#... yeah I have zero defence lmao

[celestialholz]

Everytime I go onto the ephemeralartshipping tag and a new post of you analyzing Brassius and Hassel's relationship. I cheer a little bit because I get to see the inner workings of a more dedicated shipper than me

That's me, the exceptional everynerd

[maglorthecrab]

🔮 ghosthunters Follow

hot girls get accused of murder constantly ☹️ I swear I’m just trying to finish my magisteel fanfic but nooo I keep being arrested ☹️

🪜 ladderhosen Follow

average ao3 author

🧃applejustice Follow

Op what are you even doing to keep being arrested for murder 😧

🔮 ghosthunters Follow

Literally nothing! I’m just a poor poor little meow meow :((( your honour my client is meow meow :(( not guilty

🕰️ athelas Follow

uh that is not how a court of law works op you can’t just claim to be a meow meow and get acquitted?? would the judge dven understand that??

🧃 applejustice Follow

i’m a lawyer. you’d be surprised the shenanigans that goes on in court. only in LA I swear 😔

🍄 magisteel Follow

help all the reblogs zeroed in on applejustice like OH MY GOD YOUREA LAWYR IN LA DO YOU KNOW SUCH AND SUCJ like yeah they’re probably aware of the LA law fandom

🌅 rainbowmiku Follow

I’ve only had the LA law fandom for a day and if anything happened to it I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself

🛒 guiltylove Follow

MANSLAUGHTER

🪜 ladderhosen Follow

Can’t have shit in Detroit? Nuh uh can’t have shit in the LA law fandom istg like hey welcome we have our favourite chief prosecutor married to a defence attorney who’s completely insane and has been on trial for murder three times and then people come here saying ‘oh manslaugtter’ for making a reference istg

🫧 pearlescent Follow

op was literally here to complain about not being able to finish a fic because she keeps being arrested for murder :( sad times

🌻 wrightandcolaw Follow

like literally! just came here to vent about my fic being unfinished because of the trial 🙄

🌻 wrightandcolaw Follow

WRONG ACCOUNT OH MY GOD

🐚 demaskmasque Follow

The plot thickens

🌸 hazakuras Follow

WAIT IS GHOSTHUNTERS AND WRIGHTANDCOLAW THE SAME PERSON

🌅 rainbowmiku Follow

The LA law fandom is having a field day with this lmao

12,307 notes

[imaginespazzi]

Bestie, I absolutely love the reactions, and the potential upset picks based on nothing but vibes (because is there any other way to pick them really?), the silly goofy vibes F4 predictions! All of it!

Ok, so I've created a few too many brackets lmao, some (read: most) with all vibes and zero logic, and a couple with slightly more logic, maybe, lol. But I guess my "primary" bracket consists of the following, and I'll start from sweet 16, to make it shorter (yk when i say shorter i really mean longer):

Sweet 16

Albany 1:

SC vs Oklahoma (I actually think Indiana could get through over Oklahoma but for humanity's sake, I'm manifesting the Sooners) Oregon St vs Notre Dame ( I wanted to give Nebraska and/or Ole Miss the upset in Rd 2, which I have in a couple of my other brackets, but ultimately, I think Oregon St and ND get through)

Albany 2:

Princeton vs Kansas St (ok so my primary bracket should really be one of my more logical ones but fuck that, it's March Madness for a reason, and I desperately want Princeton to get through and upset Iowa. I mean, just imagine being the team that sends CC and the Hawkeyes packing, and to do it in Carver? Give me a Kaitlyn Chen buzzer-beating game-winning shot for the theatrics! Oh and Colorado and Kansas St is a toss-up for me rn, but I'll go with Ayoka Lee)

LSU vs UCLA (I badly wanna see Louisville upset LSU bcos in Jeff I trust buuuut I just can't see it rn, I'm sorry Jeff)

Portland 3:

USC vs Columbia (yeah that's right, fuck it, Columbia in against Vandy then upsets Baylor and VT cos it's Abbey Hsu's last year and the universe owes her one! 😌)

UConn vs Ohio State (Does a Syracuse/Auburn/Arizona matchup scare me a little? Sure, but just a little, cos March P and MVLi will get them through. Also, what's with the committee and setting up players against their former team - HVL vs Louisville and Celeste vs Duke, lmao committee be a lil messy sometimes)

Portland 4:

Texas vs Utah (I know people are expecting Utah to stumble early, maybe even in the first round, but not me bestie, NOT ME)

Tennessee vs Stanford (you're right that there's really no in between with TN, either they upset NC State or get blown out by them but I'm going with the upset)

Elite 8

South Carolina vs Oregon State (I know, I have Oregon St with the upset over ND, but idk i think a part of me is a lil biased towards PAC 12 teams just given what they'd had to contend with even though ACC was a tough one too, so I'm giving Oregon St the slightest edge)

Kansas St vs UCLA (I wanna take Princeton all the way to an Elite 8, I do, but I didn't 😭 And maybe I'm too high on UCLA but like you said, they're just more consistent and I trust them more than LSU and most other teams)

USC vs Ohio State (I'M SORRY Y'ALL! Ok, look, as I might have said before, I'm a massive Jacy and Cotie fan and because it's Jacy's final year, I kinda have a slight bias towards OSU right now. But what about Aaliyah and Nika, you ask?? What about "bleed blue always"? I know, I'm such a traitor, but in my defence? my main attachment to UConn is Azzi, even though I do love the rest of the team - and since Azzi isn't playing, my attachment to a few other players (read: Jacy and AP) have been a little stronger this season. PLS FORGIVE ME)

Utah vs Stanford (read previous statement and my said attachment to certain players - I'm wishing on any and every shooting star that AP goes on a generational run and takes Utah this far 🙏 I also have TN upsetting Stanford in some brackets, but not this one)

Final 4

South Carolina vs Stanford (Given I'd been letting my heart dictate most of these picks, I really should have just gone with Utah to make it here, but this is the one time my brain actually took over)

UCLA vs Ohio State (like you, USC still doesn't move me as much as other teams, although I do think they're actually a solid team even outside of Juju, but hey if I picked Ohio State over UConn then I should really stand by that now huh)

National Championship

South Carolina vs Ohio State

Champion

Ohio State (I will say, I think after the second sweet-16 reveal, I picked OSU to win then and so I thought well I might as well stand ten toes down and stay consistent 😅)

Again, I'm sorry for betraying UConn like this, I know pookie would be disappointed in me 😔 but fear not y'all, I swear I made another bracket where I have UConn win it all soooo, call it even?

Anyway, this is all from an unqualified, amateur, and unserious wcbb fan who used simply nothing but vibes and a quarter of a brain cell to make these picks!

I'm sorry you had to read through all that, bestie. I know you're probably like, i didn't ask for this!! But I hope it was entertaining, if anything 😂

Biggest love to you always, Nivi. 💗

-🙋‍♀️

Hi bestie <3

BABES NOT YOU PICKING AGAINST MY HUSKIES 😭😭😭

Now that, that's out of the way (I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed 🥲) I actually see the vision with your bracket but I'm ngl babes we are on very different wavelengths for the first time lol because "main" bracket is not this at all (well kinda).

I have SC vs Indiana (still rooting for Fairfield) because I have Oklahoma losing to FGCU and I picked the Nebraska upset so I have them vs ND but I have SC coming out of that region as well.

Also babes I'm with because I have Princeton making the sweet 16 as well like it's what we deserve but I'm picking the Louisville upset because fuck Kim Mulkely lmao but I do ultimately have UCLA coming out of that region.

Our Portland 3 region is so insanely difference because I'm so sorry bestie I have OSU getting upset by Duke in the 2nd round. And this is gonna backfire but I have USC getting upset in the 2nd round by Kansas and then obviously I have UConn coming out of the whole things.

But we see each other with Portland 4 because I have Texas vs Utah and Stanford vs Tennessee as well but then listen APHive, I'm so sorry, and I have Utah going further in my fun brackets, but in the main, I had to put Texas above. I have Stanford coming out of that one though.

Anyways all of this to say that I have Stanford vs UConn in the national championship with UConn winning it all. I genuinely tried to make *1* bracket where UConn didn't win and I just couldn't so basically in every world in my brain UConn wins.

I love your thoughts always babes (even when you're betting against my huskies) and I love that they're always long. <3

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

What I’m Watching - Fall 2021

ahhhh fuck the season’s already started holy shit!

Komi-san wa, Comyushou desu. - I’ve read like 100 chapters of the manga and enjoy it enough, also the PVs be looking mad fucking nice which is a relief.

Takt Op. Destiny - Yeah so the announcement PV for this looked dumb and “musicart” sounds stupid so I meme ptw’d this. Then we got our first real PV and the show looked great, so I removed it from ptw since it’s not a funny ironic watch any more. But then we got the road trip looking key visual and PV and, yo, I fucking love road trips in anime dog, so yeah 

Senpai ga Uzai Kouhai no Hanashi - Hence “Annoying Senpai”, Girl cute, Tomori Kusunoki.

Sakugan - I’m gonna have a difficult time explaining why exactly but ever since this got announced in like 2019 or so? I’ve been really fucking excited for it, like, absurdly so. And when we started getting PVs they looked genuinely incredible. Actually my most anticipated show for this season and hard read Anime of the Season as well. Watch Sakugan.

Heike Monogatari - Hey I’m already watching this lol. It’s already really good too - amazing visuals enhanced with expected god tier direction from Yamada, and hey Aoi Yuuki giving a vocal performance like no other.

180 Byou de Kimi no Mimi wo Shiawase ni Dekiru ka? - Meme ASMR show, 3 minute episodes.

Selection Project - Did you see me passionately declare my love for this dumb idol show yesterday lol.

Yuuki Yuuna wa Yuusha de Aru: Dai Mankai no Shou - I’ve seen the rest of YuYuYu anime lol, why not, right? It’s been ages since I watched them and I remember fuck all and I’ve read zero of the light novels which will apparently really do me in here, but hey I’m sure I’ll rewatch it whenever I decide to consume the rest of the franchise. Btw gonna make a point to use MajiYuusha uploads since better subs.

Demon Slayer: Mugen Train TV - Completionist syndrome plus Mugen Train has god tier animation so.

Puraore! Pride of Orange - Idol anime. But also cute girl sports show. But also the PVs look really fucking good so I have reason to be excited that’s not just superficial genre enthusiast shit.

Gyakuten Sekai no Denchi Shoujo - AKA Rumble Garanndoll? World’s worst localised title goes to... But anyway this seemed cool to me based on the initial title of Reversal World’s Battery Girl and the kind of denpa key visual, and while that’s less so the case now and I sorta just find the PVs fine, that one PV that screams OTAKU IS NOT DEAD has me intrigued. Some meta statement on the romanticisation of the “good old days”? Back when Daicon opening animations were the shit? Could be neat, idk I’m certainly interested anyway.

Yakunara Mug Cup mo: Niban Gama - PEAK FICTION CUP SEASON FUCKING 2 BABY

Anyway yeah think that’s it. My whole “cutting down on seasonals” thing’s gone to fucking shit lmao. But in my defence, 12 shows is still reasonable, especially given the amount of seasons where I’ve tried to watch like 18 or more shows and all. Moreover I actually am really excited for the bulk of these, like it doesn’t feel like I’ve got any shows I’m picking up for one single reason that I otherwise wouldn’t watch - this feels carefully considered by my standards anyway. And hey I might still drop stuff lol. Anyway yeah hype season.

[tonystarktogo]

They're as Subtle as Cognitive Recalibration - which would also make a great title XD

Yes, subtlety definitely isn’t their strenght. In their defence: I don’t think the time travel was planned or at the very least they didn’t land where they wanted to -- they’re just too damn uncoordinated for anything else.

lmao I love it!! Too bad I wasn’t feeling that creative when I came up with the ‘verse name XD Apropos cognitive recalibration:

They run into Romanoff on the hallway. 

She looks just about ready to murder all of them. Considering she’s never graced Tony with that much emotion when he was actively trying to get under her skin at his most annoying, he makes the executive decision to get the fuck out of dodge. Meaning he calmly takes a step to the left to hide behind Rogers. From what he’s seen so far, they can afford to lose him if it comes to that.

“What’s going on?” Rogers asks with a relaxed air that violently clashes with the murderous air Romanoff eludes.

Part of Tony wants to do a Thor, blow a convenient hole through the nearest wall and make a graceful exit. The rest of him desperately wishes he had popcorn.

“It’s Barton,” Romanoff states grimly. “He’s leading a team of eight hostiles. Their aim appears to be to free Loki.”

Oh. Tony grimaces. Yeah. That would do it.

[continues under the cut]

Romanoff’s narrow-eyed gaze fixates on Rogers, confirming once and for all that Tony chose the right sacrifical offering because his instincts are amazing like that.

“I take it cognitive recalibration will work on him as well?” Romanoff asks politely. There’s a very loud ‘you better tell me what I want to hear or I’ll use you to beat some sense into that little shit’ at the end of that sentence. It’s almost impressive how unfazed Rogers’ seems when Tony can see his life expectancy dwindle right before his eyes.

...nah. The much more probable conclusion is that the man -- supersoldier whatever -- is an idiot with zero self-preservation.

And after having read his file that shouldn’t surprise anyone.

“Oh yeah,” Rogers nods, already hefting up his shield and moving. “Don’t worry, I can-”

Romanoff has her gun aimed straight at his head before he finishes. It’s a very big gun. Where did she even hide it?

“You,” Romanoff enunciates slowly, “can handle the rest of the minions. Or the controll center. Barton’s mine and if you try to go after him, I’ll shoot you.”

“That escalated quickly,” Banner mutters under his breath.

Tony for his part can’t say he is surprised. He still regrets the lack of popcorn though.

“But wouldn’t it be easier if I--” Rogers, proving once and for all that he has less common sense than DUM-E before his first ever upgrade, starts.

Romanoff removes the safety. “The last time you recalibrated someone you almost crushed a god’s skull.”

And alright, fair point. Tony still recalls the terrible cracking sound the shield made against Loki’s skull even if he really wishes he didn’t. A human. Unfortunately he can imagine the outcome just fine and it’s a lot more than just messy death.

“She’s got a point, Captain,” Banner cuts in, speaking right over Rogers’ outraged “I’m in perfect control of my enhanced strength, thank you,”, shrugging off the betrayed glance Rogers shoots him. “We don’t need to argue about this.”

“I shall ensure my brother is not disturbed,” Thor announces with a thunderous -- pun very much intended because Tony has to take his fun where he can get it, what with the company he’s currently keeping -- scowl and walks away. Without another word.

Thanks for that, man. Go team.

“Alarms register intruders on the second level as of three minutes ago, moving towards Storage Unit 33,” Tony repeats JARVIS’ message because his boy is fucking amazing and also it’s high time to blow this joint before something else goes wrong. “Seems like Barton’s minions are on the move. Might want to stop them, from what SHIELD’s super secret files say, they really shouldn’t get in there.”

That earns him a fond grin from Rogers. Tony blinks, feeling like he’s taken two quick steps to the left without his brain registering the motion.

“Guess we’ll take care of that then, huh Stark?”

Okay?

“Not like I can trust you to get the job done on your own, Icicle.” Tony blinks, surprised by the amount of sarcasm his mouth is capable off sprouting while his brain reloads.

“Glad to see some common sense under all that posturing.” Romanoff smiles sweetly and stalks off into the opposite direction with a fuck-with-me-I-dare-you stalk that could clear out an entire shopping center on Black Friday.

“Hang on, what did you mean by handle the control center?” Rogers calls out after her.

“It’s on fire.” And with that cheerful proclamation and a casual wave over her shoulder, Romanoff takes a turn and disappears out of sight.

Tony blinks. Recalculates. “Secure 33 and the minions first, then worry about the fire.” Because the fire will be the least of their worries if any of the intruders get their hands on even one of the weapons cleared for Phase 2 that Tony knows are in that room.

Thankfully, neither Rogers nor Banner question his decision, just take off after him. 

Well, Rogers does. Banner takes two steps, freezes, slaps his forehead hard enough to be heard over the distant sound of another explosion, cries something about ‘fill’ as the aircraft tilts sideways and runs off without another word.

Tony would really like an explanation for that. [And for 47 other things while he’s at it. He’s keeping track -- and what he misses J definitely doesn’t.] And he’ll get one. 

As soon as the walls stop shaking and the floor doesn’t threaten to breake away under his feet.

Really, who thought keeping an entire agency’s base on a flying aircraft that doesn’t even need a missile to get a hole ripped into its outer shell would be a good idea? 

Rightfully or not, Tony blames Fury. For everything.

[katherine-mcnamara-archive]

there's nothing wrong with making connections through other characters though? i swear the rpc is full of babies who just want their character to be special and loved and popular.

No nope nada we’re not doing this. 

When you, as a person, look at a female character and want to plot that your two have a connection/know each other, not because you like HER but because she’s friends/related to/connected to/dating, a male character that you want to jump on. that’s just shitty. 

and lets be real it is only really plotting a connection, y’all would never thread with the girl y’all are using to jump on some e-dick you like the look of. you don’t even properly read the dude’s bio lmao half the time you can’t even spell the dude’s name right. 

Do you really want to get into this ok.

How many times have you done this to men? been like you know what I’m going to plot a connection here and then ignore them and their player just so I can get close to this female they’re dating/friends with? YEAH ZERO EXACTLY.

Female characters are only of use to the rpc when they serve a purpose of jump starting y’all with a male you like. 

While we’re on that if y’all don’t stop ignoring trans men and women and aro/ace men and women and nb people too i will come out of your mirrors and choke you!

You all condemn female characters enough for things you praise men for.

You want examples? okay here’s two from RECENT personal experience. people can feel free to add on.

Sofie: (mexican lebanese - bisexual) bounty hunter has a wide range of contacts want ad for a found family type of deal she’s extremely perceptive personable,has a good humour, extremely loving to people she’s close to, family orientated, protective. other traits etc. snake mom. we’re a powers site (she has animal communication as a power) and she loves her two venomous snakes she calls her daughters more than anything, she’s protective of her, they are of her.  human rights activist animal rights activist teaches self defence in her spare time. she’s happy, she’s confident, she loves herself.

Just from that brief description, you’d think she’d have an easy time plotting? she would if she was a man. I get four reactions to Sofie and y’all know whats coming.

1. straight up ignored / ”i’m not racist but her attitude makes me uncomfortable” 2. asked for threads just to “put her in her place/knock her down a few pegs.” (male rpers only reaction to her so far) 3. people just assume she’s easy and dtf any time and oversexualise tf out of her and it makes me extremely uncomfortable.  4. they use her to try to get to my best friends male character and ignore me any time i try to plot these “friends”. 

Cassia: (white - bisexual) hacker she’s extremely smart, has a genius level iq she’s dealing with ptsd and anxiety shes in recovery for being an alcoholic from a traumatic experience she was abused when she was younger so she has low trust in men. preferring women’s company. she’s a genuinely nice person, she’s quiet, she shows her affection because she’s bad with words. she’s protective of her friends, she’s even more protective of other women. she uses her powers (electrokinesis) and her hacking skills to hack into databases and help women/people in danger in general. she’s so damn loving when you get to know her. has an adopted son she raised and kept alive when she was in captivity. she’s funny, not to toot my own horn but her reaction to stress is humour. like people start arguing and she peaces out through the window and scales the drain pipe. she ain’t here for it. Again, prime to be a good friend/more/easy-ish to plot with right? HAH y’all wanna know the reactions I get to Cass? I’ve posted a few horror stories before. but here’s some points.

1. she’s terrified of guns/authority figures. first thread with a person and he goes OFF on her about his right to carry and then taunts her with it. player then OOC calls her a bitch and stuck up because she wasn’t instantly all over him/she was cold to him. 2. people assume she’s a bitch so often with the only evidence being that she has anxiety and is quiet around new people. 3. people try to put her in threads with alcohol because they think it’ll be fun to test her self control. nobody really takes it serious because it’s not drugs. so people use it as a joke. 4. trying to thread with females is a pain in my ass, like she’s specifically geared as more towards threading with them. but people are not interested at all.  5. the misogynistic comments towards her past are usually made by women rpers. 6. on the addiction topic, someone didn’t like that she was being friends with the man said female rper wanted her char with so on purpose left out alcohol beside her and then the player joked about it OOC.  7. people trying to knock her down a few pegs also. 8. or they try to befriend her/plot connections with her just to get to the one of the two men she knows. never any of the females.

another point for both of them is that people keep treating them like absolute shit, as if that would somehow prove to the men these rpers are after that these girls are connected to. that they are better than cass or sofie. and I just sit here like ????? i don’t know about anyone else but if someone was literally being gross to me, to try to impress my brother or a friend i know they would drop them like a hot potato so I have no idea why people think that’s a good idea in the rpc.

Also I know my friend Alyx, has way more worse stories and shit of what people have done to her females, not jsut to try to get to my males but just for daring to exist so like. choke anon.

[neuxue]

(Part the 1st)Now that you are in the Chapter 50-52 bubble, I wanted to share something. I've messaged you before about how your continuous comparisons of Rand and Egwene's arcs helped/caused me to see the depth and complexity of their relationship, and the way in which Egwene acts as Rand's counterweight in the series, providing the a balance to the Dragon Reborn in a series that is, at its heart, about how vitally important balance between forces is (at least within a strict binary system).

(Part the 2nd) In light of that I wanted to add that I had previously been a little dubious of your theory that Lew’s Theron’s voice in Rand’s head was actually a defensive construct and not necessarily Rand’s madness. It just felt like the writing was so clear that LTT’s voice was legit, and maybe it is on some level. But I was recently rereading earlier sections as part of another read along (it covers 1-2 chapters a week and is in the TSR, who will finish first? :P lmao). But I noticedin the lead-up to the battle outside of Cairhein against the Shaido, there are SEVERAL instances of Rand just suddenly *having* memories or knowledge from LTT… and at this stage there was no voice at all. The voice doesn’t appear until AFTER Rand nearly runs himself to exhaustion in that battle. And it’s presented so faux casually (as in, it’s a big deal and it’s pointed out, but within the context of us seeing the beginning of Rand experiencing the Taint. Much like the Joker’sline in The Dark Knight about people being ok as long as events are following “The Plan” even if The Plan is horrific. We are expecting to see Rand loosing it, so we don’t really over analyze it when it happens) if I had not been primed by reading your analysis from that perspective, I probably would have just KEPT reading and not noticed, so once again; thank you for this blog and for adding ever more depth and meat to this series for me!

Yeah, I do talk about this one a lot. I’m glad it works for you!

And in my defence, it’s because most of the time I’m trying to work out what’s going on, as new information comes in and things change. Because it’s definitely taken me a while to figure out what’s happening – and I could very well be wrong! This is one where I think there’s a whole lot of space for different reader interpretations, depending on what makes sense to you (and, honestly, on what feels more satisfying to you; I often feel like explanations of a character’s internal landscape or mentality or psychology work better when they’re left a bit open to interpretation).

Your description of it as a “theory that Lews Therin’s voice in Rand’s head was actually a defensive construct and not necessarily Rand’s madness. It just felt like the writing was so clear that LTT’s voice was legit, and maybe it is on some level” is interesting because I never really thought of it in those terms; this is partly no doubt because I’ve been trying to work it out as the story unfolds, but also because I think the very nature of the whole…situation in Rand’s head also changes as time goes on. But I suppose you’re right; that is sort of where I’ve eventually ended up.

That is to say, yes, I think at this point in time, what is portrayed as Lews Therin’s voice is not an accurate representation of Lews Therin Telamon as he was in life, and is more something Rand has – inadvertently and more or less subconsciously – created, as a way of dealing with something that probably absolutely no one is actually equipped to deal with.

But I think initially it was much closer to a manifestation of Lews Therin’s actual personality and thoughts, as they might have been if he were there to experience what Rand does. And in between then and now, we see a transition.

It’s something I definitely want to focus on more closely in a reread, because again, my own understanding and interpretation of what’s going on has changed so much as the story progresses, so I think it’ll be different looking at it from the perspective of having seen the whole thing.

That said, I see it as progressing something like this:

We start with not even a voice, but just occasional things Rand seems to know, or remember, or be able to do, that he has no business knowing in this lifetime. It’s like that barrier between lifetimes has been thinned and torn, and then things start to slip through. It’s hardly even noticeable at first.

Until it is, and we move into the beginning of an identity crisis, with Rand occasionally responding to Lews Therin’s name and not his own, or not even realising when he’s saying something that comes from Lews Therin’s lifetime/memories rather than his present one. Because he has all this extra stuff in his head, and right now it’s not compartmentalised at all, so he starts to get a bit lost in it, or inundated by it, and he doesn’t have a way of anchoring himself against it (because what is himself?)

Then it starts to become not just memories and thoughts, but an actual voice. Initially, like I said, I do think this is probably very close to how Lews Therin himself would have sounded; lines like ‘I would burn the world and use my soul for tinder to hear her laugh again’ certainly seem like something that would come from Lews Therin Telamon. But that’s part of the same extended scene where we get ‘for a moment, he could not remember his name’. This is the barrier actually starting to dissolve in places, and Rand is no longer ignorant of what’s happening but is terrified by it (and as a reader, I was as well! I’m a proponent of reunification now, but at the time? Yeah, watching your protagonist forget his own name seemed like a sign that All Is Not Well), and – crucially – has no real coping mechanisms for it yet.

That is, I think, where we start to see a transition from a clear distinction between Lews Therin Telamon and Rand al'Thor (perhaps ironically, as I think a lot of what happens next is because Rand’s afraid of losing himself). Rand asserts his own identity in TFoH (it’s a major part of the climactic battle, even), and in doing so he more consciously sets up this distinction between himself and Lews Therin.

Despite that, though, the barrier between lifetimes is eroding (this, I think, is the taint madness…I personally headcanon this as being the same for all saidin users, but people react to it differently and it manifests differently in each of them), so more of Lews Therin’s memories and knowledge and even personality are there, accessible, in Rand’s head.

So I read it as Rand…creating his own barrier, in place of the one that’s falling apart, in order to hold on to what he defines as himself. It’s a self-vs-other kind of divide he sets up…but this time he’s the one defining it, which means we see it manifest a little differently than the one the Pattern put there for good reason.

From about…oh, Lord of Chaos onwards, we get what I see as a gradual transition from Rand al'Thor 100% on one side of that barrier and Lews Therin Telamon 100% on the other side to…a barrier being there, but a mixing on either side of elements from each…personality? Lifetime?

Because Rand starts using the voice as a tool, as something he can point to and say ‘that is a madman; I am sane’, or as a source of knowledge, or as a touchstone of sorts, or as someone to bounce ideas off of, or – I think – something he can contrast himself with. Like a mirror he can look into, not to see what he is but to see what he is not (what he refuses to be).

And it’s this last one that’s crucial, because this is what I think causes a lot of the shift in the first place. Rand knows he is Lews Therin Telamon reborn. Rand knows what Lews Therin Telamon did. And above almost anything else, Rand is terrified of doing the same. So we see him deliberately setting anything that falls under ‘not myself’ or 'madness’ or 'killing everyone you love’ in contrast with himself; he uses it as a way to set some of those thresholds (that he later crosses), to set himself up as distinct from all the things he refuses to be. He needs to see them as separate entities in order to hold to a) his identity, b) his sanity, and c) his hope of…not a second chance, exactly, but of not repeating Lews Therin’s fate. His autonomy, I suppose.

But then we start to see that shift, as well, because now it’s no longer the actual barrier between lifetimes that seems to exist (and for good fucking reason) in everyone, if this is a world in which everyone is someone reborn but no one remembers their past lives; but is instead a replacement barrier. A barrier Rand has made for himself, in order to keep his identity and sanity and autonomy safe.

Because ultimately here’s the thing: Rand and Lews Therin aren’t separate, really. Rand is Lews Therin reborn, so it’s the same…person? Soul? Entity? Whatever you want to call it, but with two distinct lifetimes and thus sets of experiences. It’s just that the files have been corrupted and there’s this weird bleedthrough, so the separation isn’t working the way it should, and everything we see next is Rand trying to, essentially, figure out from this mess of two lifetimes who he is (and who he wants to be). Does that mean shutting one entire lifetime away? But what if some of it is useful? Maybe some of who he is now is anathema to him, given what he has to do, so maybe it’s better if that gets shut away. Maybe he should take some of that old knowledge, maybe he should recombine some things (maybe he should learn from his past, both successes and mistakes, so that he can take this as a true second chance). But to go from zero to just accepting the whole thing is uh…unrealistic at best, so instead we see Rand struggling with it, and the situation evolving as a result of that.

And yes, I think a lot of this comes from how everything is presented in the story, and how it unfolds, and how we’re primed to interpret it. It’s one of my favourite aspects of Rand’s character and arc, honestly, and is definitely something I intend to spend some more time on during a reread or post-series.

[loptrcoptr]

Man you know, sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between how much I really like this department and how much I really hate it. Today I got my marks back so it’s the latter lmao. Whine whine whine ignore me sorry

—————-

It’s fine, I was above the PhD mark but not by all that much lolll. My dissertation was not given the mark I wanted and I of course don’t get distinction and the reason, apparently, is that my writing style is too fluid and engaging? My constant critique has been that my tone is “distracting” because sometimes I may have a quip or I write something in extremely plain English and that’s not very academic. So I’ve gotten all these just-barely-enough marks along the way solely because I refuse to back off and be boring and say the biggest words I can think of. So fine, I deserve not to have an excellent mark because I refused to conform. But also my thesis defence was incredibly chill? Like.. LOVELY. I had zero criticisms. At all. So imagine my surprise when I open up my final dissertation letter-write up-thing to find they were confused about one of my appendices, didn’t seem to understand where my second source came from (laid out EXPLICITLY in the introduction) and once again didn’t like my writing style? Good fucking Jesus. Wish someone would’ve just told me that in the, you know, season I organized joust for telling me that!! Instead of sitting and saying oh this dissertation is excellent so well written well done thank you for a wonderful piece etc. only to find a week later it was apparently Not Actually These Things and these issues weren’t raised. That’s doing me a disservice. Vivas are supposed to help your grade, right? Well how was I supposed to help myself and clarify issues when they weren’t raised? (Also one of the main clarity issues was, apparently, the lack of info in the chart: the stuff I removed bc my supervisor told me to so that’s infuriating and depressing) and my supervisor never said anything about my writing- the fuck wasn’t she concerned if it was all apparently too pretty? I got one point less on my dissertation than my opening review essay— really??? Reviewing shit other people said one time and saying nothing about it is better work than nine months of research, are you serious??

Anyway blah blah I’m a whiny baby. But I know my work. And I know when I’ve done well. My dissertation is solid work, it’s nice to read, it’s not a flawless gem of groundbreaking shit but it’s good. And I don’t like sitting here knowing my other friends in the English department are getting distinctions- and high ones at that- for work of similar quality. But no, not me, fuck my hard work, because I’m an Asnc and we don’t DO distinctions unless you’re absolutely perfect. I dunno maybe lots of kids in my cohort got them and it’s just me, the idiot, doing all this hard work to churn out some really good stuff and then get a big fat “pass” for it. Honestly I feel like my supervisor and the viva panel... like I’ve just been lied to. It was not your job to be nice to me, if something needed to be tweaked then why did no one tell me? Until now, when it’s too late? This letter thing is like solid MPhil work, very good: but not phd level and I’m like damn then maybe I won’t apply. What’s the point if it’s gonna be a struggle? Gave me all these above of at phd marks and then the moral is... work harder? Well I literally can’t. I have it my goddamn all and if that’s not enough then yeah, I guess that’s academia, and I guess I was never cut out for it. Ugh. Give me my stupid fucking graduation ceremony and leave me alone.

[snapedefender]

i would assume, and you can disagree, that james might feel the act of joining an extremist group dedicated to purging the wizarding world of muggleborns just like his SO negates his need to apologise. what james did was bad, sure, but you acknowledge snape did bad things too and it took him, what, a decade to apologise for some of them? james died at 21 (?). logistics aside, if i was targeted by the marauders & then joined the DE i wouldn't expect an apology tbh

i'd even put forward the argument that snape's affiliation with future death eaters, which lily mentions, could have influenced james' continued feud with him behind her back. if she knew about it, surely james had some inkling bc i don't believe that snape just up and joined one day without arousing any suspicion beforehand. this is obviously not canonically confirmed but neither are half the psychological 'justifications' for the way snape treated harry and people still take them as truth

lastly if james was willing to save snape then there's no hard proof that he didn't attempt to apologise during his time at hogwarts. the fact that he saved snape at all despite clearly hating him makes it at least somewhat possible imo. sirius and remus are very biased (one of whom was a clear case of stunted development after 12 years in azkaban), snape is equally biased & james died before he could testify in his own defence so we'll never know for sure if he apologised or not i think

i mean tbf, most of the people snape needs to apologize to are.... dead. and also tbf, when snape fucks up as a teenager, we do see him attempt to apologize to lily for it immediately - tho admittedly, lily is his friend and not an ‘enemy’

i don’t think snape expected an apology lmao. i don’t think snape would have accepted an apology even if (and it IS a HUGE  if) james gave it to him. snape has zero interest in forgiving the marauders regardless of how sorry or not sorry they are and that’s perfectly fine. but fandom regularly tries to push the idea of james’s change as an adult without any actual proof that he did change or feel bad about his previous behavior - which, once again, he still should apologize for regardless of snape’s choices bc if james really matures like fandom expects us to believe he has, he should recognize the need to apologize for his own bad behavior toward snape regardless of what snape is doing. that’s not what i think snape thinks - like i said, i don’t think he ever wanted or expected an apology from james - but what i, as the reader, want to see before i can actually get behind this ‘james matured’ headcanon everyone has.

nah it’s not canonically confirmed and it’s also a pretty flimsy reading tbh. we have no idea if snape joined the DE before leaving hogwarts or anything about his affiliations during that time. we know lily has suspicions, but we have no idea if she shared them with james or not. and we do have more proof that james & co targeted snape for ease of access and not moral reasons. you can argue for james maturing without trying to make his bullying ideologically pure nonnie.

james tried to save snape and immediately went back to making his life hell (swm happens after the werewolf incident, buddy) so no, that’s not any kind of proof that james could have apologized at hogwarts. considering how little we know about it and how little we know about james’s character, he could have just as easily saved snape for remus and not because he actually wanted to save snape. yeah sirius  and remus are biased, but they’re biased in JAMES’S favor and they still come clean about how james continued to be a dick well into seventh year... also considering harry has them on the defensive in that conversation & they want to look like good guys, wouldn’t they mention james apologizing if it happened at hogwarts? i mean, you can argue they might not have known about it, but either way, there’s still only the flimsiest of readings to justify it bud.

if you want to believe james apologized, all the power to you. my problem isn’t your argument, it’s that people will tout this headcanon as fact and use it to fuel their hatred for snape.

[nanjingmakyu-blog]

Today is 28th January..

..which means I officially left the UK 5 months ago today. So yeah, my plan of writing everyday hasn’t exactly gone to plan.. in my defence, when we first arrived it was a fucking bitch trying to get VPN sorted on my Macbook so I didn’t end up using it for like a month. And then when it was sorted, I was like maybe it’s too late now..

But fuck that I wanna write so I will write!! But first, a runthrough, month by month, of what has happened so far:

August/September:

Me and Ella arrived 29th August and me being me decided after travelling for 26+ hours to get trashed in Talking with Heli, James, Nick and Lawrence and then ended up not even staying in my own room on my first night here lmao. And finding out all the drama that happened between Em, James and Abbie, I should have realised that these events were probably going to foreshadow the general vibe of the year hahahaha. DRAMA.

Arriving at Shanghai after a 12 hour flight from Heathrow and it then taking 9 hours to get from Shanghai to Nanjing. And being 累死了 and everything being hot and stressful. And having a random man on the street get us a taxi cos we had no idea what we were doing lol. And NONE of the taxi drivers at 南京南站 taking us cos we had too much luggage like FUCK YOU 操你妈. BITCH. My fucking 50kg+ of luggage has now essentially doubled and I’m wondering how much I can pay to hire someone for the day to carry it all for me on the way home lol.

Broke up with Adam. Long time coming. Didn’t go well. Proceeded to remove him from every social media and block his number. Overreacted slightly.. but whatever. Just hope he can find someone new and TREAT THEM BETTER. Lovely lovely man but so clueless maximum.. thanks for teaching me all the Singlish though babe hahahah. Wish him all the best.

Met Adrian and Cassie. Proceeded to have my first experience of fucking in the same room as someone else. So pleased to have shared this experience with Ella <3

Started class and quickly realised that starting class at 8am is HARD, UNPLEASANT and IRRITATING. Class fucking sucks and it’s boring, Kouyu is bearable because our 70-year-old teacher essentially just talked and 对不对’d the entire time. And also grilled Knarik at every possible opportunity about Armenia and it’s people and it’s GENOCIDE. Fucking Chinese have zero tact whatsoever lmao. Zonghe can fuck off and die, the content is dull and although 陈老师 is cute and pretty and looks like SinB from GFriend, she’s a shit teacher. Tingli is the absolute fucking worst because it’s SO FUCKING BORING. The only thing I can remember is legit “孙儿”, and 安然 is mouthy little bitch with an attitude problem like fuck off don’t fucking patronise me you’re like 24. Cunt. The only positive thing to note is that we essentially did zero work and attended like 50% of class and still got wonderful grades because we all cheated on our exams. Sorry bout it :)

Aron was here for like 3 weeks and then left to go back to Korea which was the fucking best thing ever because I got my big ass room all to maself yeeeeeee. And he was nice don’t get me wrong!! But boring as fuck lol and never left the room and I swear for like the whole time I never stayed in the room for like the entire weekend.. cos we were going out Friday and Saturday night every weekend and I just always ended up staying with Em or Ella (and Sophie, sorry forgot you existed you judgemental bore <3).. but then I remember when we went to Shanghai in October I was expecting him to be home when I was back cos it had been like a month after he left and he said he was only going for a month.. but then weeks and weeks went on and he never returned!!!! And well let’s hope it stays that way because I’m very accustomed to living alone now :) this is my room, my pictures are on the walls, my Twice poster is on the wall, get out :) don’t come back Aron :) ever :) 

It was HOTTTTTT. Everyday was so so so hot. On one of the first days here, I remember we went to ICBC to sort our bank accounts, and I was wearing my white Vans top. And I was still fake tanning. And I sweated.. and my top fucking turned ORANGE. So I had to walk in like 35 degrees heat with my backpack on my front to cover up the fact that I was essentially melting. I stopped tanning soon afterwards.

Dyed my hair for the first time ever!! First was like ugly brown/red then just got darker and darker until was black and now I decided black suits me best so will continue to dye black. black black black black.

Got iPhone 7 because I am 小公主 spoiled little bitch maximum. :)

October

We went to Shanghaiiiiiiiiii for the first time!! It was soooo fun. Girls weekend Girls DAY PARTY~~~!! The airbnb we stayed at was beautiful but expensive. And then we went out on the Friday night and Em got fucking slapped in the face by some Chinese guy like wtf. Screaming “Angela.. ANGELA!!!” as it happened lmao. And then trying to defuse the situation and the guys started trying it on with me lmao bye. Other highlights include me and Heli being so drunk that we cried in the street cos no one would have sex with us :(

Halloween was fun.... was it? I can’t really remember. I looked good though lol, and I started wearing circle lens again.. now wear everyday and feel v ugly without lol, the struggle.

Heartache with Adrian and decided around this time that I don’t like men and don’t want a boyfriend for a long while now..

November

November was a weird month.. probably the lowest month I’ve had here and probably will have here. Hopefully. Started to really miss home and just felt frustration of class, mundane life and being tired all the time. Lowest point crying to Em in my room cos my power was off. Glad to be out of the dip though now.

November was like actually really boring, like I can’t remember much of what happened. A lot of drinking. A lot of 1912 several times a week lol. I’d kill for 煎饼 right nowwww~~

December

Exams started and everyone panicked but we ended up cheating anyway and getting great results lmao, so it’s led me to believe that I’ll put in even less effort next semester.

Fucking off the class meal after exams had finished and being questioned why we (Me, Ella, Em, Junyoung) didn’t attend and having to skirt around the obvious answer of “you’re all a bunch of cunts”.

We went to Shanghai again, this time Me, Ella, Nick, Em and James. Getting James to come was like pulling teeth as per usual but then when he did he seemed to have a good time. 

Christmas in China wasn’t too enjoyable because I had the FUCKING FLU. Seriously it was like the worst I’ve felt in years, never will complain about others being sick again lol. Went for the worst Christmas dinner of my entire life at the Australian restaurant and then the bitch wanted us to pay 220块 for the dinner each. Needless to say wasn’t having it and argued it down to 180 lol, and then went to bed and slept and couldn’t go to Maxim’s party :(

ME AND EM WENT TO KOREA. It was like a dream come true wtf. My 6 year long dream of being a KPOP star was realised and it was perfect and wonderful and COLD but still amazing and I wish I was there right now.. I spent so much fucking money though but whatever, the shopping and the food was all sooooo gooooood. And Junyoung was a great tour guide too. Went to all the sights and met Heejeong, Nahyun and Jaechui on one day. I miss them all so much but especially you, Park Junyoung :( But I will go back definitely, and take everyone else with us next time.

January

Coming back from Korea was a NIGHTMARE. Went outside the airport in 西安 for a cig and then not being allowed back in for 2 1/2 hours. Had to wait in a fucking bus terminal, freezing cold, no phone charge. Flight then delayed even further. Came back to Nanjing with the feel of death v apparent :) and also suffocating on the air because of 5 days in clean, beautiful Seoul~~

Stayed in Nanjing for about a week until me and Ella decided that we couldn’t cope with the cold and the boredom so we booked a holiday to Sanya in 5* hotel and flights for £350!!! Then we we arrived we got fucking upgraded to a suite and it was beautiful. We spent the week just chilling out and the weather was so perfect. So sad to come home but so happy to be reunited with Em, Nick and Heli again :3

And that’s the T!!!