#AND JUST THINK HE DESERVES TO SAIL AROUND YKNOW

[starglowwos]

thinking about c!martyn and selfishness

(every name from now on is character unless specified otherwise)

from his perspective, it makes sense. i mean, none of them are real, right? they either aren't real, or they are and they're out to get him. and we don't know if that's true or not, either

and if they're not real, why should he care about morality? just to get an advantage, really. the only reasons he has to be nice to people is if doing so would benefit him. because they don't care, they aren't real. they're just coded to seem as if they do, as if they are. and maybe sometimes it works and it feels painfully real, but they aren't, in the end—they're all just code. it's all a façade, it's all fake, it's not real.

and yet—

graecie: yknow.. maybe.. it's because it matches the energy that you give to it. d'you ever think about that?

graecie: do you ever think about how a little bit of kindness can go a long way, in these seas.

martyn: we've tried that, it doesn't get us anywhere.

gracie: have you? have you tried that? have you tried that, really? have both of you tried that?

martyn: from day dot! first thing that happened when i got here was i got swindled by scar!

martyn: then there was all this factioning business, we saw aimsey literally perish, and everyone was just "ohhh i think we'll listen to the robed figures and we'll just leave"! nobody's tried anything to save one another here, it's just all been selfish, me me me me me, gold gold gold, glory glory glory, HONOUR HONOUR HONOUR!

kuervo: maybe you shouldn't've joined the kestrels if you cared about something that wasn't glory, and money, and selfishness.

—he doesn't like it when others are selfish. because they're supposed to behave like everyone is real. they should be nicer people, they should be better, they don't have an excuse like martyn's.

sausage: wait, what do you think it meant that we have to give up something?

martyn: oh, i don't even know

graecie: i don't know...

martyn: i don't love anything, so good luck finding what i like

(acho, graecie, and sausage laugh,, nervously? sympathetically?)

acho: that's not very good!

martyn: well, it's not good, it's just- i'm doing it for my own protection

acho: that's not something to be proud of!

martyn: i wasn- i wasn't bragging about it, i was just stating a fact!

acho: ah, okay yeah, fair enough, fair enough... ^^"

and he's tired of trusting people without reason, of getting taken advantage of, of being nice just to end up worse off in the end.

and he doesn't get attached to anything or anyone, because there's a very real chance he'll lose it, especially in his circumstances. and feeling any sort of attachment is dangerous.

(apo places lava on graecie and then removes it)

apo: oh, i'm-

graecie: ...

apo: water, water, water-

martyn: why should i?

apo: water, water, water, water, WATER!

martyn: there's plenty of water all around this island!

kuervo: i don't have water. are you gonna be okay?

graecie: yeah. i'll be fine

apo: i'm so...

apo: i'm so sorry.

graecie: are you?

martyn: you can stay with them, apo, if you're gonna be like that.

(martyn goes to and gets on his boat and sails away)

martyn: i don't have to deal with this.

martyn: i've got the stone. i've got a lead. i know cruppy's trigger word now, so if it ever decides to come near me again... can easily get rid of it.

martyn: idiots. all of em.

and he's happily petty and stubborn about things. he happily takes advantage of others' discomfort to get them to do what he wants or at least lower their confidence in doing anything else.

martyn knows how to trigger cruppy, even, and has no problems with utilizing cruppy's triggers (and what is very possibly trauma) to get what he wants.

and as much as cruppy may have done some shit, as much as cruppy is a perfectly reasonable thing to worry about—cruppy doesn't act out of pure unprompted malice, and definitely doesn't deserve to be tortured and triggered over and over again.

and i don't doubt that martyn knows this. he's able to identify trauma responses—both others', and his own:

martyn:

she's dead?

...wait, hold on. what?

when did marnie die?

how did marnie die?

.. was i there when that happened?

.. i don't think i was there when marnie died..

...

oh my god, you're right, yeah- oh, my god, i can't believe i forgot about that

yeah, she was in the hole, wasn't she? she was in the hole and she was a statue in the hole

ohhh, you're right

god, i completely repressed that

that was clearly too much for me, jeez...

—he's able to effectively utilize that knowledge to get what he wants. i think martyn is aware that what he is or at least was doing is wrong.

i just think he doesn't care that it's wrong. because if nobody else is real, if nobody else is actually experiencing any of this, then it isn't wrong, right?

martyn knows he's manipulative, he knows how to gaslight and knows he's good at it, and he's not afraid to utilize that.

martyn is his own top priority. he'll do what he has to to get what he needs. it isn't actually harming anyone, from his perspective. it just looks like it is. they aren't real, it doesn't actually cause harm.

(it's what martyn tells himself, at the very least. it's not like he can concretely tell, it's not like he can confirm. but he'd rather believe they aren't real than are, because if they are... well, he's a bit too deep into this mess to worry about that now, isn't he?)

[wander-wren]

i finally watched the first seven episodes of trigun stampede today and i have to say 👀👀👀 i have thoughts. i will attempt to be vague and not spoil things

first of all this is a puppy of a man and he is my new best friend

second of all, y’all weren’t kidding bout the christ allegory and all that. wow. it’s kinda goofy but like, also believable? in context?

i already knew going in that vashwood was a thing and i was waiting to see how gay, exactly, they were gonna be. and then one of the first things vash says to him is about how he has Good Person Eyes with his silly little smile and i’m like Oh okay. gay.

also it’s just, like, really sad. darker than i expected from what little i saw beforehand/the opening. (well. not the first four minutes. after that.) (maybe i should’ve taken the first four minutes as a hint.)

and more violent than i expected, ig i’m still new to anime and not used to my Silly Cartoons being full of The Violence. but also i get squicked by hand gore and arms are close enough to hands that some of the ep2/3 bits were. hm! hm. it’s cool tho. ig i should’ve expected something like that when there’s a bad guy named knives.

I HAVE A DUMB NITPICK ABOUT THE WORLDBUILDING THO. i do like the worldbuilding i think it’s really cool i love a good desert space planet. i like the sand worms. always gotta have sand worms. and the plants. it’s neat. but uh.

my question is why is the whole thing a desert and then there is ALSO the great sand ocean?? you can see the outline of the continent and everything?? but?? when we go to the great sand ocean it is literally just, yknow, more sand, and cars drive on it at the same speed as the ship, so like, what is the point. i thought maybe it’s like a big shelf, big drop off, like cliffs, but no? bc there is a genuine concern at one point about sailing into a town?? i’m so. i’m so confused. why is there an ocean. am i missing something??

ANYWAY my other nitpick is that meryl and roberto are very necessary to the story in the sense that they need to be there as outsiders to vash/knives/wolfwood/etc, as stand-ins for the audience, but like. they don’t DO anything so far. aside from occasionally doing one small useful task, they mostly just follow/drive vash around. i felt guilty about internalized misogyny for not liking meryl as much as vash/wolfwood, but cmon, one of them is a Smart Reporter who is interested in vash and has no sense of self preservation. two of them are very traumatized potentially not-quite-human gunslingers. and i like meryl! and roberto! i love a good grumpy mentor and his plucky newbie partner trope. they just don’t do much and dont give me a lot to latch onto.

yeah, that’s about it for right now. most of my thoughts are just that i love, love, love vash. so much. he’s so silly and strange and he’s a pacifist but he’s also veryy competent with a gun/in a fight. and he is sad. and he is a puppy. i want to give him a hug.

i saw that little thing about him refusing to eat after [redacted events] and how he “doesn’t deserve to cry�� and meryl going “look at you!!” and clapping when he finally does, + him looking at wolfwood and repeating wolfwood’s comment about deserving to eat. oh my boy. oh i’m latching onto that so hard

same with wolfwood tbh tho i’m not as attached bc he came later and i’m still a little suspicious of some things. he’s also a weirdo but in a very different way. wow it’s almost like he and vash have really similar backstories but adapted in opposite directions.

(what if i was your narrative foil….and we were both boys…….)

oh! final thing is that i love the art style. the planets look so cool and the creature/machine designs are very neat and it’s just. pretty. yes.

hopefully i’ll have time to finish season 1 on tuesday? it doesn’t feel quite like a hyperfixation to me yet (which is good i don’t need to deal with that rn lol), but i’m definitely interested and want to take a wander through the fandom.

[reqinodactyl]

BLACKBONNET TITANIC AU OMG !!

Ed winning a dockside card game and rushing towards the ship in his purple crop top with his leather jacket slung over his shoulders. He's laughing, hair pulled away from his face as he waves at Izzy once the ship is set to sail.

Ed was having the time of his life on this ship, wandering out and about and generally just minding his own business while making fun of the upperclass, occasionally stealing from them just to have his fill, sketching the skylines, meeting Stede.

And Stede forced on the trip by his father to bond with his soon-to-be-wife Mary all for the sake of money and property. Stede, feeling the deep sadness that his life brings and despairing at the loss of marrying for love, suddenly feels the need to just be away from it all. He reaches a part of the boat that is almost always empty and he climbs over the railing, filled with the urge to just jump.

Edward in one of his late night walks with a smoke, expecting the normalcy of his day, stunned at the sight of Stede and quickly just runs over.

"What the fuck are you doing there, mate?!," Edward exclaims, hands outstretched towards the blonde man's direction. "Get over here, christ! Do you want to die?!"

Stede, over his shoulder, gives Ed a face of disbelief. "What am I--are you serious?! What's it look like I'm doing?!"

"So you do want to die?," Ed asks, bewildered. He looks the man up and down, noting the loose clothes and big robe, ticking the boxes in his mind and confirming that this person was one of the rich ones. He can't quite help but wonder about the man, he's clearly rich, he's on a ship that thousands of people wanted to be in, so what's his deal?

Stede scoffs, hands tightening at the railing. "No, I'm out for air," He says dryly. He mutters sounds of frustration to himself and was shocked when there's a rush of movement at his periphery. He turns his head sharply, gaping at the other man. "What are you doing?! Go back!"

"No, mate, you jump I jump," Edward says, inching towards Stede slowly.

"What?! I don't even know you!"

"Edward Teach," the man says simply, a small smile on his face. "Come on, mate, do you really want to jump? It's a big world, lots of places to see! I'm sure there's something here that's even better than dying a slow painful death by cold waters," Ed says, smile morphing into a grin with a dangerous glint in his eyes. "But if you really want to jump, I'll jump with you"

"No! Go back, you nut! What in the heavens are you even doing here?! No one occupies this place"

"I do, occasionally, and I'm glad I did now!," Ed shouts to be heard over the clashing of waters. He moves slowly towards Stede, giving the other ample time to react if he didn't want it.

Stede, skittish still yet curious, allows him.

"Come on, mate," Ed repeats, voice soft and eyes imploring. "Think about it, do you really want to do this?," He asks softly, hand inching towards Stede's. "I tried fishing in Wisconsin once, fell into the water and nesrly freezed to death. But this," Here he juts at the water with his chin. "This is loads more painful and terrifying. I think you deserve a better death than that, don't you?"

It takes a good while before Stede finally agrees in climbing back. Legs shakey and eyes red from crying, but he stands there, hand tightly grasped in Ed's.

"I'm Stede," he says once he has wits about again.

and the rest is you know how it goes aha but:

• Stede's fiance, Mary, is nice here. She talks about the man that accompanies her, Doug. How they're in love. They form an alliance, which Mr. Bonnet is not happy about.

• The whole gun running around scene still happens except it's ed, stede, and his dad.

• Mary and Doug try to help but, yknow, sinking ship and all that.

• Also, they all survive (not Stede's dad tho smh) because Stede, unlike rose, knows that there was enough room in that large piece of wood thank you

[catzgam3rz]

If the Albatrio don’t end up adopting Prince Leon into the crew than WHAT IS THE GOD DAMN POINT.

[dameferre]

I posted 4,902 times in 2021

336 posts created (7%)

4566 posts reblogged (93%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 13.6 posts.

I added 6,089 tags in 2021

#qew - 4197 posts

#art by artists - 669 posts

#watch this - 231 posts

#elle answers your questions - 214 posts

#atla - 210 posts

#anon - 150 posts

#zukka - 136 posts

#t.t - 98 posts

#black sails - 95 posts

#sokka - 89 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#‘it’s just one of those areas yknow. like there aren’t enough poc living there so all the food sucks’ and she was like ‘mmhmm i getcha.’

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

happy prince phillip is dead day to my mom, who when i showed her a page of ‘prince phillip is a walking corpse’ memes said (after she’d finished laughing) ‘all of those people are going to feel so bad when he actually dies’

290 notes • Posted 2021-04-09 12:41:09 GMT

#4

i know no one asked and im never gonna write it but my comfort fic this week has been one that only exists in my mind, which is... just a collection of zuko and katara moments

zuko coming out to katara, bc she’s got accepting mom vibes, and katara gets to experience the sweet euphoria of hanging out with a dude, who is not related to her, without worrying about him being attracted to her in the slightest

sokka proposes to suki, suki accepts, zuko cannot understand why it feels like his entire world is crumbling around him but katara can, and she and toph distract him for a bit

zuko and katara comforting sokka together after suki breaks off the engagement

zuko giving a speech at katara and aang’s wedding

the slow progression of zuko and sokka best friends to lovers as seen by katara, who at one point sits sokka down and says ‘you’re my brother and i’ll stand by you no matter what, but please for the love of fuck be sure about this before you get zuko involved. dont risk your friendship if you aren’t 100% sure’

zuko telling katara he plans to propose (katara cries)

katara giving a speech at sokka and zuko’s wedding (zuko cries)

just a thousand little moments of the two of them bonding over how ridiculous and wonderful the loves of their lives are

most crucially, katara and zuko doing some diplomatic thing together or whatever and accidentally getting stranded together. and then katara goes into labour. i cannot express how much serotonin i get from the idea of zuko. zuko. helping katara through labour. and by helping i mean letting her squeeze his hand until she breaks a finger (she’ll heal it later) and talking him through delivering the baby. he cries more than she does, and probably passes out. i think i personally deserve this scene

it probably ends with zuko and katara, helping each other through grief after both sokka and aang pass, but im not trying to make myself sad here this is a happy imaginary fic about best friends okay

378 notes • Posted 2021-04-15 22:34:06 GMT

#3

ok this is nonsense so don’t take it too seriously but my friend just reminded me that before the panaderia hit her 2020 mission was to sleep her way through the alphabet (she got to h)

so now i can’t stop thinking about sokka who makes the same resolution one year and asks zuko ahead of time to fill the ‘z’ slot because “who else am i gonna hook up with? some asshole named zach?” and zuko laughs it off at the time but then slowly realises he. might not be entirely opposed to that.

and then hijinks ensue as zuko tries to rush sokka through the rest of the alphabet by way of overly enthusiastic matchmaking and simultaneous aggression towards anyone on earth with a name that starts with ‘z’

385 notes • Posted 2021-01-25 21:21:31 GMT

#2

people of colour, for fucking lifetimes: white supremacists in america are dangerous terrorists and if they go unchecked they will try to bring about the downfall of our democracy

white people, today: wow?? white supremacists?? in america?? are DaNGerOus??? terrorISts??? and they’re trying to bring about the downfall of our democracy???????/????????/??/?//?

592 notes • Posted 2021-01-06 20:37:28 GMT

#1

What You See You Might Not Get (art by the incomparable @sebsketchs)

Five things Zuko learned about Sokka, and one thing Sokka already knew about Zuko.

a zukka star trek au for three days of zukka week 2021 prompts! 5+1, hurt/comfort, and free space day bc it’s about as au as it gets

1267 notes • Posted 2021-03-21 02:49:16 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[yaboyspodcastpalace]

For the character asks: Jon, Peter Lukas, Annabelle Cane? (giving multiple suggestions so you can pick one in case you get the same character twice in different asks)

very kind of you to assume i get many asks :') THANKS ill do all of them u_u

[Send me a character and i'll tell you...]

(under the cut bc i love talking and this got long lmao)

Jon

First impression

he's a uptight prick with obvious favoritism for sasha and tim and i love him so! much!!!!!!

Impression now

my poor little mew mew hm................I've got a complicated relationship w/ jon bc i love him a lot, but i loved s1 him the most, and literally everything else just makes me really, brutally, sad ;_; The way he tries so desperately to cling to his humanity and how other characters just call him by the title imposed to him makes me wanna cry

...also he just cares so much ;_; i cry

Favorite moment

probably his interactions with georgie at the beginning of season 3!!! From s5 id say when he killed not!sasha, it felt vindictive ù_ú

Idea for a story

Dhfhdh im p basic when it comes to him ngl, either jon/tim/sasha friends to lovers or jon and desolation!tim or *something*!sasha trying to stay as human as possible, together 😔 (or just any of them living and coping together in s4 n s5)

Unpopular opinion

Im just not a fan of monster jon, at all! He's not the type of character that i enjoy seeing having a corruption arc unfortunately!! It just hurts!!! (and this Is from someone that Loves corruption arcs!!!)

Also i really hate moth jon imagery??? For not particular reason, moths are pretty, but i still hate it u_u AND THE ASSOCIATION OF GREEN W/ JON (or the beholding in general!) I CANNOT STAND IT!! i know its bc of the tma logo but guess what! Its wrong! Purple jon rights!!!

ALSO ALSO the so called pining he had for martin just.... didnt felt like that at all! i have Many feelings abt this!

Favorite relationship

either georgie in s3, or sasha!!! i love how he always praises sasha in her research in s1 and even thought he's at his driest & sharp Trying-To-Project-Professionalism-And-Skepticism she still rolls into his office, interrupts him mid statement to banter w/ him abt pronunciation n stuff and its just Normal, like that speaks volumes of how comfortable they felt around each other! they were friends gdi! the moment he realizes she died and then everytime the not!them mocks him w/ her death makes me wanna break smth q_q

im not even gonna mention tim bc even though i love their relationship It 👏 makes me👏 very 👏 sad 👏

non shippy and also staying strictly canon, i love his relationship with melanie!

Favorite headcanon

sometimes i think abt that one hc that hes really good with arcade games bc he lived near the coast and i smile bc thats cute :) also hes a trans man 💙💗🤍💗💙

Peter

First impression

Mystery evil captain man!!! Fog?? I LOVE him :)

Impression now

I STILL LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! Hes an asshole and has a lovely voice and smile and hes not, hes not Dumb but also he's far from the whooooa evil lonely influence he think he is (played like a cheap fiddle). He also makes me sad in ways i cannot and wont describe, and its a shame that he died cuz he was the best part of season 4 😔 rip you beautiful bastard man i still miss you </3

Favorite moment

"It has blood on it" "thats Leitner's too :D". Also when martin was angry abt idk, breekon? Jon going into the coffin? Cant remember, but peter was like I said id protect the institute, that guys not my problem ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Idea for a story

dfgdfg i have..... a petermart story that dealt with the different flavor of loneliness they both had, half smut half genuine meta of both of them and theorization on the branching of an Entity & how their powers manifested in other people...

basically, peter thinks hes hot shit when it comes to loneliness but gets overwhelmed when martin accidentally projects his feelings abt *fic's plot stuff* on him, its fun stuff!

Unpopular opinion

people either paint him like an absolute devil or an incompetent idiot and hes neither of them! hes an asshole who loves being an asshole but far from the worst monster in the show and he tried to do a clever scheme TWICE on his life and 1. while it was established that any of the rituals wouldnt work singularly the Silence was still a pretty clever attempt if it weren't for gertrude! and 2. well... he tried to manipulate someone petty and formerly supposed to be a web avatar, again not his fault, cant call him stupid for trying dfgdfg

i Do think hes kinda pathetic in some sense considering his backstory, but more out of personal pity than anything else

Favorite relationship

Canonically speaking him and martin! The pull and push of them was The best thing about season 4! Peter being a quite dangerous avatar and martin, beautiful and scared and kinda feisty, confronting him every chance he gets, peter doing his best to manipulate him and martin letting him believe hes succeeding (even thought, he is, partly). They're fascinating characters to have side by side

Favorite headcanon

Partly canonically speaking him and mikaele salesa :) they do bets together! They're lonely sea men! What else could you possibly want?

Also non shippy i like thinking abt peter's and simon's relationship but thats entirely non canon ♡

Diversity wins! The heir of the lonely is a gay man!

Also I think as every rich household(?) the lukases had many paintings and peter as a kid saw the ones w/ sailing ships and imagined sailing far far away from his family. That and seaman aesthetic fucks, which is why he always has the same vibe going on as an adult. He does Not know half of the things he'd need to know to have a ship though but hey he's rich and thats all he needs

Annabelle

First impression

thats a horrible psychological experiment they're making there D:

Impression now

THATS STILL A HORRIBLE EXPERIMENT AND ANNABELLE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER............. idk! she makes me sad in the same way jon (and to a degree, peter) does! to be a living puppet for the thing that traumatized you as a kid and that later kinda killed you / is the only thing keeping you alive, to be devoted to it scrambling to believe in a higher reason for all of it to happen bc to believe otherwise is............. anyway. i love her, and i feel so so sorry for her

Favorite moment

her "maybe ive never been to the beach" at the end of ehr statement (that i fully believe its bullshit but, yknow, i love that she adds that), most of her convos with martin, her "i told you this might happen" "you did, you did" with mikaele

Idea for a story

i think a lot about her having conversations w/ either mikaele (platonically) or sasha (shippy) and their different points of views and treat with her making her doubt the web a bit

Unpopular opinion

listen, listen, i know it sounds like im woobifying her i Know it but reading the scraps of her story how can i Not feel sorry for her? when the story framed her very similar to jon? the supernatural childhood encounter that gave them arachnophobia and the subsequential joining with an Entity against her will? the fact that both the story and the fans treat her like a spider woman always sat very very bad to me, and the fact that the story itself always framed her like a villain (considering All The Other Characters that get the benefit of the doubt) was extremely disappointing

Favorite relationship

her and mikaele!!!!!!! wish we could have seen more scenes of just the two of them!!!!!! *singing* he is her daaaaaad, hes her dad! boogie boogie boogie! (ok no but like... their offscreen friendship is my favorite thing of season 5 ;_;)

Favorite headcanon

Sigh i dont know...i still think she's scared of spiders which make her current existence harder but thats a sadcanon :/ umm...... i love the idea of mikaele and her cooking together from time to time! Mikaele showing her some plates he used to eat as a kid as he talks stories about his life :) and she listens and sometimes tells a story of her own! its been so long since he had a quasy normal conversation! its weird yet nice!

[toshsatos]

so I have no idea what goes on in Hannibal but 👀 id love to hear you do #1 in the most out of context way ahdjdkjfj

AAH OKAY SURE

Favourite character: Winston the Dog. But in s3 it was Alana ‘I now own the institution my cannibal ex is locked up in and also I have a wife and a very rich son’ Bloom. we stan a bisexual legend 

Least Favorite character: the titular character of this stupid fucking show

5 Favourite ships (canon or non-canon): FIVE??? ok whilst the main relationship is interesting and very entertaining (and yes, it’s canon), it is... so weird. it’s so weird. it feels wrong to engage with it since there’s a fine line on this site between enjoying it from a ‘this is an incredible show’ perspective and... yknow. fuj*shis.... so the only one I can ‘ship’ is Alana/Margot. Canon wives :)) 

Character I find most attractive: s3 Alana when she gets a haircut and starts wearing amazing suits. sorry Will, you’re too unhinged 

Character I would marry: i don’t think the person who made this ask game had this show in mind

Character I would be best friends with: Winston the dog :’) also the elk who walks around Will’s weird nightmare world seems to be a cool guy. very loyal. always there for him. Always

a random thought: it would be much better if it was filmed like the office and zoomed in on hannibal’s face every time someone talked about a murder he obviously committed in his presence  why did Will sail solo on a yacht all the way from the US to italy to find his murder boyfriend who he at this point knew was an honest to god cannibal take a plane you idiot  also don’t run away to europe with a cannibal you stupid man this show is insane  i cannot comprehend it 

i should never have watched it 

Do you ever feel Regret 

An unpopular opinion: you can enjoy a show that’s dark and twisted and surreal but it’s a step too far to edit flower crowns onto hannibal fucking lecter. the amount of those i have seen is frankly disturbing 

My Canon OTP: ALANA/MARGOT. POWER WIVES. WITH A SON WHO IS THE HEIR TO THE PIG FARMING ESTATE 

My Non-canon OTP: pig estate wives aside, in a show where a man literally eats his own leg and says ‘my compliments to the chef’, shipping is not my first priority 

Most badass character: Uh. Alana was only badass in season 3. Honestly?? any badass moments are just straight up Bad. But Chiyoh was pretty cool (an unexplained lady living in hannibal’s childhood castle with a prisoner and a bunch of snails and kind of hates him but also saves his life idk i haven’t read the book)

Most epic villain: seriously 

Pairing I am not a fan of: DJBFVJHDBVKJHB . look when they each try to kill each other multiple times i can enjoy it as entertainment but jesus christ

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): i think :(( we needed more time with Winston the dog :((( he’s the only valid character :(((( and deserved better :((((( 

Favourite Friendship: okay but s1 hannibal and will was actually really fun - when will drove for hours in the snow to get to hannibal’s house and barged in the door like ‘i kissed Alana what the fuck i have to talk to you about it NOW’ and this is why it’s A Comedy Actually 

Character I most identify with:

Character I wish I could be:

ima leave those 

had to turn off grammarly for this bc it kept autocorrecting ‘hannibal’ to have a capital H and this bitch doesn’t deserve capitalization  

[feferipeixes]

Innocence Is Not Knowing That You’re Innocent (3/5)

Belle knows her brother pretty well. He likes comic books, he cheats at board games, and he wants more than anything to be human again. So, when he wakes up one morning with no memory of the fact that he’s a demon, she figures there’s no reason to remind him just yet. He deserves some time to just enjoy being Dipper, and not have to be Alcor.

Unfortunately, she can’t hide Dipper from the demon forever.

Chapter 3: Your Eyes Shine So Bright (link to chapter 1) (2)

Thanks as always to my awesome beta reader @toothpastecanyon​!

Content warning: suicidal thoughts (or rather lack thereof) are briefly discussed.

(See the most updated version on AO3!)

===

“Hey, Dipper! Hey!”

Dipper kept walking, not seeming to hear his sister’s calls. He slunk through the crowd of students bustling about the entrance to the school, and slipped out the double doors in front. Belle frowned, and pushed through after him.

“Yo, DIP!” she hollered. “It’s me, your sister Belle, cmon I know you can hear me!”

Though he was at least 20 feet away, he seemed to shrink a bit. He lowered his head and sped up.

Alright, something was up. Belle hadn’t been born yesterday -- maybe she wasn’t quite as old as Dipper, but she’d still grown up with him and knew how to identify the signs of Sad Brother-itis. She just hoped that the issue wasn’t demonic in nature.

She took a deep breath, put a big smile on, and sprinted to catch up with him. She leapt into his path and yelled “SURPRISE!”

He flinched, and seemed to narrowly avoid falling over. She reached for his arm to help him balance, but he corrected his momentum quickly and swatted her away. This wasn’t entirely strange behavior for Dipper when he was grumpy, so she put it aside and readied herself for some cheering up. “What’s going -”

Her smile died when she got a good look at him. His face was a red and blotchy mess, still wet from the crying that he was clearly too embarrassed to admit he’d done, and she didn’t have to ask to see why. The skin around his left eye was swollen and bruised, and he seemed to wince every time he blinked.

Belle’s jaw dropped. “Oh my stars, Dipper, your eye!”

“Shhh!” he hissed. He grabbed her arm, looked both ways, and pulled her across the street, away from the other students milling about. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Yes it is!” she yelped. He shushed her again, but she kept going. “What happened? Who did this? Do you need your big sister to beat someone up for you?” She slid the bangles off her right arm and flexed her bicep dramatically. “Let me at ‘em -- no one messes with a Sterling and gets away from these guns!”

Dipper did not seem impressed. “Stop, you’re just going to make things worse!”

Belle frowned, and put her bangles back on. “Sorry, bro-bro, I just -- what happened? You can tell me, right?”

“Okay, but… Don’t tell anyone, alright? That includes Onika, Alistair, Mindy, and Dad.”

“Yeah, alright. Now tell me.”

“Well…” He looked at his feet again. “I took your advice. About… trying to make some new friends. So I talked to Jacen and Farah from Math club. You know them, right? They seemed nice, but they wouldn’t look me in the eye the whole time we were talking, and then they both said they had to leave and their excuses kinda sounded made up… Maybe I’m just paranoid.”

“You’re definitely paranoid, goober.” Belle poked him on the nose, and he scrunched his face up adorably. “That sucks though. And then you tripped, right?”

“No. A few of the football players came by, and…” Belle winced. “Yeah,” he finished, hand behind his head like he was trying to convince her that it was no big deal. As if he didn’t know that ship had already long sailed.

To his surprise, though, Belle smiled. “You know what this means? Time to come up with a payback plan! This’ll be fun, we can stop by the supermarket on the way home and get all the supplies we need, and if we do it at school then dad doesn’t have to know, and -”

“Belle, no, stop, this is serious. I’m having a really bad time right now and it feels like you’re not taking me seriously!”

Her grin slid back into a sickly grimace. “Okay, sure, this is bad. Y- you’re happy, though, right? In general?”

He threw his hands up. “What are you talking about? Of course I’m not happy! I failed a test, someone threw milk at me, and now I got beat up!”

She opened her mouth to try to respond, but it felt like her throat was shaking. Dipper didn’t notice this. He threw his notebook on the ground, and then grumbled:

“My life really sucks!”

Belle felt his words like a physical slap in the face. “But it’s better than the alternative, right?” she blurted.

He looked directly at her, and she gasped, because she could’ve sworn there was blue fire behind his eyes. “What alternative?” he asked, his voice slow and cold, sounding less like her dopey brother and more like something older and harsher.

She felt her heartbeat speed up, felt the thumping in her chest harder than the thoughts screaming in her head, and she couldn’t look away from the fire because this might be it, this might be the moment when it finally came back out. She wasn’t prepared to do this right now, she wasn’t prepared to comfort a sad demon who had been enjoying his humanity until his stupid sister opened her stupid mouth and accidentally poked him in the right direction torwards remembering.

Now she was sweating, and her throat felt tight. She was dimly aware of a voice hammering at her, but it sounded like it she was underwater, and all the thoughts and worries from the past couple of weeks were keeping her anchored at the bottom. Gradually, the pressure in her chest lightened, and the voice got clearer, until she could make out:

“Belle? Belle! Are you okay?”

She looked up -- when had she sat down? -- and saw her brother still looking at her. Whatever traces of Alcor she had seen a moment ago were gone -- now there was nothing but worry in his face. His face, which kept fading in and out, in and out…

“Belle, you’re hyperventilating, please…”

Oh, huh, she was. That was… a problem, right? The look on Dipper’s face certainly indicated so. She reached into her pocket and fished around -- aha! A fresh pack of gum. She stuffed a couple of sticks of it into her mouth and started chewing. As she did, her breathing started to slow down and her brain started to uncloud. She felt silly -- this kind of thing hadn’t happened to her in a while.

Which, she supposed, made sense. Alcor had promised to keep her safe.

As her breathing continued to stabilize, she felt Dipper sit down next to her. He pulled his knees up to his chest and sighed, long and dramatic.

“I’m sorry.”

She sniffed. “What are you sorry for?”

“I dunno. Acting so mopey lately?”

“Y-you’re allowed to not be happy.”

“I know, but…” He sighed. “I just don’t want you to think I’m going to do something extreme.”

She frowned. “Uh… what are you talking about?”

“Well, you know… You were talking about life being better than ‘the alternative’, and…” His voice kept getting quieter, and Belle had to lean in to hear him finish his statement. “I don’t want you to think that I want to die.”

She stared at him with a look of utter confusion. After a moment, he returned it. He opened his mouth to say something else, and then her brain finally parsed what he’d said.

“No, what?” she spluttered. “I wasn’t thinking -- I don’t think you -- wow, uh, no. Sorry to worry you, bro-ntasaurs. I know you want to live.” A thought drifted into her head, about a demon who long outlived his twin sister, and her voice wavered. “I don’t doubt it at all!”

He looked surprised, and then cleared his throat. “W-well, good. Because I do. Want to live, that is. Not doubt it. Ugh.” He leaned forward, resting his forehead on his palms. “This is so awkward.”

He looked at that moment more anxious and uncomfortable -- more human -- than he had since before Gravity Falls, and Belle couldn’t help but smile. In a weird way, it felt reassuring, that maybe he actually was getting the awkward human experience he so desired.

“I know, isn’t it great?” He looked up, confused, and she stuck her tongue out. “Want me to make it worse and tell you all about my current crushes?”

His lip quivered, and then he laughed. “Yeah, sure thing! Then I can talk about my favorite conspiracy theories!”

She joined in the laughter, and for a minute, all was good.

Then his face twisted, and again she saw something shimmer in his eyes.

“Wait a minute. If you didn’t think I wanted to… yknow… then what did you mean by ‘the alternative’?”

She froze. “I, uh, what?”

“When I was complaining about how much my life sucks. You said it was still better than the alternative. If the alternative wasn’t death, what was it?”

“Uhh, haha, I don’t, I don’t know, -”

“Because I’ve been thinking,” he cut in, “about why my life sucks, and I’ve… been coming up with some weird theories.”

Her eyes grew wide. “Oh, no, weird theories? That doesn’t sound like you at all!”

“Maybe I’m looking into things too far. But things have been really weird lately and I’m wondering if you’ve noticed it, and if maybe that’s why you thought…”

“Thought? I didn’t think anything at all!” She hopped up and balanced on the tips of her toes. “All I thought was that Dipper, my brother, my twinteresting siblocity, was a funny fellow who needed a smile on his face and a bunch of rhinestones embedded on his clothes.”

He looked shocked for a moment, and then scowled. “Nevermind.”

Her smile faltered, and she dropped her heels. “Wait, no, ahh, I- I didn’t mean to be dismissive. You can tell me.”

“Can I?” he asked, with a sarcastic bite that Belle had rarely heard him use before. “Can I really?”

“Of course you can!”

“It doesn’t feel like it. You’re always deflecting whenever anything strange happens, and you keep pulling people aside to talk to them so that I can’t hear! Do you think I haven’t noticed that?”

“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean…”

“Then why? What’s going on? I thought, yknow, twins, we’re going to stick together and trust each other and stuff. But now it feels like you don’t trust me for some reason and it kind of scares me. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me, and with all the other weird stuff going on lately, well…”

He trailed off, but Belle knew well enough to see where that line of thinking was leading. In one quick motion, she jumped up and wrapped him in a tight hug. He squeaked as the air was knocked out of him, but was prevented from crumpling to the ground by her vice-like grip.

“Dipper, I’m sorry.” She rubbed her face into his shoulder, trying to hide the tears that were coming out to play. “I trust you, I really honestly do, and I’m such a doofus for making you think I didn’t.”

“You’re not a doofus…”

“Yeah, I am!” she huffed. She detached herself from him, and slumped a bit. “Listen, bro-bro, I know I’ve been acting super weird, and yeah it’s about you. But I can’t tell you why, because that’ll ruin it.”

“But…”

“I know that’s a huge cop-out! But you gotta believe me, everything I’m doing is for you! I just want you to be happy and if I tell you what I’m doing it would ruin it. Please…” She grabbed his shoulders and looked directly into his eyes. He squirmed a bit under her gaze, but didn’t wrench himself away. “Please. Can you trust me on this?”

“Belle…”

“Look at me, Dipper! You really think I don’t trust you, or that I think there’s something wrong with you?”

He sighed, and then locked eyes with her. There was something shimmering, burning behind his, something grand and horrible, something loving and immeasurably ancient. It was so intense that her brain screamed at her to turn away, to not let herself fall victim to the monster in front of her, but that was a ridiculous, primal instinct. She didn’t stop trusting him when they found out he was really Alcor, and she wasn’t about to stop now. No, if there was anything she should be afraid of, it was the fact that she allowed herself to break his trust in her. So she kept her gaze, and after a moment, Dipper deflated.

“Okay. I trust you.”

She grinned, let go of his shoulders, and gave him another big hug. “Thanks, m’brony. It means a lot to me.”

He smiled weakly, and then picked up his backpack. “Should we… be getting home?”

“Oh yeah.” She put her own back on, and then grabbed her brother’s hand. “Let’s-a-go!”

“No skipping, please, I’m too tired,” he groaned, but light-heartedly.

“Oh, alright, party pooper.”

They headed toward home, unlocking hands after a few minutes (because “Belle I love you but holding your sister’s hand in public is mortifying”). Dipper didn’t seem to want to talk, so Belle loaded in a fresh couple of sticks of gum and set away chewing.

She tried to drown out her thoughts with the art of bubble blowing, but couldn’t help but play their conversation over and over again in her head. Truth be told, she still felt rather anxious after that close call -- she hadn’t expected him to trust her enough to stop asking questions, and the fact that she had doubted him made her feel… weird. Almost like she knew him less now that he didn’t know he was Alcor.

Because when she thought about it, he must’ve been missing memories of their friendship too, since him being a demon was inextricably tied to a bunch of their interactions. So it was kinda like she was talking to someone who she hadn’t known for two years. The whole act of keeping him in the dark about his true nature was suddenly leaving a bad taste in her mouth.

“Hey Belle?”

She snapped her head up, her brother’s voice breaking her out of her thoughts.

“I know you said you can’t tell me about this big secret now since it’ll ‘ruin everything’, but is it the kind of thing you’ll be able to tell me eventually?”

She opened her mouth to respond, quite forgetting that she was in the middle of blowing a bubble. The wad of gum, outweighed by the large air-filled bubble it was attached to, fell out of her mouth and landed on the ground.

“Oh, gross, why’d you do that?” Dipper moaned.

Belle stared at the gum, and then up at him. “Oh, uh, sorry.” She wrapped her hands around the bubble, which somehow hadn’t popped, and picked it up like a ceramic bowl. “And yeah. I’ll be able to tell you soon. Just not now.” She carefully stepped the bubble over to a nearby trash can, and dropped it in, where it again landed without popping.

“Okay. Thanks.”

Belle stared at the bulb of gum in the trash, and then shook her head. “Yeah, sure thing.” She skipped back over to him, and hooked her arm around his. “Is this better than holding hands?”

“Now I can’t tell if you’re deflecting or just being silly.”

“Why can’t it be both?”

He laughed, genuinely laughed, the smile unmistakable in his flame-less eyes. “Fair enough. But actually?” He unhooked his arm from hers, and grabbed her hand instead. “Maybe... this isn’t so bad either.”

(AO3 link)

[malakdevorak]

evens?

What got you into the game?

So. I saw this callout post for stuff in the game and I was like 'Yikes' but,the thing is that i like to form my own opinions, so being aware of what I could find,i went for the game. All the prologue felt fine,and besides some minor issues with the game I enjoyed it a bunch. Then at the route picking I picked Julian cause I love me edgy characters. But he's more charming and dorky than full on Edge and the rest is history nsfhsj

Who is your favorite route ?

Hands down Julian's, second fav is Muriel's in tie with Lucio's

Who do you play in heart hunter?

Malak ,shocking,i know

Who if the not playable LIs do you wish you could romance?

Please,,Courtier routes,please,, i beg

Opinion on Julian?

Love of my life (besides my irl bf,ofc who is pretty similar in personality)

nsdh with more detail,though

I think he's incredibly smart in the fields he's into (theatrics,dancing,music,medicine,sailing,street smarts)

I believe he was very hurt by past relationships (besides asra,i mean) and im 99% sure he has "internal" BPD

He's a very caring but unsure man who sort of always had this depression and guilt going on. yet he's caring,sweet,and incredibly respectful of boundaries, despite his inherent horny energy

Also on a more shallow note,I like extreme,Very lanky? Yes! Very chubby? excellent! Middle of the road twink-ish? nah fam. Plus,I love redheads and non bratty male subs and those tired eyes of his 💕

Opinion on Muriel?

Big mountain man is Traumatized and relatable

hes very sweet and timid despite being the most impressively built man in-game, hes the least "macho" stereotype. I feel his trauma has been pretty realistically handled so far,especially in his route. considering yknow,that in vesuvia there's no therapist and he's broke and a loner

I also believe he truly used to enjoy training,especially sparring and general fight training for self defense (who ELSE was gonna save baby asra when magic wasnt enough? he's his friend y'all)

However being in zero control of his actions,ordered around to Kill or Else is more of a trigger to him (See: the scene in the coliseum in asra's route when he FOR REAL fights)

Opinion on Portia?

Portia oh sweet lovely Portia! she's amazing but has issues with downplaying herself under her cocky outer personality

Think lucio but less traumatized and with heavy brother issues plus being Kind and loving to cope,instead of lashing out.

She lives not only taking care of others (Nadia,Julian,The palace,Pepi,the garden,hell even MC in other routes besides hers) but had to grown up being responsible and more inherently Mature than her older brother to make up for him leaving early in life. Thats a LOT of responsibility. She gave up her pirate dreams a long time ago and relegated to just be an impossible longing

Fears abandonment a lot,hence she hates lying,cause the break of trust has to be the one thing she resents the most with Julian (in her latest update,she seems not shocked that julian was in a secret dungeon,or even killed. it's the fact that he worked willingly with valdemar,and that he lied to her about it,probably in a letter at some point)

Deserves Better

Have you bought any of the official merch?

Im painfully broke

How many arcana themed blogs do you have?

Only this one!

Self insert or apprentice insert?

Unpopular opinion but self insert ALL the way, no offense to y'all with apprentices,more power to you! but I NEED to know IM the one being loved by MY LI nsdhd

If there is one thing that could be made with the arcana theme on it, what would it be

as in merch from Nix hydra? GOD a like. printed booklet of all the original sketches and concepts for the game,im So into that technical business

as for fancontent? This already exists but, art & fic fanzines! i love them! I REALLY want to participate in one as an artist,,

(and id reccomend @asrasotherbottom and @muriel-is-a-soft-boyo (and possibly @snasra-snasra if she were up for it) for writers for a fanzine)

What is your least favorite ship?

Asrian. for many many actual thought out reasons,that id be chill to talk about im DMs sometime. I dont hate asrian shippers though! not at all!

also in a silly note,I also dont like asrian cause it makes me uncomfortable because im Jealous and yknow,me,chubby real flesh, 3D shaped me, has NOTHING on Asra, a fictional kinky magical twink. I 'fear' Julian would ditch me for him in a blink ndfhjahdsjk

Thank you 💖👏

Im still taking these asks btw!!!