#Also interestingly on my father's side of the family

[raeloganthesonic06fangirl]

Quick question:

Even though I was born in America, would the fact that one of my grandmothers was Canadian mean that technically speaking, I'm a third generation immigrant?

Since my Grandma "N" was Canadian, that means my mother is Canadian-American, so I'm part Canadian... Right? A negligible amount because I'm still American, but still worth acknowledgement in heritage, right? 🤔

Just curious about the terminology there.

[gingermintpepper]

I know everyone knows the story of Actaeon and how he met a terrible fate by stumbling upon Artemis bathing in her forest but did you know that Actaeon was Apollo's grandson? That his father was Aristaeus, lord of the bees and the rustic arts and his mother was Autonoe, daughter of Cadmus and princess of Thebes?

Did you know he was trained by Chiron? That he was considered a hunter so skilled his talent was considered divine, that he was his parents' only child and that he was loved?

Did you know the grief that consumed the household when word of Actaeon's fate reached them? That Cadmus cut his hair, that Harmonia wept and was disconsolate and that his parents... well, Autonoe walked the length of the forest, keeping a sharp eye out for her son, but all she saw were the scattered bones of a fawn. Aristaeus too, had heard his son was torn apart and so fruitlessly, foolishly searched for the bones of a man. (There was none to be found)

Did you know that it was Actaeon's ghost, unhappy and unburied, trapped on the earth, who leaned over his sleeping father and told him of his fate? "You will not find me as you knew me, gather me as a stag." And Aristaeus immediately woke his wife and told her the truth, and together they grieved all the night long.

(Did you know that this is why Aristaeus abandons Boeotia? He could not stand the sight of it and so he went to Ceos. And there he slayed the dog-star. And there he became a healing wind. All in the name of his only son, that foolish, beloved Actaeon.)

[bottomoftheriverbed]

Both sides of my family view religion as an incredibly personal thing so even if they're religious they tend not to talk about it a lot and church attendance is very much not mandatory and there is no greater example of this than the fact that we don't actually know whether or not my dad was baptised. He has an invitation to his uncle asking to be his godfather so we know what church he would have been baptised in (interestingly it's an anglican church in his mother's hometown rather than his local church - presumably a compromise between my (anglican) grandfather and my (baptist) great grandmother) but because his uncle hasn't signed it we're not actually a 100% sure he was in fact baptised.

[venussaidso]

Mercury Dominant Themes — 𝐍𝐚𝐤𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐫𝐚 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟖

It seems to be a theme in Revati where all the wealth that has been accumulated from the Uttara Bhadrapada stage is easily accessed, but the native must be deemed worthy or in alignment with this sacred wealth and very often they are (but they gotta prove it usually). Profound, universal secrets are quietly recovered in Revati where elevating/ascension is easily achieved (whether through wealth status, spirituality, surpassing mental limitations etc).

The 12H activates so perfectly in Revati by draining everything away to remind us of those secrets so that we 'wake up' again.

I'm going to use monetary wealth and inheritance for my observation, not spiritual, so bare with me.

Revati reminds us of the duality of privilege and hardship, which is either emphasized in this nakshatra or tends to be taken for granted (how such 12H harsh lessons will come in).

We can see how Revati is the 'nepo baby' nakshatra, but there's more to it if we extend this theme a bit more.

Revati being extremely wealthy while also being a nakshatra about humanity & community further validates it being a universal sign (Pisces).

We can look at the story; The Prince & the Pauper written by Mark Twain who is Revati Moon.

The story is about two boys, the prince and the pauper, who switch places and briefly experience each other's lives. The prince experiences the struggle of a commoner's life, and the pauper gets a taste of the responsibilities of the royal life. This makes them have a deeper understanding and even empathy for each other and others alike. Revati emphasizes the shared humanity of all of us, and that's why this nakshatra tends to use their wealth to give back to communities; going into foreign lands to help others that cannot be helped. This proves them being worthy of their wealth, which is now something that can be maintained and even elevated.

Gaining inheritance but only through challenging conditions is something that I associate with Revati. This falls into them proving themselves worthy of the given wealth or learning to put their ego down to be properly nourished.

The film The Bachelor (1999) is about a man, who is fearful of commitment, is made aware that the only way to inherit his grandfather's wealth is by finding himself a bride. The guy is literally commitment-phobic, but he must change his ways. He is played by a Revati Moon.

It's very interesting that films regarding family monetary/asset inheritance have (Mercurial) nakshatras which trine Revati. For example, the film The Descendants (2011) has a plot where the main character is considering on selling a pristine piece of land that has been passed down throughout generations in his family. The director of this film is a Jyestha Moon.

Or the film Inheritance (2020) stars an Ashlesha Moon who plays a character whose father dies, unfairly leaving her with a small inheritance of $1m compared to her brother - played by a possible Ashlesha Moon - who received $20m.

Unfortunately, she also inherits a lifetime of deception and deadly truths that her father left her to deal with. So, we can see how this trope looks on the flipped side where inheritance can be a curse. Mercury nakshatras are the last to deal with the (family) baggage that tend to be passed on from their family, and they're usually the ones to put an end to curses or cycles. Mercury nakshatras, in the general, are the last stage where all matters from the Jupiter/Saturn nakshatras are dealt with & released. In the film, the deceased father is interestingly played by a Vishakha Sun, Purva Bhadrapada Moon.

Actually, circling back to the film The Bachelor (1999), the deceased grandfather who's willing to pass his wealth to his Revati Moon grandson is actually played by a Pushya Moon, Punarvasu Ascendant. I find that Saturn nakshatras can make things challenging for Mercurial nakshatras, not wanting to let them off too easy. Giving them challenging conditions regarding inheritance. Sometimes, Jupiter/Saturn nakshatras can play a role in which they take advantage of vulnerable, Mercury nakshatra natives.

This is seen in the film Rain Man, which was literally directed by Revati Sun AND Jyestha Moon, Barry Levinson.

The film is about two brothers who reunite after the death of their father. The greedy, selfish brother played by a Pushya/or Punarvasu Moon who realizes that his father left his entire estate to his autistic savant brother who is played by an Ashlesha Sun. The Pushya/or Punarvasu Moon brother kidnaps the Ashlesha in hopes to get him to share his inheritance with him.

Now, very interesting how Mercury nakshatras can be born into wealth but it can all be drained away from recklessness, arrogance, or for a lesson for the natives. Going bankrupt, being dethroned etc. can be Revati/12H themes that make us go boundless, by taking everything away which we held onto most of our lives. It makes sense why the 12H is said to be co-ruled by Ketu. Nakshatras trining Revati can also have these themes extended to them.

The film 'Material Girls' is about two heiresses to a multi-million-dollar company who approach life very recklessly and arrogantly. One day a scandal they get involved in causes the downfall of their family reputation and they shift into a life of being penniless and homeless.

The film stars Jyestha Moon, Hilary Duff, and her sister, Haylie Duff, who has her Mars&Venus in Revati. And the movie is literally directed by Revati Moon, Martha Coolidge.

Another movie to mention is the very first Thor (2011) movie, in which the main character - an arrogant, reckless royal prince - is stripped of his powers and banished from his home. He lands on Earth, powerless and ordinary, where he learns humility and what it truly means to be a hero before reclaiming his status. The main character is played by Ashlesha Sun Chris Hemsworth, and the movie is directed by Jyestha Sun Kenneth Branagh. LMAOOO I MISTAKENLY WROTE JYESTHA MOON IN THE PIC

Now, onto Disney Princesses.

What do these three movies have in common? There's a commonality in their respective storylines. Rapunzel, Princess Aurora, and Princess Anastasia all have a period in the plots where they are not aware of their royal lineage or rightful place on the throne. It becomes a central narrative to move the stories towards these characters finally remembering who they are. 12H themes are at work again here, as 12H will strip you of your identity and create even more confusion of the Self. The 12H is also about remembering who you are again, being reminded of where you belong. These characters are so incredibly Piscean/12th house in nature that of course they can only be voiced by Revati natives!

Tangled (2010) — Mandy Moore voicing Rapunzel

Sleeping Beauty (1959) — Mary Costa as Aurora

Anastasia (1997) — Meg Ryan as Anastasia

Live-action version of Princess Aurora has been played by Elle Fanning; very fittingly lmao.

There's a Barbie Rapunzel movie and Rapunzel was interestingly voiced by a dominant Revati stellium.

And Rapunzel in the Shrek version was voiced by someone with two Ashlesha placements (I know, not the best example but having two repeated nakshatras make them dominant imo).

As I've mentioned, nakshatras that have the same nakshatra lord can share the same themes because they trine as a result, so they're closely connected. But Revati is the face of this post, just btw.

From what I gathered, Revati teaches humility, empathy and compassion. Revati is a nakshatra that sees humanity in all, and this trope is well embodied in the Prince and the Pauper story. Revati teaches us how class and wealth creates illusions of separation, and so the 12H takes that thing you believe 'separates' you from others so that you are reminded of the truth. Reminded, is the key word, because the truth has already been realized Uttarabhadrapada, where self-liberation and abundance is achieved. In Revati, you forget the truth that freed you in Uttarabhadrapada. So, Ketu will remind you (Pisces/12H co-ruled by Ketu) and it will hurt (the process of remembering hurts, but the aftermath is so freeing). But things can go the Disney Princess way, where you have to find your way back to yourSELF. This is how we see Revati natives losing themselves, especially in love, just to forget to remember (which is the whole point of life/humanity... EXACTLY WHY REVATI IS A UNIVERSAL NAKSHATRA).

[pupuyvs]

76

tw - violence, high school parties (underage drinking, weed insinuated)

Jihye huffed as she threw the controller down, purposely looking away from Eunchae who was up and celebrating.

“Lost again, what happened to your gaming skills?”

Jihye scoffed, “You’re literally cheating!”

“How?”

Jihye looked over at the cheerleader who was simply smirking. Each time Jihye was close to winning, Chaewon would purposely distract her with a kiss.

“Not my fault you’re terribly gay,” Eunchae retorted, making Chaewon laugh.

“Let's go again,” Jihye turns to Chaewon, “You need to stay away from me, you demon.”

Chaewon pouts at her before pecking her lips once more and cuddling into her side.

The two girls started playing again, this time Jihye beating Eunchae easily, causing Eunchae to huff this time.

“Whatever, Mario Kart is stupid anyways.”

Jihye laughed, “Yeah it’s stupid now that I won, huh?”

As the two girls started to bicker, the door to the game room opens. The three girls look up, shock crossing both of Kim’s faces, “Mom?”

Jihye grips her jeans nervously as a staff member places a plate in front of her. She was purposely avoiding eye contact with the two people sitting across from her by staring down at her hands on her lap.

Out of all her of time being with Chaewon, and coming to her house, she had yet to have met her parents, both of them always away on business trips. As they sit in front of her, Jihye can feel the wealth and power radiating off of them. While both Kim girls had strong auras that pulled people’s attention to them, their parents were the opposite. Just being in their presence would make you feel inferior, like you weren’t worthy to breathe the same air as them.

Jihye looked up when she felt Chaewon’s hand grasp hers, the cheerleader squeezing the other’s as a way to reassure her.

“Jihye, is it,” Chaewon’s father starts, “What did you say your family name was?”

Jihye cleared her throat to meekly respond, “Yoo.”

Chaewon’s father, Changwook, nods slightly, “As in the Yoo Group?”

Jihye shakes her head, “No, sir.”

“Yoo Construction?”

Jihye shakes her head again.

“So what do your parents do?”

“Umm, my father works in insurance, and my mom is a baker.”

“Oh,” the man says clearly disappointed, and it immediately causes Jihye to look down again.

Chaewon’s mother, Yoona, speaks this time, “So Jihye, where are you from? You say certain words interestingly.”

Jihye blushes, embarrassed that she still slightly had her hometown's dialect, “I’m from Andong.”

Changwook scoffs before muttering lightly, “A country kid.”

“Dad,” Chaewon says sharply.

Trying to lighten up the slightly tense mood, Yoona speaks again, “Beautiful town, its scenery is stunning.”

Jihye nods, clearly dejected.

Sighing softly Yoona speaks again, clearly trying to ease the girl, “Are you involved in any extracurriculars?”

Chaewon, clearly angry, speaks up this time, “She was on the soccer team and lead the robotics club.”

“Robotics,” Yoona starts, “That means you’re pretty smart.”

“She’s very smart,” Chaewon answers for her, pride now lacing her voice.

“And also really good at games,” Eunchae adds, it slightly muffled due to her having food in her mouth.

Ignoring her, Changwook asks, “And what do you plan to do for college?”

This time Chaewon looks at Jihye, she was also curious, whenever college was brought up the taller girl would always skirt around the topic.

Looking up Jihye clears her throat once more, “I’m going back to Andong to attend college there.”

Chaewon’s eyes widen, Jihye was leaving her?

But before she could question her, her dad speaks again, “What a waste.”

His words cause everyone to go silent, after a few moments Jihye stands, stumbling slightly when she pushes out the chair, “I think I should go, thank you for dinner Mr. and Mrs. Kim.” She leaves without waiting for a response, clearly humiliated.

Chaewon glares at her dad as she immediately stands after.

“Thanks a lot dad.”

Before she can leave, her father calls her name. Without looking up at her, he starts, “You don’t need to be wasting time with commoners that have no real plans for their future. They’ll do nothing, but drag you down, remember that.”

Chaewon doesn’t bother with a response, she had nothing to say to him, and she needed to find Jihye.

She doesn’t have to go far when she steps outside and finds the girl sitting mid-way down the stairs, sobbing.

Chaewon walks down to the girl and sits next to her, when Jihye looks up to see who it is, Chaewon's heart breaks.

“Oh baby…”

She immediately brings the girl into a hug, the action causing Jihye to sob even more. Holding her tightly Chaewon presses small kisses to the top of her head, rubbing her back gently. Silently letting the girl know she would be there for her for as long as she needed her to be.

The late-spring air engulfs the two, the night being one of the oddly cool ones. Wind fills the silence between them as they use their feet to push themselves lightly back and forth on the swings.

Once Jihye had calmed down, Chaewon, not wanting to talk to her father, suggested they walk to the nearby park.

An idea she regretted now, for as they sat there, Chaewon’s thoughts ran wild.

Our time together is running out. Why doesn’t she seem to care about that? Why hadn’t she told me already?

“Thank you,” Jihye says, breaking the silence.

How do you really feel about me?

“For what,” Chaewon asks, looking at the other.

“Coming with me despite it being late.”

How can you not be panicking, we graduate soon.

Chaewon shakes her head, fearful if she speaks all these thoughts will spill out before she can process them.

“Chae?”

She hums in response.

“Are you okay?”

Those words knock down the dam.

“How long did you know,” Chaewon asks, her voice slightly wavering.

The question confuses Jihye, “What?”

Chaewon’s hands tighten around the chains holding the swing, the cold metal pressing harshly into the bones of her fingers.

“How long did you know about college,” Chaewon asks again.

Jihye lets out a small “oh.”

A beat of silence passes before she answers, “The beginning of the year.”

Chaewon felt sick.

She felt Jihye watching her, she could even feel the anxiety coming off of her, it made her angry.

Chaewon never had the best handle on her emotions, maybe it was her absent parents fault, or maybe it's because she never had anyone she cared about this greatly. As she stands from the swing, her fist clenched, she’s reminded of when people would say she reminded them of her father.

She had hated the comparison, she was nothing like her father who never smiled, whose only emotion seemed to be disappointment and rage. But now as the rage settles in, she wonders if Jihye would make the same comparison.

“When the hell were you going to tell me,” she yells, her tone unforgiving.

Jihye panickedly stands up, the bout of rage clearly shocking her.

“I-I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” Chaewon shouts incredulously, “Don’t lie to me Jihye.”

Jihye looks down before muttering out, “Graduation.”

“Graduation?! Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“I didn’t know how,” she pauses, nerves clearly getting her.

“How to what Jihye,” Chaewon interrupts.

“To tell you.”

Chaewon scoffs, “Oh I don’t fucking know maybe ‘I’m going back to my hometown for college’ would’ve worked.”

Jihye doesn’t say anything, which just causes Chaewon to be angrier.

“Did you even think about me?”

“Of course-”

She’s cut off by Chaewon, “Or was it just fuck Chaewon?”

Jihye tries to speak again, but Chaewon isn’t looking for a conversation anymore.

“God, do you realize how selfish you are? You didn’t even bother to think about me.”

“Now wait-”

“You make me so mad. Did you even think about us-”

“What ‘us,’” Jihye interrupts this time.

“What?”

The question shocks Chaewon, stopping her rage-based tangent.

“What ‘us’ Chaewon,” Jihye starts, “The ‘us’ in school where I get bullied and you pretend to not see because you don’t know I exist? Or maybe its the ‘us’ that's three hours away from Seoul so we can’t be recognized.”

Jihye continues, “Speaking of Seoul, I know we’re pretty close to where ANY one can recognize you, so is it ok for me to even mention an ‘us’ right now, I would seriously hate for anyone to think anything especially since you have a boyfriend. Hey speaking of which did you talk about ‘us’ to him or are we not allowed to be an ‘us’ there either?”

Jihye’s spiel should’ve pulled Chaewon from her anger, but she’s her father’s child and pride is a dangerous thing.

“Is this what it’s about, not being public in school,” Chaewon rolls her eyes, “We graduate next month, who cares about that?”

“I do,” Jihye exclaims, her voice falters at the end, “I do. If you’re ashamed to be with me at school, how can there be an ‘us’ in the real world?”

The question genuinely confuses Chaewon, “Ashamed? Why would I be ashamed of you?”

“Cause I’m poor Chaewon! I’m going to college in Andong because my parents can’t afford to help me AND my sister go to college. I tell my friends, especially Jimin, to stay silent about my bullying so my sister can win school president every year just so she can get some type of scholarship.”

Chaewon knows she's fighting a losing battle, but she can’t help but keep trying, “Why would how much money you have matter?”

“Because it does,” Jihye’s voice is littered with desperation, “It took your father all of three minutes to decide I was inferior just because I’m not rich enough. How many “I can’t afford that” will it take for you to feel the same?”

The question knocks all air out of Chaewon, she wants to respond but what can she say?

She feels constricted, even outside she feels suddenly closed in. She unconsciously takes a step back trying to get some space to breathe.

She watches Jihye, she watches as her chest rises and falls roughly, almost as if she’s struggling to breathe, she watches as the wind pushes hair in her face. As she follows a tear slide down her face, she realizes she’s never seen this side of Jihye before.

It felt as if she was face to face with a stranger.

It made her feel nauseous.

Here was the girl she had been with for months, someone she imagined a future with, which she now knew was one-sided, and she didn’t recognize her.

Chaewon knows it’s still Jihye, but she’s never seen her this desperate, this broken.

It makes her wonder how long she kept this side hidden from her. (And if she somehow forced her to hide it from her.)

The thought makes Chaewon feel dizzy, she feels her mind unraveling slowly as Jihye watches her, it's becoming too much for her so she does what she does best, run.

She can hear Jihye calling for her, her voice raspy and crackling from the amount of crying she had done today, but she keeps running.

And she doesn’t know how she should feel when she realizes Jihye doesn’t run after her.

Jihye sighs as she parks the car and takes out the key from the ignition. She leans back into her seat and closes her eyes.

She opens them when she feels a hand on her arm.

“You okay,” Jimin asks, “We don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”

Jimin's face is then blocked by Yujin’s, who is now leaning over the armrest.

“Uhh, yes we do, I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”

Neither girl is able to respond as Yujin’s head is then pulled back by Yunjin.

“Stop being rude you beast,” Yunjin tells her before looking at Jihye, “We can leave if you want, ignore her.”

Jihye shakes her head and gives them a small smile, “I’m fine you guys.”

It had been a full week since her argument with Chaewon. When she had finally calmed down she had tried to find Chaewon, but was too late, as the girl had already gone home.

She felt horrible escalating the situation, Chaewon was rightfully upset, Jihye had hidden something big from her.

Once Jimin had picked her up Jihye tried calling her to apologize, and even explain that she did imagine a future where they work out, and that she just didn’t want to hold Chaewon back from the life she deserves, but she didn’t answer.

She expected it of course, she really hurt her, so she left messages instead. But every text sent went unread, her Twitter dormant.

Any small glances she sent to her at school went unresponded, Chaewon was ignoring her.

Her friends had of course noticed something was up when Yizhuo also ignored her at their recent friend group meeting.

They had offered to skip the pre-prom party, which name didn’t make sense since prom was two weeks away, since they knew Chaewon would be there. However, Jihye reassured them multiple times that she wanted to go, she truthfully only wanted to come so she could see Chaewon anyways.

Which led them to where they are now, in front of some huge house with music blasting out of it.

She looks up when she hears knocking on her window, she finds Yuna and Wonbin making dumb faces at her while Yeji shakes her head behind them.

Jihye laughs before opening her door, which causes the others to open their doors and step out too.

Once she’s out she locks the door and turns to the group putting on a painfully obvious faux smile, “Ready?”

No one bothers to respond instead deciding to walk across the lawn to head into the house.

Jimin immediately moves next to her, “You sure you’re fine?”

Jihye groans lightly, “Yes, stop worrying.”

“I can’t help it.”

Jihye chuckles softly, “I know mother.”

Jimin rolls her eyes playfully, as everyone enters the house Jimin stops Jihye by the door, “I’m serious if at any point you want to go home just tell me, we’ll go.”

Jihye nods, “I know, now go find Yizhuo I know she’s waiting for you somewhere.”

Jimin smiles at the mention of the girl and hugs the taller one before running off.

Jihye takes a breath before stepping in the house.

When she enters the house she’s immediately overstimulated, the music is loud, the air is filled with the smell of alcohol and a substance she’s sure isn’t legal in Korea.

Walking further in she bumps into someone, she goes to apologize but stops when she sees its Yena.

The girl's eyes are red, her pupils dilated, she’s clearly gone.

She sneers at Jihye, “Watch where you’re fucking going.”

Jihye doesn’t get to reply as the girl walks away, shaking her head, she heads into the kitchen.

The kitchen is littered with bottles, and miscellaneous snacks that are spilled all over the counters.

Jihye begins to look for anything non-alcoholic since she was the designated driver.

While she’s searching she feels a tap on her shoulder.

Turning around she’s met with an ice cold water bottle, the girl handing it to her unfamiliar.

Jihye takes the bottle with a thanks, after taking a drink she puts it on the counter.

“I’m Jihye,” she says to her.

The girl laughs softly, “I know, I’m Lily.”

Jihye nods, she has no idea who this girl is, but she’ll pretend she does.

“How’d you know I wanted,” she finishes her sentence by raising her water bottle.

Lily laughs again, “You passed by multiple alcohol bottles so I assumed you aren’t drinking.”

Jihye nods, “Yeah, designated driver.”

“I thought so.”

Lily continues, but Jihye tunes her out. She didn’t mean to, Lily actually seems like a chill person. But when she looked up she caught sight of Chaewon, and the world seemingly went silent.

Chaewon was standing beside her friends, a drink in her hand, that even from a distance Jihye could tell was untouched.

While her friends were talking Chaewon hadn’t opened her mouth even once, truthfully she looked exhausted.

Jihye still found her beautiful.

When Chaewon finally looked at her Jihye offered her a small smile which caused Chaewon to immediately look away.

Jihye sighed before looking back at a confused Lily, “Sorry,” she says, “Can you repeat that?”

Lily nods before starting over.

Tonight was going to be a long night.

Yena was intoxicated, anyone could see that, but she didn’t care who noticed she was on a mission.

Tonight was the night she got Chaewon back.

Keeping her eyes on Jihye she watches as the girl keeps looking at Chaewon, it annoyed Yena greatly, the audacity of her to look so publicly.

After a few more minutes Yena lets out a sigh of relief when she realizes Chaewon didn’t respond to any of Jihye’s glances. Chaewon never ignored anyone she knew unless she was done with them, and being done with Jihye meant Yena actually had a chance to do what she planned to do tonight.

It was too perfect, the nerd was out of the picture, prom was in two weeks, and then graduation. All of which offered Yena the perfect opportunity to publicly claim Chaewon as hers again.

Pushing herself off the wall, she placed her drink on a random table and made her way towards where Chaewon was standing.

Once she stood just behind Chaewon she froze, sobering in an instant.

She felt so stupid.

Chaewon hadn’t been glancing at Jihye because she didn’t have to, she had picked the perfect spot in the house where no matter where Jihye stood in the kitchen she could see her.

She had been watching her all night.

All the rage that had been building up, came back tenfold.

Pushing past Chaewon, Yena now had a new mission: make Jihye pay.

And the setting couldn’t have made it easier for Yena.

Jihye was greatly distracted talking to a random girl, the music so loud she couldn’t hear Yena stomping her way to her.

That’s why when Yena pushed past Lily and winded up her arm Jihye didn’t have time to react.

It didn’t hit Jihye what had happened until she heard Lily gasp, and felt something wet hitting her hand, blood.

She could hear Yena saying something, Jihye’s brain unable to comprehend it due to it still trying to process the fact Yena had just punched her.

It wasn’t until she heard Yena say that she “wasn’t good enough for Chaewon anyways,” did Jihye’s brain finally snap out of it. A rage overtook Jihye, one she’s never felt before, maybe it was a build up of the past school year, maybe it was just the exhaustion of hearing something she already knew, or maybe she was just over Yena bothering her. She doesn’t know what specifically it was that caused her to stand back up, and punch Yena right back.

Silence takes over the two, adrenaline pushing out all sounds of music and people.

Jihye watches as Yena’s hand goes up to the offended area, her cheekbone, before she lets her hand drop, immediately balling it into a fist.

They both stare at each other, Jihye’s mouth still dripping blood.

The slight flex of Jihye’s hand is what sets Yena off, as she immediately tackles Jihye into the refrigerator.

The impact causes Jihye to lose all air in her, before she can catch her breath she instinctively pushes them both off the fridge with her foot causing Yena to hit her back on the island.

From here they both end up on the floor, Jihye on top as she lays punches on the basketball player, who, once she catches her own breath, flips them over.

They both struggle trying to be the one on top, neither paying attention to their surroundings, Jihye eventually hits her head hard on a cabinet, and that's all it takes for Yena.

Now straddling her, Yena doesn’t hold back as she delivers blow after blow to Jihye's face.

As she winds up Jihye quickly covers her head with her arms, the action only makes Yena angrier, as she begins to punch any area on Jihye’s body she can.

The blows hardly come to a stop when she feels someone rip Yena off, Yena instead taking it as an opportunity to kick her.

After a few seconds of peace Jihye sprawls out on the kitchen floor, taking in deep breaths, as the adrenaline slowly wears off it leaves nothing but pain in its wake.

She feels a hand lightly cup her cheek, she can tell by the way it feels it's not Chaewon, she wishes it was.

She opens her eyes slightly, the action making her wince, and sees Yunjin and Kazuha above her, panic painting their faces.

As the last of adrenaline wears off her sense of hearing comes back in full, the loudness of everything makes her already pounding head worse, the bass of the music brings new waves of pain each time it shakes the floor.

“Get the others now,” she hears Yunjin say frantically, the hand that was softly grazing her face disappears, leaving her to stare dazedly at Yunjin.

“Hey bud,” she hears Yunjin say.

How strange, Yunjin has never called me bud before.

She feels the thudding of her friend group before she hears them, the banging making her head spin.

Someone drops down beside her and when she turns her head slightly to the left she sees her sister.

Jimin has many emotions painting her face, none positive, it scares Jihye slightly.

Jimin immediately looks up at Yunjin, her voice harsh, “What happened?”

“This girl named Lily came to Zuha and me and told us Yena and Hye were fighting. We got Wonbin and when he pulled Yena off, Jihye was like this.”

Jimin closed her eyes, clearly trying to calm herself as her jaw clenched, “How long has she been laying like this?”

“Not long.”

Letting out a sigh, Jimin finally calms herself enough to start giving instructions, “Yeji and Yuna, I need you guys to start making a pathway for us, the last thing we need is Jihye bumping into anyone, use Wonbin if you have to. Yujin,” she pauses as she reaches into Jihye’s hoodie pocket, softly apologizing when the girl winces, grabbing the keys she throws them to Yujin, “start the car. Zuha, get wet rags or napkins and a bag of ice.”

When everyone runs to do what they’re told Jimin looks at Yunjin, “You and I are going to carry Hye out, alright?”

Yunjin nods in response causing Jimin to look down at Jihye, “Hi Jiji,” she says gently.

“Hi Min,” she attempts to smile at her sister, however the multiple wounds on her face sting when she tries.

“This is gonna suck, but I’m gonna need you to sit up.”

Jihye groans softly before lightly nodding, she feels the two girls put their hands under her back.

“Take all the time you need,” Yunjin tells her.

Taking in a deep breath she begins to lift herself up, letting out small sobs as she does.

Once she’s in a sitting position the two girls give her a moment before wrapping an arm around both of their necks.

When they stand Jihye lets her body become deadweight, exhaustion hitting her hard.

As they begin to walk, Jihye sees a familiar pair of shoes which causes her to slightly squeeze on both girls hands.

The two girls helping her stop in confusion, “What’s wrong Hye,” Jimin asks.

Jihye looks up at Chaewon, her eyes shining with desperation as blood begins to drip on her hoodie, the one Chaewon had gotten her.

She really wanted Chaewon by her side, she needed the comfort only she could bring her, but when Chaewon finally makes eye contact with her, the first thing she does is step back, a look of disgust painting her face.

Jihye suddenly felt sick.

Not even now, as she stood in front of her, bleeding and needing others to help her walk, was it enough for Chaewon to not be embarrassed, no, ashamed, of her.

Jihye feels her eyes water, the pain her body is in pales in comparison to the pain the lump now stuck in her throat brings.

She let her head hang, she didn’t want to see the moment where Chaewon realized her father was right, Jihye was below her.

“For fucks sake,” she hears Yunjin whisper near her ear.

“Let’s go Jihye, let's not waste any more time,” Jimin says this time, hatred now painting her voice.

Jihye doesn’t say anything while they drag her out.

Once they are outside Jihye immediately winces as the night air hits her, the spring heat making it muggy and heavy, it makes her feel like she's suffocating.

“Can we just sit down for a second,” Jihye croaks out, the sob still stuck in her throat.

“We’re almost to the car,” Jimin says back to her.

“Please.”

Hearing the desperation Jimin nods and leads Jihye to the curb where they sit her down.

The two girls sit next to her, silence falling between them.

They’re disrupted when they hear shoes on the pavement of the driveway, both stiffening defensively as they turn to see who it is.

“I got the stuff,” Kazuha breathes out clearly winded.

She kneels in front of Jihye without having to be told, she hands Yunjin the ice pack as she begins to slowly clean the blood off her face.

Jimin stands to look at the second person, “What are you doing out here?”

Yizhuo is thrown off by the harsh tone, “When I came back from the balcony you were gone, when I asked they said there had been a fight. That's when I saw Kazuha and just followed her.”

“You shouldn’t have,” Jimin simply tells her.

Yizhuo’s eyebrows furrow, “Are you mad at me?”

“Should I be?”

“I don’t think so.”

Jimin just sighs, “Yizhuo, let's end this.”

Yunjin’s gasp immediately draws their attention, causing her to swiftly apologize.

Yizhuo grabs Jimin hand and pulls her away, when they are a bit further from the three Jimin pulls her hand away.

“What do you mean Jimin?”

Yizhuo watches as Jimin sighs, each second that passes feels like she’s being stabbed.

“I’m saying we should break up.”

“Why?”

Jimin scoffs, “Look what happened when one of us stepped over the line you and your friends created,” Jimin says pointing towards Jihye, who was very clearly out of it, before she continues, “You and your friends are all the same, cowards. In private you pretend there is no difference between us, but in public you guys act like we’re disgusting for existing.”

But before Yizhuo can defend herself they’re interrupted by Kazuha yelling Jihye’s name.

Jimin immediately turns around to find Jihye now laying on the ground, passed out.

They both run back to the girl, “What happened,” Jimin exclaims.

“She said she was dizzy and then she fainted,” Kazuha explains.

“Yunjin help me pick her up, we gotta get her to the hospital.”

Yunjin and Jimin immediately pick her up, Kazuha following behind them.

When they get to the car Yujin is already in the backseat, Kazuha quickly slides in next to her, then Yunjin after making sure Jihye was stable in Jimin’s arm.

Once she’s in she stretches out her arms to motion for Jimin to give her Jihye, when she grabs her she pulls her in and lays her across their laps, Kazuha hands Yujin the wet rag so she could wipe Jihye’s face.

Jimin gets in the driver seat once she's sure the girls have a stable hold on Jihye, but before she can close the door Yizhuo holds it open, “Let me come with you.”

Jimin just shakes her head, “Let go Yizhuo.”

“Please.”

But before Jimin can refuse once more they hear the passenger door open, looking over they see Yuna.

Leaning over the center console Yuna speaks to Yizhuo, “If you don’t mind we kind of have an emergency.”

Yizhuo backs up, her eyes now watering as the door closes.

She makes eye contact with Jimin one last time as they pull away from the house. Another car, who Yizhuo can only assume was Yeji, following them.

Once their cars are out of sight Yizhuo drops to the ground, her legs no longer working, and breaks into sobs.

Parties were no foreign concept to Chaewon, if anything she flourished in them. They came with the territory of being popular, Chaewon had been to so many she adopted a habit when at one, counting the amount of droplets that would fall from someone’s cup and seeing how long it would take to disappear.

It started off as a way to ease her nauseous and dizzy mind when she was terribly drunk, Yizhuo suggesting it, but as she found herself at another party every other weekend she would do it to pass time.

Maybe that’s why now, as she’s sitting on the couch her friends dragged her to, she finds herself waiting for Jihye’s blood to dry up on the ground.

It makes her feel nauseous as each second passes by, her friends droning on about “how crazy Yena is” not helping her racing mind.

Everytime she would close her eyes to rid herself of the nausea she would keep seeing the look on Jihye’s face when she stepped back.

A shadow appears in front of her saving her from her spiraling mind. She looks up and sees Yizhuo staring down at her, eyes glossy and red.

She quickly stands up, “What’s wrong?”

Her eyebrows furrow when her back hits the couch again, Yizhuo standing above her once more this time with a snarl.

Aeri immediately stands up, “What the fuck is your problem?”

Yizhuo moves her glare up to Aeri and pushes up against her, “You guys are.”

Minjeong immediately moves to push Yizhuo off of Aeri, but the anger must’ve made Yizhuo stronger as she didn’t even budge.

Aeri simply moves her face closer, “And what could you possibly mean by that?”

“Guys,” Wonyoung says, now also standing up, “Maybe we should bring this outside, everyone’s watching.”

When Chaewon looks up she sees people whispering and pointing at them, a sight she’s used to, only this time it makes her feel as though she’s burning.

Aeri’s the first to rip away and start heading outside, Minjeong follows behind her making sure to bump Yizhuo’s shoulder as she does. Yizhuo doesn’t bother looking at the other two as she follows shortly after, the look on her face deadly.

Chaewon flinches when she sees a hand in front of her, she grabs on when she recognizes the Cartier bracelet. Helping her up from the couch, Wonyoung offers her a small smile before heading outside.

It takes Chaewon a few breaths to get her legs moving, she avoids looking at the ground, refusing to look weak, even though all she wanted to do was sob as her life was beginning to break down around her.

When she steps out the house the tension makes the already heavy air feel heavier.

She walks down the stairs and steps in the space between the two groups, Aeri and Minjeong near the stairs and Yizhuo standing on the lawn, Wonyoung is off to the side clearly trying to ease her own anxiety.

“What’s the matter Yizhuo,” Chaewon says softly, though she was hurt that Yizhuo pushed her she was still her best friend.

Yizhuo didn’t seem to share the same sentiments.

“You guys are fucking cowards, thats what the matter is,” she exclaims at her.

Aeri immediately gets closer, “And what the fuck are you?”

Chaewon puts her hand up to get Aeri to stop, “Where is this coming from Ning?”

“You know exactly where or should I explain it to you and our friends?”

Chaewon blood goes cold at Yizhuo’s threat, “You wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

“What is she talking about Chaewon,” Minjeong asks.

“Nothing,” Chaewon says automatically.

Her answer makes Yizhuo scoff, “Typical,” she shakes her head, “I’m done. I refuse to lose Jimin because of you guys.”

“You’re leaving us for that fucking loser,” Aeri asks.

Yizhuo immediately steps up to Aeri, “Watch your fucking mouth.”

“Or what?”

“Enough,” Chaewon yells, her voice shaky, “Did you mean what you said Yizhuo?”

Not breaking eye contact with Aeri she answers, “Absolutely.”

“Then go.”

“Guys maybe we should talk about this,” Wonyoung finally says.

Ignoring her, Yizhuo turns around and walks away, leaving the other four behind, marking the end of their friendship.

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a/n well…u made it to the angst YAYYYYYY dont kill me

taglist: @myouiiiiiiii @bbanghanni @impossiblesharkcashrebel @lesbodietcoke @wmnrhot @pandafuriousa60 @jisooftme @rinapomu @r4cjh @snsdwater @chaewoni3 @73vyn @chaepu @haerinkisser @bagwhy @glassflowerpetals @mineige @jjongscardigan @dutifullyannoyingfox

[meanbossart]

Okay but I would love to hear your thoughts on the other spawn

Twirling my hair shifty-eyeing to the side OKAAAYYYYY WELL IF YOU INSIST 🛀

(This is a continuation of this post where I go into some detail about my thoughts on Dalyria, Violet, and Leon ((or "Leonard" as I apparently dubbed him as by mistake))

Let me start with the one I love the most after my sweet well-meaning-child-murdering-doctor Dalyria: Pale Petras.

First of all, just look at this fucking guy. What a goober.

I pretty explicitly go off-canon when it comes to my theories about Petras. According to him, he has been with Cazador for a hundred years - I find that very, very difficult to believe. Whether I would scrap that line entirely or just tack it as hyperbole is irrelevant - though he does seem to have a knack for the dramatics, or at least he tries to.

Petras immediately strikes me as a newcomer in the group. He's the most lively out of the spawn we chat with and seems to still retain what is a pretty strong, bold personality. He's antagonizing towards Astarion and pretty much sides with Cazador up until his life is on the line - and, most interestingly to me, his immediate reaction after being freed if you instruct them to lead the spawn into the Underdark seems to be one of fear and reluctance, unlike Dalyria who almost immediately takes the responsibility upon herself and seems warm towards Astarion and the player for what they've done.

Abusive relationships don't start abusive. If you've ever been friends with someone who's hooked up with a known serial abuser, chances are that you have had to sit through their attempts at justifying their behavior as foretold by previous partners - "oh, they just weren't a good match", "they both enabled abuse towards each other", "his ex was just crazy, man." This honeymoon period can last anywhere from a few weeks, to several years - until said friend inevitably finds themselves in the exact same cycle that said ex escaped from.

That's Petras. Petras is fresh meat. He's compliant. He's gullible. As a human in a world where you're surrounded by races that live up to several hundreds of years, he's attributed power to longevity - he loves being a spawn. He loves knowing that he will never lose his youthful looks and that his newly-acquired "curse" makes him desirable in it's own, odd way. He thinks this gig is easy - go out, get laid, get fed, rinse and repeat. Sure, sometimes there's a misunderstanding and he gets his joints broken or nails ripped out, but whatever! They grow back! To a vampire with powers of regeneration, dismemberment and scalping might as well be equivalent to ten belt-smacks to the backside just like his father used to give him as a child. Plus, it's never really his fault - If Master knew the truth, he would never set his goons on him at all!

And Oh, he adores Cazador. Not as a friend, a lover, or even a family member - but an aspiration. He sincerely believes that through hard work and resilience he can one day also have his status and fortune. And it shouldn't even be hard to stand out among this angsty little crew - what are they so bent out of shape about, anyway If they spent less time moping and more time working, maybe they wouldn't have such a tough time. Especially -

Astarion.

While it is likely incidental, I find it very ironic that Petras was put in Astarion's early-access outfit. And much less accidental than that: his mannerism and word-choice are a blatant imitation of Astarion's behavior. The flair, the flirting, the flattering and the abrasiveness; I've heard it theorized that this must be how all of the spawn act - I disagree. Petras is the only one we see exhibit that type of demeanor. I think he actively models himself after Astarion because as thick as he might be, he did catch onto the fact that his master has a particular interest in the white-haired elf.

And, of course, Petras hates Astarion for it. He sees him as someone who could have had it all, but gave up on it in favor of being bitter, angry, and naively wistful over his lost life. He has the looks, he has the charm, he had his master's favor, they go out and Petras watches men and women alike swoon over him and laugh at his shitty jokes, to then return home with a long-faced, bratty little shit-head of a toddler-man who would never even understand what the paralyzing loom of mortality is like in the first place - an ungrateful, nepotistic bastard whose had it all handed over to him by daddy, who was loved and fed and given a well-paid job fresh off his teens - but now he has to put a little work in. Now he has to do things that he might find unpleasant. And all he fucking does is whine about it.

Astarion is the personification of everything Petras ever wanted to be before being turned into a spawn, and he accidentally wears it on his sleeve day in and day out. I have no doubt that Astarion is blatantly aware of that fact and it makes his skin crawl - but Dalyria tells him that Petras is too young. Too new. Cut him some slack.

And frankly, I don't think he's evil, either. He strikes me as naive and star-striken. I don't know how long he's been with the Szarrs for, but certainly the light in his eyes would eventually fade over time and he would have had all the zest beaten out of him, same as the others. But, for now - he just doesn't know his own luck.

Admittedly, I have much less to say about Yousen and Aurelia. We don't hear as much as a word out of Yousen, but I've chosen to read the silence of and about his character as indicative that, maybe, he was able to hold onto his sanity and honor the best out of all of them. He had to do what he had to do to survive, but he did it while attempting to withhold any standards allowed to him for his own peace of mind - I like to imagine he had a lot of sincere empathy for all of the spawn, and, while they were never close, him and Astarion exchanged sincere words about their situation a few times during their stay at the palace; just enough to remind the elf that he wasn't alone, but never so much that Yousen would intrude into his space, or add strain to his already fragile state of mind.

And Aurelia... She strikes me as so young and already so beaten. I'd wager that what was once a sweet tiefling girl is now a terrified animal who does absolutely whatever she can to avoid pain and punishment - the snitch of the group, the reluctant ass-kisser, the one who desperately clings to any relief in whatever form it may come - be her master's approval or the shoulder of a sibling she has damned to the kennel more than once out of fear for her own life. Everybody has been hurt, betrayed, and irritated by her - but she's just so god damn pitiful that they can't push her away forever. While she would live, I believe she would have the hardest time adapting to freedom after Violet - just completely dependent on others and burdened by what she's had to do.

[ferie-anon]

🐚 Aspects & asteroid observations etc 🐚

🍵 I notice people with bella asteroid (695) in sagittarius tend to be known for their bigger figure and curvy for females, as sag rules the booty. Men with this placement could have broader shoulders and look athletic or look fit. Btw the bella asteroid (695) can show you where ur “beauty” is.

🍵 Bella asteroid in virgo tend to have an “earthly”/natural and warm beauty. Their skin could be tanned or just have a warm undertone. They could have big doe eyes, from the ones I’ve seen that has this placement.

Bella asteroid in libra or 7th house may be known for their harmonious facial features.

���� Moon in 9th/sag tend to space out at times I notice, or they don’t recall certain details/events at times if they don’t remember anything memorable of it.

🍵 Venus trine neptune falling for morally grey characters? 👀

🍵 Nymphe (875) in leo in conjunct the ascendant may have luscious and wavy hair or their hair is ethereal/pretty to others.

🍵 Jupiter conjunct asc = big chest + booty 👯‍♀️ tho I’m sure ppl alrdy know that 🧍‍♀️

Difference between pluto negatively aspecting ascendant vs positively aspecting:

Me having pluto square ascendant and ppl finding it a bit hard to approach irl becuz I look quiet and studious and isolated (pluto square asc ppl are private and keep to themselves)

While my friend has pluto sextile ascendant and people finding her interesting and easy to talk to, cuz shes kinda quiet but also wants to make friends/experience the fullest of life (pluto sextile asc makes them more comfortable and confident in their power and making them magnetic and able to understand others in a deeper and different way).

Also I have another friend who has pluto square asc and ppl think she’s judgy/intimidating or looks to be a critical person at first glance/impression, even tho shes actually chill and friendly. So sometimes they don’t approach at first till they find out shes nice actually.

Random moon sign analysis:

🍵 Interestingly I have two friends with moon in 9th house but they don’t act the same. One of them has virgo moon in 9th house at 15 degrees (gemini degree), and the other has gemini moon in 9th house at 19 degrees (libra degree). Both moon signs are in mutable signs and house(while the degrees are different), but I feel the degrees slightly change the way they process and interpret information. The one with the gemini degree in her moon in 9th tend to be a bit “scattered” and have random unusual but creative and funny ideas, whereas my friend with libra degree in her moon in 9th seems to be more calm and just going with the flow with her thinking and balanced with her side and processing what others are saying to add to it. Since libra degree is cardinal energy, so her process of thinking is more direct.

It could also be becuz the two moon signs are inherently different in their process since virgo moon is more practical but also tries to retain and have a lot going thru their head, while gemini moon’s brains easily access and connect a lot of things in their head at that moment or just intuitively/ gemini moons thinkings are less filled with overthinking as they are not focused on the effects but the "possibilities".

🖋️ Mars at 0 degrees would lash out or have a lot of anger in them. If u tick them off or they feel disrespected, their anger can be volatile or hurtful.

🖋️ Saturn in 4th house could indicate to a difficult childhood or a family life of feeling disconnected or alone at times. One of my friends has this in her natal chart and her family dynamics is complicated, as she feels distant with her father and step-mom, while her birth mother and grandma lives in another country and she feels closer with them.

🖋️ I notice if theres gemini in the big 3 and earth placements in the big 6 together, they may be interested in getting tattoos on their body. For eg. Taurus sun with gemini moon and venus, they may think of getting meaningful word tattoos on their neck. (Eg. Ricky from boys planet has a tattoo on his neck with the word rolemodel on it) meanwhile sung hanbin from boys planet has a word/quote tattoo on his inner part of his arm and he has a sun and moon tattoo around the center of his collarbone/chest (hanbin has a gemini sun pisces moon with taurus venus)

I just notice that if theres gemini and earth placements in there, they’re likely interested in getting tattoos over their upper body, like arm, neck, or back. I think the moon sign can heavily influence where they put the tattoos and wut type of tattoos. Pisces moon may be more visual and may have tattoos of objects that are symbolic to them. Gemini moon may tend to get a quote they find meaningful or a fancy word tattoo. Capricorn moon may have their tattoos around areas of their joints, area wheres theres bone structure to support like the back since capricorn rules the skeletal system.

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#10: The Burning (1.01)

gif cred: @nerd4music

I guess it really is true that some things have to burn to be brought back. 😌 Cuz Rick's helicopter had to come tumbling down in flames to finally bring our lovelies together again for their fantastic reunion. So thank you, Fire. 😋 And these final moments of episode one were just that - fire 🔥...

After the final dream-turned-nightmare, there's a time jump to “Now” as Rick pilots the helicopter and Okafor sits alongside him. Okafor thanks Rick for taking them up the coast and says he likes the way he flies. Rick doesn’t really respond so Okafor says it’s hard to tell if there’s anything on his mind because he rarely speaks these days. It’s yet another indicator that Rick really has been living life like he’s the walking dead for the past year. 

It's painful that the CRM didn’t just take home from him. They took himself from him. Especially because through Michonne, Rick found himself, a stronger more whole version of himself at that. And he would say in a heartbeat that she’s his better half and so they took the better half of himself from him, now leaving him as just a shell of who he was.

gif cred: @clonecaptains

Then in another excellently acted moment from Andy he recounts an impactful canon-event story from Rick’s youth and I love getting to learn more about Rick’s childhood.

It’s also interesting that he’s willing to open up to Okafor and tell this story. I think it shows how while Rick still is very shut down and doesn’t let anyone in close, he’s at least a bit less resistant to Okafor than before. It's almost like the CRM has tamed the beast and he's accepted being caged by them.

Rick says, “I’ve been thinking about this night when I was a kid. 7 years old.” And I like that we get to hear a story specifically from a time when Rick was the same age that his son RJ is now. Rick’s own 7-year-old is also gonna have a canon event at this age when his dad basically comes back from the dead and enters his life. 🥹

Rick shares about a night when he was 7 and thirsty and couldn’t sleep so he went to get some water. He describes his house as old with squeaky floorboards and says he was trying not to wake his family. We get to see the house and it has some Hershel’s farm vibes. Maybe I missed it in TWD but I never knew Rick was a farmer's son, but it makes total sense. It also made it make even more sense why he took so well to Hershel as a father figure in s3 and s4.

Rick recalls being on the stairs and seeing an orange light and realizing their crops were burning. He says, “I was so scared, I couldn’t move.” Rick continues, “Then my dad was there. He looked like a monster. Half his body was burnt. But he was there to get me out.”

I feel like this gives insight into so much about Rick. It sounds like he def takes after his dad and his dad’s willingness to do anything for his family even if it makes him appear like a monster. What most comes to mind hearing this is the season 4 finale and how Rick went to a dark place to protect Carl against those Claimers. Rick would do anything for his kids and wife just like his dad. 

Rick continues, “He said I didn’t need to be scared. That it was just the burning.” Interestingly, when Carl first saw his dad look like a ‘monster’ Rick didn’t have to be the one to tell him he didn’t have to be scared because his co-parent and Carl’s bff Michonne was the one to tell Carl exactly that in a beautiful bonding moment between them in the s4 finale.

And I always appreciate that s4 scene for how it strengthened Michonne and Carl's bond and also for how it showed Michonne understood Rick on such a deep level that she was never afraid of the 'monster' he can tap into. (If anything that side of Rick is something she recognized in herself and it was also something that contributed to her falling in love with him 😊)

gif cred: @thewalkingdeadgifs

Rick says his dad explained that the flames were actually protecting the plants for the next harvest. So even if it looked like it was an act of destruction it was actually an act of protection which very much is meant to illustrate how Rick views his own sacrifice and burnings as an act of protecting Michonne and Judith.

Rick’s dad told him, “It may look like the end of the world, but it’s only just the beginning.” And again that colors Rick’s own perspective since the start of the apocalypse. He chose to believe in new beginnings and hope even at the literal end of the world. 

I like that Rick describes his dad as “so certain” and “so steady” because I feel like those are qualities Rick tried to have in his kids' eyes as well. He says his dad’s certainty and steadiness made Rick feel calm and he says, “I believed him.” (A certain other 7-year-old boy is gonna express belief in his dad at the end of the series too. 😊)

It’s interesting too because I definitely think Rick is a character that suffers from anxiety. He fights hard to not let it get the best of him and to be steady but sometimes anxiety can understandably hit him hard. It sounds like his dad was someone who could calm him and now I adore the way Michonne is the one in his life who can always beautifully calm him too. 

Okafor asks if Rick’s dad survived and Rick says his dad was okay and the situation was okay. They got a new barn and new house and the crops flourished more than ever. For me, this childhood story gave a clear sign that Rick was going to get a happy ending after all the burning he’s had to do as well.

gif cred: @perryabbott

Rick then says that years later after his dad died (which made me wonder if he and Michonne both lost their parent around the same age since so much in their journeys is similar) his mom told him that his dad was actually the one who lit the fire because the farm was gonna fail ���and what he did saved it. He saved us.”

Rick says he was rocked by the news because he thought his dad was the most honest man he knew. I feel like learning this about his dad showed Rick that not only do things sometimes have to burn, but sometimes you have to be the one to burn them. 

Rick’s mom said that what his dad did wasn’t right but the way his dad saw it the scars and the pain was just a reminder that “he saved us.” This story gives a lot of insight into not just Rick’s backstory but his current mindset. When he looks at his amputated arm or all the scars he’s got from his escapes, when he looks at himself trapped in that black CRM uniform, he too tries to see it as a reminder that he’s saving his wife and daughter, even if it’s killed him inside to be apart from them. 

As Rick concludes the story he looks at Okafor and says with certainty in his tone, “I’m in.” Officially letting Okafor know he’s going to dedicate himself to his mission.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Hearing this was a gut punch because Rick had fought so hard for so long to not conform to anything regarding the CRM and now he’s fully accepted his fate here.

Okafor looks into his eyes and seems to see that Rick is sincere about this. Even tho Rick’s face as he turns away does suggest that it’s another moment of swallowing defeat.

Okafor says it’s been a good year and that he knows Rick is the right thing for this force and for his plan. Okafor says, “No more As and Bs and Omahas” and then he gets honest with Rick saying he still doesn’t know how it’s all going to play out. But I knew 🙋🏽‍♀️. He threatened Michonne so I knew this was bound to play out with Okafor at some point meeting his demise.

...What I didn't know was that his demise would occur in the next five seconds. 🫢

Okafor says he’s gonna tell Rick another secret as he shares, “when you get to that point…swear on the sword. Don’t let it take.” And hearing 'sword' I was like now I know there’s only one sword Rick would want to swear his allegiance to and it’s a katana.

gif cred: @perryabbott

Okafor tells Rick, “You’ll know. Trust me you’ll know.” about Rick knowing the right choice to make when confronted with swearing on the sword during Beale's briefing. But it’s interesting that Okafor, despite wanting to go against Beale, still tells him to swear on the sword. To me, it shows a difference between Rick and Okafor.

Okafor will swear on the sword and play the part of doing heinous things for the CRM until he can change things, whereas as we see in the finale, Rick will shut that CRM stuff down before ever fully giving in and swearing on the sword. He already knows the real sword that gives him life and it ain’t Beales. 

So speaking of Michonne😇…

gif cred: @rcsitastark

It's quite poetic that mere seconds after Rick is about to officially be in with Okafor, Michonne unknowingly lets her husband know 'no you most certainly are not in' as she's about to literally and figuratively help him get out. Like Rick being 'in' did not last long, honey. 😋

And Michonne always was the one who could most ground Rick, so it’s only fitting that in this moment she’s helping quite literally bring him back down to earth. Without even knowing it, Michonne basically said the only thing that man Rick Grimes is 'in'…is in love with her, and Okafor and all those CRM people better recognize lol.

Also, how crazy is it that Okafor had survived so much throughout all these years of being in the military and in an apocalypse and then the second he’s even in the same atmosphere as Michonne, he meets his end? 🤭 Should have kept her name out of his mouth because I’m telling you it never ends well for anyone who comes for her. She didn’t even have to meet the man before she and her bestie took out the man. 

gif credit: @andy-clutterbuck

So Okafor is cut off as we get this shocking and riveting action sequence. Something whooshes into the helicopter and pierces Okafor, causing him to bleed from the mouth and the helicopter to rock. I like how just from the sound effect I could tell that this was a similar weapon to one we saw Michonne use in the TOWL trailer.

And y’all, I really was not expecting a Richonne reunion to arrive in episode 1 so I just thought Michonne was near but wouldn't be seen yet…but not only is the real Michonne near, honey, she’s about to make her grand TOWL entrance and of course, the queen enters with a bang. 👑 (A bang that nearly kills her husband before they can reunite tho 😬. But Richonne is blessed and highly favored so it worked out. 😌)

gif cred: @taiturner

Also, I always think it’s funny how the very normal everyday setting of Rick’s park dreams just sitting on a bench with Michonne talking about work and joking about pizzas is actually the imagined stuff and then Michonne and her bestie explosively attacking Rick’s helicopter and shooting it down is the reality despite being the far more extreme and intense scenario. It's a reminder that our favorite love story takes place in a wild apocalypse.

When Okafor is first hit, Rick calls out orders and then things get even wilder as Okafor then explodes all over the place. TOWL really said we gon' get crazy so...

Rick reports that Okafor has been KIA and says he’s defending west when another hit rocks the helicopter. Andy does a great job conveying the genuine fear and terror Rick feels as he says “We’re taking fire. Oh god. We’re taking fire.” A crash like that is terrifying. Because it doesn’t matter how good a survivor you are, there’s not much you can do. But Rick still tries to do what he can.

And then the helicopter gets hit yet again and I was like dang these attackers aren’t playing around. 👀 You could just tell this attack was personal because they were gunning this helicopter down not once, not twice, but three times. 

It was insane to see such a calm moment between Rick and Okafor end with Okafor’s blood splattered everywhere, including all over Rick.

gif cred: @vidco

The helicopter comes crashing down and Rick is rocked. But again because he’s a leader and an A to his core, he manages to gather himself enough to take over and give orders to the others as they prepare to engage. Which again is such crazy circumstances because just surviving a regular crash would be a lot to deal with and now they have to immediately be ready for an attack on the ground.

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Rick and co grab their guns and hit the PRB (which those PRBs will cause some serious complications in this show). More missiles hit the soldiers as Rick and the soldiers fire shots back. And again, these attackers did not come to play cuz they were shooting missile after missile at these uniformed guys. 

gif cred: @taiturner

The blast from one missile knocks Rick and some soldiers to the ground.

And then in a moment of absolute cinema, Rick starts crawling on the leafy ground as feet approach in the background.

gif cred: @nat111love

She’s here!!!! 🎉🤩🎉🤩🎉

I remember watching this moment on premiere day and being like are you serious I’m about to see my beloved real Michonne right now??? 🫢😭 Like this was truly live footage of my brain watching this moment on premiere day...

Again, I was so not expecting a Richonne reunion to happen in the first episode so I was shocked in the very best way. Seeing that mysterious lethal person in the back taking soldiers out - who else could it be but the baddest chick in the game. 💁🏽‍♀️ 

So Michonne is slicing these soldiers one by one in the background and Rick even has a brief moment looking back but all he can do is just crawl away. But not fast enough, because Michonne then starts to make her way over to him.

Rick tries to grab a gun but Michonne approaches and kicks it out of his hand. It’s crazy how Richonne’s first physical contact in almost eight years is through combat and they don’t even know it. Then Michonne swings her sword but Rick blocks it with his prosthetic. I guess that is one way that cutting off his hand really paid off. Cuz if he hadn’t had that prosthetic, Michonne would have made him an amputee anyway.

And this was a wild moment of seeing Rick on the wrong end of Michonne’s sword. It’s crazy how many times Michonne and Rick could have accidentally killed each other in their first moments together here. 😬 But fortunately the universe is a Richonner and watched out for them. 😇

So then Michonne kicks Rick in the face and he lies on the ground *helpless* with no choice but to accept his fate really. Like Rick truly does look like he's surrendered to this being the end of the line for him.

The first thing Michonne says to Rick after years is a stern “Get up” as she yanks him up to face her, not realizing she’s speaking to the love of her life.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Rick looks up at her and y’all I love the staging of this because it’s hot and intense and most of all because the last time we saw Richonne in a private moment together, it was similar positioning.

In their final beautiful goated private scene in 9.03 - my favorite TWD Richonne scene - it ended with Rick looking up at Michonne as she was on top of him. And now years later they’re back in a similar position...although under a very different context. 

So Michonne yanks the helmet off this last soldier so she can get to his neck and kill him. But as she places a sword to his neck…she sees his face. 😭 At long last she sees Rick's face. 😭 Ahhhhhh!! 🥳 The reunion we’d all been waiting for was here!!!!!

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Shocked to realize that the man in the black uniform is her long-lost love, Michonne steps back with eyes wide and fixed on Rick as we finally see her face in her armor. 

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Equally in shock, Rick just sits and stares at Michonne for a while, possibly convinced that he’s 'seeing things' again. I love the quietness of the moment as all we hear is the two's breathing. It low-key feels like their slowly but surely breathing in sync like one organism again.

After all my years of imagining what the moment would be like when Richonne finally lays eyes on each other for the first time again, it was euphoric to now see that moment arrive.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Michonne removes her mask and I like how she’s the one to remove both their masks at this moment. It feels symbolic of the way she'll figuratively remove their masks throughout TOWL. Because her vulnerability is going to help Rick reconnect with his own vulnerabilities and bring him back to who he really is underneath the CRM gear and mental damage. 

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Michonne stares at Rick on the ground, emotional and taken aback. Then the episode powerfully ends with Rick staring back at her, really looking like he’s wondering if he’s died and gone to the afterlife.

And then just before the ep quickly fades to black I feel like you see the subtlest shift in his expression as Rick realizes no this is real. The love of his life is really here. 😭

gif cred: @riickgrimes

All this time Rick had only considered scenarios where he’d get back to her but now he finally gets to learn that his soulmate was out there trying her hardest to get back to him too. 🥹

I am so extremely grateful to Andy and Danai for one; coming back to the franchise to give Richonne's story closure and two; for having the reunion take place in the first episode.

And what they came up with for their first moments on screen together in real life was truly epic and riveting. They killed it.🔥👏🏽🔥

When creating stories it's always most effective to pick the best characters to show up and interact with each other who will propel the story forward. Like in TWD season 4 when they all split from the prison and Tyrese is with those little girls, who is the most interesting character that could reunite with Tyrese and the girls? Carol.

So one of the millions of reasons it’s perfect that it was Michonne who found Rick and went on the quest to bring him back is because Rick had basically lost all hope and buried himself. And so the best character for him to spend this miniseries with was always going to be the one person who can make him come alive and bring him back no matter how lost he becomes. The person who loves and believes in him like no other.

Rick was losing crucial parts of himself and so he most needed his wife, the other half of himself, to arrive and help put the pieces back together like only she could.

He, as always, needed Michonne. And Michonne needed him too. 😭

However, while Michonne is physically in front of Rick here in these woods, it'll now be quite the journey to truly find her Rick.

The end of episode one made me super eager to see how the rest of their reunion would play out. And also to see how Michonne got here. And thankfully episode 2 would answer all of that and answer it beautifully.

To conclude these TOWL premiere revelings, I just have to say this was such a strong opener to the show. I absolutely loved "Years" and every actor was excellent. 👏🏽 I was put through every possible emotion and so moved by this hour of television. With "Years" the TOWL train had kicked off with a bang in every way.

And the ride was only just beginning. 😌👌🏽

[enlitment]

The Voltaire-Rousseau Beef aka V v. JJ part III.

for @stars-in-the-night , @headsinsand and other great (and amazingly patient) readers

part 1 ; part 2 ; part 3 ; part 4

7. THE ORPHANAGE (to be read in Eliza Hamilton's voice)

The one thing from his personal life that Rousseau is probably best remembered for is the fact that he gave up all five children he had with his long-term partner, Thérèse, to a Parisian orphanage. One after the other, in what could be called a rapid succession, a simple case of salut and adieu.

The reasons he gave for his behaviour differ from ‘I have fallen with a bad crowd in Paris and this is just what people around me did’ and ‘I basically had no other option anyway’ (not true, he could have married Thérèse and try to make it work. Sure, money was tight, and someone could make a few snarky remarks about the first baby looking surprisingly big for a six-month old or whatever, but these things happened quite regularly. Also, Diderot married his working-class mistress despite his father’s stern disapproval. Just saying) to – now this comes up somewhat later in the Confessions and is significantly darker – ‘I really hated Thérèse’s family and thought it would be better to let my kids be raised by the state than be around them’.

If this was him trying to break a cycle of generational trauma though – perhaps one of the side of his own family as well –  I’d argue there were far better ways of going about it. There’s also potentially one even darker, quasi-psychoanalytical reason for this now infamous choice, but it’s probably best to steer clear of Freud. Nothing good usually comes out of it.

Of course, doing something like this would make anyone seem like a douchebag, but a guy famous for writing a treatise on how to best raise children?* Guy who repeatedly argued that the single purpose of a woman’s life is to be a mother? Now that’s a hypocrisy so deliciously juicy that one simply cannot resist sharing it with the world!

*interestingly enough, he insists in the Confessions that he wanted to reveal this information in his On Education (aka Emile), and that in one of the book's passages, he alluded to this episode in such a way that he ‘basically confessed to it already’. I haven’t found that part yet, and I remain somewhat sceptical about whether this is truly the case.

8. SECOND INTERMEZZO: VOLTAIRE THE AVID HATE-READER

V on Julie, or the New Heloise: „silly, middle-class, dirty-minded and boring“

V on Profession of Faith of a Savoyard Vicar: „I read his On Education. These are reasonings of a stupid nurse in four volumes, of which forty pages directed against Christianity. They are among the most daring that have ever been written, [but] by virtue of inconsistency worthy of this head without a brain and this Diogenes* with no heart, he uttered as much abuse against the philosophers, as against Jesus Christ.“ (letter to Damilaville, 1762)

*calling JJ ‘Diogenes’ was definitely a trend in the 1700s, and what seems like V’s go-to insult for him. Calling him a ‘lackey of Diogenes’ does potentially get a bit kink-shame-y though...

9. A MOUNTAIN AND AN AVALENCHE

The last post featured an earthquake in Portugal, now get ready for a distinctly Swiss natural disaster!

To be perfectly fair to Voltaire, although he was certainly not a person who was above spreading gossip, he did have a good reason to publish what he knew about Rousseau and let all hell break loose, since...

in Rousseau’s Letters Written from the Mountain published in 1763, JJ had exposed Voltaire as the author of the infamous Sermon of the Fifty, an anti-christian work that had the potential to get its author into serious trouble. Voltaire could not and would not let this slide – especially when he had the perfect weapon on his hands. Payback time!

Voltaire therefore went on to publish a short anonymous pamphlet titled Sentiments des Citoyens (aka How Citizens Feel – since JJ proudly called himself ‘citizen of Geneva’ in his works and he championed sentiments over reason – see, it’s all very clever!) in which he exposed details from Rousseau’s personal life. This of course included the most shocking, most hypocritical, and most memorable detail of all: Rousseau, Mr. Family First, Mr. Let’s-raise-precious-children-in-a-way-that-won’t-corrupt-their-natural-godness had dumped all of his offspring into a Parisian orphanage! Not so virtuous now, is it?

Interestingly, Rousseau never put two and two together and realised Voltaire was the real author of the fateful pamphlet. It would be interesting to see how he would react had he known.

That said, much like d’Alembert’s article on Geneva a couple of years earlier, the Sentiments des Citoyens led JJ to pick up a pen once again to do what he did best: to defend the poorest and most oppressed souls against the cruel and unjust world. Which usually just happened to be himself.

And thus, as Roger Pearson, an author of one of Voltaire's many biographies concludes:

“we have Voltaire to thank for (…) being the catalyst of Rousseau’s Confessions” which he calls “one of the world’s great autobiographies”

(no, not like that @chaotic-history. Though now I cannot unsee it every time I read the quote)

->

Tune in next time for the (mis)adventure in Britain which will feature:

another philosopher - David Hume - dragged into the mess

a fake letter from Frederick the Great (that was actually penned by the most messy gossip of a person in the 18th century)

a genuinely funny statue story with an appearance from d'Alembert

[sneakydraws]

Okay so!! Here's a little wap design compilation - not exhaustive, both because of the image limit and because there's many things I'm not settled on but I want to post some of it at least~

Organised by families because familial resemblence or lack thereof is one of my favourite factors in chardes! And because Tolstoy is so good at creating these family dynamics of shared traits! First, the Bolkonskys:

Lise, Mlle Bourienne and Nikolai jr. not included for now, maybe later. The shared traits I gave them all (therefore presumably coming from Nikolai's side) are sharp, angular features with a beaked nose and high cheekbones, thin figures and straight, dark hair. Both Andrei and Nikolai are described as short, so initially I wanted to apply this to them all, but then I thought it would be cool to emphasise Andrei's similarity to his father AND separate Marya out by making her much taller than them. It works really well because Andrei and Nikolai are both short yet straightened out to their full height while Marya cowers and hunches to hide hers - which also works to create the unattractive figure she's described as having. I use heads to note height - as in, how many heads tall a character is - mostly because numerous manga art tutorials ingrained those in me <:3c Nikolai has his signature bushy eyebrows, and his clothes and hair are inspired by his depiction in the first soviet wap movie because I really liked it!

In general I spent the most time on Andrei, both because he's my favourite and because he has a lot of tantalisingly sparse and at times interestingly contrasting descriptions - he's meant to look unassuming, his small and slender figure hiding his impressive stamina and his cushy administrative position contrasting with the rugged hussars (and his small hands are mentioned as well) but he has sharp features, and his design should showcase his proud, decisive nature as well.

The Rostovs! Not including the count and countess because while I have some features in mind I haven't made up my mind yet on the overall designs, and excluding Vera for reasons I'll divulge later. These Rostov kids are all energetic, emotionally driven and strong-willed and I wanted to reflect that in their designs - most of all in their hair, which is curly and kind of fluffy, making big, untamed shapes - I decided this they would have inherited from the Count. They're all rather short (I think some of the Rostovs are described as short so I extended it to the whole family) and a little stockier than the Bolkonskys - Natasha's figure is really incosistent because she gains and loses weight a lot over the book, but I settled on the slightly heavier side mostly to contrast with Sonya. I also love freckles and always associate them with energy and youthfulness so they got given to the Rostovs - presumably from the Count's side again. And their eyes and hair are all black or dark brown!

BIG RAMBLING RANT: The Countess is described as having "oriental features" and I wanted to incorporate that into the kids because it's like the most detail we ever get on someone's overall facial features lol but it turned out kind of frustratingly vague. I think my first idea was towards Georgia because Pierre mentions a woman with Georgian features in 1812, and because my ballets russes research included a very orientalist ballet about a georgian queen. I didn't find very good references though and turned next to Armenia, and when I found someone talking about common Armenian features that fit what I already had in mind for the Rostovs I ended up using that. However, later I realised those countries are in Western Asia and don't really fit the descriptor of "oriental (eastern)" from the perspective of Russia... Now I'm looking more towards the Kalmyk and Bashkir people after seeing them mentioned in one of my interlibrary books so I might revise the Rostovs yet. I did get kind of attached to the nose though so I'll do my best to keep it haha

The odd ones out in the Rostov household!! Sonya is, I believe, related to the Rostovs on the Count's side so maybe it would make sense to give her the fluffy hair and freckles, but she has enough descriptions in the book to form a separate design on her own (and she's only a second cousin to the Rostov kids, so it's pretty far away anyway). She's compared to a graceful kitten, described as almost unattractively thin and with a sallow skin, so I thought it would fit her to have a slightly unwell air, with portruding collarbones and a slight hunch. She also has her dark double braid.

Vera was fun once I got the idea to make her look very different from her siblings - to mirror her personality being completely different (cool, impassionate, meanspirited at times) and to visually reflect how she's disliked by the Countess - perhaps almost looking like she's not her parents' child 👀 She's taller and slimmer than her siblings, with straighter and lighter in colour hair, and her features are more smooth and soft. No freckles either.

The Kuragins! Those guys are fun. I have Anatole as the tallest in the cast (save for Pierre), and Helene as the tallest woman, with Ippolit the same height as her. Helene and Ippolit in general are described as having the same features so they ended up almost looking like twins! Later I'll talk a bit more about their facial features and hair but in terms of silhouettes, Helene has to have her round shoulders and impressive bosom (and low neckline), while Anatole has to look all broad-shouldered and masculine. He was actually the hardest to draw because I kept feeling like his head was too small and his whole body too long... I might go back and make him a bit broader still. A book I have says the elite life guards of the Russian army were known for their impressive, immaculate appearance, with some men padding their uniforms to add volume to their chest... That made me think of Anatole lmao.

A little roll call to show everyone's height in relation to each other.

More about the Kuragins! I tackled Helene with the aim to make her beautiful by the standards of the time, and luckily there's actually an 1812 bust of the Greek Helene! It was too poerfect of a coincidence so I leaned heavily into it. I find that typical features of ancient Greek or 19th century Hellenistic busts are a very straight nose that flows smoothly from the forehead, a very round jawline with a somewhat portruding chin and that particular curve of the neck. I gave Helene all of those along with heavily-lidded, downturned eyes and an expression that hopefully conveys calm confidence and intelligence. Ippolit is supposed to have the same features but made to look ugly by his stupid expression - this actually turned out easier than I thought? Though it might just be that the moustache looks kind of stupid - maybe I should try a version without it. Anatole I thought ought to look impressive and masculine so in the end I kept the squarer jaw and strong forehead (and I couldn't resist the slicked back hair) but I considered a more Hellenistic version too, with the short curls and round jaw. Helene's hair was tricky because none of the styles I saw felt quite right - I settled on a sort of combo of the Hellenistic curls from the statue but a bit looser with the braid she's described to have in the book. She'd also probably wear a lot of hair accessories but I'll have to do more research on those.

More Natasha and Sonya, and Andrei - Andrei is so difficult!! I always kind of oscillate between "stern, strong-willed soldier", "sharp-featured intellectual" and "soft pampered prince/troubled poet" (where I try and fail to imitate this gorgeous illustration by Vadimir Serov). The Brutus haircut is tempting in its historical accuracy, but I'm just a little bit too fond of the immaculately slicked back hair...

Edit: I completely forgot @visualnoteslibrary was on Tumblr!! Thank you so much for collecting all the descriptions, you spared me quite the Easter egg hunt through the Gutenberg version <3

[riplever]

Review of Lost You Forever S1 《长相思》

4.4/5

Romance versus love, fantasy, xianxia, drama, politics

No better place than here to admit that I initially thought this would be a trashy especially because I have very little patience for romance dramas. But I have to swallow my words now because I was wrong.

Tong Hua is the original author and also scriptwriter for this drama; this lady kept a very close eye on the adaptation throughout. The show was directed by female director Qin Zhen, and with both of them in the car it's no wonder this drama feels different than the romances shot by male directors.

The Plot: The plot is romance, literally, filled with romantic tropes and whatnot; but the not-so-subtle meta is that it's also a meditation on love and romance, through characters and plot developments that debate heartily on the topic. The plot is also about the roles of men, women and "love" in the traditional, patriarchal Chinese society that is the setting. This is overall an intelligent story that endeavors to go beyond just fulfilling romantic notions.

Xiao Yao: Leading lady Xiao Yao is a 300+ year old princess, sharp, resourceful and wiser because of her traumas. In her life, she has been subject to torture and assassination, would rather take a reckless shot at the great unknown than wait away in the deathliness of peace, and has an intimate understanding of men, women and the things in-between, having also lived a good chunk of her life as a man.

Xiao Yao's greatest love is freedom. She loves freedom so much that she would rather have both her legs be broken (ironically) than reconcile with her dearly beloved brother and father — because she knew that meant walking headfirst into the gilded bird cage of stature and politics.

She values freedom of the mind and spirit if she can't have freedom of will and being, and only demands that her husband will have her as his one and only wife. It's a very tall ask in this game of politics. For comparison, her father pulled it off at the cost of devastating war.

Xiao Yao believes in love, but she doesn't believe in romance. She gives and receives love freely, and even on occasion unconditionally — but having learnt that emotional damage is far worse than physical ones, she guards her heart carefully to spare herself from the kind of pain that romantic love will cause.

Ultimately however, Xiao Yao knows that even that stance is one of self-denial.

Cang Xuan: Xiao Yao's brother (or cousin, if you wanna be technical). Interestingly, he's not popular in Chinese and International fandoms for the same reason — exactly like Xiao Yao, he's rational to the point that it's a double-edged blade, and he had unknowingly, intentionally, caused Xiao Yao to suffer immense pain in the beginning.

I wouldn't so much as blame Cang Xuan for that as I would consider it to be a visible metaphor of the kind of self-sabotage that Cang Xuan and Xiao Yao do to themselves when they only consider love for its utility.

Because this is a show about multiple love interests, the argument of "but he was first" works best in Cang Xuan's favor. The two of them are childhood best friends and swore an oath on the deaths of their family members to never be without the other.

With an emotional baggage shaped like Cang Xuan, you miss the point if you only fixate on the boundaries that he can operate in under "romance". He notices his own feelings for her exceed that of brother and sister, but as clinical as he is with romance, marriages and other women, he suspects that the relationship he has with Xiao Yao by birthright is the truest one in the sense of "love".

Does it have to entail her hand in marriage to give or receive her love? Will he not always be by her side through thick and thin, even after her "romantic" matches disappoint her time and again?

Will he still feel so self-assured even after Xiao Yao embarks on her newly married life with her future husband?

Xiao Yao loves him enough to give up her greatest love of freedom of him. She knows that Cang Xuan will always be there for her, and deeply understands that this status quo is the best way to maintain the longevity of their love for each other.

Tushan Jing/Ye Shiqi: Shiqi is the purest form of romantic love + pure mutual companionship that Xiao Yao has ever experienced, full stop and past tense. At the very beginning, Shiqi was just a servant and she was simply his savior. If he could live life exactly as he wanted, he would live it as a love-blind idiot and doting malewife, penniless, besotted and happy.

I can't quite say that he loved Xiao Yao irrespective of her gender, given that he guesses rather quickly as to her true gender.

Regardless, due to his upbringing and trauma, Shiqi is (initially) generous with his heart and kindness, not minding if he's being taken advantaged of, or shamelessly used for money — his love language is acts of service, and he can't think of anyone he'll rather love than the equally kind-hearted stranger who saved his life when they didn't have to.

However, Shiqi is indeed a dream, and he is too good to exist for real. His full identity is Tushan Jing, whose emotional baggage is as large as his soft heart. On one hand, Jing cannot bring himself to sever toxic family members even when it sabotages himself and his relationship with Xiao Yao; on the other hand, both Xiao Yao and him are dependent on his full identity as Tushan Jing to advance their respective interests of: supporting Cang Xuan's bid for the throne; and marrying Princess Jiuyao with all the socio-political razzmatazz befitting her stature.

Because of this, he's guilty of betraying Xiao Yao's heart severely, time and again. The fox does in fact bite.

One of the most scathing commentary I saw about Jing in the Chinese fandom was that Xiang Liu spent 37 years saving Xiao Yao's life, while Jing spent the same amount of time lying down (in a coma).

I'm not sure if or how this metaphor will bite back later in S2, but Xiao Yao's favorite childhood toy/Chekov's gun is a nine-tailed fox tail. Her evil torturer who knew the truth about her birthright is also a nine-tailed fox. Tushan Jing himself is the descendent of nine-tailed fox.

Fangfeng Bei/Xiang Liu: I almost wanted to write Fangfeng Bei separately given that all the other guys (except Cang Xuan I think?) all said something remarkable: that they think Fang Fengbei is the best man for Xiao Yao. Even I thought that was cheap dialogue thrown in to artificially lend weight to "Team Bei", and I am on Team Bae.

I eventually realized that they said that because they are all clever people, and know that Fangfeng Bei epitomizes freedom (the character for "wind" is in his name), and also that while they might compete for her heart, freedom is what Xiao Yao yearns most painfully after.

Probably this is why Xiang Liu is allergic to saying goodbyes, preferring instead to come and go like the wind does — silently.

Interestingly, Fangfeng Bei also has another recurring metaphor, this one vis-à-vis our good cousin Cang Xuan. Cang Xuan's most tried and trusted strategy of handling whatever life throws at him is to "not hope", and thus not have to bear the brunt of disappointment.

Fangfeng Bei is obsessed with hope. He says hope is the lie that keeps people going. He is the de facto commander of an army that's been defeated for centuries. In the underground fighting ring he mocks Xiao Yao for her shabby encouragement attempt, but is the one to give the fighter real hope by sharing about his own real survival story. Four decades later, he pretends not to care when the fighter finally earns his freedom, but is pleased to see Xiao Yao gift the fighter priceless resources. When he was still pretending to be a different person than Xiang Liu he taunts her, over and over again, "Who do you hope for me to be?" and "What do you hope for me to say?"

Xiang Liu is massively popular in the Chinese fandom as the OTP for Xiao Yao (contrasted against Jing's popularity on tumblr). An interesting tidbit is that the drama team made character social medial accounts for them on Weibo, and these are their follower counts at this point of time in writing:

Xiao Yao: 485k

Xiang Liu: 461k

Cang Xuan: 384k

Tushan Jing: 378k

Countless other literature have been written, and countless fights have been had over how much Xiang Liu has done for Xiao Yao in the name of true love. I will say that in contrast to Jing, who desperately attempts to blur the boundary between himself and his idealized self (i.e. Ye Shiqi); Xiang Liu endorses the idea of Fang Fengbei within limits, and personally cuts off Xiao Yao's wishful daydreams before they can gain any kind of traction. This is one part (of many) where the two of them are similar, because transacting within the confines of terms and conditions is what makes them comfortable.

He can't forgive her for breaching his lines where he drew them. She said "If I'd been the one to save you, I'll let you be Fangfeng Bei forever. Free and without burdens or worries."

She can't forgive him either for breaching her lines where she drew them. She told him "You're not the kind of man that any woman should dream of". She had already dreamt of him a long long time ago.

Let's just conclude for now that Xiang Liu has incredible finesse at snaking back and forth across enemy lines.

My Guess as to What "Lost You Forever" means for S2: I've always wondered why so many Chinese drama claim variants of "love" and "longing" in their English translated titles when the Chinese words are so much more vividly metaphorical about other things (I'm talking about "A Journey To Love" for 一念关山 and "Love And Redemption" for 琉璃).

That being said, "Lost You Forever" is a pretty straightforward and semi-direct translation of “长相思". The translation of the original novel title is actually much closer, "Miss You Forever". The drama title dramatizes it.

/**SPOILER WARNING/**

Xiang Liu dies, and Xiao Yao ends up with Tushan Jing.

Pretty much all the Chinese fans know this. They're familiar with the novel (and on-set leaks) and know that the drama will be faithful. The actors have also divulged this while doing press and promotions since they shot the entire story in one go. Xiao Yao's actress Yang Zi and Xiang Liu's actor Tan Jianci both tend to get teary-eyed or choked up whenever they address Xiang Liu's fate. Yang Zi describes her story with Tushan Jing as "the official pairing", and her relationship with Xiang Liu as "意难平", which is hard to translate because it's three little words that encompasses a broad and vague feeling. It means any or all of the following:

The one that got away (see: the Katy Perry song)

The one I can't ever let go of (see: the Pink song "Who Knew")

The one that I wasn't willing to lose (see: Li Xiangyi in Mysterious Lotus Casebook)

Some tragedies will imprint upon the heart more deeply than some loves ever will.

The titular characters are Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu. They made indelible impacts on each other's souls and are destined to lose each other "forever".

[dopplerdora]

Interestingly, going by the myth Zeus was the only sibling spared his father's actions. He was saved and only returned to fight him as an adult. He can't be "put back into his place" because Kronos was prevented from putting him there in the first place.

And it's his biggest fear.

He's terrified of having to suffer like his older siblings suffered and he acts in ways to ignore the problem.

He acts like Kronos, like a tyrant because he never experienced living under one, and he uses that power to make sure he never will.

Going by the books Zeus is the worst parent of his siblings. Which is saying somthing because Hera tossed one of her kids off of fucking Olympus. But Zeus just let's Hera do all that and then does his own cruelties.

Hades is kind of a fuck up in the books but he does love his kids and he tries. (Loving how he was shown in the show. Really pumped to see him interact with Nico)

Posiden is also a fuck up bit he loves his kids and is willing to help even his least favorite. The worst thing he did as a parent was an arranged marriage of his daughter to what was essentially a war hero and not being all that jazzed with said daughter being an embodiment of destruction and chaos.(still fucked but his worst action is being old fashioned)

We don't see alot of Demeter but she sided with Persephone over Zeus so...

Regardless, Zeus has no clue how to be a family in the first place. He only met his siblings when he rescued them and became King. He probably spent his entire early life avoiding his father's wrath and hearing about how horrific it was and how Zeus needed to stop him.

Stopping Kronos is not his only real blame to being king(he is the youngest child after all) but Kronos is probably his greatest fear, a fear he never had to really face in the way Percy is saying.

Of course it's his greatest fear. Zeus only rules through being the strongest. He has no concept of family being loyal and loving to family. But his father is more terrifying and more powerful than him.

Thank you for coming to my mixed book/show Rambling that is complete gibbrish.

[that-ari-blogger]

What is the point of the Horde? Part 1

Ok. So, why does She Ra and the Princesses of Power begin in the horde? Why go through all the trouble if in the second episode, Adora switches sides? What is the point?

Obviously, the in-universe answer is "Adora was raised in the horde, so she starts the story in the horde" and that's a perfectly fine reason. But I'd like to delve into the thematic significance of that choice. What does Adora's connection to the horde do to the story?

SPOILERS AHEAD

I'm going to start by establishing some themes, so if you disagree with my takeaway, here is where it went wrong. In my understanding, She-Ra is about family, morality, freedom, and trauma.

So, what does the horde represent?

The horde is a dysfunctional family unit. The mother figure is manipulative, the father is distant and uncaring, and the children are used as weapons. Even if you don't read this as a family unit, this isn't the healthiest of dynamics in any situation.

In Shadowweaver's first scene, we get this shot, which is a fantastic visual metaphor for Shadowweaver's influence, the shadows claw at Catra's face, covering one eye and distorting her vision as a result. Interestingly, the shadows don't directly touch Adora, but the general dimness that Shadowweaver gives off does, and her expression makes it clear that Shadowweaver's influence does have consequences on her as well by proxy.

This is a neat representation of the rest of the series. My reading of this story was as an escape from abuse story. Adora gets away physically, but Shadowweaver follows her, while Catra can't leave.

"She's just bitter that she doesn't have any real power that doesn't have any real power that doesn't come from Hoardack, and everyone knows it."

The above quote is from Catra talking about Shadowweaver and I'd like to take it apart.

Niccolò Machiavelli is the namesake for the word Machiavellian in reference to a manipulator or schemer. A lot of people cast him as a historical villainous character, and while that isn't entirely true, the reason for this word is primarily a book called The Prince. In it, he poses the idea that "It is much safer for the prince to be feared than loved, though he should avoid making himself hated." Shadowweaver embodies this mindset.

Catra is wrong here. Shadowweaver does have power, and its being demonstrated right here in this single shot. Shadowweaver has the same power that certain people in real life have, she can control people. In this case, she can turn best friends against each other with barely a thought.

Shadowweaver has cultivated fear in her children, but she has taken care to not distance herself from Adora too far. She considers one of her children superior and diverts all of her affection into that child while shunning and demeaning the other to no end.

Interestingly, Shadowweaver's approach to love is also toxic. When Adora questions her judgement even slightly, Shadowweaver's immediate response is two things. I took you in and you want this. This is emotionally manipulative, she's making Adora feel guilty for wanting her friend to be recognised, and she's telling Adora what she wants, imposing her own will and ambition onto her.

Here's the kicker, The Prince was a satire. It was a callout to the leadership of the time that their actions were unjust and unkind. It was a statement that this method of leadership, while effective to this point, was doomed to fall.

So, why does She-Ra begin in the horde?

I think it's to show the trauma more acutely. It's to show the effect that Shadowweaver has on Adora and Catra and to explain, thematically, what this story is about. This isn't just a story about good and evil, but freedom, and love, and the story is going out of its way to show what the characters are running from. To show what, despite their best efforts, the characters cannot escape from, and will not escape from, until the final episode.

Part 2 is going to discuss episode 2 in detail and why Catra can't leave. It'll be an interesting discussion, I hope.

Next

[samwisethewitch]

15 Days of Freyja Devotion

Day 6: Relations to Other Gods

This is where it gets... controversial.

So. Keeping in mind that true, pre-Christian Heathenry is not well documented, and keeping in mind that "Heathenry" is an umbrella term for a collection of regional traditions that could and did contradict each other, it's hard to make generalizations about the gods and their relationships to each other. Two seemingly contradictory interpretations can both be supported by textual and archaeological sources, and may in fact have coexisted historically. This becomes especially clear when talking about Freyja's relationships to the other gods. What is presented in this post is my own interpretation based on research and personal experience. Other Heathens may disagree, and that's okay.

As I mentioned on Day 2, Freyja is the daughter of Njord and an unnamed mother and is the sister of Freyr. This, at least, is pretty consistent across all Norse Heathen traditions.

Freyja's husband is called Odr. Some scholars, such as Jackson Crawford, believe that Odr is Odin, and I tend to agree. Odr and Odin seem to be different forms of the same name, and Odr is described as a mad wanderer, which sounds a lot like Odin. There are also places in the Poetic Edda where Freyja seems to be referred to as Odin's wife or lover.

On a more personal note, I experience Freyja and Odin as deities that are very closely connected. There is a lot of overlap in their powers and associations, and they seem to frequently work together. Based on this and the textual evidence, I tend to see Odin and Freyja as partners and spouses.

Freyja is also sometimes said to be the consort of her brother, Freyr. Remember, the Eddas say sibling marriages are a common practice among the Vanir, so this wouldn't have been seen as a taboo, incestuous pairing. I think it's also important to note that while the gods are like humans in some ways, they are also abstract ideas and, in some cases, forces of nature. As siblings and lovers, I see Freyr and Freyja as embodying the male/masculine and female/feminine aspects of fertility. (This makes it even more interesting that they both subvert Norse gender roles in some ways -- for example, Freyr gives up his ability to fight while Freyja revels in warfare.)

I am comfortable saying that both Freyr and Odin are Freyja's partners and lovers. The Old Norse practiced what we would recognize as polyamory or open relationships, so it makes sense that Freyja, like many of the Aesir, would have multiple lovers.

In Old Norse society, marriages were literal legal contracts and were often used to seal alliances and treaties. (In Anglo-Saxon England, which is not Norse but is a related culture, brides were called "Peace Weavers" because of how common these political marriages were.) It makes sense that Freyja, who is important or possibly royal among the Vanir, would be married to Odin, the chief of the Aesir. We know Freyja and her family went to live with the Aesir as peace hostages after a war between the Aesir and the Vanir. A marriage contract between Odin and Freyja would have helped keep war from breaking out again.

I see Freyja's partners as reflecting different sides of her as a goddess. Freyr reflects and complements her associations with sex, fertility, love, beauty, and agriculture. Odin reflects and complements her associations with magic, battle, death, and prophecy. Interestingly, both Odin and Freyr are associated with kingship and were said to have fathered lines of mortal kings, which may hint at some sovereignty aspects for Freyja.

And because I know someone is going to bring it up if I don't: yes, Frigg is also called Odin's wife and is arguably given this title more often than Freyja in the Eddas. Again, because having more than one lover was socially acceptable to the Old Norse, I don't necessarily see this as a contradiction. Maybe Frigg is Odin's wife and Freyja is his concubine. Maybe he was married to both of them at different times, but divorced one and then married the other. Maybe they're a functioning polycule. I don't necessarily need to know the answers to love and respect the gods.

There is a popular academic theory that Frigg and Freyja were originally one goddess, and I do see some truth in it. Talking about this theory would easily double the length of this post, so I'll just link to Jackson Crawford's excellent video on this instead.

I mostly agree with Crawford's conclusion that Frigg and Freyja were originally a single sex-and-queenship-and-motherhood-and-magic goddess who was Odin's wife, and that they had recently split and were in the process of becoming differentiated when the Conversion began. In terms of modern worship, I see them as separate but closely connected goddesses with some shared functions, similar to how I see the three Morrigan sisters in Irish polytheism.

[theanimeview]

Happy Hearts & Matching Outfits! #3

Late post! Sorry--this went up on Wordpress but we forgot to schedule it here.

By: Peggy Sue Wood | @pswediting

It’s that time of the year again when both lonely and love-filled hearts come together to celebrate the Valentine’s holiday this coming week. Having engaged in this tradition of presenting matching outfits that make me happy for two years now, I’ve decided to make it a lasting ritual! So, here I am—posting while on break.

From For My Derelict Favorite on Webtoon, we have our main couple in a beautiful set of purple outfits. This love story is a slow burn, and it’s nice to see the planning for their couple outfit in the story itself. This is the chapter were our ML is really starting to get to know his wife and starting to care about knowing her. It is a cute and nice inclusion. I also love that these two have begun consistently wearing matching outfits as time goes on, mostly with purple as their primary color.

From I Will Fall With the Emperor (not officially translated yet) we have a great villain couple. They’ve been subtly matching for a while now and this is shown to be a thoughtful inclusion by the artist/writer because throughout the series, characters that want to be on the MC’s side are shown to change their style of dress to match hers. Seeing the two matching in the beautiful burgundy above shows them coming closer as a couple, and also fits their villainous aesthetic!

From The Promise on Inker (Chapter 19), we have a more modern ensemble choice for the same-sex couple in this particular scene. Unlike most of the series where the couple does not wear matching outfits, they attend this event in coordinated attire. The significance becomes apparent when we see that all the couples in the series appear in matching outfits of distinctly different colors/styles for the event. This act symbolizes partnership and, to some extent, ownership at that moment. Interestingly, the love interest is likely the one that selected the outfits, notably choosing a shade of purple that complements our main character’s eyes.

From The Male Lead’s Little Lion Daughter on Tapas, we have another cute matching outfit between a father and daughter! I mentioned these two before in my last matching outfits post of 2023, and here they are again dressed up in similar colors and styles for a day out.

Also from a title mentioned last year is this lovely family unit in matching yellow outfits from Also from a title mentioned last year is this lovely family unit in matching yellow outfits from When the Villainess is in Love on Tapas:

Now, some of you might be wondering about the runners-up. Well, here are a few for you to enjoy!:

The Rogue Prince Is Secretly an Omega on TappyToon >

Not-Sew-Wicked Stepmom on Tapas >

Solitary Lady on Tapas >

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If you enjoyed this post, please consider buying us a coffee, leaving a comment, and/or subscribing to us!

Copyedited by: Katherine Cañeba | @kcserinlee

[josefavomjaaga]

Hi, I'm curious about what you mentioned on Alexander having a not-so-platonic crush on Hortense. Could you elaborate? (no need to answer right now if you can't!)

Well, mostly that’s me being malicious as usual 😁. But yes, people in Paris at the time did of course wonder what made the tsar – called by some the most handsome man of the era, according to Hortense’s biographer Marie-Hélène Baylac - go to Malmaison of all places during his time in Paris 1814. And they surely did not assume it had anything to do with 50-year-old Josephine, but with her daughter Hortense. Who may not have been as beautiful, but had the reputation of being very distinguished and rather … friendly, especially with men.

Hortense and the tsar met for the first time on 16 April 1814, according to a footnote by Jean Hanoteau in volume 2 of Hortense’s memoirs. Hortense makes a big point about how she at first behaved in a very dignified, almost cold manner to this enemy of France and how it took both Josephine’s persuasion and the efforts of several diplomats, Caulaincourt and Nesselrode among them, for her to befriend him. This is to some degree confirmed by the memoirs of her reader Louise Cochelet. However, that degree may not be very high, considering that Louise Cochelet’s memoirs were published and edited (rewritten?) by Hortense herself. Memoirs of contemporaries indicate that it was rather Louise Cochelet who ran after the new Russian masters of Paris and tried to win them over to the Beauharnais cause. Even if Hortense claims it in her memoirs, it seems doubtful that Louise (Hortense’s closest confidante, keeper of all her secrets down to the existence of a certain Duc de Morny) would have acted on her own accord.

In the end, it does not matter. A close friendship developped, that much is sure. As Hortense states in her memoirs:

What's most appealing about him is that his need for affection seems to be part of his character. He inspires confidence because he knows how to show it. [...] I liked his character. I felt friendship for him and it is painful to expect any service from those whom we would like to love for themselves. So I left my initial reserve and allowed myself a greater degree of abandonment [...].

Both had an interest in the spiritual, both were rather romantic and enthusiastic. According to Hortense’s memoirs, Alexander even pondered inviting both Hortense and her mother to Saint Petersburg. The tsar went out of his way for Hortense (as he later would for Eugène, when the latter reached Paris). It was probably he who bullied Louis XVIII into making Hortense a "Duchess of Saint-Leu", and into allowing her to keep her sons with her in France, when technically, she was of course a Bonaparte and should have been affected by the law that exiled all members of the family, just like her husband. Hortense’s sons were, after the little ex-King of Rome, the next pretenders to the imperial throne. So Louis XVIII had to agree to have his own rivals grow up right before his eyes, that’s surely asking a lot from a monarch.

When Josephine died, Hortense was so overcome with grief – she writes – that she did not see anyone. Except for one visitor: Tsar Alexander.

Finally, when Alexander left for London, his depart started a very personal and, from Hortense’s side, sometimes gushy correspondence between them. They also must have met during Hortense’s stay in Baden. Interestingly, both Hortense and Alexander at that time have troubles with their longterm lovers: Handsome Flahaut, the father of the Duc de Morny, does propose to Hortense after Napoleon’s fall, suggesting Hortense should officially divorce. Hortense however refuses, and her relationship to Flahaut takes a severe blow (he will soon find a bride elsewhere). Alexander, as to him, during the same year ditches his mistress Maria Antonovna Naryshkin. And he confides about this to – Hortense.

Baylac cites one of Hortense’s letters as follows:

[…] when I think of the sovereign who has shown an interest in me, who has looked after my affairs with kindness, I am grateful, I wish for his happiness, and that is all; but when I think of the man who showed me friendship and confidence, when I remember that he tried to love me, my troubles advise me to hope in providence; finally, he knew how to speak to my heart, for how many times since, feeling emotion or fear about the future, I have resigned myself by saying: My God, I trust in you! Ah, the one whose feelings are so similar to mine, he is a friend, a support that heaven has sent me.

It’s maybe not completely astonishing that the tone of this correspondence has made, as Baylac puts it, "certain biographers doubt the platonic nature of their relations".

This relationship, whatever its nature, continued until the Hundred Days. At this point, Eugène was in Vienna, taking part in the Vienna Congress. The secret police (allegedly?) intercepted (falsified? - it’s so hard to find the truth about what happened within all these intrigues!) several letters, at least one from Hortense, badly hidden in a brush she had sent to her brother. I have read that Hortense in one letter openly mocked the tsar. The intercepted letters were shown to Alexander, who then passed them on to Eugène – ostentatiously opened – before breaking off all relations with both Beauharnais siblings.

Interestingly, his friendship with Eugène was soon healed. With Hortense? Not so much. To my knowledge, never. Alexander obviously felt truly hurt by her, in a similar way as he felt hurt by Caulaincourt’s behaviour. Admittedly, I have not looked into Hortense’s years in Bavaria much, but it seems when the tsar and tsarina visited Bavaria, and the tsar insisted on Eugène being of the party (much to the chagrin of queen Karoline 😊), Hortense was very much not invited. (Though, truth be told, it seems she was only rarely invited to Munich ever.)

So, that’s the base for my maliciousness 😁. Make of it what you want. As i do not have much faith in Hortense’s professed virtue in general, I am probably not the best judge of character in her case.

Thank you for the Ask! 💝💝💝