#Always accidentally click his videos then cringe into myself

[toxixpumpkin]

RIP to that one specific Splatoon YouTuber with genuinely good informative videos but has the most god awful voice ever

[florencewritez]

The cycle

AN: hope yall doing good, i am tired and listenting to kids by mgmt and only kids by mgmt.

WC: 1543 Words 

WARNINGS: lowkey toxic relationship but lowkey the point. alexs jumper gets ruined

"I can't wait to do this again." That's what he'd said the last time we broke up, messing with his hair and casually scrolling through his Instagram. I'd rolled my eyes at the time, saying it was the last time he'd ever see me long enough to say a word to my face. He didn't even look up from a screenshot of a football match, barely even hummed.

At the time, I'd believed my words, pushing past a very confused Alex holding two cups of tea, mumbling an apology before I slammed the front door closed and fell to my knees crying. I hadn't stopped crying till a deliveroo driver had to awkwardly sidestep past me and asked if I was waiting for the food. The taxi drive home had been silent, only noises being my sniffles and incessant typing on my phone.

Y/n: I broke up with George for real this time.

Will: You always say that

Will: By the way did you spill tea on Alex? He's very upset about some expensive hoodie being stained or something

At the time I'd left Will on read, sending Alex a half hearted apology with a few hearts and clicking off my phone. It was then the taxi man turned in his seat and asked if I had had a rough day. I just nodded back, sniffing extra loud for dramatic effect. Yes, I had the worst rough day ever. First, George forgot we had a date, again, and I had to go to his flat to remind him. Then it turned out he'd forgotten to book the damn restaurant and we had to just go back and order takeout. It started with a simple comment of "Maybe we'd be eating actual Italian food and not fucking dominos if someone had remembered to book the restaurant," and spiraled into an extremely heated and quick argument that I can't remember half of. It was just spitting words in each other's faces, not meaning any of them, a crappy movie playing in the back. At one point, Alex came home and attempted to solve things with reason. Of course, such things aren't welcome during stupid fights and he quickly made himself busy with 'editing' in his bedroom.

By the time I'd stumbled in my apartment door, giving a half assed explanation to my very stoned roommate, the idea it was over cemented itself in my head. This time, I'd told myself, biting my lip till it bled, this time I'm not going back.

Easier said than done considering we're in the same friend group and have to consistently film together.

James: Hey y/n, Will wanted me to ask you to come over to his today to film if you're free

Y/n: Yeah I'm free. What's he need me for?

James: Probably a reddit video knowing him though the fact he asked all of us over is a bit suspicious, not to mention he made me text you instead of doing it himself

Y/n: What do you mean he asked everyone over?

James: Haven't you seen the groupchat? Alex, George and Mia said he asked them too. Knowing Will he'll need us for two minutes and then abandon us to edit or something

Y/n: Oh how lovely :)

And now I was here, sitting on Wills couch in between a very scared looking Alex and my ex of two days, listening to Will explain his video idea in great detail. I wish I could lie and say I was listening ever so carefully and definitely not hyper focusing on how George's fingers kept brushing against me accidentally as he moved to drink, wasn't taking notice of ever slight movement of his leg, inching ever so closer to mine. Every so often I'd dare flicker my eyes to his, always at the exact moment he happened to be looking my way. I'd just stick with Mia I told myself, hand curling into a tight fist and gulping, Mia would understand.

"Right so I'm going to film quickly with Mia first because she has to mind her nephew later, can't be late. Shouldn't be too long though so no one get any ideas and leave," Will announced, stating a wiggly Alex down at the last part. Mia stood up, saying she was fine with that. I gave her a pleading look, begging her to stay, to make an excuse and make someone, anyone else, go first. She only gave me a guilty smile back, following Will up the stairs, patting the watch on her wrist. Of course Will chose to film the one day Mia wasn't free for the day.

As soon as they were gone, Alex and James shared a look and quickly excused themselves to the kitchen, Alex nearly tripping over himself as he scurried away. Great friends I have.

For a moment, an awkward silence filled the air, heavier than any scientist thought possible. I gulped and tried to subtly move to where Alex had been sat before but only managed to make a disgustingly loud noise as the leather squelched under me. Curse the summer heat and it's strange sweat noises.

George looked at me properly for the first time, stupidly perfect blue eyes settling carefully on mine. "You look nice."

I squirmed. "Thanks. New skirt."

"Yeah I know, I bought it for you last week." Ouch. I physically cringed and heard George sigh beside me. "Can we talk?"

Crap, the true signal the cycle wasn't over yet. There was always the beginning, crazy and wild and perfect, the pinnacle of a young couple in love in the city. Then came the coziness, nights out turning into nights in and bars turning into movie nights. After that came the fizzle down period, usually lasting for about two weeks before one of us snapped and said it was over. A week later, someone would say can we talk then two minutes later it was back to heavy making out and laughter as the cycle begun again.

Of course this time would be no different, what was two days ago me thinking? This thing with me and George had been going on for nearly three years now, pissing off friends and fans alike with our mysterious relationship status. Still, it suited us pretty well huh?

So, I let out a breathe and nodded, curling my legs under me as I turned to face him.

"Okay fine," I agreed, resting my hand on the couch just near enough his for him to notice. "But only if we take it seriously this time."

He nodded, smiling softly for the first time I'd seen that day, lips turning up at the end and my stomach went all dopey, any hesitation melting away. He'd always have that effect on me it seemed.

"I'm sorry for forgetting about our date, I've just been pretty stressed lately with my upload schedule and stuff and it slipped my mind. It won't happen again." Of course it won't. Every-time we broke up, we never repeated the mistake again. Maybe one day, we'd run out of mistakes to make and things would be the perfect couple we wanted to be.

"And I promise I'll be more reasonable next time something upsets me. We should have mature conversations about stuff like this, like normal couples do." And I would if it meant never feeling that strange tightness that had filled me the past two days without him. One day, we'd get it right, I was sure.

"So does that me-" I cut him off with a quick peck to the lips, laughing when his eyes widened.

"Will you be my boyfriend George?" He didn't reply and only repeated my peck, my hands coming to rest in his hair as I deepened it to something more. "Do you think we'll actually make it to the end?" I asked between kisses, mumbling dangerously close to his lips, having swung my legs over his already.

"Jesus Y/n we haven't even been dating for two minutes yet, might be regretting my decision already." I chuckled, knowing that was his off handed way of saying 'yes of course'. I leaned back in, feeling his hands pull my waist closer before we heard an extremely loud sigh.

"Right next time you break up, wait until I put on something cheap yeah?" Alex groaned, turning back around and walking straight back into the kitchen, carrying two cups of tea again.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing, leaning my for head against George's and relishing in the warmth that came with the contact.

"You know there's a new club open near here. We could go later?" His hands somehow found themselves intertwined with me. It was the same thing over and over again, the same old cycle.

I smiled. "My roommates gone for the night, you can stay at mine after."

It was the same cycle over and over and I lived for it, every part of it. One day, we'll get it right and maybe most of the excitement comes from wondering it this is the time we do everything perfectly. A spark in his eyes reminds me I won't care anyways.

I'm addicted to the cycle as long as it's with him.

[exceedinglyregular]

Prompt: Fun fact- Andrew can sing and often writes songs in his downtime. Fun fact- he is also hopelessly in love with one Steven Lim. After Steven moves to LA, Andrew is broken. His songs get sadder and the small collection of people who knows this are worried for him. Cue some help from Ryan Bergara, who also writes songs and sings- this time for Shane Madej, who he is moping after. The two help each other write songs, make a name for themselves, and find happiness in those they love.

I decided to interpret your prompt in a slightly weird different way. I apologise for my weird brain.

Also sorry about the tardiness, coming up with original lyrics is a lot tougher than I anticipated. Plus the story kept literally growing on me even though I wanted to keep it short and sweet.

(ao3 link for those who prefer: here)

Title: To the Tune of Your Heart

“What. The. Hell.” Andrew’s head immediately snaps around to look at Adam, those words don’t sound right coming out of his soft-spoken friend’s mouth. He’s flipping through Andrew’s notebook with a look of disbelief on his face. “Okay, some of these are downright depressing. Are you okay?”

“Not all the songs are from my perspective,” Andrew replies nonchalantly. He continues setting up the lights they needed for filming. Adam looks up, annoyed. Andrew sighs. “I’m okay. There I answered your question, now help me with this.” Adam obliges.

…

so i’m a liar, sue mei did what i had toyou never wanted to hurt mebut i did it for you

now you’re happy, without meam i the fool?i should be angrybut i’m happy for you

…

Ryan stares at his reflection in his phone’s blank screen, waiting… Yeah, seems like he forgot, no surprise there. Groaning, Ryan drops his phone on the pillow next to his head, and rolls over to where his laptop is. He lifts the lid and sighs. It’s looking like another solo brainstorm session.

Ryan clicks around aimlessly and accidentally opens a draft of a song he’s writing: ‘For You’. It’s incomplete, much like his life. Ryan cringes at his own thought. It’s been years but he’s still not over it.

Shane has a girlfriend now, and he’s happy. In fact, he’s so happy that he’s probably on a date with her right now, completely forgetting that he agreed to help Ryan out with coming up with ideas for their next videos. Ryan swears he’s not bitter, he swears he’s happy for Shane.

…

it’s not the samein two different citieswho can i blame?i just stood there and watched you leave

spinning round and roundwaiting for your calli’m still holding onnothing else matters more

if this is all there isthen i’m sorry to saythis is where it all endsthere’s no other way

…

This isn’t working. Andrew smacks his face onto the dining table, this is the fifth batch already. Adam has since been long gone, went home to get ready for work. Andrew lifts his head slightly, only to bring it back down onto the table. Hard. He repeats it several times, hoping the pain would give him some clarity of mind.

As fledgling YouTubers, the cards were already stacked against them. But now with his own ineptitude, Andrew’s certain he’s gonna delete the entire subscriber-base that he and Adam had worked so hard to build. Andrew groans, it’s loud and dragged out, and interrupted by a knock on his front door.

It’s probably Adam, having forgotten his jacket or keys or something. Andrew doesn’t care. He shuffles over to open the door, ready to make a snippy remark about Adam’s poor memory. But the words he planned dies in his throat as he realizes who’s standing there. It’s not Adam.

“Ryan?”

The man waves tiredly, a wry smile on his lips. Then his eyes suddenly grow comically large as he points at Andrew’s forehead.

“You’re bleeding!”

Andrew lifts his hand to touch his forehead and sure enough, it pulls back with a thick, bright red liquid covering his fingers.

“So I am,” Andrew states matter-of-factly, completely unperturbed.

…

i got a problemyeah, i got a problem with youdon’t pretend you don’t knowwhat’s the matter with you?

all i wanted to bewas just your friendand that would be the end of itbut you had to goand ruin everythingwith your stupid beautiful facewhat the hell

i got a problem with youi got a bone to pickdon’t pretend you don’t knowwhat i want from you

…

With Andrew all patched up, Ryan can finally relax. He tosses the towel he used into the sink, there is an obscene amount of red on the towel, the sink, and everywhere in between.

Andrew leaves the bathroom without so much as a ‘thank you’, eliciting an eye-roll from Ryan, even though no one is around to witness it. He follows his friend out to the dimly lit dining room.

“What are those?” Ryan points at the weird lumps on the table.

“They’re SUPPOSED to be giant cinnamon rolls.” Andrew sighs, and runs a hand down his face in dramatic fashion, decidedly avoiding the bandage on his forehead.

“Oh yeah, I see it now. I thought they looked like baked poop emojis… no offense!” Ryan gingerly prods the rolls, wondering if they would collapse on themselves as he did that. Andrew for the most part didn’t look angry, just tired.

“None taken. They did turn out pretty shitty.” Ryan bites back a laugh. “So what brings you here tonight?”

“Oh, the usual: boredom, loneliness, heartbreak,” Ryan replies, faux-cheerily. Andrew raises an eyebrow before giving a sympathetic smile.

“Yikes. Sounds bad.” Ryan simply shrugs in response, there isn’t much to be said about his situation, Andrew already knows most of the details. And reciprocally, Andrew had shared his own problems with Ryan. Critically, the one involving a certain someone whose name begins with the letter ’s’ and ends with the letter ‘Lim’.

It’s the main reason Ryan came over in the first place, none of his other friends can relate to his plight to the same degree that Andrew does. Granted, it’s still ways off from complete understanding but it’s better than nothing.

“How’s the side-business going?” Ryan asks as he flips through the notebook that was lying on an otherwise empty chair.

Andrew doesn’t answer verbally, only giving Ryan a weary thumbs-down. Scanning line after smudgy line, an idea suddenly dawns on Ryan.

“What if I helped you out? I may know jackshit about baking, but songwriting… I do know a thing or two.”

Andrew looks hesitant, he scratches at his beard absentmindedly. He’s the sort who would refuse to admit he needs help even when he’s completely and utterly at wit’s end. Closing his eyes, he sighs, tension leaving his body. Ryan knows he’s giving in.

“Okay, but I’m helping you too.”

“Deal.”

…

normally i can be cooland keep it togetherbut when i’m around youi can’t control myself

boy, oh boyyou just had to do me like thisjust one smile from youoh, and i melt away

…

“Do I really have to?” Andrew mumbles, he’s not exactly thrilled with this idea.

He and Ryan are in his living room, everything has been set up to film him performing one of his songs. They spent the past few weeks working on Andrew’s songs, some old, some new, but all Steven-related.

“Just trust me… even if you don’t post this online, you’ll be glad to have something to look back at,” Ryan assures him, while adjusting the lens on the camera to get the focus right.

Andrew pokes at one of the keys on the piano, the sound that it creates is shaky and uncertain, which is exactly how Andrew is feeling. Not many people know about this side of him. He’s always been too scared to sing in front of an audience, performing one of his original compositions is ever further out of the question.

What if he’s not good? What if people hate his voice? Or his lyrics? Ryan said he didn’t have to publish this online but… he can’t stop his mind from wandering into those dark thoughts. Worse still, what if HE hates it? What if he hates his own singing? His own voice?

A weight finds it way onto Andrew’s shoulder, pressing down so suddenly that Andrew jumps up, knocking his knees against the piano. Ouch.

“Hey, hey… relax. You got this.” Ryan’s smiling assuringly, he squeezes Andrew’s shoulder lightly. “You got an amazing voice, believe me… I’m actually jealous.” This line gets some laughter from Andrew, who shakes his head disbelievingly.

“Alright, here goes nothing…”

…

something’s differentmaybe it’s just mebut when you talkall i’m hearing isblah, blah, blah…

has the curse finally been broken?please let it bei’ve had enoughi did my time

…

“Nope, no way. ‘Bergara guitarrar’ is not happening.” Ryan is shaking his head so violently his glasses almost fly off. Shane merely laughs at his objection.

“I mean you don’t actually have to do it just because the hashtag is trending. I’m not going to force you to…” Shane trails off, a trying-to-look-innocent smile on his face. Ryan swears he can see the effort Shane is putting into trying to pop out a halo, and it annoys the hell out of him.

“What the fuck, Shane?! The entire reason you started the hashtag is to pressure me into doing it!” Ryan angrily snatches the bowl of popcorn out of Shane’s hands and stuffs his face with a handful. If he didn’t, he might end up saying something he’d regret.

“You got me there.” The playful energy in Shane deflates, as does his posture. Normally, this action puts a hole in Ryan’s heart but today it sits steeled, unpunctured. He needs to stay strong for this.

Ryan sets the bowl down on the table, one set of fingers clawing away at the popcorn, the other swiping across the trackpad on his laptop. The webpage is scrolling, slowly, but his eyes aren’t focused on the words. He doesn’t have the energy to read.

When he broke up with Shane years ago, he convinced the both of them that it’s because it wasn’t working. That Ryan didn’t feel the same way towards his boyfriend like he did before. But all of it was a lie. The real reason he ended the relationship was for Shane’s sake, the other man was still too uncomfortable with his own sexuality. Shane merely pushed onwards to please him, Ryan was certain of it.

He had initially though that Shane was just being awkward in a new relationship but as the months dragged on, it became abundantly clear that the whole experience was setting Shane on the edge. And that wasn’t what Ryan wanted for him, he didn’t want Shane to force himself to confront his bisexuality when he wasn’t ready. He didn’t want Shane to be miserable just so Ryan can date him, that’s a fucked-up relationship. Hence the break up.

It had initially devastated Shane but Ryan could see the tension in him dissolving over the next few days. Despite the uphill battle, they did eventually manage to return to being just friends. Ryan is certain that never in a million years will he regret his decision, but part of him still wishes that they can get back together. And that part has been getting louder and more insistent over time. Right now, however, all he wants is for Shane to go away.

Too bad the universe hates him, as Shane maneuvers around the dining table just to face him. He flips the chair around and sits backwards on it, leaning forward against the backrest. Ryan doesn’t look up from the screen but imagines Shane resting his head on his crossed arms.

“Ryan,” Shane pleads, sounding more tired than Ryan has ever heard him. “I just think it’s a waste to not showcase that talent of yours.” Ryan doesn’t buy it.

“Bull. Shit. You want to embarrass me.” His patience is running thin but Shane doubles down on his objective, much to Ryan’s chagrin. He leans in and lowers the lid on Ryan’s laptop, looking him straight in the eye. When Ryan refuses to maintain visual contact, Shane seizes the bowl and Ryan instinctually glares at him.

“I don’t. Serious! I’m not saying this simply because you’re my friend, but you got a gift! You should unleash it onto the world!” Ryan waves a hand, physically dismissing Shane’s compliment with certain irritation. He has a point, those words are almost identical to the ones he told Andrew last week, but he refuses to let Shane win.

“Yeah, yeah… still not happening.” Ryan raises the lid of his laptop back up, he cracks his knuckles and begin typing away. “Can we just focus on the research?

Shane sighs heavily, nodding reluctantly. He has given up, for now… Ryan knows him better than to think that he has seen the end of this.

…

back to the startjust a stranger to you nowno matter what i doyou won’t turn around

finally got to know youthen you just had to leave mebehind with all these memoriesoh, what am i to do?

…

The videos were a huge hit, just like Ryan said they would be. Andrew absentmindedly taps his fingers on his knees, watching the numbers on his phone’s screen climb. People are still very much into it, he’s uploaded three songs now and with each one receiving more praises than the last, they aren’t looking much like a fluke.

Andrew locks his phone and tosses it onto the pillow next to him. He should be happy about the success he’s found with his music. The reactions he got were well beyond his wildest imagination. The channel tripled in subscribers, and the videos individually garnered more views than all their previous ones combined. All good news. Except that one no-news.

There’s still no word from Steven, they did still message each other sporadically since Steven moved to Los Angeles to chase his dreams of starring on the silver screen. But ever since the first song went online, it’s been radio silent, and the lack of anything at all is beginning to kill Andrew from the inside. Maybe he’s on a shoot and hasn’t seen it, Adam had supplied so helpfully but they both knew that the chances of that was slimmer than Jim.

When Andrew first met Steven, he immediately changed his mind on the whole ‘love at first sight’ thing. It sounds incredibly cheesy but it’s like a fog had been lifted and rays of sun came piercing through the walls he spent years putting up. The boy was sunny, passionate, bubbly, kind, friendly, and oh so beautiful. Still is. Andrew was caught so completely off his guard that even Adam immediately noticed, and that guy lives in his own little world.

If only Andrew wasn’t so shy and reserved. The entire first month that they worked together, Andrew said nothing to him outside of the occasional instructions on where to point the camera. Their entire relationship was professional and strictly business, despite Andrew’s numerous attempts at opening up. When Steven questioned his standoffish behavior one fine day, all Andrew could return was a seizure-like spluttering noise and some brain-dead mumbling. It was an embarrassing time for everyone involved. Adam often voiced his desire to have been elsewhere when that went down.

Yet somehow, Andrew managed to convince Steven that he doesn’t hate him, and convinced himself that Steven meant more to him than just a for-hire cameraman that they found on Craigslist. The latter was easy, because it was so true. The two had so easily became friends, even closer than he and Adam was. And on the deeper, darker end, Andrew was certain he has fallen for Steven. How could he not? The man would show up on Andrew’s doorstep with his favorite pizza when he made an offhand remark about being peckish. At midnight. The extent that Steven would go just to make Andrew happy was so great that… there are no words for it. Andrew couldn’t imagine life without Steven, it was undoubtedly the best time of his life.

Then it all came to a screeching halt when Steven broke the news that he would be moving to LA after receiving an offer from an agency. He was finally going to fulfill his dreams of becoming an actor. But it just had to happen just as Andrew had finally gathered up the nerves to confess his feelings to Steven. All those words he spent countless nights preparing fell off to the side as he pulled Steven in for a congratulatory hug. Everything went downhill from there. Even now, almost an entire year later, Andrew can still recall the very words he wanted to say.

He needs to get out of here, he needs some fresh air to clear his mind. Andrew picks up his phone and grabs a jacket off the side table that he’s certain belongs to Adam. Keys. Wallet. Socks. And slip into shoes. Ready to leave, he pulls open the door and immediately freezes. At the bottom of the steps is a human-like figure. The stranger looks up and… that’s not a stranger, at least not in the literal sense. Then again, these days, Steven had become so distant that he’s basically one foot into foreign territory.

Andrew’s throat tightens, he wasn’t expecting this and it’s clear from Steven’s expression that he wasn’t expecting Andrew to open the door when he did. The two men remain frozen for several beats too long, neither were sure of what to do. Steven’s the first to break the silence.

“H-heading out?” Steven asks shakily, as if he were freezing. Granted, it can be objectively considered cold but this is nothing for Boston. Then it hits Andrew that had Steven had probably came straight from LA, the difference in temperature is probably something he hadn’t immediately gotten used to.

“Yeah…” Andrew replies stupidly, uncertain on what exactly to say in a situation like this.

“I’ll come back some other time-” Steven starts turning away and Andrew’s heart seizes for a split second.

“Wait!” Andrew yells and Steven freezes mid-step like a scared animal. “Actually, I was hoping you could… come with? I’m just going out for a breather.” The fear on Steven’s face melts away into relief, his eyes are uncharacteristically reflective.

Andrew sprints down the steps so quickly that he couldn’t stop himself from lightly colliding into Steven, who pulls back hastily as if that slight bit of physical contact had burned his skin. The unspoken tension between them is growing thicker by the second… but Andrew knows one place that can fix this. If it doesn’t work, nothing else will.

“Little Joys?”

“That’d be nice.”

…

look at me and tell me there’s not a thingthat you see that’s pulling you in nowor maybe… there is

look at me and tell me you want thisone, two, three, leaning closer infinally… kiss me

…

Shane’s not talking to him. Ryan knew it was a bad idea from the very start. Sure, it got over a million views… but at what cost? This was so not worth it.

Ryan’s reading over the lyrics again, trying to find what could have possibly triggered such behavior in Shane. He even got Andrew, who helped write it, to look through. They both came up blank. But Ryan hasn’t stopped reading the words on his screen, trying desperately to understand what happened. This is so frustrating.

The front door slams, oh good, Shane’s home. Ryan hops off his bed and walks out to the hallway, looking to confront his friend, hoping that he’s ready to talk. But Ryan stops when his eyes land on Shane, he mentally backtracks but it’s too late for him to physically backtrack. Shane is storming down the hall, heading straight towards Ryan like a homing missile, he stops when he’s merely two steps away.

“Are you fucking with me?” Shane asks curtly, the look on his face a perfect marriage of anger and hurt. Ryan opens his mouth and leaves his jaw hanging, unsure if it’s a genuine question that he’s expected to answer. After a few more seconds of uneasy silence, Shane grunts, fierce. “Answer me, Ryan!”

“I-I… What are you talking about?” Ryan is stunned by the outrage he’s facing, he knows Shane is talking about the song but he doesn’t know what part exactly.

“THE SONG!!” Shane yells at the absolute top of his voice. The volume sends a shiver down Ryan’s spine. “Why are you fucking with me like this?!” The eye contact is bordering on lethal, and it lasted almost an entire minute before Shane breaks it and looks down. His entire body is shaking.

“I know I shouldn’t have pressured you into doing it, Ryan, and I’m really sorry, but… but-” It takes Ryan far too long to register what’s happening before his very eyes. Shane is breaking down, crying, choking on the tears he’s spilling. That’s what the shaking was. Ryan’s heart is breaking into pieces, his ribcage tightens as he forgets how to breathe. Then Shane delivers the final twist of the knife. “You know I still love you, why would you do this to me?”

The world goes quiet. There are no sounds apart from the rushing of blood in Ryan’s ears. Time stands still. The waves of emotion retreats, the winds stop. It’s the calm before the storm. Then it hits Ryan all at once like a freight train. He’s tripping over his thoughts… Shane still loved him? He didn’t trust his ears to have heard it correctly. When he finally recovers, he pushes his need to clarify.

“Y-you still love me?”

“Yes, I do and yet you…” Shane stops to steady his breathing, his chest shuddering as he does so. “You g-gave me hope and then immediately take it away. What kind of sick joke-”

“It’s not! I love you, I really do!” It’s Ryan’s turn to cry now, the years worth of bottled emotions come rushing out. “I didn’t want to break up with you but I just… I-” Shane cuts him off with a kiss. It’s desperate, it’s resolute, it’s familiar… Like listening to an old favorite song that you haven’t heard in years.

A sudden thought hits Ryan on the side of his head and he quickly pulls back. “Shit, what about your girlfriend?!”

“My wha- Irene?” Shane’s tone is incredulous, as if he cannot even grasp the concept that Ryan could possibly think that. “There’s nothing going on between us, never was… never will be.”

Ryan heaves a huge sigh of relief. Shane looks onto him with the warmest smile on his face, and the happiest look in his eyes. They lean in and kiss again, this time softer and more gentle. It’s an apology, it’s an affirmation, it’s an ‘I-miss-you’.

They have a lot to catch up on.

…

when did everything becomeoh so messybetween you and me

if we could turn time backwould you pick meover the city of dreams

…

A mere two blocks away from Andrew’s place, Little Joys Ice-Cream Parlor is one of he and Steven’s favorite hangouts. The amount of time they had spent there was staggering, they were on first-names basis with all the employees there.

When they step through the doors of the establishment, several heads turn to look, mostly the employees. There’s a mixture of smiles and nods as a form of greeting their regular customers. There are few patrons around, typical of a weekday afternoon. Andrew and Steven immediately head for the booth in the corner without so much as a second thought, it’s their usual spot.

Normally customers are supposed to go up and get their food themselves but as regulars, Andrew and Steven gets a little VIP privilege. One of the employees, Jennie, was wiping down a table earlier but seeing the duo take their seats, she happily skips over to their table.

“Hey! It’s been a while.” Jennie greets with a giggle, the soaked cleaning cloth in her right hand is dripping a puddle on the floor right next to her but she doesn’t seem to notice. “What would you boys like? The usual?”

Andrew’s not in the mood to think about exactly which flavors he wants, so he simply nods at her question. It seems that Steven’s the same way as he mirrors his action. Jennie strangely doesn’t notice that something is amiss with their behavior and accepts their orders and merrily makes her way towards the main counter.

They wait in silence for their orders to arrive, neither ready to speak. Normally they would be sitting so close that their shoulders touched, despite the fact that the booth can easily sit six people comfortably. But this isn’t normally, and right now there’s just enough space in between for Adam to comfortably third-wheel them.

But even at this distance, Andrew can still feel the tenseness radiating off Steven’s body. His own body is stiff, aching, and uncomfortable, despite the plush cushioning of the seats. He desperately wants to shuffle in closer, put his hand on Steven’s knee, lean his head on his shoulder, and make things okay again. Before he can do any of that, Steven breaks the silence.

“Are they-” His voice creaks and he forces a cough to clear his throat. Andrew watches as a million different emotions flash across Steven’s face, but he doesn’t recognize any of them. Steven rests his elbows on the table, hands clenched together. He presses his hands against his lips in a frown, sighing. Then finally he leans back and lets his arms fall at his sides, he doesn’t look at Andrew when he asks.

“The songs… are they about me?” A lump forms in Andrew’s throat but not before his heart found its way into his mouth. He wants to answer but his tongue is tied up, scared. What if this is it? What if Steven’s here to denounce their friendship? Andrew tries to reason, why would Steven fly all the way here just to tell Andrew that he never wants to see him ever again? That doesn’t make sense.

“Please tell me they’re about me. They have to be! I… I really like you and-” The urgent pleading tone that Steven has taken on forces Andrew to look at him. There are tears running down his cheeks and Andrew’s stomach drops, feeling guilty for inflicting this on his friend.

Of course, Steven feels that way about him, of course! Andrew wasn’t blind to it, so why was he so scared? He tries hard to push aside the dizzying feelings to try and confess, but his thoughts are jumbled and his mind is fuzzy. He just can’t find the right words for the moment. Unfortunately, Steven misconstrues his silence for something else entirely.

“Oh my god, of course they’re not. I’m so stupid, I flew all the way here on a stupid hunch. What was I thi-” Andrew brings a hand up to cup the side of Steven’s face, and Steven immediately shuts up. Pinky trailing Steven’s jaw, Andrew takes in a breath to prepare himself for what he’s about to do. When words don’t work, actions will. Steven’s eyes are wide with wonder and he opens his mouth to no doubt ask what’s going on, but Andrew cuts him off with a kiss.

The kiss is slow and tender, as if Steven is something fragile that Andrew’s holding between his lips. He had dreamt of this moment so many times but nothing can prepare him for the real thing. And even though the kiss lasted only seconds, when they break away, the tips of Andrew’s ears are searing hot. His breathing is shallow and his cheeks are warm.

Steven looks lost, like he’s still processing the last few seconds. Andrew can almost see the 'buffering’ spinner in his eyes. When he finally catches up, he’s smiling like the ball of sunshine that Andrew knows and loves. The serenity of the moment gets interrupted by Jennie’s untimely return with the ice-creams.

“Aww!” She just can’t help herself, can she? With her usual grace, she sets down their orders on the table. “Don’t mind me, you two lovebirds carry on.” She cheekily winks at them and saunters off.

Andrew shifts his eyes back to Steven and he’s in a shade of red that rivals a freshly-picked cherry tomato. The entire scene is just too much for Andrew and he just laughs, completely enamored by the man in front of him.

“You still haven’t answered me…” Steven pokes Andrew in the side with his finger. Andrew ignores him and proceeds to take a huge spoonful of his multiflavored desert. When Steven pokes him again, he simply raises an eyebrow and makes a noncommittal noise, earning him a third poke.

Conceding, Steven picks up his own spoon and scoops a little bit of each flavor from his bowl, mixing them up. Just as he is bringing the spoon to his mouth, he stops to take a look at Andrew’s bowl and makes a face, one that Andrew is all too familiar with.

“For the last time, Steven, red velvet is not simply adding food colouring!” Andrew mock-scolds, flipping Steven off. “Stop judging.”

Now they’re both laughing and everything in the world is right as rain, once again.

…

is this love?i don’t knowbut all i ever wanted is in front of me nowi’m stuckwhat do i do?i want to tell you that i love you but i don’t know how

i was stupid to let you goso crazily stupidi am crazy about you, y'knowso stupidly crazy

but i know better nowdon’t want us to be aparti just wanna sing it out loudto the tune of your heart!

Closing Notes:

This was supposed to be short. Yeah, didn’t happen… I have no self-control. Also, I’m realising I’m really into certain tropes.

[thewanderersrespite]

In Regards to Ryan Haywood

Before I get into my actual rant/vent I just want to say this - Firstly, I just want to say my heart goes out to anyone and everyone impacted by this situation, both RT staff and community alike. As Jack and Michael stressed earlier, please contact  conduct@roosterteeth.com if ANYTHING like this situation has been happening to you. You’re not alone, and we see you.

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Okay, so - I really felt like I had to say something in regards to this whole situation. Keeping it all bottled up would absolutely do more harm than it would good.

Though I’ve been a long time fan of RT/AH, even from the before Ryan days (last time his name will be mentioned here, will be referred to as “He” from now on, or whatever variation is applicable), I’ve never been terribly active in the community, always kind of a lurker. While I was aware of them as a company since they were working in Burnie’s bedroom as I had friends who were fans, I didn’t become a fan until somewhere around the Buda office/Congress office.

I’ve seen the company grow. I’ve seen people come and I’ve seen people go. Shows made, shows canceled. My opinions of people at the company have changed as well, for the better in most cases. When He first joined up with AH, He was an instant favorite. It was something about that what I would describe as a devil-may-care attitude that just really clicked. He fit a niche that I felt like wasn’t there before, allowed stuff like The Lads and The Gents to come about, and... truly kinda made AH feel whole in a way, at least to me.

As time went on I even made some friends who liked RT as well, albeit by sheer coincidence. And while I haven’t talked to them for a few years now, He was one of their favorites. They would bring up stuff that He did, I even dressed up my character as “The Mad King” because we thought it would be funny and I had accidentally made my character look like Him. (Game was Final Fantasy 14, for those who are curious)

Times move on, people change, yet He still remained my favorite. Even if his “Mad King” persona started to feel a little... real at times. It was around the time of the Leviathan Raid videos in Destiny 2, specifically the Emperor Calus encounter (y’all know what I’m talking about) where I felt my opinion starting to waiver a little bit. Maybe it came from never really seeing anyone at AH rage before, outside of Michael of course, but something just really started to feel off about it. I’m not saying I knew, cause I didn’t. I’m not saying I suspected, cause I didn’t. Frankly, I think anyone who is saying they did suspect something of Him is probably full of shit. It just felt weird - Sure, the Destiny raids had gotten them heated in the past, they aren’t the easiest things in the world, but it never felt like THAT. 

Fast forward to 2020, and you all know what’s going on in the world right now. AH and RT as a whole moved to working from home, and in a weird way I felt like it was, and is, almost working better for them.

And now we get to the events of the last few weeks. I believe I have read most, if not all of the accounts from the victims. I’ve seen the pictures. I won’t pretend that I know how the victims are currently feeling, or felt through the events of the past few years with Him. Then today I watched Michael and Jack discussing recent events for the first time, Jack on the verge of tears, Michael looking defeated. I’ve seen Jack cry before, though it was always during Extra Life and was absolutely tears of joy. Michael, I’ve never seen look anything but happy or having a blank face. Even when he was “raging” he seemed *happy* at least. 

And y’all, when Jack said “monster”, I cried. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting. This man, this monster, that I have looked up to for years. Who I wanted to BE LIKE through my teenage years. Whom I tried to EMULATE, because HE made me laugh, so I thought being like him would help me make OTHERS laugh.

What He did, in my eyes, was and is absolutely reprehensible and if His name is never spoken again it’ll still be too soon as far as I’m concerned. 

And I have seen people saying that hope he dies, or wishing harm upon him, though those comments have been far and few in between. But to those few I just want to say; don’t. Hoping for stuff like that won’t solve anything. That wouldn’t be a punishment, it would be an escape, and only hurt his innocent family more instead of giving them closure. Laurie does not deserve that, and Eli and Olivia especially do not deserve that.

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I will say as a closing, in recent months I’ve found myself watching less and less AH content. I’m not sure what the reason was exactly, be it just everything happening in the world right now and losing track of uploads, or maybe just a lack of interest anymore, or maybe just so many other people that I watch that it’s impossible to keep up sometimes. But weirdly, I feel... Like I want to interact with the community more now. This is a hard time for all of us. It’s okay to talk to others. And maybe ending this rare serious post on a quote might not the greatest way but I personally feel like it’s important.

Good times become good memories, but bad times become good lessons. 

So to anyone who might see this post, let’s try our best to take these bad times and learn some lessons, and as a community lets try to make some good memories while we’re at it. (last sentence kinda cringe, but it’s what my heart wanted to say so i’m going with it)

[bangtanbombimagines]

HELLO. I'M BACK. (Ok, this is only my second time requesting but that's ok.) It's the Anon who requested the Taehyung x reader that accidentally turned angsty. But it's ok! It was really good! Anyways, I'm back to request 2 + 69 with Jungkook if that's ok. (You two write so well)

Prompt request: “Are you kidding me right now!?” + “You have approximately 5 seconds to get out of my face before I kill you.”

Pairing: Jungkook/Reader

Genre: Humour + Fluff

Summary: You have a paper due in twenty minutes and it’s a stressful time. You prefer to work at the library, because your university’s computers run much faster than your cheap laptop. Unfortunately, someone else seems to appreciate the technology and appears to be playing League of Legends on your computer.

Word count: 945 words

You might have shed a few tears when you noticed you were missing a citation on your twenty-page paper that was due in twenty minutes. But you definitely did cry when you realized you referenced an actual book instead of a website.

Shooting up from your chair, you received a few concerned glances from the students around you. Paying them no mind, you darted to the second level of the library in an attempt to find the book you had read earlier that week.

As you wandered aimlessly through the shelves, you checked the time on your watch. You had fifteen minutes left. Cold sweat dripped down your back as you searched for the ancient history section.

Finally, you found the section (it was actually on the third floor) with twelve minutes left. If you recalled correctly, you were fairly certain that the book you referenced was red. And that was all you knew.

Your breathing quickened as you scanned the shelves, examining every red book in the section. Glancing briefly at your watch, you realized you only had seven minutes left. Returning to the task at hand with renewed vigour, you dove towards the nearest red book. Once you pulled it from the shelf, you finally recognized the cover.

“Thank god,” you practically sobbed. Clutching the book to your chest, you darted back the main level of the library, nearly tripping down the stairs as you went. An imaginary clocked ticked away in your head.

You reached your computer with four minutes to spare.

But there was a slight problem.

A boy was sitting at your computer, his large frame hunched towards the monitor. His fingers danced over the keyboard and he clicked the mouse furiously. He had a hood pulled over his mess of brown hair, and from what you could see, he was biting his lip as he focused on the screen in front of him.

And what was he so focused on? This boy was literally playing League of Legends on your computer.

“Are you kidding me right now!?” you shrieked, slamming the book onto the desk beside the boy. He jumped in surprise, eyes widening as he turned to look up at you.

“Uh, I can explain–”

You cut the boy off mid-sentence, grabbing him by the front of his hoodie.

"You have approximately 5 seconds to get out of my face before I kill you,” you hissed, feeling slightly frenzied due to your rapidly approaching deadline and a chronic lack of sleep.

The boy quickly shut off the game and jumped from the seat. He moved aside, eyes cast down. You didn’t bother sitting. Luckily, the boy hadn’t signed out of your account, so you pulled up your assignment. You grabbed your book and located the publication information and relevant page numbers as fast as you could.

In the end, you submitted your paper online with thirty seconds to spare.

When you turned to collect your belongings from where you had scattered them earlier, you were surprised to see that the League-playing boy was still there.

“Uh, I-I can explain that,” he stammered nervously, light pink dusting his cheeks. “But I just wanted to say sorry–I didn’t realize you had to submit a paper.”

You smiled, feeling a little bad for scaring the other student. Upon closer inspection, you realized he was quite good looking. He had large eyes, a strong nose, and a full lower lip, which was bright red from all the nervous biting.

“I’m not going to say it’s fine, because who the fuck plays League in the library?” you laughed, pleased to see the boy relax a little. “But I didn’t mean to freak out that much. Just…stressed, you know?”

“Who plays League–period,” the boy snorted, almost to himself. He looked somewhere else in the library, his expression pained. “My friends dared me to do that.”

You followed his line of vision, settling on two other boys who sat at another row of computers. They were laughing hard, receiving annoyed looks from the people around them. One of them had a wide, rectangular smile and the other had little crescent eyes.

You realized all these boys were ridiculously cute, and wondered if all good-looking people just automatically became friends. Eventually, you turned back to the offending boy, whose expression had become sour.

“I just have to say one more thing before I leave,” the boy said with a long-suffering sigh. He met your eyes, inhaling slowly and blushing even more. “W-wanna come back to my base and check out my Needlessly Large Rod?”

You stared up, wide-eyed, at the boy in front of you. In the distance, you could hear the sound of unrestrained laughter. The boy covered his face with his hands, and after a moment of shock, you burst out laughing.

Tears streaked down your cheeks as you laughed uncontrollably. You wiped them away hastily as the boy glanced back at you, surprised. Eventually, you were able to compose yourself.

“Wow, I’m swooning,” you giggled. After a week of stress, you finally felt the tension slipping away.

“Thanks,” the boy cringed. He glanced at his friends and then back at you. “I’m Jungkook, by the way. Sorry we had to meet like this.”

“I’m Y/N,” you replied with an easy smile. “And it’s fine. You left quite an impression.”

A few weeks later, you were dragged to your university’s video game club’s weekly meeting. It turned out that Jungkook and his two friends (who later introduced themselves as Jimin and Taehyung) made up the club’s executive team.

That day, Jungkook asked you out with another lame League of Legends inspired pick-up line.

You accepted his proposition without a second thought.

- Girl in Luv

Oh my GOD I HATE MYSELF. Why do I always reference lame ass things? Is LoL even relevant anymore?? Anyway…thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed! Our requests are still open, so check out our prompts page if you’re interested! Happy reading~

[survivor-switzerland]

EPISODE 0 (BALLOTS): GET ANOTHER SHOT AT TAKING THE CROWN - KEEGAN

I'm watching everyone join the chat and keeping tabs on who played once or twice so i know who look out for on the ballot or possibly in the game. I know people from my season probably hate me and will never trust me in games ever again so i'm trying to keep my head down and my wig on because i know if i do get voted in along with that don't like game me, i'm truly fucked. I'm still excited and hopeful for the best.

Every time I look at the ballot, I flinch and cringe a bit because it's almost guaranteed that whoever gets on this season will have a partner with them from their season which is pretty much an alliance right off the bat. It worries me because I could be without a seasonal partner which could put a target on my back if I do get into the game, or the game will be even harder to play because everyone will be expected to be with their partner and divergence from that system could cause serious chaos

Honestly, I don't think I stand a CHANCE against some of these other people in the ballot. Some people in the ballot are literal legends in both the TS and BB communites so I'm honestly just hoping for the best that I'll make the cut. If I make it onto the cast I hope Dom, Nick & Luke are there with me since I know them all but I'm sure I'll be happy with whoever I'm in the game with as long as I get cast!

Well I'm nervous as always when it comes to public vote. I think I can get enough votes to make it!! I know I have a fan club that is doing what they can. If I don't get in it's not like it's the end of the world!! Yeah it would be fun but there are always more seasons!!! I just hope it's not casted with people that are gonna be inactive or complete butts. Like Matthias - please no I like him but please don't cast him. In games he is a mess.

I feel like people have more connections with alot of people here in the tumblr community. Me in the other hand has less connections with most of the community. I can tell by this ballot that if you are popular you can get instantly in and I feel like there's more to this ballot but it's just my guess. I feel like the Great Lakes people are all in and another season of 4 I forgot (on phone btw) is in as well. That's probably a pre-made alliance by now and if I was in ima make sure to find an idol first and making sure my own cover is there so that way one by one they will go down, honesty is the best policy and I play true to the heart and I may be nice, but if I played a 2nd time ima play like a comp beast that no one can try to beat. My entity of advertising is to not campaign and not to ask people to campaign for me but to get them to campaign to vote me without me actually doing the work but with a little bit of me saying yes please vote me but without saying to vote me in a lot of vocabulary terms. Win or lose the ballot it was great being asked to play again despite whatever happens will happen.

i don't think i have a shot at being cast so i don't have much to say. i just hope that the cast is adorable. if i get in then this world is fucked up.

It's funny to submit a confessional for a series you haven't been cast on yet. There's 30 options. I have played exactly 3 games in the community since joining in late 2016. Myanmar was my first game and I tanked that pretty bad. Since then, I won House of Shade 16 and I played Survivor Wikia: Morocco on Facebook and placed 4th, winning Player of the Season. I now feel like I'm ready to come back to Tumblr Survivor and see if I can play a better game than previous. Looking at the prospective cast, I am the oldest on the ballot by 4 years, so I definitely have my work cut out for me no matter what. I have only played with Keegan, my Myanmar castmate, but I'm friendly with Trent (Kiribati) because he hosted Survivor Wikia: Morocco. My strategy for campaigning has been to just be visible in the VL because a lot of people have made it obvious that they only know a few people and they, for whatever reason, are required to fill up the ballot with 10 names. I'm befriending as many people in the chat as possible to take the opportunity to be fresh in their heads when they're selecting randoms to fill out the rest of their ballots. So far, I like Nick (bio video notwithstanding), Tyler (though the vast majority of the community has told me to stay far away from him), Renee, Ian, Benjamin, Zack, Logan, Ci'ere (who lives in the same city that I do), Steven, Ashton, Kage, Luke, and Bodhi (that list was longer than intended. It looks like I just like everybody).

To summarize: My campaign is literally just participation. My friends from other ORGs voting for me is the same expectation everyone else should have. The real game is convincing losers you don't know that they should vote for you in addition to the 3-4 people they have history with.

Um I'm worried I'm not gonna be cast becuz I don't really know anybody in this community but strategies hmmmm I'm in pretty big reddit org community so Ive posted the ballot in there everyday which probabaly got me some extra votes people couldn't get. But other than that I feel like the only people I'm getting are the other Great Lakes people which maybe is enough but I doubt it. Anyways, hopefully I'm cast..don't think I will be.

I'm not really doing much for the ballot honestly! I'm just posting it in a few chats I am in and sending it to friends that I know are voting for me. I am also making sure that I vote myself everyday and haven't missed one yet! I'll probably get more aggressive as the days go on, because I want to make sure I at least have a group of 10-15 I know are voting me. What I like is that you are required to vote for 10 people in my group so I hope I'm not just skipped and some people accidentally vote for me!!

Right now my strategy is being an annoying fly and fly into all the chats I'm in and tell them to vote for me. I was shook to see 4 Bora Bora reps including myself in the ballot. Not to mention 3 Mystic Falls peeps and Luke as well. I'm already trying to assess these people in the ballot and get a read on them. Anyways hopefully all the Bora Bora and Mystic Falls get casted because I love them all.

I'm supposed to be well liked so hopefully that gets me the votes?? Okay back to being an annoying fly.

Alright there friends. Welcome to my second season on Tumblr Survivor. I'm very excited to get everything working, it's all falling together with relative ease.

So on my ballot, there's quite a few people. A whole 15 of them in fact.

Ok so Logan and I are both from Maine. I have NO FUCKING CLUE where Ellsworth even is, but I'll trust that it's in Maine. We are also both Jews, and with the addition of Daisy, this might be the highest concentration of Jews in human history. We hit it off well enough, we'll work together if we can.

Dom R seems like a cuck, but fortunately for us, I'm also a cuck! what a beautifully cute insult. Now, Dom was kind enough to elaborate on his game in his little campaign video, and it is CLEAR to me that he is not that great at this game. He'll make the merge, and he'll be eliminated as a threat, and everyone(including me) will say "oh no, Dom was robbed." But we'll be wrong. He doesn't understand the game a high enough extent I don't think. He is very much on the "prove myself, make a move" train, which is NOT HEALTHY. I hope that Dom proves me wrong with his game, because I really like the guy off of my first impression alone, but I think he'll make a move too early and pay for it.

C, I, E R E, don't forget the apostrophe. God, this is an annoying way to say your name. On that fact alone, I didn't vote Ci'ere in the first two ballots. However, I decided on a whim to talk to him, and I actually really like the guy. He's a little over the top, but hey, so am I, just in a different way. I'm excited for Ci'ere, because I think that I can make other people feel rubbed the wrong way by him, but I also think that he could be a great ally.

Akito seems beloved, so I'm checking that name on every ballot. I want to maximize my own chances by throwing away my votes at people who I feel are already guaranteed a spot. I don't click that well with Akito, but I think I could if we were on the same tribe.

Max lists off 3 seasons they were on previously. Um, excuse me, but isn't this SECOND chances?

I am PUMPED for some Brett. I didn't care about Brett until now, but his calling out the Tumblr community in his paragraph that is posted ON TUMBLR is incredible. I really hope that he gets on, because we need at least one straight white male to fulfill the diversity requirements.

Keegan's intro is so LONG, but he seems like a good threat to have around. I think he's got a decent shot at winning, but not really. He says that he will do anything to win, which probably includes losing.

Steven and I won't click I don't think. He says iconic about FOUR DAYS. Like, iconic is only a cool word if you don't overuse it. See Brett for more info. He's gonna make big moves, so I want him on my side. He won't win, but he could make it a little ways into the game, and he'd be a convenient shield because EVERYONE is rooting for his success in the VL. I actually take back that we wont get along. "Nothing says winning like two rocks in your pocket" is a beautiful quote, and I really like Steven now.

Dom A was player of the season in India. I was POTS in my season as well, so hopefully there will be a mutual shield relationship with us two.

ASHTON and I never really clicked on GL. I liked the guy, but Kage wanted him gone, and I wanted Kage in charge, so I let it happen. Ashton was MAD at me, but I did what I had to.

Kage was my favorite. He LOVES grabbing control of the game and tearing it to the ground, but the problem is that everyone sees through him. Kage will be an early boot this season, but he'd better be on my side until he goes.

Luke thinks that he played a good game in Great Lakes. I very much disagree with this notion, and I need to avoid telling him that I think his game was very average. He just played idols that he found out of sheer luck too early, and got voted out for playing too hard. His social game makes everyone think that he's scheming too much, which is not exactly what you want the perception of you to be. I am excited to play with Luke again because I really love the guy, but I'm going to have to keep my mouth shut.

Lily gave a terrible bio, and all I know is that her perception of the game seems below average.

Daisy seems very intelligent. I would love to work closely with Daisy. She and I are both Jews, and I've very offhandedly mentioned the possibility of a Jewish alliance called "the Jews did this" just because I think that's funny.

Alright!! ON TO MYSELF! So am I going to win second chances? probably not. I don't think I have that much of a shot at all actually. But I'm going to give it my all, and try to play the most fun game that I possibly can. I'm floating around so very many new strategic ideas, and I'm narrowing in on a game plan. I want to be that one guy who is just controversial enough that people will think I'm a goat, but just sensible enough that people will want to work with me. I essentially want to be Abi Maria, except it's all an act. I am very excited to play this game out. I don't know to what extent I will take this strategy, but I know that to an extent I'll be playing a new character this season, which excites me quite a bit. I'll throw challenges just a little bit this time around, because I think that it's exhilarating, but I don't want people realizing that I'm throwing them. There's a whole new dimension that needs to be applied now. Originally, I just wanted to seem like I am not a threat at all, but now I have to seem like I'm not trying to seem like I'm not a threat, while still minimizing my threat factor. WHEW this is gonna be fun.

Outside of my ballot, I really like Ryan. He talks in a way that shows his intelligence. He pauses, and then lets out a bunch of words at once, which is a very appealing way to speak in my opinion. I think he's going to overplay, but I'd like him on my side while he does it.

Renee is going to be one of the bigger threats in the game. I think she's not in a great position to win, but she's got a good shot. I'm very excited to play with her.

I really love Ian's accent. He wants to prove himself which is great for my game. I don't want to prove myself at all, I just want to win, and these people saying that proving themselves is important is EXCELLENT.

Trent is over the top in the best possible way. I love Trent.

Apparently Ashley Sarah is very popular, so I'll watch out for her.

Zack is a very good player. That is no good.

Uh so like, I'm not entirely confident about getting onto the season and I really do think it's all down to the season that I originally come from. People literally hate the Great Lakes cast and it's not hard to see why because all tea, they're some of the most annoying people I've ever met in my life. I'm being shady by not voting for any of the other Great Lakers on the ballots but that's because I don't want any of them in the season with me! Ashton and Kage don't deserve it and quite frankly, Bodhi is full of himself and he ain't that great so there's that!

I'm trying my best to campaign for votes, getting a couple people from outside the community to vote for me so that's cute. I'm putting the link in my Skype bio, on my Tumblr and just places where people might click it and vote for me! I really do think that I deserve this second chance but there are 4 Great Lakers on the ballot and like....people won't wanna vote for all 4 of them so they might be leaving me out. I'm literally guilty by association for being on one of the worst seasons but I was one of the shining lights of that season, know that. Can't wait to get dragged for this in the GL reunion chat if this gets released. Oops!

Finals can't keep a hoe from campaigning

I'm so glad that campaigning is 1/3 of the way done because I think I'm annoying everyone by telling them to vote for me everyday lmao. I'm one of the lesser known people in the Tumblr community, so I'm going to have to work twice as hard to get my name out there and collect dem votes. Luckily, people like unique names so that's a plus for me!! My predictions on official cast locks from group one are Trent, Tyler, Matthias, Ryan, Nick, Renee, Ashley Sarah, Abel, Jeff and Zack. For group two: Bodhi, Keegan, Brett, Steven, Ashton, Logan, both Doms, and Kage. This is based on video views and how people are socializing/campaigning for their faves. I didn't really care for Max's video, but their self-deprecating manner and individuality makes me hope they get through. I'm trying to socialize a lot in the VL, send some cute selfies lmao, and literally message every group chat I'm in to garner votes. I literally gave someone my face wash routine asdfghjkl. I hope that people are liking me and that in about 9 days 'll be sending confessionals from in the game! I really want this second chance and I'm gonna go all out for it.

Hey fam so it's day 4 of the ballot and~~~~~ I'm not sure how well my chances of making it on are tbh. I've done some campaigning and asked friends to vote but it's really a daunting task to keep up with it everyday lol. Honestly though I do think I have a good shot of avoiding being the 5 who don't get in (from my group)

I see people advertising e v e r y w h e r e.... like they really going HAM!!!

I feel like there's sooo much pregaming going on that I'm not apart of kfhslajd rip. Bodhi in particular..... he messaged me like day 1 and we had a really good conversation and seems like someone I could work with. But as the days went on I talked to some others & they're all like "omg Bodhi is so great i love him" sooo I see you Bodhi!!!

WHICH OF YOU UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS DECIDED TO MOVE THE PREMIERE DATE UP TO A FRIDAY. THE ONE DAY I CANNOT BE THERE ON TIME. LITERALLY FUCK Y'ALL. Also idk why but some of the people that are potential cast mates annoy me. I hate that they annoy me and i know it's wrong but like, it's their names and the way they talk and how close they are that just... irk me. This is gonna sound so awful when these confessionals get released.

Whew! So I probably should've submitted by now but I keep forgetting. Anyways, so far my strategy is to not campaign too much. I figure most people are voting based off their friends, or based off who they think had the most convincing plea's. So if someone wasn't already gonna vote for me, they're not gonna change their mind just because i sent the link to a random VL and asked them to. If I see someone send a link I'll add on, "hey, vote for me too!" but I really don't think it's gonna make a huge difference. I really hope that people see me and know that I deserve this, and that they choose to vote me in.

It's the last day!!! I'm so nervous!!! I hope I get in but I also don't wanna flop !!! I think I have a decent chance tho. So many names I don't know will allow me to get some new allies so that will be nice. Unless they all turn out to be snakes. Ugh. I'm hoping that if I do get in I'll have at least one friend. Maybe Keegan or Dom. Not sure how Zack will feel cause I haven't spoken to him since game wonder if he would be ally or target me from start???

Oh man, I meant to send in one of these a few days ago right after the link was set up but work and life happened and I forgot oops.

Well, to start things off, I'm really hoping I got enough votes to make the top 10. I want my Second Chance! Plus my bestie Brett is also on the ballot! If we both get on we can power our way through the game together! First ever joint winners of Tumblr Survivor?

Other than Brett, I know Logan, Daisy, Ashley Sarah.... and.... Jevvon. I think that's it? I'm not exactly friends with any of them but having playing a bit with most of them I have an idea of how they're games are. I'd rather play with people I have some knowledge of rather than people I've never even heard of (sorry not sorry).

I'm not sure there's much else to say at this point. I put in a lot of effort, maybe not as much as I could have, but hopefully it pays off!

Today is the day!! I've gotten to talk to several people on the ballot as we help each other get votes. I really look forward to knowing if I made it in and working with some of these people!!! I really should play more survivor so maybe this game will help me get back into that side of the org community!! Nervous but I think I have enough to do it.

The more time that passes, i'm starting to think that maybe i didn't get cast for second chances. Truth be told, i'm not that popular and i'm sure the people that always talk will probably get voted in because they most likely made a bunch of email accounts and had their friends vote too, so i'm slowly losing hope on the fact that i got cast. To me, i'd rather expect not to be cast and then expect too much and get short changed. If the so called "annoying" people get cast and i'm not, then i would have dodged a bullet but i'd still like to play. I'm sorry i'm not that bitch, that's just not my style

Voting Closure- Well voting has ended and my chances going in are pretty...pretty low. I did not campaign at all and I know most of these people played harder to get in. It would be a total miracle if I was in, I would be surprised if I was in because I did not campaign at all. I guess it depends on how you are perceived as. Thank you so much for reading this and hope to see you another day. =)

i am filled w anxiety

well im not getting cast so that's fun. but it was super fun and awesome to be considered!!! anyways buy How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful on iTunes.

So the ballots have officially come to an end and now I wait. There are some people on the ballot I can 100% see myself trying to work with like Dom, Logan, Luke, etc. It doesnt appear to me that I have any enemies on the ballot, which is a huge plus... not to mention I have no rivalries with people because I havent played in 200 years. I think I have a far shot at getting a chance to come back... my name was first on the ballot which might help???? As long as there wasnt too much of a rigged system I shit be looking pretty to go in on Friday :)

With voting over and the game beginning on Friday, I'm starting to get nervous I didn't get enough votes to make the season.

I'd love to be on the season and get another shot at taking the crown!!

oh my god. okay so voting is over and all i can say is... i really hope i got voted in! i feel like a lot of the good people were on ballot 1 so idk if i'm like actually gonna get in.. a lot of irrelevants and people i never even heard of were on ballot 2 and i'm just like.. sis put me on ballot 2 so i have a better chance of getting voted in. but i still have hope!!! i campaigned my ass off so hopefully people who said they would vote for me actually did... i also hope i at least have some allies that get voted in with me so i'm not all alone!! ahh i'm stressed till friday... yall really stressin me out. but, let us pray. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (translation: I have no idea if I advertised enough or if people like me enough, and I'm hoping that my doubts are misplaced on both of those fronts. So I'm just kinda sitting here and... waiting. @Drew hmu with those leaks ;) ayy ;) how bout it ;) i'll bring you something from wawa next time we come to michigan ;) i dont think yall have wawas in michigan so ;) ayy)

I'm not too confident as far as the result of the ballot goes, but I hope that I stood out enough to make people want to vote for me. Bodhi made a mock poll to see who people think got voted in and apparently I was doing well, so I think that's a good sign! Even if I don't get to play in Switzerland, campaigning was really fun (and stressful 😅) and I'm so grateful that the hosts considered me to return. So thanks to y'all and to everyone that voted for me! 💕 Cheers to the beginning of what will be a great season (that includes me in it)~

I tried being a bit more strategic with my votes in the final half. I tried voting for only one player from each season, because I know how difficult the game will be if there's already a huge alliance of players that know each other. I keep trying to reassure myself that there's only a small chance that I won't be making it just based on the nature of the votes, so I really hope I get in!

Brett is so annoying I hope we're both voted in so I can vote him off 2nd bc he isn't worthy enough to be a first boot

Right now I'm a bit anxious on the cast reveal. I really don't know if I made the cut or not. BUT, to my surprise some people whom I've never even talked to ended up voting for me! I'm kind of surprised and thankful for that. So anyways I have some confidence I will be cast but who knows.

I'd like to give shout out to those who voted for me! THANKS Y'ALL! I hope all of your votes were enough to get me in!!

Greetings there, cowboys. I've been listening to some cool music recently! And more importantly, I've been thinking out my strategy. I want people to think about me just the right amount at first, but then fade into the background. I want to be one of those people that on day one, people want to be the first to get to strategically, but then I want to float down that river until I crash into a goddamn beaver damn and get voted out in 7th place.

My social game is exactly what I want it to be. My pregaming hasn't been anything firm, but I've talked to a few people and planted seeds for future social connections. I'm not getting super close with anyone pregame, but I'm bonding with people over various portions of our identities. Oh, you're Jewish? Me too. Let's be friends. Oh, your name is spelled weirdly? Me too. Let's be friends and bond over lying about our names so that people don't misspell/mispronounce them when we order food. I've said that I refuse to play the same game twice, and that is still true, but I have to rely on my anyone-but-me if I want to succeed. I can't try ANYTHING strategic that people will be threatened by. I need to be very moderate, just empowering others to do what they want to do, and sticking in the background.

I've worked pretty hard to get on the season, so people are going to think of me as a threat, but my new goat personality might be enough that their fears will subside.

i'm feeling decent about my chances of getting on. most people have told me they felt like i was a lock, and lowkey i just got announced to be in another org so i didnt campaign like at all. so it could go either way.

The ballot is over and I feel like my chances going in is slim. Idk how many people voted for me and I feel like the most outcasted person since I don't know many of these people.... But let's see what will happen.

[datingadviceonreddit]

To sum up - my boyfriend of a month started off by sweeping my off my feet and now already seems to comfortable. It’s also questionable whether he’s over his ex, but has many demons to face that I’d like to help him with without hurting him. I’ve been in a similar position to him and it sucks.(This is a bit of a long one but I’m trying to be unbiased here with both the lovely things about this guy and the red flags, and show how his character began to change after I said yes to dating him)So I met a guy, about three weeks ago now. I’d recently made the decision to stay single for a while, as only a couple of months ago, I got out of a year long relationship in which I slowly realised I was a rebound. I wanted to clear my head, regain the confidence I had lost and convince myself that I am worth much more than a stop gap for someone’s loneliness.But then I met (we’ll use an alias for the sake of this story) Jacob. (Disclaimer, this was before the COVID-19 epidemic blew up, Im now in isolation) I bumped into Jacob accidentally at a house party. Honest to god when I arrived, flirting with anyone was the last thing on my mind; I just wanted to drink, have fun and socialise. But then he caught my eye. He subtly but charmingly made advances to make conversation with me and we hit it off almost immediately. What I liked most about him is the deep conversations we could have, even on the night we first met. Not once did he make any psychical advances - it seemed as if he really was just interested in what i was saying, which I’ve never really experienced before with men.My friend even sent me a video the next day from the party, of both me and Jacob singing drunkenly. I hadn’t noticed at the time, but every now and then he would glance at me wistfully (not in a “I wanna bang her” kind of way, but a gentle, innocent “she’s pretty” glance). Of course this further enhanced my crush, feeling as if his intentions were pure, and that he wasn’t just looking for some action at the party. He added me on social media the morning after the party, and we started talking as if we had always known each other.A couple days later, I was ditched by a friend in London after getting the train down to see a band I liked live. I was messaging Jacob and briefly mentioned I had been ditched, and he insisted that he come down to meet me to make sure I got home safe. Normally, I would have refused this given he had just finished a 12 hour shift at his work, and that I’d like to feel I’m pretty streetwise, but this specific area of London was a little seedy, and I didn’t object to the company. I paid for his train ticket as he was going me a favour. So he came up to meet me, and despite everything had closed by the time he arrived, he didn’t complain once and we talked all the way home. Although simple, it was probably one of the most genuine and courteous things a guy had ever done for me.Several days after that, he asked me on a date. He took me for dinner and was the most amazing gentlemen I’d ever met. I felt like a princess; he did everything you see in the movies, from pulling out my chair for me to tipping the waiter generously. We again talked over dinner as if we had always known each other. I made sure to mention to him there and then that I wasn’t really ready to rush into anything serious, and that I had recently gotten out of a relationship. He said he completely understood and was happy to take things slow. Later on that day, we decided to meet up for drinks with some of the friends from the house party, along with a couple of his close friends. They were all friendly and welcoming, and I chatted away to them all night. They were very good at being wingmen, telling me that Jacob “hadn’t stopped smiling” since he met me, etc.We all started to get a little drunk as the night progressed. Conversations got deeper as they often do with alcohol and he Jacob began to open up about his past relationship. He had been with someone for 7 years - they broke up 9 months ago. Alarm bells went off for me immediately. I understand that the heart heals at a different pace for everyone, but I find it very unlikely that you can move on form such a long relationship in a measly 9 months. (I know it sounds hypocritical given I am very recently single also, but I’d like to point out that it was a very mutual break up and we both admitted that any feelings we thought we had fizzled out and therefore it hadn’t effected me a lot - we were better friends than partners and still talk occasionally to check on each other). I did ask him about this gently, and his response was “I love her to bits, but I don’t want to be with her anymore. I want to move on”. I was a little on edge with this answer, and don’t feel like it’s something you would say when you were over someone. I tried to push it to the back of my mind and have fun, and told myself that we had Already made clear we were seeing each other casually anyways. It got later, and with more alcohol in our systems, we started to get more flirty. (Only verbally, not physically.) I asked him something stupid about why he was attracted to me at the house party and he blurted out, “because I fell in love with you”.I know he was drunk, but I was super taken aback. I briskly walked away without an answer and talked to some other friends outside. His friends came to chase me up a couple minutes later, explaining that he didn’t mean what he had said and he was just very drunk. He came out shortly after and repeated the same thing, saying that it was the first time he had met someone that he clicked with so well after the relationship and his drunken mind had uttered words he didn’t mean. I reiterated that I didn’t want anything serious and that we should just see how things go, especially with the newfound information on feelings towards his ex. He apologised for being so creepy and we forgot about it and danced the night away.Later on, I ended up making a move on him and the butterflies in my stomach were unbelievable. He seemed really happy also, and he took me home in the early hours of the morning, again without making any further advances which I really really appreciated.So everything went a little quicker from there. We met up a couple more dates where he continued to act in the same chivalrous manner. One day, we were texting me and he asked me to be his girlfriend.Two thoughts came to my mind in this situation.Too early ! I thought we were on the same page!I was a little disappointed; I would have liked to think he would want to ask me in person - didn’t expect some grand gesture but to see him face to face when he asked would have been nice... it seemed rushed.I told myself that maybe he was just really nervous and was getting a little carried away with himself. I messaged back and was as honest as I could be with him, saying that I’d like him to ask me a bit later on, and in person.However the next time we met up, he came with flowers and asked me out again. He kissed me and again those butterflies went crazy, and I know it sounds stupid but the rash, reckless part of me didn’t want to say no again. So I said yes. That’s when he started to change almost immediately. That day, we had met up at mine with plans to cook and then watch a movie, but he said he was tired from work and didn’t want to cook and objected to every film I suggested and put on “How I Met Your Mother” I HATE those cheesy sitcoms with a passion, and jokingly mentioned that but he said it was one of his favourites and wanted me to try it.I agreed to try it out - one of the most important things to me in a relationship is to try and indulge in a couple of your partners interests, so you can see why they are passionate and excited about particular hobbies and the like. So I tried to watch, cringing internally at the jokes made throughout. We cuddled up together, but when I glanced over after about 10 minutes, he was scrolling absent mindedly through his phone. This is also one of my biggest bug bears - I obviously understand if you’re messaging someone, but scrolling through a social media newsfeed isn’t really necessary when you’re in someone’s company. I didn’t say anything, but it seemed as if all the interesting conversations we’d had were snuffed out as we sat awkwardly in silence, him scrolling through his phone while I attempted to endure that goddamn awful sitcom.I tried to ignore it and said goodbye to him around 12ish.Dates continued this way; he started to turn up late to meet up times we had arranged and once when I went to his, he even hinted that I should leave at about 9:30pm. He also began to become very indecisive. Where before he would sweep me away to a nice restaurant or take me somewhere spontaneous, now when I ask him what he’d like to do he’ll just say “I don’t mind” apathetically. I tried to put this all down to him being tired from work and nervous after being in a new relationship, but I’m starting to think it’s just him being wayyy to comfortable in what is a very new relationship. He chased me ! He asked me out and wanted to rush into things! So why then act disinterested !The last straw was a couple days before lockdown. We had started to suspect that the UK would go on lockdown and so met up at my house again knowing it might be the last time we’d see each other for a while. I cooked him a nice dinner for when he arrived and he bought some red wine. He didn’t make any comment on the dinner or thank me, but I had agreed he could stay over on the couch, so we stayed up until quite late, but again this was spent with some Netflix series in the background while he scrolled through his phone and drank. We’d have intermittent conversation, but it still seemed as if he was completely disengaged, drinking a whole two bottles of wine. I’m not really a fan myself so only had a couple glasses.The only time I did get a little more interaction from him when he was off his phone was when we were talking about one his friends, who I had really got on well with on a night out. He mentioned that his friend had been single for years, and he “didn’t know how he coped so well with being alone”. I couldn’t help but ask how he felt after breaking up with his ex and becoming single and he said “it was painful to be alone” and that he’s “glad he’s got attention and company now”. I could feel my heart drop.He got so tipsy he passed out on my bed, so I gently woke him and tucked him into bed downstairs (I know this sounds harsh, but I also have a single bed and so even if I did feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed as him yet, it would not have been fun with my fidgety ass!)I was again a little disappointed as we hadn’t really talked much or got to know each other any better, just sat awkwardly while he chose to scroll. In the morning, he was so hungover he was sick several times. My dad, trying to get to know him also, had invited him to dinner, but he went home early, still feeling rough and not even apologising to my dad for not being able to make dinner. It wasn’t really the best first impression I wanted him to have on my parents.Fast forward to now. I suppose listing out the red flags so far It seems like an easy decision to make, but for some reason I am hung up on “trying to fix him”. I know what it’s like to struggle to move on from the past, but I don’t know how to approach this. We have a lot in common and I know we had chemistry before so I’d like to think we can make things work, but it’s pretty clear we rushed into things. How do I tell him that I’d just like to go back to being friends until I’m sure he’s over his ex, and can dedicate himself a bit more to being interested in me? Or am I flogging a dead horse? Guess I don’t want to let go because it’s the first time I’ve really felt something for someone in a longgg time - the last long relationship I was in, I think we were both together for the security rather than feelings, but with Jacob I do feel as if there’s something there, on my side anyways. I’d like to think there could be on his side with the way he treated me at the start, he just seems to have a lot of baggage. I just don’t want to get tied up in a relationship where I am once again a stop gap until something better comes along.Please help reddit! I know I’m being naive and a little stupid so please be kind 😅 via /r/dating_advice