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aiimaginesbts · 6 years

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He Decided (M)

2018 Birthday Story for Taehyung!

Taehyung x Reader (ft. BTS) Genre: Japanese period AU, smut, angst & fluff Word count: 26,621 words

A/N: Credit for the banner art goes to SiChen Wang. Check out their awesome art here! Many thanks to Ana @dangitthatsalongname and my other awesome regular beta for beta-ing for me!

Japanese terms used are at the end of the story.

Disclaimer/Copyright

“I can’t believe he forgot this, of all things!”

The exasperated cry from my lady draws my attention away from my chore. Balancing the books that I’m carrying in one arm, I give the door to her room a cursory knock before pushing the already open door even wider. “What’s the matter?” I ask, poking my head inside without hesitation, knowing that she’s alone and I don’t need to give her the privacy that she and her husband always seem to need. Even though I’ve been her lady-in-waiting for as long as I can remember, the vexed expression that she wears, accompanied with a contradictory smile had only made its first appearance after she married Hoseok. Since then, I’ve seen it several times, each one making the corners of my mouth turn up involuntarily at the heartwarming sight. I suppose I’m a woman with simple needs; something so small can give me happiness.

“After going for days without sleep to finish the report for today’s council, can you guess what he forgot?” The answer is obvious, especially with her holding the bound pages up like that, but I know that she still expects an answer.

“The report?” I say, trying to keep a straight face and not burst into laughter.

“Yes!” She confirms needlessly, looking up at the ceiling as if she was beseeching God to remind her of the reason she married the warrior. Yet, when she glances at me, the grin on my face prompts an equally happy one from her, telling me that she already knows the answer.

“Should I deliver it to him?” Knowing the sensitive nature of the report, I’m aware that she would be reluctant to get another servant to send it to him.

“Would you? That would be such great help!”

The affirmation that I have her absolute trust isn’t necessary, but still makes my heart sing and my steps bounce with joy, although I keep a calm demeanour as I follow one of the castle maids towards the hall where the warlords are holding their council. It isn’t my first time here — which could also explain my lady’s impatience with Hoseok earlier — but being in the castle still makes me very nervous. My body shivers, catching the attention of the maid. “It is cold nowadays, is it not?” She says with a sidelong glance at me, perhaps trying to make conversation, or maybe she’s just being kind.

“Ah, yes,” I agree, even though I’m not exactly sure if the cold of the winter has managed to chase me all the way inside the castle. It is true that it’s freezing outside though, so I tug the layers of clothing tighter around me, earning an approving look from her as we continue down the hall. I can tell from the solemn knock that she gives after she stops that we’re interrupting an important meeting. It’s precisely because of its importance that I’m here, so I steel myself when a gentle voice orders us to enter. The maid slides the door open, revealing a group of people that I know to be powerful on the other side. Most of the men aren’t familiar to me, but I do recognise Hoseok’s direct superior, Lord Namjoon, from his visits to our home. The only woman in the room sitting next to him must be his wife, a warrior in her own right. From what I’ve heard, she’s contributing to the new strategies that is accelerating the Kim forces’ spread of power in the west. And of course, on Lord Namjoon’s other side is my harried master.

“Ah, my report!” Hoseok exclaims with relief, getting up and around the warlords to retrieve it from me.

“Yes, my lady noticed that you left it behind and requested that I bring it to you.” Stepping forward to give him the report, I can’t help but hand it over with a little chiding on her behalf. She worries about him all the time, even when he’s not on the battlefield. If he didn't make her so blissful, I would never have approved of him as her husband.

“I must apologise to her once I get back.” The scolding is not lost on him. Nor is the humble gratitude that I didn’t ask for; “I’m sorry for troubling you as well, but thank you for coming all the way here to deliver this to me.”

“You should really be thankful to your wife, Hoseok.” Whether Lord Namjoon is saying this because he truly believes it or because his own wife is there, I’m not entirely sure. Either way, I find it funny and a pity that I’m too star-struck by the powerful aura concentrated inside the room to giggle.

“As do we all,” a man I’ve never seen before drawls amusedly.

“As you should,” Lord Namjoon’s wife quips, but her lopsided grin is directed at the unknown man, not at her husband. “I never would have thought that you would openly say that you are thankful to your wife though, Lord Yoongi.”

Pale cheeks reddening at having been found out, Lord Yoongi clears his throat a little too loudly to be anything but a distraction. “Are we done here? Can we get a move on before the sun sets?”

“The sun is quite a ways from setting, Yoongi, even by dreary winter standards,” answers another unfamiliar man whose voice is so deep it sounds almost drowsy, yet the fine quality of it permeates my ears and soothes my soul. His is also one that tells me that he’s bored and seeking a diversion. Unfortunately it seems like he’s decided that I’m entertainment. “Is this your servant, Hoseok?”

“She is my wife’s attendant,” Hoseok clarifies as he takes his seat, ready to continue.

“Oh.” The one word, stretched to become several syllables long, accompanied with his intense gaze upon me makes me shift in place. Not knowing where to look, yet unsure if I can leave or not, I lower my eyes to the floor.

Thankfully, scrutiny towards me is cut short by the very same man who welcomed us into the room earlier. “That’s enough, Tae,” he warns him firmly. With his authority and informal way of talking, this must be Lord Seokjin. Which makes the leering man Lord Taehyung, his cousin. “This isn’t the time for you to go chasing women.”

He was trying to chase me? The realisation comes as a shock to me. Tilting my chin up ever so slightly, I risk another glance at Lord Taehyung. As one of the two leaders of the Kim forces, he commands a large army of his own, and lives in his own castle town not too far from this one. Watching him heave a heavy sigh as he stretches his back gives me the impression that he’s nothing but a cat transformed into a lazy, although undoubtedly handsome, man. However, Lord Seokjin soon gets him to straighten up, as well as stopping the rest from their chatter about wives, lamenting that he is forced to wait for the rebellions to settle before he can have his own wedding. Belatedly he realises that the maid and I are still there, standing awkwardly near the threshold listening to them jabber like old friends having a chat over drinks. “Oh, I am sorry for keeping you. Thank you for delivering the report,” he dismisses me with a warm smile, then flashes one to the maid as well. “And thank you as well, Kiyo. You may leave now.”

The encounter, brief as it was, gave me plenty to think and talk about once I returned home. As soon as I asked my lady if she’d met Lord Taehyung before, I instantly became unsure if telling her that I saw him was a good idea. While informative, she’s also intrigued by my specific mention of Lord Taehyung, and no matter how much I try to talk about the others that I saw in the council, it doesn’t deter her from thinking that there’s something special about Lord Taehyung in my eyes. It’s frustrating, because that’s exactly what I’m trying to convince myself is untrue.

“I really only saw him just one time, but he is the sort that leaves an impression, isn’t he?” The book on her table lays open, forgotten, as she waits for my confirmation. Left with no choice, I murmur my assent. There’s no denying that Lord Taehyung is very memorable. While his face is soft, almost tender looking, it houses strong, striking features — thick brows above eyes that shine even when he seems disinterested, stately nose and plush lips that invite me to stare despite my brain screaming at me not to do so. One would think that I’ve never seen a handsome man before; that isn’t so, as I consider Hoseok a very attractive man as well. However, there’s something about Lord Taehyung that draws my attention like no man has done before.

“Very good looking, and tall, too,” she continues, calling forth the mental image of the man in my mind. For months before this, I’d only heard about Lord Taehyung from her recounting of her visit to the castle. It was for the purpose of an unusual mission; to procure Lord Seokjin’s permission for her to marry Hoseok before he went to war. At first she was denied entry, which is unsurprising considering that she had no ties to the castle and came unannounced, but by a stroke of luck, Lord Taehyung happened to pass by. For some reason, her plea intrigued him enough to take her for an audience with Lord Seokjin. However, now that I’ve seen Lord Taehyung myself, I can’t help but imagine him. How he must have looked, walking beside my lady, thinking that his strides must have been long as I imagine his legs were. That amusement in his voice, refreshing in the stuffy castle as he watched her plead her case to Lord Seokjin. Knowing that he must have been every bit as handsome then as he was when I saw him earlier. Before I knew it, I’d started daydreaming about him right in the middle of our conversation.

This doesn’t go unnoticed by my lady, who’d clearly called my name several times before she manages to snap me out of my thoughts. “Is everything alright?” She asks, but she seems more tickled than concerned, which makes me blush. Clearly she’d caught me fantasising, and there’s hardly any question as to whom I’m thinking about.

“Ah, yes, it’s just...” I answer weakly then trail off, not having any excuse to give her. Thankfully she’s tactful enough to not continue embarrassing me, going on like nothing happened.

“I hear he’s a womaniser though.” Her next statement makes me wish that she’d tease me for daydreaming instead. The nagging at the back of my mind ever since my visit to the castle comes back in full force, watching her playful manner change into a solemn one. “Even though I’ve heard rumours, I didn’t really think much about them until the day I met him. Lord Seokjin told him off about it in my presence, so I suppose it’s really true.”

It didn’t escape my notice that Lord Seokjin had warned him about the circumstances in which he should pursue women, but I didn’t want to think about it. Even I know that I’m foolish for turning a blind eye to it, sighing as I come to terms with reality. Handsome and powerful he may be, but Lord Taehyung is just a man who concocts sweet lies to get women into bed with him. As attractive as he is, I wouldn’t want to get involved with any of that – not that I’ll ever see him again anyway. So perhaps I can hold on to that daydream after all. As long as that’s all it will be; an amazing fantasy of a kind, gorgeous man devoted to only me.

However, it looks like I’ve got to postpone fantasising for now, because those frantic steps I’m hearing approach can’t be anything good. Sure enough, not a minute later one of the maids knocks hurriedly, then slides the door open. “My lady! Master Hoseok is back, and he brought a guest with him!”

The mistress’ surprise at the announcement tells me that this is news to her, too. “Who is it?” She asks even as she hastens to get on her feet, readying herself to greet the guest.

“It is Lord Taehyung, my lady!”

What?

Regardless of my disbelief, he really is there in the guest room, already sitting and drinking tea with Hoseok like he spends every day here. Instantly I want to disappear, seeing him come to life proving to be too much for my sensibilities. Luckily my mistress turns back to me and with a smile, says, “I’ll see you later.” I give her a grateful bow, anxious to make myself scarce, but I’m not about to be let off so easily.

“Oh, you are that lady from before.” Taehyung leans forward, peering before I can make a clean retreat. It’s no use trying to hide behind the door now that he’s definitely seen me. “Why otu come and join us? Since I am getting to see the beautiful ladies that I’ve had the fortune of meeting in the castle here. That is, if your employers do not mind.”

“Of course not,” my lady smiles amicably as she gives her permission. I know she truly doesn’t mind me here. After all, we usually spend our teatimes and even meals together unless there are others present. Hoseok is used to my presence as well, but this time there’s a weariness in the way he beckons me forward, confusing me as to the reason behind his reluctance to having me here. “It delights me to have you visit, my lord. I must again thank you for your help back then.”

“My help? Oh, that.” Lord Taehyung looks confused for a moment, then recalls the assistance that he offered her several months earlier and waves away her grateful bow magnanimously. “Think nothing of it. Happy to see that everything worked well between you and Hoseok here.”

“Pardon me for asking, but what brings you here?” She had taken a seat with me sitting slightly behind her, and accepted the tea that I’d gone ahead and poured for her. “Not that I mind your visit! You are very welcome here.”

It turns out to be even worse than I thought. Lord Taehyung is going to stay the night, using Hoseok as an excuse. From the tired way Hoseok tries to explain that Lord Namjoon, who is staying in Lord Seokjin’s castle, knows about the logistics they’d planned for the war just as well as he does, I can tell that this isn’t the first time Lord Taehyung has waved the reasoning away. I suppose he isn’t keen on spending the night at the castle, though what he hopes to achieve from shifting his lodgings here, I don't have the faintest idea.

Or perhaps I do, but I’d rather pretend not to see it and keep the perfect image of him I have in my head. As it is, it’s easier and far more pleasant to listen to their amicable chatter about everything under the sun, from the goings on in our town all the way to his. Just as long as I don’t have to hear of his adventures involving women. I have a suspicion that as callous as he is, Lord Taehyung is still too polite to talk about it so blatantly in the company of other ladies, something that I have to be thankful for I suppose. However, that politeness doesn’t extend so far as to hold back on his obvious attempts towards me. I’m not the only one who notices, either.

“The flowers do bloom inside your house, Hoseok,” he says not so coyly. “Though it would be rude of me to disturb your wife, after you’ve shown me such hospitality.”

“I would be even happier if you do not entice any other ladies in my household, my lord.” Hoseok is definitely not one to beat around the bush, managing to be blunt while keeping his manners somewhat. “Married or otherwise.”

“Oh, I would never go for married women,” he clarifies with a deep laugh that I might have found pleasing if not for the subject matter. The way he treats it so lightly makes me sick. “Best not to go seeking trouble when it is not necessary in the least.”

Is he implying that it’s much easier for him to find single women to dally with? I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case, really, but from the grin he’s shooting me, I wonder if I’m meant to be awed of the fact that he doesn’t have affairs. If that is so, then I certainly am not. Thus it’s infuriating that my heart is somersaulting in my chest just by looking at him. One would think that living under the same roof as Hoseok would make me immune to charming, handsome men, but apparently not. Fearing for my own sanity, I try for a quick exit. “There are some chores that I need to tend to. If I may be excused...?” Despite phrasing it like I’m asking for permission, I’m already bracing my palms on the tatami, halfway through a bow even as I utter the words, ready to get up and out. There’s no such chore that requires my attention right at that moment, and there’s no doubt that both Hoseok and his wife know that as well. Thankfully my lady is quick to catch on, her startled reaction smoothly transitioning into an understanding one as she nods her assent.

“Go ahead.”

“Can it not wait?” Lord Taehyung attempts to stall my escape, seemingly crestfallen. It lends him a very sad look, like a wounded puppy, and it takes everything for me to steel myself against the instinct to take pity on him and sit down again.

“I am afraid that it cannot, my lord,” I say softly, lest my lie reveals itself through my voice.

“That is disappointing.” He is a master at expressing his emotions, but I remind myself that he is probably an expert at putting up an act. Just how many women have fallen for his charms, submitting to his will? My determination not to be one of them gives me the strength to bow and murmur an apology before leaving.

If I thought getting away from Lord Taehyung would help put my mind at ease, I’m soon proven to be very wrong. Despite not joining them for dinner and going out of my way to tackle every task I can find, it’s impossible to shut him out of my thoughts, even after going to great lengths to keep him out of my sight. As the day wears on and the inhabitants of the house give into the lulling powers of the night, I make my way towards the kitchen. Hopefully there’s something warm and comforting for me to eat that would finally calm me and put me to sleep.

However, I get the exact opposite of what I'm wishing for, as I get waylaid on my way to the back of the large house. Lord Taehyung seems to appear out of nowhere, and if I could think, I would have wondered if he'd been following me or if he'd been lying in wait all this time. But any thoughts I might have are drowned out by the deafening pounding of my heart as he moves swiftly to slap his palms against the wall next to my head, like a wild animal cornering its prey. I could swear that even the yelp I can't help letting out is music to his ears, from the way the startled sound chases the corners of his lips towards the ceiling. The glare that is supposed to tell him that I don't appreciate any of this — his popping out of thin air, dominantly caging me against the wall, him staying overnight here in the first place, even his stupidly handsome face — is probably lost under my shocked, wide eyes and goosebumps that is my body's way of notifying me that I secretly do love all of it.

There is no way he could know the mortifying feelings I'm starting to have for him, much less the thoughts that I would dearly love to convey to him, yet somehow there's no doubt that he is aware of everything. His confidence makes me believe he can read me like a book and that annoys me to no end. Almost as much as I'm annoyed at myself for not being impervious to his charms despite being fully aware that this man is not good news. "I did not expect to meet such a sweet young lady here," he says lazily, leaning down to try and meet my flitting eyes.

My defiant answer is weakened by settling my gaze on the floor. "Given that you had already known that I am under Lord Hoseok's employ at the castle earlier, one would think that it is unsurprising to find me here in his home."

"Mmm." He cocks his head playfully. "I meant that I would never have guessed such a pretty flower is hidden in my cousin's town but you are sassy too." Moving forward even more so that our faces are dangerously close, he whispers, "I like that."

It's clear that cutting straight to the point is a better solution than attempting to stop his flirting with my barely-there wit. "Is it not time for you to retire to your room, Lord Taehyung? What are you doing here?"

"It is," he hums agreeably. "But I find myself strangely cold and bereft of a companion, so I am hoping that you might perhaps help warm me up."

His implication couldn't be less subtle, but I doubt that a classier invitation would make the idea any more appealing to my sensibilities. My senses, on the other hand, jump into overdrive at the suggestion. Suddenly Lord Taehyung isn't just a treat for my eyes; my skin is heating up like he is scorching fire, his pleasant scent making me hyper aware that my tongue is dying to know what he tastes like. And he's so close I could just jerk a few inches forward to press against his luscious lips. Heart and head battle for the right to make the decision, so I quickly duck under his arm before my inner desire could take the reins. "I am awfully sorry, Lord Taehyung, but I believe that if that is what you are looking for, you would find yourself luckier if you had stayed in Lord Seokjin's castle."

In my haste to get away from him, I almost trip over my own feet walking backwards, but Lord Taehyung doesn't show any signs of pursuing. "I already consider myself the luckiest man in the world to be born as his cousin, since it gave me the opportunity to make your acquaintance."

He needs to know that is the farthest our destinies can stretch. For his own good, I tell myself, but it really is for my sake. Squashing any possibilities that we would ever be anything more is the only way to prevent me from hoping, which would definitely send me straight to his bed. "Oh, although I am uninterested in dalliances, as a servant I am honoured to be considered an acquaintance." With that, I hurry to my room, desperate to put as much distance as I can between us. The trip to the kitchen is completely forgotten, and by the time I remember I'm too scared to leave my futon, wary of the fact that if I venture out again, my feet would follow the path to his room, seeking the antidote to his spell that makes my body sing and yearn for him.

Even though I hardly got a wink of sleep, the next morning I'd taken over the chore of cleaning the floors from the maids. A mindless task like this is perfect for my sleep-deprived state, but my hazy brain still manages to turn to Lord Taehyung and my insane desire to give him exactly what he wants. In fact, I'm so focused on how easily he made me wet between the legs that only when the freezing air causes me to shiver do I realise that my kimono sleeves are untied. "Darn it," I mutter to myself, wondering if they became untied or if I never fastened them up in the first place. By now my frigid fingers are too stiff to bend, much less capable of putting the soggy sleeves out of the way.

My weary sigh as I tiredly contemplate the problem changes midway into a surprised, "Oh!" as arms that I wish weren’t this familiar to me reach from behind, gently tying my sleeves up. It's weird that Lord Taehyung's closeness, while exciting last night, is comforting now. Without meaning to, I relax into his arms as he finishes up one side and starts on the other, fancying myself of being in his embrace although I'm sure that's not what he meant it to be.

It ends all too soon for me, but the kind smile that he gives me as he moves away soothes me a little, and I smile back at him. "Do you do this often?"

I assume he's referring to cleaning the floors, not the frequency with which I melt into a man's arms so blissfully. As my lady's companion, my required tasks don't strictly overlap the maids', but after her marriage I've been finding myself doing chores like this more often to keep myself occupied and useful. "Sometimes, when I need to think."

"What could a pretty head like yours possibly need to think about?" Lord Taehyung has this way of showing interest, not just through his body language, but with curiosity infused in the lilt of his beguiling voice and inquisitiveness lighting up his eyes that makes one forget that he is a powerful lord having a banal chat with a woman far below his station. Perhaps this is the reason he could lure so many women without any promise for a future, as one would think these highborn ladies would expect. Being smitten with him hasn't kept me from noticing that despite his tantalising words, he has not uttered one real promise. True, I'm hardly better than a servant and thus undeserving of offers of marriage from a man such as Lord Taehyung, but I have a feeling that none of his past dalliances have received anything like that either. I suppose that calls for judgement on those women's sensibilities, yet I can't help but applaud the fact that he doesn't make false promises. Now if he could just stop his sultry gaze as we make barely un-flirty conversation, I could actually admire him for more than his feats on the battlefield.

However, the last thing I want is for him to know what the answer to his question would be; 'you'. So I blurt out, "Will you be staying here long?" It was beyond clumsy as far as changing the subjects go and perhaps even more embarrassing as it betrays my absurd wish that he remain here longer. I want to shove my foot in my mouth the second I hear it with my own ears.

Lord Taehyung, gentleman that he is, politely ignores my obvious attempt to avoid the question, although he doesn't hold back on the grin that grows on his face. He exhales, then adopts a more serious manner, as if full of remorse. "Alas, I need to head home after today's meeting. In fact, I believe Hoseok is waiting for me outside right now."

Even though his departure hardly comes as a surprise, now that it's actually happening it leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth. "I— I see. Please have a safe journey back home."

Those are the only words I could think of offering him before we part, and while part of me regrets that I couldn't say more, even after a few days I don't think I could think of anything else. One good thing that would come out of this is that at least there's no chance of seeing him again. He will move on to the next conquest that catches his attention and with time I will hopefully forget all about him. So far it isn't going so well, but later a discussion between Hoseok and his wife gives me something new to think about.

“We have been quelling the rebellions before they can go out of hand but at this rate, it can go on forever.” Hoseok sighs heavily as he complains to my mistress.

Her fingers thread through Hoseok’s locks lovingly as he lays down with his head in her lap, but her features are contorted into a frown. “This has been going on for a while, hasn’t it? Don’t you have any idea who’s been inciting these uprisings?”

“Of course we do.” He lets his eyelids flutter shut, thoroughly enjoying his wife’s touch. “But he’s an ally of Lord Seokjin. Been racking up on power and influence since Lord Seokjin gave him the responsibility of watching over the north for him. The bastard,” Hoseok spits out angrily, then glances over at me. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. I don’t mind.” I really don’t mind whatever language he uses. Actually I’m happy that the married couple is comfortable enough to relax their speech around me and insist that I do the same with them. Although I only do so when we’re by ourselves, sometimes I wonder if there’s such a thing as being too relaxed. Trying to be more polite, I force myself to pay close attention to my sewing instead of their show of a blissful marriage. Normally I like watching the two of them but lately such display gives me a pang of loneliness. All I can do is hope that one day I’ll be able to enjoy such happiness, although it’s hard not to feel a little sad at the knowledge that it wouldn’t be with Lord Taehyung.

“Anyhow, we have received reports about suspicious activities surrounding the daimyo and have reason to believe that he’s been organising the rebellion while Lord Seokjin and Lord Taehyung were busy with their western campaign.” Reaching out for my lady’s free hand, he holds it to his heart, kneading the back of it softly with his thumb. Letting his frustrations out. “Taking action against him without concrete proof might not be wise, though. He could use his pull with the people to paint us as villains and more innocent lives would be involved. So that’s what we’re working on now, but it isn’t easy. He’s purposefully controlling everything behind the scenes so we can’t take offence and break the alliance.”

Unable to concentrate on the needle that’s shaking between my fingers, I look up at the pair. “Why don’t you send a spy to find the evidence that you need?”

“That’s a sound idea.” Hoseok sighs softly and I instinctively know that this is a suggestion that they’ve already considered, perhaps even executed. “But it’s hard to find someone trustworthy. Most people have a price on them, and it’ll be troublesome if the daimyo finds out that we’re onto him. Anyone that is recognisable is also out of the question, so that’s already most of us since we’ve fought alongside people from the north before. And on the off chance we manage to get someone suitable, there’s no guarantee that he’d agree to do it. It’s a dangerous job after all. If the daimyo really has betrayed us and the spy is discovered, we can’t keep him safe while he’s there.”

We lapse into silence following his reply, but that doesn’t mean that I’m letting it go. In fact, an idea springs to mind immediately, but realising the gravity of the situation, I remain quiet, at least outwardly, as I consider it. But after some time, I know that no matter how much longer I sit on the suggestion, I’m not going to change my mind. Nor will I regret it. Looking down, I see that my hands are shaking, not from frustration or nervousness, but from the strength of my resolve. “I’ll do it,” I finally declare out loud, the determination evident in my unwavering voice.

“Do what?” Distracted after being petted into a fatigued stupor, Hoseok asks me sleepily.

“Send me there. I’ll be your spy.”

“What?!” My mistress is immediately — and understandably — upset by this, and her husband’s head might have hit the tatami when she jerks up if he hadn’t sat up in shock as well.

“You can’t do it. It’s too dangerous.”

His objection is expected and completely reasonable. Even I know the risks, and that someone like Hoseok would never even think about sending a woman to find evidence, but— “I know it is. That’s why you should let me do it. No one would ever suspect that a woman would be sent as a spy. As a servant, I can easily fit in too, and maids clean the whole place, so I can use that as an excuse if I’m ever found somewhere suspicious. And even if—“ stopping for a bit before I choke, I look down, just for a moment to gulp and gather my dissipating courage. Although I have no intentions of backing out, that doesn’t mean that I feel no fear. All I’ve done in my life is serve my mistress as a companion after her family took me in. My life as a child up to the point my parents passed is a distant memory that is like water cupped in my palms; the more I try to hold on to it, the faster it slips through and becomes forgotten. “Even if I get caught, what is one life compared to the innocent blood that will be spilled as this goes on? I want this to end as quickly as possible. Please let me help.”

The frown doesn’t completely disappear from Hoseok’s face, but at least he doesn’t refuse me outright. Instead, he remains silent for a while, thinking it over. “Well, one of the reasons we’re suspicious of the daimyo is because he’s been having guests over. Not just any visitors, but strong daimyos, with influence over their own people. It’s becoming more and more often, with many people coming at once. While this is a sign of something big brewing, it also means that he would be short on help, so maybe we can sneak you in.”

“But—“ my mistress begins, distressed, then stops herself. “Are you sure about this? I won’t stop you if you really want to do it, but please think again carefully.”

The sight of her quivering lower lip makes me really guilty. We’ve been together for years and I’m aware that I’ve been blessed to be her companion. While the rules of society still apply, she always treats me like a friend, oftentimes even when others are around. I hate to leave her behind, on top of the terrifying thoughts that come with going to an unknown place to serve in an enemy’s house, but no amount of thinking will change my stance on this. “Consider this my way of repaying your kindness, my lady. Everything I have, all I am now is thanks to you. And my lord as well.” I give both of them a smile that is grateful, yet filled with sadness that I can’t explain. However, they both stare back at me solemnly.

“You don’t have to thank us for anything,” she insists with a pout, and Hoseok nods, but I don’t agree.

“I’ve always wanted to do my part in aiding Lord Seokjin and the other warlords. You have always given your all for the sake of the people. It’s the least I can do to help.”

Even though the debate goes back and forth in the same vein for a while, in the end the couple gives up on trying to change my mind. Having managed to persuade them, it still takes two days for Hoseok to convince Lord Seokjin to agree to the scheme and then to get everything settled. In the meantime, I prepare to leave. It isn’t so much packing that takes up the time, nor is it reassuring my lady that I’ll take care of myself, but it’s more of preparing myself mentally. In my years of service I’ve been pampered, really, compared to other servants, and I’ve never served anyone else. Even though Hoseok is accompanying me in my first leg of the journey to the next castle town, saying goodbye to my mistress is already enough to bring tears to my eyes. Still, I hold it in, telling myself that it isn’t going to be any easier from now on.

It takes a few hours on horseback to arrive at Lord Jimin’s house, but the journey passes by in a blink of an eye. Hoseok explains to me that Lord Jimin’s wife is the daughter of a wealthy merchant, a man in a good place to arrange for servants to be sent to a daimyo’s house. Even though it embarrassed me to have Hoseok refer to me as someone very precious to his wife, I honestly think both Lord Jimin and his wife would have treated me kindly either way. Having already received a letter from Lord Seokjin before our arrival, she’d already gotten in touch with her father, who’d agreed to help arrange my infiltration into the daimyo’s house as a maid. Although I don’t really have anything to contribute to the conversations between Lord Jimin and Hoseok, I pay close attention, keeping my ears open and trying to remember all I can. The tiniest detail may help me in my mission. I’ve gathered that Lord Jimin isn’t as involved with the wars as his best friend, Lord Taehyung, but both he and his wife are concerned about our ally daimyo who might have turned his back on us. Similar to my own mistress, the two also ask me to reconsider taking on such a dangerous task.

“But then, I heard that your wife is quite the courageous woman, Hoseok, so perhaps her companion is similar,” Lord Jimin remarks with a giggle that makes his intimidating aura disappear at once. Title and property aside, Lord Jimin is softer than most of the warlords I’ve met so far. One could even consider him cute, although I’m not sure if he’d appreciate being called that himself.

“Oh? Where did you hear that?” Even after months of being married, I see that Hoseok hasn’t lost any fervour for his wife. Just the mere mention of her piques his interest immediately.

“Tae told me that she stormed into his castle, demanding that you marry her before you go off to war.” Hoseok’s blush at the story is all the confirmation Lord Jimin needs to laugh uproariously, and even his wife and I can’t help grinning. Apparently that little tale has made its way here. It isn’t surprising, I suppose, since Lord Taehyung was the one who allowed her entry to the castle and brought her to Lord Seokjin. However, I find myself regarding Lord Jimin slightly differently now. He’s obviously close to Lord Taehyung, despite not being part of his men in the Kim forces’ campaigns. I wonder what he knows of Lord Taehyung, if his friend really is the womaniser I’ve heard him to be. If Lord Taehyung has ever seriously considered a woman romantically before. Not that I can ask, but I do still think about it to myself.

Hoseok’s departure the next day is slightly easier to take than leaving my home, but I still feel a little lonely regardless. However, there isn’t much time to brood over trivial things. The day after that has me already setting off for the north with yet another warlord. This one is a familiar face, although I’m not sure if I’ll be all right travelling with Lord Yoongi, who is far more frightening than Lord Taehyung and Lord Seokjin put together, even though the cousins far outrank him. Thankfully, Mr. Masaru is accompanying us, forming a barrier of sorts, but Lord Yoongi’s silence is still unnerving.

“He may look scary, but Lord Yoongi is as nice as they come.” The comment addressing my concern so precisely makes me jump, almost falling into the river we’re stopping by. Turning back, I see that Mr. Masaru has caught me gawking at Lord Yoongi from afar.

“Oh, no, I...” Out of habit, I begin to deny the obvious, then decide to drop the pretence. It’ll take a few days to get to our destination. Best to make friends with the one person I can approach. “Is he really, Mr. Masaru? If looks could kill, I think I would have dropped dead from my horse.”

My frankness earns a guffaw from Mr. Masaru. “I thought so too at first! Most people in the castle are of the same mind as well, but after a while I noticed that he genuinely cares for the people he looks after. You are lucky to have him going with you, although I am sure that the reason he was assigned this task is because of his commoner background.”

Before I can express my surprise at the unexpected tidbit, a grumpy voice interrupts us. “And here I thought my wife just wanted to tease me by forcing me to travel with yet another headstrong girl.”

For a second time in a few minutes, I narrowly avoid tripping into the river. Whirling back around, my heart shoots up my throat, registering that Lord Yoongi had joined us, and probably heard a good portion of our conversation. On the other hand, Mr. Masaru doesn’t seem as affected as I am, even though his cheeks are a little flushed at having been caught talking about his superior. “I thought it was Lord Taehyung who asked you to take her to the north, not his sister, Lord Yoongi.”

“Lord Taehyung is not around, and will not be for a while.” Lord Yoongi’s statement invites questions, but his tone makes it clear that he isn’t going to comment any further on it. I know I shouldn’t bother with Lord Taehyung, but I feel the intense curiosity burning inside me, dying to know more about him. Is he doing fine? Is he on a dangerous mission? Does he have enough support? However, expressing these thoughts would make me highly suspicious, and the last thing I want is for these men to question my intense interest about their lord. And once they catch a whiff of the reason behind my inquisitiveness, there’s a high probability that Lord Taehyung will learn of it eventually. That thought alone is mortifying enough to give me control over myself.

Instead I meekly try to follow Mr. Masaru’s lead, and try to make conversation with Lord Yoongi. “Are you married to Lord Taehyung’s sister, Lord Yoongi?”

“Yeah.” His answer is short, and makes it hard for me to say anything else afterwards. Mr. Masaru has gone to tend to the horses, but it seems rude for me to leave Lord Yoongi’s side, even though this awkward silence is more than I can bear. I wonder what Lord Taehyung’s sister is like. A woman who is able to get along with Lord Yoongi — I can’t even imagine such an amazing person. “It would have been better if our side was told about this earlier.”

Fully expecting Lord Yoongi, like everyone else, to tell me to reconsider taking on this mission, what he says instead throws me completely off balance and I gape like a silly fish for a few moments. “What do you mean?” In the end, that’s all I can think of asking, because I really can’t make a tail or head of his statement.

He sighs heavily in response, squatting next to me and glaring at the glistening water before him. This time it’s him who takes time to formulate a reply, gauging just how much is permissible to share with me. After all, while Lord Yoongi is part of the Kim forces, he reports to Lord Taehyung, and not Lord Seokjin, so he’d naturally have reservations about giving information to someone he doesn’t know, even if Hoseok had sent me. I’m not even sure how much interaction Lord Yoongi and Hoseok have had before, given that they live in different towns and probably only met during more important war councils. “If Lord Taehyung — I mean the people with him as well — knew about this before he went away, we may have been able to coordinate this better.”

Again, my heart beats just a bit faster at the mention of Lord Taehyung. “Is it really important that he knows about this before I go?”

Once again Lord Yoongi takes his time answering, but this time comes to the conclusion that he’s told me enough. “I suppose it doesn’t matter either way,” he mumbles, then finishes with another sigh, softer this time. “He will see to it that everything works out in the end.”

Slapping his palms on his knees, he stands up, clearly marking the end of our chat. But I can’t help blurting out, “Lord Taehyung will?”

Perhaps my high pitch betrayed my overzealousness, or Lord Yoongi is sharp enough to read the burning interest in my eyes, or maybe even both, because he inquires, “Do you know him?”

There’s nothing more I’d like to do than kick myself right now. “Everyone knows him, do they not? He is quite famous, after all,” I answer sheepishly, avoiding revealing the truth like a coward.

“Don’t be stupid,” Lord Yoongi snaps crossly, seeing through me at once. Even though I quickly turn my gaze to the water, I can feel his shrewd eyes on me, and blood rushes to my cheeks in embarrassment. While others may not comment on it even if they notice, Lord Yoongi clearly isn’t the type to accept an improper, evasive answer. He’s brash and doesn’t tolerate nonsense, unlike most noble people I know. Perhaps it’s his commoner background. Whatever it is, it’s refreshing, although combined with his surly attitude makes him hard to warm up to. “I mean have you met him before? Are you one of the girls racing to get into his bed?”

“No, I am not!” Multiple emotions build up inside me at the manner with which he phrased his question. Heavy disappointment at the confirmation of his womanising ways, helplessness at the scores of women wanting to be with him regardless of his reputation, indignation that Lord Yoongi thinks that I’m one of them, and self-loathing that a part of me actually considered joining them. Reeling my irrational emotions in, I clear my throat, lowering my pitch to a more reasonable register. “We have met before, but just in passing.”

He gives me a hard look, and it’s difficult to resist the urge to remain in my spot and not run away from his gaze. “Well, as long as it stays that way.” Even though his curt tone pains me, I try not to let it show. Lord Taehyung’s flirtatious ways may very well be a bother to Lord Yoongi, after all. Perhaps he doesn’t approve of his brother-in-law behaving that way, or Lord Taehyung’s dalliances get in the way of his work, putting burden on Lord Yoongi. It could be a myriad of reasons that I couldn’t even start to fathom, but it isn’t surprising that Lord Yoongi wants me to not get involved with Lord Taehyung. It’s probably best for me after all. Someone like Lord Taehyung wouldn’t possibly see someone like me as more than someone to entertain himself with for a short time, and if I give in, I’m going to be the only one left broken hearted in the end. Still, it leaves me feeling small and insignificant, surprisingly bringing tears to my eyes. I don’t know why I’m craving for Lord Yoongi’s approval, when it wouldn’t mean anything given that there really is nothing going on between me and Lord Taehyung. Unreasonable feelings crumple up my face, pulling with such force that I can’t help the pitiful look and I turn away. Better to munch down on my pride like this than suffer more embarrassment from Lord Yoongi seeing me upset over unrequited feelings for his lord. However, before I could leave, he makes me pause. “As he is now, he is more worthy of women who do not value themselves much.”

Once again in a short span of time I’m surprised. In a roundabout way, did he just say that Lord Taehyung is not worthy of me, a mere servant? Hardly able to believe that Lord Yoongi actually said that I’m too good for his superior, I turn around, but he has already gone the other way towards the horses. We push on soon after, taking advantage of the remaining daylight before settling down at an inn for the night. In the following days, I find him a little different. I’m not sure if it’s my biased view that makes him appear more approachable after the conversation we had, or if he’d actually opened up to me a bit, or if I’d been blind to this side of him before, but I can see what Mr. Masaru meant now. Lord Yoongi really is a kind person, even though he seems to have a hard time showing it. It must be this warm compassion behind his prickly exterior that attracted his wife. Even I’m starting to actually like him — although I don’t think I can see his tender personality while navigating his bluntness.

The weak heat of the winter sun is waning even further when we finally reach our destination. That’s what I was hoping, and although true in a sense, I’m not actually quite there yet. For my travelling companions, it is their last stop before turning back, to hand off the duty to the man responsible for bringing a group of women to serve in the ally daimyo’s house. While sad to part with them, part of me is glad to be in a group of females again. The man hardly associates with us except to inform us that we are already late and our arrival is expected. As far as I can tell, the other maids are ordinary folks. None of them show any signs of recognising Lord Yoongi, who is careful not to don quality fabrics that I normally see the warlords wear. Their admiration for his good looks are well-deserved, but upon informing them that he is a married merchant, they lose interest fairly quickly, and stop peppering me with questions.

The daimyo’s manor is not far, and we head towards it on foot immediately. While fatigued from the fiver-day journey, I’m quite glad to forgo the horses. While Mr. Masaru had secretly confided that Lord Yoongi made us move fairly slowly to let me adjust to riding, it’s still too much for me. Considering that I’d only started learning as Hoseok brought me to the neighbouring castle town, I think it’s quite an achievement, but I understand that we couldn’t just take our sweet time. Even though the sun has already greeted the western ground by the time we arrive, we’re put to work almost immediately. As per the reports that Hoseok relayed to me, there are a number of guests staying in the house, and even an idiot can tell that they’re not ordinary people. The newcomers begin by helping out in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes then moving to prepare the guest rooms. Of course, I don’t expect them to allow the new maids to actually prepare and serve the food. Not that it matters, because I’m not plotting to poison anyone, but it’s still nerve-wracking to see how well guarded the place is, with so many powerful men in the building. The urge to check over my shoulder is so overwhelming that it makes me tremble in the effort it takes to resist it. Every second I expect someone to grab my shoulder and restrain me after discovering I’m a spy.

However, the night passes without incident, even if it’s hardly calm. The next few days become a new changed lifestyle for me. Being told what to do and being responsible for it is completely different than wanting to do it yourself. The stark difference really illuminates my charmed life with Hoseok and his wife, who treat me like part of the family. Being worked to the bone makes me think hard to recall how servants are treated back home. While I’m sure they work harder than I do, surely they’re treated better than the servants who work here. Wringing a cleaning cloth in my hand one morning, I watch my surroundings as I entertain my thoughts. There’s definitely something going on here. Every day, so many meetings are held, but they’re careful to keep it quiet, containing discussions behind closed doors. For all the powerful men who go in and out of this place, all I can really see is underpaid servants going about their work. It’s truly maddening, because I’m ever conscious of the gravity of the situation. If the daimyo is really a traitor — and I’m becoming more and more convinced that he is — and passes more unencumbered time with these men, it means that the threat of the next uprising grows ever closer. From the looks of it, this may be the biggest rebellion yet. Even though I want the Kim forces to come out victorious, I’d rather have as little bloodshed as possible. And to do that, I must put a halt to this attack before it can fully form.

Unfortunately, the discreet leaders aren’t my only obstacle to completing my mission. With the warlords busy preparing for something imminent, most of them are bringing their men with them, with the closest ones brought to the meetings. Even though as a spy I intend to remain as unnoticeable as possible, as my luck would have it, one of the warlords’ right-hand man has taken it upon himself to scope out the women around, and it seems like I’m the unlucky victim. His daily visits are bad enough, but his attempts at flirting are really something else. While Lord Taehyung is skilled at the art of wooing a woman, Lord Genta is an oaf, clumsy in his attempts to attract my attention without noticing that his domineering attitude disgusts me. Given his size, I have no doubt that he’s all brawn and no brain. How did this man manage to climb all this way to his current status is beyond me. Yet, all I can do is refuse him gently, as quietly as possible so I don’t raise a ruckus and call attention to myself. The last thing I need is to be recognisable, or, God forbid, memorable. My polite rebuffs aren’t effective though. If anything, it just spurs him on, giving him the impression that I’m playing hard to get in my own flirtatious way, enjoying the challenge. In the meantime, the only challenge I care about is obtaining that proof, and I have no idea how to do it. Within the second week of my infiltration, I’ve become more daring and reckless, despite Lord Genta’s advances. After some practice, I learn to inconspicuously watch for the activities around the huge manor and estimating how long I would safely have for searching a room. Or at least brief enough to appear innocent should I be caught in one. Still, mere estimations aren’t good enough to take such a risk in my book, until the day I’m tasked with serving tea at one of their meetings. Jubilated that I’ve finally been allowed inside during one of these, I’m on high alert, moving to do my job as slowly as I possibly can without appearing weirdly inept. Not much can be gleaned, as expected, but those precious few minutes allow me to overhear of another upcoming council. Most importantly, even though the men are on a tea break, I manage to hear talk of recruiting another daimyo to their cause. That’s when it all crashes down on me, like a force of a dam suddenly broken, a heavy barrage of water hitting me and waking me up. I have no more time to lose, no more room to wait until it’s completely safe to make my move. It will never be risk-free. The time to act is now, before yet another daimyo and his men are added to their numbers, bringing them closer to their goal, and people to danger they shouldn’t even be a part of. While I have more than enough reason to suspect their motives in my book, even I know that it isn’t quite enough to bring back as evidence. Not everyone is going to believe the words of a servant, even with Hoseok to vouch for me. With my mind made up, it becomes even harder to remain calm, making me fear being careless even more. The opportunity presents itself as early as the following afternoon. Most of the cleaning in the hallway is done, so it’s just me around. I saw the daimyo heading off to the western side of the humongous house, and wherever he goes, his followers will follow. This is my chance. My steps into his room are quick, without hesitation, but I can’t hear my own thoughts over the thunderous beating of my heart, louder than any storm I’ve ever gone through. Sunlight streams into the spacious room, muted by the screens over the doors, but it provides me with more than enough light to search by. I look frantically around the room, hoping that something incriminating will jump out at me. And miraculously, it does. So careless — or perhaps confident — is the daimyo that he has left a piece of paper on his writing table. I can see black markings upon the parchment; he most probably left it to dry. Praying that he has made an error in judgement and that it’ll work out in my favour, I approach slowly, as if it’s a wild, feral animal ready to attack at the slightest provocation. The intricate letters almost make no sense in my panic. Frantic breaths fill the room, and I have to force myself to calm down. Wiping sweat off my brow before it can drop onto the paper, I start reading it. A letter addressed to another powerful figure in the north, persuading him to rise against the Kim forces. Silently muttering words of thanks to my mistress’ family for allowing me to learn to read with her, I start rolling the letter up. Footsteps thud close by, getting closer, and I freeze. Even though the smart thing to do would be to use the cleaning cloth I’d brought with me to pretend to clean the room, I can’t bring myself to move, can’t get into the back-up plans I’d made for myself. All I can do is stare wide-eyed with dread at the door leading into the room from the hallway, almost resigning myself to being found. However, whoever it is walks past the room in wide strides, full of purpose. In a hurry perhaps, I conclude after my sense of reason kicks back in. My fingers are shaking, but I make them work to roll the letter and tuck it up my sleeve, cursing inwardly as I almost bump against the ink stone in my haste. Only then do I realise that I didn’t even expect to be this lucky. Lord Yoongi has instructed me to identify a soldier on our side within the daimyo’s ranks if I find something suspicious, but I’m not sure if I have the time to do that. This letter is crucial proof, but it will soon be missed. I need to make my escape now. The consequences of staying are too terrifying to even think of. They will surely interrogate the servants to find the missing letter, and others may be tortured for information, as I’m surely not going to give myself up. Hopefully when they notice a maid missing, they will immediately — and rightfully — assume that I’m the perpetrator. So I leave. With some money Lord Yoongi has given me in case of emergencies that I quickly swipe from the servants’ quarters, the letter and the clothes on my back. I don’t dare carry any more. The money and letter I can easily conceal, but a bundle would be too noticeable. I didn’t bring anything of value with me anyway, so it’s no real loss. However, having money doesn’t mean a thing when I have no clue who to trust. I can’t simply stroll up to someone and offer to buy a horse. Staying at an inn in town is out of the question — in fact, remaining in this town is too dangerous. Somehow I’m going to have to make it to the next settlement by foot. At least my rear won’t be sore from horse-riding this time. The idea is daunting as I have no clue how far the nearest one is, or the direction it’s in, even, but I see no other option. Resigned to my fate while at the same time dreading the long, arduous journey to come, I manage to exit the town without any problems. Now is where the troubles will start. No matter how much I tell myself that I can take sleeping on the ground under the stars, I can’t convince myself that I would survive the trip. Getting lost is the least of my worries. I really, really hope that I will not come across any bandits. A woman travelling on her own would get into trouble if spotted by almost anyone, really. The best I can hope for is to find a village very soon, and send a missive to Lord Yoongi from there. While still unsure if I want to actually see anyone, I stumble upon a field full of soldiers. Unable to stop my curiosity, I edge closer, having the advantage of height from up the small hill overlooking the sprawling land. In no time I can make out the man leading the drill. There’s no mistaking that burly form. Well, since I’ve barely left the town and Lord Genta is here, these are most definitely the daimyo’s army. I’ve never seen one gathered like this. Countless men litter the field, which stretches out farther than I care for. Fear strikes my heart at the view. From the thought that many of these men may not know that they’re being misled by a traitor, or that they may be facing off with some of the people I know, care for, and love. The best I can wish for is that Lord Seokjin and Lord Taehyung’s army outnumber them; a weak prayer of a servant who doesn’t know any better. Still I find myself watching, unable to tear my eyes away, just like a sick person latches onto scenes of gory absurdity. There must be at least a thousand men here, although in my state I feel like there are tens of thousands. However, many of them are clad in incomplete armour made of mismatched pieces. They move clumsily, awkwardly, and after a while it all clicks. These are farmers, recruited, maybe even forced, to serve their lord. Before my outrage can even build inside me, Lord Genta turns around. My streak of luck has run out, it seems, because he looks up and sees me immediately. He must have recognised me on sight, just as I knew it was him. It’s unfortunate, not an honour, especially when he shouts, “What brings you here?” There’s no slimy words of endearment, no shine in his dark eyes. He looks at me with suspicion, and I know I’m in deep trouble. After giving some instructions to a man standing next to him, he makes his way up the slope towards me. “I am on an errand to deliver a message for the daimyo, my lord.” Hopefully my loud answer masks the crunching of the ground underneath my feet, but I can’t seem to make myself move back beyond a mere few inches. In the meantime, Lord Genta gets closer and closer with each step. “Oh? Is it for me?” Uncertainty colours his tone now, torn between believing me as his brain works to dispute my weak lie. “Let me see it.” Once he reaches me, he’s going to find out that there is no such thing. Worse still, he might even discover the letter that I’ve stolen. Terror finally jerks my legs into action, enabling me to sprint in the opposite direction before he’s halfway up the hill. I can hear him shouting for me, but there’s no way that I’d heed his call. Frantically searching for a way out in this vast, unknown land, I seek refuge in the forest not too far ahead. Truthfully I hardly even think about the decision to dive in between the trees. I just want to get myself to safety and at the moment, Lord Genta and his men trump wild animals in terms of danger. But I’m not used to being on the run, much less venturing within the woods. My speed drops considerably almost after I pass the first tree. Rich foliage sprinkled with snow overhead acts as a barrier to the late afternoon sun, cutting the light by more than half for me. More than once I almost trip over a root or some growth underfoot, and soon I’m panting from exertion. Surely I’ve given myself some distance from them by now? Exhausted and out of breath, I allow myself a respite, collapsing to the ground against a tree trunk. Tears well up unbidden, overcome by the whole ordeal, but even though I’m alone I refuse to let them fall. While waiting for my breathing to return to normal, I try to think of my next plan. Nothing comes to mind but I force myself to think of my meagre choices regardless. I refuse to think of this as hopeless. I can make through this somehow. Somehow. The road to that never materialised, because my miserable musings are interrupted by shouts. I don’t know how sounds carry in the forest, but they seem to be from nearby. Feeling my whole body seize up with trepidation, I will myself up to stand and flee again. Where to, I don’t know. As far as I can from the voices, I suppose. Whether it’s the forest, or my exhaustion, or the amount of men Lord Genta has sent to chase after me, something is making it seem like they’re everywhere. No matter how many turns I make, it feels like they’re right behind me, gaining on me. Like a hunted prey I elicit small, desperate whines under my breath, tears now streaming down my face, making it even harder to fumble my way through the trees. At one point I stumble and my hands reflexively fly out to find some support to stop me from falling. All it gets me is a palm scratched on the rough tree bark, but I only allow myself a soft hiss of pain that is almost masked by the sound of my knees meeting the ground. It hurts. It hurts so much — my feet, my legs, my hands, my lungs, my eyes — everything is in pain, but I force myself up. Wheezing, I continue this seemingly pointless effort to escape, until someone is literally above me. I hear a voice that is undoubtedly Lord Genta’s speak to one of his men and immediately flatten myself against the side of the elevated ground, hoping against hope that they didn’t see or hear me. I didn’t realise that they’re already this close! Unable to believe my tragic luck, I lean forward slightly, intending to peek up to see if I can gauge their distance from me. However, I’ve barely moved when an arm comes out of nowhere and seizes me by the waist from behind. My startled yelp is muffled by a hand to my mouth. Immediately I begin to struggle, but not for long, because my assailant swiftly turns my head around so I can see his face. Lord Taehyung?! Eyes boggling in shock take in his nod, reassuring me that I’m all right, then touches a long finger to his lips; a simple signal to remain quiet without making so much as a peep. Once I’ve gotten over the surprise just a tiny bit, I nod in return, and he relaxes his hold on me to tilt his head, attempting to do what I was planning to do. Telling myself to ignore his arms around me, I turn my attention skywards as well, straining my ears to listen in on the conversation happening between my pursuers. “No one has yet to even catch a glimpse of her, my lord,” the underling is reporting to Lord Genta, and I feel relief that lasts for a split second. Lord Genta’s loud grunt is clear as day, and tells me that he isn’t happy with what he is hearing. However, he doesn’t say anything else, and the man, sensing his leader’s inability to come up with a counter plan, continues, “the sun will set very soon, and it will be too dark to conduct a search.” The tips of my fingers start to claw their way in, trying to grip Lord Taehyung’s arms over the armour that he’s wearing, willing Lord Genta to give up on finding me. Sensing my unease, Lord Taehyung holds me more securely. His protective embrace is calming, stopping my silent crying. White puffs come out in bursts in the cold winter air in time with my heartbeat, both sounding deafening in my ears, and I’m deathly afraid that the men right above me would hear them. Forever passes, it feels like to me, but finally Lord Genta relents with an impatient exhale. “Fine, call off the search and head back.” The other man’s “Yes, sir!” is full of relief. I can make out his footsteps moving swiftly away, no doubt racing off to tell the others the news. Lord Genta remains in his spot for a while, huffing angrily, but even he eventually leaves, his steps pounding the ground as if punishing it for my failed capture. Even though we’re in the clear, when I show signs of moving, Lord Taehyung tightens his grip on me, preventing my escape from his arms. “Wait to make sure that they are really gone,” he whispers when I look at him in confusion. Left with no other option, I relent. However, with the tension Lord Genta has instilled in me gone, it only makes room for heightened awareness of Lord Taehyung’s close proximity to me. His soft breaths warm the top of my head, and the smell of him; sweat mixed with some perfume, permeates my nose, relieving and tempting me at the same time. An urge to turn around and press my lips to his materialises again, this time stronger than ever before. The racing of my heart this time is much more welcome, although I know it can do nothing good for me. Too long and too shortly after, he judges that the men must have left completely, and shifts his grip to my shoulders to turn me around and run his worried eyes from top to bottom. “Are you alright?” “Y—Yes, I’m fine.” Finally regaining my senses, I assure him and shake myself away. The more distance I can put between us, the better, even though my heart aches for his kindness and my body longs for his warmth. Distracting him from his confusion of my sudden jerking away from him, I ask, “Why are you here?” “I could ask the same thing of you,” he returns with a hard look that makes me wither. I suppose my appearance in this region surprised him. How did he find me, anyway? However, before I can ask him one of the many questions popping up in my head, or even think about answering his, he says, “Never mind that, you can explain to me later. For now we need to seek shelter for the night. Come on, I saw a good place not too far from here.” Surrendering my trust in him fully, I follow him without question. Not that there’s much choice, considering he’d reached out and grabbed my hand in his. It’s hard to find my footing when I’m so focused on the gentle touch of his rough hand, calloused from swordplay. Still I manage to keep up with him, ignoring my screaming legs until we finally reach an opening in the wall of solid earth. “Oh,” I gasp softly, not expecting this, but I obey his gesture to enter regardless. Even though I have to bend down to fit into the low entrance, further inside the cave widens enough for even Lord Taehyung to stand. It isn’t very large, but it’s enough to fit several men inside, and certainly big enough for the two of us to stretch out comfortably. Now that I’m more confident about my safety, all the tension leaves me in a rush and I lean back against the wall of the cave, then slide down to the ground, uncaring of the uneven bumps brushing against my back. Grinning as he watches me, Lord Taehyung then plops down next to me. “I stumbled upon this place while I was looking for you earlier. It was not easy, since your footsteps left no marks behind, and I am not skilled enough to track you like a hunter could,” he sighs, then becomes pensive. “I suppose it is a good thing that the snow is not heavy enough to cover the ground, or the enemies would have been able to find you easily.” “Thank you.” I bet that I’m going to be relying on him a lot more in the next few days, and it’s best to be courteous towards him. Not that I’ve ever had any intention to do otherwise, but I have to admit that I’m a little weary of the reappearance of his flirty side. Perhaps it was the tense situation we were in, but he hasn’t been laying it on thick like he was the last time I saw him. All in all, I’m grateful for it, not just because I don’t appreciate being treated like one of the girls he wants to draw into bed, but also because I’m not sure that I’d be able to stave his advances if he does. At this point it’s useless to pretend that I don’t have feelings for him. He acknowledges my reply with a nod, but doesn’t continue, and silence fills the contained space. I’d expected him to grill me for details behind my presence here in the north. Now that he hasn’t said anything about it, it makes me hesitant about asking him the same thing. Eventually I give in to my curiosity. It’s just too quiet and my impatience is reaching its peak. “How did you know that those men were searching for me in the forest?” I begin from another angle, hoping that it would mask the fact that I haven’t answered him yet. It’s also one of the questions that are frontmost in my mind. Did he see me running before going in? Because it would be impossible to tell what happened beyond the trees. “I saw you at the training field earlier.” Really? I certainly didn’t see him. Was he hiding, watching the enemy army train? But it was an open space, with no space to hide. “Where were you hiding?” My confusion draws a self-satisfied smirk from him. “I was among the men training under that Lord Genta person.” “You infiltrated the enemy army?!” My mouth falls open at that. One of the two leaders of Kim forces, sneaking into enemy ranks himself? I definitely didn’t expect that, and it raises my admiration for him. I’m sure other warlords would delegate that sort of menial, dangerous job to one of his subordinates. Yet he just nods nonchalantly, like it’s a given. So this was what Lord Yoongi meant by it would have been better if they’d known about my plans beforehand. If they did, Lord Taehyung and I could have coordinated to help and protect each other. I’m lucky that he saw me when he did, otherwise I would have a hard time escaping and making it all the way home on my own. “The problem has become so serious that I want to take a look for myself. It is fortunate that I did not personally participate in Jin’s campaign to gain the northern territories,” he explains. “If there is something wrong with my administration, taxes are too high, for example, that is making the people dissatisfied... if I could fix something that they are all unhappy about, I would. I could understand if the daimyo was able to rally the people so easily because they are not happy under my rule, but when I came here, I found that was not the case.” As he recalls his discovery, Lord Taehyung’s expression darkens. “Most of the army is made up of farmers who were forced to fight for the daimyo’s cause. They do not even know how to wield a weapon properly, and they have no idea a large portion of the hefty taxes imposed upon them goes into the daimyo’s pocket. Now they are being led to their deaths for the sake of someone else’s greed. Well, not if I can help it,” he growls angrily, and I don’t think that it’s the cold that’s making the hairs on my arms stand up. Lord Taehyung is a kind lord, but it would not do good to get on his bad side, that much is clear. That explains the awkward movements in the men’s mismatched armour that I saw in the field earlier. While I can see where his rage is coming from, it awes me to the point where I’m speechless. Beyond his friendly personality and insanely good looks, I’ve only seen his flirtatious, easygoing side. Of course I know that he is a good person as well as an amazing leader, but that’s only through his achievements and words from others. Seeing the weight that he puts on his people, his concern for their well-being, watching him become this furious over injustice towards them, makes me fall for him all over again. Not in a way that makes me abandon all reason and give him the opportunity to break my heart, although it’s more likely to happen now. Suddenly his womanising ways aren’t all that defines him. I suppose it’s more meaningful to me that he genuinely cares for his people than the amount of women he has spent time with. After some time he realises that I’m not about to spill the details of my presence here without a push. He doesn’t notice that it’s due to my inability to say anything in the face of his wrath, but as before, I think it’s best for me that he doesn’t know how I feel about him. “Well, I joined the army under a disguise, and I managed to break away after they started chasing after you. Now, will you tell me why you are here?” It’s inevitable that I have to tell him, but still his question makes me gulp. However, I did not volunteer myself for this lightly, and thus my conviction helps me relay to him the reason behind my espionage despite being wary of his anger. As expected, he isn’t exactly happy about it, even though he patiently waits until I’m finished before commenting. “You don’t think that someone more suited could have done it instead of you?” Lord Taehyung has always managed to rile me up, but this time his sharp, rhetorical question rubs me the wrong way for an entirely different reason. “I was told that it is hard to find someone suitable for the job,” I bristle. “Besides, I believe that everyone has a right to fight for what they believe is right. Regardless of my station, or my gender,” gritting my words out, I look at him squarely in the eye, “I can take action to help the cause I support if I so choose.” My outburst leaves him temporarily speechless, just like his did to me right before this. Then he sighs, his wide eyes relaxing to a tired look, his body slumping against the wall. “Be that as it may, I cannot believe that Hoseok would let you do something this dangerous,” he grumbles. “I would not be here if he had gotten his way,” I admit with a wry smile. “But I insisted, and in the end he and his wife had to give in. Oh! That reminds me.” Rummaging among the folds of my kimono, I fish out the letter that I’ve gone through countless trials to steal away. “Here,” I hand it to him without saying anything else. I’m pretty sure that it’s self-explanatory. Shooting me a quizzical look, he reaches out to take it from me, but he unexpectedly swipes my hand with it. As he places the letter on the ground, the scratch I’d gotten while running away from Lord Genta and his men earlier is revealed. We both stare at it, and I marvel at the fact that I’d already forgotten about it. While it’s nothing serious, now that I remember it, the area feels tingly and I know that the nasty cut would sting before it heals. Lord Taehyung clicks his tongue at it, giving me an insane urge to giggle, especially when he doesn’t say anything else except to produce a water skin from his belt to wash it. I’m not very sure if he’s irritated by me or the cut, but his grumpy expression is unexpectedly cute. It disarms me, almost distracting me from the jolt of pain when the cold liquid washes over my palm. When I hiss at the sharp contact, he glances up at me, as if making sure that I can handle the pain, so I bite my lower lip to stop myself from making any more noise. It’s just a little cut, damn it. Nothing to fuss about. After he’s satisfied that it’s clean, he glances down, patting himself all over. “No clean cloth,” he mutters. That prompts me to look down at myself too, eager to help. “It isn’t the cleanest, but...” lifting the bottom outer folds of my kimono up, I tear one of the inner layers into a long strip. “It’s better than nothing.” Lifting my head up, wanting to hand him the cloth, I see that he has shifted his gaze to the side. This causes laughter to bubble up to the surface, and I have to forcefully push it down so it doesn’t escape. So he’s polite to women after all. I don’t know why his flirtatious ways led me to believe the opposite, but I’m glad that I’ve judged him wrongly. I carefully straighten my kimono, then clear my throat to get his attention. “Can you help me, please?” Giving the cloth to him, I let him wrap it around my hand; a makeshift bandage to hopefully keep my cut from being infected. With that out of the way, he retrieves the paper and rolls it out so he can read it. As he goes through it, his expression shifts from curious to surprise, then become thoughtful. “How did you get this?” After finishing, he looks up from the letter towards me, all hostility gone, and I know I’ve done well. This fact is confirmed by his impressed gaze when I explain to him that I’d sneaked into the daimyo’s room after overhearing their conversation during their meeting. “You have guts,” he says with a nod of approval. “This is more than enough proof that these men are plotting a rebellion against us, and I have heard from the people how they have been treated cruelly and forced to fight against their will. We can end our alliance with the daimyo without any doubt.” “I am glad to hear that.” Breathing a sigh of relief, I finally start to relax, only to be reminded of the dismal state of our lodgings. Even though the cave is sheltered from the wind, it’s still a winter night, and temperatures have plummeted with the absence of the sun. I have no idea how I endured it before, but now with my head unencumbered by dangers to my life and surviving the next few days, I’m finding it hard to ignore the cold. However, after seeing him amazed by my achievement, for some reason I’m really reluctant to show him any signs of weakness. Especially given his first reaction to my trip here. I want to show him that I am capable of doing missions that no one would normally entrust a woman with. Easier said than done, though. It’s impossible to think, much less fall asleep when I’m freezing to death and before long a shiver gets the better of me, taking over my whole body. A loud sigh emanates from my side, and I look up to see that Lord Taehyung has been watching me all along. “Just how long are you going to keep that up, huh?” I guess he can guess how cold I am. Not that it’s hard to tell. “I have no idea what you are talking about, my lord.” Even when I know I’m defeated, I can’t stop being as stubborn as a mule. “Ideally, I would start a fire, but it would be dangerous to look for wood in the dark. Who knows what is out there, and it would be easy to get lost. So—“ he shuffles on his rear until his arm touches mine, then throws it around my shoulders. “This will have to do for tonight.” Immediately I feel warmer, although it’s the heat from his body or from the hot flush brought by his touch, I’m not sure. Every part of me is grateful for the close contact, yet my prideful tongue still lashes out, “I did not say that I was cold.” “Then I am the one who cannot stand the chill. Will you be so kind as to keep me warm?” His face is so close as he stares down at me, lopsided grin making butterflies flutter in my stomach. Unable to argue or even utter another word, I nod, my eyes quickly skittering away from his hypnotising ones. With my permission, he tightens his hold on me, and when I rest my head against his shoulder, he doesn’t protest. Fatigue coupled with being in his comfortable embrace puts me at ease. The very scent that had excited me earlier is now reassuring, the warmth enveloping me in a cocoon that I would never want to leave. “Thank you,” I murmur as I begin to lose the battle against drowsiness. My only answer is a soft hum from my side and a gentle squeeze of my shoulder. I’m not sure if he’s too tired to answer, but I’m thankful that he’s allowing me to convey my gratitude without giving me a hard time about it. Feeling happier than I can remember, sleep claims me at last.

However, I wake up shivering, missing the heat that had been there with me throughout the night. All that greets me is the hard floor of the cave where I’m lying down, curled on my side. Getting up, I can feel every bit of my body protesting against the poor conditions they’ve been forced to rest in, but I ignore the pain to glance around the small space. Lord Taehyung has gone, leaving me in this miserable state. For a few moments I wonder if I’d dreamt the whole thing, but footsteps from right outside put me on full alert. Wary of enemies finding my hideout, I crawl towards the mouth of the cave slowly, making as little noise as possible. It turns out that there was no need to worry, because I find that it’s just Lord Taehyung. Standing next to the nearest tree with a horse tied to it, his sharp ears hear my approach before I can even make it out, readying himself with a smile. I couldn’t ask for a better morning — unless it’s one where I wake up in a futon with him right next to me. That is a silly notion, I tell myself. “Did you just wake up?” He asks, quite cheerfully after spending the night in a cramped ice box, as he retrieves a bag tied to the horse. “Yes.” It’s the truth. So is the fact that I missed him, and almost panicked when I saw that he wasn’t there, but I see no need to divulge in the truth too much. “Where did you go?” “To the town. I debated the wisdom of risking someone missing me yesterday and recognising me when I retrieved my horse from the stables, but fortunately I went early enough that I did not bump into anyone I had met here before.” He pulls out something small from the bag and hands it to me. “Here. You must be starving by now.” It’s a sweet bun, soft and freshly made. The warmth seeps into my numb fingers, making me feel alive again. I almost don’t want to eat it, wanting to savour the sensation it’s giving to my other senses. Its smell wafts up against my face as I lift it up, and it makes me take a deep breath and hum happily. Finally, I give in and take a bite. It is heaven. “Thank you,” I say as I smile up at Lord Taehyung. His grin only grows bigger at the words of gratitude. “I have never seen anyone as beautiful or delighted in the morning.” His compliment, after a night of more serious conversation, is unexpected, thus succeeding in making me blush. “Why do you talk to women that way?” In trying to get past my embarrassment, my question comes out harsher than I meant it to. “I prefer the way you conversed and behaved last night, when you were actually sincere and not flirting just for the fun of it.” I didn’t throw this directly to his face, coward that I am, taking advantage of his busying over readying the ride for the journey. But it certainly gains his attention quick. “I am always sincere,” he tells me almost off-handedly, leading me to question his honesty. He shrugs, as if able to sense my doubt but doesn’t particularly care whether I believe him or not. “However, it is not often that I find the reason nor the desire to talk to a woman like I did last night.” “What do you mean?” Instead of answering me, he asks me to step forward so he can boost me up and onto the mount. He then climbs behind me, reaching out from either side to grab the reins. I’m not sure I like this arrangement, just because I don’t know if my heart can survive it for long, but I have no room to complain. I’m lucky that he’s here for me as it is. At least, that’s what I think until he says, “I mean that you have a penchant for making people very angry at you.” “What?!” My outrage, however, is lost to his jovial laughter as he urges the horse forward. The initial urge is to argue it out, then maybe sulk, but I know that in the end I’ll just give in. It’s just a joke anyway; I know that much. So with a shake of my head and an indignant huff, I decide to let it go. After that we ride silently for a while. At first I’m glad for the quietude. It’s hard to think of anything else but his chest brushing against my back, and how close his lips must be to my head, but gradually I get used to it, even though it’s impossible to ignore it completely. But even that soon becomes boring. The horse’s hooves beat a steady, rhythmic tattoo on the ground that I can mimic in my sleep, and even the wind slapping my face has ceased to become refreshing, now only painful. Suppressing a sigh, my mind starts wandering into towns where there are people, more things to see than just endless flat lands, and perhaps a hot meal. The sweet bun seems ages ago, and I wonder when we will arrive to a village or a town, or if we will be stopping anytime soon. However, I’m reluctant to voice these things out loud, in case Lord Taehyung thinks I belong in the comfort of a safe home, unsuitable for these kind of things. I’m not sure exactly when it is that I notice that he’d picked up a lock of my hair, twirling it around his index finger. From the satisfied smirk that forms on his face when I jump tells me that it has been a while before I noticed. Rather than making me angry though, the gesture makes me flustered and hot inside. In an attempt to mask my giddiness, I frown up at him. “Just what do you think you are doing?” “Just testing if I really do prefer to treat you like I treat other women,” he answers, mysteriously. It’s surprisingly honest, not the glib remark that I was expecting, and I can only shoot him a confused look. “I find it easier to be this way — flirtatious, as you called it. I could hardly speak of war with sheltered women, and it would break my heart to see their beautiful faces torn with horror and worry. Banal conversations like the weather can only fill up so much time.” Just what he was doing with those women in the times that he spends with them, I’m sure I’d rather not know. “I prefer things to be simple and fun when possible, and no woman ever made me feel differently. Besides, women like to be showered with compliments and gifts, do they not?” No one can deny that. “I suppose they do, but I would rather talk of more important things than my supposed beauty, which I doubt is really an honest compliment,” I counter, reaching up to pull my hair away from him. It’s like even the strands have gained their own sense, sending pleasant shivers down my spine from his touch. “And that is why I could talk to you the way I did last night. The way I am now.” His honesty this time is clear; perhaps too clear. Eyes locked onto mine, he stares at me pensively, as if I’m a wonder that he has to figure out. I feel like he’s peering deep into my soul, and I’m afraid of what he may find there. That he may discover that despite my questioning his sincerity, it’s my rebuffs that are dishonest, a front to protect doomed affections towards him. Yet escaping his gaze is like prying myself out of bed on a rainy morning; a necessity that I’m extremely reluctant to do. Even though it’s too late not to be awkward, I finally break free from the spell, muttering, “is there something on my face?” “No.” He doesn’t deny that he’s been staring, or embarrass me by pointing out that I’ve been doing the same. Instead, he kindly changes the subject. “There is a small town not too far from here. We will stop there for the night, and continue tomorrow.” True to his word, we soon arrive at the town, where he procures us one room each. The night passes without incident, and we resume our journey in the morning. Lord Taehyung rides the horse at a good pace; not too slowly but quick enough to cover a lot of ground. If we keep going at this speed, we may arrive in his town in a little more than a week. Even though I’ve made this journey before, I have no clue if we’re using the same path that Lord Yoongi guided me through, or if we’re going back through a different way entirely. While the journey with Lord Yoongi was brisk and tiring, changing horses and mostly catching sleep on the move, Lord Taehyung and I are stopping for rest every night. It makes for a far better journey, giving me the opportunity to experience other villages and towns, something that I wasn’t able to do on my way to the north. When I voiced my concern that we should rush home with the news, he reassures me that although the traitorous daimyo is aware there was a spy within their midst, it would still take some time for him to prepare for an attack, while the Kim forces have been getting ready for such a possibility for quite some time now. Our proof would enable us to move against him more quickly, but we will most likely beat him to the punch regardless of whether we take a few nights off or not. “We will be there tomorrow,” he promises a few days later as he’s extracting a promise from me to stay in one spot while he looks for a place to stay tonight. “It’s too dark to go on now, and I’m exhausted.” I know better than to argue, even though I’m aware that all these stops are for my sake. He knows that I can handle a more unforgiving journey — I’ve told him countless times throughout this week — but still goes out of his way to make me comfortable, employing a different tactic quite quickly; saying that it’s him that needs a rest instead of me. With his acknowledgement that I’m capable of a more brisk pace, his consideration for me regardless touches me in ways that can’t be good for me. The least I can do is be a more agreeable companion for him, striking conversations throughout the ride, and making things as easy for him as I can. So I promise him that I will wait for him, despite thinking that a village as small as this would probably not have an inn where we can spend the night. Perhaps we’ll push through tonight after all. There isn’t much for me to do by the side of the road but take the scenery in. Other than small wooden houses that mostly look empty, there isn’t much for me to see, either. Thus an old woman, bent at the waist, catches my attention immediately as she comes into my view. Even with a cane in the hand, walking has become too tiresome for her, and she shuffles her way to the side of the road to sit on the ground. I watch her for a while, debating whether to approach her or not, and finally my inquisitive, worrisome nature wins. What danger can an old woman like her pose to me anyhow? She tilts her head up to look at me, the movement sluggish, taking the little energy that she has left. “Do you need some help, grandmother?” I inquire with a gentle smile. “Ah, what a kind child,” she croaks, with a friendly smile of her own. “Do not mind this old lady. Just feeling a bit winded after a visit to my friend’s.” “Then are you heading home?” I crouch down next to her, bringing myself to her eye level to better converse with her. “That I am. Just taking a breather,” she cackles, amused with her lack of strength to finish the trip in one go. “Not for too long, though, or my husband would worry. All he does nowadays.” I glance up at the sky, then back to the old woman. The age of the day is painted on her, weak but vibrant hues of the late sun colouring her in warm tones and set her wrinkles in dark browns. I wouldn’t be surprised if her husband is already worrying about her, and I don’t know how far her home is, or if she will be able to walk again anytime soon. Still, the village is a small one. How long will it take for a young person like me to go and return, really? Perhaps I may make it back even before Lord Taehyung, if he finds trouble looking for temporary lodgings for us, which I highly suspect that he might. “Climb on my back, grandmother. I will take you home in a heartbeat,” I offer the lady. Surprised by my suggestion, she politely declines at first, but I insist. It isn’t hard to convince her, which confirms my suspicion that even she is concerned about the lateness of the hour. For her size and age, her weight is quite manageable, although I’m not sure if I’ll start feeling it more the more I walk with her on my back. But it turns out that I have nothing to worry about. I’ve barely taken a few steps when Lord Taehyung appears from between the houses and sees me right away. His handsome features pull together in a frown at the sight of me carrying the old woman as he approaches us, pulling his mount along. “What are you up to now?” He sounds more curious than irritated despite his expression, so I don’t feel hesitant to answer. Explaining the situation to him, I ask him to allow me to see my promise to completion. “Of course,” he says obligingly. “Here, let me help.” With some maneuvering, he manages to get the old woman off my back and onto the horse. With everything settled, we set off once more in the direction of her house, with Lord Taehyung leading the horse by the reins and me walking along beside him. It has been a long journey, and even with the frequent rests that he says are for his sake, it gradually wears on me. Yet I don’t mind it at all. In fact, right now my heart is buoyant, my lips stretched into a joyful smile. The days I’ve spent with him are like an extended dream that I never want to see end. Although at first I’m self-conscious about being the only woman he feels comfortable enough talking to without flirting, yet too afraid to ask him why, it allows me to get comfortable with him fairly quickly. Even though letting my guard down around him is sure to hurt me in the end, talking to him, laughing without restraint, discussing anything and everything under the sun has become as natural as breathing, and I’m no longer as prickly as I was with him in the beginning. Only by being different with me than he is with other women can I see that he is so much more than just a womaniser. Lord Taehyung is every bit the amazing leader that people say he is. His concern for regions under his control is genuine, the effort put behind every movement have sound reasoning behind them. It’s saddening to come to the conclusion that he has never felt love for a woman like he cares for the people he feels responsible for, but on the other hand, I’m secretly, selfishly glad that he has never felt that way. “So, did you find a place for us to spend the night?” I ask, trying not to let my happiness show so much. It’s heartwarming to see his kindness towards the old woman, but it’ll probably be the last time I’ll have the chance to feel like this. Best prepare myself for what’s going to come tomorrow. With a soft sigh, he shakes his head no. “It is not exactly surprising. I doubt people normally stop at a small village such as this. I suppose we will have to ride on. If you need to sleep, I will make sure you stay on the horse. Unless you want to sleep on the ground, under the stars?” He asks me a little teasingly, half joking. Before I can answer him, the old lady interrupts us from above; “You and your husband are more than welcome to spend the night with us, if you don’t object to our small shack of a home.” “Oh, no, he’s not—“ my reflexive reply is to deny that Lord Taehyung is my husband, although the notion thrills me to no end, but he cuts me off in the middle of my denial. “Would you really put up with us, grandmother?” “Of course! My husband would be delighted to have you.” She goes on to chatter about their son who had married and moved out of the village, and how lonely they’ve been since, but I hardly heard a word of it. Instead, I shoot Lord Taehyung a puzzled look, to which he replies with just a shrug and an infuriating grin that leaves me more inquisitive than ever. But he still leans sideways to hear me whisper. “This does not seem wise, Lord Taehyung.” Looking sideways and up to make sure the old woman does not hear us talk, I share with him my opinion on the matter. “Tsk, tsk.” He wags a finger at me playfully. “Is that any way to address your husband?” My eyes fly away from the grandmother to stare at him with horror. What does he expect me to call him then? Taehyung? No! “Call me Tae,” he whispers gleefully, savouring the sight of my jaw dropping at the idea. There is no way I’m calling him that! Since I’m left with no choice, I go along with the act. True to her word, her husband beams upon learning that they have guests for the night. Their hospitality trumps my experience in every inn we’ve stayed at so far, making me miss home, where I know my mistress and Hoseok are waiting. Under the grandmother’s instructions, I prepare dinner for the four of us, all the while ignoring Lord Taehyung’s clever ploys to get me to say his name, each one trickier than the last. Instead of being annoyed at him, however, I’m left biting the inside of my cheeks, trying not to laugh at his antics. The amusement ends when we are sitting down for dinner though. Sitting next to him makes it impossible to dodge his affectionate gestures. From the smiles of the elderly couple watching us as they eat, I’m sure it’s all perfectly natural; every playful word whispered into my ear like a butterfly kiss, all the little touches on my arm and the small of my back like leaves as they fall to earth. Yet the lightest of contacts send thrills down my back, every warm smile giving me a taste of heaven, words of love showing me what bliss truly is. In those few hours, I’d be the happiest woman on earth, if not for the nagging voice telling me that it’s all an act. It’s both a relief and a pity to retire for the night. Even though I’m glad that there’s now no reason for us to pretend to be newlyweds on our honeymoon, knowing that we won’t be this close again already has me feeling bereft. Still, the sight of the single futon laid out for us has my pulse racing. What are we supposed to do now? I chew my lower lip nervously, then chance a glance at Lord Taehyung. “Go ahead and take the bed, my lord. I will find another spot.” For me, it’s only right to do so. I’m just an attendant, while he is a lord. I don’t know if he has experienced hardships in the past, perhaps during battles, but at the moment it’s only right for me to give him priority, especially when things like comfort is concerned. Besides, it’s good for me to keep the difference in station between us clear, now more than ever. The past week has made me too comfortable with him — surely the earth will frown at me upon our return if I continue being delusional like this, and the heavens punish me for my insolence. I need to remember who I am. And that is someone who would never be anything more than entertainment to someone like Lord Taehyung. He, however, thinks the opposite. “What man would I be if I do that? You’re the one who should sleep on the futon. And I thought I told you not to call me that.” That last comment I can pretend not to hear, but his appalled look at my suggestion tells me that there’s no persuading him to go with it. It hurts that I know him enough to be aware of how obstinate he can be. Even more that I find everything about him endearing now, even his goofy grin. Given the stops that we’ve taken on this trip, I wouldn’t be surprised if he dives into his work right after he arrives; endless war councils and planning to end the long rebellion once and for all. I want him to get as much rest as possible while he still can, not just for my sake, but for everyone relying on his leadership and protection. That’s what I tell myself as I put out another idea; “What if we share it instead?” His open mouthed shock is comical, and I would have laughed if I wasn’t so embarrassed by my own proposition. “Just for tonight, so both of us can get a good rest.” After several moments of opening and closing his mouth, his beautiful eyes shrink to their normal size, and he regains his cheek. “I will, if you stop being so formal with me. You’re the closest woman to me. It doesn’t make sense to be so stiff. And call me Tae.” The butterflies fluttering in my stomach are now going absolutely nuts, like they’ve been set on fire. Sure enough, being told those words only makes me fall deeper for him, and does nothing to assuage my worries that I will never be able to get over him once we go our separate ways. “But there is no one to hear us now. There is no need to pretend.” “What if I don’t want to pretend?” Tomorrow you will not have to put up with this anymore, I tell my poor palpitating heart, once again excited by what must surely be another joke, funny to him but cruel for me. Taking a deep breath, I push it aside yet again. “Let’s just get some sleep, Tae,” I give in reluctantly, walking over to the futon and climbing in. Silence follows, perhaps due to his surprise at my obliging invitation, but I purposefully lay on my side, turning the other way so I can’t see him. As it is, it’s hard enough to pretend that I’m calm. After a moment, I hear him shuffling against the floor, every movement hypersensitive to my ears, my anticipation mounting until I can hardly hear anything over my own heartbeat by the time he settles in next to me. “I can’t promise to behave, with you so close to me all night.” His voice seems so close to my ear, his breath blowing right against my cheek, that I can’t stop myself from gasping. Flustered, I shift right around to face him, intending to tell him off, but when I do, I find him on his back, staring at the ceiling. Not leaning over me, whispering in my ear like I imagined in my head. My jumpy reaction causes him to look at me quizzically. “Is something wrong?” The genuine concern in his question chases away any doubt I have that he may be playing a trick on me. “No, nothing,” I say breathily, settling on my back as well, folding my hands over the blanket. Neither of us say anything for a while, and I begin to think that he’d fallen asleep. It has been a long journey after all. I’m also exhausted, but sharing a bed with him is making me think of things that should never cross my mind. Things that make my body so hot, craving for his touch, that make my mind whirl with confused notions and emotions, that make my heart ache with love that can never be. “I never thought that such a simple life would feel so nice.” The silence is suddenly broken with Tae’s musing, so soft that it might just be to himself. But it’s the start of a long conversation that I didn’t expect. When asked what he means by that, he explains that it was the first time he felt something resembling a marriage; the idea of having someone dear to him waiting for him when he comes home, doing the chores together, sitting down to a home cooked meal and ending the night together. I cover the pangs of longing he gives me by chuckling over it, pointing out that he hardly helped with the cooking, to which he counters that he would find something else he could help with. “You’ve done a lot of great things and fought for a better life for so many people. I think it’s noble for you to sacrifice your time and effort, risking your life so other people can have happy, prosperous lives. If a simple life like this is what you want, I hope that one day you can have it too,” I whisper softly, my wish sincere even though it breaks me to accept the unavoidable reality. To hammer the truth more deeply into myself, I turn my head to face him as I say it, willing my eyes not to water and my smile not to waver. I don’t know if I did a good job of it. In the dark that I’ve gotten used to, his eyes are large as he stares at me, unmoving but I know that he’d heard me. Then his gaze changes into something that is familiar but I haven’t quite seen before. “Can I kiss you?” The whispered words are low, husky, breathtaking, yet it’s the first time he sounds unsure of himself. Not the cocky man who is sure that he’d get what he wants, or that he wouldn’t care if he doesn’t. He actually sounds afraid. Of what, I’m not sure. A rejection from me wouldn’t be the first; I’ve rebuffed him plenty of times when we first truly exchanged words in Hoseok’s home. However, things have changed now. At least for me. Refusing him is nowhere as easy as it was then. Stubborn reasonings from back then have become soft and weak, like the flutter of butterfly wings. Now I want to say yes. Heartbreak be damned. I know I’m going to cry because of him later, kiss or not. Might as well get my tears’ worth. So I nod, holding my breath without realising it. He inches closer, and even though we were already close enough that just a small movement would have caused us to touch each other, it seems like an eternity for him to reach me now. His lips have never looked so soft, the moonlight gracing them makes them look alluring, the strength of my longing so scary that I close my eyes, afraid of the depth of my feelings for this man. However, not being able to see only makes things worse. Not knowing just when he will finally make contact, when the moment I’ve fantasised so many times to myself will occur, makes me so anxious that I start trembling. Large hands wrap themselves around me, making me jump at first, but as they lower down my back I release the breath I’ve been holding. The sensual touch relaxes me, yet excites me at the same time, although that may be because his lips press against mine at long last. His kiss is ten times better than I could have ever imagined. No, a hundred times better. No, a thousand. There’s just no way that anything my mind could have conjured could rival the miracle that is happening now. The initial touch is gentle, lasting forever, as if drinking in a moment that has always been a dream, never wanting it to end. Then a warm palm cups my cheek, and he deepens the kiss, tilting his head to claim me as his own. His tongue caresses my lower lip, coaxing it open and I don’t resist, giving him access. It meets my own, sliding over my tongue much like his other hand wanders up and down my body. I’m in over my head, the kiss drawing a helpless, needy whine from me, my inexperience overwhelming me in the face of the amazing Taehyung, but his breath sounds shaky too. Our lips hardly part, chasing air only to search for each other again, and the rest of my body is rapidly awakening towards him. My hips are already straining forward shamelessly, and I’m ready to beg for more, but before I can string the words together, he pulls his head back. His embrace envelops me, so tight that I can’t breathe. “Go to sleep, quickly.” His hoarse order befuddles me, but I’m too busy catching my breath to ask for an explanation. But he provides one anyway. “Please, go to sleep. Otherwise I really won’t be able to control myself.” It’s like someone had thrown ice cold water over my head. Even though every part of me screams for more, my eyes water in anguish. This is as far as it goes. I’m ready to give him everything, but he’s decided to be kind to me. If we’d continued, I would never recover. I could never want to be with another man. It might be too late even now. He already has my heart and soul, but he has decided to spare my dignity. I don’t know whether to thank him or to hit his chest. Why did he have to be noble now? If he’d taken me, I might have been able to muster the guts to hate him later. As it is now, I’ll only be able to hate myself. Come morning, I’m unsure how I ever fell asleep, or just how much sleep I actually managed to get. I feel numb to everything, my eyes can barely stay open, the words of gratitude I give to the elderly couple on top of Taehyung’s low and empty, like an animated dead person. While it fills me with guilt after being treated so kindly yesterday, my dazed condition protects me from the awkwardness and pining that have only become stronger than ever last night. After he helped me climb atop the horse and follows up behind me, we set off on the last leg of our journey. It might be my imagination, but he’s avoiding touching me more than necessary. Even though my back brushes against his chest every time we move, I’ve never felt such distance between us. We don’t talk at all, not like before, but I think nothing of it. It’s not that I need to work out my own thoughts in my head. The end of our interaction is near, that’s clear to me. I just stare ahead blankly, my gaze as empty as my mind, the very life sucked out of my soul, and there’s nothing I can do about it. In a way it’s lucky for me that Taehyung decides that it’s best to go straight to Lord Seokjin’s castle to discuss their next move. That means that he can send me straight home, but he leaves right after, taking Hoseok with him. My mistress is over the moon to see me, beyond relieved to have me return safe and sound. I manage to remain composed, thanking Taehyung for his help and protection, while he assures me that it’s nothing, that he enjoyed my companionship. Both of us behaving as stiff and formal as we did at the beginning of the trip. But as soon as the men are out of sight, my lady’s enthusiastic embrace causes me to burst into tears. She assures me that I’m fine now, that I’m safe, that she’d missed me. Now that I’m home, the full brunt of the ordeals I’ve gone through hits me, the dangers, pain of being away from the people I love, missing home and being treated with kindness and respect. And I’ve regained all that, in exchange for Taehyung. I tell myself that the comfort of Hoseok and his wife will make that all better, that everything will return to how it was once more, but I can’t deny that the tears that I shed are also for him. It’s not the first time I cry over him either. I know it’s terribly stupid of me, but I can’t stop myself. Logic doesn’t soothe the heartbreak. It doesn’t make it easier to endure the quiet nights and lonely days, no matter how hectic my life becomes. I find myself thinking about Taehyung often, unable to concentrate on much else even when tackling other tasks. In the end I start picking up my needle and thread again, without even bothering to convince myself that I can forget him. The handkerchief that I embroider perhaps isn’t the most manly of cloths, decorated with flowers of spring, each stitch filled with happiness of my memories with him and hopes that will never see reality. News that Hoseok brings home are never enough to assuage my worries. Somewhere on our way home, Taehyung had managed to send a message ahead, giving Lord Seokjin time to take the appropriate measures. By the time we’d arrived, the warlords and vassals allied with the Kim forces had already gathered in the castle town, and in mere days Hoseok has declared that they are ready to squash the daimyo before he can do any more damage. Is this how the mistress feels every time Hoseok goes off to war? I always thought I understood her far-off stares into nowhere, her nervous fidgeting that grew as days passed, the concern that darkened her face when her husband was away from home, but it’s nothing like experiencing it for myself. Of course, Hoseok is dear to me as well, while Taehyung isn’t supposed to mean anything to me, but watching the former gather the little necessities into his small pack makes me wonder if the man that I love is doing the same at Lord Seokjin’s castle at this exact moment. It doesn’t take long before I’m drifting inside my thoughts again, losing myself until Hoseok’s sharp calling of my name snaps me out of my daydreams. “Are you all right?” He frowns when he ascertains that he finally has my attention, and I realise that he has been repeating my name several times before I noticed. I nod furiously, embarrassed to be caught thinking so deeply about Taehyung, even though there’s no way Hoseok would know that. The tilt of his head is an indication that the gears in his brain are working though, but he doesn’t share his thoughts with me. Instead, he brandishes a piece of paper at me. “Can you do me a favour and pass this to Lord Taehyung?” I gawk at the letter like Hoseok’s arm has sprouted flower branches, horrified and mesmerised at the same time. This miracle is too good to happen to me. Even though seeing Taehyung will just make it more painful for me, it’s not like it’ll make it harder for me to move on from him. That’s already impossible for me to do. “At the castle?” I ask stupidly, looking up from the letter to Hoseok. He seems to have doubts about sending me there, even though I’ve completed harder tasks before. “Yes,” he confirms huffily. “Make sure you pass it to him personally, and wait for his reply.” Personally? My heart jumps at the idea. “I will see to it that he gets this,” I mutter demurely, concealing my eagerness as much as I can. The streets of the prosperous castle town are filled with people, and absolutely packed at the busy marketplace, but I breeze along my path, my feet floating on air, so idiotically happy I am at the prospect of seeing Taehyung again. A pass from Hoseok to help me gain access into the castle is rendered useless just a few steps from the building, where I bump into Lord Namjoon. “On an errand for Hoseok?” Being Hoseok’s direct superior, Lord Namjoon had recognised his talents from early on. The right hand man to Lord Seokjin had supported Hoseok, guiding him all the way as the latter gained recognition, along with some land as rewards for his outstanding feats in battle. Lord Namjoon is a familiar face, a confidence boost that I need to enter the intimidating castle to meet my unrequited love. I answer the affirmative, explaining the matter, and he helpfully offers to bring me to Taehyung. “He’s in his room, I expect,” Lord Namjoon guesses, then confirms with one of Lord Seokjin’s assistants that we happen to pass by. With Lord Namjoon by my side, going to Taehyung’s room doesn’t seem as intimate an act as it would feel if I’d gone by myself. It’s less intimidating, yet still feels very proper and formal, and I take comfort in both these things. However, right after knocking on his door and hearing Taehyung’s, “One moment!” Lord Namjoon excuses himself, informing me that Lord Seokjin is expecting to talk to him before a war council. Surprised and flustered, I barely manage to stop myself from begging him to stay. With dismay, I express my gratitude with a bow, then watch him march off in the direction we came from. He’s still in sight when the door slides open to reveal the person I’ve longed to see since I’ve been home. Taehyung appears as handsome as ever, yet the air around him is not like the light-hearted, devil-may-care that I’ve associated him with upon our first meetings. He’s more serious now, steely determination in his eyes; it’s the Taehyung that I’ve learnt to recognise during our trip when he’s talking about the things that are important to him. It reminds me that he’s getting ready for a pivotal move that may change the course of the country. While I stiffen at the sight of him, upon seeing me, his posture relaxes visibly. Of course, that doesn’t explain my unexpected visit, and he’s understandably confused and surprised by my appearance right outside his door. “Oh, it’s you. Why are you here? Not that I’m complaining.” In just a few sentences, he reminds me of the course of our entire interaction with each other. The casual familiarity in his speech that we’ve gained towards the end of our journey home and his flirtatious manners towards me on the first day we met, albeit toned down a notch. Shaking my head with a smile, I explain, “I’m here to give this to you. Lord Namjoon kindly led me here,” as I hand over the letter from Hoseok to him, I address his curiosity that is clear from the way he peers down the corridor, wondering who brought me to his door. With his eyebrows raised, Taehyung plucks the letter from my hand, proceeding to open and read it. Unsure of the level of confidentiality that the letter commands, my eyes stray away from the sheaf of paper as he reads it. He remains silent for a long time, much longer than it would take to read a letter, and after a while I glance at him, wondering if something is wrong. He’s still staring at the paper, his expression a mixture of confusion and uncertainty. Chewing my lower lip, I consider my options. To me, it seems like he has finished reading the missive, but is unsure what to make of it. That is surprising, as I consider Hoseok to be someone who is pretty straightforward. However, I can’t wait here forever, as much as I dearly want to. Just standing here and admiring Taehyung is something that I’d be more than happy to do for the rest of my life. So after a little longer than necessary, I clear my throat. “I’m supposed to wait for your reply,” I tell him hesitantly, loath to receive it and part from him. The simple sentence jerks him from the letter to stare at me. As if it somehow answers his unspoken question, his face clears into a gentle smile that takes my breath away. “Tell Hoseok, ‘Thank you’.” “Oh.” His reply is cryptic. After being so perplexed, that’s all he has to say? Before, I just assumed that Hoseok had news to tell him regarding the impending attack, but now I’m not so sure, and the curiosity is killing me. What is written on that piece of parchment? But it’s highly inappropriate to ask, so my thumbs battle each other as I stand there, debating on what to do. I’m not ready to leave just yet. The handkerchief that I’d finished is burning a hole near my chest where I’d kept it. Upon finishing it, I’d been carrying it around with me, like a charm that reminds me of the short but sweet memories I’ve shared with Taehyung. But I never intended to give it to him. So I don’t know what possessed me to make me fish it out and thrust it towards him. “Is this for me?” Fool that I am, I only start panicking after he’d already taken the handkerchief from me. “I—it doesn’t mean anything!” Continuing to admire the colourful stitches sewn into the piece of white cloth, he hums softly, “So it means nothing?” “No, it’s not that,” I correct him, a little deflated. It’s no use trying to lie my way out of it now. I’m honestly happy that I found the courage and opportunity to give it to him, even though it opens the window for him to reject me outright. Perhaps that would help me forget him. “During our travels, it was so cold and dreary. Now you’re about to go out there again, for who knows how long, and for something even more dangerous. I merely wish that this little token will serve as a reminder that you carry the hopes of so many. Times are hard now, but with everyone wishing for your success and safe return, spring will soon come.” I press my lips together, feeling a little foolish once I’m out of things to say. The emotions and prayers that I’ve poured into that small fabric didn’t come out as well as I’d thought in my head. Failing to be inarticulate, it all sounds clumsy and stupid, and I lower my head in embarrassment. Just as I considered taking my leave, Taehyung grabs my hand, pulling me into his embrace. Without a word, he kisses me, and I immediately respond, like we never stopped kissing that night at the village. “I’ll come back, without a doubt,” he whispers his promise to me like a secret that I should hold as tenderly as he’s cupping my face right at that moment. I nod, believing in him completely. “I’ve made my decision.” But before I can ask him what he means, a voice calls out to us. “Lord Taehyung, the council is about to start. Jin is calling for you urgently,” a handsome young man interrupts. He glances at me curiously, but otherwise pretends that he didn’t see what happened between me and Taehyung. Given that he’s just a few paces away, he must have witnessed the kiss without us noticing. However tactful he may be, his flexing muscles tell me that he might drag Taehyung to the council if he has to. Taehyung seems to be aware of this as well. “Just a moment, Jungkook,” he placates the man before turning back to me. “Look forward to my return.” The mysterious request is accompanied by his thumb brushing against my lips, as if sealing a sacred promise. He then releases me from his hold, and with a last, forlorn look, walks away to join Lord Jungkook. That is the last I’d see of Taehyung for a while. Days pass after that, with Hoseok leaving as well to join the force to squash the head of the revolt. This time I wait with my mistress, both of us continuing our daily routines as best as we can while keeping our ears out for any news that comes by. It takes a little more than a month, but Hoseok eventually returns with the news that they’ve succeeded in ending the uprising and capturing the daimyos involved. The fighting may have been done and over with for now, but there is still so much to take care of. Most important is reassigning permanent men to overlook the fiefs that have lost their daimyos. There’s also the matter of supervising these new leaders to ensure that things such as rebellions and injustice wouldn’t repeat themselves. I’m satisfied with the assurance that Taehyung is safe and sound, residing in Lord Seokjin’s castle again while they figure everything out. Even though I often wonder how he’s faring, I expect that I wouldn’t see him again anytime soon. So when I’m suddenly called for and open the door to find him on the other side, I don’t know how to react. The air in the room is heavier than a humid day in the middle of summer. Belatedly I notice that Hoseok and his wife are there too. The warrior barely spares me a glance before he resumes staring gravely at Taehyung. My lady offers me a small smile that doesn’t quite cover the concerned look upon her face, while Taehyung’s attempt at a grin comes out more like a grimace. Nevertheless, he brazenly pats the spot next to him. No one else seems to object, so I warily take the spot, face-to-face with my employers. What could this possibly be about? Hoseok, just like everyone else at the castle, were impressed and more than happy with what I brought back from the mission. My mistress is just glad to have me back with her, safe from harm. “May I ask what this is about?” Usually I’m more casual than this, but that’s only when it’s just the three of us. I’m unsure whether Taehyung’s presence counts as being allowed to be more lax in my speech, regardless of my feelings towards him. “Lord Taehyung has come here with a request,” Hoseok answers my hesitant question in a serious manner that is very unlike his cheerful personality that I’m more used to. “He has come to ask for your hand.” My jaw slacks, but otherwise fails to do anything else. Yes, I’ve imagined him reciprocating my feelings, marrying him even, but I’ve been careful not to confuse my fantasies with reality. However, it seems that somehow my dreams have chased my waking moments, turning the world upside down. I can’t even look at Taehyung, afraid that he’d disappear in a puff of smoke right next to me, or worse, I’m afraid that I might make a fool of myself. Hoseok waits for me to say something, but after several seconds it’s clear that my flabbergasted reaction would not proceed any further. So he gives Taehyung his answer instead; “I am sorry, but I cannot do that.” “What?” This is clearly not the reply that Taehyung was expecting, given his indignant exclamation. “I thought I had your support for sure when you asked her to bring me that missive!” That memory, not so recent but still fresh in my mind, jostles me from my dazed state. As I’d thought, there was something peculiar about that letter after all. I look at Taehyung and Hoseok in turn, wishing that someone would talk about the contents of that mysterious letter, but Hoseok only shakes his head. “That is not what I meant. She is my wife’s attendant, so only my wife has the right to relieve her from duty for any reason. And that includes marrying her off. I have no say in the matter.” A rush of appreciation fills me upon hearing Hoseok’s words. Even though he’s one of the dearest people to me, my lady and I have been together for years, since I was barely an adult. It isn’t a stretch to say that my world revolves around her, until Taehyung arrived. Only when he stated it did I realise that having him make the decision to let me go or not would have been intimate in a way that feels uncomfortable for me. Of course, as head of the house, he has every right to have the final say without even consulting his wife, but leaving the decision solely to her gives me the impression that he respects me too. That he understands that the bond between me and his wife is more than just that of a lady and her attendant. I know that she will take my wishes and well-being into account, and even on the off chance that she selfishly refuses to let me go, I can come to terms with serving her forever. That’s how much she means to me. All the attention turns to her, but she doesn’t falter. “I would like to discuss this with her. If you men could kindly leave us for a while,” she says sternly, with the authority of the lady of the household. Both men heed her at once, even her husband, who doesn’t seem to mind being chased out by his own wife. Once the door slides shut, she turns to me, the old curiosity from her days before marriage burning bright in her eyes. “It hasn’t escaped my notice that you changed after coming back home. I’ve been dying to ask, but I held myself back. Now I just can’t anymore. Just what happened between the two of you?” Her behaviour isn’t shocking, but I’m still overwhelmed with the current situation so it takes a while before I can figure out what to say in my head. Then I finally let it all out, the things that happened during the journey back — from my escape into the forest to the last night at the small village — in detail. Before this, I only reported what was necessary, sharing observations, but this time I divulge my experiences with Taehyung. This is something that I can tell only her. She listens rapturously, yet still respectfully, hardly interrupting with any noises, although her expressions speak volumes. At the end of it all, I chew on my lip, unsure if concluding it would be wise, even though it’s already obvious. “I’m afraid of what I feel,” I confess. Sensing the frailty of my emotions, she reaches out to take me into her arms. This isn’t the first time that we’ve taken comfort in each other, but it has been a long time since we’ve done it. Now I realise just how much I need her unconditional support, her reassuring warmth. “The society is harsh and unforgiving. If you choose to accept him, there will be talk. There may be backlash over a servant being with a noble. You’ve seen how Hoseok is. I expect that Taehyung would be much the same, or worse, organising campaigns and governing over his lands,” she warns me as she tenderly strokes my hair, understanding my emotions without needing me to vocalise it. “But I don’t want you to ever be afraid of what you feel. No matter who you are, in this house everyone has a right to their own emotions and wishes. I want you to be happy, not miserable by hiding your feelings.” Nodding the best that I can while being pressed against her chest, I blink back my tears. These are all things that I’ve considered myself, every time convincing myself that I’m deluded; that I shouldn’t have to think of it at all because there’s no way Taehyung would feel the same way about me. Now that I’ve been proven wrong, the world is crashing around me, as he pulls me up to heaven. It’s blissful, but also bittersweet. To have my one dream come true, but with consequences that I didn’t think I’d have to bear. “I love him. I didn’t think it would ever come to anything, nor do I think that it’s right for me to feel this way about him, but I can’t help it. I don’t know how, but I fell in love with him.” “It seems that he doesn’t think that way,” she protests with laughter in her voice. “Regardless of your station, I think that Lord Taehyung is serious about you. Coming here to ask for your hand is proof of his determination. I’m sure that like you, he has considered everything and is ready for this.” She takes me by the shoulder, pulling me back so she can look me in the eye. “The question is; are you?” There is no doubt what I want in my heart of hearts, and my mistress has just calmed some of my worries. Not that they have all disappeared; if this truly isn’t a dream, then the hardest road is still ahead. My fears are still there, but I’m not alone in agonising over them anymore. This isn’t just a make-believe scenario in my head that fills my imagination in the day and my dreams at night. I’m not the only one wanting this. Taehyung actually came here to ask for the same thing. Taehyung! I would never in a million years have thought that he’d take me seriously, at least not romantically, but here we are. “I’m ready.” “Then you have our support. Always,” my lady promises me with a reassuring pat on my shoulder. “I expect that after this fiasco is settled, Hoseok would want to return to his fief, so I will be going with him. But you can always write to us should anything happen, and I will come for you immediately.” “Thank you,” I whisper, the words hoarse from resisting the urge to bawl my eyes out. It’s still just between us, nothing officially concluded yet, but I still feel like she has consented to letting me go. And the man who is vying for me is waiting just on the other side of the door. With everything settled between us, she calls the men back in. They resume their places, bursting with curiosity over the final verdict. It would have been amusing, if my future wasn’t about to take a momentous turn. “So?” Hoseok asks his wife unceremoniously, clearly eager to know the outcome of our talk. “Well, I have always known that I would agree to whatever she wishes, so long as she is protected and cherished,” she says, looking at me warmly, then at Taehyung, making it clear that she wishes for me to be taken care of. “I expect that she will need to talk it through with Lord Taehyung before she makes her decision, though.” With that, she pushes herself up, then grabs her husband by the arm. The unexpected movement surprises him enough that he allows himself to be jerked up without resistance. “Hoseok and I are heading out, so take your time. You can let us know about it later,” she says calmly, but I catch her swift wink before she drags a befuddled and indignant Hoseok out with her. “What are we going out for? Isn’t it rude to leave while we have a guest?” He demands an explanation as the door closes behind them, telling me that they had no such plans for an outing prior to this. “He is taking her away from me. That is the height of rudeness on his part,” she responds with a little snap, but I don’t hear the rest of it as her next words fade with their footsteps away from the room. Left alone with Taehyung, the following silence threatens to engulf us. I want to see what he’s making out of this, but at the same time I’m overwhelmed by sudden shyness. “I’m not sure if she likes me or hates me,” Taehyung remarks regarding my mistress, breaking the silence. It teases a giggle out of me, and once again he relaxes me with ease, something that he has gotten a grasp of in the week we’ve gotten close to each other. Yet the issue at hand is serious enough that I sober up almost immediately. “What is in the letter that Hoseok sent?” My curiosity just can’t take the mystery any more.

“It was blank.”

“What?” That just doesn’t make any sense. Why would he ask me to pass Taehyung a blank piece of paper?

“It’s so that I could see you before we went off to the north,” he clarifies.

“I see.” The pieces slowly fall in their places, and I feel grateful towards Hoseok for giving me that opportunity. “But Hoseok aside, this isn’t a joke, is it?” It’s a silly question, but I can’t calm down without asking it. This is too good to be true, and I can’t believe that it’s happening. “Of course it isn’t.” Another man might have been affronted by it, but Taehyung understandably answers without any anger. “I wouldn’t go this far for such a prank. And I would never do something that cruel to you.” Yes, whatever reputation he carries, being mean-spirited isn’t one of them. “It’s just so surreal. I just can’t grasp on why this is happening.” “Isn’t it obvious? It’s because I love you.” While he utters the words without hesitation, the intensity of his eyes are desperate for an answer, pinning me into place. He has never said this to anyone before, has he? My breath catches at the possibility. “All my life I’ve found women to be only good for short-term companionship. I never cared for any of them, even when they didn’t have any faults that I could point out. My happiness has always been the people’s smiles; that’s all I lived for. I always thought that was all I needed.” Capturing my hand in his, he stares down at it, his avoidance of my gaze an unexpected show of his vulnerability. “At first I assumed you were the same. More of a challenge, but just another woman. But you’re so much more than that. I don’t know when I began to see you as someone else entirely. My life was constant until you came and shook everything up. In a sea of people, you alone stand out, in my sight, and after we parted, in my memories. That night—“ he sighs with longing at the memories of our last night together, squeezing my hand, “I barely got to touch you, but in the morning, I realised that you’re what I want to wake up to every day. For the first time, I was anxious to return home from war, because I knew you’d be waiting for me. And now I’ve come to take you away.” My breath catches at the strength behind his proposal. This time he isn’t going to take no for an answer. Not that I’m planning to do such a thing. This isn’t like the careless invitations to get me to bed. Taehyung is determined to bring me back with him, to make me his. “This still feels like a dream to me. I’d fallen for you almost immediately, but I didn’t want to be just another passing fancy. I want to be loved, but it was too much to ask for. You have no idea how hard it was not to give in to you. Yet I don’t want to get hurt.” The tears I’ve been holding back earlier with my lady, or perhaps even longer than that, well up in my eyes and finally burst forth. Clamping my hand over my mouth, I try to collect myself, and he hugs me fiercely. “Please don’t cry. For an amazing woman like you, love is hardly too much to ask for. You deserve the world, and I promise that I’ll give you everything within my power. I will do everything I can so you never feel sad again.” He pulls back just enough to gaze down at me, wiping my tears away with his thumb. My laughter bubbles forth in between chokes and sobs. “I’m not crying because I’m sad,” I clarify. “Even though I’m still worried about what others will think, I’m still deliriously happy, but I don’t know why they won’t stop.” “I don’t care about other people, and neither should you. Even if things become difficult, I’ll make it work. So don’t worry.” There’s no doubt in my mind that he intends to eradicate all obstacles, and I nod, believing in him wholeheartedly. He stares at me without saying anything else, watching me try to settle down. But before my sobs subside, he leans down, licking my dampened cheeks. At first I jump in surprise, then giggle at the ticklish effect of his tongue. It doesn’t last long though, as he moves to capture my lips instead. “Mmm!” My muffled cry turns into soft hums as my painful ache is soothed by his kiss. It can never remain tender for long, though, as far as my experience with Taehyung goes, and soon he has pulled me sideways into his lap, crushing me in his embrace like he needs to keep me as close to him as possible. This time I’m experiencing what it’s like when he refuses to stop. His hands roam all over my body, cupping my jaw and pressing against the nape of my neck, drawing me deeper into the kiss, sliding down my arms as if to hold every part of my body to him, caressing my thighs, riling me up so I want more. “I love you,” I pant out when he finally lets me up for air, and he closes his eyes, savouring my response to his confession. Then he moves like a man possessed, lowering me to the floor. When he leans over me, he fills my entire view, an accurate representation of the way I see the world right now. All I can see, all I can think about, is him. He looms over me, somehow intimidating, yet this is where I want to be. He has torn down all my defences, just like he tears my kimono open, leaving me exposed in every sense of the word. This is who he is. A powerful warlord, defeating adversaries, overcoming obstacles to take everything for himself, and now I want him to conquer me too. “Taehyung.” Cool air brushes against my skin, causing me to shiver, and I’m unable to muster the courage to tell him what I need beyond whispering his name. Still he doesn’t need me to guide him — he can bring me pleasure that I can’t even imagine ever feeling. Lightly biting on my lower lip as he pulls away like he loathes leaving my mouth alone, he nuzzles at my neck, angling his head so he can suck on the sensitive column. It makes me tilt my head up, wanting to give him access, but he doesn’t remain there long. Like a mind reader, he envelops my body with his lips and hands, sending the chill away as he lights flames from his caresses. A sharp intake of breath makes my chest feel like it’s collapsing upon itself, jolted by his mouth making contact with it, but it quickly recovers. In fact, my back arches as he takes my nipple in, pushing myself against him. He sucks the nub greedily, while his fingers toy with the other one, teasing both into rock hard peaks. I tug at his kimono, half delirious from the heady sensation, half longing to divest him of his clothes. Humming happily at my positive reception to his advances, he switches to my other nipple, smothering it with licks meant to tease and suction meant to drive me crazy. His free hand works at his obi, impatiently tugging at it to free himself from the layers of fabric to join my state of nakedness. Progressing downwards, he peppers kisses all over my stomach, but when he reaches the top of my thighs, his lips peck a spot that has me crying out, jerking violently almost out of his grasp. That felt amazing. Like a bolt of lightning had hit me, I can’t help my response. But instead of continuing, Taehyung rises up to come face-to-face with me again. His eyes have darkened even though it’s still bright outside, the beautiful orbs filled with an intensity that consumes me. “I want to make you mine,” he growls, making my insides clench with excitement. “I’ve decided that you’re the only woman I want. The last woman I’ll ever be with.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath, letting his solemn vow seep into me. That’s all the reassurance I need. That’s all I desire. “Then take me.” My invitation is seized with ravenous hunger. His fierce kiss threatens to suck out everything that I have, and I want to give it all to him. Prying my legs apart, he opens me to stroke a clean line along my slit, made messy by the juices that’s leaking out of me. At the end he makes contact with that tiny bundle of nerves, once again striking me with that stimulating touch that causes me to mewl with pleasure. “You like that, don’t you.” His question calls for no answer, but I moan in affirmative anyway. There’s no helping it, even if I wanted to stop myself. And I don’t. Every passing moment he takes it up a notch, making me more aroused than I thought I could ever be the second before that, plunging his fingers into my soppy pussy to prepare me for what’s to come. The heel of his palm grazes against my clit each time he pumps his fingers in and out of me, making me lose more of my sanity with every stroke. The pleasure builds inside me, and my back arches off the floor in an attempt to take it all. He takes the opportunity to slip an arm around my waist, holding me protectively, possessively against him as he unravels me with an urgency that threatens to tear my body to ribbons. “Taehyung!!” Angling his hand so that his thumb can press against my clit is the limit of what I can take. My legs pin his hand as my walls clamp around his fingers in my orgasmic bliss, but he persists, digging his digits in so that mortifying squelching sounds fill the room. They don’t bother me though, mostly because I can barely make sense of anything in the aftermath of my explosion. Taehyung’s breaths are also shaky with suppressed need, barely able to hold himself in check as he ruins me. His movements are almost jerky, roughly pulling his fingers out of me just to shove them in my mouth. As I taste myself, he yanks my legs open once more so he can settle between them. The head of his rock-hard cock presses against my entrance for hardly a second before it pushes into me, making me gasp loudly around his fingers. My extreme state of arousal allows him to slide all the way inside me with ease. He’d barely moved, but already he’s out of breath. “You make me feel like a young boy touching a woman for the first time.” The words seem like a complaint, but he presses his forehead against mine tenderly as he says them. However, the moan that escapes me as a response gets him moving again. He starts slow, but deep, every languid stroke punctuated by an insistent push against my furthest depths. The ardent thrusts are better than anything I’ve felt before, yet the pace calms him down, until he can control himself so he can throw me off balance again. Eventually his speed increases, transforming my guttural moans into frantic cries, causing my fists around the kimono still wrapped around his shoulder to yank it down so I can sink my nails into his back. He isn’t faring much better, vehement thrusts not the only indication of his growing desperation. Imprints of his fingers sprinkle the sides of my waist and my back, to match the marks he’s making by sucking away at my neck and breasts. He’s relentless, almost violent, overwhelming me with everything that he has in his own aroused state of mind, pushing me towards the precipice of another high as he follows closely behind me. My legs tighten around his waist as I cry out his name once more. It’s the only thing my brain can think of saying as I tumble off the edge, wailing and shaking uncontrollably, my hips bucking against him, driving him to let himself go. With a strained groan, he gives in to his desires, roughly hooking my legs under his arms to pull them up, all the way to the sides of my head. He leans forward, bending me in half, and rams himself in as deeply as he can, then forces his cock in even more. Shoving himself in, relaxing for the briefest of moments so he can thrust in again, he fills my belly with his essence, his hands holding me in place by the shoulders to ensure that I receive every last drop. His sheer intensity and potent craving for me makes me whimper helplessly. Attention lavished on my ear, he nips it between his teeth, then swipes it with his tongue, leaving my mouth be, as if he wants to drink in my whines and moans unimpeded. Taehyung recovers before I do, at least physically, his breaths steadying while I still pant in the aftermath. Yet his gaze doesn’t lose any of the passion it had from before, making it harder for me to come down from heaven. It doesn’t help that he refuses to let me go, leaving us connected, only pulling back enough to lean on his arm and rake his eyes all over my body. I’ve never felt so beautiful, so enticing. What a difference from when I first got to know him, when I was sure that he’d use me and just toss me aside. He gently presses the tip of his finger to my heated skin, tracing an invisible path that connects all the bruises left from him sucking my flesh, staring at them possessively before meeting my eyes. “I will come back for you before the last trace of me disappears,” he promises. “Once I do, I will declare to the world that we are one.”

Did you enjoy this story? If yes, check out the accompanying birthday stories!

[1] He Left (Hoseok) [2] He Stole (Yoongi) [3] He Lied (Jungkook) [4] He Shot (Namjoon) [5] He Fell (Jimin) [6] He Loved (Seokjin) [7] He Decided (Taehyung)

Daimyo: Japanese feudal lord Tatami: Flooring mat in Japanese-style rooms Futon: Traditional Japanese bedding Kimono: Traditional Japanese clothing Obi: Sash worn with komono

#jin smut #bts smut #networkbangtan #armiesnet #bangtan bookclub #bts writing squad #noonanet #hyunglinenetwork #jin angst #jin fluff #jin scenarios#jungkook scenarios #namjoon scenarios #bts angst #bts fluff #2018 bts birthday stories #he loved

#taehyung smut #bts smut #networkbangtan #armiesnet #hyunglinenetwork #btssunshinenet #bangtan bookclub #bts writing squad #noonanet #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #taehyung scenarios #bts scenarios #bts fluff #bts angst #2018 bts birthday stories #he decided

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