scretladyspider

[scretladyspider]

dont play defense

[scretladyspider]

I want to limit your ability to communicate

That’s what I hear when people mock and attack labels. No matter how little it has anything to do with them, certain types of people see or hear a word they don’t understand (like “demisexual”), immediately squawk about its uselessness, and somehow spin over to screaming “YOU’RE NOT OPPRESSED” and “YOU THINK YOU’RE A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE.”

So let me go against my usual inclinations and try to say this concisely, so you won’t lose patience with me as I try to explain this to you. I will use demisexuality as an example but expect that you can generalize.

People who use words you’re not familiar with to discuss an experience they’re having are not therefore claiming to be oppressed or even necessarily misunderstood or hurt. They’re using (and in some cases, creating) words to DISCUSS THEIR EXPERIENCE. That’s IT. You have NO REASON to ask them to stop doing this. They are not asking for your permission, or for anything from you besides being left in peace.

When you say “WTF LOL demisexuality why do u need that ur not oppressed,” you’re suggesting that the only reason to name an experience is to claim special rights or fight terrible oppression. It’s really not difficult to understand why someone whose sexual attraction experiences don’t match the experiences we’re led to believe are normal MIGHT want to talk about it with others who have the same experiences.

When you say “WTF LOL demisexuality people will do anything 2 seem speshul,” you’re suggesting that their orientation is about you–and about getting attention from you–not about them. By accusing them of acting out with attention-getting behavior, you’re saying speaking about their lives is all about having your eyes on them. Which, in case you haven’t noticed as you dish it out, seems to result in mocking and harassment, so why would anyone want that? Very self-centered of you, isn’t it? Just like marriage equality isn’t about wrecking anyone else’s marriage, discussing one’s experience isn’t commentary on someone else’s. Occam’s Razor suggests people talk about their experiences because connecting with others who understand is comforting, so why would you invent a muddy motive to take legitimacy away from their desire to connect? And if it so eats at your guts that they might get attention for it, why don’t you stop giving it to them?

When you say “WTF LOL demisexuality THAT’S JUST HOW PEOPLE NORMALLY ARE,” okay, well the asexual community disagrees since in OUR experience sexual attraction to strangers is expected, is common, and is normalized, but if you really think it’s normal to be sexually attracted to someone ONLY after months or years of developing other positive feelings toward them, and even then ONLY once in a while, I’m not going to argue with you. I AM going to say “so what?” If it’s “normal,” it can still have a name to describe that specific experience. Calling oneself demisexual is in no way an attempt to divorce oneself completely from “normality” (in pursuit of “specialness,” of course).

When you say “WTF LOL demisexuality, an unnecessary word for having sex ONLY when ur in love” or “WTF LOL demisexuality, people trying to make an orientation out of not being a slut,” you’re not even listening to the people who used the word to try to communicate with you, because you are DEFINING IT WRONG. You are making assumptions, and you are mocking a claim that the people who are using the word aren’t even making. In the case of demisexuality, they are saying they DON’T FEEL SEXUAL ATTRACTION outside the described circumstances. They are not saying they WON’T SLEEP WITH SOMEONE if these terms aren’t met, nor are they describing any system of ethics/morals, nor are they shaming people who do not experience attraction the way they do. If you are re-describing their orientation in ways that make it easier for you to mock them and call them slut-shamers or what have you, look at what you’re doing. If you have to change what they’re saying to make it ridiculous, who’s really in the wrong here?

When you say “WTF LOL demisexuality, that’s a made-up word,” what the hell is your point? Every word was invented at some point to describe something someone needed to say, and when you start hearing it more, that kind of suggests that LOTS of people wanted a word for this experience. Who are you to LAUGH and say they should STOP because that word isn’t in a dictionary or isn’t widespread yet? Really, you’re going to tell someone the fact that they had to “make up” a word for their experience has anything to do with whether they should be talking about it?

Please stop WTF LOLing other people’s conversations about themselves. Please stop rewriting what they’re saying so you can slam them for claiming oppression, specialness, or moral positions they are NOT claiming. Please stop using the fact that you don’t relate to or understand someone else’s orientation as an excuse for making an active attempt to limit their conversations. And please stop acting like you’re the arbiter for what experiences are “serious,” “real,” “oppressive,” or “common” enough to warrant terminology.

Author’s note: I am not demisexual. I have no horse in this race. I just have no problem LISTENING TO WHAT DEMISEXUAL PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT THEMSELVES and understanding/agreeing that they are experiencing something that sounds distinct enough from how most people experience it that having a word makes sense.

[scretladyspider]

like on the one hand I do think a lot of social media spaces and particularly fandom enclaves are way too quick to assume all critique is inherently negative and that all critique that is negative is a personal attack, but on the flip side of that I think there's also a bad tendency among many people to assume that someone with a negative reading of a text must somehow be more objective and therefore correct in their assessment than a person whose reading is positive

[scretladyspider]

That’s a cute foot fetish you got there, would you mind keeping it 25796323689432 feet away from me?

[scretladyspider]

y'all it's about to get really fucking humid and hot

[scretladyspider]

THE ENTIRE WEST IS BEING PUT UP FOR SALE AND I AM BEGGING YOU TO CALL YOUR SENATORS

Trump’s budget bill has many, many things in it, but buried amongst it is the MILLIONS OF ACRES OF PUBLIC LAND FOR SALE.

This is the entirety of the Arizona state forests, the entire Cascades mountain range. Swathes of pristine desert around the national parks in Utah. On the doorstep of Jackson Hole.

THIS BILL IS BIG, BUT IT CAN BE AMENDED AND ABSOLUTELY MUST NOT PASS AS IS please.

If you have ever enjoyed the wilderness, we stand to lose it all forever.

CALLING your senators - NOT JUST IN THE WEST. ALL SENATORS, is CRUCIAL.

Outdoor alliance has a great resource for reaching out.

I don’t have a huge following but please, everywhere I have ever loved, the forests I grew up playing in, the land I got married on, is all at risk and I am begging.

[scretladyspider]

[scretladyspider]

Reminder to myself, and for anyone who might need a reminder as well:

Joy is not a limited resource. I am allowed to enjoy life. Forcing myself to be miserable (with no farther goal) will not be helpful to others. My joy does not negate my own suffering, nor others' suffering. What am I fighting for if not more of that joy for everyone? Must I disqualify myself from that 'everyone' in order to achieve that goal?

[scretladyspider]

so this European clothing retailer decided to advertise their jean cuts on youtube and it's unintentionally the funniest shit I've seen today. why? well.

now important context here: in German, die (pronounced 'dee') is just a feminine article, it literally means "the".

but if an ad gets placed in the middle of an English video and doesn't use a single explicitly German word for most of the ad, even a native speaker is gonna think "they want me to die how?" it keeps getting funnier.

I mean, holy shit

i will use these as reaction images until i die

[scretladyspider]

“I got a fan letter from a young lady. It was a suicide note.

So I called her, and I said, “Hey, this is Jimmy Doohan. Scotty, from Star Trek.” I said, “I’m doing a convention in Indianapolis. I wanna see you there.”

I saw her – boy, I’m telling you, I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was definitely suicide. Somebody had to help her, somehow. And obviously she wasn’t going to the right people.

I said to her, “I’m doing a convention two weeks from now in St. Louis.” And two weeks from then, in somewhere else, you know? She also came to New York - she was able to afford to got to these places. That went on for two or three years, maybe eighteen times. And all I did was talk positive things to her.

And then all of the sudden – nothing. I didn’t hear anything. I had no idea what had happened to her because I never really saved her address.

Eight years later, I get a letter saying, “I do want to thank you so much for what you did for me, because I just got my Master’s degree in electronic engineering.”

That’s…to me, the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.“

[scretladyspider]

Hey here's some unsolicited decor advice: get a bowl. put it on your coffee table. fill it with objects that are Good To Hold. Watch your guests be satisfied.

For example, I have this bowl of polished rock orbs. (and one glass ball.) they serve no purpose but everyone who comes into my home picks up at least one of them and just kinda rolls it around in their hands.

[scretladyspider]

we were talking about the criminalization of homosexuality in class and my professor (who as far as i know isn't in any way queer) said something i quite enjoyed in that. well the exchange was more or less this: a student asked a question (doesn't really matter what exactly just know that i was rolling my eyes So hard internally) that i was and the prof looked at the student and was like (i'm paraphrasing here this conversation was not in english) Do you have any queer friends? and the student went Uhhhh in a manner that made it clear the answer was probably no and the prof said Actually statistically speaking you most likely do. If I had to divide this room into two groups the way to do it would not be "people with queer friends" and "people without queer friends" it would be "people whose queer friends are out to them" and "people whose queer friends aren't". And if you're in the latter category you should consider why that is--if maybe your behavior is indicating to the queer people around you that you're not safe to come out to. to come back to your question if you really want to know about queerness there's a very simple way of doing that: you make yourself a person queer people feel comfortable talking to about their experiences and then you fucking listen to them when they do (the fuck is not paraphrased) (there was a fuck involved) (frankly king shit)

[scretladyspider]

i walk a fine line between “i’m asexual and i hate how much the world revolves around sex” and “sex is way too stigmatized and people should be able to be more open about it if they want to”

[scretladyspider]

In light of some of the many things happening across the world this year, I thought this Pride Month needed a special illustration.

Happy Pride Month, may we all stay safe, look after each other, and keep painting our rainbows, no matter what. 🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[scretladyspider]

reblog to give prev a transgender pride marble

[scretladyspider]

my ancestors seeing me shrug off a diarrhea session

[scretladyspider]

Musk might be against Trump for now but that does not change that

he video conferenced into a alt-right rally and told the people that Germany needed to let go of collective guilt regarding the Holocaust earlier this year

or that his factories are unsafe and that’s why he wanted to get rid of oversight

or that he did a sieg heil salute on national television twice in a row when Trump won

or that his cars most famous feature is exploding

or that he’s a racist sexist misogynistic neo Nazi and proud of it

I don’t want them working together either but Musk is not suddenly “an ally” to anyone but himself and we cannot afford to pretend like he is, or like this is him turning over a new leaf. it’s not. He still sucks as a person. That didn’t change. We’re watching two of the richest men on earth throw tantrums over the internet, not someone using their immense wealth to fight what’s going on.

Musk is not an underdog, he is not a hero. He and his money is part of how we even got here. Don’t forget that.