#Admit to having biases; state the /opinion/; and move on

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my ex-fiance not to hang out with my little sister?

I (24F) recently broke up with my boyfriend/fiance of five years B (29M). He has always been close to my younger sister S (16F) and she considers him an older brother. The breakup was amicable for the most part and since B is really close to my family and doesn't have much family of his own, initially I was fine with him continuing to hang around. I am currently living out of state, so I don't have to see him. It didn't bother me to know he was hanging out in my parent’s house or anything. He has also been picking my little sister S up from school since he works at the school and it’s easy for him to drive her home every day. However, I found out from my mom that he has recently started taking her places like McDonalds and Starbucks after school, buying her food or whatever, essentially spending a lot of time with her. I told my mom I wasn’t comfortable with that, and I told B, as well. He was obviously annoyed but said he would respect my boundaries. S is angry about the situation, though. She says I’m being selfish and making things weird, he’s like a brother to her, etc.

But the problem I have with it is more complicated. My family didn’t originally know all the details of the breakup. They thought it was just because I moved out of state for grad school. But it also has to do with some pretty major lies B admitted to shortly before I moved away. One lie had to do with the fact that he’d been married before and wasn’t even sure if he was legally divorced or not. I had no idea about any of it. Needless to say he lost my trust. I also remember when our relationship first started, he told me that his last relationship ended because he “fell out of love with his girlfriend and started having feelings for her younger sister.” I had never thought about it too much before, but now I think the younger sister in question might have been underage, just based on some other casual remarks and context clues. Obviously, I am worried the same thing is happening with my sister. I definitely don’t trust him as much as I used to, but I don’t think he would do anything inappropriate… but I don’t know…. I’ve started questioning a lot of things that happened over the years that might have been red flags I ignored at the time. Clearly he’s capable of deception. I just don’t trust him anymore and I don’t want him around my sister (or any of my family, really). I explained my reservations to both my mom and my sister – my mom agrees with me, but my sister does not, and she thinks we’re being unfair and mean to him. I’m certainly not going to change my mind and if that makes me the asshole, so be it. But I am curious to hear the opinions of non-biased people. So AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[bananasfosterparent]

@oonalovesastarionssimpleplans

Moving to a text post because it's more comfortable. But hold on...

I mean no offense, but no one needs permission or guidelines (especially from another fan) for how they're "allowed" to enjoy AA and to get berated for "not understanding the character" when they understand him perfectly fine. Just differently.

Is it truly that hard to fathom that some people enjoy the actual character and the dynamic that happens between him and Tav/Durge and not (just) the sexy stuff?

Is it truly that hard to imagine that there are people who enjoy AA outside of the (very mild) sexual content?

Do you only see the ascended ending as some sexy fantasy with nothing else to offer?

Larian themselves did not call it his "bad" ending. The only person who said that was a certain cowriter. Said cowriter was not saying it in an official capacity and was sharing their opinions.

Want to know something? The spawn ending felt more like failing him to me. And that's simply just how it felt. Can't change that as there's no reason to.

Anyone can claim how Tav is "supposed" to feel during a certain scene or event. Even some one shiny and "official". But that does not make it canon information if it isn't actually stated in the game. It really doesn't mean anything in relation to roleplay, except that it's just one way out of many to interpret that game event.

No writer, cowriter, or fellow fan can actually tell someone how that person's Tav feels because only that person can say. That's what roleplaying is.

Regardless of the co-writer's intentions for a specific message or agenda in the story, unfortunately, due to the nature of the game and individual experience, every person is going to interpret the same information differently. As they are supposed to. That's the point of the game.

Yes, there are people who ascend him just because it's sexy. I have seen people admit things, like how they'd never ascend him or could never do "that" to him for roleplay, but they still ascend him just to see the romance scene. I've seen people admit they'd never ascend him for roleplay reasons or dislike AA overall, but are glad to find clips of the romance scene online so they can still enjoy it. Honestly if that's how they enjoy the character and game, that's their choice.

But the people who usually do that are not the people who call themselves AA fans. Because the people who do that don't typically enjoy that version of him, only parts of it. And that's fine! But you cannot lump us all together.

I don't know a single AA fan who prefers the ending SOLELY for the sexual content or the "sexy Vampire" fantasy. I don't know a single AA fan's Tav who ascended him solely because they wanted to be with the "sexy vampire". There's always a roleplay reason well beyond that. Unfortunately, no matter what any cowriter says, personal interpretation and roleplay comes first, thanks to the nature of this game.

And, while I appreciate the way you and the cowriter and many others interpret his story, I cannot and do not interpret it that way, based on my own trauma experiences, my own biases, my own individual understanding, AND my own desire for the kind of narrative I want to tell. And that isn't just me. That goes for every single person as an individual who plays the game.

Like it or not, this is a roleplaying game. Heavy on the roleplay. With this game specifically, the individual player's interpretation of canon information comes first before any writer's intent. That does not render the cowriter's agenda null and void, as many people (like yourself) see it the same way, but it does mean that there is more than one way to interpret this story, and ignoring or berating others for simply connecting to his story in a different way, saying it's "provocative and untrue", is quite honestly inconsiderate and condescending. And wrong.

Yes, posting anything to the internet is going to warrant a response from people who disagree. Everyone who posts anything online knows that. However, there's zero reason to actively be the one saying the negative things. Especially when it's about something innocent and fun.

[xx--ofmanythoughts--xx]

Rant and spoilers of Season 2, Episode 2

Again, I am NOT a fan of Sara Hess’ writing for this show because she is quite biased and has shown many sides of her that do not make sense or she likes scenes that are just disturbing, even for this series. 

I did watch this episode a second time like I did episode 1 and the following are my opinions and mine alone.  It is how I feel about the episode, both good and bad. 

The cons of the episode:

The first thing I am going to say here is this:  The scene with Aemond finding solace in the arms of the woman that r*ped him at the age of 13; and the pouring of the warm milk was a complete ICK moment for me.  It was a scene that I cannot deal with because to me, I find it sickening and one that was not needed as in the book, he did not regret what he did BUT as how they are writing how Alicent has no clue as to how to console her own children; I can see why it was done.  But Sara Hess is a sick writer, and I am not a fan of hers.   ** Now this is something that needs to be said **  After that scene I have read and heard of those body shaming Ewan Mitchell. STOP!   Stop judging people for what they look like!  I will admit I said mentally that I thought he was too thin, but I quickly moved on and said what I normally say.  “Be you, boo!”  but the shaming and the judgement has been harsh.  Stay in YOUR lane! 

Also I will NOT write my Aemond in the brothel! Sorry! I won't do it... I will add certain show items with the book canon and my head-canons but not that one.

I still do not like the fact that they did not go with how Rhaenyra did love her siblings in the book and offered them clemency stating that it was the evils of the small council that were turning them toward the path of war.  (Yes, I paraphrased that from the book, but I hope you get the gist.) 

I do not like how they are making Alicent try to be some sort of redeemed saint or whatever it is.  I would take the “Lady MacBeth” road over this one any day.  She is not pious, and she is not the ‘holier than thou’ woman they wish her to be and as Rhaenyra said in season one “it must be exhausting” as Alicent still tries to hide that piety.    

CRISTON COLE!   Mr. “I won’t be your whore!” to being just that to Alicent and now sending Arryk to kill the “Bitch Queen”!  He needs therapy!   And he needs to get over the fact of being the “woman scorned”!  I will be happy when his fate comes to him because he is one that deserves it! 

I am not fond of not seeing Rhaenys that much so far as she does have a big part in this war.  I do not understand her lack of screen time. 

The pros of the episode:

TOM GLYNN-CARNEY!  He is KILLING it as Aegon!  The writers have done well with his story!  And Tom plays him perfectly!  He has Aegon’s personality perfected and the way that he is acting with his fun side last week and now his anger and rage this week; so perfect.  *chef’s kiss*   

MATT SMITH!   He was born to play Daemon and even though Sara Hess does not like the Daemon character, this episode was a very good one as it showed Daemon is still dealing with the same demons he was when his brother was alive.  Daemon never wanted the throne but his way of protecting the family or showing love or showing loyalty get skewed because he is chaos, and he can’t control it.  When Rhaenyra called him ‘pathetic’; it was a jab into his armor, and it hurt…just when his brother would be disappointed in him; he would feel that pain as he just wanted to be the best or on the same level as the two but never quite can get there. He tries so hard and believes he is doing something right when it comes back to him, and it isn’t as it seemed, and people are disappointed in him.  He is doing everything in Rhaenyra’s name but some actions, he believes are right… end up being wrong.  

Baela and Jace!  It was a short scene, but it was a nice loving scene and the mention of Harwin was quite lovely.  It showed why Jace would have made a wonderful King. 

I have to say this and it kind of stings but OTTO HIGHTOWER when he put Aegon in place about Viserys putting him on the throne.  Even though he lost his position, and, in the book, he lost it not for that but for the fact that the blockade had not been dealt with in time but for him to burn Aegon like that; it was brilliant…Then calling his grandsons PEACOCKS!  I was smiling because it is so true. 

The battle between brothers!  I loved this even though the book was quite different, but they did a wonderful job of this, and it was a love story of twins.  They loved each other and could not live without the other so I imagine being on opposite sides had to be hard for them.  In the books, the kill each other as Arryk, died almost immediately and it was Erryk who took four days to die, screaming in horrible pain and cursing his brother…the show did quite well with this scene, and it did break my heart to see it played out.

Emma d’Arcy!  They are amazing as Rhaenyra!  They have embodied the character and I love it! 

Now…the scenes with Helaena not being consoled by anyone, Aegon crying alone and his mother walking out to go to have her fun with Crispy and for Aeond to go where he did.  As you can see, I did not like the solace in the arms of the abuser but since we do see that Alicent has no clue how to console her children; these scenes make sense.  Do I like them?!  NO!   It was part of the reason why Aemond was the dark, psycho and why Aegon did what he did…Helaena has always been the innocent one.  But I am trying to get used to what they are doing to these characters, but I will admit it is hard. 

The funeral procession, I was on Aegon’s and Helaena’s side for this one and I must admit I was waiting for the child’s head to fall off the carriage when it became stuck.  Which I think would have destroyed Helaena sooner.  I know she will become more and more isolated and such in episodes to come, hopefully they will follow that but I think we will see how Alicent is losing control of her children more so. 

[linkspooky]

Since in your future fanfic you will have Nobara and Mai relationship & communication to grow to the point where Mai is able to tell Nobara her deepest secrets, with Nobara being the listener.

Would this also mean that Nobara would feel some sort of guilt as a result? Because Nobara had said some nasty things towards Mai. I could sort of imagine Nobara feeling terrible after she understands Mai’s pain and trauma.

Yes, I do think Nobara would feel guilt for the way she dismissed Mai's pain in the past. Especially in my Nobamai fic, Werewolf. I want to make Nobara's arc for the whole series to be her learning how to treat the people in her life that she's friends with better. Because despite Nobara being unbrash and kind of a bully at times, her entire character revolves around the fact that the few people she lets into her life she's a ride or die friend towards.

Nobara's dying flashback against Mahito is her middle school friend who she remembered saying goodbye too at the railway station. Despite the fact they were best friends, Nobara sort of took her for granted because she has a stronger personality whereas her friend was more weak-willed. However, when they're saying goodbye Nobara clearly regrets leaving her even if moving to the city is something she has to do.

Nobara is a character who I think makes a lot of mistakes like this in regards to relationships, even though she genuinely wants to be close and connect with others. In regards to Mai, Nobara is actually being the type of person she hates the most. Nobara decries the people of her home town for judging Saori without getting to know her. Yet, she makes the same judgemental statements about Mai even claiming she doesn't care about her childhood even when someone attempts to explain it to her.

I don't think Nobara's genuinely that callous in regards to other people though, just kind of self-centered in the way she approaches relationships. Imagine a kid who bullies you in middle school realizing when they get to high school that they were acting immature and their behavior was wrong and wasn't justified.

Now, Nobara in my fic is someone who feels an undeniable attraction to Mai while at the same time early in their relationship refusing to change their biased opinion on her. Which is why a lot of her attempts to talk to Mai or go after her attention come off as antagonism. However, the few moments Mai does show vulnerability Nobara hesitates and backs off because it confuses her. This isn't really the Mai she sees in her head, and Nobara no longer feels justified in shouting at her or picking fights with her because Mai's clearly in pain at those moments.

Basically, Nobara is Helga Pataki'ing Mai. At this stage in their relationship the only way she knows how to get Mai's attention is to pick fights with her and insult her, but at the same time she does sort of feel bad when she pushes Mai too far. Nobara's not malicious, she's just immature. She has a limited viewpoint of the world and therefore in her mind her behavior towares Mai is justified by her dislike of her.

Of course, post Shibuya Nobara has effectively been humbled. Another thing in Jujutsu Kaisen in general is characters worship the strong people, and decry weak people like being weak is a personality flaw. Nobara subscribes to Gojo's mindset that only strong people are worthy of her respect and she sees herself as one of those strong people. So, suffering a bad loss in Shibuya that permanently scarred her is probably something she's reeling from that's making her rethink her opinions.

Enter Mai, who Nobara has essentially been making out with a closet in on and off since Werewolf but will not admit she has feelings towards. Mai is now in a state post inugami family where she's showing the much more vulnerable Mai all the time, because of what happened to her in the Zen'in Family. On top of that, she's probably more honest with Nobara in general which makes Nobara understand the reasons behind her behavior.

In that sense, because as I said above Nobara is not a cruel person and wants to take care of her friends. I think that would force her to re-evaluate the way she treats people in her life too, because she's one of the people who hurt Mai by not sympathizing with her trauma. I also think she'd feel guilt because she wants to understand Mai, and wants Mai to open up to her as they get closer together but Mai isn't ready to trust Nobara right away and that's Nobara's fault for making their relationship start out so rocky. She wants to be trusted, and for a long time Mai doesn't know if she can trust her, or if Nobara's going to mock her trauma or throw it back in her face. I don't think Nobara would do that, but Mai's kind of justified in that fear and Nobara's earlier behavior doesn't help.

In general too, as stated above I don't think Nobara wants to be cruel to people so to learn what Mai went through and then feel like she essentially kicked Mai when she was already down instead of helping her. Especially since Nobara is another girl, and like, Mai got victimized in a way that's pretty common for girls. It's a pretty common behavior for girls to victim blame other girls even though solidarity should be for all girls not just the girls you like personally.

All in all, if Nobara wants to grow into a good listener, and also be someone who can be protective of Mai then she'd have to face the guilt that she wasn't the best friend in the past. That's another important part of their development though, I do think Nobara would eventually want to protect Mai because she's been hurt before and Nobara doesn't wish her to suffer anymore. In a way it'd be much healthier than Mai and Maki's relationship, because Mai wants to be protected by Maki but Maki's really too damaged to provide that protection and has to prioritize herself. Whereas Nobara would be in an equal relationship with Mai, so she'd be able to help her where she's only hurt her in the past.

[shadyb00ts]

The Little Mermaid (2023) - Review

As a longtime fan of Chloe x Halle, I knew from the moment that Halle Bailey was cast as Ariel that she was the perfect choice. Of course the racists were (and still are) whining and throwing tantrums about Ariel being black, because they never believe any person of color can truly earn a role with sheer talent, but for a long time I was sure that even if this movie ended up being an absolute dumpster fire, Halle would be the saving grace of that dumpster fire. She would be the best part, hands down.

Well, I wasn't surprised to see that I was right. About her being the best part, at least, but I don't think the movie itself is a dumpster fire at all. I actually really enjoyed it, and I've been very cynical of the Disney live action remakes for a long time like most people are. I had no confidence in this film but I had the utmost confidence in Halle to shine no matter what. However, there were things about this movie that pleasantly surprised me. Some disappointments though, I'll admit.

This is gonna be a long review, as my reviews always are. Spoilers ahead. I'd recommend you read this if you've seen the movie, but if you haven't and don't care about spoilers, read on.

So for starters, I was never really a Little Mermaid stan. Of course I loved the movie as a kid because I was obsessed with mermaids in general, and the songs were undisputed classics, but I wasn't exactly a fan of the movie as I grew older. I don't dislike it, it's just... fine. It's very of its time. So because of that, I knew they were going to update and expand certain things in the remake. For better or worse.

I've already stated how much I thought Halle nailed this film. Maybe you could say that I'm biased since I was already a fan of hers anyway, but hey, this is just my honest opinion. She captured Ariel's essence so beautifully; her innocence and naivete, her curiosity and inquisitiveness, her yearning and wonder. And while yes, the CGI during the underwater scenes could be a little janky some of the time, I was mostly mesmerized by the way she moved, the way her hair moved and the iridescence of her tail. She just looked so gorgeous and adorable and got Ariel down to a science.

As for when she gets legs and goes to the surface, that's where she shines even more, because she has to act without saying a word. It was all in her expressions and mannerisms and I thought she absolutely delivered. I haven't mentioned the new songs they added yet, but they did add a new Ariel song for when she goes to the surface called "For the First Time" and I have to say that it's my favorite new addition. It's soooo delightfully musical theater and I think it has the most Little Mermaid-esque vibe to it. It fit the movie perfectly.

Back to the actors, I also thought Melissa McCarthy was the biggest surprise. I had zero confidence that she would do the role justice, but I thought she actually did a great job. She was definitely channeling Pat Carroll and some of her lines elicited chuckles out of me. And I thought her rendition of Poor Unfortunate Souls was pretty good, even though it's unfortunately missing the iconic "body language" lyric. She's not a strong vocalist but I think she did the best she could, and she was one of the highlights. Also she did the Ursula Shoulder Shimmy which I appreciated.

Jonah Hauer King as Prince Eric also did a good job I think. The remake added much-needed depth and character to Eric that was missing in the original. Another thing I appreciated was how they tried to show more parallels between Eric and Ariel. There's a scene in the movie where Ariel finds Eric's library/study, and it's shot in a way that makes it reminiscent to Ariel's grotto. They tried to give the two more things in common, and I think they succeeded in that. Plus the chemistry between Jonah and Halle was just off the charts. I rarely find straight couples adorable, but I thought they were so adorable any time they were sharing a scene.

My one minor gripe with his casting is that he's not exactly the strongest vocalist. One of the new musical numbers is an Eric song called Wild Uncharted Waters, and.... I didn't really like it. His voice kind of sounded like the lead singer of an angsty rock band from the 2000s. As soon as it started it gave me war flashbacks to Emma Watson in Beauty and the Beast, where they had to use very noticeable autotune on her voice. Granted that was much, MUCH worse, but still. I don't wanna be reminded of that travesty. The song itself is okay I think, but it could be much better if they had a stronger vocalist or a Broadway darling to play the role, to really do the song justice. But like I said, this is just a minor gripe because Eric really only gets one song, and Jonah overall did a good job.

A change that I really appreciated was, instead of Ariel getting invited to dinner at the castle, she and Eric go to a market instead. The kingdom in the remake is inspired by the Caribbean and I loved the tropical, colorful vibe of the locale. The market visit allowed Ariel to wander around and marvel at everything she doesn't understand, and it's a much cuter, more laid back way for her and Eric to spend time together. Some people were upset about the crazy chef who tries to kill Sebastian being removed, but honestly, I never thought that sequence added anything to the original. I loved what they did here.

Daveed Diggs as Sebastian... Sigh. Look, I love Daveed but I feel like he was so miscast for this. Anytime he spoke or sang, you could tell the Jamaican accent was very put on. Sure, the original actor who voiced Sebastian--Samuel E. Wright, RIP--also was putting on a Jamaican accent, but somehow it just felt more natural when he did it. His voice work as Sebastian was so iconic, and Daveed just missed the mark on this role. It just wasn't the right role for him. His version of Under the Sea was also quite underwhelming, and he did a lot of talk-singing during it. I liked the Under the Sea sequence visually, but not quite sonically.

As for Kiss the Girl, people were making such an uproar about the lyric changes but the changes were so minor. They literally only changed like, a couple of lines, and the song is still the same thematically. It's still just the animal sidekicks trying to influence Eric to kiss the girl in kiiind of a date-r*pey-ish way. They wanted to make it seem more consensual, but nothing's really changed. But yeah, I do think the original version of the song is still better regardless. Similar issue I felt about Under the Sea, it just... doesn't quite hit the mark.

Awkwafina as Scuttle was... alright. She had some funny moments, but I mean, she's just doing her regular voice. It's literally just Awkwafina as a bird. But what I really hated was.. Scuttlebutt.

Oh god, Scuttlebutt. I honestly have no idea what Lin Manuel Miranda was thinking when he wrote this? I don't know if he was smoking something really strong, cause like... Mama, this is garbage. Like, I can't even explain to you how painful to hear this song was. It's absolutely the worst and most unnecessary addition to the soundtrack. Nobody wants to hear Awkwafina, the queen of putting on blaccents, rapping. That's the last thing any of us wanna hear. It was just. So. Horrible. I've seen the movie twice in theaters now and each time I was just begging for that song to be over.

Anyway, that's the most negative thing I can say about this movie, was that damn song. Lin deserved jailtime for that one.

For the more minor characters, Javier Bardem as Triton was okay. Some people think he was horrible but I don't think he was that bad, it was fine. I still would've preferred Idris Elba as Triton but that's just my personal fancast.

Flounder was... Flounder. Yeah, I don't like his hyper-realistic design, but he was still pretty cute and 12-year-old Jacob Tremblay was just trying his best to emulate the original actor and I think he did a fine job.

Ariel's sisters were barely in it, like in the original. They did give them each unique, cute designs, but we all know that it's just to sell dolls. They appear in the beginning of the movie in a pretty awkward scene that's supposed to replace the concert from the original film. Apparently Triton and his daughters meet every time there's something called the Coral Moon? It seems to just be a family meeting of some sort. They left it so vague, they didn't even bother to explain what the Coral Moon was. I wish they had just kept the concert.

But yeah, the sisters are all named and apparently I heard each of them are supposed to have special powers? Well those powers weren't showcased in the movie at all, so we know it was just a marketing tactic. I'm sure there'll be tons of fanfics of all the sisters having adventures and whatnot. They might even make an animated series. It'd be called Ariel and Her Sisters, or Daughters of Triton.

I do think the dolls are very slay though. I'd buy the whole 7 pack.

Oh my god, I forgot to talk about Vanessa. Girl... Jessica Alexander bodied this role. Even though she was only in it for a handful of minutes, she ate up every bit of those minutes. I also really liked Vanessa's Trick from the soundtrack and thought it sounded beautiful. Do I wish it still had lyrics instead of "la-di-da's"? Sure I guess, but I honestly don't mind all that much. It's very haunting and Halle's voice is ethereal on it.

I think that's all I have to say on the movie. It's a fun time and it's bolstered by some stellar performances (particularly from Halle) and welcome changes/additions. But it's also kinda bogged down by not-always-great CGI, some clunky musical choices, and certain things cut from the original film that I thought shouldn't have been cut.

Still, I very much enjoyed this movie more than any of the other Disney remakes so far. I do agree with people's sentiments of it being the best of the bunch, but well... the bar isn't exactly high in that regard. Maybe because the previous remakes were so bad, this one just is the best because it's the only one that doesn't suck.

Whatever the case, I had enough of a great time that I went and saw it twice. I recommend you see it too before it leaves theaters.

[raifuujin]

I really do not understand people's thinking. It's like they see a genuinely good hearted character that's slightly kept in the dark FOR PLOT REASONS (lbh Ran doesn't know just because Gosho doesn't want her to know. Case and point.) And they're already "boring" or "annoying". When there's also another certain character who isn't doing much at the moment and is also being kept in the dark and yet they stan her so strongly. Yes I'm talking about Ai. I'm sorry but I just can't understand them.

I do like that point, and yeah, I can’t understand arbitrarily devaluing main characters. Who are main for all kinds of reasons. I’ve mentioned it in a post before, but a lot of people dislike Ran purely because she doesn’t change like other characters. So apparently if you’re stable, ‘normal’, and not involved with all of the super dangerous, borderline spy plot, then you’re useless. Even if major story moments and most plot progression would never have happened because ‘normal’ moments were glossed over as unimportant, even when they led to important happenings.

Like when people think Kogoro isn’t important now, and I’m just. Every case Shinichi has ever encountered where he’s put in relation to the BO or BO information again comes directly from Kogoro’s connections and ‘random cases’ people ask him to do. Him being the known detective is what makes him important to the story and writing.

Ran is similar. She’s the ‘normal teenage girl’ who might go various places for different reasons. She’s friends with people like Sonoko who have access to places when there’s not a case going on. (Like that case where we’re given the background for why Amuro doesn’t like Akai, and Ran sees Vermouth again.) Kyoto happened because the girls were doing a normal thing and meeting up to discuss plans for the school trip. Which Shinichi would otherwise have not known about, had he not been suspicious of Ran’s behaviour.

And to your point, yeah, Ai has contributed less and less to any plot progression as her character development has gone on. But people cling to her importance because ‘she’s connected to the BO, and Amuro and Akai’s separate pasts through family connections’ and other ultimately ‘useless passive’ things. She hasn’t actively done anything aside from her one remaining bit of plot usefulness of having the means to give temporary antidotes. Her information hasn’t been too helpful past remembering the name for the murder that happened 17 years ago, even the Rum thing is more ‘I’ve heard the name, but have only vague clues because I never met them myself’.

Heck, I like to consistently point at the double standards as they relate to any character. It still comes back to the fact that people just see Ran more often, and get annoyed that she’s not as obviously ‘important’ as the rest of the main cast. People don’t like the DB much either, but that comes up more in a small complaint once in a while compared to actively trying to create reasons why Ran is useless. When really, she’s not, she just doesn’t fit the character type that people like to see in action. And even when she does get action oriented for a case, any progress she makes or action she takes is just ‘a rare one-time case’, as though she’s only made of exceptions and not her own unique character with a special role in the story.

[tridaxpod]

i'm sleep deprived + spiraling a lil so this probably won't be nearly coherent as the version i've been writing up in my head But i've been thinking a lot abt some stuff greg has said about krika. if you know me you know that I treat bionicle canon very paradoxically, specifically when it comes to the different mediums its been adapted to and sources ppl have gotten information from; basically i treat the movies and novels as concrete, everything else less so, which i'm aware makes my takes very biased and subjective but point is i've never really cared much at all about what greg says. his forum posts are incredibly loose and "watery" to me, neither here nor there, never really truly sticking in my brain and impacting how I view the series. i don't dwell on them too much,

all except for his take that krika never truly cared nor was remorseful, and that he was just a "survivalist."

when i see a Farshtey Forum Post™️ i don't vibe with, i just mark it up to "hey i disagree with this interpretation" and move on, because that's all they really are to me, just different interpretations. while authorial intent is deeply important and often key to analysis, at the end of the day an author can't make you read a story the exact way they intended. but that's just it, this take on krika as a character has germinated in my head for days and i don't just disagree with greg, i think he's flat out wrong about his own writing here.

i'm aware that's a super ballsy and kinda pretentious thing to say, i promise i'm normally not that obnoxiously pedantic or whatever. i respect greg, i recognize his original intentions as an author even if i often find my own takeaway to be different, but this one time i just don't think he realizes that what he meant to write doesn't at all lineup with what we got in the character.

let's go over the traits of a survivalist:

a survivalist is defined as:

a person who tries to ensure their own survival or that of their social or national group. "a paranoid survivalist bracing for Armageddon"

now if you see his actions in-line with the aspect of being focused on the survival of a group, you could potentially argue that this absolutely applies to krika, but greg worded his characterization in a much more self-serving way, so i'll be approaching this from that angle.

krika's actions, while passive and ever erring on the side of caution (to an unsustainable degree i'll add), could more often than not lead to his destruction; and ultimately they did just that.

was siding with teridax an act of self-preservation? absolutely, but one i'd argue is understandable somewhat. i will admit that greg hit the mark with claiming that krika knew nothing good would happen to him if he defied his more ambitious brothers, but you know what would also lead to nothing good teridax’s rule? sparing miserix.

okay, yeah, miserix wasn't free, nor was he at all in safe conditions, but he was still alive. something he very much was Not supposed to be once teridax took over. krika was tasked with killing their former leader, and instead chose to leave him in a limbo state of sorts, a form of captivity where he could be killed, but could also one day break free. there's no other way to swing this, the mutran chronicles state word for word that makuta who opposed teridax's reign were hunted down and had their masks mounted to the wall as "reminders" of why one should remain loyal to teridax only. there must have been a time in krika's life where they spent every day walking by that wall and seeing the faces of the fallen brothers and sisters staring back, the glaring hole where miserix's mask was supposed to be mounted, a glaring reminder of his own defiance. someone interested in their own survival wouldn't do that.

a survivalist also, in my humble opinion, would not have tried to convince gorast of all beings that the plan will get them all killed. a survivalist wouldn't have tried to talk to a toa. not one built up to be as cautious and passive as krika is. there's also his line about how he has put so much pain into the universe, and now wants to put a strain of mercy out there. you could read that as self-serving i guess, but i don't feel that at all with it, it feels much tighter narratively-speaking when viewed from a lens of remorse.

so, that's what i'm ranting about here yeah? that i think krika was meant to serve in the narrative as this remorseful demon archetype? well, while i am making this post to argue that he Does fit the sympathetic villain mold, there's another i wanted to raise as well: krika is a dark mirror of the three virtues.

him choosing to not kill miserix, but to also side with teridax anyways despite knowing full well the dangers, and to try and save the other makuta from their certain deaths? it's a malformed sense of unity, if you ask me. a brotherhood is a brotherhood, no matter how far they stray from the light, no matter how hard they fall, and i think krika knows that. which brings me to my next point; duty.

this is where this is arguably gonna get into more subjective and headcanon-y territory, but whatever it's My unmedicated brain day and i get to choose the ramblings. but anyways, greg says krika doesn't regret being a makuta, and i disagree with this only...somewhat. i wanna point out some notable dialogue real quick.

"Once I was alive like you: solid and whole, needing no one and nothing. I was Makuta Krika, my name whispered in legends throughout half the known universe"

also, i can't find it for the life of me, but i think we all know his line about how gali should have been a makuta. to me, these lines paint a sense of pride in the brotherhood, but...not the brotherhood as we know them, instead in the brotherhood of the past. krika states that he has lost far more than time or treasure than the other makuta; he's lost what he was, what he was apart of, a strong and powerful group of creators who held the very ecosystem in the palm of their hands. krika is, for all intents and purposes to me, a nostalgic and mournful being. a ghost of what was. but what does this have to do with duty?

same principle as unity, i think krika still views what him and his people used to be as something noble, and feels a sense of loyalty to that. "you're too clever to be a toa."

yes, he acknowledges the flaws they have, i.e "toa were what we could only pretend to be", but compared to the other villains in the series i don't think "wanting something in return" nescesarily mean evil. terribly flawed, but not outright vile.

tbh, the sense of unity and duty in his character to me heavily overlap, mainly -- again -- in his treatment of miserix and in wanting to save the others.

but what about destiny?

simply put, i think destiny is the very core of their character.

in my time in the bionicle fandom recently, i've seen more posts portraying destiny in the series as a very grim thing, something fatalistic and looming. now, that's a narrative i don't personally agree with at all, however i will relent that it does fit krika horribly well. i think krika was incapable of seeing themself as having a fate beyond the brotherhood, an existence beyond them. they are sited as appearing sorrowful, hoping against hope, apparently even holding a sense of resentment for his own element:

"Take to the shadows. They are, after all, the prisons we have made for ourselves."

but they were so miserably passive. doing nothing big to spark change and aiding in spreading that darkness. why? because he saw it as his "place." his role in the cosmic order of things is a makuta, a fate he must follow through no matter what crooked path it brings him down. he even seemed to be passive to the fact that he would surely die soon, hence his line about what a makuta leaves behind when they die. a regretful, but resigned existence. united in duty, bound in destiny.

You are already doomed -- and that is perhaps the one thing you and I have in common

which, i suppose you could say does make krika just as bad as his brothers and sister; complicity is just as bad as direct violence, i know that to be fact. but there's one thing krika did, at the very end of his rope, that means a thousand words to me: trying to reason with gorast.

it's only one action, but it could have been the start of many. it's only one choice, but it's still a choice as apposed to just rolling over, one made in a group where those who spoke out had been hunted down like animals for doing so in the past. it could have been something bigger.

but it wasn't.

back on my soapbox about ill-fated destiny, krika ultimately seemed to have one. think about it, he's cautious his whole life, to avoid ending up like all those dead makuta, and when he's finally not he gets struck down. it's a tragic narrative, but an impactful one. it's a brutal fate, but still a sign that change can exist. i know greg has said some weird shit about redemption, but that leads back to my point about his forum posts meaning very little to me. he can say redemption is unobtainable, but the text itself, at least to me, says otherwise.

but that leads to me one last point which is that, i frankly disagree with any notion that the makuta were always evil. they were far from perfect, once again we track back to krika's speech to tahu, but evil? no way. i can't see miserix as a villain or "survivalist" for example. and, to be frank, "always evil" has some shitty implications and is something this community should ignore. i do think the text itself manages to avoid the pitfalls of this trope as the makuta have always read more similarly like ring wraiths from LTOR or the sith in star wars, but if we’re going to lean more into them being a species with a culture in fanon, any chance to avoid these aforementioned pitfalls should be taken. bionicle is first and foremost a LEGO series, we're given instruction manuals but also encouraged to let our creativity run free and uninhibited. which is precisely why greg's commentary means so little to me in the first place, which is why i have this stance on krika as a character. the story of the bionicle is presented as a legend, and no two people tell a legend the same way.

waxing aside, at the end of the day, i guess the easiest way to put all of this would be that i see krika as a narrative foil, as a dark parallel. he's a commitment to a destiny that ended in punishment, he's a duty to a long-dead cause, and he's a unity that lead to the mass death of a whole species. he's both a cautionary tale and a tragedy, one specifically framed in the building blocks and values of the matoran universe. but also, a sign that once, there was a light where there is now shadow. and krika may not be perfect, or even good, but something deep down inside still was. where there is darkness, a light will always shine. where there is destruction, there is creation.

and that is precisely why i love them as a character so, so dearly, and why they have remained in my top 5 for years.

[lossie92]

A Canvas Laid Bare - snippet

Thought I would share this little bit from something I’m working on as a treat for y’all. It started as a conversation on Discord and now here we are.

Hope you like it.

I might share more snippets from other too if you guys would be interested in reading them. Please let me know if that’s the case 😄

-

Warnings: mild sexual content, mentions/discussion of kinks

-

“Move a bit to the left,” Madara said, tilting his head to check the angle as Tobirama shifted obediently on the engawa. “Alright, that’s it. Perfect. Hold still, please.”

The other man only hummed in response, relaxing as much as possible in his current position, bare legs outstretched in a rather risque position, the contrast of his milky pale skin against the dark wood striking and alluring. Madara wondered briefly if it was at all comfortable to be seated like this, especially considering how high Tobirama’s yukata was hiked up, before dismissing the thought. There was little to no doubt in his mind that if Tobirama was truly bothered by the repeated requests to serve as his model or how he was asked to pose for the sketches Madara drew, he would have said something a long time ago. After all, Madara had been on the receiving end of some very candid remarks over the years which attested to Tobirama’s uncanny penchant for brutal honesty as well as his inability to keep his opinions to himself. 

Since no complaint had been voiced as of yet even though they had been doing this for weeks now, Madara let himself focus on his sketchbook, the pencil in his hand gliding smoothly across the paper in sure, if careful strokes, the calm of the early afternoon lulling him into a near meditative state as he worked.

It was one of those rare days when they both had nothing much to do and so they decided to spend some time together. They had shared lunch, played two games of shogi, and drank some tea while lounging on the pillows in the day room in the sort of comfortable embrace that always made Madara feel a little bit floaty. Tobirama was awkward with physical affection, never quite sure what to do with himself when Madara initiated anything even though he clearly enjoyed it. Part of it was due to his inexperience. He had never taken a lover and even his first kiss had belonged to Madara, something which Tobirama had admitted to only after the fact, blushing a vivid red in embarrassment as if this was something to be ashamed of. Madara supposed some people would think of it as such, though he was certainly not one of them. In fact, he found it quite endearing, not to mention touching, that Tobirama wanted to try these things with him. 

Because of that he was always very careful with his touches so as not to spook the other man and so far he had been quite successful in his endeavour to acclimate Tobirama with the simple pleasure that could be found in slow kisses and gentle caresses. They hadn’t moved past some more involved petting, but Madara was hardly in a hurry and in the meantime he could spend time admiring Tobirama’s beauty from a distance, which was the main reason why he took to sketching the other man any chance he got. 

He could honestly say that he had never seen someone so beautiful in his life. 

There was something almost otherworldly about the way Tobirama looked, especially when he was relaxed, his body void of tension that usually squared his shoulders and pulled his face into a deep frown. Madara liked how balanced Tobirama’s features were and loved the depth of his pretty red eyes as well as the soft curve of his full mouth and the unexpected roundness of his cheeks. He admired the gracefulness of his slim hands and the deadly efficiency with which he moved his body that was unexpectedly thin and lithe when not hidden under layers of padding and heavy armour. 

What fascinated him most, however, were Tobirama’s legs and feet. He had never really considered himself to be particularly biased when it came to body parts, but apparently he had a certain weakness for a nice pair of legs as well as pretty feet with nice arches and cute toes. An undeniable weakness too, since at this point he had filled an entire notebook with sketches depicting only Tobirama’s legs and feet in various positions and from many different angles.

“Do you intend to stare at them all afternoon?”

Madara blinked and looked up, meeting Tobirama’s eyes. “What?”

“You, um, keep staring instead of—” Tobirama gestured vaguely at the sketchbook in Madara’s lap, his face turning pink. “I… You do that. A lot. Stare. At my, um. At my legs?”

“Oh. Does it… is it making you uncomfortable?” Madara asked carefully as he set his supplies down. “Because if it does, I can—”

“No!” The loud exclamation startled Madara a little. “No, I’m— It’s not— I’m not… Um. It doesn’t. I just… Why?”

“Because they are beautiful,” Madara said with a shrug and then smiled a little when Tobirama gaped at him in response. “You like certain things about me, don’t you? Well, I like your legs and feet in the same way. It is what it is. Don’t think too hard about it.”

Tobirama flushed even harder at that. “So it’s, um, a sex thing then?” He asked. “Similar to, to when you— that one time?”

Madara couldn’t help but snort at that. That one time was without doubt referring to the by far most intense and involved kiss they had shared which ended with Tobirama coming in his pants in his own office. It had been a combination of things that had led to this particular happy ending, Madara was sure, though ultimately the deciding factor that seemed to have driven the man over the edge was the fact Madara had picked him up and pressed him against the wall with little to no effort in a moment of passion. Apparently, that little show of strength was all it took to undo any control Tobirama had and reduce him to a moaning, writhing mess. Madara was still incredibly proud of himself for eliciting such a strong reaction and definitely determined to repeat the performance sometime, if only to see if it would result in a similar response.

It was not the time to relive this particular experience though, no matter how tempting the idea was.

“Yes,” Madara confirmed simply. “I imagine it is much the same.”

“Oh,” Tobirama said, looking down at his legs before glancing back at Madara, the expression on his face unreadable. “Would you… Is there something that— Touka mentioned one could bring someone pleasure with, um, their thighs or, or feet? Is this something you would— Can I… Would you like me to try it?”

Madara swore he choked on his own spit. “Y-you… what?”

The other man took a deep breath and moved until he was sitting with his legs hanging over the edge of the engawa, inadvertently gracing Madara with the perfect view of his inner thighs as well as a peak of his fundoshi. “I want to try giving you pleasure,” he said as he looked Madara straight in the eyes, his tone decisive for all that the man himself seemed incredibly nervous. “I want to make you feel good. Would you—?”

“Yes,” Madara blurted out before he could stop himself. “If you want it. Then yes.”

[wedreamedlove]

You mention before your type is "freedom boys". How are your biases like Gavin and Osborn similar/contrast each other?

i’ve written several essays that i think can be compared directly against each other:

Bai Qi In Love vs. Osborn In Love

(Price of) Freedom [Bai Qi] vs. Untamable [Osborn]

but i can give a tl;dr summary too, especially since neither of those essays were written to be directed at the other character anyway.

both men have freedom as one of their themes but this is expressed in very different ways. for Bai Qi, being free is a natural state and since high school he’s realized that his life doesn’t need to be defined by anything, he can simply exist. Osborn’s trajectory updated my understanding of him to show that he pursues the concept of freedom as an escape from the definitions of the world but, deep down inside, he is terrified of not having any attachments.

because Bai Qi is the personification of freedom, i feel that papergames decided to highlight this sharply by forcing Bai Qi to give up his freedom for his other principles (protecting the innocent, justice, and being with the heroine). at least, at the point where i quit, we saw him give into his father’s organization to have more room to maneuver. in my opinion, we’re supposed to feel Bai Qi’s freedom theme precisely because his freedom is constantly being squeezed by external forces.

so in a sense, Osborn has more freedom than Bai Qi, but he actually doesn’t want that because without any attachments he’s just wandering aimlessly through the world. he can go wherever he wants and do whatever he wants because he doesn’t have principles that give him responsibilities (ex. justice-bound soldier) but this just makes him more envious of others who have people that will remember them. in the end, he willingly trades some of his freedom for a place to belong because he has too much freedom (ex. taking care of Ye Chuan and returning to his heroine).

that being said, both men are very similar in how they’re mavericks. no matter how others view them or what the world says is normal, they live by their own rules and beliefs and nothing can change their mind. they rarely, if ever, bow their head to anything.

another big difference between them that comes to mind is their direction with respect to their heroine.

for Bai Qi, i described his love for his heroine to be absolutely unconditional and she’s his north star. he moves towards her at all times and she gives him direction. the two really suit each other because they share the same justice principles.

in contrast, Osborn moves outward from his heroine. he has admitted to having wanderlust and enjoys satisfying his curiosity on seeing how other people live their lives. however, he will always return to the heroine. you can picture the two of them like a kite and the string that tethers the kite. he explores a direction and then returns to lead the heroine there. Osborn and his heroine do not share similar principles but she accepts him and loves him unconditionally.

speaking of unconditional love, i mentioned in my first impressions of the light and night men that Bai Qi lacks the bad boy thrill that Osborn has in spades, haha. Bai Qi is an extremely devoted dog-type boyfriend and, while Osborn has also been described as a dog-type boyfriend, i still strongly believe that he’s a cat installed with dog software. there’s a mischievous willful side to Osborn that Bai Qi doesn’t have. if anything, the way Bai Qi never refuses his heroine’s requests makes him more like Charlie, who literally just had a date about this.

in the end, do i think people who like Bai Qi will automatically like Osborn? it’s too hard to say. i always get a chuckle out of how me and two other friends who all love Bai Qi ended up going for Mo Yi, Zuo Ran, and Xia Yan as our top biases in themis. clearly we were liking Bai Qi for different reasons. (my theory is that our second bias influenced our themis choice, because my second bias is Xu Mo while theirs is Li Zeyan and Zhou Qiluo).

[kokichixreaderthings]

can i request cuddling with kokichis on a bed? like the reader is curled up to his side while stroking his cheek

kokichi cuddling with reader for the first time! <3

yess!!! i changed it a bit so it’s them cuddling for the first time! mainly because i want to write more kokichi cuddling things and i wanted this to be distinctive :) i loved writing this <3 it’s really cute in my opinion,,im probably biased because i want to cuddle with kokichi like this though. i hope you like it!!

Kokichi wouldn’t admit it out loud, no that was too revealing and truthful, but he really loved cuddling. Those soft, caring touches that conveyed true attraction...the thought of it made him absolutely melt.

For a while, he hadn’t experienced that level of affection with anyone, and his touch-starved nature became normal for him. He didn’t mind it, though, sometimes, he would wish he could have a hug or something. He still wasn’t even sure if he deserved it!

But then you came along. 

And against all odds, you two found yourselves laying together in bed, as close as can be.

It was Kokichi’s first time cuddling someone, even though he lied to you that he’s done this tons of times. Even going so far as teasing you when you seemed slightly nervous crawling under the soft blankets with him.

But now, he couldn’t bring himself to lie at all in this moment. He actually couldn’t bring himself to say anything in this moment. 

He was much too focused on you.

For all of his life he never thought he would ever be this close to someone. The warmth this gave him, the comfort.

And your eyes. Your eyes that didn’t contain anything but a sort of adoration. No malicious intent or lies. Just pure.....was it love? Kokichi wasn’t sure, and even if he was, he wasn’t exactly ready to admit that yet. Though whatever emotion you were currently feeling, it almost set to rest any fear Kokichi had about you faking all this.

However, his heartbeat was certainly not in the resting state.

And he could feel it move even faster than it already was, as you started stroking his cheek with his thumb with a soft look on your face.

It felt so nice to be touched like this. He wanted to feel this way forever, was that bad? He really half-expected you to tease him about this later, in front of D.I.C.E. maybe? At least he sure would, if it was you.

And as continuously embarrassing as it was, he could feel his face heat up, making it much worse. He can’t exactly fake his blush away, he was practically revealing his true feelings right to you!

“Beloved, you’re so sappy!” he lightheartedly complained, “Stroking my cheek like that, are you trying to get me all flustered? Jeez.”

You smiled, taking that and the obvious blush on his face as approval of your actions.

As you continued lightly rubbing your thumb up and down his cheek, you admired how he looked right now. The small smile on his face. The cute look in his eyes. It was noticeable how happy he was, and a beautiful sight. Rarely did you get to see him with his mask fully down. And while you knew he would still be fighting to keep it up, you felt happy knowing that at least he felt okay enough to take some of it down.

You really underestimated how nice it would be to lay with him like this. 

You only wished you had done this sooner and that he would get closer.

So you took matters into your own hands, leaning down to rest your head on his chest, pressing your body up against his. 

He immediately froze. 

And, you, thinking you did something wrong, pulled away as soon as you noticed. 

But that couldn’t have been farther from the truth,really, you just did too much right. Kokichi wasn’t expecting that. But he loved it, the feeling of you near him like that. Gosh, he just wanted to hold you and protect you and not let you go!  He couldn’t help feeling stupid for how lovestruck he felt over just a simple cuddling session. But it’s not like he could change his feelings. ...Okay, he could, but he didn’t want to! 

“Wait, noooo, come back!” he exclaimed, moving his arms around you, holding you close and back in your original position. He could feel your heartbeat against his. Luckily, it was beating as rapidly as his was.

You were pleasantly surprised by this new development, your fears of making him uncomfortable washed away and you sunk into him.

He held you tighter, again being struck with the desire to protect you. Maybe it was his supreme leader instincts that made him feel that way. 

But whatever it was, you two cuddled like that...for a while. Kokichi almost fell asleep, due to just how comforting this felt. But he kept himself awake so he could keep you close and watch as you eventually drifted off to sleep...

💜thank you so much for reading!! and remember kokichi ouma loves you!!! <3

[wtf-yoongi]

“I need one of those baths”

pairing | yoongi x reader

genre/warnings | literally how can giving a bath to yoongi have any warnings except for it’s 100% fluff and i’m 100% soft

words | 2,576

note | i had this idea and i’m sorry in advance oh man

Your head instinctively turns.

The TV is on. You’re sitting down with your legs close to your body when you hear a sharp noise coming from the door. You know it all too well – it’s Yoongi’s keychain hitting the wooden door with the many other keys he just has to carry around with him.

From the moment he walks through the door, you know it’s been one of those days. His hair is sticking to his forehead a little bit and he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Even more so than usual.

It’s that time of the year again. Deadlines are almost here.

You know that not just because he casually mentioned it like it was nothing a few weeks ago, but also because of the way his shoulders don’t really fit into his usual posture and he seems to push every single body cell to just drag himself to the sofa and collapse next to you.

You notice there are little pen stains on his fingers that he couldn’t wash away.

“So I’m guessing it was a productive day at work,” you start slowly, waiting for an affirmative response. “It’s past 10 p.m.”

“I guess you could say that,” he says with his eyes closed, his voice small and calm despite looking like he just crossed the whole desert to come home. “I’m sorry for being so late, but there’s still some adjustments and…”

“How much time left now?”

“Ah, a couple more days, I guess… Until we have to send some things for them to hear.” Yoongi moves his body slightly, trying to make himself more comfortable. “I don’t wanna talk about that, I’m sick of talking about work.”

He laughs lightly at his own statement and opens his eyes, right hand looking for yours. When Yoongi finds it, he immediately intertwines your fingers and brings them closer to his chest.

“I need to ask you something, though.”

This guy has plans. You nod your head for him to go on.

“I need one of those baths,” he confesses in a very low voice and a small smile appears on his lips. He knows you know what he’s talking about.

“Wanna spend the bath card so early in the month?” You ask with a raised eyebrow. “Must be serious.”

“It is,” he agrees. “Very serious indeed. Literally, the whole next album depends on this.”

“I thought you said it was almost finished,” you scoff, turning your whole body in his direction.

“Yeah, but the finishing touches are like the icing on the cake, I can’t mess it up now or everything will be ruined.”

You both laugh lightly, almost as if you’re trying not to wake up someone sleeping right next to you.

“I’m so tired, and tense, and stressed out from work, I just need it now,” he tries to convince you, kissing your knuckles for better effect. 

Even if it is supposed to sound exaggerated, you know with a heavy heart that it is actually true. He’s just making fun of his own misery as he usually does. It’s a self-defense mechanism. 

“Come on, it’s my bath card, I can use it wherever I want.”

“Yeah, and a week after this you’ll forget you’ve used it already and ask for a bath again.”

Yeah, that has happened, like, a thousand times before.

“Can’t I just get an advance from the months I won’t be home?”

“You’re getting advances for as long as I can remember, how is that fair to me? I don’t get advances ever.”

“I’ll give you ten baths before going on tour, I promise,” he holds onto your hand a little bit tighter and smiles again. “Please, I just need it.”

You take a deep breath and close your eyes, faking an annoyance you both know it’s not there. You love giving him baths – it’s just one of those intimate things that no one knows about. It’s like waking up in the morning and lazily dragging yourself closer to him as he whines a little bit from wanting to sleep more and not be disturbed, but welcomes you in his arms anyway; or Yoongi brewing coffee and serving you a mug exactly as you like it even though he doesn’t and could never understand how you take your coffee with one and a half teaspoons of sugar (“it’s disgusting, you’re ruining it by trying to make it sweet”).

Without saying a word, you’re the first to move, reaching for the remote to turn the TV off and leave the sofa, dragging Yoongi by the hand he is already holding. When you look behind you, he’s still moving his feet like he doesn’t really want to move his feet at all, but at least he has a shy smile on his face – the smile of contained victory.

Upon entering the bathroom, you leave him for a moment to open the hot water tap on the bathtub and check the temperature until it becomes warm so can you can close drain. Meanwhile, Yoongi is slowly but surely moving his hands to reach for his toothbrush.

“You wanna wash your hair?” You ask casually, picking up the products from where they usually stay inside the shower. Looking over at Yoongi, he slowly nods, so you pick up his shampoo and conditioner too.

Looks like he’s going to fall asleep at any moment now.

You move over to him as he just finishes wiping his lips to get rid of the leftover toothpaste. He looks so soft and sleepy you just can’t resist leaving a kiss there when you get close enough to start stripping him out of his day clothes. Everything is so calm and natural it’s almost like you rehearsed it a thousand times – and you kind of actually did if you count the times this has happened in the past.

“If you fall asleep in the water, I’m gonna have to wake you up and you don’t like that,” you warn him with a smile, one he promptly, but lazily mirrors. “I don’t want you mad at me so you better keep yourself at least 10% awake.”

Yoongi nods slowly again while he helps you free his body of the ripped jeans. “I’ll do my very best.”

As soon as he’s in the water, you turn the tap to slow the flow. There’s a bath cup you bought for the only purpose of helping you give baths to Yoongi and that’s the first thing you reach for to aid you in bringing the warm water to his shoulders. He immediately drops his head in front of him and you can almost feel the tension starting to leave his body.

“Yeah, I really needed that,” he admits, taking a deep breath. “Thanks.”

“I didn’t even shampoo your hair yet,” a small laugh leaves your lips and you lean in to kiss his left shoulder. “I’m sorry about work, I know it’s too much sometimes.”

“It’s part of the deal,” he simply says, and you finally pour enough water to wet his hair. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. How cliché is that?”

“Ninety seven percent cliché,” you agree, picking up some shampoo in your hands to start massaging it into his hair. “But it’s true.”

“How do you think my hair is holding up after being bleached yet again?” He suddenly asks, mocking the state of his own hair. It’s not even a joke anymore, it just needs a break.

“Definitely holding on for dear life,” you both laugh on queue. “Not as bad as last time, though, I think this new shampoo is helping with something.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what it is, but it doesn’t feel as bad.” Yoongi inhales deeply, really enjoying the moment. “I love it when you wash my hair, you do it better than anyone else.”

“This is the epitome of idol who doesn’t even know how to wash his hair anymore because other people do it for him,” you mock him, taking your soapy hand and touching his face with it. 

He turns to stare at you with the most unbelievable smile. “It was supposed to be a compliment, you know?” He moves his hand to his face to wipe it off. “You do everything better than anyone in the team… But I think my opinion is biased.”

“Oh, really?” You ask with an unsurprised voice.

“Yeah, because you sleep in my bed and there are things you do that no one else in our team does to me.”

“Well, good to know, I guess?” 

You smile and keep working on his hair for a few minutes before asking him to close his eyes so you can rinse it properly. Next, you apply the conditioner in silence, turn the tap off completely and move on to scrub his back with that grapefruit-scented thing he loves too much. You can feel him starting to lean forward a little bit.

“Hey, don’t sleep on me,” you try to get his attention and Yoongi soon scratches his eyes. “Just a few more minutes, huh?”

Yoongi slowly turns his head to look at you while you soak the sponge with more water. “Could this last forever?”

“Your fingertips would turn into a pudding and the water would become cold and you would have a sore throat. And all of that in less than 17 minutes,” you smile at him as he pouts. “Come on, wash the rest of your body while I do your back.”

Yoongi is not exactly satisfied with it, but he does as you instruct and moves his hand to reach for the body soap while you massage his shoulders. He isn’t lying, he is tense. You try your best to relieve some of it and all of a sudden he corrects his posture to crack his spine. 

He laughs at your look of horror. 

You absolutely hate it when he does that. It sounds like he is going to break into two completely separate pieces. 

“Ah, that felt nice,” he fully smiles now, knowing pretty well how you feel about that. 

You don’t open your mouth to give him the satisfaction of a reply. Instead, you just move your hand to rinse the conditioner – and his shoulders in the process. Only a few minutes pass before you’re standing up again to grab a towel.

Opening your arms, you spread the towel to welcome him in. When he stands up, you immediately press the towel against his chest, then shoulders, then arms, only stopping when his still wet hands reach for your face. Yoongi leans in for a sweet and delicate kiss.

He doesn’t say anything – and, honestly, he doesn’t really have to. The way he holds your face in his hand protectively and looks into your eyes are probably worth hours upon hours of deep conversation. Nothing needs to be said anymore at this point, so he just moves his hands to circle around your whole body in a tight embrace.

You can’t count the moments you stand in the same position, but long enough so that his hair is dripping on your white oversized shirt, wetting the left side of your hair as well. His body is now growing cold even in the warm bathroom.

“You should get dressed,” you suggest, not having enough courage to actually move. 

“I think I folded that t-shirt I wore to bed yesterday and put it in the second drawer, can you get it for me?” 

He doesn’t move either.

“Sure,” you say, but nothing moves, not even the air around you. “You have to let me go, though.”

“I’ve changed my mind. I’m gonna stay here, freeze to death and get a sore throat, I don’t mind.”

“Stop being silly,” you laugh lightly and take a small step backwards. “You’re really gonna get sick.”

Yoongi reluctantly lets you go, clutching the towel so it doesn’t fall into the water. As you move into the bedroom to get his clothes, you can hear him leave the bathtub and finish drying himself off. 

You get back and hand over his change of clothes. “Are you going to blow dry your hair?”

“Probably should, but I don’t wanna,” he says, doing his best to take the excess water off with the towel and shaking it with his fingers. “Too lazy, too sleepy.”

“It’s gonna be a mess in the morning,” you warn. 

“It’s gonna be a mess anyway,” he corrects. “Who cares? I’m just going to the studio, a hat can cover it all up.”

After getting dressed, he looks at himself in the mirror and you know he’s wondering if it’s too bad to skip skincare for a night. The bags under his eyes are begging for some rest.

“Just moisturize and go to bed,” you laugh at the internal battle he is struggling with. “No one has to know.”

Yoongi finally gives in and picks up some of your own moisturizer for whatever reason. You don’t actually mind and help him out with some leave-in for the hair.

“I know you don’t really like to bleach it, but this color looks so good on you,” you compliment, both of you looking in the mirror. “I think this dark gray is my favorite.”

“It’s so close to black, though. I wish it was just black.”

“I think this is sexy, honestly.”

“Don’t try to change my mind.”

“I’m just saying!” You raised your hands in the air before washing them with warm water to get rid of the leftover product. “You don’t need it, but it looks good on you.”

“Come on, you can’t just say those things,” Yoongi whines, somehow finding a way to hug you from behind and kissing your half-exposed shoulder in the process. “I’m too tired for that now.”

“I didn’t say anything,” you laugh briefly, his movements tickling your neck, while trying to turn both your bodies to finally go to bed.

“Oh, but you did. You can’t just say something is sexy and move on like it’s nothing.”

“It’s just hair.”

“You said I didn’t even need it. Did you mean I’m already sexy enough?”

“I wish I had your self-esteem sometimes.” 

You move closer to the bed and try to pull the covers, but Yoongi is just making things difficult by not letting go of your middle. You’re not complaining, just… Mentioning.

He finally lets go for a few seconds, just enough for both of you to get under the thick comforter. As soon as you pull it to you neck, Yoongi is once again turning to your side, raising one leg to rest on top of yours. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

“This isn’t because you just gave me a bath, but I really do love you.” He has a shy smile on his lips and opens his eyes again just to stare into yours. “I also love you for giving me a bath, but I want you to know I would love you regardless.”

You can’t help but smile back. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better. Are you feeling better?”

“Much, much better,” he nods.

“Good,” you say, adjusting your face on the pillow to rest in a more comfortable way.

“Say you love me back before I fall asleep,” Yoongi asks, slowly closing his eyes.

“I love you.”

“Good.”

He immediately drifts off.

Read more ›› masterlist

[angelsodreamy-no2]

let's learn to be more respectful <3

as a fandom can we please learn to be more respectful towards each other despite our different opinions, and also learn to be more respectful towards a characters as well.

everytime i see a jason appreciation post on instagram i just know that there will always going to be rude people commenting stuff like "i hate him, he's just so different from percy" or "he's so boring and has no personality" or even worse, "he's 💀". we know, okay. you don't have to remind us about it at every post involving jason. i just know that if it were percy or leo then the circumstances would be much more different but anyways- just learn to be more respectful. stop comparing characters who are nothing like each other and just appreciate them. if you want to state your opinion, then be polite about it and definitely NOT on an appreciation post. percy considered jason to be one of his best friends and they had such a cool relationship, i just know that percy would be MAD at you guys if he knew that people bully his best friend.

next topic is about toxic percabeth shippers, it's like a crime to them if you either ship percy with another character other than annabeth or if you prefer another ship. it has thankfully gone better nowadays but again, let's learn to respect other people's opinion. it is always fine to be against smth, just be polite about it and not send threats or hate speech.

then we are going to move on to the biased percy stans who can never admit that other characters are/can be equally as powerful as him. someone can say "character (insert other riordanverse character besides percabeth or nico) is more powerful-" and then it'll be like "NO. PERCY IS." i feel like the reason we know how percy is extremely powerful, is because we've seen his progress from the beginning unlike for other characters. many characters are either still new towards the demigod lifestyle or are given like 0 background knowledge. so how can we judge them, it's kind of unfair.

anyways please just be more respectful towards other people's opinions and towards a character in general. reminding people that they're 💀 is not cool, and just because you don't agree with someone or a character for non valid reasons doesn't mean you have to send hate speech to their way.

[haleviyah]

A Hispanic/ Latino Perspective: Border Clarification

This is one of the rare times I’m going to get somewhat political here, but these comments spread by the media are hitting to way close to home for me, so here I go.

Before you pounce on me, let me explain this: I am a moderate. I favor no sides, I don’t treat people by their titles but rather I prefer to judge by character even though I am not the best at it, admittedly. I favour and respect those who keep their word and own their mistakes. In short, if you do what you promise to do, you have my approval whereas if not, you will bear the brunt of my blunt rebukes and sarcastic remarks.

I am also from South Texas, specifically the Rio Grande Valley, and am a descendent of two humble Mexican families who since the Mexican Border War have made Texas their great escape and home.

Bit of a geographical reference, if you don’t know here where the Rio Grande Valley is. Look at the state of Texas, there is a bulge of state going in each direction that makes it look like a fat, lower-case ”t” : El Paso is the most West of the state, the Panhandle (Amarillo) the Northmost, Texarkana the most Eastward followed by Houston, and WAAAAAAY at the bottom is Brownsville and the Southernmost tip of Texas.

And for those of you too lazy to Google or "DuckDuckGo" the map yourself I've attached it:

The four counties: Hidalgo, Cameron, Starr and Willacy county make up the Rio Grande Valley. This is the region I grew up, the place where I experienced the best of a community and the worst of politics and failed promises.

For a bit of background: I have a parent working on the Border and they have been for many years (since I was a kid). Pretty much worked from a security officer to trooper within the span of a decade which is quite impressive and rare considering they never took bribes or anything to get where they were currently. They have told me off and on what their job is like. It’s crazy and boring some days, but also they have admitted somethings that may be fascinating. One of which is, yes, they do own horses and the reason why is so the Troopers can maneuver around tough terrain vehicles cannot go through (such as high water or narrow foot paths in brush). HOWEVER, they DO NOT OWN WHIPS. They don’t even own lassos, according to my Border Agent parent.

The only weapons agents on horse back have is a Glock, ammo, a taser, cuffs, and sometimes shot guns (but they prefer to carry light for the horses and themselves to be more flexible). They mainly carry items that would slow a person down or prevent them from hurting other people, officer or civilian; not for killing. So a whip is absolutely redundant or even absurd to have.

Those long ropes the Troopers are holding are called reins, and they are designed for steering a horse (horses cannot move opposite of the direction of their head; where their head is pointed they move in that direction). They are not made for whipping people, but rather made to get the horse’s attention. That’s it.

I took the liberty of highlighting the reins in red for you all as well as their arms and legs in blue and yellow in contrast to the reins and saddle.

It's clear from a Texan's or horse-riders perspective this Trooper almost fell off catching the other fellow and was holding onto the left rein for dear life hence why the horse looked distressed and its cheek was pulled back.

I'm not joking, you fucking try it if you're so damn horse-smart.

Now, let's look at a more relaxed position.

In short, if you haven't ridden a horse, I advise to keep your comments to yourself on this part. I have and it's way harder than it looks (horses can get cocky).

Second thing, the migrants.

Personally, I don’t know why they were so squirrelly that day. Perhaps they were spooked because they’ve never expected horse back riders to show up, maybe they had some bad experiences back home.

I don’t know!

But it’s clear there appears to be a lack of communication. Perhaps it’s the language barrier given that these guys came from Haiti, African countries and Brazil. English they probably know, but they probably don’t speak a lick of Spanish (Which both languages are mandatory for the Border Patrol).

(Again, I don't know...)

So the reasons why they started running circles around the Troopers’ horses is not for me to speculate, it’s not for YOU to defend blindly, nor is it up for the media to interpret and evangelize.

That should be left to the people to explain. No one else.

(Update: September 29th. I received a tip from a source that the Haitian immigrants (mainly) are not running from anything, they aren’t seeking asylum nor were in poverty as the media claims. They have admitted upon interview they were what we consider middle-low class and had no issues finding jobs before they decided to migrate northward. They’re just coming because they were told to come by “you-know-who”… that’s all. I know, I’m taken aback and scratching my head, too… but anyway. I digress, but do take note.)

Now, another bit of feedback I want to share: When it comes to dealing with Troopers (again, must I remind you this is a Border Patrol agent’s kid speaking), big rule:

DO NOT RUN nor MAKE THREATENING MOVEMENTS. Be calm.

It’s a simple rule, if you’re cool with the Troopers they’ll be cool with you. That’s it. Please respectfully keep in mind, these guys are trained to be safe rather than sorry. So patience and understanding with them is a must. Trust me, I’ve met my parent’s co-workers, they may look stoic and scary or condescending, but they can not let personal emotions interfere their work otherwise they risk safety.

They’re not “paranoid” or “harsh” they just have a job they cannot afford to fuck up otherwise the whole region is FUCKED. They’re the front line of defense, and do keep that in mind.

(Another footnote: I have seen Border Patrol offices, and without giving away how they function it’s not like CIA or Langley level of clean or fancy, so don’t think their offices are high tech and have marble floors with comfy lounges that cost a lot of money. Upon first glance you won’t expect the building to be an office. Border Patrol work with what they have available which isn’t a lot thanks to the ’00, ’04, ’08, ’12 and current administrations. That’s all I can give out.)

I’m going to come clean here and say the citizens in the Rio Grande Valley and the rest of Texas DO NOT FEEL SAFE with a border this wide open and no regulation is applied. Especially the Hispanic/Latino communities. So the pressure is on - and I mean REALLY on! Despite these guys working the Border are overwhelmed, they keep those emotions and opinions on lockdown when on the field. Like I said: If they fuck up, the region is fucked.

Bit of a history lesson: the Border issues on the Rio Grande are not new. Matter of factly, this problem has been happening for decades (The popular peak was during the 80s when cocaine was being distributed), but it was more than just cocaine and pot: Kids were going missing, people getting killed, women were used as mules and sold for sex, etc.

If you watched “Narcos” or “Sicario” you have a brief, dramatized taste of how the cartels function and what life is like for us Latinos. However, coming from someone who grew up there, the parts of watching your back, the abductions and even the gruesome murders are legit. To this day I remember seeing local news coverage (not CNN or MSNBC, our own stations down in the McAllen/Brownsville area) of beheadings, child murders and bodies being found in pieces… It’s something I hope my children won’t have to grow up hearing almost weekly like I did. Now it’s daily… and no one cares. And that hurts.

In the grand scheme of things, at least know this: South Texas has been part of the Cartel battle grounds and it’s obvious we’ve seen shit. Constantly being ignored is the payment we get for being front lines in the Drug War. So don’t blame us for being jumpy, or skeptical, nor even try convince us that the current surplus of immigrants is a good thing.

You can’t argue with our own experiences and history. The way things work down here is simple: You fight along side us, we fight along side you.

It’s called building trust, practicing faith. But we’ve been forgotten and lied to too many times by celebrities and politicians and social movements alike. And those who actually were going to help us are either shut down or unfortunately killed.

We just can’t trust anyone anymore. We are resorting to fending for ourselves basically, speaking up for ourselves… and so far it’s making progress in the mean time.

This level of “doing things on your own” bleeds into why our Troopers are trained they way they are trained - to expect the worst case scenario. To prepare themselves for the corpses, when a criminal pounces, the drugs being hid, for when they find a child with an adult they don’t know, or even a woman who was violated. They just genuinely don’t want to take chances and you just read why. Even my in-laws up in the Northern Midwest are disturbed.

So, considering the case of what happened a few days ago in Del Rio, Texas (as of writing this on September 25th 2021): If you run from a Trooper the first thing they are going to think is either two things:

You did something bad upon coming in to the country or

You don’t want your former government to find you because you did crimes in your home country or the country you were hiding in.

This is protocol, not biased opinions.

If, however, a Trooper commits any form of irresponsibility (such as abusing their power, unreasonable search and seizures etc.) it’s “kiss your badge good-bye” and DEMOTED or FIRED. The stakes of keeping your job in the Border Patrol are HIGH, so they are trained not to act out of line. Even a minor slip up in paper work from being fatigued gets you in SEVERE trouble with the Higher Ups and the County (Yes, that does happen and has happened). But you have to KNOW Border Patrol standards before you accuse them of anything.

With that being said, what’s floating around is not a constructive argument; it’s a distraction. How the public is demanding the trooper in the photo to be fired, tells us Latinos loud and clear that - once again - no one cares about our livelihood; no one is willing to brave enough to face the real hell going on. We are ignored or low-key demonized for simply defending ourselves.

(Now, you guys are seeing why I relate to my Jewish husband and the Israeli’ citizens - Arab and Jew - more; we’re pretty much in the same boat in the case of being ignored. But I digress.)

Before I come to a conclusion, here are other demographic facts to keep in mind that way it’ll help draw conclusions:

86.6% of the Border Patrol is HISPANIC/LATINO in the State of Texas alone.

A majority of children stolen from their families or molested are HISPANIC/LATINO.

A majority of the women violated immigrants on the border are mainly HISPANIC/LATINO.

Latin America collectively (Mexico down to Colombia and Venezuela) has the highest rates of femicide in the world.

So for you or anyone to get angry at Border Patrol agents in an unjust manner, not only are you getting mad at Hispanics and Latinos in UNIFORM for fighting to keep their communities safe, but you are actively contributing to the hell our families go through every day.

When you protest in demand for our cops or even troopers to be defunded, and fired for petty things, YOU are actively contributing to the problem of human trafficking, rape, kidnappings and murder that happens on the border. You are contributing to the Hispanic and Latino communities being dismantled and disintegrated by people who potentially want to kill us or hate us for money’s sake.

Take all of that into consideration before you get angry at anyone here.

In short:

I’ll only consider the accusations if you yourselves have been there and know the burdens we bear.

I’ll only consider your judgement if you genuinely are in law enforcement and know how to ride a horse and try to stop someone from running while riding the beast.

I’ll only consider your feedback if you don’t rely heavily on news like CNN, Telemundo and Tumblr for your information.

Until you grab a gun and fight the cartel yourself, and figure out a way to end this war on human trafficking, don’t come to us Latinos and express that you care and appreciate us.

Because frankly if you GENUINELY did, you’d bring to light what I just said and be slamming the desks at D.C. and DEMANDING the Border to be CLOSED by now.

Regardless of your political and personal beliefs, this is what is REALLY going on, and we’re going to keep fighting. Like the Israeli’s we don’t give a fuck if you hate us. We’re not radicals, we’re not blood-thirsty heathens, we’re not white supremacists (80+% of our population is of Latino Mexican descent) we’re just fed up with running away and being taken advantage of or taken for granted by people who value money over the lives of our neighbors.

If this were California, fine! Rail all you want, cuss us out as much as you want; hold us to those to California standards you keep yourself. But we’re not California.

We’re not D.C., nor Chicago, nor L.A., or New York, Florida, Canada, Mexico or whatever. We are SOUTH TEXAS so treat us as SOUTH TEXAS.

Honor us for who we are and hold us to the standards of what is SOUTH TEXAS, what is The United States Constitution, and the Texas Constitution; nothing more and nothing less. Don’t tear us down for what we’re not nor hold us accountable to an opinion or law we never agreed to nor knew existed.

That’s all I ask: If you’re not willing to honour our community and help us while holding us to our standards on a cultural, State or Federal level, back the fuck off. Generations we’ve dealt with the pressure from both the cartel and corrupt government from both the U.S. and Mexico, and the last thing we need is pampered kids living in the high rises or going to university on loans from school or your parents' paychecks, telling us how to deal with our issues.

You are FAR from a place to tell us how to function and resolve our war.

I’m not trying nor want to start a fight or otherwise, but I’m simply, humbly asking: when did we ever genuinely ask you “social justice advocates” to be our hero?

When did we ever ask you to fight for us or talk about what you think is wrong with us? Because last I checked we don’t want to drag anyone into our battles.

Also, we only know one messiah, but we never asked you to be him nor for him to act like you.

Did you start throwing punches because you wanted to find something to excuse your anger and outbursts, or is your good intentions married with ignorance?

Either case… it’s extremely unhealthy of you, and please just stop before another person gets hurt. We don’t want that. This is no different from the Crusades our ancestors took part in, and it will only end in more carnage than already sown.

So, just please, stop and take a step back for a moment. We don’t need anymore vehement evangelical-like people who just think with their ideals and not take a moment to have a healthy discussion with the One who created us, or let alone divorce their lust for a fight for ten seconds.

To close this off, even though I haven’t been home in a while, I know the spirit and the struggles the Rio Grande Valley goes through. I have met people on the run from the cartel first hand, and I have met people who may have ties with the cartel. I have seen some creepy shit, I have grown frustrated over the Protestant Baptist church doing nothing, and I have even been feeling the pressure my parent goes through with these apathetic riots threatening their job as a Border Patrol agent.

But aside from the pain, I am tremendously blessed that people and my family are still very optimistic despite the craziness and how bleak things are.

The family-oriented culture of the Rio Grande Valley is what is keeping it together… not trends, not clout and neither these guys in D.C. or Hollywood who are playing G-d.

It's the family-oriented connection. Our faith, that's keeping us going.

And even though I may not be the best voice of that region to speak up, I am blessed to have been there and I do plan on coming back soon.

I am planning on giving a more fun journal featuring the culture of the Rio Grande Valley in the future to finish this month off, but for the sake of this “Hispanic Heritage Month” I wanted to share our REAL issues we deal with rather than the made up ones that media likes to mainstream for money and clout.

In a way, I hope this offers clarity and a level of empathy. Again, I’m not sharing this to start fights or get sympathy - we don’t want it. We just want to know if our fights are not ignored, we just want to know we are heard.

That’s all.

[kirstinlm]

how a heart melts

by embracedself

fandom: Supergirl

ship: SuperCorp

set in a world where Kara is sure that Lena hates her.

Lena is sure that the reporter is uninterested.

Here's how that turned out.

read it on ao3 here.

It wasn't like Kara necessarily hated Lena Luthor. No, she actually quite admired the startup CEO. Thing was, she was pretty sure that Lena Luthor hated her. Every single time that Kara's boss, Snapper Carr, forced Kara over to Lena's office (L-Corp) to interview, Lena seemed red and uncertain what to say. Maybe she was just nervous, but that was definitely not the feeling Kara got from it. Even when Kara began to speak to Lena, tentatively like she was a mouse squeaking up to a cat, Lena would mimic her stutter, or perhaps she was simply nervous herself. But that was a ridiculous thought for the Ice Queen herself. She would never get nervous over a mouse like Kara Danvers.

This time, however, when Snapper demanded that Kara go over to the L-Corp building and get a quote about Lena's new prototypes of watches --- they were deemed Hopeful, as if it were helpful but....with a twist. Rao, Kara hoped she wouldn't stammer that way in front of Lena. Last thing she needed was to make Lena's product seem dumb to Lena herself. Anyway, back to the watch. Ms. Luthor had managed to get the watch that talked back to you, like a Siri, but without all the corporate stealing your data and Google trying to sneak into your thoughts and anticipate your next move. Hope was, simply put, a helpful voice who would do a number of things for you.

That was stuff she could tell Lena right? Talking up her product like that wouldn't be offensive to her, surely. Even if it did sound rather....picturesque for a reporter. In Kara's defense, she was still new at this part. Oh, maybe THAT'S why Lena hated her so much! Because CatCo kept sending the rookie to meet with her. Oh, it all made so much more sense now. Hopefully, and that was a big hope she had there, if that was all the problem was, then it wasn't with Kara herself. Kara hadn't somehow offended the pretty lady who was a multimillionaire with connections everywhere. Lena could RUIN Kara if she misstepped.

Gulping now, Kara went into the office where she saw Jess, L-Corp and Lena's personal secretary. "Hello Ms Haung, I'm uh, I'm here to see Ms Luthor again?" It came out like a question. Kara immediately winced. "With CatCo." She coughed out. "I have an appointment---" she promised.

"I know, Kara. Not to worry, Ms Luthor is ready to see you now." Jess interrupted with a kinder smile than what Kara was expecting. "By the by, how are you enjoying all of the fl---" This time it was Jess who got interrupted. By Ms Luthor herself.

"Ms Danvers," Oh, there was none of the stuttering today. Just a polite smile, one that showed all of Lena's teeth. Maybe it was a little offputting. Maybe it was more than a little. Okay, so Kara needed to get a grip. "How lovely for you to join us again." She nodded towards her office, indicating that Kara should follow.

Complying immediately, Kara gave Lena her best smile. "Thank you for having me again." She managed not to stutter as well. Rather proud of that, yes, but well, it was deserved. She didn't need to be made a fool of again in front of a beautiful woman. That's just --- cruel.

"I assume you're here to discuss Hope, today. Unless...." Kara nodded before Lena could finish the sentence. "Yes Ms Luthor, sure am!" She beamed up at the woman, only to see Lena's face falling. Just for a split second, and then she was professional once more. Kara wondered how she'd mucked up this time.

"Great." It was a singular word, so how the heck did it have that much force behind it? To be fair, Kara supposed the woman saying it was a force to be reckoned with as well. Ms Lena "Never stand behind a man" Luthor. L-Corp was way too amateaur for Lena's capabilities, but Kara was not going to say that. Kara was not going to say anything else wrong. She wouldn't!

"So what made you decide to make Hope in the first place?" Kara pulled out her notepad and sat, only once Lena did the same.

"My mother, actually. My biological one, make sure you clarify that." Lena corrected herself. Kara nodded, making a show of writing it down. Lena cracked a smile before sobering up. "As I'm sure most of CatCo by now knows, I've been recently reunited with Mum in the first place." She bit her lip and Kara had only a second to wonder what that would taste like if she did the same before Lena was speaking again. "If I had been wearing a Hope watch on, or if she had, we could have found each other faster. Never been separated at all ---" She broke off. "When I finally did find my mother, it was not before she'd had a fall in her tub."

Kara looked up sympathetically, wondering how she would have felt if Eliza fell. "I just want to make the world as safe a place as posible, especially after what Lex did." Lena shrugged quitely. "Can't you understand that?"

"Can't imagine if my mum lost her footing whilst she was in the shower. I'm glad yours is okay." Kara said gently. "Mine wears Hope now as well." She offered.

"I'm honoured, though I hope she never has to use it for that kind of thing." Lena responded genuinely. It was the longest conversation they'd had without being stuttery and nervous (angry?)

"So um, I take it this wasn't a plot to overthrow Google and the other companies?" Kara quirked a smile at Lena.

"Definitely not. Just wanted some safety for my mum." Lena agreed softly. Kara nodded, writing that down on her pad as well.

"Do you have any other questions for me, Ms Danvers?" Lena asked formally at last.

"No Ms Luthor, just about done here." She promised, writing down the last few notes she'd wanted to put in her article. "The article should be up on CatCo's site tomorrow, and come out with the newspaper on the next day." Kara added. "Assuming Snapper doesn't call it too biased."

"Biased?" Lena raised an eyebrow. Shoot. What had Kara done?

"Oh, um. You know, because I like you so much!" Kara blurted. "I mean--- your work! It's fantastic. And I'm so happy you got reunited with your mum, I'd kill to be with mine again, and---"

Kara was cut off with a shaking hand placed on her arm. When she looked, it was Lena's. Her eyes were softer than she'd ever seen.

Impossibly green. Beautiful in a way that Kara had only noticed in her dreams. And now they were getting...closer to her face. Scrutinizing her.

"You said you like me." Lena whispered. It didn't sound like she was opposed to the idea, merely in disbelief. "You like me?" She repeated as a question when Kara said nothing, too afraid to voice her feelings.

Kara nodded fearfully. "Listen, I know you probably think it's insane. And you probably hate the idea, I mean I hate it too, sometimes." Kara said in a rush. "But even when you're mocking my stuttering, or saying things that are kinda hurtful like.... well it doesn't matter.... but anyway I promise I'll stop coming by! I won't let Snapper deter me from having an opinion on the matter this time, I promise!" She said with wide eyes.

"Wait a second." Lena spoke in a wondrous voice. She was still looking at Kara as if she were Santa Claus. "You think I hate you?"

"I mean..... I'm not sure what the right answer is here." Kara confessed.

"An-and that when I start to stutter, that I'm mocking you?" Lena looked crestfallen. But dawning was starting to show in her eyes, and Kara definitely liked the way it made them glow.

Kara nodded nervously. "I'm sorry. Have I got everything wrong?" She asked, her eyes nervously following Lena's fingers as they began to wring anxiously.

"Uh, yeah." Lena nodded affirmatively. "Very wrong. So wrong. I'm like..... in awe of how spectacularly wrong we've both been." Kara looked up at her, confusion glittering in blue eyes.

"What do you mean?" Kara asked at last.

"I am in love with you, Kara Danvers." Lena stated in a serious voice. "And I have been ever since you first walked into the office with your cousin and you weren't even a reporter yet, you were just convinced in my goodness. How could I not love you? I'm always so nervous around you that I can't help but get shy and stutter, or say the wrong things. I just want to impress you, Kara. That's why I sent all those flowers--- and then you just... ignored them, so I thought, fine, she's not interested. It's no big deal. But now you say you like me and I'm...."

Kara cut her off by very literally launching herself over Lena's desk and kissing the ravenette. It was a mistake and one that they'd both paid dearly for, but they had a lot of missed time to make up for. She slid off the other side of Lena's desk, crawling into her lap as Lena pulled her even closer, they were sharing the same breath when Kara finally pulled away for clarification. "You sent me flowers." She asked, running a finger over Lena's lips. "And you thought I ignored them. I never--- I didn't get any."

Lena looked both crestfallen and relieved at the very same time, and also just a little like she'd been thoroughly ravished. "You didn't get them."

"No. I assure you, I would have noticed them." Kara promised, stealing another, slow and serious kiss as she wrapped her hands around Lena's neck.

"I sent them to Ms Kara Danvers..... at CatCo." Lena looked confused, but when she received the second kiss she relaxed into it.

"The entire office only recognises me as Kiera. They probably, uh, they probably got thrown out when no one realised it was me." Kara confessed. "It's an issue I'm working through."

Lena let out a soft laugh, looking relieved. "Well then, KARA Danvers.... I'd like to treat you to lunch. Maybe have some more kisses too." She bit her lip. "Is that something you're interested in?"

"Very much so." Kara promised. "And I'd like to take you out for dinner. And give you a lot more kisses then, too." Kara murmured as she pressed kiss after kiss on Lena's face, all over the adorable, blushing cheeks.

"I like the sound of that." Lena admitted. "Maybe I can meet.....whoever is in your life."

"As long as I can meet your mum." Kara hummed. Lena arched her neck.

"But first, we have some time to make up for."

[pigeonxp]

YGCMA songs and how they relate to c!Wilbur based off of yesterday’s lore (in my biased opinion)

This is so dumb and i literally don’t care. I can’t think about anything else other than doing this synopsis even tho like 28480329204 other people are going to do it. idc. 

(I listened to the songs earlier, and i’m also listening to them as i write the opinions. these are basically just my thoughts while listening tbh. im also not doing the full song, just some things i feel relate within each song)

- Jubilee Line

the lines at the beginning of the song, “hate to see you leaving / a fate worse than dying” could relate to how wilbur feels after tommy gets pulled back into the overworld. or, he could be referencing L’Manburg and how he hates to see his country leaving him (ouch). 

then we have the lines “your city gave me asthma / so thats why im fucking leaving / and your water gave me cancer / and the pavements hurt my feelings”. This could be in relation to L’Manburg as a whole. He put everything he had into L’Manburg and it only ended up hurting him in the end. yikes. 

now we have “shout at the wall / ‘cause the walls dont fucking love you” repeated. This could be in reference to when he said he was fucking kicking and screaming to get out of the train station. hes screaming and he doesnt care because it doesnt matter to him. it doesnt love him just like how the people of L’Manburg didnt love him. wilbur get therapy challenge.

so based on the lore from yesterday, we know that c!wilbur’s limbo was a train station (props to fanartists. i love you.), presumably the YCGMA album cover type deal. when he sings “Theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the tube line / theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the rails” repeated. if the train station looks like how they do on the album cover, there could be barriers where he is. maybe hes trying his best to just kill himself over again by jumping onto the tracks. just in an attempt to escape. jfc 

“theres a reason they fail”. he was still in the train station, wasnt he?

- Saline Solution

for this one, i feel like hes pretty far into the void and regretting his decision to have phil kill him. hes tired of being in a fucking train station for years on end. 

“i think this time im dying / im not melodramatic / im just pragmatic beyond any / reasoning for thinking ive got / fuckin rabies or something.” hes so fucking sick of being in this goddamn train station and he thinks hes dying. hes so pent up and sick of being there, maybe hes just in so much pain that he feels like hes dying. if hes been there for a while, hes probably bound to go crazy at some point, hence the “pragmatic beyond any reasoning.”

“I think ive lost my mind / blurring the fact and the fictions” this feels like he really does believe hes going crazy and is mixing up the things he really knows and the things his mind is creating for him. maybe this is when tommy first arrived and he cant tell if he real or not (thats a stretch but i figured id share it anyway.)

“I think ive made my choice / im a deceased playing victim / slip the face, slip the victory” he quite literally says that hes a deceased playing victim. hes literally saying hes dead HAHHAHAH anyway. maybe hes blaming himself again, because us c!wilbur apologists all know that hes very good at doing that.

“Sit secluded in hatred /.../” hes sitting in a fucking train station for god knows how long beating himself up over and over again and just hating himself. hes all alone. with himself. someone he fucking loathes.

this is honestly all i have for Saline Solution, but i will definitely add more later if i get different theories. 

- Since I Saw Vienna

This is my favorite song on the album and my comfort song so that could factor into this bit ahaha

im going to skip through this one a little bit and go to the line “The roads are my home, horizons my target / if i keep on moving, never lose sight of it / treating my memory of you like a fire, let it / burn out, don’t fight it, try to move on” this sounds like hes reminiscing on his home in L’Manburg and his presidency was something he relied on and he would fight to get it back, but now that hes dead and said that it should remain that way that he should just let it go. trying to move on from his symphony, forever unfinished. 

 “its been sixty weeks since i saw vienna / a bandage and a wide smile slapped across my face / ill pick up my hiking boots when i am ready / and ill put down my roots when im dead.” THESE LINES FUCK ME UP IN GENERAL BUT HOW THEY RELATE TO C!WILBUR RN IS JUST SUIBHYSBUSHDXNSKJDNHBD YK???? in the context that vienna is L’Manburg and he died, its saying that its been a long ass time since hes seen it and hes faking being okay about his death. he misses it but doesnt want to admit it. the picking up the hiking boots when hes ready is him moving on from his L’Manburg, and putting his roots down when hes dead is finally being okay with not living there/being an important part of it. he believed his death was the best for the people in L’Manburg and L’Manburg itself. it seems like hes still trying to convince himself. 

“Ill be gone then, for when you must be alone.” hes gone. hes dead. hes in the train station. he left the L’Manburgians alone and hes alone in his limbo. man. 

- Losing Face

this song is angry. hes so fucking angry. my thoughts are that this is about the following presidents after him. he feels like the L’Manburgians were happier without him and im pretty sure he believed that even when Schlatt was president. this is so evident in the lyric “Is he better than me?” Hes literally asking if the other presidents were better than he was. he doesnt believe he did everything he could to be the best president, even though we all know that he gave everything that he was into that country and then some. he broke himself for the L’Manburg but he doesnt believe hes enough. sheesh.

“Ive seen him / ive been him / ive felt the same way” even though he cant see the new presidents being president, he knows what its like. he knows that they might break under the pressure. hes been there. he knows how if feels. yikes. 

“Ive lost all meaning / ive lost my sense of hope” this feels like when he was nearing the end of L’Manburg when he blew it up, and that he feels like trying to win it back is pointless. he has no hope for it anymore, so why not give up? his mental state is already shit yk so i cant really blame him for feeling that way. 

“i dont care / i want you here / as long as youre happy, i dont care” this line. this fucking line. hes lost hope in being president, but he doesnt care. he just wants the L’Manburgians to be happy. that was his whole thought process while he was president. he didnt matter to himself, he just wanted them to be happy. he sacrificed his mental state for them. cries in wilbur apologist.

- Your Sister Was Right

this is my second favorite song on the album i think HAHAHAH

anyway

“I use everyone i ever meet / i cant find the perfect match / abuse those i love / while i ostracize the ones who love me / back.” wowie wow wow fucking ouchie. He feels like he uses his friends. this whole thing is a projection of his shit ass mental state rn fucking hell. he feels like hes abusive. thats what everyones been telling him. they tell him he was awful and a shit president and all that jazz even though hes been killing himself trying to be the best for them but its still not enough (pigeon projecting? more likely than you think)

“every time that i miss you / i feel the way you hurt / and i dont deserve you / you deserve the world / though it feels like we were built / from the same dirt.” man. hes dead lol. he misses the L’Manburgians. not only were they his supporters, but they were all his friends too. every time he misses his friends he feels their pain of when he first blew up L’Manburg. he feels like because he caused them all pain that they dont like him and that they never liked him and that he is undeserving of their friendship. he still wants to be friends with them. he still loves them. he still wants the best for them. he thinks theyre so much better than him even though they all created L’Manburg together. in reality they are all the same, but their actions impact each other and he feels that his actions make him worse than them or less than. fuckisonmdfnpbhife

“and i hate to say it / but your sister was right / dont trust english boys / with far too much free time” sister is dream mayhaps. fuckngeionsfjg that hurt sorry uhhh anyway yeah sister is dream?? he did say that wilbur would be a shit president and he believes that hes a shit president so he thinks they were all right about him being a shit president  fbhjebinfnejg. maybe sister is just everyone who didnt believe in wilbur. man....

“a fucking waste of time” do i even need to explain this one? he fr doesnt belive hes worth it anymore and that hes literally a waste of time. hjkfbhnfve

- La Jolla

this one feels pretty far into train station limbo to me as well. namely from “and im lonely / there i said it” this could either be him being lonely as president and feeling like he doesnt have anyone to talk to really because hes too busy trying to hold himself together for everyone. either that or hes lonely in the station and didnt want to admit it because this is what he wanted. he wanted to die. he wanted to be dead because he believed thats what everyone else wanted and he just wanted the best for them. 

“i could go away / i could pack my things and be gone before you wake” he could leave if they asked him to. he would do anything for them. 

“you know ive tried hard to love me too / it always seems to fall in, through” this line already physically pained me but now it hurts even more having to relate it to a character i love. we already know that his mental state was declining as his presidency continued, but this would confirm that hes just trying to love himself even though he can never seem to get it right. 

“my own personal sunset” this is just the ‘this is my sunrise’ line but different. my man misses the sun. fuck. 

- I’m Sorry Boris

this song is almost definitely from a long ass time in the limbo. 

“and im sorry / but, boris / im leaving / im not good for anyone here” boris represents L’Manburgians!! hes talking about how hes leaving the world by planning on killing himself. fuck. 

“we reached the end of a decade” mans been dead for a decade. sheesh. 

he then goes on to say that he cant believe hes leaving, he doesnt think he wants to leave them, but he thinks its whats best for them.

he talks about how they do all of these bullshit things before helping you and i know its in reference to london but for the sake of my sanity its about the presidency role and how it will fuck you up before bothering to help you not want to kill yourself.  

should i do a separate post about how i visualized it/about how i thought about the song in paragraph form like a lowkey explanation? idk how to explain it but in this one i wanted to just cover some of the lyrics of the songs and my thoughts on them. i think c!wilbur wrote these in the limbo after he died. i know this is also shit and Not Good, but i really just needed to get my thoughts out before it killed me. i also didnt reread this. its probably repetitive and shit yk. i do Not Care. id also love to hear thoughts on this if yall want to. if you made it this far i love you please hydrate and eat today and youre so sexy ahaha 

“and even though im finished / im not quite done with it” even though hes finishing his symphony by blowing it up, hes now realizing he wished he hadnt blown it up and that he hadnt killed himself. man. 

-

[irkimatsu]

Okay, after way too much delay - it's my Eurovision 2021 Final Ranking! This took me a while for a lot of factors - took extra hours at work to make sure I could get time off this week, some recent family events... and most relevantly, the fact that this year is so damn good that no matter what, I knew someone was going to get ripped off by ending up somewhere in the bottom half. Just know that being toward the bottom of the list doesn't necessarily mean I dislike it, especially this year - it just means I like other things more. This year is going to be an absolute bloodbath. I am both excited and terrified.

Try not to take my ranking too seriously, by the way - I'm an American who unironically listens to stuff like Scooch and Dolly Style. I'm not exactly a seasoned music critic. I just know what sort of music makes the happiness center of my brain light up, what the hell is music theory

Ranking made with the sorter at http://esc.gerbear.com/sorter2021.htm, then slightly adjusted when it put some songs concerningly low on the list. Okay, so I cheated a little

Firstly, in the interest in completion - if Belarus didn't get disqualified, they'd be in the big fat 40 rank, with a big bold "Hate" right above. Fuck that song. I've only listened to it once and am so glad I have no obligation to acknowledge it any further. Those fucking lyrics. Mother of Christ. Fuck you guys.

I also offer my condolences to Armenia for their having to bow out this year. I'm sure whatever you guys sent, it couldn't have possibly been worse than "Chains On You".

Now, for the songs that actually matter:

Indifferent:

39 – Spain - “Voy a quedarme” by Blas Cantó: Welp, already I’m gonna get shot. I can’t remember how this song sounds at all. I know it’s tender and genuine and sweet and everything… I just… kinda don’t care. Nothing to say. I liked his entry last year even more, and even that was pretty damn dull. Just not destined to be a Blas Cantó fan, I guess!

38 - North Macedonia – “Here I Stand” by Vasil: I’m with most other rankings I’ve seen; what the hell is this? I at least kinda remember it, which is more than I can say for poor Spain, but oh my god it’s so boring. I really liked “You” last year! What the hell happened, Vasil?

37 – Albania - “Karma” by Anxhela Peristeri: Another “oops” from me, huh. It’s another one I immediately forget about the instant it ends. I at least don’t remember it boring the crap out of me, hence it placing higher than Spain and Macedonia, but I still can’t say anything nice about it – or anything at all, really – so I’ll leave it this low. I acknowledge that I’m in the minority, I won’t protest if it qualifies, but personally, it’s not my pick.

36 – Georgia – “You” by Tornike Kipiani: Give him points for passion, I suppose! At least I’m not laughing at him like I was last year. On the other hand, less ridiculous also means more boring. Points for earnestness, but this is just another song that goes right over my head.

35 – Portugal – “Love Is On My Side” by The Black Mamba: An English song from Portugal? That’s new. Too bad it hasn’t rescued the song from the darkest depths of Boring. I will confess that I spice it up a little by associating it with Homura from Osomatsu-san, thus rescuing it from the deepest pits of my ranking list… but it’s still stuck down here. Portugal and I have never gotten along well Eurovision-wise. I’ve come to accept that.

34 – Slovenia – “Amen” by Ana Soklič: I’m gonna call this a song that I respect more than I like. She’s got a great voice, I can’t deny that… but when I’m ranking this purely based on what I’d go out of my way to listen to, this one falls flat. I warned you at the beginning that I have no taste! I’m not normally into straightforward ballads, the religious connotations are lost on me… this isn’t the song for me.

33 – Austria – “Amen” by Vincent Bueno: Back to back “Amen”s! Tip for getting me to like your Eurovision entry, apparently, is “don’t call your song Amen”. It’s a ballad, earnest and trying but overall not my type of music. I’m running out of ways to say that. Breakup song, a tad bitter, we’ve all heard this sort of song so many times before. It doesn’t stand out, and I think it’d be a waste of a spot in the final.

At least, I thought this was a breakup song when I first wrote this, but apparently it’s about the death of a loved one…? I would say that makes me hate the bitterness, but… given how I’m handling a death in my own family right now… god, I don’t know. I just can’t handle this song, not at any time but especially not now. It doesn’t even provide catharsis like a song later on in the list. It stays this low regardless of its meaning, I just don’t like it, I’m sorry, moving on.

…” 'Cause it all feels like you didn't even try to save us, all this time wasted on a lie”… ugh, my personal problems…

32 – Switzerland – “Tout l'Univers” by Gjon’s Tears: Another one I respect more than I like, and another opinion I’m gonna get my ass beaten for, I’m sure. I respect the artistry, but this is so far removed from anything I’d ever listen to on purpose. It might have landed even lower if I wasn’t afraid of pissing people off. I’ll understand if it wins, but I’ll also be hoping for most anything else.

31 – Russia – “Russian Woman” by Manizha: I don’t get it. Sometimes it’s pleasant enough to listen to, but overall I don’t get it. It’s unique, I’ll give it that! I understand why it won its national final, and why so many people enjoy it! But for me, it doesn’t quite cross that line between “interesting” and “enjoyable”. I'm not Russian - this isn't for me, and it wasn't supposed to be. Though I will confess that there may be some bias at play here. God, I miss Little Big…

Okay:

30 – Estonia – “The Lucky One” by Uku Suviste: The voice is okay, the music is okay, I like how the bitterness is handled here more than in Austria’s… but this is still as high as I can go on this one. It’s serviceable, but this year has so much better to offer.

29 – Sweden – “Voices” by Tusse: Sweden really does like sending the same song over and over again, huh? I don’t hate it, but it does strike me as a lesser “Too Late For Love”, sound wise. Sweden almost never takes risks, and it’s causing me to look over them more and more with every year. I respect it too much to put it in the “Indifferent” category, but given how the rest of my ranking played out, this the best I can do for it. (But again, do not trust the opinions of someone who teethed on cheesy Europop and fondly remembers when Sweden was flooded with the stuff…)

28 – Belgium – “The Wrong Place” by Hooverphonic: Once again, Hooverphonic help Belgium fill the role of Eurovision’s “Most Likely To Appear In A Bond Movie” song. It’s fine. It’s a song! I don’t know what else to say about it! It does its job well enough, it’s just not really a job I care for that much.

27 – Ireland – “Maps” by Lesley Roy: It’s cute enough! A cute little radio tune. It’s no “Story Of My Life”, though. If “22” couldn’t qualify then this probably won’t, either, and I can’t say I’ll miss it all that much. Still pleasant enough when it comes up on the shuffle.

26 – Bulgaria – “Growing Up Is Getting Old” by Victoria: I admit it, this ranks as high as it does because of anime and that’s basically it. If I was still doing plain category sortings this would have landed straight in “Biased”. My favorite anime is about a bunch of 20-somethings learning that growing up sucks and trying as hard as possible to avoid it, and I first heard this song around the same time that I watched that show’s relatively melancholy season finale, so it ended up sticking with me on that note. Don’t have much to say about it musically, just that it makes me picture sextuplets crying and that’s one of my hobbies, so I’ll grant it an “Okay”. (It may also worth noting that if I heard this song before 2019, in the state my life was in before then it would have probably left me too inconsolable to listen to it more than once. Growing up is growing old indeed!

…it’s also worth noting that after I wrote this blurb, a major event happened that really enforced that growing up is getting old, so I listened to this quite a bit for a few days, among some other non-Eurovision songs. I’m probably gonna have an emotional breakdown on Thursday when this one starts. So, um, look out for that, guess. Between this one and Austria’s, I swear to god…)

25 – Italy – “Zitti e buoni” by Måneskin: I’ve been trying to get this one to rank higher, I really have, but its inability to crack the top 20 just says a lot about how damn good this year is. It sounds great, it’s very well done, and I wouldn’t hate to see it win! It’s earned its popularity. Everything holding it back in my own personal ranking is just that, personal – I do lose something when I can’t sing along or understand the lyrics, and there’s another rock song this year that I like way better. Still wishing you guys the best!

24 – Netherlands – “Birth Of A New Age” by Jeangu Macrooy: This song has a great style that I respect a lot. The message, the vibe – even if it’s not a culture I’m a part of, I feel and appreciate the hell out of it, and I really hope it does well. I don’t understand why so many people seem to think it’s not interesting! It may not be the sort of thing I’d go out of my way to listen to, but I’m glad it’s here. Catch me singing out “Yu no man broko mi” on Saturday! It’s been a while since I’ve given a shit about a host country’s entry, so I’m really glad for this one.

23 – Romania - “Amnesia” by Roxen: I’ll admit something else unpopular – I hated “Alcohol You” last year. Didn’t see what the big deal was at all. It sounded okay, I guess, but the lyrics were so pretentious and awful, and I’ve never liked the topic of “I love you even though you have no redeeming qualities whatsoever and you make me feel like shit”. But it seems like in that year, Roxen has discovered that self-love is important, actually, and it’s not worth it spending your time on some shitbag who consistently disappoints you. I appreciate it for that alone. Character growth! Plus, I feel the whole thing of “forgetting how to love yourself because everyone around you sucks”. It’s not the perfect song, not by a long shot, but it has a nice melody, and Roxen has a nice voice. It’s good to hear her using that voice on something I don’t find obnoxious.

22 – Norway – “Fallen Angel” by TIX: Okay, I’ll admit it, this is one where I watched the live video the first time I heard the song, and I was too busy laughing at his outfit to take the song seriously. Jesus Christ, dude, what the hell. Well, that’s Eurovision for you, and the more I listened to it, the more I admitted to myself that I’m a sucker for “I love you but letting you go for your own good, not sure what I ever offered you in the first place” type songs. Knowing the song is inspired by his own disability and self-loathing really twists that knife, to the point where I feel bad that I almost threw this at an anime character. I know I’m usually cold on songs that try to evoke emotions about the singer’s personal problems – Germany 2018, and this year’s Austrian entry – but this one really works for me. Only reason it’s in “Okay” tier is because of its competition – it’d rank way higher in a weaker year.

21 – France – “Voila” by Barbara Pravi: I like a good waltz, I guess! It’s a unique number, and the French language sounds nice, especially with the music. It’s yet another example of how this year is filled with so many interesting entries that I appreciate the hell out of. God bless this diverse year! (Or maybe everything just sounds so good to me because last year’s cancellation left me in withdrawal.) I expect a really nice performance for this one – this song isn’t one you can perform while just standing there, especially not during that speedup toward the end.

20 – Australia – “Technicolour” by Montaigne: That song that sounds like it’s about stripping if you don’t know that she’s saying cloaks. (Guilty as charged.) It’s catchy and fun, and I really love it when it first starts… but unfortunately, it does wear out its welcome toward the end of things. It’s a good party song, just a little repetitive. I still like it just fine, and wouldn’t mind seeing her in the final this year! Hope the performance is colorful and sparkly, it’d suit the song well

Like:

19 – Germany – “I Don’t Feel Hate” by Jendrik: I know stereotyping is bad but I was not remotely surprised to find out that Jendrik is gay. This song is pure gay sass, and god, I love every minute of it. I fully expect it to fall on its ass – this wouldn’t make it to the final if it wasn’t an automatic qualifier – but I’ll have a grand old time watching it! The sarcastic lyrics, the cheerful little ukulele, the middle finger costume… this song is a delight. Only thing that I think really brings it down is that weird spoken bit that interrupts the song. That’s so annoying, brings me right out of it. And I did purposely rank it below songs that aren’t complete shitposts. But thank you for your existence, Jendrik, your contribution to Eurovision is much appreciated.

18 – Israel – “Set Me Free” by Eden Alene: I said it this year and I’ll say it again this year, Eden Alene is a goddess of a woman. Absolutely gorgeous. Appreciation for pretty women aside, it’s a fun party song in a sea of fun party songs! I really do like it, I like her voice, but there’s so much else this year that drowns it out – not much stands out here compared to later entries on the list. Still a good song, though.

…and I do not expect for an instant that this is going to make it to the final. …my personal ranking is based on how the song sounds, okay? Just the song. Just the song. Nothing else. Just the song. Anyway…

17 – United Kingdom – “Embers” by James Newman: What’s this? A UK entry I don’t find bland as off-white paint? That doesn’t happen often! I didn’t like his entry last year, romantic ballad bla bla bla whee, but I’m always down for a good party song. It’s a little generic and radio friendly, sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun as hell to sing along with!

16 – Greece – “Last Dance” by Stefania: I really liked last year’s “Supergirl”, but figured it didn’t have too much of a chance because it struck me as being a little too teen poppy to be taken entirely seriously. It seems like Greece thought so, too, because they’ve ramped it up with this year’s entry. They’re not playing around anymore, sending a grand, powerful song that, like “Embers”, is fun as hell to belt. This is another one I’m really looking forward to the live performance for – the music video is gorgeous, and I hope they capture that same majesty on stage!

15 – Moldova – “Sugar” by Natalia Gordienko: Oh, Moldova, I’m so glad you guys decided to be completely batshit again this year. I’ve missed your nonsense so much. Dancing ice cream cones. Cake men. This video is glorious. And the song goes well with the insanity! A catchy dance tune that can only be improved with downright insane staging. Please let the dancing ice cream cones be on stage, I’m begging you

14 – Latvia – “The Moon Is Rising” by Samanta Tina: A unique electronica number backed with a powerful as hell voice. I can see where all the wubbing would get on people’s nerves, but personally, I love it! I love the voice, I love the attitude, Samanta just oozes confidence, and if she doesn’t make it to the final it’s not gonna be because she didn’t give it her goddamn all.

13 – Poland – “The Ride” by RAFAL: Why is this one so unpopular? You people don’t know how to have fun. Yeah, yeah, last year’s “Empires” was a powerful song… but I like my club nonsense much more, so I’m favoring this one. Yet another song that gets me pumped – this whole Contest is gonna leave me with a smile on my face, there’s so much good party music

12 – Azerbaijan – “Mata Hari” by Efendi: Yeah, they’re basically just sending “Cleopatra” again, but “Cleopatra” was so goddamn good that I can’t even blame them for it. This song needed a chance to compete, and I’m glad it’s getting it again this year. I like it so much that I can even forgive the line about being a “godless”. Oh, Europop, don’t you ever change.

11 – Cyprus – “El Diablo” by Elena Tsagrinou: Huh, I didn’t know Cyprus had perfected their Lady Gaga cloning technology. Neat. More seriously, the early 2010’s club vibe of this song is exactly my jam, enough that I can forgive the “I’m in love with a horrible person” theme. (I think I forgive that theme a lot more from catchy party songs than heartfelt ballads I’m actually supposed to feel for.) Hell, I even like the creepy chanting! Sure, it’s a little cheesy, but cheese is always a good ingredient when used in moderation.

(How many songs are we going to get this year, not just in Eurovision, about wanting to fuck devils? I mean, not that I don’t get it… mmm, Akuma Ichimatsu… um. Anyway.)

10 – Czech Republic – “Omaga” by Benny Cristo: And here we enter the top ten of a strong year, where I’d love to see any of them win! Benny, what is with that title. Why. Ah well, like I said earlier, I do like moderate amounts of cheese, and this song is more than fun enough to have earned itself a ridiculous lyric or two. It’s unique, I’ll give it that! The song is just so bouncy and fun that I manage to ignore how pushy the singer is. Another one I expect big things from the staging for.

9 – Lithuania – “Discoteque” by The Roop: Ignoring the current events that surely inspired the song, I do love the more generic “party song for introverts” read on it – if only you knew how many one-person dance parties I’d had in my own house. This song speaks to me deeply. I can’t even begin to call it a joke song; I think it’s doing exactly what it set out to do, and it’s doing it oh so well. God, those synths. Totally okay with dancing alone!

8 – Iceland – “10 Years” by Daði og Gagnamagnið: I want Daði Freyr to adopt me. I don’t even care that he’s younger than me. He’s just such an earnest, fun guy, and I love his 8-bit aesthetic! And come on, he submitted a song about how much he loves his wife! If I ever stop loving this song it’s because my heart shriveled and died. Love isn’t dead, it’s just in chiptune now. I will throw things if this doesn’t make it into the final, do you all have no souls, this is too damn cute

7 – Serbia – “Loco Loco” by Hurricane: Another group I am so excited to see return, because I adored “Hasta La Vista”. I don’t know if I like this one quite as much, but it’s still catchy as hell! I love trying to sing along with it despite not knowing a word of Serbian.

6 – Croatia – “Tick-Tock” by Albina: Another catchy-ass club song! What more can I say? I love how much of this stuff we got this year. I will absolutely be screaming “Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go!” Oh god that was cheesy… I’ve been working on this ranking for too long. Don’t know what else to say about this one, just that I adore it. Just barely missed the top 5.

Love:

5 – Malta – “Je Me Casse” by Destiny: This girl’s got pipes– not surprised to hear she won the Junior contest before! I get major “Toy” vibes from this song, and you all know just how much I adored that one. Aaa, those horns! Expecting big things from you, Destiny! We may have our winner!

4 – San Marino – “Adrenalina” by Senhit – As much of a soft spot I had for last year’s “Freaky”, I don’t think it was gonna make it into the final, unless Senhit had the blessing of the same angels who were looking out for Serhat in 2019. This one, though? San Marino tasted the final two years ago and they are never giving it up again! This song goes hard! Love the song, love the video’s aesthetic, I even kinda like Flo Rida’s rap, even though I’m still baffled by the idea that I have been regularly listening to a song featuring Flo Rida on purpose. I don’t know what he’s doing here but I’m glad he is. Please, please make it to the final, San Marino! You clearly want the hell out of it this year! Favorite club song in a year of amazing club songs.

3 – Finland – “Dark Side” by Blind Channel: After spending about five seconds disappointed that Finland wouldn’t be sending Pandora this year, I gave this song a shot, and was not expecting what it gave me. I feel like an angsty middle schooler again, and it is bliss. This is everything Hatari wanted to be, but unlike Hatari who just confused me, I absolutely love the hell out of this song. …some of those lyrics, though. “27 Club, headshot, we don’t wanna grow up”? Yikes. But as dark and questionable as it might be, I can’t help but get pumped when I hear it. Definitely my favorite rock song of the year – sorry, Italy!

2 – Denmark – “Øve os på hinanden” by Fyr & Flamme: I love you, 1983. I don’t care how dated it is when my entire soul consists of a disco ball. The song’s so damn cute! This is the one member of my top 5 that I’m most terrified of losing – I know it’s not popular, with everyone calling it dated, but my top 5 always has that dated song that I love the hell out of becauseit sounds so classic. The translated lyrics are adorable, too. Even if you guys flame out in the semi, you’ll live on in the disco in my heart.

Favorite:

1 – Ukraine – “Shum” by Go_A: Holy fucking shit. There’s something about the blending of traditional and electronic that gets me hyped – see KEiiNO – and this one does not disappoint. The last minute of this is the best minute of Eurovision this year, and god, the buildup! I don’t even know Ukrainian but I am trying my damnedest to get the lyrics down, phonetically, at least. You know that “dancing goths” meme video? That’s me whenever this song comes on, especially during that speed up. Love the hell out of it. Could Ukraine be on its way to another victory already? I sure hope so, because this song fucking rules. Definitely checking out the rest of the discography someday, if all of their songs are in this folktronica style then they’ve gotta be a treat to listen to. Go Ukraine!

Ideal Qualifiers (favorite of each semi in bold):

Semi 1

Australia

Azerbaijan

Croatia

Cyprus

Israel

Lithuania

Malta

Norway

Romania

Ukraine Semi 2:

Czech Republic

Denmark

Finland

Greece

Iceland

Latvia

Moldova

Poland

San Marino

Serbia

This is definitely not what's going to happen - there is no universe where Switzerland and Sweden don't make it - but it'll be interesting to compare the reality to my hopes.

Let's go, Eurovision 2021