#...or at least 'at the top' compared to others. it's the same impulse that makes people think their cisgender status makes them superior...

[uncanny-tranny]

The leftism/anticapitalism leaving people's bodies the zeptosecond you imply that disabled people who aren't "productive" still matter in society and need to be treated like intrinsic equals who have a place in this world:

[rans-baby]

when they see you in someone else's jacket (pt. 2)

decided to do a pt. 2 with the men that i KNOW prefer to call you baby and princess ♡ also had to add some of @miyaniacsfaves :)

tw // bimbo-ish reader in koko's?, use of the word daddy

if y'all aren't in to that simply skip over it :) I like a variety of yn's: normal, bimbo, badass, you name it! so don't be surprised if you see a range in my writing

MANJIRO

mikey would say he's a pretty satisfied guy

he had japan's underground on lock, all the desserts he could ever ask for, and most importantly, you

he met you when you saved him from bleeding out in the streets right outside of the bakery you worked at, and he decided you were his from then on

he knew that everyone knowing about your relationship would put you in danger so he kept it under wraps for the most part, only mentioning it to the other executives

you were lowkey a bit insecure about this, and just being a regular civilian, you didn't really understand why he couldn't just tell everyone

"do you.. not want to be seen with me?" "no"

but he also failed to recognize how that came across because yes, he meant it but he didn't mean it the way that you were thinking

you silently left him alone and wandered out onto the streets lost in your thoughts, not even recognizing it was starting to rain until it started pouring

coincidentally, your male co-worker was walking on the same path and offered you his jacket

you gratefully took it and he was helping you put it on when mikey saw the two of you

now he's dealt with his dark impulses a few times in his life, but nothing compared to what he was feeling in that moment

he kept his usual impassive facade as he approached the both of you, seemingly ignoring the sound of the roaring blood in his ears and aggressive pounding in his head

he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, just tight enough to make you squirm

"who's this princess?"

but before you could respond your coworker interjected "oh is this your brother? nice to meet you!" he said with an outstretched hand

you could feel his grip tightening but your previous conversation ran through your head and you responded "this is just a friend"

he started gripping you even tighter causing you to tap on his arms to release you but he just responded by laying sloppy kisses on your neck causing you to let out a short gasp

"do I look like her brother?"

KOKONOI

sweet koko loves treating you, only the best for his pretty girl! but he knew you weren't in it for the money

which is why he was only mildly surprised when he saw you walk into his office in, was that h&m?

now he might be a ~material boy~ but he understood the practicality of having "normal" clothes on a day to day basis but what he couldn't understand was why it looked so big

it occurred to him when you went to go sit on his lap and he caught a whiff of cheap cologne

he has literally never dropped you so quickly

all you could do was look up at him with tears in your eyes while sprawled on the floor

"did I do something wrong daddy?"

he HATED seeing you cry, it was his least favorite feeling and this was especially true when he was the reason

"sorry princess couldn't help it"

he put you back on his lap and let you lay your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent

"so princess, wanna tell me where you got the jacket? promise I won't get mad"

you squinted like it was hard for you to remember exactly how it got on you

"oh it was a nice man's! he saw me at the mall and called me pretty then gave me his jacket and a little piece of paper with a bunch of numbers on it! :)"

koko prided himself on being the most level-headed of the executives in bonten, but that was still a low low bar and he was still an executive of the most powerful gang in japan

"you think you can show me the paper baby? just wanna give him his jacket back"

you slowly took off the jacket revealing a tight corset top and tiny tennis skirt that barely covered your ass

"'m bout to lose it" "what'd you say daddy?" "oh nothing princess, how about we look at gettin' you some new jackets, I think saint laurent just released a new collection that would make you even prettier" "really daddy?"

he loved when you got that sparkle in your eye because he knew it wasn't excitement about being able to use his money, it was because he knew that you knew it was his way of showing you his love

"yeah baby, gotta make up for lettin' you get cold and droppin' you. 'm sorry you know that right?"

most people assumed that he was only into you because of your looks, but he has never been more sincere in his life and it was all because of you

you brought such a warm light in his life, not overwhelming but enough to warm him and for the first time in his life, the warmth on his skin didn't scare him

WAKASA

wakasa preferred women who could fend for themselves, he barely had enough energy to fight for himself and most of the time he didn't need to

his hair was recognizable enough to where people knew not to mess with him

it didn't matter to him who knew of your relationship with him so it was pretty commonplace to see him in and outside the gym with you

he knew you could fend for yourself and loved that about you, but sometimes wished you were a little less stubborn and would accept his help

he'd offered you his jacket in the past but most of the time you took offense to it, thinking that he thought you were incapable of taking care of yourself so he stopped offering over time

you were sick one day and while he noticed you were shivering a bit, he figured you'd get angry if he offered his jacket so he kept it to himself

you secretly wanted to ask but your pride got in the way

you took a quick break and let him know you were gonna run to the convenience store

on the way to the convenience store, the dizziness starting kicking in and before you realized it, you were falling

you felt yourself fall into someone's arms and you thought it was your boyfriend's so you let him wrap his jacket around you but the unrecognizable scent broke you out of that train of thought

the fever made it impossible to break free of his grip

"hey pretty lady, seen you around here with that little boy. what'd you say about lettin' me take care of you? bet I could do it better than him"

on a normal day, you would've kicked his ass to the sun and back but the fever was really starting to get to you and all you could do was squirm

that was the scene wakasa stumbled into after deciding to chase after you because fuck your stubborn nature you were still his to take care of whether you liked it or not

he was, by nature, just not a flashy guy so he knew that people who didn't know of his reputation underestimated him and it never bothered him before now

before either of you knew what was happening, a flying kick was sent the creep's way and he snatched you from his arms

"now didn't baby tell you to leave her alone?"

right as the creep was about to retaliate, you mustered what strength you had left to rip the jacket off of your body and throw it in his face long enough to distract him as you landed three solid kicks on his torso, watching him crumple in pain

wakasa caught you in his arms right as you were about to fall

"wish you weren't so stubborn sometimes princess, but you know that's why I love you right?"

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day Seven - Prompt: Improvisation @rosekiller-microfic

March Daily Series - 875 words

<<<Previous Part OR Start Here

After he blocked Barty’s number, Evan buried his face in the pillows and sobbed. He barely held his emotions in check for the entirety of that brief confrontation, until Barty cried out. Ignoring the pain and desperation in his voice were beyond his limits. Evan’s ribs cracked wide open when his heart was wrenched from his chest.

Deep, raspy breaths echoed around him as he plunged his face beneath the pillows. His lungs ached and his throat was swollen shut. This was the first time he’d cried in years and he didn’t know how to make it stop. It was too much for one person to take.

One month in and he’s ruined me. One bloody month.

Four full weeks of Barty “trying so fucking hard.” Of course, Evan noticed the effort. He was thrilled that he’d finally found someone who cared about him enough to try. Knowing that it was really just Barty’s attempt at atonement cheapened everything they had. Or at least, what he thought they had.

Was any of it real? Did it mean anything to him at all?

Evan scrubbed his hands over his face. He didn’t want to believe that Barty would be so callous, but now that he knew the truth, everything was suspect. Every line Barty used, promises that he made, and feelings he shared could be a lie. Their entire relationship was an elaborate improvisation of an apology to Regulus.

What if he hoped to win Regulus back? What if I was just a means to an end?

Unfortunately, it made sense. Evan knew that he didn’t hold up to someone like Regulus. He wasn’t just handsome, he was stunning. Regulus was beautiful in a way that defied reality. Sure, he was often a prick, but he was so pretty!

I can’t blame Barty for wanting him back.

It wasn’t even a blow to his own self-esteem. Evan knew that he was fit, but objectively, he couldn’t compare himself to Regulus when they weren’t competing in the same league. They weren’t even playing the same sport. Barty was a fluke, he wasn’t even Regulus’s type.

Evan patted around the quilt for his mobile. When he found it, he quickly looked up the photos that Pandora sent to him of Regulus’s new boyfriend. James was fit as fuck and she said that they were obsessed with each other. There was no way that Regulus would give him up for Barty, right?

“I would. In a heartbeat,” Evan whispered. He rested his chin on his arm as he swiped through the pictures. “A hockey player? What use is a git like that anyway? He’d bore me in a week, tops. Although, I wouldn’t mind shagging him.”

His phone lit up with a new call and for a moment he considered throwing it. Barty had so many bloody burners to avoid debt calls and set up buys for weed that Evan doubted he could block them all. When Dorcas’s face appeared, he sighed with relief.

“Hi Dorcas.”

“Well, don’t you sound cheery?”

“Not today. What’s up?” he said, grateful she hadn’t FaceTimed.

Dorcas hesitated, then sighed. “I need an unbiased opinion on something and I don’t think either of my flatmates can see past their rose-colored glasses at the moment. Do you have a minute? I think I just need to talk this out.”

“Yeah, go on.”

“So, I heard that my ex is in Wales with the rest of them. She was the DJ at the festival they attended last night and is joining them for the rest of the week. Am I mad to want to meet her there? That’s foolish, right?”

Evan hummed thoughtfully as he considered the situation. He didn’t know much about Dorcas’s ex-girlfriend, other than they broke up because long-distance was too hard. It was rare for Dorcas to reach out to him for advice though, so he was careful with his wording.

“Unless you think seeing her would fix the long-distance issue, I can’t see how it would help.”

Dorcas was silent for a long moment, but he could hear her nails tapping in the background. She wasn’t one for impulsive decisions. It was the primary reason that she and Pandora were friends. They balanced each other out and kept each other in check. Well, it took Regulus and Dorcas to balance out his sister’s level of chaos, really.

“That’s what I thought,” she said finally. “If there was a way, we’d have found it already. I’ll just hurt my own feelings going to see her, then having to leave again.”

“It’s been a while hasn’t it?” Evan prompted. He needed this distraction.

“Yes, a little over a year now. We cut ties a month later because it was too hard to pretend that we were just friends.”

Understandable. Barty and I could never be friends either.

Evan traced the pattern on his quilt with his fingernail as he listened to Dorcas talk about her ex and the shite situation that broke them apart. He agreed when he was meant to and scoffed as expected. Normal couples had such mundane problems. All relationships are challenging at times, but most were rather boring.

Are they actually boring, or have I officially gone ‘round the bend?

Next Part>>>

[floef-likes-everything]

In which Scott is a little selfish.

Storm clouds had gathered above the Secret Keeper, which was a sign for what was to come. Scott had forced himself to the center of their small world in the middle of the night, just like the winners had said to do during the Nights of Peace. Once very few nights, the Players kept to their own bases. Nobody left their homes, nobody got a task, nobody got hurt. The previous winners made that moment theirs to congregate and discuss their own, special secret task.

Which was to make sure Jimmy made it to the end of the game. At which they had failed terribly.

Scott didn’t feel like he was at fault, he had done what he could. He had prevented Jimmy from teaming with Scar. He had never touched him despite Jimmy going after him plenty of times. He hadn’t targeted him with any of the tasks the Secret Keeper had given him. Not the malicious one’s anyway.

Martyn teamed with Jimmy, which was one of the more forward attempts of making sure Jimmy would come out on top. The downside was that Martyn really didn’t thrive under the rules of these games: Martyn was reckless and impulsive. He thrived under the chaotic and forgiving rules of last game, taking damage was irreversible this time around. Scott could only hope that seeing Martyn go to red so quickly had warned Jimmy at least a little bit. It hadn’t been enough, however.

Pearl had kept her distance, as he always had. Fate made her team with other people, she had said. She wasn’t going to force herself to save Jimmy this early in the game. She wanted these games to end just as much as everybody else but she didn’t think their help to Jimmy should be obvious.

Then, there was Grian. Grian, who had had all his memories about these games from the very start, who had been so close to Jimmy for so long. He’d teamed with him two, technically three times now and he’d been at least partially responsible for his death just as many times. One time, he straight up killed him. The other time his suggestion of getting a kill off Skynet had become his downfall. Now, his task had forced him and Etho to bring to monsters to the overworld. Grians wither might not have directly killed Jimmy, but he was just as much to blame as Etho for the deaths today.

Despite all of this, Scott wasn’t particularly upset. Jimmy winning this game would mean their end, which was good, but it would also mean something else. It would mean Jimmy would remember, he would remember all of it. Every game, every alliance, every betrayal, every home he had had. That last was what terrified Scott. What if his home with Jimmy wouldn’t be his favorite. What if Jimmy didn’t feel the same about him anymore? Scott had thought about it hard and far to long. He’d rather have Jimmy not remember anything than him choosing anybody else over Scott. What if he had enjoyed his forced partnership with Tango more? What if he had had more fun with this short alliance he had had with Martyn? Scott didn’t think he could live with that knowledge.

You could call him selfish, but he believed it wasn’t much compared to the felonies some other Players here had committed. If anything, Grian was to blame for being the cause of these games in the first place. Scott was a victim just as much as everybody else here. Jimmy wouldn’t return his love because he couldn’t, he didn’t remember those early feelings and apparently they hadn’t been strong enough to flare up again. That was why Scott had been so worried: if him and Jimmy had somehow ended up together again and again each game he would be fine. But now, he more often stood against Jimmy, them being on the other side of a conflict. If Jimmy would remember Scott was sure he would leave him and he couldn’t live with that.

These games wouldn’t stop anytime soon, because Jimmy wouldn’t win anytime soon. And if it would ever get to that, Scott would make sure he wouldn’t make it.

[glade-constellation]

This is kind of just me needing to write out my feelings to understand them better, because we have a lot of mixed feeling about Eclipse’s death right now. Sorry if it doesn’t make much sense.

(This turned out much longer than I thought so I put everything under the cut, but I think everything written down is important. Also, when emotions are mentioned, I’m talking more so about healthy coping mechanisms to cause better emotional outcomes. I didn’t really know how to properly word it until I wrote a lot of this so I didn’t want to have to go back and change it. The post is long enough as it.)

I kind of hate how media portrays that death is the only way to handle “bad” trauma survivors. As a trauma survivor myself, seeing this makes me feel like society hate me. Yes, Eclipse was a terrible person, but was death really the only option? Truly and honestly?

It’s so blatantly obvious to us that Eclipse didn’t know how to use healthy coping mechanisms because he was never taught them. His entire life has been bad thing after bad thing. He quite literally woke up for the first time to learn he had been abandoned and left behind because he was Moon’s unwanted coding. His first feelings he ever truly felt for himself were confusion and hurt. On top of this, he was trapped apart from the real world with his only way out being something that badly burned him. When he finally gets out he’s met with extreme hostility and hate (which I don’t blame anyone for with the way Eclipse introduced himself in the first place). His own creation he made to help get him out of Sun’s headspace (Bloodmoon) turned on him and tried to kill him. Every single person in the entire show either turned their backs on him or used him for their own gain.

Yes, Eclipse was kind of doing this to himself, but people also seem to forget what part of Moon he was made from. He was Moon’s attempt at removing the kill code. A code specifically created to kill and hurt. Moon was at least created with other protocols that counteracted the kill code. He had other emotions and thoughts besides the code made to make him murderous. Eclipse was the code, or at least a part of it. He was made with no other emotions and impulses to pull from. Anything else would have been needed to be learned, which he never got a chance to do.

People might argue that Kill Code, the actual code itself, was able to become a good person where Eclipse hasn’t, but I feel these two scenarios are pretty different. The fandom is really bad and doing the Trauma Olympics with these characters, which is a very bad thing to do. Comparing people’s trauma is disrespectful and just plain rude. Trauma is trauma, it still hurt someone regardless of what it was that caused it. While Eclipse and Kill Code are basically the same thing, they went through two completely separate experiences. Also, Kill Code had access to coping skills that Eclipse never had. Kill Code was still connected in some ways to Moon, where as Eclipse had been completely cut off.

Earth was the only person who ever really tried to help Eclipse, and even then she was biased. The first conversation those two really had was the first therapy episode they had together, in which she blatantly tells him he can’t be fixed before she even hears his side of the story. The only things she’s heard about Eclipse are from Sun and Moon, one who is amnesiac and the other who’s had to deal with the worst of Eclipse’s torture. The way she talks to him in this episode also shows that she thinks he can just choose what emotions he is feeling. Once again, I want to go back to the fact that Eclipse was made from Moon forcefully ripping out his kill code. He doesn’t know how to feel any other emotions. They were never programmed into him and he was never taught. Every meeting after that between those two was just Earth getting more and more fed up with Eclipse until she kind of just gave up.

(I didn’t mention Lunar trying to help Eclipse specifically because Lunar never actually did. He supported Eclipse for a bit, got fed up with the constant stress and trauma, and then became Eclipse’s enemy. There was no therapy attempt like Earth tried.)

I’m not saying Eclipse was a good person. He has only ever killed, maimed, tortured, and abused his entire life. Everyone he met was instantly shown hostility, and they had every right to return that same energy back. He did absolutely terrible things and should be held accountable for them. Being traumatized does not give anyone the right to do any of what Eclipse did.

The thing is, Eclipse did still have a chance at redemption. We’ve already canonically seen several other “bad guy” characters get redemptions. Kill Code was given a redemption arc. Lunar was given a redemption arc. Bloodmoon was killed, but both canonical characters and the fanbase believe they could have been redeemed. There is absolutely no reason that Eclipse could not also be redeemed.

I think something the fanbase doesn’t quite understand is that redemption and forgiveness do not go hand in hand. Some people feel like a step in the process of redemption is being forgiven, which isn’t true. You can be forgiven for your mistakes, but that has nothing to do with your personal growth. That someone else’s emotions entirely. Sometimes, something you did will affect someone so deeply that they will never be able to move on. As long as you are striving to be a better person and doing everything you can to achieve that, then you are redeeming yourself.

Eclipse never really seemed to want to change, but I think that’s also because he was never given the tools to do so. I think his last moments really show that he could have done better had he been given the support he so desperately needed.

Eclipse wasn’t scared of dying. He was scared of being hurt. He literally asked Solar Flare, in a very shaky tone, “Do you think it hurts?” He said himself that he was tired, and I think he was just done with the hurt. He was in a constant state of emotional turmoil and pain and he was just done.

Honestly, maybe Solar Flare summed him up perfectly. Eclipse was not a good person, by any means, but he cared. He always did. Probably too much, about things he really shouldn’t. And in the end it cost him everything.

In the end, I do feel Eclipse could have been redeemed. He may not be forgiven, but I don’t feel like he never could have changed. This is just another example of someone who went through something terrible becoming bad because they didn’t have the resources they needed to be better. It would have been hard for him, but I do feel Eclipse could have done it. Especially with how low he was during his final moments. But that’s just it. He’s dead. You can’t fix things from the grave no matter how much you wanted to.

Death will never been a good replacement over redemption.

[eldritchamy]

Just finished the second season of Legacies and everything about it is so different from TVD/Originals.

I would definitely say I’m overall enjoying it, and I like the characters (especially Hope, and the Saltzman twins), but it feels like it’s playing to an entirely different genre than the previous shows.

Where TVD was definitely playing to a teen vampire drama kind of audience, and The Originals thankfully went a bit more on drama and plot for an older audience, Legacies almost feels like it’s going for comedy vibes at times, and it’s REALLY jarring as a backdrop for how serious it seems like it thinks it’s being sometimes. It covers serious topics at times, but it just completely undercuts that with a lack of tonal sincerity compared to its predecessor.

Legacies plays out almost like a Buffyverse crackfic. It’s quite LITERALLY a monster of the week with season arcs, and plays to Buffyish archetypes (even calling the core cast the “super squad” as the stand in for “the scoobies”) but with such a GOOFY tone to much of it that it kind of undermines what made The Originals so good (and TVD at least a MEMORABLE hot mess).

One thing that actually bothers me is the HIDEOUSLY overused dramatic slow walk edits. It’s in every single episode, sometimes multiple times, and it just feels like they’re trying to EMPHASIZE drama to make up for the fact that, compared to the much better writing of The Originals, there really isn’t much.

A lot of the scenes where a lot of students are all in one place are really ham handed bullying allegories clearly written by adults who were never on the receiving end of it at that age. Just sloppy generic “every single teen will laugh at every mean thing said about someone else” scenes that feel horribly insincere and out of touch. The best example of teen bullying so far was probably the viciously catty relationship between Penelope and Lizzy, but then Penelope left at the end of season 1. Alyssa feels like she’s intended to fill that void, but Penelope’s history with and feelings for Josie made her a more compelling character with better connections to the story imo.

Also all of the hero talk is just way over the top. It’s like the characters KNOW they’re in a story, where TVD and TO just told a story instead. A lot of the decisions made in the scripting and editing of Legacies really feel like they undercut what made the previous shows (especially Originals) so good.

The stakes don’t necessarily feel high or low, they just feel weird. The stakes in TVD were pretty reliably “Katherine Piece is doing something that fucks up other people’s lives” or “ancient super-vampire Klaus Mikaelson is trying to undo the curse that stops him from also being a werewolf, and doesn’t care who he kills to get what he wants” and that fed into the vibe of “this story is about a girl who gets in over her head when she’s thrown into a world of vampires and supernatural bullshit.” The stakes in The Originals were almost always “Klaus made some enemies over his long life of impulsive anger and amoral backstabbing schemes, and now those enemies have the upperhand and threatened his family” and that fed into the vibe of TO being ABOUT the Mikaelson family and their long history of crimes and betrayals while ferociously protecting each other.

The stakes in Legacies so far are that there’s a pit of hell goo (like a shitty Hellmouth) that erases you from the world and everyone’s memory. There was literally an episode where Hope and Lizzy get sucked into an 80s video game themed magic prison with a minotaur who could have killed them. With actual 8-bit style editing effects as a stand-in for the usual generic aftereffects magic. The THREAT level is theoretically high, but it’s such an off the wall plot choice compared to the curses and backstabbing vampire/werewolf/witch drama in The Originals. And it just leaves Legacies feeling GOOFY in a way that doesn’t scratch the same itch. Which means the serious topics they TRY to cover in the show (grief, self harm, depression, self esteem, bullying) don’t FEEL serious because the tone can’t shift enough to match what they’re going for.

I’m still enjoying it, because I like the world and some of the characters (*COUGH* HOPEMIKAELSON), but it doesn’t have that same gut punching tear jerking drama that had me in tears every other episode like The Originals did.  Of the three, The Originals was the one I was LEAST looking forward to, but halfway through Legacies, I’m already looking back on it as easily my favorite of the three. Originals knocked my heart on its ass dozens of times. That hard hitting season length drama was just so much more impactful from a storytelling perspective than dramatic slow mo shots of the super squad living in a world of CW’s Buffy fanfiction and acting like they know they’re in a story. Almost half the lines of dialogue feel like they were focused grouped to adults who were trying to guess what fanfic-writing tumblr teens wanted to hear. Some of the lines feel snappy, ish, but none of them feel sincere. They feel more like beating the audience over the head with their own performative checklist of allyship. Almost feels like they were trying to say “we agree Joss Whedon is a huge asshole, but we want nothing more than to write just like him.”

The end result is a show that can hit (maybe even exceed) the goofy levels of Buffy, but misses the mark on the serious notes that let Buffy get away with being such a powerhouse in the cultural memory. It rivals Buffy’s camp, but not Buffy’s depth or sincerity. You don’t get the Season 6 allegory for depression from a show that treats every other episode like the “everyone becomes their Halloween costume” plot.

It shouldn’t have tried to be Buffy. It should have tried to be The Originals aimed at the age bracket of The Vampire Diaries. It would have been a much better show if it had gone that route.

I’m still enjoying it, but coming right off the heels of The Originals, I’m largely disappointed by how much better it could have been if it kept that same writing style and tone.

But at least there’s gay stuff.

Hope should definitely kiss girls.

[anamazingangie]

20 questions for fic writers

no one tagged me i just wanted to do this. idk who came up with it.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 75

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 641,881 

3. What fandoms do you write for? HotD– Daemyra [sometimes + other characters for SPICE], S&B—Darklina

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Significance 

Premium

the end of a dance and the beginning of something better 

a prince is born 

Anything 

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I *try* to. But if i’m responding i’m not writing, and if I have comments to respond to, it’s probably because the writing muses have been kind to me, and I would rather take advantage of that while it lasts. And then they pile up and it’s been so long it feels rude to reply? Idk. It’s hard to explain but I do 100% read and love every comment I get and they motivate me SO much!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

All Dragons go to Heaven, by far—it’s my only fic that follows canon events in terms of timeline/character death.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think except for a select few, all my fics have happy endings. ‘Getting Lucky ’ comes to mind because it’s pretty feel good all the way along—’magically meant to be ’ and ‘a princess and a painter’ have happy endings but some angst at the start!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Very rarely—a lot less than I expected tbh, given what I write lol! 

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Uh. All of it? Like seriously, I’ve done 30+ kink prompts this month alone. I’d say my ‘staples’ are size kink, overstimulation, and unprotected sex. M/M/F threesomes have sort of become a thing with me too. But I’ve done a bit of everything — ABO, M/M, anal, lactation kink, necro, ovi, etc. 

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I’ve done crossovers in that one story is retold with different characters (cinderalla inspired, hades and persephone inspired, romeo and juliet, etc.) but I’ve never had characters from two different fandoms in one fic.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that i’m aware of. 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that i’m aware of—i’ve given people permission, though, so maybe?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I like to think i’ve INSPIRED a few fics before but that is closest i’ve gotten. I would love to do an event where lots of people contribute to a single story, though.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Writing? Daemyra is my <3 But  I probably read more Darklina fic than any other. Also a Dramione & Zutara girlie. 

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

All of them? Kidding. Kind of. My writing inspiration and speed is very fickle, I can write 10k words one day and not type a single thing for the following three weeks. So unless something is fully pre-written when I start to post it, I’m not very confident about it ever getting finished. 

BUT that being said, I don’t have any fics that I don’t want to finish or plan to abandon. It is just a matter of time/inspiration/motivation. 

The one that seems least likely tho is ‘a prince is born’ simply because the established timeline doesn’t really make sense so it basically has to be fully rewritten and right now that sounds very Not Fun compared to literally everything else i’m working on.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm, maybe variety? I feel like I’m good at exploring the same characters and relationship dynamics no matter the time period or circumstances. And maybe smut? Idk. I’m a very weak person so this is hard to answer. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ahh this one I can answer: Planning. Structure. Timelines. Consistency. Spelling. Punctuation. Impulsively starting new things and ignoring WIPs.  

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Not really interested in it. I have enough trouble with english. 

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HotD/Daemyra

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I can’t pick because my work is super self indulgent so I like a lot of them for different reasons. 

Here are five,

deliciae

Three Heads of the Dragon 

gifts from the grave 

Consummation

the dragon king 

I’m tagging : @luthien-under-bough, @calenlily, @ar-feyniel

(if they haven’t already done it)

[pyriety-a]

i know pyromania is kind of dee's whole thing, but for whatever reason, i just haven't dedicated a post to it and the adjacent topics yet?? so!

firstly, deidre has a love-hate relationship with fire in general. she loves how it looks, what it does, actually lighting it etc. but she hates the build up that leads to her setting said fire. the tension and anxiety before lighting something on fire is just a continuous pressure that builds and builds until she literally cannot control the impulse. despite hating that, though, actually making something burn almost overrides that stress. she doesn't ever tell people it's this bad, but she can honestly compare it all to substance abuse. everything feels awful, she acts impulsively and worries fade while watching something burn, she has the equivalent of a high for a while, and later she's filled with shame and eventually crashes, which in turn leads to the usual negativity that started the process in the first place.

and yes, her parents have tried to help her with this, but there's a significantly larger gap of understanding between them than there used to be. they're unfamiliar with the disorder as a whole and really can't offer proper advice. or, when they do offer advice, it usually isn't all that helpful and deidre's too ashamed of it in general to talk about it in detail or explain why what they suggest won't work. they really do try their best!! but their suggestions are basically the equivalent of telling someone who's depressed to just look at the bright side of things. they're genuinely trying to be helpful, but they can't do any good. they just don't properly understand, and she won't talk about it.

that same lack of communication about the issue is also why they don't understand why she despises her pyro vision so much. to them, they just saw it as a blessing even if it wasn’t anemo and were proud of it. to deidre, it felt like a mockery of a disorder she already had no control over. it's fueled by impulse. before the vision, it was actually pretty difficult to get the necessary things to even light anything up, and the lack of fire-starting materials was actually doing some good. the relief that came with starting fires wasn't really there as often, but at least it urged her to find other healthier outlets and fewer things were being burned. she was getting better.

gaining a vision meant she had permanent access to fire, and all her progress just... vanished. it certainly didn't help that she only ever associated pyro with combat or ferocity when she always tried to be peaceful, or that she incorrectly believed that archons decided who got visions, not celestia. it didn't feel like a gift, it felt like barbatos stepped aside so she could be toyed with, and that her impulses were being actively encouraged and demonized at once. nowadays, it's less about having a pyro vision over an anemo vision, and more so about being outright rejected by barbatos so another god could play with her. if she was aware that celestia was behind that instead, she'd be significantly more understanding. still mad, but at least she'd have confirmation that it wasn't barbatos' fault.

( this ^^ is another big part of her fatui verse, actually. the only difference between that verse and the main one is that, there, she has someone else confirming that gods don't care and that her misery is amusing to them as a result. if they're going to make her disorder even more uncontrollable and insufferable, then she wants nothing to do with them, especially barbatos. )

on top of all that, nowadays, even when she isn't stressed, she's lighting fires on the daily. she tried to make the most of her new vision by helping people write burn letters so their minds would be at ease, and it helped her a little bit as well. when the adventurers' guild required her to fight off something, she often found herself favoring the element over the weapon and eventually just switched from swordplay to catalyst use since it required less effort to do a lot of damage. there's a reason she doesn't take combat seriously until it's time to switch back to her sword. setting things on fire is her therapy, and that extends to combat, even if she isn't proud of it. catalyst = therapeutic combat, sword = " oh, my life is in danger, i need to pay attention. "

on the topic of combat, it's dangerous to be around her when fighting because she really can't control how far the fire spreads or who it affects. allies are at just as much risk as enemies are. of course, she'll do her best to heal anyone she hurts, but no amount of healing is going to remove her guilt. it's another reason she prefers to travel and adventure alone. her last collaborative expedition resulted in her almost accidentally burning her own father to death. she doesn't want a repeat of that. if she's alone and things get out of control, at least she'll be the only one affected. helpful as she tries to be every single day, she constantly sees herself as a some sort of weapon wielded by someone else, and she's accepted that that's just how things are always going to be.

[saucetail-hasanewblog]

OK so it is still just a wip but it is the story of pyotr nd dieter's first meeting :^]!!! I'll put under the cut lol

The moment I opened the door, a chill swept through my body. Compared to the inside of the house, the night was cold. To the point that it hurt. Although maybe it was aggravated by the fact I was only wearing a tank top. I had taken my leather jacket off a couple of hours ago, as all the beer I drank warmed my body a considerable bunch. Well, that and the fact that I was dancing. I didn’t want to sweat on the nicest jacket I own. It’s a true back-breaking task to wash these, you can’t just throw them on the washing machine, you know.

Closing the door, I took a few steps forward. Until the smell of cigarettes hit me. I smoke sometimes, but it’s more of a social activity for me. It’s very rare that I’ll smoke if it’s not offered to me first. Looking to each side, I try and figure out where it’s coming from. Took me a surprising amount of time, but I finally spotted someone sat down on the outside of the house. He looked nervous, seemingly not even noticing that I’m here. Or ignoring me.

Person that is sitting by themselves, seemingly lost in their own thoughts? Perfect time to introduce myself!

Changing my trajectory, I took some steps to the left and stopped by his side. I bent over a tad, to see if he would notice that I’m here. It took him a little while, but eventually he looked up. Careful and slow, perhaps so that his cigarette wouldn’t go out. He seemed surprised at my presence. The mysterious person had blue eyes, although they seemed almost completely gray. It’s not everyday you see someone with eyes like that.

- Hey.

He looked at me for quite some moments, analyzing. I let him do so. People typically do that to me. I think it’s the ear piercings. Using the opportunity, I do the same to him. In addition to having quite striking eyes, he has one of those short and round faces, which is not very common here in Germany. It’s kinda cute, you know? He does have a bit of a beard, but it is very sparse and only really on his chin. Almost as if he can’t grow a full one or just doesn’t want to commit. Well, I say that as if my beard in anything to stare in amazement at. It’s not that big, in reality, but it is fuller then what he has.

Then, maybe realizing how long we spent just staring at each other, his cheeks go red and he breaks eye contact. Smiling at the reaction, I prop my back on the wall.

- Uhm… Hello.

- Your name? - I ask.

- I’m… Ah, Pyotr. Anatolyevich. - After a long pause, he adds. - Ustrashkin.

- Well, if we’re being so formal… I’m Dietrich Wieland Gutermuth.

Pyotr looks off, but I know for a fact that his face must still be red. He takes a drag of his cigarette, then coughs. Fair, he took in a lot of smoke. I’ve dealt with shy people before, so his type of awkwardness isn’t an immediate turn off for me. Besides, his German is very heavily accented and stilted, so it’s definitely not his mother language. Our university isn’t famous for it’s exchange student program or anything, but we still get them sometimes. I can make an educated guess that he’s a Soviet. Although that I could easily glean from his name, so maybe I’m not a genius for deducting that much.

- I’m just joking. You can call me Dieter.

He doesn’t answer. Still shy, huh? No worries, I crack shy people wide open after a while. That sounded harsh. I don’t kill them. Only with kindness. Impulsively, I’m deciding this guy is gonna open up to me eventually, whether he wants to or not. Pyotr scratches the back of his neck.

- You’re from the Soviet Union, right? - I try to keep the conversation going.

He nods. Tired of standing up, I slide down the wall. My legs are all wobbly, but that’s because I spent at least an hour just standing around and talking to people. Plus the aforementioned dancing. And the beers. Which are all my own fault but I’m gonna blame the universe for my problems. Looking to my side, I can see him a little more clearly now. He sneaks a couple of glances at me, and I smile at him. Pyotr doesn’t return the gesture, but I don’t think it’s out of malice or anything. His cigarette is almost at it’s end. He reaches down and grabs a pack of them, which I hadn’t even noticed was there.

- You… You want one? - Pyotr turns his head to me, but still doesn’t quite look me in the eyes.

- Oh, I’d like that, yeah.

Reaching out, I take one. Social smoking and all that, you know. Since it was already ending, Pyotr takes the one he already had and snuffs it out on the floor. But seems he isn’t keen on just littering, so he just puts it in his pocket. Like a maniac. Man, it’s gonna get all dirty in there. He also takes another cigarette, which indicates to me he smokes for stress purposes. Pyotr is gonna develop some serious black lungs. Putting it between his teeth, he reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a lighter.

- Come closer. - He pretty much commands.

Huh. I stand there for a moment, a tad confused. Then, he turns to me and puts the lighter at the end of his cigarette. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Well, more sense then whatever else I could have understood from that. I obey, and touch mine with his. Which turned out to put us such close proximity that my hair is almost caressing his face. Pyotr fumbles for a couple of seconds with the lighter, furrowing his eyebrows. Eventually he gets it, though. It’s nice being this close, but I have to pull out before it gets weird. He does the same, although I don’t think he even noticed how close we got. Not surprising, since he was the one who set it up in the first place. Or maybe he did it on purpose. Hm, would he do that? Not sure. I don’t really have the full personality profile of Pyotr the Soviet exchange student to figure this one out just yet.

Still, I inhale. Huh, interesting. This tastes different then what usual cigarettes do. Odd. Man, why does it taste like that? The smell isn’t different, so why is the taste? It’s not that it’s outrageously bad or anything, just very different. Well, I already put it in my mouth. I don’t think I have a choice except to keep smoking it. I look to the side, but Pyotr doesn’t seem bothered at all. Since he just set the pack down on the ground, I could see the brand. Some Soviet brand I don’t think I’ve heard of before. Typically not a good sign. Taking it out of my mouth to puff out the smoke, I go back to trying to get a conversation going.

- Which country?

- Huh? - He seems confused.

- Which country in the Soviet Union?

Pyotr seems surprised that I know what is technically very simple knowledge. He stops for a moment to think, takes a drag and looks down at his shoes. They’re quite formal, not exactly what I would call party attire. But what do I know? Every occasion is worthy of party attire for me.

- Russia.

- Oh, nice! - I say. - From Moscow, or Leningrad or something like that?

- Ah, well… No…

- Where, then?

- I don’t think that… You would know where it is.

- You can just tell me anyway, man.

- Uhm, ok… - He mumbled. - Chelyabinsk, it’s close to the Ural Mountains.

He said that as if I have any idea where those mountains are. I must admit, although I have many, many qualities, knowing geography is certainly not one of them. I nod my head, pretending I understand. Pyotr pulls the cigarette out of his mouth and taps on it, so that the ashy parts fell off. They fell all over his pants. Speaking of, they’re also awfully formal. I’m starting to think this man has no idea how to dress for a party. The only article of clothing that he was wearing which was normal was his sweater. A very different taste in fashion. I mean sure, I am a punk, which technically doesn’t have the most normal of fashion choices, but it is more typical than his little grandpa getup. In fact, this makes me curious.

- What’d you think about the party?

- Huh? Ah… Well… I didn’t… Come in. - He said, embarrassed.

- Why?

- I’m not… Uhm.

- Don’t really like parties?

- Ah… No.

- I see. - I said. - But why did you come, then?

Pyotr seems to contemplate for a while before answering.

- My… My uh… Boyfriend*…? Asked me to come and… I couldn’t really… Uhm, say no. - He stumbled through his own words. *Freund

Huh. It hasn’t been any longer then a couple of weeks that university started, and this shy Soviet is already scoring? Damn. I haven’t been this surprised since… Well, I don’t think I’ve ever been this surprised! You know, I’m quite fast to get interested in other people, but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten my hopes dashed this quickly. I suppose I can’t be mean about this though, it’s not my fault that someone else also had interest in him. After my long, long seconds of silence, Pyotr finally turns to look at me in the face. His expression seemed equal parts scared and embarrassed.

- Did… Did I say something wrong? - Pyotr asked, his shoulders tense.

- No, not at all, it’s just… I’m just surprised is all.

- About what?

- Well… You know… - I gestured with my cigarette in hand, which spread ash around. - That with only a few weeks in Germany, you’re already dating.

- Dating? - He said, although it sounded more like a choke.

Looking at his completely red face for a couple of additional seconds, I have my own moment of confusion. Then, the gears in my head start turning. Oh. Ohohoh. Yeah, I think I quite understand what the mistake here was. I really didn’t want to make him feel bad, but I couldn’t help it. I started laughing. Quite a lot, even. Maybe too much. I’m just relieved, and a bit entertained. Putting my hand on his shoulder, I try to recover my breath so that I could explain what was going on to the poor guy.

- See, Pyotr… - I start. - That word you used? While it does mean what I think you meant, it can also be a word for… you know…

- I don’t know.

- A romantic partner.

What was once a face showing mixed feelings, became a stage for pure horror. He turned almost his full body to me and gestured something that was pretty much unintelligible.

- No! No! I meant friendship! Friendship! - He explained.

It was probably even meaner now, but I ended up laughing in his face again. To be honest, I think it’s his desperate reaction that made it more humorous. Because, really, it’s an easy mistake for a foreigner to make. I’m not gonna punish him for not being completely fluent in German, it would be ridiculous of me to do so. Yet, on the other hand, it is sorta fun. As the moments went on and I didn’t punish him for the crime of being a foreigner, Pyotr loosened up a little. I took my hand off his shoulder.

- It’s… Not that funny. - Pyotr said, but I could see the smallest hint of a smile in his face.

- It isn’t. But I thought it was.

He’s quite cute when he smiles. I find dimples really pretty on people, what can I say? I don’t really mention it in case I come onto him too hard, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking it. Pyotr puts his cigarette up to his mouth again. I do the same, although I notice that quite a bit of it is over. Without me even smoking it. Almost close enough to burn my finger. Probably because of the time we spent just talking. Although I can’t complain much about that. It’s really not that great.

- Who’s your friend? - I asked. - I might know him.

- Mattie, from the mechanical engineering course.

- Oooh. Real party animal, that one.

- Him?

- Yeah. Can't tell it because of that dopey look in his face, right?

- I guess so. - Pyotr chuckles.

If he is anything like me, he's probably thinking of his friend doing something stupid. Like doing a keg stand. Which I insult but don't get me wrong, it truly is a skill. Just not a very useful one. Although I might be just a little bit jealous because I myself can't do it.

[hardpacker]

KLONOA: Door to Phantomile

PS1, Namco, 1999

a couple minutes that i recorded of myself starting a new game of Klonoa, because some friends haven't seen it before. i have a longer video here, of clearing Vision 1-1 and 1-2.

sorry if i'm a little slow/clunky, i've never done this kind of thing so for the short segment above i first used some shitty freeware that unfortunately only recorded in like 5-min intervals, and for my second try i used different software that required more finessing but i used it to record up to the 2nd boss fight. maybe sometime i can do a proper run with a hot mic so you can really hear my dark nights of the soul with this children's game.

it gets even better than this!

i do have favourite games, but the truth is more that i have "games i've played" (and those are my favourites) and "games" (all other games. there's gotta be at least a hundred by now!) i'm not very good at them lol so i guess what happened is that if i'm going to sink hours and hours into something i end up enjoying it. but Klonoa is pretty breezy (haha.)

most of the games i played as a kid were distinctly of their time: strange, empty, experimental expanses full of 90s patterns and colours, with corners creatively cut. vast, sisyphean 3D platformers like Croc or Glover, all of the Myst games, virtual pets like Petz (dogz, catz) but also the Creatures series starting in 1996, and even more importantly, 1996's Fin-Fin-- produced by Osamu Tezuka's son, and while the company Fujitsu went under, Fin-Fin survives almost entirely due to a German fan site. fin-fin is genuinely perfect though, i mean look, look at this

fin-fin makes a bitch out of james cameron

meanwhile, Glover (1998)

Pokemon G/S/C were instantly and still are my favourite Pokemon installment for how much bigger and more mysterious they felt--and how much bigger they are literally! they're pretty huge games especially relative to the Pokemon games before and after. bigger still is how little is explained and how much room is left for a kid's imagination to build an experience from more simple pixels. it's a place to live in. coupled with the Pokemon 1999/2000 film featuring Lugia (my all-time fave) and my complete lack of access to any press about new Pokemon, the sense of mystery lasted quite a long time. the surprises, the entire soft but vibrant colour palette, the history and legends permeating the countryside, the simple but immersive integration of day/night and events throughout the week, and a soundtrack of top to bottom heaters... it felt personal, intimate.

compared to the newer series which i just find too stacked with convoluted elements. as of X/Y, they really began to feel like homework to me. i barely remember the plotlines after Black/White. i welcomed Heart Gold and Soul Silver, too, because it was incredible to see these beloved environments come into what was then HD focus. i replayed Crystal last summer (?) on my GBA and seamlessly remembered the way i imagined all those original environments and events. the limitations on these games make for infinite interpretation, and for me, contentment.

i don't tackle all my favourite media with the problem-solving/"what if" approach that i do with other properties... in fact it's pretty rare. games especially are a full sensory experience. Metal Gear Solid is another favourite series, special in that it's one of the few games i've repeatedly played just for the hell of it. Ace Attorney, which i was obsessed with as a young adult, i made almost 0 "content" for. i just didn't feel that impulse but still liked it all the same. versus something like JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, which fucked my ass up; that was a world i wanted to not only explore, but explore by creating my own ideas bound to it. the fact that JJBA has continued for so long, incorporates many genres and tones, and has been adapted into multiple formats, means it's accessible to more people and i. (i need to save all that for its own post ha ha.)

Klonoa really is dreamy though, and that's essential to the story. it starts immediately following a luscious, ominous opening, and you're rushing off with little preamble. Klonoa himself is guileless and accepting of the logic presented, while his orb friend Huepow prompts him to question meanings and intentions. but why should he question it? why should you? it's his home, and just look at it! gorgeous.

the pan flute-heavy soundtrack rips. the characters speak in individual conlangs based on Japanese, sort of like the Sims. those little enemies i'm grabbing in the video are called Moos and there are different variants-- flying moos that look like parrots, moos that hop around on what looks like an inner tube with a spring, ghost moos, armoured moos (these run fast) and giant moos (which you can blow up to receive a handful of stones, or inflate to use them as a platform.)

this is from the beach volleyball game. the guy with the heart on his head is the king of all moos.

i rented Klonoa from my small town's video store so many times that finally my parents begged them to sell it to us, and that's what happened. it's such a charming game, the colours and music and whimsical winding 2.5D tracks are cleverly and lusciously laid out. it makes no sense that this is contemporary with big time uggos Crash Bandicoot and Spyro. i loved Spyro too, because he was a little dragon and i was pretty confidently a little dragon, too. pwho doesn't love a melted ice cream-y world and a million sparkly sound effects! the closest i come to ASMR is the soft crunch of crashing through baskets of gems.

i'm grateful kids might experience a new and improved Spyro. those remakes don't rekindle excitement in me as much, only because i think i pretty much got what i wanted out of them when i was younger. and omfg Crash is something else entirely. i don't know much about those games because i was bad at them, but i played Crash Team Racing repeatedly until i sold it (and Ape Escape, a game i remember feeling genuine rage toward) to an old woman at a flea market lol. i learned last month that i'd never played story mode, didn't register that it was there at all, and it's so weird to discover a whole other aspect to this game. weird too because, like Crash proper, it's frankly a bit too racist!

now. need to talk about Klonoa more.

at the time, critics thought the games were "too cute" and "too easy", but now it seems like a lot of reviewers have gone back and adjusted their response-- the sequel is considered one of the greatest PS2 games iirc? even from the time, there are equal reviews remarking on seeming randomness of the difficulty level and, especially, toward the end, ramps up sharply. this game has some hard shit in it! especially when it comes to timing and building up momentum. lots of heights-based challenges that make me flinch and kick reflexively.

these came to me at a time with barely any internet, so games were just random items that appeared in my house or were available at the video store, not things i knew how to find or should consider finding on my own. i didn't know there was a sequel until i thought to punch "klonoa" into a search in my Netscape browser, something i could've done at any point (during my allotted 20-30min computer time) like an early human inventing fire lol. it was one of the first things i ever bought online and it came to me during a part of summer while my parents were away, and this hushed sense of freedom coloured my experience.

there are 2 Klonoa GBA games and a silly beach volleyball offshoot game as well, featuring characters from Lunatea's Veil onward. i played one of the GBA ones as a kid, Empire of Dreams, but i don't think i finished it. at the time, shrinking Klonoa into a gameboy just wasn't what i wanted-- i liked how odd and big the PS games felt, the structures receding into a darkness i simultaneously filled in and was thrilled by in its own right. and i was gutted by the story and wanted to follow it on the platform i loved most. but Empire of Dreams and Dream Championship both look so natural and very pretty, and i think these play basically like a Mario. i should try it again.

There are technically 3 handheld Klonoa games-- Moonlight Museum was only for the WonderSwan, but it can now be played as a translated rom, available here! i'm pretty sure it's intended to take place before(?) Door to Phantomile.

Empire of Dreams takes place in an indeterminate time after(?) Door to Phantomile. Dream Championship takes place after the Playstation 2 sequel, Lunatea's Veil, the direct continuation of Door to Phantomile and utilises the same foundation/mechanics.

from replaying them recently, i found out Klonoa 1-2 are being remastered for the nintendo switch. i don't have a switch so i can't compare, and i hope they retain all the same qualities. i played the Wii version of Klonoa many times and i did like it, but there is something that gets lost in each rework. even the colours and light of the switch version feel... yes, more "realistic" in some ways, but they're not as cohesive or as saturated, not as lively, a little faded. the UI isn't as unique either. i hope my impressions are wrong though and that regardless, it's still just as fun (and sad, haha.)

i'll have to show a bit of Lunatea's Veil, at least just one of my favourite locations... La-Lakoosha. i can run through it in my sleep.

[thepornguy01]

What Do We Mean by Hardcore Sex?

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Conclusion

Remorsefully, it is as yet associated with a lot of bias. Rather than seeing them as adequate method for investigation and pleasure, many individuals actually believe them to be unusual or even strange. For the people who partake in these leisure activities, this might make them feel embarrassed and hesitant, which might make them hesitant to study them. It's basic to remember that it's satisfactory to find your strategy for getting around your needs and what fulfills you. This action is completely satisfactory for however long it's protected and all members are in help.

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[selormohene]

day 56 (monday, august 28th 2023)

It just struck me that a big part of what I feel like I'm missing and want to get back in my life is a feeling of mental plenitude: that is, the capacity to be surprised by myself, and in particular by my own mind. I think what I'd like is to be able to go back over stuff I've written only very recently and say, "Wow, I didn't realise I had all this inside of me." This was what characterised my relationship to my own thoughts back when I was still in high school (that's another recurring anxiety of these posts — feeling like I had something in high school which I've lost and can't get back) and my default cognitive mode was still generative, whereas now it feels like it's mostly just recollective and associative. I can trace all of my thoughts to a range of internal sources, books I've read and so on. I feel a lot more like an LLM nowadays than a genuine intelligence. I don't spontaneously come up with incredible ideas anymore, the way I feel like I used to. The neural pathways in my mind are already well set-out, and the spontaneous connections don't happen the way they once did. And of course I understand that a lot of maturity has to do with this sort of specialisation, but I still have the impulse for novelty, which makes me feel like finding sources to feed that novelty in my external life will translate into the production of novelty in my internal life. Now the question of how to make that happen. I need more conversation in my life, I've realised that conversation is perhaps the greatest source of that sort of thing for me. Conversation, genuinely novel art, travel, and so on. But there has to be more.

Some more thoughts on affirmative action after Loury's discussion, and reflecting on my own experiences. First a personal anecdote, which may or may not be relevant to affirmative action in particular but is relevant to the phenomenon of college admissions in general. I never studied in high school outside of class, and only very infrequently paid attention to stuff in class either. In fact, the very idea of sitting down to read over what we’d done in class to make sure I understood it (unless there was a test coming up or something) just never occurred to me. Naturally, college did a number on me. There were other kids like me, at least I imagine there must have been, but then there were also those who had good work habits all through high school and college, as well as those who didn’t need to study in college any more than they did in high school. But we all got the same admission letter and had to do the same four years.

What this illustrates, which point is a lot more relevant to the conversation about affirmative action and élite college admissions more generally, is that élite schools admit a very varied group of people for very different reasons. They don’t admit expecting all their admits (or all the demographics, compared by median, average, top end or overall distribution) to be equally prepared for academic success, and they aren’t proactive about offering students who would need support that support when they get to campus or beforehand. And then when those same students are anxious about their place in the schools they attend — when for instance statistics come out, as they did during the Harvard Supreme Court case, showing that the average scores of black admits were well below those of Asian admits — all the administration has to offer the students in response is pablum about how “everyone who’s here deserves to be here.” For one thing, speaking of desert is meaningless in a context where you’re selecting two thousand out of fifty-six thousand applicants, many of whom you reject even though they’re just as good as those you admit, and the majority of whom you recruit without the slightest intention of considering for admission just to make your numbers look better. Second, the admission criteria in question are inscrutable, to the point where it’s said that you could admit five statistically indistinguishable classes of students, so at any rate there’s no particular reason why this person should have been admitted over that person. Third, returning to the statistics themselves, of course they know these statistics are what they are, and what effect public knowledge of those statistics would have among the student body, and they make their admissions decisions with the first in mind and hide their hands when the second inevitably shows itself. And finally, envisioning the admissions process not as looking backward to high school preparation, but forward to the potential use that admits might make of their golden tickets, makes a lot more sense of a lot of the puzzling trends in admission, as well as the deplorable fact that élite colleges don’t offer any sort of genuine direction, guidance or vision to their students; they incentivise climbing whatever arbitrary ladders happen to be available and working for McKinsey when you graduate. I still have to go back and read Bok and his various books on affirmative action and more generally the social role of élite colleges but I’m prepared to wager a handsome sum of money that the current justifications for affirmative action (or whatever else will replace it in Harvard’s admissions scheme) are nowhere near as thought out as the principles that underlay his pioneering research on and advocacy for it. 

Another problem moreover is that affirmative action (and in particular whatever version of it happens to be practiced by élite colleges today) is conflated in the public discourse with support for minorities in higher education, and especially in the minds of many of the minorities who benefit from it and go on to become advocates for it, such that to oppose the one must be to oppose the other, and to support the other must be to support the one. This, if anything, is my main gripe with people who don’t want to take a hard look at affirmative action, including at the various arguments against it, both from its beneficiaries and its casualties. Harvard’s item one, as I’ve always said, is not to advance the arc of the moral universe. Which is evidenced by the fact that they fulfill their affirmative action imperatives by admitting affluent and upwardly mobile immigrants over native-born minorities, and relatively successful subgroups of minority populations over less-successful ones. If Harvard really wanted to serve underserved populations in higher education, I think they would invest in programs for gifted or high-achieving minority high school youth, and also ultimately invest in education which would enable more minority youth in primary and middle school to be able to fall into that category (i.e. to be competitive candidates for admission) by the time they were in high school and getting ready to apply to college.

In fact, returning to the point on supporting the students admitted by affirmative action (or more generally admits from supposedly disadvantaged demographics, whether they be women, minorities, poorer kids, kids from rural Idaho, etc.), what I’d like is to see a chart of college grade point average by academic preparedness, disaggregated by various demographic categories — race, gender, socioeconomic status, state of origin, etc. This would help me to investigate a suspicion I have, which is that the problem isn’t just that different demographics are less prepared relative to others upon entry, but that different demographics perform better than others relative to their level of academic preparation upon entry. Now that may indicate hidden academic preparedness variables, or maybe sub-correlations (like maybe it’s not overall preparedness relative to overall grades but preparedness in a field of study relative to majoring in that field of study, perhaps adjusted for the relative difficulty of Harvard’s curriculum in that field of study, or that kind of thing). But I also think that it has to do with the sort of environment which élite colleges provide for their students, and the ends it tells them to pursue, and the extent to which they either support students to pursue those ends and succeed in that environment or could (but do not) provide a greater diversity of ends and a better environment, especially considering the greater diversity of dreams they sell their students in order to admit the “diverse” classes they brag about on their brochures. Ultimately at the root of everything is the fact that the great institutions have fully bought into the vision of taking some of the brightest, most talented, most dynamic high school kids in the country and the world and to turn them into consultants and politicians and hedge fund associates and tech bros, and sees this as acceptable, laudable even, to do.

[pinkachire]

╰┈➤ ❝ [intoxicated]

ran haitani x reader

synopsis: your boyfriend drove home and you're all drunk, making you needy for him, but ran tries his best to compose himself because you're drunk and he doesn't want to take advantage of you, so he handles you the next morning.

cw: overstimulation. drunk reader. needy something idk. a lot of praise. omg ran's big monster boner /hj

Ran opened the door to your shared room as he was carrying you in his arms, and you were half-conscious since you drank almost five bottles of beer a while ago.

He placed you on the bed as you impulsively turned around and your tight body con dress slid up to your thighs, Ran had to breathe in as he just decided to grab some towels inside the bathroom.

"Babe." He called as he returned from the bathroom with a bowl of water and a towel.

"Hmm?" You hummed groggily as you pulled him by his chest, and his eyes widened as he was taken aback.

"You're drunk." Ran said as he lifted you to sit up and wiped at least just your face to your chest.

"Ran~" You grinned as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer to you.

Your boyfriend gulped as he avoided your seducing begging look in your eyes, and he had to remember that you're drunk.

"It's so hot..." You whispered in his ear as you attempted to pull his necktie and cling your body into him, and you lowered your dress strap.

Ran just grabbed your wrist and stopped you, then cleaned you up after that. Minutes have passed and he was also done cleaning up, so he just laid down at the bed beside you.

He turned to his side and looked at you, and your hands were desperately clinging into his shirt, your mouth whispering such words to him, and he was utterly trying to stabilize himself.

"Please... it's so hot, z'need you..." You whispered as you inched closer to him, and your neck and chest were all exposed to him due to your dress strap sliding down to your shoulders.

"Fuck, I'll handle you tomorrow, just you wait." Ran sternly whispered.

And there, you soon fell asleep while Ran slept with an aching boner.

Morning came easy, and your eyes opened groggily, you felt hot, all areas of your body were heated, particularly the area between your legs, and you can't recall what had happened last night.

You looked at your side and saw Ran awake, he was using his phone while leaning at the headboard.

"B-Babe, what happened last night?" You meekly asked as a blush crept in your face, thinking of many embarrassing things you probably say or did while you were drunk.

Ran only chuckled and smirked then looked at you, "It's funny to think how you're so different from yesterday compared to now."

"What do you mean—?" Your words were cut off as he went closer to you, and he was now on top of you as both of his hands were on either side of his head.

"R-Ran—" You whimpered as your heart beats rapidly.

"What happened to the feisty acts you did last night, not so brave now, are we?" He whispered in your ear while he was pulling down his necktie with his other hand.

You rubbed your thighs together as your eyes widened, and you now remembered the things that you said, not that you were complaining though.

Ran didn't waste any time kissing your neck and leaving purple marks all over it; each kiss felt heavy, and as his lips collided with yours, you whimpered as his knees opened your legs and he rubbed your clothed pussy with his other free hand.

He pulled out from the kiss and looked at your flustered face, and it was exactly the same as last night, your seducing begging look just screaming to be pounded into oblivion, while his eyes screamed need, desperate, and hunger, all of which indicated that he was holding himself back last night.

"My pretty girl." Ran said as he caressed your cheeks while he was rubbing your soaked entrance and whispering praise words in your ear.

His fingers entered your hole and you whimpered in response, your hands wrapped around his neck and you moaned in his ears, it riles him up more which made him curl his fingers inside you and just ram it, but he has to remember he has to go gentle on you for now.

"Doing so good for me, baby." He chuckled as his fingers scissored inside you, and you forced your legs to open wider for more access, he finds it amusing how you're still so desperate for him even if you're sober.

His thumb went to rub on your clit and it was enough to send you butterflies in your stomach, you bit your lips to block more filthy sounds escaping your mouth, but Ran pulled your lower lip down with his other thumb.

"Let me hear those sounds." He said as his fingers quickly fucked you, and you felt coming already as you grabbed his shoulders and tug them.

"Fuck— come for me." Ran sighed in pleasure as you came in his fingers and you quivered as you cling more to him while whines escaped your mouth.

"Good girl, that's my good girl." He praised as he placed kisses on your face while calming your trembling body, all so sensitive for his touch.

"You can take more of me, hm?" Ran said as he took his cock out which was terribly aching since last night.

He positioned his tip in your hole and he can feel your cunt desperately sucking him in, both of his hands pin down your wrists, and you cocked your head to the side to avoid his gaze, brows furrowed up and eyes going teary as your lips were quivering.

"Look at me, darling." Ran whispered as he leaned his face closer to you and placed his lips on yours.

He slowly pushed his cock into you which made you whimper, but he soothes the pain by kissing you while slowly entering you.

"Hah~ Y-You can move now... please." You gasped as he soon fully entered you, and he stopped for a while to give you time to adjust to his size, and your walls were uncontrollably clenching around him.

"Fuck." Ran grunted from your begging, and he slowly moves his hips at a slow pace while savoring the time to fuck you, and he was gently thrusting into you, keeping his promise that he'll take care and be gentle to you, even if he wants to fuck and pound you like there's no tomorrow.

"Ngh... more please... need more..." You whimpered in his ear as he pushed his hips a little harsh than before, and you gasped in response, he dropped on his forearms as he placed hair strands behind your ear and kisses you hungrily, his tongue fucked yours and almost exploring the insides of your mouth while he was slowly thrusting in you.

Feeling you're near easily, you tugged him by his shoulders as you pushed your hips more into him, the sight of you wanting more, spasming around his firm cock made him lost in bliss, and he moaned as he felt his cock wanting yours and yours for more.

"R-Ran..." You whined as you felt your near, and his fingers flew to your clit and rubbed it that making liquids gush out of you while his cock is still thrusting in and out of you.

"Come, baby, make a mess." He groaned as you came on his cock, but he didn't stop, and he was planning on overstimulating you.

"M-More please I love you..." You said in a whiny and breathy voice, and it made him chuckle in surprise, it's what he was planning anyway.

"I love you too, baby." Ran positioned his tip on your entrance and entered you again, your pussy sucking his cock in deliberately while your nails claw on his back.

Gentle isn't on his vocabulary now.

"R-Ran..." You bit your lips as you noticed his pace going rough, it felt unreal how he can go soft and gentle with you then rough in just minutes.

"Hah~!" You moaned freely as he pushed his hips deeper into you quickly, you felt his pelvic bone grinding against your clit and it has you throwing your head back with your eyes rolling back to your head in pleasure.

After minutes, you came again, your cunt messily squirting out liquids on his cock, clinging into him mindlessly as he also made you intoxicated with just his cock, all so addicting.

"Fuck, such a good girl, I love you." He said as he placed his forearms on either side of your head and kisses your forehead while you were still messily squirting around his cock, and your body trembling at every touch and praise he gives you.

"My good pretty girl, there we go." Ran smiled as he guides you through your coming, his fingers rubbing your clit while his tip teasingly rubbing your hole while liquids gushed out, the bedsheet under you all soaked.

Ran leaned into you and kissed you passionately as he also came, and he grabbed your hand and intertwined his fingers with you.

"Ran..." You called in a needy voice, his ears perked up and hummed in response.

"More... please?" You stared at him with teary wide doe eyes, and he smiled at you.

Oh how he turned his girlfriend all intoxicated, not by the alcohol, but by his cock.

[witch-apologist]

Autistic Catra

Its time for the autistic catra post at least two abons have been waiting for and which has been buzzing around in my brain for months now

So let's dive in

First let's address autistic traits and symptoms and how they may or may not apply to Catra

Keep in mind you do not need all of these to be autistic as autistic symptoms are commonly compared to sundae toppings.

Traits and symptoms taken from the official CDC page. I have skipped over age specific traits that we have no way of knowing about Catra and ones that i do not believe apply based on offhand memory.

Number one: Avoids or does not keep eye contact

I rarely see Catra holding eye contact for very long even when she is staring someone down she is usually shifting her gaze See: Salineas gate repair scene, the entire promise episode, "Sorry Shadow Weaver. In fact most of the time when she's talking to someone except in very rare instance when she's putting on a front or trying hard to make a point (aka masking) she's not even directly looking at the person at all.

Shows little interest in peers: do I really need to break this one down? Catra chooses a very select few people she bothers with at any given point in the show Catra is invested in like 5 people MAX.

Has trouble understanding other people’s feelings or talking about own feelings: This is literally Catras entire character if I went into detail about Catra exhibiting this we would be here for DAYS.

Repeats words or phrases over and over: Hey Adora anyone?

Gets upset by minor changes: you mean like seeing your best friend who usually only talks to you talking to another peer?

Has obsessive interests: those are the ONLY interests Catra has

Flaps hands, rocks body, or spins self in circles: now we don't see necessarily these things specifically but these are just a few examples of "stimming" which we see Catra do multiple times. Sometimes she uses her tail or she taps things etc

Has unusual reactions to the way things sound, smell, taste, look, or feel: Lights, physical contact, water, etc

Hyperactive, impulsive, and/or inattentive behavior: look me in the eye and tell me that doesn't fit Catra

Unusual eating and sleeping habits: we don't see much of Catras eating habits but her sleeping habits.... well when she's not sleeping at the end of someone's bed or having horrible nightmares she's hardly sleeping at all. And something about the way she eats on primes ship its very controlled and reads like masking to me.

Unusual mood or emotional reactions: when has a Catra mood or emotional reaction been what is considered usual?

Anxiety, stress, or excessive worry: Literally at almost all times.

Teen and adult specific:

Low participation in education beyond high school: she avoids almost all training and schooling like Force Captain Orientation

Limited opportunity for community or social activities—nearly 40% spend little or no time with friends: yep I mean her friends practically have to force her to socialize with them.

There's also rigid sense of morality and black and white thinking: Catras morals are rooted in personal loyalty and it takes insane amounts of extenuating circumstances to re-evaluate that/accept that its not the same for others and even then she still holds herself personally accountable to that. Black and white thinking is also very Catra. Its all or nothing, one or the other.

not understanding social "rules", such as not talking over people: the only time catra displays significant understanding of social rules is when she went to an event that literally has an extensive description of the rules and how they work.

getting very upset if someone touches or gets too close to you: yep

noticing small details, patterns, smells or sounds that others do not: thats like 90 percent of Catras advantages in life

liking to plan things carefully before doing them: do I really need to go into detail about this one?

Okay so now that we've addressed that Catra has a PLETHORA of autistic traits let's also address some other things that support this analysis

"B-but she's aCAT she's just doing cat stuff" and Scorpia is a Scorpian and Entrapta is a magic hair princess raised by robots and ALSO

funny thing about autism and cats

Yeah cats and autistic people have been compared (and also been beneficial to each other) for a very long time.

Comorbity with BPD:

Autistic people have a higher chance of having bpd and let's look at Catra with BPD:

You only need to have 5 of these traits to be diagnosed:

1: very clearly Catra

2: I mean... need I say it?

3: yepparoonie

4: shes very reckless with difficult terrain and driving

5: again, very clearly catra

6: (and we've already met criteria for diagnosis) Catra has big emotional reactions to everything

7: this is the only one that you could/maybe/ argue doesn't apply to her but the way she shuts down and burns herself in her work after big emotional fallouts does read that way to me also the empty way she parrots "you promise?" In promise just.....

8: this is almost all of Catras reactions to emotional situations.

9: Catras entire life is a cycle of Big Emotional reactions and dissociation. Plus paranoid ideation is pretty constant with her.

There's also Melog: her therapy cat that helps her regulate and express her emotions

So there you have it: Catra is imo undeniably autistic. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[cafecourage]

The moment they realized they loved you. (Isekai Au Edition) Part 3

If you want more information on this AU here is the Link!

Hyrule:

- It confusing and full of yearning.

- The Fae Folk are very affectionate in nature. Physical touches and platonic kisses are just normal. Hyrule growing up briefly with them had adopted this habit.

- You are like that as well so you’re the one to take care of Hyrule when he wanted affection. Since other then Legend, it’s awkward to ask the others.

- He finds however while he still asks/gives you affection. He gets more flustered and embarrassed when you initiated contact.

___________________________________

Admittedly Hyrule never had a clear understanding of Hylian social norms. Some things were easy to pick up when he was just traveling by himself. However, there was a lot that conflicted with Fae social norms. While yes, the Fae were more mischievous and could be borderline malicious, they are very affectionate creatures. Which was the one of many things Hyrule picked up when he was being raised by the Great Fairy.

Before you join the chain, he had to hold himself back from being overly affectionate with the group. Yes, when he had chances, he would give a quick side hug or ruffling of the hair for the younger Link’s. But nothing on the level of cuddles or small peaks on the cheek and forehead. You though! You were the one to lay the affection on everyone thick. Most if not every Hero has melted from all the complements and physical affection.

Hyrule was living his best life now with you! Cuddles are a must for the two of you. Especially when one another has been having a rough day. You’ve also gotten the others involved with this newly formed ritual. He just over all feeling comfortable and loved.

Which then leads to Hyrule’s issue. Slowly he began to feel embarrassed with every peak after he heals you. Then his heart begins to race when he is cuddled up resting his head against your chest. Even holding your hands became hard for him to stand! It felt so warm but also made him fearful. He was scared of losing you. Losing this warmth. This comfort. He wanted to keep it but scared that this feeling was to good for him.

“-and that’s what happen so far.” He was visiting the Great Fairy Cotera of Wild’s Era. He had visited her each time they visited Kakariko. Cotera gently hummed messing with his hair. “What should I do?” He looks up to the giantess worriedly. His small sisters surround him ether sitting on top of him or by his side.

Their mother hummed as she thought about his problem. “My dear sweet child.” She started after a long pause “this human… do you feel different compared to your other friends? Or with your siblings in the forest?”

Hyrule thought about it after a while shook his head. “No… I did used to feel embarrassed with the others but it was different. This is more… warm?”

“Warm?” She urges him gently to continue. “Do you hate it?”

“No…” he sounded like a child, fidgeting in his seat “I hate how anxious it makes me now.” You meant a lot to him. Hyrule knew you meant a lot to everyone too, but that normal! You’ve helped them all in some sort of way! Yet he was deep in that unidentifiable emotion towards you. He adores you. All of you. Even during your more impulsive actions he didn’t mind having to heal you. Of course, he would truly rather not heal anyone with his magic. Yet… with you giving his payment in kisses on the cheek or forehead… he can’t stay mad at you.

“Chin up little one.” Cotera lifted up his head “your feelings are valid and has a simple explanation.” Hyrule pouted slightly making her giggle a bit tapping lightly on his nose. “You my dear seem to love your sweet human.”

It was like a lanterned was just lit in a dark cave he was wandering in. Finally revealing a path out. Everything thing slowly explaining itself. “Oh…” was all he could say as he was comprehending it. His sisters were giggling at their brother’s expense causing him to blush. It all made to much sense.

“Roolie! Are you nearby?” He and the Great Fairy both perk up when they heard your voice. He stared up at the Great Fairy expectingly.

“Well?” Cotera nudged him off of the petals of her fountain. “What are you waiting for little one?”

___________________________________

- Well, that was embarrassing and he knows once he starts perusing you. The more his siblings of the forest will start to tease him. Not only that but the chain also catches on pretty quickly.

- He becomes a blushing and stuttering mess around you, not pulling away from your touch but leaning more into him.

- It will be a miracle if he confesses but he will! And he will do it in a more intimate manner though, with or without help.

___________________________________

Four:

- It took long to accept but filled with soft cotton fluff.

- Isn’t canon in the manga that the colors (minus Vio) straight up try to impress a girl they just met?

- Now I’m not saying he is like that now a days, but old habits die hard right. He probably doesn’t even recognize that he still does it.

- Honest to God the resident brain cell is the only one that new point blank what was happening. Having a “not again” moment.

___________________________________

It’s been a while since Four was back in his forage. He missed every second of it. The smithing process was the one hobby each color had in common. As Link they found it relaxing, something to get their mind off of things.

That morning was no different. Traveling on the road was stressful even for a seasoned adventurer. Traveling alone was boring which was the upside according to Red. It relieved them of responsibility Green was used to taking upon himself to carry. Blue was at least a lot calmer with having to be on alert all the time. Vio had pointed out this was mainly because of You.

The chaos came back full force. The same argument has been happening recently, it was about his feelings towards you. Now they all liked you as a friend. Four knew that for a fact. He was only six when he felt your presence and this situation, he was in was as if an imaginary friend became real! At least that’s what Red felt.

No matter if they were unified or separated, Four could trust you to help him out of even the messiest situations. So, what if some of those situations were caused by him trying to impress you? That doesn’t mean anything!

Just because Blue became a stuttering mess when you surprised Four with a flower crown just meant he was taken aback at your kindness! He isn’t good at showing his emotions. Yeah, so what about Green becoming a soft mess when you first showered him in praise and affection. Wouldn’t any person do that from someone that been through hell and back with them? It doesn’t count that Red craves your affection! He is like that with everybody and just because it makes him feel different it doesn’t count. Someone saves Vio from this.

Four was conflicted which is why he was working so early in the morning. They wouldn’t shut up about their own feelings. It was a chaotic mess inside his head as soon as he woke up. A weight on his back clued him back into reality “Good morning!” You while looking down at him smiling still holding on lazily. “How is the most beautiful person here doing?”

Ah. There goes most of composure out the window. Vio was the last one standing with Green and Blue almost hanging on. You loved to tease him and he was never able to get you back. “Don’t know how are you?” Four was really struggling to keep unified and calm. He was shaking because of the other three’s nerves. You stared at him wide eyed.

“Jeez look at you!” You give him a squeeze before finally let go of him “you’ve grown! If only you were that smooth towards Erune.” You teased.

The blush he was so desperately trying to beat down started to flare up this time out embarrassment. “Can we not talk about that?” Four could only cringe when he thought back at that bit in his adventure. Him and Erune have been close friends since then, but the colors were really trying to play the hero in front of the poor girl back then. Their antics truly were really not impressing anyone.

Green was really happy he grew out of it. Seriously it‘s not like Blue really cared about it anyway he was just a kid! Red was just happy that he got a long-term friend out of it! The audacity the others had was killing Vio. They are still just as bad and it seems like no one was listening to reason.

An explosion of emotions and thoughts collided in Four’s skull. Three denying their logical side’s claim all while getting thrown every instant in their faces by the odd one out. “Whatcha making anyway?” You were observing the short knife blade curiosity not seeing the other’s internal debate. Vio felt like he had to spell it out to each of them. Pulling up memories of their actions towards the outlander. Four struggled to focus on what you were saying but it was too loud!

“Woah there.” You turn him away from his project letting it sit safely on a cooler section of the work top. “Breath Link.” You where kneeling down in-front of him holding his hand. He focused on your warmth. The way you rubbed small circles on the back of his hand. On your voice that instructed him to breathe. In for four, hold for seven, let out for eight. Repeat. Slowly the divide melded back together. Soon the voices faded out. “There we go.” You whispered “good job Link.” Four stared back at you still tired from everything but nonetheless happy that your here with him.

Man, he loved you so much.

Wait-

___________________________________

- It was definitely an I told you so moment.

- Four as a whole though is still struggling to come to terms with it, even though he had already admitted his feelings.

- Another case of: drown him in affection until he realized. Not because of him not believing you! It’s just you have four people in a trench coat here! If one is conflicted then four as a whole will feel that subtly.

___________________________________

Bonus (just Headcanons):

Wind (finding out that a Link has a crush on you)

- The little gremlin is going to have a field day! He was thinking about messing around but the other hero is doing his work for him!

- The only one saved from this Black Mail harvest is you. He does have a few things but you mostly let him off the hook when he gets in trouble anyway sooooo…

- Not the best wing man but he honestly isn’t trying. He is just enjoying the journey.

- He might be tempted to help if he was asked but there isn’t much he could do. You are his right hand after all! Why would he let your secrets go so easily?

- Imagine Wind just vibes with you when the other Link is trying their best and you literally ask if the other hero was ok since they are acting weird around you. It would take Wind a minute to get an answer because all he is thinking is: ‘are you dense?’

- Or on the flip side. If you know about their feelings. He would definitely be on board of helping you out. Again, you’re his right hand! Of course, he’ll help you! (Favoritism)

- Wind: “Don't worry. He likes your butt and fancy hair. I know. I read their diary.” (Y/n): “He thinks it's fancy?”

(Part 1) and (Part 2)

My First Request is now done :D! That was fun. Thank you Pinky and Star for the request <3

[leviiattacks]

I loved Ceo Levi so can I request Ceo Levi comforting the reader because she’s in financial trouble? Idk the plot it’s up to you but that sort of idea. I hope it’s not too much of a bother!! Also happy birthday ❤️

author note :: very rushed and not that great at all but i hope it’s enjoyable anon !! also thank u for the birthday wish <333 if you’d like for me to idk expand on this request you can always request again my ask box is open !! <33333 word count :: 1.5k

levi’s worried about you

like super worried

ultra worried

mega, super, ultra worried?????

all the synonyms for large aren’t enough to explain how distracted he is whilst he stares at you from across the table.

the entire team meeting today you’ve sat down with a glazed expression, you’re clearly out of it and don’t want to be present

on a few occasions he notices you gnaw at your lips anxiously and your eyes shift everywhere showing you’re clearly uncomfortable

team meetings are normally two hours long on a monday to discuss production plans extensively but levi can’t even make it to the thirty minute mark before he’s dismissing everyone

“we’re ending early i don’t feel well.”

mr ackerman letting the team leave early again... it’s the second time he’s done it now but HEY, the employees have no complaints!!

levi knows something’s bothering you when you don’t move an inch from your seat

you probably haven’t even heard what he said about leaving because you’re so zoned out

now,,,,levi’s never really been big on physical contact and he’s not great at comforting or using words either but he still double checks the door is locked so he can speak to you privately

you start sobbing as soon as the sound of the door clicks

“y/n, what’s wrong?” he’s cautious in his approach but places a hand on top of yours gently to test the waters

but you only start crying even more ?!?,!,

which panics him because oh my god what did he do...???,?.

did he do something wrong???

you know what, he’s just going to copy what people do in the movies and hope it goes well

your sobs echo through the room and he thanks himself that the cement walls are definitely thick enough for you to not be heard by your colleagues

slowly but gradually you get a grip and it almost looks like you have to force yourself to a halt midway just to wipe the tears at your eyes

it’s at times like these that levi thanks you for having an expressive face because he would hate to not notice you felt this horrible

“i suggest you carry on if you haven’t got it all out yet. from personal experience it’s better when someone sits with you.”

levi’s warm words embrace you and you look at his arms then his heat pressed suit. he’s in a completely different world compared to you and a feeling of sickness soon overpowers the warm feeling in your chest

why are you sitting here and crying like a pathetic fool in front of your boss??

ok, maybe he’s a little more personal than a boss you aren’t sure what he really is but that doesn’t matter

“y/n, i have something to say.”

FUCK. this is it. you’ll be fired for being unprofessional and improper. this is IT. the end of your professional career.

you want to run out of this room at full speed and hurl yourself out of one of the windows never to be seen again...

but,, you won’t do that, that’s embarrassing

instead you steel yourself and look at him with as much courage as you can muster (which to be clear is not very much)

“if you ever need to take a day off for mental health reasons you’ve always been allowed to so please feel free to take the rest of the day off if you’d like.”

he’s... not firing you?

“but before that, would you like to let me know what’s happened? can i maybe help?”

you purse your lips feeling the premature humiliation

he can help, anyone with as much money as him can but you don’t want him to aid you. the guilt would eat you away

but you do want to confide in him and tell him what’s wrong

you want to tell someone about it at least

“i’ve been evicted from my apartment” your voice is barely above a whisper and levi just looks at you mouth agape

he pays you enough to live comfortably

how could you be getting evicted?

“i have to pay for my mother’s medical expenses so it’s stressful i send most of my earnings hom-”

levi shushes you with his input. “i’ll pay off the debt so you don’t be evicted and i’ll also give you a pay rise.”

at that you’re just pure shocked

is he even thinking right now???

because this isn’t the strong willed strategic business man you know

“no??? i can’t leech off of you??”

“you’re not leeching. i am investing in you.”

you’re a little lost now but choose to hear him out

“you work for me already and i greatly value your work. now you’re in a tough position. correct?”

you nod your head in response

“and for you to still work for me you’ll need a home. correct?”

again you nod

“so allow me to pay off the debts. it’s for both of our benefit.”

that however really isn’t levi’s reasoning at all. he couldn’t care less about that, he just doesn’t want to see you shoulder the pain and stress of it all alone

staring at him teary eyed you sniffle

“would you-” your voice cracks and you cough “really???”

you look so desperate and vulnerable and levi feels frustrated for not spotting the warning signs of your struggle any sooner

you had been coming to the office looking more restless, you had been drinking more coffee and despite the excessive caffeine consumption he still caught you dozing off at your desk at least four times

he places a hand on the centre of your back and pats you three times as if you’re members on the same ship

“yes i mean it, take it easy.”

his simple sentence is enough to cause all of your rational thinking to jump away and you drag him in by the neck into a tight hug

you’re ugly crying and you know you’ll look back on this in embarrassment but your mind works on impulse, you’re unable to stop it

usually levi doesn’t like anyone messing up his suits but he can make an exception for you. he’s sure your tears have left a moist patch but he’s not mad. hell, even if you get snot on his expensive dress shirt he’ll be okay with it

“is there any way i can pay you back mr ackerman?”

he winces at the formality of your tone

“call me levi.”

your brows raise at the request

“that’s what i want in return. for you to call me levi.”

????

that’s all???

“oh, well thank you levi. i’m grateful...”

his name rolls off your tongue awkwardly the first few times and even he regrets asking you to call him by his first name

but three days later you’re walking in breezily. a pen is tucked behind your ear and you’re double checking levi’s spending sheet with a calculator in your hands.

levi literally STOPS breathing because you look so refreshed today and the colour is back on your face. you look your best when you’re stress free.

and then you say it

“levi, do you think you could spend a bit less on tea bags because OH MY LORD???”

he notices there’s no longer an air of discomfort to his name and his chest swells happily

“y/n, give me ONE good reason to not spend my money that way??”

you notice how he easily he says your first name with an airy chuckle and you could almost... ALMOST... swear the two of you are flirting

to anyone observing with no sound he looks as nonchalant as normal but really the tone of his voice is implying the suggestive nature of conversation

“maybe you should spend your money on other things you like?” your suggestion is thrown back in your face when levi scoffs choking back a laugh

“i already am spending my money on other interests of mine.”

turning to face him and to hand him a file of paperwork you look him right in the eyes

“and what interests would those be?”

levi’s gaze meander down to your lips before shooting back up to your eyes and you swear you feel a tingle in the pit of your stomach

“i’ll let you figure that out on your own. you’re smart enough.”

you’re gaping at that reply because how are you meant to know???

but, the answer to your question is far more obvious than you think.

and it’s only after work whilst you’re eating dinner that you’re able to connect the dots

he was, talking about...you??

gasping you flush bright pink and bury your face into one of your sofa’s pillows

no way, there’s no way that happened

oh no, but there really is a way

and that way is levi ackerman ;-)