#8x22 sacrifice

[leonardcohenofficial]

brief thoughts on my answer to @fredbydawn​’s poll asking who do you think mulcahy saw hanging on the cross in 8x22 dreams: i think that all of the other options would make total sense dramaturgically speaking in regard to his personality, but i think that mulcahy saw himself. 

like i said in my tags on the poll, i think that it really matters if you think mulcahy is feeling guilt or fear in that final moment. let’s look at the stage directions from the script first:

i agree that mulcahy initially looks horrified as he looks out at the surgery happening. however, i think the way his expression changes after he realizes what’s happening is key to why i think he saw himself.

mulcahy was meant to be a moral compass on M*A*S*H; fallible and human like the rest of us, but ultimately trying to do good. (this is obviously DEEPLY complicated by the fact that he is a white catholic priest in korea, the sociopolitical implications of which are basically ignored and rarely interrogated by the show.) i think that mulcahy is often shown to be both self-sacrificing and egotistical (“mulcahy’s war” being a good example of this), which would track with the ways we see this dynamic being explored in this episode. the fact that he’s dressed as the pope—echoes of “captains outrageous” when he’s upset about not getting promoted—signifies that now he’s at the highest he can be, the most devout, the best, most faithful, and he still can’t do anything to stop the war and death and destruction. even having died on the cross like christ, which for mulcahy would be the ultimate sacrifice, does nothing. he looks entirely helpless. 

i also think that mulcahy’s helplessness comes from a place of guilt. i think you can read mulcahy’s guilt for participating in war at all as something that contributes to his perspective that he doesn’t actually “do” much in terms of being useful at the 4077th (and, on a macro level, winning and/or ending the war—again, the imperialist nature of the korean war is less emphasized in later seasons but this could have been a strong episode to push that perspective more). this also could tie into why he would want to make that big a sacrifice, to try and actually “do” something good for the benefit of others. and even after he sees himself literally do what christ did, the war machine keeps right on rolling. that’s pretty hard to grapple with 

i think that if this episode had had longer implications for the characters (across more than one episode) it would have been interesting to see mulcahy have a real crisis of faith. i think seeing him grapple with the meaning of what he’s devoted his life to and whether or not it does anything or is worth it would have been fantastic character development for him, regardless of whether or not he retains his specific beliefs. 

anyways. that’s why i think he saw himself. he witnessed himself make the ultimate sacrifice and it did nothing.

[unhinged-jackles]

SPN Best Episode per Season

Masterpost

[ambersock]

Just a coda for 8x22 Clip Show that I built around the flashback deleted scene from 8x23 Sacrifice.

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[we-do-have-choices]

Ultimate Destiel Watchlist

So... I made an Ultimate Destiel Watchlist based on some other lists here on Tumblr. Please let me know if I missed an episode! 

4x01 - Lazarus Rising

4x02 - Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester

4x03 - In the Beginning

4x07 - It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester

4x10 - Heaven and Hell

4x16 - On the Head of a Pin

4x18 - The Monster at the End of This Book

4x20 - The Rapture

4x22 - Lucifer Rising

5x01 - Sympathy for the Devil

5x02 - Good God, Y'All!

5x03 - Free to Be You and Me

5x04 - The End

5x08 - Changing Channels

5x13 - The Song Remains the Same

5x14 - My Bloody Valentine

5x17 - 99 Problems

5x18 - Point of No Return

5x21 - Two Minutes to Midnight

6x03 - The Third Man

6x17 - My Heart Will Go On

6x19 - Mommy Dearest

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King

6x21 - Let It Bleed

6x22 - The Man Who Knew Too Much

7x02 - Hello, Cruel World

7x17 - The Born-Again Identity

7x21 - Reading is Fundamental

7x23 - Survival of the Fittest

8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy

8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin

8x08 - Hunteri Heroici

8x17 - Goodbye Stranger

8x22 - Clip Show

8x23 - Sacrifice

9x01 - I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here

9x03 - I'm No Angel

9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait

9x09 - Holy Terror

9x10 - Road Trip

9x18 - Meta Fiction

9x22 - Stairway to Heaven

9x23 - Do You Believe in Miracles?

10x01- Black

10x02 - Reichenbach

10x03 - Soul Survivor

10x05 - Fan Fiction

10x09 - The Things We Left Behind

10x14 - The Executioner's Song

10x16 - Paint It Black

10x18 - Book of the Damned

10x20 - Angel Heart

10x22 - The Prisoner

10x23 - Brother's Keeper

11x01 - Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire

11x02 - Form and Void

11x03 - The Bad Seed

11x10 - The Devil in the Details

11x11 - Into the Mystic

11x13 - Love Hurts

11x14 - The Vessel

11x15 - Beyond the Mat

11x17 - Red Meat

11x18 - Hell's Angel

11x19 -The Chitters

11x21 - All in the Family

11x22 - We Happy Few

11x23 - Alpha and Omega

12x01 - Keep Calm and Carry On

12x02 - Mamma Mia

12x03 - The Foundry

12x07 - Rock Never Dies

12x08 - LOTUS

12x09 - First Blood

12x10 - Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets

12x11 - Regarding Dean

12x12 - Stuck in the Middle (With You)

12x14 - The Raid

12x15 - Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell

12x18 - The Memory Remains

12x19 - The Future

12x23 - All Along the Watchtower

13x01 - Lost and Found

13x03 - Patience

13x04 - The Big Empty

13x05 - Advanced Thanatology

13x06 - Tombstone

13x14 - Good Intentions

13x16 - Scoobynatural

13x19 - Funeralia

13x21 - Beat the Devil

13x23 - Let the Good Times Roll

14x01 - Stranger in a Strange Land

14x03 - The Scar

14x08 - Byzantium

14x09 - The Spear

14x10 - Nihilism

14x12 - Prophet and Loss

14x14 - Ouroboros

14x15 - Peace of Mind

14x18 - Absence

15x02 - Raising Hell

15x03 - The Rupture

15x09 - The Trap

15x12 - Galaxy Brain

15x15 - Gimme Shelter

15x16 - Drag Me Away (From You)

15x17 - Unity

15x18 - Despair

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Since [redacted] seems to have forgotten the character of Sam Winchester, I wanted to give everyone a brief reminder that this is Not My Sam Winchester. Not the one who always wanted Dean to fight to keep living, to keep loving, to keep embracing that he is worthy and valued and deserving of happiness and a fulfilled life. Not the one who got addicted to demon blood so he could save people possessed by demons by pulling the demon out of them without harming their bodies.  Not this Sam.  Sam Winchester is not a man who would be happy someone else died so he could live.

But since we are all talking about it, buddies - 

[insert banner art with WINC*ST shippers keep your hands off this post here]

Receipts after the cut.

(I also wanted to add that honestly this commentary is not surprising.  See this post.)

2x22 All Hell Breaks Loose (part 2)

SAM (Voice breaking) 

How long do you get?

DEAN 

One year. (SAM nods, tears in his eyes.) I got one year.

SAM 

You shouldn't've done that. How could you do that?

DEAN 

Don't get mad at me. Don't you do that. I had to. I had to look out for you. That's my job.

SAM 

And what do you think my job is?

DEAN 

What?

SAM 

You've saved my life over and over. I mean, you sacrifice everything for me. Don't you think I'd do the same for you? 

And I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna get you out of this. Guess I gotta save your ass for a change.

3x10 Dream a Little Dream of Me

05x22 Swan Song

DEAN

So then what am I supposed to do? SAM

You go find Lisa. You pray to god she's dumb enough to take you in, and you – you have barbecues and go to football games. You go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean. Promise me. 

8x22 Clip Show

SAM

You heard Crowley. He's not gonna let one near us, and without a demon, all we can do is sit back and watch people we know, people we saved, die like Sarah.

DEAN

So what are you saying?

SAM

I'm saying... Maybe this isn't one we can win. Maybe we should just take the deal.

8x23 Sacrifice

9x07 Bad Boys

SAM You just got lucky?

DEAN nods.

SAM (continues) Kind of like you did with this place. I mean, here I was thinking this was the worst part of your life, and it turns out it was the best. Why'd you ever leave?

DEAN Never felt right.

SAM Really?

SAM Dean ... Thank you.

DEAN For what?

SAM For always being there, for – having my back. Look, I know it always hasn't been easy …

10x07 Girls Girls Girls

SAM

What you said earlier, back there, about being past saving -- were you really --

10x23 Brother’s Keeper

DEAN

And I was wrong. You were right, Sam. You knew that this world would be better without us in it.

SAM

No, no, no, wait a second. You're twisting my words here, Dean.

[Sam reaches into his jacket and holds some photos in his hand]

SAM

Take these. And one day, when you find your way back... Let these be your guide. And they can help you remember what it was to be good...what it was to love.

[Sam looks down and places the two pictures we saw in the opening on the floor. One of Mary Winchester and Dean as a young boy and another of Mary, Dean and Sam as an infant. Sam looks back up at Dean and Dean hesitates, looking conflicted. Death is standing behind Dean]

11x02 Form and Void

Dean deserves a life.”

11x05 Thin Lizzie

11x23 Alpha and Omega

SAM:

Dean, you know, you don't have to do this.

12x22 Who We Are

SAM

Promise.

13x23 Let the Good Times Roll

SAM

Kill me.

JACK

What? ‭

SAM

Kill me.‬‬‬‬

You can stop him, Jack. You can get your power back.

JACK

No, I-I c-can't. 

 ‭‬‬‬SAM

What?‬

JACK

I know you can.

14x01 Stranger in a Strange Land

SAM

Cas, I -- No, I-I-I don't blame you. I... Honestly, I-I wish I'd have thought of it first. If it meant finding Dean, I-I'd work with -- 

14x12 Prophet and Loss

SAM You have one card today! But we’ll find another tomorrow. But if you quit on us today, there will be no tomorrow! You tell me, uh, you don’t know what else to do. I don’t either, Dean. Not yet. But what you’re doing now, i-it’s – it’s wrong! It’s quitting! I mean, l-look what just happened. Donatello never quit fighting. So we could help him because he never gave up.

14x20 Moriah

SAM

I'm the one who brought him back, and I brought him back because he's family. And then he came back, and he burned his soul off to save us... you and me. And now what? You... Now you... you want my permission? You want me to say I'm cool with losing him and losing you all at once? 'Cause I can't do that. I won't say that, 'cause I...

15x20: Carry On (I am so mad I am so mad I am SO mad that I even had to go to this transcript but this is important to include)

SAM

Yeah.

Um... alright.

I'll call for help. I'll get the first-aid kit.

***I’m sure there are more examples than this, but none of this tracks with what was said in the article.  THIS is the show I watched.  

Honestly, the only Sam That Would Have Agreed With What Was Said is this one -

[suncaptor]

So we're having a s7/s8 breakdown on this fine Saturday? Good. May I interest you in theese thoughts (this whole ask might include some wild speculation, I hope you're up for it, if no, please ignore and I will crawl back to my basement, also this got SO LONG I AM ALMOST ASHAMED, but I need to exchange thoughts with someone agsfsdghf):

Amelia was the original blurry wife for Sam. I remember at the time s8 was airing the fandom wasn't really fond of her because she wasn't very special as a character, she felt kind of boring (obviously the wincest/bibro side hated her for different reasons lol) and unfortunately she was very forgettable. She was literally Just Some Woman, a blank canvas. (idk if you agree but this is what I think). But. I think she was set up to be Sam's endgame if season 8 was the last one. He gets what he wanted - out of the hunter's life, white picket fence, a wife and a dog. And it was confirmed somewhere that she was written off due to the hate she received (spn fandom being spn fadom I am leaving this without comment). So that is why I believe she was gonna be the Blurry Wife of season 8, but she was written off....

....."But hey!", you might say, "Sam was the one doing the trials in season 8! So how can she be his endgame if he was going to lock up Hell and die?". I have an answer! Sam doesn't start the trials until 8x14, four episodes after he broke up with Amelia and chose Dean in 8x10. Up until then it was agreed that Dean was going to be the one to do the trials, it was changed last minute in the show (when Sam ends up killing the hellhound in 8x14) and part of me wonders how much it might reflect the last minute change in real life. counterpoint: spn got a renewal on February 11th 2013 and 8x14 was shot November 30th - December 11th 2012 so renewal is not the case, maybe just a general change of direction for the season? idk, BUT......

.... but maybe? now I am thinking. So they make Sam break up with Amelia to get rid of her and so he can do the trials. and he is going to die. so basically once again Sam is going to die in the finale as a sacrifice (like in Swan Song) (oh I just remembered 8x23 was titled Sacrifice. NICE). And now back to Dean and everything romantic that happened that I mentioned in those tags. Let's say they keep the 'I love you' in 8x17 (I am still writing all of this under the assumption that season 8 was going to be the last one). And Cas disappears. And now guess what. He is not in 8x18. He is not in 8x19 but you know who is? NAOMI with this epic line: "And yet you haven't warded this place against us. I know. You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way. I know you don't want to believe it, Dean, but we're on the same side – shutting the Gates of Hell, bringing Castiel in from the cold. Take a moment. Think about what I've said." literally WHAAAAT, what were we supposed to think at this point?!?!? IF THE 'I LOVE YOU' was kept in 8x17?! can you imagine?! (also sidenote: 8x19 is a buckleming episode where they kill off Benny. epic highs and lows, etc.)

So they aren't reunited until 8x22 (i mean last seconds of 8x21 but it doesn't really matter). And Dean is angry, and hurt and we have this piece of dialogue:

CASTIEL: Dean, I can go with you. A FEW SECONDS PASS BEFORE SPEAKING AGAIN Dean. I'm sorry. DEAN: For what? CASTIEL: For everything. DEAN" Everything? Like, uh... Like ignoring us? CASTIEL: Yes. DEAN: Or like bolting off with the Angel Tablet, then losing it 'cause you didn't trust me? You didn't trust me. CASTIEL: Yes. DEAN: Yeah. Nah, that's not gonna cut it. Not this time. So you can take your little apology and you cram it up your ass. CASTIEL: Dean, I thought I was doing the right thing. DEAN: Yeah, you always do.

still with me? ok. so then Cas is sad and wants to apologize and goes out to buy Dean beer and pie but Metatron finds him and they go on their little quest together. blah blah blah, Sam and Dean catch Crowley, they are in the church, Sam in beginning the ritual on Crowley when wild Cas appears and asks Dean for help because... he needs a Cupid's Bow for Metatron to lock up Heaven. and he asks for Dean's help. I mean at this moment I think everyone would have gotten the HINT. Dean leaves Sam with Crowley to do the trial by himself (he chooses to go with Cas this is important because the last time he saw Cas he was angry at him).

And then we have that infamous bar scene where Dean might still be hurt but now he is afraid of losing Cas AGAIN due to Heaven about to be locked up and he is like "ummm are you sure? you're -- you're boarding up Heaven, and you're locking the door behind you. you did a lot of damage up there, aren't you afraid the angels might kill you?" and Cas is like stone cold "yeah they might and I am sure about doing this" :( and then they witness as two dudes fall in love in the bar. hint hint again.

quick cut to Crowley who says: "Don't we all -- you, me -- we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be loved". hint hint Love is a whole theme of this episode

AND THEN Castiel's grace ends up being the last ingredient to cast out all angels from Heaven after a nephilim and cupid's bow. And it's brushed off with a no-homo line by Metatron: "I want you to live this new life to the fullest. Find a wife. Make babies." SURE. oh to get my hands on the original first drafts of those episodes... a girl can dream.

in conclusion I wonder what the ending would be here. Dean and Cas eventually reunite and finally talk it out? one can argue: "but why Cas didn't confess back when they were having their moment in the bar? :/" well, because, as he tells us himself, (actually he says it to Kevin prior to he bar scene, but it's easy to understand that he is also talking about himself here): "There is no out. Only duty. You are a Prophet of the Lord, always and forever... ...until the day you cease to exist, and then another Prophet takes your place. Now, are you clear as to the task before you? Then do it, and let's go." (now don't think about this line and Dean's quiet: "Are you sure? Aren't you afraid?" in the bar and Castiel's "Yeah I'm sure")

so then they finally reunite, both human and they find each other and Cas is like "My grace was the special last spell ingredient because ..................." and they would address the Crypt Scene confession finally, I guess. They arrive at the Church and Sam is dead (according to what we know now (if a soul was in hell it will always end up in hell thing) maybe he went to hell. maybe it's locked up but he is the one in charge Rowena-style?). So of course Dean is a wreck but he has Cas by his side. Holding hands as they bury Sam. I don't know but I want to know SO BADLY what they had originally planned here. I would literally willingly sell my kidney to read Carver's mind.

I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR THIS ASK I HAD TO GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD ILY <3333333333333

okay I have NO CLUE what they meant to do or the validity of the assumptions, but this is SO interesting and I agree with all your analysis of canon, except I also don't think that Cas like. understood at all or ever thought Dean's "I love you" meant what Dean did at this point xnkslfkdkdkskd so I see your draw to him specifying duty given his probable suicide rather than stay with Dean like he wants.

I also do wonder what they were doing with Sam in s8 it's very disjointed and out of character, so your guesses are VERY interesting. Amelia like made no sense Sam made no sense or the way Sam treated Benny (which I think was set up for Sam decided to choose hunting with Dean over her and Dean about Benny, so I don't know if she was meant to be endgame ever? but I have nooo clue what they could have meant for because the plot is all over the place in s8). anyways INTERESTING. I love all your thoughts thanks for sending this ask 💞💞

[ensignabby]

Rewatching 8x22 Sacrifice and 9x1 I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here ...

And it’s been a while but OMG Cas my baby boy I am having feels all over again. All he has wanted to do is do what’s right and be by Dean’s side and his naïveté just kicks him in the ass over and over.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XXXIX

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Forbidden Love

(8x22 2nd part; 8x23)

Hello My Friends This is the last meta from season 8.

Here I will talk mostly about how Angels see Castiel and Dean's relationship, and how Castiel is showing us a lot of foreshadows of Human!Cas plot and his aknowledged about his true feelings for Dean. Just like Dean in Purgatory, who saw he was in love with Castiel, the same will happen to CAS when he becomes human in season 9.

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder she made the gifs for this meta. Thank you girl!

Now, let's start...

Trying to fix things with Dean

After watching the video in episode 8x22, Castiel wanted to go with Dean and Sam, but Dean was still mad at him, even if he had given him those pop corns... 🤣 Yes... It wouldn't be that easy...

Dean was mad at him but even so, he cares about Cas the... "And get better" avoiding Castiel's puppy's eyes is the proof that Dean can't be mad at him for too long.

But after this... We had Cas shopping in the Gas'n Sip. And the list is weird, but not that much...

It was a funny scene, and everything he was buying was related to Dean and Humanity. He wanted to fix things with him. It was funny right? But it was a foreshadow for Human!Cas as well.

Let's check the list: dried meat (bc he saw Dean was giving that for eat to his brother) so... Maybe is something humans eat... Or Dean. Asian Women and boobs, okay, yeah, Dean likes it... Boobs... There's a foreshadow there when he will be on Street like a human, overwhelmed, and he will see a woman showing her neckline, remember? Then... Beer, Dean loves beers... Some toilet paper yeah, humans and digestive process. (Poor baby, he will be tired of pee...)eggs... Fragile and it breaks easily. (Symbolism everywhere, my friends). And finally, where's the pie??

He gets very pissed off when he can't get Dean's favorite thing of all, the PIE! Without Pie, there's not reconciliation!!! (They are so married, I swear...)

Falling for a forbidden love

Between episode 22 and 23 (Sacrifice) we had this spell Metatron was trying to achieve.

And the ingredients were a symbolic representation of Dean and Cas "forbidden" relationship, an ANGEL can't fall in love with a HUMAN. An angel can't have that kind of intimate relationship with God's creation.

That's what Metatron's spell meant. An angel in love with a human is an abomination, is unforgivable, is a sinful and forbidden path.

Let's just take a look to the ingredients here...

1) A heart of a Nephilim

Look at this... Castiel is talking about the Nephilim as the OFFSPRING OF AN ANGEL AND A HUMAN (is the representation of an angel and a human involve into a romance) and then he added... I THOUGHT IT WASN'T ALLOWED . Is like if he was saying... Being in love with a human is allowed? I thought it wasn't. Because the mere existence of that Nephilim is the proof of a romance between and angel and a human existed. And then Metatron replied: IT'S NOT. Is not allowed, is forbidden, is sinful, is wrong.

And Metatron is showing Cas how angels see Dean and Cas relationship...

And why his heart? Why the Nephilim's heart? Because the Nephilim, like a representative ROMANCE, JUNCTION, BETWEEN AN ANGEL AND A HUMAN, that's the heart, the heart represents both of them, the angel and the human joined in one heart.

2) Cupid's bow

In episode 8x22, we kept seeing the ingredients to "close Heaven", but after that, Metatron and Cas talked about God.

CASTIEL: What was he like?

METATRON: Who? Oh. God? Mm, pretty much like you'd expect. [ Sighs ] Larger-than-life, gruff, bit of a sexist.

This last characteristic isn't good at all, and immediately after that... Metatron charged against the Nephilim (human/angel junction) again ..

And how was it very very symbolic, why the Cupid's bow??? Why? Okay, is a live spell? No, wait, is a spell to make angel fall... Ooohhh more symbolism?? Like Castiel? Who fell for Dean! (Carver, I love you).

When all the finding love chat started, Cas was kind of... Flustered... Why talking about "finding love" makes him feel uncomfortable? Even with his lack of knowledge about LOVE, something in that issue makes him feel kind of suspicious about him and Dean...

Okay, the arrow that engages two people, and immediately fell in love with each other. The destiny... Right? But, if we are strictly correct with Destiel, Accord to my theory, it wasn't supposed to happen, so... They didn't needed the Cupid's bow or the arrow... So... That's why they took it from Cupid. Something that wasn't written, they defied destiny, against Heaven's will.

And not just that, but, this Cupid reunited two men that were good friends. So... They went from friends... To lovers... And that's a beautiful mirror of CAS and Dean.

3) Castiel's grace

And the last ingredient to make angel fall fr grace... Is Castiel's grace, an angel in love with a human. The most abominable way to fall from Heaven. Each one of these Ingredients have a romantic allusion.

So... How do you make an angel to fall from grace?

1) A profound romantic bond with a human (forbidden)

2) Defy destiny and fall in love with that human.

3) Give up your grace for love (maybe a foreshadow for some Human!Cas in season 9... Or maybe this last season .. even if I don't like this not even a little bit, bc I want Cas to be an angel for ever, but... )

Oh, and, all of this was a ironic joke from Metatron, ofc, as we will see in the next season.

Dean and gay panic

We have Dean and Cas in that bar, waiting for Cupid's apparition. The two men in that bar wet watching archery at the tv... Everything was about bows and arrows... We knew Cupid was about to come so... The subtext in this bar was romantic.

Two friends, that fell in love with each other.

And the dialogue between Dean and Cas was full of melancholy and concern...

DEAN: Anything? You've been gone long enough.

CASTIEL: No. There was one female, but...

DEAN What?

CASTIEL ...I don't think she was female. Anything here?

Okay, they're waiting for a female to the bar's owner, because is what they thought... This man on the bar..m will fall for a woman today..m but that was wrong...

And then, Dean is worried about Cas, he wants him to talk bout it, and Cas talks... Briefly...

Dean is seeing that maybe this could be the last time he will see Cas, and he uses the ET reference, even knowing Cas won't pick up the joke.

Castiel's face here is priceless, he looks at Dean and made a grimace as if he was saying "Yes, my friend... This is the goodbye..." *Sobbing*

Then... Cupid entered in action... But the thing was... She reunited TWO MANLY MEN WATCHING ARCHERY ON THE TV, and that was... Unexpected... Mostly for Dean. Watch his gay panic raising right there...

Yes Dean, two manly men can fall in love with each other...

To Conclude:

Castiel buying human's stuff was cute bc he wanted to fix things with Dean but also, it was a foreshadow for his painful human life in season 9.

The ingredients for Metatron's spell was a romantic coded for Destiel, and how angels see Cas and Dean relationship as an abomination.

Two manly men falling in love with each other was a huge example of how love can be unexpected, and how Dean panicked right there 🤣🤣

I hope you liked this last Chronicles from season 8, see you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica

If you want to be tagged just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas from s8, here are the links...

Vol. XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII.

Buenos Aires November 27th 2019 7:51 PM

[natewallace]

I sure do love emmy-winning SPN episode 8x22 "Sacrifice"

[tinkdw]

Latest 6 month check up, baby is all good with strong heat beat and head down!

My blood pressure was high but likely was caused by the conversation I’d just had with @margarittet and @bluestar86 literally killing me with feels about my hunch for the Cas spec of going back to Heaven by throwing in a ton of “well actually that potentially makes sense” stuff from earlier Dabb writing and spoilers. Linking back to Dabb’s own pitching of Hunter!Cas giving up being with Dean to save and lead the Angels in season 9 and then also before this his own again episode 8x22 with the closing up / restoring Heaven and saving a nephilim v killing one and all the “ET goes home” and love themes.

@margarittet has loads of thinky thoughts that ended me on the mirror opposite of Metatron’s heaven falling spell v now with the killing/saving of the nephilim and love themes I love it.

Meanwhile apparently before this mid season finale they’re giving us an ep showing us Dean and Cas together (hopefully without Sam again a la Tombstone) and therefore clearly what Cas wants. Whilst potentially we know that he can’t stay due to his sacrifice or something similar? It’s just so angsty. This is totally what I’d write ;)

I should have got my pressure checked before we discussed how all this is so relevant and yelling THEEEEEEEEMES and season “what do you want” 14 about Cas and just how much Dabb has shoved this opposition of Heaven v Earth, Angels v Winchesters, forced fake family v found real family, duty v love... literally shoved it in our faces himself before now making this a whole friggin arc in his showrunning.

Argh. I mean wild spec aside the thematics are still all there and wow.

[according-to-the-laura]

Lore’s StackedNatural Reviews by Episode: Seasons 7 - 9

Here is the StackedNatural Masterpost!

Seasons 1 - 3

Seasons 4 - 6

Seasons 10 - 12

Seasons 13 - 15

Season 7

7x01: Meet the New Boss

7x02: Hello, Cruel World

7x03: The Girl Next Door

7x04: Defending Your Life

7x05: Shut Up, Dr. Phil

7x06: Slash Fiction

7x07: The Mentalists

7x08: Season Seven, Time for a Wedding!

7x09: How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters

7x10: Death’s Door

7x11: Adventures in Babysitting

7x12: Time After Time

7x13: The Slice Girls

7x14: Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie

7x15: Repo Man

7x16: Out with the Old

7x17: The Born-Again Identity

7x18: Party On, Garth

7x19: Of Grave Importance

7x20: The Girl With the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo

7x21: Reading is Fundamental

7x22: There Will Be Blood

7x23: Survival of the Fittest

Season 8

8x01: We Need to Talk About Kevin

8x02: What’s Up, Tiger Mommy

8x03: Heartache

8x04: Bitten

8x05: Blood Brother

8x06: Southern Comfort

8x07: A Little Slice of Kevin

8x08: Hunteri Heroici

8x09: Citizen Fang

8x10: Torn and Frayed

8x11: LARP and the Real Girl

8x12: As Time Goes By

8x13: Everybody Hates Hitler

8x14: Trial and Error

8x15: Man’s Best Friend with Benefits

8x16: Remember the Titans

8x17: Goodbye Stranger

8x18: Freaks and Geeks

8x19: Taxi Driver

8x20: Pac-Man Fever

8x21: The Great Escapist

8x22: Clip Show

8x23: Sacrifice

Season 9

9x01: I Think I’m Gonna Like it Here

9x02: Devil May Care

9x03: I’m No Angel

9x04: Slumber Party

9x05: Dog Dean Afternoon

9x06: Heaven Can’t Wait

9x07: Bad Boys

9x08: Rock and a Hard Place

9x09: Holy Terror

9x10: Road Trip

09x11: First Born

9x12: Sharp Teeth

9x13: The Purge

9x14: Captives

9x15: #THINMAN

9x16: Blade Runners

9x17: Mother’s Little Helper

9x18: Meta Fiction

9x19: Alex Annie Alexis Ann

9x20: Bloodlines

9x21: King of the Damned

9x22: Stairway to Heaven

9x23: Do You Believe in Miracles?

[crowleysfavouritedemon]

This is a “personal project” or whatever you want to call it. The first ones are bad but quality gets better. Been working on it for a long time now. Whenever I get free time, you get a new post. Thanks for reading and hope you like this.

(Click on the number so you get to the gifset) (except those which have two parts, in that case, click on “Part x”)

(1/?) Abandon All Hope 5x10

(2/?) The devil you know 5x20

(3/?) Two minutes to midnight 5x21

(4/?) Weekend at Bobby’s 6x04

(5/? and 6/?) Family Matters 6x07. All dogs go to Heaven 6x08

(7/?) Caged Heat 6x10 (Part 1 and Part 2)

(8/?) Mommy Dearest 6x19

(9/?) The man who would be king 6x20 (1 and 2)

(10/?) Let it bleed 6x21

(11/?) The man who knew too much 6x22

(12/?)  Meet the new boss 7x01

(13/?) Slash Fiction 7x06

(14/?) Season Seven, time for a wedding! 7x08

(15/?) There Will Be Blood 7x22

(16/?) Survival of the Fittest 7x23

(17/?) We Need to Talk About Kevin 8x01

(18/?) What’s Up, Tiger Mommy? 8x02

(19/?) A little slice of Kevin 8x07

(20/?) Torn and Frayed 8x10

(21/?) Goodbye Stranger 8x17

(22/?) Taxi Driver 8x19

(23/?)  The Great Escapist 8x21

(24/?) Clip Show 8x22

(25/?) Sacrifice 8x23

(26/?) Devil May Care 9x02

(27/?) Slumber Party 9x04

(28/?) Heaven can’t wait 9x06

(29/?) Road Trip 9x10

(31/?) First Born 9x11

(30/?) Blade Runners 9x16

(32/?)  Mother’s Little Helper 9x17

(33/?) King of the Damned 9x21 - Part 1 (no Gavin) - Part 2 (with Gavin)

(34/?) Do You Believe in Miracles? 9x23

(35/?) Black 10x01

(36/?)  Reichenbach 10x02

(37/?)  Soul Survivor 10x03

(38/?)  Girls, Girls, Girls 10x07

(39/?)  The Things We Left Behind 10x09

(40/?)  The Hunter Games 10x10

(41/?)  The Executioner’s Song 10x14

[savethesvmulet]

something that bothers me a lot is the fact that we don’t talk enough about what dean said to sam in 8x22 - sacrifice. he blamed sam for ruby, starting the apocalypse, losing his soul and for not looking for him when he was in purgatory.

so, let’s start this.

RUBY - you can’t blame sam for this. not entirely. this was a fucking plan between the demon who was holding dean’s contract and the demon who tried to “save” dean of that contract. she knew exactly were to hit when dean sold his soul, and she took that oportunity to manipulate sam.

also, sam was completely vulnerable when dean died, because let’s remember that he had to watch him being brutally murdered by those hellhounds and then take dean's bloody body, take off the samulet, clean his body, change his clothes and bury him but pff details. then, the only thing that kept him “sane” was hunting down lilith and his desire of killing her. aaand also, everyone made him believe that killing her would stop the apocalypse. ruby was the only one giving him answers that could satisfy his revenge desire and his broken heart. there’s no doubt why he turned to her when things got a little bit too rough.

THE APOCALYPSE - one of my favourite topics no it's not, i'm lying. so, as far as everyone knew, killing lilith was supposed to stop the apocalypse from actually happening, right? that was what sam, dean and bobby believed all along.

as i said before, sam was manipulated by ruby. she made him an actual drug addict. dean expected sam to quit it in such an easily way. like “hey sammy how bout you stopping drinking demon blood” when he found out how dangerous it was. what did he expect sam to do?? ? say “lol true not doing it anymore fuck this shit thank u deen”?? ? no. it wasn’t that easy. and i completely understand dean not understanding the whole demon blood think which was bad from the beginning and i know it, but sam was manipulated by everyone but he wasn’t trying to either.

then, they locked sam up in bobby’s panic room. bobby said that they may need him to kill lilith and stop the apocalypse, but they didn’t actually released sam. then, castiel came and opened up the door so sam would start the fucking apocalypse without him getting his own celestial hands dirty. he knew that the very first thing that sam would do, would be going after ruby so they could, together, kill lilith and stop the apocalypse.

cas only said something when the guilt was too much. and he didn’t even thought in trying to communicate with sam— he immediately went to dean to tell him that lilith was the last seal. of course, you go tell the one who couldn’t do much by himself instead of the one with psychic powers. super fucking logical.

if castiel wouldn’t have told dean this, he and bobby would have gone straight where lilith was and done everything they could to kill her. everyone knows that. but hey, if dean were the one that accidentally started the apocalypse, it would be forgotten by now.

LOSING HIS SOUL - there is literally nothing to say in here like how the actual fuck do you blame him for something that was absolutely and completely out of his hands?? ? he was fucking dead for god’s sake.

PURGATORY - i hate having to explain this, but people seem to not be able to make the connection.

so, we all know that almost every single thing that the brothers had to investigate, they used bobby’s books, don’t we?

well, what happened to those books? — oh, right, dick burned them all. and killed bobby on his way out.

sam literally had no idea what to do, and also he was completely alone. dean was gone. cas was gone. bobby was gone. EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT COULD’VE HELPED SAM WAS DEAD. also, the brothers made a promise— if one of them died, the other one wouldn’t try to bring him back. and as long as sam knew, dean kept that promise back in s6.

and let’s remember that there wasn’t much information about purgatory at all. sam never got to really understand the whole eve thing and the souls, so he didn’t have a clue of where they could have gone. as far as he knew, both dean and castiel were dead. all he saw was a room full of that black thing.

so, what were you expecting? his whole family was dead. he had no one to turn to. and oh, there was no woman waiting for him. also, he was vulnerable again. let’s remember that sam had to watch his brother die in more than a hundred ways, and now?? he just only disappeared into thin air. no fucking closure. what were you expecting sam to do? immediately know what happened and search “purgatory” in duckduckgo?? mmnope. he was fucking alone and homeless and clueless and it’s totally understandable why he didn’t look for dean, and why he stayed with the very first person who made his life have a little bit of sense.

[impandagrl]

In Honor Of Someone’s Birthday

No, not … well sure, I guess it could be for Sam’s birthday too. This is primarily for @niamandthings‘ birthday.

It is mostly a re-write of a few scenes from 8x22 and 8x23

A/N If you are Niam/Bridget- when you get to the middle and are questioning why I would subject you to this, I ask that you trust me. This is my “how it should have ended” for you.

A/N If you are a fan of Crowley- you probably won’t enjoy this. Sorry, this is for Niam. (If you ask nicely I’ll write you a story where ‘Crowley kills Lucifer and Dean thanks him for being his bff and when Crowley says “What about Cas?” Dean answers “Who?” and they go out to a karaoke bar or something’ when it’s your birthday.)

Thanks so much to @seenashwrite for taking the time to beta this - especially on such short notice!

 Sam walked over to sit on the bed, trying to keep his movements and expression casual. Sarah was just as he remembered her, how she appeared in his mind’s eye when he’d let himself picture what his life - their life - could’ve been. She was so strong, processing everything they had told her with such grace as if being threatened by the king of hell was something she dealt with every day.

 One thing was different, though. He’d noticed it immediately and had been struggling not to bring it up ever since; he didn’t want to be that guy. It wasn’t like he had any claim on her. Now he pushed his reasoning aside, allowed himself to use it as an excuse, because she needed a distraction. And maybe because it was distracting him.

 “That’s new,” he murmured as he sat next to her. Really, Sam? ‘That’s new,’? At least he thought he’d pulled off a nonchalant tone. At any rate, it didn’t seem like she’d taken offense at the implied question.

 She tilted her left hand side to side, fingers spread so the ring caught the light.  

 “His name’s Ian. He works Search and Rescue.” Her eyes met his for a moment and her expression turned to one of amusement. “I guess I have a type.”

 She sobered slightly and Sam could see the deep love in her eyes as she told him she had a daughter, not quite one year old.

 Sam wanted to cry. Not from the loss of his fantasy, but the knowledge that the sacrifices he and his brother had made over the years were all worth it if they had allowed the sweet, strong woman in front of him a chance at a normal life and the beautiful family she deserved. The reality would keep him going once they parted ways far better than the dream ever could.

 Their soft conversation was interrupted by the shrill sound of the phone. Showtime. Sarah’s nerves were suddenly evident in how quickly she stood, reacting before either of the boys. She pulled her gun, but her hands were steady. Sam stood and positioned himself behind her.

 Dean answered the phone.

 “Crowley?” he spat, even though there was no question as to who was calling.

 The only answer on the line was the smug bastard counting down from five. At the last count, there was a brief pause before Sarah collapsed, gasping and gurgling, clutching at her throat. Sam cradled her head, talking her through it, reassuring her that everything was going to be alright. His adrenaline was spiking and he knew he was rambling, but it didn’t matter.

 Crowley was still talking. Gloating. He couldn’t resist revelling in the cleverness of his plan. So sure of himself he all but spelled out for them that there was a hex bag, they just needed to find it.

 The sound of turned-over furniture and breaking lamps hit the air as Sam started tearing apart the room, Dean catching up a second after and moving to do the same.

 Crowley kept up his monologuing, taking a moment to rub it in that he’d made certain they wouldn’t be able to complete the final trial, before moving on to the meat of his victory speech.

 Sam tried to drown out the acidic words and focus on his task, but they echoed what he’d just been thinking a moment before. The only thing that had gotten him through the self-doubt, and even self-hatred, had been the certainty that there were people out there still breathing, people for whom the supernatural was nothing but a bad dream, all because of Dean and him.

 Crowley’s attack at the core of his being was not something he was going to be able to walk away from, but that would have to wait. For now, he returned to Sarah’s side, gently clearing a strand of hair from her face.

 As her gasps for air grew quieter, her eyes were focused on his face, nothing in them but trust. Then Sarah was still, silent. Sam kept repeating the word, ‘no,’ as if it would change anything. The thought of her never breathing again made him sick, and he leaned against the wall, needing to feel something solid at his back.

 Crowley was finally wrapping up with his speech, and before he hung up, issued an ultimatum: he was going to keep coming after them - the people they’d saved - one by one unless they handed over the demon tablet and agreed to cease the trials.

 Dean threw the phone in frustration. They had to put an end to this before one more person died.

 Sam waited at the trunk of the impala, hoping it wasn’t apparent how keyed up he was as Dean walked toward him. He assumed Crowley was secured and ready for him to perform the final trial. Dean’s words confirmed it.

 “He’s primed. How you feelin’?”

 Sam focused on topping off the jar of holy water before answering. “Honestly? For the first time in a long time, it feels like we’re going to win.” He realized the words were the truth, however conflicted he felt at the moment. “I’m good.”

 He tried to focus on going over the details of the cure for Dean even though his thoughts were elsewhere. His stomach dropped as Dean began listing his suggestions for Sam’s impending confession. As close as they were, there were so many things that they tried to keep buried. All the things that were right under the surface. So many betrayals. He could only hope his brother could keep on forgiving him.

 “Thanks,” he choked, grabbing the duffle as quickly as he could and ducking his head, hoping it would cut Dean off. He must have caught the hint because he mercifully threw Sam a softball, blaming him for the Penny Marco incident. There was no way Dean had really gotten that mixed up, but Sam gratefully played along, correcting him before turning back toward the chapel.

 He didn’t pause, kept walking right past the confessional and into the sanctuary where Crowley was being held. His doubts were gone. This was the right thing to do. He’d never been more certain of anything.

 Crowley sneered as Sam approached the chained demon, stopping in front of the chair.

 “You’re here to cure me, Moose?”

 His words dripped with arrogance. The revulsion Sam felt at that moment was so strong it depleted whatever reserves of self-control he had left. He grabbed the demon’s throat with one hand, cutting off his ability to talk - or yell for Dean.

 Pulling the wickedly serrated blade out of the duffle, the thought came to mind how good it would feel to see the bastard’s face as he learned how enormous his failure really was. He could almost taste the sweet words on his tongue: ‘You idiot, did you really think we wouldn’t search the room?’

 Crowley had obviously taken the time to spy on each target before killing them, and they were betting he’d meticulously planned Sarah’s death to be his perfect “object lesson”. They had originally been looking for bugs when Dean had pried open the phone casing and they saw the hex bag. They’d carefully combed the rest of the room from top to bottom to make sure there weren’t any others and quickly decided that the best way to protect Sarah would be to make Crowley believe he’d succeeded in killing her.

 He bit his lip to keep himself in check; as satisfying as witnessing the revelation in Crowley’s dying moments would be, he refused to risk it even now. Sarah was safe. Her family was safe. And nothing from the supernatural world would haunt them ever again, not if Sam had anything to say about it.

 So he settled for revelling in the shock and horror in the demon’s eyes as the knife sliced through his expensive, tailored suit, then further as Sam plunged it into his body, twisting as he went. Then at the last second, Sam leaned forward to hiss right in Crowley’s ear:

 “This is for Sarah!”

 They would find another demon to complete the trials. Or not, it really didn’t matter right now. If they were unable to close hell, that’s what he and Dean were there for, right? He had to confess, they were pretty damn good at this sort of thing.

 He wiped the blade on his jacket. Time for a different confession. Dean was going to be pissed, but he’d just have to get over it. Sam had made this call - and it was the right one.

Um, so that was it. I hope you liked it. I didn’t want to make it too perfect- it’s Supernatural after all. Anyway, you got to figure Search & Rescue isn’t the safest profession. There’s always the chance Sam gets the call and brings her to the bunker, and Sam helps her heal, and they can raise their little girl together, hmm?