#AUGH the hand is SO GOOD | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

essektheylyss · 4 months

Text

One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.

(Buckle in. This is a long one.)

In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.

As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.

Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.

This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.

I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.

But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.

So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.

But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.

But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.

It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.

He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)

So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.

But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.

(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)

#something something hope is a weapon hope is a discipline hope is a garden to cultivate!!!#HE'S SO GOOD HE IS TRULY EXEMPLAR OF THE WHOLE PHILOSOPHY OF THE NEIN AND I DO NOT THINK THAT'S AN ACCIDENT #truly just like. enormous proponent of letting trust and curiosity into your heart regardless of the horrors.#it's hard and it makes you more vulnerable and sometimes it hurts so so much but it will also save your fucking life!#cr spoilers #critical role #essek thelyss #cr meta #I was gonna apologize for the length but I'm not sorry. I'm also not sorry for being insane about him but he's so special to me.#head in my hands he's so GOOD HE'S BEST BOI! GUIDING LIGHT NORTH STAR!!! LOOK AT HIM!!!#also truly if i had two nickels for a span of time with no essek sightings where I wrote a lot of fic #with deliberate personal acknowledgment that I was writing some pretty maximal arcs for him in terms of character growth #and then end up getting essek for half an episode and having to go OH WE'RE GOING THAT FAR ACTUALLY. FUCKING INCREDIBLE.#yanno. two nickels. but good lord I am thriving that it's happened twice #augh this is ONE of the pieces I need to write this week. we're not gonna talk about it

343 notes · View notes

hear-that-music-in-the-air · 7 months

Text

Ada and Ian Headcanons (Rhythm Doctor)

this got Long As Hell i'm sorry lmao. headcanons under the cut!!

Ada:

- We know that Ian is a radiologist, but I think Ada is probably a general practitioner/primary care physician! If she's canonically a cardiologist (bc heart stuff) then that's my bad lmao. But based on what we see in the game, she doesn't really seem to specialize in anything. She instead seems to have a wide range of medical knowledge and we see her treating a variety of different illnesses/injuries, including Mr. Stevenson's broken leg and Lucky's torn rotator cuff. We know that she's been having to do pretty much everything around the hospital bc they're so understaffed, and primary care physicians usually have fairly extensive medical knowledge covering multiple fields, which I think is what allows her to do that.

- One of my biggest hcs about Ada is that she has a very strained relationship with her parents, and that her parents are also both doctors, though I imagine they're close to retirement by now. However, unlike Ada, they both specialize in highly specific fields like brain surgery or something (I actually do imagine her dad to be a neurosurgeon lmao), and because they're both so successful they have incredibly high expectations of her. They look down on her for choosing to be a GP/primary care physician because they think of that work as somehow less important/less worth her time. They're the kind of people who absolutely have a superiority complex about being doctors and ~saving lives~. Also definitely not the kind of people who should have had kids. They're distant at best and extremely judgmental and condescending at worst.

- Ada has one younger sister who's six years younger. Because their parents were always so busy with their careers, Ada basically grew up taking care of her sister, which definitely contributed to her mentality of feeling responsible for everyone all the time. Her sister moved out of their parents' house as soon as possible and is currently attending college somewhere far away, but she and Ada still keep in touch. Ada being an eldest daughter just makes too much sense to me lmao

- I like to think that Ada is an extremely affectionate person by nature. But because of growing up with emotionally distant parents, she doesn't ever really expect for that affection to be returned, especially from Ian who's not very outwardly affectionate most of the time. So when he does go out of his way to express affection it means a lot to her :)

- Because of the way her parents are, I think she kind of has an unconscious mentality of "no one is ever going to love me as much as I love them." She also struggles with people-pleasing tendencies (taking on more work than she can handle, having difficulty saying no to people) and self-esteem issues. So whenever someone goes out of their way to show her love, it kind of catches her off guard lol

- Ada's primary love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation (I'll explain this more below lol). She's REALLY big on physical touch—Ian generally does not like physical touch and one of the only people he tolerates/enjoys it from is Ada. Though I definitely think acts of service is one of her love languages too, as seen in Middlesea College Life. I simply think that she has so many love languages because she's FULL of love

- I imagine Ada as someone who feels her emotions very strongly, and who is generally just a highly emotional and empathetic person. Her empathy makes her good at connecting with the patients, but it also means that she feels everything so much all the time and it can be overwhelming for her sometimes. She’s undoubtedly very intelligent, but I think she’s still very much a heart over head type of person. She also cries pretty easily, though she has to try her best to keep it under wraps at work. The list of movies that make her cry is extensive, which Ian lovingly teases her for.

- Ada is extremely nearsighted and can't see much at all without her glasses. Because of this one of her favorite jokes is saying “I’ve seen enough” and taking her glasses off lmao

- Courtesy of @nightmun: Ada earnestly loves dad jokes, puns, and anything similar. Ian gets her a joke book as a gift once and regrets it immediately.

Ada, incredibly excited: IAN WHAT DOES A LEMON SAY WHEN IT PICKS UP THE PHONE

Ian: …what?

Ada: YELLOW!! *WHEEZE*

Ian: <:)

(this is the fifth one she’s told him today)

Ian:

- Ian’s mother is a single mom and his dad left when he was ten, hence why Ian is currently the only one taking care of her. Ian was also an only child. I imagine he and his mom are very close since it’s just been the two of them for so long, so her illness has really been taking a toll on him.

- Ian is bilingual and speaks Mandarin! I don’t think he has a canon ethnicity in-game (though please correct me if I’m wrong), but I’ve been thinking of him as Chinese Canadian, in line with @pokeblog123’s headcanon that Middlesea is in Canada. I imagine he and his mom speak Mandarin at home sometimes.

- I think Ian probably did robotics and/or coding as hobbies in high school and college! We know that he’s insanely tech-savvy, and he seems to have quite a talent for programming. In that same vein, another one of Ian's hobbies is buying old/vintage video game consoles from garage sales, on eBay, etc. and taking them apart to see how they work, sometimes also restoring them if he can.

- I know this is a pretty popular hc already but I think Ian is autistic/generally neurodivergent lol. I do try to write him with this in mind

- Related to that, Ian struggles with social cues to a certain degree, and subsequently has more trouble connecting with the patients than Ada. His little character card says he’s “better with computers than people” and I think this is probably because people are just difficult for him to read. Computers are much simpler; they’re predictable and generally do what they’re programmed to do. People are a lot more complicated. I do think he’s learned to read Ada fairly well simply because he’s known her for so long

- Ian's primary love language is acts of service/gift-giving. He struggles with physical touch and with verbalizing his feelings so he shows his love by doing things for people instead (which was part of the inspiration for my fic "Helping Hand"). If he goes out of his way to do something for you, that’s how you know he really cares. He's an actions over words type of guy :)

- Ian can be very blunt and straightforward, as we see in the game, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. We know from game dialogue that he regularly encourages Ada to take breaks and is generally concerned for her wellbeing, and we can also infer that he worries a great deal about his mother. He definitely cares, he just has different ways of showing it.

- Ian normally doesn’t cry very easily and he also doesn’t like to cry in front of other people, but my hc for why he cried at the Stevensons’ reunion is because it reminded him of his own sick mother, who’s been alone ever since his dad left. He’s usually not one to cry in public but that just got to him. I like to think that Ada checked up on him afterwards.

(ACT 5 SPOILERS)

- Although he doesn't really show it, I think Ian probably feels a certain amount of guilt for everything that's happened with Connectifia Abortus, especially now that it's been revealed that the virus originated from the system he created. He knows that the rhythm defibrillator system could put the patients in danger if the virus keeps getting worse, and he's been working day and night to try to fix it. Of course, Edega's demand for a "miracle cure" at the expense of caution and safety certainly isn't helping matters. Given that Ada also needs treatment on occasion, one of Ian's biggest fears is that Ada will get hurt because of the virus (and, he thinks, because of him).

BOFA THEM:

- I think Ada was Ian's first, and possibly only, good friend at college. I imagine they met through their shared classes and Ada was one of the only people who made a point to talk to him. After that she sort of just stuck around, much to Ian’s initial surprise. He had always struggled with making friends and he was hesitant to open up to her at first, but her persistence and genuine sincerity eventually won him over. Now they’re best friends :)

- I've seen other people say that they were probably roommates at some point in college/med school and I definitely think so too. I'm sure they pulled a lot of all-nighters together lol

- Once Ada and Ian became close friends, I like to imagine that she also got to know Ian's mother. She's always gotten along with her very well, and because her own parents were so distant, Ada came to think of her as somewhat of a parental figure. When Ian's mom first got sick and started requiring intensive care, Ada insisted on helping out with anything they needed.

- What I was referencing above about Ada and physical affection: I think Ada might be somewhat touch-starved because of my headcanon that her parents aren't very affectionate people. She craves physical touch and words of affirmation because she never got much of that from her parents. Once Ian figures this out, he tries his best to do those things for her even though it doesn't come as naturally to him (as in like, he’s normally not one to initiate hugs but he’ll give Ada a hug if he can tell that she needs it).

- Ian’s pragmatism balances out Ada’s bleeding-heart altruism, and vice versa. I think over years of friendship they’ve learned to appreciate the other’s perspective and find a middle ground, though of course that’s not always possible in high-stress medical situations.

- Ada doesn’t really understand anything about the online games that Ian plays, but she probably uses gamer lingo incorrectly on purpose just to annoy him lmao

- Unrelated to anything but I think one of their favorite pastimes is hate-watching Grey's Anatomy together and making fun of all the medical inaccuracies (I’ve never watched Grey’s Anatomy but I’ve heard there are many). Despite this they’re both low-key invested but neither of them wants to admit it lol

Anyway I love them. In my mind they are besties who get married for tax benefits. Thank you for your time if you read this far lmao

#rhythm doctor #ada paige #ian rhythm doctor #act 5 spoilers #hi. i’m so normal #a good number of these are things that i’m either actively writing fics about or want to write about in the future #unfortunately school is keeping me busy so have this in the meantime #augh. i love them #honestly i can enjoy them as platonic or romantic or anything in between. i just think they belong together in any capacity #Do Not Separate Them #paian #<— for the paian lovers. target audience tbh we are shaking hands 🤝

26 notes · View notes