#1pm

[n64retro]

1 a.m. (Winter) Kenta Nagata Animal Forest / Animal Crossing (Nintendo, 2001 / 2002) Soundtrack

[grrl-beetle]

Village PM 1PM

[picsfortheday]

[yorkie-cat]

Day 5 - 8/2/2025

⋆｡°✩ regal ✩°｡⋆

I can not for the life of me draw Five. she's just an explosion of white fluff. what am i supposed to do with that, poseidon??

[tenth-sentence]

"All times may be soon to Aslan; but in my home all hungry times are one o'clock."

"The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" - C. S. Lewis

[cbeedoodles]

My morning routine

[inkyquince]

In the week without WiFi, I've gained many thoughts. primarily uhhhh Quinn incest, bailey hotel time, Miguel baby trapping, and a few others, so yknow

The brain harvest was bountiful

[socoleenmaybe]

don't joke about it please

[theriverbeyond]

Ideal work schedule:

I show up and am given a list of cognitively engaging but achievable tasks

I complete the list

I leave immedietly

[silentmassacres]

tue, jan 14

i keep forgetting to write here. it's not that i feel better, i've just been. busy. i'm back on my feeling like a bad person shit. also back on my older feeling like i'm not good enough shit. great combo lol.

had an awful mood swing so i'm miserable right now. i should probably journal so i can be as open as possible but i figure having this open in split screen next to my homework makes me feel slightly less useless. at least in the aspect of school. i'm probably fucked.

—

i wish i had the capacity to function normally. i don't really know what to do with myself anymore and it's insanely fucking hard because how do i just keep continuing like this? when continuing like this means my drastic back and forth and wishing my work uniform wasn't short sleeved so i could actually hide scars. i don't really know if i'm enough for anybody. i feel like a shell of a person. i guess i am, in a way. it's painfully evident and it fucking sucks. i sound so stupid and edgy and saying this probably doesn't help. i think i'm just dripping in self-hatred i hate being insecure about stupid things. stupid, uncontrollable things. it makes me feel. controlling. and with that, my brain associates it with abuse. i want to be nothing like that yet the comparisons just keep connecting in my brain and i really can't handle it anymore.

either way, it's there. in the little things, i think it just accumulates to make me feel like i'm not enough. and it's so fucking funny because i can't even understand what would make me seem like a viable person to be around when i'm nowhere near where the standards are. first of all. trans and doesn't pass for shit. not that i make much of an effort anymore, so it's on me. trans in the wrong way, i think. would having a dick make it easier? maybe it'd at least make me more desireable "practically 2d". maybe not intended to be about me but it still hits. something tells me the sight of my ribs only fills people with disgust. i keep pushing myself anyways, because i'm still unhappy. i think i'm just making things worse. the uselessness really gets me. i hate being insecure about sexual stuff but the fact of the matter is that i really am fucking useless half the time. more than half, really. i don't want to call it a pillow princess thing because it sounds insulting all the way around but christ. i don't think i'm very fulfilling. i'm hesitant and afraid of so much. once again, it just makes me feel like them. which is a great fucking feeling lmao.

i think it's ironic that their abuse only really pushed me further into feeling like them. i already wasn't dominant, but having that reinforced has made me so fucking useless. i kind of wish i was asexual. probably wouldn't make much of a difference in how fulfilling i am. i don't want to force myself into things. i know that's not wanted by anybody. but god, sometimes it just seems easier to go along with everything. i wish i still had the ability to do that rather than randomly breaking down.

—

i don't want to end it, to be clear. i just can't handle anything. ending it means more work for me, because everything has to be perfect. even after death, im considering others. ironic, maybe. i want to entirely destroy myself. i want to cry and bleed and have some sort of emotional release. i'm trying to keep it together, at least until after this family visit thing. i was concerned briefly with getting better but quite frankly i really don't care right now. i have to go out so maybe i'll feel better when i get home. i don't know.

[grrl-beetle]

Village PM

[spokenforinvaliduser]

godspeed, every. single. day.

[kurp-stuff]

.

[nov1st]

quiero, empezar a verlo desde el exterior como un niño que habla a una extraña que le cae bien. volvamos atras un momento. lo amaba como a un hijo. no podia imaginarmelo como amante… cualquier pensamiento inadecuado terminaba muy rapido al darme cuenta por la verguenza. lo amaba de la manera mas genuina que habia. lo amaba tanto. pero ahora vayamos al futuro. quiero volver a comenzar. quiero conocerlo de nuevo. quiero aprenderlo a amar amablemente asi como lo merece. quiero cuidarlo bien esta vez. me equivoque mucho. mi mayor error fue intentar apartarlo de mi como acostumbraba hacer. no se lo merecia. no hay nada que haya hecho mal. todo lo que me molestaba, aun si era justificado, el valia que fuera comprensiva hasta el final. el lo vale todo. lo amo y lo amare siempre.

[sleepnoises]

Neighborhood of strange houses

[chanrizard]

SO GOOD / Bang Chan Ver SKZ 5th Fanmeeting | Day 1

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