not saying this just cause this man’s teeth are as yellow as Bill Cipher’s entire existence. No, no, no this man is crazy for not just his unhinged need to see other’s fail and to have utter and complete control(Will tackle later) he’s crazy for his huge narcissistic behavior. Dude, Honestly thinks he’s better than everyone and ONLY allows those he thinks are worthy into his “friend” circle. I quote friend because I’m not too sure how exactly and deeply he feels about Rosie aside from their relationship being like Jack and Mary from Mary Poppins Returns, as stated by Vivzie on twitter. He finds those who don’t always smile as people who are WEAK and LAUGHABLE and regardless of how they are, he still finds them to be weak, which BY GOD is such a flawed way of thinking GEEZ. Now after reading about Alastor and becoming more intrigued, I decided to do research on his behavior and when and how it starts. 

𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐦 has 9 defining traits. I’ll go over a few that I’ve noticed.

1. He really thinks he’s more important than anyone else and has shown this through his mannerisms, the way he speaks, his vibe and just his general character scream “I’m better than you!”

2. HE LOVES SHOWING OFF! Dude can’t seem to get enough of the spotlight, thus why he LOVES to broadcast his carnage on the radio! Why else would he do so!? He finds constant admiration and respect when he does his “little” display of power!

3. Now, we ALL know he has done some pretty...gruesome things to claim strength and be seen as the strongest, even when there are others who are stronger he displays himself as if he is more dominating and wouldn’t waste his time with, how you say, vermin. This is evident by his response to Vox

You can find where I found this here at Faustisse’s cleanup and Inking vid of the upcoming Alastor Comic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_15UYpcWJ_Q

In case it is too hard to read due to the bad quality, Alastor is saying “Show off all that and no cattle.” which is pretty much  “all hat, no cattle” (or, alternately, “big hat, no cattle”) which refers to someone who is all talk with no action, power, or substance behind his/her words. I’d applaud this power move, and still kinda do, if it weren’t for this dudes BIG HEAD lol.

BUT, you get the point, the dude is an egomaniac! “We already knew this, I mean DUH!” you say to me pinching the bridge of your nose. “Why do you point out the obvious?!”

Well, notice how severe and prevalent these traits are. Don’t you find it odd how this dude has SEVERE megalomania? Well, I did research and found out that Narcissism has a very sad connection most of the time and affects males more than females.

at https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/causes-of-npd here’s what I found

Notice the parental factors during early childhood are all abuse-related. This could very well be one, if not the main reason, why Al is the way he is: He was abused as a child! And to make matters worse, as I was looking deeper into this, I noticed that sexual abuse is ANOTHER factor, which would explain why Alastor doesn’t like being touched without consent or by surprise but will GLADLY invade other’s personal space to feel in control (He's a hypocrite like that). Sexual assault victims ALSO don’t like being touched without consent so this just adds more proof to my claim! And serial killers tend to have a rough family life and have been molested, taken advantage of, neglected, or all of the above! 

It’s also come to my attention that Alastor enjoys talking with women more than men for 2 reasons. 1) Alastor finds it easier and more enjoyable to talk with women. 2) He finds men to be dumb brutes at least in hell.

I give COMPLETE CREDIT to @dollymoon

Thank you for the awesome amount of facts you’ve provided! RESPECT! https://www.tumblr/dollymoon

Alastor most likely has a very harsh grudge against the world due to his treatment as a young child. His abuse, and possible loss of his mother growing up, lead to him finding joy in seeing those suffer and fail EVERY SINGLE TIME! Notice the way he talks creepily to Charlie about watching sinners “Repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pits of F A I L U R E.” Look at this man’s face as he’s saying this! The man looks turned on with the VERY fact of people suffering, that’s his kink, y’all, he a damn sadist! (No, being asexual doesn’t mean you can’t have kinks, I’ve checked, lol. Got you fam.) Ima kink shame the hell out of this man (Pun-unintended) 

Ahem, anyway, this dude has got a hate boner for the world and finds relief when exacting pain on others because he feels wronged and feels the world is to blame. He does seem to acknowledge and accept that where he’s at is the end of the road for those who want to change, their chance was when they were alive, and has accepted that this is the natural order of things and they can’t fix that. I had this vibe that he must have gone to church as a kid due to his mom being religious and he loved his mom so he obeyed, Has been stated by Faustisse that he’s a mama’s boy, BUT remember, Vivzie said anything that comes out of HER mouth is what’s canon. Unless she has already stated it as fact any other info can’t be trusted. (Even though this info is PAINSTAKINGLY clear just by him mentioning his mother’s cooking and it just makes too much sense, lol.)

So he must have grown up to be low-key violent but with manners like he practiced being slick and suave in order to trick people into trusting him so that he may kill them without getting caught, which would work perfectly with him not chasing people due to his moral code. He practiced and practiced and seeing as how he was well-off in his later years, I’d assume he started doing his radio schtick when he was in his early 20s or at the age of 18. So he began when the roaring 20s was just starting, a new beginning for him! 

Alastor's name means "he who does not forget", "avenger", "persecutor", "tormenter", "one who suffers from divine vengeance".

(This also makes me think his real name is Alexander/Alexandre since it's the exact opposite of his Hell-Name and more interestingly, in terms of name-giving traditions, between the latter half of the Spanish period (1790-1803) and the beginning of Jim Crow Segregation (1893-1964), gallicized names of classical Greek and Roman origins dominated in Loiusiana. This may be due, in whole, or in part, to the fact that New Orleans had North America’s (excluding Central America and the Caribbean) first Opera Houses and Theatres, owned, frequented and operated by Creoles from Louisiana, Cuba and Saint-Domingue/Haiti. Adonis is my second choice since It literally means "handsome man" and that would totally fit him for his handsomeness to the fact I feel that his mom would def name him this outside of Alexander/Alexandre.) http://www.mylhcv.com/common-creole-names-for-males/

This is a HEAVY hint to what happened in his life and why he’s so drawn to seeing people fail and helps hold my theory together quite a bit, if not a lot. Of all the names to give this dude, he was given a name that legit is on par with the word “Vengeance” and “Avenger”. Vengeance for what? Avenge who? He was wronged. He possibly is angered also by the death of his mother, who was most likely his ONLY ray of light. He is a broken man who most likely has insecurities, based on the info of narcissism which tells us that narcissistic people are the most insecure sorts of people. Alastor is aware of this and sees it as a weakness, something to be culled and hidden from the world never seeing the light of day. His only way of making himself feel stronger and more in control was through voodoo and cannibalism. Many Cannibals believe to be the bees-knees since they go a step FURTHER into crime by devouring their victims and placing themselves into a rank different and more feared by the rest. They see that no one else would even have the balls to attempt to reach that spot, which again leads back to the way Alastor thinks. He just adds oil to the fire when doing voodoo and doing BLOOD RITUALS which you can see him doing when attacking Sir Pentious!  https://twitter.com/hntrgurl13/status/1197918059836690433?s=20

Dude has so much baggage that he hides behind a smile he thinks ALONE brings strength like niBBa are you serious? I’d like to see this man try and say that to the faces of strong people like Superman, Goku, Midoriya, Naruto, Broly, Wonder Woman, GOD. Yo even GOD shows emotions. Wanna know why these beings are strong? It ain’t just cause they smile, Nah, it’s cause they’re determined or the very literal embodiment of determination. they have a damn balance and that strength helps them smile through the pain, they don’t need to exhibit a smile to be strong cause them being themselves and having the strong mentality is what gives them strength, not a damn smile. Watch Charlie hit him with the good old reality check when the man attempts to freaking take over her joint (Both hotel and hell) and she proves strength ain’t just gained through smiling or dominating others. He high-key sounds weak for even having that mindset, only weaklings think like this. He has a very weak view of life which brought forth a monster, or should I say DEMON.

Here’s the info of him not liking being touched.

I’d also like you guys to keep in mind that Vivzie has stated that none of the characters have split personalities, proving Al knows EXACTLY what he's doing.

It’s all them but some have a DUALITY to them. As hinted at by the word "dual" within it, duality refers to having two parts, often(but not always) with opposite meanings, like the duality of good and evil. If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there's a duality. Notice how Alastor also has a duality in him. What kind tho? Remember those shadows that follow him everywhere? Yeah I'm pretty sure those shadows represents his duality in some way, shape, or form.

I also forgot to add that Masochism and Sadism both ALSO stem from the same things Narcissism does or similar things like being sexually abused as a kid. Remember not all cases are the same, I just wanted to put that out there (Not sure If Al is still a Masochist since that’s old info from him being just a deer and liked it when people tried to kill him.)

So in conclusion:

-Dude was possibly abused as a child by his Father

-he hates society/the world due to his terrible child life

-He possibly feels shame for what he has done and thus has accepted his fate

-He loves his mama and MOST LIKELY hates his father who probs is the one who did him a terrible service for just being his father growing up, this would explain his view on men as well

-He also feels shame for being so weak to even allow his father or any male figure to do what they did to him

-Man gets turned on when seeing people like sinners suffer.

KEEP. IN. MIND. None of this excuses his terrible behavior and excuses for being so power-hungry, He’s an interesting character and I love his quirks but he is by no means a victim without faults. He is a product of society and that’s sad but he needs to pay for his horrible actions. Cannibalism is going to far, using you and your victim’s blood for voodoo isn’t excusable, and just killing someone for the sake of vengeance won’t make the pain go away, so nothing he does that involves harming people is cute or a way to suppress his anger, which he’ll have to learn the hard way in this story, I bet. Hopefully, it’s done well cause he’s still very much a bad guy regardless of the fact that he is aiding charlie.

WHEW, that was a long post, one of my longest ones! I really wanted to write out my thoughts on this character cause I’m ALWAYS intrigued by the mystery characters like him withhold. They tend to have hints to their behavior and it was really fun traveling through the possibilities of his nature. I’m probably 100% wrong about all of what I said since I am still not sure about everything and I researched as much as I could. I wouldn’t have had such an easy time if it wasn’t for @dollymoon and their amazing efforts to inform the community, y’all crazy but y’all dedicated so respect. I am not part of the community so I wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint all the info and more. So this is my piece on Alastor the Radio Demon, a.k.a dude who looks like he’s taken ecstasy. 

P.S

-Why is this man wearing a torn up and ragged jacket when he can easily make himself a better freaking jacket? The man wore a one that was fresh as hell during his reprise, so what gives?! and why in God’s name is his damn teeth yellow? How you gonna say “You're never fully dressed without a smile” but got on one of the dirtiest smiles I’ve ever freaking seen? I'd rather not smile and be strong than to wear my clothes at its dirtiest(his smile I mean). Ain’t no way in the fresh hell would I invite an edgy radioman, who I know does voodoo, into my damn house, I am too black/Haitian for that bull.

-Y’all finna tell me why y’all falling for a man who canonically has stank breathe...?

At least clean his damn teeth and give him a mint first, D A M N people!

again, thank you very much @dollymoon

but yeah, that’s my theory y’all, hope you enjoy and sorry for the constant repetition in here! DISSECTION OVER. . .

[finnwolfhard7137]

The Art of Falling in Love-Finn Wolfhard × Reader

Chapter Three is here...

Chapter Four: Paradise

Word Count 2.4k

Warnings: some fluff

_____________________________________

Oakes wakes you and Miles up by shaking the both of you like rag dolls.

Oakes "GUYS!" 

"Huh? What's going on?" You look at Finn who is still behind you and he is laughing his ass off.

Finn "We literally just slept outside all night." You face-palm and laugh.

Oakes "Not going to lie...that's fucking goals." Finn laughed even harder and pulled you tighter into his side.

Oakes "Did you guys not go into your trailers all night?"

You both "No."

Finn "I honestly didn't wake up at all last night."

"Neither did I and I always wake up at least once during the night-"

Finn "Me too."

Oakes "Well, you two lovebirds...it's 6:30, let's eat before we have to film." You both agree and get off of the ground.

"Shit...I got your hoodie dirty." You look at the sleeves and sigh.

Finn "Don't worry about it, I can wash it. I wouldn't change anything about last night for the world." You blush and lean into him. You spot Oakes chuckle at you two, to which you kiddingly flip him off. He repays the favor and you both just laugh like three children. 

You get taken into your trailer first for makeup and hair because you take the longest to get done, Finn and Oakes just relaxed while you were gone. Oakes noticed that Finn watched as you left and hit him on the shoulder.

Finn "What?!"

Oakes "You love her don't you?"

Finn "I sure as hell like her. What's not to like?"

Oakes "She is pretty great, you two look good together."

Finn "I haven't asked her yet, Oakes. I don't wanna rush her into anything."

Oakes "I think that she likes you too, Finn. If that is what you are worried about, you are crazy."

Finn "I just don't want to mess anything up with her, she isn't like anyone I have ever met, she is like...perfect! Y/n is like the girl that I have always imagined being with..I don't know how to explain it-"

Oakes "I know what you mean dude. You don't need to explain it, I totally get it."

Finn simply nods and takes a drink of his water.

Oakes "Just ask her dude, she's gonna say yes."

Finn "I will eventually, Oakes." Oakes rolls his eyes and he punches him in the arm and starts to laugh, "You are so pushy!" 

Oakes "Hey, I just support it! My two best friend's together...like fuck yeah I want it to happen!"

Finn "Thank you, that means a lot. I want to ask her properly...maybe I'll take her somewhere beautiful, other than the desert. Make it memorable, ya know."

Oakes "Yeah, that would be good." They continued to talk until it was their turn to get ready for the day. When you came out, Finn was walking towards his trailer which happened to be right next to yours and winks at you. You almost trip on the last step because he is just so damn cute.

…

You read your script and today, you go to school with Oakes and Boris: He doesn't leave yours and Oakes' side the whole school day, he rides with you on the bus and afterwards, you and Oakes go to his house. It sounds really fun from how the script put it so today is going to be exciting. When he comes out of his trailer, he is wearing a black blazer with a skateboarding graphic t-shirt. He honestly looks so good that you almost drool! You look away so that you don't get caught staring, in a few moments you feel his arms wrap around your neck, across your chest in a warm embrace. You can't help but smile and grab his arm in acceptance.

Finn "Well don't you look beautiful!"

"I have this stupid prosthetic on..how can I be beautiful?"

Finn "You are! Makeup, no makeup..prosthetic or no prosthetic. And hey, you won't have to wear it the whole time." 

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to future scenes.." he let go of you and crouches down in front of you and smiles. "What?"

Finn "Stop..just stop being self conscious, you are fucking perfect so stop." You smile and pull him up to you to give him a hug. You want to do more but you want him to make the first move...obviously. He hugs you tighter and you just melt. 

__________________________________

John "Action!" 

Theo "Boris, Pippa is going to join us today."

Boris "Is she really? Excellent!"

Theo "Yeah but she's worried about ya know...getting bullied."

Boris "I like her, I won't let them pick on her. She cannot help it." You come into the view and Finn smiles down at you. 

"Hey Boris."

Boris "Hey! You've been good, yes?"

"Yes." 

Theo "Come on, we are gonna be late to first period." When you get in the classroom, the classroom stared at your head. Some girls were even laughing. Boris noticed and got in front of you.

Boris "You got a problem, ay?! This woman survived a fucking bombing, show her some respect." The girls immediately started to apologize. All you were told to do was shake your head and take a seat next to Finn which you do. 

"Thank you."

Boris "Of course." Theo looked behind him and saw you two talking and gave Boris a smile like, thank you. 

John "Cut! Perfect guys." You immediately go back to your normal self as soon as he yelled 'cut' and took a deep breath. Growing up as a kid, you used to get bullied so to have to reenact what you really had to go through, was rough mentally. 

Finn "I almost lost my shit…"

"Oh really?"

Finn "Yeah, I hate bullies."

"Me too, but thankfully it's just for the movie." He agreed but before he could say anything, John yelled 'action'.

….

The school day is over and you all get on the same bus. Finn and Oakes sit next to each other and you sit by yourself on the next row.

Boris "Did you enjoy school today?"

"Kinda."

Theo "Well you did good for your first day back, Pippa."

"Thanks-"

Boris "How about you both come over my house? I have drinks."

Theo "Drinks?"

Boris "Yeah, I have beer at my house. You two should come over."

Theo "Do you want too?"

"Yeah, I don't mind."

Boris "Good. Hey, I didn't tell you earlier but um, I think that you look very pretty today Pippa."

"R-really?"

Boris "Of course." Theo nudges him so hard that he almost fell off of his seat, he immediately shoved him back but even harder. Earning a laugh from you, making Oakes look at you with a shock on his face.

Theo "Y-you laughed!"

Boris "So? Everyone laughs."

Theo "No...you don't get it. Pippa hasn't laughed since the bombing." Finn looks over at you and smiles from ear to ear, making you happy. 

"You guys make me happy. No one else does." Finn grabbed your hand from across the aisle. You don't remember that being in the script but you really don't care. 

John "Cut." The school bus stops and you all get out of the bus. 

John "Lunch break guys, you did good."

"Can I get the prosthetic off? It is starting to hurt."

John "Of course, Y/n. Next week, the movie skips a month in advance so you won't have to wear it anymore. Just hang in there for two more days and it'll be off for good."

"Alright, awesome. Thank you!" Finn walks up to you and kisses your forehead.

"Ima get this thing off, you can join me if you want." 

Finn "After you." 

Bill "oohh it started to come off."

...

"Is that why it started to hurt?"

Bill "yeah, the glue was pulling on your fine hairs."

Finn "Prosthetics hurt in general."

Bill "This is true. I have never had a client be excited to get them applied."

"I was on the first day, not anymore." You three laugh. 

It takes a good minute to get it all taken off and your hair fixed up. Finn didn't leave the seat next to you the whole time, he just talked to you and complimented you on today's performance so far. He has been your biggest supporter all week and it never gets old: hearing one of your idols tell you how amazing you are doing...doesn't get better in this line of work. 

Oakes comes in, "They got a whole buffet...you guys are missing out!"

Finn looks at you so intensely that you burst out laughing. He picks you up and carries you out of the trailer, running all of the way to the free buffet. 

John "Hungry?"

Finn "uh...a little-" he says grabbing a whole plate full of food. 

Oakes "look at him, he's a freakin' giraffe! He needs his food.." Finn almost chokes on his food from laughing so hard. Finn is really tall, especially in person. 

"You aren't wrong!" He sits down and pulls you onto his lap. John and the rest of the film crew just smile at the sight. 

__________________________________

When you three got to the house, the camera's started rolling when you guys sat down in his unfilled pool with beers and cigarettes.

John "Action." 

Boris "Would you like vodka?"

You and Theo "No thanks."

Boris "My dad drinks it all the time, so much he can not feel his feet. Literally, it has a name."

"Is it just you two here?"

Boris "Yes. My mother is dead."

Theo "Mine too."

Boris "Mine was alchie...got drunk and fell out the window."

"Jesus."

Boris "Did you lose anyone...ya know. When Theo did."

"My uncle. He took me because it was for my birthday, I just wanted to see the beautiful art with him and then..well you know. It is all my fault."

Theo "Hey, it isn't your fault."

"You blame yourself too, Theo."

Boris "You both are wrong. Don't blame yourselves! You guys didn't know that that was going to happen."

"Change the subject." Finn thought for a moment.

Boris "What is your favorite art piece in the museum."

"It is a piece called The Goldfinch."

Theo "That is where I met her, we were all looking at that painting before it all happened."

Boris "Wow...All I gotta say is that I am glad that you are here, Pippa. With you and Theo here, it is a lot less lonely."

"I am glad much happier here. You wouldn't think that the desert is better than a city but it is to me. Especially now, it is much quieter."

Theo "It will be easier for you to heal."

"Yeah, hopefully."

Boris "Don't you worry, we will all get through our own struggles together."

John "And...cut! Fantastic job guys!" This scene only took one shot to master. You three high five and get undressed because that was it for the day, the rest is for Ansel and Aneurin who play Theo and Boris older in the movie.

…

Aneurin "You make my job hard, Finn...how am I supposed to top that?"

Finn "Oh you can do it, I didn't even do anything."

Aneurin "That is my point!" Ansel joins you, Finn, Aneurin and Oakes.

Ansel "You did great today guys! I'm very impressed." You all thank him. 

Oakes "What are you shooting today?"

Ansel "With Nicole..I'm visiting her after years of not seeing her."

"Oof so an emotional day?"

Ansel "Oh yeah."

Oakes "You've got this. You can cry on command."

"You can?"

Ansel "Mhm."

"If you can cry when I tell you too, I will pay you 20 bucks right now."

Ansel "You are on!"

".....Now!" Sadly..he does in seconds. 

Ansel "Pay up, Y/n!"

"Fuck you." You hand him the 20 dollar bill, laughing in defeat. You didn't know that he could cry that quickly, or that anyone could for that matter.

John "We are shooting in 5!" 

Aneurin "I'll see you guys later." The two boys left and started shooting. 

__________________________________

You three ended up watching them film: taking in their movements and the way they say some words and how they react to comments and such. 

Finn "Hey, it's getting late. Wanna go for a drive?"

"Yeah, I'm down. Oakes, you coming?"

Oakes "Nah, you guys go ahead. Have fun."

Finn smirks at you and runs to his car, opening up the door for you. 

"Where are we going?"

Finn "I know a beautiful place back here, I've been waiting for an opportunity to take you."

"Ohh I'm excited." In the drive there, you text your mother about your amazing day and sing songs with Finn. When you are with him, it is just pure happiness and bliss. You have never experienced this feeling before: crushes yes, dating yes but not actually being in love with someone completely and fully and getting that same energy in return. 

…

Finn "We are almost here. I want you to close your eyes!"

"Really?!"

Finn "Yeah, come on close em." You feel the car stop and you hear him put the gear in park. He gets out of the car and he helps you out. A few steps forward, you can feel the sand beneath your toes.

"The beach?!"

Finn "Just wait." You two walk until he stops. "Okay, open." You open to see the most beautiful sunset over the waves.

"Oh my god. It's so..beautiful."

Finn "I knew that you would love it. I remember when we all went to Chick-fil-a, you told me that you loved the beach."

"I do, it's my paradise." Finn smiles at how amazed you are at your view. But to him, you are his view. You are way more beautiful to him than the ocean. He puts his arms around your waist and watches the waves crash onto the shore with you in his arms.

To be continued...

@moriartysringtone7137 @euphoricsunflowrr @spidey-starky @tysblackswan @strangerev @keeshonds @itlittlefangirl

[crazy-bi-btch]

You Hurt Me ( Sweet Pea X Reader)

Summary: Y/N feels like the connection she and her boyfriend had has somehow disappeared just like he is from her life. She has to decide if she’s better off invisible or finally disappear 

Warnings: Angst?!? Some smut of course!!! Soft pea

Word count: 3.6k

A/n: thank you so much for being patient guys!? This took me a while bc I’ve been really busy! Also ima try to finish all my request before Monday since I start school soon! But I hope you like this one!? Request per @saltyturtlejudgepurse (some grammar and punctuation errors)

You were mad. Confused. Frustrated. This was the 2nd time pea had canceled on your plans. The first time was a decent excuse.

You waited patiently at pops in your usual booth. Pea had told you to meet up at 6 pm their so you guys could eat before he went back to work the serpents. He did seem pretty busy with them recently.You had planned a little something special for him, you had bought that cute lingerie set from VS and well you had realized how long it was since Pea and you were intimate. So you decided it was a great idea to wear it under your short tan skirt and white blouse.

So you sat there, at 6 pm, and waited 20 minutes then 30 minutes. You texted him furiously.

Y/N: Where r u???

Pea: Babe I’m sorry! Reschedule, got caught up longer than we anticipated

You left him on reading, tears ready to run down your flustered cheeks. You got up and walked out into the chilly night and drove home.

The second time he tried to reschedule was meant to be at his trailer. You were jumping up in joy when he told you it would be at his home. You had dressed in a maroon lace and pulled on a casual black wrap-around dress. You look yourself in the mirror, “I look hot as fuck!” I laughed to myself as I grabbed my keys and made my way to pea’s trailer. On the way there you felt distracted the heat between your legs growing as the thoughts of Pea’s hands on your body, his lips that you craved. Thank god you were 2 minutes away. As you make your way up the stairs you knocked twice with no answer. You huffed agitated and called Pea.

He’s probably asleep

Ring ring ring

“Hello?”

“ babe! Hey, what’s up?” You could hear his questioning voice. It made your blood boil.

“ What’s up? I’m outside your door? Where are you!” I yelled furious that he forgot.

“ holy- it was today? Oh, shit baby, I’m so sorry the boys invited me along to some drinks since we had a rough couple of -“ you were extremely angry, stomping your way to your car as you acted as you listened to his nervous ramble.

“ Sweet Pea GO FUCK YOURSELF?!” You screamed into the phone and hung up. You threw your phone at the passenger seat, sobs choking you up. You had been craving sweet pea’s affection and just support. You wanted your boyfriend back. Your phone was blowing up as you drove back home, of course of Pea. You decided to turn your phone off, you need to be alone for a bit and process everything, to make clear decisions.

You tried remembering the last time you kissed him. The thought of his lips on yours almost felt faint and like a ghost. The last time he hugged you close and you nuzzled into his chest. Your heart ached as you realized, “ how did it get this bad?”

the slight touch of his hands on your arm as he passed by you in the hallways at school

The soothing sound of his voice as he told you he would “ see you later”

The forehead kisses as he left you.

~

That night Y/N cried herself to sleep as she realized that maybe her happy ever after with Sweet Pea would end. His lifestyle has changed to the point it has affected their relationship and Pea didn’t even realize it. He was so preoccupied with serpent business that he put his only support system aside. As the sun rises Y/N woke up to the miserable feeling of having to see Sweet Pea at school. Her eyes red, swollen, and tired. No matter how much concealer she layered you could see the sadness wearing her out. You walked into school hoodie up, headphones in, you just wanted to get to 1st period without having question being thrown at me. You didn’t want to speak to Pea or even look at him. You had made your decision. If he wasn’t going to be there for you anymore, what was the point then? You were preparing yourself to end it. Suddenly you were yanked to the side, knocking your headphones out.

You met Toni’s confused expression, “ hey? What happened you’ve been MIA all day!”

“ my phone died.” I lied

“ Your phone.. Died? What is this the 19th century, you always carry your portable charger.” She stated matter-a-factly. You wanted to spill your emotions and feelings to her. Toni realized something was wrong once her friend sighed and looked at the ground.

“ What aren’t you telling me?” she implied, I couldn’t look at her or I would sob all over her and I didn’t need that attention right now. “ Please.” She whispered her hand on my arm.

“ I’m sorry.” I mumbled and walked past her leaving her concerned.

Just as I made my way up the stairs to my class I saw him. He stood tall and proud, right next to the entrance of my classroom door. His face seemed tight almost pissed. His arms crossed, the red flannel tight around his arms. His eyes wandered through the sea of students of Riverdale high.

“ Hey Y/N.” Reggie spooked me, I clutched onto my chest and Reggie stood their chuckling.

“ shit reg.” I cursed putting my attention on him, Reggie and I sit next to each other in the the 1st period. Recently since Sweat Pea and Jug had serpent business that meant I didn’t have someone to walk me to class, and since me and reg got along he decided to look after me.

“ Why are you waiting here? Let's get to class.” He ushered me but my eyes searched for Sweet pea who is still there waiting. Reggie followed my gaze and saw him.

“ Um.. did something happen?” He mumbled and walked back closer to me, my eyes filled up in tears as I remembered what happened.

Reggie pulled me into a hug, “ Hey don’t cry…” He cooed, I nodded softly but settled into his chest. Just like I use to with sweet pea. The bell rang as it signaled class has started. Students ran to and fro trying to avoid a tardy. The bell made me pry away from him. I was ready to do the hardest decision of my life. Reggie turned around to see me pass the classroom and past Pea who was obviously not looking to well since I tried to pass as quickly as possible.

But I was too slow.

“ Hey Y/n!” I heard him yelling , making me flinch and walk faster. As I tried getting away from him my eyes squinted as my thoughts ran quick just as my feet. Shoving who whoever was in my way. Then for the first time in a while, I felt a strong grip on my arm right above my elbow pulling me back, I recognized his hand immediately, his rings digging into my hoodie.

“ Why are you avoiding me?” He groaned angrily trying to look into my eyes but I refused looking at him.

“ Let me go.” I spat pry my arm away with no relief. It only made him even more mad. With his strength he pulled me up close, forcing me to look at him, both of his hands around my upper arms. I squealed as his sudden movement startled me.

“ Look at me.” He mumbled annoyed, I easily fell for his command, their i was looking into his dark eyes, the force and touch was enough for my body which had craved him for a while.

“ What the fuck is wrong-”

“ What the fuck is wrong? You want to know? Now? Go. to. Hell.” I snarled in his face, and began attempting to squirm away from him. My blood boiled, face flushed. While sweet pea felt hurt and insulted, and furious.

He shook me in anger, “ Y/N if you don’t tell me know-”

“ LET ME GO. YOU DON’T WANT ME I DON’T EITHER, ITS OVER!” I screamed in his face slapping his chest, those words gave him enough to let you go, he stood frozen with a frown on his face. I huffed rubbing my arms, and glanced at him. It was enough to make my anger disappear.

“ What?” He croaked, I fidgeted with my fingers and convinced myself to repeat myself to keep my ground. I deserved better right? But I missed him, I wanted him to hold me again. To kiss me. I couldn’t deal with this.

“ Pea I-” I started but when I saw his sad eyes and just seeing him, it made me feel like I had it all, my world was pea. Soft sobs came from me as I watched him process. “ I missed you- I NEEDED YOU, I WANTED MY BOYFRIEND!” I accused voice cracking fingers deep into his chest in frustration. His expression said everything, guilt.

“ So you can’t ask me don’t you dare ask me what is wrong with me, because-” I wiped my eyes, my vision became blurry by the minute. “ I never see you, I never can touch you anymore, how can I love someone who isn’t their?” This was the first time I saw Pea cry. It was breathtaking to say the least. His hands going through his hair trying to hide his face from me.

“ I’m sorry… shit I knew it… I fucking knew it, I was going to fuck this up!” He cried punching the lockers next to me in fury, making me flinch and sob, I wanted to hold him tell him to forget everything. I wanted to forgive him. But it hurt to much to forget.

Pea dropped to his knees and hugged my legs, crying he begged, “ Please… I’m sorry I fucked up…. I love you don’t leave me, your the best thing that happened to me.” I held in my tears and touched his head on last time.

“ I’m sorry.” I whispered as I unwrapped his arms from me, and walked away from a crying Pea.

~

It had been officially a week since I broke up with Pea, and it felt like forever. Toni had stopped by everyday to make sure I was okay. Also to convince me to rethink my decision on ending it with Pea. She had advised me that breaking up with Cheryl only made her realized how much she actually needed and loved her, and she said the makeup sex was amazing. Which made me laugh of course.

Pea wasn’t doing so well, he had completely shut down on everyone. Blamed jughead and the serpents for his misery, but of course FP sat with him told him the real reasons why. It somewhat helped but still it was hard to sleep and eat. He drank a lot and mostly alone in his room zoning out. Fangs apparently is tired of hearing his friend cry at night when he thinks he’s asleep. 

Deep down I was doing horrible too but you kept yourself busy. I caught up on reading and studying, shopping by myself. I decided to return the lingerie that I bought but it was still painful to even open the nice bag it came in.

“ Please take him back.” Toni pleaded as she was ready to leave. I looked up at her, actually pondering. She hugged me before opening the door, “ Just think about it.” with that she was gone. I slumped into my couch, watching as the sun set through the screen door. I decided to put on a movie to keep my mind focused on the movie and nothing else. It seemed like the universe was sending sign in the weirdest way, having to pick a movie right after a break up - worst decision. I went with the notebook. Halfway through the movie I heard knocking at the door. I paused it to get to the peephole.

“ Y/N!” Sweet pea pounded on the door. I gasped as I felt the door shake. Was he drunk? Was he here to yell at me? So many thoughts ran as I stared at the only thing keeping us apart.

“ Open up please!” He begged with a tremble in his voice, it sent a pain in my heart. Maybe Toni was right. I needed Pea, just as much as I needed him. “ baby.” He whimpered against the door. I set my forehead on the door eyes closed, deep down I prayed he would leave so I didn’t feel this guilt. He sounded vulnerable and broken, and I couldn’t take it.

“ I miss you… I still love you.” He sobbed as he kept knocking on my door. The stains on my cheeks said it all, I love him and god he seems so distraught from my actions. Suddenly the knocking was over and the presence on the other side seemed nonexistent. My breath was stuck in my throat as I realized, he left.

My hands instantly whipped open my door and their he was sitting on the ground where it seemed he was leaning against my door. My hands flew to my mouth in order to control myself. My heart beat increasing by the second.

Pea was on his feet instantly staring at his tired and emotional ex-girlfriend. All of a sudden he couldn’t speak. His thoughts running to fast for him to comprehend or say. His breathing heavy and panting.

I saw the dark under eyes ,and sickly pale skin in his use to be tan skin, his knuckles scarred in scabs from punching in a rage. Hair sticking to his forehead and his puffy eyes looking for any sign of forgiveness.

“ I-” He started to say eyes slightly squinted, my hand dropped down and looked pea dead in the eyes, filled with love and want.

“ I made a mistake.” I whimpered softly, his eyes went wide. “ I love you and it’s killing me Pea. Please don’t ever leave me.” I confessed as I yanked pea’s frozen body towards the entrance of the house. Our bodies inches away. Breath hitting each other’s face as we stared at each other. Admiring our flaws which seemed like a piece of art they could watch all day everyday.

“ Forgive me.” He breathed hands inching its way up my arms slowly leaving a trail of goosebumps, and up to cup my cheek. My eyes closed and leaned into his touch, I needed this for so long, his touch and love. “ Love me like you used to love me.” I sighed.

Pea’s heart broke as he heard her say those words. He was so selfish for letting this get so out of hand. He loved her so much yet he ignored the fact that love was also shown in intimacy and affection.

“ I promise I will do better I will-” My mouth immediately on his, a whimper escaping me as I felt the similar taste of him, the taste I've been craving since the day he became distant. Our bodies constantly colliding, my hands deep into his hair taking in the feeling of dried up gel under my nails and finger pads. Pea’s hands wrapped around my torso like I would disappear any moment and he wanted to make sure I wouldn’t go anywhere. The thought popped into your head ‘ You should take control since I mean you did get your heart broken’. It was risky but I knew it was needed. My hands moved down to unwrap his hands from me, which Pea groaned about into the heated make-out session. Grabbing both his wrist in each hand and placing them against the wall behind him. It shook Pea to the core that he broke the kiss.

“ What-” He started eye wide, lips bright red from the assault.

“ My rules tonight.” I whispered before giggling and running upstairs to my room waiting to hear the patter of Sweet Pea’s steps.

our embrace once again colliding as his strong arms wrapped around me and unwrapped in anticipation to rip my clothes off. My eyes closed in bliss as I felt his aggression through his movements. His lips like honey on my neck, making me moan and groan, fingers prying instantly at his jacket and shirt. I pushed him off and straight towards the bed were he plopped down with a huff. I quickly crawled over him pinning his hands above him.

He groaned loudly in annoyance, ”baby!” with the unknown courage hidden in me I spoke in a seductive voice.

” you heard me, I'm in control, ” I tsked going to the drawer and pulling out the handcuffs he got me, he used them in me once but I think it's his turn to try them out. He whined as I clipped them around his wrists, and to the dashboard.

My eyes looking deep into his as I crawled down hands slipping my shirt off to show my bare chest, pulling the loose sweatpants off leaving me sitting right above his jean covered erection. The cuffs clanked as he groaned and hissed at the teasing.

“ I swear to god.” He huffs out somewhat out of breath already. I smirked softly enjoy his embarrassed and frustrated state. Wiggling my hips against earning a whine just to rile him up more. Deep down I needed this, badly. Suddenly the burning feeling in my thong was enough to have my lips and tongue on his and hands fondling with his belt to liberate him.

” please. I will do anything.” he grunted almost in pleasurable pain as my palm dragged up against his member.

” anything ” I mumbled against his lips, his face shook as if to say yes. I yanked down the remaining clothing and let my hand around him earning a sigh and growl.

” But you don't deserve it.” I whispered then something in him clicked into beast mode because his hands yanked and clanked his hips rutting upwards looking for any friction. I sat upward hands on his heaving chest watching in disbelief, who knew I would have the baddest boy of riverdale wrapped around my finger begging for me?

” beg.”

”never!” he spat in anger, my hand inched its way to my thong and straight to where I craved it.

” what are you doing…” he trailed off eyes wide.

” well since you’re tied up, not willing to follow the rules I got to take matters into my own hands.”

My eyes closing as my fingers rubbed the right place whimpers and cries pouring out leaving Pea in a horrible state.

” OKAY OKAY PLEASE PLEASE LET ME FUCK YOU, BABY, PLEASE.” he cried out once again his hips buckled. Our mouths once again together and letting my hand guiding him in me as I pushed aside my red thong. His hips instantly shoved up sending an electrical wave through me almost knocking me out.

” oh, my PEA!” I cried out fingers scratching his chest as his face scrunched in concentration as he thrusted upwards. I went ahead and clicked the latch that kept the cuffs locked sending Pea in a frenzy. He threw the cuffs somewhere and wrapped his arms around me his upper body meeting mine our lips clashing as I wrapping my legs around his back hitting the spot instantly deep in me. I gasped against him as my hips met his.

“ PEA fuck fuck, harder please.” I cried in pleaser, his hot breath against my neck.

“ now look who’s begging.” He chuckled darkly his hand wrapping around my hair yanking it back softly leaving more access to my neck. “ shit baby I can’t believe I left you so lonely, god I forgot how this felt.”

“ shut up and fuck me!” I groaned, he hastily switched our position, my back on the mattress and the pillows around me.

” I'm so close please ahh” I cried out fisting the sheets as Pea began his quick and bruising pace.

“ Pea touch me.” I guided his hand to bundle of nerves that pleaded to be touched by someone beside myself.

God Pea loved seeing you guide him to touch your most sensitive area, the way you’re face scrunched up in pleasure his name falling out of your lips in a prayer. His thumb quick to flick and rub you right.

Your back arching and a scream erupting followed by the pumping feeling of your walls around Pea signaled him you were so close.

“ Fuck baby, cmon.”

“ I’m- oh my mmmm” incoherencies left my lips as my legs twitched, hands fisting till my knuckles turned white, and eyes closed shut. A load loan left Sweet Pea as he buried his face in my neck.

I laid their trying to catch my breath. My eyes finally opening to see Pea still in me. It almost didn’t feel real. That he was here.

“ I missed you so much.” I whimpered as silent tears fell, instantly getting Pea’s attention, his tender hands around my face.

“ Aw baby don’t cry, I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I love you.” His brown dopey eyes comforting me. I nodded in agreement and held him close.

“ you know we need to do that more often you are crazy hot when you’re in charge.” He mumbled against my hair.

I laughed in amusement,” You just do that to me.”

“ Yeah you fucking tease.” He sassed back.

[zarahvlogss]

July 1st 2020

Dear Diary,

Hehe Welcome to my Front Porch. Lmao.... Also F*******k This Fluid Retention, feels like I’m in Detention inside my BOODDDYYY. Lol??... 😟🥺😒 Anyway I’m slowly working on me, as you can see.Im hella tryna get my body snatched by the end of the year i kinda want to..........at least be closer to the 150’s lol. Which. I KNOW, I KNOW that’s CRAZY!!! Lol but wut can i say ima dreamer. Hehe..... right now i have no idea how much i weight cuze i made my mind up that i wont be weighing myself, listen 👂...... AT HOME... HOOOOOOMMMMEE. Lmao, my family member thinks ima go crazy. But when WEIGHTWatchers OPEN, I’ll be going there once a week. So ill be fine...Because when you weight yourself and rely on that number to depict how your day will go, what youll do, how youll respond to a situation. That’s being in LOCK UP.... like your locked in ur head and you cant get out or see anything past someone’s weight or how they or you look.

The scale leads to so many other issues.. definatly if your weighing yourself and on a weightloss journey with someone else whose on there’s. The comparing of two people starts, within the home.And ima say this and you might not believe me, because when i thought about it and said it too myself I thought i was FULL OF SH*****T ....BBUUUTTTT,LOSING WEIGHT WILL NOT MAKE YOU HHHHHAAAPPPYYY. THERE i said it. As a person whose second time losing weight again. I went from 195lbs to 139..... YES. I was Happy with how I felt physically, i.e my DIET. But i was also in an environment that didn’t let me EXPRESS myself, Didn’t ACCEPT me, COMPARED me, to another (**excuse me**) B*****H. I dont blame anyone because i could have left the situation before i even got hecka invested.

Point, blank, period guys. Tell people how they make you feel, and tell them to fix what they say to you. Because a HUMAN, can only take but so much before they give up on themself’s... and thats what i did during this QT..... from the end of march to now, S***t I gave up....... So i plan on going to therapy whenever i can and talking about it.......I’m done making excuses for how other people treat me. Because to be honest its not my fault nor am i going to make it MYYY, PROBLEM.....

Also I post EVERY WEDNESDAY, soooo. SAVE THE DAY/DATE??? HAHA IDK lolz

[readingwriter92]

My favourite phenomena (whatever you wanna call it) when you’re feeling sad and randomly something will happen totally by accident or unrelatedly to make you feel better.

[dearestskz-blog]

headcannon!stray kids

scenario: “can I get a SKZ reaction to their crush liking another member. If you accept this: thanks”

[a/n] i love doing these reactions! keep them coming^^ i didn’t include felix/IN because honestly 9 members is alot sksks. i’ll edit this post tomorrow and include their reactions. sorry<3 i think ima make my hc requests 4 members max. 

bangchan

 finding out that you liked hyunjin would absolutely crush him. he’d be devastated, to say the least. bangchan is the type of person to make his feelings quite obvious, but subtle at the same time. he would go out of his way to show you songs in his studio and let you know that he wanted to spend time with you. to him, actions were somewhat louder than the words he felt too overwhelmed to tell you. but the conversation you’d have in his studio that day would crush him and his emotions would be poorly masked. chan is somewhat sensitive and you’d see his lips pull into a frown and his leg bounce nervously as you spoke to him.

“what do you like about him? i mean he’s super lucky and all..i’m just curious.” 

woojin 

you knew woojin liked you, you can’t say it wasn’t obvious. he’d blush around you all the time and kind of tense up whenever you’d bring up something flirty, or sit beside him. you’d beg him to sing for you from time to time and he’d relish in those moments, loving how much you loved his voice. the validation meant the world to him. buuuuut when you told him you liked chan, he would be kind of bummed? like something in his mind would feel offended almost, but he’d still be so kind. ugh he’d still support you because to him, you being happy was his top priority.

“i’m so happy for you, i’m glad you’ve found someone you like i guess.”

lee know

minho is the cutest person ever when it comes to you. he is a lover and you can’t tell me any less. having a crush on you would be a breath of fresh air for him. you’d be his getaway, his sweet escape as corny as it sounds. seeing you was always a fun time. he’d pull you aside from the group to go on missions together and laugh at the little things. you two would giggle about almost everything. he’d think you were his soulmate and would talk to the members about you all the time. ugh it’d be such a dream. when he found out you were catching feelings for his friend, woojin, he’d be heartbroken really but i feel like he would be okay. it wouldn’t crush him as much as chan. something in his soul would find peace with the fact that he still had a chance to make you his. 

“that’s nice that you like him! also, i forgot to ask before, but do you want to see this new movie with me?”

changbin 

 changbin was lowkey hilarious when he was crushing on you. he’d tell the other members to say something cute like “you two look nice together” and then feign innocence and act all shy when he was the one who set it up the whole time. he’d be cheesy and kind of tease you here and there. he would love to flirt with you honestly, it’d be his favorite past time. but, you also knew he was very emotionally attuned and had the potential to give anybody the cold shoulder if they pissed him off. finding out that you liked felix was one of those moments. he’d definitely keep his distance, purposely being on his phone around you and talking to everyone but you. he’d be hurt but that’s his brother, and he’d think this was the best option, for the both of you. 

“that’s cool that you like him. i don’t know why you brought it up to me though.”

han 

poor baby would be so conflicted. do i go for the girl ??? do i go for my friend’s neck ??? han would be such a confused person in this context, wondering what to do. i think his conflicted state would distract him from feeling too sad over your sudden confession. he really values his brotherhood and would honestly tell himself that it was for the best that you didn’t like him that way. telling han you liked seungmin was definitely hard, and he’d be sad that you didn’t like him instead. there’d be a short period of time that he’d actually blame himself for not trying hard enough. all those times he’d compliment you were for nothing huh. did you even remember the words for which he’d built up so much courage to say to you? he’d make a joke out of it to relieve tension/awkwardness.

“wow, that’s really random. the whole time i though you were head over heels for this hot guy! haha...”

hyunjin

hyunjin having a crush on you would be so much fun. he’s going to be so adorable around you. making cute faces on purpose, knowing you’ll blush at his actions. he’d act extra cute around his members, loving the heart eyes you gave him whenever he did so. he’d laugh a lot at your jokes, really loudly too. eye contact whenever you’re telling a story, so that you know he’s all ears. hyunjin would tell jokes dramatically whenever you were around, wanting to impress you and make you laugh. but when he started hearing rumours that you wanted to ask changbin out, he felt angry. he’d be overwhelmed with hurt knowing his best friend had unintentionally taken the girl he wanted. he’d think it was unfair, after telling changbin he liked you, he saw it as a betrayal almost. they’d get into a lot more petty arguments and hyunjin would kind of give his friend the cold shoulder tbh. 

“i want to know what he did to you to make you like him this much.”

seungmin

baby is going to be so sad. seungmin and you were literally like best friends. his crush on you would make him nervous at first, but soon you’d spend so much time together. he’d love hearing you talk and would support everything you wanted to do in life tbh. you guys would prank the others and compare your master plans. when seungmin found out you liked the youngest member, I.N, he’d be heartbroken. omg poor guy. he would want to roll up in a ball and cry at your sudden confession. what did the maknae do to get you wrapped around his finger. it’d break his heart and he would kind of distance himself from everyone for a while to clear his mind. in the end, since you were his closest friend, he would encourage you to go for I.N. after all, he did tell you that he would stand behind every decision you made, didn’t he? 

“if that’s what your heart wants then i support you, you already know that.” 

[balizardsnakething]

TW DRAMA AND ME ACTING ON MY EMOTIONS CAUSE OF THIS POST 

Granted I did post this after sending her an apology and I’m glad I now have official confirmation that she has seen said apology. The very fact that I have sent an apology means that I had got over the situation and just didn’t care about it anymore. I also tagged @toomanyfamdom because we thought it was ✨funny✨ and have gotten over the situation (unlike some). 

It should also be noted that I haven’t had any contact with Maddy since everything that happened and at least had the decency to send an apology and move on. Also, for the record, I had nothing to do with that list of toxicity. That list was put together and shown to me by my friends. I then continued to FORWARD THE SAME MESSAGE to Maddy because I disagreed with the list. 

Let’s see, shall we? Up first on the list of hell that I had nothing to do with (and disagree with) there is... “inconsiderate of time zones and peoples family life.” This eventually turned out to be accurate, not just for me but for many others. Madison would organise events like DnD games at UNGODLY hours in the morning (because she is in American time zones) and when us British people were unable to turn up she would kick them from the game and then proceed to shame their character for an hour. Granted her uncle did pass (im very sorry for your loss), but that had nothing to do with anything. Many of us (including myself) helped Maddy and were there for her, and I have plenty of messages to prove it. 

ANOTHER thing to do with time is when I was added to one of the greatest Instagram group chats in the world! However, my sleep was abruptly ruined when Maddy group-called the chat at 4am because she wanted to play Minecraft with a friend. Please direct call next time... thanks. 

Whilst on the subject of time family life, one of the most memorable things this girl did was shame me and attack me on one of the discord servers we were both on. What made this even worse was that I had an audition for a London West End theatre school which had the power to change my LIFE. And Maddy knew this and also knew that it was worrying me and that I was extremely stressed about it. You may say ‘oh, it's just a coincidence’. If you believe that please explain why said post tagged everyone and was posted 5 mins before my audition. Maddy knew this would stress me out, I spoke about the audition and my ability to read into things many times before and she knew this would get to me! A lot of the things Maddy did were petty shit, but then again, that’s who she is. 

Next up is... “shows blatant favouritism.” Well, it’s no surprise Maddy has so many friends! But which ones does she actually care about? My friends and I witness this first hand on many occasions, one of which being another DnD game where she was the dungeon master. Maddy made the turn order by (and I quote’, “the order is in who I love the most.” This caused some of us to feel a little uncomfortable, but we continued until Maddy put each character on a path to different destinations and explained which each path was. By the time it got to me, my dyspraxia/dyslexia couldn't hold the information, and I asked Maddy to explain them all again. Maddy agreed and but then ended with, “You just used up you go, Charley.” I was so confused! Apparently, explanations waste a turn??? But this was fine by me until Maddy explained the destinations to another player, but this time, she let them choose where they wanted to go instead of keeping them on the bench, awaiting their turn. Maddy would also allow people to have longer goes/round claiming that there was more to their story. My turn would be around 2mins where someone else would be 5. Again, petty shit which still happens to make people upset. 

Note: It was not just me who felt this way! Many others slid into my dms because they felt upset with how Maddy treated others but not themselves. 

Up next is, “making your best friend feel like shit for making a joke”. Another reminder, this list wasn’t written by me, it was written by my friend who was watching from the outside. And this is very true. I would often make jokes with people about Donald Trump and America because their laws and president (not anymore) were stupid. This always seemed to annoy Maddy and hurt her feelings. I would often make a throwaway comment but end up feeling bad about it because Maddy would leave the call. I always felt like I was walking on thin ice with her because if I said something even remotely controversial, she would not speak to me and leave the call. This really hurt me because I cared about my friends a heck of a lot and never wanted to ruin any relationships with them. I would send countless messages to Maddy, apologising and crying to her, telling her not to be mad at me. THAT 👏🏻 IS 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 TOXIC 👏🏻 RELATIONSHIP 👏🏻 One joke shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all of a friendship,, but that is what It always felt like! Also, Maddy never specified it was a trigger until recently, and even after she did say it was a trigger, I held back so she could feel comfortable. 

The final thing is: “made you feel bad for your emotions.” Madison needs to learn that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT and that people deal with things in different ways. Not everyone is smart, sensitive or skinny like she is. Whenever anyone hurt my friends, I would lash out and act upon my emotions because I didn’t know what else to do. This is something Maddy heavily criticised me for and something that eventually resulted in me listening to high-frequency sounds so I could get rid of my emotions and feel numb. My logic was that I didn’t want to hurt anyone ever again by jumping the gun and acting upon emotion. But thanks to others, I was pulled out of that loop, and I’ve learnt to use logic and reason as well as emotion. 

As for “breaking my heart”. Yes. Our friendship ending did hurt me, a lot. Just like everything with you, it is very one-sided. I was reaching out, listening and trying to help Maddy repair relationships with people whom she’d hurt. We both said equally bad things which made the ‘relationship’ toxic, and I would just like to point out that the name, ‘evil Maddy’ is cringe and I’m ashamed I was ever friends with you considering you used that in a callout post. /hj

---------------

Sarcasm aside, ima be real here because I am not afraid to tell my side of the story. So, @ thenameisnoone / Maddy. Here is a long-ass response to the post you made about me. xx

Look, I’m not going to call you out or use Politics_notmything to cancel you because I’m not like that. I’m an actual good person who really tried with Maddy and dis my best to change myself to make her feel comfortable. I left a group chat with all my friends for a week and blamed it on ‘family issues’ because I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I made an entire Birthday PowerPoint for her, which included some of my best and favourite bootlegs. I made a genuine effort, but Maddy didn't really do anything else but tell me to “calm down” or “not throw everything away and give in to anger or despair and calm down until you can think rationally and make a logical decision”. 

And I’m glad I actually saw this because this is a classic Maddy move. She argues with people, builds up a situation then removes/blocks them, so they cant see everything she’s saying about them (i have proof of this from a server im in.) It has happened before, and she manipulated people into believing her side of the story. 

“I am allowed to block people who lie to me about serious topics even though they have trust issues which makes them unable, to tell the truth, if it hurts them. I am allowed to talk to people who blow up on me before hearing my side of things where they would have realised what they thought is wrong even though I dont get back to people until 3am and decide to leave them on delivered/read for days at a time when I am happily talking in other servers. I am allowed to block people who accuse me of shit-talking them with my friends who I introduced them to (and I never do that) when I have only defended them and said friends genuinely were being nice to them even if they have proof. I am allowed to block people. Period.” - Maddy 

And I’m not saying Maddy isn't allowed to block people. It’s a free world. Im just defending myself :) 

Granted, Maddy did defend me and say that this situation shouldn’t change anyone opinions on me, and I can say the same. Just because I had a terrible experience with Maddy, doesn’t mean she is a bad person and I encourage anyone online who loves women’s’ history and WATT to befriend her. 

But being honest, she did also call me a bitch on a Tumblr callout post, so I had to come and write this all down for safekeeping and reblogging purposes. Im not a bitch, and that is why I’m not using my following to cancel her. But anyway,  we both had some shit experiences with each other so you can read this and make up your own mind even though I did back her up with the previous call-out post, sent her my support, apologised and didn’t block her when she was at a bad time in her life or when she needed help. If anyone has a problem with me posting this, please contact me via DM. 

Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said. I’m just tired of your petty shit.

[wildflowerwlw]

someone remind me to put a page break after like the first paragraph it’s 11 pm rn and ima go to sleep remind me in like,,;; a few hours thanks lol

As long as Ella has known Delyth, Delyth has talked about people she’s interested in. It’s not anything new or exciting. But, when she talks about people she is interested in it has always been a certain type of people. Boys. Then one day, she tells Ella about someone else. A girl. As usual, Delyth moved on fairly quickly and eventually ran out of things to say and has left Ella to her thoughts. Ella is sure Delyth considers this to be comfortable silence. It’s not comfortable to Ella who’s found herself overthinking every little thing as of late.Ella is almost convinced she imagined it, but she hasn’t. It was the same stuff she’s said a thousand times about a hundred different boys but with the “he’s” changed to “she’s”. She probably imagined it. It wouldn’t be the first time Ella’s brain has tried to convince her of something like that. So maybe she’s caught Delyth staring in her direction for a few seconds too long on a few occasions, maybe Delyth’s hand finds here’s too many times to seem normal, and maybe they share the bed more often than most friends should. There’s always something to explain it off though, she thanks her brain for that at least. Maybe Delyth is looking at something behind her that she finds particularly interesting, maybe every completely heterosexual teenage girl enjoys physical contact with her best friend that much, and, of course, maybe, as Delyth had suggested to her one night, sleeping in the same bed as someone else makes the nightmares she sometimes gets go away.

This girl who’s found herself the object of Delyth’s affections seems to be the only thing Ella’s brain can’t explain away into a completely normal and completely heterosexual activity.

“Let’s play with the Ouija board,” Delyth says out of nowhere. Ella’s stomach sinks for a different reason now.

“No. Absolutely not,” Ella shuts her down. Ella has always been skittish with the supernatural. It just wasn’t something she wanted to think about or mess with.

Nothing was sacred or off limits when it came to Delyth. She feared nothing and respected no boundaries when it came to being uneasy about dangerous activities. She was reckless with everything she did (which ironically enough has lead to multiple wrecked cars) and pushed Ella to be the same constantly. Usually Ella appreciated this quality in Delyth, it made her have treasured experiences she wouldn’t have otherwise gotten. However, she really did not appreciate it when it came to fucking with demons she didn’t want to have anything to do with.

“Great, we’re doing it,” Deylth says.

And that’s how the girls end up sitting on the floor of Delyth’s bedroom floor, leaning over a scary demon communication board with their fingers dangerously close on a planchette.

“I hate you so much,” Ella whispers to Delyth, as if trying to be quiet so the demons don’t hear her and think she’s talking to them.

Delyth adjusts her sitting position and moves so their thighs are pressed together. Ella contemplates moving so that the space between them returns but realizes that’s stupid. She’s being ridiculous. She’s almost an adult, she can handle being next to a girl without breaking down, even if that girl is her straight  best friend who has no idea of her sexual orientation or pressing romantic feelings towards her. Ella decides to put the thought to the back of her mind and attempts to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. Her feelings for Delyth seem to be scarier to her than the incoming threat of actual demons.

“Wait give me a sec,” Delyth says, taking her fingers off the plancette and moving back to put her curly brown hair into her scrunchie. Ella is almost sad to have Delyth’s leg removed from her’s before she panics.

“Oh my god, Delyth!” She screeches, “You can’t take your hand off the plancette that’s against like half of the rules!” 

Delyth scuffs at her. Actually scuffs. “Its fine the demons want me to look cute for them,” Delyth says as she looks at her reflection in her phone to check her hair.

“You always look cute-” Ella says. Her face goes red but Delyth seems unphased. Straight girls always compliment each other. Delyth doesn’t know that Ella is not a straight girl.

Ella has always meant to tell her. They’ve known each other since they were kids, their mothers always such close friends. Delyth has stuck by her side all through her parents divorce and her father’s remarrying to a evil witch Ella doesn’t want to think about now. Or ever. Delyth knows everything about her, besides anything to do with the lesbianism part, which just happens to include her being desperately in love with her best friend of most of her life. Ella isn’t really sure why she has kept this a secret from Delyth, but she likes to think that it’s because she doesn’t want to ruin the most important friendship she’s ever had. Delyth means everything to her, and she’ll take her in anyway she can get her. It’s so much better to have her as a best friend than not have her at all, and anytime she tries to tell her true feelings that pesky truth return to add to the weight on her shoulders.

Delyth puts her fingers back on the plancette and Ella notices how short her nails are. Ella is sure her nails were longer last time she looked at them. Delyth always kept her nails long, even getting fake ones put on every few weeks. It’s odd to Ella to see Delyth’s nails that short and clear of nail polish, but she kind of likes it.

“Did you cut your nails?” Ella asks, curiosity getting the best of her. She swears she sees Delyth smile out of the corner of her mouth and the butterflies in her stomach flutter a little harder.

“Yeah, long nails are overrated,” Delyth’s voice sounds softer than usual, or maybe Ella’s brain is just loosing oxygen from all of the anxiety squeezing her lungs.

“It’s cute,” Ella blurts. Her face goes red.

“Anything is cute on me,” Delyth says. She’s always had a habit of being cocky and arrogant for show and Ella has always been shamelessly attracted to it.

“Yeah,” Ella doesn’t let herself stress over that response spilling out of her. She doesn’t have time to anyway because, as always, Delyth moves on quickly.

“Let’s get started,” Delyth says, starting to move the planncette in circles around the board.

Never once in Ella’s life as she ever wanted to mess with the paranormal. It’s never tickled her fancy. Meanwhile, Delyth, being the fearless absolute idiot that she is, has always been interested in anything and everything she shouldn’t mess with. It wasn’t just paranormal, it was literally anything that shouldn’t be messed with. Bee hives, particularly climable trees, abandoned buildings, dead rodents-you name it, Delyth has fucked with it. Quite offten Ella, being the sweet and supportive best friend that she is, gets pulled into Delyth’s schemes. Ella’s hair is still recovering from the bangs Delyth insisted on cutting for her last year.

“What are we doing right now?” Ella asks.

“Giving energy,” There’s a pause and the room is silent except for the scraping of wood on wood. “Okay that’s enough.”

“I don’t like giving demons my energy,” Ella says.

“Stop being selfish they deserve it,” Delyth has probably never been serious for more than three seconds consecutively in her entire life.

“Okay demons, is there anyone there?” Delyth asks the void.

The void doesn’t seem to feel like answering because the girls go through every question in the book and then some before deciding that the whole thing is stupid and this board is stupid.

“Don’t call the demons stupid they can hear you,” Ella says.

“I doubt the demons are going to take much offense, Ella dear,” Delyth is teasing when she says it but it still makes Ella’s heart stop.

The girls say goodbye and throw the board back into the depths of Delyth’s closet. Ella vocializes her hopes to never see the thing ever again. Her heart still hasn’t calmed down and she’s scared of glancing at the windows on the off chance that there’s a ghastly face looking back at her.

“Are you saying the night?” Delyth asks. Ella knows that Delyth’s parents wouldn’t mind and also that technically three in the morning isn’t the best time for her to drive home. Especially when there’s too many backroads she’d have to take. Alone. Late at night. While she’s terrified of seeing demons. There was also a cornfield somewhere on one of those streets and Delyth has forced into watching one too many horror movies for that to ever be not traumatizing. She doesn’t even really need to think about it.

“Yes,”

“You look paler than usually, are you okay?” Delyth says, genuine concern in her eyes. Ella feels her heart swell. Delyth may be an actual idiot on the best of days, but she’s always a good person.

“I’m fine, just traumatized,” Ella says with a small smile. Delyth reaches out and pushes some of Ella’s not-quite-bangs out of her face. Ella is convinced she’s going to drop dead right here and now.

“Sorry, t’was bothering me,” Delyth says, pulling back right away as if she just crossed a line she wanted to get back on the right side of as soon as possible. Ella didn’t blame her.

“Okay I’m going to go get ready for bed,” Ella says quickly. She whips around to hide her blush and heads to Delyth’s bathroom.

“Okay, love you!” Delyth calls after her, considerablely too loud when her entire family is asleep in the same house.

“Love you too,” Ella feels her heart break a little more.

.

Ella is standing at her locker after third period, quickly switching her books and trying to keep it at least decently organized. Messy lockers have always annoyed her. Messy anything annoys her. She’s just got done organizing and is in the process of shutting her locker when she feels a hand on her arm. She almost yelps, but she decides to look first. She’s relieved when she sees a familiar brown hand gripping onto her arm but then it starts dragging her into the direction of the girls bathroom nearest to her locker. She holds her books closely to her chest with her free hand.

“Delyth what are you-“ Ella chooses to cut herself off. She knows that reason is pointless with Delyth. Delyth just does things sometimes.

The bathroom is empty. Of course it is. This bathroom just happens to be the most disgusting one in the entire school. There was dirt on the ceiling, how was that even possible?

“Look!” Delyth says excitedly. She lets go of Ella’s arm to use both of her hands to pull up her shirt.

Ella thinks she’s going to vomit from nerves. She’s so caught up in looking at her best friend’s skin that she almost doesn’t notice the reason that skin is being presented to her. Three red scratch marks extend from Delyth’s right hip bone to the left side of her ribs.

“What did you do this time?” Ella asks, forcing her eyes up from Delyth’s stomach before she completely looses her mind.

“I didn’t do anything,” Delyth says. “Don’t you know what three scratches mean?”

“I literally have no idea,” Ella confesses. Delyth let’s her shirt fall down and even though Ella was trying not to look she feels kind of disappointed.

“It’s demons!” Delyth sounds proud. Ella almost has a heart attack.

“Why are you happy about that?!” Ella asks.

Delyth just shrugs in response. She doesn’t seem concerned about it at all. That’s another trait Ella has always admired about Delyth, her ability to not only throw caution to the wind and do whatever she wants whenever she wants but her ability to look at the consequences of her actions (which are usually unfavorable) and smile. However, when it comes to her best friend being attacked by a demon, Ella is uneasy.

“Okay I’m going to class now so you don’t make me late,” Ella says. As she’s leaving she adds something almost like an afterthought, “I love you, call me after school so I know you’re not dead.”

“Okay, I love you!” Delyth calls after her. Ella’s stomach will never get used to Delyth saying that, even after over a decade of hearing it daily.

.

Delyth does call Ella after school, and she does it with fingers shaking and on the verge of tears. Delyth can look at most horrible decisions and be fine. However, facing this partial task seems way more difficult than any bad move she’s ever made. Maybe it’s a good move though, Delyth can’t say for sure just yet. Ella is her best friend, she’ll understand. Ella’s understood when she got her period and ruined her bedsheets in fith grade, she understood when Delyth snapped at her after a hard day at work and she even understood when Delyth called her crying at three in the morning that night after spending hours feeling guilty. Ella is a good friend. Ella is good, period. She’ll understand.

Delyth spends far longer with her finger hovering over the call button on Ella’s contact than she’d care to admit to any human being. No matter how hard she tries, she just can’t seem to jump into the fire and make the call.

Ella is her best friend. Ella knows her better than any human being ever. Ella is the best person Delyth has ever known, and she’s confident in that. She wants to tell her. She just doesn’t know if she’s ready.

Ella will understand. Ella will understand why Delyth couldn’t tell her before, and if Delyth can’t even tell her now, Ella will understand that too.

Delyth takes a deep breath and pushes the call button. Ella picks up after two rings. Delyth knows she’s been expecting this, hell, she asked her to do it. She just doesn’t know what Delyth is about to say. Honestly, Delyth doesn’t even know what she’s about to say.

“I think I’m bisexual, bye!” Delyth hangs up the phone and throws it at her bed and walks out of the room. She’s shaking even more now than she was a few moments ago.

Delyth could have said literally anything. Perhaps gone into a speech about how this won’t change anything and how she loves Ella and how she’s known for a while and it’s not that she doesn’t trust Ella it’s just that it took a while to get the confidence to tell anyone, even her bestest friend in the whole world. But no. Delyth always makes the stupidest choices and is prepared to deal with the consequences. Today, however, she doesn’t think she can. She could loose Ella forever. Well, no, she really can’t at this point. She could tell Ella she’s a serial killer and Ella would be fine with it but regardless, she’s nervous.

When she finally gets the courage to walk back into her room she’s got six missed calls and countless texts from Ella.

Ella (5:56 pm): ???

Ella: (5:56 pm): bitch

Ella (5:57 pm): ily but answer me

Ella (5:57 pm): !

Ella (5:59 pm): Delyth ily with my whole heart and I understand this is a lot for you but you have to answer me I’m a worried grandma

Ella (6:01 pm): I love you call me when you can

Delyth calls her back right away before she can talk herself out of it. Usually Ella is the stressed one who freaks out over nothing and Delyth is the strong one. Delyth has a feeling Ella will be strong for her right now.

“Hi,” Ella says softly.

“Hi,” Delyth repeats. She hopes her smile translates through her voice, but she thinks that’s only how it works in Hollywood movies.

“Can I tell you something?” Ella asks after a minute of silence.

“No never were supposed to be talking about me right now,” Delyth puts so much sarcasm into her voice not even the most dense person would get that she’s joking. Ella isn’t dense though, and Delyth knows that she will get it.

“We could talk about you forever and I’d be happy,”

“Was that your something?” Delyth asks quietly, as if they were telling secrets on the playground at recess again. This feels like a secret.

“Yeah, kinda,” Ella says with a breathy laugh.

“Good, it’s kinda my something too,” Delyth replies.

“Good,”

Nothing has really changed, but both Delyth and Ella feel like it’s a start. The butterflies in the stomachs seem to agree. Maybe the demons agree too, but neither of them mess with them again so they never really know.