#A giant Black Diamond would absolutely attract

[masterhallmark]

Edit under cut: bonus gems The Blot would go after for his aesthetic

Double edit: APPARENTLY PHANTOM BLOT STEALING A BLACK DIAMOND WAS ALREADY THE PLOT OF A TOPOLINO COMIC!?!

[mysteriesgalplusdamianthings]

Dream Lovers

Finally!!! we're here, day one of #damimapsdecember!!!

All 31 prompts will be posted on Ao3, I'll just be posting a few that I really like here. The link is below, I wasn't sure how to make the link smaller... Oh well... Anyways I explained everything on my first chapter on Ao3 so let's just get right into the story.

A big shout out to @damimapsclub for making this happen I had a lot of fun writing these.

Day 1: Soulmate

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27815542

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It was so cold, dark, and empty. She's sinking slowly into the endless void; as if she were drowning.

Was she drowning?

Or was she dying?

Is this what it felt like to die? Well, she didn't know, and she didn't care. Her body refuses to move, to see, to breathe, to swim. Her soul must have been at sea for far too long; as if it's forgotten the feeling of solid ground.

Yet, her heart aches for someone, anyone, to save her from plunging any deeper into the abyss. 

No... she can't just give up, no one was going to save her. She needs to save herself before it was too late. But how was she supposed to do that when her body refuses to budge?

Nevertheless, that wasn't going to stop her from trying. She began to peg away, starting small would be sensible, best to start with her hands then. She began stretching out her fingers one by one until she felt strong enough to arch one of them.

Luckily, she was able to wriggle her pinky, then her middle, then her thumb with a bit more effort she was able to move all ten fingers. Maybe if she tried hard enough she'd be able to sway more than just her digits, like her hands. 

With some effort, she began her attempt at driving her hands up and down, but it was to no avail, she was only able to move her fingers. She tried again and again, but unfortunately... she couldn't pull through.

It felt like ages until she finally gave in, she was paralyzed to do anything more than wiggle her small fingers. She didn't have the strength to go on anymore and stopped moving altogether.

A dull fear weighed heavy in her heart as she felt herself sink deeper and deeper into despair, her body felt frozen as ice. 

Her soul felt battered and drained.  

Was this it? Was this all she could offer? She didn't want to die, not like this. Tears flowed through her closed eye sockets, droplets drifting out around her like diamonds. Tearful and quivering like a leaf, she released her anguish through small whimpers and moans.

Her tears scattered ubiquitously like stars in her deep dark void, hopeless in her struggles to move once more, she finally gave in to her fate. Her soul throbbed painfully in her chest, painfully burning a hole through her. It was trying to escape.

Her soul fiercely quivered grueling and rapid, until it was fluttering over her lifeless body. 

Her lifeless eyes flew open, as she opened her mouth for a breath, but she could not gasp for air, her body was limp floating in a sea of her tears.

Her gaze fell onto what she could only assume was her soul; her life. It was abnormally bright, white as snow, and in the shape of a heart. 

It was a sort of brightness that ignited something beautiful within, it was quite breathtaking to look at truly, but sadly she could not reach for it.

The little figure began swishing around back and forth, up and down, side to side in a hurried manner. It seemed like it was looking for something?

The woman soon noticed her body was descending headlong down into her deep and inky black hole. Slipping farther away from her soul, despite how far she's sunk, she can still feel the warmth radiating from the small presence. 

Yet, her whole body still chilled to her very bones. 

This was it, it's over now she deemed. She slowly closed her eyes giving into the emptiness surrounding her, it was all she could do at this point.

There's no one here to save her, she felt absolutely nothing. No pain, no sorrow, no strength... just hollowed. This was fine. This was fine she repeated over and over again attempting to convince herself. This was- abruptly the woman felt warmth grip her entire body for dear life.

Immediately, she was engulfed in what felt like the sun itself, her eyes hazed and blurred from her tears when she suddenly caught a glimpse of a golden being.

His grip tightened like a vice, soon her whole world grew brighter and more brilliant by the second.

Her body didn't feel so cold anymore, she knew life was once again beating throughout her body. 

She wanted to test out her theory and started moving her fingers and surprisingly she was able to do so? Not only was she capable to move her finger but she was also able to double-clutch her hands, she then shook her arms, wiggle her feet, and legs, and twist her head.

She could even breathe again? What was going on? How was this happening?

Her body began floating upwards now and her tears now molded into clear crystals.

Her eyes opened wide in wonder and color.

The woman took a deep breath in what felt like forever. The golden being floated away from her giving her space as she hovered up-right, she began taking in larger gulps of air catching her breath.

The golden being stayed close, arms outstretched on either side of her as if it was afraid she'd fall again. Once she eventually caught her breath she glanced around twirling her body around as she goes, she was finally free.

Despite her overwhelming emotions flooding through her, she was still surrounded by shadows. Yet, the golden being who now rises before her is shining and illuminates in the dark, exquisitely. She felt... surprisingly safe.

The woman watched her soul circle around the golden being joyfully swishing back and forth, it lightly flutters towards it, nuzzling itself onto its face.

The golden being patted her soul gently and watched it glow livelier jumping around playfully.

The girl began to chuckle at the display, she reached out her hand towards her soul ushering it to come towards her, it happily did so plopped itself into her hand as its beat slowed down to a lull. 

The woman kissed it gently placing it atop her chest.

Putting her soul back where it belonged.

Her body glowed vividly covering her from head to toe in pure white, feeling her soul throb in her chest once again filled her with everlasting comfort. She smiled towards herself patting her chest comfortingly making sure what she felt was real.

Suddenly the light from the golden being dimed a bit giving him a very distinguished outlook. It formed into what looked like a boy? He was quite built and lean, tall as well. He eagerly placed his golden hands on her cheeks benevolently cupping her face.

He leaned in closer to her face rubbing its forehead upon hers whispering something she couldn't really understand. 

Its voice echoed all around them, she couldn't comprehend what he was saying but knew he was trying to communicate.

She rustled back asking him to repeat himself.

Only to get more incoherent whispering. She shook her head trying to indicate that she couldn't understand him.

He took the hint and stopped talking, the two hovered unsure on how to interact with one another.

Although the young maiden felt that was unnecessary, there was a sort of heartfelt bond between the two already. Something she's felt before, but unsure where?

His presence does seem familiar in an unusual unearthly way? She thought to herself. She gazed at the pure being for a moment more before she reached her hands out cupping his face as well, the golden being didn't seem to mind as he nestled rightfully so into her palms.

His hands that were still cupsful of her cheeks, began rubbing her cheekbones with his thumb brushing her radiant hair behind her ear lovingly. She was radiating with excitement and affection, yes this felt natural, correct even.

Where these things lovers would normally do? The woman wasn't sure what this being meant to her... but she knew it was something out of this world.

Her lover encircled his arms around her in a moment and she let her head rest upon his chest. All her thoughts stopped in that instant as if her heart took over from her head.

He clutches her close as if he needed to confirm that she was really there with him, and real... and she was, body, mind, and soul.

If she could, she would wrap herself up in his arms and dream soundly than a baby. He was the sweetest sight in her eyes.

She supposes that's what attraction felt like, but it couldn't be, this feels so deep... as if this were the start of a song that plays on and on, something so soothing; so comforting to her soul.

Oh, she begs on every spectrum, on every velvet of clouds and acres of blue, that this being right here, right now, is her better-half she's dreamed of for so very long.

Unaware of the two, their lights began to shine gloriously. 

Dispersing the dark from around them completely, the void was now swirling encompassing them exceedingly fast.

The two intertwined their hands as their bodies result into tearing apart piece by piece. Her vision became unclear as the void created a massive gap, she heard voices coming from it?

The golden being let loose of his hold on her and gradually slip his hand away from hers. The woman quickly snatched his ripped up arm hoping to hold onto him just a bit longer, she didn't want to lose him, she didn't even know his name.

The golden being placed a gentle kiss on her ear whispering his final message before releasing her completely. She let out a cry before she was sucked into the giant hole watching as what little was left of him vanish into the swirling void.

Then without warning, it was dark again, just like her void. But something was different this time she heard distant voices.

"It's a miracle she's alive." Someone shouted staggeringly.

Voices.

"Oh my god! honey come see this, Maps is breathing again." Shouted a woman cheerfully.

Maps? Oh right, that was her name. 

"Maps my baby... t-this is a miracle, Kyle looks at this, your sister is alive!" Maps heard a deeper voice call for another as rapid footsteps were approaching her.

Oh, how she wanted to open her eyes, so desperately.

"H-how is this possible she was..." Maps heard sobbing ensue and a collective amount of weeping, the softer voice wrapped his arms around her pulling her into a deep hug. He smelled like pin trees and musk, Maps wrinkled her nose at the scent. 

Why was everyone so sad?

"I'll go get the doctor, you two stay here in case anything changes." Maps heard a woman say as her heels clicked hurriedly away. Maps felt a heavy hand gently rouse her bangs to the side only for it to slip right back into place.

"Don't worry, mom is going to get some help you just rest up alright." Whispered the heavier voice, he must be her dad then? 

This must be her family?

Maps finally opened her eyes, raw and blinded by the intense light in the room, as a warmth weighed dens on her chest, her lungs buttery soft.

"Dad?" she was astounded at how soft and meaningless her voice seemed now. But now that she could see, she lazily took in her surrounding.

She was surrounded by four white walls and pale blue curtains, she looked towards her dad and brother and then down at herself.

She was dressed in thin white clothing, wrapped in a thick white blanket, this was a hospital. "Yes, I'm right here, oh my god, you really did come back." Her dad said still seeming unconvinced.

Come back? From what? Wait, I think I remember...

She somewhat recalls falling down something, and her body felt limp and cold. But to be absolutely sure that's what really happened she needed to ask.

"W-what happened?" Maps whispered coarsely and brokenly. Kyle lifted up his head and stared down at her, startled, he shared a look with his dad before sighing out loud.

"You tripped down a flight of stairs and had a pretty nasty head injury. We rushed you to the hospital but, you lost a lot of blood along the way." Kyle said pitifully but continued nonetheless. 

"You were in surgery for hours, after they were done operating on you they came back announcing that you were... dead." Kyle paused, frowning. When his dad placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"But then suddenly you started breathing again, out of nowhere." Maps saw tears run down her father's meek face as he picks up her hand, caressing it on his wet cheek.

"Thank goodness, we thought we lost you." He whispered exhaustingly. 

Maps were at a loss for words, so much was happening, she couldn't wrap her head around all of it. In her dream, she does remember vaguely dying... if she could even call that dying?

But you can't just come back from the dead, right? All she remembers was everything being very cold and dark, then she suddenly woke up. 

Well... there was something else there too but-

"Please step aside sir, let me see her." A tall old man dressed in a long white coat, with a name tag on his collar, swiftly walked in followed by her mom.

This must be the doctor that claimed she was dead? He gently placed his two fingers on her pauls and bore on a shocked but serious face.

"This can't be possible?" He checked her heart monitor to see stable vitals.

"Mr. and Mrs. Mizgouchi if you and your son would kindly exit the room, I'd like to run some tests on her."

The doctor reached to press the call button, "Nures Emily, please come help assist me in room 202." The doctor turned to the worried family ushering them out.

"Please this will only take a second." He said earnestly.

The family hesitantly walked through the doors but not without Maps declaring, "Don't worry I'll be fine." Maps smiled reassuring them, shutting the door behind him, the doctor stayed true to his word as the check-up was rather short.

Since there was nothing wrong with her. Although, the likelihood of her leaving anytime soon wasn't.

Maps didn't want to go into detail on the process of her discharge and what happened with her so-called "death", but in short, they let her go home seeing as there was nothing wrong with her, finding it a miracle that she was even alive.

No one knew exactly why or how this phenomenon transpired but everyone was just grateful that she was alive.

Once she was discharged, everything went back to... well she'd like to say normal. But that wasn't the case, a few weeks have passed and not only does she have this narely scar across her forehead.

Which in her opinion makes her look totally badass, but everything just seems so insignificant... like a part of her was missing, something super important.

Maps haven't noticed this before but... has the world always been this colorless? She honestly can't remember a time when there were colors, no it's just bland and empty.

And it's put her in such a dreary mode as of late, and everyone could tell. It's not like she was hiding it or anything, but she did try shaking off her irateness but found it futile in doing so.

Which lead her here, in Isla MacPherson's office sipping on hot tea, relaying her confusing existence.

"Oh dearie, it seems like you're in quite the pickle?" Isla said pouring Maps another cup of camomile tea, Maps slouched on the red leather couch cradling the tiny teacup, and sighed.   

"It just doesn't make any sense, when I think back to what happened that day all I remember are bits and pieces of it. I-I just can't seem to put the parts together to understand what happened.

Was it all just a dream? Was my life always this grey? Or was I saved by an angel?" Maps took a slow sip of her drink before setting it down on the coffee table in front of her.

"I was hoping to talk to someone about this, but no one has been helpful." Maps frowned, Isla hummed into consideration, placing her finger on her chin.

"You know, I think I've read something like this before in a story my father used to read to me." Isla stood up and walked towards her towering bookshelf, scanning a few books before her index finger landed on a thin red cover.

She pulled it out heading back to her seat, she opened the book with care not to tear the pages.

"I remember a line somewhere that sounds similar to how you described that angel of yours." Isla flipped a few pages until she landed on one, she scanned it for a quick second and then smiled.

"There it is, a being pure of light that only appears in your dreams also known as a Dream Lover." Isla passed the book to Maps for her to look over.

"I think what you experienced wasn't an angel, but your soulmate." Maps looked up at her teacher with confusion.

"What's a soulmate?" Maps asked curiously. Isla chuckled at her curiosity, "Well, a soulmate is... well someone who you carry with you forever. A person who's flaws and imperfections are visible to you and you alone. And no matter what happens you'll always love and cherish them, nothing could ever change that." Isla pointed towards the little book in Maps' hand and smiled.

"I'm sure you'll find what you need to know in that book. You can keep it if you want, I have an extra spare of my own." Isla winked at Maps before giving her a thumbs up.

Maps smiled and thanked her teacher for the gift, she quickly ran to her dorm flopping down on her bed kicking her feet in the air before opening the book to its first page. 

A Soulmate, the thing about a soul mate meeting, is that the cosmos has to bring it. And the universe must achieve many good things from the receivers, in doing so this action will bring good fortune all season long and will beat the dark forces.

"Dark forces?" Maps asked out loud, did it mean that dark void she felt trapped in?

And so, when you see your mate, you are as the greatest of lovers and the greatest of champions, for you must vow to fight for love for the rest of your days or until love has won. Your mate will love you, live and even die for you, their death will be yours too... for once the bond is made, it is eternal... and that is the greatest prize, the most this universe will ever offer... time with someone who loves you is either a paradise to live in or one where the right to fight for it is one's own choice. 

"Whoa! cool." Maps exclaimed, "So we're like partners in crime?" She asked excitedly, flipping to the next page.

Atlas this connection will only happen within one's dream through wishful thinking. Dream Lovers are a body-soul-brain connection, it is all three at once in quantities that overwhelm in the most beautiful of ways... thusly only a pure connection will be made... as sort of a test... for that is the only way the universe will deem you worthy of its gift.

Maps sat up from her bed and frowned. "What? That doesn't make any sense." 

To tell if one or the other has passed the test, they will be rewarded with identification of their one and only... the selfhood will bring light, love, and color as bright as the star. 

Maps quickly flipped the page to find it blank, she flipped it back and forth repeatedly hoping the information would appear like magic, but sadly found none. She reread that last sentence again and hummed.

"Does this mean I'll meet him soon if I passed my test? But what test?" Maps groaned and tossed the book to the side throwing her hands up in frustration, flopping back onto her bed sighing out her annoyance.  

"This is way too complicated to understand, but the only way I'll know if it's him or not is through a bond of love, light, and color? Will I feel it or-"

A knock echoed through her empty room stopping her mid-sentence, she sat up and walked towards the door begrudgingly and opened it. 

"Hey Maps," There stood her best friend Olive. Maps beamed as she leaned in to give her companion a hug pulling her through her door.

"Hey Olive, didn't you have a study date with Kyle or something?" Maps asked as Olive walked in closing the door behind her. 

Olive nodded, "Yeah but tennis practice is running long again so I decided to wait here until he's done." Olive hopped onto Maps bed lightly bouncing and smiled up at her best friend.

"What were you doing here by yourself?" Olive asked.

Maps picked up the little red book handing it to Olive, "Some light reading." Olive started reading the little book for the next three minutes then frowned. 

"You really believe in this crap?" Olive asked waving the book around, Maps snatched the book from her setting it down back on her nightstand.

"Of course I do, if you experienced what I did you'd believe it too." Maps huffed folding her arms across her chest.

Olive chuckled holding her hands up in surrender, "Sorry, to each their own. Well seeing as we both have nothing better to do why don't we go to the assembly then." Olive suggested getting up from the bed dusting her skirt down.

Maps tilted her head in puzzlement, "Assembly?" 

Olive scoffed and rolled her eyes playfully, "Of course you wouldn't know, they were announcing a new addition to our school today." She paused then shrugged her shoulders.

"Everyone says he's pretty important, so they're holding a gathering in his family's honor or something. He's probably just going to give us some boring speech on how proud he is to be apart of the school and random bullshit." Olive rolled her eyes, Maps giggled.

"Then why go at all if you think it's going to be boring?" Maps said as she began putting on her shoes. Olive shrugged her shoulders already walking out the door with Maps hopping on her trail.

"Beats just standing around," Olive stated walking rigorously down the empty hall.

The two girls chatted among themselves till they eventually made it to the gym, the second-largest building to the cafeteria of course, on campus.

They haven't even entered the building yet and Maps could already tell that the whole school was presumably stacked high in there. There was no chance of them getting a good seat or even one at all.

"By any chance did you get the name of the guy? He must be pretty popular to get the attention of the whole school." Maps said pushing through the twin doors to a roar of people. 

Olive pushed past a few people who were trying to get a peek at the new guy. "No, but this is ridiculous no one person can be this ah- popular."

Olive turned around shoving back a guy who grabbed her by her butt and glared daggers at him, he quickly backed off and scurried away out of sight.

Olive huffed and turned to find that her best friend had disappeared into the sea of adolescents.

"Just great," Olive said in dismay.

Maps she was currently finding it more difficult to maneuver her way past everyone by the second; getting shoved left and right by people.

"O-olive where did you go," Maps yelled in the sea of bodies getting no reply back, more shoving ensued finally shoving her down on her butt.

She whined rubbing her sore bottom, she looked around to find that nobody had even noticed her, how rude.

Maps stood up shoving her way further into the gymnasium ultimately stopping at the front of the stage, how'd she end up here?

"Ladies and gentlemen, we present you, Damian Wayne." The crowd roared with cheers and whistles as everyone attempted to get a closer look at the boy named Damian Wayne.

Pushing Maps further into the stage, practically climbing over her, she noticed to her right a few security guards but seemed unfazed by all of this.

Any more pushing and she'll end up face first on the platform. This Damian Wayne guy wasn't worth the discomfort, she needed to find a way to get out of here and quick before even more pushing occurs.  

"Hello, it is... so nice to be here today." Maps heard a clear small bell ringed inside her head, stilling her for a moment.

She unknowingly held her breath as her heart began beating uncontrollably quickly, filling her with delight and gleam? She clutched at her chest trying to calm her rapidly beating heart down, her body suddenly felt light as a feather. 

"I am here today to announce my late arrival to..." He uncaringly looked down at his note-cards, he wasn't even trying to hide them and took a deep sigh saying. "this prestigious school." Despite his monotone voice echoing throughout the gym, it sounded like the most exquisite music she's ever heard.

Maps eyes glossed over with white light staring up at the man before her, stars shined brilliantly through her eyes, feeling her body float. She wanted to get closer, she wanted to touch him, feel his skin against hers, feel his lips against her own.

She craved it so deeply it ached in her very bones... this was so surreal, she didn't even realize she had climbed up onto the stage.

"And I'd like to-" Damian stopped mid-speech to stare at the awe-struck girl that was walking slowly towards him.

He rolled his eyes raising his hand to wave over the pathetic excuse for security to escort the fangirl, but before he could call for security he felt a wave of... fullness? 

Damian slowly lowered his hand equally staring at the woman before him, it grew intensely silent.

The two walked closer towards each other standing only a few inches from one another, they stared at each other for a minute or two maybe three, they weren't sure.

Damian slowly, shakily, reached down for Maps hand intertwining it with his bringing it towards his lips, pressing a feather-like kiss on her digits.

His eyes never losing contact with hers, Maps breath hitched as her heart soared to new levels, his lips felt chapped but his breath was hot as the sun.

And just like magic, their whole world was painted in vibrant colors, bursting everywhere like a tide. 

Maps gasped eyes widen, possibly even wider now as she's now getting a first-hand look at her soulmate now standing before her just as awestruck as she is.

They both new they had finally found one another.

He leaned close tenderly pecking her lips, then her cheek, then her ear, and whispered. "I have never lived a moment of my life, before meeting you. My beloved; My everything." Maps suddenly felt the tears befalling and couldn't stop them, she's finally found him her soulmate.

Overjoyed, Maps jumped straight into his arms laughing merrily, he tightly wrapped his arms around her waist and smiled into her neck.

Maps slinked back gazing into his stunning emerald eyes bearing his soul for her and her alone, showing her that she had the key to his heart, not able to hold back anymore.

Maps excitedly jumped into him once more and kissed him. It was a full-on, open-mouthed, essentially passionate kiss.

It was sloppy but meant the world to her, Damian reproach picking her up by her hips, swinging her around placing his hand and behind her head deepening their kiss.

The crowd that was mostly silent through the whole interaction grew loud once again.

Most with cries of despair and others cheering them on. Maps honestly didn't care, she just couldn't get enough of him.

During their little make-out session, one of the security guards looked up from his phone to scan the crowd than to his employer and started coughing at the scene playing out in front of him, shocked at the public display.

He quickly shoved his phone into his pocket and marched towards the two, Damian and Maps separated to catch their breaths, smiling lovingly at each other. 

Only for Maps to be yanked brutally out of Damian's arms by her collar, she yelped as she was being dragged away from her other half.

"You're not supposed to be up here young lady, I'm going to have to write you up-" But before the guy could finish his threat he shortly discovered his face was planted hard on the ground.

He groaned, rubbing his head he looked up and to his horror lay his eyes upon an angry child displaying his teeth like an animal baring its fangs, a look of pure ferocity in his eyes.

He grabbed Maps by her waist crushing her into his side, Damian glared down at the wretched human below him and snarled. 

"Touch my woman again peasant, I will amputate your arms and legs." Damian spit at him in a low threatening growl, the security guard had got the message and scrambled to his feet laughing nervously and meekly apologized before returning back to his post.

Damian huffed in annoyance, plotting the man's execution; maybe he should be merciful and have merely a simple hanging, yes that will suffice. 

Maps giggled and poked Damian in the cheek, he turned his head and looked down at his mate and smiled. "Are you alright Habibi?" Maps nodded fixing her collar, then she whistled.

"Habibi? It means my love or beloved." He replied.

"What did you just call me?" Maps asked as Damian took her hand once more, and taking his other gingerly wrapping it around her neck, rubbing small circles on her delicate skin. 

"Ooh I like that, say it again." Maps swooned.

Damian chuckled and leaned in real close whispering, "Habibi," Maps blushed and smiled feeling her heart was literally beat a mile a minute.

She gazed up at him adoringly, he looked like the sun itself standing there... warm and real.

She had no doubt in her heart that this was her one true love, her best friend, her partner, her everything, her soulmate.

"My Dream Lover."

[space-chip-cookie]

New Hermitville’s Christmas tree

My gift for the @hermitcraft-gift-exchange is for @comet-pink. They requested something involving Bdubs and Keralis doing something goofy or Stress and cute allium-shrooms. So I combined this all into a great christmas tree heist story! Enjoy! ^^ (This is actually the first story i ever completely finished and also the first one i publish so *shakes* ;_; ) Also a huge thanks to @nopefabulous for helping me out with formatting, some basic writing help and punctuation etc!! ^-^

It was a peaceful morning in New Hermitville

“Hey, Hey Keralis, my sweet angel!!”

‘’Yessss Bubbles?’’

‘’Hey, I had an idea! Just look around you! What do you see?’’

‘’I… seeeee a verrrrry pretty village, a lot of potential tourist attractions, I see a minigame you’re working on, what was it the towers… a dungeon… some treasure hunt in there?’’

‘’Yes you see a tower over there, but my treasure already went up in the air for that! But never mind that! We are talking tourists here! And what is coming up? FESTIVE SEASON! We should plan something BIG, something that might even let Santa visit us himself!’’

‘’Yes yes yes, but what would achieve that?’’

‘’You see, I went around the server lately, and I found a very nice tree around hermit island, the Christmas district they call it. There is no tree like it around here. Our village needs that tree I tell you! We can always return it when Christmas has passed, we would technically be returning the tree before Christmas.’’

‘’Yes of course! Then! Lets go! Don’t forget to bring supplies Bubbles!’’

‘’Wait, why do I have to bring the supplies again? Didn’t you still have some diamonds left fro- Oooh OOOOH! You went by RUN again didn’t you? Did I not tell you to stop going by tha—”

‘’Never mind that bubbles, I foresee a problem. How are we going to move the tree?’’

‘’Oh my dear Keralis, nether portals of course!’’

‘’But then It’ll just get out at the other end of the nether! It will burn! No no no! that will not— Ooooh, I see what you are up to here. You are talking about our neighbours, aren’t you? But what are we going to do to obtain the help of Area 77?’’

‘’Well, we want a tree worthy of receiving Santa Claus, right? I mean, we just want the tourists, so what if we make the tree so grand that it will surely attract Santa Claus, and then Area 77 can obtain the extra-terrestrial man with a white beard from the northern hemisphere.’’

‘’Okay, let’s go to area 77, they just can’t say no to this plan! Oh! And bring some flowers!’’

‘’Eeerm, Bubbles I don’t think that’s going to work very well after that hippy incident and all… Let’s bring a chip from our authentic™ giant iron golem. Let’s call it a late housewarming gift.’’

‘’Oh yes very well Keralis! Now, let’s go!’’

Meanwhile at Area 77

Doc was working on removing some of those darn flowers from around Area 77 again, it truly was a plague. He was working in the gardens of Area 77 with his usual crocs on. In the distance he could still see the house of Keralis previously destroyed by the stray rocket. He would try to make up for it if he could… But at least they are gone and Area 77 could go on with their business as usual.

He still remembers Keralis being there like it was yesterday.  And Keralis would be there as usual, with Bdubs next to— 

Wait a second, those are Keralis and Bdubs!

Keralis and Bdubs flew over to Doc from the broken down house as if to remind Area 77 of the crimes they have committed.

‘’Hey Doc! Fancy meeting you here! How is the… gardening going?’’

‘’Oh yes, gardening is fine.’’ Doc looked away slightly, as if still embarrassed being reminded of that failed rocket test.

‘’If you two are looking for Scar, he is… busy with Jellie #37 right now, she was hungry.’’

Keralis stepped forward and went with his usual ‘’No, no no’’ followed by, ‘’Just you will do, we wanted to talk with you as the portal specialist Docm77.’’

Doc looked slightly surprised for a second, and then straightened his back as if he had just put on a MIB business suit again.

‘’Oh, is that so? I mean… I am sure I could do… something for you, in secret, under the table of course, for the proper… price.’’

‘’Oh I am sure we can work something out.’’ Bdubs threw a chip of the ancient iron golem skeleton to the MIB. “And if you do a good job at it, you could even capture an old man with infinite gifts. All you need to do for us is… move a big tree with a portal, it’s simple really.”

“I… actually, if I overload the current loaded blocks while placing some bedrock inside the void beneath the nether then the portal could be reconfigured to actua—”

Keralis and Bdubs walked off with Doc still mumbling some things behind them. They didn’t mind what Doc would come up with, as long as it worked.

The tree

Keralis and Bdubs where standing in front of the tree with thick winter coats, a muffler on their ears and two pairs of pants each. “Doc was supposed to arrive any moment right?”

“Yes Bubbles he certainly said so…”

“Maybe we can just play some minigolf in the meantime? It surely can’t take that long until Doc gets back here.’’ Bdubs was itching to do something else, tired of waiting, and Keralis was feeling much the same. Just as they were about to go to the minigolf platforms, a colorful portal opened in midair and Doc floated down to them.

‘’Hey Keralis, are we sure the MIB are not just the aliens themselves?’’

‘’Shush Bubbles, they might hear us…’’

‘’Hey you two!’’ 

Doc took a small break after his greeting and then calmly added in his usual smooth low voice, ‘’Preparations are all done.’’ Meanwhile his drocs touched the ground with snow softly crumbling under his feet.

‘’Just press that button on the left and it should go to the proper place.’’  

Bdubs being as impatient as he is, immediately ran to the left side of the tree.

He pressed the first button on the left while Keralis slowly looked over his shoulder.

‘’Hey Bubbles, isn’t there another button past that branch there?’’

Doc hearing this immediately went “Ooooh noooo’’, Ran to the duo and pushed them into the fading tree whilst everything went black.

Stress’s ice fort

Stress was tending to her allium-shrooms atop the castle, dancing around while singing a tune as she worked. Getting some hay here, removing some snow there, getting some eggs at her chicken. When suddenly the sky turned dark and a giant dunk could be heard. The whole castle shook. 

And then, looking behind her she saw a giant tree that had appeared to have crashed on top of her fort..? And the mumbled sound of some people bickering.

“Oh. My. God. I told you to press the left button and you just deadass press the wrong button? Do you have any idea what could have happened? I… just, don’t touch anything around the base of the tree. I’ll fix it, just give me some space.”

Keralis and Bdubs went up to Stress, who still stood there with her mouth hanging open, baffled by the entire situation.

Bdubs started the conversation with a jovial, “Hi Stress! Sorry for dropping in like this!”

“Dropping in? DROPPING IN? I’ve heard of dropping in but never this! I mean… I love the green around here. BUT A TREE DROPPING OUT OF THE SKY?”

“Moo.”

While Bdubs was keeping Stress company, Keralis heard a soft moo and saw the most beautiful animal he had ever seen. One that would have been a fit for Area 77, but no no no no nooooo. Keralis had a better idea. One that involved a shulker and some glass. And just create some half domes here…. Luring them in with some wheat aaand… close them. Some beautiful allium-shroom ornaments. There are still a couple left here to breed back up! It should be… fine?

“Okay but Bdubs do you realise what could have happened by landing here? Just be a little bit more careful next time when doing this kind of stuff, okay darling?” Stress stressed with her gentle voice.

Bdubs softly nodded “Yeaaaah,” and then saw Keralis wave from the other end.

“Hey Bubbles pssssst! Come here will ya.”. Keralis swung his arm around Bubbles and told him about the allium-shrooms, to which Bubbles had to keep back a grin from emerging.

“But… we need to get out quickly then, before she sees the other side of the tree!” 

“Oh yes yes yes totally, I’ve already bred them back up so she shouldn’t see a difference! But.. do you still have that button?” 

“Yes, right over here!” Bdubs handed it over to Keralis and told him he has learned to be more careful next time.

Keralis seemed to be distracted looking at Doc, while hearing Bdubs’s rambling about button safety.

“Hey! Doc! Is it almost ready?!”

“Hey Keralis! Yes, it is almost ready! It should be working now but I need just a minute to make absolutely sure okay!

Then Keralis dragged Bubbles with him in a single sprint, slammed the button on the ground next to the base of the tree and before Doc could even notice what had happened, he turned around, and the tree had vanished.

The void

There was darkness all around.

A young voice could be heard, the direction not clear.

So, it seems you have made a mistake…

And now you are here.

A childish giggle and a miauw could be heard.

Was it by my grace? Where you supposed to be here? Or was it your own wish?

Who knows? Who cares? For it does not matter now. Do you want my help?

Keralis and Bdubs looked at each other, dumbfounded, or in Keralis’s case, perhaps more shocked, with those huge eyes of his.

“Eeerm yes, YES we want your help! Where are we and who are you?”

While Bdubs was trying to talk to the voice, Keralis just turned around and tried swinging his pickaxe at the darkness. 

Okay, so do you want our help or are you going to help yourself? We can of course help you in differe— HEY! YOU THERE! DON’T SWING THAT PICKAXE IN THAT COR— 

While the entity was talking to Keralis, Bdubs’ pickaxe suddenly hit a hard object and the object lit up, it was a jack-o’-lantern that suddenly lit up the area and revealed watermelons, a patch of diorite, and the edge of the great tree. And the muffled sound of an allium-shroom-ornament mooing.

While the rest of this area was still covered in a veil of darkness this was still a whole lot nicer. But wait a second! Diorite? Watermelon?! Could this be the hermit of legends? The hermit that is with all of us, watching over us always and yet nowhere? Could it be… Timmy?

Oh dear friends, you need not use my name, as long as you know how to honor it. Now, why don’t you go back to the tree and hold it? You can see it now no?

Keralis and Bdubs staring at each other in silence, gave each other a nod and proceeded to silently walk to the tree.

The moment they touched the tree an incredibly loud “miauw” commenced, it echoed loudly, and everything faded back to black, then to white, and then the white slowly turned to color, to shapes.

And then they saw before them, New Hermitville, within the middle of which a giant tree where there once had been a plaza.

The tree on its rightful spot

“Oh sweet gods!” Bdubs immediately started hugging the ground while Keralis was still standing there dumbfounded. He slowly opened his mouth and asked, “So, does this mean that… that it is over? We are fine?”

“Yes Keralis, yes! We are back! And with the tree to boot! Glory be to Timmy! And that Doc!” He grumbled. “We should sue Area 77 for safety hazards!”

Meanwhile Scar entered the area of New Hermitville.

“So that’s the tree that Doc helped them with. It’s looking good around here, could use more cats but I like it, I like it. And even the landscaping is done pretty well, and look there! Those floating slimeblocks! Oh, that’s amazing! Oh, hey Bdubs, hey Keralis!”

“SCAR! We need to talk about that tree transportatiportal thingy! I don’t know what it’s called but it’s dangerous! It nearly killed us!” Bdubs aggressively walked up to Scar.

“I ooh, that’s eeerm, I will need to talk with Doc about that? But why did you bring the tree over all this way? Could you… please lower that sword?”

Bdubs slowly lowered his sword as Scar seemed to want to talk things through. “Did you not see I’ve got a Christmas tree service at the Christmas district? I could have just made one for you!”

Keralis stares at Bdubs in silence. And thought to himself, “‘Toured around the island’, he said… If only he would use his eyes! I always keep my eyes open!” 

“But, eerm.” Scar proposed, “Perhaps I can offer you a free tree service for next time around if that might help?”

Bdubs and Keralis realising they were partly at fault ended up accepting the proposal and then had Scar leave on their traditional piggyback ride. 

They did make it out safe, all that remained was hauling in the tourists and preparing the rest of the town! And of course, honoring Timmy who had saved them, but there are ideas for that…

And now there is a giant tree in New Hermitville, with beautiful allium mooshroom ornaments, a single block of smooth diorite in front, with a watermelon on top and some jack-o’-lanterns in the tree. And while peculiar for a Christmas tree, it was always kept there.

FIN

[bugcthulhu]

Spanish/Iberian mythological creatures: What Even edition

Oricuerno: The “main” Spanish take on the unicorn (the other being the Escornau). White-furred with a purple head, blue or red eyes, deer hooves topped by small wings, and a twisted black, red and white horn. Usually living in the highest mountain peaks, has the power to turn women into men, and also cure poisonings and purify waters. Its entire body is considered a powerful amulet

Caltrí Snake: Massive and thick-bodied, with red scales. Devours any human it encounters, but weeps for them after the deed is done. Also known as the Calcatrix, which apparently was used to refer to crocodiles.

Cassandre: A beast of multiple colours whose pleasant smell attracts most animals but kills snakes. Between these traits and that it’s commonly assumed to be a lynx, it serves as the local version of the medieval “panthers”

 Jancana: Extremely similar to the cantabrian Ojancano and sometimes treated as its female counterpart, while also a separate being. A hideous, deformed, wrinkled ogress with a single eye (plus two small ones in the nape) and either long, messy hair or snakes in place of hair. Can transform into beautiful women or giant snakes; in the latter case they can only return to their true selves after coiling six times around a man then tongue-kissing them. Also just generally rape men and cut off their tongues afterwards.

 Blue-Legs Garrules: Female child-eater that enters houses through the chimney. Sometimes shown as the partner-in-crime of fellow bogeyman Camunyes

 Velludo: “Hairy One” A headless horse that runs across mountains and empty streets at night, perpetually chased by six furious dogs. Said to be the spirit of a muslim king that murdered his sons (which would be the dogs)

 Lobizon: A werewolf present both in Argentina and parts of Portugal, born from a curse that supposedly befalls the seventh son in any family. A pig-like hairy dog, with blazing red eyes and floppy ears. Devours children and carrion but especially craves animal excrement, a diet that renders its human form yellow-skinned and sickly

 Vera Dwarf: Said to live close to a natural fountain, following close whoever approaches to collect water. Those with a good heart are allowed to pass and protected from all harm, but those with bad intentions are mercilessly beaten. Mentioned sometimes to grow in size as they watch over travellers

 Silbán. A long, haired, long-legged giant whose lair was a cave high in a mountain only he could reach. Raided a nearby village to kidnap and devour women with impunity until he fell in love with his latest would-be-victim. She then escaped his clutches and conspired with the villagers to make him drink poisoned milk.

 Cabrichocho: A blue lamb that subsists entirely on sap and butterflies. Hopelessly smitten with human women, to the point it mimics human speech in an attempt to win them over. Its hide is sought after by wizards, for it grants flight to the wearer.

 Docejo: Bird-like being with a single wing, a single eye, and human lips instead of a beak. Drinks only from a specific river (the Jucar) and will in fact die if it ingests water from anywhere else. Loves music, and entertains itself by loudly burping at night.

 Rosemunho: Evil spirit that appears in the form of whirlwind or a dust devil. Pulls travellers within itself only to toss them to their deaths somewhere else. Can be driven off by just throwing a stone or stick in its direction, because it will go hurl that instead.

 Mairu: Giants said to be responsible for the construction of dolmens and other megalithic constructs across the Basque Country. Usually presented as an all-male race, with lamias as their counterpart, but some myths bring up female Mairu (Mairi) noted for their immense strength. Their arm bones – sometimes the entire preserved arm- possess magical properties

 Hodei: Deity embodying storms, hail and thunder, appearing as clouds. Malevolent, brings down lightning to ruin the crops of farmers. Sometimes considered another of the earth goddess Mari and the dragon Sugaar’s many children

 Darro Goblin: A cryptid whose sole witness described it as something between a monkey and a dog that walked on two legs, with an enormous head and exceedingly hairy ears. Gave terrifying screams

 Mialta: Female bogeyman that force-feeds naughty children with pancakes she cooks herself, and which taste absolutely horrid.

 El Pecado: Literally “The Sin”, a massive lizard so named because of its hideousness. Terrorized the village of Ovijuela until Saint Peter arrived and tamed it.

 Cabanyas Lizard: Another huge, man-eating reptile, so strong it tore apart a mountain with a single strike of its tail.

 Trucafort: A giant bogeyman with a beard so dense and long he keeps stepping on it, thus his tremendous howling. Always seen carrying two enormous boulders; one balanced atop his head, another at hand to smash children with.

 Ome Marin: A humanoid covered in scales, with green teeth and sometimes a “mane” of algae. Prowls the coast devouring anything it can catch, including humans, and especially loves messing with and/or destroying fishing boats, ensuring sailors get stranded. Known sometimes to swim upstream and assault women near rivers.

 Frailecillo: “Little Friar” Ugly, hunchbacked goblins with bony arms and massive feet, dressed in long black robes and emitting a greenish or purplish glow. Sleeping during the day, they are sometimes said to be clever and helpful but often they are extremely violent, entering houses to pinch the eyes of children as they sleep, chop off their limbs or sew their buttholes shut.

 Marés: Child-eating octopuses whose embrace is impossible to break free from.

 Xas: Goblin that takes refuge in abandoned windmills. While they won’t enter inhabited houses they delight in throwing rocks at them, as well as harassing livestock and stealing fruit from orchards

 Gizotso: The basque werewolf. Rather than a curse, it is born from forbidden relations between man and animal. Usually wrapped in chains, and very bloodthirsty; the most common tale about them involves one randomly attacking a woman and ripping off her breasts. Always depicted with one of its legs ending in a round stump instead of a paw.

 Guaraguara: Bogeyman of undefined appearance, but sometimes referred to as a “bug”

 Pauet: The ghost of a child that died at the bottom of a well, crying for help that never arrived, and who now pulls others inside in an attempt to cure its loneliness. Other areas have a feminine counterpart in Maria Gancha (something like “Grabby Mary”) who simply snatches children down her well with hooked claws

Beast of the Clamor: A water monster whose terrible roaring could be heard all across the Ebro river. Legend goes a maiden was sacrificed to the beast to appease its wrath, and even though it worked and it was never heard from again, the unlucky maiden’s ghost is said to still haunt the river to this day.

 Joan The Bear: Heroic giant born from a woman raped by an evil bear. Possessing enormous strength and armed with a just-as-massive iron bar, went on to have many adventures alongside a group of similarly-gifted friends – Arrencapins (who could tear the biggest trees off the ground), Escoltin-Escoltaina (who could hear even the smallest noise) Regiramuntaynes (pushes mountains around) and Bufim-Bufaina (could split the clouds by blowing)

 Pardal Verd: A green, sometimes golden bird whose eggs have healing properties. Usually guarded by a giant serpent, and even then you can only ever take one egg.

 Mother Of Fish: Bigger than man and brightly-coloured, like a sea snake with three heads, two tails and big expressive eyes. Intelligent, can speak and appear in the dreams of others in the form of a fairy. Eating her heads makes even the most barren woman bear children, and her tails can be made into swords.

 Papasopas: A bogeyman that shows up to eat the food that naughty children refuse, but for every bite it takes, it will also bite on the children themselves. Also loves eating flies

 Garos: An evil giant that was eventually bested by an entire village and killed by having a nail driven through his nape. His preserved skull was said to heal and invigorate children

 Jan del Gel: A massive, literal snow man. The third of a series of snow children made by an old couple, unable to bear their own. While the first two were exemplary children up until they melted come spring, Jan ate the couple’s entire food storage then left to the mountains. Comes out during blizzards and freezes any children it spots with a glance, to drag them to his frigid cave and devour.

 Orcavella: A fiendish mountain hag that terrorized an entire village, dabbling in the dark arts and eating children for centuries until finally she got tired of living and buried herself alongside a hapless shepherd she had under her control. None could approach despite his screams due to the swarms of snakes protecting the tomb, and they are said to protect it even now.

 White Fox: Self-explanatory, but also has green ears/spots above the eyes and its tail, legs and teeth are entirely black. Feeds on flowers and occasionally stealing lunches from people. Its blood is highly sought after for its magical properties, but whoever meets its gaze feels immense panic.

 Bird of Joy: Crimson-coloured, with green-and-white spots and black wings/beak. Start life as maggots on the White Fox’s body once it dies, eating one another until only one remains and matures. Eagles and other birds of prey give it wide berth. Loses its wings shortly before death, and if anyone pulls out the eyes once its dead, they will see them become magic diamonds.

 Gollut: Hideous, narrow-eyed goblins that supposedly employed dark magic brought bad luck. Actually has a real life basis: Up until the beginning of the 20th century Catalunya housed a small, possibly inbred community plagued by deformities and dwarfism, living in squalor

 Enemiguillo: “Little enemy” Microscopic, invisible goblins under the control of witches and usually held within a bottle. Their attacks express as countless burning bites on the legs and groin

 Sopeira Serpent: A princess transformed into a massive snake by a curse. A knight failed to break it and ultimately killed the princess-serpent, after which her castle sank into the ground, taking with it everyone inside

Since these compilations seem to have gotten kinda popular here’s a bunch more i’ve done before , which started as me trying to help @tyrantisterror pad out his fantasy setting

[meat-wolf]

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.

Hey guys, did you know in terms of human and Pokémon breeding, neither Vaporeon or Umbreon are the most compatible for humans? I'm actually quite disgusted at the amount of misinformation going around this community relating to them. They're actually both outclassed by another one of their Eeveelutions, Glaceon. Both genders, too. Let me explain. Glaceon is 2 feet and 7 inches tall in height, giving it the perfect composure to fuck. It weighs approximately 57.1 pounds, giving it a small enough weight to move around during fucking, but also enough to not feel too light or too heavy when you're using your dick on it. Glaceon's stat spread is also incredibly versatile for sex, with incredible Defense and Special Defense. It has lackluster Attack, but the best part is its Special Attack. You'll see why later. As an ice type, having such good defenses is incredibly rare. You also might be thinking, "but your dick would freeze inside of its puss-puss!" This is not true! Here is its Pokédex entry from Pokémon Sun, circa 2016. "It can control its body temperature at will. This enables it to freeze the moisture in the atmosphere, creating flurries of diamond dust." Glaceon can control its body temp at will, so if you don't want your dick to be frozen, you can create the perfect environment for dicking it down by telling it to change its temperature! This way, you can fuck it in so many different ways, temperatures, and more! Now onto its moves, which are also incredibly useful for sex. By level up, it learns Helping Hand. This allows it to increase your fucking power by double, increasing your pleasure times two! It also learns Bite, meaning it can get freaky and tune to whatever shit you like in the bed. Best of all, it can use MIRROR COAT. This means whenever you cum, it can double back the pleasure like a special attack, meaning you'll feel all the pleasure IT had during sex times TWO! Combine this with Helping Hand and you'll be turned into a human cum nozzle! Glaceon also learns Barrier, which if used just thrice, turns it into a massively defensive tank, so it can take physical attacks for days, literal fucking days! It can also use Hail. Now, if you use it outside, it will Hail outside. Go back inside and the Hail won't affect you! Best of all, combine the Hail with Glaceon's ability Ice Body, and it will gradually replenish it's Health Points during a hailstorm! This means it will NEVER fucking stop enduring all your "hits," so you can fuck it over and over and over, combining this with Barrier, and you could probably fuck it for 24 hours straight, if not more! It also learns Baby Doll Eyes, Charm, Captivate, and Yawn, allowing it to get itself right in the mood, along with you too! It even learns Fake Tears, Covet, and Tickle, allowing you to roleplay with it if you're in the mood. It even learns Stored Power, meaning if it uses enough Barriers, it can release all of the Defensive energy it has into, you guessed it, fucking SPECIAL ATTACK!!! And with its absolutely GODLY special attack stat, you'll be drowning in waves of pleasure due to this attack! And it doesn't get rid of the Barrier boosts, so as long as you have enough ethers, it can do this over and over WHILE you're fucking it! Hell, it even learns attract, which makes you fall so deeply in love with it that you'll be in a trance of fucking! It can take charge with that as well and use your love to make it fuck it how IT wants! Which means it's not just pleasurable for you, it's also pleasurable for your Glaceon! It even learns Aurora Veil, which in the Hail, protects it even fucking MORE from taking too much damage! Combine this with Ice Body and Barrier and you can fuck it for decades without either of you ever getting tired! Glaceon also learns refresh, so if that wasn't enough, it can never get sick while you're fucking it, protecting you from any and all STIs and STDs! I rest my case, Glaceon is the BEST Pokémon you can fuck. :)

[seventeen-scenarios-blog]

6&12, Seokmin, pure fluff, please do a drabble where Seokmin makes a surprise for me on my birthday (January 22)! Thank you so much, you guys are amazing ❤️❤️❤️ -K

6: “Because we’re together, I’m able to smile.” (Smile Flower)12: “Don’t you dare let go of my hand” (When I grow up)

Genre: FluffWord count: 961Warnings: None!

A/N: ok so big announcement to make, due to her swerve admin jihooned will now be known as admin seokminned (please don’t get me wrong i still love jihoon a lot it’s just that during diamond edge seokmin made his way all the way to the top of her heart fweflkwjlkavf). So i hope you guys will accept my swerve hahaha.

Back to the story! This drabble was inspired by a personal experience cause I’m terrified of haunted houses but i decide to go try it out anyway and i swore i was never going to another one ever again. So seokmin once again gave me 290483174 feels when i was writing this and i was trying so hard not to write over 1k words sooo i hope you enjoy the story nonetheless! Thank you for requesting!

-Seokminned 😶

Your smile continued to linger on your face as you ended your call with your boyfriend. Looking up from your phone, you sneaked a glance at the calendar hanging on the wall.

January 22nd  

It was one of your favourite days of the year, besides February 18th. And what made this year’s birthday special was that you were celebrating it with your boyfriend, Lee Seokmin. He had promised to take you to one of those haunted houses at a theme park he recently discovered.

“You sure you won’t freak out and run away?” You laughed when he first announced the idea.

“No no no no, I promise.”

20 minutes later, you found yourself standing at the entrance to the amusement park, watching excited, bubbly children walk in with their parents as you waited for Seokmin. Your smile widened as you saw your Seokmin from the distance, dressed in his usual flannel shirt and ripped jeans.

“Anywhere you wanna go first?” Seokmin asked, slipping his hand into yours.

You took a look at your surroundings. This amusement park was huge, being home to a wide range of rides. From the less intense ones such as the merry-go-round to the intense, gut-wrenching roller coasters, it was all here.

But what caught your eye was the carnival in the distance. You were absolutely weak for anything related to carnivals, especially the games.

“That one.” You said, pointing a booth. It was the typical ‘knock over as many cans as possible’ kind of game.

You grew more excited by the minute as Seokmin knocked over more cans. Your eyes darted to the giant penguin resting on the top of the shelf, it won’t be long before it ends up in your arms.

Seokmin picked up the final ball and took his aim. By now, the owner was ready to hand over his prized possession, and when your boyfriend successfully knocked over all the remaining cans, he gestured to the penguin and said, “It’s all yours.”

“Is it time to conquer the haunted house yet?” Seokmin asked.

“Are you sure you’re ready to handle this?” You teased.

“After going through the abandoned school in Yeoseodo, nothing can scare me.”

You found yourself throwing him a doubtful gaze. There was no way he got over his fear so quickly. You shoved the giant penguin into his arms.

“Here, something for you to hold if you get scared.”

“I would much prefer to hold you.” He replied, earning himself a playful smack on the shoulder.

“Ok fine, we can hold Mr. Pebbles together.” Seokmin said, gesturing to the stuffed giant.

“Don’t you dare let go of my hand.” You told him, before the two of you entered the house.

The haunted house was scarier than you imagined it to be. It was completely pitch black when you entered, and you could only rely on your hand which was clutched on tightly to Seokmin’s arm.

30 seconds in and you had a problem. Seokmin was already screaming at something that brushed passed him, but that wasn’t the problem.

You had lost your grip on Seokmin, and now you were left alone in the dark, with nothing but Mr. Pebbles to keep you company.

You weren’t one to be easily shaken off by the supernatural, but the setting of this house made you tremble a bit. You weren’t sure whether you wanted to compliment the creators for making the ghosts extremely lifelike or whether you wanted to murder them for giving you chills down your spine.

But you were more worried about Seokmin. You knew how bad he was at handling anything related to horror, and you were busy trying to figure out how to find your boyfriend so that you could both get out with your sanity still intact.

After calling out Seokmin’s name without getting any response, you figured that the best solution for now was to keep moving forward, with hopes that you would find him somewhere in front.

You felt yourself entering another room which had a different mood from the previous one. The music got creepier, jump scares happened more often and if it was even possible, it seemed even darker. You slowly inched your way forward, praying that you won’t call attention to yourself. There was no way you could handle another jump scare.

Your ears immediately perked up when you heard a familiar scream coming from the front - Seokmin, you’d recognise that loud, ear-piercing scream anywhere. You made a dash forward into the next room, ignoring the fact that your footsteps could potentially attract all the ghosts within your area.

“Seokmin!” You called once again

Silence.

You were about to break out into tears. You shouldn’t have suggested going to a haunted house for your birthday. Now, Seokmin remained missing and you were terrified. Your legs gave way and you found yourself on the floor, someone would eventually find you, right?

Suddenly, the lights were turned on and you found yourself in a brightly lit room.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY (y/n)!”

Standing in front of you was not only your boyfriend, but also the other Seventeen members, together with some of your close friends. Your hand shot up to cover your mouth which hung in disbelief.

Seokmin dashed forward, engulfing you in a hug while showering you with kisses.

“I’m sorry you got scared. If it makes you feel any better, I was shaking from fear too even though I planned this.”

“That’s the past, I’m just glad we found each other now. It’s because we’re together, I’m able to smile like this.”

“Shall we get your birthday party started?” You boyfriend asked, glancing over to the table which was covered with different types of food as well as your cake.

���I can’t wait.”

[miraculouspaon]

Better Halves

Chapter One: The Question

AO3

June, 1997

“I need a favor.”

Jonathan Dumas raised an eyebrow. “Story of my life,” he said wryly. “Come on in.” Jonathan stepped aside and let Gabriel Agreste enter his apartment. “So what’s up, Gabe?” he asked as he closed the door. “Are we talking, like, ‘a model bailed on me last-minute and I need a stand-in’ level favor here or more like a ‘mini-kraken infesting the Seine’ level favor?”

“Babysitting,” Gabriel replied curtly.

Jonathan blinked. “Okay,” he said slowly, “that’s a new one. Babysitting whom?”

Sighing, Gabriel reached into his pocket and held up a small blue figure, her large head pinched between his fingers. “Rajji is being… difficult,” Gabriel said, annoyed.

“About what?” Jonathan asked, looking at the kwami. She grinned up at him and started shaking her ornate tail, full of excitement and seemingly unperturbed by her current position.

“Well,” Gabriel started, “I’m taking your sister out to dinner tonight-”

“Eee!” Rajji shouted in excitement suddenly and, phasing through Gabriel’s fingers, began darting frantically around the room.

“-and she keeps doing that whenever the subject comes up,” Gabriel continued, raising his voice significantly in order to be heard over the kwami’s joyful chirps and cries. “I need you to keep her here for the evening so she doesn’t have a fit in the middle of the restaurant and expose us both.”

“Why’s she so excited?” Jonathan asked, also shouting to be heard. “You take Adele out all the time, don’t you? I mean, I know you kind of disappeared for a little while while your fashion empire was taking off, but I thought you two were mostly back to normal now?”

“Yes, well,” Gabriel dropped eye contact, “one way or another, after tonight ‘back to normal’ will no longer be an option.”

“What the hell does that-Rajji, take it down about twenty decibels, would you? I have neighbors and they are not shy about making noise complaints.”

“Sorry!” Rajji darted over to Jonathan and hugged his nose briefly before returning to the side of her Chosen. “I’m just so excited for all of us to be one big family!”

“One big family? What are you-” Jonathan’s jaw dropped suddenly. “Gabe, are you proposing?”

“That is the plan, yes,” Gabriel replied. He reached into his other pocket, pulled out a small jewelry box and flipped it open. Jonathan let out a low, appreciative whistle as he took the box from his friend and examined the ring within.

“You don’t think it’s a little presumptuous to pick the ring out for her?” Jonathan asked.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Jonathan, I love your sister more than anything on this earth, but she absolutely cannot be trusted to match gemstone colors to skin tones. If it were up to me, she’d never pick out a single piece of jewelry for herself ever again.”

“It’s a diamond ring,” Jonathan said. “Aren’t they all the same color?”

For a moment, Gabriel was speechless. “Good Lord, it’s genetic,” he finally muttered. “I can only pray it’s recessive.”

Rolling his eyes, Jonathan handed the box back to Gabriel. “Aren’t you, uh… you know, you seem to be going for the traditional route here, so aren’t you supposed to ask for permission or a blessing or whatever first?”

“Ask whom?” Gabriel asked, confused. “Your father’s dead.”

“Tactful as always, Gabe. You know, Adele does have other male relatives.”

“Does she? None she cares for enough to have mentioned to me.”

“Really?” Jonathan asked. “Not even, like, maybe a slightly older-but still incredibly young and attractive-relative? One who, I don’t know, stepped up after her parents died and took care of her for two years? Maybe he’s still watching out for her even now, in his own funny and superpowerless way-” Jonathan was cut off by the extremely rare sound of Gabriel Agreste laughing.

“You want me to ask your permission to propose to Adele?” Gabriel asked. “Jonathan, that is priceless. I look forward to telling Adele all about it once she’s accepted.”

“Oh, come on Gabe, you know I didn’t mean it like-”

“Well, this has been fun,” Gabriel interrupted, glancing at his wristwatch, “but I really do need to be going. Again, I appreciate you watching Rajji for me.” He began to head toward the door.

“Gabe, wait.” Gabriel turned back around, and Jonathan took a deep breath. “Okay, you didn’t ask for my blessing but I want you to know you’ve got it anyway. You and Adele are perfect for each other and, well, I pretty much already think of you as a brother anyway, so I couldn’t be happier that it’s finally going to be official.”

Gabriel blinked, momentarily at a loss for words. “Oh. I. Well, yes, I also am, that is, quite fond of our, uh, relationship, and, well-”

“Jeez, Gabe, I hope you’re more articulate with Adele tonight.”

Gabriel cleared his throat. “I did have one or two statements prepared in advance, yes.”

“Glad to hear it.” Jonathan took a step forward and gave his friend a quick hug. “Good luck tonight. I'm sure she’ll say yes.”

“Thank you.” Gabriel hugged his friend back, then left. Jonathan looked over at Rajji, who was floating in midair and still shaking with excitement.

“So, uh,” Jonathan glanced around his empty apartment as he tried to remember how to babysit, “you wanna see what's on TV?”

~~~

“Gabriel, this place is stunning,” Adele said appreciatively, looking around at the elegant restaurant and out the giant window next to their table, with its breathtaking view of Paris at night.

“I'm glad you approve.”

“I think it might be nicer than where we went for either of our anniversaries. The dating one or the superhero one.”

“Yes, well,” Gabriel took an uncharacteristically large sip of wine before putting the glass down and tapping his fingers on the table, “if one requires a private room with a view, one is restricted to a certain caliber of establishment.”

“Requires?” Adele asked.

“I… wanted to be able to discuss some things freely. I know we usually save sensitive conversations for the privacy of our apartment, but in this case, well, I thought a certain ambiance might not go amiss.”

“I see,” Adele said slowly. “What did you want to discuss?”

“Well…” Gabriel trailed off and dropped eye contact, looking out the window instead. “You know, I’d thought that after I'd seen the city from the very top of the Eiffel Tower at night, no other vantage point could ever compare. However, this one manages to come close.”

“It does,” Adele agreed. “Less windy, too,” she added.

“Yes. Well. The thing is, Miss Dumas… Adele… is that the past two years of my life have been wholly and utterly unlike anything I had ever envisioned for myself.” Gabriel looked out the window again, but this time he caught sight of Adele in its reflection. There was a familiar, almost mischievous glint in her eye, one that wasn't there while Gabriel was looking at her directly. Sighing, Gabriel looked back at her. “Out of curiosity, Miss Dumas, have you already divined the exact nature of my purpose here tonight?”

Adele bit back a grin. “Maybe,” she said, “but keep talking anyway.”

“How did you- I was extremely careful not to leave any hints, any way to-”

“I'm an empath, Gabriel,” Adele interrupted gently. “I think you'll find surprising me isn't really an option.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?” he murmured. “In that case… and seeing as how your answer is rather obvious at this point,” he pulled the small black box out of his pocket and began to slide it across the table, “you might as well have-”

“Oh, no,” Adele said firmly, pushing the box back towards her date. “If you want that ‘yes’ out of me, Gabriel Agreste, you’re going to have to earn it by finishing whatever little speech you'd planned.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Is that really necessary?”

“I'm afraid so,” Adele said, leaning back in her chair and now openly grinning. “You hadn't even gotten to the part about me yet.”

Defeated, Gabriel picked the box back up. “Adele, in the past two years I have experienced enough excitement, enough adventure, enough wonder for ten lifetimes. But…” Gabriel took another deep breath, “but the greatest adventure of it all, the greatest wonder, has simply been being at your side. I never imagined myself as a superhero, but even less did I ever imagine finding someone like you. Someone who is brave and passionate, and who brought those qualities out in me before I even knew I had the capacity for them. Adele… before we met, I was an incomplete man.”

Gabriel paused, waiting for a response, but Adele simply kept watching him. She was still grinning, but her eyes were wet, shining in the gentle candlelight. Gabriel opened the box and turned it towards Adele. “Oh,” she gasped softly, covering her mouth with her hand.

“Adele,” Gabriel continued, “you have been exceptionally patient with me-”

Adele snorted. “That's the first time in my life I've ever been accused of having that trait.”

“-while I've been focusing on building my company,” Gabriel finished. “I know I haven't been as available as you deserve in a partner, in either sense of the word. I've forgotten dinners, missed patrols.”

“It's your dream, Gabriel, your life,” Adele replied. “Of course I understand.”

“Without you, Adele, I have no dream, no life. I can no longer imagine any future without you. For the past two years I have been making plans and building something based on a vision that is now hopelessly dated, thrown off the rails and replaced by something far more miraculous. So I believe it is time to start building that life as well.” Gabriel gently pried the ring from its box, then took Adele's hand and placed it in her palm before closing her fingers around it. “Marry me, Adele,” Gabriel whispered. “Build a life with me. Grow old with me.”

Tears were falling freely from Adele’s eyes now, and she opened her mouth to respond but for a second no sound emerged. She nodded, somewhat frantically, as she did her best to recover her powers of speech. “Yes,” she finally said, her voice breaking, “yes, yes, of course I will, Gabriel, yes!” She leaned forward suddenly, kissing her fiancé. He kissed her back immediately, leaning over their small table and placing a hand to the side of her face, pulling her into him, his fingers catching in her hair.

Adele pulled away a few moments later, smiling, and Gabriel wordlessly took the ring from her grasp before sliding it onto her finger. Adele’s grin widened as she looked down at her hand. The diamond caught the dim light of their private room and reflected dots of it onto her face.

“It's a perfect fit,” she whispered, and Gabriel kissed her again.

[i-luv-tigers]

David Joselit - After Art - Formats

Characterizing a change from medium —> formats

Medium: material substrate (paint and canvas) + aesthetic tradition (the history of painting)

Formats: connections, fields, links, connections

“what now matters mostis not the productin of new content but its retrieval in intelligible patterns through acts of reframing, capturing, reiterating, and documenting.” - Epistemology of the Search

Rem Koolhaas - Content “junkspace” in which disparate signs, fields, are mashed up side by side in feeds, blogs, etc.,

Task is to give junkspace, in general, which can only be understood as a kind of jarring relationship, a “shape” or a “form”

Alejandro Zaera-Polo - the politics of the envelope

Google gave the WWW a “shape” even if it was an imperfect one

reiterating previous - “contemporary art marginalizes the production of content in favor of producing new formats for existing images” - Aesthetics of the Search Engine

Critics task is to trace out “links” between nodes and connections. Joselit gives four categories: Work [OF ART] to Citizen, Community to Institution, Institution to State, and State to Globe

Work of Art to Citizen

two previous categories of connection:

first, perceptual connection, in which optical sensation corresponds with a kind of knowing

second, the psychological connection which refers to how works of art create dynamics of identification (modernism, abstraction, beyond)

Joselit’s task is to interrogate these connections as a form of nonmonetary exchange—rather, cultural exchange, or exchange of another kind of value.

Refers to Tania Brugera’s work Generic Capitalism, a panel discussion between Wunderground’s Bernadine Dohrn and Bill Ayers, which Brugera staged and then planted audience members to antagonize the panelists in two different ways—one accusing them of extremism, the other accusing them of moderation.

Bruguera’s piece does not collapse art and life by introducing political representation, rather, it creates an authentically political event and then disrupts the connections implicit therein in two ways: first, she challenges the assumed political homogeny of the audience/speakers. second, she challenges the assumption that the piece will not be subject to the artist/trickster’s hand. “In other words, Bruguera’s work explores the nature of social ties or associations; in essence, it explores the web of connections that constitutes her format.”

Refers to Bourriaud’s Relational Aesthetics, rereads Generic Capitalism as a two-step process: first, she stages an event, and then organizes its transgression. (Other artists that Joselit places in this category include Santiago Sieera, Yoko Ono, Marina Abramovic, Tino Sehgal.) Additionally, Joselit argues that the title Generic Capitalism is apt as a larger category for the Work of Art - Citizen relationship—“interpersonal transactions premised on trust and aimed at producing value through collective knowledge”—the art of the deal.

Community to Institution

Thomas Hoving became the leader of MOMA NY in 1967, promised to make the museum more democratic, however his first exhibition featured only the gilded objects from monarchies that the museum had acquired. Joselit links this to a kind of “royalist populism” in which the accumulation and presentation and celebration of wealth is equated with the “common good” (common wealth itself being a kind of paradox).

Compares the museum to a bank that is engaged in a money-laundering operation—finance capital is converted into cultural capital and then presented as a kind of “public good.” Museums justify extreme concetration of capital as “for the public good;” the museum makes wealth fascinating and legitimate. Thus, income inequality and the flourishing of arts institutions are catastrophically linked.

Institution to State

In critiquing the process of “branding the museum,” Joselit proposes a spectrum between two Platonic ideals—on one end the absolutely hermetic (read as: totally esoteric, distinct, occult, etc) image which isn’t connected to anything, and on the other end, the absolutely accessible image, which has an infinite capacity to reach audiences.

Buildings act as “three-dimensional logos” — Guggenheim, Getty, Zaha Hadid’s MAXXI Museum, Rem Koolhaa’s CCV all create knots in which the visitor moves in and out of the “eye” of the building

“Guggenheim Bilbao assumes a format (logo/architecture) that leads from a diverse rray of art objects to a single branded image whose purpose is to attract capital” - no wonder they look like black holes

State to Globe

Premise that “scale matters” (referencing Rem Koolhaas + Bruce Mau - S,M,L,XL)

Cookies, hits, search engine optimization

Paradox - we thought global economics + globalized communications technologies would decentralize, but in reality, financial/cultural capitals profit from their density—they get more hits

Art is an international currency - Donald Rubell

With globalization comes a paradoxical localization, or at least nationalization — non-western artists are required to imbue their work with a certain degree of “otherness” in order to be absorbed into the Global Art Market - refers to Subodh Gupta’s insertion of native Indian utensils into his giant skull in high contrast with Hirst’s diamonds

Colonization through architecture — Gehry, Norman Foster, Rem Koolhaas — also grants artistic “legitimacy”

James H. Gilmore and B. Joseph Pine II - introduce a hierarchy of economies:

Commoditi es are extracted from the earth

Goods are manufactured from commodities

Service are intangible activities on behalf of customers

Experiences are memorable events that engage in a personal way

Transformations are effectual outcomes that guide customers to change themselves

With each scale upwards, there is a higher degree of variability, granularity, customization

Art gets bound up with national sovereignty — Italy, Greece, Egypt, Peru demand return of their cultural artifacts where for China, contemporary art is a means of soft diplomacy

Art establishes a currency exchange where cultural difference is monetized and exchanged—but not totally monetized, however, and “images can act as infiltrators, spies, trojan horses”—thus, the work of art has a new kind of power under the “epistemology of the search”

David Joselit - After Art - Power

Revolving door between academia and politics - Robert Reich, Jeffrey Sachs, etc.,

Commonality between museums and academic institutions — enormous wealth + vast amounts of knowledge

Museums purport to democratize — returning the private accumulation of the ultra rich back to the people in the form of cultural capital

Early-to-mid 20th century modernism as the “era of art” in which art is a vessel for secular knowledge, Joselit makes the case that we have surpassed this “era of art” into the newer “epistemology of the search”

Comparing structures between the museum structure, the art world in general, academia in general, and the film industry - capital, networks of distributions, internal hierarchies, privileged communities, mobilization towards economic / nationalist ends

Obsolescence of the function of art as “alternate realities”; we live in a plurality of alternate realities

The art world links cultural capital with financial power — it holds this power uniquely, more than universities and the film industry (I disagree, I just think we should look harder but)

In the history of institutional critique, there’s a general assumption that the power of art is necessarily evil — Hans Haacke, ®™ark, RepoHistory, Yes Men, subRosa, Raqs, Electronic Disturbance Theater, etc.— all operate under this assumption.

Regards Ai Wei Wei as an instance of using art-power positively, or rather the platform afforded to him by art’s power — he exploits the power of images

Ref. Hannah Arendt On Violence - power emerges from groups, or, for Joselit, from connectivity.

concludes, that one doesn’t need to exit the art world or even critique it, instead, we muse creatively exploit its potential power, which is kind of latent until it is mobilized towards a goal