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lelitachay · 3 months

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Frozen fanfiction: Søsken

Summary: An accident in the North Mountain forces Elsa to spend several weeks in her brother’s apartment under Anna’s care. During that time, Anna realises there is more to Elsa than meets the eye. The truth about Elsa’s past comes to light after an unexpected family reunion, and both girls’ lives begin to fall apart when they realise Elsa wasn’t the only one with a big secret and a turbulent past.

Anna/Kristoff - Elsa - Family - Family drama - hurt/comfort - Modern AU - Elsa & Kristoff are adoptive brother and sister - Ice bros - Found family - Serious injuries - Mental health issues - Health issues - Frohana

Links:

Fanfiction.net - HERE AO3 - HERE

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Chapters 1 to 10 - Here Chapters 11 to 20 - Here Chapters 21 to 30 - Here Chapters 31 to 40 - Here Chapter 41 - Here Chapter 42 - Here Chapter 43 -Here Chapter 44- Here Chapter 45 - Here Chapter 46 - Here Chapter 47 - Here Chapter 48 - Here

It don't matter to the sun

“My family and I will find a way to pay you back.”

For the first time in the last twenty four hours, Anna felt something akin to optimism growing inside of her as she watched her father and Kai coming to an agreement. Even if it was only a small glimmer of hope, she was delighted to know her sister could count on their father when she most needed it.

She felt proud her father had given her his undivided attention the previous day, when she had asked to talk to him in private. Anna then explained Elsa needed his help and, following Kristoff’s suggestion, she kept all the small details for him to discuss with Kai. It had only taken a few minutes to convince her father that the clinic needed a down payment to continue with Elsa’s treatment —given her delicate health condition. And to her good luck, Agdar hadn't asked too many questions, promising to go talk to Kai as soon as he informed the board about the family emergency and got a partial approval. True to his word, the next day he was at the clinic in the early afternoon, discussing Elsa’s health with Kai and coming to what she believed was a favourable agreement. He’d pay for Elsa’s treatment, taking the load off Kai and Gerda’s shoulders.

“No need to give anything back,” Agdar said with a small tight smile. Regardless of their agreement and knowing he could finally start helping his daughter, he knew there was nothing to be truly happy about. Elsa was still unresponsive.

“It’s a lot of money…” reminded Kai, uncomfortable about the enormous favour he was asking.

“We'll have to delay a few projects and make some cuts,” Agdar explained. “ArenCo will manage nonetheless. It's nothing we haven't done in the past.” Placing his hand on Kai’s shoulder, he reassured him the money was Elsa’s, no need to pay it back. “I've denied my daughter the help she needs for far too long. Don't worry about the money.”

Smiling in return, Kai nodded with a faint, “Thank you.”

Smiling at the scene unfolding in front of her, Anna hoped Elsa could see them at that moment as well. Sure, her sister still had her reservations about her biological parents —about their father in particular— but thankfully he was proving how much he did care.

“There's only one thing I don’t understand,” Agdar said, pulling Anna back to their conversation. “Why is the payment so urgent? Anna insisted it couldn’t wait.” Looking over his shoulder, her father found her gaze expecting her to confirm what he was saying.

Anna opened her mouth to explain the situation better, but Kai beat her to it.

“It's a delicate matter. I was hoping we could discuss it in private. With Dr Nielsen, as well as Kristoff and Anna.” Kai then turned to Idunn who had been standing by Anna’s side in silence ever since the two families had met. “You’re welcome to join us too, Idunn.”

Idunn glanced up and took a second to think about his offer. “Umm… Kai, I was hoping–” She looked down, wringing her hands, unsure of what to say. “Anna has told me they’re being quite restrictive with the visits but… Would it be possible for me to see her?”

From the moment Elsa had been admitted to the hospital, Idunn had been dying to get the chance to see her. Always asking Anna if there existed the possibility of her being allowed inside the ICU. All she wanted was to sit by Elsa’s side and talk to her at least once. Finally getting the chance to say everything she had ever wanted, even when Elsa couldn’t hear her. The idea of waking up one day, only to realise it was too late to make amends terrified her mother. And with every passing day, Anna knew she was becoming more and more afraid of never getting one that last chance. So, the moment Anna saw her mother walk into the clinic that day, she knew it was only a matter of time until she asked Kai or Nielsen to see Elsa. Yet, now that she had the chance, Anna could see the doubt and uncertainty consuming her.

“We'll need to ask Nielsen,” Kai said. “Perhaps he’ll allow you to.”

Idunn nodded as she anxiously tried to smooth the invisible wrinkles of her dress. “Is she all alone in there?”

“No.” A small smile formed on Kai’s lips as he paid a quick look to the door that led to the wards. “My wife’s been by her side from the very beginning.”

A watery smile drew on Idunn’s face. “I’m glad.”

Turning his attention back to their main conversation, Kai addressed Agdar once again. “Anna mentioned something about a good legal team working for you, is that correct?”

“There's one working for us at the company, yes.” Her father’s seriousness told Anna he was more than willing to ask the legal team to start working on anything that was needed. “What’s going on, Kai?”

“Dr Nielsen will be here any minute now. He's checking on Elsa as we speak. I'll explain everything as soon as we can discuss things with him.”

Her father agreed, and she knew there wasn’t much to do than wait for Nielsen after that. Deciding it was best to go for a short stroll before their meeting, Anna walked to where Kristoff was sitting and gently informed him she was going out to get some fresh air. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn’t have minded staying. She would have talked to her mother or found excuses for both families to bond. But this time, the situation was anything but normal and staying still only made her more anxious.

Looking up in concern, he asked, “Is everything okay?”

She smiled and nodded. “I just need to move my legs.” She kissed his cheek reassuringly and left the room in silence.

---

Truth be told, she could barely tolerate being inside the small room. It was where they had stayed after receiving the news about Elsa a week before, and the place they had awaited every medical report they’ve got ever since. It was more comfortable than the hall leading straight to the unit, but it didn’t mean Anna liked it any better. More than once they had shared the room with other families, who just like them, were sleep deprived and hoping for positive medical reports. The only thing she saw inside that damn room were long faces and hopelessness. Not wanting to think about that anymore, she hurried down the hallway and into the main waiting room.

“No, you listen to me.”

Anna heard an angry man say as she walked into the now crowded place. The voice was coming from Andrea’s desk, and Anna didn’t need to see the face of the man to know it was no other than Marshall. She had gotten used to his frustrated tone of voice by now, and she was certain the receptionist had too. This time, however, he sounded hostile and more aggressive than he had in the last week. Wanting to make sure things didn’t spiral out of control, she decided to go see what was going on.

“I've been coming here for the past week, day after day, asking time and time again to see her. You can't tell me no when I clearly saw the two of them walk in.” Marshall had both hands on the receptionist’s desk, leaning forward and making the poor receptionist deeply uncomfortable. Andrea tried in vain to put some distance between them and Anna knew it was only a matter of time until she called security to escort Marshall out.

Anna was curious as to what had finally driven him over the edge, though it was best to put a stop to it and then ask than to see a disaster unfold in front of her. Grabbing Marshall’s good arm, Anna forced him away from the desk.

“Marshall, what do you think you're doing?” Glancing in Andrea’s direction, she offered her an apologetic smile. “Excuse him, Andrea.”

Frowning at her for a split second, Marshall tried to pull his arm from Anna’s grasp. “Get away, Anna.”

She was able to hold his wrist firmly and called his name again. When he didn’t pay attention, she tried once more, this time, appealing to his emotional side. “Marshmallow, please.”

“Don’t– Don’t call me that,” he said, clearly displeased.

Anna took a step back, startled by his reaction, letting go of his arm. This seemed to bring Marshall back to his senses, finally taking a step back and turning in Anna’s direction.

“They keep telling me I can't see her.” He was trying to stay calm, but Anna could see he was failing miserably, making the people around them uncomfortable. “Always the same excuse!”

“I know you're frustrated,” Anna said in a lower tone of voice, expecting him to listen and understand they could discuss whatever was going on more quietly. “But this isn’t the receptionist's fault. Only family members are allowed inside. You know that.”

Part of her was confident he’d calm down once he was reminded of that fact. She had been expecting him to say he already knew, like he had done a few times before. However, what she hadn’t been expecting was for him to look daggers at her as she was the one to blame.

“I saw your parents walk in.” He spat, surprising Anna.

Anna gaped at him unsure of what to say. She couldn’t really understand why her parents being there was reason enough for him to get so mad. “They're family,” she muttered.

“No, Anna,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “They are not.”

The way he towered over her, glowering, made Anna realise how truly intimidating he could be. But she wouldn’t let that stop her from talking some sense into him. “I thought Elsa told you about us. My family is—”

“She did,” he said, interrupting her. “I know the two of you are related. I know you're sisters. That doesn't mean your parents are part of her family.”

Not understanding the logic behind his words, Anna couldn't help but crack a smile. “That's exactly what it means. They're family.”

“No, that's what you want them to be.” He took a step closer and Anna couldn’t stop herself from taking one backwards. “Your parents have no right to call themselves family all of a sudden.”

The way he kept glaring at her gave Anna the impression that no matter what she said, he wouldn’t change his mind. Her best bet was trying to show him she understood what he was going through. “Marshall, look, I know you've been coming here everyday. Trust me, I know how frustrating it is, but—”

Marshall groaned, exasperated. “Elsa wouldn't want them visiting.”

“You don't know that.” Now Anna was getting irritated. Marshall was entitled to his own opinion, it didn’t mean it was the right one.

“Yes, I do,” he said, lowering his voice. Anna guessed he had finally noticed the rest of the people in the waiting room, all staring at them. “She doesn't trust your parents.” He took another step closer and poked her shoulder. “The only reason she ever gave them a chance is you.”

Anna glared back and slapped his hand away. “My parents are helping her right now. They've got the right to see her.”

“She's told them time and time again she doesn't want to see them,” Marshall scoffed. “As soon as she's unconscious they walk all over her wishes, I see.”

“Marshall—”

“I can't believe Kai and Gerda agreed to this,” he continued, ignoring what she had to say. “I can't believe you agreed to this. Elsa trusts you!”

“I— You’re getting it all wrong.” Anna was at loss for words. What he was saying was getting to her, and she wasn’t sure how to explain everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. “You talk as if I'm doing something terrible to her.”

“It baffles me you don’t see it!” Marshall shouted, startling Anna and everyone around.

Unable to hold his gaze, she looked around. A man, a couple of years older than her father, wouldn't take his eyes off Marshall, ready to intervene in case it was needed. Anna then noticed Andrea had already stood up from her desk and she was holding a phone’s headset to her ear. It was a matter of time until someone came to walk them both out of the building and Anna couldn't let that happen. She knew he was probably just taking his frustration out on her and he would regret being blacklisted.

“The least you could do now is respect her wishes,” Marshall kept talking, ignoring everything that was going on around them. “She loves you so much she chose to ignore the pain your parents have caused her just to make you happy. But that wasn’t enough for you, was it?”

She felt a sudden pang of guilt and she tried to speak up, but no words came out as she felt her throat tightening. Was he truly talking out of frustration, or was he finally speaking his mind? ‘Or Elsa's mind?’ she wondered, the uncertainty making her shudder.

Marshall took her silence as an answer and a new wave of anger ripped through him. “You kept pushing. And pushing. And pushing. All you wanted was for Elsa to forgive them, to make your family happy, even when you knew she was miserable.”

Anna’s eyes brimmed with unshed tears and she instinctively took another step back.

“I know Elsa’s never been truly happy,” he admitted with bitter sadness. “I’m not going to pretend that’s the case. But she wasn’t this miserable until your parents walked into her life.”

“She said that?” Anna managed to ask in a quavering voice.

“I may not have known about her po—” Marshall stopped abruptly, finally aware they were surrounded by strangers. Most of whom were paying close attention to their conversation and whatever he chose to do next. He looked around and after making up his mind, he took one more step and leaned in closer to Anna, whispering, “I may not have known about her powers, but it doesn't mean I don't know her.”

By the time he finished speaking, the man who had previously been staring stood up and gently asked Marshall to give Anna some space. To Anna’s surprise, Marshall did take a few steps back, even when he glared at the meddling man. Only a moment later, a man wearing a white shirt with the clinic's emblem approached them as well. He ignored Marshall and made sure Anna was okay before he asked if she needed him to escort Marshall outside.

Ignoring the staff-member and the old man, Marshall found her gaze once again and said, “You and your parents are crossing the line, Anna.”

Anna ignored the men as well. She didn’t need them to stand up for her. All she needed was for Marshall to listen and perhaps talk things through in a less crowded place. “Marshall, you don't understand—”

“No.” He shook his head, stopping whatever she had to say. “You don't understand. It's sickening to think I've been in Elsa's life far longer than her biological parents have ever had; yet, somehow, I'm the one who’s not allowed to see her. Not allowed to say goodbye.”

Although he mumbled the last part, Anna and the men standing between them heard him clearly. What he said, combined with the raw pain in his eyes, finally helped Anna understand his anger and resentment. Marshall was not only mad at her family and the rules in place. He was afraid. He was starting to lose hope and Anna couldn’t take it. Anna’s stomach was in knots and, once again, try as she might, there was nothing she could say to lessen his heartache as the anxiety and fear for her sister’s life consumed her.

Placing a comforting hand on Marshall’s shoulder, the man in the white shirt said, “Sir, perhaps it’d be better for you to get some fresh air.” His cautious look now morphing into a compassionate one.

“Let go— “ Marshall said, annoyed at the man, moving his arm away from him. Anna knew he couldn't stand the pity look the men were giving him, making him over react once again.

Just as the staff-member was about to talk, a familiar voice called their names. “Is there a problem?” Kristoff said as he approached them.

“No, there isn't,” Marshall said loud enough for everyone who had been interested in the scene to hear.

Anna watched him walk away, and once again the pang of guilt constricted her throat, barely allowing her to breathe. Before she realised, the tears she'd been holding back began streaming down her face.

“Hey,” Kristoff said, engulfing her in his arms. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” She nodded against his chest and in vain tried to dry her tears. “Don't worry.”

Kristoff took a hard look at her, then the people around them and finally at the door through which Marshall had disappeared. “Whenever I think he's finally learning how to behave around people, he shows the kind of moron he is. I don't understand what Elsa sees in him.”

“He loves her,” Anna mumbled, as she hugged Kristoff tight, feeling thankful for his presence.

“So do you and I,” he said with contempt.

Anna nodded, but didn't say anything. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t completely agree with Kristoff this time. Marshall had successfully planted the seed of doubt in Anna, and she couldn’t help but feel as if she was in fact breaking Elsa's trust.

Kristoff thanked the men for stepping in, and then apologised to Andrea for the inconvenience. To Anna's surprise, instead of blaming Marshall like he'd have done in the past, Kristoff explained the last few days were finally catching up with all of them and begged Andrea not to kick Marshall out next time.

With things calmer around them, Kristoff walked Anna outside and asked her about their argument. Anna shook her head, not wanting to discuss it with anyone. The last thing she needed was for Kristoff to find reason behind Marshall's words like she did, and for him to realise they were making a terrible mistake. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. I’ll talk to him if you need me to.”

“No, Kristoff. It doesn’t matter.” Before he could insist, Anna decided it was best to change the topic. “Has Nielsen met our parents?”

Kristoff stayed silent for a short moment, debating what to do. After a minute, he breathed out and nodded. “Kai told me to get you and wait for them at the café. They don’t want to discuss things in the hospital.”

---

The door leading to the ICU closed behind Idunn and only then she breathed out with relief. Until then, she had been afraid the medical staff would suddenly change their mind and she wouldn’t be allowed to see Elsa after all.

She had been told to wait for a nurse to come get her and she didn’t plan to move from that spot until they did. The last thing she needed was entering a room or area she wasn’t supposed to, when Nielsen had been clear about the staff making an expectation for her to visit — given the circumstances.

As she waited, she wondered what she’d find once she walked into Elsa's room. The last time she had seen her daughter, Elsa looked thin and fragile. Like she hadn’t been taking proper care of herself. It made Idunn wonder how many things she had been dealing with, only for Agdar and herself to make things worse the day they met. No matter how hard she tried, Idunn couldn’t get rid of Elsa’s words during their last conversation. Elsa had not only admitted needing her mother more than anything, she had also confessed suffering more than they could imagine. Her words were on repeat in Idunn’s mind. Taunting her and showing her she was responsible for everything that had ever gone wrong in Elsa’s life.

Even this, she realised regretfully. If she had only stopped Agdar on time. If she had only taken Elsa to the ER instead of trying to get Elsa to like her; then, perhaps, her daughter wouldn’t be on the brink of death now.

She was so absorbed in her own thoughts, it took a moment for Idunn to realise a nurse had been standing in front of her for half a minute, waiting for a reply. She apologised and nodded her head when the young woman checked her name on the clipboard in her hands. When everything was set, they began walking down the hall at a faster pace than Idunn would have liked. There were so many questions she wanted to ask about her daughter and so little time. But as they moved past the doors in the unit, Idunn became more afraid of the answers she could get, desisting finally of her idea. The nurse continued walking until they got to the end of the hall.

The last room in the unit. Away from everyone else. Forgotten.

The thought alone made Idunn’s chest feel heavy and she had a hard time trying to understand what the young woman was explaining.

The young woman explained she was only allowed to remain inside the room during visiting hours and she was to leave the room if a family member requested her to do so. Idunn nodded in agreement, hiding the pain of not being allowed to see her daughter for as long as she wanted. But then again, she had lost the privilege years before.

When the nurse left, Idunn drew in one more deep shaky breath, gathering her thoughts before she grabbed the handle. Slowly, trying to bother the people inside, she opened the door just a crack. The first thing she saw was Gerda, sitting by Elsa's bedside. Eyes closed, the older woman rested her forehead on her clasped hands which were holding onto Elsa's. Opening the door a bit wider, Elsa's face came into view and only then she realised it didn’t matter how long she had to wrap her mind around the idea. Finally seeing Elsa’s pale form, connected to more machines and wires than she had imagined, made her stomach turn. Her heart constricted painfully and for a moment she couldn’t breath nor move.

Gerda raised her head slowly, opening her eyes and looking at Elsa, unaware of Idunn’s presence. She caressed Elsa’s hand with her thumb and a sad smile drew on her face.

“You know, there'll still be a tomorrow even if you choose to leave.” Gerda’s voice, barely over a whisper, got Idunn’s attention. “It ain’t gonna stop the world… but I think it'll be the end of mine.”

The sorrow in Gerda's voice made the situation too painful, too real. And for the first time since that night, when she abandoned Elsa, Idunn felt as if someone was ripping her heart out. She imagined she’d never feel the way she felt back then, until now.

“I know it’s unfair —selfish of me— to ask you this, but…” Gerda said, as one of her hands let go of Elsa’s to dry a lonesome tear running down her cheek. “Please, dear. Don't go.” The hand returned to its original position and she held Elsa’s hand a bit tighter. “I know you're tired and I understand why it'd be easier to just let yourself go. But I need you. I'm not as strong as you are. I—” She breathed out, tiredly. “What would I say to Kristoff?”

Unable to deal with the aching pain in her chest, Idunn tried to hold back a sob and close the door, hoping to give Gerda some privacy, but the sudden movement caught the old woman’s attention and she turned to look at the door, their gazes finally meeting.

“I didn't mean to interrupt,” Idunn blurted out as best as she could. “It's— I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” Gerda murmured. “Kai told me your husband or you might stop by.” She let go of Elsa’s hand and looked at her watch, surprised to see it was already time for visiting hours. She tried in vain to blink away the tears and stood up. “Is Agdar waiting outside?”

“No.” Idunn shook her head and silently hoped Gerda didn’t feel pressured to leave. “He's in a meeting with Kai and Elsa's doctor… Uhm—”

“Nielsen.”

“Yes.” She regretted not paying more attention to the names of the people who were doing everything to help Elsa.

“What about Anna and Kristoff?” Gerda asked, sitting once again by Elsa’s side, unsure of what else to do.

“They're with them as well. I don't understand what's going on, but it seemed urgent.”

Gerda nodded. “I don't have all the details yet. They said it’d be best for me to look after Elsa instead of worrying about it. Come in,” she offered at last, inviting Idunn into the room with a hand gesture.

Idunn did as told and she walked until she was standing at the foot of the bed, keeping her distance from the machines. “She looks so pale,” she murmured, unable to keep her voice from shaking.

Both women stayed quiet for several minutes after that. The heavy silence that fell between them was only interrupted by the beeping noises of the machines. The minutes stretched and Idunn felt as if they were running out of air inside the small room.

After twenty minutes, which felt like an hour, Idunn decided it was best to break the silence. The only thing Gerda had done during that time was hold onto Elsa’s hand, and something told her she’d like a distraction or the opportunity to move her legs.

“Please don't take this the wrong way, Gerda.” Idunn said, hoping she wouldn’t be overstepping. “I could stay with her for the next hour if you need. You look awfully tired.”

“I'm not leaving her,” Gerda answered with a frown.

Only then, Idunn realised how stupid what she had just said truly was. The woman had been looking after Elsa for over a week. It was more than obvious she already knew how she looked and how tired she was. But even then, Idunn felt bad and wished she would take a moment. Breathe some fresh air at least.

“I don't think she'd mind you taking a short break.”

“I can't selfishly beg her to stay.” Tired eyes looking up to meet Idunn’s gaze. “Only to leave her alone a moment after, Idunn.”

Choosing it was best to drop the subject, Idunn looked at Elsa’s left hand. It was slightly raised and covered in bandages. It seemed surreal that that small injury could be the cause of her current state. “Her hand's getting better from what I heard.” Kai had told her so before Nielsen met them in the waiting room. “Why isn't she recovering?”

“Her body is fighting more than just her hand’s infection. She has a hard time breathing and now her kidneys are failing. Her blood pressure needs to go up before we can even think of pulling her out of the coma.”

“Will she have permanent damage?” Idunn was terrified of the answer. Elsa had struggled her whole life with her powers getting in the way. Dealing with physical or mental damage on top of that would certainly be more than she could handle.

“Only time can tell,” Gerda said, her eyes filling up with tears. “It all depends on her.”

“She's strong,” Idunn said with conviction. “She'll make it.”

As Gerda shook her head, Idunn felt her throat constricting. “I fear she might see no reason to keep fighting…”

“What do you mean?”

“Elsa's soul is older than mine. She's endured too much and…” Taking a deep breath, Gerda tried to make up her mind. “Lately she's been losing—” She stopped again, unsure if it was right to share what she was about to say with Idunn. “She’s started to wonder if it's all worth it.”

---

As soon as the words left her mouth, Gerda realised trusting Idunn with the way Elsa felt about life had been a mistake. From the moment Idunn had walked into the room, Gerda could tell it was hard for her to face the truth of what was happening to Elsa. Gerda couldn’t blame her for it, everyone in the family had had a difficult time coming to terms with it, but she did wonder why she’d put herself through it when she could barely look at the girl in the bed. It was no surprise then, that with every new piece of information she began to crumble until the weight of it all was too much for her to handle. Idunn was nothing but a crying mess now that she knew the truth and despite the way she felt about the Arendelles, Gerda considered it was necessary for her to do or say something that could help the younger woman. Though, before she could make up her mind on what to say, Idunn surprised her by suddenly pulling herself together.

“I wanted to thank you for loving and caring for Elsa the way you do.” Idun’s voice cracked and she pressed the heel of her hands to her eyes to stop her tears. “I understand seeing her like this must be as difficult for you as it is for me, still you manage to stay strong. I don’t know how you do it.”

“No,” she said firmly. “You may think it’s the same, but no.” Gerda tried to focus on the good side, the positive thing Idunn was trying to say; but try as she may, she couldn’t do it.

Idunn blinked a few times, unsure of what she meant, and once again Gerda tried to make an effort to remain calm, hoping to find the right words before she spoke. “Seeing Elsa like this is not—” She took a deep breath, and started over. “When I see Elsa, all I see is the malnourished little girl I met over ten years ago. The little girl who somehow found comfort in my arms and begged me to stay… who still to this day begs me to. I see the daughter life once took from me, and the one I fear will be taken from me again. So, no, Idunn, I don’t think it is.”

Idunn’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened, unsure of what to say.

“I’m not saying you feel no pain,” Gerda clarified. The fact she was feeling heartbroken didn’t erase whatever Idunn was feeling. “I’m sure the guilt and regret must be eating you up alive in moments like this, but when night comes and the day is done, you go back home and I’m the one who stays to try and put back together what's left of her.”

Just as Gerda finished speaking, Frida, one of the nurses who worked in Elsa’s recovery, opened the door, calling their attention. “Gerda, I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said with an apologetic smile. “Mr Bjorgman and Dr Nielsen are asking for you.”

“Tell Kai I’ll meet them later,” Gerda said, not turning to look at her. Her eyes fixed on nothing but Elsa.

“They said it’s urgent,” the nurse insisted, knowing Nielsen would send her back to get her if Gerda didn’t come out.

“More urgent than Elsa?” Gerda scoffed, not believing there was something more important at that moment. She was aware how serious their current situation was. She couldn’t blame her husband for needing her to meet them. After all, they were discussing the next step to take. But her role was to look after Elsa, make sure she didn’t become a test subject to those bastards in charge.

“I– I don’t know what to say,” said Frida. “They just asked me to—”

Gerda knew the girl wouldn’t stop insisting. She had worked under Nielsen’s instructions during her time at the hospital, and she knew he could be a pain when things didn’t go his way.

“This better be important,” she murmured and stood up with a weary sigh. She looked at her daughter and then where Idunn was still standing. The woman’s head was hanging low and she didn’t seem to be aware of the nurse’s presence. “I know now doesn’t seem like the right time to ask you a favour,” Gerda said, calling her attention. “But… Could you stay with her until visiting hours are over, please? I promised I wouldn't leave her alone.”

“Of course,” Idunn said, her voice barely over a whisper.

With a heavy feeling in her stomach, Gerda brushed a few strands away from Elsa’s face. “I’ll be back soon, dear.” She smiled sadly at her and gave her a short kiss on her forehead before she followed the nurse out of the room.

---

Gerda’s words and the chapter’s title were inspired by the homonymous song: It don’t matter to the sun by Rosie Thomas.

I want to apologise for not answering your reviews sooner. I’ve read them all and I loved each one of them, but I didn’t have too much time in my hands to reply. Now that the new chapter is out, I’ll take the time to get back to all of you. Rest assured I really appreciate every word, comment and reaction you guys have sent my way.

Originally, this chapter was going to have two (or three) scenes more. I changed my mind yesterday when I realised that would push the update for at least another week. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

Take care. --

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#Søsken #Sosken #Anna #Kristoff #Elsa #Idunn #Iduna #Gerda #Kai #Agdar #Agnarr #modern au #frozen #frozen fanfiction #frozen fanfic #chapter 49

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lelitachay · 2 years

Text

Frozen fanfiction: Søsken

Summary: An accident in the North mountain forces Elsa to spend several weeks in her brother’s apartment under Anna’s care. And during this time, Anna begins to notice there are peculiar things about Elsa’s life she wished she could understand. Everything starts to make sense after a family reunion.

Modern AU. Kristanna - Frohana - Kristoff & Elsa BrOTP.

Links:

Fanfiction.net - HERE

AO3 - HERE

Tumblr - Chapters 1 to 10 - Here Chapters 11 to 20 - Here Chapters 21 to 30 - Here Chapter 31 - Here Chapter 32 - Here

Ritornare

Idunn stayed under the rain, watching her daughter go, and felt a part of her break inside. The last remnants of hope were being washed away by the raindrops and she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do now that Elsa was gone.

Once she was back home, she found her husband sitting at the kitchen table. His eyes were fixed in the cold cup of tea in front of him. Elsa hadn’t even put sugar on it. She had simply left it on the table untouched. But for some reason, she could understand Agdar. That cup of tea was the closest they had ever been to having a normal conversation with their daughter, and probably the closest they’d ever be.

Shaking her head, she tried in vain to get rid of those thoughts and the overwhelming sadness she was feeling. She then tried to focus her attention on her husband once again. It was clear he was feeling a lot of regret, the fact he hadn't even noticed her presence was in itself a clear indicator. But no matter how much she tried to understand Agdar's frustration and sorrow, the pent-up anger she felt towards him at that moment wouldn’t let her think straight.

She couldn't forgive him, at least not at that moment. Since the day they had found Elsa, they had talked a lot about the things they should or shouldn’t do if they ever got the chance to talk to her. They both knew how delicate the situation was. How important it was to give their daughter as much time and space as she needed. Any mistake, no matter how small, could result in Elsa shutting the door in their faces forever. They knew that. And still, he had done the opposite of everything they had agreed on. He had ambushed and pressured Elsa into talking to them. He had let his own personal wishes cloud his judgement, ruining possibly the only opportunity they could ever get.

"Idunn…"

The voice of Agdar called her attention and she wondered for a moment if she had said out loud any of the things she was thinking about him. She waited for him to speak once again, afraid she had indeed said anything.

"Did you talk to her?" His voice was so low it took Idunn a moment to understand what he had said.

"Barely," she answered. She didn't want to sound so cold and distant, their family didn't need more problems. Anna didn't need to worry about them. She wouldn’t forgive them if they started fighting for mistakes they had made over twenty years before. But at the same time, she couldn't pretend. She couldn't act nonchalantly when Agdar had driven Elsa away.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen." He wasn’t looking at her, his eyes were still fixed in the cup of tea in front of him as he rubbed his hands together.

Of course you didn't, she thought. Only a heartless bastard would want to push their child away. Deep down she knew he didn't want things to turn out the way they had. Though, she couldn't hide her frustration. "You know," she said as calmly as she could. She was about to confess one of her deepest secrets to him, and she needed to keep a level head. "Many sleepless nights I wondered if I shouldn't have kept Elsa to myself. Be just the two of us."

"What?" He didn’t raise his voice, but the hurt she heard in it was impossible to ignore.

"I stopped thinking about it the day Anna was born but…"

"But?"

She could read him like an open book after spending twenty-five years together, she knew he was dreading the answer.

"Right now, after seeing how incredibly selfish you can be…" She took a deep breath, trying to calm down before she lost her temper. "I feel as if I should have done just that. Or at least I should've left after Anna was born, when she was old enough to come with me. I should've tried to find Elsa a long time ago."

He opened his mouth to explain to her she had done the right thing by staying. Or so Idunn imagined. But he closed it before he said anything. He gaped at her for a few seconds before he said, "I'm sorry."

“Being sorry won't bring my daughter back home,” she said in a small voice. Even if it wasn’t strident, it carried all the anger and frustration she was feeling. At him, of course; but at herself mostly. She was Elsa’s mother. She had carried her for months. And she had promised the world to her. But then again, at the first inconvenience, she had abandoned her. “And at this point I think nothing will…”

Agdar nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. And she was thankful he didn’t comment on the tears that had started running down her face.

After a few minutes in silence, where both of them did nothing but look at the floor, Idunn said, “Please, when Anna gets home, try to pretend nothing happened here today.”

“I thought we wouldn't keep secrets anymore.”

“I promised Elsa we wouldn't tell Anna. She doesn’t want her sister to be between a rock and a hard place.” She smiled, thinking how caring of her sister Elsa was. “I want to keep that promise. Am I clear?”

“What if—”

“Am I clear, Agdar?” she repeated a bit louder.

“Yes.”

“Good.” She nodded her head a few times before turning around, ready to leave the kitchen. “I think Elsa left her clothes in the bathroom. I'll store them somewhere before Anna arrives.”

---

Finding a cab on a rainy Sunday had proved to be harder than Elsa originally imagined, which forced her to walk under the rain before she spotted an empty one. She waved to the black car and, only after getting in, did she get the chance to breathe a sigh of relief. She still needed to be careful not to let her concentration slip since she was inside a car with a stranger, but at least she knew it was a matter of minutes before she got home.

After the cab took a few turns, she realised she hadn’t checked the amount of money Idunn had lent her, and decided it was best to do it before the car had gone farther than she could pay. She counted the notes she found inside her pocket and opened her eyes in surprise at what she saw. There was more money than she had expected. More money than she could spend that month alone. She chuckled bitterly at the idea that her birth parents didn't worry about money as much as she did. She had to admit she was thankful to Idunn for giving her the umbrella and some money, even after everything that had happened; but still, seeing how easily they gave money away made her wonder if the story Idunn had told her about their youth was even true.

She sighed, and shook her head, hoping to forget about her fight with her birth parents for at least a few minutes. Giving herself a task to keep her preoccupied, she made sure to count the money again and decided she’d find a way to return Anna's clothes and the rest of the money one day. She only needed to find a way to do it without Anna or Kristoff finding out, though.

With nothing else to distract her, she turned her head to the window. Rain kept falling, matching her sorrowful mood, but at least she was getting closer to her parent’s home. She wasn’t sure she looked as miserable as she was feeling, but the odd looks the cab driver sent her way over the rearview mirror told her that she probably did. She couldn't get rid of the empty feeling in her chest, and she wondered how long it would take the wound to heal, or if it ever would.

It’s ridiculous to be sad about something you suspected your whole life, Elsa. Get a grip, she told herself, though it was ridiculous to pretend it didn't hurt.

“Is this the house?”

The voice of the cab driver pulled her out of her trance, and she realised the car had come to a full stop.

“Miss?” he repeated, hoping to get an answer.

“Yes, it is. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologise. It’ll be 95.7 kr.” As the cab driver watched her count the notes he said, “whatever it is you're thinking about, it shouldn’t make you frown like that. Even on days like today, there’s always a silver lining." He then offered her a sympathetic smile through the rearview mirror.

Elsa nodded but didn’t say anything. She guessed he was only trying to help her see things in a different light. But at the same time, she wondered what was the hardest thing he had had to endure in his life. Closing her eyes tight for a second, she tried to get rid of the bitter thoughts. He was just a stranger trying to be nice for all she knew. Thinking it was best to keep her ideas to herself, she paid the man what she owed and thanked him for the ride.

She was about to get out of the car when the man spoke to her again, “are you by any chance Kai's adopted daughter?”

Elsa wondered what was the point of drawing attention to the fact she was adopted, but she nodded nonetheless.

“I heard he and Gerda had found another kid somewhere. But I never saw you around. I thought it was just gossip,” he said with a laugh. “It was nice meeting you. Send Kai my regards.”

“I don’t know your name.” She knew she was being rude to this man for no reason, but somehow she couldn’t find the energy to pretend she wasn’t bothered by the conversation.

“Arthur,” he said, unaware of Elsa’s frustration. “I used to live in the neighbourhood. Ask your brother about me, I’m sure he must remember. He was always playing with my eldest son.”

Elsa remembered Kristoff playing outside and always pestering her to come play with him and the other kids. She was certain he'd remember the man, so she promised to send his regards. She bid her goodbyes and got out of the car.

On her way to the house, she wondered how many people in the neighbourhood even knew she existed. She guessed just a few did, considering she had spent the first three years inside the house. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or not about the fact no-one besides her family really knew she existed. After all, less people knowing of her existence made it easier for her to hide her powers; but at the same time, it made her awfully aware of how little she mattered. She could count with only one hand the people who actually knew her and cared for her, and she wasn’t even sure one of them still did.

She knocked on the door and waited patiently for her parents to open up the door, hoping this time they were home. She also hoped to see the smile Gerda always offered her whenever she visited. After everything that had happened, she could use her mother’s sunny demeanour.

To her relief, Gerda was the one who opened the door and as she was hoping a big smile drew on her face. “Goodness me, Elsa!” She opened the door wide for her to enter and continued, “what are you doing here in this weather? Why didn't you say you were coming home today? I could have told your father to pick you up from the bus station before he went to work. Why are you still standing out there? Come in!”

Elsa tried to answer her questions, but got interrupted by a new one whenever she was about to do it. Deciding it was best to obey and talk only once Gerda finished her rambling, she got into the house and left the umbrella against the closest corner for it to dry.

"Don't get the floor all wet!" her mother exclaimed. "Wait, I’ll get a towel and a floor rag."

A few moments later Gerda showed up with both things and helped her with the bag while Elsa dried herself. "Have you eaten?" Gerda asked, after she gave Elsa the green light to enter the living room.

"What?" She asked, still distracted by her task at hand.

"Have you eaten something, dear?"

"No, not yet," she said, trying to sound natural, as if her disastrous morning hadn't happened. "But don't worry about it."

"Nonsense. I'll cook something for you. I ate out today," she said with a grin.

Gerda's smile made Elsa smile for the first time that day. There were many things Elsa admired about Gerda, and one of them was the way she enjoyed the little things in life. Eating out, even if it was on her own, would always put a smile on her face, especially when she tried new places in town.

"I got home a few minutes ago, actually. I had just prepared some tea. I’d offer you some, but it’s peppermint. I know how much you hate it."

Walking into the kitchen, Elsa noticed the teapot and mug on top of the table. It was clear her mother hadn't sat down to drink it yet.

"Dad isn’t home?" she asked when she saw only one mug.

"Kai had to go to work earlier today. Something about…" Gerda paused, as she tried to remember what her husband had said that morning. "That thing or the other. Don't tell him I didn't pay attention to him," she said with a playful wink.

Elsa chuckled and nodded.

"So, what would you like to eat?" insisted Gerda, as she walked to the fridge to see if there were some leftovers or something she could offer Elsa.

"Mum, it's fine. You don't need to—"

"Oh, I know! I've got some pickled herring here. Does that sound good?"

A small smile drew on Elsa's face as soon as she heard the name of her favourite dish. It could certainly help lift her spirits. "Yes, it does."

Gerda smiled and took the jar out of the fridge, as well as some vegetables that could work as a side dish. "I was thinking about you, you know?" she said as she worked on her task. "I found some pictures last night; well, not pictures. I found a film in the camera. It was from the last time your father and I stayed at the cabin."

"That was over a year ago," Elsa said as she got closer to her mother. She couldn't remember the last time they had spent more than a day with her at the cabin.

"I know! I had forgotten to have those photos developed. So that's what I did this morning! Do you want to see them after—? Dear heavens, Elsa!" Gerda stopped what she was doing as soon as she turned to look at her. She dropped the plate on top of the counter and grabbed her injured hand. "What happened?! Let me see your hand. Why didn’t you tell me you needed help? Here I was talking and talking!"

Elsa was surprised at first, not understanding what had caused Gerda to get alarmed. But as soon as her mother demanded to see her hand, she noticed the blood stain she had left on the counter and allowed Gerda to examine her injured hand.

“Sit down,” demanded Gerda. “Let me get my things. Don’t touch it.”

Elsa chuckled once her mother was out of the room. Gerda wouldn’t let her rest if she knew the precarious bandages she had used in her hand earlier, and how many times she had touched the injury. She wasn’t proud of it, but she had done what she could.

“What on earth did you do?” Gerda asked once she was in the room with her again.

“I cut my hand with a shard of glass.” It wasn’t a lie and Elsa thought it was all the information her mother needed. “I came here so you could help me close the wound.”

“Then why didn't you say anything?!”

Elsa shrugged, unsure of why she hadn’t shown her injury as soon as she stepped into the house. All she knew was that, for a short time, she had forgotten about her problems and she had enjoyed her mother’s company too much to draw attention to them.

Gerda rolled her eyes at Elsa and said, “you need to start interrupting me, you know I could talk for hours about the most mundane things.” She opened her first aid kit and asked for Elsa’s hand. “Sweetheart, you shouldn't walk around with an exposed cut like this, especially under the rain.”

“I didn't have any gauze at home.”

“Elsa, how many times have I told you? You live in the middle of nowhere, always make sure you have everything you may need.” It had been a long time since Gerda had to reprimand her like a kid, and it made her feel nostalgic. Right at that moment, she realised how much she missed Kai and Gerda’s company. Given the choice, she probably wouldn’t have left the house to live in the mountains when she did, but the constant struggle to keep her powers concealed had forced her to do it sooner than expected. It was true she was happy when she was in the mountains, but she didn’t like the solitude as much as she pretended.

Elsa let her mother work on her hand, trying not to interrupt her. It was best Gerda disinfected and sutured her palm once and for all. To her disappointment, it took Gerda quite some time to fix her wound. Elsa had been forced to stop her several times to make sure her powers didn’t run out of control.

Thankfully, Gerda knew exactly how easily triggered her powers were. And she was extra careful around her. From time to time, she even prompted Elsa to use her powers to their advantage. Letting a small layer of ice cover her palm helped her with the pain.

“It’s been over ten years since I met you and I’m still amazed you can do what you do, ” said Gerda after watching Elsa coat her palm with a new thin layer of ice.

Elsa had noticed her mother had been lost in her own thoughts, but even then, her comment got her by surprise. "I'm sorry," she said, unsure of what else to say. It didn't matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop herself from feeling insecure whenever she used her powers.

“Don’t apologise, dear.” The sad smile on her face didn’t go unnoticed by Elsa. “I mean it in the best way. It’s incredible.” She then picked a pair of scissors that were lying around and cut the thread before exclaiming, “All done!”

After flexing her hand a few times to test her stitches, Elsa smiled at her mother. “Thank you for your help.”

“Wait, wait.” Gerda grabbed Elsa’s injured hand once again and gently wrapped it in clean gauze. Before she let go, Gerda kissed her hand, right where the injury was. “There. Now, it’s all done!”

The gesture was so simple, and yet it carried so much trust and affection, that it welled Elsa’s eyes with tears. She tried to pretend it didn’t, but everything that had happened to her in the previous twenty-four hours made the small gesture a lot more meaningful, and before she could stop them, the tears began rolling down her face.

“I know what you're going to say,” said Gerda, unaware of Elsa’s tears as she put her things away. “Kissing wounds better is silly. Your brother always says so. But, in my experience, nothing takes away the pain like– Elsa? What's wrong?!” she asked, alarmed the moment she turned to look at her. “Did I hurt you?”

“I love you so much,” Elsa managed to say in between sobs.

“Oh, dear…” Gerda said as she moved her chair so she could be as close to Elsa as possible. She held her injured hand in hers and tried in vain to dry her tears with the other. “It’s just a silly kiss.”

“You've never turned your back on me and—” She kept choking on her tears.

“Elsa. Elsa, look at me,” said Gerda, caressing her shoulder, as she tried to calm her down. “Why would I turn my back on you? What kind of mother would I be?”

“My own parents didn't want me.” Once again she tried to say, but she couldn’t finish as another sob stopped her. She knew she wasn’t making much sense. Her mother didn’t know everything that had happened to her, but there was no way she could explain herself in that state. Not knowing what else to do, she wrapped her arms around the old woman and let herself cry.

---

The rain, as romantic as it seemed at the beginning to Anna and Kristoff, turned out to be an inconvenience the moment they tried ordering food. The downpour was not allowing the delivery people to work and so they were forced to get out of bed and drive to a restaurant if they wanted to enjoy a special meal.

For this reason, they chose to make the best of their day and changed into their best clothes – or the best they had in Kristoff’s apartment – and then drove to one of their favourite restaurants. Just like he promised, Kristoff not only bought lunch for them, but also chocolate cake to celebrate their engagement.

By the time the dessert arrived, Kristoff and Anna had talked and discussed several things about their future wedding. Their families’ relationship was their main concern, but they had agreed on certain things that could help them create stronger bonds between the two families. And they both agreed that Kristoff making peace with Anna’s parents was the first step.

“So, it’s settled,” said Kristoff once the waiter left them alone to enjoy their cake. “Tonight I’ll drive you home and I’ll talk to your parents.”

“I love you,” Anna said, elated Kristoff was willing to give her parents another chance so soon. A couple of months before the idea was inconceivable, and now here they were.

“Are you talking to me or the piece of cake in front of you?"

Anna laughed but then she just continued eating in silence, instead of starting a playful fight like Kristoff intended.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. Even when he knew things were perfect between them, he couldn't help but worry. He knew things had to go perfectly well between their families before they could even phantom the idea of the perfect wedding.

"I was thinking, maybe…” Anna said, but stopped mid-sentence unsure if Kristoff would agree with her idea.

“What?”

“Maybe we should move in together?"

"What?" he repeated, unsure if Anna meant what she was saying.

"Our families will notice something's different. My mum will surely notice I'm happier than I’ve been in the last year," explained Anna with a grin, finding it hard to hide her happiness. She still couldn’t believe they were engaged. "But as you said, I don't want to rush the wedding or force Elsa and my parents to be on good terms just for the sake of this engagement. So… what if we move in together?”

“How are those things related? Not that I don’t want to live with you,” he clarified as soon as he noticed Anna’s unamused expression.

“Living together will allow us to start from scratch before the actual wedding, and it'll be something we can share with our families now. It’ll be a perfect explanation to why we are both so happy."

“I feel ridiculous having to hide the fact that I’m engaged to the girl I love,” Krisotff said, honestly. "Will your parents be okay with us living together before the wedding? I know your father is kind of—"

"I'm an adult, Kristoff,” Anna interrupted him before he even dared to say his father was a traditional man. After everything they had found out about her parents, saying they were traditional and conventional was off the table. “Besides, they can't say anything about it without turning into big hypocrites.”

“Well, I can’t argue with that,” laughed kristoff. “So… are you a hundred percent sure about this?”

“Yes!” Anna exclaimed. “Are you not?”

“I'd love to live with you,” Kristoff said with an honest smile. “I never told you this, but I miss the days Elsa was living with me. You were always there by the time I got home from work. It was the best feeling in the world.” He extended his hand on top of the table and caressed her knuckles gently. “However, I need to find a new apartment.”

“Don't be ridiculous, Kristoff. Your apartment is perfect! Besides, I need to finish my studies. I don’t have enough money to help you pay the new rent.”

“Nonsense. I want you to have a place you can call your own.” If they were going to start from scratch and build their own family, he wanted them to find the perfect place. And he was certain that a bachelor’s apartment which smelled like Sven wasn’t even close to the definition of perfect. “You need to move your desk and books too. I'll find a nice apartment with an extra room for you.”

“Honey. I love you. But once again, I can't pay for it.”

“I'll pay for it,” Kristoff said with a smile. “You'll finish your studies first. I wouldn't forgive myself if you don't finish your studies because you need to work to share expenses.”

Anna was touched by Kristoff’s commitment, but all of a sudden she was feeling guilty. She had come up with the idea of living together, but not once she had intended to force Kristoff to spend more money on her. “You don't need to provide for me, Kristoff.”

“I know. But I'd love to. Let's move in together, please.”

“Are we really doing this?” asked Anna, not believing how fast her life was changing.

“I'll start looking for a new place tomorrow.”

Kristoff’s grin told her he was even more eager than she imagined, and that made her all the more excited.

---

During the first few months after she had adopted Elsa, Gerda had struggled with how she could comfort a child who wouldn't allow other people to stay close to her. It had been only one of the many challenges Elsa had put her through, but it was always the hardest one. To see a young girl, crying her heart out after a terrible nightmare and not being able to sit by her side and hold her tight had broken Gerda in more ways that she could count at the time.

It was only after years of hard work and dedication on her part that Elsa had learnt to trust them enough to allow herself to cry in front of Gerda and the rest of the family. But, even if she had overcome that situation, Elsa rarely hugged other people whenever she was in distress. It was clear her defence mechanism was still ingrained in her brain and she avoided human contact as much as possible.

For this reason, now that Elsa was holding her as if her life depended on it, Gerda had a hard time understanding what was going on and how to best help Elsa.

Clearly, something had affected her to the point she burst out crying. It didn't take a genius to see it was related to her birth parents, like most of her problems were lately; but still, Gerda couldn't understand what had made Elsa reach her breaking point at that moment. She was certain there was something she was missing, and she needed Elsa to calm down long enough to tell her.

The first few minutes, the only thing she did was hold Elsa close while she wept on her shoulder. It broke Gerda's heart to hear her like that, but she was not going to stop Elsa once she had finally allowed herself to cry her heart out as much as she needed. It was only when Elsa calmed down and she began breathing more or less normally, that Gerda dared speak.

Not knowing what the real problem was made it harder for her to say the right thing, but still, she tried her best. "I'm sure your parents did care. They just didn't know any better. You deserve love, just like any other person, okay?"

To her disappointment, Elsa didn’t say anything that could help her see if she was saying the right thing. She just kept holding onto her.

After staying a moment in complete silence, Gerda thought it was best to simply ask Elsa what was going on. "Did something happen?”

Once again, Elsa didn't answer and it didn't sit well with Gerda. She gently pushed her, putting enough distance between them so she could see her eyes. Part of her regretted it as soon as she saw the deep sadness in them.

Reminding herself Elsa needed her to stay strong, and sometimes the only way to help her was to pressure her into talking, she repeated, "Please, Elsa… Did something happen?"

The way she averted her eyes gave Gerda the impression she was about to lie. But after a moment she looked at her again, and nodded.

"You know you can tell me anything."

"I don't know how to talk about these things."

And she knew it was true. She had always struggled with words which resulted in her keeping everything inside. But right at that moment, it was obvious Elsa needed to let go of all the sadness and resentment. And Gerda was not going to let her back down now that she was finally showing how she felt. "You've been through a lot in the last few months, dear." She gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze, trying to show her her support. "And I think you should try to talk about the way you feel. It may help you."

It was clear she wanted to talk about whatever was troubling her, but something was stopping her.

"It's just you and me, Elsa. Like that night at the hospital, do you remember?" She knew she did. It had been the first time Elsa had opened up to her. Telling her everything she had been able to at the time. It was the first time she had held Elsa in her arms — even if the little girl had struggled and asked her to stay away for her own safety. And most importantly, it was the day she’d made up her mind about adopting her.

Elsa nodded and her eyes filled with tears once again. She closed them for a few seconds before she felt brave enough to say, "Whenever I think about my life; about who I am and who I could have been, I feel this– this hole inside my chest."

"A hole?" Gerda knew exactly what she meant, but she needed Elsa to express herself. To tell her everything she could.

"An emptiness," she tried to explain. "Here." Using her good hand, she gestured right over her heart. "Sometimes I fear it'll never close. I fear I'll never be happy."

She knew Elsa suffered a lot. She knew the things she had lived had scarred her forever. But to hear her say she wasn't happy made it all more real. The only thing Gerda had ever wanted for her children was for them to be able to overcome – to some extent – their inner demons and be happy. And here was Elsa, telling her she wasn't sure she would ever be. Not for the first time in her life did Gerda wish she could take all of Elsa's suffering and endure it herself. Trying in vain to keep the sadness from her voice, she asked, "you're not happy?"

"I'm happier than I used to be, I guess," said Elsa, shrugging. "But some days are extremely harder than others."

"Is today one of those days?"

Once again, she nodded but didn't say anything.

"Why?" Gerda asked, unsure of what else to say. "Why is today any different?"

"I can't seem to do anything right lately," Elsa said after she tried to gather her thoughts. “Every time I feel I'm finally going to get my life on track, something happens and… I don't know what to do anymore."

The way she said it made Gerda get a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. The idea of Elsa giving up one day terrified her. Part of her knew Elsa was stronger than she let on, but her inner strength – or whatever it was that had kept her going for so many years – could wear off, and then she didn't know what could happen then.

She needed to help her see things in perspective. To find some silver lining in her clouded mind. "But you've been doing so good lately. You're studying now. You're working. You're starting a business…"

"I know but—"

"Those things are important Elsa." Gerda needed her to see she was doing more than she gave herself credit for.

"But my powers are there, lurking, everywhere I go. It's the same old story, I guess." Elsa looked at her hands in disdain. "Everyday I say I won't let them control my life; but I fail, miserably, every single time. No matter what I do, it isn’t enough. I try so hard — to be normal, you know?" The dejected look she gave her broke Gerda's heart. "But it isn’t enough. It’s never enough."

"Elsa…"

"I'm so, so tired, Gerda. Maybe I should just stop trying."

"Don't– Please, don't." She pulled her into her arms with urgency and kept her close, as if Elsa's words could make her disappear in that moment. "Don't say that. Don't even think about it."

"But I can't—" Elsa tried to explain, but Gerda wouldn't let her.

Hugging her even tighter, she said to her, "You deserve the world, sweetheart. Don't ever give up, please."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" said Elsa on the verge of tears once again. "My powers are the reason my whole life is so fucked up and no matter how hard I try, I can't control them."

Gerda didn’t understand what Elsa meant when she said she couldn’t control them. Only a few minutes before she had used them to help her heal her hand. In her eyes, Elsa had more control over her powers than she had ever had. But for some reason, she didn’t give herself enough credit. "Yes, you can. And your powers might be a part of you, but they don't define who you are or what you can achieve." How many times Gerda had said that to Elsa? She wasn't sure. But somehow, it had never gotten into Elsa's head.

"They’re the reason I struggle with the simplest tasks in life," Elsa began explaining as she put some distance between them. Tears were streaming down her face again. "They're the reason I had to endure a shitty childhood. The reason my parents thought they were better off without me…"

Gerda watched her dry her tears with her sleeve, clearly annoyed at herself for starting to cry once again. It pained her to see her that way and she wondered if she should tell Elsa to try to calm down.

"I don't resent Anna," Elsa continued, unaware of Gerda's worry. "but I can’t help comparing my life to hers. She's this smart, self-assured girl and what am I? Just a dumb person who hides from the world and hopes for things to change when I know they won't."

"Elsa, I won't let you talk about yourself like that." Maybe stopping her was for the best. Elsa had already denigrated herself too much, and she couldn’t help noticing the small snowflakes falling around them, a clear indicator Elsa was getting too agitated.

"Why not? It's the truth, isn't it? I can hardly live a normal life."

"It's not fair to compare yourself and your life to Anna's. Your upbringing was extremely different."

"Exactly! If only I'd been normal, my life could have been like Anna's. But I'm not. And I wasn't good enough for my parents and…" Once again she tried in vain to stop her tears. "It hurts so fucking much."

Seeing her at that moment, breaking down in front of her, made Gerda realise how important the love and acceptance of her birth parents was to Elsa. There was something inside of her that still needed their recognition, even when they had let her down in the worst kind of way. Gerda hated how unfair the whole situation was. The only thing the poor girl had done was to be born the way she was, and she wasn't given a chance to prove her worth before being left on her own. Idunn and Agdar had had the chance to raise a wonderful person like Elsa, and they had rejected that opportunity. And for what? They had told her their reasons, and they made sense to an extent; but whenever she saw Elsa suffering so much, the sympathy she could feel for them disappeared.

"I know it's not the same as if your birth parents told you this," she said, holding Elsa's hand after she tried in vain to dry her tears. "but you are, and you've always been, more than good enough to me."

Elsa's redshot eyes looked at her, unsure if she actually meant what she was saying. And Gerda hated it, because she had never doubted her before. It was clear she felt so lost and so insignificant she didn't even trust her word anymore.

"I hate the fact that the Arendelles came into your life, threatening to destroy everything you worked so hard to build," she found herself saying before she could stop herself. She was tired of pretending she didn’t feel disgusted by the Arendelles’ actions sometimes. "I hate that they came out of nowhere and made you so vulnerable. You're not less than Anna. You're not less than anyone one else. And I wish I could show you how much you mean to me."

She looked down and took a deep breath to calm herself down before she let her anger take the best of her. The last thing she needed was to say something about Elsa's birth parents that she could regret. But as soon as she was calmer, she continued, "I don't care if your powers make other people uncomfortable. I couldn't care less if you are not ‘normal’ to other people's standards. Part of me is glad you are not, because you love and you care about others like no-one does. Your powers might be a challenge most of the time, I don't deny that. But they shaped you into one of the most caring and selfless people I know. And hate that you hate yourself because of them. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, dear."

When Gerda raised her eyes to look at Elsa once again, she was surprised to see her eyes fixed on her. For a moment, she wondered if she had done the right thing by telling Elsa everything she thought. But before Gerda could apologise for her outburst, Elsa threw her arms around her and whispered, "I don't know what I'd do without you.”

"You mean the world to me. Never forget that," Gerda whispered back, as she rubbed her hand on Elsa's back comfortingly.

"I wish you were my mother," Elsa mumbled on her shoulder, caughting her by surprise.

"Elsa… I– I am your mother. We may not be related by blood but—"

"I mean from the start," Elsa said a bit louder, but still in a quavering voice. "I wish I could look back and see myself and my childhood here. You wouldn't have left me alone."

At first, she thought about telling Elsa she couldn’t know that for certain. But after a second she realised it was true. There was no way she’d have left Elsa alone. "You're right. I wouldn't have," she said with conviction. "I am your mother now, though, and I promise I'll never leave you alone."

She felt Elsa nod her head against her shoulder and she smiled, knowing Elsa trusted her word. She looked up and relaxed when she noticed snow was no longer falling around them.

“Can I stay with you for a couple of days? I don't want to be alone.”

Gerda nodded and hugged her tighter. Something had clearly happened to Elsa, it was the only explanation she had reached her breaking point and she was now asking to stay with them. She was really curious about it, but she saw no reason to bother Elsa with it at that moment. She’d have the chance to talk to her some other time. Right at that moment, all she cared about was her daughter’s well being. “For as long as you need. Your father will be thrilled to have you around too.”

---

Guess who’s back, back again. Leli’s back. Tell a friend. Guess who's back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back. *Eminem’s ‘Without me’ starts playing*

It’s been such a long time! I’m so sorry for keeping you all waiting for so long. I’m not even sure if there are people still lurking around. But if you are, you’re the best readers in the world.

I could blame life and inspiration, and a lot of things for this terribly long hiatus. But the truth is, this chapter was so incredibly hard to write! Even when I love writing Gerda and Elsa together, they are such complex characters, and so different, that I kept writing and rewriting and rewriting their dialogues. Even now, I’m not sure they have told each other everything they needed to say. But I couldn’t keep you waiting anymore. I had a couple of scenes written that were originally going to be part of this chapter, but they needed some revision and honestly, I didn’t want to keep you guys waiting anymore.

I really hope the wait was worth it. I hope I tackled enough things in this chapter that you guys feel the waiting wasn’t in vain.

About the chapter itself, you may notice that I continue showing both sides of the story and both sides of a rainy day as a parallel between Elsa and Anna. I wanted to show how even in the smallest details, their lives are truly different.

I haven’t got the next chapter ready yet. But I was able to fix a few things I wasn’t sure about the following chapters, so I don’t think I’ll take as long as 5 months to update the new chapter. I’ll work as hard as possible to deliver on time.

As always, please leave a review. Let me know if you loved or hated the chapter. Let me know if you’re fed up with my long hiatuses or not. Say what so please, but let me know you’re out there. It’s always a pleasure to read you, guys. I truly mean it.

Read you all soon! Tag time, @swimmingnewsie @melody-fox @kristoffxannafanatic @kristannafictionals @neptrabbit @skneez @ellacarter13 @wondering-in-life @who-i-am-8 @fanfictionrecommendations-com @815-allisnotlost @khartxo @joannevixxon @betweenthedreams @burbobah @rileysfs @earlvessalius @blood-jewel @snowycrocus @the-magic-one-is-you @the-sky-is-awake @disneyfan103 @anamaria8garcia @welovefrozenfanfiction @bigfrozenfan @bigfrozenfan-archive @frozenartscapes @deisymendoza @zackhaikal123 @cornstarch @roostercrowedatmidnight @showurselfelsa @when-dawn-arrives @tare-disney @wabitham @just-your-local-history-nerd @dontrunintofirexoxo @daphmckinnon @poketin @luna-and-mars @anotherpersondrawing @lovelucywilde @shimmeringsunsets @aries1708 @wabitham @agentphilindaisy @spkfrozenkindikids123 @jimmi-arts @snowmanmelting @loonysama @elsathesnowqueensblog @hiptoff @loonysama @tare-disney Let me know if you don’t want to be tagged anymore! It’s not my intentiopn to bother people who are no longer following the story!

#Søsken #Sosken #Frozen #Frozen fanfiction #frozen fanfic #Elsa #Anna #Kristoff #Gerda #Idunn #Iduna #Agdar #Agnaar #Chapter 33 #modern au #Kristanna #frohana

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