#Archer quotes

[archerphrasing]

“That’s how you get ants.”

— Various

[apexcaustic]

Bangalore: Smokebomb!

Bangalore: *flees*

[a-magical-downgrade]

Lucio: Jesus Christ, how many times do I have to apologize for that?

Literally anyone: Once would be nice!

Lucio: Hmm... No.

[thequeenofshebasays]

Steve: This place is right out of a fairy tale.

Nancy: Yeah, a fairy tale in which the heroine is drugged and kidnapped.

Jonathan: You realize that’s like every fairy tale.

[a-wicked--wandering-witcher-blog]

"Why focus on the hypothetical maybe-what-if bullshit?"

Sterling Archer

[archerphrasing]

“Sploosh!”

— Various

[rambunctiousrump]

<I>important life lesson from Archer #734:</I> you can't tourniquet the taint

[a-magical-downgrade]

Lucio : Yeah, but then I wouldn't get to hang out with everybody in the palace.

Nadia: You hate everybody at the palace.

Lucio: I know. It's the only thing that gets me out of bed every morning.

Nadia:......the hatred?

Lucio: Yes Nadia- the hatred.

[wcnderwharf]

"YOU'RE NOT MY COAL MINE SUPERVISOR!"

-Cheryl/Carol/Cristal/Charlene Tunt

[thunderbirdtwo]

THUNDERBIRDS MEETS ARCHER - #3

[motivatedaily]

Kill the anxiety

[just-a-small-town-queer]

Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death... which I hope is soon. Amen.

Sterling Archer - Archer, S02E05 "The Double Douce"

[archerphrasing]

"Yup.”

— Lana

[kleeklutch]

Tried to watch a movie last night but with whatever restructuring went on between Amazon and HBO was taking too long to figure out, so we got stuck watching more Archer.

__

“Hey! I just dragged this damn boat through a mile of my three biggest fears, so I think I’ve earned a kabob!” — “Well, we got plenty of water.”

“No, the swamp’s too dirty, it’s full of whatever alligators shit out - which I can only assume is people.” — “She gets dinner and Dixieland and laid, and I get mosquitos and no beer and not laid. How could this get any w-*alligator growls* Lemme finish, worse? Now, okay see, you ruined it. You ruined the moment.”

[ashers-g]

Friend: *to my boyfriend* You know I've noticed you and Ashley don't have a lot of decor.

Alex: Yeah well we can't really have a lot of nice things.

Friend: Ah yeah must be expensive.

Alex: No it's-

Me: *walks into room, trips over coffee table, knocks everything off, faceplants onto floor*

Friend: 😳

Alex: That's why we can't have nice things.

[blackberrymoose]

Life advice from cartoons series. Archer. 2016