#fake post

[communistcephalopod]

🌊 lugias-sopping-anus

Can't stand how people will learn that humans are related to Pokemon and somehow come to the conclusion that different people are different types. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

🍑 pechaberrysoda

there are literally so many fighting type people what are you even talking about lmao

🌊 lugias-sopping-anus

Your genetic make up doesn't just magically change type because you took a karate class. Do you also think your Charizard is a Grass type now because it learnt Solar Beam?

✨ ace-trainer-luna

But aren't Psychic type people a thing? Some humans have telekinetic powers, I'm pretty sure there are a few gym leaders who have them. There are even rare cases of children born with psychic abilities.

🌸 cynthiasfuturewife

that's still just learning moves

🌌 mistyterrain

As an actual Psychic type, this post is really disheartening to see. The fact that people who still refuse to acknowledge the existence of psychics are so common is just shocking. We exist!

☣ deathtounova

no one's refusing to acknowledge the existence of shit, you just don't know how types work

🌌 mistyterrain

The sheer ignorance on display here, it's obvious you're just mad you're a normal type lol.

☣ deathtounova

how bout i karate chop your ass and we'll see how "not very effective" it is

🌌 mistyterrain

Typical physical attacker brutishness, resorting to violence as usual

🦧 return-to-mankey

didn't you claim you manifested the kyogre disaster in hoenn?

⚡ electrictypesfuckyeah

WHAT

🥀 cradilyzone

Actual professor here! Genetically, all humans are Normal types, though some of our relatively recent ancestors were Psychic. Part of what let us succeed as a species was reutilizing the brain power originally used for psionics to language and tool use. We do still have some vestigial psychic power that can be trained, though it's quite weak compared to most Pokémon. As for those born with psychic powers, this is considered nowadays to be like an egg move, passed down from parent to child. And no, obviously learning Fighting moves doesn't make you a Fighting type, there is no way for a human to change their type.

🌔 hexmaniac

my grandma became a ghost type

🔶️ bigjiggly

I-

🔞 mega-miltank

What about swimmers though, they're water type, right?

📀 HM-69

did you even read the post

🪴 n-did-nothing_wrong

Are we all just ignoring OP's url?

🌊 lugias-sopping-anus

Team Plasma apologist blog, opinion discarded.

🛗 mostlymukposts

This post single handedly evolved my Porygon-2

[realpokemon]

we should criminalize ace trainers battling with their rhyperiors on the fucking I-40 when i'm trying to get to work on time. there is a goddamn BLISSEY on the road

( 198 notes )

🎆 faerie-type Follow

( 1,504 notes )

🎡 so-fucking-wurmple Follow

dear jirachi please send me 1,000,000,000p ^_^ (brink of tears)

🎡 so-fucking-wurmple Follow

GUYS GUYS THIS POST WAS A JOKE

I JUST GOT A CALL FROM MY MOM AND SAHHLJBGF[L;DLKJLFGDI SHE SENT ME A FREE SUPER POTION

THIS POST WORKS

🏖 hoennianblues Follow

Always reblog Lucky Jirachi Post

( 136,231 notes )

🌖 solgayleo Follow

i just saw another Youngster throwing a pokéball into the water and it completely missed and he didn't even bother to scoop up the broken pieces. i'm so fucking disappointed with this generation see this is why lapras are so endangered because they keep fuckin Literally Choking On Net Balls that you don't bother to clean up. this is one of the most bueatiful shores in the world and there are only 40 lapras left IN EXISTENCE and one washed up just last week please please please STOP SURFING and STOP BATTLING on the ocean

🏞 hurdurrgurdurr Follow

THIS!!!!! ^^^^ SIGNAL BEAM

💽 adultyoungster Follow

if you dont rb this post lets just say we're making eye contact

🛳 hmmmmsurf Follow

Wait what is op talking about? Lapras officially stopped being endangered back in 2016 and are actually an overeffective predator that are driving gastrodon populations almost to extinction in some parts of alola. This is actually just blatant misinformation? I guess??

🥘 malasada-mercy Follow

I gained a net 0 amount of information from this post 😭

( 30,439 notes )

🦠 sh1nyd3x Follow

need

🕰 omega-evolution Follow

"this is my beautiful baby his name is #00FF0E"

( 4,509 notes )

🌉 pokecomp-tweet-s Follow

( 414 notes )

🪁 macrobyke Follow

can we please normalize battling people without making eye contact. "oh oh oh its polite to warn people before you battle them!!!!" L + ratio + skill issue + never let em know your next move + dragonite use hyper beam

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

You just know vampire discourse would be insane

0 notes

🧛‍♂️ dr.acula follow

Cannot stand these freshly turned vamplings pretending like it doesn't matter if you're drinking virgin blood or not. As if unpure blood doesn't literally weaken vampiric powers 🙄

🦇 baby-batz follow

Wait omg is this true??? Is this why I've been having so much trouble staying in bat form??

🧛‍♂️ dr.acula follow

If you can't control wolves with your mind or turn into ominous mist it's literally because nonvirgin blood is basically poison. Like yeah you can drink it if you're starving but why would you do that to yourself intentionally?

🦷 fang-fag follow

op doesn't know what they're talking about. The virgin blood thing was made up by a bunch of victorian prudes who only hated sex more than they hated women. the fact that op (who had already been a vampire for decades when the myth was started, if you believe their bio) should be Very telling.

🩸 blood-fan follow

People will try and tell you that there's something wrong with you if you vampiric powers don't come naturally to you, but it's literally fine. You have all the time in the world to figure yourself out. Literally. You'll get there I promise

🧛‍♂️ dr.acula follow

You're all degenerates undeserving of the gift of eternal life after death

🦷 fang-fag follow

Lmaoooo not op showing their whole ass! XD

💀 stake-my-heart follow

But what about the blood types thing? Couldn't this be like the blood types thing?

🦷 fang-fag follow

For the last time, feeling better after drinking blood of the same type (or compatable with the type) you had in life is a well documented scientific fact with actual evidence behind it. We know blood types are real and affect blood. Virginity is a made up social construct, which has absolutely no impact on blood at all. Red blood cells can't tell if you've fucked or not

🫁 childofthenight follow

op trying to find a tasty snack

[sedgewick-gayble]

roaring twenties tumblr simulator pt. 2

🎙 fancy-nancyboy Follow

men be like "i would never succumb to homosexuality" and then hold a mans face tenderly as he lights his cigarette with his own. okayy pansy we see you

( 655 notes )

💄 thewhoringtwenties Follow

art deco more like art dicko! aaaand post

( 27 notes )

🎥 claras-bowtie Follow

attended a petting party last saturday and there were no animals not even at all :(

#WHY WOULD THEY CALL IT THAT

( 12 notes )

🕯 tuberculosiswarrior Follow

i lov my mother and father so nuch forever i cannot wait to attend my new job at the dubious factory where there have never been any machinery incidents evr before

( 73 notes )

🎩 Rate-my-setup Follow

Submitted by anonymous.

( 3,887 notes )

thebeesknees Follow reblogged 🔁 jazzcat Follow

🎺 jazzcat Follow

The cocaine in coca-cola just doesnt hit the same anymore....

📰 itsallcopacetic Follow

OP they took out the cocaine

🎺 jazzcat Follow

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY TOOK OUT THE COCAINE

🕰 thebeesknees Follow

tumblr heritage post

( 13,985 notes )

🚬 runrummer Follow

Hes so puppycoded

( 8 notes )

moonshiningitup Follow reblogged 🔁 moonshiningitup Follow

🥃 moonshiningitup Follow

The eroticism of the machinery incidents at the dubious factory

🥃 moonshiningitup Follow

Easy website

( 12,109 notes )

🥂 cake-eater Follow

There is a gang war in Chicago. The first gang to get to 100 kills, gets to take over that part of the city. You NEED to be careful, Babe Ruth. You could be at high risk because of your high status. PLEASE be safe, everyone in or around Chicago, and please reblog this to get it to the celebrities in Chicago

( 20,098 notes )

[vampire-bat-boy]

🦇stevethevamp1re Follow

Okay but what if our ancestors lied to us, like come on, how bad can garlic be? I will conduct an experiment brb I'll keep you guys updated

🦇stevethevamp1re Follow

Hopital

[vintelly]

🐟 salmon Follow

haaate having to swim up this waterfall why don't we just go somewhere else 😭 at least it's smooth sailing afterwards, thank Guppy for that 🙏 1310 notes

🐻 gr1zzl1e Follow

not a fan of doxxing but pretty sure i just found @/salmon's river lol

🐻 teddi-bear Follow

👀

#teddi reblogs #panda don't look

534 notes

🐟 salmon Follow

why are there paws in the water 980 notes

[strangestcase]

🥧​ picnicgoer Follow

where did my basket go

5 notes

🐜​ ant1 Follow

tee hee

45 notes

🐜​ then4ughty4nt Follow

giggle

31 notes

🐜​ dutiful-ant-guy Follow

hmmm yummy treats

15k notes

🐜​ queenofants Follow

I love baskets

30 k notes

[hermitcraft-8]

hermitcraft season eight tumblr would be so fucking good.

0 notes

😳 bigeyecrew Follow

helloooo everyone remember that Big Eye has all your needs and more for this upcoming apocalypse! shop Big Eye!

🌌 gtrain Follow

Erm... Kill yourself?

😳 bigeyecrew Follow

Grian I am coming to your house and I am going to shoot you dead, you bastard.

🌌 gtrain Follow

????!!??

#WHO RUNS THIS ACCOUNT?? #KERALIS???

136 notes

🚀 cumfan135 Follow

Did you guys know earwax is actually a kind of sweat?

🐐 doctormonster77 Follow

what kind of scientist are you again?

🚀 cumfan135 Follow

5

🐐 doctormonster77 Follow

5 what?

🚀 cumfan135 Follow

4

16 notes

🌝 pearlsies Follow

I love my neighbors!!

🌝 pearlsies Follow

changed my mind im going to strangle scar if he blows up my yard one more time.

🐈‍⬛ notawarriorcatsfanblog Follow

:(

🌌 gtrain Follow

:(

⚠️ therealimpulse Follow

:(

🌱 mumbo-jumbo Follow

:(

10 notes

🟩 joehills Follow

howdy yall! does anyone know what happened to the moon?

😁 bdizzle Follow

The what.

🟩 joehills Follow

it's a cosmic entity available when the sky is dark (night)

🛑 twinkletek Follow

i think he knows what a moon is.

🛑 twinkletek Follow

i think.

🟩 joehills Follow

i try not to assume anything about anyone. on a side note, have you looked outside recently?

🛑 twinkletek Follow

WHAG THE FUCK

#how is rhis how i found out about... whatever this is #what even is that

134 notes

🐈‍⬛ notawarriorcatsfanblog Follow

Just blew up Pearl's yard again... maybe she needs to stop putting creepers in boats.

#swaggon.txt

0 notes

🐺 rendiggitydog Follow

guys pretty please come do some holiday shopping at octogon i'll literally suck your dick

🐐 doctormonster77 Follow

🐺 rendiggitydog Follow

DOC BRO YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT.

#SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

2.3k notes

🌸 hc-viii Follow

who said that.

[hungry-skeleton]

🗡️ living-hero06 Follow

Ugh, skeletons are so annoying and unoriginal can necromancers PLEASE start putting different minions in their dungeons

🟢

💀 Skeleton3245466 Follow

EHHH FUCK YOU RATTLERATTLERATTLERATTLE

3 notes

💀 Skeleton6574767 Follow

Can someone in Master Grimbender's dungeon please help me find a new weapon my rusty sword broke again

6 notes

😈 Grimbenderbustin Follow

I'm gonna put more skeletons in the dungeon lol

456 notes

💀 Skeleton454665 Follow

Where am I. it dark

[horse-head-farms]

🪼slime-kisser Follow

all these posts like “don’t shop at boatem they support cannibalism” “the evil empire is a crypto scam” “don’t buy at octagon they’re trying to destroy the fabric of the universe” where the FUCK else am I supposed to shop????

🐠xbcrafted Follow

may i recommend horse head farms? we sell a variety items for agreeable prices and have alternate payment plans which mean you don’t have to spend a single diamond! you can find us via the nether hub <3

🪲yeswingsforlife Follow

do NOT shop at Horse Head Farms! Their items are incredibly overpriced (you can find grass, logs, etc for better prices) and this “alternative payment scheme” is actually signing an IOU. If you don’t know what that is, IOU stands for “I Owe You” and is a legal document that, when possessed, someone can force you to do anything. Literally anything. LegalKnight does a great video going into detail about it. According to this article, Horse Head Farms have just invested in building an auction house, possibly to sell off the IOUs they’ve acquired, so scummy CEOs could force you to work at their companies. Not to mention, their owners are incredibly sketchy, xBCrafted regularly tweets conspiracy theories and Hypnotizd invests in crypto

😵‍💫hypnotizd Follow

youre wrong actually, i have had nothing but brilliant service at Horse Head Farms. IOUs arent sketchy theyre normal pieces of paper. #shoptoday

🪲yeswingsforlife Follow

… you’re literally one of the owners

🐸cottagecoreliving Follow

to answer the original question, here’s a list of more reputable businesses that you can support instead!

Tays Trees

HIVE-DR8

Joe Hills’ Flower Stalls

Big Eyes

🥚dragon-tegg Follow

hey not to derail this post or anything but is anyone going to mention how OP literally fetishises slime hybrids???

( 7,067 notes )

🌃elytramoments Follow

hate when i crashland in the lava biome

🐶renrobert Follow

you mean the nether

🌃elytramoments Follow

i do not

#i think it’s a national park or something #idk its like this for miles #its near boatem

( 15.4k notes )

👁️big-eyes Follow

This weekend at Big Eyes we are having a #SALE of up to 99% OFF! EVERY item has a discount! Don’t waste your diamonds, shop at Big Eyes!

😍sexy-papa-k Follow

sweetfaces! we are going into debt! please buy ❤️❤️💕❤️🍆😭😭😭❤️ -papa k

👁️big-eyes Follow

kerlais why woudl you reblog on that account

😍sexy-papa-k Follow

we need all the reach we can get bubbles! ❤️😝❤️❤️🍆💕 -papa k

( 14 notes )

[unreality-tv-cohost]

☀️ daytime-twin739 Follow

Nobody talks about how being a polymorphic lycanthrope is actually really nice because it’s like having a pen pal who helps out around the house at night :)

🏞️ firstshift-life Follow

I always describe it as like being two roommates who have two completely opposite work schedules

⛓️ cursed-to-coexistt Follow

Stop romanticizing polymorphic lycanthropy. Kids are going to get their hands on an elixir and realize that not every “Mr. Hyde” is as cool as yours

🍹 takebackthenite Follow

I love waking up to see that my day time me was vagueing about me :/ is this because I asked you to take out the trash?

⛓️ cursed-to-coexists Follow

Go fuck yourself

🍹 takebackthenite Follow

You know if we could exist at the same time I would babe 😘

☀️ daytime-twin739 Follow

Guys.

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

Could you guys imagine the drama if mad scientists had tumblr?

0 notes

💀dr.undead follow

Can you guys stop putting @normal-civilian on my dash?? They LITERALLY don't support graverobbing??? Like it's 2023 get over yourself some of us need corpse parts for experiments grandma isn't using her liver anymore it's fine!

37 notes

💉modernprometheus follow

Just in case you haven't heard it today, it's totally valid to call yourself a doctor even if you dropped out of college! It's basically a mad scientist tradition at this point

🦇dr-bats follow

Nah fuck this. I didn't spend years defining and documenting a scientific method of turning people into giant animal mutants through gene manipulation to get lumped in with some fresh faced collage dropout who just happened to stumble onto the secret to reanimating corpses. Words have meanings.

5k notes

🩻 exposedspine1 follow

Hey guys what do you think would happen if I jumped into the open vat of glowing green mystery chemicals we all keep in our labs? Super powers right?

🩻 exposedspine1 follow

Hospital.

2k notes

🤖 inatorlover3000 follow

Aha! But I bet you didn't expect this! It's my latest invention, a giant death ray that detects the biggest LOSER in the room! And look! It's pointing right at you! Better run while you still can hero!

🔫 henchman13 follow

Good one boss!

2 notes

🫁 gutz-n-stuff follow

Literally if you don't keep living brains in jars of green goo unfollow me now.

245 notes

[peppermintflavoredlove]

imagine tumblr for monsters thatd be insane

🧟‍♂️ notabrain-eater Follow

ok i'm gonna be real. "maggots in the brain" is a very clearly anti-zombie insult. its directly implying that undead who have rotten brains are stupid, which is not true. some of us are even scientists. there are zonbies at NASA!!! we're not stupid.

👻 booberyconsumer Follow

be real lmao its not "anti zombie" its literally just a joke.

🧛‍♂️ dickandballtorture Follow

It literally directly stems from the idea that all zombies have maggots in their brains. How could it not be anti-zombie?

🦇 flapping-off Follow

guys boobery is a werf lmao dont waste time arguing w/ werephobes

🧄 steakinmyheart Follow

controversial take but o- blood is Bad.

🐺 giveadogabone Follow

i love talking to humans who menstruate its like yeah haha i hate the "cycle" its so bloody and annoying and they think i mean a menstrual cycle but actually i mean the Moon Cycle

🌙 awoo-woo Follow

So u like gaslighting humans? lol

🐺 giveadogabone Follow

literally when did i say that

[tumbwr]

🐸 boss don’t follow

Im gonna fuck you .. and ghen buy you ice crean.. because iam so thouvgtful…and horngy

[kingtheghast]

woah crazy story

(text version below)

AITA for killing my boss even though he asked (before anyone comes for me he’s fine now)

so i (33M, green) got hired by this guy (45M, green now red) running an enchanting business because i accidentally used his things when i saw his stuff laying around as he was still working on his shop. i was just in it to sort of repay the service i used but then we became friends. thing is he also had these really sketchy guys from the desert that wanted to undercut him hard by taking over the business and all his enchants, and they would keep perstering him about it, breaking and entering, etc etc (my boss wasn't the type of guy to stick up for himself very much so it kind of happened a lot).

but the big thing was when they planted a bomb at the entrance to the building where the shop was. this pissed my boss off a lot because they made him go from green to yellow, and he said he had a plan, but he wouldn't tell me what it was.

and then one day he comes out with a really nice axe that he gifts me (i thought it was cool) but then it turns out he'd basically built a sacrificial altar in the patio outside the shop (not cool). then he turns to me, and asks me to kill him. i didn't want to do it because i'm green and he's yellow but he's also my boss and im supposed to listen, and then he's also my friend so i decided to trust him on this and so i just went along and cut off his head.

and now EVERY friend of my boss is blowing up my messages asking why i did that. i tried to say that i had no choice because he literally told me to do it and he's just on red now, not permadead, but nobody wants to believe me and i think there's someone already coming over. they're my boss' friends but also if they try to get at me i will fight back. but also it would make my boss upset and he trusts me a lot. i feel bad for killing my boss but he told me to do it so i don't think it's wrong?

aita?

[strangestcase]

🫀 ghool Follow

Ok we all know silver harms both werewolves and vampires right? Wouldn’t it be fucked up if sunlight weakened werewolves as well as it does vampires as well?

🫀 ghool Follow

I MIGHT BE STUPID

🦾 frankenace Follow

OP forgot the concept of day-night cycle