#...compared to david attenborough anyway | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

finleycannotdraw · 5 years ago

Text

Guess what? I’m re-binge-reading Good Omens. And here are some Obervations that I forgot about and some things I might put in fics. Also things I found funny. Basically my dumb commentary on the book.

Crowley actually flees Sister Mary. He doesn’t saunter vaguely away. He flees.

Ligur is rather more thoughtful than he’s portrayed in the show

Anathema likes to read about herself, and her teachers are confused because she spells words like Agnes Nutter

Crowley apologizes

By page 41, it is mentioned at least twice that Aziraphale and Crowley Do Not choose each other’s company for any reason other than that they are constants, that they have an Arrangement, and that they are Friends because being Enemies got boring.

Aziraphale blushes!!!!!!

The Drunk Scene is fuckin hilarious and it’s actually a lot longer than it is in the show, and really you ought to read it. (Book pages 47-50)

My mom (who has a PhD in human development) would probably like to talk to Crowley about upbringing because they seem to agree on how important it is

War has always looked 25, and had a vulture that died of fatty degeneration

Pollution is very cleverly compared to actual pollution

Warlock has Kermit the frog overalls, and Nanny Ashtoreth is described as someone who “advertises unspecified but strangely explicit services in certain magazines”. The tutors are present for about four paragraphs. Warlock is good at math and likes banana flavored bubblegum.

Crowley has a slice of angel cake. Aziraphale eats it. Aziraphale also eats deviled eggs. Hm.

Crowley calls Aziraphale angel casually enough to suggest he’s been doing it for a long time

Some girl at Warlock’s party calls Aziraphale a f*ggot

Crowley glares suspiciously at a gerbil. It is suggested that Hell has, in the past, sent hell-gerbils in place of hellhounds.

“Oh dear,” muttered Aziraphale, not swearing with the practiced ease of one who has spent six thousand years not swearing, and who wasn’t going to start now.

Adam and his friends play in a place called The Pit, where shopping carts go to die, apparently

Crowley is the first one to mention sides in the book!??!? Also Crowley goes on about how humans are more evil than Hell (but he calls himself evil—is he calling himself human already?)

Aziraphale yells “get off the road, you clown!”

“What’s a velvet underground?” *love confession???* “you wouldn’t like it”

Aziraphale is a bit rude to Crowley in the “flashes of love” scene and Crowley is less panicked about it

Crowley glares at the Bentley and it fixes itself

Anathema’s bike is called Phaeton

COULD THEY ACT ANY MORE MARRIED OH MY GOD

Aziraphale speaks like. Like ugh. “FlOUndeR on tHe rOcKS of inEquiTY”

“Thirty seconds later someone shot both of them. With incredible accuracy.” *cuts to a random pleasant story about Mary Hodges* *cuts back to where Aziraphale has fallen into a rhododendron and Crowley licks the paint before he knows it’s paint* dumbasses

Crowley does not slam Aziraphale into the wall

Crowley is actually pretty impatient and doesn’t argue with Aziraphale when he’s worried

“Nothing but dust and fundamentalists” “that was nasty” “sorry, couldn’t help it”

When the radio sings “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,” Crowley sings “for me” and then screams

Crowley asks Aziraphale if he’ll keep in touch, and Aziraphale doesn’t say tickety-boo, and then Crowley says “right” and feels very alone

the international express man is small and has glasses, and wears green woolen socks

The sword, which turns out to be Aziraphale’s, is described as having an aura of hatred and menace, which makes me think of how it could’ve gotten that aura from Heaven or from humanity or from War...

In the book Pepper has red hair and freckles, which makes it a cool comparison to War’s appearance and the defeat of War

Adam is excellent at slouching, apparently

Occasionally, as Aziraphale reads the book, he would very nearly swear

“He wouldn’t have said ‘that’s weird’ if a flock of sheep had cycled past playing violins.”

“If you had told him there were children starving in Africa he would’ve been flattered that you’d noticed.”

“...that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.” (151)

Wensleydale watches David Attenborough programs

Shadwell’s voice is described as “the color of an old raincoat” and seems to fake smoking cigarettes

Aziraphales cocoa is moldy and solidified by the time he calls Arthur Young, and has a thin layer of dust on himself too

Newt says that the walls look like nicotine and the floor looks like cigarette ash, and he suspects both are, actually, coated with these substances

Newt looks a bit like Clark Kent, and people seem to like Shadwell for some reason, much to his annoyance.

Aziraphale calls Shadwell “dear boy” on the phone

Agnes Nutter called God a daft old fool #goals

Adam is wayyyy too good at video games

Smelling Anathema’s perfume makes Newt uncomfortable

Adam suggests that Pepper ought to have Russia cause of her red hair (huh)

Anathema and Newt actually have decent conversations?? Like?? Show??? C’mon, man. The show kinda butchered their relationship.

Trees, apparently, make a ‘vvrooooommm’ sound when they grow very fast

“He suspected that Crowley was from the Mafia, or the underworld, although he would have been surprised how right he nearly was.” Shadwell also thought Aziraphale was a Russian spy. Wow, Shadwell.

Aziraphale calls Crowley and actually says “shut up” to him, and then when the answering machine beeps, he tells Crowley to “stop making noises” and then he swears for the first time ever.

The fuckin’ footnote on page 227

“A sleek computer was the sort of thing Crowley felt that the sort of human he tried to be would have.” I like the word choice here. He’s not pretending to be a human, he’s trying to be one. That’s a really important distinction.

It never actually says what Crowley does to his plants.

Crowley’s flat is very white. Wow, Crowley. It just looks dark because of the lighting. Heaven imagery and symbolism out my ears, goddammit.

Why does Hell say Crowley’s name so much when talking to him?? Honestly, I think that’s an intentional dig at his chosen name, using it in their speech to scare him. Wow, Hell. (And wow, Finn, excellent sentence)

Whenever the book says something is shaped like something, it definitely isn’t that thing. “man-shaped” “dog-shaped” “car-shaped”... makes it pretty obvious they aren’t men, dogs, or cars, huh.

The code to Crowley’s safe is 4004. The year he “slithered onto this stupid, marvelous planet”... and the year he met Aziraphale, of course. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, Crowley, my dude.

Crowley consideres sticking Hastur into his car until he turns into Freddie Mercury but then decides even he isn’t that cruel

Actual text that I feel like nobody really agrees with: “Madame Tracy was by many yardsticks quite stupid”

“Do I look like I run a bookshop?” “...imagine me out of uniform, sir, and what kind of man would you see before you? Honestly?” “A prat.”

I’m crying. The fucking bookshop fire scene made me fucking cry. I’m literally crying.

“...on all fours in the blazing bookshop, Crowley cursed Aziraphale, and the ineffable plan, and Above, and Below.” “The police and firemen looked at him, saw the expression on his face, and stayed exactly where they were.” “...a crack of thunder so loud it hurt....” *the sound of Finley sobbing into their cat*

The shortest biker in the cafe thing is 6′2, what the fuck

War, Famine, Pollution, and Pop Trivia 1962-1979

“Pollution removed his helmet and shook out his long white hair. He had taken over when Pestilence, muttering about penicillin, had retired in 1936. If only the old boy had known what opportunities the future had held.” HMMMMMMMMMMM

“There were no bitches in Hell either.” I know it’s talking about female dogs, but I rather thought Hell was full of bitches.

“Why are you talking like a poofter?” “Ah. Australia.”

“gOsh, aM i on teLEviSiON?” (Basically Aziraphale gets passionate about stuff and likes to talk).

Crowley is actually an optimist and doesn’t dwell too much on how sucky the world is. He doesn’t go get smashed in a bar. He just finds Aziraphale’s notes in the book and heads to Tadfield. And also, his new pair of sunglasses just... materializes out of his eyes. And he likes to whistle.

“Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking to Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty to Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You’ve Given Them A Good Thumping But Secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People traveled with them.”

“on top of the pile a rather large octopus waved a languid tentacle at them. The sergeant resisted the temptation to wave back.” Honestly dude, if an octopus waved at me I’d wave back.

Wait Agnes was apparently talking to Shadwell and not God when she said yowe daft old foole. I dunno

Madame Tracy: You old silly. Shadwell:

Aziraphale does not know how to get rid of demons. Canonically. “Had never done other to get rid of demons than to hint to them very strongly that he, Aziraphale, had some work to be getting on with, and wasn’t it getting late? And Crowley always got the hint.”

The road to Hell is paved with frozen door to door salesmen, apparently. The question is where it is, because the demons always seem to just stem out of the ground.

“Heigh ho,” said Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway. I love this sentence during that scene.

I bet Hastur gets really mad whenever he hears Aziraphale’s voice from now on

Crowley isn’t breathing the entire burning Bentley scene

ADAM. SAID. “But I reckon you can make your own side” AND WE FUCKIN IGNORED IT?

The temperature above the M25 was simultaneously 700ºC and -140ºC which makes me think of something I read about magenta not being real. The M25 is magenta.

I feel like “Agnes” is just going to become an inside joke between Anathema and Newt at this point, and it will drive Crowley insane because he knows who she is but somehow still doesn’t get the joke.

I’m six inches taller than R.P. Tyler, and apparently according to the back sleeve of the book jacket, I’m very similar in height to Neil Gaiman

R.P. Tyler thought Shadwell was a ventriloquist’s dummy, and then sees cows doing somersaults

“That’s terrific. Much obliged,” said Crowley. — “Funny weather we’re having, isn’t it?” “Is it? I hadn’t noticed.” “Probably because your car is on fire.” .... Also the fact that Crowley looks like a young man which I find interesting.

“The Four Button-Pressers of the Apocalypse”

“Where is Armageddon, anyway?” “I’ve always meant to look that up.” “There’s an Armageddon, Pennsylvania”

Famine is the one that says “that’s one big avocado”, and also, I find it interesting that War, more than once, talks about love. (All is fair in love and war much?)

Anathema threatens the guard with a stick, pretending it’s a gun

Aziraphale, of course, asks Crowley to sort it out because he, Aziraphale, is “the nice one” and then proceeds to sort it out himself. Because of course he does. Because what else could he possibly do.

I just ADORE THIS BOOK OKAY

I’M PROBABLY GOING TO READ IT AGAIN IN A MONTH

Aziraphale and Crowley are so fuckin married I can’t

298 notes · View notes

alwaysahiccupandastrid · 6 years ago

Text

“The Lion King” (2019) - Thoughts/Review

So my sister, Ciara, and I went and saw the remake of The Lion King at the cinema where I work since I get free tickets and I didn’t really want to have to pay £20 just to watch a film I could easily watch at home. To add, my sister has been super sick recently and I felt it might be nice to treat her - even though she has been saying for weeks “they’ve ruined it, I can tell”. The original Lion King is Ciara’s favourite movie and we actually rewatched the original on Friday because it’s one we both love. Ciara and I went in with absolutely zero expectations, thinking “it’ll be absolutely shit” based on what we’ve seen trailer/advert/clip wise.

I’m going to put my thoughts/feelings under a “read more”, just to be safe. Also, reminder that it’s just my opinion and that I can’t tell other people how to feel about the film.

So...it wasn’t as terrible as we expected it to be but it wasn’t a masterpiece like the original either.

They could have just reused the original “Circle of Life” as it was, really, but whatever.

Having said that, they could have frankly just lifted the entire audio of the animated film and animated the film to it instead of bringing in other cast members.

One of the first things my sister said was “where the fuck is Rafiki’s staff?”, and she kept saying it throughout the film, like it REALLY annoyed her that he didn’t have his stick with him the entire time.

Ciara said that the opening was the best part for her personally, I don’t know if that’s because nostalgia or because there was no talking, but that’s her thought on it.

BABY SIMBA IS SO SWEET OH MY GOODNESS

I love James Earl Jones but for some reason he just sounded...rather unbothered here. Like he was bored. Maybe it’s because hes old(er) now and he just doesn’t have the energy for it, maybe I was comparing his vocal performance here too much to his original one in 1994, but for some reason he just didn’t sound at all bothered or like the wise powerful King you can respect and fear.

I didn’t hate Scar’s new voice but I did feel like Jeremy Irons’ performance had more character to it, more sass/sarcasm. Here he just seemed a little..I don’t know. It was a little less sassy, if that makes sense.

It honest to God does feel like watching a nature documentary, like I was half expecting fucking David Attenborough to suddenly start talking over it to be honest.

Baby Simba reminded me of our cat, Dave, and he was admittedly very cute. I also really loved the things that the lions did that reflected actual cat behaviour, like pouncing and stuff like that.

Is it just me or did the filmmakers have the same issue as the original did in that they couldn’t decide what colour Nala’s eyes were? Like at one point I was like “oh, they’re actually green, cool”, but then in the next scene I was like “they’re brown?!” etc.

I liked the hyenas in this, I like that they were allowed to make actual hyena cackles because real hyena cackles are creepy as fuck. I also really loved Shenzi, even if I do wish they’d brought Whoopi Goldberg back.

During “I just can’t wait to be King”, I couldn’t help but feel like it paled in comparison to the original. I know I’m talking about the original a lot, but that’s the issue with these remakes - they will always be compared to their original films. In the original, the cubs were jumping on top of animals, making big gestures, the colours were bright etc. Here it was just two cubs running around a watering hole, the colours just...normal. Muted even. The vocals were fine, but compared to the original it just wasn’t the same.

My sister wanted to know why they didn’t bring back Rowan Atkinson as Zazu and I kind of have to agree. I found his woodpecker joke funny though.

I stand by what I said about Simba and Nala as cubs looking too similar. In the wild, yeah, that might be the case but this is a movie - the audience should be able to tell who is who. Eventually I think I understood which cub was which but that was only because they were talking and Simba is nearly-always in front.

Nala’s “Simba, do you speak bird” had my sister giggling though, so there’s that.

There were moments where I could see the animals expressing some emotion but for the most part it was very uncanny. It was like those voices shouldn’t have been coming out of lions - which is kind of the point. That’s why the Lion King on screen works better as an animation instead of realistic CGI.

I’m assuming that they changed Ed a bit to be more politically correct since in the original he was a bit...not quite there.

Unless they were talking, I could not tell which hyena was supposed to be which. The original three hyenas had very clear differences in their designs, whereas here they all look the same.

I did like the “Kings of the Past” scene under the stars - I think my sister and I both agree that it was very sweet.

Having said that, it went from broad daylight to dark as night in about two seconds and I can’t stand it because it should have been FAR more gradual.

Let’s have a moment of silence for “Be Prepared”. Somehow the best song from the original is the worst one in the remake because they cut 90% of it and turned it into a weird chant. It just makes it even more glaringly obvious that Jeremy Irons was a better Scar, to be honest. The beat is good but goddamit, the song deserved better.

I know Disney changed it because the original “Be Prepared” had sort of Nazi undertones but like...isn’t that the point? Scar is an evil dictator, it’s not like he’s a good guy. It’s like changing Chicken Run so that the farm isn’t operated like a concentration camp - it ruins the whole point.

I could be wrong but did they not use the “Mufasa has something he didn’t have before...a weakness” line? Because that was the line I heard in the adverts and thought was a good addition.

THE GORGE SCENE JFC

Not gonna lie, I kinda miss Scar knocking Zazu out - though I suppose it makes sense for Zazu to get the lionesses (and where the frick were they then?!)

I audibly gasped when Mufasa was knocked over trying to help Simba off the tree branch like I KNEW what was coming but it genuinely still gets to me.

Mufasa REALLY had to jump carefully down the gorge, huh

Mufasa’s death gave me mixed feelings to be honest; the delivery of “Long Live the King” was disappointing. Like in the original it’s slowly said, so evil it gives you chills, whereas here it’s so...meh. And I had to try not to laugh still because I turned to my sister and just said, “...Did Scar just bitch-slap Mufasa off a cliff?!”

Okay, Simba in the gorge and finding his dad’s body, him calling for help... god fucking damn it. My sister was openly crying and saying “for fuck sake, I’ve seen the original a hundred times and it still gets to me!”. I was crying too...it’s just something about that baby lion calling for help as his dad lies dead on the floor...shit, it gets to you.

It also helps that Hans Zimmer composed the soundtrack again - it’s beautiful, but I think that because we’ve heard it before and associate it with the original, it adds to the feelings. Like I hear the “Stampede” soundtrack and immediately I think of Simba crying for help.

I wish they had showed more fear on Simba’s face when Scar told him to run away - in the original, his ears are down, his eyes are wide, his posture/stance is clearly showing he’s terrified. Here he just looks a little...surprised.

OKAY BUT HOW DID SIMBA END UP ON THE LOWER PART OF THE CLIFF?! I DON’T...HOW?!

The imagery of Scar walking onto the ledge of Pride Rock as the hyenas surround the other lions is still super powerful, to be honest.

I wish Zazu had been trapped like in the original, like that was comedy gold and they missed it.

Disney really couldn’t have brought back Nathan Lane and Ernie Sabella huh -_-

Look, I’m not a huge fan of Seth Rogen anyway - Sausage Party HAUNTS me to this day - but usually in voice over I find him more bearable. Not that I hate him that much but still... I would have felt ten times more generous about his Pumbaa voiceover if he hadn’t done his laugh. We ALL know the Seth Rogen laugh.

I still liked the dynamic between Timon and Pumbaa, even if my sister felt it wasn’t the same.

Some absolutely GOLDEN lines were cut, and it should be a crime: “he looks blue” “I’d say goldish-brown”.

THANK GOD they kept in “what’s a-motto with you?” though

“I got downhearted every time that I...farted, are you gonna stop me?!” “NO I AM NOT, YOU DISGUST ME” - wHAT. I mean...what?!

I’m glad there were a few other animals living in the jungle other than Timon and Pumbaa, like it makes more sense that there’s others living there. Having said that, I also liked the idea of them having this utopia to themselves in the original so...yeah.

My sister pointed out that the Timon-Pumbaa-Simba relationship was severely lacking in this film. In the original, you could tell that Timon and Pumbaa loved Simba dearly and that he was seen as a total equal. Here they seemed so much stand-offish even after living with him for so long.

“Yeah, you’ve grown 400 pounds since we started” - LMFAO THIS WAS A GOOD LINE OKAY

“Oh now he’s riffing” - honestly same, was it necessary XD

Ciara felt that the added scene showing Nala/the lionesses in the Pridelands/Nala leaving was unnecessary. In the original, you feel the shock with Simba when he returns because it’s the first time you see what a wasteland it has become. Here you don’t have that. It was clearly just to fill some extra time and get their money’s worth out of Beyonce, milking it for all they have.

The tension in that scene was nice though, and I sort of liked how a) Sarabi rejected Scar and b) how this was then a catalyst for Scar saying “the hyenas eat before the lions...but they don’t leave much behind”. Good addition that was.

Was the additional exposition showing a tuft of Simba’s mane journeying really necessary? Like we didn’t need to see a giraffe fucking eat it or a dung beetle rolling a ball of shit with the mane inside of it. Like come on, Disney, really? They clearly just wanted to show off that they could pull it off.

What’s that quote Jeff Goldblum says in Jurassic Park (I think?)? “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should”. THE SAME GOES FOR THE PEOPLE AT DISNEY, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN, DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD

How did Rafiki see a random tuft of hair and immediately go “FUCK YEAH IT’S SIMBA HE’S ALIVE”, like he didn’t smell it (it would have smelt of shit though) or anything, he just looked at it and was like “SIMBA IS ALIVE”. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT.

“The Lion Sleeps Tonight” was a fucking delight, and my sister and I both sung/danced along to it, no regrets.

I jumped so hard when Nala just came out of nowhere and interrupted the song to be honest

The close-ups of Timon’s face in this film are hilarious to be honest - creepy but hilarious.

HOW DID NALA REALIZE IT WAS SIMBA RIGHT AWAY?! In the original she was like “who are you?” but now she just knew?! SHE THOUGHT SIMBA WAS DEAD BUT SHE SEES A RANDOM MALE LION AND IMMEDIATELY KNOWS THAT’S HER OLD BEST FRIEND WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD?! FUCK OFF

“Can You Feel the Love Tonight”...hmmm. Sorry, I gotta have a whole separate section for this.

Firstly...TONIGHT. CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT, DISNEY. IT’S AT NIGHT TIME. IN THE EVENING. AT LEAST PUT A FUCKING SUNSET OR SOMETHING TO SHOW IT’S EVENING.

Don’t get me wrong, the animation was beautiful, but jesus christ, it’s set at NIGHT TIME. How do you fuck that up?! It’s literally IN the damn song.

My sister and I are really not Beyonce fans, I’m sorry. Ciara literally leaned over and whispered “I’m going to sing the song myself to block out Beyonce”, that’s how much she despised it.

Look, Beyonce is a singer and yeah, she’s a strong singer. No one is disputing that. Do I think she’s overrated? Absolutely, but I can admit she can sing. She is NOT a voice actress and she should NOT be voicing a character like Nala. Every time she spoke, I just missed Moira Kelly’s performance from the original even more.

Beyonce’s voice just doesn’t fit the song. She was overpowering Donald Glover far too much - it was like he was a backup singer in a song meant to be a duet. A duet is supposed to have the two voices melding together and harmonizing to create a beautiful sound - not one person taking over and making it all about them

Okay but why the fuck does Seth Rogen sound like Kermit right at the end of the song?

Anyway, moving on back to the rest of the film:

Another moment of my sister saying “BUT WHERE IS HIS STICK, HE HAS TO WACK PEOPLE WITH IT”

Disney really cut out the stick metaphor where Rafiki hits Simba and says “it hurts, yes, but it’s in the past”. Like COME ON DISNEY. That’s one of the key moments for god’s sake!

So they could animate Simba’s mane-hair being rolled along the ground in giraffe shit but NOT Mufasa in the clouds? LMFAO OKAY WHATEVER

Jesus Christ Disney, did you HAVE to put that “Spirit” song over Simba going back to the Pridelands?! It just a) doesn’t fit the scene and b) comes out of nowhere. Like nowhere else in the film is there a moment like that, so why now?

Unpopular Opinion: “Spirit” is a bad song and my sister agrees. Everyone’s kissing Beyonce’s ass about it but me, my mum and my sister have all on separate occasions heard it and said “wow that’s fucking shit”.

I miss the slo-mo of Simba running through the desert more than ever. Couldn’t we have just had a recreation of that scene with the same music and NOT Beyonce’s random song ruining it?

I had a feeling they would cut out the Hula dance thing but it still annoys me because that is ICONIC

My sister and I were both far too happy when Rafiki took his stick out of the tree, like we were like “FINALLY”

Instead Timon and Pumbaa start singing “Be Our Guest” and like...Why?! Is this a joke just for Disney fans? BATB and TLK aren’t even set in the same continent, for a start, let alone being a part of the same story, so how the hell does Timon know it? I mean, it’s hilarious if you’re a Disney fan but just...why? It makes absolutely zero sense.

Sarabi still manages to be a badass Queen and I love it

The vocals during the big reveal scene really weren’t anywhere NEAR the standard of the original, especially on Scar’s part. It just felt so weak compared to Matthew Broderick and Jeremy Irons, to be honest.

Why...Why does Nala suddenly have beef with Shenzi? Just...yeah, Shenzi and like 50 other hyenas tried to eat Nala (and Simba) as a cub but like...why does Nala suddenly have personal beef with her based on that one interaction? They don’t even LOOK at each other again until this moment in the film.

The battle was cool, I guess, but maybe I’m just super blood-thirsty and gory so...who knows. The Simba/Scar fight was especially good.

I wish Rafiki using his stick was more karate/martial arts like the original, here it’s just like he’s flailing it about randomly

I did like that they reused the part where Scar basically flings smoldering soot/ash/rock into Simba’s face. Like that’s the kinda dirty tactic I live for.

“You were right about one thing, Scar...a hyena’s belly is never full” - OH SHIT, MY WIG WAS SNATCHED OH MY LORD WHAT A LINE

The hyenas eating Scar is so dark in the original and it’s even darker here because it looks so real, like I genuinely felt horrified watching it even though you don’t see anything.

Towards the end when Simba nuzzled two of the lionesses, I couldn’t tell which one was supposed to be Sarabi and which was supposed to be Nala.

THAT MUSIC AS SIMBA BECOMES KING, THANK YOU HANS ZIMMER FOR NOT LETTING US DOWN

Okay but I genuinely want to know if the baby cub at the end is Kopa, Kiara or Kion. Disney can’t seem to make up their minds about Simba and Nala’s cub so...yeah. It could literally be any of them at this rate.

I had no idea that the first credits song was Elton John, and I miss his renditions of Circle of Life/Can You Feel the Love Tonight even more, like those are arguably two of the best Elton John songs.

THEY USED “He Lives in You” AS AN END CREDIT SONG AND I WANT TO WATCH THE LION KING 2 AGAIN

So here’s the thing...it wasn’t as horrendous as I thought it would be, and Ciara agrees. Ciara is arguably the one to ask about Lion King matters since it’s literally her favourite film (having said that, for the longest time I thought her favourite was Tangled so...). It was nowhere near the standard of the original, and you could definitely just stay at home and watch the original and get more out of it then paying £30 at the cinema (far more if you’re a family). Some of the jokes fell sort of flat, some of them worked, it was a bit of a mix.

For the most part, the new voices weren’t too bad but none of them were better than the original voice actors. I honestly don’t understand why they didn’t bring back Matthew Broderick, Moira Kelly, Nathan Lane, Jeremy Irons, Rowan Atkinson, Ernie Sabella, Whoopi Goldberg etc. Obviously I know at least two of the original voice actors died (the ones for Sarabi and Rafiki) but why replace the ones who are still alive? I just...I don’t understand to be honest. Having more members of the original cast would have definitely triggered nostalgia for the adults watching the trailer/adverts and made them want to watch it more.

I didn’t hate it as much as I expected to. I don’t think I would want to pay to see it again (so if I do end up seeing it again, it’ll probably be at my place and for free) but it was cute and I can understand why parents would want to bring their kids to watch it. I did feel super nostalgic but afterwards, I kind of just wanted to go home and watch the original again. And I literally rewatched it three days ago.

It’s definitely not a masterpiece like the original was - none of the remakes are up to the standard of their original movies, but The Lion King is definitely nearer the bottom of my list in terms of how good a movie it is. Like I said, it wasn’t anywhere near as terrible as I thought it would end up being - I fully expected to want to leave halfway through and to have a raging headache, but that was not the case. It was a fine way to pass the afternoon, no doubt, and I think I ate too much food whilst I was there, but other than that...yeah, you get the idea.

If nothing else, it has adorable lion cubs in it so that’s a big plus I guess.

#the lion king #the lion king 2019 #disney #review #thoughts #cinema

4 notes · View notes

tas-ss7a · 6 years ago

Text

Summary of Episode One : Holy Land By Tifany

Helloooooooooo and welcome back TOOOOOOOOOOO Tifany’s stages of tired! I am your host tonight, Tifany!

I’m so tired and dead from lack of coffee, give me a break. My vision is also shaking so...Hurray! I would give it a...10.

Anyways, after watching a pointless, 50 minute video about the First crusade that is WAYYYYY different compared to every single David Attenborough documentaries I have ever watched, I came up with a summary:

In 1095, Pope Urban II commanded the procedure of a holy war against Islam for control over the most holy site of both religion, Jerusalem. Needless to say, he got them hooked. But there was a problem. The Muslim had control over Jerusalem for 400 years already. SOOOOOO, like any and all liars, he made some crap up. And it kind of, caused a mess.

He had intentionally caused a conflict that would last an insufferable 200 years, one that scholars still debate over until this day. The Crusades legacy was the memories of violent, bloody battles between knights and peasants from both sides. But based on later research and archaeological findings, researchers was able to shed new light on how the battle between two of the greatest religions waged war in the name of their god.

They unleashed their blood-thirsty, barbaric side to the Muslim at Jerusalem (Heh, that rhymed). Knights killed and raped thousands, even though their belief is based on helping others...

Good move, comrade, good move.

So years later, scientists found some evidence, eye witness, and jazz up some stuff then BOOM. They found stuff. A manuscript to be exact.

A lady with a heavy french accent touched A GODDAMN PIECE OF HISTORY WITHOUT GLOVES.

Anyhow, the book was about the First Crusade and all that jazz (Someone get that reference please). It was written in 1289 by a christian historian, and it was illustrated too.

So basically, the people walked, I kid you not, walked all the way from Europe to the Middle East. I wonder what goes on inside their head when they did that:

Then they finally became more chill than the cold war and decided to go to Constantinople. (They never made it) Also, what the heck is a “Bi-zan-tine”? Narrators these days man...

Later, the the Crusaders was headed to the capital of the Byzantine empire and they did the most cliche thing I have ever heard.

They split up like the dumb ones in horror movies.

Then after the dude blah blah blahed for a few more minutes, he said there was a battle or something. AND THE CHRISTIANS FOR SOME APPARENT REASON, WON. THIS IS SORCERY.

So when they finally made it to Jerusalem, they were greeted with...A turtle shell. Then someone disguised as Swiper from Dora and they teared sh*t up (LANGUAGE)

So yeah. I wasted 50 minutes of my life to watch this when I could have been watching an episode of Black Sail that contains way better visuals and storyline.

CHEERIOS

#tired #my vision is shaking #I need coffee

1 note · View note

foreignquarry · 5 years ago

Text

VOICE OVERS

DISCLAIMER:

unfortunately, due to storage limitations and glitches with my computer during the editing process, I lost a lot of the drafts and practice cuts that featured some experimentation. I’ll try to instead describe the different things I tried.

-- voice over --

third person narration -----

the sections of the film that involve third person narrative prose describing scenes at odds with what the viewer sees. initially, i used my own voice for this, in a sort of rough cut just to help with pacing. using this rough cut made me think that using my voice was not the right way forward, just because i wasnt personally happy with the performance i managed.

last year, i did a lot of experimentation with my voice and vocal performance. i developed different techniques to explore the unhuman aspects of communication, especially through a lens of technology. i used a piece of software called Lyrebird to generate a synthetic vocal avatar - an artificial intelligence trained to mimic my own voice. at the time, i used this to distance my physical self and parody my inability to express myself.

SADLY, this software was bought out by some company and is no longer accessible as it was, and no longer for free. it’s hidden behind the facade of this other, new software that im not familiar with and dont care to learn. there are other methods of vocal avatar generation that i may investigate, but this ruled out this option at this stage.

instead, i tried to use some generic text-to-speech programs to generate synthetic voices. i hoped that this would help add to the eeriness of the film, and the feeling of it being abandoned and devoid of humanity. i used a white-sounding male-sounding British-accented posh-sounding voice, to parody this sort of David Attenborough nature/museum documentary. of course, this sort of voice being a voice of God in film, through tradition, speaks to bigotries and patriarchal authoritarianism. like, we need white men to tell us what the things we are seeing are. this was something i was back-of-the-mind-conscious of at the time, but hadn’t fully questioned it. although it’s maybe a conceptually sound idea, it didn’t at all sound good, or right. with this automated voice in particular, the film was lacking a human quality, i felt. there are no humans visually present in the film, and there is a stark absence of humanity in the way the stories are reanimated from the stone. my human arm has been digitally removed, and the traces are all that remain.

the next thing i tried was a more intentional and intimate style of performance, modelled after the recent trend of ASMR videos.

Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR), sometimes auto sensory meridian response,[2][3][4] is a tingling sensation that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. A pleasant form of paresthesia,[5] it has been compared with auditory-tactile synesthesia[6][7] and may overlap with frisson.

ASMR signifies the subjective experience of "low-grade euphoria" characterized by "a combination of positive feelings and a distinct static-like tingling sensation on the skin". It is most commonly triggered by specific auditory or visual stimuli, and less commonly by intentional attention control.[1][8] A genre of videos which intend to stimulate ASMR has emerged, of which over 13 million are published on YouTube.[9]

I’m interested in this form of vocal performance in the way it attempts to target and illicit a specific physical reaction. Ed Atkins has spoken about the way technology develops, seeks to conquer various physical senses, ie, IMAX cameras making screens too large for one person’s eyesight, or sound systems rattling bones. ASMR attempts to create euphoric physical feelings, comparable to orgasm. as such, there is a sort of unspoken sexual quality to a lot of these videos and to a lot of these vocal stylings. often, and indeed usually, the speakers or performers in these videos are attractive women.

in this episode of the podcast Reasonably Sound, Mike Rugnetta makes the comparison between this sort of work, and the sexist history of the female voice assistant, in early telecoms and switchboard operators, up to the present, female Siri or Google Home. there are, maybe unsuitable or offensive, connections to be made between this sort of outsourced female labour, the sexual qualities of ASMR, and sex work. but, i dont think it’s really my place to touch on it. there’s just some interesting dynamics around service and power in this form.

the episode can be found here:

http://reasonablysound.com/2014/10/02/whisper-quiet/

anyway, technically, this phenomena doesn’t really exist, scientifically. it does exist in the minds of people who watch this stuff. so, there’s a fun pseudo-science sort of thing here, that compels me too. like a sort of witchcraft to do with audio frequencies.

in this vocal performance, then, i tried to allow my voice to take on these ASMR qualities. i whispered the words into my microphone from a very close distance, to encourage uncomfortable mouth sounds, saliva pops, and microphone peaks. these sounds are ASMR triggers, but also betray the audio recording in a few ways. it’s uncomfortable for the viewer to hear mouth and body sounds so loudly. it reveals the work as an unprofessional one, working with what would be considered to be bad recording practices. it also brings qualities of a human body, and particularly gross qualities at that, to the film, lending it a subjective human presence.

i feel mixed about how this has worked overall. i think it totally creates the correct responses in a viewer, but there’s no denying that in being the Voice of God for this film, i am painting myself to be the God of this world. my narration, although at odds with what the viewer sees, speaks to my authorial power, and im not sure this is a power i want to be spoken about!! as a middle class, white man, i think i need to question more thoroughly what it means for me to give myself authority in this context...

this was something Dave Beech mentioned in our crits with him, recently.

this is all in my head as i continue to experiment with the narration and voice over in this film. i dont anticipate i will have brought this any further by the end of the project, but that’s ok. here is a video showing the current way my voice is sounding in this passages:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzgbVBFhvRc

first person stories ---

now, this is also complicated.

at the beginning of the project it felt very important to me that the stories would only appear visually, as text, and not as audio. in the writing i have gone to lengths to recreate, phonetically and visually, regional accents and period grammar. understanding my limited ability as a voice performer, i felt it would be gross and inappropriate for me to perform these texts myself. that it would be sort of equivalent to cultural appropriation, especially as im not actually from the South West (unless u go some ways back down the tree).

however, this being said, i ended up opting for a sort of version of a performance. i experimented with different styles of delivery, attempting accents and different styles of voice. i also experimented with isolating select frequencies. the OM frequency of the tuning fork is the one i chose to isolate, producing a distant-sounding voice that is hard to identify as mine:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hQDgEWFRIM&t=41s

for a necessarily female voice, however, this proved to be tricky. immediately in the crit, it seemed people could identify the recording as a poor attempt at an impression on my part, even though i thought i had done quite well with my shakespearean old woman impression. i ended up taking this audio and distorting it even further. the vocal inflections and sentence patterns are still identifiable, and when watching the text it is easy to follow along with the sound, but it is so distorted and modified i dont feel it can be traced back to me anymore. the femininity and the quality of the accent and the age of the caracter are all identifiable as well, i feel. over the course of this video the clip becomes more distorted, as if the stone tape is losing its fidelity on playback:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2A6jY-C1UA

i find this absolutely successful, especially on the speakers with which i listen to it. although as i continue working i might go back on this idea.

0 notes

samandnicolestravels · 7 years ago

Text

How can you understand God if you don’t first understand yourself.

Singapore: our last taste of civilisation for 3 months (not a religious sermon don’t worry).

Hot. Hot and green. Hot, green and very clean. There is more to Singapore than that, obviously. But as a city, they would be three characteristics that immediately spring to mind. As a city, we warmed to it quickly. No doubt helped by the fantastic accommodation we found at a comparatively cheap price. The aptly named Hotel Boss certainly lived up to its name. The rooms were comfortable, with clean, modern bathrooms. Picture a premier inn with an incredible city view.

Add to that the pool, which also boasted a pretty special vista. If money wasn’t an object, maybe we would have done a night in the Marina Bay (if you don’t know what this looks like, I recommend googling it, the pool views are even better than ours). But money is an object, and at the start of a 3 month trip you can’t afford to splurge on extravagant hotels.

Next door to the hotel, the Epic Haus food court served fresh foods from just about any Asian cuisine you can imagine, all for less than SIN$7 (£4) per meal. Eating out culture appears very different in Singapore, with the only chain restaurants anywhere in the city being fast food stalwarts e.g. McDonald’s, Burger King. We may have limited ourselves by sticking to the one food court, but we immersed ourselves in foods native to Singapore, Malaysia and China. I guess the real reason behind our loyalty was the fact we never got ill off our first meal there. See, first impressions really do count.

We arrived fortunately (only in terms of accommodation price) the Monday after the famous F1 night race around the Marina Bay Street circuit. As such, many of the streets were still cordoned and set up for several million pounds worth of metal to be flying round them at 200mph+. Despite this we could still walk round a large part of the circuit without getting shouted at, which was quite impressive. Again the overriding impression was the efficiency and cleanliness of the operation to remove the infrastructure from Singapore’s largest sporting event in the calendar year. All of the menial/labouring jobs are done by hardworking migrants, most commonly from India/Bangladesh, who still earn above our minimum wage and, if they have families, are well supported by the government in terms of housing. An interesting model given our current political see-saw.

Anyway, giving politics a wide birth, Singapore in its relatively short history as a nation independent from colonial power has become a shining example of what modern cities should be. Now admittedly I am seeing this from an urban planning/environmental perspective. I won’t bore you with why Singapore is so special in these respects, besides, my words wouldn’t do it justice. Only by visiting it can you appreciate the ingenuity behind the design and incorporation of nature within inner city areas. The monotonal greys that we are accustomed to seeing in British cities pale in comparison to the use of parks and green public spaces in Singapore. Of course, this has a multitude of social and health benefits, but if you’re really interested as to what they are then ask me another time, as the likelihood is you aren’t.

Marina Bay Area is just one example of the impressive urban design, with nature intrinsically linked to the areas architecture and exhibitions. Nicole talked me in to two permanent exhibitions in Gardens by the Bay on the basis that we were only going to be in Singapore once. Coincidentally, David Attenborough had filmed part of a recent Planet Earth documentary on one. I’m not sure which was the principal reason behind her persistence.

I’m so glad she did, the flower dome was ok, if not a bit samey (no expert on flowers, Nana you may have loved it). But the other dome, pictured above and below, was fabulous and I’m glad she talked me in to going, regardless of the motivations.

Watching the impressive light display in the Supertree Grove in the Gardens is almost a right if passage to having experienced Singapore. It definitely didn’t disappoint, and also (supposedly) uses only renewable energy (another environmental tick). This concluded our monumental first day in Singapore. Arriving at 6am having flown through the night, we were justifiably knackered. Interestingly, having walked the same distance (approx 16km) in the day, I had taken almost 2156 more steps than Nicole. I blame the little-legged genetics.

Our second day was spent navigating the slick MRT (tube) system, and exploring districts including Little India, Colonial and the CBD. Little India was eye opening. There’s very little evidence of poverty in Singapore, just very different ways of living. Little India embodied one, and not one I would particularly chose myself. We wandered through the bustling market streets finding two ornately designed Temples side-by-side. Religion in Singapore is very fluid. Superficially there appears little tension between communities where Mosques, Temples and Churches are within a stones throw of each other. It was walking around the Hindu Temple that we were given a lesson in life by a random Chinese man.

“How can you understand god if first you don’t understand yourself”. It’s true, leaving god out of the equation, how can you possibly understand anything without first understanding yourself. As mad as they seem, the polytheistic religions, their explanatory value and logical basis is difficult to argue.

I’m not trying to convert anyone. Neither was the fella who collared us gawping at a statue of Vishnu inside. So excited to share his ‘yoga knowledge’, he must have kept us 30 minutes. He did offer to buy us dinner afterwards, which we politely declined. Little India was most definitely the closest to New Delhi either of us have ever been and quite frankly, neither of us fancied the runs.

We leave Singapore having been pleasantly surprised, neither of us expected to like it as much as we did. It’s innovative and modern whilst maintaining a welcoming nature typical of South East Asian cultures. We have walked so far though. We need a break. The tropical island of Bali awaits 🇮🇩

0 notes

huffpostuk-style-yahoopartn-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Ten Things Not To Worry Your Pretty Little Head About This Stress-mas… And Beyond!

As the juggernaut of Christmas starts to jack knife across the highway of our blood pressure, are you finding yourself both shaken and stirred? All is calm and bright right now but the slow build is like scaling a white-knuckle ride complete with cynically timed rattles and clunks before you top the vertiginous peak and then whoosh - it’s hold on to your life, wallet and liver.

Or maybe you are one of those roller coaster riders who likes to wave their hands in the air as if to say to the Grim Reaper, “I surrender and go willingly”; in which case you’re on your own. Eau de Anxiety and Tension Truffles will be on your Dear Santa list whether you like or not.

For as much as you’d like to channel the glam of Nigella or the down home cosiness of Martha Stewart, you know in reality the author of your Christmas film/story is Tim Burton meets Poe. So here’s a little salve that even Estee Lauder can’t deliver this year to ease those frowns and robin’s feet around the eyes; all the reasons why you should not sweat the small stuff – and as you personal development divas and dudes know (come on it’s panto season – let’s say it together) – it’s all small stuff!!!

Here are 10 things you don’t need to worry about this month and beyond:

1. Pre-preparing – Let go of control. We can control a lot less in life than we think we can. Relinquish the need to plan life to the finest detail and thus setting yourself up for upset when reality and relatives don’t live up. It’s all a mystery and therein lies the magic. Enjoy the ride.

2. Turkeys – Fear of failure. We all fail. No one has a 100% success rate. It’s called living and trying things, experiencing life, being your potential, taking a risk, having a go and learning. Do you only play to win? What if it was a learning curve that guaranteed a life well lived? Play your hand.

3. “I want what he/she has got” - Compare and despair. When you unfavorably compare your life with others you will lose 100% of the time. Be grateful for what you have, honour your own journey. You’ve no idea what goes on behind the scenes in someone else’s life.

4. The Present – If you are feeling sadness you are thinking or living in the past. If you feel anxiety your thoughts are in the future. The present is where peace is.

5. People pleasing �� yes we all want to give generously and make others happy. But when you dance to someone else’s tune, and are trying to gain acceptance and strive for compliments you put your power in the hands of others. Be your own energy source.

6. Looking good – None of us are happy with the shape we are in. Big butt, bad skin, sagging jaw, lumpy nose, hair where even David Attenborough hasn’t seen it – we are all great big neurotic bags of skin unhappy with our lot. I’ve coached semi-starving supermodels who part crowds when they walk who fret about every pimple and crease to a crescendo of stomach rumbling. Accept yourself and hone where you can. One day you’ll look back and wished you looked like you do now.

7. It’s all stuff – Nobody went to their grave saying, “I’m so glad I got that Dior pantsuit”. A friend, whose wealthy geriatric aunt was recently decluttering, saw designer shoes (no longer fitting because of arthritis), objets d’art too big to downsize and couture dresses galore. No more to be worn and sold off at bargain basement prices. Stuff. End of.

8. Perfectionism – If you want to make a simple job complicated, a quick job last hours and to get hung up on detail when “good enough” would have sufficed then aim for perfectionism. It won’t make you happy but you think it will. How will anything match up?

9. Not having enough – we have a lot more than we need but we always want more. Try to develop an abundance mindset. Anyway there’s a charity shop somewhere selling off someone else’s “no longer needs”. (See tip 7)

10. Feeling unloved. I’m afraid that has to start with you. Self love sounds cringe-worthy but acceptance and even liking the self automatically makes you happier, life feels better and you become irresistibly attractive to others. You feel braver when you have love and compassion for yourself and can forgive easily your perceived faults.

If you do nothing else give yourself lots of love.

(Batteries are not included)

Make your own Christmas magical and momentous by booking a 30 minute discovery session with me, click here.

Carole Ann Rice

www.realcoachingco.com

#_revsp:huffpost_uk_744 #_author:Carole Ann Rice #_lmsid:a0Vd000000GrfiIEAR #_uuid:f7cc3aa1-82b2-3a18-bcbc-6eec660fe58e

0 notes

alexanderkahn · 8 years ago

Text

30 Major League Baseball team names, ranked objectively (from worst to best) by a qualified expert

The Los Angeles Angels: Or, if you happen to speak any Spanish at all: "The The Angels Angels". Good thing nobody in LA speaks any Spanish at all! This is just... this is a turd of a name.

The Philadelphia Phillies: Did the Phillies not know they were supposed to come up with a team name until they got to school the day it was due? Was it because they skipped class the day it was assigned to go smoke a J in their Datsun in the parking lot?

The Arizona Diamondbacks: Hey, you know what baseball needs? A team whose fans call them a name that is aurally indistinguishable from the most irritating thing stupid people call other stupid people.

The Cleveland Indians: Politics aside, I'm not sure naming your team after just a group of regular people is a particularly inspired choice. The Indians apparently earned their nickname when they had a Native American guy on their team, which is like if the Dodgers had renamed themselves the Los Angeles Asian Fellas when they signed Hideo Nomo. And then the name stuck for 120 years. Amazingly, their name before that was the Naps (after a player named Nap, and no I am not making that up), so this was actually, somehow, an improvement. As my lovely wife puts it: "these people are idiots".

The Chicago White Sox: I'm not a huge fan of naming your team after the clothes they wear in general, but white socks in particular is a spectacularly non-distinguishing feature. My dad wears white socks, too. He got them in a pack of 30 at a Sports Authority in 2003.

The Kansas City Royals: Anti-American! There, I said it.

The Atlanta Braves: Solidly only the second most racist name on this list. Nice.

The Oakland Athletics: Disarmingly wholesome, but also so literal it kind of misses the point of having a nickname in the first place.

The St. Louis Cardinals: Would you say that cardinals are from St. Louis? Because Wikipedia says, somewhat more conservatively, that cardinals are from "North and South America". It's fine. It's a fine name--listen, stop badgering me, I said it's fine.

The Colorado Rockies: I think this team maybe got named by somebody who had never actually been to Colorado.

The Tampa Bay Rays: Well, it's better than the Devil Rays.

The Minnesota Twins: OH, BECAUSE YOU PLAY IN THE TWIN CITIES? CUTE!

The Boston Red Sox: Hey, what's with the x in Sox anyway? What is the singular form of sox? Why do I give a shit what color your sox are? How has no one thought of a better name in 110 years?

The Washington Nationals: There's just nothing going on here. Pass.

The San Francisco Giants: Yes, fine, Giants, that seems fine. Personally I'm not sure this whole "base ball" thing is going to take off, anyway.

The Toronto Blue Jays: Thank you for going one tiny step further than "Blue Sox" (looking at you, Butler, Holyoke, Sydney, and Leicester)

The Cincinnati Reds: It's an OK name, but I'd like it better if they had game every once in a while where they dismantled the bourgeouis state apparatus or abolished religion or something

The Seattle Mariners: OK, yeah, it's a sea thing. Seattle is next to the sea! This is all hanging together nicely.

The Los Angeles Dodgers: started life as the New York Trolley-Dodgers, which I love. It's a name that makes no claims about its players other than a general wiliness that is probably offset by the (somewhat alarming) negligence required to keep getting in the paths of moving trolleys in the first place. But Los Angeles has no trolleys to dodge, and how are you going to dodge from inside a of a grid-locked car anyway? I give this name a B-.

The San Diego Padres: Has something to say about San Diego, shortens to the Dads which is among the silliest nickname in sports. Not terrible!

The Detroit Tigers: Sure, why not! Tigers are cool, I suppose.

The Baltimore Orioles: The best of the tiny-bird names, but why are so many teams named after tiny birds? This is a real question. Please email me with any pertinent information.

The New York Mets: conjures up visions of guys in cleats and pinstripes taking in the opera or discussing Proust between bites of caviar and champagne. I did a little research and it turns out that's exactly what the Mets do in their off-time.

The Miami Marlins: A marlin sounds like it could conceivably kill you, so this name is pretty much has it all.

The Milwaukee Brewers: The only two things I know about Milwaukee are that Hamm's is from there and Laverne and Shirley worked at a bottling plant (???). Those are both beer things, and Brewers is a beer thing, and you drink beer at baseball games, so we're firing on all cylinders now.

The New York Yankees: I hate to admit it, but this is a good name for a baseball team.

The Pittsburgh Pirates: Oh, shit, pirates are rad! Hell yes I would like to root for some pirates. We're talking, like, adventure book pirates here, right? Not the guys who murder people and put Eat Pray Love on the Internet before it's even out on DVD.

The Texas Rangers: Unique team name: ✔︎. specifically from the area they play for: ✔︎. Totally badass: ✔︎. Makes me think about Chuck Norris: Yeah, but I try not to hold that against them.

The Chicago Cubs: Chicago chose to name their team not after a ferocious predator, but after the baby version of a ferocious predator, and I think that's had a lot to do with why their fans' optimism is so durable. Every time the Cubs blow it in the post-season, you can almost hear David Attenborough say "well, there's always next year" while a baby grizzly slides off a log face-first into a stream or something, and how can you not be a fan of that?

The Houston Astros: were founded as an expansion team in 1962 as the Houston Colt .45s (the gun, not the beer, not that that's a hell of a lot better). In '65, they realized that: A) Houston is full of spaceship pilots and engineers; B) old-timey guns are stupid compared to spaceships; C) we're in the middle of the God Damned space race and we're gonna put a man on the moon and the commie bastards in the USSR can go to hell. That last reason isn't as compelling anymore, but spaceships are cool as hell and spaceship nerds who calculate delta-v and wear pocket protectors are cool as hell. Astros win.

0 notes