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supersleepygoat · 7 years

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Better for Everyone: Part 4

Parings: Platonic Sam x Reader, Platonic John x Reader, Platonic Dean x Reader (this will change in subsequent chapters), Reader x OFC (Jonas)

Warnings: Minor Angst. Stockholm Syndrome Type of Situation-ish. Minor Violence. Language. Sexually Suggestive Comments.

Word Count: 3,251

Summary: The Reader spent most of her life with the Winchesters. She loves them like family but doesn’t feel like the feeling is mutual. When she is essentially kicked out of the Winchester clan she is left physically and emotionally vulnerable to dangerous situations.

Series Masterlist

Two Years Later

Jonas sits at the head of a large table with his signature smirk plastered on his face but an almost undetectable sense of worry in his eyes. He is pulled from his thoughts when the large doors across the room swing open and five of his vampires come in struggling to tame and hold down three rowdy Winchesters.

John, Sam, and Dean each have their arms bound and a gag in their mouth to stifle their incessant threats and sarcastic banter. Jonas sits up straighter to address the new arrivals, “How many did they get this time?” he asks his bruised and bloodied comrades.

“They took down nine of us before we were able to subdue the dirty bastards” one vampire responds as he kicks John to his knees. Sam and Dean are also soon pushed down to sit on their knees as they await further instruction.

Jonas runs a frustrated hand down his face “Secure them and then leave us. We’ve got a lot to talk about” Jonas orders as a response as he smirks at the Winchester patriarch.

Once each Winchester is shackled to the floor and the four men are left alone, Jonas claps his hands and rubs them together motioning that he is ready to start the long night they have a head of them.

“Well I got to say, it took you guys long enough! I have to admit I was worried you Winchesters had lost your touch!” Jonas playfully suggests as he makes a theatrical stride over to his captive audience.

Dean mumbles something from behind his gag so Jonas saunters over and pulls the fabric from his mouth.

“What was that Deano? You gotta speak up for the whole class to hear you” Jonas taunts as he leans an ear toward Dean.

Dean smirks and repeats himself without the cloth barrier in his mouth “I said, you’re being a little harsh and judgey... we tracked you and your cronies down three days after catching wind of the dropping bodies and arriving in town. We made pretty good time… if I do say so myself”. Dean uses a self-satisfied and overly prideful tone in an attempt to catch his captor off guard but that is not what Jonas notices in Dean’s rebuttal.

“Wait a second… your here, breaking down my front door and killing my family all for the walking, talking blood bags we’ve dropped since we’ve come to town?” Jonas asks in disbelief.

“Yeah, why the hell else would we stop by for a visit. It ain’t like you vamps are known for your hospitality and we stopped by for some iced tea and chit chat” Dean replied as if the answer to Jonas’ question was obvious.

The playfulness has now immediately left Jonas’ demeanour. His jaw ticks at Dean’s words and he walks over to lean his forearms on one of the chairs and bows his head in an attempt to reign in his rage. “Jesus fucking Christ” Jonas breathes out with a chuckle. “Here I thought you assholes finally pulled your heads out of your asses and came for her” Jonas said mostly to himself but the Winchesters heard him and gave each other unknowing looks of curiosity.

“Came to get who?” Dean asked since he is the only one able to say anything audible.

Jonas snaps his head toward the man who interrupted his thoughts. “Two fucking years” Jonas shakes his head. “She stopped waiting for you. She has a new family”.

The Winchesters stare at Jonas with wide eyes, all of them can guess who he is referring to but each man needs to hear Jonas verbally confirm their fears.

“Y/N?” Dean weakly breathes out. The name unfamiliar on his tongue. They have not spoken about you in so long but that doesn’t mean you have strayed too far from each of their thoughts.

“Bingo” Jonas touches his nose then points to Dean. “I’ve had her since the night you sorry sacks kicked her pretty little ass to the curb” Jonas strides over to crouch in front of Dean whose entire face has hardened, all remnants of that self-satisfied aurora gone. Jonas glances to Dean’s left and right to take in the sorrowful, angry, and shocked faces of the Winchester clan. “I guess I should thank you guys!” Jonas says in a cheeky tone “You know… the whole one man’s trash, another man’s treasure kind of thing” Jonas adds with a lick of his lips.

Dean’s lips fall into a hard line and he narrows his eyes “You son of a bitch” Dean growls out.

Jonas jumps to his feet and kicks Dean in the chest making him fall backwards “No! YOU are the stupid sons of bitches who let her go! YOU hurt her! Not me. I am her family!” Jonas loses his teasing tone and lets his rage come out in full force. Taking a moment to compose himself, he continues in a calm yet stern tone “She is mine”.

The Winchesters can only gape at the man with wide eyes. They’re guilt and regret has rendered them speechless. Dean pushes himself back to a seated position and breathes out lowly “Where is she?”.

Jonas scoffs “Now you care?” and with a roll of his eyes he doesn’t expect an answer so instead he continues “She’s in bed. But I think she’d be up for some company. What do you say we see if Sleeping Beauty wants to come out and play?”

You weren’t sleeping. You could never sleep whenever Jonas wasn’t next you. You’ve never told him that because you didn’t want him to know just how dependent you were on him. He had a job to do and didn’t need to be worrying about you, more than he already does. You simply stroked the sleeping cat that was curled up next to you until Jonas came back for you.

You were playing with the lace at the bottom of your night gown when you heard the doorknob to your bedroom start to turn. You quickly shift yourself into a sleeping position and pretended that you had just woken up. To your surprise it was Liam who entered the room and not Jonas.

“What the hell Liam! Knock much!” You say as you cover your body with the silken bedding and away from the intruder’s stare.

Liam rolls his eyes at you and simply reiterates Jonas’ demand “Get up girly… we got visitors and Jonas wants you to help him entertain our new guests”

“Wh-“ you start to question as you get yourself up and off the bed and reach for your clothes.

“No questions. And he wants you to come right now as you are, so you won’t be needing those” Liam interrupts as he gestures to the dress you were about to put on.

“What the hell! No way! This nightie barely covers anything! I’m not meeting new people with my ass hanging out and boobs on display for the world to see!” You raise your voice and cross your arms across your chest when you notice Liam is no longer talking to your face. “Exactly my point!” You say as you turn to throw your dress on but Liam grabs your arm and takes the dress from you.

“Boss’ orders” Liam says now staring you in the eye a little too intensely. You know Jonas has strict ground rules about no one hurting you but you also know Liam hates you and is itching for an opportunity to take you down a level.

You pull your arm away and hold Liam’s gaze for a moment before walking towards the door. You hold your head high but in your mind, you are insecure about your current state of dress (or undress is more like it).

Over the past two years Jonas has helped you overcome your insecurities around your body. He never fails to tell you - and show - you just how beautiful you are to him. The first time you were naked in front of him, every instinct you had told you to cover yourself, hide your imperfections, or suck in your stomach; your face turned red with shame because you expected him to hate what he saw just as much as you did. But he didn’t. He loved your body in ways that you thought was only possible in works of fiction. Now, you were not only comfortable with him seeing you completely exposed but thrived under his stare.

However, now was a little different. The light blue and silky slip you wore didn’t leave much to the imagination. You know it is Jonas’ favourite and you should not be ashamed, but you are his. Only he should see you like this. But as usual you are quick to obey his orders. Making Jonas happy, pleasing him, that’s all that matters. Everything else, all your self-doubt, falls away.

You walk into the dining room and see Jonas sitting at the head of the table. When he smiles at your entrance you blush and half skip/half run over to him. He leans back in his chair so you can take your rightful place on his lap. You sit sideways draping your bare feet over one armrest and wrap your arms around his neck and nuzzle into his chest. He kissed your forehead as you hummed happily into his neck.

“Hi” was all he said with a soft and loving smile playing on his lips. You let out a small giggle in response before you remembered why you had been summoned.

You perk your head up in sudden fear and embarrassment and looked around the darkened room for the visitors you were supposed to meet. Your eyes fell on three kneeling figures in the darkened corner of the room. You couldn’t make out any distinguishing features and their ominous presence made you tense in Jonas’ arms.

“Easy Pet” he cooed. You visibly relaxed at his words and waited for him to explain.

Turning you so you could face him, Jonas continued “I need you to stay calm Pet. You’ve been doing so well for me the past couple years and I need you to remember that I’m never going to let anything happen to you. But there is a chapter of your old life we need to close before we can be together. Forever”.

You tensed again but this time it was because of Jonas’ words. ‘Forever’ holds a lot of implications in the mouth of a vampire. You had discussed the possibility of him turning you, so you could be together forever, but you never wanted to be a vampire. You loved being his mate but didn’t see why it was necessary that you change. You loved him and that would never change. Noticing your apprehension, Jonas holds you closer and you hear rustling coming from the dark corner. You instinctively turn your head to the noise but Jonas guides you face back in his direction with the soft touch of his fingertips on your chin.

“Do we have to talk about this now?” you whisper to your mate.

“Yes Pet. You know I don’t want to upset you but something has come up”. He gestures for you to stand up and takes your hand as he guides you to the darkened corner. Jonas turns the lights on in the room and you stop in your tracks. You attempt to pull your arm away from Jonas believing that if you go back to bed then you’ll realize this was all a dream. However, Jonas’ firm hold on you grounded you in reality. This was real. The Winchesters are really here.

You look to Sam who has wide eyes that in a certain light look like they glisten with unshed tears. You turn to John whose stare cuts through you just like it always has. You can’t bring yourself to look at Dean. Even just imagining the look of disgust on his face is enough to reopen any wound that has healed in the last two years.

When you duck behind Jonas’ broad shoulder as a shield against your former family’s gaze, Jonas turns to lean over and cup your cheeks in his large palms “I know this is hard Pet but they are only here so my girl can finally get closure”.

You meet his gaze with watery eyes “Please let them go,” you plead “they were fine without me and we were happy without them. Let’s just continue being happy. We don’t need them. I forgive them. They lead me to you. It was better for everyone”.

Jonas shakes his head solemnly “Sweetheart, I can’t let them go. Now that they know your here… their do-gooder hero bullshit won’t let them just walk away, they are Winchesters after all” Jonas tries to reason.

“They let me go once. They’ll do it again” you look over at the three men bound and kneeling on the ground “I thought myself a Winchester once, so I know they won’t like leaving me behind. But I also know family comes first and if forced to make a choice, they will choose each other over me”.

Jonas smiles sadly at you “I think you underestimate the power of their hero complex Pet. They can’t walk out of here alive and I think you should do the honours” Jonas adds as he unsheathes the knife on his hip and hands it to you.

“What! No! Jay, I won’t do it!” You try to pull away from him. “Please I’ll do anything just let them go!” You hear rustling coming from the men but keep your gaze on Jonas to let him know that this is nonnegotiable and you are not going to back down.

“Anything?” Jonas smirks as he pushes your body against the table behind you and runs his hand up your leg.

“Don’t be gross” you give his shoulder a small shove and he just laughs as he backs away to walk toward the boys. “You can turn me” you breathe out and that catches his attention as he turns back to face you. “You can turn me, if you let them go unharmed. You can have me, all of me, forever”.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that. But Pet, you know extortion isn’t my thing. I’ve never pressured you into anything and I sure as hell ain’t starting now, especially when it comes to ending our life”.

“But it’s not the end. I want to start my life with you. I’m yours. I want to give you everything”. You walk closer to him and place your palm on his cheek and he leans down to smell your wrist. “Please, I want you to make me yours, all yours. Turn me, mate me, breed me I don’t care as long as I’m with you. You saved me”. Not one syllable of your words is a lie. True, you want Jonas to have mercy on your former family, but even more so you want to make your mate happy because that would make you happy.

You hear a low growl escape Jonas’ throat but it is cut short when Dean snaps his thumb out of place to slip his hand through the handcuffs binding him and lunges toward Jonas. However, Dean’s ankles are still bound therefore his surprise attack was unsuccessful. Hearing the commotion, the guards standing outside the room come in to subdue the wild Winchester. After letting Dean take a few hits Jonas’ finally listens to your pleas and he signals his guards to back off.

“You think I’m the bad guy here, don’t you?” Jonas asks the now bleeding Winchester. “All of you, you think you can just-“ Jonas runs frustrated hand down his face “you broke her. I picked up the pieces. You-”.

You lightly touch Jonas’ arm, “Jay, let them go. It’s time to let go”.

The building anger in Jonas fades with your touch and he turns to face you once more “Go back upstairs Pet well I send them on their way” Jonas demands.

“Do you promise you won’t hurt them, because if you so much as-”

“You’ll do what?” Jonas asks playfully. “Relax Pet, I will not hurt a single strand of hair on their heads”.

You nod and walk over to where the Winchesters are now being held down by the guards because they had become too restless. You get to your knees in front of Dean and raise a hand to wipe away the blood falling from beneath his eye. You’re not sure why but it is easier to face him now. You can look him in the eye. Maybe because it’s the last time you’ll ever see him or you know you found a true home with Jonas, either way you held his painful gaze for another moment before you got up, sparring a glance to the other two Winchesters and walked out of the room trusting your mate to honour his promise.

The second the door closed behind you each Winchester steeled their composure to face the man before them. Jonas turns back around dramatically after watching you leave. “Well, you heard the lady I am not allowed to hurt you guys! But we both know it’s not that simple. She may have been a hunter but she’s still innocent enough to fail to see the hard realities. However, I am a man of my word. So, I won’t be hurting you but I cannot say the same for these fine gentlemen standing behind you” Jonas said while leaning his body to the left and gesturing to the other vampires in the room.

Jonas crouches down to get right in Dean’s face “Try not to think about the fact that while you are being slowly tortured to death I will be upstairs fucking and then draining the life outta our little lady. But don’t worry-“ Jonas pauses to raise his hands in a playfully defensive manner “when she comes back as one of us I’ll bring her back down to see if any of you folks are still alive and we’ll see if she’s feeling a little hungry”.

Jonas is about to get up off the floor when he instead inches toward John and in a whisper intentionally loud enough for everyone to hear he says “Did she ever call you Daddy? Because man to man, if she did…” Jonas sucks a breath in through his teeth “I don’t know how you ever controlled yourself. Every time she says it… I can’t help but bend her over the-” before Jonas can finish his thought John head-butts him causing him to stumble backwards.

Lying on his back Jonas lets out a soft chuckle before getting off the ground “You know, the more you get me riled up the more I’m just going to take it out on Y/N” Jonas states matter-of-factly. “Don’t worry though, we both know she likes her punishments a little rough” Jonas continues as he wipes the blood from his lip and winks at the men kneeling before him. Turning to leave Jonas waves to the men in the room “Have at it boys! Have fun! Fuck knows I will be” he adds mostly to himself but knowing everyone could hear him. The door slammed shut behind him leaving the Winchesters in the capable hands of his cronies.

Tags:

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#supernatural #fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #spn #spnfamily #angst #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #dean x reader #sam x reader #john x reader #reader insert #reader x oc

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wishingfornever · 6 years

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12/14/17 – No Contact: NationState Anniversary

It would appear that a year ago, MN was created. Hrm… Interesting. I thought I made it sooner. I was in Texas at this time. I thought I was in California when I created MN. Or when Castro died. Well, he died in November… yeah, I was in Texas. Weird. My memory is turning to crap.

Hrm… I coughed up some mucus mixed with blood. That’s a really bad sore throat.

244. I’m almost at 240. That’s great. Then 40 more pounds and I reach my goal. Which should be in about April. April is going to be the month for me. 2018 will be the year for me. I’m optimistic. :D

Watching Moana on Netflix. Charming movie thus far, of course it just began. I have one quip. This wisewoman is sharing the history of the tribe with these toddlers and they’re all scared except for the titular character. Two things that I take issue with:

Firstly, there are more male toddlers than female toddlers. That would be a truly rare occurrence to see in a culture such as theirs. Women have always outnumbered men historically.

Second, this old bat is talking about how everyone is going to die and Moana is smiling like a maniac. All the other children are afraid. So, I guess this has two points within it’s own point. Moana shouldn’t be smiling and it’s alright to be afraid. She is young, she has a lot of reasons to be afraid because if she’s not then she won’t grow up and will be carried off by predatory animals in the middle of the night. That said, why not tell the story when they’re old so that they won’t break down in tears and will remember their own history better? Just saying.

Also, why doesn’t Moana have any siblings? Especially since her father’s father’s father’s father’s father was chief that continued to son onto son onto son? Idk, I don’t understand how their government works. I like the poetic meaning with the rocks on the tallest part of the island, though.

Fuck, how old is this fucking chicken? Where are they getting their fabric from?

Moana isn’t a super narrow princess that we’ve grown accustomed to in Disney movies. She’s kinda buff. :o

Oh, shit. Moana’s grandma killed Steve Irwin. :o

Ugh… Just finished Moana. I feel like crying.

I ended up crying. Watched Lava by Disney/Pixar. Cute song. Very touching. I’m very emotional right now, I guess. Anyways, it’s time to walk Max.

Back. Watching the Jungle Book. The one with CGI animals. One of the wolves refers to a boar as wild. Like, really? You’re fucking wild! >:C

I noticed how there were hand drawn animations in this one (at the beginning) and in Moana. I guess Disney is still watching out for their old cartoonists. That’s nice of them.

Just like the old Jungle Book, they cheat. They’re recycling CGI animals from OTHER Disney movies and using them in slightly edited scenes! GAWD!!! Kidding, kidding.

Oh, Sher Khan sounds powerful. Good voice actor.

Fucking hell, Bill Murray is ruining the movie for me. Like, GOD DAMMIT. Everyone refers to Mowgli as the “Man Cub!” and speak very properly and in a distinguished manner. Then Bill Murray comes in speaking his fucking slang and just being… well, himself. Says, “Kid.” Like, really? I wish they got someone else to be Baloo.

Something I do like about the movie is how the animals have their own customs, traditions, cultures, languages, governance, and even religion. It’s crazy. So much lore. :o

Eh… the bear-necessities song seems out of place. Guess I was hoping it’d be more of a drama rather than a comedy/family movie. I mean, Bill Murray isn’t a bad actor but I don’t find him very… well, dramatic. He’s more comedy which is probably why I prefer someone more fluid with the other voice actors.

Mowgli forgot his rope.

Christ, Christopher Walken is King Louie. “I want… to… be like… YOU… I want… to… TALK… like you… in coherent sentences.”

I take back everything I said about Bill Murray. Christopher Walken, however… And yet again, the song feels out of place. Want more drama. Then again King “Louie” doesn’t sound like it belongs to begin with. All the other names are SUPER Indian. King Louie, however? Sounds French. I’ll look into it sometime.

Gigantopithecus? Is that what King Louie was in the original? I thought he was an orangutan. Ah, well. It’s kinda cool they’re using an extinct creature. It makes it extra creepy, like he were some sort of old god. I was wondering why he was so big. I feel like they changed the song since then.

HE SAYS “FIRE” IN THE FUCKING SONG!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?! THE LORE!!! YOU’RE BREAKING THE LORE!!!

Wait, Mowgli did a monkey crawl thing up the steps. Now that he’s running in terror, he knows how to run up them like a normal person? Consistency…

This is a weird thing to note, but Christopher Walken has a lot of screen time. Kaa’s voice actor has such a pretty voice, I was hoping we’d get to hear more of her. Maybe she’ll show up again. I’ll look up the cast when the movie is over.

I like how the monkeys swarm but can’t really do much damage. Like, lol, they the zerg.

Oh, fuck. Zerg is a perfect comparison. They have a hivemind. The temple collapses and they immediately coordinate a rescue effort. All in unison. In sync.

Mowgli is sneaking into the Human Village. I bet you he’s going to steal the fire and then leave. Obviously not trying to join them. Also, wasn’t it daylight a minute ago?

Now, I’m pretty civilized. But is it common to have a bonfire in the middle of the village every night? I feel like that’s a waste of resources. Also, how did he reach that torch? It’s like twice his height up. Also, how would they know fire is red? When it’s more orange? Not the point. Red flower. Aren’t most animals colorblind?

Fuck, that was a quick run. I thought it took him days to get to that village. It took him far less time to get back.

Ah, fuck! Mowgli just proved Sher Khan’s point! Whaaaaaat?! Moral complexity in a Disney movie?!

Sher Khan killed Baloo? Oh, shit. That was brutal. I wonder who would win. A tiger or a bear. Doubt they’d interact very often, tbh. Bears would win on strength but tigers are strong AND agile. Like, oof. They’re a feline. And Sher Khan is like… vicious. Baloo is lazy. Guess that settles that.

Drat. Sher Khan fell to his death. Though, admittedly, the fall probably didn’t kill him because tigers are just oversized cats. Rather, I’m fairly certain the fire did. Disney likes having falls into fire. Hrm…

Fuck! Baloo lived!

Elephants don’t strike me as the sort to alter the environment but I’m not an elephant specialist.

Alright, it’s over. I wonder what will happen when Mowgli gets older. Like, will one of the female wolves be offered to him as a “bride” or whatever? Will he fuck a wolf? Is he a furry? And what of King Louie? Will he come back for him? And also, his diaper. Why does he never take it off? I’m aware that it’s indecent and I don’t want to see an underaged penis. However, how would he know what decency is? And does he ever poop? Where does he poop? Does he eat meat raw? It seems like he must have. Can you actually eat meat raw? I think humans used to be able to but the organ responsible is no longer functional. There are so many questions. Really, he should have been brought back to the human village at the end to avoid, “When his balls drop, will he fuck animals?” question. I might be the only one asking it, but I’m asking it.

Oh, the outro is fucking awesome. Christopher Walken/King Louie crawling out of rubble and then singing in these temple ruins inside a book. Pretty cool, not sure if it’s canon. If it is, then that means he lived and Mowgli better beware.

Shere Khan? I’ve spelled it wrong this entire time. :o

HOLY FUCK!!! KAA WAS SCARLETT JOHANSSON!!! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!? Like, that’s a name I’m familiar with and I’m not that great with names. Jesus Christ, you fucking got her to play Kaa for a SINGLE scene? Less than that? Like, so little. I feel like she should have had more screen time. Like, really. She must have been EXPENSIVE to bring in. Geez. :o

Just googled Akela’s character. It’s Gus from Breaking Bad. Or the Dentist from Payday. That dude is usually a villain. They’ve got a great cast. He was a very powerful pack leader, I thought. Surprised his character died.

Then again, these actors are pretty expensive. Maybe that’s why they’re only in it for a little bit? Or because plot.

Alright, so that was it for the big names. I heard that in the original story of the Jungle Book, Mowgli had elephants destroy his village at the very end and killed everyone. Not sure how true that is. If it’s very true, then the book is immediately better.

Eh… looking for something else on Netflix. Recommended for me… all anime. I don’t watch anime. Esther does. Her spectre is back. :/

Going through critically acclaimed. That means they received high reviews. They’re considered good movies. One of these movies: Antz.

I’ve seen Antz. I remember it from when I was very young. Allow me to assure you, it wasn’t very good. It had Christopher Walken in it. That’s not really relevant to the quality, just thought it’d be interesting to point out since the Jungle Book also had him.

Holy shit, Antz is a children’s movie? There was an attempted rape scene in it. Christ. :o

Anastasia… that was a decent movie. It’s not a Disney movie. I know this because I cracked a joke involving Disney. I think it was the supposed hatred for Jews? I don’t remember the joke. Anyways, everyone quickly YELLED at me, calling me VERY mean things and informed me in a not so polite manner that Anastasia is made by Fox.

Whoops! Anyways, I remember that a lot because it was in my World of Warcraft days. Dark times, even then. Late high school, early… no school? Idk, but you get it. I basically had this guild I rolled with called the Bloodfury Clan. Orc-Only RP guild on an RPPvP (Role Play Player versus Player) Server. It’s where my writing talents sort of… came to me. These folks were very professional in a very brutish way. It was great. We never referred to our guild as a guild. It was a Clan. Because ORC!!! The head of the Clan was this Puerto Rican woman. A lovely person. Kil’Gora. Or Kilgora because the game wouldn’t allow punctuation in your name, but lorewise! It was Kil’gora. Real name was Miri. I looked up to her. She was very influential. Helped me through… a lot of dark times. Mostly caused by my dad.

I don’t remember if it was before or after my comment… I think after. But over Ventrilo, she sung to me. Out of the blue. Just… randomly sung. She knew I was going through a particularly rough day, so she sang to me. She sang a song from Anastasia. I cried. It may seem like I cry a lot, but I assure you, crying for me used to be rare. I hated crying. I didn’t want to seem weak. She was there for me. And she was the first person to hear me cry.

Esther, however, was the first person to see me cry. Weird how that works.

Anyways, a nickname of hers was Ariel because of her Disney singing voice. I pointed out to her that Anastasia isn’t by Disney but by Fox. It surprised her too. I also told her that the internet thought I was a fucking retard for not knowing. That didn’t surprise her. Tough love.

Decided to send her a message. Just something reassuring. Life hasn’t been easy for her. And considering how Puerto Rico has been this year, I’d say she’s probably worried about home. She doesn’t live there anymore… but it’s still her home. Weird to say.

You know, I never really considered California home until I left it. I was alone in Texas with plains. I felt like I was in the middle of a golden ocean. Why was it golden? Because it was piss. I missed the mountains. They were always so reassuring. Then I come back and realize that I never wanted to come back. And I couldn’t return to Texas because my dad fucked my credit. Well… I have now. I don’t really look outside. I don’t really pay attention to the atmosphere. A lot has changed. But, I keep my troubles to myself. To many, they see me and think, “Wow… he hasn’t changed one bit after all these years.”

The reality is, I’m always changing. I find new horrors, new regrets, new kinks in my personality. Every day, I feel more unhinged. What they see is what I rehearse. I plan conversations ahead of schedule, I alleviate thought and avoid improvisation. Should they deviate from the path… chaos. Panic. Fear behind a shy smile. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say.

Thus, many will see that I say the same thing over and over. This is intentional. This is the conversational package that will get me through my life. How long will that last?

Years ago, I predicted that I would die at the age of 27. This was during the Bloodfury Clan. So, perhaps I will die next year. Maybe I shouldn’t enlist afterall. Regardless, it’d be more convenient if I do perish. Simpler, rather. Not that I seek my own death but I will not seek to prevent it, either. If I die, then I will die. If I live, then I will live until I die. The age at which I die is irrelevant.

However, I will be disappointed to die at 28. That might actually piss me off.

Anyways, backtracking. Fun fact about Orc RP: It’s basically descriptive grunting. Like, it’s comical at times. You have to be fierce. Not necessarily sub-human but definitely animalistic. I was THE BEST recruiter Bloodfury ever had. At least… I think? Not sure. Might have changed since then. I’d post my advertisement in General Chat and Trade Chat. People would often comment with how well written it was. I had longer adverts, too, but Blizz prevented me from using them because spam filter.

Drat.

My best advertisement was actually a ripoff from the Napoleon: Total War intro cinematic. The thing is, I didn’t even own Napoleon: Total War until I was in Texas. I had already stopped playing WoW by then.

Not the point. The point is, people would send me a “Tell” or “Whisper” which is a direct and personal message directly to me. Tell me if I need to slow down. Anyways, we’d set up an interview to see if they can RP. Turns out, not many people can. It’s easy. Write a coherent sentence, right? You’d think.

Most people are illiterate. And though my advert was well-written, it appealed to EVERYONE. So, a lot of Non-Orcs and Non-RPers would have to be turned away. It was a shame, but purity. You know how that goes. #fascism

When the interview began, I started with a single statement. “The Prey approaches.” Nothing more primal than referring to someone who is your lesser as prey, something for you to sink your fangs into and tear their flesh out. It also establishes dominance. Not sure how, though. Miri said she LOVED that line because it was just… perfect. Orcs don’t HAVE to be stupid. They can be, but that’s not their purpose.

Big, dumb orcs? No. Orcs are brutes, but that doesn’t mean they’re stupid. Orcs should be Laconic, forceful, direct, perhaps impatient. Orcs can be really smart but they should still be prone to their instinct.

I mentioned a story here, I’m fairly certain. Of my orc in a forest? I might not have, but if I have then consider this a recap. The orc ended up looting a dwarven doll and then it broke and he angrily threw it at a tree so hard it shattered. He was basically an angry gorilla, pounding the floor and screaming over something so trivial. My Orc wasn’t dumb. He had my intellect, which has been praised by many. It’s also been denounced by far more, but fuck them; me am smart Orc!

PvP was my thing. It was my character’s lore. I basically leveled from 57 to 60 using NOTHING but Alterac Valley, one of the PvP modes. PvP, btw, stands for Player vs Player. So, I would attack other players. Miri got me turned on to WORLD PvP where you gank people. Gank means you ambush them while they’re questing. I was REALLY good at it. Like, I set up AMAZING ambushes.

Back in the day, you had to walk to dungeons. Now, you just magically appear there for… reasons. But back then? No. You had to be there in person and then you could summon people to join you. What I did was I waited at one of these dungeons. It’s entrance was an opened top box. On the top parts, were pillars and debris to depict the dungeon being ruins or whatever. What I’d do was have my cat, who was named “Mittens” because I’m a badass Orc Warrior but lol. I RP’d with Mittens. She was canon. It was… the best.

Mittens would break to be on one side. I’d use a bunch of potions to make my character small and turn him into a skeleton. I’d wait on the other side of the box. When someone entered, I’d pop out behind cover, throw my axe at them, pop back in, and wait. They’d look around, see the cat, and look at it. Then, when Mittens had their attention, I’d pop out from cover again and charge into their backs and just BEAT the everliving shit out of them.

Other times, I’d stalk people. Wait to strike. Like this one Paladin who I was following. She jumped down and bubbled (meaning she cast a spell making her immune to damage for a limited time). When the bubble faded, I charged her. She took so much damage she tried to heal. I spellblocked her in the middle, meaning that spell and any spells like it were unable to be cast for a limited time. Her defeat was SO absolute, her only response was to /cry.

I felt a little bad, so I apologized for it on my Alliance character almost immediately after. She was really nice it seemed.

Anyways, another time there was another Paladin. He was doing daily quests. He was pulling all these monsters all at once so he can kill them all at once and complete the quest faster. I saw this and ambushed him. Me plus ALL these monsters meant he had no chance. I won.

When you die, you have to find your body as a ghost and then you come back to life. He does this and immediately heals. He finds me. I wave. He changes his armor to PvP specific armor. He changes his specialization from Player versus Environment (PvE) Paladin to PvP Paladin. I get worried. I message Jer that I might need help. Then I realize he has no mana. I tell Jer, “Nevermind” and charge him again.

A Paladin is worthless without Mana. He loses again. I laugh and I laugh.

I use player’s instincts and strengths against them while feeding on their weaknesses. When you get attacked, you find where they attack from. You see a fortified position or a sign of previous occupation (like say a cat that follows a player anywhere they go) and you prepare for an assault from that position. Then you get attacked from what you thought was barren and had no sign of life because you didn’t expect a 6’5” Orc to actually be a 2’ skeleton hiding behind the least cover possible. The most powerful spells in someone’s arsenal will be used carelessly when they’re not threatened. So, if you wait long enough, they’ll expend what they think they won’t need and will be vulnerable for attack far sooner. Preparing for confrontation means you’ll have to reallocate resources. Failure to account for the resources lost means you’ll be targeted before you can replenish.

I could have written a world PvP book. Like, I suggested to clan members who were getting into PvP to get the Helmet and Shoulder armors last when it comes to PvP gear because it’s the easiest to recognize because they actually have unique models. If you have ALL the armor besides the helmet and shoulder armor, you’d be VERY well-geared, but you won’t look like it. Thus, you’d be underestimated and that’d give you an advantage in the initial engagement.

I miss PvP.

Anyways… watching Anastasia. If you ever read this and think, “Maybe Orc RP is kinda cool?” it is. At a time, I knew plenty of Orcish words that I’d just throw into conversation to make it sound so much more authentic. My axe was named “Lok’tra” which is an Orcish song about great battles or whatever. I LOVE naming weapons. ^^

Hrm, I’m not sure how historically accurate those uniforms are.

300 years? Um, not in 1916… 1913 would be 300 years. Though, I guess it was just rounding down at that point... But traveling to Paris? During WWI? Not with that German Uboat threat. And this bitch, with Rasputin? The Tsarina LOVED Rasputin because he saved their son. And then he said when he dies, their entire family would die.

This is something petty to point out, especially since it’s accepted regardless… but “Tsar” is better than “Czar.” I’m sure “Tsar” looks less pleasing, but the Russian character they use is basically a “Ts.” Pronounce the T and then the s. Czar is still correct, of course, but Tsar is perhaps more correct.

Rasputin did die from drowning. But it wasn’t an accident. He was assassinated by Russian nobles (not the Romanov family) who didn’t like how much power he had with the Tsar and the Tsarina. Or he was assassinated by the British. Long story there. The fun story is that he was poisoned. Excessively. And then he was shot. Excessively. Then he was tied up. Excessively. And then he was tossed in a river. His body was discovered and he had freed himself of the rope. He had drowned, though. He was a pain in the ass to kill.

Also, a fortnight? Really? The Romanovs were killed in 1918. Not 1916. Or 1917.

Wait, this bitch is taking a train to Paris? A train? Bullshit. Not with WWI. Like, no way. She could be taking it to a sea port, but still. Not very likely.

Saint Petersburg? Still? 1917, we’ll say, so in 7 years. She’d be 23 when it switches to Leningrad. So, I wonder how old she is. If it’s not too long, then she’d be stuck in a Russian civil war.

Oh, that’s dumb. They have a newspaper saying, “Anastasia Lives” and the “A” is the Russian character for “D.” That’s the only Cyrillic letter there. The rest are western letters. Commissar wouldn’t have a tie at this time. At least he shouldn’t, fairly certain they had only collars.

How come the main characters are the only people without Russian accents? More importantly, why would they have Russian accents? They’d be speaking Russian, not English. Thus they wouldn’t have much accent to themselves. Thus, it’d be more natural to have them use anglophone accents instead of Russian accents speaking English. Like, if they speak French? They can speak French in English but should have a Russian accent because French isn’t Russian so they would have an accent. It’s just… trivial, I guess.

TEN YEARS?!? FUCKING CHRIST!!! Anastasia was born in 1901! Assuming it all happened in 1916, that means she’d be leaving that orphanage at the age of 25. There is no Russian Civil War at this point, and it’d DEFINITELY be Leningrad.

Backing up to the Russian accents thing… something that I’d think would be cool would be Russian slang equivalents or idioms. I say that because there are a lot of American slang and idioms in movies like this. Like saying, “Pal” or “Guys” or whatever. When making someone sound foreign, you don’t need to give them an accent. Just alter the way they speak. It’ll still sound foreign when clearly spoken in English. A good example is Jade Empire. I think the character’s name was Smiling Mountain and he introduced you to the in-game language and then spoke regular English again. Mind you, Jade Empire is based in Fantasy China so they wouldn’t be speaking English. Thus, they reflected the foreign language through clear, concise, and proper wording and very poetic touches like Spear-Catches-Leaf. Of course, that’s a name. They’re are a lot of names like that, obviously… but the point of those names is that you understand the language so you know what the names mean. Very pleasant. :D I already hate the fucking dog. Fuck the dog. I hate the fucking dog. Die. Dog.

Also, I want to see this movie in Russian. I feel like it’d be better.

The squirrels should be hibernating.

The animation is weird. Like, multiple layers… the footprints in the snow move at a different pace than the snow does when the camera is moving. Peculiar.

No exit visa! No ticket! Glory Arstotzka! I love how he actually has a hammer and sickle. Red uniform was a thing for at least one unit during the civil war, not sure if he’d have one though.

Fairly certain the palace wasn’t abandoned. It was probably re-purposed. Might be wrong though since the governance did move to Moscow.

Singing the song Miri sang to me… It was touching, almost brought me to tears. Then I realized that all the dancers look the same. I realized Anastasia is a schizophrenic. Maybe not the real Anastasia. Just Anya. Tsar Nicky looks good for a 50 year old man. Or at least a ghost. Then again, he was always an attractive man I thought. That is unusually rare for royalty. I’m not sure why that is. Look at the queen of England. Who will inherit looks like he was kicked in the face by the ugliest horse in the stable. Who won’t inherit actually is a decent looker.

Of course, the uglier son… I heard he is supposed to be a very kind man. Could be wrong. But he is honorable.

She said she was 8 when the revolutions happened… um… no? She was born in 1901 not 1908-1909.

I’m fairly certain Tsar Nicholas II’s mother died before Anastasia did. The entire movie is her going to find her grandmother, who clearly played favorites. What a bitch.

I like how Rasputin actually expresses joy when he sees his old bat friend. It’s touching. :D

They get a period correct map but they couldn’t get the rest correct? Actually, how am I sure this map is correct?

It’s not! Estonia isn’t on there! Or rather, it doesn’t have any borders, really… implying it’s a part of Russia! Come on! >:C

It bothers me that Vladimir is the only one with a Russian accent. Either everyone does it or no one does.

Where did they get horses? Did they steal them?

The fuck is Tasha? The boat is in Germany? Why is Tasha everywhere?

Ugh… I always found France pretentious and overrated. Like, at a point France dictated what was considered art and what wasn’t considered art. Rembrandt is an example of what wasn’t considered art. However, more people recognize Rembrandt than any of the French artists of the same period.

Holy crap, someone’s actually speaking Russian. Really?

Where did they get the palace? In France? The French Republic? They leasing out Versailles now? Who are the nobles?

Dmitri gets hit in the head with debris. Then the dick. Then Anya says, “THIS IS FOR DMITRI!!!” Like, make sure he’s dead first. Otherwise, he might already have one. Won’t need two.

They eloped? Oof. Where are they going? Leaving Paris, it seems. Can’t go back to Russia because… well, they’ll kill her there. Curious. Probably a dumb idea. The monarchy could establish a government in exile, of course. That’s if she didn’t elope. She doesn’t think about Russia. Self-absorbed brat. This is why the Romanovs were shot.

Huh. The voice actors are up there. Kelsey Grammer. His last name bothers me. Christopher Lloyd was the Doc from Back to the Future. John Cusak. Kirsten Dunst. That’s all I recognize.

Oh, fuck. It’s 1 in the morning. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Um…

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