Tumgik
#... different notes none of my parents really liked it my dad didnt understand it to begin with rip
thecherrygod · 1 year
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i just watched eeaao.............
#my posts#notes: i liked it#sadly i had to watch it half yesterday the other half today bc i did watch it with my parents and it was 'too long' to watch in one sitting#bc they like going to bed early which like. i respect them for that i just wanted to watch it... all at once.#ok out of puns! but yeah i liked it im sad the everything bagle thing gets lost in translation sadly#like they called the bagle a donut.............. sad its not like we dont know what a bagle is but i can get the everything part#as being hard to translate i dont exactly know what an everything bagle actually means like what does it have#is it the normal classic one i have no idea i never had a bagle and maybe i never will bc i also dont like cream cheese dgushig#... different notes none of my parents really liked it my dad didnt understand it to begin with rip#my mom got it but was like 'hm. i mean it makes sense i just dont like this kinda genre' :/ can respect that#idek if the reason i got it easy was bc i actually did or bc im chronically online tho i had tried to skip as many post about it as i could#i do know its a post in here that made me get the parallel of the bagle and the googly eyes tho but i do like that#and also i do like this kinda thing thats almost science fiction and the power of love and intergenerational trauma so like. yeah#.... also i love waymond sighsdug husband of the year#hm. i have nothing else to said unprompted i guess. ah wait i did like the other movie refferences that we could catch tho#anyways yeah that!#i can now stop skipping posts about this movie lmao
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papers4me · 3 years
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Fruits Basket Manga Review, ch (92-93)
That was painful & so well-written! This analysis will focus on kyokyo mainly & faintly on her effect on kyo. Although, her story affects tohru’s life immensely, I won’t analyze tohru’s part & will wait until it’s a tohru’s chapter to use the knowledge of kyoko’s past to better read tohru’s mind & understand her decisions! Can’t wait! after all, that’s why I’ve read the manga to begin with!
-Kyoko’s Atonement:  (the weight of words):
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 Kyoko breaks down after she learns she’s expecting. Why? cuz she hurt her mom. The notion that “yeah my parents caused me emotional trauma & so I’mma hurt them as well” is toxic & burdening as it starts a cycle of pain. Kyoko was right. She had no idea how her mom felt seeing her rebel, or follow violence or hear her harsh words. I’m not cleansing the mom from guilt nor responsibility. I’m just saying since the mom’s pov is blocked from us, assuming shes similar to the dad is wrong. kyoko’s fear of being punished with a child similar to herself is genuine, realistic & refreshing to see expressed in anime! usually character like kyoko are cool & brave, but here she’s humanly weak & doubtful. LOVE IT!
Moreover, in furuba words weigh on ppl & have consequences. We see this with kyo. His dad destroyed him verbally with words “ not my fault, it’s yours” that kyo echoes back to yuki! meaning the consequences of the dad’s words cause harm to his wife, kyo & even yuki!. Kyo was tormented with his own words for long time & clung to them even more in order not to resort to suicide! “ not my fault, it’s the rat’s” . Words can crush you down so bad if you hear them from loved ones, & worse if you utter them back to other loved ones! here kyoko learned that just the mere thought of her future child echoing her words back to her would torment her to death! Excellent writing!
-Katsuya invented Furuba’s vision (Accepting weakness & moving on):
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The teachings of kyoko & tohru were really katsuya’s after all. I’m fne with that. These teachings are the core of Furuba’s vision. He tells kyoko to accept that she’s weak, afraid & doubtful. it’s okay. But gives her tools to move on. Your kid isn’t you. They’re an individual person. As parents all we can do is give love/hugs (sth kyoko’s parents didnt do), listen to them (sth yuki’s parents didnt do) & if they do sth wrong will explain it & teach them well (sth kyo’s parents didn’t do, his wrong deed was being born a cat spirit & he was hated for it with no explanation, mom gave lots of “fake” love & escaped by death, dad became a raging monster). Accepting weakness & moving on is what the cursed sohmnas needed to do to heal & what tohru taught them. Off course, tohru herself struggled to follow her own teachings & that’s amazingly realistic!
-Kyoko’s guilt (punishment brings ease):
Kyoko wanted to be punished so harsh for her husband’s death. The gossip got to her. She failed him as a life’s companion. Taking care of our loved ones is a duty we carry with much love & care. Them slipping away is perceived as us failing by none than ourselves. The thing is, death comes with no warning at times. It was his time to leave. Accepting it or not, wont bring him back, but accepting it will help kyoko deal with pain while not accepting will cause more pain for her & tohru.
One of the most painful things abt grief is that it’s personal. Life continues around you. Only you feel it.  “didn’t the world end when katsuya died”. No kyoko. Only you died emotionally. Only him died physically. Kyo once said “ mom why didn’t you kill me instead”. A different reaction to grief, guilt & pain, but same conclusion: neither katsuya nor kyo’s mom are coming back no matter how much pain kyo or kyoko felt.
Kyoko found ease in emotional death, neglecting & refusing life, punishing herself for staying after him.
kyo found ease in rage & blaming others as he his father did, later he’ll escape to emotional & physical slow death “ cat cage/confinement”.
tohru... found ease in pretending "I’m okay” & her mom is alive.. but not physically.. emotionally, so she’ll ignore the truth & live only for her.
Didn’t I say grief is harsh, weird & very very personal. It’s hard to explain, deal with & heal. The mere words of consolation hurt cuz the grieving ones dont want to accept loved one are really gone. Her dad’s harsh words cemented the “emotional death” that kyoko felt. I’m not needed. neither katsuya. nor parents in general. depression. misery. sadness. emptiness.
-The tv show helped to trigger kyoko’s desire to “meet” katsuya. She has already reached the conclusion that she isnt needed. So, the tv show with their words of the deceased wanting you to be happy. triggered her into misinterpreting the words as to mean her death NOT fuel her to live in his memory as intended.
- “Loosing your way first before finding your answer” is okay & so human!:
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Ironically..Tohru... was the person Kyoko was punishing NOT herself: By being emotionally dead, kyoko neglected her daughter. Her world shouldnt be just one person. There are others. Katsuya himself gave her a person to love. Tohru. Kyoko chose death & unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher thsn what kyoko faced. She was about to do, but was saved by a nameless child who reminded her of tohru. She chose wrong first but later saw her answer. Kyo chose death by accepting the confinement & he, too, unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher if he wasnt with her. He chose wrong first but later saw his answer. Off course kyo’s story is more developed & complicated as he dealt with bigger issues than just tohru & his answer wasn't just loving tohru alone but also loving himself & choosing to live for them both: himself & tohru.
-Kyo’s guilt is a concussion thought eating him alive:
Part of why kyo’s story was one of the most human & complex is due him loosing his way first, failing, repeating mistakes “ I always though that hurting ppl was the only thing I was good at, after all, isnt that why mom died?” Kyo’s nightmare being a conscious effect of hearing tohru’s talk abt “ videos & memories of loved ones” is 1000 times stronger & more human than a cliche effect of seeing a “ hat” & to revive a a blocked memory... What the hell!! truly disgusting how the emotional weigh is reduced for stupid cliche drama !!!!!! ..
Anyway, kyo actively & consciously wanted punishment .He was sure that kyoko blamed him” I wont forgive you” can only mean what it literally means. The purpose of the nightmare is to cause kyo to seek “ emotional death” like kyoko & to loose his path more. It is meant to prepare kyo to refuse tohru even more. Therefore, the pay off at the climax will be better & stronger.
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Reading kyo’s inner thoughts will never not be refreshing!!! Also, the slow burn is cooked on low , hot fire , so the pay off will be the most delicious there is!
Side Notes:
I’ve stated my feelings regarding the age gap between kyoko & katsuya in last chapter’s preview post. I’m done with it & won’t let it interfere with my analysis of kyoko nor tohru.
The idea of just being together as a fun hanging out activity without being bothered much of where reminds ms so much of kyo & tohru!! we see them being happy together in the anime in kazuma’s house, shigure’s rooftop, cooking pancake in the kitchen! I really like this domestic feel of romance! it contradicts the notion of expensive restaurant with the girl wearing a breathtaking dress to woo the guy for it to be utterly romantic as we see in movies, & other stories.
NGL, katsuya looked sexy waiting home.. damn it! >_<
I cried watching tohru between her parents, how they acted & how loved she was! T_T. it reminded me of my niece How her dad’s death affected her! She was the apple of his eyes.. T_T.
Tohru is indeed a rice ball! her dad gave her a masculine name while tohru is so feminine! his reasoning is “finding salty taste in sweet things make the taste better & stronger, kinda giving it a hidden flavour”, the rice ball has a pickle inside it & it’s what makes the taste so savory & delicious!
Grandpa’s “ chance meetings could lead to variety of outcomes, good or bad” YES! kyo/tohru/yuki meeting each other by chance. Fiction make it look weird, but trust me, real life has those by dozens!
“ i wonder how lost you’ll be, how much time you’ll need to get your answer”. He will screw up so bad, kyoko! it will be so good! one of the best screw up’s I’ve seen! so painful for him & tohru & amazingly written!
Kyo’s nightmare being connected to him remembering/dreaming of kyoko’s story is bigger effect than opening the ep with it & having the cause be sth that happened last ep, a week ago... the effect is NOT the same.
Momiji is so cute!!! did his curse break here or not yet? he seemed as tall as tohru.
Writing tohru worried abt kyo after seeing him pale is the tohru I know!! Not that stupid girl who watches the guy she loves have a panic attach in se3, ep6, then goes in ep 7...” dahhhh.. Jeez.. I duno why kyo is sleeping until now.. better laugh & make cute rice cakes” giggle giggle...That scene got me so furious even when I first saw it!! THIS IS NOT TOHRU! tohru cried for a stupid story that haru told abt puppets!! she’ll forget the person she challenges herself for is sick?! ugh!
I love seeing yuki & kyo chill & cool around each other.
Kyoko being fully dependent on katsuya can be a factor in her grief, but I’ve seen cases where both partners are independent but still be completely broken after the others’ death. Grief isn’t logical at all & is extremely personal.
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chemicallady · 3 years
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Daddy is home
Greg Sanders x Reader
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A/N: Thank you everyone for reading this. If you want some fluff with just a little sadness, you're in the right place.
Couple: Greg Sanders/Female!Reader
Category: Mostly fluff with a little piece of angst. Family slice of life for Greggo.
Content Warning: none
Summary:  Reader is use to feel Greg absence.... but what about is own children? And Greg? What's more important? His job or his family?
*****
You are use to feel Greg absence, almost every night and, sometimes, even for days. It wasn't a big deal when you two started to see each other. You were a grad student, looking for a PhD out of town - searching for a new experience- and he was a lab tech at the crime lab in Vegas. Your relationship had worked for 5 years while you were in Salt Lake City, even if you constantly missed him so much and viceversa. He spent a lot of utahns weekends at your apartment and you came back in Nevada for every break.
After your PhD graduation you came back to Vegas and he proposed to you. It was an hard time, Warrick was dead, he had printed is first book on Vegas history and you just settled down at UNLV. You had lived togheter two months and then he proposed. Of course you said yes and the two of you had a small cerimony at the Eclipse, Catherine's casinó. It was an intimate cerimony, with your friends and co workes and relatives from Norway and (your hometown/country.)
You had worked hard on your post doc as a teaching assistant and a researcher and he has continued his job as a csi. You have always prefered working at night the days you didnt have any class, in order to be awake when he came back home in the morning.
It worked since you discovered that you were pregnant. Both of you were so excited to become parents, it has always been something that you desire, having your own kids. Start a family.
After Bjorn birth, by the way, everything changed. You have started to work in the morning and sleeping at night in order to provide the best standard of living for your son. And, after two years and half, Jodie came to the world, complicating thing but coloring your life even more.
You constantly miss Greg, of course. You miss your youth with him, the mornings spent in making love with jazz music in the background before a lazy afternoons sleeping in his arms. The days he came to the University after job to pick you up.
But both of you love your family.
It's stil working.
Because you love him and Greg loves you more than anything.
More than that, he is born to be a dad. He was scared as hell, but he perfect fits that role.
Even more, he is methodical.
He is really good in keeping job separating from his personal life, even if his coworkers are his family. And yours as well.
...But is hard for kids to understand why dad is never home. Especially for Bjorn, who is the eldest. He has started to notice this situation in the last weeks and you have been scared of this moment since you gave birth to him.
《 Why daddy can't come today?》
You look at your baby boy, feeling really sorry for the whole situation. It is his first baseball match with the pre school team as a player in the field from the first minute and it means a lot to him.
Bjorn's really smart for his age, he understand that his parents jobs are important because is a duty... But is natural that he feels so betrayed. He is still too young to even imagine how demanding is Greg's job.
《Because daddy has a case》, you try to explain with a soft voce, caressing his blonde hair with two fingers. He seems totaly like his father in this moment. 《He has to catch this big bad guy and-》
《Why uncle Nick is not catching him for daddy? Just for today! 》
《Because they work togheter, sweetheart... you know that. We already talk about daddy's job...》
Not in a specific way, of course. Greg is more like a super hero to Bjorn.... he is too innocent and young to know how cruel and horrible could be the world sometimes.
《It's not fair. He never came to see me play》
《That's not fair... you know that daddy is so sad for this... he ask me to shot everything so he can see it as long as he will be home!》
That doesn't help.
《And I'll be already in bed》 he snuffles, before running in his room, nearly cry.
You don't know how to manage this. Both of Greg and you are really indipendent.... that's why your wedding is so strong, because you don't need the other around one all the time.
But for Bjorn is different. He needs his daddy as he needs you. Most of that, he wants to make Greg proud of him, shows him how he has improved thanks also to their weekend practices on Sundays.
You are still thinking about a solution, but Jo start to cry from her playbox.
You have to speak with your husband and decide what tell to Bjorn, togheter.
He deserves a good explanation.
It's late when Greg comes home.
He is surprised when he notice that the kitchen lights are still turned on. You are sitting at the table, looking at your laptop as you can't really see it.
《 y/n, baby?》, he calls you, waking you up from your thoughts. 《Are you ok? It's like 3 in the morning, sweetie.》
《Yeah, I was looking over some notes from next week semenary when I realised how late it was, I decided to wait for you to come back.》
《Thanks, after a couple of double shifts, I really need to speak with my wife》, he says with a smile, before kisses your lips and take a sits next to you. 《I've missed home in those last two days.》
《Have you slept a little?》, you ask worried. When a case is so demanding, the team works till they are exhausted. 《Did you have a propel meal?》
《...I ate two sandwiches Dr Robbins' wife made for us.》
《....there is some roast left. I'm gonna warm it for you and then I'll put you in the bed at least for nine hours, bright man》
He laughts a little. 《Yes ma'am.》
You stand up, caressing his hair, after place a kiss on his head. 《Tell me about the cause. Was that bad?》
《More like a nightmare....》
He starts talking about the brutal abductions he was working on those last days. In the meanwhile you are cooking for him. You open a good bottle of wine your father sent to you last week and prepare a couple of fine glasses. Is not a problem for you when Greg talks about his job. For some unknown reasons, it grows on you during the years togheter. You also have helped the team sometimes with you competences. It's quite normal for the two of you speaking about your day. It helps to split away the stress and find always your connection. And is always reliving for you see that even if the job is so demanding physically and emotionally, Greg can totaly handle it. Not only. He loves is job. Even in dark days like this one.
《Poor girls....》, is the only thing you can say, while you're watching your husband eat like he was starving. 《No one deserve this kind of fate...》
《Think at the parents 》, he observes, moving his elbows quickly. 《If someone would have done something like that on Jodie, I'd went mad.》
You stop thinking about the case immediately.
《Sorry for the unhappy connection.... but if you are not too tired, we need to speak about our boy.》
Greg looks at you surprised. 《What about him? Bad day?》
《Yes》, you answer, surprising him even more. Bjorn is really talented in sports, unlike his father. 《He played 10 minutes than he had an argument with the coach and spent the rest of the afternoon warming the bench.》
This is unusual. Bjorn is a good lad. Always smiley and obedient at preschool. Teachers love him because he is so good and he knows a lot about science and stuff even if he is four. Mom is an academic, a college professor and daddy is a scientist. How could be different? He is also responsible and he always take serious the baseball trainings. That's the first time he disobey this much.
《What happened y/n? Oh, no. Let me guess.》 You look him cover his own face with a hand. 《He is mad at me, isn't he?》
《Yep babe, he is really mad at you. And at me as well. By now, I think he is mad at the world because you didn't come today.... I explained him that's not your fault, but...》
Greg sighs 《But it is my fault. When he born I swore to God that I'd be a good father even if my job is.... the 70% of my life.》
《But you are》, you say with a stubborn tone in your voice. 《You are a good father. It was just and unfortunate Saturday. He have never missed a game before. You'd be there if it wasn't for the case. 》
《I know but he deserves more than all those 'if' statements. 》 You look at him, feeling the heaviness of this thoughts. 《I should stay in the lab.》 He finally says and you realise a long sigh. This is not going to be an happy conversation, not with your regretting husband weak moment. 《The moment I met you, I knew you were the one. I wanted to start a family before changing job, work on field. It was a stupid decision. If I continued to work as DNA tech we would have more money and more time to spend all togheter.》
《.... I throught we were out with 'if' statements.》
《Y/n, honey-》
《Don't you dare 'honey' me, Greg Sanders.》 You stop him. You keep his hand in yours and smile. 《You are an amazing father. One day, when he will be older and wiser, he will understand. Now is easy to handle the situation. If you spend a day with him, he'll forget about it. Is just a kid, G.》
Greg seems not satisfied. He feels like an idiot, not thing about how mad is son would be noticed his absence. But he also trust your judgement. He always says that you are an amazing mom and even more, the best of wives.
So he smiles back.
《Maybe you are right.》
《Maybe?》, you ask with an ironical tone. He stand up and comes near to you. He offers his hand and you keep it, staning on your feet.
《Sorry Dr Sanders》, he replies, while you are wrapping your arm on his neck. 《You're completely right y/n. I'm already planning an afternoon, just for boys.》
《He'll love it》, you reassure him, before asking for another kiss, with more passion. You both find a good arrangement so you can clean the kitchen and try to sleep at least three hours.
.....or maybe do something more interesting with you husband, who seems to have plans, looking the way he is lifting the t-shirt of your pijama....
You are use to feel Greg absence, that's true.
But when he comes back, well.... that's the moment you realise how much you actually have missed him. And how much you love him and be loved in return.
○Fin○
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galactic-magick · 4 years
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Distance: Patton x Reader
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Request: Hii! Could i get a Patton x Reader with the prompts 14 and 35 in the beginning, then 8 towards the end please? I had this idea where its a human au and Patton and Reader met when they were young at summer camp. Patton feels homesick and Reader sees them and decided to comfort them. Years pass and they get jobs and stuff and because they didnt live near eachother they'd usually talk on the phone, but stopped. One day reader calls and says prompt 8 and Patton confesses his love on the phone. - @autumnfalls26​
Summary: Your childhood best friend you met at a summer camp crosses your mind again.
Words: 1400+                                        
Warnings: none I think? Touch of angst ig
Author’s Notes: Present day is in normal text and flashback to when you were kids is in italics. Idk why I got emotional writing this lol. Maybe cuz I’m a Patton kinnie.
Taglist: @luluwinchester​ @nerve-ous-love​ @zarieslayer​ @amayaisokay​
-                                
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The door shuts, and you let out a long awaited breath.
It wasn’t any different than a normal day. You got up. You went to work. And now you’re home.
But every day it hurts more and more, the constant strain of being an adult and having to abandon your dreams for more “productive” activities. Your life feels empty, like something is missing.
You slump on the couch and glance at the shelf, pictures lined up in no particular order. Family and friends occupy the frames, and one of them has a group picture of the summer camp you went to when you were younger.
You hoist yourself up, walking over and grabbing the latter. Everyone’s smiling, sweaty and dirty, and you get a laugh out of your younger self’s chubby cheeks and toothy grin.
You look at the little boy next to you. Patton Sanders was his name.
Is, you correct yourself. He’s still around, even though you don’t talk anymore.
It’s not that anything happened. You just, grew apart. You connected so well as kids at that camp, becoming best friends basically on the first day. After it was over you talked on the phone almost every day throughout middle school, high school around once a week, but after that, the contact lessened. With college and jobs and whatnot, you simply stopped talking as much.
And now you can’t remember the last time you called him.
 “Are you okay?” you plopped down on the bench next to the boy you saw crying.
He sniffled, looking at you, “Yeah, I’m fine,”
“Hi fine, I’m Y/N!”
His tears stopped almost as if by command, and he stared at you.
Then he burst out laughing, “You like dad jokes too?”
“What do you mean? I’m not a dad,” you shook your head.
“Oh. Sorry. One of the big kids told me that’s what my jokes are called,”
“Did the big kids make you cry?” you cocked your head.
“No, I was just feeling sad,” another tear started to fall despite you lightening his mood.
“Why?”
“I miss home. I’ve never been away from home this long without my parents,”
You stood up firmly, your hands on your hips and staring right at him, “Will you quit raining on your own parade? We can do whatever we want here! No parents means no rules!”
“I guess so…”
“We can play on the playground as long as we want! We don’t have to eat vegetables! We can stay up late!” you didn’t mean to yell at him, you were just excited. “What’s your name anyway?”
“Patton,”
“Hi Patton,” you grabbed his arm and pulled him up. “C’mon, let’s go explore,”
“B-But what if we get lost? What if we get in trouble?”
“It’s okay, I’ll be holding your hand the entire time,”
And just like that, your hand slid into his, and he didn’t let go for dear life.
 The camp was only for a week, but you spent nearly every minute together. Patton felt safe with you, and you loved hanging out with him. You stuck by him during all the meals and group activities, and your free time too. Fortunately your cabins happened to be next to each other as well, and a couple of the nights you snuck out and just talked for hours on the swing set.
You’d never had a real best friend before, and neither had he. When your parents came to pick you up you immediately begged them to exchange numbers and emails so you could keep in touch. You houses weren’t extremely far apart, but still a couple cities away, a little over an hour’s drive. You thought you might be able to meet up once in a while, but not often.
 You set the picture back down, sighing. Childish memories usually make people happy, so why does this sting so much?
Is this what missing someone feels like? Really missing someone?
You pull out your phone from your pocket and bring up his contact.
You can’t imagine he’d want to hear from you. Why would he? What are you even supposed to say? “Hey man, long time no see”?
Incredibly underwhelming compared to what you want to say.
You want to tell him how much he meant to you all those years. How much it meant for him to talk to you every time you needed it. You told him everything, literally every single detail about your day. You laughed at each other’s dumb jokes. You cried over the phone multiple times, and so did he.
You helped each other with homework that neither of you could understand.
You tried to see each other in person at least once a year.
When you asked him to your school dance and he wasn’t able to make it, he made it up to you by sending you a package full of your favorite things and video calling you for hours.
When his pet dog died, you drove all the way to his house just to give him a hug, even though your parents didn’t like you taking the car without permission.
All you want is to know how he is. You want to know if he’s doing well, if life is treating him alright. Does he have a partner? He must, right? Is he still at the same job? Did he finish his degree?
You press the call button before you can convince yourself out of it.
He picks up surprisingly fast.
“Y/N?”
“Hey, Pat,” you smile at the sound of his voice. “Sorry about this, I’m sure you’re busy,”
“No! Not busy at all,”
“Oh,” you sit back down on the couch. “I know this might sound kind of stupid, but I was just thinking about you today, ya know, wishing we were kids again,”
There’s a silence.
“Pat? You there?”
“Y-yeah, sorry,” nervous laughter muffles his words. “I’ve just been thinking about you too. Coincidence, huh?”
“I just…I feel so bad that we barely talk anymore, ya know? Like you were my best friend for my entire life, how could I lose you like that?” you can’t believe you’re saying all this so freely, but it’s always been like that with him. It’s like you physically can’t hold anything back, even when he’s on the phone miles away.
“You never lost me,”
“What?”
“You never lost me, Y/N. I’ve always thought of you as my best friend no matter how much or little we’re talking. I’ll always wait for you,”
Your eyes water at that last comment. Although it sounded more like a promise.
“You know,” he continues. “While we’re on the subject, I should probably tell you something I should’ve told you a long time ago,”
“Mmhm?”
“Well, I kind of was in love with you, during all that time,”
“Really?”
“Yeah…And if I’m being honest, I think I still am,”
You clap your hand over your mouth and almost drop your phone.
I mean, it’s not like you’re dumb. You knew there was always something there between you, and it certainly wasn’t one sided. But it was something unspoken, something neither of you ever put words to.
And you assumed it faded away along with your friendship.
But after hearing him say that, everything comes flooding back. All the other memories, all the feelings.
At this point you’d just marry him on the spot.
“Y/N? Are you okay?”
You clear your throat, “Yeah, I’m fine,”
“Hi fine, I’m Patton,”
You chuckle, and he laughs right along with you.
“Gosh I wish I could see you right now so I can say that back,” you sigh.
“Just a minute,” he says, abruptly ending the call.
You sit there staring at your empty screen, wondering what happened.
He doesn’t think he can literally get here in a minute, does he?
Knock. Knock.
You run to the door and open it, shocked to see Patton standing right there in front of you.
Before you can say anything, he pulls you into a tight hug.
“How did you get here so fast?” you mumble into his shoulder.
“I was thinking about you, so I wanted to see you and surprise you. I was already almost here when you called me,”
“Wow,” is all you can muster.
He lets you go, but only so he can bring his hands to the sides of your face. You look into his eyes, and there’s nothing but joy in them. No bitterness, no anger, just love.
“I love you too, by the way,” you smile, your cheeks squishing a bit against his palms.
He looks like he’s about to cry, but you’ll never know for sure.
Because his lips are on yours faster than you can ask if he’s okay again.
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misterbitches · 3 years
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Dude yong jie’s character is literally unbearable this is like how not to write a vharacter 101
Our first intro to him is stalking, then PUNCHING someone in the LIVER bc the person he “loves” was fucking drunk and he blames his best friend? Then his mom is like “lmao actually um hes psycho” so anything they try to do retroactively like how they peppered in HIS DAD DIED A BLOO BLOO but previously it was also his OWN MOM going “im afraid he’ll lose his humanity” so not only was there no breathing room then it’s bumrushing him into their lives as best friends and it doesnt work. This dude sucks and he isnt even fun to watch. You know how breaking bad has one of the most abysmal main characters of all time but all of us were fucking ENGROSSED but the show made it clear that every enemy he faces, even the DEA, we want THEM to win (it is also a class analysis but woreva) so i am like wtf they show us literally nothing here. He’s just there. Wasting space and being awful. What is the purpose of his character in ssu’s life? Once you rape someone it is fucking over full stop but he didnt even fucking manage to start off in any compelling fucking way. Absolutely bonkers dude Esp bc theres at least a base moral code ie DONT HARRASS GIRLS UR “INTO” and thats why mei fang the absolute mad lad beaut was like “lmao nah i hate u”
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????????? WHERE IS THE WRITING HERE? WHAT IS THE SCRIPT? awhat is the PROGRESSION? This is such an insanely fucking dumb plo5 point i rly cannnnjnnntoeiwijshsgsgsgsgsgsgeggwiwowiw GORL
Lets talk abt the good things in the characters (theres none for yong jie hes just there being a little bitch)
Li cheng - himbo dumbass “manly” cutie and the manly stuff is fun cos it gets heaped on and yet every bit of him can be extremely “feminine” and jubilant. Great.
Muren - seems >:O but i rly like that hes actually pretty open in his own way. Side note: he is so thin and willow-y i rly loke tall pretty boys (and all women lmao) and he doesnt do it for me but He suits the character like his body and the way his character is. Also u gotta be weird and he is
Hsinng ssu (girl im never gonna learn how to spell their names it’s too much work cos the eng alphabet andnromanization is terrible) - mild mannered, good son, a homosexual confirmed confirmed g”(awesome!) great friend, good brother (and i guess his reward is being raped, great message!) and someone ppl like
The establishment of the three of them and their distinct personalities happens within minutes and then we meet
Yongjie - what about him? He may have an MI, okay, but we dont know for sure and oh gee that doesnt matter actually bc u have to get urself treated and also not be terrible. Not even psychopaths do the shit he does BC THEY HAVE TO GET HELP. Why the parents didnt get him help and are just realizing their son is terrible? Who knows . His purpose seems yo be “boy obsessed with brother like his actual brother” i dont care id they arent related in that way bc that’s not the fucking crux of incest and it is so insanely Fucked every thing to do with incest is almost always a disgusting powe r issue. WHAT PURPOSE DOES HE SERVE? WHAT DO WE ONOW ABOUT HIM OTHER THAN HE IS A FUCKING JERK AND AN IDIOT AND SUCKS AND I HATE HIM AND THAT HE WANTS TO STALK AND ATTACK THIS REALLY AWESOME FUCKING DUDE OK
There’s no returning point deom rhe line they croased byt theyb set him up for failure. Even in the fight hes a fucking cheater hes a goddamn immature rat they know he fucking sucks but he just sits there and waits for everyone else to move around him. A fucking selfish prick with nor edeeming qualities snd hes also a violent rapist stalker. Really great that thry have no clue how to make this dude actually have any humanity or likeability. Hes the man from 365 days basically except not even that hot and at least he kidnapped her but “WAITED” for “CONSENT” but in that movie’s world nothing mattered and it was bad and the point was to have a horny movie. But this show is for younger ppl and also IT HAS RULES AND IT KNOWS WHAT BAD ACTIONS ARE???? Soooooooooooooo in all these other dumb salacious books there seems to be just a mutual agreement that it’s fucked up but totally normal i their movie’s universee (it isnt and it is still just bad filmmaking)
Also it is up to yong jie to figure put how to get over it and understand that his brother is concerned for him. Bc it is. His brother. There’s a reason that incest is never advisable and thays bc there is no way in that situation that people aren’t somehow being coerced. There has to be a sort of split in the pursuer and the person being pursued bc one person is not thinking that way. (This is why people who find out they are related after the fact and havent grown up together is something thatms really unfortunate. They had no idea and they have to grapple with that but that is another scenario and it happens bc THEY DIDNT GROW UP TOGETHER.) i have experienced this from a (not immediate) fam member and i was the vulnerable one, had less powr, that is how it must go.
Thats why the power imbalance is scary and none of this is acceptable but it begs the question how did they get to this point? But the show doesnt even address that bc they cant bc theyre not original. And power imbalance does not mean automatic absolutely not territory. Theres things we dont like (in my casee i hate age gaps a lot) but i will avoid that.
I havemt seen “right or wrong” and i have no desire but from what ive garnered from ppl i like who liked that episode, the show outlined the moral issues with it. Idk if they did it in a way i would have preferred (again no desire) but at lesst from what ive heard it...tries? Idk i dont see the need for these if they dont give us a reason why these ppl should be together and there’s several lines that cannot be crossed that were. Basically it’s like stockholm syndrome now and there’s no choice for him, it goes beyond power imbalance and “legality” so to speak and now it’s just entrapment.
Theres not even avoiding or enjoying. Even for MODC as stupid as i found the secondary rship and negligent even like ok. Fine. Whatever. His boyfriend is 100 but at least it was semi agreed upon. It is what it is, go forth. I will criticize it but at least it was the story and as stupid and gross as i think it is and they will probs break up (idc what the show says) at least there are set ups that can make us see “why” it works and oh, gee, their whole rship relies on a different fucked up but at least at some point it could possibly be transcended. The foundation of youngjie is “rape entrapment and aw now they are in lvoe” BITCH NOOOO???? Where is the REASON? And why should we root for them? (There is none and when the Thing happens it is now impossible for that not to be absolutely foundational to their rship lmao and that is never something that goes away.)
I would like to say theres nothing romantic int he flashbacks i know thats what theyre trying to twll us but the actor is 30 and that child is like 8.
Im not missing the point bc i see it with my eyes and it sucks. If you cant even write the character well then how do you interest something heavy and work out the links? The only solution is yongjie dying i mean fucking off forever and hsing ssu not letting him into his lifeXni doubt we will get that but at the very least they cannot end up together and that will be their crowning fucking achievement over the waste of time bullshit plot this was. Imagine actual conflict that wasnt so deeply fucking traumatic and, oh, again WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? They fucked up SO FUCKING BADLY. This gives people the wrong idea about how these things work. God he is truly a shitty character and his ass isnt even fat so wtf bitch why am i here!
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kendrixtermina · 4 years
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The Team Dynamics of the Three Houses
Essay time! =D
Part One: Team Makeup and Thematic Framework Blue Lions
Overarching Theme: Classic basic fantasy archetypes but with a dark twist (We have Prince Charming/ Guilt-ridden softboy standard-issue JRPG protagonist, Handsome Lech/Idiot Friend, Standoffish Rival, Gentleman Thief, Lady Knight, Sweet nice healer, Adorable spellcaster Girl, the Gentle Giant etc. )
Composition: Has the most people with crests, and the one guy with a naturally occurring major crest. Foreshadows how the crest obsession is particularly bad here, due to Faerghus’ harsh environment and a society that’s both religious and has a serious element of hero worship
History: Notably the most tight-knit group. Everyone knows each other already. It’s basically Dimitri, Dimitri’s longtime best friends, the daughter of Dimitri’s former instructor who heard lots of stories about him and her super nice BFF who gets along with everyone... and Ashe, who didn’t know the others until the academy, but since he is a honest sweety who loves cooking and knight stories, he hits it off with the others right away. 
Atmosphere: Everyone has kind of the same hobbies (cooking, handicrafts, weapons collecting, knight stuff) and a lot of history, some posters have remarked on missing the “family ambiente” in the other routes but since the bonds are stronger they’re also more charged, it’s also been said that it’s the group with the most inter-team drama, especially when you feature in their relatives - You have Dimitri’s whole character arc, all the family drama between the Fraldariuses and the Dominics, Ingrid’s hangups regarding poor Dedue etc.
As expected if you recruit any of them they’ll kinda have a hard time going after their old home, even the tsundere ones. 
The Leader’s position: For all that Dimitri’s friends refuse to drop his honorifics they really are his friends. They’re just all kinda polite with the obvious exception of Felix, and he’s largely tsundere. Despite the afore mentioned drama we see plenty of Dimitri just hanging out with his friends and even coming to them for help, he’s really just one of the bunch . 
Since Faerghus is in chaos everyone’s pinning a lot of hopes on Dimitri and it’s not like he’s completely unaware of that or doesn’t have the corresponding sense of duty, he’s always torn between that and his revenge plan which eventually just takes over. He pursues this entirely on his own, too, with not even Dedue knowing what he’s sneaking around the library for. 
How this “flavors” part one: Gives it a very “personal” touch. Faerghus, it’s culture, recent past and current state of chaos are fleshed out a lot (we learn plenty about the Alliance and the Empire but Claude and Edelgard have greater scope plans) and since a lot of the part I missions concern the instabilities in the kingdom they affect the characters directly. Basically since they’re more “regular” fantasy protagonists we gotta hit em all with the Drama hammer to keep things fresh. And that’s how it continues - They follow Dimitri because of personal loyalty (both toward him specifically, and because it’s in their culture), and Dimitri just wants to protect (or avenge) the people he cares about. 
How this Ties into The Themes: The Kingdom route eventually becomes very much a Power of Friendship story where they all stick it out with Dimitri in his time of need because he’s their friend and they want to be there for him and that makes a lot more sense if there was a big emphasis on friendship/ found family before that, and of course their friendship is what eventually helps him turn his life around. 
How does Byleth fit into this: Dimitri, like Hubert and Leonie, can be filed into the box of those who aren’t immediately awed by their heroic charisma. He doesn’t really get people who aren’t as outwardly expressive as him (eg. Edelgard) But unlike, say, Leonie, Dimitri has no settings between crushkilldestroy and stilted politeness and seldom expresses or responds to overt hostility most of the time. On the one hand there’s a side to him that’s a bit judgemental and vindictive, but that extends to himself too so he’s very ashamed of his flaws and is afraid that he won’t be accepted, so he projects outward that same acceptance that he likes to receive.
So the end result is that he goes out of his way to befriend Byleth, he encourages everyone to speak with them in a familiar manner, insists that they join the victory celebrations etc. Then of course he gets to see that they’re actually quite supportive and so in time they become, as Dimitri puts it “the heart of the group”.
By the time they find out that Dimitri ever disliked them, that’s long past. He’s a very high-empathy, emotional person so once he likes you he really likes you and will regard your troubles like his own. Some ppl might say that maybe the bond feels more special since it took longer to “earn”. He’s practically ready to swear a blood oath with them once Jeralt dies.  There’s an unappreciated Symmetry here like he goes through the trouble to ‘defrost’ them, and then they return the favor by supporting him through his difficult times when they perhaps get to see the ugliest side of him.
Further Dynamic Notes:
So you have a dynamic of working past/ understanding and accepting each other despite one’s flaws and differences. (whereas Claude and Edelgard are interested in Byleth right away, because they’re unusual, but in slightly different ways - Claude can kinda relate to the experience of sticking out itself but is still stumped by being unable to read them, whereas Edelgard sticks out in the same way  so you’re actually on the same wavelenght to begin with)
“opposites attract” specifically in the way that they balance each other out. A cool steadfast leader type certainly has a grounding effect on Dimitri as a very reactive person, but he also pulls them into the ‘normal’ world a bit after they spend all this time just wandering the world like all places are the same to them. They basically put the magic destiny on the backburner to help him out. They still become archbishop and all to fit the standard fantasy look of it all but not like full messiah like on the church route
Even after the timeskip Byleth kinda plays the mentor role or at least that of the dominant person/ big spoon in the relationship (though Dimitri ends up waaay taler than them especially fem Byleth), “Excuse me this is my emotional support mercenary”
If you go the platonic route you very much stay at „mentor“, Byleth is basically the brains of the operation post timeskip ‘cause the old Mitya can‘t come to the phone right now and Gilbert and Rodrigue would follow him off a cliff
Plot wise, their contribution is to stop the revenge trip when it gets to be a too obvious kamikaze stunt, which they, as a relative outsider to Faerghus and experienced, pragmatic fighter, would do when someone like Gilbert would not
Character journey wise, they refuse to give up on Dimitri and still see the good in him so that he eventually comes to a point where he could envision his own redemption/ come to accept/forgive himself and learn that its okay to move on and live his own life
Byleth can be said to somewhat even out the flaws in everyone‘s leadership styles (while the house leaders help Byleth find their own direction – i didnt come up with this alone there was a brilliant post a while ago that i cant find rn) – In Dimitri‘s case, he has authority/credibility/integrity („Pathos“), being the rightful king with many loyal followers,  and emotional/ personal leadership as an emphatetic person who inspired respect for his character („Ethos“) but is lacking in plans („Logos“)
Golden Deer
Overarching Theme:  Ragtag Bunch of misfits /Unlikely Heroes (let’s see, we have trickster turned lying politician, upper-class twit turned opportunistic conservative, lazy rich girl,  shy glasses boy and his best friend dumb muscle, cursed werewolf girl, stuckup teen genius and the mean money obsessed one )
Composition: Has the most honest-to-goodness commoners - and they largely got in on their own merits, too, while almost all the others had connections. You have a few peeps from the Alliance’s prominent merchant class and one completely ordinary village person whose father was a simple hunter. 
History: Bar the two merchant kids none of them know each other and even they’ve been a little estranged since the demise of Rafael’s parents. There are a few backstory connections (Such as Lorenz’ dad basically having murdered everybody’s dead relatives, or Leonie’s village being in his territory) but they’re largely indirect. They come from a range of different backgrounds and life experiences. Even Claude just showed up the year before and doesn’t know anybody. Of course this is all so you can watch them grow into a team on-screen all leading up to Claude’s epic speech about how they got along despite being from different backgrounds (or be surprised if they show up as one post-timeskip)  
Unlike Dedue or Hubert, Hilda can still be napped early on because she doesn’t really become Claude’s right-hand person until halfway through part oneIf you recruit any of the deer they’ll say that they didn’t have that much ties to their homeland anyways. 
Atmosphere: These are definitely Garreg Magh’s party animals.  Or like a bunch of theatre kids. They’re tremendous fun. “Less complicated” as Claude puts it though some have missed the intensity/drama of the other bunches. The Alliance itself might be full of political intrigues but this younger generation is fairly chill with the important exceptions that are Leonie and Lysithea but Leonie’s lack of chill is largely Byleth-specific, she’s plenty chill in her other supports, and though Lysithea probably donated all the extra chill for the other deer and hence doesn’t have any left, the others  love her anyways wether she wants to or not because try as she might she can’t really get an argument out of them. 
This certainly jives well with Claude’s “friendly surface level extrovert” gimmick they all get along on a surface level and you’ll be hard-pressed to find an ounce of social skills in the Black Eagle house, and the Lions have the Drama Moments, but some have also perceived the deer as not quite as open. 
At the same time they’re not superficial. We have a large abundance of Artsy Ones, we have Ignatz, Claude and Lorenz both write poetry, Leonie isn’t good at it but she does draw etc There’s enough insightful ones for depht and insight to be a significant undercurrent in the group dynamics. They all have different sortts of insight - Hilda can read people well, Ignatz has this sort of intuuitive thoughtful understanding, Lysithea is observant and logically astute, Leonie has street smarts etc. 
The Leader’s position: Precarious. No one knows him, no one trusts him. He just showed up one day, very suspicious timing, not long after his uncle dropped dead (that was Lorenz’ dad but it’s not like anyone knows) and then he’s a shifty weirdo who cannot help being slightly unnerving despite his friendly extroverted demeanor. 
Still he’s a big believer in teamwork, appreciates the value in everyone’s perspective and he can do the friendly extroverted charm well enough to eventually win over most people based on that, though its not until waay after the timeskip that he even considers letting anyone past the soft outer layer.  (In Recruited, Raphael remembers him mainly a lover of feats and merriment)
The longer the story goes on the more the Deer transition to being “Claude’s jolly detective bureau” in which he pulls on all their individual insight for maximum info collection. 
How this “flavors” part one:  It’s taken up largely by Claude’s search for information with the various events being seen in that light.
Claude’s first reaction is often to ask questions and be curious with the emotional response hitting him somewhat later, though it’s definitely also that he keeps up a cheerful face for the team. 
Ironically he’s the only one who came to Garreg Magh for it’s intended purpose: To get a ruler’s education and do networking. Dimitri and Edelgard were already onto Thales courtesy of his having killed their families, him searching on his own, her making preparations for her takeover, and Claude doesn’t know - it’s probably a game balance thing because Claude is the smartest person in the game and if he started out with all the info there would be no plot. 
How this Ties into The Themes: It all builds towards Claude’s big speech about people from different backgrounds coming together. It’s like a microcosm for what he wants to do with the world, to bring people from different places and backgrounds together and have them understand each other.
Lorenz takes until halfway through part II to come around, but come around he does. (markedly, this happens only on Claude’s route, otherwise he sticks with the empire out of self-preservation and opportunism, though he gladly jumps ship to join the kingdom. )
How does Byleth fit into this:  Now I‘ve seen some people saying that Claude initially didn‘t like Byleth or just wanted to use them, but I don‘t think that‘s true. I do think he actually liked them, found them interesting and wanted to befriend them. But Claude, on principle, doesn‘t trust easily, and will in any interaction look at how he can use it.
It‘s a habit born out of both natural curiosity and intelligence (What the 12type eneagramm calls a „Mercury“ Personality type) and the need to survive in a hostile environment where people tried to kill him as a child, and as such it‘s automatic second nature. He has a strong overruling self-preservation instinct.  Claude is suspicious and will interogate people completely independent of how much he likes them. No amount of like makes him trust implicitly.
He doesn‘t have a bad impression like Dimitri, but he doesn‘t immediately click like Edelgard and the curve is pretty nonlinear: With Dimitri we have a clear progression from dislike to like and then the reversal where Dimitri had defrosted Byleth and now Byleth must defrost Dimitri. With Edelgard she likes them immediately out of similarity (like Felix likes Byleth, or like Edelgard likes Lysithea and Petra), and the difficulty/drama only comes later when Byleth‘s connection to the church and Edelgard‘s plots become apparent, but mostly she‘s sad that she‘s „destined“ to be enemies with this person she likes, her level of like never goes down. Claude meanwhile – you might compare him with Dorothea. He‘s used to being able to charm people as well as read them, and Byleth is not only a brick wall, but remains one upon closer examination. They really don‘t know about their past – but Claude takes that as evasions and becomes more and more suspicious.
A big turning point here is the Jeralt situation, where Byleth finally opens up and tells him everything, and Claude realizes they‘re not hiding. And that‘s something I really love about their dynamic – Byleth tells him all and Claude is so interested in them and looks out for them.
Though you could assign each of the three a „turning point“ after which they open up - The diary for Claude (which shows him that Byleth really isn‘t hiding anything) Flayn‘s dissapearance for Dimitri (which convinces him that Byleth cares) and the holy tomb scene for Edelgard (which shows her that Byleth won‘t betray her)
Further Dynamic Notes:
Claude and Byleth relate because they both stick out, but it‘s notably about the experience of sticking out in and of itself, whereas in Edelgard‘s case they stick out in the same way. They’re also alike in that they only found out some secrets about themselves when they were already young adults, Byleth’s magical destiny, and Claude finding out he was related to the ruling house. From how he mentions “not being raised in the lap of luxury” and how his royal connections in Almyra are also “distant”, he might in fact have been raised in a normal village and not known he was the king’s bastard son for some time, though once the secret was out he definitely got some princely instruction like training with Nader. 
The dynamic both interpersonally and as an action duo is very much a complementary one. Dimitri is very different and has that sorta morality chain dynamic going on. And though they each have their specialties that the other is lowkey jelly of Edelgard and Byleth actually fill a fairly similar niche as the charismatic superhumanly powerful field commander. Meanwhile with Claude there’s a division of labor: Claude’s the planner and Byleth’s the enforcer. He repeatedly observes that his plans would be way less effective without someone of Byleth’s caliber to carry them out.
Out of the three lords Claude is the only one where you get the sense that Byleth works for Claude post-timeskip or that Byleth becomes his subordinate. Dimitri’s lost without them, and while Edelgard offers them a formal position as royal advisor after the mock battle and gets this line about how they can’t yell orders at her in public now that she’s the emperor, but it’s phrased in such a way to suggest that she just wants them to yell orders at her discreetly. They certainly balance out Claude’s presentability/trustworthyness problem the way that Hubert quickly puts them in charge of morale to patch Edelgard’s PR shortcomings, but Hubert pretty much says this to Byleth’s face whereas Claude is the only one who knows where the ship is going for the majority of verdant wind. And in the end he’s like “Babysit fodlan for me while I finish world peace” He’s also the dominant one on an interpersonal level, he gives Byleth this speech about how they should use their position more confidently and promise to detective out their mysterious past for them. He also tries dropping hints that maybe Rhea’s not to be trusted though Byleth’s dialogue options are written to suggest that they bought her maternal act and want her back – some ppl said but this way really expositions that „well meaning deception“ aspect of Claude‘s character. He frequently steers ppl toward something they don‘t want but with the hope that they‘ll want it eventually. Perhaps he could be said to have a very fluid/dynamic view of things and people; The other two lords view them more as fixed, hence „I respectfully disagree… lets settle this by stabbing each other“ 
The platonic end result is your basic Epic Friendship, tell each other everything, very supportive, look out for each other, take down a zombie warrior together in an epic team attack, what more could you want I think I‘ve made a whole post about what a good friendo Claude is, initial ulterior motives nonwithstanding… He certainly had strategic advantages in the back of his mind but I don‘t think he ever faked liking Byleth
Plot wise, having The Messiah on his team gives Claude a bargaining chip to seize control of the church with its greater influence. On the other routes, he wisely refuses to touch that particular hot potato with a ten foot pole.
Character wise Byleth‘s influence largely serves to mitigate his jaded cynism. He starts to actually believe his far-flung dreams might happen, so he plays far less defensively than on the other routes.
Claude is smart and charismatic („Logos“ and „Ethos“), his main problem is that nobody trusts him. This is a bit more dimensional than just a flaw though, because he hides his real goals (though they are not truly sinister) both to avoid fights with people who would oppose these goals (contrast Edelgard who declares her intentions openly and deals with the fallout, so she has to fight the knights whereas claude manipulates them) and get the chance to gradually convince them and reveal the truth once ppl agree, also he‘s more a tactician than a strategist and often changes his plans in accordance with what he thinks is doable under the circumstances, and not telling what his plans are gives him the freedom to do that – either way, a downside of that is that no one trusts him. He lacks credibility and, having shown up out of nowhere, has less loyalty and support. Byleth, as a chrch-sanctioned charismatic figurehead, naturally mitigates that.
Black Eagles 
Overarching Theme: Subverted Villain tropes. We have Emperor Evulz / mad science supersoldier, Black Mage classic,  Seditious Chancellor Junior, Sexy Mage, Eccentric Scholar, Pretty Barbarian, Fighting Obsessed Blood Knight and Antisocial Sniper
Composition: It‘s nobles all the way down, even the one commoner used to be famous and is from the capital where all the wealthy ppl live (as opposed to the decentralied alliance and the very spartan kingdom nobles) – The capital‘s a heaven for culture and sophistication but you also see the evident elitism/corruption/inequality problem going on. In keeping with Adrestia being more secular, Ferdinand‘s the only one who‘s explicitly stated to be a believer (in the Marianne support) and he‘s not even super devout
One should also appreciate the irony that the side with the ‚saintly‘ crests is now against the church whereas Faerghus, ruled by the descendants of Nemesis‘ former allies and where he used to have his stronghold are now fighting for the church. But should you go with the church route it also makes a kind of sense as they‘d be goig back to the empire‘s distant origins in a sense.
History:  They all vaguely know/ have heard of each other due to their parents being co-workers or living in the same town, many have at least met each other but at the same time they‘re not BFF like the Lions and many take a bit to warm up to each other.
Another thing of note is that while many of the Lions‘ families were also friends and have been associates since the days of Nemesis, many of the backstory connections for the adrestian studenrs would seem to predispose them to being foes rather than friends, half their dads‘ essentially dethroned Edelgard‘s and are various degrees of complicit in what happened to her siblings, Petra was basically taken hostage by the previous administration, Dorothea has good reason to have beef with the local rich people etc
Atmosphere: I‘ve seen some ppl who played the other routes first say things like how they were struck by how individualistic they are and how there‘s far less team cohesion, or how they „all seem to hate each other“ - I don‘t think that‘s correct assesment but they definitely are quirky, independent-minded or both. They scamper off in all directions when introduced and definitely don‘t bother with formal politeness or friendly facades, if they‘re annoyed with you most of them will probably say so. Even Bernie gives Ferdinand a lecture once XD They‘re basically goth. Though I do think it‘s sorely underappreciated that there definitely IS friendship and admiration between them esp. later in the story, admiration & appreciation being key factors especially since they‘re none too easily impressed.
Of course being independent minded makes it likely that they wouldn‘t blindly follow a leader who‘s up to no good, but it would make them just as suitable to participate in a rebellion
Another thing of note is that while the Kingdom nobles all learned to hold sharp objects in the nusery and many of the deer have street smarts or survival experience having had to live through tough circumstances most of the Eagles are complete greenhorns when you first deploy them – sure many have seen their share of effed up stuff but not in a warlike setting. And you have many of the sensitive/reluctant ones like Bernie, Linny and Dorothea. This of course could either make you think twice about the church sending them on missions or predispose you toward Flayns brand of pacifism.
Of course this just leads to Hubert and Edelgard (and to a lesser extent Petra) to clearly stand out as the experienced ones. El-chan and Hubie dear have most definitely killed a man before. The rest of them will definitely have to measure up to pick up the slack after the two of them leave.
The trajectory certainly goes differently, in CF they all return notably more confident after the timeskip (most notably with Bernie) perhaps in keeping with how Edelgard believes in & promotes self-reliance whereas in Silver Snow they never quite stop being like „AAAAA“ though I suppose the point is that they get their act together and do the deed regardless.
The Leader’s position: Absolute both in terms of power (sorry Ferdie) and dynamics. Definite ‚student council president‘ vibe, she largely interacts with them as a taskmaster/ to make them do their homework. She markedly doesn‘t like this and would like to be one of the bunch but genuinely finds it hard to step out of boss mode.
She does try her best to cultivate an equal atmosphere and for what it‘s worth most do drop the honorifics and tell her when they disagree.  
How this “flavors” part one: The emphasis is certainly on expositioning how much everything in the setting sucks especially on the church‘s horribleness, I mean in the end if she‘s essentially like „We‘ve all seen it this past year“ but of course there‘s also definite foreshadowing that sHE is up to something, there‘s certainly peeps who picked her ‚cause she‘s pretty and she looked more put-together/less obviously dodgy than the others but then didn‘t personal taste wise jive with her character. The whole scene after Jeralt‘s death is definitely a point where you either decide you hate her or love her forever; You get both „WTF“ and „I get it“ type of dialogue options.  
How this Ties into The Themes:
No matter what route yo pick you essentially get a story about going your own way and putting right what the previous generations done fucked up – wether they do this by leading Adrestia back to its holy origins, or by backing Edelgard‘s revolution.
On a political level they either go against their homeland or the previous administration, and personally they‘re all sorta expected to take over their parents‘s job and follow these expectations of proper nobility that they have no interest in and many of them renounce their titles or cut ties with their folks. Only Ferdinand particularly wants his fathers job and even them he means to do it very differently. The happy ending, for most of the eagles, is getting to choose their own paths
How does Byleth fit into this: 
Mostly, they shift the team dynamics from Edelgard as the absolute leader in a lofty, distanced position to her coming closer to being „one of the group“ working under Byleth.
There‘s a reason she later names her elite troop the „Black Eagle Strike force“ in honor of their time at the academy. This is almost the bigger difference, because Byleth isn‘t there for the timeskip. The big change is caused by creating this situation where all the black eagles leave with Edelgard, so she knows she can trust them and having real allies needs the slithers less.
It‘s very hard for her to step out of boss mode for reasons ranging from her personality, backstory, monarch obligations and fear of vulnerability, but having Byleth be the boss for once helps. Some of her most formative experiences were a) Her family betrayed by almost all its allies including her own uncle b) being helplessly dragged around as a hostage. She wants to avoid being helpless ever again at all costs and thus grew to be a very proactive decisive adult which is mostly a good thing but can cause her tome come off blunt and unyielding at times. I mean when she‘s worried that Hubert, her best friend, is hiding some worrysome secret from her she‘s like „Tell me that‘s an order!“ and when he expertly sidesteps that (since he knows her well and understands that she wouldn‘t actually force it out of him) she‘s stumped and doesn‘t know how to tell him that she‘s worried about him – and this is a guy she knows since forever. With the other eagles she really looks out for them but can only really show it through her „leader“ persona, she has this one trick, and when it doesn‘t work (like with Caspar or Linhardt who don‘t really want anyone to boss them around or talk politics) she‘s stumped.
This is hugely mitigated when another person of her caliber shows up with whom she can share the responsibility or even leave it to them so she learns to allow herself to be soft and do stuff like admit her doubts, this starts with Byleth but also radiates into the other relationships. See Caspar and Linhard revising their bad first impressions of her later in the support chains
Further dynamics notes:
A recurring theme is being misunderstood (outright stated in the introduction and that one quote by ladislava – and also in the church route dialogues where Seteth says that „the people will never understand her ideals“ ) and finding someone who understands, which is different from Claude and Dimitri who ultimately want the world at large to understand and accept them. Edelgard has given up on that long ago - her version of the „pep talk“ scene implies she thinks its impossible to truly understand anothers sorrow – I like to think that after her siblings died she found great comfort in Hubert being „not much for condolences“ and talking plans rather than sympathies while everyone else was showing pity for something they couldnt understand. Dimitri is basically traumatized (he relates to Dedue about losing everything and thats why they‘re so tight knit), Claude is basically an outcast and relates to all that dont quite fit in, but Edelgard… yes her family‘s dead much like Dimitri‘s, but in addition to that, she has been through an indescribable science fiction fantasy thing that no one has any context for. She views herself as so altered that she considers herself a whole different person and her past self basically dead. Hence someone like Byleth or Lysithea who could relate to all that is very, very tempting to her – we‘re not told if that‘s the truth or just her perception though, Hubert doesn‘t note her being extremly different, and later on she kinda admids that she herself distanced herself from other people.
Likewise the ship dynamic is ‚birds of a feather‘. Edelgard tells you right away: She feels that she and Byleth are similar and is drawn to them because of that. It‘s not just the mad science background,  both are stoic natural leaders with a bit of a dorky side. This goes both ways – While others are often mildly stumped by Byleth, she can read them pretty well and gets a lot of dialoue like „wow you‘re telling the truth“ or „I can tell you‘re lying“ - that happens so often that it‘s even used to hint that she‘s the flame emperor.
If you had to name a dominant person it would probably be Byleth but overall this combination is disntinguished by being relatively equal and balanced. She likes having Byleth‘s support but repeatedly mentions wanting to support Byleth as well  - As she says after the big mock battle, „sometimes its better to have someone to rely on to support each other through the darkness“. Team dynamics wise they feel a similar niche – the abnormally powerful, stoic charismatic leader who inspires many followers and is a gifted field commander. When they‘re not allies they are foils after all. But as pointed out in their A support despite their similarities each of them have their own particular strenghts that the other envies – Byleth is a better tactician and ultimately better at moral support (though their time powers help). On the flipside, Edelgard is more proactive whereas Byleth struggles with that, and at least her 22 year old self probably has more raw strenght (judging by her stats total and how they‘re evenly matched in the church route reunion cinematic though she isn‘t using her preferred weapon)
If you don‘t marry her then the note the A support ends on would suggest that Byleth sorta gets adopted as a honorary big sister/brother with how El asks them to use her childhood nickname and just lampshading the sense of kinship between them – the platonic outcome is a family bond, which buils as much on similarity and alikeness as their romantic outcome
Plot wise, Byleth‘s presence gives Edelgard something that she wouldn‘t otherwise have: Reliable allies. This means not just Byleth themselves, but the other Black Eagles whom she feels are more firmly on her side as they never defended Garreg Mach from her assault. As she puts it when she tries to recruit you as the „Flame Emperor“, the slighterers will go around causinga strocities but with the sword of the creator on her side she could courttail that better and generally has less need to coorperate even for purely pragmatic reasons so she is free to weaken them ahead of time, kills Cornelia right away rather than work with her etc. Interestingly this is why the front lines are actually further back when Byleth returns than they are in the other routes, but then the war ends the quickest.  
Character journey wise, Edelgard goes from being convinced that she has to give up everything to be a tough leader to allowing herself to just be a person, cummulating in the ending where she pulls a washington/cincinatus, abdicates and gets a normal life.
In terms of leadership style, Edelgard has „Logos“ and „Pathos“ to spare, she‘s described as a remarkable leader who inspires remarkable devotion and has a cause/ rationale – but she‘s got her weakness with inspiring loyalty on an interpersonal level. The followers are loyal to the cause – Edelgard herself is perceived as unapproachable and shady/unsavory, see Dimitri‘s rant about how she‘s „strong“, or statements by herself and Ladislava that people tend to misunderstand her. As a superhuman science experiment she is by definition not a „relatable“ leader. So once Byleth proves trustworthy Hubert immediately puts them in charge of morale and of support/pep talking the reluctant recruits.
(In part II we‘ll get into decision making processes but I think here we have to separate by route rather than house since it’s most evident post-timeskip and dependent on plot events.)
Team Dynamics and Decisionmaking
Empire Route
Here, there is a very clear distinction between inner circle and outer circle. Edelgard and Hubert have their own thing going on and once you prove loyal, you’re in, and you get to see a whole different side to both of them, Edelgard lets down her guard, Hubert acts polite and sympathetic where he was previously suspicious and mocking, and they basically tell Byleth everything, including the unsavory pursuits that they keep secret from everyone else – but overall the secrecy, maintained for realpolitik reasons, never truly stops. Basically those three make all the decisions.
Notable is that if you’ve recruited Lysithea she hovers on the threshold between inner and outer circle. She was fed the cover story of the nuke being a church weapon (though she did’t buy it) but WAS told about the secret assault on Arianrhod. This is prolly cause Edelgard likes her, she can become her main advisor in their paired ending.
Kingdom Route
Dimitri describes himself as as someone who thinks change should come from the people and that the leadership should serve them, for all that he prefers to uphold the basic order of society, and this is reflected in his leadership style – though this also reflects that he is a ‚people person‘ rather than a planner, so the plans are left to his advisors like Byleth, Gilbert and Rodrigue. He is more the emotional/ spiritual lynchpin than the mind or will of the group.
In Azure Moon, especially later on, the decisions are really made by the entire group and you see them considering their next step together. Dimitri spills the backstory as soon as it comes up, telling everyone about his relationship with Edelgard for example.
In early part 2 this is at an extreme in that Byleth, Rodrigue and Gilbert are de facto making the decisions and Dimitri is at best a grumpy figurehead that they‘re putting up because they need him as a symbol, but at the same time he doesn‘t really compromise on his revenge obsession and is just dragging the whole team along/ not really reacting to how they are making him the lynchpin for their hopes. (though it is important to note that he didn‘t ask him too either – they decide to follow him out of friendship or loyalty to his house) yet inwardly Dimitri too is blindly following what he believes are his obligations.
A huge turning point is when he returns after the whole rain conversation and Byleth gets to ask him some variety of „What do you want to do“ in which Dimitri makes a step toward both inner and outer self-directedness, but precisely because of that becomes are more complete/better consensus leader.
I also want to stress that Claude and Edelgard LOVE togetherness and cooperation and equality as concepts every bit as much as Dimitri does they want to be one of the team but they find it difficult. And of course Dimitri’s style has its own flaws too
Alliance Route
While the Blue Lions decide everything together and either variation of the Black Eagles setup has an „inner circle“ that makes the decisions, in the Golden Dear that inner circle is basically just Claude.
Even Byleth doesn‘t find out his plans until part two, and it‘s later still till he comes clear with the team (and still doesn‘t reveal all but points to Cyril as a stand-in) Hilda and Lysithea are discernable as preferred right hand people, and Byleth and Marianne as special confidants, but in the end Claude rarely shows his real self and only he knows the plan. If Hilda and Lysithea pick up alot about him and his true self it‘s because of how observant THEY are and how much Hilda is basically a lot like him.
Claude does all the thinking and motivates followers (from Lorenz to the random merchans who support him) by promising them things they want – because even if he can‘t trust peopöle, he can trust their self-interest.
Church Route
Since you are with the church that is ideally a sort of benevolent parental authority under the supposition that people need guidance and that‘s a good thing it is perhaps fitting that though Byleth winds up the nominal leader, this is actually the route where they are more of a follower. They do watch Seteth says, who is doing what he believes is his duty and mission, and we have Flayn as an innocent, pacifistic voice.
They lost their dad, and the Nabateans are a sort of surrogate family. (wether its one that youre born into or marry into, the wiord „family“ is stressed) – they are the „inner circle“ making the decision and the empire kids, ragtag misfits estranged from their homes, follow. On the one hand they‘re going against their home country on the other they have the saint‘s blood and Adrestia USED to be church aligned so it also makes a kind of sense.
Among the Adrestian kids themselves, Ferdinand and Petra get a chance to shine as the ostensible leaders. They are stalward, competent leader-like people in CF too , but there they are more overshadowed by the much more experienced Hubert and Edelgard.  - Though when you think about it they are like „pure hero“ versions of them who were never forced to become as cold and pragmatic. Ferdinand, like Hubert, is a nobleman from a storied family who is proud of it but wants to fix its tarnished reputation from his corrupt father. Petra, like Edelgard, is a former political hostage who experienced hardship at a young age and worked her way up all on her own, being very serious and competent despite her young age. I prefer the version where they stay buds rly.
It‘s worth noting that Seteth, ‚Heir of Purpose‘, sees it as their families duty to protect Fodlan and is the only one really doing that – his brothers noped out, and Rhea, uneknowst to him, twisted „protect“ into „rule/subjugate“. One might question who gives him the right to decide things because his mom is magic but on the other hand he really is 100% benevolent and I see no sign that he has any greedy intentions especially in in Silver Snow, all the countries collapse and someone needs to keep order, he doesn‘t understand what the empire‘s doing and why just sees their agression and really is rising to the challenge of upholding peace because something needs to do something about the violence. He had withdrawn to protect his daughter but then in the end he‘s the last one who is really doing what Sothis would have wanted. He looks most like her too having the slightly darker, ‚spikier‘ hair.
Further Thoughts
I’m curious to see how Yuri, the Ashen Wolves, and Cindered Shadows compare/contrast to this and i theyll manage to make the dynamics sufficiently different so that its neither a carbon copy or a blabk mary sue ish superlative. 
I mean the other routes are so interesting to dissect because its a tradeof and all have their own flavor so really CS would do better to try to be “different” or, better yet,  “complementary” than “better” or “cooler”
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new-writer-intown · 5 years
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Dear Universe, Pt. 1
Author: New-Writer-InTown
Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader
Warning (s): None
Word Count: 1,586
Summary: Y/N accepts a job working as an interpreter for a week, but soon she finds that the man she’ll we working for is Tom Hiddleston.
Note: Hi everyone, sorry for the bad grammar, english isn’t my first language and it’s my first story so please bare with me. 
The reader is Mexican but she lived in the US for 9 years and that's why she’s fluent in both languages.
The beginning is a bit slow but I promise that its important and I’ll be referencing to it as the story moves along.
Y/N Point of View
When I was in my first year of university my french teacher taught me how to write letters to the universe to ask for anything I desired, however she did warn me that I had to be very specific with my requests and pay attention to details because if I didnt I might get something completely different than what I had wanted.
“You have to write it as a thank you letter to universe, so you have to imagine you’ve already got what you’ve always wished for.”
“Okay I’ll give it a try!” I was a bit skeptical to say the least, but I did as I was told. 
Dear Universe,
I feel so grateful for all the wonderful things happening in my life. I can hardly believe I’m 25 years old, time sure flies by! Looking at my life I’m beginning to feel like I’m finally able to put all of the puzzle pieces together. I finished my dream career two years ago and ever since graduation everything has been going smoothly.  For once in my life I'm truly happy, I work doing what I love and it pays well so I was finally able to move out of my parents house and got my own place!
I now have a boyfriend, we’ve been together for a while, and I couldn't be more grateful for having him in my life. He has been very successful in his career and I am very proud of him, whoever he has to travel a lot which I don’t like but every once in a while he brings me with. We have been talking about marriage and kids, I’ve told him I’d love to get married but I would like to wait on the kids for a little longer since there are so many things that I would like to accomplish, and he understands that, everytime the subject comes up he reminds me there is no pressure. I love that man he is so supportive of me!
Oh I nearly forgot! Since we decided to wait on the kids we adopted a dog, he’s the cutest little puppy EVER!
I think that's about it for now, so thank you, I can hardly wait to write you another letter!
Lots of Love
Y/F Y/L.
After writing the letter I placed it in my scrapbook but soon forgot about it. After finishing my first year in college everything went downhill. It all started with me telling my parents I wanted to quit architecture school to move to law school, needless to say they nearly got a heart attack since they were paying for it.
A year after that I told them I was going to be transferring to a smaller community college because the prices were over the roof, and again they nearly killed me.
Moving on to present time, here I am, a 20 year old who still lives with her parents, who  has been to three different colleges, doesn't have a job and doesn't have friends. Now that I say it out loud I can finally understand why everyone criticises me, I’m a failure and my life is depressing to say the least.
On Wednesday during dinner my dad told me that his brother who works at the airport had called him and told him needed an english interpreter since he had been assigned to be the “tour guide” to some foreigners, and he didn’t’ know more than ten words in english.
That night I called my uncle and told him I was in, he said we’d be gone for at least a week but that it could vary depending on the client, I didn't have a problem with that since I only had college classes on Saturday and didn’t matter as long as I uploaded my assignments to the platform in a timely manner.
On Sunday I was all packed up and incredibly nervous, it was going to be my first time working with my uncle. As a teen I had taken a few jobs here and there as an interpreter  but it was usually for a couple of hours, my longest gig had been for 8 hours, and now I had to be translating for some strangers for a whole week!
I didn’t know anything about the people I’d be working for and I hated that, how many people were coming? 1, 2, 3? Where were they from? Are they old? Well it wasn’t like my uncle himself knew anything either, we’d be completely in the dark until the next day.
On Monday I got up at 5am to shower and get ready, by 6am I was already in the car with my parents because they had to take me to the bus station where I would take a two hour bus to Mexico City’s Airport where I would meet my uncle and we’d wait for the strangers or stranger, who knew?
When I was all settled on the bus I considered taking a nap but somehow I started talking to the woman sitting next to me. Sometimes I honestly wonder why I didn't have any friends, I’m very friendly and I don't have a problem talking to strangers, I always make sure to talk to my cab drivers, bus drivers, neighbors, people at stores etc.
By 8:50am I was waiting by the “international arrivals” door, my uncle had told me that I was to wait there holding a sign he had given me that said William T.H.
At 9am I felt my phone vibrate, I checked and I had a new message from my uncle.
“My boss got in contact with Mr.William he told me he’s wearing navy blue trousers, a blue dress shirt and a blue jacket. Apparently he’s very tall, has wavy hair, blue eyes, and is british. Keep an eye out for a man with that description.”
“I will, don't worry!” - I texted back
“Oh, I nearly forgot, he doesn't want to attract any unwanted attention, so please help him keep a low profile.”
“Sure! When he’s with me I’ll call you and we’ll meet you at the entrance.” - I had been so distracted texting my uncle that I didn't see a man approaching me and standing next to me until I heard his voice.
“Excuse me, I think I’m supposed to be meeting with you.”
Oh god how could a stranger's voice sound so hot? I looked up from my phone expecting to see a face, but instead found a strong chest, wow he really was tall! I looked up searching for the strangers face and I nearly fainted, standing in front of me was Tom freaking Hiddleston. 
Breath Y/N, breath, you have to calm down, remember what your uncle said. What did he say? Oh, that's right keep a low profile!
“Um, I don't know? Hi, sorry I….” - I was making a fool of myself and he was smiling at me.
“Is this supposed to be you?” - I showed him the sign William T.H.
“Yes, that would be me!” - Obviously that's him, he probably asked to used his second name, but to include his initials just in case.
“Great!” - great? Really Y/N, that's the best you’ve got?
“Shall we get going?” - He asked with a smile, as he pointed towards the doors
“Sure, let me just call our driver to let him know you are with me, I was told you wanted to keep a low profile so I think it would be best if we just stayed inside until he’s outside.”
“Whatever you say, you’re the expert!”
“I wouldn’t call myself an expert” I smiled at him, I gestured him to walk with me to a waiting area near the exit door while I was talking to my uncle on the phone.
“He’ll we here in two minutes” I informed him
“Sounds good.” He turned his body to look at me, “We didn’t properly introduce each other back there, you clearly know my name,” he said pointing to the now folded sign in my hands, “ but I’m afraid I don't know yours.” He made gave me an apologetic smile, “Shall we start again? I’m Tom” he stretched his hand towards me
“Hi, I’m Y/N, sorry, nice to meet you!” - The touch of his hand made me feel even more nervous.
“Oh god, you can probably tell I’m knew at this thing” - I pointed to the distance between us
“Are you really?”
“Yes!” - Now it was I who gave him an apologetic smile
“Don’t worry darling, it's my first time using this system too! I guess we’ll just have to learn together!” -There was that smile again
“I guess we will! So how was the flight?”
“It was quite exhausting actually, it was an 11h30 plane flight from London to here!”
“Oh my, you must be terribly exhausted!”
“A little bit, I got a few hours of sleep on the plane but my body is feeling a bit jet-lagged.”
“I can’t even imagine how tired you must be! The time difference is like 5 hours right?”
“Um…” he checked his watch before continuing, “It's actually 6 hours, here in Mexico its 9:08am and in London it's 3pm.”
At that time my phone started to ring,
“I’m sorry, that's our driver” I said as I answered the phone, after ending the call after a few seconds I told him that the USV was waiting for us outside.
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xerborgen · 5 years
Text
high school shit
i was actually just watching some back to school videos on youtube and oh boy am i inspired to actually write this entry! i’m going into my last year of high school this incoming school year, and this is what i got so far.
things that I noticed/realized/experienced in high school:
1. i wanted to be alone most of the time
2. i developed a liking to studying for exams/doing notes
3. once something slips out of your mouth, you already have a +1 weight on your shoulders 
4. its never good to shut out your friends and expect them to understand it. you owe them an explanation 
5. never get too attached. initially, i’m not a kind of person that gets attached attached, i never really resented anyone who left me or never really missed someone that much and seemed possessive. 
6. things can go incredibly slow, and incredibly fast
7. slice of tasks off your to do list as many as you can. sometimes i do time my working periods whenever i get that random shot of productivity but sometimes that just doesn’t really do the job a lot, especially if i have a shit ton of works to do over the week. try to do better every time.
8. work better, not harder - whenever i’m doing an overnight homework or task and my eyes get droopy real hard that i can’t even focus on what i’m doing or why the fuck i was there anymore, i choose to go to sleep and not strain myself, and pay myself back in the morning. i come to school early as possible - if not, then i try to “cram” into finishing the homework before the subject when its needed starts. LOOK i know cramming is BAD but i kinda powered through it???? for example, if i cant understand the my fucking math homework the night before, there’s no use stressing out and trying hard to understand it. instead, i go to school and before math class starts, i approach a few classmates to teach me how to do it ((or maybe,,,,, , , give me some answers and i’ll just learn it in time)). that literally saved my life in the long run.
9. in line with my previous statement, its good to have a few close friends and a good reputation in class. i realized that acting emo isnt going to magically have someone gravitate to me and help. i had to reach out, go out there, and even if i dread a lot of people and i have only a few i can tolerate I HAD TO GO OUT THERE AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. i’ve learnt how to say no
11. even if my chair is left handed or not my fucking back is still going to hurt like a lil bitch
12. i realized how much i daydreamed about school ending and then like???? whap???? the new year comes and like whoosh??? its my finals already?????
13. value time
14. lo-fi is literally my ride or die, this bitch really was at my side EVERYTIME. but forreal, whenever i study or do stuff i usually put on some lo-fi beats and everything just gets better.
15. jack of all trades, master of none. i have a few well-known classmates whom are known to be all-rounders, and a lot of people envied them and proclaimed how they were good at everything. hearing and seeing these made me feel bad about myself, because all i was really good at  knew was how to edit, design, dance, study - and i was never sporty nor good at any musical instrument which are UNFORTUNATELY the talents that a lot of people consider as “cool”. 
- but, it kinda warms my heart whenever there are video presentations or design stuff that gets put on discussion, few of my classmates turn to me and depend on me about it. its like they knew, they knew they could trust me about it, because they liked how i liked how i do. and that kind of makes me giddy... the thought of giving them unceremoniously something to remember me by.
16. i dont know why didnt i put this FIRST but this is actually my favorite. usually, i tend to want to go home immediately after a long day in school, thus making my dad fetch me after class (side note, i dont know if this is a stigma or not but getting fetched after school lowkey is kinda uncool, because i dont know.......im a grown 15 yo waiting for my fetcher to come pick me up but i powered through it and come to the conclusion that i dont rlly care i just want to go home)
16.5 me and my close friends, S, L, G, A, we like to eat at this takoyaki place near my house (its actually inside a mall of some sort, its just a ten minute walk from my place to there). i usually secretly brought my phone with me to school, so even if these takoyaki dates were sudden, i had no reason to bring the offer down. i usually spend these food trips with my friend S, which with the courtesy of her kind mother, usually considers letting us eat at this takoyaki place while she lets their cute dog shanaia be groomed in the pet parlor. me and S, during these times, have talked a lot about different stuff, and i’m really thankful for her - as well as to my other close friends. although i don’t treat anyone as a best friend, they shouldn’t underestimate how much they mean to me.
- having an older sister is nice... me and my older sister actually had a conflict before. i was at an age where everything was just so emotionally scarring that it inflicted some kind of bitter wound in my heart that i just refused to mend that time. i rarely used the word hate, but at that time, i hated my family. i hated how i was treated, i hated how i was so hopeless, but i clung to any piece of comfort i longed. i guess i was just an emotional mess back then... this was all when i was in sixth grade.
things have changed a lot now. my parents have started to listen somehow. i found out that my sister was actually going through something so traumatizing that i failed to acknowledge because i let my emotions take over me.
- now... i gradually am trying to control my emotions - not the other way around. because once your emotions take over you, you get vulnerable. you get easily bitten. you let your guard down, and in this world, keeping your guard down is one risk that you should be wary of taking. 
its not that i’m preventing myself to feel, to enjoy... but to regulate my emotions and place them where its best. talk when you’re allowed to, or only talk about personal stuff when i’m with my close friends. once a person sees into me... it could be game over. 
i make decisions. and i have to avoid certain circumstances where i could possibly feel a lot of unwanted emotions. although a lot of things are stringed together by fate, and sometimes the scissors are nowhere to be found, and that i was supposed to do something that could blow my cover. its really better if you know yourself, you control yourself. if i couldnt avoid, modify how i behave. how i react. control what i show on the outside.
- i deserve some kind of happiness atleast... i shouldn’t be too hard on myself. i know this, but the pathetic thing is, i can’t do it. sometimes the only thing that deprives me of my own happiness is myself - which is for me, something so pathetic that i can’t even get sick of it.
- if there’s a will, there’s a way
- sometimes its good to look back once in a while... to see how far you’ve gone. if i can still see fragments of my past, then i’ll use that to strive to get further, further away from the demons that haunts me. if i can’t, then... smile, and look forward.
- you can fear things. but don’t let it show on your face. instead, fight it, anyway.
- everyone is just scared as i am.
- i don’t necessarily need to say my stand.
- i can’t judge dramatic people because that would mean i’m judging myself. but when did i have stopped judging myself?
- its good to go out for walks once in a while.
- rainy days elongated with a class suspension are always stuff to look forward for and cherish. the rain only visits me once in a while, i miss it.
- moments are traces of life
- sometimes, you never really see the value of something until they’re gone... 
シルエット
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bishiglomper · 3 years
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Who wants to learn about my family drama? Too bad I'm gonna post about it anyway.
So mom got pregnant at 16. Married the guy. He went into the military. I came along 8 years after my sister. It was all fine and good I guess until he came home from a deployment when i was... 12 maybe.
I bring this up because i took a 3 hour roadtrip alone with dad's wife. She spilled all sorts of beans..
So anyway. That was at least his 2nd or 3rd deployment and i guess he sent mom 70k. When he came home, there was no money. No one ever figured out where it went. Figured mom spent it. We have no idea on what. Looking back I can't think of anything she could have spent it on. I dont remember her leaving for secret trips or anything. No new items. No strangers coming around. Its a mystery.
So shit didnt really start take a turn for the worse until we moved to Ohio when I was around 14. Dad had another deployment, but this time he acquired PTSD. I never questioned why, i just figured war was obviously bound to leave you fucked up.
Dad's wife told me differently. I had to twist her arm just to give me vague cryptic keywords. Like "murder" "people who ought not be murdered" and "practically coerced him into being involved" 😳
My poor daddy. No wonder he ended up locked in his room with a swat team surrounding the house.. Until mom donkey-kicked the door in to get to him and take his gun. He witnessed some fucked up shit, even though I'm not quite sure what.
But the real juicy bit is something i didnt even know about until my late 20s. Sissy told me while we were in Ohio, my parents were involved in swinging. Knew no details other than thats where a couple of their friends came from.
The new light she'd on this topic though, was it was mom's idea. I always figured it was dad. But apparently he only did it for mom.
(His now-wife is named Stacy. I love her but i just cant call her stepmom.)
Sje said she researched the topic, and typically swingers are middle-aged couoles who married too young. (So, typical case)
Anyway. I guess mom gradually started breaking rules. Like getting permission from dad first. And she snuck around during his next deployment..
During this time, we jad a daughter of familt friends staying with us. I was only 14 but i knew this woman was trouble. She was the type who could and would totally kick your ass if you pissed her off. Questionable choices. Wild child. All that shit. But she was good to us, so.
Anyway. My niece has brought back stories from her bio-dad's side of the family. One of which being that one time whilst mom and our guest were at a bar, mom tried to get into (bio-dad's family member's pants)
I always thought wow, never knew mom couod/would do that; crazy..
But Stacy filled in some swinger drama from that time and it all fits.
(Took a break from posting to actually discuss and compare notes with my sister)
The only discrepancy is sister is adamant that this WAS dad's idea to swing.
So anyway.
The next bit of drama was my sister having the niece. We all went to Iowa because we spent summers with the aunt and everyone.
At this point we were already planning on the move to Iowa that winter.
So dad, being fed up with my 23yr old sister who was a slob, refused to get a job and support her child.. He's just like "so you can either stay here and I'll send your shit or you can come back for your shit and gtfo"
He sent her stuff. But because she had a child that half belonged to someone else and essentially moved several states away, he sued. Thankfully dad helped with the lawyer and while not perfect, my sister got the best possible deal for the situation.
But all through this, dad absolutely loved his granddaughter. And it was an asshole move, but dad only agreed to support my sister and let her stay with us if he got to name her daughter. He picked Dominatrice. (Doh-min-ah-treece) Because you can get Trixie out of it. We were all like Wtf but ok.
So the last biggest drama was the events that led to dad ghosting my niece.
So one thing that happened was dad wanted to take little niecey out to lunch. She was 5ish. Sister couldnt get work off though, but hes all "its fine, I'll just pick her up and drop her back off"
But sissy was able to leave and met them. But as soon as she did he's like "you know what, im actually gonna go ahead and take off"
Which created a slurry of suspicious thought like "wtf is going on, did i foil plans to whisk my daughter back with them?"
When sissy told me this, I figured it was either just a weird mix of coincidence that set off alarm bells or weird timing. Or both. I'm 100% confident dad didnt plan anything. What was he going to do with her? Its not like he'd be able to kidnap her and go off grid never to be found again. Also was he going to just raise her? None of that makes sense.
Anyway. The big blowout didnt happen until dad was on his way back to virginia and the niece was due to be picked up from ohio. He offered to pick her up along the way and we were supposed to go up after them and spend vacatipn with them.
Sister told him no, he couldn't do that. He asked why. She tried to avoid answering him, but eventually told him that it was in the court order that he not be left alone with the child. Probably because he CAUSED the whole custody fiasco.
But this was the first he'd heard of it. So he was understandably upset. And then he tried hounding her for answers, for proof. Send him the document stating this. It escalated until he would jusy be yelling and svreaming over the phone and make sissy cry until mom had to shut down the phone calls.
I asked my sister why she didn't just show him the proof. Like, thats all he wanted.
She said it was not her job to prove it to him. It was public record, he could do it him damn self.
Stacy told me he tried, but couldn't get it because niece was a minor.
When I told Sissy this, she gave me the SNOTTIEST facial expression which i think meant "well, shit." Mixed with a mocking sort of "he's still a whiny-piss-baby"
So yeah. We're only visiting because after like 9 years dad reached out after forcibly pushing all this anger and feels down in effort to reconcile. Sissy is attempting to but at the same time feels he's too toxic to bother with and doesnt want him near her kids.
All because after this went down, he then ghosted the niece. He used to call her and send her gifts all the time. Her little heart was absolutely broken when he started ignoring her. Stacy told hom not to do that, so the general consensus was that it was indeed a dick move.
His reasoning though was "my daughter thinks i want to kidnap my grandchild, how can i reach out and have a relationship with her without incriminating myself?"
So yeah. Stacy and I are very alike in the fact that we both are able to see both sides of an argument. I'm glad i got to see the other side because apparently dad told her (about the dicorce and everything) "they'll figure out what happened and realize its not all my fault"
Like, uh. No? How were we supposed to reach that conclusion? And i dont know about my sister, but i was a self-absorbed naive teenager, I wasnt aware of jack shit. 😂
And that is the story of the day. :D
In other news, I wrote this while dad finally got his gallbladder surgery and we worried he'd either bleed out or have a heart complication and die. Aaaand he was out in like an hour and a half. So far he's good. Now we can visit the aquarium without stewing in anxiety. Hooray!
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Billie & Indie
Billie: Indie! Pabs made frango a passarinho, you want in? Billie: also he said he saw you out at that boy in his year's party on Saturday Billie: you must not have seen him Billie: I got lunchtime detention for all the notes I was trying is pass you in Maths! Billie: Too busy 💤 or doodling, that is the question Indie: spitting dem bars all the way to my 💘 but nah itd be a mad treck from where i @ Indie: lo must have it twisted cos i aint rolling w dem younger rudeboys at no gatherings Indie: my bad tho Indie: too sleepy innit Indie: olders got partys for me to hit up standard Billie: where are you laying your head these days my dear? Billie: aside from your desk, naturally 😋 Indie: 😂😂 Indie: getting the zzzs i need there like Indie: wen im in im out for the count Billie: but what about all the times you're not in 🤔 Indie: in endz Indie: rollin w my boyz or my BOY you know Indie: its chill Billie: what does rolling entail exactly Billie: i'm unfamiliar Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: rolling up 🚬 standard but can be any thing Indie: hangin, chillin reh teh teh Indie: it be what it be, bills Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 tho Billie: I still feel like those are all just different words for the same thing Billie: which still eludes me but I'm glad you're having fun! Billie: We miss you though, don't you have any time to spare, pleaaaaaaaaaaaase Indie: what you need im here rn Indie: hit me w it Billie: I don't need anything, just want your company silly Indie: you got it Indie: we chatting Billie: Yes, of course Billie: but in person too, yes? Billie: It's not the same without you Indie: what you trying to see my face for? Indie: its still this Indie: [sends selfie] Billie: 😂 Billie: [sends back suitably silly selfie of own] Indie: living for it baby Indie: you looking 🔥 Billie: Thank you Billie: Now I got all the pink out Billie: surprisingly stubborn stuff Indie: mine got dashed mad fast Indie: must be dem curls holdin Billie: Yeah and mine isn't even as textured as some of the others Billie: thank god Ri didn't do it too Indie: she aint as extra as how we is Indie: blessed that i aint blood of ya cos my mans werent feelin the look Indie: hed be proper vexed if it stayed Billie: os homens não sabem nada Indie: this boy got plenty knowledge trust 😏 Billie: NADA 👏 Indie: you reping sound like the other mckenna rn Indie: something you wanna chat ? Billie: I don't need to come out, no Billie: but I appreciate the offer of a listening ear and open mind Indie: safe Indie: you down to mix me up 💘 potion? Indie: thatd be valued by me Billie: Why do you need it? I thought we were in love? Billie: Not you and me 😂 Indie: 😂 Indie: steady bills Indie: not trying to come for your sister & mckennas ⛈ Indie: let em have a min baby Billie: I don't think anyone is enjoying the rain Billie: we're safe to move on Indie: innit tho Indie: hold it for me @ school & ill come thru  yeah? Billie: Of course Billie: but what exactly do you want to happen? it changes what I have to do Indie: gotta keep him 😍😍😍😍😍😍 Indie: that mood Billie: That should be fine Billie: I can't force or influence freewill and fate, obviously but I can certainly help along what is there, that shouldn't be a problem Indie: what it gonna taste? Indie: not tryna make him 😵 Indie: not more than he like standard least 😂 Billie: It's okay, more than likely we'll get you to drink it Billie: then you can attract the love, if you see what I mean Indie: how it not gon attract some next man tho? Billie: with great power, Indigo Billie: you know how to control your allure, I trust 😂 Indie: mayb we swerve it Indie: not tryna get dashed for this like 💔 Billie: Well that shouldn't happen Billie: it's not viagra Indie: 😂😂 Billie: You seem worried Indie: nah Indie: all good Billie: Are you sure? Billie: I've got lots of things for anxiety and stress Indie: what i got to b flat roofin over? Indie: keep your stash Billie: you tell me Indie: nah im jam Indie: nothing to chat on Billie: Good Indie: how you b? Billie: Well, on reflection Billie: I'm okay most of the time but in general I'm quite sad Indie: 💔💔💔 Indie: you got no spells for it? Billie: I'm trying Billie: everything, every day Billie: but not everything can be sorted with magic Billie: not of that kind, anyway Indie: tru Indie: its a madness Indie: i feel it Billie: I know Billie: We've got to stick together Indie: ri aint here tho Indie: not how it can be Billie: Indie Indie: ? Billie: I think Edie has gone too Billie: lots of her stuff is gone Indie: she gon come back thru Indie: thats just how she rolls Indie: dont get it twisted & get 😢 Billie: I know but she usually only takes a bag Billie: if anything Indie: how you kno she not she not shoting her garms for the cash? Indie: gotta do what you gotta do innit Billie: Maybe you're right Indie: if you still got no peace after hot min come @ ri w it Indie: thats how she do making shit hectic again Indie: idk Indie: ma vibes like Billie: Like you said, she's not here either Billie: soon none of us will Indie: shes rollin deep w mckenna but she aint out your reach Indie: you in my inbox you can b in hers Billie: Not the same is it Indie: as face2face nah but better than no thing Indie: trust Billie: I guess so Billie: I hope she comes back Billie: it's horrible when we have to tell the police, they basically blame mum and dad Indie: the feds dont kno how to be anything but amp bringin the dred Indie: dont take it hard Billie: it was different the first few times Billie: now she's just a known runaway and they don't even try to help Billie: just get angry about the paperwork and wasted time Indie: they love to get vexed Indie: always on me too cos i got this face & name Billie: Yeah Billie: I thought they were meant to help Indie: nah baby they only bout helping theyselves Indie: sorry you had to get schooled on that like this Indie: been round me all days late cos the madness drew tryna live rn Indie: like i kno where hes @ Billie: I heard Billie: I always used to think it was a good thing when he went to prison Billie: is that bad Indie: nah man Indie: he heading back that kinda way rejoice in it if you wanna Indie: some good gotta come Billie: Selfish really Billie: but it meant you got to stay with us all the time and he wasn't around Billie: he messed with the vibes Billie: everything was bad when he was around Indie: speak your truth bills 😂 Indie: shots fired Billie: I'm sorry Billie: I try not to be hateful towards anyone but Indie: if you feel it you feel it Indie: whats acting like you dont gon do? Billie: I tend to think of it as wasted or at very least misplaced energy Billie: I try to feel sorry for people I don't get good energy from, or just ignore them Indie: i been knew about wasted energy fr 😂 waiting for my 🚀🚀 to hit like Indie: better energy be coming when i come up Billie: Does it work? Indie: yeah Indie: esp this new kick im on Billie: That's good Billie: what are the side effects Indie: depends what you trying to take Indie: dont be channelling the 👻 of my mas fix on your first go out Billie: I'm just working out the pros and cons Billie: doesn't it scare you? because you're mum died Indie: aint no thing that scares me Indie: we all going Indie: & she got me, not trying to let anything do me like how she went Billie: What's that like? Billie: I'm not scared of death but I'm in no great hurry Indie: its good Indie: nothing can touch me Indie: if im livin im livin if i aint i get to be this age forever 👻 Billie: That must be very reassuring Billie: What about good things though, can they touch you? Indie: how you mean? Billie: I mean, they say you have to know bad to know good Billie: so if you don't have that, do you get to have good or is untouchable outside of that Indie: i kno all it but it just dont be affecting me like that Indie: unless how i want it Indie: all good all the time Billie: Interesting Billie: I wish I could try it sometime Indie: i got you Indie: come thru & link me when Billie: Really? Billie: Okay Billie: I thought I might need a dead parent too Indie: is that tryin to be my key? idk Indie: i was reckonin on drews connections being that if there is Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 life Billie: I misunderstood slightly Billie: I thought that was what made you untouchable but in that case Billie: I'd be happy to try Indie: could be connected i cant speak on knowin Indie: i only got 1 dead ma & didnt get to kno her like that Billie: Yes, I would never ask you to share Indie: 😂 im saying i got others who aint Indie: so mayb its not a powerful thing Billie: we'll have to see Indie: not that i got em rn if you tryna test Billie: mothers or drugs? Billie: i'm lost Indie: mas Indie: you kno i always got the other Billie: Why not? Indie: we gone from each other Indie: like you said everyone is Billie: you just have to come round Billie: you know Indie: where? Billie: home Indie: but where that tryin to be now? Billie: Wherever your family is Indie: & who are they now? Billie: Whoever you choose Billie: us included, I hope Indie: nah Indie: it dont get to be however i want Billie: Why not? Indie: idk its not the way Indie: everyone tryin to tell me how to choose & aint listenin Billie: I'm listening Billie: and the universe Billie: What do you want, Indie? Indie: I want it how it was Indie: nah i want him gone and her back Billie: Yeah Billie: Me too Billie: I think we all do Billie: I'm thinking on ways to make it so Indie: but even if she comes home it aint gonna be for me just you Indie: we got too much beef Billie: I didn't know Billie: what happened? Indie: she got no love for me rn cos i trying to keep my mans Indie: she dont understand how i feel Billie: I see Billie: Did you tell her? Indie: yeah but she aint trying to kno she just wanna be vexed and tell me how to be Indie: shit gets too heated Billie: She'll calm down Billie: it's nothing to lose a sister over is it Indie: tell her Indie: she aint spoke to me since i got my ink Indie: she said she aint here for me its done Billie: I know she didn't mean that Billie: do you actually want me to talk to her for you? I can Indie: what you think you gonna say? Indie: she aint gonna be about me unless i dash him Billie: You're more important to her than that Billie: I'll just tell her you want to talk Indie: i cant Indie: i aint got no energy to be fighting w her Indie: hes here & she aint that decides it Billie: Okay Billie: It's up to you Indie: nah Indie: no things up to me they are how they are Billie: If you don't try to change them, yeah Billie: not saying you have to Indie: girl i aint got power like that i aint you Billie: If I had any more than you she'd be back already Billie: but you have to try, right? Billie: Passivity is still a choice Indie: it hurts Billie: I know Billie: but it doesn't feel Billie: good, lack of a better word Billie: accepting how it is either, does it? Indie: nah but its easier to act than trying & getting owned for it Indie: you feel me? Indie: if you gotta let stuff in where you gonna stop Billie: Hmm Billie: Good question Billie: When the stuff is more bad than it is good Indie: how you measuring Indie: shits such a heavy mix Billie: That's the trick, isn't it Billie: Depends how much bad you're willing to take Billie: they aren't equal, bad deeds weigh much heavier Billie: there'd need to be a lot more good to counteract them Indie: hear this, if a boy makes me feel everything that's bad and its good Indie: he hurts me and he wants me Indie: is it equal or nah? Billie: I can't tell you what you can deal with, only what I think you should Billie: and it doesn't sound equal to me Indie: but maybe close as imma get Indie: w how lads be Indie: they want what they want and how they want it & if he wants me then thats good Billie: What's good about it? Indie: feelin the love Indie: like who we tryna measure him against? mckenna? your da? idk thats a madness Indie: they grown Billie: I don't think all boys are like that Billie: or men Billie: there's an inbetween Indie: is it tho Billie: 'course Billie: we're not like lots of girls at school but we're not grown either Indie: idk maybe ive got things twisted Indie: or maybe i cant hit you w the real words Billie: That's alright, you don't need to Billie: get it right for yourself though, that's important, even if it takes a while Indie: what if rio been right & she hates me Billie: She doesn't hate you, for one Billie: and she's not going to hit you with an 'I told you so' Billie: give her a chance Indie: i gotta hit her up Indie: imma do it Billie: Well done Billie: I'm so sure it'll be worth it Indie: youre sick Indie: 💖💖💖 Billie: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 Indie: real 👑 moves Indie: im not about to forget it Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 or nah Billie: 'Course not 😊 just try to see my notes next time 😂 Indie: innit tho Indie: come find me when he aint around Billie: 👍 Will do
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jpy693en-blog · 5 years
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What’s the average price for car insurance?
What s the average price for car insurance?
i m turning seventeen soon and i need to get enough money together for a year s worth of insurance.
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :COVERAGEQUOTES.NET
SOURCES:
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westerberg · 7 years
Text
i sad
ugh my period of “anger masking any sadness” has ended and i’m sad again.
honestly im just so tired of everybody. I have like, one friend and my sister who i feel actually care about me, like on a day to day basis. is my dad doing his best? possibly. do i care when he still he makes me feel like shit, daily? not really tbh. i know he loves me but he just does not show any concern for my emotions or anything. he always seems to put his own needs and wants over mine, which i guess is fine, but last time i had a single parent with my mom she cared about nothing more than my feeling, my interests, and my day. she was perfect and now i have an extremely imprefect dad who has called both me and my sister a bitch before (he called me it jokingly to be fair, but god, if mom were there to see that. he called my sister a bitch for real)
i hate to be that high school depressed kid but i honestly can’t relate to my friends very well anymore. i listen to every one of their boring dentist stories, stories about their cats and dogs that are THE SAME EVERY TIME, and listen to them shit talk stuff i love. and to top it off, they don’t seem to give a shit about my stories. i talk about stuff i love and they just wander off. i feel extremely taken for granted and i am very tempted to just abandon most of them.
honestly not really any of my friends have any knowledge on my interests and i can usually deal but just something about depression + everyone taking you for granted makes you really frustrated when you’re around a bunch of people who just want you to make some jokes and listen to their shit.  
none of them know anything about politics, pop culture, and our music tastes are super different, and also don’t do anything interesting. THOSE ARE THE ONLY THINGS I KNOW HOW TO HAVE GOOD CONVOS ABOUT. AND I DONT FEEL LIKE EXPLAINING THAT THE 2008 RECESSION EVEN HAPPEND OR WHO DICK CHENEY IS TO HAVE SOME GOOD CONVERSATIONS.
i have two friends on tumblr, and one doesnt go to our school anymore and i dont think she reads my posts so im not too worried about that. but if you are reading dont worry ur good. then the other one is my Good Friend who tells Interesting Stories and knows the First Thing about politics and pop culture. ur still a weeb but cha good.
friend #1: annoying lil trumpet player who loves picking fights and making me feel stupid. bitch, im so much smarter than you. i dont care if you understand finding non-real zeroes in a polynomial, you didnt understand la la land and and why the muslim ban is nonsense, whose the real idiot? i swear to god if i gotta listen to you talk about cuddling with your dog again while blatenly shrugging off stuff i wanna tell you i will beat ypu behind a dumpster. you rebuplican evangelical trumper. honestly you’re good for 1. pasing the time on jazz band bus rides and 2. stories about your crushes, even if your crush is just as big of a homophobe as you
friend #2: oh my god. OOOOOOOOHHHH MYYYYYY GODDDDD. SHUT UP.  OH SO YOU DIDN’T UNDERSTAND LA LA LAND? OH YOUR CAT CUDDLED WITH YOU TODAY? OH YOU THINK I SHOULD DO THIS DIFFERENTLY? OH SO YPU THOUGHT THE OFFICE WAS STUPID??? OH SO YPU WANNA BE AN ACCOUNTANT WHEN YOU GROW UP? OH SO YOU DID YOUR NOTES REALLY NICELY? OH SO YOU HATE BAND? OH SO YOU THINK THE RED HPT CHILI PEPPERS ARE “super old”????OH SO YOU “just wanna go home and cuddle with your cat”???????? OH THATS REALLY INTERESTING. WANNA HEAR ABOUT WHAT I DID THIS WEEKEND? OH NO OF COURSE YOU WOULDNT JUST BECAUSE I LISTENED TO YOU RAMBLE ON FOR 5 MINUTES EVERY HOUR DOESNT OWE ME YOU GIVING A SHIT ABOUT WHAT I DO TOO. OH YEAH THATS HOW FIRENDSHIP WORKS, ONE PERSON YAKKING TO THE OTHER, THE OTHE RPESON TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING AND THE EITHER GETTING A GRUNT OR A CRITISISM IN RESPONSE. YUP GRWAT THATS GREAT
friends #3+#4: same problem. they’re fun but cant take anything seriously. they just like anime and youtuber and when i try to tell them about my problems or my personal interests its obviuos they just want me to shut up and just be funny. im kinda really good friends with one of them but i s2g, they just make the same jokes every day, both tell me extremely similar dream stories which.... get boring after a while. except the one where she murdered her family, that one is interesting. one is interested in politics on some level, she watches john oliver but she still didnt know 1. who jon stewart is 2. THAT THE 2008 RECESSION HAPPEND. so. not great. the other one really doesnt know anything about anything except animation which gets. boring.so decent friends, but not really what im looking for rn.
friend #5. a weeb who is good and gay at heart. could stand to learn more about politics and pop cultures, but doing much much much better than her competition. A Good Bi
friend #6: we’re not super close but she kinda seems to just like me when i’m funny, but i guess thats how most of my friendships starts. guess that figures, but she’s nice. also did not know the 2008 recession happened
friends Rest Of Immediate Friend Group: i swear they think i’m dumb, i don’t know why but i do.  don’t know them super well, they’re cooler than the rest of my friends, but seem to hate fun about just as much. date questionable boys.
i have other friends but this is the Friend Group and don’t feel like going outside of this cause none of the rest of them make me especially angry.
my friends don’t seem to know the first thing about hardships. friend #2 didnt get to archery, go to pep band that night, or put up posters that night. now, i know its an asshole move to say this but, uh, 1. she lives in a real house 2. her mom is alive 2. she isn’t struggling in school at all 3. she didnt grow up with dad in the army who ended up doing drugs 4. she’s never been depressed, and i think i have been twice now, at the age of 16, so, uh, go fuck yourself. i’ve never felt more depressed and lonely in my life and i try to vent to people and they don’t give a shit, including you so ypu know what? suck it the fuck up
god, i hate depressed me. she’s such a bitch. sarcastic intellectual, better-than-you, vengence fueled lizzie. its not me, but i don’t wanna be me right now. im fine being angry and uppity cause it feels warrented. these people don’t show me in any way that they care about me and make me feel bad god, i cant listen to one more of my privileged friends complain about shit i don’t even think about anymore.
i know i’ve been a bitch to my friends lately and healthy lizzie apologizes deeply, and depressed lizzie says go fuck yourself and why dont you help out instead of sidelining me until i become more palateable to you sophmores you dont know the first thing about life, and who think youtubers are hilarious and the holy trinity of comedies suck (office, iasip, arrested development)
i know that last line doesnt fit but it just makes me angry
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