#And I am not keeping my window closed all summer till october.

[damiemontclair]

Alright motherfucker. You're gonna ignore me trying to do this the friendly way? Then I'm going to buy some extermination spray.

[theonesthatiworship]

Musings

You can find the ao3 version of this fanfic here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33606406 

A/N: Hey guys! I know I don't have an excuse for being gone so long, but I hope you can understand. I'm working on the second chapter of the Champion Reading I, which should be coming out soon. But for now, here's this! Sorry if the writing is too formal for canon or if OOCness is happening, this was a creative writing assignment for ELA, but I (of course) turned it into a fanfic. The guy Harry talks about in this diary is supposed to be Ron, but if you want it to be someone else, it totally can be. Also, the poems in the middle are haikus that I also wrote for class. I hope you guys like them, because I worked really hard on them :)

Disclaimer: The poems are all originally created by me, and belong to me. Please don't take credit for them, or use them elsewhere. Or if you do, please at least credit me as the original author.

Trigger Warning: minor internalized homophobia at the end

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Journal of Harry J. Potter

Please return to owner if lost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 3, 1993,

I admire many things very deeply, though it might not seem so at first glance. My love can be as deep as my hatred. I find joy in soft, sweet melodies, as long as the musician is competent, as it isn’t so in today’s day and age. Colourful, three-dimensional works with much depth and layer are most pleasing to my eye, and are what I prefer to draw myself.

When I endeavour myself to this craft, I leave my finished works to dry along my bedside nightstand, along with the rest of my treasured memorabilia. The rest of the boys in my dorm know not to disturb me during the time that I draw. I know almost nothing about astrology, I can admit, but the stars and the planets fascinate me. Especially their movements and almost otherworldly beauty. I very much like to draw and paint about this subject.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 3, 1994,

Anguish in your flight

Ink blotting stains your letters

At last, blissful peace

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

January 5, 1995

Yesterday has been too strange. I don’t find myself thinking often about him, but sometimes it seems as if he goes out of his way to distract me. I was standing near a window while the other boys at the gathering were laughing amongst themselves. I don’t have much of anything to say to people at social events, so I usually just remain silent.

My mind could only traverse back to our past conversations, to the sound of his laughter, and the almost odd sight of his pale complexion against my dark one. My heart flutters a bit, and I do not understand why. Once I get too deep in thought, he gently seizes my wrist and brings me into the circle with the others, and forces me to speak with them.

I cannot comprehend why he can’t just leave me be, but perhaps it has something to do with the strange feelings festering within the corners of our hearts, if he indeed does share them.

I suppose only time can tell with this one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

February 14, 1995,

Winter nights bring cold

Warmth deep in your mocha eyes

Deep cold melts away

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July 6, 1995,

Some people say I am a bit too contemplative for their liking, and I suppose it is true. I find too many things saddening in this life. I cannot help it. One day I was taking a stroll along the park, when I found a child laughing with his mother. I felt sick with myself for doing so, but I felt a rage rise within me at the innocent sight.

What was it, that this child had done in his life, that did not grant me the same luxury? Fate, I suppose, chance. ‘Tis foolish. What is wrong with me, I ask, that makes me feel such a terrible emotion over something so bright and lovely in this world?

Perhaps it is me that is wrong and twisted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July 31, 1995,

Jerusalem bells

Praise be the divine angels

Please, save this tired soul

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

August 5, 1995,

The summer sun is much too hot for my tastes. It is quite bothersome. Especially when I am trying to go for my daily stroll. I don’t exercise much, but I try to go on walks every day, to keep up my good figure. The weather was terribly humid, and all throughout the journey, I could feel myself sweating. It was very distasteful, and a feeling that I entirely loathe. I took a thorough shower once I arrived home.

To make matters worse, Aunt Petunia scolded me for leaving my dirty clothes on the laundry floor. I wished, not for the first and certainly not the last time, that it was school once more, so I could at last be away from home.

Yes, I truly hate summertime, with every fibre of my being.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

August 13, 1995,

Dear old grandmama

Your limp, gray hair is too tired

This burden of life

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

August 30, 1995,

Today was surprisingly pleasant, especially for summertime. I had just finished freshening myself up for the day, when I noticed a lemon-scented note waiting for me on my dresser, with a single red rose on top of it. I was very pleased with my discovery. Roses are my favourite of all flowers, and the sweet smell was most welcome!

I opened the note, to find that it had been written by him. There was that strange fluttering in my heart again, that I didn’t like to ruminate on too deeply. After reading the beautiful note, in elegant print, I held it close to my heart and looked up at the ceiling in thought. I remained that way ‘till breakfast-time, as I pondered.

Perhaps summertime wasn’t all too horrid.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

December 31, 1995,

My dear love, my life!

Beautiful angel of mine

Must you hurt me so?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 7, 1996,

The boys at my school are so juvenile! You would think they were still toddlers, with their lack of maturity. All they do is speak of girls, crack stupid jokes, pull pranks, and offend others. I am especially grateful now that I am above such things. I think it would be most loathsome to be of such a temperament. I almost pity my cousin, but he is too much of a nuisance to fully gain my sympathy.

Then again, I suppose I can attribute my sensibility to my queer ways. Were I a normal man, I do not doubt that I would not be nearly self-aware enough to come to such logical conclusions. But I suppose they are not completely worthless.

The other day, a boy asked me to come with him to the Fairfield Festival. I thought of him, and declined. Accepting would seem like a betrayal to his affections, as complicated as they may be.

Hopefully one day, I find a woman good enough to rouse my spirits as he does.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May 1, 1997,

Fiery are the flames

That douse the candle of life

O Lord, have mercy

[charmed-asylum]

𝒩ℴ𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃ℊ ℰ𝓁𝓈ℯ ℳ𝒶𝓉𝓉ℯ𝓇

𝒩ℴ𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃ℊ ℰ𝓁𝓈ℯ ℳ𝒶𝓉𝓉ℯ𝓇 , Chapter 1

Summary: Rosary Woods used to spend her summers in Hawkins. Now years later with untimely death of her father, she sent to live with her grandparents. Coming back to a place that use to give her pleasant memories but now full with dark secrets she hopes never see daylight. Her plan was simple easy till one night she finds a drunk boy full of curls and after life never the same.

FYI: This is my 1st fanfic. I do have dyslexia so if something wrong let me know. If you like it let me know same if you don’t. #Foodie be out this week too. ** Side note I’m looking for some talent ** tag list open

𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝐿𝒾𝓈𝓉

Tagged: @alagalaska @nottherightseason @alias-b @screensirenfic @linkispink1995 @staticscreenwriting

How the hell did all this happened. How the FUCK this happen. How did I end up alone on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere? Cold as hell with a runny nose from my tears and sharp pain of betrayal. I know now. It all started a couple of months ago. When I was tossed into this hickory town. Where one night find a stupid blue eyes boy drunk out his mind. With your stupid Mother, Mary's attitude had to help him. Now that drunk piece of shit made you fall for him to drop kick you in a small amount of a few months.

My brown eyes fill with glittery tears, tried to think back on every step that lead me here what was it? What did I do wrong? What I would do to go back to that night in October. Go back to that day I met that boy that came out of nowhere and changed my life

🍂🍂🍂

The fall air left a warm scent as I walk out the greyhound in my short denim overalls with a plain white short-sleeved shirt and black and white converses with black laces. My long midnight black wavy hair dancing with the wind with my red heart shades on, taking my around at my surroundings. Even though I have been here many times, this was the first time I came that wasn’t summer visits.

Those had an arrival and departure two way this time though was a one way. It was a lot different than home, Florida. It’s always sunny and things to do unlike here. Flipping my cassette player back on I walk over to the rusted metal benches and wait for my ride. I didn’t want to be here. However, when you have no other choice what can you do. My life stuffed in my dad's old beat-up army bag. I lend back hoping this was a dream and I wake up home with my dad not here. I didn’t hate here I just hate why I’m here. The two-day bus rides a dread and didn't help. Still, I’m stuck with nothing to do but cruise under the radar till graduation. Toss the cap in the air and by the time it's back in my hands I have another ticket to somewhere else.

I gentle tap took me out from my inner monologue into reality. An older woman in her 60s with short curly golden frost hair bright red lipstick that got bit on her front tooth in a flower print long dress. In all, she was the fifth unseen golden girl or what I know her as grams.

“‘HELLO ROSARY. You hear me call for you over there by the car” Grams shouts into my ear. Looking up at her I smile and move my bag out the way to hug her tight.

“ Sorry, the meds got me all out of it. Hi, grams it good to see you” I said holding onto the strap of my bag. She gave me a nod and kiss my cheek leaving an imprint.

“ Oh shut I forgot. Sorry, we couldn’t get your flights no airport close by. Sweetie. Grab your bag we can go home” Grams says walking and talking to the car. Tucking my shades in my pocket I follow her music still playing in my ears.

“ Where Papa at,” I asked looking out the window.

“ Oh, he at the diner checking on things. But he will be back by dinner. I sign you up for school. You start tomorrow. Your car will be ship here in two weeks so the bus to school till then” Grams said pulling up to the house. “ Look, honey. I know things have been hard the last few months but coming here can be your fresh start. So it’s up to you what you do. Stay sane try to be different better you dear” Grams said getting out of the car. Simply put it don’t fuck up this time.

“ Yes. Ma’am. I’m gonna the perfect granddaughter” I said with a eat shit grin.

“Don’t do that it’s tacky. I did not mean what I said that way sweetie. Huh lord, I need my soaps. Drop your stuff in your room” Grams said walking into the house.

My room more like a guest room. They tried though I give them that the last time I been here was years ago when I was 11. Then after that was with my dad across seas. By then the damage was done. Walls were eggshell white with a few pictures of me by dad and them that set on the wall by the window. The bed was against the wall with a small glass nightstand with a trunk in front. Probably the same one my dad had when he was my age. The small closet across the bed and an old oakwood dresser. This will do I’m sure in no time she can make it homie. I push my hand on the bed testing out the string a bit. This is my life now. Better just get used to it. Anger bubble deep in my chest as it slowly starts to hit me. This is a life I don't want. I wanted the life I had before one that was far from perfect but he was there. I toss my bag beside me with a bit of force and scream into my hands.

It took no time till I was done. I change up the pictures and some more on my dresser. A few things on the nightstand then to top it off my mint condition organized record collection in a purple crat that sat beside my dad's 1960s Gibson Hummingbird Fixed Bridge acoustic guitar.

“ So you all done. It’s not much but we go somewhere someday. Sorry, papa wasn’t here. After Benny passed away our place been the hot spot. Back to the glory days, he says” Grams said with a chuckle. I sat down beside her legs cross under me and started to flip through Good Housekeeping

“ So Benny no more. Anything else happens since I have been here last” I asked getting comfortable.

“Let's see. That Will kid you babysit a few times went miss for a week or so. Last year. And that’s about it. I don’t pay much attention to those things. Papa and I are going to bible study tonight. I know you not up to it this week. So you don’t have to go but I am looking forward to next week” Grams said. I ruffled my hand into my deep chocolate hair and nod yes.

“ I would love that. Thank you. That reminds me. I have to fill up on my pain killers. If it’s not much to ask can you please take me one day this week? Or may I go into town myself” I asked taking out my pill bottle?

Still, months later the pain reminds the same. Even the memories still were in tack as if it happened minutes ago. A tear rolled down my face just reliving it. Grams hold me tight smoothing me and rubbing my back as I let out a heavy cry. My dainty finger claw into her shoulder blade as tight as possible. I didn’t hate that I was here I just hate the why.

🌙🌙🌙

DADDY!!” I shout out. My body was soaked with a cold sweat and tears still running down my cheeks. Too weak to even move, I bend over cup my hands into my face, and scream.

Always the nightmares. Always the same two each night. Back home I would find a party or smoke or wave to ride but here. NOTHING. I promise a new me I remind myself. One that is not set to explode any second. One that took all their demons and bury it in the deepest hole. This me doesn’t let them loose but keep them hidden tight. That won’t break and burn everything she touches. This me be gentle, kind, and read the Bible instead of throwing my fist. I promise my father that even my estranged grandparents will be better.

After a good pity party, I decided to stay wasn’t gonna help me. I needed to out. I toss on some navy blue gym shorts pull down my Scooby-Doo t-shirt, which was getting a little bit smaller than last time I warn it years ago, decided for a walk.

Grams and Papa came back from church just after 11. Just missing the kids trick or treating. I stay back gave an empty smile say hello few folks who came by or heard over the rumor mill I was back. None who I really care about. The clock blink, 3:00. The cool breeze comforts me like a blanket over my shoulders. Music played close to mute. I thought about it all. If he at peace would I see him again. Could I make it to June in this town?

Far ahead of me on my way back, I saw a figure laying on the crisp grass. After the stories, Grams told me I wonder if it was anything important. As I got closer I saw an outline of a person. I stop and slow my walking this time with caution. Till I was right beside him. He was rocking back and forth humming some song no shirt tight-ass pants and hair messy with no shoes. This boy diffidently was fucking or having a good time. Part of me envies him and that freedom. Another knew it was because even if I don’t say it out loud he beautiful mess. Totally my type and that what it got tricky he was a reminder of the past I was hoping to leave behind. Flipping my hair out my face I got down to eye level and gently touch him.

“ Hey Hey you alright, “ I asked shaking him a bit.

He looks up and grins at me with a sleepy doozy grin. His eyes sparkle in the night sky and for a second I forgot he was drunk. My stomach did this thing I only ever felt a few times before. Back when I was happy. I shook my head and look around for help or at less to see if he drove or had friends. No luck. Part of me thought it be best to leave but then I saw it. Right below his eyes the old bruise and cuts. My jaw tightened till it clicks.

“ Mommy. Mommy” he said touching my face. I felt the cold touch of his ring against my lips. I tap it to the side and wrap his arm around me to get him up. Praying to God he, not a psycho, or I will regret this. He started to kiss my neck all while calling me mommy. Kinky mother fucker

“ Yeah Hot Wheels, not your mommy come on almost there,” I said helping him back home. He giggles and tried to be a handy hand reaching my hip and butt.

“ Holy shit your you are your a doll baby” he slurred into my ear.

Praying any god’s that my grandparents don’t wake up to him almost knocking everything down. I put my hand to his mouth and a finger to mine so he shut up. On the first day of this new me, I’m playing babysitting to a drunk man child. With ease, I toss him on my bed. He cuddles with one of my pillows squeezing my old grumpy carebear and drifts to sleep. I waited a second before I went and made my own special hangover shake and a bucket for the morning. Taking more time time to clean his face a bit and hand as gentle as I could. Time blink at 3:58, I sat on the floor against my dresser and watch him sleep. Wondering if a boy like that had nightmares too.

I woke up two hours later. Still on the floor face left with a carpet imprint. The boy from this morning now turns over to the other side against the wall sound asleep. I got up from my spot on wobbly legs grab some things and head to the bathroom.

As the cold water hit my face I kept thinking about before till the face of baby blue came into mine. His eyes look like way mine when I look into the mirror and it puzzles me. Never have I found someone else that had the same eyes as mine. Apart from me wonder what was behind those eyes. I shack it off as I dry my hair. If the boy's eyes look like mine then that means on things, his demons were just as bad. I change into tacky stuck in time uniform and walk back deep in thoughts when I stop. The boy was gone. I rush out of my room almost tripping over my own foot, empty. Nothing change in my room just the note. It wasn’t till I sat and smell the faint scent of cologne and cigarettes. It wasn’t a dream he was real. I laugh at myself there no way I will be seeing him again.

🍂🍂🍂

He couldn’t remember much just that her face was half cover by her loose curly hair that shines against the streetlight. The innocent big brown eyes that went with a sugar-sweet smile. Even though she was nowhere close to his mom. He couldn’t help but think about her. He never saw someone that beautiful before. Holding on to her tight sniff her in, honey and vanilla. He wanted to stare at her as long as he could but as soon as he hit the twin size bed he was out.

“Fuck am I” he hissed holding his head trying to think what happened last night. Last he remembered was making out with some blonde at the Halloween party or was it sex. His eyes look at the cup and bucket. Brown eye. He slowly picks up the note and read it:

Sleepy Head, First off we did not have sex and no I don’t know you. What I can tell you is this you were drunk and laying on someone's lawn alone. I live on Church street and Maple Lane. If it’s before 6 and your reading this back door

He laughs at the note and put it back where he found it. It was still early Neil wouldn’t be awake if he left now. He thought maybe he leave a thank you but it decided against it. He promised himself no attachment just to graduate, save up, and leave. No room for nothing else. Before he left he heard noises from the bathroom. Sound like a peaceful lullaby. Inching close he peaks in to see a figure from behind the curtain. Shaking his head he slips out and all his Mary way her black and white Adidas flip flops whistling her lullaby.

[ridiculousyoungicarus]

i wanna hide the truth, i wanna shelter you

a love letter to luxor’s zander driskell

I want to start off with a disclaimer that there’s a bunch more pre-Luxor content on this one compared to the girls’, but with Zander it felt extremely important to explore that aspect. There’s a note on the section where I’m finally playing him in the roleplay due to that, but anything before that point is before I started playing him in the group. Anyway, I’m proud to present a 3 hour Zander playlist, come help me judge him for the amount of references to his dad and Ches throughout this entire playlist.

Yet again I’d like to thank Lex for help throughout this process, and warn everyone that the usual Zander trigger warnings are all over this playlist (mental health, violence, abuse / child abuse, etc etc). Anything additional is noted on the sections.

‘cause i had a fire, passion and desire. now all i require are circuits and wires | pre-luxor:

zander before attending luxor additional tws: potential self harm (breathe me)

iRobot (Jon Bellion) [ I was a human, before you killed me and ripped my heart out. ] // Breathe Me - Acoustic (Jonathan Roy) [ I think that I might break and lost myself again and I feel so unsafe. ] // Tell Me Why (Taylor Swift) [ Why do you have to make me feel small so you can feel whole inside? Why do you have to put down my dreams so you're the only thing on my mind? ] // Weight Of Living, Pt. II (Bastille) [ All that you desired when you were a child was to be old. Now that you are here, suddenly you fear you've lost control. ]

happiness is beautiful to see, won't you box it up for me? | sophomore year:

zander’s sophomore year at luxor, and the introduction to one ches elswood. additional tws: bleed out can be extremely uncomfortable to listen to with the whole, bleeding out theme. please skip that song if you feel you need to

Cop Car (Keith Urban) [ You were thinking that running for it would make a good story; I was thinking you were crazy as hell. ] // Don't Trust Me (Phillip Phillips) [ So when I say I'm okay, don't trust me. ] // Burn Out (Imagine Dragons) [ Oh, give me strength, and give me peace. Does anyone out there want to hear me? ] // Crawling (Linkin Park) [ This lack of self-control I fear is never-ending. Controlling, I can't seem. ] // Bleed Out (Blue October) [ Will I bleed out? I gave it all, but you can't stop taking from me. And way down, I know you know where to cut me with your eyes closed. ] // Don't Sing the Blues (Bohnes) [ I was ridiculous, young Icarus. I flew too close to the sun. ]

do you remember all the plans we made? | helena:

a section dedicated to zander’s relationship with helena additional tws: sex (carry your throne), alcohol (tonight I wanna cry)

Carry Your Throne (Jon Bellion) [ If you're lost in this darkness I'll carry your throne. No, I won't let it swallow you whole. ] // Snake Eyes (Mumford & Sons) [ It's in the eyes. I can tell, you will always be danger. ] // Halfway Gone (Lifehouse) [ You were always hard to hold, so letting go ain't easy. I'm hanging on but growing cold. ] // The Promise (Andy Black) [ Tell me what ever happened to the love we gave, the promise that we both betrayed. ] // Tonight I Wanna Cry (Keith Urban) [ And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control, but I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain. To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes, tonight I want to cry. ]

i say one day the valley is gonna swallow me whole, i feel like a photo that's been overexposed | junior year (‘18-‘19):

junior year of high school, fairly self explanatory additional tws: smoking (antisocial)

Flaws (Bastille) [ You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground. Dig them up. Let's finish what we've started. ] // Battle Cry (Imagine Dragons) [ Just one more time before I go, I'll let you know that all this time I've been afraid, wouldn't let it show. Nobody can save me now, no. ] // 12 Rounds (Bohnes) [ I'm coming home, I've got some things to say. My gloves are on and my shoes are almost laced. ] // Novocaine (Fall Out Boy) [ Don’t mind me, I’m just the son of a gun. So don’t stop, don't stop 'till your heart goes numb. Now I’m just numb, I don’t feel a thing for you. ] // Machine (Imagine Dragons) [ 'Cause I've been wondering when you gonna see I'm not for sale. I've been questioning when you gonna see I'm not a part of your machine. ] // Antisocial (Ed Sheeran feat. Travis Scott) [ So antisocial, but I don't care. Don't give a damn, I'm gonna smoke here. ] // Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea (Fall Out Boy) [ Seems like the whole damn world went and lost its mind and all my childhood heroes have fallen off or died. ] // Never Going Back (The Score) [ I'm never gonna follow just because they say so. ]

consign me not to darkness | summer 2019:

the summer after the merge, where zander is stuck at home working for lance additional tws:  alcohol (if you’re going through hell)

Two Evils (Bastille) [ I'm the lesser of two evils or am I tricking myself nice? ] // Man or a Monster (Sam Tinnesz feat. Zayde Wølf) [ When you look at yourself, are you a man or a monster? ] // DNA (Lia Marie Johnson) [ Are the pieces of you in the pieces of me? I'm just so scared you're who I'll be. When I erupt just like you do, they look at me like I look at you. ] // Broken Crown (Mumford & Sons) [ So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down I'll never wear your broken crown. I can take the road and I can fuck it all away, but in this twilight, our choices seal our fate. ] // If You're Going Through Hell {Before The Devil Even Knows} (Rodney Atkins) [ I've been deep down in that darkness, I've been down to my last match. Felt a hundred different demons breathin' fire down my back. ] // Mud On the Tires (Brad Paisley) [ 'Cause it's a good night to be out there soakin' up the moonlight. ] // Pray For You (Jaron And The Long Road To Love) [ I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill, I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I'd like to. ]

but all the scars they prove that i fought my way through so, i always keep 'em showing | senior year of hs (‘19-‘20)

finally, the point in the timeline where zander is actually getting roleplayed by me. includes summer camp fun too

The Silence (Bastille) [ Tell me a piece of your history that you've never said out loud. Pull the rug beneath my feet, and shake me to the ground. ] // Stand Up (The Cab) [ Yeah, all of my demons are kicking and screaming but I'll never leave them behind. Yeah, maybe I'm crazy but don't try to save me, 'cause I've never felt so alive. ] // Only One (The Score) [ Tell me how it feels to know I'm not a puppet under control. I cut the strings a long time ago. ]

running from the devil, but the devil takes hold | fall & winter 2020:

a new school year, increased disdain for his father, a certain set of posters, and the start of realizing there may be something wrong with him.

Gold (Imagine Dragons) [ But now you can't tell the false from the real. Who can you trust? When everything you touch turns to gold. ] // Just Like You (Three Days Grace) [ You thought you were standing beside me, you were only in my way. You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you. ] // Bad Blood (Bastille) [ All this bad blood here, won't you let it dry? It's been cold for years, won't you let it lie? ] // Middle Finger (Bohnes) [ But I refuse to let you make me feel like I can't fly. Not only will I soar again, I'll own the fucking sky. ] // American Beauty/American Psycho (Fall Out Boy) [ You take the full, full truth, then you pour some out, and you can kill me, kill me or let God sort 'em out. ] // Homecoming King (Andy Black) [ You're standing there with the homecoming king; turn the silver spoon into a diamond ring. Can he make you disappear without anyone noticing? Yeah, fuck the homecoming king ] // Monster (Imagine Dragons) [ I'm only a man with a candle to guide me, I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me. A monster, a monster, I've turned into a monster. ] // Animal I Have Become (Three Days Grace) [ Somebody help me through this nightmare I can't control myself. Somebody wake me from this nightmare, I can't escape this hell. ] // Gallows (The Score feat. Jamie N Commons) [ Been turning my back on the sun these days, trying to walk the line but I'm losing my way. ]

i'm sifting through the sand, looking for pieces of broken hourglass trying to get it all back but it back together | spring 2021:

continuing to take a good look at his mental health, a desire to improve, and an appreciation for his support circle. additional tws: sex/masturbation mention (All Time Low)

All Time Low (Jon Bellion) [ I've been trying to fix my pride but that shit's broken, that shit's broken. ] // Bishops Knife Trick (Fall Out Boy) [ These are the last blues we're ever gonna have, let's see how deep we get. The glow of the cities below lead us back to the places that we never should have left. ] // Demons (Imagine Dragons) [ They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate; it's woven in my soul, I need to let you go. Your eyes, they shine so bright, I wanna save that light, I can't escape this now, unless you show me how. ] // I'll Be Good (Jaymes Young) [ I never meant to start a fire, I never meant to make you bleed. I'll be a better man today. ] // The Anchor (Bastille) [ You were the light that is blinding me. You're the anchor that I tie to my brain. 'Cause when it feels when I'm lost at sea, you're the song that I sing again and again. ] // Ungrateful Eyes (Jon Bellion) [ Still lost, still feel depressed like I'm try to find a way in. I'm trying to figure this out, but my God I'm so human. And so I turned to my sister and smiled and asked this question, “all we wanna know is where the stars came from, but do we ever stop to watch them shine?” ] // Rise Up (Imagine Dragons) [ The darkness right in front of me, oh, it's calling out, and I won't walk away. ] // Bless The Broken Road (Rascal Flatts) [ Every long lost dream led me to where you are, others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you. ]

[st-fandom-imagines]

Life or Death

So this one really got to me, I hope you guys like it!! SOME SEASON 3 SPOILERS! tag list- @tiger-hugger and @hannahmontanabutgayer let me know if you guys want to be added to my tag list! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Request-anonymous asked: Steve H x reader with the prompts 30, 3, 25, 27, 58, 59, 73, 74? (alotiksorry) super angsty where the reader is injured really bad and thinks theyre going to die so they are saying goodbye to bfSteve? Maybe they dont die in the end but thats up to you. Love your writing btw♡♡♡ 3-“I know it hurts” 25-“I’m scared” 27-“Please stay with me” 30-“Is that blood?” 58-“am I dead?” 59-“look at me” 73-“Please don’t say goodbye.” 74-“you’ve shown me what love can feel like.” ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Being a good person really sucks sometimes, without thinking you put other people’s needs before your own, you are always trying to help someone, protect them, and shit, was I in deep. Dustin roped Steve and I into this mess last October and now here we are, fighting the mind flayer in teams, trying to stop the world from caving in on itself. Steve and I started out as me being his rebound from Nancy and just that, but after you save each other’s lives so many times, you can’t help but having feelings for the person. We have been dating ever since the snowball, both being there for Dustin, Steve asking me to go with him to chaperone, by the end of the night we were confessing feelings and kissing on the hood of his car. It’s been amazing since then, Steve treats me like a queen, he never makes me feel insecure, he is always coming up with little dates and is always surprising me with little gifts. As I laid in the back seat of Billy’s car, hands tied behind my back, gagged at the mouth, I couldn’t help but cry and hope that for once, just once that Steve wouldn’t be a good person. Billy knew that if Steve could, he would save the kids, or at least give them more time, he would do it. Billy was betting on Steve coming on the rescue, betting that he would come and stop him, in turn, slamming into me as well. So when Billy saw me alone, he took advantage of that and took me with him, no one noticing, everyone radioing to everyone else, trying to figure out where I was, Billy made me radio to them, telling them I had a plan and to keep on track. Billy may have not been Billy but whoever he was or what he was turning into was smart, he knew killing me would hurt everyone, so even if we won the battle, we would all still be hurt. “Okay, show time.” I heard him laugh from the front seat as I heard Nancy yell at Jonathan to get the car started. Billy broke, just for a second, tears falling from his eyes. I felt the car slam on the gas, my crying only getting harder as I heard gunfire from Nancy who Billy was probably aiming for. Before anything else could happen, I felt the front of another car, hit Billy’s car, glass shattering all over me, cutting my face and body, a big shard stuck in my abdomen, lucky enough for me, one of the pieces of glass cut my mouth gag. As soon as I could catch my breath I began to scream, knowing that someone was bound to hear me. “Steve! Robin! Nancy! Jonathan! Anyone, please!!” I cried out before the door by my feet flung open, and I felt myself getting pulled out of the crushed car. “Is that blood?” I heard Robin ask as I looked down at my feet and saw Steve pulling me out with tears in his eyes. “Fuck, shit, I should have known something was up.” Steve crying as he pulled me fully out of the car, seeing me bleeding from many different places, pain spread across my face. All I could feel was pain, fear and tears and it was killing me to know that Steve did this, and I knew he was going to blame himself but I would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed. “Quick! Get in!” Nancy yelled as she popped the trunk of the car, Steve picking me up bridal style and walking over to the car, hopping in the back with me in his arms, Robin helping him get me in the car with the least amount of blood loss. I felt Robin reach under me, breaking the zip ties that were on my hands, I immediately, touched my stomach, the main source of pain coming from that. "Steve, I'm scared." I groaned as I looked at my hands, that were covered in blood. My head was in Steve's lap, feet next to Robin who was looking at me in pure shock. I looked up at my boyfriend and I could see his lips moving but I couldn't hear anything he was saying. His face was turned towards the front of the car most likely talking to Jonathan and Nancy. I then turned my head to the back window of the car, seeing the Mind Flayer chasing us. "(Y/N), look at me!" Steve yelled, pulling me back into the car and making me realize that I was only loosing more blood by the second, this might be it for me. "We cant take the glass out or you will bleed out, you just have to hold on for me, okay? I know it hurts, I'm so  sorry." He sobbed moving pieces of blood soaked hair out of my face as he cried down on me. I cupped the side of his face with one of my hands, and smiled softly. "The needs of one, out weigh the needs of many. We knew the dangers, and it worked, the kids are safe. Steve, I love you-" I began but he cut me off, sobs rocking his body, head shaking back and forth. "Please don't say goodbye. You are going to be fine, we are going to be fine. You can't die, our story isn't over." He pleaded making me look at Robin who was still looking at me with wide eyes and mouth open. "Be there for him, make him realize it wasn't his fault, Robin, promise me." I demanded making her nod over and over again, tears welling up in her eyes as well, we had all gotten so close over the summer. I then turned my attention back to Steve who was covering me with a old blanket that was in the back of the car, trying to get my body temperature up as blood poured out of me. "Steve, Steve, please..." I whispered, making him lock eyes with me once again, I had never seen him cry this hard, it was breaking my heart. "Please, stay with me." He begged, resting his forehead on mine, our tears mixing together as they fell from our eyes and ran down my face. "I love you Steve Harrington, I always have and I always will. You have become such an amazing guy, and when this is all over, don't blame yourself, don't let my memory hold you back, live Steve, live for me." I tried to comfort him but he wasn't having it, stubborn till the end. "You are going to be okay, when we get out of this, we are moving in together, we are going to make plans, talk about baby names, fuck, I'll marry you next week, please. Just don't... just don't die. You cant, you've shown me what love can feel like." He cried making me smile, feeling my eyes getting heavy, feeling my body getting weak, I knew Steve loved me, I had no doubt about that, I just hope he can love someone else once I'm gone. I could hear him say my name over and over as my eyes closed, but I couldn't do anything about it, it was my time. ** It felt like only a second, only a second of darkness before my eyes fluttered open and I saw bright light, making my hand fly up to cover the light from my eyesight , groaning at the brightness, well at least I made it to heaven. "Am I dead?" I groaned, hoping someone would answer and much to my surprise, no one did so I turned my head to the right, and I saw Steve asleep in a chair that was pulled up next to me, both of his hands holding onto one of mind. I smiled with tears in my eyes, knowing that I in fact, was not dead. "Hey, loser." I coughed out, clutching my stomach with both of my hands, making Steve shoot up from the chair, feeling the movement. "Oh my god, oh fuck, (Y/N), shit!" He screamed as he cupped my face in his hands, looking into my eyes as if he didn't believe it was really me. My coughing began to stop and he ran towards the door of the hospital room. "Doctor, we need a doctor!" He yelled before rushing back over to me, making me smile softly. He sat down on the bed next to me, kissing my hand, lingering there for a second before sighing in relief. "Did you think you could get rid of me that easily?" I joked making him let out a watery chuckle as tears welled up in his eyes. He ran one hand through my hair, his other hand, holding mine once again. "I really thought I lost you, we got you here just in time." He smiled making me sit up from the bed with wide eyes. "Steve, the kids, Hopper, Joyce, everyone, what happened?" I hoped he would smile yet again but he just hushed me to lay back down, not wanting me to strain myself. "I will explain, but we need to make sure you are okay first, especially if we are going to get married in a week." He joked as the doctor walked into the door with a chart in his hand. I knew Steve meant what he said when I was bleeding to death but I also knew he would wait to marry me until I was cleared and until everyone else had recovered. As the doctor explained to Steve and I what they had to do and what they would be watching for in the next few days, he held my hand the entire time, making me smile, knowing he was going to be here, in sickness and in health.

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveys 053.

do you sing in the shower? oh every single time. Its something I look forward to. 

do you think money makes people happy? As someone who currently relies on birthdays and holidays as her income, I can tell you it would relieve a bit of stress from me to even have like 100 bucks a month.

what's your relationship status? single.

what time is it? 12:25 am

what emotion are you feeling right now? I’m all over the place. Tonight Kile and I were messaging back n forth in a consistent manner which we haven’t done in a long time. Things were a bit romantic, which was extremely hard for me to deny participation in, and then it ended with me saying bye. boy it is hard to let go of him

do you have netflix? I do.

have you ever traveled outside your home country? no. Sadly, without a shot I will not be getting, I’m unsure of how I’ll be able to until the restrictions lessen.

coffee or tea? teeeeeeea pls.

shower or bath? Shower unless the bath is deep enough to cover my long self. 

what's your favorite pizza topping? depends on what kind of pizza. For instance, Jacks just GETS how to do supreme. some places nail the pepperoni, or fresh garlic or whatever. 

what's something that makes you happy? thinking about decorating my own place one day.

do you have siblings or are you an only child? I have 2 brothers and 1 sister

what's your favorite instrument? Piano, cello, drums

what's your favorite food? today it is fruity pebbles.

what is something you are always losing? I am pretty consistent on things going back to their original spot. I suppose if I’m losing something maybe it’d be like a scrunchie.

are you good at spelling? a good amount of the time.

what is one goal you have? all my goals are shifting.

did you get a flu shot this year? Nooo. never have. 

what's your favorite Disney movie? oh boy. i am not good with narrowing down those. are you bored? Not really, I’m just trying to keep my mind occupied until I’m sleepy.

what are you listening to? serendipity, bennys tail hitting my pillow, and my fans.

what's your favorite foreign language? I think it depends. are we talking for the way it sounds? or one that I’d want to learn?

what do you do when you can't sleep? this, read, find quotes, do puzzles, stare at the ceiling.

do you like cats or dogs better? this is one of my very least favorite questions to be asked. why would anyone want to choose between the two? both are so great.

do you have any piercings? Just my ears

what's your favorite vegetable? Potatoes

do you eat meat? Yeah.

what's your favorite season? any of them minus summer. Honestly, probably winter. 

do you still write letters? I love to, but I no longer have anyone to write to. 

what would make you really happy right now? i think a distraction that comes from having a crush.

what's your favorite song? ooo this changes but right now i’m into a lot of blue october.

are you good at giving advice? so, I’m the person you go to for advice if you want the moral, behaved, “you won’t regret this later” type advice. I’m great at giving that.

what's your favorite hobby? Right now, this.

do you prefer to talk or text? That is going to depend on the person. almost always text. But some people.. their voice is just intoxicating.

what's your favorite pair of shoes? I’m going to have to trash all my shoes for ones with heel support. 

how often do you read? (as in books) usually daily, but I’ve fallen out of that lately.

do you have any pets? I have 2 cats currently. I really want a golden retriever, but hey.

what's your favorite day of the week? they’re all similar at the moment, but probably saturdays

are you in college? I’m in the inbetween. Finished 2 bachelors, but am waiting for grad program

are you/have you ever been in a long distance relationship? I have been,

how do you typically listen to music? I use Spotify. either thru my headphones, my bluetooth speaker, the kitchen google, or my phone.

do you like going to the beach? I do so long as I have shade or the water is good to swim in.

did you make any new year's resolutions? I think pandemic NY resolutions were all about survival thru mentally exhausting times.

how old are you? 29 yrs young

do you know anyone who is blind? I do

who is someone you admire? My mom

do you have a good singing voice? when I was a kiddo, preteen, and teen yes. not any longer.

are your nails painted? Nope. I just wanted a break from keeping up with them.

Are you an extrovert or introvert? I’m an introvert but I can behave very well with the extroverts.

what are you having/had for dinner tonight? I had some tacos.

do you ever write in a journal? I would like to begin again, but this is a decent makeshift option

if you could time travel when/where would you go? I mean I’d love to go back to some great memories, but I worry that could be painful beyond repair.

what's your favorite animal? whales.

what's your favorite kind of cereal? honestly my cravings for cereal are for any kinds that I can no longer have. so dont ask.

how was your day? I’m only 44 minutes into it.

do you ever listen to classical music? I do. Clair de lune is one of the best 

what inspires you? learning. learning always inspires me.

how many pillows do you sleep with? I have like 20. OK huge exaggeration. I believe the true number of sleeping pillows is 4 large, 1 mini. 

how many hours of sleep do you need? I typically run off of about 3. I’ve had sleep studies done regarding that. But If I’m getting good oxygen and the temp is coooooooold I sleep so good.

do you have big or small feet? I have pretty average to slightly bigger. 

what's the weather like where you are? It’s been in the upper 80s.

what's the most interesting thing you can see out the window? just the reflection from my TV. it’s real dark out.

does/did your high school have a school song? no.

what month is your birthday in? July.

what's your dream job? the brain.

are you excited for summer? I’ve had a lovely summer, truly.

what foreign country would you want to live in for 6 months? switzerland.

did you have to go to school today? No, no I have not.

win a million $$ or never have to pay for anything again? Never have to pay for anything. Why would that even be a question. do you throw coins into fountains? when I was a kiddo

do you have a trampoline? Nope

what's your favorite song lyric? what if we could put our lives on hold and meet somewhere inside of the world, I would meet you... would you meet me? 

what did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Ill be honest IDK if we even got food.

do you ever measure time in songs? only if I’m in the shower. I’ll be like ahhh I’m 4 songs in.

do you know how to play chess? I’ve been taught MULTIPLE times. have I retained any of them? na.

what's your favorite game? (any type) right now I’m digging skipbo, trionomos, rummykub, and trouble.

do you enjoy traveling? I love it. so much.

do you tend to wait till the last minute? nope. I’m almost always 2 weeks prior

have you ever owned a goldfish? Yep!

how do you relieve stress? go on a drive. 

without looking it up, guess the outside temperature? I’d guess maybe 70. lemme see how close I am. 68!

now look it up - how close were you? woops. 68! two off.

do you prefer digital or analog clocks/watches? Digi. 

do you prefer to shop in stores or online? I almost always prefer online, but in store has its own perks like seeing the quality of things.

do you enjoy coloring? oh heck’n yea do you like to dance? I do!

have you ever owned a horse? my family did, yes

do you take selfies? oh i do. MUCH less now, than I did before. before I used to send kile like 10 a day. now I might take 2 per week.

do you ever listen to music in languages besides English? Not often, but on occasion

have you ever cried from listening to a song? absolutely.

do you prefer headphones or earbuds? so I appreciate how headphones are safer for the ears, but i typically wear earbuds.

can you speak Spanish? Very little. like a few words

what's the last thing you watched on youtube froggy freshhhhhhhhh dunked on now what time is it? 12:57. Im getting sleepy. --------- ok now it’s 859 am. I passed out last night.

do you ever watch musicals? sometimes. it’s not my favorite thing

do you know anyone who's a twin? Yeppp

do you ever get carsick? oh heck yeah, i do love the windows open

what's your opinion on wolves? I really never had an opinion. check back.

when you're sad do you prefer sad music or happy music? sad. indulge me

do you like seafood? Nooo. i wish

do you enjoy going to the zoo? no. i really dont. are there any celebrities from your hometown? uhhhh not that I know of

do you shower in the morning or at night? morning if I was great hair. If I want meh hair, night

do you prefer to work alone or in a group? Alone. ALWAYS.

do you go to the gym alone or with a friend? I don’t go to the gym. < problem solved.

do you like coconut? I like the scent but not the food. <<< SAME who is someone you're jealous of? JV for her abs

what's your favorite place to go out for breakfast? eggheadz

do you still have your christmas tree up? nah. its a tickle early (july)

do you have a favorite type of bird? cardinal.

have you ever had an overnight flight anywhere? yup. plenty of times.

if you use them, tell me 5 of your recently used emojis heart eyes, disappointed looking off to the side, sad face with eyes closed, hearts all over the face, and rolling eyes.

do you know anyone that plays the violin? yep. 

how much money is in your wallet right now? I would need to count

anything you're looking forward to tomorrow? having been done with packing lol

have you ever auditioned for anything? yeah I used to do auditions all the time for plays I was in.

did you have a webkinz when you were younger? No.

how would you describe your aesthetic? airy, comfy, inviting, warm

have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? yeah a couple times but its like not even a tiny bit close.

when was the last time you rode a bus? i have never.

if you saw $50 on the ground what would you do? is there a wallet attached?

do you know how to play any unusual instruments? yeah. don’t ask me. I’m not pleased about it.

are you an early bird or a night owl? kind of both. 

have you ever had trouble understanding someone because of an accent? oh yes. But the more time you spend talking to those individuals who have accents stronger than what you’re used to, become very easy to understand over time.

do you ever go to Massachusetts? I’ve never been but I’d love to go.

do you personally know anyone who is transgender? yeah a few people I’ve met through school. 

do you remember anything from when you were 5 or younger? yeah a few very small memories. 

do you need to do laundry? yes I desperately need to pack and I’m waiting on the laundry for that to happen. 

do you know anyone (including yourself) who actually enjoys math? NOT ME. not even close to me. Kile seemed to like it. 

do you have a favorite poem? the one written for meeeeee

if you were from somewhere else, would you visit your town on vacation? I don’t think i’d think of it, it’s not near anything specific.

where would you spend $100 if you had to spend it all in one store? amazon.

would you rather go to Japan or Greece? Greece.

now what song are you listening to? Gilmore girls, text notifications, fans

what are you wearing right now? shorts and a blue teeshirt. Bout to just be in a short shorts so I can tan. 

any fun plans for the weekend? travelingggggg.

[umusicians]

UM Interview: Mike Robins

CCMA and JUNO Award-nominated artist Mike Robins is stepping out on his own. Mike Robins exploded on the country music scene in 2013 with his group Autumn Hill, achieving radio success, and being nominated for multiple awards including Canadian Country Music Awards and JUNO Awards. Following the success of Autumn Hill, Mike continued to grow working on a side project, East Adelaide. Last month, Mike released his debut single as a solo artist, called “Lightning Don’t Strike Twice”. His music showcases his soulful smooth vocals, raw emotion, and electrifying guitar work and continues to be deeply rooted in country music’s long tradition of storytelling. 

Amandah Opoku sat down with Mike Robins to talk his new single “Lightning Don’t Strike Twice”, pursuing a solo music career and more!

Amandah Opoku: Mike, thank you for doing this interview today! Before we kick off please tell our readers about yourself and one new artist you've discovered recently. Mike Robins: I am a country singer, songwriter and guitarist. I am starting a solo project now after being in two country bands. I have a french bull dog named Maui and I am a big foodie. Lately I’ve been really loving the new Hardy record. The level of songwriting is absolutely amazing, I’ve really become such a fan.

AO: What inspired you to branch out and release music as a solo artist? MK: It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve always had this vision for a solo project and I have been writing music for it for a long time. It really just feels like the right time. I’m going all in and I could not be more excited about getting this next chapter out there.

AO: If you could use 3 words to describe your music, what words would you choose and why? MK: I guess I would have to say honest, relatable and energetic. I would say honest, because I really love writing songs with a great personal story to them. I think country music has always had this deep tradition of incredible story telling and I really try to do my best to continue that in my music, it’s what I love about country. Relatable, especially with Lightning Don’t Strike Twice.  It’s got a Universal theme to it, telling that special person in your life that they are your “once in a lifetime” someone. Energetic because I really love playing live, I would say it’s my favourite thing to do. I really try to create music that will translate well on stage and make a great rocking show.

AO: As you pursue your career as a solo artist, what goals have you set for yourself? What do you hope to achieve within the next 5 years? MK: I would have to say I hope to be in a position where people have connected to my music and I am back playing on all the incredible festivals I got to play with the bands I have been in. Playing live really is my favourite and it would be a dream to play to large crowds and rock out with them again. There is no better feeling then standing up there and hearing an audience sing your lyrics back to you.

AO: What would you say is the biggest challenge you’ve experienced as you’ve pursued your music career? MK: I would have to say going through a vocal surgery and the recovery process, that was really a strange time.  Having to be silent for quite a while, learning to sing again in a different way was extremely stressful.  You’re not really sure what your voice is going to be like after that experience. I’m so lucky to have had a wonderful doctor and team work with me and I can say honestly I am singing better then ever. 

AO: For anyone thinking of pursuing a career in music either as an artist, songwriter or even behind the scenes, what would your advice be to them? MK: I would say if it really is your passion and it’s something you just have to do, then put your all into it. Be prepared for the “no’s” but always push through. If there is no plan B then you have to make your plan a reality. It’s ok to dream so dream big and just go for it.

AO: You made your solo music debut with “Lightning Don’t Strike Twice” on October 2nd. What was the inspiration behind the song? MK: I was supposed to get married this past summer. With the pandemic happening it really through a wrench into those plans. While we were going through the process of postponing, I wanted to say something to my fiancee to let her know she is my “once in a lifetime”. I’d been writing all this new music and had the EP finished when my producer sent me this song and I just thought it was so perfect, it said everything I wanted to. It’s such a special one for us and I’m so pumped to share it. I know a lot of people are going through things like that now. I think with all the negativity and uncertainty in the world currently, a little bit of positivity is what we all need right now.

AO: Looking at the writing and recording process for “Lightning Don’t Strike Twice”, what was it like? Would you say it greatly differed from the writing and recording process you’d engage in for Autumn Hill and East Adelaide releases? MK: The writing process was very similar for this whole project. It usually started with a lyric idea or hook and then I find a guitar riff that excites me. I think starting with a strong lyric idea is something I try to do in order to tell that story but there really isn’t one way, music can totally come first and inspire the lyrics. Recording was very different this time though. The pandemic changed everything and this was the first time I wasn’t in a room with a band playing. I actually recorded all my parts on this single at home. There is this app that lets you stream in real time with no sound quality loss. So Dave my producer and I were working in two different countries as if we were in the same room. It was really kinda wild, it was the closest thing to normal but I would have to say I still love being in the studio working with people. You just get this inspiring vibe.

AO: “Lightning Don’t Strike Twice” can be described as the perfect wedding song. It really captures a type of love we’ve witnessed in movies and/or television shows. If you had the chance to hear this song in any romance movie, what movie would you choose and why? MK: LOL I love that, thanks. Yea I could see it as a wedding song absolutely. Hmmm this is a tough one, if I could see it in any movie I would have to say either Say Anything, I mean c’mon who doesn’t want John Cusack blasting their song through that boom box outside the girls window. I would of course also have to say The Notebook, such a classic, I think that is the epitome of romantic movies. Can’t you see it? “It wasn’t over, it still isn’t over” cue Lightning Don’t Strike Twice.

AO: Keeping in the theme of the story that “Lightning Don’t Strike Twice” captures, what’s one thing you’ve learned about love? MK: Wow, this is getting deep lol. I would have to say listening, trust, communication and patience are the most important things in a relationship. Also just realizing I’m usually wrong. My fiancée is a teacher so she is probably right…

AO: Following the release of “Lightning Don’t Strike Twice”, what can fans expect from you next? MK: This year is all about getting my new music out there.  I have been writing for a long time and cannot wait to share all of these new songs.  Along with the new music I have also created a ton of new content.  I’d love to get back on stage as soon as possible.  I am so excited about this next chapter.

AO: Mike, thank you for sitting down with me! Before we close this interview is there anything you want to say to your fans and our readers? MK: I want to say how grateful I am that people have made my music apart of their lives.  You guys have really allowed me to turn my dream into reality.   I just want to say thank you to everyone supporting my music, it is truly appreciated and I can’t wait till we are all together again rocking out at a show.  See you guys soon!

Connect with Mike Robins on the following websites: https://twitter.com/mikerobinsmusic https://instagram.com/mikerobinsmusic

[etraytin]

Emergency Backup Fic of the Day

I am finally home from my protracted holiday travel (Since December 16, for those of you playing along at home), after ten hours in the car and a morning full of packing before that. I am still sick. I am completely and utterly exhausted and there is no fic in me today. Blargh. 

Luckily, Past Etraytin, in all her wisdom, foresaw such a moment might occur sometime before the the end of the Fic A Day! Way back in October, I wrote an extra fic and saved it back against the day that something bad happened or writer’s block hit or I was just too damn tired. Now, with one day left in the 100-Day Fic-a-Day, I am pulling the cord and deploying the Emergency Fic. 

Today’s fic is actually the start of a multipart story (the other reason I held off on posting it!) that focuses on the East Wing during the Santos Administration. How does Donna adjust to being Chief of Staff? More importantly, how does Helen Santos adjust to being First Lady? What has to get lost or adjusted along the way? Here’s Chapter One. 

...

“Okay, so Annabeth will be coordinating with Lou in the Communications Office to come up with a joint strategy for publicizing the youth music initiative, but right now we've got feelers out to symphony orchestras in DC, New York City, Chicago and Los Angeles to expand their field trip programs with underserved youths and to promote instrumental music in schools.” Donna checked off that item on her list and glanced around at the other staffers in the East Wing sitting room. “I think that's all on the agenda right now. Has anybody got anything else?”

Sandy, the First Lady's personal secretary, opened her mouth to add something. She was preempted by Helen Santos herself, who'd been watching the entire meeting in near silence from her perch in one of the uncomfortable wingback chairs. “So what y'all are telling me,” Helen drawled, “is that my agenda this week consists of dinner with the prime minister of Belgium and his wife, six appearances for photo-ops at various school summer programs, a really horrible party in Chicago to help Matt talk up the budget bill, three dressy luncheons to do the same thing, and a visit to church on Sunday where we're the last ones in and the first ones out?”

“Miranda also has a dentist appointment on Tuesday,” Sandy said in a small voice, “and you're meeting with the historic preservation office on Friday morning to get an update on mold remediation efforts under the press room and the third floor bedroom rehab project.”

“Of course,” Helen said crisply, “I wouldn't want to forget any of that. Good job everybody, keep on truckin'!”

“Thank you, Mrs. Santos,” Donna said as all the staffers rose to their feet. Helen gave her a somewhat cool look, then swept out towards the living quarters. Donna frowned for just a second, then turned to her team. Besides Sandy, there was Otto, the gifted young speechwriter she'd shamelessly poached from Josh during transition, Miri, who'd been Donna's favorite assistant deputy chief of staff in the last administration, and Annabeth, who'd been offered Deputy Press Secretary but didn't want that side of the building anymore. Not exactly the most experienced team, but running the East Wing was a lot different than running the West Wing. They'd made it through the first six months in office with no major disasters, knock on wood.

“All right everybody, we've got plenty of work to do this week. Otto, get me drafts on the school speeches by the end of the day, then start working ahead for the Congressional Women's Dinner in two weeks,” she instructed crisply. “Annabeth, you're with Lou, Miri, you're harassing Sam and/or Congress till they give that extra ten million for music programs.” She thought a second. “Sandy, can you see about freeing up another two or three days for the Santos' trip to Houston next month? Even if the President can't come, maybe we can get the family a few extra days.” They all walked out of the sitting room together, heading back to the East Wing office block. Normally Donna held staff meetings in her office, which was more than big enough, but it got awkward trying to sit at her desk with the First Lady sitting in.

As everyone broke off to their various jobs, Annabeth followed Donna into her office and sat down neatly on the edge of her chair, looking like a pixie in squared-off glasses and a neatly pressed business suit. “Something's wrong with the First Lady,” she announced without preamble.

Donna took her own seat and began looking through a pile of folders. Her own assistant, Jacelyn, still had a long way to go in terms of mastering index cards and post-it notes. “It's allergies,” she agreed without looking up. “The White House doctor prescribed Claritin and silk flowers.”

“That's not what I meant,” Annabeth countered, “though my sinuses are already singing a tiny little hallelujah chorus about the flowers.” She side-eyed the large bouquet on Donna's side table, one of dozens in the East Wing at any given time. “I think she's about to start a prison riot.”

“Do what?” Donna looked up, furrowed her brow. “We're not going to any prisons, and we haven't got anything on our agenda.” Her eyes widened a little. “You don't think she's going to want to go after sufferage for felons again, do you?”

Annabeth rolled her eyes. “There was a time,” she told Donna, “long, long ago in the days when you got enough sleep, that you were able to understand figurative language.”

Donna glared at her without any real anger. “That's a lie. I've never gotten enough sleep.” She considered Annabeth's words a little harder, finally putting down the pile of folders. “You think she's feeling trapped in the White House,” she surmised. “And that's what the little thing in staff today was about.”

“I think she's ready to find herself a tin cup and start banging it against the windows,” Annabeth said dryly. “And I don't really blame her. She had a life back in Houston. She had friends and she was on the PTA, and she probably had a book club or one of those groups where they pretend to sew or knit and just drink wine and gossip all evening. What's she got now? This place is just a big ol' white cage for the First Family, and she hasn't even got days at school or the weight of the free world to distract her. Not everyone's built for the monklike lives of austerity that staff members around here seem to prefer. Present company excepted,” she added, tongue-in-cheek.

Donna flushed, her alabaster skin going pink all the way down her neck. “I wouldn't exactly call it monastic,” she said with great delicacy.

“You had a hickey last week,” Annabeth reminded her gleefully.

Donna gave Annabeth a slightly more pointed glare, but inwardly she was feeling rather pleased. Not just because of the hickey thing, which had been fun enough to make the embarrassment nearly worth it, but because Annabeth was joking about relationships again. Optics were Annabeth's stock in trade and she covered her emotions very well most of the time, but Donna had seen how undone she'd been after Leo's death. It hadn't taken too long to suss out why. At this point there was nothing to be said about whether a relationship would've been wise or appropriate, what did it even matter?  

Annabeth was completely unwilling to talk about it, so all Donna had was her own speculation, but if she and Leo had been a thing, it couldn't have been for very long. That really didn't matter either, she supposed. She wondered, when she could bear to think about it, what she herself might have done if something had happened to Josh at the end of the campaign trail, back in late 1998. She'd have been devastated by the loss, of course, but not completely destroyed the way she would've been a few years later at Rosslyn, or any time after that. Today seemed like a good sign that maybe Annabeth was starting to bounce back. “Aren't we talking about the First Lady here?”

“She hasn't had many hickies lately,” Annabeth commented, raising a quelling hand at Donna's sputter. “What I mean to say, she doesn't seem very satisfied on any level lately, and that's not usual for her. And you know what they say, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. If the President's not happy, the entire country suffers. We have an obligation.”

Donna massaged her temples delicately, suspecting she was about to have a headache. “I'm not sure there's anything we can do about the fact that her friends and her life are all back in Houston and this place is secured like a bunker most of the time. But at least she's got the trip coming up.”

“Which will probably make things worse,” Annabeth pointed out, swinging her legs idly off the edge of the desk. “She's just starting to get strung out now, craving her old life. Let her go to Houston and give her a quick hit of what she's missing, then send her back to the methadone clinic of blue-hair luncheons and boring fundraisers with professional brown-nosers, all she's going to be thinking about is what she doesn't have.”

“I think you rode that metaphor way out of the pasture there, but I see what you mean.” Donna replied dryly. “What do you suggest we do about it?”

“She needs friends here. People, ideally women, close to her own age, who she doesn't have to be so formal with all the time,” Annabeth said decisively.

Donna cocked her head. “Are you suggesting we set up a playdate for the First Lady?”

“If by playdate you mean 'you and I take her a bottle of wine and try to remember to call her Helen for a couple of hours,' it's not a bad place to start,” Annabeth offered. “I don't know about you, but I don't have any friends in DC who don't work here. And vetting anybody is going to be a serious hassle. At least if we can get her to open up a little, maybe we can find out some of what she'd like to do.”

“That could work,” Donna agreed, resting her chin on her fist thoughtfully. “The president is out of town Thursday night and the nanny's on duty. I'll ask her about it tomorrow and see if she's interested.”

“DAR's Thurday lunch,” Annabeth pointed out. “We might need a couple bottles.”

(This fic is also archived, along with any new chapters I may write, at AO3, same author name, under the title “Iron Bars A Cage.” 

[wionews]

'This is the darkest period of our life'

What would Vishal do today, if he were alive? Perhaps the teenager would fly kites, or play with his friends. Maybe he’d work with his father on the family’s two-acre field or pick up an odd job for a daily wage as he occasionally did. He wanted new clothes, his parents remember. That’s all he had asked for.

But Vishal Khule died last November, just 10 days after Diwali, by consuming a bottle of weedicide that his father had bought a few days earlier to spray on their crops. He was wearing a wrinkled white shirt and blue pants that day, the police report says. Vishal was not yet 16 years old.

In Akola’s Dadham village: Vishal's father, Vishwanath Khule and his distraught mother Sheela (on the right); elder brother Vaibhav and their neighbour Jankiram Khule, Vishal’s ‘kaka’ (on the left) (Others)

×

“He collapsed here,” said his father, Vishwanath Khule, pointing to a spot beneath the window of the two-room shanty where the family lives. “His mother was in the adjoining kitchen, making chapatis. I was out there,” he added, gesturing toward the front yard. When her son collapsed with a thump, Sheela Khule rushed out to find Vishal lying on the floor, “a white fluid oozing out of his mouth.” The can of weedicide lay by his side, empty. Vishal died before reaching the hospital.

Part of the two-room home where Vishal consumed a bottle of weedicide (Others)

×

“This is the darkest period of our life,” Vishwanath said.

Dadham, with a population of 1,500, is among the poorest villages in this region. It is about 25 kilometres from Akola, a major city in western Vidarbha, Maharashtra’s cotton- and soybean-growing belt, which has been in the news since the mid-1990s for a continuing spell of farmers’ suicides. The region is reeling under successive years of drought and an agrarian crisis that has only gone from bad to worse.

While the unabated spell of farmers’ suicides in rural Vidarbha and Marathwada, Maharashtra’s eastern and central regions, has been reported on and acknowledged by the government, a related tragedy has gone all but unnoticed: suicides by the young children of debt-ridden farmers. (Farmers’ children have taken their own lives in the past, but newspaper reports indicate that the incidence has spiked in the past two years.)

While there is no specific data on suicides by children (under 18; or by youth under 20), in India as a result of agrarian distress, several studies and reports – from the 2005 door-to-door study commissioned by the Maharashtra government to subsequent studies on farm distress and suicides by the Tata Institute of Social Sciences and the Indira Gandhi Institute of Development Research – have pointed to the impact of debt and distress on children in peasant households. Many adolescent children of farmers inherit their parents’ debts and are forced to take on adult responsibilities, dropping out of school, tilling the fields, succumbing to depression, and for girls, being married off early so the family has one less mouth to feed.

Over the past decade, this writer has documented several such suicides, particularly in households where a suicide has already occurred. Sometimes farmers’ children commit suicide because they fear that if they don’t, their parents will, a phenomenon is known as ‘altruistic suicide’. In one particularly poignant case in 2005, 19-year-old Neeta Bhopat hanged herself in Aasra village in Maharashtra.

In a neatly written suicide note in Marathi, she said: “If I don’t commit suicide, my father will [take his own life]; my family can’t even earn a thousand rupees a month. I have two younger sisters. My parents can’t bear the burden of our marriages when we don’t have enough to eat. So I am taking my life.” Nobody should be held responsible for her decision, she wrote. Committing suicide was the only way she could relieve her parents of some of their tension.

Scarcity and struggle

With a few months to go before the next kharif (monsoon) crops sprout, Dadham is still coming to terms with Vishal Khule’s suicide. Severe water scarcity is already testing the villagers this summer. The entire vicinity is arid. Local newspaper reports suggest that the groundwater table has fallen alarmingly. Dadham has to wait for tankers to supply water every alternate day, or people must trek several kilometres to fetch drinking water. And as if this is not difficult enough, no work is available in the village.

“This is the worst year” of a three-season drought, said Akola district collector G. Sreekanth in his office earlier this year. “We began preparing for the coming summer in September last [year],” he added, even before the 2015 monsoon had officially ended.

Like many districts in the Marathwada, Vidarbha and western regions of Maharashtra last year, Akola district received only 60 per cent of its average annual rainfall of 692 mm. “That’s around 500 mm rains,” said Sreekanth, “which may not sound all that bad, but we got 400 mm of that in two days, on August 4 and 5.” This meant the fields flooded and rainwater could not percolate into the ground.

Such a downpour and a long gap between rainy days is a new and alarming feature of the changing monsoon pattern, according to studies by the Indian Meteorological Department and Pune’s Indian Institute of Tropical Meteorology and other research institutions studying climatic aberrations. After August 5 last year, Akola didn’t see another drop of rain for 41 days, a devastatingly long dry spell. “Every crop failed: soybeans, cotton and tur,” the collector added.

With no crops to sell, and domestic expenses and other exigencies to meet, the Khule family borrowed from moneylenders. According to their bank records, they also have unpaid bank loans of about Rs. 50,000 over the last five years.

The Khules, who belong to the close-knit tribal Andh clan, are marginal peasant farmers. They have long been living hand-to-mouth, and Vishal Khule’s death has only made life more precarious. His mother barely speaks, recounts their neighbour, Jankinath Khule, who recently retired from the government service as a naib tehsildar (a minor-rank revenue official). Vishal’s two sisters, both married, are taking turns to return to the home to be with their mother, he said. Vishal’s elder brother, 18-year-old Vaibhav, has dropped out of school after Class 10 and has taken to working odd jobs.

When her son collapsed with a thump, Sheela Khule rushed out of the kitchen to find Vishal lying on the floor (Others)

×

According to Jankinath Khule, a village elder, Vishal’s suicide was the culmination of his growing frustration with poverty, combined with a feeling of helplessness.

“He would often talk with me about the village poverty and the difference between him and his schoolmates,” said Khule, who Vishal affectionately called Khule kaka (uncle). “[Vishal] spoke of his parents’ troubles, and was resigned to the fact that this situation would never end.”

During the Diwali holidays in recent years, Vishal and Vaibhav would help their father in the fields. In 2015, the kharif crops – mainly soybean – had failed. Though the lentils they grew fetched a good price, inadequate rainfall had affected the yields. Vishal’s father planted green gram in winter, thanks to the state government’s distribution of free seeds to struggling farmers. But the relief measure did not work, villagers said, as there was no water or moisture in the soil to nurture the crop.

With no work in the fields, Vishwanath Khule said, the brothers went to Akola over the school break with friends to find a job that would pay a daily wage but came back empty-handed. Vishal was upset that he could not afford a pair of new clothes for himself, says Khule kaka, or help his father with the cash crunch.

Vishal’s was not the only suicide of its kind. Last October, Latur district, about 400 kilometres from Akola, reported a suicide by the 17-year-old daughter of a farmer, a student in junior college.

In her note, Swati Pitale explained in some detail why she was committing suicide. She could no longer suffer the plight of her father, she wrote in Marathi and didn’t want to be a burden on him. She would soon be of marriageable age and didn’t want her father to incur additional expenses on her wedding. In the note, she made a plea to the banks and moneylenders her father owed. She asked them not to harass her father, for, she said, he would surely repay his debts once her elder sister was married.

Swati had stopped attending college for a while, as her monthly bus pass had run out and her parents did not have the money to renew it. Her mother borrowed Rs. 260 for the pass from a neighbour, but Swati had missed crucial classes and wasn’t able to take the exam.

According to reports in the local newspapers, when Swati consumed pesticide in her family’s fields in the village of Kingaon, her father had left home for Karnataka, in search of work.

Back in Dadham, Vaibhav looks nervous. He says he must work to keep the firewood burning. At 18, he is now his father’s last hope – and perhaps his only support.

This article was originally published on 07/ 05/2016 on the People's Archive of Rural India.

Photo Credit: Jaideep Hardikar

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[jenmedsbookreviews]

  Man. Where to even begin this week. Well. I will start by saying my reading achievements were next to none. Not quite none. But near enough. Work has been very demanding, I have been very tired and my heart just was not in it. No reflection on the books, more a reflection on my weary and rapidly ageing bones and brain telling me to take a break. In fact I am writing this post in stages as I know where my head is currently at so it if makes no sense come the end … well nowt new there really but this time there is an excuse at least 🙂

So, anyway. Aside from being generally ancient (turned 42 this past week don’t you know) I was preoccupied with something else. Lordy 42. Do you remember being a kid and thinking that people in their forties were ancient? Well I’ll let you into a secret – when you finally reach your forties you bloody feel it too. Just kidding. Age is just a number. Like my chest, mine is just larger than some, that’s all. But back to my point (wandering mind comes with age too…) I was away from home from Thursday until Sunday this week because I took the plunge, packed my backbone in a small holdall and made my way to Harrogate for the Theakstons Old Peculier Crime Festival.

It’s an interesting festival, very different in tone to Crimefest, geared very much to a social atmosphere but encouraging and enticing readers with a healthy and steady supply of books. I say healthy with my tongue in my cheek (not easy to do without biting said tongue – don’t believe me try it), as carrying around the dang things all day has knackered my shoulder but hey ho. 

As book hauls go, this week was mega. It was also rather big in terms of meeting people. I met a whole host of bloggers this weekend who I’m not going to try and name for fear of missing someone and causing great upset, but it was a pleasure to meet you all either finally or again (and you super lovely ones already know who you are 😉 ). I also met quite a few authors that I admire, including Robert Byrndza and the lovely Jan, Caroline Mitchell and Mel Sherratt, Graham Smith, Sarah Wray, Claire Seeber and also got to meet Keshini Naidoo (yes – a small Bookouture bias in this post I think).

It was also lovely to catch up with Kim Nash, Karen Sullivan, Steph Broadribb, Amanda Jennings, Lucy V Hay, Amer Anwar, Felicia Yap, Patricia Gibney, Bernie Steadman and Fiona Cummins again, and to get to say hi to Paul Burston as I absolutely loved his book The Black Path. I even remembered to take pictures of some of them (but not many as I suck at that). Oh yes, and it was nice to see Rod Reynolds again even if he did show Jo and Emma the terrible selfie he took at Crimefest (terrible because I was in it). And lovely to finally meet Graeme Cumming and have a catch up chat with Gabriela Harding in the quiet times. I’m just hoping I haven’t missed anyone and if I have I’m sorry and I do love you too. (Well at least like and admire – love is such a strong word 😉 ).

Have to give credit to Abbie Osborne for the selfies as I would totally not take those 😀

As well as generally milling about I did attend a couple of panels, though not as many as I perhaps would have liked so I’ll try better next time. The Friday night panel chaired by Sarah Millican and featuring Lee Child, Mark Billingham and Val McDermid was hilarious as you would expect. And I totally agree with Sarah Hilary’s shout out for Chris Whitaker as a totally brilliant writing talent. I also went to a blogger/author event organised by Orion where we met Mari Hannah, Emma Kavanagh, Stephanie Marland (aka Steph Broadribb, aka Crime Thriller Girl) and Lara Dearman, a forensics talk in which I learned many important things to include in ‘Killer’, and a quick start talk on writing crime fiction with Isabel Ashdown and Sam Eades.

And I had two lovely evenings out, firstly with Abigail Osborne, Leah and Jill of Jills Book Cafe, and then with Tracy Fenton and the guy and gals from TBC. Thanks for the company all.

And then there were the books… So. Many. Books.

I got the following:

The Devils Claw by Lara Dearman (Kindle pre order 7/9/17);

My Little Eye by Stephanie Marland (Kindle pre order 2/11/17) Happy dance moment :D;

The Wrong Child by Barry Gornell (Kindle pre order 2/11/17);

The Lost by Mari Hannah (Kindle preorder 2/3/18);

Murder at the Mill by M.B. Shaw (Kindle pre order 30/11/17);

Shadow Man by Margaret Kirk (Kindle pre order 2/11/17);

Beautiful Liars by Isabel Ashdown (Kindle pre order 19/4/18);

I Found You by Lisa Jewell;

The Seagull by Ann Cleeves (Kindle pre order 7/9/17) – The only book I actually purchased all weekend.

The Snowman by Jo Nesbo;

If I Die Before I Wake by Emily Koch (Kindle pre order 11/1/18);

Give Me The Child by Mel McGrath;

Eyes Like Mine by Sheena Kamal;

The Silent Companions by Laura Purcell (Kindle pre order 5/10/17);

My Absolute Darling by Gabriel Tallent (Kindle pre order 29/8/17);

The Mountain by Luca D’Andrea;

The Mitford Murders by Jessica Fellowes (Kindle pre order 14/9/17);

The Collector by Fiona Cummins; (soooooooooooo excited about this one and so new there are no Amazon links yet!!! :D) If you don’t know why I’m excited and haven’t yet read Rattle (and if not why not?) then you can order it here and get yourself ready for next year. Did I mention I love that book? I do. I was so excited I may have actually started reading this in bed instead of the books I should have been reading. Oops. (Sorry – not sorry). All the eeeeeeeeeks and squeeeeeeeeals.

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn (pre order January 2018);

Consent by Leo Benedictus (pre order 1/2/18);

Perfect Remains by Helen Fields;

Anatomy of a Scandal by Sarah Vaughn (Kindle pre order 11/1/18);

Strange Magic by Syd Moore

So all in all a great book haul of a weekend. And I visited Betty’s and treated myself to a belated birthday cake. Go me.

Now the weekend wasn’t without it’s down moments too but least said, soonest mended so lets move on.

Now as if all that wasn’t brilliant enough, before I left for Harrogate I received some absolutely stonkingly fantabulous book post from the wonderful Louise Ross (LJ Ross). Now I knew I’d be getting the signed book as I won it in a charity auction, as well as the chance to be a named character. But I wasn’t expecting to receive a DCI Ryan series mug as well. I actually collect mugs as well as books so this couldn’t have been a better gift for me and will take pride of place in the collection.

And, totally not book related but my new cushions and mugs turned up. How fab are these?

The McMoos by Jennifer Hogwood – You totally need to check out the website.

Just the one book order this week (just as well) which was Bad Sister by Sam Carrington. It’s due out on 5th October and I can’t wait to get my mitts on a copy.

Just the one Netgalley this week too (just as well) which was The Good Sister by Jess Ryder. It’s due for release on 16th August.

I see a theme here. Kind of reminiscent of my life. I have one of each. I’ll let them fight over which is which 😉

I also received an ARC of I Know A Secret by Tess Gerritsen, the brand new Rizzoli and Isles novel which is due out on 10th August.

Now I am hoping that all of these exciting things I’ve been rambling about above will distract you from my reading tally which stands at the grand total of 2. Lorraine at The Book Review Cafe will be laughing at me this week given her mammoth reading achievements and rightly so. If only I’d saved the bloody Mr Men books… When I say reading tally it was one read, one listen as I only completed one book and then listened to an audio on the way too and from Harrogate. Failed blogger I am then (this is not news but now we have evidence).

Books I have read

Red Is The Colour by Mark L. Fowler

A GRIPPING NEW POLICE THRILLER Bullying. Corruption. Murder.

It is the summer of 2002. The corpse of a 15 year old boy, who has been missing for thirty years, is discovered in Stoke-on-Trent. The city is on the cusp of change and Chief Superintendent Berkins wants the case solved quickly. 

DCI Jim Tyler has arrived from London under a cloud, moving to Staffordshire to escape his past. He is teamed up with DS Danny Mills to investigate the case, but there is tension between the detectives.

When the dead boy’s sister comes forward, describing a bright, solitary child, she points a finger at the school bullies, which puts important careers at stake.

Then one of the bullies is found brutally murdered and when Tyler and Mills dig deeper they start to suspect a cover-up.

What is the connection between the death of a schoolboy in 1972 and this latest killing? 

With the pressure building, and the past catching up with DCI Tyler, will he and DS Mills be able to put aside their differences in order to catch a cold-blooded killer?

I’m reviewing this for the blog tour next Monday but I have to be honest and say that this was a really well observed look at childhood bullying an the people who were involved, both directly and indirectly. With a thirty year old victim it is a tough ask for newly transferred DCI Jim Tyler to bring the killer to justice in this new police procedural from Mark L. Fowler and Bloodhound Books. It is released tomorrow, 25th July, and you can buy a copy here.

…

  You Don’t Know Me by Imran Mahmood

It’s easy to judge between right and wrong – isn’t it?

Not until you hear a convincing truth.

Now it’s up to you to decide…

An unnamed defendant stands accused of murder. Just before the Closing Speeches, the young man sacks his lawyer, and decides to give his own defence speech.

He tells us that his barrister told him to leave some things out. Sometimes, the truth can be too difficult to explain, or believe. But he thinks that if he’s going to go down for life, he might as well go down telling the truth.

There are eight pieces of evidence against him. As he talks us through them one by one, his life is in our hands. We, the reader – member of the jury – must keep an open mind till we hear the end of his story. His defence raises many questions… but at the end of the speeches, only one matters:

Did he do it?

Oh my life. What an intriguing novel. Taking courtroom drama to brand new heights this is a story which will not only challenge your idea of right and wrong but also the whole idea of how courtroom dramas should be. Set as a series of court transcripts and told in the defendants voice the author takes you on a journey and you as reader are set to act as jury. I listened to the Audio book of this and I have to say it was absolutely perfect in this format. My review will follow but you can order a copy of the book here.

…

That is all. Thankfully I was fully prepared on the blogging front so I had posts everyday.

#BlogTour Guest Post: Dying Art by Malcolm Hollingdrake

#Booklove: Katherine Sunderland

#BlogTour Review: The Other Twin by Lucy V Hay

Review: Blind Justice by M.A. Comley

#BlogTour Review: Her Deadly Secret by Chris Curran

#BookLove: Jane Cable

#GuestReview: Another You by Jane Cable

…

The week ahead is a bit of a mixture. I start with a review, then some #Booklove with Helena Fairfax, followed by blog tours for The Marriage Pact by Michelle Richmond, and then The Unquiet Dead by Ausma Zehanat Khan with a very special Author Q&A in between, rounding out the week with more #Booklove with Jack Steele and another blog tour, this time The Lost Wife by Anna Mansell.

Hope you have a brilliant week all. I’m reading all day today before going back to work and some more training tomorrow. Boo hiss to that one but someone has to do it. Going to Chester Zoo on Saturday so think of all the animal/nature pics I can share with you next week. You can’t wait can you? Hope they still have the Pudu’s and the Kimodo Dragon. I love them!!!

See you next Monday.

JL

P.S. since penning this post Sunday evening I have been online and preordered three books from Goldsboro (it’s now Sunday bedtime). We’ll just ignore those, pretend I ordered them after midnight and I’ll fill you all in next week 😂

Rewind, recap: weekly update w/e 23/07/17 Man. Where to even begin this week. Well. I will start by saying my reading achievements were next to none.