The Night Before the Tribute In Light
September 10, 2003
I.
One month ago today, this long-forgotten photo suddenly popped up in the photo app on my laptop. I took this photo with my Sanyo clamshell phone on September 10, 2003, 21 years ago tonight, from Hudson River Park in Manhattan.
Don't ask me how it survived all these years or where it's been stored all this time or how in the world it could have found its way to me from the long-dead storage servers of a long-defunct cell phone carrier. We're in the penumbra of The Anniversary, and time is out of joint.
I had been back in New York for about a month (after getting violently run out of the place I was staying by a fellow who is now one of my closest friends), homeless and living in that roach-infested HIV crack-house shelter at 96th and Broadway that I describe in "The One Decent Thing I Ever Did" (it’s archived on this blog), and you can imagine my state of head and spirit at this moment, the night before the 2nd anniversary of the terror attacks on the World Trade Center that drove me from my home in Lower Manhattan, four blocks east of the site.
I was sitting on a bench in Hudson River Park on the West Side of Manhattan, somewhere near Houston Street, maybe ten or fifteen blocks north of World Trade. I hadn't noticed these beams of light as I walked, and I think they might have just been activated while I was sitting there. As I recall, it was a full moon in Virgo, and I was positioned just right to snap this shot. I had *no* idea what this was all about, as I recall, but I thought the image was so striking and affecting that I wanted to capture it.
As it turns out, this was the tech run-through for the first September 11th installation of the “Tribute In Light”. Here’s Google’s AI summary of this remarkable memorial:
So there I was, just two years after the blast, stunned by this sudden, mysterious apparition rising from just south of what was still a giant, messy hole in the ground. I was still not fully myself at that time and would not regain my full memory or sense of who I was until the following January (therein lies a tale!), and as I recall I was just numbly stunned, not knowing what to make of it.
As I write, I’m getting the physical sense memory of that moment: the dog in me (my medulla oblongata speaking) feels his hackles rise, it’s not what I expect to see filling the hole in the sky, is it another attack? Do I bark at it, sound an alarm, run towards it, away from it, why is there light there, is this some unholy ruse, another trick being played on me from that big smoky hole where nothing but poison has spilled out for the longest time?
My phone rang. It was a fellow that I had met and hung out with in San Francisco while I was stranded there, and I was stunned to hear from him, especially at that moment. “Hi Dave… well, right now I’m on the riverfront looking at the damnedest thing… [I just wanted to make sure you were ok] hey, thanks for checking in… yeah, take care bud.” I closed the phone and started walking south along the riverfront, toward the light beams.
When I got there, I saw the massive banks of klieg lights assembled in their arrays, a strange and unfamiliar (unwelcome) echo of the shapes and the placement and the footprints of the place I loved so well.
The faces of the artists who surrounded the lights were intense, focused, sober. I still didn’t quite know what was going on, but there was profound reverence in the air, on those faces, at that place, as the beams of pure white light soared upwards, past the point of naked-eye discernment, unending, likely petering out tens of thousands of feet off that spoiled piece of ground, perhaps piercing the ionosphere, did they get clearance from the Federal Aviation Administration for this? Are pilots being disoriented by these columns at 45,000 feet? Do they touch the feet of God?
II.
And I kept walking south, my back to the light,
Down to the oldest part of the civilized island,
Past the Battery, the bronze bull, the buttonwood tree,
The Port of New York dead ahead,
The Staten Island Ferry terminal, ramshackle, ancient,
Entry restricted by terror tape and armed sentinels
No two uniforms alike, a panoply of enforcement,
Heavy weapons at the ready, so jarring in my neighborhood,
And the working dogs with the keen snouts, the trained muzzles,
Jumping up to paw at the brown bag in the soldier’s hand
Is that peanut butter? Apple? Hunk of cheese?
Let’s play! You’ve been so serious, so worried,
You smell sad and scared, are you lost? Let’s play!
Even Cerberus needs break time, belly rubs, treats!
For the first time in weeks, I smile to myself
As I round past the ferry, those strange lights at my back.
Hope I can sneak past the turnstile downstairs,
I won’t have to hike back up three hundred blocks
To that awful low place. Did you know roaches bite?
They shit on you too. Try to sleep, fully dressed,
Watch cap pulled low on my head, long sleeved shirt
Buttoned up to the collar, heavy pants tucked in boots,
Gloves on my hands, one more night without food
Half-bag of speed takes my mind off the pain
Sleep comes in fits if at all. – On the train
Dreading the stop: ninety-sixth street and Broadway.
Tomorrow, this city will jack itself off
In performative weeping and gnashing and cursing
Oh, how we loved them! I snort in derision,
You didn’t lose nothin', you pieces of shit!
Let the dead bury the dead. Beams of light
Don’t feed this refugee reeking of ashes -
What, do I smell bad? So sorry to stink up
The place where you’ve laid out the feast for your friends
Who still have their jobs, their high homes in the towers
Behind the glass doors where your larders are stocked
With the food that you bought with your government money
That flooded your midtown Manhattan apartment
With all the new clothes, electronics, the sausages
Fresh from Enrico’s, Zabar’s, D’agostino’s,
Bought with the Victim’s Fund money you stole
When you filed your claim. “OMG, it was awful!
“I couldn’t get up to the fifty-fourth floor,
“I had to find shelter on Upper Park Avenue.
“Power was out. I was homeless that night!
“So glad that my friend who was shopping in Gramercy
“Gave me the number to call for my claim
“September 11th was horrid! I told them
“I couldn’t go home for two nights! Oh, thank God
“The claim got approved with a wink and a nod
“And no one’s the wiser – I’ve never been south
“Of the Plaza Hotel! That all happened on Wall Street,
“Who goes down there? Jesus Christ, are you kidding?
“That’s four miles away! Christopher, are you coming
“Or what? Reservations at Nobu won’t wait
“For you or for me, so quit primping!”
The pain
In my stomach, relentless. My gorge won’t stop heaving.
Am I gonna make it? Damn, *ouch!* What the fuck…
The tooth that I hoped would hold out just gave way,
Fuck me. Another huge hole in my grille.
When I made six figures and lived in a high-rise,
Fuck buddies laughing on Saturday night,
Nobody told me that one hundred minutes
And two hijacked jet planes would make such a difference.
No one will laugh with me now – my best friends
Are yelling and angry, how dare I show up
Sweaty and toothless, a walking reminder
Of September tenth. No, I’m not gonna feed you.
III.
Now, twenty years later, they’ve retooled their memory:
“Animal! Damn, dog! We’ve missed you, you know,
“Wow, you’re alive! You look fabulous! Listen,
“I never gave up on you. Give a call
“When you come to the City. I want you to meet
“My beautiful husband – he remembers you too!”
IV.
Twin beams of light where the Towers were anchored,
Okay, not exactly precisely those spots,
But who’s gonna criticize? Look and recall
How majestic they were. Yeah, the new One World Trade
Is cool, I suppose – no one mentions the absence
Of Two World Trade Center. Insurance, you know.
Not enough money or civic ambition,
And Bloomberg discouraged it. Why add a target?
“Don’t you think sixty or seventy stories
“Are more than enough? Hell, let’s just get it done.
“The sooner we finish construction, the better.”
V.
*There will never be lumens of adequate volume
Sufficient to seal that hole in the sky,
But the hole in my heart I will finish, I tell you.
Walk with me as I go forward. Tomorrow
I’m back in the studio. Tonight, we can play!
You smell like apples and – damn, is that chocolate?
(our light beams shine upward forever)
"Good boy!"
Animal J. Smith
San Francisco, California
September 10, 2024
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The Anniversary: Once More, With Feeling
This year's reflection on the 23rd Anniversary of September 11, 2001.
Now it's the 11th, the 23rd Anniversary of that day.
Each year, I approach this day with caution: I never know how it's going to affect me or in what manner it will manifest, and some years have been brutal, but the past two have seen more blessings come my way than brickbats. The passage of time has helped, as have my ongoing PTSD therapy sessions provided by the World Trade Center Health Program.
This time, I feel as if I'm controlling the event far more than it's controlling me, and I think that's due in large part to the performance art collaboration with the guys in Berlin (the queer performance collective ONCE WE WERE ISLANDS, who are now in Finland north of the Arctic Circle making amazing art and performance on the Finnish government's dime) that's been going on for more than a year, including a three-month research intensive called "Finding Animal" (https://www.oncewewereislands.com/Finding-Animal) over the winter.
Last summer, after they extended the offer of collaboration, they proposed that our work together should focus on how I returned to life and art after losing my Lower Manhattan home that day, along with my entire performance archive and any record of it - it was as if Animal J. Smith had never existed, no record that I had done or been anything at all.
I was shocked at their proposal, to be honest, but their idea for collaboration was persuasive: that my story was bigger than just me, that it had resonance in a larger way about the survival and meaning of queer art and artists, about whether it's possible to recover from the worst thing in the world.
So, as our work continues, I think that my being compelled to examine my long road back as both participant and observer through a performative/creative lens has synthesized much of what I had left unexamined, forgotten, buried, denied, absorbed, leading to clarity about who I am today, how it affected, shaped, changed me, and whether I have in fact "recovered" from this giant detour, this dinosaur-extinction-level meteor that got dropped on my life plan.
I don't have an answer yet, I'm still writing and making art about it, but as I mark 23 years today, I can say that sticking it out all these years has been the right thing to do, that I intend to continue waking up each day and engaging with life.
I am alive, and I am fine.
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Based on the search results and the query about Greens Japan in 2024, here are the key points:
Current leadership:
As of 2024, the co-representatives of Greens Japan are Namiho Matsumoto, Hisao Hashimoto, and Hitoshi Nakayama.
Electoral representation:
House of Councillors: 0 seats / 245 seats (0.0%)
House of Representatives: 0 seats / 465 seats (0.0%)
Prefectural Assemblies: 2 seats / 2,609 seats (0.0%)
Municipal Assemblies: 31 seats / 29,762 seats (0.2%)
Party membership:
As of the most recent data available, Greens Japan has 860 members.
Recent developments:
A female member of Greens Japan won a seat in the Tokyo Metropolitan Assembly, which the party celebrated as marking a new era in Tokyo.
The party has issued statements on various issues, including:
International Women's Day
Protesting the decision to release contaminated water from Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant
Opposition to military laws and the relaunch of the Sendai Nuclear Plant
Ongoing policies:
The party continues to advocate for:
Reducing greenhouse gas emissions
Opposing nuclear power
Introducing a basic income system
Guaranteeing foreign suffrage for permanent residents
Reforming the electoral system
Opposing amendments to Article 9 of the Japanese Constitution
Collaboration:
Greens Japan continues to work with civic groups, NGOs, and local green parties. For national elections, they often collaborate with other progressive parties.
While Greens Japan maintains an active presence in local politics and continues to advocate for environmental and progressive policies, they still face challenges in gaining representation at the national level.
Citations:
[1] https://grjapan.com/insights/insights/japans-green-transformation-gx-plans
[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greens_Japan
[3] https://greens.gr.jp/about/intro/english/
[4] https://en.namu.wiki/w/%EB%85%B9%EC%83%89%EB%8B%B9%20%EA%B7%B8%EB%A6%B0%EC%8A%A4%20%EC%9E%AC%ED%8C%AC
[5] https://www.eu-japan.eu/news/eu-japan-green-transition-matchmaking-event-2024
[6] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_political_parties_in_Japan
[7] https://www.ijcc.jp/events/green-ireland-festival-2024
[8] https://een.ec.europa.eu/events/green-mission-japan-2024
Based on the search results, here are the major achievements of Greens Japan since its founding in 2012:
Local representation: The party has elected a number of city council members and councillors in towns and cities across Japan. This gives them some representation at the local government level.
First Green mayor: On November 22, 2010, Kazumi Inamura became the first popularly elected Greens Japan mayor, winning in the city of Amagasaki. She was both the youngest mayor elected in Japan's history at age 38 and the first female mayor of that city.
Tokyo Metropolitan Assembly seat: A female member of Greens Japan won a seat in the Tokyo Metropolitan Assembly, which the party celebrated as marking a new era in Tokyo politics.
Prefectural and municipal seats: As of the most recent data, Greens Japan holds:
2 seats in prefectural assemblies
31 seats in municipal assemblies
Policy advocacy: The party has been active in issuing statements and advocating for key environmental and social policies, including:
Opposing nuclear power and protesting decisions related to the Fukushima nuclear plant
Advocating for women's rights and gender equality
Opposing certain military laws
Pushing for climate action and reduced greenhouse gas emissions
International cooperation: Greens Japan has become a member of the Global Greens, an international organization of green parties from about 90 countries and regions.
While Greens Japan has not won seats in the national Diet, these achievements show they have established some presence in local politics and continue to advocate for green policies at various levels of government.
Citations:
[1] https://greens.gr.jp/about/intro/english/
[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greens_Japan
[3] https://en.namu.wiki/w/%EB%85%B9%EC%83%89%EB%8B%B9%20%EA%B7%B8%EB%A6%B0%EC%8A%A4%20%EC%9E%AC%ED%8C%AC
[4] https://repo.lib.tokushima-u.ac.jp/files/public/6/65353/20170929141736769905/EID195340.pdf
[5] https://tokyoesque.com/sdgs-how-greenery-day-contributes-to-japan/
[6] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_political_parties_in_Japan
[7] https://grjapan.com/insights/insights/japans-green-transformation-gx-plans
[8] https://sustainabledevelopment.un.org/memberstates/japan
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