#Also grabbing footage for a trailer I'm working on

[saltpepperbeard]

hi lets show some love for our mutuals. tag your favorite mutuals and tell them why you love them

Oh, anon <3. I so very love that you're spreading this loveliness around, because I ALSO love talking about dear mutuals so LET'S GOOOOO:

@ella-doe - My WIFEY <3. Arguably the #1 Stiddies Fan, and ASSUREDLY the #1 Daddy Jenki-(GETS SHOT). Talking to her is always such a delight; she's so lovely and supportive. Started from the bottom (occasionally screaming over something in DM's), now we're here <3 (married like 4 or 5 times over at this point idk).

@blakbonnet - MY PARTNER IN CLOWN CRIMES 🤡. Any time ANYTHING clown-specific occurs, Meow is like the first person I think of hsdjksds. And I think the feeling is mutual; we both have matching rainbow wigs at this point 🤡🤡🤡. Can't wait to start the clownery right back up after season 2 airs lmao like ALRIGHT, SEASON 3 TRAILER???? 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

@dickfuckk - Josh and I were having a time and a half when some footage of Taika in his S2 Ed getup dropped lmao. Like we Saw God for a split second there. So he understands me on like a fundamental and deep level. He ALSO has saved my life numerous times when it comes to panels, or any other sort of cast/crew-related video. Had it not been for his sacrifices and battles against Pop[redacted] lmao, I would've missed MANY a panel.

@bizarrelittlemew - Talented beyond belief, like holy SHIT. Makes immaculate gif sets (DJenks even reblogged one so like, 🎵can I make it anymore obvviousss🎵), and is also an INSANE writer. Need y'all to know that Keep Your 'Lectric Eye On Me, Babe is in my regular rotation, but I'm just always so SO astounded by everything she makes.

@snake-snack-stede - Regularly makes me laugh OUT LOUD with her memes and commentary. Like, if ever I come across a post with her name on it, I know there's like a 100000000% chance it will make me release some sort of "bAHAAAAA." The wheezes I've whoozed,,, So, she's always very much a welcome presence on my dash.

@sherlockig - If EVER you need a good screen grab/edit of OFMD, Alexz is 10000% your best bet. Has probably captured and edited every inch of the show, which is perfect for the times where you want to see a specific moment and cry/throw up/pass out over it being so wonderfully frozen.

@stedebonnets - The sweetest, loveliest darling of a human being I ever did know. Is always SO wonderfully supportive, and just radiates warmth and niceties. Also makes IMMACULATE gifs; inspired me to turn up the Coloring Heat on a lot of my own, really! And I also just learned that the first OFMD thing I ever reblogged was actually one of her sets, so she's VERY IMPORTANT TO ME SHDJKLS <3

@xoxoemynn - Speaking of understanding me on a deep and fundamental level lmao, EM UNDERSTANDS ME ON A DEEP AND FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL SHDKJS. We keep cracking each other up because like, we'll share the most random opinion ever, only for us to realize we align EXACTLY. she makes me feel Seen, okay. she makes me feel UNDERSTOOD SHDJKSL. Also, her writing is so so lovely, and her presence is even lovelier <3

@forpiratereasons - Produces some of my favorite writing in the entire fandom. I am so SO fond of so many of her stories, and regularly re-visit a lot of them. Insane to me that we regularly cross paths now, because I remember seeing her works before I was officially in the fandom. AND NOW SHE REBLOGS MY SETS??? AND I CAN ALSO SCREAM DIRECTLY @ HER???? #BLESSED HSDJKLS

@not-nervous-jester - And SPEAKING of favorite writing, darling Jams wrote one of my favorites aka Somewhere in the Water. YES, I bring this up a lot, but LISTEN LMAO, I NEED THEM TO KNOW 🔪. I NEED THEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW LOVELY IT IS/THEY ARE 🔪🔪❤️❤️ HSKDJS. And aside from their lovely writing, they also Hear Me Out and hype up my silly goofy screaming fits, which is ALWAYS appreciated <3

@skysofrey - AN ABSOLUTE RAY OF SUNSHINE. I see those 💛💛💛 in the tags or on a post, and just immediately feel so much sunnier myself. Just so so sweet and lovely, and just like Jams, ALSO furthers my hollering/analysis/breakdowns PFFFF. A Hypeman (gn) for the Screams™

@crueley - Yet another person who just Gets my Taika breakdowns, and has also been the DIRECT CAUSE OF MANY SHDKLSKD. Like sometimes I'll just wander into their gif tag, and lol oh no BOOM I've suddenly spiraled down into the abyss. But I can't even be mad about it because we bonded over Mostin Posts, and have been crashing downwards ever since <3 PFFF

@awkward-fallen-angel - Extremely fond of Heather, because he was one of the first people to ever try and talk to me when I first got into the fandom! It's always very daunting wandering into a fandom space, especially after the fact/after things have already dropped. So, she made me feel welcomed/included, and allowed me to find my footing a bit faster as a result. And even though he's busier with life, I still always think about her! Like, that one picture from last October-ish where it was all the spooky mutuals around the cafeteria table? STILL THE MOOD <3

@blackbeardskneebrace - Miles' art drives me bonkers bananas in the best way possible. They always capture the likeness of the characters SO freaking well, and have posted so many creative pieces that my mind gets boggled on the regular. Also, my go-to for FORGS,,, I really love froggies as well, so seeing Little Guys and subsequent facts about them on my dash is SUCH a delight.

@darkinerry - Regularly decks me upside the head with Taika footage I've never seen before, and I cannot express how happy that makes me LMAO. Like, I'll just be minding my business, and suddenly I'll be steaming in a Jodi-shaped crater in the ground because a Taika Gym Set or something equivalent from Marlena has slammed my sorry self through sheets of bedrock idk </3.

@adickaboutspoons - Writes the most poetic, and I mean, THE most poetic tags. I regularly get exposed to just lovely MASTERPIECES of thoughts, and it's like reading a beautiful fanfiction at the bottom of a gif set. Also, regularly backs Stede up, which is always appreciated because I'm holding him so tenderly in my hands at all times. So she GETS IT <3

@aha-my-villainous-thoughts - Creates some of the most striking art EVER. I've said this before, and I'll say it again; the usage of COLOR knocks my socks clean-off. like lol they're gone where did they go idk i am SOCKLESS OVER SUCH LUMINESCENCE. Every piece seems to GLOW, and it's just an absolute marvel to stumble across each and every time. I'm just in a constant state of being blown away, and LOSING MY SOCKS SHDJKLS <3

[thecoffeelorian]

My Trailer Theory, aka The Great Bait-And-Switch (1):

Since the pre-established episode patterns appear to have been forgotten...

I think I should start by stating that this show is either going to have to do a TON of freaking gaslighting to undo the fact that it suggested, for two solid seasons, that the squad couldn't enjoy toys; try new snacks; or play board games with Crosshair hanging around; and therefore became so much happier WITHOUT HIM...or that they finally hint to the audience that, unfortunately, the days of chronic time wasting and preaching empty sermons are permanently over; and that the truly devastating moments are about to begin.

Let me explain.

Season 1 gave us this legendary quote by Saw Gerrera:

"You can either adapt and survive...or die with the past."

For a time, I thought that all of the title characters would do just that. They slowly learned about the inhibitor chips, they developed the tools to scan for them, and they found the means to remove them...but then, everything curiously went out the window.

In other words, even though Crosshair himself was still doing the telltale head grab, wincing in pain, AND there was the added bonus of the interesting bump above his left ear...it seemed a whole lot easier to 1), trap the whole gang in Tipoca City pre-bombing; 2), make sure they couldn't make short work of whatever was ailing their own dang brother; and 3), handwave a nice shiny family reunion away by claiming...no, there is NO chip here to get.

"Just ignore the migraines and that tiny effing thing sticking out of my head; I'm actually doing great in my new job. And oh by the way, all the natborns LOVE ME."

Add to this the heartwarming shot of the other Batchers preparing to shoot Crosshair mere seconds before he saves Omega from drowning...and one might almost start believing that one title character has already been marked to go down in a hail of blaster fire. Possibly even by the people who are supposed to be family.

And oh yes, there's the shot of Crosshair that looks a little like a death's head:

Again...some pretty curious imagery got tossed around in S1, even with the rest of the squad attempting a 180° turn five minutes later. Something that's almost suggesting that death is just around the corner, though not quite for the Trooper in question just yet.

Additionally, in the first season's third episode, there's at least one surprise death directly linked to Crosshair:

Not just of a low-level worker with limited power, but also the consequences that resulted once the unarmed citizens of Onderon no longer had any protection:

Furthermore, this pattern of surprise deaths continue in the second season, only this time, it's a Separatist leader that Crosshair assassinates, with the consequence of losing Commander Cody. I won't say he's dead or captured, so please agree with me so that I can stay sane a few months later.

So...what does this mean about the trailer, and all the footage that shows Crosshair's old armor back in use with the rest of the Batch?

Well, I think that I can theorize it's not Crosshair at all, because not once do they directly show Crosshair himself beneath the helmet. Even in the scene where he's allegedly standing beside Hunter and all the helmets are off...they refuse to show us his face.

Moreover, when I think about the fact that he is last seen directly leaving a crashed ship with Omega, seemingly getting away from Tantiss unscathed...but then there was a clip from the teaser that Omega is seen back in the Tantiss lab, with longer hair and a less lively look on her face...?

I think I can do the math here, gang.

I'll be hoping I'm wrong, of course...but yeah. I think I can do the math.

Because if it's not any of those RC men that end up taking him out...those old migraines just much suggest it could be Crosshair himself that does.

[dialbforbethany]

WCM - Test Shoot Complete

The final export of Where Currents Meet has just been complete. This shoot was my first time directing alone so I was most worried about how to best work with an actor, thankfully we had Claire as our actor who I had met before whilst working on Longboard Nights before summer. I sat down with her and went through the script, talked about my intentions and what things were most important for her to bring out of this character. For example that Iris is struggling to fall asleep, but this isn't something that is only happening in this scene, she struggles with this everyday and is used to it/fed up with it rather than sad about it. Afterwards I walked her through the choreography of the scene, as someone that also edits a lot I had this in my mind throughout the entire shoot so I advised her to choose a way to do an action and stick to it so every shot would be the same. Whilst we were shooting I also said she could do a couple takes where she takes her time with the actions, leaving lots of gaps in-between as well as takes where she did things at a more natural pace so that we had the freedom in the edit to cut around these gaps and fill them with well-timed action.

As we got into the picture edit, Tom and I had struggled with getting the film down to three minutes as even though I had shortened the script it still seemed too long. I was also impossible to cut out any scenes/actions as her location in the room wouldn't make sense if something had been missing and this is the main thing I wish I'd seen earlier however if we hadn't been constrained to 3 minutes then we would've been able to include everything we had wanted to without having to mess up the pacing or atmosphere in the film.

As for the sound and colour edit, I gave both Alex and Peer my notes and feedback on their work throughout the process. The main things we discussed changing were:

the warmth of the image, some shots looked a little too warm so we added more blue/cool tones into it

the music at the beginning of the film is really nice but I thought it should've started earlier at the very beginning and should also fade out a little gentler.

the meditation track could start not as the shot of her putting the headphones on begins but when she adjusts the phone to 'play' the video/sound

Overall I'm happy with the outcome of this test shoot. I think the film does everything we wanted it to; explore a character in all aspects of filmmaking, and I am also happy with the fact that the film is almost like a prequel or ends on a cliffhanger for what is to happen next in the full film as we end on the character grabbing the surfboard as if she's about to head to the beach.

I also think it was very beneficial for us to be able practice as a crew and with an actor for the first time, working with the least stressful scene possible. I believe we chose the right scene to film as now we can also use the footage almost as a teaser/trailer on our socials and crowdfunder.

[eggplantgirlwonder]

Being a Clint Barton Fan is like Being That One Beatles Fan Who Is Constantly Trying to Tell You About Ringo's First Solo Album

Picture this internet. Sicily, 1912... Okay. It's 2012. The first Avengers movie has come out in theaters. Marvel Comics turns to a man named Matt Fraction and goes, "Yo, we need to do a cash-grab on this movie. Write us a limited series about the archer guy or something, okay? But, like, it's just Clint Barton, he shoots a paleolithic weapon at literal gods and aliens, no need to go crazy over it or anything." And Matt Fraction was like, "Say no more, chief. I hear exactly what you’re asking for. *WINK*"

Cut to the 2012-2015 Hawkeye series being one of the most critically acclaimed and beloved comic runs in recent history. It makes you deeply care about 2 different characters named Hawkeye, neither of whom are Alan Alda. Fraction’s work plays with non-linear storytelling, explores and plays with visual media to produce issues told entirely from the perspective of a dog’s sense of smell and spent over a year studying and working with the deaf community to accurately depict American Sign Language in a visual format. There’s a Hurricane Sandy issue that I love to death; a Paw Patrol parody; the greatest use of censored nudity in all of comic books. Basically, it's got everything you could want: pathos, violence, PIZZA DOG, and a surprising amount of bros in tracksuits. So understandably, the people reading this series are like, "Wow! I sure love Clint Barton, human disaster and master archer. The potential of this character has been explored in ways I'd never have expected given I have only been exposed to him in a movie series that brainwashed him for 80% of his screen time! Can't wait to see how they explore this character in the new Avengers movie coming out in 2015 with all this source material to pull from!"

Enter Joss Whedon. Who is like, "Haha, bitch, you thought." Age of Ultron gives Clint Barton more screen time than he’s ever had before! … And it gives him a farm (?) and a family (??), and looks at you and is like, "That's - that's what you wanted, right?" The narrative explanation to transform Barton away from his comic origins into a family man is justified by Whedon with an argument that is something along the lines of, "The characters needed to be reminded of what they were fighting for with Clint’s wife and kids." Because, as we all know, super heroes regularly forget that people exist by giving birth to others, and also that people tend to love one another, and that’s why it'd really suck if the world ended when you could do something about it.

(This specific narrative complaint against Age of Ultron is understandably forgotten in the face of Whedon's other more egregious narrative sin, which was to take the Only Girl on the team and transform her character motivation from the previous movie which was, "I am a solitary agent, wary of love and companionship because I have murdered, like, A LOT of people and my redemption can only come through self-work," into a super fun "I am not a full person because I can't give you babies and it's going to take a man to make me realize there might be a better way." Which, like, I'm not saying that Whedon took that route with Natasha's character as a way to work out his rage that ScarJo became pregnant during filming, complicating stunt work, buuuuuuuuut. I look at his track record with previous pregnant actresses - hi Charisma Carpenter - and similar character assassination and go, "HM." Allegedly.)

But I digress. Movie-Clint Barton is a family man, and not a down-on-his-luck, New York neighborhood Robin Hood just trying his best. Any influence from the Fraction comics, or literally any prior piece of comic media featuring him is unlikely to be explored within the movie universe. Horrible goblin people, like me, who can only self-produce dopamine for fictional men if they are human disasters (and wear purple) are disappointed, but resigned to this "clearly gonna be killed off some day" family man fate for the character.

But the series progresses, and Clint Barton escapes death somehow. And now we are here. And somehow. 9 years later. We are getting a Hawkeye TV series. And the trailer has a tracksuit mafia. A Hamilton-parody about Steve Rogers. A truly impressive amount of footage of idiot-humans-named-Clint-and-Kate causing themselves thoroughly reckless bodily harm. THERE’S A DOG I STRONGLY SUSPECT LIKES PIZZA. So I stand before you shouting into the internet ether to please love my idiot archers because I think we are finally, finally getting a fraction of Fraction. Please watch it (or preferably pirate it, because the House of Mouse is corporate creative cancer, but whatever) and let me have a lot of feeling at you, friends.

[alcalexandria]

TDF Tumblr Weirdo Cut Overview.

Last updated: 12/07/2021

Done.

- Practiced with Filmora a lot. That looks like nothing now it's typed out, but it was a lot to learn I promise.

- Confirmed I will need to grab Audacity to manipulate the audio, no biggie. Installed Audacity.

- Rescued my laptop from a disastrous looking error but it's all good now, and I've backed everything up on an external drive because I'm not freaking myself out like that again dammit.

- Downloaded alternative DF movie file because while experimenting with cutting and grafting the resolution on the one I had turned out to be slightly non-standard.

- Tried finding alternative Chinese Cut file without hardcoded subs. No luck, so I'm making a decision to do without it unless one lands in my lap.

To Do Next.

- Download Audacity

- Start chopping and stripping out scenes and dialogue I want

- Confirm my plan for the edit and maybe mash together a rough cut

- Decide how to distribute if and when it's finished

- Pick a name :D

****

Rather than spam updates on what's likely to be a messy, sporadic thing, I'm going to use this post as a kind of project whiteboard for this project, for myself, and anybody curious how it's coming along.

Again, I want to caution, I have no idea how long this might take, I can't even guarantee it will get finished, but this is where both you and I can check in on how it's coming along. I'm shooting for the most professional standard I can manage, but I have to learn all this stuff from scratch first so... we'll see how that goes.

And also again - can't stress this enough - any tips in editing with Filmora or help you can offer in tracking down some of the resources I have on my hitlist would be massively appreciated. A better name wouldn't hurt either...

Resources.

Stuff I still need to gather (help appreciated!) -

- 1080p Chinese Cut MP4 file (note all versions of this seem to have hardcoded subs)

- Possibly Audacity to manipulate audio, not sure if Filmora is up to the job

Stuff I have/have done -

*16/06/2021*

- Gathered all deleted scenes and most featurettes in 1080p

- Compiled rough overview of deleted lines

- Gathered the two 1080p trailers etc I wanted on hand

- Downloaded some misc Gears of War Grace dialogue

- Downloaded Soundtrack

- Confirmed I still had the media package from trailer competition.

***

- Checked trailers for unused dialogue that might be useful. I have now listed most of this here: https://alcalexandria.tumblr.com/post/654107692709904384/this-is-a-post-im-using-to-collate-dialogue-that#notes

I don't think there's anything else I would use, but just in case. Cataloguing that in detail might be another mini-project in itself)

- All the deleted scenes in 1080p - I have these now.

- Western Theatrical 1080p

- Western Theatrical Transcript ( https://transcripts.thedealr.net/script.php/terminator-dark-fate-2019-R49E )

- I still have files from the trailer edit competition, probably useful for clean audio mostly.

- Filmora

- Some of the trailer footage, esp shoulder touch

- Soundtrack in case I need to smudge over some audio.

- 10 mins of audio from Grace’s Gears of War character I could use as a substitute for generic grunty sounds if I need to. I don't think I'll need Sarah, but can go back for it if needs be.

Outline.

Here's the provisional plan for the changes I mean to make. Feedback more than welcome.

- Start out with Sarah’s mental hospital video as normal, but swap the John flashback into the hotel exposition later, where we know it was originally. Not sure how that would work with her narration, is the only issue.

- Maybe remove some of the slo-mo during the truck chase, and some miscellaneous scenes later.

- Remove the awkward ADR-y feeling bit about exactly what Grace’s augments involve. It’s excessive spoonfeeding imho.

- This scene may need quite a bit of rejigging to absorb the John flashback - probably slot it in after "That enough of a resume for you?" as if she's sarcastically storytelling. Lose the "I am terminated".

- I’d maybe swap in “I will kill you”, instead of “fuck you up”… I just like it better. This is from the Chinese cut so I'd need to edit off the subs.

- Figure out somewhere to pop back in a glimpse of Rev 9 having massacred a bunch of people to get internet access. Probably makes him look a little low rent compared to the data centre stuff, but I liked how dangerous it made him. I might have to do a straight swap, Data Centre for massacre, but we'll see.

- Graft OG shoulder touch truck shot into current one. I like what it does for Grace, and Grace and Dani, but I also love the uncomfortable deja vu in Sarah.

- Put (some of) the gunfight with the Federales and the run to the border back in. I don’t like all of it - the slo mo leaping isn’t great, for instance - but I think the dialogue with Sarah is crucial. And that little moment of Grace sulking that Dani asks her to do something - because she’s absolutely gonna do it - is useful. The current version feels weird, with her uncle just noping out randomly, and no explanation of where all the rest of their weapons and gear went. RIP Dani's ride or die uncle.

- Grace’s current “I volunteer” scene is exponentially better than the cut version, so it stays, but I’d consider using a glimpse of The Commander in the infirmary from it? If it's workable, just to illustrate her recovery, and parallel the infirmary bed she’s in now a little more overtly.

- Put back in Dani’s reaction to Grace reappearing in the CBP centre, and the dash away. Not just because I’m a flagrant homosexual, but because the flow of the scene rn feels like it’s gotten choppy and weird in an effort to avoid it. Plus it’s missing any payoff on the fact Dani thought she got Grace killed a second ago, after surrendering to avoid that exact thing.

- Maybe put some of the Carl’s ladyfriend stuff back in with Sarah? I quite like the weird implications that this lady knows how weird her situation with Carl is, but actively opts in. I don’t think the app stuff is very necessary though.

- I’d nix most of the young-Grace flashback? Maybe not all of it… Maybe most of it though. It’s just really out of tune with the rest of the movie’s look and clearly done for 5 dollars on a deadline and Dani’s dialogue is just… poor. As much as I'd like to have glimpses of it I’m not sure how to keep any of it if I cut some of it, so it might all have to go. Maybe I could slot it in either sometime right after the train exposition, to make sense of Grace's reaction, or somewhere around the truck-to-Dani's-uncle bit...?

- More importantly, the “Send me back” scene needs to come back because it’s actually cuing up dialogue (“Let me save you”) that’s still in the frickin movie, so cutting it was nuts.

- “You raised me” is going. And this time, yes, mostly because I’m a flagrant homosexual.

- “She’s John” is going. It’s the wrong kind of sledgehammer.

- Cut down some of the underwater humvee stuff, it’s not visually coherent to me at all and it drags. That “Rev 9 doing underwater parkour” moment has to go. I'm considering just zooming in, so it doesn't feel so Hot Wheels scale.

- Figure out a way to cut that line about neural net frying. I'm not sure how, because there’s music and [pained grunting noise] stuff to keep. Try pasting over some of the soundtrack, and maybe chop out some of the Gears of War audio and push it in as improvised [pain noise] ADR?

- I think everything after that is okay?

Let me know if you've any thoughts on anything.

[angelsanarchy]

Hi, I had a fic prompt of Lukas between hiding who he is/his relationship with Philip to be able to compete in pro motocross... obviously deciding not to because he hid their relationship for so long before. And of course he chooses Philip because he's his new dream? And he basically goes on to talk about how Philip makes him feel/how madly, truly, deeply in love he is with him..... I'm giving myself so many feels just suggesting it 💗💗

Okay this got away from me a bit so I’m sorry it’s a bit long. I hope you enjoy it!

Lukas kept ringing his hands out. It was his first competition back and he really needed to get sponsored today or he’d miss his shot.

“Just relax. You’re going to do great. You’ve worked your ass off to get better and your jumps have gotten even better than before you were shot.” Philip gripped Lukas’ hands and rubbed them between his own.

“I know I just…what if I don’t get a sponsor today? What if I carry too much baggage you know?” Lukas worried and Philip smiled at him.

“Witnessing a murder, getting kidnapped and shot are kind of out of your control. I don’t think anyone can really hold that against you.” Philip reminds him. Lukas ducks his head so he doesn’t see him smile.

“You’re going to take pictures right?” Lukas moved into his space and Philip held up his camera.

“Helen and Gabe got me a new one for my birthday. It takes pictures within a video so I’ll have both. I’ll try not to be the cheering boyfriend in the background.” Philip teased making Lukas laugh. He kissed Philip’s forehead and hugged him.

“Thanks for being here.” Lukas said but before Philip could respond, a loud banging on the door of the trailer made Lukas jump away from him.

“You’re up Waldenbeck. Let’s hit it.” Lukas grabbed his helmet and Philip followed him out of the trailer, camera in hand as he walked over towards the stands. Lukas was out…to Helen, Gabe, Rose and his dad but they’d decided that for now, it’s best it stays between just them. Rose had sort of adopted Philip into their friend group to make things less weird for everyone. Told their friends, Philip saved Lukas’ life so that kind of greased some wheels but Philip didn’t seem to care. He hadn’t cared what people thought of him, only what Lukas thought. 

Lukas jumped on his bike and looked focused on, less nervous and Philip looked for some good places to get some shots so he could post the race on Lukas’ channel afterwards. The starting siren went off and Lukas took off down the ramp to start on his first set of hills getting impressive air and doing his first set of tricks.

Lukas took off, gripping the bike tightly between his thighs focusing on nothing but the ground beneath him. Philip followed his bike careful not to shake the camera so much whispering encouragements between gritted teeth and remembering to take shots whenever he caught air or did an impressive maneuver with his feet leaving the bike.

“Come on Lukas. You got this!” Philip breathed hearing cheers growing louder behind him. Lukas had let go of the bike mid air and pulled it back under himself with little effort making people go nuts. It was like he never left. The announcer praising him and calling him the “comeback kid” quite a few times. Lukas had one final big jump and Philip held his breath knowing he was going to try the backflip. He’d practiced it a few times but only landed it once. He hit the jump and hesitated, throwing the bike to the side before pulling it back underneath of him to land and skid to a stop.

“YEAH! WOOOOOO! LUKAS!!” Philip heard Helen and Gabe cheering behind him in the stands with Bo. Lukas fist pumped the air and everyone got to their feet to cheer him on. Philip ran around to see them interviewing Lukas who looked like he couldn’t smile any bigger.

“Lukas you’ve been out of the circuit for a month and after everything that’s happened, how are you feeling after such an amazing run?” The man held the mic up to Lukas’ mouth and he laughed.

“Oh man it’s unbelievable. I can’t describe it. It feels good to be back again. It feels like I never left.” Lukas said wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“You without a doubt had the best run today out of everyone here so far and I know you’ve been looking for some sponsorship’s, I think it’s safe to say they’ll be knocking your door down after this one.” Lukas shook his head.

“You know what, I’m just a regular guy out here doing something he loves. I’m not trying to focus on any of the stuff I went through. I’m moving past it and if sponsors can handle that then I’ll be happy to help them make some money.” Lukas had his cocky nature back and it made Philip smile proudly.

“Well I’ll let you go, I know there are about 30 girls over there waiting to ring your bell so congratulations!” Lukas glanced over at Philip and smiled awkwardly as he headed off to his trailer. Philip walked in as he was pulling his shirt over his head and Lukas pulled it back down.

“You did AMAZING! I’m so freaking proud of you!” Philip threw his arms around Lukas and he pulled away slightly when Philip went to kiss him.

“You okay?” Philip asked making Lukas look nervous.

“I just…maybe we shouldn’t be too close when we’re here. I mean we’d decided that it was okay to just keep this under wraps right? Maybe we should keep it off the track too.” Lukas said hoping Philip wouldn’t lost his shit but Philip stepped back.

“Yeah…I mean I just…you aren’t on the track right now, we’re in the trailer but that’s fine. I’m still really proud of you.” Lukas frowned reaching out to rub Philip’s hand that rested on the wooden bench inside the trailer.

“I kept hearing your voice in my head and I felt calm…like no matter how I did, it’d be okay. Thank you for being here.” Lukas wanted to kiss him so bad but he knew he had to get these sponsors if he wanted to get into the pro circuit by the summer. 

“You know I’ll always be here for you.” Philip reassured him. That’s how it always was. Lukas could feel like his whole world was falling apart but Philip had a way of bringing him back, making him feel safe. The fall continued with Lukas winning more and more competitions and turning a lot of sponsorship heads. The footage that Philip was getting was also a huge bonus for turning pro circuit heads as well. Philip went wherever Lukas went. Sometimes Gabe and Helen would make the drive, other times Bo would allow Philip to go with them. Him and Philip had spent a lot of time together traveling for Lukas and getting to know one another. Gabe thought it was a great idea and the more Bo got to know him, the more comfortable Lukas was holding Philip’s hand when they were on the road or kissing Philip good night. But if they weren’t on the road, Lukas treated Philip like his friend.

Philip hoped it wouldn’t always be like this but he would never force Lukas to do anything. Watching girls hanging off of him drove him nuts. Lukas never gave into them obviously but it still bothered Philip. Lukas didn’t get it though. He constantly told him that he didn’t do anything, he was just being polite. Philip continued to cheer him on and film his runs. Take cards from sponsors wanting a meeting and making sure he was everything a supportive boyfriend should be.

“Hey son, we’ve got that meeting tomorrow with three different sponsors so you’ll need to get some rest tonight.” Bo said from front of the trailer as Lukas came out from the back wearing fresh, clean clothes.

“I won’t be out late. Some of the other guys want to hang out and tell me about some of the sponsors. You know, try and sway me to the dark side.” Bo looked at him confused.

“Are you taking Philip with you?” He asked but Lukas fixed his jacket.

“No he said he wasn’t feeling well. He’s out taking some pictures of the course. I figured he could turn in early and be ready for tomorrow’s tournament.” Lukas had reached for the door but Bo shook his head.

“If you aren’t careful, you’re going to lose him.” Lukas stopped and laughed.

“He’s a big boy dad, plus it’s not even that dark. He’ll find his way back just fine.” Lukas opened the door and turned around to wave. Bo waited up for Philip to come in and he had his eyes on his camera.

“I got some pretty nice photos of the sunset if you want to see.” Philip smiled and Bo chuckled.

“Sure. Let’s see what you got.” Philip looked surprised but quickly realized Lukas wasn’t in the trailer. He frowned and Bo put his hand on his shoulder.

“I actually think I’m just going to get some sleep. You’re welcome to look through them though. Good night.” Philip took his sleeping bag and climbed on top of the trailer. He’d liked sleeping up there now that it was warm out. The stars reminded him of Tivoli. He’d considered leaving twice but he couldn’t take this from Lukas. This was his dream. He heard him open the door and get into the trailer before climbing the ladder a few moments later.

“Hey, dad’s asleep. Did you want to come down here and sleep in my room?” Lukas asked but Philip didn’t move.

“No I’m fine here. How did it go with the other guys?” Lukas finished climbing the ladder and sat down next to Philip looking down at him.

“It was alright. They keep trying to steer me in the direction of which team pulls the best chicks like that matters.” Lukas laughed and Philip kept his eyes on the sky.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come back inside with me? I promise not to make you too warm.” Lukas pushed Philip’s hair out of his face and he turned his head away from his touch.

“No I think I want to stay out here tonight. It reminds me of being back home. I miss it there. Everything seemed…easier there. I never thought I’d get homesick of Tivoli.” Philip sighed making Lukas worry.

“Well..I mean did you want to go back?” Lukas asked hoping the answer was no but he didn’t want to hold Philip hostage.

“Tomorrow is a big day, you should really be getting some sleep.” Philip tried to change the subject but Lukas clicked his tongue to his teeth.

“Don’t do that. Tell me what’s wrong.” Lukas laid down on his elbow putting one arm over Philip’s waist pulling him closer.

“Someone might see us-” Lukas knew exactly why Philip was upset.

“You said you were okay with this. I thought…I thought we were good.” Philip finally looked at Lukas and had tears in his eyes.

“I know. It’s fine. We can do whatever you want.” Lukas put his hand on Philip’s face.

“Philip…please.” Lukas hated seeing him like this.

“Lukas, I’m trying really hard right now okay so please don’t ask anymore of me. This is your dream. I’m here and I’m watching you live your dream, capturing every single moment on film and every part of my body screams for you when people start cheering for you. All I want to do is run to you and kiss you but I…I can’t. I miss the barn. I miss being able to put my arms around you. I miss going to the track we built and taking stupid videos together. I miss laying in my bed just watching you sleep but here…I can’t do that. I’m not apart of this dream.” Philip wiped the tears off his face and put his hands over his eyes when Lukas looked away to blink his own tears away.

“I’m sorry. I know how big tomorrow is. I shouldn’t have dumped all this on you. Come on, let’s go to bed.” Philip slid towards the ladder and shuffled down quickly not waiting for him. Bo nodded at him and Philip shook his head ready to apologize.

“Don’t apologize son. He needed to hear it.” Philip gaped a bit but Bo touched his shoulder again.

“Most of us are lucky to find love once in a life time. My boy gets his hard head from me so for that I’m sorry but you’re good for him. He just needs to start being good for you too or for your own sake you’ll have to let him go.” Bo said sadly just as Lukas walked into the door looking thrown.

“Goodnight boys.” He went back to his room and pulled the door shut. Philip slid into his bed and Lukas slid in behind him spooning up close to hold him tightly. They didn’t say anything, just held onto one another tightly until they passed out. 

The next morning, Lukas sat through his meetings listening to all the sponsors had to offer and feeling a million miles away. The traveling and the paychecks sounded amazing. The gear and the exposure all sounded like a bonus but he knew that if he took these offers, he might never get to go back to the barn with Philip.

“Son, you ready for this?” Bo snapped Lukas back to his bike and he knew he was just about up.

“Where’s Philip?” Lukas asked and Bo pointed to the booth.

“One of the sponsors gave him a press badge to take better footage.” Lukas saw Philip messing with the settings on his camera and couldn’t help but stare.

“You can be a motocross star and a good boyfriend, son. It is possible but that kind of love you can only find with a person, not a sport.” They called Lukas’ name on the speaker and Philip looked over at him giving him a smile and mouthing “Good Luck” at him. Lukas smiled and looked over at his dad.

“I’m with you no matter what kid.” Bo reassured him as he pushed his bike to the start. Lukas started up his bike and shoved his helmet on thinking about practicing with Philip back home. He started his run and smiled thinking of all the tricks that made Philip’s eyes go wide with amazement. He kicked up dirt and clicked his heels together making people cheer. He saw the final jump coming up and he finally had enough confidence to try the backflip which he felt in his chest as he pulled the back with him through the rotation and landed perfectly hearing an applause so loud, he couldn’t hear the announcers. People swarmed Lukas as he parked his bike but he pushed through all of them to get to Philip who was jumping up and down with excitement.

“You did it! That was so awesome! I got it on film and-” Lukas stopped Philip ranting with his lips not caring what anyone around him said because all he wanted to do was kiss his boyfriend. Philip pulled away wide eyed and confused.

“Lukas...” He breathed.

“You’re my dream. This...this used to be what I dreamed about but you...this means nothing if I can’t have you too. I’ll walk away today if it means I lose you. I love you.” Lukas kisses him again and this time Philip gripped his shirt tightly in his fist kissing him with everything he had. Bo finally had to pull them apart so Lukas could accept his winnings and the announcer put his mic in his face again.

“That backflip was the most savage thing we’ve seen from you in a long time Lukas and after your 6th consecutive win, how are you feeling?” Lukas looked over at Philip who was smiling ear to ear.

“Man I wish I could explain to you how free I feel. I’ve got another win under my belt, a trick I feel like I could pull off in my sleep and a boyfriend who I love more than anything. I’m on top of the world.” Philip blushed and his dad smiled at him putting his arm around Philip.

“I guess you’re kind of out now. That’s pretty crazy. You could very well be the first ever openly gay motocross star.” Lukas shook his head.

“I don’t want to go into this as some poster boy. It’s taken me a really long time to accept myself and actually be fearless enough to stand here saying I have a boyfriend but he deserves to be praised. He’s why I’m here. If I get sponsored, I won’t be using my sexuality to get anyone a paycheck. I want to be Lukas Waldenbeck, motocross star who just happens to be gay.” Everyone cheered louder and  Lukas left the podium getting hand shakes from the other riders and words of admiration, some even gave him short hugs with respect as he reached Philip. Philip wrapped his arms around him and kissed him deeply.

“I am so proud of you and I love you so much.” Philip felt his face hurting from how hard he was smiling.

“Wherever you are is where my home is.” Lukas put his hand on Philip’s chest and Philip closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Lukas’. They stood there for a moment until someone cleared their throat.

“Lukas Waldenbeck, I’m Greg Warner from EXT Motors. We would like to talk to you about a sponsorship.” Lukas had wanted to be sponsored by EXT Motors since he started racing.

“And before you give me the third degree, we want you strictly for your abilities and dedication. You’re a racer, what you do in your home life is your business, not the press or circuit. You’re brave and charismatic. I think you’ll represent the brand proudly.” Lukas looked over at Philip and he shook his head urging him to take it. Lukas knew that this was jut the beginning for the both of them and he was excited to truly start a new life.

“So what do you say?”