#AND AND AND thinking i'm finally going to do my overseas trip later this year as a present to myself

[armpirate]

UNDER HIS SKIN || JJK || Ch. 40 (Finale)

Pairings: tattoist!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, friends to lovers, tattoo au, virgin reader.

Summary: They say there are two versions for every story, and it's important to hear both of them. Everybody is hearing your side of the story, but it's just fair to get to know his.

After breaking up with his girlfriend, the only thing he wanted was to have fun with no attachment. You wanted to get rid of your virginity, and he wanted to tick you off his list. What he didn't expect was getting so emotionally attached to you that he would regret the deal.

Previous

MASTERLIST

Aprox. time of reading: 12 minutes

*One year later*

I look back after a few minutes of feeling I'm talking on my own, finding Y/n at the bottom of the stairs while she's holding her side and fighting her own body to be able to start breathing properly. She isn't going to make any more efforts to reach where I am. I know it by the way she's looking around to find the perfect place to sit and regain some strength. 

Instead of leaving her by herself, I start walking down to where she is, tilting my head while looking at her with a funny smile, thinking of something to say to piss her off. 

—See why you need to work out with me?

—I'm fine like this, thank you —she answers, breathless—. Besides, it's not like, back in New York, I'll do something that will make me feel like my lung is escalating my throat. 

She throws her head back, as if that way the air would get through her nose better, while her hands are cupped on her hips. 

—Do you need some water or anything? —I attempt to take the bag on my back, but she quickly shakes her hand and head.

—No, it's alright. Let's go —she encourages me.

But instead of leading the way again, or following her, I stop her. She looks at me confused, and even scoffs when I take off the bag and hand it to her. 

—I know I said I was okay, but is it really necessary? —she whines— What wrong did I do to you to deserve this?

Instead of answering right away, I walk past her, getting one step behind her so she's slightly taller than me. Her hand quickly squeezes my shoulder when I turn around, my back facing her while I wait for her to hop on my back. 

—Love, I'm okay already.

—And you'll be close to passing out in a matter of five seconds —I tease her—. And if we keep stopping, we'll get there by midnight. And it's already late enough. 

—It'll be hard for you to get to the tower if I hop on your back —she mutters.

—Cocktease, you weigh nothing. I'll handle it —I assure her.

—I promise I'll be able to get up there by myself —she assures me again.

—Babe —I stop her—, just get on my back. You know I won't move from here until you do. 

She sighs, finally giving in. And when I look over my shoulder, I see her hanging the bag before she gets ready to jump on my back. I squeeze her thighs when I feel their warmth around my waist, looking up to her right after to give her a comforting smile. 

—This is so cruel —she comments, as we start making our way back to the top. 

—You're acting like you're forcing me —I chuckle—. Also, you're feeling bad about this, but not about the time you made me get up at five in the morning to pick you up from the airport?

—You said you didn't mind —she whines again—. I told you I could've picked up a cab back home, but you insisted.

—Babe, I was messing with you. I spent all night awake because I couldn't wait to see you. 

The more experience she got in the gallery, the more Jin trusted her to do trips all over the country -and even overseas- to make deals with different artists, or just to buy a painting he wanted to expose. And every time she leaves, although it's only for a few days, we always spend most of the time stuck to our phones.

I have the feeling we speak even more during those times she's away, but also the reunion is so special every time our eyes meet when I pick her up. Whoever sees us at the airport would think we've been months without seeing each other, and that we aren't living together at all back in New York City. 

—I'll give a good back massage to the birthday boy when we get to the hotel tonight —she kisses my cheek. 

—Just a back massage?

—Whatever my boy wants —she kisses my cheek again. 

I end up regretting ever coming up with the idea of picking her up to the top. It's true I can carry her easily, but not while trying to go upstairs to a place I barely was able to get to without losing my breath a few times. Although it's all worth it when I feel her squeezing my shoulders with her arms while managing to give small pecks on my temple randomly. 

The city of Seoul has never looked as pretty as it is right now that she's looking at it from the top with a bright smile. After putting my hands inside the pocket of my leather jacket, I open it and hug her from behind, covering part of her body with the fabric. 

—I'm so happy to be here with you —she confesses, eyes still fixed on the small lights in the buildings far away. 

And while I'd want to answer back straight away, I get lost on her side profile and the way her eyes are shining even brighter than the lights lighting up the place. 

—I'm definitely happier.

She frowns when she hears me saying that, turning to me for a brief second before her eyes go back to the landscape. 

—You always have to win —she pretends to be annoyed, rolling her eyes with her comment. 

—I won with you though —I kiss her neck—. You've given me the best year of my life. 

—And there's many more ahead —she assures me—. Together though. Because if you leave, you'll be miserable. 

—Who says?

—You won't? —when she turns to me, she looks upset. 

—Babe, I was messing around —I try to hug her back, but she steps back. 

—So you're saying you won't feel sad if we ever break up? That's what I am to you? Someone you can get over?

—It's not like that...

Everything I was getting ready to say, all the comforting words I was going to air out to calm her down and make her feel good, got stuck in my throat when I saw her mischievously smiling at me. 

—I was kidding —she playfully pushes me—. I thought this was the best place to pull a scene. It's very k-drama-like. 

—Remember me to stop you from watching any of those shows when we get back home —I beg her. 

—You should've seen your face —she cackles, pointing at me—. You were like "It's not like that".

Her features exaggerate to mock mine, before they go back to their nature as she laughs and giggles at my reaction. And even if she's being the most annoying right now, I can't help but smile right now. 

—I was just messing with you, love —she squeezes my side with two of her fingers—. Besides, I still had to get back at you for what you did to me at the hospital.

—You still remember that? —my eyes open wide at her confession.

—Of course I do. I was worried about you, and you were playing around with something so delicate. Who in their sane mind would do something like that?

—How can you be so rancorous? 

—I'm not.

—And you bring this up on my birthday? —I raise my eyebrow— What was even the reason for it? You thought it was fun?

—Kook —she tries to reach for my hand—, I was just messing around. I didn't want to upset you.

She doesn't have time to finish her own sentence, because she tries to hide her face on my chest while her arms wrap tight around my waist. 

—I didn't want to start anything, seriously —I hear her whining. 

—Gotcha, baby —I whisper in her ear—. You really thought you'd get at a Korean to roleplay a k-drama?

—You asshole —she pushes me away suddenly, annoyed at my comment—. I was feeling bad for you.

—I know. Your voice started shaking like it always does when you get nervous —I move my thumb over her lower lip, but Y/n moves her head away—. You know I love you, even if your rancorous ass messes things up. 

I forced her in for a hug, hiding her face back on my chest while I wrap my arms around her tight to keep her from stepping away. 

—I'm not.

—Shh, baby. It's okay —I play with her hair—. I love you anyways. 

—You know I'm really considering what are the pros of loving you right now —she answers, still not hugging me. 

—I'm husband material —I whisper—. I cook, I clean, I'm attentive, I'm cute and sexy, I fuck you just about right...

—Yeah, and you're so humble, too. Don't forget that. 

We both just giggle at the same time I sway her body in my arms, encouraging her to wrap her arms around me under the jacket. I hear her breathing deeply, calming herself down at the same time my palm finds its way to her nape. 

—I do really really love you though —she finally whispers. 

—I do really really love you, too, cocktease —I kiss her forehead—. Thank you for being around and sharing your life with me. 

—I know I don't say it a lot, but you make me feel really lucky —I can feel her smiling against my chest—. You made all the wait worth it, almost as if I was destined to meet you at Tae's pub. I can't imagine what my life would be like if you hadn't been there, and I don't want to know. 

—Thank you for letting me under your skin, cocktease —I whisper.

She scoffs at that comment, hiding her face even more -if possible- on my body. It's not like we hated our guts from the very beginning, but I can't imagine how things would've worked if we hadn't had all those small bickerings we had at the beginning.

Probably we wouldn't be here right now. 

—Babe —she calls me.

—Hmm?

—Why don't we get married?

The way she so casually drops the question makes me step back to be able to look at her and make sure she isn't joking. She actually seems serious. Or, more like, neutral. As if she hadn't asked something so serious. 

—Married? Married like...

—Soo and Mark —she shrugs—. Married with papers and rings, and the whole ceremony, yes. 

I squint my eyes, still thinking she's pulling another joke at me. 

—Your parents are living in New York, and my parents aren't so far away either. Or, like your mother said, we could do it somewhere in between so it's equal for everybody. 

—You talked about this with my mother? 

—She was the one who brought it up a few months ago —she confesses.

While I try to process the fact that my mother and Y/n are so close to be discussing this without my knowing about it, I see she's still talking about it. 

—I also talked about this with your father —I interrupt her—. And we even found the perfect place for it. 

—You talked about this with my father? —she mirrors my previous reaction. 

—It was during one of those barbecues a few weeks ago. I told him how serious I was about you, and asked him how he would feel if we ever decided to go further. We're already living together, you know, so the next step would be to make it completely official. And he said there was no one else he could imagine you ending up with, and then he started giving me all those ideas on how to propose and stuff. 

—So we both had this conversation with each other's parents —she sums up. 

—What was your conclusion?

—I do want to marry you —she nods, smiling big while those words left her lips. 

—I do want to marry you, too —I'm unable to hold back my lips from curving—. We need to start saving money. 

—Yeah, maybe it'd be a better idea to have this conversation in a few months. We're still recovering from the car, and also the trip. Let's give it two or three months.

I hug her again while chuckling.

—Do you realize how unromantic this was? 

—It wasn't the official proposal. This doesn't count —she assures me—. Today we'll focus on something else. 

I don't know what she's talking about when she unhangs the bag from her back, looking for something in it. Although I fight to control my expression when she turns around with a candle lit on a Bungeoppang.

So this is what she wanted it for. 

—Make a wish, birthday boy —she encourages me. 

I look into her eyes, seeing my whole future in them while I think what's the best wish I could ask for right now. 

Let's have a healthy life together, cocktease.

After I blow the candle, she takes it away from the pastry and hands it to me. I've mentioned several times how much I loved this when I was living here, and how I'd lose count of how much money I've spent buying this whenever I wanted a snack, so I'm not surprised she bought it before we got here to celebrate my special day. 

—I don't know if the owner of the shop found me ridiculous or endearing while trying to speak Korean, but...

—Thank you, cocktease.

I eat half of it, because I know that Y/n will probably want the other half once she tastes it -even if she never even thinks of asking, because this is supposedly for me only. We hold hands, walking around the place until we see all the locks hanging on the walls. 

I remember when I was younger I always thought I'd do this with my girlfriend, and that that would mean I'd be with that person forever, but not a single time since I started dating I ever thought of seriously putting a lock here with neither of the girls I dated. It might seem dumb for some, but there's a reason why you close the lock and throw away the key. That love should last forever, just like some of the locks here have been hanging for decades. There's no point of making such a promise with someone you aren't sure you will end up with. 

She squeezes my fingers, that are intertwined with hers, getting my attention back on her.

—We didn't propose, but let's hang a lock —she seems so excited while saying it.

—As an unofficial proposal? —she quickly nods at my question. 

—This is our ring in Korea —she brings up the lock she used for her suitcase—. I'll buy a new one tomorrow —she adds, aware of the way I'm smiling. 

—This is the unofficial promise that we will get married.

—When we have more money —she adds. 

We both find the right spot, managing to hang the lock together and closing it. Inevitably, I end up hugging her from the back when we're done, walking with her up close while she just giggles and cackles at how clingy I am. 

—Let's get to the hotel —I whisper in her ear. 

She suddenly stops before we can even make our way to the stairs, back to the route where we came from and turns her head at me. 

—But let's take the car cable now, please. 

And while she sits next to me in the car cable, I'm aware of what love is like. It's the understatement of the small gestures that show how much you know that person, and the actions that lead to make that person happy when you fill their needs without them having to say a word. It's on how the space seems so filled with their energy, that you don't need anyone else but that person. And it took me so long, but I finally found the person I'm able to feel that way with. She always manages to make me feel all types of emotions, so passionately and intensely that sometimes I even doubt they're real. 

She's the love of my life. I know. 

I will just be forever grateful I got to annoy her to the point of getting under her skin, but also having her under mine with no previous warning. 

Thank you all so much for all the support and love you've shown to this story!!

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Going Back Home

Summary: Claire never thought she would be back in the town she grew up in. But after her fiancé broke off their engagement, leaving her 5 months pregnant and alone she found herself calling Frankie Morales in the middle of the night, one of her childhood friends who insisted that she booked the next flight out. Trying to fix her life with a little help from her friends she would find out soon that going back would be the best decision she ever made.

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Claire Beck

wordcount: 3.1k

Warnings: more or less unplanned pregnancy, break up, mentions of sexual encounters

A/N: I am a weak weak person so here it is, a chaptered fic. I will try to update this weekly, but no promises. Rating will go up later. I'm attempting slow burn. Let's see how slow lol Let me know what you think. Reblogs are, as always, appreciated 💙

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Taglist in reblog

Even Though most of her happiest memories were connected with this town, the town she spent most of her life in, Claire never thought she actually would be back here. And certainly not pregnant and all by herself.

It wasn’t that she had been unhappy here. Claire just always wanted something… bigger. Something more. Something exciting. After her parents died and most of her friends moved away, there was nothing holding her back. Well, that wasn’t true. Frankie and Santiago were there. But only when they weren’t overseas or god knows where, which left her with her dream of being a journalist in a small town where she had no chance to ever make it.

She still remembered Santi’s face when she announced that it was her turn to leave just before they were about to be gone for months again. She had gotten a job in New York and thought for days about what to do until she took the job. That was eight years ago and they hadn’t seen each other in person since then.

Yet when she called Frankie three days ago in tears, it was like no time had passed. She wanted to call Santiago first, but she knew him. If she had told him what happened to her he would have gotten into his car and gotten to her, no matter if it took 3 straight days. No, she had called Frankie. He had listened to her for hours until he made her promise to book the next flight out.

When the fuck did her life become such a shit show?

Only a week ago, she had the dream job, was engaged and 5 months pregnant.

Claire was happy. Until her fiance came back from a work trip and suddenly announced that he wanted nothing to do with the child and moved out within days, leaving her on her own. Not even his phone number was working and she wasn’t gonna show up at his work. She wasn’t that desperate. She should have seen it coming. John never planned to have kids. But when Clarie found out that she was pregnant he had already asked her to marry him and maybe he was too proud to end the engagement back then. Thinking back maybe this was the reason he stayed. Because a part of him wanted to spend his life with her. They didn’t fight. He just moved out, told her that he would take care financially of her and the child, but that he didn’t want to be a father.

The first days she was just numb. Trying to wrap her mind around the fact that the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with, left her while she was pregnant with a child they didn’t plan but that she loved without a doubt. That was what kept her going. Her little bean. Claire would do anything to protect her little girl.

The guys to this day called her bean. She found herself thinking more of them since John left. Even without seeing them in the last years, they still stayed in contact. Not a week went by where she didn’t receive a letter. They had a group chat that was only used when they were at home and the bachelor was on. Cause fuck did they all hate that show but they watched it anyways.

Claire was okay with the whole suddenly being on her own thing, until she felt her baby move for the first time and turned in her bed to wake her fiance, finding the side empty and cold. For one tiny moment, she had forgotten that she was alone in a city where she had only a couple of friends who were his friends rather than hers. She had always had a hard time finding friends. That probably wouldn’t change.

Sucking her bottom lip in, she rested one hand on her belly as she waited for her luggage to arrive. She slept almost through the entire flight. Claire had gotten rid of the last eight years of her life in the last 48 hours. She wanted to start fresh. She needed a fresh start. Even if she had no idea how to deal with all of this on her own.

A woman next to her helped her get her suitcases on the cart, noticing that Claire was on her own. Pushing the cart through security she saw Frankie as soon as the door opened and next to him Ben, Will and Santiago who all smiled at her, while she felt the first tears escaping her eyes.

She had met Ben and Will only a couple times, they were living an hour away, but they became part of the group immediately. Once upon a time her childhood best friend, Leah, was in that group too. Claire hadn’t thought of Leah in a long time. She had died in a car accident almost 12 years ago.

Arms pulled her in a warm embrace and even after years of not seeing each other for such a long time, she still noticed Frankie’s scent.

“We got you,” he whispered, kissing her hair. She sobbed once before she was pulled into Santi’s arms.

“Look at you,” he smiled before he looked down at her belly.

“And look at you?” he smiled and leaned down.

“Hello, this is your favorite Uncle speaking,” he winked, bending down to speak directly to her belly, making her chuckle.

“Oh please, we all know I’m gonna be the favorite, hey bean,” Will hugged her.

“Don’t listen to them baby girl, we know they're all gonna spoil you rotten,” she grinned, letting Ben kiss her cheek.

“So you’re staying?” Frankie asked and you nodded.

“I already called some realtors. I wanna get this over as quickly as possible. Already sold everything back in New York,” Claire said, looking at the two men who formed most of her teenage years.

“Okay. Let’s get you out of this airport first. You okay to stay with Frankie? He has the biggest house,” Santiago asked, pushing the cart as you slowly walked towards the exit with Ben’s arm around her shoulder.

“Uh… I don’t wanna impose. I could just take a room…”

“Fuck no. Stay at my place. It’s my Pa’s old ranch. I’m renovating it.”

“What? No way!” she said surprised but Frankie only nodded.

“Yeah after Liz and South America I needed something to keep me busy. Also needed more space for Elena,” he explained. A small smile sneaked to Claire’s face.

“I still can’t believe you’re a dad Frankie.”

“Can’t believe you gonna be a mom. Fuck we’re really adults now, huh?” he winked and Claire sighed.

“Certainly didn’t plan it that way. Or planned it at all,” she said sadly before she shook her head as if to get rid of the sad thoughts clouding her mind.

“I meant it, Claire. We got you. We are bored most times anyways.”

“Hey speak for yourself, Fish. I got a business,” Santi said.

“Yeah. Yeah. Me too. But after work you’re either drunk or after some pussy so?” Ben grinned, making her chuckle.

“So still no ladies in your life, boys?” Claire asked as they reached what definitely was Frankie’s truck. It had his company name on it. “Morales gardening”

“Nope. But now that you’re here we could finally….” Will started only for Claire to look away in disgust, making them all laugh.

“You ready to become a Daddy, Will?” she asked, her hands both on her belly.

“Uhm… of course?” he answered and she chuckled.

“That’s what I thought,” she patted his cheek.

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed. You must be exhausted,” Frankie said and opened the door for her.

“We’ll see you tomorrow for the BBQ,” they all waved. She waved back, letting Frankie help her inside before he closed the door behind her and hopped into the driver’s seat.

“BBQ?” she asked.

“Can’t blame the folks from wanting to welcome you, bean,” he winked.

“What folks?”

“Ya know. Folks. You gonna see,” he looked at Claire. He felt better now that she was here. Frankie had missed her these last years, the couple of calls throughout hadn’t nearly been enough. And when she called two days ago in tears… He would have gotten the chopper and flown over but he couldn’t risk it. He had to be on good behaviour to be able to keep seeing his daughter.

“I missed you, Francisco,” she whispered.

“Missed you too, Bean.”

The sun was already setting when Frankie drove down a familiar path. Claire had spent countless days on this ranch when she was younger.

“How is your Dad doing?” she asked softly and Frankie sighed as he killed the engine in front of the house.

“I fucking hate that I can’t take care of him on my own, but he’s hanging in there.”

“I’d like to visit him if you’re okay with that,” she reached over squeezing his hand and he looked at her with a small smile.

“I bet he would love that.”

“And I’m sure he would have wanted it this way, Francisco. You know your dad. He wouldn’t have wanted you to drop everything for him. Don’t be too hard on yourself,” she said quietly.

“Damn I really missed you Bean,” he shook his head.

“Missed you too,” she let her head fall against his shoulder.

Claire didn’t really have eyes for the house, all she wanted was to go to sleep.

“I finished the guest room this morning for you,” Frankie said, setting one of her suitcases down as he opened the door.

“Please tell me you didn’t work overnight to finish this,” she sighed looking at him. He was rubbing the back of his head, pulling the cap he was always wearing down and avoiding her eyes.

Knowingly she shook her head, but couldn’t help the smile sneaking to her face.

“I won’t say it. But please don’t touch the walls, they might still be wet,” he said and she chuckled.

“Okay. Bathroom is over there. The shower isn’t working yet but you’re welcome to use mine. Will is coming over to take a look and make this one work. Other than that if you need anything just ask. Until you found a place this is your home.”

“You really didn’t have to do this, Frankie,” she said quietly, feeling overwhelmed by all of this. So many things had changed in such a short amount of time for her and she only now seemed to realize that she was indeed about to be a single mom.

“I wanted to. You’re… You don’t deserve to be treated like this. So let us help you, okay?” he said softly and she nodded but avoided his eyes.

“Okay. Go to sleep. My room is down the hallway if you need anything,” he stepped closer, kissing her forehead and for one tiny moment, she felt like the 15 year old teenager again who was crushing on Frankie Morales.

“Good night, Francisco,” she smiled.

“Good night, bean,” he whispered before he turned around and closed the door behind him.

Claire looked around, in awe of the room, the bed looking so inviting to her. Sighing she walked over to the window, knowing she would be able to see the whole property during the day. Crossing her arms in front of her she closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of nature that she had no idea she had missed living in the city for all these years. She felt a fluttering in her belly, her hand wandering down to feel a kick.

“We’ll be happy here, I promise,” she vowed, rubbing over her belly.

She didn’t want to disturb Frankie, even though she could hear the TV running so she just washed herself at the sink before she put her Pajamas on and sat down on the bed. She would unpack tomorrow. For now she had to sleep.

The sun wasn’t even up when Claire woke up. She turned in bed, propping herself up so she could look out the window and watch the sunrise. She had to make a plan. A plan that included finding a house, a doctor and help. Though help would be her smallest problem. She already looked at houses in the area and it didn’t look good. If she had more time she would buy the house just down this road, but there was no way the house would be ready before her due date. She would ask Santi for help. He had a lot of connections through his business. Though Frankie too. Claire knew that he had a little gardening company since he lost his pilot’s license. He never really talked about it, but then again, they didn’t talk that much. She knew that he had some problems with drugs in the past, but that he has been clean for almost two years and was doing better. She also knew that there was a lot more to this story then he had told her. Maybe they would have time to talk. To really talk. Groaning to herself, her quiet and peaceful morning was interrupted by her bladder. Time to start the day.

For a minute she wondered if she could risk sneaking into Frankie’s room to take a shower when she heard music playing. Grabbing her bathrobe and toiletries she opened the door and walked down. Now being really awake she had time to take in the house. It seemed like there still was a lot to do. The walls were still unpainted, the floors still old, though she could see he already started with the floor the closer she got to the kitchen.

Frankie was sitting at the kitchen island, a cup of coffee in front of him as the radio quietly played in the background. He had a serious case of bed hair and she smiled to herself. He hadn’t noticed her yet and she found herself thinking back to all the times she had thought that maybe there was something more in between them than friendship. And maybe there was at one point a long time ago. But that was before he joined the military. She might be selfish for it, but she couldn’t be in a relationship where her partner was gone all the time. She needed someone to be there. Even Though there had been times in the past she had found herself asking if maybe she should have risked it.

Instead she had slept with Santiago.

Yeah, that was a big fuck up. Well it was also a pretty good fuck but it was just once and they definitely were better off as friends. She still didn’t know if Frankie knew. Not that she had to explain herself. Frankie always knew what effect he had on the women around him, and he sure as hell took advantage of it. And now she felt nothing more than love for him. As a friend, nothing more.

“Good Morning,” she said quietly and Frankie turned his head, yawning at her.

Chuckling she walked over taking in the kitchen, setting her toiletries down.

“You weren’t kidding when you say you were still renovating,” she sat down next to him. He got up from his seat walking over to fix her a mug of tea.

“Still hooked on Strawberry tea, I hope?” he asked and she nodded, surprised that he remembered.

“Yeah. Though the kitchen and living room are supposed to be finished by the end of next week. So sorry for the noise in the next couple days,” he walked over and set down the mug of tea in front of her.

“Hey it’s your house. I’m just thankful you let me stay.”

“Of course. Couldn’t let you stay in the dumpster motel in this town,” he winked. She took a sip of the tea and it was perfect.

“So what are you planning for today?” he asked.

“I probably should start looking into houses. I’m kind of on a timetable here,” she rested one hand on her belly and Frankie followed her movement.

“Yeah. I think Pope already called someone for some houses. It’s not looking good.”

“Yeah I thought so. Everything I found on the internet was in really bad shape,” she sighed.

“It’s gonna work out. And if you don’t find something, you’re welcome to stay. The place is big enough,” he shrugged and Claire laughed quietly.

“Yeah I bet you can’t wait to live with a hormonal pregnant woman and then with a newborn,” she joked.

“I lived with Pope. Nothing can be worse and…”

“And?” she asked.

“I already lived with a hormonal pregnant woman. It’s not that bad,” he shrugged with a small smile. She looked at him with a small smile on her face.

“You say that now. Wait till I’m craving your mug cake at 3am now that I’m living with you,” she joked. Frankie laughed.

“Wow I haven’t had one of those in at least 10 years.”

“Well then it’s about time.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, looking at Claire. She looked more relaxed today, like she had a good night’s sleep and he was thankful he put in an overnight to finish the guest room for her. She deserved to relax. When she told him that she not only was pregnant but dumped by her fiance Frankie was furious, yet at the same time he already decided that he would take care of her and help her with everything she needed. It was the least he could do.

Even though they grew apart in the last years, she still was one of his best friends.

“Okay. I’m gonna go take a shower. I got to drive out to check on a project. You gonna be okay here for a while?” Frankie asked. Claire nodded, grabbing her mug of tea.

“Just tell me when you’re going out so I can take a shower,” she said.

“Thank you, Frankie,” she whispered when she stopped next to him and softly kissed his cheek, before she walked down the hallway. Frankie looked after her with a soft smile before he got up to get ready to head out.

Next chapter

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

And In This Light I Think I'm Falling

A/N: This is my first fic in a while so the style is a bit different than my usual--but I found it in my drafts and wanted to finish it while I’m still working on larger stories. Written in response to this prompt from before we conquered the ship name! 

Why does everyone assume they're together? Penelope can't stop thinking about it and feelings ensue. 

Penelope x Schneider, One Day At A Time. Also on AO3.

He catches her when she trips walking past the couch, one hand at her side and the other gripping her hip until she steadies herself. The feel of it lingers longer than she wishes it would.

The next night, after a terrible first date, it’s that moment she finds herself thinking of: Schneider's fingertips digging casually into her skin. How warm his hands are, his broad palms.

Loneliness is a terrible reason to ruin a friendship, she tells herself firmly.

Victor is just the first time.

It’s hilarious, her husband looking at that man–even if Schneider does walk in shirtless without knocking, even if he does that sort of thing a lot now–and thinking he’s her type.

After spending so many years with her, the fact that Victor can see them side by side and decide that they make sense…well, it’s just more proof that her marriage is a lost cause.

But the more it keeps happening, the less funny it is.

****

It’s the mom of Alex’s new teammate, who is behind them in the stands during the first home game and asks what Schneider does for a living while her own husband is getting snacks.

Penelope and Schneider’s corrections are so hasty they overlap into gibberish, impossible to understand, before she’s elbowing him and starting over with less panic.

It’s not like it doesn’t make sense, of course. It’s a simple mistake.

One that seems to occur every baseball season.

****

It’s the waiter at the restaurant they go to for her Mami’s birthday, when Schneider sweet talks Lydia into it in spite of Penelope’s insistence that they can just have the usual fun family party.

Really it’s no different from being at home. They’re still loud and happy, Elena and Alex sneaking glances at their phones even after she scolds them, and Lydia flirting until the chef sends dessert out on the house. Penelope can’t help basking in how warm and settled it all feels–this isn’t the future she saw herself having, but it’s a pretty good one and she’s happy in it.

Schneider goes to the bathroom and the waiter comes by to hand her the check, says he hopes the evening went well and that she and her husband will stop in on their next date night. He’s gone again before she can find the words to correct him, some way to make the truth clear without frantically overreacting and turning that into the issue instead.

Does it really matter, she wonders, when the kids and her Mami are sitting right there and don’t even notice the man’s mistake? They all know it’s not true. That’s what counts.

****

It’s at Elena’s high school graduation, because of course Schneider is there taking endless pictures and would've brought a professional film crew if she hadn’t threatened him with violence. Of course he cheers almost as loud as her Cuban family and cries the most and hands Elena a gift he wrapped himself.

Now it’s not one person, it’s most of the people, who weren't close with Elena and don’t know Victor is overseas and make the assumption that the man with the proud grin and matching glasses is the father of the girl Penelope is preparing to send into the adult world.

It’s reasonable, she thinks, and so she talks around the subject, she slides past the titles and assumptions and tries not to think too much about how it feels.

Because it makes her more melancholy than she wants to admit, the way the world expects them to be a couple, expects her to have someone at her side who loves her kids and supports her without question.

Schneider being so easily mistaken for that guy hurts. It reminds her of what she’s still trying to find.

****

It’s the way the kitchen light hits him early in the morning, catching hints of green and grey in his blue eyes when he takes off his glasses to rub at them. Waiting for his coffee and blinking, he notices her gaze.

Schneider asks if she’s okay, gratefully taking the mug after he puts his glasses back on.

As soon as he speaks it’s like a spell is broken and time moves normally again. Alex is complaining about his school clothes and Elena is arguing with her Abuelita about summer break and Schneider is the guy who hangs around too much.

But for a minute he wasn’t. For a minute he was somebody else.

Somebody she couldn’t stop looking at and wondering, what did other people keep finding there? What about the two of them seemed like such a good fit?

So without her ever really meaning to, one morning Schneider is a man Penelope sees differently.

And she likes what she sees, that’s the worst part of all.

She likes it a lot.

****

It’s the way he’s not pushy, he lets her come to him, but he’s also totally open. Inviting her in for a hug without needing to say it, always being a safe place for her to run to. His body language has its own gravitational pull.

Really, so does he.

But it’s also the way he always reaches out to her, and when Schneider does reach out, he doesn’t hesitate.

His hand is at the small of her back when they leave a room together, a friendly gesture he doesn’t even seem to notice. He grabs her shoulders to maneuver her into sitting, a move that never fails to work because it stuns her into complying.

She was in the Army, she knows fifty ways to leave him gasping for air, but Schneider will lead her around gently and firmly and wordlessly as though it doesn’t occur to him to be afraid of her reflexes.

He catches her when she trips walking past the couch, one hand at her side and the other gripping her hip until she steadies herself. The feel of it lingers longer than she wishes it would.

The next night, after a terrible first date, it’s that moment she finds herself thinking of: Schneider's fingertips digging casually into her skin. How warm his hands are, his broad palms.

Loneliness is a terrible reason to ruin a friendship, she tells herself firmly.

Even if now he insists on showing up in her dreams.

****

It happens on a stifling August day, when the kids have fled to a temperature-controlled movie theater with their allowance and she opts to do the same for free.

Pretty close, anyway, because if she’s hanging out with Schneider at his place and she hints, he’ll leave the AC on all day without complaint.

She’s there for the free cool-down and the company, and whatever plans he might have had, Schneider seems happy to see her.

He always seems happy to see her. These days, Penelope can’t tell if that’s because he’s just such a happy person or if it’s about her.

She hopes it’s her.

They put a movie on and he offers to fix lunch. For a minute she can’t breathe, she’s laughing so hard.

The man cooks such terrible food, it hadn't occurred to her to take his offer seriously--but she didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. Sometimes she forgets he has any that are easily bruised. Because the pained look on Schneider’s face is sincere, she hurries to apologize.

Shifting closer on the couch, Penelope hugs him and promises that if he makes her food, she’ll eat it. She presses her lips to both his cheeks in big, exaggerated kisses to get him to smile again.

When that works and there’s only an inch between them, Schneider beaming at her so sweetly that it makes Penelope ache, she realizes she can’t take it anymore.

She kisses him again, this time leaning in to brush his mouth with hers, as slowly and carefully as if he might break. His smile is gone.

Penelope can see questions in his eyes, but Schneider doesn’t ask them. He frames her face with his hands and kisses her back.

She has questions too, because giving in to temptation didn’t mean expecting him to respond. She’s had time to develop feelings, deny them, and finally choose to acknowledge the insanity of them and hope they would go away.

Not once in all that time did she stop and think maybe Schneider had feelings for her too.

She’s pretty sure she has confirmation now, though, with him sinking deeper into the kiss and his hands tracing up the curve of her neck. Penelope's been wearing her hair up off her shoulders to beat the heat all day, but he's freeing it to run his fingers through.

With his hands buried in her curls, Schneider tugs her closer. Before she gets the chance to tell him her hair was up for a reason, his tongue finds hers and she lets him swallow her protest.

He’s being careful--she can tell he’s holding back just like her, still trying to figure out what this is and how far they can push the line before they cross it and something really important gets damaged.

But they’re making out in his chilled apartment, the air between them getting hotter by the second, and he’s practically got her pressed back into the couch and damn it feels good. All her rational arguments can’t stand up to the feel of him, a solid and comfortable weight on top of her.

Schneider smells like a forest, but not in a gross way–like an actual forest, rich and earthy and male. She’s never going to be able to stand near him again without noticing that and remembering them here, Penelope realizes.

With his mouth moving to her neck, he asks permission before he slides one hand under her tank top, and she holds back an eyeroll. Only Schneider would still be checking in while she was straddling him and her teeth were grazing his ear.

Of course, that's what she likes about him. However much he's enjoying himself--and she's got a front row seat, he's enjoying himself a lot--he would never want anything to happen between them that she might regret later.

God, that would almost simplify things, being able to consider today some form of temporary insanity. As she tugs Schneider's t-shirt over his head, Penelope wishes she could say she was going to regret this.

But she doesn’t think she will.

[taz-writes]

What's Violet like (I LIVE for gorgeous and deadly fairies)? Are she and Lavender really close? What powers does she possess exactly??? What's her arc throughout the series?? Also, in terms of character rankings, who is your second main character, Aelia or Violet?? Sorry for the bombard of questions, I just really love Violet! (also, I'm pretty sure you've answered this before but I can't find it anymore, what's her sexuality??)

thank you for the questions!!! I love Violet so much, I consider her one of my best characters just because of how many layers she’s grown for herself. Her story is really close to my heart. 

Shortest answer first, I don’t think either Aelia or Violet is more important? They serve different roles in the story by nature, and they both have their places. Which one is the secondary “main” character depends a lot on which part of the story you’re looking at. In book 1, Vi’s actually more of an antagonist than a hero. She’s mean. Aelia’s a tertiary lead, because she can’t physically contribute to the plot, she has to do everything through long-distance communications. Violet is the secondary protagonist in book 2, where she does the bulk of her character growth. Aelia’s the secondary protagonist in book 3, which is all about her arc. In book 4, they’re about equal, but Aelia’s more relevant to Sayara’s plot. 

As for what Violet’s like, well. She’s a born and bred tsundere. She cares a lot about her family and friends, she’s very defensive of them, but if you try to get close to her emotionally then she will viciously defend herself as well. She also refuses to admit when she cares about people most of the time.... she desperately wants a white knight romance where she’ll get swept off her feet and whisked off into the sunset, but at this rate, she’s too cranky for that to ever happen. She’s a very private person, to the point where even the people she cares most about don’t always know what’s going on inside her head. She masks all her ‘softer’ personality traits under a sharp pointy facade of responsibility and protection, she considers it her duty to be the heiress and be the protector of the family so that nobody else she loves has to. 

Violet and Lavender are very close. Vi tries to pull her tsundere act on Lavender constantly, but Lavender never buys it, and they know each other well enough that she never will. They share a psychic link, so they feel each other’s emotions and sometimes also each other’s physical pain. They definitely know when the other one is hurt. Despite this, after certain events in book 1, Violet shuts herself down and locks Lavender out of her thoughts for a while. She’s really depressed, and she’s one of those people who self-isolates a lot by instinct, so Lavender doesn’t know as much of what’s going on as she used to. 

-Vi’s a psychic! She specializes in the darker ‘attack’ side of mental magic. She can twist someone else’s mind and cause excruciating pain, she can read minds, she can keep herself from being read. She teleports very well even in book 1, she also has impressive telekinesis. Violet can do mind control. This is intimidating. The rules for mind control in Feilan are pretty strict--you must have eye contact to attempt control, the ball is always in the defender’s court and you must navigate their mind in order to dominate it, if eye contact breaks then the link is weakened and it’s easy to lose control, etc--but Vi knows how to use it. Plus, she’s theoretically capable of mirages and misleading literal Illusion magic, but she hasn’t trained this area of magic as thoroughly and doesn’t use it often. 

Violet’s primary magical element is Darkness, despite her favorite abilities being Illusion-based, so she can access some Dark magic too. This manifests as a cloud of shadow that won’t be easily pierced by Light magic or other means, or as a move I’ve nicknamed ‘air shatter’ which literally creates a controlled black hole and destroys everything near it. These are mostly book 3 abilities, which develop after her ninth or tenth evolution. 

Later on in the series, she also develops psychic foresight, which is exactly what it sounds like. She has the limited ability to (involuntarily) see bits and pieces of the future as defined by various decisions. These flashes are not binding truth, but they can act as guides, suggestions, or warnings. 

Upon her final evolutions, Violet develops into an animaris, which is a specific type of primary-Dark secondary-Illusion psychic with some cool unique abilities! She’ll be able to manipulate sound as well as vision, and use a form of mind control that’s more like puppeteering where she doesn’t need eye contact. The puppeteering magic is super scary, and very OP, and won’t manifest in time to be relevant to canon. It’s worth pointing out, though! I think it’s neat. 

-Violet’s canon arc is about cracking her shell and defrosting her bad attitude. She’s a secondary antagonist slash rival archetype for Sayara in book 1, but her overall series role is the lancer. Her serious attitude and dark outlook on life contrast Sayara’s optimism and brightness, and where Sayara wants to be responsible but doesn’t know how, Violet knows exactly how and never asked for this. They learn a lot from each other. 

See, Violet’s depressed, but Violet has worked herself into a mental state where she’s firmly convinced that she has no other option. She actively resists trying to get better and learning to cope with her PTSD because she believes it’s a waste of time, and she’s made herself into a martyr figure inside her head. She’s actually really toxic to be around in the long term, her adamant refusal to solve her own problems is ripping her family apart. She insists that she does everything to protect her sisters, and she really genuinely means that, but she also subconsciously expects them to fix her when she’s broken and deal with her mental issues without ever questioning them. She’s built up an image of what her family is in her head, and that’s what she sticks with, even as they grow and change and defy what Violet’s preconceptions of them are. She puts a lot of weight on Aelia in particular, because she has a single-minded obsession with Elli’s wellbeing, and she perceives Aelia’s desire for independence as some kind of slight against her. In her mind, when Aelia says “I need breathing room,” it actually means “I hate you and I don’t want your help and I’m going to let myself get killed out of spite.” When Aelia says “you should go see a therapist,” Violet hears “you’re weak and pathetic and can’t fulfill your job and responsibilities to our family.”  It’s bad. 

Over the series, Vi learns to calm down a little and trust that her family can handle themselves. The hair-trigger temper and instinctual distrust of literally everyone is the first thing to go--she has to accept that sometimes she doesn’t have access to the bigger picture, and she needs to wait for evidence before lashing out. She has to develop enough to accept Sayara’s apology in book 2 after Sayara says some fucked up shit, she has to develop enough to learn that not everyone is out to get her. Moving forward in the series, she’s still dealing with the anger issues, but she also starts learning to actually manage her mental health. Her depression/anxiety/PTSD/etc is screwing over her whole family, and that’s a serious problem, and that’s what she has to solve in the latter half of the series. By the end of book 4 she does give in and go see a fucking therapist for her problems. Everyone is very proud of her.

-Sadly, Vi is the token het in the cast, but I do have a funny story about how that happened. What with the psychic link between Violet and Lavender, it wasn’t easy! 

So the twins have this empathetic link, and they feel each other’s emotions, and the closer they are physically the stronger that bond is. As little kids, they spent a LOT of time together, and when they started having dumb little puppy crushes they couldn’t tell whose feelings were whose. The twins knew one of them liked boys and the other liked girls, so at first they assumed they were both straight b/c this was back when everyone thought Vi was a boy. But then they started wondering, because they weren’t really sure, Violet in particular was super insecure. There was some awkward 10-year-old flirting, everyone felt weird about everything, nobody knew what was going on. The twins were always inseparable. And then Vi came out, and things got even MORE confusing, because they started pretending they were identical, and it worked so well that no one could tell the two apart--even some of their love interests. And then they went on a summer trip overseas together and got involved in an Actual Preteen Love Dodecahedron... 

They didn’t actually figure out whose orientation was whose until they turned 15 and Lavender went on a study trip to a medical school in the south, so suddenly they were far enough apart to tell the difference. Lavender’s the gay one, Violet’s the straight one, it’s simple enough but it took them years and years to find out. Pro tips for parents: when your psychic kids start having soap opera level romantic drama, maybe get them to spend time by themselves for a bit? It might solve some things!

[existentialstatesofmind]

Opening Up

Clare: couldn’t imagine living with so many people. Sure she got lonely because her parents were too busy fighting to pay as much attention to her as they used to. But she didn’t wish she had more siblings. She just wanted Darcy to come home so she wouldn’t have to go through ‘the divorce’ alone. She smiled at Kota. He was here for her and that’s all she needed from him. Clare always felt a little better when she got these things off her chest. Of course it was really her family who needed to hear her out. All she could do was keep trying. “You’ve got it. Oh god, can you imagine? Ten years from now.” She chuckled. “You want to belong there. Be apart of everything. As long as you’re happy, I wouldn’t want you to leave anyway. I’d miss you at school.” She kissed his cheek. “It probably is. I don’t think most people trust their kids to watch each other. Or use the stove.” Clare nodded. She wasn’t sure if Darcy had an extended visa or what. Traveling overseas was completely new to her. Clare would be using an (expedited) passport for the first time on this trip. She tried not to think about the long flight and all the security checkpoints they’d have to go through because it made her nervous. “So teenagers in Japan have a lot more responsibility. Maybe freedom too?” Clare concluded. “I’m looking forward to that part myself.” They’d still have adults to answer to but no one was going to come up with as many crazy rules as her mom. “Yeah. I know. Hopefully we won’t spend the whole semester feeling lost.” She shrugged. “Fine with me. I don’t want to make enemies. I’ll also wear a press pass around my neck so they’re less likely to get the wrong idea. I kinda know why Yohio has fans but what’s the deal with Yamanishi?” She asked curiously. Clare didn’t want to be out of the loop. If his fan girls were going to be jealous of her just for talking to him she should know why. “Marilyn was so talented! It's such a shame people forget what she was famous for in the first place, acting. I love classic movies.” Clare gushed, pleased she’d had at least one thing in common with Makayla. “Of course I’m more of a Audrey Hepburn type.” She admitted, laughing at the idea of anyone comparing her to Marilyn Monroe. “At ten, I think my main hobby was playing barbies. Well besides reading.” Which was why it was hard to think of anything else to ask. She’d changed so much and Makayla would’ve too. Clare bit her lip. “No it’s not fun to be sick.” She muttered. Her whole face lit up and she returned the kiss. “I love you too. That’s the first time we said the words to each other you know. I never said them to a boy before.” She whispered leaning back against Kota and entwining her fingers with his. She was a lot more comfortable sitting on Kota’s lap now than she’d been at first. “I don’t know much longer we should stay.” Clare added nodding towards Jill.

Kota: smiled when Clare kissed his cheek. "I'd miss you too." he spoke. "In Japan most girls are taught to cook young, though some refuse and learn later. Those that cook young are mainly the ones that babysit young. If your family has a restaurant or cafe in Japan it's run by the family from ages 6 and up, though they have small jobs and choose what they want to do. If you start to get bad grades while holding a job, you're forced to quit. As for freedom, students are only able to work Saturday after school, all day Sunday, and days they're off school such as winter vacation. They only get more freedom if they don't have a job. Which reminds me we'll be ahead of everyone when we get back." he explained and listened to her when she mentioned getting lost. "You won't. I know the halls there having wondered around them before looking for Yohio when I was there last summer." he explained. "Well it was our summer.." he trailed off. "Crap, I keep calling us third years when we'll only be second years in Japan. Their High School life is only three years grades 10-12. I'll have two managers in Kendo Club this year since the new manager will be leaving second semester next year." he explained to her. "Also in Japan you don't eat in the cafeteria, you eat in your homeroom unless you're me and I eat on the roof and the entire school goes to lunch at the same time which is 1pm. On Mondays we have no after noon classes because we have an hour long homeroom rather than a five minute homeroom. And our classes change in March based on how you did on your midterm, I'm going to take the midterm, but for you it's optional and you have a class with Eli, Alli, and everyone since I'm going to World History, you will also have music with them while I go to calligraphy." he added and chuckled when she mentioned wearing a press pass. "Sorry, but they won't know what that is. There are no school papers in Japan and suggesting one is futile because the clubs are only an hour long and third years leave their clubs in the first or second week of the school year." he said honestly. "Yamamishi has a fan club strictly because he's the school president. School presidents are determined by entrance exams, the student that has the highest school upon entering is made the school president which is the highest honor in school. He has no club activities other than student council, he has the final decision on what's happening in Cultural Festival and Sports Festival, as well as the same duties school presidents have here only if Yamamishi's grades drop he loses the title and the vice president takes over." he said and rubbed the back of his head. "I was told I also have a fan club in Japan by a friend, though my fan club isn't as bad as Yohio's. Said friend already told everyone I have a girlfriend so once I enter the school gates with you and let everyone know you're my girlfriend, girls will leave you alone simply because I'll know if they do something and if anyone in the fan club upsets me, the whole club turns against them. It's like that with all fan clubs in schools." he let out knowing he had to tell her before she found out from someone else. "Audrey was Makayla's second favorite." he chuckled. "I can't tell you if she played Barbies or not because I never saw them. If she did she hid them really well when I came over." he shrugged and listened to Clare. The moment she mentioned it was their first time exchanging I love you's he covered his face with his hands so Clare couldn't see him blush. "I'm happy I said that and that you love me back, but I wasn't thinking when I said it." he exclaimed as he kept his hands over his face. "You're the first girl I said those words to as well." he nodded as he kept his hands over his face for a few more moments when Clare mentioned Jill. "We can leave if you want." he said and Jill looked at him. "Can you sing my favorite part of Bombs on Monday?" she asked softly and Kota moved Clare so she was in between his legs and his arms were wrapped around her middle. "That's too depressing plus I don't want it to hit too close to home for Clare so I'll sing a different part." he assured and pulled Clare closer to him. "Eyes like hazel twinkle in the starlight even when they're crying even when they're crying. Constellations forming out of scar lines even when they're dying love will still be trying." he sang and hummed the tune to help her sleep. "Ready to go?" he asked.

[allhailqueennel]

My Why

My passion come from a place in my heart and past that im ashamed of. It comes from unmet expectations of me, my laziness, me being ungrateful and my selfishness.

I'm glad that I've grown to this point in my life where i can acknowledge those things but im also dissapointed in myself.

Do yall know where the fuck i could be if i took advantage of the gifts and oppurtunities that were presented to me!? No bullshit I know i would be overseas hoopin. But of coursei woukdnt be Chanel of i didnt find a way to fuck it up. As cliche as it sounds i wouldnt be the person i am today. I would be the most spoiled and privileged bitch ever. I was very rude and disrespected the thoughts of others. Quickly dismissing any thought or person that didnt agree with my thoughts. I had the worst tone and delivery when it cane to communication; and i mostly spoke in a condescending tone to others that i felt werent worthy of my conversation.

Fast forward 3 colleges, 2 full rides playing ball and 3 jobs later i feel as if i have lived two completely different lives.

I went from not paying any bills, not working and not worrying about tuition all by ue way to 4+ years of customer service , several diminished friendships, 2.5 years during the worst mental health period of my life. All to end up staying at my mothers house in my younger sister's room all while sleeping on a twin sized bed. At first i was convinced my lufe was at the lowest point possible but today i know that my circumstances could be a lot worse. In the midst of my sulking of my situation I was offered an oppurtunity that i can honestly say will shape the rest of my life. I got the chance to be assistant coach of the girl's basketball team at my old high school under the leadership of my old summer league coach.

Now i had a little bit of experience with coaching becuase i was a counselor at an overnight sports camp for a few years. During my first sumner I met a group of middle school girls that were in thr 7th grade that i swore were the most annoying and dumb little girls ever. They eventually earned the nickname "little dumb girl" after that firstvcamp session. They couldnt dribble or catch. Hell honestly it seemed like they could barely chew gum and walk at the same time but they gained a special place in my spirit and heart. Fastfoward 6 years and those same lil dumb girls are finishing up their final high school basketball season and everytime I see them I damn near want to hug them and tell them how proud of them I am anf damn near cry my eyes out. I never knew how much love i carried for them in my heart. They have definitely turned into those annoying younger siblings that only you can beat up on but be ready to defend them against the world. Yall these kids went from tripping over there feet to dating and filling out college applications in front of my eyes.

If this is anything parents go through then i am in no way shape or form ready for kids. I often find myself worrying and stressing about them as they transition into adulthood. I worry that i havent taught them enough about responisbility. I worry that they wont love themselves as they should becuase of someone else's thoughts. Or what if they dont think they are good enough forbtheir dreams. Im scared that they will go through the same things i went through. But most of all im terrified that i have spent 6+ years with these young ladies and i didnt make a difference in their life. I would feel so much failure if that was ths case.

Through these few girls i have found what truly makes me happy. Mentoring and coaching these girls has been the most rewarding/productive thing i feel i have done my entire 25 years of living. If this what hapoiness feels like then i am missing it in several other aspects of my life.

I constantly hope that others can find what gives them as much happiness as this position in my life gives me.