#AHAHAHAHAHAHA IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

[chronosmythed]

why are you banned from New Hampshire

Because of the Bop It™ incident

[aestariiwilderness]

SPOILERS

Bad Batch Season 3 Episode 5(?) (I think?) Thoughts

Well, one big one:

HAHAHAhahahahaHHAHAHAHAHA

And the little ones:

I have been waiting for Omega to pull the age card since season 1 -- actually since before I really knew what the newest Star Wars Baby's name actually was. This was great and I want Hunter to realize it's coming for him next

I haven't stopped laughing about the "moment of silence for our fallen brother" since I saw it. Someone: *mentions Tech* Every single clone in the room: *pledge of Allegiance moment*

WHY IS CROSSHAIR STILL WEARING THE JACKET

WHY IS HE STILL WEARING THE JACKET ON A BEACH IN FULL SUNLIGHT

Crosshair is 100% the angsty sullen goth vampire hissing like he's been hit with holy water in Hawaiian environments with kind people chasing after him bearing fruit and love that I knew he would be

Crosshair: spends like two weeks on Pabu Crosshair: I can't take it anymore! UGH SUNLIGHT *drags the entire Batch to freaking Barton IV* ah, home sweet murder home. the last place I had a really good angst before my older sister found me and dragged me home by the ear. fond memories

Echo, you're a disgrace but also somehow still the only sane one here

Do datapads just not need to ever charge in Star Wars??

Omega: oh yah I have a sister did you know Echo: okay, we don't have time to unpack all that

Where is the heck is Phee? Is she just...off dismembering Cid or something?

Crosshair: "I know a place" Hunter: "YOU'RE NOT TELLING US EVERYTHING ABOUT IT" Crosshair: "I ALREADY KILLED EVERYTHING DANGEROUS HERE what do you WANT FROM ME" *Dune 2021 erupts from underneath the base* Crosshair: .... Crosshair: huh. guess Mayday forgot to mention that particular natural feature. My bad y'all

GUYS. WE NEVER TURN OFF THE MYSTERIOUS PERIMETER SENSORS. IDIOTS KNOW THIS. DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM THE KRYKNA INCIDENTS I, II, and III

Crosshair looking at Batcher: ah, the new and improved Hunter. You're my favorite. We'll try to save you Hunter but if it gets too inconvenient I'll be over there taking a nap Hunter, standing right there: hey

Congratulations Batcher I guess you're his service animal now

Hunter: *sneaks up behind Crosshair stacking random regs' helmets one by one on a crate* Hunter: *considering Crosshair's past track record with regs, the Empire, and loyalty* so, like...did he kill these guys, or...? Hunter:...do I want to know? Hunter: *does a 180* NOPE

Hunter: "dID yOu tHiNK we wErE juST gOinG tO tAkE yOu bAcK witHoUT aSkIng aNy quEsTiONs???" Hunter, you beloved moron. You DID just take him back without asking any questions. To your super secret summer home no less. And let him spend two whole weeks chilling on a beach before it occurred to you to do anything other than stare at him with complete lack of subtlety from the top of a cliff

Why were you stalking him from the top of a cliff Hunter

Crosshair, he was silhouetted against the sun like 100 feet away with an almost seven foot dude right next to him. There was no hiding going on here. At all. Detecting him is not a super sniper skill. If you HADN'T seen that, we'd have a problem

Crosshair: hey yeah guys so this is clearly a Very Important Place to me that I will proceed to tell you Absolutely Nothing About. BTW don't land there Echo, there's a corpse in the middle of the landing pad somewhere. Possibly two if they never bothered picking up Nolan Echo:... Echo, 1000000% done with this Batch's drama: at least there's no blood this time

"I've made mistakes" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *smash cuts to using flamethrower on civilians* *shooting Wrecker* *"aim for the kid!"* *nearly dropping Tech off an ion engine* *trying to burn them all alive in an ion engine* *shooting at them* *kidnapping Hunter* *kidnapping all of them* *getting them trapped on Kamino while it SINKS* *shooting pretty much everybody at some point* *plan 88 but no context!* AHAHAHAHAHAHA this is my new favorite line. Hunter should get him a T-shirt that says that to replace that awful hip pocket thing

Wrecker getting genre-aware

Omega: "I told you to TALK to him not ARGUE with him" Crosshair, sulkily: "He STARTED IT" EDIT: 23. IF I SEE ONE MORE ICE VULTURE IN THIS HOUSE

[softness-and-shattering]

I have entered the shadow cursed lands.

On the click to enter I got the voice line "better not be cursed" ahahahahahaha my guy.

Ok my main thing rn is, is thisnspider guide the samr spider guy from under the blighted village whos various journals I have? I bet.

Also very conflicted bc I want to explore but my familiar died real quick and as Ive been running round tying up loose ends and selling shit for q while, I do want to get some story progress. And theres no teleport point where I came in. So im nervous.

Also how did they know to wait for me thats super suspicious.

And also. Is this the beginning of act 2? Because I frel like act one ended with saving halsin and the tiefling party. And then theres been all of the underdark and grymforge and all of the monqstery and creche and the blood of lathander. But I havent seen qnyone call the towers act 3 ,that seems to he most of act 2.....where am I up to? How much time is qctually spent in Baldurs Gate the city? I wanna explore a city!

[sirpeppersto]

good morning tumblr nation i had convinced myself that it wasnt going to happen yesterday even though a couple days ago he said he got me something. and i was in the shower that morning like "ive gotten my hopes up so many times before i seriously doubt its gonna happen plus i think hes waiting till our anniversary in august" and then yknow. i couldntve been proven more wrong LMAO

im so excited to be in this phase of our relationship now, ive been looking forward to it since 4 months in and eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee now we're ✨️engaged✨️ ahhh!!!!!!! we're fucking engaged lets gooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

this means i don't have a boyfriend anymore...hes my fiance heheheheh(im just gonna call him my husband idgaf we're basically there)

AHAHAHAHAHAHA WE'RE ENGAGED THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE THING IVE WANTED AND HERE WE AREEEEEEE

WE'RE ENGAGED

[theskyexists]

ive bought harrow the ninth and am now attempting to reread act 1 so that i may understand it better

ianthe clearly proposes that Harrow not get herself killed trying to bring Gideon back - reading it over again. instead to take the future and somehow?? be really powerful together and forget about their cavaliers. but harrow says no

im once again struck with how offhand this book introduces the concept that the empire goes out to deliberately kill planets over a couple of generations

now im not sure....there also seems to be an implication that there’s no aliens - because they say only humanity has a soul - but client planets were said to rebel - i guess the human colonisers rebel against central solar system command sometimes? but then what enemy does the Cohort fight? possibly it’s just bigotry that they think aliens dont have a soul

but like - they find LIVING PLANETS and then - kill them slowly. to the extent that they need to move the entire population. WHAT? why do they do that??? just so they can do some bone tricks???!

what the fuk

so how did the planets get murdered again? and which solar system planets could really have been said to have had enough life to have a soul?? cos like, only one of them is really known for that

why did God give Harrow the choice to go back home TWICE if he was never going to let her?

once again, why mess with the Hand candidates if God was always gonna come for Cytherea? just to mess with him more?

yeah - harrow keeps hearing and saying ortus ninegad but the rest of the world remembers gideon.

Harrow truly is totally mentally shattered AND time is totally fucked up

but sometimes in the fake-ish timeline Harrow remembers but doesn’t remember Gideon - like how she notes that there were two womb-bearing members of the Ninth who were the right age...but only elaborates on herself

for some reason - Harrowhark remembers Ianthe’s arm ripped from her by Cytherea - but now it’s whole. for some reason

that letter is still so what the fuck

‘like you did the last time’ - hm harrowhark sewed Ianthe’s lips shut? how did she come by the power?

is ianthe - calling Harrowhark God?

throughout the first act, they keep referring to time, having too much time, or not mastering time, or not having enough time, ‘this time’ etc.

the eggs you gave me all died - that’s DIRECTED at Harrow, is my theory

ok but the planet revenants come after Lyctors and also God (- God became God when? at the Resurrection) before the Lyctors happened - God was still at Canaan House - despite the Revenants already coming right...

is Teacher criticising god and lyctors for leaving Canaan House lol?

ok so yeah Canaan House WAS part of a ‘last sacrifice’

ok so - Harrowhark is a little resurrection miracle. This implies that God killed a lot to resurrect the Houses.

wow God is being a very dad to Harrow

Blood of Eden - BOE - they turned their back on the solar system. now they hate necromancy. in other words - when the solar system died, God resurrected it - but before that point some humans had fled - lived. and they can see what absolute fuckin horror necromancy is ACTUALLY

so what im getting is...maybe...god resurrected humanity by killing the planets...?

i just realised that Ianthe has taken Gideon’s place as the smartass in the room - the counterweight to Harrow’s portentousness

what the fuck do augustine’s comments to Mercy mean???? why is she unloveable? why would he say that God doesn’t need her? and why is it obscene that Augstine calls God John? What is the dangerous game she’s playing? What was the foul implication??

‘Then that is your downfall’ OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Harrow BURN!!!

what i don’t get is - the Cohort is an army - when they land they die because they’re being killed by an enemy at the front - NOT in pure sacrifice for thanergy. so why does only the death of humans and planets produce thanergy. why is the death of the enemy not good enough? they don’t have fuckin souls?? they MUST be complex life. and doesn’t a planet produce a constant stream of thanergy? but i guess it’s not dying enough - generally its life maintains itself in ecosystems.....unless a fuckin lyctor ‘makes the juice flow’ i guess!

sometime in the next book there IS gonna be a ‘are we the baddies’ meme. muir loves memes and she stuck skulls on absolutely EVERYTHIGN. Like WHY THE FUCK would you colonise planets if you gotta kill them for it? LOL????

huh? augustine just said that they can’t use necromancy when in the river - but mercy mocked harrow for having hypothermia ? implying her fundamental failure was not being able to necro while in the river? Harrow’s inability was what was wrong partly right?? oh no ok it’s how Harrow tried to compensate for her body going lights out while in the river. alright. that was written confusingly

how and why is this a completely different story???

The Sleeper.......is Harrowhark? the suit is too close to what she was wearing killing the asteroid. and the sleeper is lying on ‘something’. oh they just straight up say it lololol

ortus got into trouble 19 years ago...hhmmmmm wasn’t Gideon 19??? huh? which is why Mercy started at Harrow’s peculiar YELLOW eyes that Harrow can’t see herself i think

‘i do things face to face’ ortus says after stabbing harrow. HUH? why go for a stab if decapitating would have done the job? just to give her a small chance to fight back? (face to face?)

why not tell God that ‘his’ attack dog is trying to kill you?

why does Ortus the First want me dead? ‘who?’ ---uh. has she forgotten him completely (time shit) or is she saying the wrong name? mercy wouldnt reply like that then right?

she told him and he’s like - oh well guess you gotta just get through repeated almost-successful attacks on your life. ???? THANKS GOD!!!

‘you, with your unfortunate memory for poetry’ HA! i love how we are reminded that she knew all the fuckin damn books nearly by heart which is insane!

Teacher suggests his dying at least three times a day?? hahaha what?.........................is this purely a meme reference. is that meme the mental image im supposed to have of Teacher??????????? is this trying to say that this meme was preserved in the amalgamation of human life that is Teacher?? oh my god....

no.....palamedus and camilla....did old Harrow really kill them.....

seems like all the murders were consensual maybe?

it’s probably too straightforward that Harrow created and alternate timeline and made for a Harrow Lyctor without Gideon dying and kicked her to the original? maybe she took Ianthe and Coronabeth with her bc she needed Ianthe’s help

is this Cytherea or Dulcinea? Pro seems real this time. why does Dulcie call Pal and Cam strands and cords?

did muir put in a fuckin secondary school S - muir’s just like - im gonna put in all the memes as a nod to ancient human culture

still no idea what the messages are that Harrow is getting

This Harrow is so goddamn sick. I mean she was sick before, but at least she had Gideon. Really do feel that that helped her. now she didn’t have that -- AND she’s getting slapped with trauma another five times

if ortus can undo the thanergy of her own bone then why not simply crumble HARROW into dust? cos there’s a core of thanergy fusion in her that he can’t undo?

FLKJDFKLJSDLFSD fucking IANTHE ‘Wow! Not how I imagined this happening, at all.’  FUCKIN HELL

Harrow with her fucking fucked up dramatic inner monologues about weakness and Ianthe comes in with this shit. she really is doing Gideon proud here.

Did love Harrow’s musings about how only a truly idiotically obedient Cavalier would be the only one to keep to a vow of silence. HAH! nice one muir

‘have you taken the time to rest lately?’ asks God, YOUR FUCKING SAINT IS TRYING TO KILL HER IN THE FUCKING BATH YOU IDIOT AHAHAHAHA

JEZUS FUCKING CHRIST - try and be normal Harrow! try and make some soup and read a book! Harrow: *does and then hyperventilates hidden under her bed after 86 hours of zero sleep*

she was trying to remember what cutlery did. why is this so goddamn funny hahahaa. this book has ONLY been Harrow being in extreme states of misery ALL THE TIME both mentally and physically to the point of death

GOD IS HAPPY THAT SHE MADE SOUP AND DOESNT EVEN FUCKIN NOTICE SHE’S NOT SLEPT FOR A WEEK SOMEHOW THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS SHIT

thats what you fucking GET you piece of shit god! you push a prodigy teen to the brink and she fuckin explodes your lyctor and feeds you her fuckin marrow. maybe you shouldn’t have ignored her goddamn fucking understandable distress

SHE FUCKIN HITS HIM WITH THE FUCKIN TRUTH what an IDIOT of a God. he truly doesn’t understand mortality anymore huh

I LOVE HOW MERCYMORN CONTINUES TO MAKE HARROW YOUNGER IN HER HEAD AHAHAHAHAHAHA she’s only nine years old!!!hahahaha

naturally God focuses on how - wait- actually harrow is truly an INSANE necromancer - INSANE

still no idea what the fuck is going on in the not-past

aww. ianthe’s scent soothes harrow now. begrudgingly of course.

i thought this was gonna be lovely angsty harrow/gideon but naturally that did not happen

harrow is comfortable! first time in the whole book! one moment of comfort!!!

‘love my twin, also murder’ tridentarius pffjlfjdljf

‘how i crave your honeyed words’ hah

wow this scene sure is weirdly sexual with these similes lol ‘as though she had shyly undressed for you’ ok there Harrow you about to chop her arm off calm it probably sex repulsed thirsty teen

i do love how....there is this theme again that’s everybody underestimating the main character - who is actually a prodigy. Gideon had that with the sword and Harrow also has it with being a Lyctor now

it’s so telling that these Saints would rather be shits to these babies than help Ianthe grow a new fuckin arm

i dont see why Ianthe can’t work off this bone construct which is her own stuff and put some flesh on it since SHES A FLESH NECRO?

Ianthe that’s super gay

wow muir really never delivers on full gay does she??? i dont mind but i think it’s so striking hahaa

how are Harrow and Ianthe still hung up on the Saint of Duty? i mean, if they dont have him against the RB they’re dead anyway

why is the First going through rain and ice?

Harrow haunted? naawwww

i cant help but like mercymorn though - she cares. it’s soured ages ago but she cares.

awww Harrow needs Ianthe to sleep

Ianthe constantly poking Harrow for her prudishness is so goddamn funny.

‘It’s the type of energy i wish to take into my future’ AHAHAHAHAHAAH IANTHE MY GOD

‘i always forget you were an honest to go nun ... and six years old to boot if you listen to mercymorn’ HAHAHAHAHAHA

‘you look good enough that im proud of my handiwork but not so good that i’ll be consumed with lust and ravish you over the nut bowl’ fpdfjsdfkjsd this is what harrow means with crude japery and yet....

mercymorn has started to call harrow three years old. i will NEVER tire of this gag

all of the blood of eden stuff happened in the past 25 years??? god was on the erebos, but he also remembers ortus kicking the commander out of an airlock? that was in the last 25 years??

Ianthe‘s carressing the nape of Harrow’s neck. hmmhm

its honestly super weird if you think about it for more than 10 seconds that theyre talking about their cavaliers whom they murdered (im still not sure if all consensually) ten thousand years ago (!) and how hot they were that just seems.....fucked up

Harrow is like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! basically all the time but especially now. yep well that was to be expected i guess lololol

Harrow being painfully frozenly fascinated by (god having) sex and deeply repulsed is very Harrow

oh nooooo well that was a perfect kiss between them really

the funny thing about Harrow is that though she is so completely fucked up - just like Gideon - she is fundamentally a helper.

why wouldn’t Harrow have thought of blood wards! she knew he could only bleed thanergy! it;s the first thing i thought - just use not bone wards then!

ortus thinks anastasia is in Harrow - which makes me think - why does he think that’s possible?

mercymorn now calls Harrow a two-year-old. i am waiting for embryonic genius

so did they use the river to get to the planets theyre killing?

Harrow feels the peace and pleasure of a stroll through nature that she has come to kill

oh my god - Harrow somehow saved Cam and Pal is still attached to the mortal plane!!

Harrow helps Cam risking herself entirely just like that. yknow as she does

i wonder if Pal has realised that Harrow is not who he remembers

i think he realised once he realised haz mat suit was Harrow also...

ianthe xo’d harrow.....lol

im sad that original harrow is definitely dead.... :( loved her. guess gideon’s not coming back either. not sure how the second adept survived. she didn’t survive in the original timeline either. but she was ‘killed’ in the other - just like coronabeth..so that means soemthing

this whole ‘flashback’ stuff to Canaan House is Harrow being in the River the whole time. the cold temperatures, the blood, the creatures theyre fishing from the sea that apparently abominations

after all, we’ve just learned about river bubbles and a haz!harrow that can change their parameters.

all the people ‘dead’ she’d not spoken to much or at all beforehand. like they’re NOT real, in the River. the only one not like that is Dyas...

the fact that the narrative keeps calling Dulcie, Dulcie means she’s really Dulcie.

there’s giant organs falling from the ceiling. this is definitely the river

they talk about time AGAIN

the Body is the devil who let herself be used to complete the work of Teacher and the Lyctors in his mythology....hmm. and when they realised the price (AFTER? the work was done?) they wanted her dead but he buried her....SHE allowed them to become Lyctors?? I still don’t understand why the heck that was necessary

the king is dead, long live the king. hmmmm

Harrow comes onto a hallucination of the devil who was her first crush with the voice of her parental figures and the eyes of a love interest she can no longer remember - which is actually not precisely a hallucination probably - and gets summarily rejected lol OUCH (the Body didn’t mean it that way ofc)

Harrow is so repressed on every single front but definitely sexually

I love Mercy

so there is death beyond death. does everybody go into the river and become a mad horrid ghost? like - is that everybody’s fate? how awful

ok so God DID resurrect the planets also. ? but like. then why are there resurrection beasts?

what does resurrection mean? and who killed the planets in the first place?

BECOMING NONE HOUSE, LEFT GRIEF

oh.....my god.

ARE YOU AND IANTHE BEING SAFE!!?!?!?! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

HIS BODYGUARD IS THE DEVIL??

so the destruction of Earth somehow made God? as though it was something that simply followed from it

A.L. was destroyed in the first assault? Of an RB

so the RB’s were happily running off in the other direction until they decided to fuck around and kill their mates to become immortal and powerful - then the RB’s turned around and came towards them - which meant leaving the planets God had resurrected forever.

what the fuck god??? hahahahaa

God always seems so likeable goddamn.

Harrow is such a dramatic bitch. Affection??? JUST KILL ME!!! KILL ME!! LET ME SMASH THE GLASS SO I CAN KNEEL IN IT AND BLEED ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!!!

Harrow goes into her fun kid's game of not dying to traps.

But she instantly calls him father. OH MY GOD

HE DOESNT BELIEVE HER!!!

'then that will be your downfall' - is what Harrow said to Augustine AND IT WILL BECOME TRUE FOR THEM ALL

to be dismissed like that where it hurts most - to have God Dad dismiss her only slip of comfort her only pillar of truth in this crazy old world

'nobody had watched you leave'

SOMEBODY HAD - I love all the deliberate references to Gideon

Temporal lobe!!!! Again the temporal lobe!!!

So why was it again that Harrow refused to be locked in with the Emperor?

So isn't God gonna check out Harrow's temporal lobe? He's just gonna let that mystery go to its death?

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK

Muir what the fuck??!!!!!!!!

Oh it was.....a hallucination?

Always love how this dips into genuine horror sometimes

What's weird is that Lyctors seem made for the task of going into the river and killing Resurrection Beasts - instead of the other way around.

So say - that the sword somehow holds Gideon's soul (we've just learned that that's possible from Pal and also Ortus trying to get Pent to summon his grandma by his sword) - does it not make sense that Harrow 'for some reason' stabbing Cytherea's corpse with it transferred it to her? Or maybe it's SOMEHOW Anastasia if Ortus was macking on her. But Ortus thought HARROW had/was Anastasia.

IANTHE WANTS TO MARRY HARROW - HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Every fucking chapter doesn't make things any clearer. This is worse than Gideon the ninth

Hello???? Am I reading a canon alternate universe roleswap au??? What the FUCK is going on. This is like - if they hadn't gassed the 200 and her parents instead adopted Gideon for her clear necromantic gifts which nobody noticed somehow the other time round

I do love how Aiglamene was the sole source of slight comfort in Gideon's life. And Crux was Harrow's - apparently in any sequence of events.

Harrow is tumbling through timelines. But how can you do that just by messing with the lobe?

WHAT!! WHAT!!!

Is this...is this what I think it is??? Is thi

The fanfic roots are STRONG in this one. In fact I believe I've READ this fanfiction

Harrow's temporal fever dream (in the river?) HAD HER (Decidedly Not) VYING FOR 'HER DIVINE HIGHNESS' hand, which is either the Body or Gideon or both lololol. Seeing as the previous had Gideon as the main unnamed titled character - I bet it's Gideon ahahaaga

A fucking. COFFEESHOP AU. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

We've had roleswap, 'ball' au, and coffee shop au populated by the ghosts of the dead LOLOL,

I knew it!! I knew that they were ghosts and that they were in the river!!

Ok so but when did Harrow shoddily create the bubble? When she adjusted her memories at the start? When is this. Ah Harrow has the same thought hahaa

So the stage is a - she was building her memories while sleeping?

Why is that she cannot access her lyctorhood like this...

I just realised that Harrow's mind made the party food taste like SALT based on Ianthe's cooking!!!! Hahahaha

THE NARRATOR IS GIDEON. But it doesn't sound like Gideon though

There's more to the work than simply preserving Gideon's soul though. There are next steps that Harrow prepared for that Harrow doesn't know about yet

Who was the sleeper and why was it in Harrows riverscape of memories that she ACCIDENTALLY??? made

Ok she sounds like Gideon NOW

Gideon no it's not because she didn't want you! It's because she wanted you to live!!!!!

And she succeeded....your soul is INTACT in her body!!!! You're protecting her with full consciousness!! How the fuck. And why didn't that happen before when she went to the bubble?

Are the ghosts of the contestants happy that they got pulled out of the River briefly? Or were they so briefly in there they couldn't remember?

She returned them to the RIVER???? is that really such a kind fate????

Something has gone wrong in the River - yeah because why r all these ghosts going insane and stoppering it up like slib

Do love how Muir has found a way to give these characters more screentime

I actually said 'oof' when Harrow screamed at Ortus - oof that really is embarrassing. GodDAMN Ortus you stepping up with the emotional support!

I've EVEN read the damn fanfic in which they switched bodies. My god.

A. L. apparently is thought to wander about still. I think she's the body....I do believe she's the body. That's why the Lyctors are scared of her

She thought - what. Mercy is talking about blood of Eden's commander. What is going onnnnn still!!!! Mercy is the traitor I guess. But how is blood of Eden connected to the ninth house and the body?

Why is Mercy awake on the mithraeum and not in the River anyways?

Gideon.... And the commander were in cahoots? So did A. L. and Anastasia an the body and the commander all have the same eyes?????

What the fuck is going on indeed.

Cytherea seems to have had a plan B for getting revenge on the Emperor. Or something had a plan B with her corpse as the main weapon.

If guns are so effective against people why aren't they still used.

The messages are from the commander. I.e. Gideon's mother. I.e. Anastasia? We never explicitly did learn how she met her end no? Gideon was convinced that Anastasia had taken the baby. It just seems incongruous how the Emperor spent like 80 years on the Erebos and the Lyctors were faffing about - meanwhile there was this drama going on in the last half century?

I love Abigail Pent. Love that I got to see more of her.

I'd honestly forgot that Judith was alive by the end of all of that shit

The sleeper is -the sleeper is Gideon's mother. Also. She's haunted by her mother. SOMEHOW. what the fuck? They couldn't drag her spirit back from the river they said!

'you wizards never learn' there's a whole modern regular sci fi world and culture out there! Or maybe it's just a. L.

Is it? Or is it Anastasia? Or is it the commander? Or are they the same thing?

The sleeper wants Harrow's body. Somehow invaded it - probably from the river? - which means its Anastasia or the commander. Which means that whatevers possessing Cytherea is someone else.

In retrospect - Harrow's coldness to Ianthe talking about - to what her - seemed nonsense at the time - in the very first part - doesn't quite fit.

Oh my fucking GOD Gideon is fighting Ianthe for messing around with her fucking girlfriend - who is HARROW, who actually, Ianthe wants to marry.

They just went from ramping up to a serious fight to Gideon dropping Corona's name and suddenly they're like - ah we got more important priorities actually.

Augustine's first thought at thinking a.l./the body (?) is in Harrow is John - and the Second is Joy!(mercy?)

'How I was gonna have to take showers with all your clothes on.' fuckin Gideon hahahaha

Wonder if Ianthe truly believes what she's saying - that Harrow was trying to rid hersel of Gideon. It's preposterous. It's just hurtful talk.

GIDEON REALLY THOUGHT THAT LOOK TO MEAN THAT HARROW DIDNT LOVE HER??? THIS IS A CONSTANT BARRAGE OF ALL THE ANGSTY DRAMATIC SHIT IVE BEEN YEARNING FOR

Oh my fucking god Gideon calling Ianthe out for being in love with Harrow in the most iconic way ufsojdjdodnd 'she wants the D - the D stands for dead'

Crazy brain-mutilated Harrow sure made it seem that way I can tell ya that!!

Hahahahahaha Ianthe remembering Harrows prudish Ortus/Cytherea shit. Amazing

Aw Gideon really went and fell right into the cavalier/bone mistress shit huh. And trying to shield Harrow - well as noted before - very necessary because harrow has been having a godawful miserable time - mostly because of herself.

Gideon appreciating Ianthe's pun xD

Love how neither of them position themselves as the love of Harrows life but instead as inexorably attached to her by the sheer role they play in her life - they don't dare aspire to what they think they can't get.

Muir realises this is gonna end up as a Gideon/Harrow(/theBody)/Ianthe ship right?

Oh WOW THIS IS AMAZING. nonius the legendary nonius!!! Come to protect Harrow!!!

For some reason the Sleeper can manipulate the rules of this River bubble and doesn't seem surprised about it

If all her cavaliers were this excited for death, she was definitely the problem.lololol. somehow Harrow, you inspired undying loyalty in even a person that you treated abominably

Yeah Harrow you slowpoke. If the Sleeper can adjust the rules - so can you

If the sleeper was not Harrow's invention - but planted itself - then they're very lucky it got to the ghosts that weren't actually there - first.

So it was the commander....a portrait in a shuttle of blood of eden - can only be the commander. And redhaired? There are too many red haired people in this book!!

It's nice how all these ghosts got to have lasting impact from beyond the grave

NONIUS KNEW ORTUS/GIDEON?

Ok so ....there's the bed of the River with stoma. But there might also be the other side.

Did Harrow really not account for steps beyond her plan to mutilate her brain?

Is this book really gonna go: fuck you Gideon will die anyway ?????

But.wait. the sleeper had a two-hander. Where did that go???

I don't get it. If they go into the river - won't they also go insane?

SO NYAH!!!!!???

Ok but - what? The Commander ALSO -somehow - took over Cytherea's body?

'did the ten billion give you that too' I KNEW CANAAN HOUSE HELD EVEN GRUESOMER EXPERIMENTS AND SACRIFICES THAN LYCTORHOOD. God is made of ten billion souls. I think they killed humanity on earth to spare it 'slow inexorable apocalypse' and used the power to make the Empire from the resurrected. There was an extremely vague implication by Teacher to the amount of souls violated in Canaan house in the first book.

So God knows the commander went for the ninth house? Firstly, how. I don't understand how Anastasia fits in here!!! It would explain though how the commander

So the commander found the ninth house - and she died right? They tried to call her spirit but couldn't. But she became a revenant?

Ah. God THREW the bomb.

A fuckin wake me up inside joke jskdjskdnd

So Mercy and Augustine ( not Gideon ?) had all turned against God? And they were working with the commander to -... Make a baby????? And then evacuate the houses???? (For when God dies - there being a risk that Dominicus would go out I guess)

Make a baby/body to lever the one who lies in the tomb into....?

Love how the book foreshadowed Mercy and Augustine manipulating and lying to God - and turns out they did that on much bigger scale

They....meant to kill the baby to break the blood ward?

'The woman who I was pretty sure was my mother, wearing the body of the woman I'd had a crush on, who in turn had been wearing the identity of a woman she'd murdered -' KSNFKDJDKFJJFC

So why did they want this consistently characterised as kindly and humane god dead?

GIDEON THOUGHT IT WAS HIS!!!! But he called Wake Anastasia then????

They really are the same???

Oh my god I know what they're gonna say. Gideon is the daughter of God. WHICH HARROWS FUCKIN ROYALTY AU FEVER RIVER DREAM FUCKING FORESHADOWED HAAHAHAHAHHAA

Isn't it fucking ironic that God told Harrow that - HE WANTED HER TO BE HIS??? WHILE GIDEON HIS ACTUAL DAUGHTER WAS SPINNING INSIDE HER CHEST LIKE A LITTLE NUCLEAR FUSION REACTOR

They've been trying to kill him for more than 500 years???? Did mercymorn actually genuinely learn the extremely fine knowledge of the body for THIS purpose? How many thousands of years ago did they decide to kill god?

A fucking DAD JOKE

GIDEON REMEMBERING HOW SHE USED TO TELL HARROW HOW HER OTHER PARENT MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD SO STOP PICKING ON HER

I am fucking DELIGHTED I AM SO GODDAMN OVERJOYED

It segues into a reminder of how shit their childhoods were and how their suffering had them lash out at each other endlessly and how it made Harrow suicidal and shit though - which is great

ALECTO'S EYES. THE A. FOR A. L.

A. L. The cavalier of God....but she walked. She had a body.

Ohhhhh. That's why they betrayed him. That age-old hurt. Ten thousand years old but still the bane of their existence, the seed of their madnesses. The loss of their cavaliers. Oh how did they manage to keep that from him?

I honestly thought - is Mercy saying she knows he killed humanity? But that's not what she couldn't have forgiven?

But why did he hide it? Why did he hide the perfect way? ('it would be easier' why???)

Ah. Yes. The expansion, why would the Emperor do that?

Uhhhhh. Couldn't Mercy have done that all along??????????????????????? Couldn't Mercy have killed God all along? That was both a trick and utterly sincere.

Augustine and Mercy were trying to do the right thing..... Mercy.... :'( Augustine was right. God is much less sentimental than he seems.

'im not even mad that you failed to either fix or put down Harrow' hm guess the constant kill quest HAD come from God after all. What a goddamn bitch of a man

What was the original plan? Unleash a. L. ? And then what? How would that help with the whole Dominicus going out problem?

Had God ever really thought to make up for all the bullshit he put his Lyctors through. He seems so affable and human but he's caused so much suffering. He's as good at manipulation at them - better!

The resurrection beast can't kill him, but he let his Lyctors die to them one by one anyway. So why??

Why are they punching each other in the River? They can use theorems right? God could blast Augustine to pieces same he did mercy?

Yes! It's true! Pyrrha and Gideon both exist in the same body - foreshadowed by his cavaliers build. There was something so fishy about it.

I love how Gideon has exactly the same response as me: what the fuck. Pyrrha??? Gideon??? What the fuck??? Why did they BOTH have an affair with their enemy??? So ok. Pyrrha stayed underground from Everybody for the thousand years. SOMEHOW their compartmentalisation let her pop up in his body regularly and not just when Gideon remembered her - because the hadn't fucked up his brain. But then how did THEY do that.

This absolutely galactic balsiness

The stoma thinks John is a resurrection beast. Might it be.....because he's..... A revenant. A 10 billion souled kinda- revenant ? A bit like.....Harrow is? Which is why he felt kin to her? Which is why he compared her creation to Resurrection?????I've really gotta reread those messages from commander wake.

A fucking jail for mother meme. Jail for one thousand years. Gideon how do you know this one????

I KNEW Ianthe would do that. Knew it. She doesn't want the system to die. Coronabeth is still out there. Well guess what - she's on the opposite side babe. Ok I realised that Gideon's mum apparently stuck to Gideon and then the sword? But also did Harrow manage to break the blood ward because of of her proximity to Gideon? Did Harrow uhhhh get put into a pocket in the river? But the emperor wasn't murdered!!! Fuckin chapters kept lying. They're on a hold planet. Finally - we meet the people. Alecto and Camilla and Corona? And Judith.? Did Alecto somehow do a time twisty around to come save Gideon at that moment in the river? Once again nothing much more is clear.

[batgirl-87]

So @mdeenise “challenged” me to answer all of the questions from this Hogwarts Mystery Asks: MC. I’ve already answered some (can check ‘asks’ or ‘ask game’ tags, I’ll also link them in my Masterlist) so I’ll answer the rest I haven’t been asked yet here because

1. What is their whole name? 

Nereida Adelyn-Keira LaFontaine Black

5. How is there relationship with Jacob?

Keira and Jacob were very close - it was them against the world! They’re very protective of one another, they can get/have gotten into a lot of trouble together, both with a rebellious, mischievous streak; but they are also siblings so there’s teasing, embarrassing each other, lots of physical ‘play fighting’ - they’re very much like I can be mean to my sibling but if you’re mean to them I’ll hurt you. Clearly when he ‘disappeared’ it was devastating for Keira and she felt completely alone. 

6. How is their relationship with their parents?

Both Keira and Jacob loved their mom who was their primary caregiver. Keira honestly doesn’t really remember her dad much but Jacob hates him. She has a vague recollection of him and Regulus and Sirius, a bit better memory of Sirius who kept in contact with her and Jacob even after they moved to Canada, possibly to spite his parents but Keira thinks he actually cares about his younger half-siblings even if it was something that started out from spite or curiosity. 

When their mom died of course Jacob and Keira were very sad over their loss. They were then taken in by their mom’s close friends and moved to Canada from Ireland and while there was an adjustment period they both appreciate the care they provided, and while Jacob and Keira didn’t exactly feel like they belong in this ‘family’ their mom’s friends were great parental figures and they do care about them and appreciate everything they’ve done for them. Their dad was nonexistent in their lives after the passing of their mom (he passed soon after the next year, after the death of Regulus) but when they arrived in the UK to attend Hogwarts they did find savings left for them from their dad in Gringotts (safe to assume without his wife’s knowledge). 

So both love their mom and ‘adopted’ parents (unofficially adopted =p) and while Jacob hates their dad and views him as a manipulative, selfish, neglectful arse, Keira is pretty neutral and apathetic about her dad since she doesn’t really remember him all that well. But she appreciates the money! =p 

8. How’s their relationship with their family?

Ahahahahahaha - I’m cackling =p

Unfortunately, the family on Keira and Jacob’s mom’s side are all pretty much passed or they have no idea who they are =p Their mom and mom’s parents are passed and their mom had no siblings since her mom died relatively soon after her birth (undines...) As stated before, Jacob and Keira appreciate and care very much for their mom’s friends who took them in after her passing, although a bit of awkwardness since it’s not ‘really’ their family...

As for the Black side of their family *more cackling* Orion seemed much more interested in their mom than them and didn’t seem to want much to do with them, at least according to Jacob. Walburga hates them and this whole situation, of course! With good reason! She honestly probably would of had them killed. She focused most of her energy on ensuring this scandal did not get out into the public and was probably very relieved when they moved across the pond. Of course when Jacob returned to attend Hogwarts he was done living this lie and didn’t care who it upset and went by his Black family name, encouraging his sister to do the same - this family would not win! Walburga could try to deny it all she wanted but a paternity test (which I’ve done some research on Wizarding World paternity tests and some interesting ideas came up!) just proved it.

Despite this, Walburga and the rest of the Black family continued to ignore their entire existence. Andromeda may have been left out of the loop considering she was disowned from the family as well but when Keira and Tonks realized they were both related to Bellatrix Lestrange, and therefore related themselves, Keira was so happy to be accepted by some members of the Black family. Sirius also was accepting of his younger half-siblings and stayed in contact with them even after they moved to Canada. He may have only gone to see them at first out of curiosity and then continued to visit and communicate with them out of spite to his parents but he probably did care about them and enjoyed them more than Regulus because they weren’t brought up in a pureblood elitist household. Probably wished their mom was his mom which would just upset Walburga. And if Walburga didn’t hate them before, after she passed, Keira, now more spiteful and daring with everything that has happened, moved into the now empty (well except for Kreacher) 12 Grimmauld Place which would just piss Walburga off! How she convinced Remus, no idea - basically she was like I’m doing this and Remus had to go along with it =p

Wait, is Kreacher family? Keira and Kreacher argue a lot and she will not stand for him being mean to Remus or any of her friends and will threaten to kick him out although it’s an empty threat because she wouldn’t actually kick him out and make him homeless! Kreacher of course thinks she’s invading some place that does not belong to her but because she is a Black she sort of does belong there and while not related to his previous Walburga, she is to Orion so he has to put up with her =p They eventually reach an understanding. Kreacher is free to stay there and does not have to do any chores or cleaning up after her or Remus, as long as he’s nice... or just stays away from her friends and Remus. 

I’m not sure how Regulus felt about them, maybe neutral? I think discovering his dad’s affair would be a shock to him, he might be curious as well to meet them and I like to think did meet them at least once, possibly while their mom was passing (like Orion went to see her and Sirius and Regulus decided to go as well because, hey, it is their younger siblings whether they like it or not and it’s a hard thing to go through) but I think he was more worried and concerned about Death Eater affairs and tricking Voldemort =p

So while Keira is close with Tonks, and probably her parents as well, and both Keira and Jacob are accepted by Sirius, and maybe even Regulus, who knows =p, most of the Black family still pretends they don’t exist. Although I like to think Keira later bonds with Draco and they become close and overall these next generations are going to be better. And while Bellatrix may refuse to acknowledge Keira’s relationship to her, deep down she actually really likes Keira because she’s a strong, tough bitch who isn’t afraid of her and would have killed Dumbledore without even being a Death Eater if asked =p Seriously, Keira knows she’s actually Bella’s favorite. 

(This also pretty much works for my original HP OC bio where she was Sirius’ daughter because besides Tonks, Andromeda, and Ted, the rest of the Black family wouldn’t really acknowledge her existence either)

Does Remus count as family? Of course he does, he’s “Uncle Remus!” =p Remus and Keira had an instant bond, they are incredibly close - I like to think of it as two people who felt completely alone in the world found each other and now they were not longer alone. Keira is very much like Sirius, and Jacob can be very much like James actually, so it was actually nice for Remus to be around them if not bittersweet. I actually have a post about Keira and Remus’ relationship so I won’t say too much more besides they are very close and Keira is suuuuper protective over him.

9. Do they have any other siblings?

Sirius and Regulus Black

11. Do they have pets?

Keira has a Siamese cat and Jacob had a Barred Owl named Archimedes which I guess is hers now too? Jacob also wanted a dog or crup but then went to school so their ‘adoptive’ parents are taking care of it =p

14. Any crushes?

Charlie Weasley.

She won’t outright admit it but it’s obvious to everyone else besides Charlie. Wasn’t even aware of it herself for quite awhile! =p But fortunately she plays it pretty cool and isn’t a stuttering mess around him so maybe he has no idea she likes him because she’s so chill and nonchalant about it. Although she can be flirtatious but she can be like that with a lot of people =p (She’s related to Sirius she can’t help it! =p)

16. Have they ever dated someone before (Either back at their home or at Hogwarts)?

Rumour has it during her summer before Sixth Year, where she spent most of it in Canada, and going into Sixth Year she was dating someone. Has not been confirmed nor denied. 😜

(I think that’s all of them? Wasn't that much actually, I expected more =p But I still wrote a lot more than intended so sorry about that! Hope I explained things well enough! If anyone has any questions or want to talk about MC’s more hit me up! Thanks for your challenge! 😉💙)

[clown-bait]

29 Neibolt st (Monster Roommate AU) CH24

OK IVE BEEN SO EXCITED TO DROP THIS CHAPTER!! Some wild ass shennanigans are about to happen guys!! Theres going to be a lot of Robert Gray in these next few chapters so get hype for that! maybe ill do some smut with him who knows.

CH24

Humans?

The clown looked in the mirror he kept in his lair for probably the 20th time that night and ran through several terrifying face transformations as if he was rehearsing. In fact that was probably the best way to describe it. The dawn was swiftly approaching to begin the day of Halloween, his favorite human holiday. It was the day the hunt was always the best for him, he could make 5 good kills if he really put in the effort making his stock for winter nice and full. Hunting in the cold wouldn't even be necessary if he did well.

Speaking of cold Penny felt a chill rush through the sewer, a reminder that leaner times were coming. Usually he would barricade himself off in the cart in between hunts to wait out the winter but this time around he had endless entertainment. Her flesh may no longer have heat but she would keep him warm in other ways. So many other ways. The clown chuckled darkly at his own dirty thoughts while rubbing a fresh hickey under his jaw only a few hours old.

Penny stretched and yawned feeling a sudden wave of drowsiness….strange….. he marked it off as the cold October air making him sleepy. Maybe a cat nap would help him be more alert for his hunt. It couldn't hurt to feel fresh on his biggest day of the year…. yes he thought a small nap would do. He laid on his pillow pile and attempted to shut his eyes and release his form. This wasn't comfortable he was too cold. Why was he suddenly so uncomfortable and tired? After tossing and turning a few more times he decided to find a different place to nap. His mate’s nest would be perfect, the mattress was a bit small but he'd be extra warm with her under the large blankets. Pennywise whisked himself away reappearing in her room where the vampire was sprawled out sleeping just as he had left her, spent and exhausted. He loved seeing her like this, covered in his marks and completely bare. He was half tempted to wake her up just so he could add some more fresh love bites. She’d probably kill him… not probably definitely. Penny instead stealthily crawled into her bed and fitted himself against her under her thick comforter. He slipped his long limbs over her body caging her into him, the nosferatu only stirred a little letting him hold her and welcoming his warmth. Penny buried his nose into her skin and let the sweet love pheromones she emitted send him into a state of pure relaxation. He was finally comfortable, finally warm and finally able to sleep.

Leech woke up that morning feeling weirdly hot. The first thing she noticed was the arm draped around her gripping her hand. It wasn't Penny’s arm this was human, and so was whoever was snuggled up to her. Leech attempted to squirm out of the strangers grip but was pulled back into him and held tight. She could feel whoever had her was lean and tall, his bare skin pressed into hers and his long limbs entombed her entire body. His hands were huge, the one wrapped around her pawed at her bosom causing Leech’s breath to hitch and jolt up out of his grasp. She finally was able to see who the hell was groping her and to her relief she was met with the sleeping form of a very human, very naked Robert Gray. Why the hell was he a naked human right now? She thought to herself sitting up and running a hand through her hair. Wait…. HAIR?

Leech tugged at the platinum locks attached to her head. It was fucking hair! Real hair! Her real hair was back! She also had normal ears, teeth and suddenly she was very aware of the beating thing hammering away in her chest. She was alive and human.

“Pen-er uh Robert! Wake up!” she shook her mate who grumbled and flipped over. “Wake up asshole its urgent”

“5 more years” he mumbled.

“You're a fucking human… I'm a fucking human!”

The man grumbled more and pulled the blanket up to his face. “Did you not hear me? Get up lazy ass” she smacked him with her pillow.

“Ngh what decade is it?”

“Same as it was yesterday moron.”

He flopped over onto his back and opened one beautiful green blue eye. “Why are you wearing your wig?”

“Its not a wig Pen look at your damn arm”

Robert scrunched his face and held out his hand suddenly he felt a rush of a million different emotions at once, some he didn't even know he could feel.

“WHAT?!!”

——————————

“WHY CANT I TURN BACK WHY AM I FEELING THINGS WHY DO YOU HAVE HAIR??”

“Pen calm down.”

“CALM I CANT BE CALM HOW CAN I BE CALM AT A TIME LIKE THIS IS THIS WHAT HUMANS FEEL ALL THE TIME?”

“You're panicking.”

“PANIC NO NO NO I CAUSE PANIC I CANT PANIC- WAIT I AM PANICKING- THIS IS PANICKING? WHY AM I PANICKING LEECH??? WHY CANT I CHANGE?”

“Pen control your emotions and breathe”

“CONTROL SHE SAYS IM FEELING EVERYTHING AT ONCE ALL THE TIME LEECH! EVERYTHING! HOW DO HUMANS GET ANYTHING DONE… BY THE WAY YOURE VERY PRETTY AND I FEEL THE SUDDEN URGE TO TELL YOU THAT WHEN I LOOK AT YOU!! LEECHIE HELP! HELP IM FEELING TOO MUCH!”

The former vampire sighed and pulled his face forward to kiss him forcing him to stop his shrieking. Robert immediately stopped and rolled his baggy eyes back as he closed them.

“Inside voice, deep breaths, count to 10. Try it.” she said pulling away and tapping his cheek.

Robert attempted to follow her instructions when he was startled by a loud shout of joy from down the hall

————

Meanwhile

Chucky was woken up by a horrible shriek. Fucking clown its too damn early for his shit. Charles pulled his hands down his face and was fully prepared to march down there and yell at Pennywise for hunting so damn early in the morning. He rolled his head over on his pillow only to be greeted with a sight he had been waiting to see for years. His wife’s perfect large human boobs.

——-

“FUUUUCCCKKK YESSSSSSSS!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Leech turned her head towards the shout recognizing the New Jersey accent as Chucky’s. She slipped on some clothes and left the room (and a very distressed Robert) to see if the dolls were also affected by this curse.

“Hey you guys got it too?” she shouted

“FINALLY FUCKIN FINALLY!”

“I’m going to assume that is a yes?” the vampire said as Tiffany opened the door wearing a nightgown and a huge grin on her face. Leech’s eyes went wide from the sight.

“Uh oh um heeyy Tiff?”

“Hey fangs stop oogling my wife!” came a very familiar voice from a very unfamiliar man.

“Holy shit Chucky? IS THAT YOU?”

“Yeah its fuckin’ me!”

“Fuck you look different!”

Leech felt a presence at her back and a very panicked very confused Robert stood behind her attempting to cover his front with a pillow. “Leechie, I drank some of your blood stash and I threw up in your trash can.”

“WAIT WAIT WAIT! JINGLES?” Chucky shouted looking at the naked extremely attractive man behind his roommate.

“DOLL?”

“YOU LOOK LIKE A DAMN UNDERWEAR MODEL! HOW COME I GOT PUT BACK IN MY OLD BODY AND YOU GET TO BE A LIVING CALVIN KLIEN ADD”

Tiffany turned to Leech with a look of wonder and pointed at Robert with her thumb mouth open.

“OH GOD Sorry about him I think I need to find him some clothes…” Leech apologized to her.

“Does he really need them though?”

“No but its going to get distracting around here real fast with that bubble butt hanging out all the time”

“I’ll say holy shit” both girls giggled at Tiff’s comment

Robert turned around and glared at them. “Why are you giggling? THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO GIGGLE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY AND YOURE GIGGLING?? HOW AM I GOING TO GET BACK LEECHIE HOW CAN I BE THE ALPHA PREDATOR LIKE THIS?”

Robert twitched and ran his hand through his hair going into yet another panic attack when he realized that he was no longer top of the food chain. His stomach suddenly lurched and he felt extremely dizzy.

“I’m going to vomit again.” he held his mouth and sprinted for the bathroom smacking into a very distressed very confused Bubba Sawyer.

The giant did not recognize this tall screaming man. He didn't recognize the humans in the doll’s room. What he did see was his bestest vampire friend surrounded by strangers who were all shouting. He would save friend yes! He would grab this violent tall naked meat sack for her just like he did at work. The giant bellowed and shrieked lunging for the anxiety filled Robert Gray who for the first time in all of existence knew what it was like to be prey. He was caught from behind and before anyone could stop the distressed giant he was hauled down the stairs a mess of flailing limbs being dragged to Leatherface’s red room.

“BUBBA WAIT THATS PENNYWISE” Leech shouted the three former monsters rushing after the giant.

“STOP YA BIG IDIOT ITS US!” Charles waved his hands at the giant from the other side.

The giant saw Tiffany move in from left and he was suddenly cornered by very angry pajama wearing humans. They were all shouting at him and flailing around for him to put the strange thrashing man down. The poor giant began to panic and crush the flailing man tighter to him the air going out of his lungs as he hollered and squirmed. What would Grandpa Sawyer do? ......Hammer! He thought pulling the tool out from his belt. “HAMMUH” the giant shouted.

“NO BUBBA NO HAMMER” Leech screamed trying to pull the giant’s arm back down with no luck.

“HAMMUUUUHH” he placed Robert in a headlock so tight he started to suffocate

“OH FUCK CHUCKY HELP ME STOP HIM”

“HELL NO FANGS I JUST BECAME HUMAN I AINT DYIN FOR JINGLES.”

“HAAAMMMUUUHH!!!”

The giant swung and Robert passed out.

——————

“Oh my god ok. Ok he's awake just deep breaths holy shit.”

“Leechie?” Robert gurgled realizing he was back in his mate’s bed “What-“

“You passed out and then Leatherface almost killed you.”

“Yeah Jingles you’re lucky Tiff stepped in with that floor board.”

“PEN-NEE BUHBUH SORY” Leatherface moped he felt horrible about hurting his friend.

“He’ll forgive you big guy just give him some time-” Leech patted the giant on the arm. “Right Pen???” she gave the dazed former clown a stern look.

“Just because I'm human doesn't mean you get to boss me around.” the clown growled.

“If you want to survive this ordeal I suggest you listen to me dear.”

“I suggest you listen to me bleh bleh bleh”

Leech slapped him on the shoulder and he whined and grumbled.

“Can we at least put some clothes on Jingles now? I’ve seen enough of the clown’s ass to scar me for life.”

“Yeah alright let me grab him something” Leech went to her closet and pulled out a pink silk bath robe “Try this Pen” the clown stood up and walked over to the dressing screen Chucky made a face and glanced to the side. Stupid sexy clown.

“All right it's a bit short but it covers enough, maybe Freddy and Drac have something you can actually wear.”

Tiff let out a small giggle as Robert came out from behind the screen. Chucky looked at the blush on his wife’s cheeks and then saw the former clown.

“COVERS ENOUGH? Fangs! His ass cheeks are hanging out the back jesus!” he shouted.

“Jealous of the goods? Benefits of a high protein diet doll” Robert looked behind him and leered at a blushing mortified Charles.

“I-Im not a doll anymore don't call me that”

“Don't call me Jingles then”

“Well before you two start making out, my stomach feels extremely neglected and because I'm human again I am going to eat some god damn pancakes. Come on Bob get that bubble butt moving.” Leech grabbed Robert and tugged him out of the room.

“Ugh Fangs get your gross boyfriend some fucking pants first!”

“OR DONT!” Tiff called after them.

————

The batter sizzled when she poured it onto the old pan sitting over the ancient stove how the hell Tiffany cooked anything in this old kitchen was a miracle. Robert hovered over Leech’s shoulder watching hungrily the scent of food making his stomach growl. He had never made human food before, knew of it of course, but never did he create it himself. Creation wasn't his thing. His mate had insisted he stay and learn though, they didn't know how long this human thing would last and the sooner he could take care of himself the better.

“Do we add the syrup now?”

“No we need to wait.”

“This preparation feels tedious how did this species not starve to death?” Robert took a swig of the syrup bottle

“Are you…..drinking that straight out of the bottle?”

“I’m thirsty Leechie this is all I’ve been given.”

“Oh my god you're an actual child. Get a cup and fill it with water you moron.”

“EUGH NO! Its tasteless!”

“Take my drink then jeeze!”

Robert grabbed the mimosa and sipped cautiously. He liked this drink it was fizzy like cola but made his head swim and his throat feel warm. He finished her drink and searched for more. She used this green bottle to make it right? Rob took a gulp from the bottle. This he liked very much.

“Ok you want fruit on yours?”

“Bah!” he swatted the air in disgust gulping more from the fizzy green bottle.

“You just drank fruit now Bob, here cut up this banana thats an easy task.”

Robert held the knife in one hand and the yellow food in the other. Ok Wise you can do this you're older than time you can cut a fruit. He suddenly felt that human fear again. What if he couldn’t? He'd never eaten a banana before what if she sees him mess it up….oh god then she’d see him as lesser than other humans! No, no, no, that wont do at all he had to impress his mate she had to see that he was still the superior being. He'd be the most superior of all the humans until he was back to his full glory! Yes he would cut this banana he would do it perfect and she would throw herself at him for being the epitome of human perfection! Robert ran through every memory he had of food preparation he remembered how Leatherface cut up meat by raising the knife high and chopping. Seemed pretty simple, how hard could that be?

Suddenly while deep in his day dreams pain shot up Robert’s hand. His finger was spurting blood and quite a bit shorter. Oh no this wasn't supposed to happen. He began to panic again. He was human he couldn't grow it back what would he do?

“LEECHIE?” he shouted a mix of shock and fear in his voice “What do humans do when they…. lose… things?”

“What are you talking about?”

He held up his blood covered hand to her and the other part of his finger.

“OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU DO?”

“Do I eat it?!”

“No Rob don't fucking eat it!!”

“Ok but it does look appetizing!”

“Don’t fucking eat it you idiot we need to get you to a doctor.”

Robert licked at the blood pouring from his hand and snarled when it didn't taste the same as it used to. Leech shut off the stove and rushed the leaking Pennywise out of the kitchen and onto the couch flying over to the stairs to yell for help.

“CHUCKY? TIFF?”

“I AM ABOUT TO FUCK MY WIFE RIGHT NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS! WHAT THE HELL IS SO IMPORTANT?! DID JINGLES REALLY FUCK UP THAT BAD?!” came a very angry response from upstairs.

“He cut off his finger!”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” Charles swore “JUST……. PUT IT ON ICE AND GIVE ME LIKE 30-40 MINUTES!”

Leech let out a long frustrated groan as Leatherface lumbered into the room to see what was wrong this time. She then looked at the disaster that was the kitchen. Robert had smeared his bloody hand all over the place and was now sitting dazed and leaking on the couch. Oh yeah, stop the bleeding right. Leech waved the giant over and told him to get her a towel which she grabbed to put pressure on the wound.

“AHH DONT TOUCH IT!” Robert hissed like a child afraid of a bandaid.

“You’re going pale I need to stop the bleeding or you'll pass out again.”

She grabbed his hand and wrapped up his wound Robert watched intently eyes flicking up to her then back to his hand. He felt warm.

“All right this is gonna get a little jankey but let me get some duct tape to hold the towel on there.” she said and let out an exhausted laugh “Jesus fucking christ what a disaster.”

Bubba stood over Robert and held out his dismembered finger which he had helped place in a bag of ice.

“PEN-NEE FINGUH” he said happily hoping that his kindness would help the former clown forgive him faster for what happened earlier.

“Uh thanks..” Robert awkwardly took the bag and set it on the coffee table staring at his severed appendage.

“Ok hold it out I'm going to wrap it up tight. Thank you for the help Bubba.” Leech smiled at the giant.

“BUHBUH CWEAN PEN-NEE AN WEECH EET” The giant set their neglected pancakes on the coffee table. They weren't hot… more lukewarm really.. but she was starving and she hadn't had human food in months.

Leech finished wrapping Robert’s hand only to notice he was watching her and to her surprise he was actually blushing a bit. The former clown’s face was hot and his chest felt tight, breathing was a bit difficult. He was embarrassed to be this vulnerable, power was so important for him and to be bested by kitchenware especially in front of her… but the way she held onto his hand and the way she teased him about it while laughing….It made him feel tingly but in a good way. He was feeling all these strange emotions at once but the strongest most prominent one he felt now made his human heart thud loudly in his chest. Was this what she felt all the time? For him? He had loved her in his own way before but he never felt it like a human did. Not until now.

“Hey ruffles you're doing your day dreaming thing again.” her voice broke him from his haze she still held onto his hand and Robert closed his free fingers around her’s smiling a bit to himself. He felt the urge to grab onto the former vampire and hold her tight against him. He just wanted to engulf her completely but he sat still in his seat deciding instead to watch her with curiosity. It was all over for him when she kissed the bandage on his hand. That’s it. He had to touch her.

Robert burst from his seated position and grabbed Leech by the face roughly kissing her. He pressed her into the corner of the sofa aggressively moving his mouth against hers. Tongues explored each other and new hair was roughly pulled and tangled in fists. When they finally broke away Robert sat back staring at her panting without saying a word.

“Uh you're welcome?” Leech laughed straightening out her hair and Robert actually chuckled a bit to himself at her joke. She pulled his face back over to look at her’s tracing his cheekbone with her thumb.

“You know what humans call that feeling?”

“The heart racing warm one?”

“That’s love Robert Gray.” she laughed and kissed him again. Looks like they'd be having cold pancakes for breakfast.

---------------------------

BIG BOY HAD A BIG DAY! Not ever a full hour of being human and he already passed out and cut his finger off. What a great start for clownboi. Chucky is so jealous tho poor guy. Robert is basically that stupid sexy Flanders moment from the Simpsons. Or Toki from Metalocalypse when they all stop jerking off. Chucky really wants to voodoo body jack dat ass and he’s super embarrassed about it. Im so stoked for this new mini plot. Then I plan on finishing the christmas adventure with the paranormal investigators. I finally got some stuff for that one too!

[dragneel-family]

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.9

Lucy: Are you calling me fat?

Natsu: What!? Of course not baby! Im just saying you're bigger than most!

Lucy:....

____

* So Wendy Had To Ask Out Levy For Gajeel*

Wendy: Hey Levy!

Levy: Hey Wendy!

Wendy: *stands up tall* Umm.. *clears throat and reads smudged writing on her hands while giving Levy some flowers*

Will you Levy, like to go on and?mate? with me? - Love Gajeel.

Levy: o.o

____

Gray: *muffled* LOSERS SAYS WHAT.

*Silence*

Gajeel: you're the only one who said

it

___

Natsu: Do you think if I put my foot underneath a slow moving car it would still hurt?

Gray: Okay man, we love you but that's the most stupidest question you've ever asked.

___

*At The Waterpark, it's a slide where you get dropped down*

*Announcer* 5

Gajeel: im regreting this

*4*

Natsu: Um no..*looks down at platform which shows a drop * oh hell no.

*3*

Gray: AHAHAHAHAHAHA *nearly crying*

*2*

Erza: So this justs drops us down or?

*1*

Wendy: AHAHA I AM RE-- *platform opens* NO I WAS NOT READY!!

Gray: NO NO NO NO N O NO *platform opens* WHAT THE FUCCKKK

Natsu: *has been screaming before the platform opened*

Gajeel: I bet it's not even that ba-- *screams*

Erza: *literally the only one cheering*

___

Lucy: Natsu look!! Lets go in the tidal wave pool!

Natsu: nO.

Lucy: but it's just like the beach.

Natsu: No.

Lucy: *drags him inside*

___

Juvia: make sure you put on sunscreen Gray.

Gray: Pfft what am i? 12?

Juvia: Probably.

*Few hours later*

Erza: Hey we're back how

Was the ri--- *sees a sunburned Gray* *bursts out laughing*

Gray: i look like a freaking heavy built strawberry.

Wendy: okay whatever helps you sleep at night.

Gajeel: *pats his back* it's okay it'll be oka--

Gray: *shriekS*

___

Natsu: Wendy nO.

Wendy: but you literally just sit down and the river takes you around the park.

Natsu: THAT'S TERRIFYING.

Wendy: you move at only 3 miles per hour!!

Natsu: Slow Painful Death. No thanks.

Wendy: ITS CALLED THE LAZY RIVER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

___

*Squishy Noises*

Gray: what is th--*looks At Gajeel wearing socks*

Natsu: are you wearing...

Gajeel: Socks? Yes.

Wendy: why...

Gajeel: why not?

Gray: WHO WEARS SOCKS TO A WATERPARK?

Natsu: and they're wet that triggers me.

___

Levy: Gajeel just take the socks off.

Gajeel: No.

Levy: you've been disowned by your family.

Gajeel: and?

Levy: ....

___

Gray: Im hungry..

Erza: Hi Hungry im Erza

Natsu: No pls not the dad/mom jokes.

___

Erza: do i know you?

Bisca: Maybe?

Erza: ive seen you somewhere and i know it.

Bisca: erza im your cousin. ._.

Erza: no thats not it...wait are you that girl from the strip club?

Wendy: WAIT WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT A STRIP CLUB?

Erza: ...>.> what were YOU doing at a strip club?

Wendy: what

Erza: what.

Bisca: what...

____

PT. 10 GUYS?

Natsu tried burning Gajeel's socks when we got home but got in trouble for burning the curtains

[dracolizardlars]

hhhhh for the second time in a row, the night after i wash my hair my scalp has decided to fucking kill me. im never ever using that brand again ive been using it for many years and had occasional slight issues with it before but somehow my mum's ended up forgetting and always buying the same but. this is 10000% worse than ever before I'm not fucking touching that shit again it hurts SO FUCKING BAD i can't fucking sleep i want to die that or just rip all of my hair out right fucking now it'd hurt but it'd be a good kind of pain not this intolerable fucking burning i sound like I'm overreacting but I'm fucking serious i can't fucking handle this i was waiting for when I could fall asleep cus I'm so fucking depressed I couldn't stand being awake and now I can't sleep I I've just been searching for my fidget cube at midnight because I've got nothing better to do also it's been lowkey upsetting me all day that idk where it is I need that thing I especially need that thing right now, to stop myself from ripping out all my hair ahahahahahaha. I can't find it. It's probably downstairs but I can't go down there at this time. I'm mostly still typing this to keep both my mind and my hands occupied, procrastinating on going back to Hell Night. Please give me fucking sleeping pills.

[mistericey13]

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.9

Lucy: Are you calling me fat?

Natsu: What!? Of course not baby! Im just saying you're bigger than most!

Lucy:....

____

* So Wendy Had To Ask Out Levy For Gajeel*

Wendy: Hey Levy!

Levy: Hey Wendy!

Wendy: *stands up tall* Umm.. *clears throat and reads smudged writing on her hands while giving Levy some flowers*

Will you Levy, like to go on and?mate? with me? - Love Gajeel.

Levy: o.o

____

Gray: *muffled* LOSERS SAYS WHAT.

*Silence*

Gajeel: you're the only one who said

it

___

Natsu: Do you think if I put my foot underneath a slow moving car it would still hurt?

Gray: Okay man, we love you but that's the most stupidest question you've ever asked.

___

*At The Waterpark, it's a slide where you get dropped down*

*Announcer* 5

Gajeel: im regreting this

*4*

Natsu: Um no..*looks down at platform which shows a drop * oh hell no.

*3*

Gray: AHAHAHAHAHAHA *nearly crying*

*2*

Erza: So this justs drops us down or?

*1*

Wendy: AHAHA I AM RE-- *platform opens* NO I WAS NOT READY!!

Gray: NO NO NO NO N O NO *platform opens* WHAT THE FUCCKKK

Natsu: *has been screaming before the platform opened*

Gajeel: I bet it's not even that ba-- *screams*

Erza: *literally the only one cheering*

___

Lucy: Natsu look!! Lets go in the tidal wave pool!

Natsu: nO.

Lucy: but it's just like the beach.

Natsu: No.

Lucy: *drags him inside*

___

Juvia: make sure you put on sunscreen Gray.

Gray: Pfft what am i? 12?

Juvia: Probably.

*Few hours later*

Erza: Hey we're back how

Was the ri--- *sees a sunburned Gray* *bursts out laughing*

Gray: i look like a freaking heavy built strawberry.

Wendy: okay whatever helps you sleep at night.

Gajeel: *pats his back* it's okay it'll be oka--

Gray: *shriekS*

___

Natsu: Wendy nO.

Wendy: but you literally just sit down and the river takes you around the park.

Natsu: THAT'S TERRIFYING.

Wendy: you move at only 3 miles per hour!!

Natsu: Slow Painful Death. No thanks.

Wendy: ITS CALLED THE LAZY RIVER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

___

*Squishy Noises*

Gray: what is th--*looks At Gajeel wearing socks*

Natsu: are you wearing...

Gajeel: Socks? Yes.

Wendy: why...

Gajeel: why not?

Gray: WHO WEARS SOCKS TO A WATERPARK?

Natsu: and they're wet that triggers me.

___

Levy: Gajeel just take the socks off.

Gajeel: No.

Levy: you've been disowned by your family.

Gajeel: and?

Levy: ....

___

Gray: Im hungry..

Erza: Hi Hungry im Erza

Natsu: No pls not the dad/mom jokes.

___

Erza: do i know you?

Bisca: Maybe?

Erza: ive seen you somewhere and i know it.

Bisca: erza im your cousin. ._.

Erza: no thats not it...wait are you that girl from the strip club?

Wendy: WAIT WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT A STRIP CLUB?

Erza: ...>.> what were YOU doing at a strip club?

Wendy: what

Erza: what.

Bisca: what...

____

PT. 10 GUYS?

Natsu tried burning Gajeel's socks when we got home but got in trouble for burning the curtains

[sheilahs-world]

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.9

Lucy: Are you calling me fat?

Natsu: What!? Of course not baby! Im just saying you're bigger than most!

Lucy:....

____

* So Wendy Had To Ask Out Levy For Gajeel*

Wendy: Hey Levy!

Levy: Hey Wendy!

Wendy: *stands up tall* Umm.. *clears throat and reads smudged writing on her hands while giving Levy some flowers*

Will you Levy, like to go on and?mate? with me? - Love Gajeel.

Levy: o.o

____

Gray: *muffled* LOSERS SAYS WHAT.

*Silence*

Gajeel: you're the only one who said

it

___

Natsu: Do you think if I put my foot underneath a slow moving car it would still hurt?

Gray: Okay man, we love you but that's the most stupidest question you've ever asked.

___

*At The Waterpark, it's a slide where you get dropped down*

*Announcer* 5

Gajeel: im regreting this

*4*

Natsu: Um no..*looks down at platform which shows a drop * oh hell no.

*3*

Gray: AHAHAHAHAHAHA *nearly crying*

*2*

Erza: So this justs drops us down or?

*1*

Wendy: AHAHA I AM RE-- *platform opens* NO I WAS NOT READY!!

Gray: NO NO NO NO N O NO *platform opens* WHAT THE FUCCKKK

Natsu: *has been screaming before the platform opened*

Gajeel: I bet it's not even that ba-- *screams*

Erza: *literally the only one cheering*

___

Lucy: Natsu look!! Lets go in the tidal wave pool!

Natsu: nO.

Lucy: but it's just like the beach.

Natsu: No.

Lucy: *drags him inside*

___

Juvia: make sure you put on sunscreen Gray.

Gray: Pfft what am i? 12?

Juvia: Probably.

*Few hours later*

Erza: Hey we're back how

Was the ri--- *sees a sunburned Gray* *bursts out laughing*

Gray: i look like a freaking heavy built strawberry.

Wendy: okay whatever helps you sleep at night.

Gajeel: *pats his back* it's okay it'll be oka--

Gray: *shriekS*

___

Natsu: Wendy nO.

Wendy: but you literally just sit down and the river takes you around the park.

Natsu: THAT'S TERRIFYING.

Wendy: you move at only 3 miles per hour!!

Natsu: Slow Painful Death. No thanks.

Wendy: ITS CALLED THE LAZY RIVER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

___

*Squishy Noises*

Gray: what is th--*looks At Gajeel wearing socks*

Natsu: are you wearing...

Gajeel: Socks? Yes.

Wendy: why...

Gajeel: why not?

Gray: WHO WEARS SOCKS TO A WATERPARK?

Natsu: and they're wet that triggers me.

___

Levy: Gajeel just take the socks off.

Gajeel: No.

Levy: you've been disowned by your family.

Gajeel: and?

Levy: ....

___

Gray: Im hungry..

Erza: Hi Hungry im Erza

Natsu: No pls not the dad/mom jokes.

___

Erza: do i know you?

Bisca: Maybe?

Erza: ive seen you somewhere and i know it.

Bisca: erza im your cousin. ._.

Erza: no thats not it...wait are you that girl from the strip club?

Wendy: WAIT WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT A STRIP CLUB?

Erza: ...>.> what were YOU doing at a strip club?

Wendy: what

Erza: what.

Bisca: what...

____

PT. 10 GUYS?

Natsu tried burning Gajeel's socks when we got home but got in trouble for burning the curtains

[xxthegirlnextdoorxx-blog1]

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.9

Lucy: Are you calling me fat?

Natsu: What!? Of course not baby! Im just saying you're bigger than most!

Lucy:....

____

* So Wendy Had To Ask Out Levy For Gajeel*

Wendy: Hey Levy!

Levy: Hey Wendy!

Wendy: *stands up tall* Umm.. *clears throat and reads smudged writing on her hands while giving Levy some flowers*

Will you Levy, like to go on and?mate? with me? - Love Gajeel.

Levy: o.o

____

Gray: *muffled* LOSERS SAYS WHAT.

*Silence*

Gajeel: you're the only one who said

it

___

Natsu: Do you think if I put my foot underneath a slow moving car it would still hurt?

Gray: Okay man, we love you but that's the most stupidest question you've ever asked.

___

*At The Waterpark, it's a slide where you get dropped down*

*Announcer* 5

Gajeel: im regreting this

*4*

Natsu: Um no..*looks down at platform which shows a drop * oh hell no.

*3*

Gray: AHAHAHAHAHAHA *nearly crying*

*2*

Erza: So this justs drops us down or?

*1*

Wendy: AHAHA I AM RE-- *platform opens* NO I WAS NOT READY!!

Gray: NO NO NO NO N O NO *platform opens* WHAT THE FUCCKKK

Natsu: *has been screaming before the platform opened*

Gajeel: I bet it's not even that ba-- *screams*

Erza: *literally the only one cheering*

___

Lucy: Natsu look!! Lets go in the tidal wave pool!

Natsu: nO.

Lucy: but it's just like the beach.

Natsu: No.

Lucy: *drags him inside*

___

Juvia: make sure you put on sunscreen Gray.

Gray: Pfft what am i? 12?

Juvia: Probably.

*Few hours later*

Erza: Hey we're back how

Was the ri--- *sees a sunburned Gray* *bursts out laughing*

Gray: i look like a freaking heavy built strawberry.

Wendy: okay whatever helps you sleep at night.

Gajeel: *pats his back* it's okay it'll be oka--

Gray: *shriekS*

___

Natsu: Wendy nO.

Wendy: but you literally just sit down and the river takes you around the park.

Natsu: THAT'S TERRIFYING.

Wendy: you move at only 3 miles per hour!!

Natsu: Slow Painful Death. No thanks.

Wendy: ITS CALLED THE LAZY RIVER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

___

*Squishy Noises*

Gray: what is th--*looks At Gajeel wearing socks*

Natsu: are you wearing...

Gajeel: Socks? Yes.

Wendy: why...

Gajeel: why not?

Gray: WHO WEARS SOCKS TO A WATERPARK?

Natsu: and they're wet that triggers me.

___

Levy: Gajeel just take the socks off.

Gajeel: No.

Levy: you've been disowned by your family.

Gajeel: and?

Levy: ....

___

Gray: Im hungry..

Erza: Hi Hungry im Erza

Natsu: No pls not the dad/mom jokes.

___

Erza: do i know you?

Bisca: Maybe?

Erza: ive seen you somewhere and i know it.

Bisca: erza im your cousin. ._.

Erza: no thats not it...wait are you that girl from the strip club?

Wendy: WAIT WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT A STRIP CLUB?

Erza: ...>.> what were YOU doing at a strip club?

Wendy: what

Erza: what.

Bisca: what...

____

PT. 10 GUYS?

Natsu tried burning Gajeel's socks when we got home but got in trouble for burning the curtains

[liannetoile]

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.9

Lucy: Are you calling me fat?

Natsu: What!? Of course not baby! Im just saying you're bigger than most!

Lucy:....

____

* So Wendy Had To Ask Out Levy For Gajeel*

Wendy: Hey Levy!

Levy: Hey Wendy!

Wendy: *stands up tall* Umm.. *clears throat and reads smudged writing on her hands while giving Levy some flowers*

Will you Levy, like to go on and?mate? with me? - Love Gajeel.

Levy: o.o

____

Gray: *muffled* LOSERS SAYS WHAT.

*Silence*

Gajeel: you're the only one who said

it

___

Natsu: Do you think if I put my foot underneath a slow moving car it would still hurt?

Gray: Okay man, we love you but that's the most stupidest question you've ever asked.

___

*At The Waterpark, it's a slide where you get dropped down*

*Announcer* 5

Gajeel: im regreting this

*4*

Natsu: Um no..*looks down at platform which shows a drop * oh hell no.

*3*

Gray: AHAHAHAHAHAHA *nearly crying*

*2*

Erza: So this justs drops us down or?

*1*

Wendy: AHAHA I AM RE-- *platform opens* NO I WAS NOT READY!!

Gray: NO NO NO NO N O NO *platform opens* WHAT THE FUCCKKK

Natsu: *has been screaming before the platform opened*

Gajeel: I bet it's not even that ba-- *screams*

Erza: *literally the only one cheering*

___

Lucy: Natsu look!! Lets go in the tidal wave pool!

Natsu: nO.

Lucy: but it's just like the beach.

Natsu: No.

Lucy: *drags him inside*

___

Juvia: make sure you put on sunscreen Gray.

Gray: Pfft what am i? 12?

Juvia: Probably.

*Few hours later*

Erza: Hey we're back how

Was the ri--- *sees a sunburned Gray* *bursts out laughing*

Gray: i look like a freaking heavy built strawberry.

Wendy: okay whatever helps you sleep at night.

Gajeel: *pats his back* it's okay it'll be oka--

Gray: *shriekS*

___

Natsu: Wendy nO.

Wendy: but you literally just sit down and the river takes you around the park.

Natsu: THAT'S TERRIFYING.

Wendy: you move at only 3 miles per hour!!

Natsu: Slow Painful Death. No thanks.

Wendy: ITS CALLED THE LAZY RIVER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

___

*Squishy Noises*

Gray: what is th--*looks At Gajeel wearing socks*

Natsu: are you wearing...

Gajeel: Socks? Yes.

Wendy: why...

Gajeel: why not?

Gray: WHO WEARS SOCKS TO A WATERPARK?

Natsu: and they're wet that triggers me.

___

Levy: Gajeel just take the socks off.

Gajeel: No.

Levy: you've been disowned by your family.

Gajeel: and?

Levy: ....

___

Gray: Im hungry..

Erza: Hi Hungry im Erza

Natsu: No pls not the dad/mom jokes.

___

Erza: do i know you?

Bisca: Maybe?

Erza: ive seen you somewhere and i know it.

Bisca: erza im your cousin. ._.

Erza: no thats not it...wait are you that girl from the strip club?

Wendy: WAIT WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT A STRIP CLUB?

Erza: ...>.> what were YOU doing at a strip club?

Wendy: what

Erza: what.

Bisca: what...

____

PT. 10 GUYS?

Natsu tried burning Gajeel's socks when we got home but got in trouble for burning the curtains

[pluieplume-blog]

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.9

Lucy: Are you calling me fat?

Natsu: What!? Of course not baby! Im just saying you're bigger than most!

Lucy:....

____

* So Wendy Had To Ask Out Levy For Gajeel*

Wendy: Hey Levy!

Levy: Hey Wendy!

Wendy: *stands up tall* Umm.. *clears throat and reads smudged writing on her hands while giving Levy some flowers*

Will you Levy, like to go on and?mate? with me? - Love Gajeel.

Levy: o.o

____

Gray: *muffled* LOSERS SAYS WHAT.

*Silence*

Gajeel: you're the only one who said

it

___

Natsu: Do you think if I put my foot underneath a slow moving car it would still hurt?

Gray: Okay man, we love you but that's the most stupidest question you've ever asked.

___

*At The Waterpark, it's a slide where you get dropped down*

*Announcer* 5

Gajeel: im regreting this

*4*

Natsu: Um no..*looks down at platform which shows a drop * oh hell no.

*3*

Gray: AHAHAHAHAHAHA *nearly crying*

*2*

Erza: So this justs drops us down or?

*1*

Wendy: AHAHA I AM RE-- *platform opens* NO I WAS NOT READY!!

Gray: NO NO NO NO N O NO *platform opens* WHAT THE FUCCKKK

Natsu: *has been screaming before the platform opened*

Gajeel: I bet it's not even that ba-- *screams*

Erza: *literally the only one cheering*

___

Lucy: Natsu look!! Lets go in the tidal wave pool!

Natsu: nO.

Lucy: but it's just like the beach.

Natsu: No.

Lucy: *drags him inside*

___

Juvia: make sure you put on sunscreen Gray.

Gray: Pfft what am i? 12?

Juvia: Probably.

*Few hours later*

Erza: Hey we're back how

Was the ri--- *sees a sunburned Gray* *bursts out laughing*

Gray: i look like a freaking heavy built strawberry.

Wendy: okay whatever helps you sleep at night.

Gajeel: *pats his back* it's okay it'll be oka--

Gray: *shriekS*

___

Natsu: Wendy nO.

Wendy: but you literally just sit down and the river takes you around the park.

Natsu: THAT'S TERRIFYING.

Wendy: you move at only 3 miles per hour!!

Natsu: Slow Painful Death. No thanks.

Wendy: ITS CALLED THE LAZY RIVER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

___

*Squishy Noises*

Gray: what is th--*looks At Gajeel wearing socks*

Natsu: are you wearing...

Gajeel: Socks? Yes.

Wendy: why...

Gajeel: why not?

Gray: WHO WEARS SOCKS TO A WATERPARK?

Natsu: and they're wet that triggers me.

___

Levy: Gajeel just take the socks off.

Gajeel: No.

Levy: you've been disowned by your family.

Gajeel: and?

Levy: ....

___

Gray: Im hungry..

Erza: Hi Hungry im Erza

Natsu: No pls not the dad/mom jokes.

___

Erza: do i know you?

Bisca: Maybe?

Erza: ive seen you somewhere and i know it.

Bisca: erza im your cousin. ._.

Erza: no thats not it...wait are you that girl from the strip club?

Wendy: WAIT WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT A STRIP CLUB?

Erza: ...>.> what were YOU doing at a strip club?

Wendy: what

Erza: what.

Bisca: what...

____

PT. 10 GUYS?

Natsu tried burning Gajeel's socks when we got home but got in trouble for burning the curtains

[pen-and-paper-sword-and-shield]

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.9

Lucy: Are you calling me fat?

Natsu: What!? Of course not baby! Im just saying you're bigger than most!

Lucy:....

____

* So Wendy Had To Ask Out Levy For Gajeel*

Wendy: Hey Levy!

Levy: Hey Wendy!

Wendy: *stands up tall* Umm.. *clears throat and reads smudged writing on her hands while giving Levy some flowers*

Will you Levy, like to go on and?mate? with me? - Love Gajeel.

Levy: o.o

____

Gray: *muffled* LOSERS SAYS WHAT.

*Silence*

Gajeel: you're the only one who said

it

___

Natsu: Do you think if I put my foot underneath a slow moving car it would still hurt?

Gray: Okay man, we love you but that's the most stupidest question you've ever asked.

___

*At The Waterpark, it's a slide where you get dropped down*

*Announcer* 5

Gajeel: im regreting this

*4*

Natsu: Um no..*looks down at platform which shows a drop * oh hell no.

*3*

Gray: AHAHAHAHAHAHA *nearly crying*

*2*

Erza: So this justs drops us down or?

*1*

Wendy: AHAHA I AM RE-- *platform opens* NO I WAS NOT READY!!

Gray: NO NO NO NO N O NO *platform opens* WHAT THE FUCCKKK

Natsu: *has been screaming before the platform opened*

Gajeel: I bet it's not even that ba-- *screams*

Erza: *literally the only one cheering*

___

Lucy: Natsu look!! Lets go in the tidal wave pool!

Natsu: nO.

Lucy: but it's just like the beach.

Natsu: No.

Lucy: *drags him inside*

___

Juvia: make sure you put on sunscreen Gray.

Gray: Pfft what am i? 12?

Juvia: Probably.

*Few hours later*

Erza: Hey we're back how

Was the ri--- *sees a sunburned Gray* *bursts out laughing*

Gray: i look like a freaking heavy built strawberry.

Wendy: okay whatever helps you sleep at night.

Gajeel: *pats his back* it's okay it'll be oka--

Gray: *shriekS*

___

Natsu: Wendy nO.

Wendy: but you literally just sit down and the river takes you around the park.

Natsu: THAT'S TERRIFYING.

Wendy: you move at only 3 miles per hour!!

Natsu: Slow Painful Death. No thanks.

Wendy: ITS CALLED THE LAZY RIVER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

___

*Squishy Noises*

Gray: what is th--*looks At Gajeel wearing socks*

Natsu: are you wearing...

Gajeel: Socks? Yes.

Wendy: why...

Gajeel: why not?

Gray: WHO WEARS SOCKS TO A WATERPARK?

Natsu: and they're wet that triggers me.

___

Levy: Gajeel just take the socks off.

Gajeel: No.

Levy: you've been disowned by your family.

Gajeel: and?

Levy: ....

___

Gray: Im hungry..

Erza: Hi Hungry im Erza

Natsu: No pls not the dad/mom jokes.

___

Erza: do i know you?

Bisca: Maybe?

Erza: ive seen you somewhere and i know it.

Bisca: erza im your cousin. ._.

Erza: no thats not it...wait are you that girl from the strip club?

Wendy: WAIT WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT A STRIP CLUB?

Erza: ...>.> what were YOU doing at a strip club?

Wendy: what

Erza: what.

Bisca: what...

____

PT. 10 GUYS?

Natsu tried burning Gajeel's socks when we got home but got in trouble for burning the curtains

[snickiebear]

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.9

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.9

Lucy: Are you calling me fat?

Natsu: What!? Of course not baby! Im just saying you're bigger than most!

Lucy:....

____

* So Wendy Had To Ask Out Levy For Gajeel*

Wendy: Hey Levy!

Levy: Hey Wendy!

Wendy: *stands up tall* Umm.. *clears throat and reads smudged writing on her hands while giving Levy some flowers*

Will you Levy, like to go on and?mate? with me? - Love Gajeel.

Levy: o.o

____

Gray: *muffled* LOSERS SAYS WHAT.

*Silence*

Gajeel: you're the only one who said

it

___

Natsu: Do you think if I put my foot underneath a slow moving car it would still hurt?

Gray: Okay man, we love you but that's the most stupidest question you've ever asked.

___

*At The Waterpark, it's a slide where you get dropped down*

*Announcer* 5

Gajeel: im regreting this

*4*

Natsu: Um no..*looks down at platform which shows a drop * oh hell no.

*3*

Gray: AHAHAHAHAHAHA *nearly crying*

*2*

Erza: So this justs drops us down or?

*1*

Wendy: AHAHA I AM RE-- *platform opens* NO I WAS NOT READY!!

Gray: NO NO NO NO N O NO *platform opens* WHAT THE FUCCKKK

Natsu: *has been screaming before the platform opened*

Gajeel: I bet it's not even that ba-- *screams*

Erza: *literally the only one cheering*

___

Lucy: Natsu look!! Lets go in the tidal wave pool!

Natsu: nO.

Lucy: but it's just like the beach.

Natsu: No.

Lucy: *drags him inside*

___

Juvia: make sure you put on sunscreen Gray.

Gray: Pfft what am i? 12?

Juvia: Probably.

*Few hours later*

Erza: Hey we're back how

Was the ri--- *sees a sunburned Gray* *bursts out laughing*

Gray: i look like a freaking heavy built strawberry.

Wendy: okay whatever helps you sleep at night.

Gajeel: *pats his back* it's okay it'll be oka--

Gray: *shriekS*

___

Natsu: Wendy nO.

Wendy: but you literally just sit down and the river takes you around the park.

Natsu: THAT'S TERRIFYING.

Wendy: you move at only 3 miles per hour!!

Natsu: Slow Painful Death. No thanks.

Wendy: ITS CALLED THE LAZY RIVER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

___

*Squishy Noises*

Gray: what is th--*looks At Gajeel wearing socks*

Natsu: are you wearing...

Gajeel: Socks? Yes.

Wendy: why...

Gajeel: why not?

Gray: WHO WEARS SOCKS TO A WATERPARK?

Natsu: and they're wet that triggers me.

___

Levy: Gajeel just take the socks off.

Gajeel: No.

Levy: you've been disowned by your family.

Gajeel: and?

Levy: ....

___

Gray: Im hungry..

Erza: Hi Hungry im Erza

Natsu: No pls not the dad/mom jokes.

___

Erza: do i know you?

Bisca: Maybe?

Erza: ive seen you somewhere and i know it.

Bisca: erza im your cousin. ._.

Erza: no thats not it...wait are you that girl from the strip club?

Wendy: WAIT WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT A STRIP CLUB?

Erza: ...>.> what were YOU doing at a strip club?

Wendy: what

Erza: what.

Bisca: what...

____

PT. 10 GUYS?

Natsu tried burning Gajeel's socks when we got home but got in trouble for burning the curtains