#Anyways MERRY (late) CHRYSLER!

[beezybuzzn]

These 2 are stuck in my head

[voidimp]

why havent i seen merry chrysler yet

[hashtag-anthems]

It’s officially that time of year where I remain adamant about leaving the church but damn I miss the Christmas hymns 😭

[bsxcrxts]

Luke + “Can I watch you?” (get some of that voyeurism in there mayhaps?) (also hugs, i definitely know how this situation feels)

I got carried away <3 merry chrysler

warnings: 18+ only! minors do not interact with my posts! reader with afab body but no gendered terms, mild risk-taking, accidental voyeurism, dubious consent but both reader and Luke are into it. not proofread.

A/N: about 1.3k! I didn't have a reason why they're on the Falcon but I wrote this imagining it was a post-ROTJ cleanup mission or diplomatic meeting. I struggled to settle on a premise, then made myself laugh at how impractical this would be but it's the fantasy (tm). Would love to maybe expand upon rotj!Luke having simultaneous shame and desire to watch reader/be watched himself. It's not what a good Jedi should want, is it? Anyway! let's get into it!

sounds

The Millennium Falcon has crew quarters. Of course, there has to be somewhere to sleep. But it doesn't mean there has to be any privacy, apparently. You think it's obvious that Han is used to living here alone or with his buddies– the tiny single beds all cramped into one small room, with no walls separating them. You'd liken it to staying in barracks, but even at the rebel bases you'd have your own sleeping space, no matter how small.

You're not used to sharing a room. It's driving you crazy, not having any manner of solitude at any time of the day. You don't mind sleeping in the same room as your friends, except... you're sexually frustrated. It's impossible to take care of your needs with everyone else around.

It would be significantly less difficult if you weren't harboring a huge crush on Luke that you theorize is reciprocated. You couldn't be sure, but he looks at you like that sometimes, like he could see right through you; like he was contemplating something about you, but you never could tell what. You wonder if it has something to do with the Force, but don't ask, mostly because he pretends he wasn't staring when you catch him.

Your relationship with Luke is not cut-and-dry. Having known him a few years, he's changed, and you've grown close, and apart, and close again, but it was never the right moment to tell him how you felt about him. Lately, though, since the end of the war, something has shifted once more, and he's happier. Lighter. Maybe the moment was now? you think for a half second.

You make the mistake of allowing yourself to think of being with Luke for a moment. You imagine kissing him, letting him touch you, and especially, for some reason, him on his knees in front of you.

No, you can’t confess your feelings to Luke like this, not with the deep heat in the pit of your stomach and a wetness growing in your underwear. You scold yourself for feeling needy enough to be sidetracked. If you're this distracted, you reason, you ought to just deal with the problem.

Han, Leia, and Chewie are off-ship doing something important and meaningful to the mission. Luke is fiddling with one of the Falcon's processors and other small repairs, so he's busy, distracted, nonetheless. He shouldn't even notice your absence.

You weigh your options, and head towards your bed, not noticing that the door at the end of the short hallway doesn’t close all the way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door to the crew quarters is bizarrely jammed halfway open, and Luke sighs to himself as he prepares to remove the control panel off the wall and fiddle with the wires until it’s fixed. It’s not unusual to him, knowing how much the Falcon has gone through, that something like this might need repairing.

What raises red flags is the tiny noise he hears filtering through the gap in the door— like a quiet gasp of pain or frustration.

Sound carries in the old ship like crazy.

Luke pauses, his mental shields still up. He knows you’re onboard somewhere, but he figured you were restocking supplies or otherwise preoccupied. Why are you in bed? Are you ill?

He hears a faint moan from you, which could have been described no other way but erotic, and he arrives at the startling conclusion that you are not ill at all.

What to do? Well, the appropriate answer would have been to walk away, he reasons, but he can't seem to make himself move at all. Unwisely, he remains motionless outside of the jammed door, as frozen in his tracks as he had literally been on Hoth, but contrary to then, he feels a burning heat as his face flushes red.

"O-oh, mh!" you exhale quietly, but Luke can hear it.

He can hear the soft rocking of the flimsy bedding if he listened hard enough.

And he was listening.

Luke blindly wonders what you look like right now. The door is ajar far enough that he could theoretically look inside, but he'd have to peer around the corner of the room to see you, and he still can't move. He standing like a statue, eyes wide, letting his imagination run wild, untamed and undisciplined.

The embarrassment of not being able to rationalize his way out of this has yet to catch up to him. Polite and proper Jedi do not listen to their beautiful, attractive friend moan and writhe and pleasure themselves, but he's picturing it. He's picturing you, your legs spread and your fingers deep inside your pussy, dripping out onto the sheets unabashedly. Or maybe you're humping a pillow, or teasing your tits, or maybe you've got some type of toy buried inside your cunt, impaled on a dildo that wouldn't even compare with the size of his cock.

Luke suddenly has the thought that he could get you off better than any toy, or even yourself, or that he'd at least like to try. He'd give you anything you wanted, get down on his knees for you–

Luke sets his jaw, trying and failing to snap back to reality. His cock is filling out, more than half-hard in his trousers, pressing uncomfortably against his restrictive pants. He shouldn't touch himself. He won't.

He really, really wants to.

He's interrupted by the sound of your voice again. You're getting louder, and he imagines you getting closer and closer to your impending release.

"Fuck, just fuck me," you whine, to no one in particular, but stars, it sounds a lot like you could be speaking to him.

One hand slides down his torso, lightly palming at his clothed cock, if only for a moment. The brush of contact nearly makes him gasp, but he stifles the feeling, his cock twitching and his stomach muscles tensing. He wishes he could see you so badly. He knows you'd be gorgeous.

Luke also knows he shouldn't allow his mental shields to deteriorate any more than they already have. He shouldn't relax into this, let himself listen to you while he touches his cock. It's wrong. It's against his better judgement. It's scandalous. And it's irresistible.

The second he lets his mental shields dissolve, your emotions overwhelm him. Lust, desire, desperation, for him all come flooding from your mind. He isn't reading your mind, can't picture what you're imagining, but he can feel the need rolling off of you in waves, a subconscious reaching for his presence he doubts you even realize you're projecting.

"oh, Luke," you sigh behind the door, just above a whisper, confirming everything.

This is for him, this is about him. He's nearly dizzy, and he utterly fails to muffle his soft moan as he grasps his cock through his pants.

He immediately senses your distress, mingling with his own. There's some panicked rustling on the other side of the door, before you appear in front of him, hair in a slight disarray, pants low on your hips. You're not angry or upset, but you are startled and self-conscious, shifting and crossing your arms like you can hide from him.

"What–"

"I–"

You and Luke both start speaking at once. There's a beat of silence.

Luke is wrecked in front of you. You know that you don't look much better, but the visible bulge he's sporting as well as the deepest blush on his cheeks that you've ever seen tells you all that you need to know.

It's fun to make him flustered, even though you hadn't started out with that as your intention. You reason that you should probably be mortified, but you can't bring yourself to feel that way when Luke is so obviously affected by you.

You bite your lip and smile a tiny bit at him, allowing your gaze to land on his aching cock, still aching against the restraint of his trousers.

It breaks his resolve.

“Can I watch you?” Luke asks earnestly. It's not what he means to say, but it is what he wants. His breathing is shaking and his shoulders nearly shudder as he asks.

"Sure," you gesture at him to step inside the bedroom, "and if you're good, I'll let you do more than just watch."

[dungeonsngeese]

i think there’s so much to be said about the overarching themes of the locked tomb series, but some of my favorites are the sheer breadth of humanity (both negative and positive) that is held in each and every person, and a person’s relationship with life and death.

we have gideon, who spent the majority of book one making horrendous jokes, swinging her sword and being the most classic rendition of a disaster lesbian, but even then underneath you could see the cracks leading to a deeper seeded sadness and anger. this is the gideon who as a child was attempting to run away to join the military every chance she got. the same gideon who would later quite literally jump at the opportunity to sacrifice herself for harrow when she thinks they have no other option. at one point harrow makes a comment about gideon losing her sense of self preservation, as if she ever truly had it. this is a girl who has spent her life convinced she shouldn’t have lived to begin with. she’s throwing someone else’s money at anything that catches her eye, not fully understanding the wallet is hers.

later we have kiriona, whose anguish was on full display and yet still made horrendous jokes, with a bit of extra bite. who had to make a conscious effort to hide the sides of her that obviously cared. the reflex of reaching for her coat, and the choice to keep it on herself. who we assume spent months being manipulated by ianthe and stewing in her fury at harrow, yet offered to die for her again at her first opportunity. she did it once, what’s twice gonna do? the wallet is empty, bring out jod’s checkbook.

and on the other hand harrow, who seemingly so rarely allowed herself to love others, yet whose entire existence continued due to her love of the corpse within the tomb. and later due to her love of gideon. she lobotomized gideon out of her memory to preserve her existence, and even without being able to remember who she was doing it for, she commanded herself to live. she wanted to die so badly, but in her mind the only thing she could do for them was to live as no one she had loved had been able to do for her. a girl who also believed she should never have lived, forcing herself to go on because the ones who should be living can’t and she sees it as her own fault. she has chained the wallet to her wrist and counts the coins every night.

and finally nona, who loved unabashedly and with reckless abandon. whose joy shone as brightly as her rage. who, free from the knowledge of the trauma her body mind and soul have endured, could allow herself to experience all of these emotions in excess and not be bogged down by the weight of it all. she was so delighted by every life she saw. and she was so ready for death. she couldn’t put into words how right her death would be, couldn’t find the comfort for those she would leave behind because she didn’t know how to make them understand she was ready. her wallet has a hole in it, and she’s been pouring out the coins and placing them lovingly into the hands of everyone she adores. then she eats the wallet.

anyways, this probably should’ve been two separate posts but i’m tired and it’s late so have my garble merry chrysler i love these lesbians so so much

[lalondine]

Sorry stream is late. I was suffering the consequences of my own actions.

Anyway, we are drawing MONSTER GIRLS for MONSTER GIRL THURSDAY - MERRY CHRYSLER EDITION.

[ajdrawshq]

I don't think I'm doing my usual fic rec thing this year because I managed to burn out all my energy during the week but! Still wanted to get u something so there's this song that I've been meaning to show you cause everything from the song to the character reminds me a lot of Vanitas so I thought maybe if you hadn't come across it yet you'd like it for you playlist? Anyway! Merry Crisis Merry Chrysler, hopefully the festivities are treating you well so far :'3

!!!!!!! OMG THANK U........

holy FUCK u werent kidding abt everything in that song being like Vanitas- especially the character.. the Vibes.. ooooOO its so perfect for him and a solid bop too.. thank u so much for showing it to me!!!! its going directly to the playlist :3

merry (late) crisis!!!! 💙💙 i hope youve been able to rest up n recharge lately :'3

[evermorehaikyuu]

merry christmas eve to those who celebrate it :D

[randomsplashes]

a concept: keith and lance in silly christmas sweaters for the holidays!!! 🎄 🎄 (redbubble+ko-fi)

[seerofmike]

so i said "merry chrysler" to my mother and she went on a long rant where at the end she told me saying that was an attack on christmas, i was disrespecting her beliefs, and i was desecrating the holiday. somehow the ridiculousness of it all struck me as a story you would find funny. anyways merry (late) chrysler and happy holidays. hope you are well you funky little man

THANK U :D

[rudeinterrupti0ns]

Well. I quarantined myself all of December so I could see my family guilt-free at Christmas, but, unsurprisingly (although upsettingly last minute), the south east has just been issued a stay at home order from now until god knows when because we have a new strain of corona that's 70% more transmissible than the original strain.

This will be my first Christmas ever without my family. We're not in any way religious and we're pretty disfunctional 364 days a year but for some reason Christmas is always something we get right. All our neighbours come round for 11am prosecco and mince pies and do secret santa. We lounge and eat and open presents at the ass crack of dawn, even though my brother and I are now well into our mid to late twenties. My parents dont argue on Christmas. My mum and I cook together and play Christmas songs (Step Into Christmas is my fave). We play Articulate and this drawing game that I don't know the same of - which is hilarious since we're all so bad at art that no one has any idea what the other is trying to do. I make a quiz and there's always a "guess the movie" round where I act out the film through interpretive dance. It's good idk.

The last year or so I've been staying at my boyfriend's flat. We live with his dad and brother. His dad's an old hippie with no rules and a lot of ultra cool stories, but the place is pretty cramped, with half baked DIY projects and random planks of wood everywhere (he swears he's going to finish the projects soon), the carpets don't fit the full length of the walls and don't even get me started on the bathroom which is currently stripped back to the bare broken plaster because someone needs to plaster it but the walls are 2m high and I'm not able to do it myself. It's fun here but also... not cute, and certainly not Christmassy. Our oven would certainly never be able to cook a Christmas dinner for the 4 of us. There's not enough space and also only the top middle section gets hot (lol).

My bf's dad's 73 so we're doing everything possible to keep him safe until he can get his grubby little tobacco and weed stained fingers on a vaccine (when I say old hippy I mean went to thr first ever Glastonbury kind of old hippy!). I'm grateful that everyone I know has either not had the virus or not had it badly. So grateful. But this year me and my partner lost our jobs. I'm working as a temp now. Money's tight. Everything's pretty awful financially. I don't know what 2021 holds. This was supposed to be the year we bought a house. I can't see that happening till at least 2022 now. I'm just sad it has to be like this when oz and nz are islands that managed to get their shit under control. Anyway. I'll probably make a playlist of taylor's saddest songs for on the day. Tis the damn season at full fucking volume. Followed by Christmas Tree Farm. Then back to Tis the damn season. Maybe throw in a sygb to really revel in the spirit. Christ what would we do without @taylorswift this year?! Literally my only ray of light.

Merry chrysler y'all. Hope we can all make the most of it, see the light through the trees as it were. I can't see it just yet but I'm sure I will eventually.

[lidrens]

Hiiiiii, it me 🤡. How’re you doing? I just got home from my trip, and I’m very excited for Christmas, how is your Christmas Eve going?? I GET TO REVEAL MYSELF TOMORROW, also my gift isn’t quite done cause I was out of town, but it’ll be done before Christmas my time so it’ll be late for you I’m sorry my dude. Anyway, hope you’re doing well, I’ll get back to you soon

HELLOOOO today was busy as hell but it was good! 

I CANT WAITTTTT whomst are u buddy dfjhf haha. and it’s okay, im a patient motherfucker dont you worry. dont be sorry :>

im doing alrightish. my doc appointment cleared some things up so im living. also im finally done with school shit. get to chill for a week or so.

merry chrysler to you man :D

[radfem-gossip-reborn]

hello mods and late merry chrysler. just wanted to ask if u got my receipts (screenshots) of several different users? i tried to censor some of them that i felt were a bit too graphic. but also sorry about dropping those hot turds of receipts in ur inbox around the holidays lmao that must have been unpleasant. anyway just wanted to check so lemme know if/when you can ty ty

If this is about thivus, we did get them but due to the holidays we haven’t been as active on this blog but they are coming.

x

[poweroftheminds]

How the 2018 Dodge Journey became a Christmas miracle

http://www.autositenews.com/?p=6496

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The middle school carpool had been going along just fine all year. We had four kids and me, the driver, and we could all legally fit into and buckle up in almost any car, crew-cab truck or SUV that had only two rows of seats. Sure, one kid had to ride in the middle of the back seat but hey, life’s tough kids. In my day we had to wrestle alligators in the snow while arrows were fired at us and poisonous snakes gnawed on our feet.

Even though I was driving two other families’ kids around in addition to my own, I appreciated the efficiency of it all. Porsche Macan? No problem. Camry, Tundra TRD Pro, Jaguar F-Pace, VW Passat? Likewise. Everybody fit. Everybody was happy.

Then, like an angel dropped from heaven to test our faith, we started seeing Gabriel. Yes, that is his real name, just like the archangel. In the New Testament, Gabriel appears on Earth to tell people good news. It is Gabriel who tells Mary that she is going to give birth to Jesus, which maybe makes this a Christmas story:

“And the angel said unto her, ‘Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favor with God. And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus.”

Our Gabriel speaks in less Biblical English and is never preceded by trumpets, but is no less angelic. Gabriel is an infinitely polite kid from the nicest family in our little slice of suburban heaven. We’ve known him his entire life and then this school year, there he was every day, in a period of civilization where all kids are driven everywhere, walking to school, right on our route, a modern recasting of the parable of The Good Samaritan. What could we do? Ignore him and let him get lost, kidnapped or flattened by some some truck-driving Maccabee?

No.

So, like an idiot who couldn’t calculate seat count, I invited him to join us. 

With AWD the Journey can get you more places

This was good in the sense that it addressed my Catholic guilt, but made no sense when it came to fitting five kids legally into any two-row passenger vehicle. So for a while I hauled my Volkswagen Eurovan out of its hiding place at the top of the driveway and started using that. It could easily seat seven, had a flip-up table for doing homework, and could function as a camper should we ever get stuck during a Biblical deluge or plague of locusts.  

But the Eurovan was squeaky. Mine is a 2003, the last year they brought them in to the U.S., and its structural design dates to the late '80s, at least, the time before carmakers had really figured out torsional rigidity or how best to exploit computer-aided anything. On top of that, literally, Westfalia chopped out the middle of the roof and added a fiberglass cap that pops up to allow two to sleep upstairs when camping. This is fine when the rig’s parked overnight, but the rest of the time the missing superstructure means the big steel box is even less tightly screwed together than usual.  

So just as I’m starting to lose my faith in…what the hell do I actually believe in, anyway, two-row seating?...who should finally return my email but the guy who handles the press fleet for Chrysler. His name is -- I am not making this up -- Michael, another archangel, the only other angel named in the Bible besides that guy in Revelations. Michael is the slayer of dragons, the warrior, the guy you want on your side when the Philistines come looking for trouble. Apparently, in his spare time he handles the Chrysler press fleet. About a year earlier I had requested, on a long list of other cars, a Dodge Journey. Yes, the fact that this vehicle is still for sale unchanged since its 2009 introduction is, indeed, another miracle. But Dodge manages to sell over 100,000 of these things a year (106,759 of them last year to be exact). And why not? Pricing starts at $21,195 for a three-row people-mover. Where else are you going to get three rows for under 22 grand? Nowhere, that’s where. 

Unlike me, my Journey showed up loaded

My Journey was not the base model with the four-cylinder engine but the mighty Journey Crossroad Plus AWD. While Journeys of a thousand miles start with but a single step, this one starts at $21,195; but for that you make do with the 173-hp 2.4-liter four driving the front wheels through a four-speed(!) automatic. But you still get three rows of seats – you get three rows in all Journeys.

My Journey got the 3.6-liter Pentastar V6 with 283 hp and an Old Testament 260-lb-ft of torque. Of course, you pay for that – mine stickered at $37,894 but included Uconnect Voice Command Bluetooth, power driver’s seat, navigation, rear seat video, three-zone a/c, and that all-wheel drive. It’s a perfectly splendid way to tour suburbia, or Ephraim. I also drove it 400 miles to Visalia and back and used all 260 lb-ft of torque many times to pass on Hwy. 99. It’s even quick off the line, though I didn’t time it. I got just about on the EPA estimate of 16 mpg city, though I could have gotten better mileage if I didn’t drive like a maniac.

And then there’s Gabriel, who sits beatifically in the middle row, as if posing for his own stained glass window in our local mission church. After a week of carpool bliss, my loan of the Journey ended today. The archangel Michael wanted it back and I thought it better not to mess with an archangel. But Michael delivered unto me a Chrysler Pacifica which, if truth be told, is an even more luxurious, modern take on family transportation, “…re-engineered from the ground up on an all-new platform,” Chrysler says. Will it, too, prove a miracle at only ten grand more than my top-of-the-line Journey? I will drive it this week and let you know. With Gabriel among us, we shall do no wrong.

In the meantime, peace on Earth, good will toward all and Merry Christmas.  

On Sale: Now

Base Price: $21,195

As Tested Price: $37,894

Powertrain: 3.6-liter V6, 6-speed automatic, awd

Output: 283 hp at 6350 rpm, 260 lb-ft at 4400 rpm

Fuel Economy: 16/24/19(EPA City/Hwy/Combined)

Observed Fuel Economy: 16.4

Pros: Cheapest seven-seater on the market (at least the base model)

Cons: Old and feels like it

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