#It surprises me how my Christian mother allows me to get something like that!

[beezybuzzn]

These 2 are stuck in my head

[flowerandblood]

Glass Cuts Deepest (10)

[ professor! • Aemond x student! • female ]

[ warnings: kissing, panic attack, mention of rape, fluff, angst, indecent student-teacher relationship ]

[ description: A female painting student is finally able to choose the specialisation she has dreamt of - stained glass. She wants to become a student of the best specialist in this field, but he, for some reason, refuses to accept female students into his workshop. She finds out that he once slapped a female student of one of the other professors. Nevertheless, she makes an attempt to find out what happened then and to convince him to teach her. Slow burn, sexual tension, dark, agressive Aemond, great childhood traumas. ]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Previous and next chapters: Masterlist

_____

He had never felt as calm and happy as he did that morning when he returned to his room − he couldn't get rid of the smile of pride and satisfaction at the thought that he had touched her, that he had brought her to orgasm with his very words, kisses and the touch of his hand.

He could still hear her surprised sobs of pleasure as fulfilment shook her body, as she sought refuge in his arms.

She was so polite and obedient, keeping her hands where he told her to, even though he knew it was difficult for her, she didn't touch him, allowing him to focus entirely on her and her pleasure.

He had never touched a woman of his own volition before her.

He wondered how it had come so easily, practically effortlessly, and realised that he had not associated this type of touch with Alys.

When she came to him then it wasn't him touching her, she was the one touching him, she was the one in control.

However, Wright then gave herself completely to him, allowing him to touch her as he wished, still clothed without making him feel threatened.

He realised that this could have been the solution to his problem, that maybe when he was the one in control of what was happening, his body wouldn't react with panic and bring up those awful memories.

When they went to the church to see how the installed stained glass windows looked like he felt a kind of pride, seeing how the golden background around the Mother of God with the child shimmered in the sunlight, giving a truly heavenly impression.

He couldn't look away from the face he had painted, simultaneously embarrassed and delighted by the sight, realising something, interjecting a word from the bishop who had just praised his student's project.

"In Christian iconography and theology, the Virgin Mary is supposed to be the personification of the New Eve, transformed from a woman who was tempted into a woman who contributed to human salvation. Her son, Christ, was instead to be the new Adam, which is why often in crucifixion paintings we see a skull under his feet on the ground that is meant to symbolise Adam's tomb, on which his cross grows like a tree." He said calmly, pretending that he just wanted to add some interesting information on the subject, but when he glanced at Wright he saw her lower her gaze quickly, trying to hide the smile of embarrassment and the redness of her cheeks.

He knew he was talking about her.

She was his Eve.

She was his salvation.

He had fallen in love with her.

"Indeed, the professor is right, Our Lady and Christ are the announcement of a new paradise, but also of the good news that the exile and wandering of mankind is over, that the gates of heaven have been opened to them again." Said the bishop in a light tone, acknowledging his point, snapping him out of his reverie with his next question.

"Who painted the face of that wondrous Mother of God that shines so luminously before us?"

He looked at him in surprise, feeling his heart pounding fast, and grunted quietly, not wanting to show his sudden nervousness.

"Me." He said indifferently and dryly, standing with his hands folded in front of him, and then he saw the priest's gaze quickly shift to his female student. He felt a tightening in his throat, knowing that he already knew.

Fuck.

Was Cregan guessing too, or was he just pretending not to see it?

How could he have been so stupid to let this happen?

He swallowed loudly, glancing at Wright and felt a cool sweat on the back of his neck noticing how she had gone pale, not a trace of her joy and contentment from a second ago.

She didn't look at him.

Not when they left, not when they drove back to the hotel, not when Cregan suggested they celebrate her success with dinner. He was willing to do it, he was proud of her, but she just said thank you, smiling sadly, and said she was tired and would go to her room now.

She was heartbroken and it was his fault.

As soon as he had showered and changed he was immediately outside her balcony door, knocking on her window, devastated at the thought that she might not want to see him anymore, that he had screwed things up so badly.

He was relieved when he heard movement on the other side, and then the door opened. He saw the look on her face, sadness, tiredness and resignation, and felt a tightness in his throat. He closed the door behind him, looking at her, all tense.

"What's going on?" He asked immediately, feeling like his heart was about to jump out of his chest, his breathing uneven and accelerated.

He felt even worse when he saw that she looked away and pressed her lips together, clearly feeling uncomfortable that she wanted to tell him something that might hurt him.

"He knows. He knows it was my face you gave to your Virgin Mary." She muttered in despair and took a step back as he moved towards her. She didn't move away when he grabbed the nape of her neck and pressed his forehead against hers, shushing her silently as he traced the skin of her warm cheek with the fingers of his other hand.

"− shhh −" He whispered, hearing her accelerated breathing, seeing her look on the verge of crying, feeling painfully remorseful that he had put them at risk himself.

He didn't know then what would happen, didn't know he could ever have her.

"− it won't work − someone will catch us − we won't hide −" She whispered in a breaking voice, tear after tear running down her cheek.

He felt a sting in his heart at the thought that she was terrified, that she had realised what a threat this was if someone caught them. He pressed his lips together, knowing that he was the one who had the least to lose, that he was finished anyway, that he wanted to leave anyway, but she was going to study there for three more years.

He didn't want anyone to think that she owed her place and victory in the competition to the fact that she was warming his bed.

Helpless, he hushed her once more, drawing her to him, embracing her with his arms and cuddling her into his chest. She clung to him immediately, placing her hands on his t-shirt just as he had shown her the day before, hugging her cheek to his torso, breathing raggedly through her cry.

"Just tell me if you want to try." He whispered, stroking her hair and back in a calm, slow motion. He felt her freeze, her breathing sped up − she herself no longer knew what she wanted and the thought was breaking his heart.

"I'm scared." She whispered in a trembling voice. He grasped her cheeks gently in his hand and lifted her face to look at him.

"I'm scared too, but that's not what I asked you." He said calmly, looking at her tenderly.

He was scared too.

He had been scared all his life.

But he wanted to try.

He could see that she didn't know what to say, that she was heartbroken and terrified, that she needed comfort and reassurance that he wouldn't leave her, that he wouldn't expose her to mockery and gossip, that he would protect and care for her, that he wouldn't treat her like a pretty toy that he would abandon as soon as he got bored.

He felt that he had to explain to her how he felt about her, that he had to somehow put into words why it was all so important to him, why she was precious to him, why he needed her so much.

"I don't know if you believe in God, but I do. Despite what has happened to me, I believe in him and that he is merciful. I also believe that he put you in my path, that he made me choose you because you are his gift, that he knows neither of us wants to do anything bad. I have never had the opportunity to care or look after anyone before in my life, but I want to do so for you. My sketches, your face that I painted, was an expression of my desperation and suffering, but this is the last time I let anyone see what I feel for you. This is the last time I put you in danger." He whispered in a trembling voice, tucking an unruly strand of her hair behind her ear in a tender, soft gesture, literally letting out his thoughts, his feelings.

Despite what had happened to him, he was a person of faith, attending church and praying.

His faith was instilled in him by his mother, taking him to church with her every Sunday. Aegon and Helaena did not want to go there, but he did. At first, it was because he had her all to himself then, that it was their time, that he was then her only child to whom she gave her attention.

But then he began to find some kind of relief in this, in the thought that his suffering was not worthless, that it had some meaning, that he may not have had a good father on earth, but he had one in heaven.

Seeing his suffering and loneliness, he sent him, like to Adam in Eden, his Eve, so that he would no longer be lonely, and with her he sent him that wonderful feeling that had to come from him, because it was too beautiful, too warm, too good.

He saw her draw in the air loudly at his words, her gaze warm and tender, filled with pain and affection at the same time, from which he felt tears under his eyelids.

"Please, protect me." She mumbled at last, and he sighed loudly in relief and smiled tenderly, stroking her cheeks.

"I'll. I promise." He whispered, feeling heat filling his heart at the thought that she trusted him, that she believed he was capable of it, that his feelings for her were sincere.

They leaned towards each other tentatively and then their lips came together in a hot, wet kiss that made his head spin, her scent and taste filling all his senses making him feel throbbing in his sweatpants again.

After what had happened the day before, he felt more confident.

He thought he wanted to do it.

"− do you want to finish what we started yesterday? −" He asked quietly and she nodded, smiling so sweetly, so innocently, that he felt like devouring her.

They kissed again, deeper and more passionately, and then he took her hand in his, leading her slowly towards her bed, sitting down on it, looking up at her from below.

She stood before him, beautiful and warm, just his, and he had all night to explore her body.

He bit his lower lip feeling the painfully pleasurable pulsing of his manhood again, pleased with how automatically his body responded to her closeness.

"Can I stroke your cheek?" She asked uncertainly and he swallowed loudly, looking at her surprised.

You are such a pretty boy, Aemond.

He wasn't sure if he wanted it or not, but he thought it was just a touch on the cheek, no big deal − he knew how warm and soft her hands were and he decided he wanted to feel her.

So he nodded and swallowed loudly, closing his eyes, pressing his lips together because as soon as he felt her touch, he saw her, pulling off her nightshirt, a shapely, ripe body that might as well have belonged to his mother.

He saw her large breasts, her wide hips, her womb.

Why are you so tense?

"Are you okay?" He heard another soft, warm voice and nodded, figuring he could stand it, that she wasn't doing anything wrong after all, that she was just touching his fucking cheek.

But instead of her hand, he felt her hand, her hand stroking him as she rode him, as her body fell against his manhood with a loud, sickening click, and she panted in delight.

Look, see?

You wouldn't be so hard if you didn't want it.

It's okay, sweetheart.

He felt tears under his eyelids, pressed his lips together and shook his head, grabbing her wrist.

"− no − I − I'm not − I'm sorry −" He mumbled out brokenly and felt her pull away from him immediately, but he was no longer there, with her − he was in his hotel room there, during their family trip to the seaside, he was alone in his bed when she came to him and refused to leave his mind, his heart, his body.

It wasn't better at all.

Nothing was better.

Nothing had changed.

He couldn't not think about it.

He burst out sobbing, heartbroken by this discovery, by the realisation that he could only touch but not be touched, that the physical tenderness of the girl he adored was unwanted to him, made him uncomfortable, made him want to run away. He couldn't cope with that thought, that terrifying realisation that this would probably never change.

That forever again the touch of her hand on his bare cheek, his arms or his torso would remind him of her.

That he would never let her touch him down there because it would remind him of her.

That he might not even be able to look at her beautiful, gorgeous naked body because it would remind him of her.

He wanted to die.

"− I'm begging you, don't apologise − I'm the one who's sorry − so much has happened, I shouldn't have asked for this − forgive me, I didn't mean to hurt you −" Her terrified, distraught voice roused him from his lethargy. He chuckled despairingly under his breath, revealing his face to her, shaking his head.

"− hurt me? − you can't even touch me − fuck! −" He growled in despair through his tears, running his hand over his face, feeling his whole stomach clench, his body quivering, knowing it was a panic attack again and that she had just witnessed it, that after what she had seen she would understand what she was dealing with, how fucked up he was.

She couldn't even touch his fucking cheek because he was starting to shake and cry.

How were they going to have a normal relationship?

How could he make her persist in something like this, feeling perpetually rejected and unwanted?

He thought it was all her fault, that stupid whore − he felt anger and hatred, words began to fly out of his mouth on their own, the things he had never told anyone about gushed out of him like the poison that had bubbled up inside him all these years.

"− that whore − then when she came to me − she touched me, she fucking touched me everywhere − my cheeks, my shoulders, my chest, my stomach, my −" He couldn't finish, gasping for air, his voice breaking through the fact that he was crying and couldn't breathe, looking at her, seeing her terrified, hot gaze full of concern and understanding.

She was listening to him, she was beside him, kneeling on the ground beside him like Mary Magdalene beside Christ, not daring to touch him.

He drew in a loud breath and raised his hand, as if he wanted to explain something to her, to point out the source of the whole problem.

"− she touched me everywhere − e v e r y w h e r e − as if she wanted to contaminate my body − to make sure that no one would ever touch me after her again −" He muttered in a breaking, angry, embittered voice, running his hands through his hair, only now understanding what she had done to him, how much she had deconstructed him as a person.

For years he had told himself that he simply hated women and didn't need them, that he was capable of satisfying all his needs himself, but now he realised that this wasn't true, that he was protecting himself this way from disappointment, that subconsciously he knew he wouldn't be able to bear the touch of anyone else.

He saw her cover her mouth with her hand, crying as he did, her eyebrows arched in anguish, in disbelief, the pain in her eyes from which his own heart squeezed.

"− she destroyed me as a man − as a boy − you were right − it doesn't make sense − you don't deserve this, you will only face rejection from me −" He muttered, burying his face in his hands again, heartbroken at the thought that he hadn't been able to give her what she needed, that he would never change, that he would never be normal again, that what had happened to him couldn't be fixed.

He felt worse and worse, he felt the contents of his breakfast in his throat, his heart was pounding so hard he felt like he was about to die, he was shivering all over, cold sweat running down his back.

"− you said you would never touch a woman before me, and yet you've been sleeping in the same bed with me for the past two nights − you've been holding my hand and kissing me − you demand too much of yourself and you think I demand the same, but that's not true − I just want you to be there for me −" She said in a quick, breaking, soft voice from which he felt warmth in his chest − he drew in air loudly, clinging to her words, wanting to believe her, wanting to hope.

And then he felt a contraction in his stomach.

He knew what it meant.

His body had always reacted the same way since that evening.

"− I − I − I think I'm about to throw up −" He mumbled and heard her pick herself up quickly, running somewhere, taking a moment to hand him the vase.

He just managed to turn away from her, not wanting him to look at it, and threw up, trembling all over, breathing loudly, embarrassed, humiliated, weak and distraught, feeling that he had just shown her his worst side, the one he was most ashamed of.

He thought that after something like this she would never want him again.

That she would only be with him out of compassion.

"− I'll stay with you − I'll take my duvet, we'll go to your room and I'll lie down on the armchair next to you − I'll be with you, okay? −" She whispered in a trembling voice, and he felt a tightening in his heart at the thought that his guess had come true, that she felt sorry for him, that she would now feel responsible for him like a mother for her child rather than a woman for her man.

Still, he needed her like he had never needed anyone else in his life, so he nodded.

He rinsed his mouth and the vase in her bathroom, not even looking at his reflection in the mirror out of shame, unable to believe that he had got a panic attack because she had touched his cheek.

He left her room without a word.

He only checked that they had both closed the door behind them and lay down on his bed, feeling completely lifeless, weak and resigned.

Empty.

He saw her sprawled in an armchair near his bed covering herself with a duvet and thought it was pathetic that he, as a man, was supposed to sleep here and she was supposed to lie there in discomfort and watch him as if he were six years old.

He stood up abruptly, frustrated by this thought, walking over to her.

"− you'll be uncomfortable there − lie on the bed, I'll sleep in the armchair −" He said indifferently, but she furrowed her brow and shook her head, covering herself more tightly.

"− no −" She said in a tone that he knew wouldn't convince her, and he no longer had the strength to argue with her.

"− come to bed −" He whispered resignedly, going back and laying down on the bedding. He heard her objection caused by fear that she would make him uncomfortable again, but he interrupted her in mid-sentence by saying that he wanted her close to him.

After a moment, she stood up uncertainly, circling his bed, and he felt the mattress bend under the weight of her body, which lay somewhere far away from him.

He swallowed loudly, feeling shame and sadness, thinking about how he would never be a man again in her eyes, how pathetic he was. He felt tears under his eyelids again and cried like a small child, clenching his lips, not letting any sound leave his throat. He swallowed loudly, drawing in air deeply.

"− will you stroke my head? −" He asked in a breaking voice, remembering that when he was a little boy and was afraid of darkness, his mother would come to him and stroke his head until he fell asleep.

"− I don't want to hurt you again −" She whispered uncertainly, and he felt a tightening in his heart at the thought that she clearly resented herself for wanting to touch him, as if touching his cheek would be some perverted crime.

He squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing loudly, feeling his body tremble, having the feeling that he was cold.

"− please −"

He heard her shift, moving closer but so that her body wasn't touching his, and after a moment he felt her tiny fingers comb through his hair in a soft, calm motion. He felt a pleasant shudder, some kind of reassurance at that familiar, longed-for touch that combined his pleasant memory with her scent and touch.

He heard her want to say something, sensitive to any movement of his, but he didn't let her.

"− don't stop −"

So she continued stroking him, with an unhurried, tender movement of her hand trailing over his head, playing with his short hair making him finally start to calm down, his heart no longer pounding so fast, his breathing no longer so loud.

"− I will watch over you all night − no one will come in here − no one will touch you − you are safe − try to sleep −" She whispered tenderly with a certainty that surprised him − he felt a sudden tightness in his throat, one solitary tear ran down his cheek at her words.

No one will come in here.

No one will touch you.

You are safe.

He hadn't even realised how much he needed to hear it.

He sighed quietly, feeling some kind of relief, as if her reassurance had made his whole body relax.

He believed her.

No one would come in here.

No one would touch him.

He was safe with her.

He closed his eyes, concentrating only on the tender, gentle, feel-good touch of her fingers, on the smell of her body and her shampoo, on the fact that he could feel her breath on his neck.

She was beside him.

He slept restlessly and shuddered every time he woke up feeling her touch, terrified, but as soon as he turned his face towards her and saw her lying next to him immediately felt indescribably relieved.

In the morning, turning around and noticing that she really was awake, that at his slightest movement she opened her eyes and her hand began to stroke him again, he felt a squeeze in his heart.

"− sleep −" He whispered quietly, but she only smiled softly and shook her head as if she was happy to be with him. He felt hot in his heart, felt the need to touch her.

"− embrace me − I want to feel you close −" He murmured, moving closer to her, and she put her arm around him, lifting herself a little higher, pressing her cheek to the top of his head, brushing his hair. He murmured contentedly, snuggling his face into the hollow of her neck, his nostrils filled with her wonderful, longed-for scent.

He slept a stony sleep for the next few hours.

A knock on the door woke them and they both shuddered, terrified.

"Aemond, we have to go to breakfast. I knocked on Wright's room, but I think she's still asleep too. Did you guys forget to set your alarm clocks or something?" He asked amused and they looked at each other with big eyes not knowing what to do, he could see that she was afraid to move from her place.

"− you go on your own, I'm almost ready −" He said loud enough for him to hear and Cregan just sighed heavily and said he would wait for them at the restaurant.

He ran a hand over his face as he heard his footsteps moving slowly away, and then he glanced at her. They looked at each other for a long moment without speaking, tenderness, warmth and concern in her gaze.

He touched her cheek and ran his thumb over it − she closed her eyes, cuddling her face into his hand, stroking it with her fingers.

"− come here −" He hummed tenderly, drawing her to him, sinking into her mouth in an innocent, warm, wet kiss that had nothing of sexual desire in it, only pure longing for the closeness of beloved person.

He brushed the tip of his nose against hers and kissed her again, just as tenderly, purring contentedly when her free hand ran through his hair. She pulled away from him, pressing her forehead against his, trailing her fingers along the back of his head.

"Can I do that?" She asked softly, and he snorted at her question.

"You've been doing that all night at my request." He said softly, and she furrowed her brow, stroking him tenderly.

"I prefer to be sure. I don't want my touch to stop being…pleasurable to you." She mumbled, and he ran his thumb over her lips, not wanting her to say more, understanding what she meant.

"Your touch, your presence is the thing I crave most. I fear nothing so much than that you will no longer desire me after what you have seen." He said with a frown, and she shook her head hurriedly, kissing him quickly and lightly, looking at him again as if she wanted to show him with this gesture that he was completely wrong.

"I've never wanted anyone in my life like I want you."

_____

Aemond Taglist:

(bold means I couldn't tag you)

@its-actually-minicika @notnormalthings-blog @nikstrange @zenka69 @bellaisasleep @k-y-r-a-1 @g-cf2020 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff @chainsawsangel @iiamthehybrid @tinykryptonitewerewolf @namoreno @malfoytargaryen @qyburnsghost @aemondsdelight @persephonerinyes @fan-goddess

[eshueshueshu]

Want to preface this by saying that for once, I'm not blaming Gillen for this because the pacing and other little issues are clearly editorial happenings, especially now in the case of "Fall of X".

This is so bittersweet for me. I've always wanted Hope's connection to the Phoenix Force, especially as the only other White Phoenix of the Crown, to be more fully fleshed out as there was SO much there. She was the youngest with two of the other most prominent hosts in her direct circle there's so much to explore there and while we unfortunately didnt get one lick of any of that we did get two other things that I wanted.

1. Hope has two Moms!... And is her own mother but thats another thing. Jean was revealed to have created Hope, which shouldnt come as a surprise to anyone thats been following the X men since the decimation.

2. Hope is actually the damn bird herself and that is something I did NOT expect. The best example of how this works essentially for anyone confused is the christian holy trinity of Jesus(Hope), Holy Spirit(Bird), Jean(God), but I wouldnt say that that's necessarily 1:1 as we quite literally see Hope become the bird and as far as I'm aware that does not happen to Jesus. This is also how Hope is one of her own mothers as we all know the story between Jean and the Bird.

Hope deserved a FAR more finished and well paced out conclusion to her Messiah arc but I'm happy we atleast got these two major conclusions for her instead of continued failings that either ignored her or didn't make sense. Hoping the rumors of Jean & Scott "expecting" are true 60% cuz I want one of my favs back 40% cuz it'd be hilarious for her to come back that way. I just really wish we got to see ALL of this from just her perspective, how she or whoever it was, realized that she needed to sacrifice herself, if she ever realized that when Jean started referring to the Phoenix as a "she" she was talking about Hope, that the Phoenix was scared to die because Hope was afraid to die. I hope when Hope comes back she's allowed to explore this new connection to the bird like Jean is and I also hope that by then Marvel's gotten their shit together so this damn bird isnt just a glorified reset button constantly. Enjoy your time beyond until we see you again

[ozziesjester]

You can post about your FNAF s/I if you want, this is your blog and you can do whatever you want forever.

god anon. u are so correct. how could i have been so foolish.

okay. here goes nothing. i dont think ive ever tried to write all this down before...

this is bryce! he's my fnaf s/i! i've spent about 5-ish years coming up with his lore... he was a joint effort to create between me and my partners!!

bryce is... unfortunate. he's an unfortunate child. born to a bastard priest and his underage child bride, i can't really say he's ever had it easy. his mother "disappeared" shortly after his birth, leaving him in the care of his father, who believed him to be an illegitimate child.

why? who knows, man. crazy ass delusions or something. this led him to severely mistreat bryce. he WAS, at least, allowed to attend the christian elementary school his father taught at. every single attempted cry for help was gone ignored due to his father's reputation. and it didn't help that every friend he made seemed to mysteriously go missing.

i'd say this continued until around... 7? maybe 8 years old? for the first time ever, he was allowed to attend a classmate's birthday party. for timeline's sake, i wanna say it would've been at the fnaf 2 location? you can probably see where i'm going with this.

there, he would've met william. likely sought out by the man when he detached from the larger group of children. a conversation was struck up - during which, bryce would offhandedly comment on his father's abuse. this catches william's attention, and the boy is swiftly whisked away from the restaurant to take a vacation in will's basement.

from this point on, a large portion of his time was spent in the cellar of the afton house. terrified at first, eventually, he adjusted surprisingly well to the situation. it wasn't like william hurt him very often, and at least he was being fed while in captivity. he tried to be the perfect little kidnapee, in hopes that maybe he'd be allowed to live.

months pass. though the passage of time is hard to tell when you can't see sunlight, so bryce isn't sure exactly how long he's been trapped there. as per usual, will brings breakfast down into the cellar for him. but this time around, there's something different about him. as he sets the plate on the floor, he promises a surprise for the boy.

bryce holds out hope that this will be his chance to escape. so, for the rest of the day, he's excited.

that is, until william arrives in the basement once more. he's dragging something behind him, and it thuds heavily against the stairs with every step.

he pulls it into bryce's view. and simply informs him that it's his rotten father, drugged up and stuffed inside a body bag. and that it's going to be his responsibility to kill him.

"i only thought it would be fitting for him to be your first." without another word, he unzips the bag and drops a knife into the kid's hands.

simply put, in that moment, something inside bryce snaps. the sight of his abuser's face, the weight of the knife in his hand (perhaps something to do with being kidnapped for several months, too)... when he finally comes to, he's hunched over what used to be his father, staring deadpan into a face so badly mutilated he can't distinguish its features anymore. will's hand clasps over his shoulder, and from that moment on, bryce is his apprentice, intended to continue his work after william eventually dies.

after this, things get a little hazy... at some point, vanessa (who is jeremy's daughter, around 5 years younger than bryce) moves into the afton house. this is the first time bryce has been around someone he has ANY sort of power dynamic over, and needless to say he takes advantage of it.

kid's got issues. like, major emotional regulation issues. take one look at william and tell me he knows how to raise a healthy child, especially one he's forcing to kill people. this should be a no brainer.

finally having the upper hand for once in his pathetic miserable life, he proceeds to torment the shit out of vanny. just, in every way imaginable. this is around the time he's going through puberty, and he is just full of teenage testosterone rage. maybe he's just mad he thinks she's cute. i dunno. this sort of plants the seed of a full-blown obsession with vanny, though.

things are majorly fuzzy for a lot of the time after, but he bulks up a lot and grows to be a Very Large Adult Man. he goes a little awol after will's "death" and leaves home to continue his work elsewhere. but he DOES dedicate a lot of his spare time to tracking down and stalking vanessa. puppy love that never went away i suppose.

aaaanndd that's all i have the energy to talk about! whew!!! if you made it this far thank you for reading i love you ahaha

[thetwelfthcrow]

Sorry about that 😅 I tend to be really judgemental about myself and negative 😞 I try to improve it but it's hard 😅 especially when it's about something I love 😔

But putting this aside, you definitely did justice to the idea and I would live to read more about this universe, or even the other two ideas. The snippet for the double Max and Lewis are so good. Speaking of it, maybe go with them switching places with our Lewis and Max. And being so confused as to why Lewis is ar Mercedes now and why Max is at Red Bull. And why aren't they a couple.

As for Christian's and Toto reaction about them being friends with benefits, Christian would probably go full mother hen about it 😅. It's his honorary pup we're talking about and Lewis omega or not is older and using Max. Toto would either be extremely suspicious of Max's intentions. Or would be like, I don't care as long as you don't Do anything stupid like mate and lose focus on the title race.

The surprise Rut, Max would be terrified of calling Lewis for help as he doesn't know if he is allowed to, and he is afraid of losing himself. It will take a long time and reassuring from Lewis side for Max to give in.

happy you didn't take it too harshly, my friend! i know what it's like to be insecure of your own writing but there's no other way to grow in it than to keep doing it! and your love for writing should be your biggest motivation. we are, after all, our own harshest critics. and sometimes ya gotta shut up your own mind to let your creativity shine.

ohh yes the double universe thing!! if i have any more ideas on how to shape it, i might end up writing it! it's definitely an idea sooo good that it's been bugging me in a good way. would love to see how that will turn out eventually !! <3

and yess christian's reaction !! i think he'd be toooottally 'max are u in ur right mind??????' but eventually very caring. toto, would indeed be sooo sus like my guy what are you trying to get out of this? but, like, it's especially weird rn bc it's not like they're big rivals. max is cruising his way to another wdc and the merc is suffering fighting crying all the way through so, why now? and yes once he'll be slightly less suspicious, he may have space in his mind to think, huh, maybe this is ok. the mating thing tho, whooooo inch restiiing to think about!!

for the surprise rut: max would def hesitate to call lewis. he's so unconditional and easy when it comes to helping lewis, but when he has to ask for it himself? god no, he doesn't want to be seen as someone who takes advantage. they aren't even mated! especially since lewis has told max bits and bits about what happened to him before, about nico, about how he was mistreated. and max makes it his personal goal to be better. to not give lewis another reason to hate alphas. so, he hides his rut. doesn't take suppressants bc he hates that, but he shoves it away, pretends to be ok.

but it's easy to spot for lewis - max is much more and easier agitated, more jealous when someone else is near lewis (which also adds a sense of risk for them to be found: "Max, behave, they're gonna realise what's been going on if you keep that up." / "Behave? when he's touching you like that and making you giggle? i can't just stand by and watch other people flirting with you." / "we aren't even mated, though! so it's not like others can tell. and hey, i'm coming home to you, shouldn't that be enough?" / "it is, i just - i don't know why i did what i did. i can't help myself, okay? don't want anyone to get ideas") and his smell is, well, much more present than ever before. so lewis brings it up, subtly and subtly again. max denies it time after time again. and then lewis is like. you sit down. sit yo ass down. listen to me. you are in rut, it is easy for me to see. why are you hiding? and max is like nooooo i'mn not okay okay maybe i am. [cue emotional 'don wanna take advantage of uuu' followed by lewis realising, hey, he's for real. he's not the same as nico.] and then lewis reassures max and they have hot knotting mating sex about it all.

[angeltreasure]

Hello Sister, I'm the anon who keeps asking if you could pray for my education. Something unfortunate happened that made me miss my exam, but it was due to me being lazy and not double checking. I don't know if they will allow me to redo it. I am going to enter my second semester, I want feel motivated to study. I have been feeling numb for years, and it's been months since I prayed to God. I don't know how to go back to Him. I wish I had a Catholic or Christian friends so we can talk about this. I just feel lost, numb, and apathetic. If you can dear Sister, please pray for me. I want to be good and righteous. If God gave you message in my prayer request, can you please tell me what it is. I desperately need the Holy Spirit in my deeply sinful life. Thank you for listening Sister, God bless you

--Sister M

Hi Sister M,

I will pray for you! I can tell you that no matter what happens, no matter how much you fail in life or sin, God isn’t going to abandon you and stop loving you. He’s not hiding in a secret place until you get your life in order. God is with you, always. As like the Prodigal Son, God waits until you turn to Him so He can spread His loving arms out to bring you home. You don’t need to be perfect in order to go back to Him. A simple prayer is all you need to start. Speak to Him as you would a dear friend. He loves you more than you can ever imagine and He waits so patiently for you. If you are Catholic, remember the Sacrament of confession is always there for you and is a great blessing.

I suggest as a student, to keep a picture of the Holy Family with you. It can be a bookmark or even your phone lock screen, or a little picture to carry around in your wallet. Whenever you feel tempted to sin, take the picture out. To flood our human senses with holy things can help us out of temptation.

Other examples to “flood the senses” are, listening to soft Gregorian chant with your headphones, taste the consecrated Eucharist and wine at Mass, read one verse from the Bible, smell beautiful incense or a scented candle, touch beads of the Rosary or pages of your favorite Bible, read about the lives of the saints, and forms of prayer. The Mass is the highest form of prayer. The Rosary is a powerful prayer that has even converted a high Satanic priest; it helps focus our mind away from sin and onto the lives of Jesus with His mother, Mary. The Divine Mercy Chaplet kept the world from being destroyed by the wrath of an Angel. Blessed bells by Catholic priests have been excellent during exorcisms to expel demons because of their beauty and holy sounds. There is also Relevant Radio to listen to 24/7. EWTN is great for watching shows, masses, prayers.. highly recommend Mother Angelica Live if you’ve never seen it. Bishop Robert Barron with his Word On Fire is great to jump into on his website or binge watch on YouTube. Volunteering at your local church can be a great benefit for all.

Some teachers are kind enough for second chances, other ones are more strict. All you can do is ask. They may surprise you, offer you a different option, or make you learn the hard way. Pray for them, okay?

The Holy Spirit lives in you and He will help guide you. Your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit. Remember this. Take care of your body, especially going through the stresses of student life. Eat healthy, exercise, drink water, treat your body kindly with respect. What you carry is a special gift, even in your bad days.

For motivation, look to the saints. Each one lived a unique kind of life that they lived to get to Heaven. Some were students too. You may be able to find a favorite saint or two to model after. Don’t forget your guardian angel. They never leave your side and are waiting for you to pray to ask for their help. He can guide you too and help you, especially when friends are not available. You can be good and righteous.

“But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”

- Isaiah 43:1

[000life-is-meaningless000]

I obviously and honestly see life is meaningless.

When I was free 👻 it's just a spirit in the Great Void !!!

before my captors 👽incarnated me 🧚🏻‍♂️ necromanced me in a new body and the rest of my people 🧚🏻‍♂️🧚🏻‍♀️🧚🏻‍♂️

I don't care how many people call me schizophrenic I'll keep telling this fucking schizophrenic truth over and over again I don't care how many times people don't like me saying it I'm going to repeat the fucking phrase, I'm not human, my origins are not in humanity.

and Titania is not ruled over by a male she is the arch goddess of all things insectoid that's what humans call fairies the fairy world is a bug world, there are no Faun's and leprechauns running around there are no unicorns there are no gnomes, at least not the way you put things I known as an Earth Spirit or of the element Earth made up of the energy of Earth.

all the things that I listed do exist but they're not fairies, they're cryptids.

😐 - Now !

back to the point.

what I usually did in the spirit realm are the great Void, I would watch things in life because for me all things were meaningless and purposeless and stupid I could I knew God existed and experience them and I was very apathetic about what my experience even though all other Souls were overthrown by the grandiosity of deities they didn't even so much as phase me.

I'm really I don't give a shit kind of creature, Meh !

the only thing that ever sparked anything inside me the only thing that made me have "Feeling's" is Titania !

are Divine mother even though she's a klutz and she fucks up a lot she still are Divine mother and she still the source of all things bug aka Fae !

she's the only thing I could ever give to fucking shits about, despite I still think to a degree she's a bit of a dumbass She's also an unbelievably mysterious goddess.

Regardless of what I say at the end of the day I feel praiser is the most high, and every Christian in the nation is praising Jesus as the most high I praised Titania is the most high is every Jesus freak out there gets on their fucking knees to scream the name of Jesus in a church somewhere we fairies praise our divine mother in our own way.

Despite She discussing and pissed off if you fucked up and we got sent to Earth.

you know she really had the power to smite the mantises a complete kill them for sinning against her and going into science,

Science = Profane, Impious, Anti-Holy !

False Truth's & Fake Teaching's !

All Science = Corrupted Data.

despite all the extreme sins that the Mantis committed I'm still surprised and confused why our holy Goddess is didn't just smite them and keep the world no one understands what she did I'm not saying she works in mysterious ways I think something fucked her up and she wasn't allowed to do it or able, because she got captured by the Grays and was tortured by her to give up the location of the dead fairies us and the spirit realm they couldn't find us with their Fancy Smacy, Fucking, Technology so they needed to get they needed some clairvoyance, they badly needed ESP clairvoyant so they got the goddess to show her them to connect her mind with their mind and to show them where we were they torture her which didn't take that long for her to break her will and then she just constantly showed them where we are and she wouldn't break the connection because they tortured her as hard as possible.

yeah her own fucking fairies is the sinister ones the corrupted ones only turned on her tortured her and forced her to give up the ones who did not Sin in her name so that they 👽👽👽 could use us in their fucking agenda, and they're stupid agenda that literally try to conquer the planet Earth and take it back which they keep fucking failing.

https://youtu.be/j3BXOqjy9EU?si=wXZ3JFeyPgH0rcbd

https://youtube.com/shorts/tQTwh-Z7H9c?si=N-hzmv2K6UYrx5B9

https://youtu.be/s0fooOTyUWc?si=iMk8RTv2Fm4FcpSq

And, thay still haven't been able to bring in the cavalry because they're fighting some other alien race in space, Yah !

the Grays are literally in a fucking war in space and there's a reason why they ( NASA ) don't want to show you anything going on in space because there's so much chaos and fighting in space there's a secret War going on between aliens and the Grays want to conquer the Earth.

if they are able to be successful it's been going on for over 30 fucking years by the way, if there Successful in able to make landfall with the war that means you're going to see actual UFO's into the civilization.

which this is the thing that I don't care what person denies an alien invasion they're all going to die where they believe is happening or not it doesn't matter there'll be nowhere to run cuz they are going to mass Swarm, The planet and their intention is to complete wipe out all human life and then harvest the souls to be part of the agenda which is being converting to human soul into an insectoid, but first you have to go through a slow process of forced reincarnation after Force reincarnation as a slowly turns from human into a fairy which means the next body they're going to get in their Force reincarnation will be a hybrid.

none of this is important, I just want to let you God damn fucking know that the idiot gray alien is not getting what they fucking want and what they're getting is what I told Them, They're going to get 30 fucking 2 years ago, they're getting their asses handed to them I told them if you try to attack this planet the humans are going to kick your ass brutally without even so much it's flexing a goddamn muscle they'll be able to wipe us all out and the Grays went fucking berserking with Anger at me 32 years ago when they were "processing" me through the stages of becoming a hybrid that I couldn't escape them because they psychically grabbed on to me and held on hard as possible and I fought it every instance and chance I couldn't get away but fate Doomed, My ass to this body in this life.

now my people are out there somewhere when we had each other, all together on the other side but somewhere on this big ass fucking Mandela Effected world my people are somewhere out there and I don't know if I'll ever get to be with their soul ever again ?

🙁

Anyway, back on what I was saying.

. . .

when I was allowed to be a free spirit one thing that I mainly did most the fucking time is I was just watch aliens and watch everyone everywhere all the time I would look everywhere I didn't want to interfere I didn't want to fuck with anyone I didn't want to encounter anyone really I just want to watch Souls enjoy their life.

The Universe Was My TV.

. . . . . . .

All I want to ever do is watch the Spirit Round watch Life whenever I heard a dumbass human say there's no such thing as Ghost's I would sometimes giggle in the spirit of Realm.

Anyway, That wraps up this post,

I just really wanted to let y'all know that there's a reason why I'm in this world and why I'm so weird I'm not even human being my soul is not human the slightest bit.

and i don't think, I'll ever get to go back to my home and at this point I don't think I ever see one of my people.

👽 <- the super selfish super super greedy fucking idiots that have a head harder then a fucking rock, fucked up are people to the ultimate extreme.

I don't care if you reading this thing & think, I'm a unhinged schizophrenic, what I tell you is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth and in the whole if the whole human race thinks I'm mentally ill and the whole human race is blind and dumb.

I don't mean physically, blind.

Cuz I Solemnly swear in the name of God and anything else holy and spiritual that I tell you the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

all I wanted the end of the day is what I lost and if they don't want to be with me I'll walk away and cause no problem's.

I just want to find my people again, I want to see if I can catch up with Them we can escape our bodies because they 👽 won't let us commit suicide until they fail the agenda.

you don't know what it's like to have a Forced ESP link with them you don't know what it's like to have your soul in mind monitor 24/7 you don't know what it's like to be psychically watched of both of your mind and your soul, you don't know what it's like to be in a psychic prison.

you don't know what it's like to be necromanced you don't know what it's like to be forced to be born forced incarnation you don't know what it's like to be someone else's Soul slave.

🙁 - and you especially don't know what it's like to be an alien in a world you don't belong in you don't understand the horror that comes along with that.

your life may be shitty and you may be homeless or you may have a disease but at least if at least you don't have it as bad as we do.

and if it sounds stupid then you have no idea both literal hell me and my people go through on your planet you have no idea what true horror is and you can't conceive of how dark and black the universe really is.

🙁

if you just want to read this post and think I'm a bat shit schizophrenic, or some guy that abuses drug his whole fucking life.

👍🏻

But, I swear to fucking God I wouldn't lie to anybody.

But, This isn't my main blog this is a side block and a different account that I talk about Dark Truth and other taboo shit.

👍🏻 - Later, Y'all.

[reilivec]

Transformers Au Part 4

Juan is from my dad's side of the family. My mom's side of the family is really unknown the more I think on it, but she has always made it a point to keep some parts of her culture alive while also letting me live a more normal American life. We celebrate Christmas because it takes over the month of December and when I was seven I asked her if we could give each other gifts. It's weird. The culture my grandmother came from had never come in contact with any Christians. They were a thriving community that just never left there home until one day some of the left and came back with fantastical stories. My grandmother was only seventeen when she left to explore the world. She heard about the American dream and left. She traveled on foot for a long time and when she was walking through Ecuador she fell for my Grandfather. He also wanted to live the American dream and had actual money. So, he taught her Spanish and eventually they arrived in America five years after she had left her home. They only had my mother but from what I heard they loved her so much. They died five years before I was born.

I could still hear the siren running around the neighborhood. I tried to deflect, "Juan, do you mind if I take a look at the car?" He had been staring out the window and jumped a little, "Sure!" He sped towards the back door which croaked as he opened both the doors. He slid the small piece of metal on the screen door so that it would stay open. I followed behind him. My mom was closing the large wooden gate. Juan's fences were the tallest legally allowed and he had a few trees lining the fence making it pretty hard to see inside. There was definitely still some fear in her eyes as she glanced around before hiding her car from the street. The gravel crunched beneath our feet as we reached the sad looking detached garage. The paint was peeling and the roof was starting to sag a little from age. As I approached the door way I felt a small pull. It is almost like the energy that I have been passively making since my birthday was getting sucked up. He flicked on the lights while I stood in the door way. Four florescent lights hummed on to reveal an absolute mess. Juan stiffened and began awkwardly explaining, "Yeah, so, I got this car eight years ago from a guy I knew who was into cars. Even he complained about the car. He kept saying that working on this car was like trying to cure an actively dying person and honestly I kind of agree. Every repair reveals several new issues and even some of the things I have replaced have rusted out. Your gonna have your work cut out for you, Wenu." He patted me on the shoulder before heading towards the door, "I'll leave you two alone for a bit."

The car looked worst than the pictures. The paint was almost completely gone and rust covered more than 80% of the body. What pain that was left was a blueish silver. One of the headlights was busted. There shockingly wasn't a lot of dust on the car. Juan must have been working on it daily. The door was deafening as I opened it. The keys were sitting on the passenger seat. I grab the key off the pale blue seat and pop the trunk to get a closer look at the engine. I could definitely feel the car yanking the energy from me now, but something about how it made me think that this might help me and the car in the long run. As I walk to the back of the car I drag two of my fingers along the side of it. I released the lock and opened the trunk and found an absolute mess. There are wires strew about and some have been violently yanked but the more surprising thing is the fact that some of the more rusted parts look more like scars than rust. There are clear and straight paths through the rusted parts.

I stared at the engine with an urge to help but now knowing how. My hands were starting to get hot as the rested on the car. I took my hands off, a little confused before looking where my hands had been resting. There were noticeable spheres of what only could be described as healthy car. There was no rust at all where my hands had been resting. Out of curiosity I reach towards the rusted parts of the engine. It touch it with my pointer finder and watch as the slowly crumbled away revealing pristine metal beneath. I lowered the rest of my fingers onto the pipe and the rust began fading faster and my hand started getting hot again. I started to experiment removing a finger at a time and finding that three fingers was the most I could hold without my hands getting hot. I wasn't out there long before I started getting really hungry and a little tired.

By the time I left the garage my mom and cousin were inside eating. It is impossible to come in quietly with that back door. Juan laughed, "Are you sure you still want that car?" I nodded and before I could talk my stomach growled so loud that they both went wide eyes. Juan got up from the table, "I heard your appetite had gotten bigger," he laughed as he approached the fridge, opening the freezer, "I have combination and supreme pizza which would you like." I looked straight into his eyes and said with no hesitation, "Yes." He laughed before my mom slapped my arm. I looked at her and asked, "Does he know about what happened on my birthday?" She looked at me a little shocked before responding, "Yes, he does." I looked at both of them making sure they were looking at me, "I think I healed the car." Both of them were baffled at that statement. Before I open my mouth I see a flash of that metal face I saw and I looked down at Juan's phone. I grab it and he jumped starting to yell at me before my mom stops him. I take the battery out of his phone and wave my mom to follow as I stand closer to Juan. We all huddled next to the oven as it warmed up and I finally fessed up about the visions, the radio, the police car, and now the car.

After the pizzas were out of the oven. We grabbed several slices of pizza before we all went in to the garage. Juan was shock by the state of the engine. I scarfed down three sliced before I started to explain my theories. I leaned against one of the shelves while looking at my mom and Juan leaned on the Porsche. I began, "Something I have noticed is that some electronics suck my energy." Before I could continue a male voice chimed in, "Energon." I was staring at Juan, it wasn't him. Both of them started looking around. They stood up and looked around. Juan looked inside the car and saw that the radio was on. They both backed up and I stiffened. "I mean you know harm," the voice said.

I couldn't help myself, "What is energon?" My mom and cousin backed up next to me keeping there eyes on the car.

The radio responded, "It is the lifeforce of transformers, we use it to live and without it we die."

I turned my head to the side, "Transformers?"

The radio responded, "It is too tight in here to show you why that is a fitting name, could you open the door?"

I looked over a Juan, who's jaw was slack. I lightly slapped him saying, "can you open the door?" He nodded before heading to the garage door and lifting it open. He stepped out of the way as the car roared to life and the trunk closed. It slowly rolled into the center of the yard. We all were baffled at the car moving on its own. We all trailed behind the car 20ish feet behind. We all felt like we shouldn't get close. We all watched as the metal of the car began contorting and it turned into a humanoid figure standing tall and began stretching like it had been bedridden for a long time before turning back to us. His face was a lot softer than the face I saw in my vision. The silver face was illuminated by glowing blue eyes. He looked at me with a soft grin before kneeling in front of me, bowing his head. The same voice that had been coming from the radio began again, "Thank you, I have been dying for the last 30 years. I had some energon rations when I arrived but they did not last long. I would have lasted six months at best without you."

My jaw was slack and all I could respond, "I don't even know what I did?"

He looked up at me with a curious look, "Well, you are radiating energon now. So, what ever you are doing. I would appreciate it if you would continue."

My mom looked him and asked, "Is it possible that the police car from earlier is like you? A transformer?"

He looked at her a little puzzled before adjusting to sitting crisscross, "I don't know, I woke up an hour ago." Suddenly we all heard the a single wail of a cop car right out front. He looked in the general direction and sniffed the air before getting a disgusted look on his face. He stood up and took a more stealthy approach sneaking up to the fence and glancing over he whispered, "Is that him?" My mother went over to the fence and peeped through a hole in the fence.

I saw her nod and as I looked at her my vision began swirling and my ears began ringing. I lost the strength in my legs falling to my knees. I covered my ears curling in agony. The static was so loud I could barely here Juan. Then there was silence and the voice from earlier this week echoed in my head, "Withdraw for now, we have all the information we need. " I blinked away tears as I looked up to find my mom holding my shoulder, Juan was next to me with his hand on my back and the transformer had a worried look on his face. I sighed, "He is leaving." Shock spread all around and the transformer didn't believe me so he looked over the fence again and said, "He left." His eyes were wide. He cautiously approached me, "How did you know that?"

I looked around a little disoriented, "He was ordered to withdraw." The transformer looked at me closer, "Interesting." He looked at everyone and had a look like something had dawned on him. He sat back down and places his hand on his chest, "I am Jazz, the second-in-command of the Autobots, a group of transformers who have left there home world in order to find a source of energon. Our home had become a war zone as energon became more and more scarce. That transformer out there was one of the Decepticons, a group from my home who wanted to let those who they saw as useless, rot. I can guarantee that the Autobots will protect all of humanity, but currently we are sparce and starving. I would like to reconvene with our leader and possibly set up a system with the local governments."

[sasha276]

October 21st, 2023

I got everything done for this last until of my first term. Thankfully! I struggled more with this last unit than I did all other 7 units combined!

If you're confused by why I have two terms instead of all classes for an entire semester - I'm taking accelerated 8 week courses. It's still 4 classes per semester, it's just broken down into two class terms, within the semester.

I don't know if I ever posted about my plans with college? I'm majoring in psychology, plan to get through college (at least through my masters program). I want to be a Clinical Psychologist. I'm very interested in diagnostics, mental health disorders/abnormal psychology, and counseling. After I get my BA degree, I may try to find a decent position at the mental hospital in Marion Viginia (I live close by, in Abingdon VA). I like my job now, but who knows where i'll be (job-wise) in 2027.

I worry i'm going to not do so great in this upcoming term. The first term classes were easy, so no surprise that I got an A in both (waiting on the last assignment to be graded in each class, but right now I have 100% in one class and 98.49 in the other. I want to keep my grades up, it's extremely important to me.

I was bad in school. In elementary school, I had (what I NOW know is called..) Selective Mutism. Several teachers and principal thought I was autistic, because I couldn't speak at school. I tried and couldn't. I did decent up until 3rd grade. 4th grade is where I was getting 0's, refusing to go to school. I felt "sick" all the time. It got to the point, they were threatening my Mother with "educational neglect". The neglect, in my opinion, was not allowing me to get mental help that I needed. She absolutely refused, with me begging her to get me help.

I continued to miss a LOT of school over the years, and not complete my school work. Except for a couple assignments, one I can remember was a biology project, I got an A on that one. That was 7th grade. Still continued to miss a lot of school. I was held back in 7th, due to missing so much. That 2nd year of 7th was HELL for me. Then, in 8th grade, school term of hell, my Dad took me out of school. It was the day my Grandmother passed. He enrolled me in a private home-based school call Christian Light. I was excited! I did a few assignments... My Dad didn't have time to grade my papers, and my Mom didn't care enough to.. So, I basically dropped out of school completely in 8th grade.

Dropping out was no big deal in my family. I remember when I was younger and not wanting to go to school, my Mom would tell me I can drop out as soon as I turn 15. Ended up being 14. Education wasn't encouraged.

So... I got my GED as soon as I turned 17 and started college. I was doing good, loving a couple of my classes, then I was kicked out for tuition not being paid. When my Dad died, his pension allowed to me to go to college for free until I was 22 or 25, don't remember for sure. My brothers decided they need my tuition money for something - cigarettes probably. So, family members, if you are reading this.. You may wonder why I feel the way I do about things.. But TRUST me, I have good reasons to be bitter toward family. You only knew the sides of them they chose to show you. If you don't respect how I feel - well, I simply don't care.

Anyway..... So, there it was. I was unable to continue with school. Who knows where i'd be today if that didn't happen. They never paid the tuition, but they both started school for a couple years or so. I couldn't, not until my past due tuition was paid. Which, it never was. This was back in Wyoming.

In August of 2003, we all (imediate family and Nathan) moved to southwestern Virginia. A little bitty town called Swords Creek. It's where my Mom grew up. After a few years, I felt more confident in my abilities again (dealing with mental health issue since 7 years old), so in 2006-2007, I started college at Southwest Virginia Community College. They didn't offer a psych major, so I was majoring in human services. I qualified for the pell grant, and it covered my tuition for the year. I really enjoy the classes and got A's in most, but missed a big project in a psych class and got a C. I started to have some significant health issues, and put college on hold. I signed up again in 2010, then my oldest brother died. I tried to stick with it and couldn't. It was too late to drop classes, so I let my GPA just, go...

I've wanted to go to college again, all these years, but I didn't feel like I could handle it with some of my health issues. Then, I believe it was August of 2022, I felt different. (more on that another time) I didn't a lot of cleaning in preparation of starting a job, and was finally able to keep a fulltime job, and then this August, I decided I was ready to go to college again. This is something that, earlier in 2022, I was stressing hard and feeling horrible that I couldn't do anything - job or school. Something changed, I don't know what is was.

Anyway, i'm nervous about my upcoming College Writing course. I hear there are tons of essays. I've never written an essay. And math.... wow, I dread that. Imagine starting college with, basically, a 3rd grade formal education. I've done a LOT of reading and learned a lot on my own. But I feel a little out of place, not knowing algebra, when everyone else took it in middle and highschool.

A lot of things drive me to continue my education and to follow my dream. But, I will admit, knowing that i've become somebody in life will make me feel so much better after having my Catholic school principal tell me i'll be a drop out and never amount to anything. I hated that school. And no, i'm not Catholic.

So, when I am proud over my grades, i'm not bragging. It just feels so good to be able to get good grades, compared to my life as a child. I mention it, because I personally find it hard to believe. I have that "never amount to anything" stuck in my head.

[lisinfleur]

Memento Mori

The request:

Author’s Notes | This came out sadder than I thought. But it’s beautiful imo and I hope you like it. Universe | Vikings Pairing | Ivar x Reader Info | requested by anon for 5CW Ivar II, posted for HTGI Event. Words | 1894 ⁑ Warnings: Triggering content: mentions of child loss (past), mentions to burns, deep angst. Caution is recommended, the following content may be triggering to some audiences.

She became my queen.

From a woman I couldn't handle looking at to the one I didn't want to take my eyes off, Y/N became the most precious of my treasures.

And perhaps it was the reason why finding that piece of metal hidden beneath her pillow was such a huge betrayal to me.

Perhaps it was for loving her too deeply that I let out raw screams of rage that woke up the whole Hall when I found that symbol of her lies.

I could remember every trace of our story.

The day I chose her from the line of our Saxon's slaves because she noticed I was in pain.

"I know how to care for these pains, my lord."

Her ointments, her treatments, how slowly she eased the pain of my body more than any healer was able to do. How, one night at a time, it brought her closer to me like a companion.

How it made me talk to her, be gentler, try to get her smiles.

How her presence became the easiest way to get mine.

My fingers pressed that piece of retorted metal, remembering how deep I'd fallen in love with her. How she promised she would leave her past for me. How I asked her to come home with me. To come into my life. To be mine, and no one else's.

Every single promise of hers was broken by that piece's presence.

How could I trust her when she was betraying me like that? Laying beside me with that symbol as if it wasn't a crime by itself against my trust, against my love.

Against everything.

"How could you?" I yelled when she came into our room, attracted by my screams. "How could you lie to me like this?"

The metal cross, made of gold and silver, hanging from my fingers for her major shock and surprise.

"Ivar..."

"No!" I yelled again.

My voice was as loud as the pain was big in my heart.

"I've been trusting you all these years, Y/N. I trusted your promises! I made you my wife!" I said, looking at her with fierce and sharp blues. "I made you my queen... I gave you everything and this... This is how you repay my love!"

"Ivar no!" she insisted, trying to approach. "It's not what you think..."

I pushed her away, watching as she fell near the fireplace.

"Don't come to me with more of your lies, woman!" I kept yelling, furious. "What more, Y/N?" I asked.

My eyes deep inside of hers.

"What more about you is a lie? What more did you tell me you would do that you're not doing, my dear wife? Uh? What more?!"

Her tears started rolling down her face, but I could see her eyes were focused on the piece in my hand, and it just made me angrier. She wasn't really feeling bad nor guilty about lying to me.

No.

Her major concern was that piece in my hands. That cross was so beloved that she could ignore my deepest wounds to look at it with all the fear of Midgard in her eyes.

She wasn't afraid of losing me the same way she was terrified by the idea of losing that scrap of meaningless metal I had in my hands.

I've seen it in red.

I didn't see when I threw that shit in the fire, hearing with contempt the yell of despair her voice converted into. Watching with deception while she burned her own fingers to pick that piece from the fire, hurting her hands I'd caressed so many times.

Everything just to have back that meaningless symbol of her treason.

The metal didn't even have time to get warm enough to be damaged, but she had marks from the burning wood she had touched fearlessly for that insignificant proof of her crime.

"Is it this strong?" I asked, looking at her with disdain. "Your faith in him is so..."

"It was my child's!" she cried out loud, cutting my voice.

Freezing me in place when her sobs broke her voice, and I saw her bringing that cross close to her heart, embracing it with her wounded hands as if it was the most precious thing in this world.

"It was my child's crucifix," she sobbed. "It was everything that's left from my baby boy. I didn't have time to pick up his clothes. I couldn't pick up anything. This is everything that's left."

My shock was maybe as big as my confusion.

"You... Had a child?" I asked, totally stunned by those words.

Still trembling, Y/N lifted her face, looking at me with thick tears in her eyes full of sorrow.

"My little Rafael..." she mumbled, making my face frown with all the love in the way she spoke his name.

I could remember hearing something about a Rafael from Bishop Heahmund, cycles ago. Something about an arch-angel or something like that.

"I named him after the archangel of healing, begging God to heal his awful pain. Begging anyone who could bless my hands to relieve his constant misery," she continued.

Crushing my heart with the sigh of my mother's eyes on hers.

She was speaking of her Rafael the same way mother used to speak about... Me.

"He was my everything. My one and only child my husband didn't want to accept. He left me because of Rafael's condition, saying I'd given birth to a demon. But My child wasn't a demon!" she yelled.

Defending her child... The same way mother would do to me...

"He's not a monster!"

I swallowed dry as she continued, making that knot in my throat almost suffocating.

"Rafael was just a child in pain. His legs were like yours," she cried.

Her burnt fingers caressing the jewel in her hands.

"Sometimes, I couldn't even hold my son without hurting him," she mumbled painfully. "Sometimes, even the minimum movement would break his little bones, so I was twice as careful when doing anything to my little angel. But..."

The pause in her voice filled my heart with sorrow.

I had never scratched that part of her story. I could imagine why.

I could imagine how it would end.

"First, I thought he was indeed a little angel God decided to take back to the sky. Then... Then the anger came. Why would God make such an innocent angel suffer like that? Why giving him to me if I would have to bury his little broken body with my bare hands? I yelled at God. I cried at him. But he never answered me. And then... I got revolted. My little Rafael wasn't with me anymore. And it was God's fault for doing him that way! It was God's fault for allowing my child to suffer. It was my fault for producing him imperfectly. It was everyone's fault!" she paused, swallowing her sobs for a moment. "And when your men came, when your faith came, and I've heard your words about yourself, I finally understood. It was no one's fault. It was his fate. It was my fate. And God didn't make him like that to suffer. No. The gods had given him to me as a gift so he could spend the most beautiful days of my life in my arms. The gods had cut the thread of his life to spare him from suffering cause his condition was worse than yours. And he wouldn't survive as long as you did."

Her words were killing me inside, softly.

She'd found relief in my faith. She'd found an answer to her questions in my gods. And there I was, hurting her because of a stupid necklace.

"The gods showed me their mercy bringing you into my life so I could understand my child's fate. And so..." Y/N looked at me. "So I thought they wouldn't be mad if I saved this little memento. It means nothing the faith it carries, Ivar. It's not Christ's cross anymore. This... This is my remembrance of my sweet Rafael. This doesn't turn me to the skies, Ivar. This makes me remember his tiny little fingers trying to catch this cross in my hands, or his giggles whenever it would shine for him to see."

Her voice broke. The sobs engulfed her. And I saw her embracing the necklace again as if she could embrace her child the gods had taken from her so soon.

How stupid I was. How unfair could I be?

I sat in my bed, taking off my braces and dragging myself closer to her, bringing my bandages and ointment I took from my nightstand. Slowly, I took the small piece from her hands, treating it with the proper respect when I placed it gently on her neck, carrying for her hands and bandaging the burns after spreading the ointment over them.

I kissed her fingers and cupped her face, kissing her forehead and wiping her tears.

"I'm sorry," I said, looking into her eyes. "I'm deeply sorry for what I did, my love. Forgive me, please." I asked.

No shame of showing my regret, gently caressing her cheeks.

She leaned into my hands, so mine. Her eyes closed as she felt my caresses, sighing as if they could soothe the pain in her heart.

"I didn't lie to you, my heart. I swear," she mumbled.

"Shhh..." I said, touching her lips gently. "I know. I was wrong," I mumbled, touching our foreheads, slowly nuzzling my nose to hers.

"He taught me how to take care of you, my love," she said, opening her eyes so deep into mine. "I've learned with my child how to soothe your pain. He was so important in my life... I would've never known how to care for you if it wasn't for his existence. He allowed us to exist. And I'm so grateful I had him, although it was for such little time, I'm grateful."

I held her in my arms, cradling her body against mine. And I stayed there a long time trying to compensate for my horrible behavior.

When she fell asleep that night, I went out of our house. I crawled up on the hill, and I gathered stones. I placed them all together, and marked them with runes, placing some flowers and small decorations around them.

I made it as if it was my own child. And I prayed for him, asking the gods he could hear me that single night.

"I don't know where you are. If with Hel or in heaven, as the Christians believe. But I want you to know I'll take care of her. I swear on my arm ring I'll never make her cry like this once again. And when your brothers and sisters come, I'll tell them about you. I'll tell them your story. So, you shall live through them. So, you shall live forever."

After that, I saw my dear Y/N with her precious cross here or there. She didn't have to hide it from me anymore, so, sometimes, I would see her holding the small jewel with tenderness. But now, it had a whole new meaning to me.

And I knew, somewhere in the afterlife, a child was very happy for the loving mother that brought him into this world someday.

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[dreamties]

Slashers x S/O W/ Red Angel Wings

A/n- Y’know, when I first got this request I thought it was awfully specific, but after watching Carrie it’s making a lot more sense lol 

Decided to add a few other characters just for the heck of it! :)

Let’s just ignore the fact that wings probably don’t work like this,, at all. 

Characters: Carrie White, Billy/Stu, Norman Bates, Michael Myers, and The Lost Boys.

T/W: None that I know of- just let me know if you’d like me to add any! :)

Carrie White

You know Carrie from around school. About her overtly Christian mother, and how shy and secluded she was. And how strange and weird other people saw her. You never bought into that schoolwide belief- you just thought no one took the time to get to know her. 

(part of you related to that- though most people would have thought you were cool to start out with...and then have less than kind reactions when they saw what you were hiding)

You’d interacted with Carrie only a handful of times throughout your high school career- mostly in group projects, or letting her know she had dropped something, or simply trying to spark conversation. She had always been very nervous around you though- almost more so than others. (You’d later come to find out it was because she liked you)

It’s the first time you see each other alone- outside of class. It’s after class and Carrie’s been held behind- by one of her teachers asking her about this and that. While you’re hanging out at the back of the school, there’s no sports that day, so you don’t have to worry about any onlookers. Except Carrie, who decides to head out the back way. Thinking there would be less people she’d run into- less of a hassle.

And she doesn’t know what to do. 

The way you're framed in the light, you look like you're glowing. You look unreal, and so holy and beautiful. You’re so beautiful. but then she spots your wings. They're fitted tightly on your back, flitting open, and spreading out so beautifully- you're standing centered as they flare out. And she's shocked and unsure.

 Oh, she'd be mighty frightened.

 She's shaking and crying, and she's got her mama's voice running through her head. This is what happens when you don't follow the rules exactly. When you come into this world so impure.

And oh, your wings! She let's out a gasp, eyes widening. They're colored crimson- the Devil's color. And she's sure you've come down from the Heavens or- or come from down below...come to mock her. To punish her

She knows you know what she's done. What unknowing sins she's committed. [ my poor girl hasn’t actually done anything though :( ]

 And you look at her, confused. Then your eyes soften, and your wings slowly close behind you. You gently smile, “I’m not here to harm you, Carrie.”  

She begins to calm at the soft sound of your voice, and your pleasant aura. She’s still shaky all over, and part her says to run and hide- but you have your arms out wide, offering her to join you. And she gulps down nervously- maybe this was her accepting her fate. She slowly walks over to you, allowing you to wrap her into a hug. It’s feels so good to have your arms wrapped around her- she feels overwhelmed by the amount of positive emotions sprouting from your actions. You let her stay there, crying in your arms. “It’s okay, Carrie.”

After she gets passed the initial meeting, and the two of you start dating- which takes a lot of time for her to get used to you. Not because she doesn’t think you seem like a good person, but she’s skeptical, given how people have treated her in the past- plus she’s still dealing with the after effects from all the religious abuse with her mother :( 

She starts associating you (and your wings) as almost...protection!

Her favorite thing is to have your wings wrapped around her as she sleeps. She feels safe in them.

Billy Loomis + Stu Macher

Y’all meet at a Halloween party.

It’s Billy & Stu’s favorite holiday, and they always go all out for it! With the costumes, the decorations, etc- maybe even a bit of hidden bloody fun for just the two of them.

You’ve always kept your wings well hidden- folded against your back, underneath big coats. But tonight? Ohh, tonight! You’re able to have them out, allowing them a good stretch. When people ask, you can pass it off as just crazy good mechanisms.

And well, the boys see your “costume”, and they get wicked excited about it! They’ve never seen someone with a costume like this before- it’s so realistic! And the fact you chose blood red, over the standard angelic white? Very impressed by your talent and ideas.

They start asking all these questions about it, cause it’s like, legitimately one of the coolest costume they’ve ever seen. How can you not think giant wings- that move- aren’t cool?? 

But then like Stu excitedly asks if it would be okay to touch it- and you get oddly quiet after that one. “Well, they’re fragile, y’know?”

Stu pouts, “I can be careful.”

You give him a skeptical look, “I mean- just be careful, like you said.”

“Woah, they feel so real!” Oh, if he only knew. “Billy, ya gotta check this out!” He says, nearly shouting, as he nudges his shorter friend.

Billy rolls his eyes, but gives you a look to see if it’s alright. You simply nod, smiling at him- feeling more at ease. As Billy’s admiring them, and finally leans in to touch them- another guest at the party harshly bumps into you. The force of it accidentally knocking their drink out of their hands, drenching your shirt. 

“Aw shit,” you mumble to yourself. “I’m sorry, I’ll have to leave for the night.”

Stu frowns, not liking the idea of you leaving quite yet. He’d been enjoying your company quite a lot, and he’s certain that Billy did too (even if it didn’t seem like it). “You can borrow one of my shirts,” he all but blurts out.

You can’t help but laugh at his offer, “Are you sure?” Stu eagerly nods.

 You’re in Stu’s bedroom changing, and you’re about to slip on his sweater, when the door is knocked open (not on purpose, of course). “Dude!”

They quickly apologize, but then take notice of your wings- exposed as what they truly were. They stare in awe and bewilderment. You’re still freaked out, and yet still try joking your way out of the situation. “Just, really good prosthetics?” 

It takes a bit of explanation on your part, but the boys accept you for what you are pretty quickly. As strange as this all might be. Stu will have a lot of questions for you, and Billy’s somewhat unsure of it for a while. 

Established Relationship Fun:

Okay, okay!! Soft idea!! When cuddling, sometimes you’ll wrap your giant wings around the three of you. so warm and cuddly.

when watching horror movies together, Billy’s always intensely focused on the screen(almost scarily so- but then again this is one of the faces behind Ghostface we’re talking about so...not too surprising), to the blood and carnage. But he always finds his hand idly playing with your feathers, even if you have them closed behind you. He’d never admit it, but he finds them comforting and extremely calming. He can just forget about all his little problems, and just stroke your feathers (plus, you enjoy it when he does that!! And he likes that it makes you feel good!!)

Norman Bates 

You’d be really nervous at first to tell him, because early on in your friendship/relationship, he introduced you to his hobby- taxidermy. And it kind of scared you seeing your feathered friends in such a state. But...Norman would never harm you. 

(Now...his mother on the other hand? Would be more than willing to discard this freak of nature)

(Norman won’t let that happen to you though- he promises) 

Norman is such an absolute darling. He couldn’t judge a single soul for who or what they are- and yes, that does go for your winged-body, too.

He’d be extremely surprised and intrigued though- he’d be all blushy and happy though that you felt safe enough to tell him!

He finds your wings just absolutely gorgeous though.

He’ll often get sorta shy about handling your wings at all. But he’s very careful with them.

And if you get hurt, he’ll be more than glad to help you patch up (while also being upset you got hurt :( ) - since you can’t really,, go to hospitals at all. Who knows what the general public would do if they found out something like you existed.

On that note- Norman will always be there to help cheer you up when you feel bad about having them. Like, it’s gotta be strange being the only being with wings surrounded by humans- and only humans. Norman’s very good at cheering you up though! He’s very soft and sweet about it. One of the few times he’ll touch your wings. He treats them delicately, as if they’ll break upon his touch if he’s not careful enough. Presses gentle kisses to them, and reminding you how much he loves you.

Michael Myers

You meet Michael during one of his hunts.

You never bring out your wings, unless you absolutely have to.

He’s surprised and a bit confused when he sees you, standing in the streets, giant red wings splayed out. The street lights reflecting your wings into pools of red on the ground. He watches intently, as you push yourself into the air with a loud whoosh. He nearly startles.

But besides this initial reaction, he’s fairly indifferent.

Michael knows no human should have wings like that, or even wings at all. And part of him is curious to know more, so the next time he sees you, he doesn’t try to attack you.

The Fun Stuff??

Michael would definitely be a little rougher with your wings than some of the other slashers. 

Mostly because a part of him recognizes you’re not entirely human, so he equates that to you’ll be able to handle more.

He’s still pretty careful though- because he would never want to hurt his S/O.

Michael enjoys killing alone, and he sure doesn’t need protection- but sometimes, when you convince Michael to bring you along, he finds he doesn’t actually mind your presence there. He kind of enjoys it. And, again, he doesn’t need your protection- but you can’t help to be worried about him, okay? You’ll use your wings as a shield when his victims try fighting back. If you get hurt a bit? Then I guess Michael will just have to help you patch up afterwards.

The Lost Boys

Aww, they are so hyped about it!

Most of the other creatures they interact with are human, so it’s so cool to them when they find out you’re a fellow supernatural being! They’re not,,, entirely sure what you are (neither are you, tbh), but that’s okay.

They get to fly around with you, which they wouldn’t be able to do with you if their S/O was a human or some flightless supernatural being.

Paul would love playing with your wings!

I mean, they all do to some extent. But Paul will play with them whenever. Even if you’re out in public. Like,, if anyone sees your wings they have ways of dealing with that, y’know?

Y’all sleep in the same bed together- kind of just like,, a constant cuddle pile lol. And you don’t always do this, but when the boys are feeling especially in the mood for it (like,, maybe they’ve had a long night, or they just really need to be as close to you as they can)  and you’ll just outstretch your wings, covering the four of them. The soft, familiarity of your feathers calming even the rowdiest of the bunch

They accidentally stay out too late, and you’ll use your wings to help shade them from the sun, as you make your way back to the cave.

[uenodivision]

ARB Birthday Special: Kisouna Yuzairu

~~ May 1st ~~

"Know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the outcome of a hundred battles."

Login Lines:

"Hmm, what is this? A... gift? Well... thank you, but what exactly is this for?"

"My... birthday? ...Oh yes, that is today, isn't it? My apologies, I completely forgot about it. Thank you truly."

Voice Lines:

"I thank you all, but truly you don't have to do this. The fact that you remembered my birthdate when I didn't is more than enough."

"Some of my coworkers keep dropping in to wish me a happy birthday. And I've received numerous emails and phone calls from old clients of mine doing the same. As I stated, this is nice, but you don't have to do this."

"My daughter wrote me a beautiful birthday letter when she got home from school today. It was short and sweet, but it spoke more than any gift could ever receive. She is truly a treasure. *Smiles happily, holding back her tears* I truly do not deserve her..."

"Yes Aranai, I know I'm no longer 'young' anymore. I haven't been 'young' since I became a mother and a wife, thank you. Did you come all the way to my home just to say that? A... gift? Oh dear. I shudder to think what you of all people could have possibly gifted me. Be warned: if this is something debauched or risque, I will not hesitate to...

"...A board game? ...Lawsuit? *She is silent as Aranai explains* ...Well... color me surprised. I didn't think you could have possibly gifted me something that I might actually like. Thank you, Aranai. Truly. I'll be sure to play this with Yomi-chan sometime. ...And I'll be sure to invite you when I do. Heaven knows you need this as much as she does!"

"Thank you very much, Shisuta. It was truly a blessing for me too when you appeared in my life. I wish our initial meeting could have been under better circumstances, but I am truly happy that we were able to meet one another. You've been a good friend and a good caretaker for Yomi-chan. Needless to say, I truly value and respect you.

"What is this... a plaque? And... it has a prayer on it? *She reads it out loud* ...Oh. Thank you very much, Shisuta. I'll be sure to place this somewhere close by in my office so that I can remember to say it every day. Truly, this was a wonderful gift. I thank you dearly, my friend."

Aranai Lines:

"Happy birthday, Boss-Lady! How does it feel to finally no longer be considered 'young' and 'free' anymore? You should enjoy it while it lasts. From what I heard, at the age of 30, life only gets harder!" *Laughs out loud* "But anyway, here! I spent over a week looking for something that you'd like for your birthday, and this is what I found. It wasn't cheap either, so you'd best be grateful!

"It's called 'Lawsuit'. It's apparently a board game meant to teach kids the ins and outs of the law, I guess. I figured since you want Yomi to grow up as a nice and dependable young lady then this could help. Plus, you two could use more time together. ...Yeah, yeah. I know this isn't a typical gift from me, but... you've been an okay 'aunt' and a good mother, so... you're welcome."

Shisuta Lines:

"A most joyous and blessed happy birthday, Kisouna-san! It is hard to believe that it has only been three years since we've met each other. It was truly nothing but a blessing when God allowed the two of us to meet. You are a treasured friend of mine, and I am really happy and fortunate that I know you.

"I found this whilst I was browsing through the Christian Church Shop the other day. You know me, I'm not normally one for store-bought gifts; I like them when they are made by hand and crafted from the heart. But I saw this, and immediately thought of you. I hope you will recite it every day before and after you leave your office."

[erazonpo3]

WOWM

so What Once Was Mine came out and I read it.

My General Thoughts are that this book was something of a rollercoaster but in like a pop up carnival with dubious safety regulations and diseases in the DIY log flume water kind of way. I had some fun reading it but I also feel like I picked up a rash.

If you're like me and you enjoy picking a book apart for morsels of interesting concepts then you might enjoy it, if you think holy shit why the fuck is a literal real historical serial killer in this book I need to see this then you might enjoy it, if you care about engaging plots and character beats then you probably won't.

If you want to ask me anything specific go ahead, but otherwise for more in depth thoughts: spoilers ahead

Basic Summary of the Plot

Okay so here's the deal. The story has the framing device of two siblings in a cancer ward, where one tells the other a story. I'll get into that later, but that's how it starts. Our actual story starts with a pretty long prologue: We learn that the King & Queen got the Moonflower thinking it was the Sunflower, Rapunzel was born with silver hair, and then baby Rapunzel kills a maid who accidentally hurt her when brushing her hair.

Oh, by the way, Max is a human man named Justin Tregsburg. Yeah.

Anyway, the royal family puts out feelers for legit witches who can safely take care of Rapunzel because the baby is too dangerous, and Gothel shows up to take her away. Queen Arianna visits Rapunzel once (but is only allowed to watch through a peephole) and decides watching another woman raise her child is too painful and throws herself into restoring the kingdom's orphanages instead.

Now we're in the present. Rapunzel is nineteen and she wants to go and see the lanterns (a mourning tradition of the Dead princess in this story). She tries to argue with Gothel but gets shut down, and Gothel makes her kill a chicken to prove the point that she can't go outside because she's too dangerous. However we as the audience already know Gothel plans to sell Rapunzel off as a bride or a servant or a weapon to some other nobles, because she's evil.

Also by the way Gothel still has access to our Sundrop Flower and is using it to live forever that's just a thing that happens in the background.

When Gothel is gone Rapunzel watches as a man (Flynn) stores a satchel in a tree outside of her tower, and that motivates her to leave the tower for the first time. Then she goes back inside the tower with her prize of a crown, and a skink she found and named Pascal. Rapunezl and Gothel have another spat, and Rapunzel decides she will run off to see the lanterns and she will find Flynn and make him her guide.

She ends up at the Snuggly Duckling and she doesn't find Flynn but she does find Gina, a young career criminal girl looking to break the glass ceiling. Gina agrees to help her find Flynn. They find Flynn, and he agrees to help guide Rapunzel to see the floating lanterns for a split reward of the crown with Gina.

The Snuggly Duckling gets burned down by Countess Bathory (yes that Elizabeth Bathory) and the Pub Thugs are pissed about it and also they're helping Rapunzel even though she didn't sing the I've Got A Dream song don't worry about it. We learn that the nobles that wanted to buy Rapunzel are now hunting her down so she can go to auction.

Gina takes them to her adopted mother's cottage. Gina's mother is a white witch, who goes by the name of Goodwife. She doesn't get an actual name she's just The Goodwife. Anyhow, the cottage is a magic safe space (for now) and Goodwife teaches Rapunzel that her hair isn't inherently evil and may not even be all that deadly! Rapunzel learns that her hair has other powers too, like the ability to turn skink Pascal into a sentient Chameleon. Yeah.

Also Goodwife tells Rapunzel she's the dead princess but this isn't like, an immediate call to action. Not a lot happens until we get this story's version of the Mother Knows Best Reprise where Gothel finds Rapunzel again but has to flee, but this Rapunzel has a bigger support network and isn't buying it. Flynn and Gina decide the safest course of action is to bring Rapunzel to the castle, but along the way she gets kidnapped by the Countess.

Gothel is pissed because she still wants the money for Rapunzel, so she rallies the armies of all the opposing bidders. Flynn and Gina convince Max the Man to send for his troops, and he joins them in going to the enemy castle. Flynn tries to sneak in, gets caught, and meanwhile there's a bloody battle out the front between the noble armies. Max jumps into the fray, Gina turns around and rallies the Pub Thugs.

Rapunzel uses her shrinking magic (!) to disappear half the castle and escape with Eugene, and the Pub Thugs arrive and basically end the battle. The Captain is dying but it's okay! Rapunzel turns him into a horse :) Also Rapunzel sees Gothel and tells her to fuck off.

The story ends with a tearful reunion between Rapunzel and her parents, Eugene and Gina are implied to be biological siblings, and things are good but of course in direct parallel to Cass Gina leaves at the end to become an adventurer. The end.

(There are a few other smaller plot beats, but you get the idea.)

MY THOTS

So here are my thoughts™.

Framing Device

I'll just state that I didn't like that the story was told via the vehicle of an older brother telling his 16 year old sister a different version of the Tangled Movie in a cancer ward. From what I've heard it also isn't normal for the Twisted Tales series to use a framing device for the AUs either.

I sympathise with the author's personal story, of course I do. That doesn't mean I'm stirred with compassion every time the flow of the story is interrupted to remind you to be sad because this is a story being told to a girl sick with cancer. It feels more than a little tragedy-porny rather than emotionally touching, and maybe that's because I'm too burnt out on real life tragedy to waste emotional energy on fictional cancer patients but we don't need to do Fault In Our Stars discourse again.

Real World References

This story goes heavy with Real World references. And another issue with the framing device as above is that you do feel like this is a story being told by someone namedropping every historical figure they know which makes it harder to get into the story.

There's like... a lot of references to Christianity, particularly in the prologue. There's a priest that thinks Rapunzel's hair is the work of the Devil or whatever. It's a lot. The Patriarchy is a thing. And that's not even getting into the Countess. I put it very succinctly in my notes so I'll paste it here:

I wish she’d just been an OC who could exist to chew scenery because the fact that she was a literal historical serial killer is super. Off putting. Like, she could have been an obvious reference to Bathory, but it feels like Miku Binder Hamilton levels of uncomfortable to me.

I miss Lady D.

Which basically sums up my problem with trying to take the setting of Tangled and put it somewhere in the Real World and somewhere on the Timeline. Who thought this was a good idea.

Misc. Thoughts

So, I used the five highlighter colours my ipad allows to organise my thoughts and organised them accordingly: Yellow for out of place IRL references, Blue for worldbuilding/character points that aren't plot relevant but still interesting, Pink for when something I find personally amusing happens, Purple for when the story feels like it's trying to 1-up the movie in some kind of way and Green for Heterosexual Nonsense. I'll touch on those last two in the Character sections but be prepared.

Also: for a book about giving Rapunzel killer hair, her hair isn't very dangerous. I wanted to see Rapunzel kill someone, and I'm disappointed that I didn't.

Characters

I'll do a deep dive into my thoughts about the characters before wrapping it up. I'm starting with Gina because she's honestly the easiest to get through.

Gina

Gina is a new character introduced for the story. She's a young woman trying to make it as a career criminal but keeps hitting that glass ceiling. So here's the down low, for all those who want to know: Gina is basically Cass, only not really. She's implied to be Eugene's biological sister, as previously mentioned, but you can imagine she's Cass the entire way through without breaking your immersion because if you imagined Cass if she were adopted by a Goodwitch rather than the Captain and had a looser, more wilderness survivor than trainee guard upbringing then you get Gina.

I liked Gina! I think she's fun as her own character too, and her best moments are when she's interacting with her mother Goody Goodwife, and she of course picks up a natural sibling rivalry with Eugene, but I was disappointed with how little she really bonded with Rapunzel because she needed to make room for Eugene and Rapunzel's romance.

Rapunzel

Okay, here's our protagonist. There's a notable effort to make Rapunzel more active in her destiny and whatever, and sometimes it works but sometimes it doesn't. I was worried they'd try to go full butt-kicking girlboss with her but I was pleasantly surprised that Rapunzel was pretty useless in most scenes, genuinely love to see it.

With a more intimate look into Rapunzel's psyche through the medium of prose, we see Rapunzel really questioning Gothel's behaviour even before she leaves the tower, and while I appreciate that she can develop her own cynicism I feel it starts unnecessarily early. This is my purple colour; the movie needs to be "fixed" by showing the readers that this Rapunzel is quicker to distrust Gothel. She's also quicker to hatch a plan to go outside of the tower on her own, and she makes a plan to make Flynn her guide for the lanterns even though he never stumbles upon her in the tower- and even though she has a perfectly rational reason not to trust him which is that he is a stranger and a Wanted Thief.

In the moments where it does work is when Rapunzel is surrounded by her new support network: Flynn, Goodwife and Gina, who encourage her to question Gothel's sincerity, and Rapunzel comes up with her own defences for Gothel so that she can poke through them herself.

I have some other thoughts about Rapunzel's hair and her powers, like how the story provides the interesting concept that her hair gets different powers with the different phases of the moon, but a lot of the powers are uhhh stupid and also I feel like it really robs the story of the whole gripping conflict of "Yes I'm Rapunzel Yes my hair kills people what of it".

In as far as just Rapunzel herself though, she still felt pretty in character nonetheless, and maybe that's all I can ask.

Flynn Rider / Eugene Fitzherbert

My boy I am so sorry. They neutered my boy.

Long story short: Eugene in this story is the sexy lamp. He contributes nothing to the plot except to be there for Rapunzel to drool over. And of course because he won't get any character development, he starts from the very beginning as a sweet soft boi with none of the Flynn Rider characterisation from the movie because we don't have time for that, he needs to be husband material stat.

His whole character is the colour green for Heterosexual Nonsense.

So, here's the problem. In the movie, there's not a lot of time for ~friendship~ between Rapunzel and Eugene because they kind of immediately see each other as a romantic prospect. And whatever, it's a movie and there's only so much time. But this book had the opportunity to take things a bit slower and instead chooses to make Rapunzel get jealous whenever Eugene and Gina interact and for her to be constantly wishing he was holding her hand.

Say what you will about Lost Lagoon, but it tells a good romance story just by virtue of not intending to be a romance story, because the author is trying to convey a strong bond between Rapunzel and Cassandra without using "and they kiss" as a cheatcode. What Once Was Mine says "he was a boy, she was a girl, could it be any more obvious?" and leaves it at that.

Now as for how this all pertains to Eugene's character? Well, it just robs him of any flavour. In the movie there's a clear distinction between Flynn and Eugene, when we learn Eugene's real name about halfway through. We see a clear difference between the Flynn we knew- kind of an asshole, wanated to drop Rapunzel off at the Snuggly Duckling and get rid of her- and Eugene, who is sincere and chooses Rapunzel as his New Dream in opposition to his Old Dream of living alone on an island with a bunch of money.

This version of Eugene is basically Eugene all the way through, because the plot doesn't really need Eugene there but he has to be there because it's a Tangled AU so there's no Rapunzel rescuing Flynn from the guards and healing his hand scene, he just loves her immediately and that's that. They have a little spat at one point but it's cleared up later and not because they actually communicate but because they kiss.

Rapunzel only learns Eugene's real name at the very end of the story, and gives a speech about how Eugene is the real him, but it's just so flat because 'Flynn' has been sincere this whole time? Anyway he does nothing of value for the entire story except be there for Rapunzel to lust after. Eugene I'm so sorry.

Gothel

Gothel's sort of the Big Bad and is characterised as an abusive asshole, the usual. I wish there were a bit more nuance to her character but then again in this story she's not just being passively evil- taking care of Rapunzel for selfish reasons but nevertheless maintaining the status quo- she's being actively evil in trying to sell Rapunzel off.

It's notably funny that Gothel sees the Countess Bathory and is like "what the fuck".

Anyway Gothel in this story also feels very weak in part because this Rapunzel is more critical and in part because this Rapunzel has a new support network. It's for that reason the Mother Knows Best Reprise scene doesn't really work, because the original has Gothel pit Rapunzel against Eugene, whereas she can't do that here so it remains a Gothel vs Rapunzel thing.

She gets a boring death as an epilogue addendum that someone rips out the Sundrop flower, which tbh? lame. It would be a lot more fun if it were open ended but I am also preferential to Rapunzel actually using her killer hair to kill someone. Please

Captain Justin Tregsburg

It's Max. He was a human but then he got turned into a horse. what the fuck you guys

[harryspet]

the good guy | steve rogers

[warnings] dark steve rogers x reader, pre-serum steve x reader, 40′s setting, petite reader, angst, noncon sex (wear a condom, kids), public sex?

A/N: this was inspired by @darkastrea​ ‘s idea where the reader falls for skinny steve because he’s small like her and makes her less insecure but after the war she’s not attracted to him anymore and super soldier steve doesn’t handle the rejection well. 

THIS ADULT CONTENT AND CONTAINS TRIGGERING SUBJECTS

In which Steve returns from the war and things just aren’t the same. 

word count: 3.6k

Everyone looked past you. Even your own family. Steve was the only one who understood that. He understood everyone looking down on you, literally. He was small like you but he was the one who knew how to stand up for himself. You admired that. 

The first time you met him, he had ducked into the bakery you worked at part time. The sign clearly read “closed” but the lights of the shop were still on. As he hid behind one of the tables, you watched as a group of men ran past the front of the store, completely missing their target. 

He had always had a way of astonishing you. When he introduced himself that night, you had no idea how deep your bond would grow. 

You were barely over five feet and that seemed to shock Steve as much as his height shocked you. Everyone seemed to tower over you and every woman Steve met towered over him. No thanks to the family you grew up with, most men intimidated you. Steve seemed to be different than most guys. 

“Do you always go looking for fights?” You asked, handing him a cup of coffee. You took a break from closing up the shop to get to know the courageous stranger. 

“Not always, ma’am,” He answered, a sly smile on his face, “But I’ve noticed that they just continue to pick on you when you stand down.”

You nervously tapped at your coffee cup as his words sunk in, “But won’t they always win when they’re bigger than you …” Steve could sense the double meaning behind your words but decided it was best not to dig into the intimacies of a strangers life. 

“They lose their power when you’re confident. They assume. because you’re smaller, that you’re mentally weaker. They back off when you show them you’re not.”

You slowly nodded, stirring your spoon around your coffee, “Is that why you ran in here?”

“Oh, those guys? My method works better against one guy, not six. With six guys, you just gotta run,” You laughed at that and Steve noted your beautiful smile. In all these years, he’d never gotten close to getting a girl to smile like that for him. They looked past him because of his scrawny looks yet you saw him, “Are you the Gloria in Gloria’s Sweets?”

You shook your head, your smile still wide, “Oh no, that’s my boss. I’m Y/N,” Steve held his hand out to shake yours. 

“Steve Rogers.”

You looked down at your watch, knowing that you’d be expected home soon, “Well, if you don’t mind, I have to clean up and then get home.” As you stood up from your seat, Steve stood up abruptly too. 

“I can help,” He rushed out, “And I can escort you home … since it’s so late.”

Your head cocked to the side, curiously, “Really?”

“Of course,” Steve said, “It’s the least I could do after distracting you from work.”

You slowly nodded in agreement, “Okay.”

You cleaned up the kitchen together and Steve explained the reason those six guys were chasing him. Apparently, he was out drinking with his friend Bucky and saw the drunks messing with a stray cat, throwing bottles at it. He kindly tried to tackle one of the guys and the chase ensued. “At least the cat escaped,” Steve said. 

You closed up the shop and allowed Steve to walk you home. Luckily, there was no sign of the group of men from before. You walked the five blocks home, Steve acting as your “protection”. Really, you were just enjoying his company. 

“This is me,” You said as you stopped in front of your building, “We should probably say bye here. My family will send me to some Christian camp in the midwest if they catch me with a boy.”

Steve nodded, his lips in a thin line, “... Can I ... Can I see you again, Y/N?”

You nodded, a soft smile on your lips, “You know where I work. Swing by any time, Mr. Rogers.”

Steve’s heart did a backflip in his chest and a happy warmth heated his cheeks, “Yes, ma’am.”

+

You hadn’t realized what you were experiencing with Steve was a crush until this moment. When you ran together on the sandy beach because he surprised you with a day trip. He knew you had been stressed out from nursing school and wanted to help you relax. 

Your mother thought you were at a girl friend’s home, of course, but even she had met Steve already. Five months ago, you invited Steve to dinner with your family. It was one of the most awkward experiences of your life. Your father grilled him on his intentions, your mother didn’t seem to think he was worthy of you and your older brothers made jokes about his appearance. 

You thought he might be done with you after that. Turns out, Steve was quite used to people talking to him that way. It hadn’t scared him off at all, only made him understand why you acted the way you did. He understood why you went through life with your head down. 

Your family had bulldozed over you for your entire life. 

You snapped out of the memory as Steve grabbed your hand. He spun you in a circle and you danced around in the sand. The waves were loud and the people celebrating Memorial Day. 

The two of you plopped down onto the sand as you attempted to catch your breath. Your long cream skirt was dirtied but that didn’t matter much to you. You were focused on the sparkling blue in his eyes, the hint of green you noticed, and how incredibly kind they were. 

“Steve,” You breathed, “Thank you.”

“For what?” He grinned back at you. 

For caring like no one ever has. For letting you talk. For making you laugh. 

“For today,” You said instead, “I really needed this.”

You stayed at the beach all day, eating the lunch Steve packed for the two of you and then laying down to look at the stars as night set. 

Your hands brushed against each other but neither of you was bold enough to grab onto one another. 

“Y/N,” You turned your head to him as he called your name, “I brought you here to tell you something.”

You turned on your side, resting your head against your hand, “What’s that?”

The eager look on your face quickly fell as you realized he wasn’t about to confess his love for you, “You know how badly I wanted to enlist,” You nodded your head, scared of his next words, “Well, an opportunity arose. I get to go to boot camp, to train, and finally prove myself. If I get chosen for this project, I can make a real difference.”

Bullies. Steve hated bullies no matter where they came from. 

You were quiet for a moment and Steve struggled to read the emotions on your face, “I want to be happy for you, I do. This is your dream …” Your voice trailed off, “But I worry, Steve. They rejected you five times. What makes you think you’re not just a sacrifice?”

Steve simply shrugged, “It’s the cause that matters more. I want to help any way that I can.”

“You don’t care about coming back,” Your eyes welled with tears, “To me?”

“Of course I do,” Steve turned on his side now, reaching out to brush a tear from your cheek, and brush a curl behind your ear, “But I have to do this. I just have to. And when I get back, we’re going to drive across the country and see all the sites. From east to west, we’ll see everything.”

“I hope you mean that, Steve. Promise you’ll come back?”

“I swear.”

+

Steve kept his promise. It took until the very end of the war but he kept his promise. Only, things had changed so much since last saw him. You couldn’t believe the Steve you saw in those newspapers. He had completely turned into a hero. You already knew he was a hero but it seemed the rest of the world could recognize it now. 

Your family’s tune completely changed. Now they were begging you to marry him. Deep down, with all the changes, you didn’t even expect Steve to care about you anymore. Every woman in the world was swooning over him. 

As you stepped out of the brownstone where your classes were held, clutching your brown sweater tight to you, you didn’t expect the sight before you. Steve was there, clad in his army brown suit, and a bouquet of flowers in his hand. 

The girls who normally brushed past you stopped to stare. It baffled them that Steve was there for you, someone who was barely noticeable in a crowd. 

Steve’s white smile was wide as you approached him, clutching your bag at your side, “Steve-” He instantly pulled you into a hug and, already, you felt things were off. Your head was pressed against his chest as he pulled you in and his suffocating, strong arms wrapped around you. He was an entire foot taller now and had gained at least a hundred more pounds of pure muscle. 

He didn’t look anything like the Steve you knew before, even his face had changed slightly. 

You spoke as he finally let you go, “Steve, what are you-”

“These are for you,” He interrupted you, handing you the flowers, “God, I really missed you.”

“I missed you too,” You agreed, smiling awkwardly up at him. You looked around to see a group of people were staring, “Maybe we could talk somewhere else?”

Steve agreed, his smile still wide. He hadn’t yet noticed your trepidation through the excitement of it all. 

You and Steve found a restaurant a few blocks away, but even there, people seemed to stare at the two of you. The waitress practically spilled coffee on you from being distracted by him, “Y/N, is something wrong?”

You shook your head though you didn’t mean it, “It’s just … this is all so new. I didn’t expect you’d come back …. like this.”

Steve didn’t seem to get the hint, “What do you think? Do you like the new features?” Part of you was grateful that there was a table between the two of you. The man radiated so much power now, “I can make more than a difference now. I can run a mile in less than a minute, lift a war missile. I can protect the little guys.”

“That’s great,” You were happy for him but you couldn’t help but feel a bit intimidated by his newfound abilities, “Those goons at the bars won’t know what hit them.”

Steve chuckled, “Enough about me. How’s school?”

“It’s good. My finals are soon so we’ll find out if I have what it takes.”

“I’m sure you do,” Steve assured you, “You’re the smartest girl I know, Y/N. What about your family?”

“They’re the same. In my business as usual,” You thought about your next words carefully, “My mom … she’s starting to set me up on all these dates. She says that, in case I don’t pass my exams, that I should have someone to support me. Things are getting tight, you know?”

“Oh?” You saw the light leave his eyes and you mentally cursed, “Are you really interested in one of these guys?”

You shrugged, “I’m not sure. I really just want to focus on school and work. Dating is so complicated.”

“Oh,” Steve said again, tucking the ring box he held under the table back into his pocket, “Yes, complicated … before I left, I thought we sort of had a shot, Y/N.”

“... Me and the super soldier? The world would probably laugh at you for choosing someone like me.”

“They wouldn’t. If they did, I’d take care of ‘em.”

“It’s a sweet fantasy, Steve.”

With that, you successfully broke Captain America’s heart. 

+

Steve thought you just needed time. You’d soon realize that he was still like the old Steve and you’d come running into his arms later, begging to be with him. It didn’t seem to matter how much time passed, three months to be exact, because you had changed the way you saw him. 

You still entertained him during your late shifts and you got to hear all about his secret missions. He still had the same sense of justice that you had admired him for. You could barely believe the things that he accomplished. 

Tonight, Steve refused to just sit around the diner, he wanted to go out. He was going to take you into the new drive-in upstate. He had a completely new car courtesy of SHIELD and he was keen to show you a life of luxury. You had never heard of a drive-in before, let alone been to one. Steve explained to you that they were going to be the “next big thing”. 

He paid a couple of cents for the movie, even though you told him that you’d pay for yourself. You noticed how, lately when you protested, he’d simply raise his hand up and give you a look that said “I’ve got this”. You knew he was only trying to be a gentleman but part of you disliked the feeling it gave you. 

The two of you met up with Bucky and his current fling. Both Steve and Bucky seemed to be riding the high that winning the war brought them. You watched them talk before the movie, Bucky’s girl practically drooling over him. As you went to your separate cars, it seemed she couldn’t keep her hands off of him. 

As you watched them kiss, practically swallowing each other, Steve wrapped his arm around your shoulder. You tried your best not to let out a sigh as you watched him try to play it cool, “I don’t think they’re stopping to breathe,” You commented and Steve’s eyes looked past you into the car beside yours. You didn’t notice but Steve’s eyes had turned to you, “I mean, I didn’t even know people kissed like that in real life.”

When you turned back around to look at Steve, he was suddenly grabbing your face and smashing his lips onto yours. Hungry and desperate, sloppy and inexperienced, his lips moved against your frozen face. As soon as the realization hit, you tried your best to push him away. It was like pushing at a boulder. 

“Steve-” You struggled to cry out against his lips, “Steve, stop!”

When Steve finally pulled away, you tried to catch your breath as you wiped away your smudged lipstick. Steve stared at you in disbelief as you shouted, “What is wrong with you?” Luckily, the windows were rolled up and people were focused on the movie screen, “What did I say to make you think I wanted to kiss you? Y-You said this wasn’t a date.”

“I’m … I’m sorry,” He apologized. It was stupid to think that his new body had changed everything. He was still that small kid that would get rejected over and over. Steve turned away from you, his blood starting to boil. 

“I want to go home,” You told him, not meeting his eyes. Could you even be his friend anymore? Everything about him was beginning to intimidate you. 

Steve didn’t say another word as he put the car in reverse. He wasted no time interrupting Bucky’s makeout session or finishing the movie. The two of you sat in silence for a long while as you drove down the dark, winding road. 

“That day at the beach, you cried,” You looked up and noted how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel, “You cried when you heard I was getting shipped off and, now … what’s changed, Y/N?”

You could sense the hurt in this voice and your lip began to wobble as you thought of those nights you spent crying over him, “Steve ... “ You sighed.

“What is it?” Steve persisted, “I told you that I don’t care what other people think!”

“Steve, that’s not it!” You insisted, “You’re not … you’re not the little guy anymore. Being with you used to make me feel safe a-and now ....”

“Now I’m just like every other guy?” You nodded, your face solemn. The car slowed down and Steve pulled to the side of the road, “I’m the bad guy now? After everything?”

“I know you’re not the bad guy … ” As he turned his body to face you, you felt yourself cowering back, your small body sinking into the leather seat. You felt the frustration and testosterone radiating off of him. Your breathing hitched in your throat as Steve pulled out the ring box in his pocket. 

“I don’t understand why you can’t just accept me,” Steve spoke, his deep voice growing rougher, “Why can’t you just love me like you used to?”

“You’re a killing machine,” You spoke softly, “A tool for destruction.”

The car went silent as Steve simply stared at you, that same hunger in his eyes. He reached out to grab your face, “I can be gentle,” He tried to assure you and you reached up to grab onto his arm, pushing it away. The fact that the only reason his hand moved was because he wanted to move it, was enough for you. If he wanted, he could do anything to you. 

“Steve, I want to go home,” You stated as firmly as you could. Your hands were starting to shake, your anxiety reaching a new height. 

“You aren’t going anywhere,” Steve stated firmly, turning off the ignition, “Not until you agree to let me put that ring on your finger.”

Your eyes darted around, looking for a passerby or a car to drive by. Nothing. You began to panic and before Steve could reach out for you again, you opened the passenger door and stumbled out, “Y/N!” Your hands hit the dirt as you scrambled to your feet and you quickly lost one of your heels. Despite the pain of the dirt and asphalt, you slipped off the other one, picking up your long skirt as you began to run. 

You had never heard Steve curse before but he did as he got out of the car to chase you, “Y/N, don’t run from me!” You sped up as you heard him coming after you. You thought you could at least make it a few more feet but the wind was knocked out of you as Steve wrapped his arms around you. 

You fought hard against the man that was three times your size though you both knew your efforts were futile. He easily tossed you over your shoulder and carried you the distance back to the car. You called for help and as he set you back down, he covered your mouth with his own hand, his fingers tightening around your face. 

You screamed even harder as you kicked between his legs. He let you go only to fall on top of you, sending you both to the ground. Steve groaned, still managing to hold your hands down as he recovered. He was fuming at this point as you squirmed around in the dirt. Looking into your frightened eyes, Steve made a decision. 

A decision that would make you regret ever handing him that cup of coffee. 

“I protect you, I protect everyone, and I’m the bad guy?” It was rhetorical, you understood that as Steve tore open your blouse, exposing your white brassier, “I’ll show you what I am.”

Steve pinned down your legs with his own as he held your arms pinned above your head with one of his own. Not bothering to fumble with your skirt, he simply tore away the fabric. You screamed louder but only the silence of the night answered you. 

Steve pulled away your white underwear, exposing your sensitive area to the cool air of the night, “Steve, I-I’m sorry,” You pleaded, choking on your sobs, “Please don’t, I’m a virgin!”

“Then this will be special for both of us,” Steve concluded, fumbling with his belt and pulling down his trousers. You tried not to look down as he positioned himself between your legs, “We’re going to be happy together like we were intended to be. It’ll feel so good that you’ll forget your doubts”

His grip on you was so tight that you were sure that he’d leave bruises. As he pushed his tip against your entrance, you could feel how hard he was. This wasn’t how your first time should’ve been. You should be married and on a honeymoon, not on the side of the road. 

You cried out as he slowly pushed inside of you. Your body continued to struggle, resulting in Steve moving his hand to wrap around your neck. His fingers tightened around your neck as you struggled to breathe clearly. 

You wrapped around him tightly, resisting him but Steve pushed through. It was a magical feeling to Steve. All he could ask for was having his first time with the woman of his dreams. 

Steve grunted as his pace began to quicken. He made you feel so small and defenseless. The member between his legs was practically the size of your forearm, successfully impaling you. You couldn’t believe that your body was beginning to adjust to him. It was starting to get pleasure from the friction he was creating. 

“That’s it, darling,” Steve groaned as mangled moans began to leave your mouth, “Enjoy the feeling of me being inside you, enjoy being mine. You don’t need someone ‘good’, you need someone efficient.”

That night, after he had taken your virtue, Steve knew he had the rest of you too. He’d make you his little wife.

+

Hope you enjoyed this because I loved writing it!!

[vivisextion]

I first saw Slipknot at age 14.

No one knows how I managed it. I'm not sure I even remember. These days, you have to be 16 or 18 to get into Standing areas. I do know I had to buy tickets on the phone, back in the old days (2005, that is). A singular ticket, too - none of my friends, not even the classmate who had gone with me to see Linkin Park the year before, was that into Slipknot.

But I HAD to see them. This was the Subliminal Verses tour cycle, and Vol. 3 was my first and favourite Slipknot album, even to this day. It's the reliable old warm blanket for my soul whenever I need it. It's on right now, as I write this.

My memory isn't that good, but luckily I unearthed a livejournal (livejournal!) diary entry about the event I made the next day.

August 16, 2005. I went right after school. I went to a very conservative Anglican secondary school, too. I tried not to get caught in the bathroom, as I coloured my nails black with permanent marker (I know, don't laugh) and changed into my standard metalhead baby outfit - Slipknot band shirt, black cargo shorts, and my pride and joy: steel-toe boots I somehow managed to cajole my parents into letting me own.

I caught the bus to the open-air war memorial park where the gig was going to be. I got there at 4pm, 4 hours early. A couple other maggots were already hanging around. I found myself surrounded by tombstones, and I read them all. It was the middle of the Hungry Ghost Festival, too - a very fitting time for Slipknot to pay a visit to this godforsaken hellhole of a small town I lived in. (Especially given the paranormal circumstances surrounding the making of Vol. 3.)

While I wandered around the venue (no security or sound guys were around at all), I spotted two white vans pull up to the stage, in the middle of a clearing. It was them! I spotted Joey and missed him by a hair's breadth. I was quickly ushered behind the stone archway entrance by security then.

(Funnily enough, while walking around, I got mistaken for Joey more than once. I am the same height as him, had the same long black hair, same pale skin, and was wearing almost exactly what he had been. One person claimed from behind, I was a dead ringer, apart from when I turned around, and they realised I was Chinese.)

It was soundcheck time. A sound guy testing the mics would say random things, like "testing one two three two one.... fudge fudge, I like fudge...." The band even did Purity, so us earlybirds were given a rare treat, and we screamed along from the entrance, and drummed our fists on the sides of nearby porta-potties. I hope no one was in there at the time. Whenever we got a glance of any of them, we'd scream and cheer. Finally they left again, but were soon to return.

This was the first time I'd been a part of the metal community. I was barely allowed internet in those days. But here, random strangers were friendly, striking up conversations like they'd been friends for years. Two big guys, called Trevor and Ted, looked out for me the entire gig after, keeping other big dudes from crushing me too much (I'm 5'3, remember). Other people commented on me being so baby, because I was only 14, and said they would take care of me.

When we were finally let in, right after the usher cut the rope, I ran in, screamed "WOOOHOOO!" along with a few friends I'd made. I only briefly stopped to receive this RoadRunner Records compilation CD from a roadie, then resumed running like a madman screaming and dashing into the VIP cage.

I was right up against the barricade - the first time I would ever be at a gig. People from assorted magazines and press took photos of us, and I think I got my photo taken about 10 times at least.

(This is how I got in trouble with my parents the next day. My photo had ended up in a local paper - you can see examples of that here. They had no idea what I'd been to see the night before, and were horrified when they saw what Slipknot looked like.)

We saw Sid filming us from the stage with a camcorder and screamed at him. We saw Jim and screamed at him too, and he flashed the victory sign back at us. I remember Metallica playing at the time, another one of my favourite bands.

The concert was a brutal religious experience I will never forget. People with their arms outstretched, crying and screaming out loud, moving like the devil possessed them.

The new friends around me made sure I was alright after every song! There were huge guys fainting behind us who had to get carried out, but I endured, a tiny 14 year old child. We got a family speech as per tradition, of course. "Are you guys out there all looking out for each other? We're all one big family, and we gotta look out for each other." What Corey said held true - strangers hugged, shook hands, talked, and made friends. I was heartened by how close-knit the maggot community was. It really did feel like a family, and it's felt like that ever since.

Of course, I did my first Jump The Fuck Up. It is possibly the most euphoria I've ever experienced all at one go. (Later, in 2020, I was extremely disappointed that I didn't get to do it again in London.)

They did the death masks for Vermilion, and I remember Chris helping Sid fix his mask and shirt when they'd changed back. Sid hung out near Clown's drums for most of the time too, and hugged him from behind and just latched on at one point. It was pretty adorable.

Fun fact: The version of Eyeless you hear on the 9.0 Live album is from Singapore, as is Eeyore. There are very few photos and videos from the crowd of this gig, because in 2005, very few people had camera phones. The crowd at the Slipknot gig in 2020 was a sea of arms with phones, filming the gig rather than experiencing it. Yes, I'm going to be that cranky old geezer who complains about the good old days.

Joey as usual, was fucking amazing and never failed. However, due to the fact that I was right up front, only his tiny head was visible behind his vast drum set, I couldn't see him the entire gig.

Amazingly, the government told Slipknot they were not allowed to do obscene gestures, curse, vomit (possibly due to the decomposing crow pre-show ritual), simulate humping on objects, throw faeces, or jump off stage (looking at you, Sid). I don't think our totalitarian government knew who they were dealing with, because watch what happens next.

Near the end of the gig, Corey tells the crowd “your government has given us a laundry list of things we aren’t allowed to do, your government has told us we are not allowed to swear”. Crowd goes “BOOOOOOOOO” and Corey goes “BUT WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!” And they launch into Surfacing, the last song. Everyone riots. Best night of my life.

You can find the setlist from that gig here. It had everything I wanted and more.

This story later got immortalised when Kerrang asked maggots for gig stories, for an article which came out in 2020. I had forgotten entirely, until people began messaging me to tell me, and one friend sent me a scan of it!

On the way out, I managed to get a shirt. I remember calling my best friend at the time, and got everyone at the merch booth to go "IF YOU'RE 555 THEN I'M 666" for her. This shirt has since been lost to the landfill, because my Christian mother took it upon herself to dispose of it the first opportunity she got. Needless to say, our relationship is not very good.

After that, I even managed to get that Roadrunner compilation album they were giving out signed. The band was staying at the Carlton. Unfortunately, Joey wasn't there, neither was Clown, and Mick was swarmed by guitar nerds so, 6/9 it is. It is a great regret of mine that I'll never have anything signed by him, nor will I ever get to see him perform ever again.

The next day, I went to school, my head swimming. Yes, I went to see Slipknot ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. I was a giant bruise, from my ribs and my chest, to my hips and knees, from being slammed into the barricade like a screen door in a hurricane. Most of all, my sore, headbanged-out neck could barely hold my head up. Classmates thought I had been in a fight. I was torn between battle-scarred exhaustion and hyperactive ranting about the most amazing gig of my short life (it still is, to this day). When teachers spoke to me, I wanted to reply, "Fuck trigonometry! I've just seen SLIPKNOT. Do you not understand that my world is different? Do you not understand that *I* am now different?"

My country was a small, conservative town that Slipknot had graced with their unholy presence. Corey Taylor once said that where he grew up in Iowa had a way of making a 16 year old boy feel like a 36 year old man (or something to that effect). I felt that in my weary bones as a teenager, being from a place just like that. Years later, Watain would run into worse trouble, and wouldn't even be allowed to perform. The Christian stranglehold is stronger than ever. It was a good thing that back then Slipknot had the element of surprise, striking serpent-fast and choking this society by the neck for a too-brief time, before they departed.

After that, my desire to play the drums only grew like a weed. Joey Jordison had, has, and will always inspire me as a drummer, and seeing the beast live (or what little I could spy behind the massive riser) had only spurred me on. I had always been a noisemaker, be it driving my parents mad with chopsticks on pots and pans, or driving my teachers mad with pencils on my desk. But of course, my parents wouldn't have any of it. I'd have to wait a good 14 more years before I'd be able to afford lessons and later, a kit of my own. Better late than never, right?

There will never be enough words to describe the impact Joey has had on my life. And it isn't just Slipknot, either. I could write another essay on his time with the Murderdolls and its influence on my own gender-non-conforming ways. Suffice to say, my wardrobe doesn't look too dissimilar to his during the early Dead in Hollywood days.

I told my boss I could not come into work today. I was grieving. I said that my music teacher died, as I didn't think she'd understand the magnitude of my loss. In a way, it's true. And I am not the only one Joey has nudged on the path to being a musician, that much is certain. To the rest of us, I wish strength and love for you in this difficult time. The best way to honour Joey, who truly loved music, both the creation and appreciation of it, is to pass that gift on. Teach it to someone. He is the reason I picked up the sticks in the first place, and one day, they'll be handed on, the heavy metal baton for the next generation.

And finally: remember that the ones we have lost are never truly gone.

Vinnie

P.S. See if you can spot me in the crowd photos in this post!

[princessofguineapigs]

Au night: for Harrison prince??

Something along the lines of marrying for the sake of the kingdom and one day realizes that he truly loves her

Congrats on the followers

This is the request I’ve been waiting for. Thank you.

More Than an Alliance | Harrison Osterfield

It wasn’t that Harrison didn’t want love, or that he was uninterested in having a wife. It was more so the fact the he wanted to choose his own wife, rather than be commanded to marry a girl he hardly knew that had him so belligerent. 

The whole month leading up to his wedding, Harrison tried to get out of the marriage. His father and mother wouldn’t hear of it, though. 

You were the prize they had their sights set on. The one thing that would clinch their alliance with the neighboring kingdom. The two monarchies shared a tense relationship. A marriage between their children would unite them in strength and dissolved the distrust currently sitting between them.

Prince Harrison knew he was destined to rule, but he wanted to have the kind of love that made life worth living. His mother arranged your first meeting -- tea in the rose garden.

Admittedly, you were beautiful, but he didn’t see how he could love anyone in an arranged marriage. Something so forced could never inspire real feelings.

“My son, I’d like you to meet Princess Y/N,” the queen said.

“Enchante,” he greeted politely.

You blushed deeply at your gorgeous betrothed. He looked far better in person than in the portraits his parents had sent to yours. Sculpted like a god, you could tell this even through his extravagant clothes. You curtsied to your future husband and then you both took seats at the garden table. Prince Harrison pulled your chair out for you before his own.

The days of mandatory courtship progressed and Harrison hated every minute. He hated how your laughter tinkled like a bell, especially when he was the cause. He hated the way you demurely gazed at him through thick lashes whenever his piercing blue eyes fixed on you. He hated the way the world darkened when you left his presence. Most of all, he hated the way his name sounded like a choir of angels on your lips.

The morning before the wedding, he found you on a courtyard bench, concentrating on your embroidery. You’d been practicing a new design, one that combined your family crest with his. It was tricky and you pricked yourself many times.

Harrison joined you on the bench as you were examining your latest battle wound from the needle.

“Does it hurt?” he asked.

“A tiny bit,” you replied.

“Allow me,” Harrison said. And he surprised himself by lifting your finger to his lips to bestow a tender kiss. “All better,” he breathed out.

Your heart skipped at beat. This was the first intimate touch from your soon-to-be-husband.

“Tomorrow is a big day for us,” you said.

“Yes,” Harrison sighed. He lifted his hand without thinking and brushed it lightly against your cheek. He was mesmerized by the way you glowed in the morning sunshine. And your skin was so soft. Harrison wanted to keep touching it. Then, he realized that to his delight it would soon be all his to touch. You would be his princess and eventually his queen. You would give him heirs. Oh, how he imagined you in that state. Round and swollen with each child you would bear for him. His thoughts drifted to the way he would plant those children in you and he got lost indulging himself in his fantasy.

“Your highness,” you said, breaking him from his thoughts.

“Please, princess, you don’t need to use my title. We are to be wed and you will call me by my Christian name.”

You giggled at the irony of him making the request to do away with formalities so formally.

“What?” he asked.

“You just used my title while commanding me not to use yours,” you said.

Harrison pretended to look aghast. “It wasn’t a command. I would never command my wife.”

“I’m not your wife, yet,” you reminded him. 

Harrison took your two dainty hands in his. “You will be. Tomorrow,” he vowed. He realized that he wanted it. He was looking forward to it despite all his previous protesting and dragging of his feet and searching for escapes.

He got up from the bench, still holding your hands and moved to one knee before you. “My bride, my love. Tomorrow I will make many promises to you in front of a great many people. But I want to make a vow to you now that is just between us two. I give myself to you, Y/N. Body, mind, and heart, I am yours. Never will I place anyone above you. This, I do swear.”

Diamond-like tears sparkled in your eyes as your processed his heartfelt words. Your lips parted, ready to confess what you’d known since the day you met. “I love you, Harrison. Completely.”

“I love you, too, princess.”

taglist: @canwekissforever-hazzy @wonderfulfluffer @osterfieldshollandgirl @chrisosterfield