#B S & T 4

[aoitakumi8148]

𝓛𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓤𝓹 𝓐𝓽 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼, 𝓢𝓸𝓷... 𝓝𝓸𝔀 𝓖𝓸 𝓦𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝓤𝓹𝓸𝓷 𝓞𝓷𝓮, 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓷...

𝒞𝒶𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝓇𝑜𝓀𝑒𝓃 𝒷𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒷𝓇𝑜𝓀𝑒𝓃, 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓃-𝑒𝓍𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝒷𝑒 ‹𝑒𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓃 𝓊𝓅› 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃? 𝐼𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓂𝒾𝓉 𝑜𝒻 ‹𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝑔𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃› 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓂𝒾𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝒹𝑒𝑒𝓅 𝒹𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓂𝒶𝓎 𝑔𝑜?

I do not have apathy, depression, anything that would be fashionable to rant about. I am simply in pain... extreme pain. And attempting to dull the edge of it is what I have been doing since v.1. As if something has indeed been fragmented & this is the pain of my conscious life. And every time I travel the melodious/glamorous path of frenzy, every time I complete it, I am going to experience the same precious pain intensity, purity of pain/ecstasy. I am going to be eventually bound to this inmost/overwhelming awe, this vehement impulse to feel/fondle/kiss what is loved, to kneel down before it, to cuddle up to its heart, to recompense bliss with bliss... More and more. Neither the good boy nor I are free. I do not want to be free... free from... These bare feelings are ‹clawing› at the reconstructed interpretation of the organ inside me. The great minds will not know what they have done, neither will Anthony... It speaks louder-truer than anything, but the sounds are not obvious... Words. All I possess, this rich but poor instrument for... And you always do end up in the point where...

The aesthetic masterwork, perfused with the golden brilliance of authentic ideality x pierced with the darkest blade of bitter-salty inaccessibility, inevitability, impossibility.

Excruciation, pleasure, euphoria, art. Blended together. Find yourself... or lose yourself on this journey. Emotionally. Totally. An unparalleled effect... and the lulling sparkle the vessel has never actually had. Something in this body x mind has died, and I do not know if there is a way to accept it, to recover it. I have described the lesson of unprecedentedness I have learned, not the expected story of ‹insult-betrayal-contempt›. No one will ever f-g hear it. Not from me, not in this lifetime. / Loving extraordinary is priori merciless, დ/დ become telepathic... & the severest trial ~ the unhealable wound ~ is to be a 𝓟 son without the cause to be... *If I have to detest many donkeys for a chance to protect one venerated Father figure, I will go for it.

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝒸𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝒽𝓊𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝑒𝒾𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒷𝑒 𝓀𝑒𝓅𝓉... 𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝒾𝓅𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓎. 𝐵𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝓂𝓎 𝒮𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒸𝑒, '𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝓌𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑜𝓌𝓈 𝓂𝑒, 𝓉𝑜𝑜. 𝐵𝑒𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊... 𝒮𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓂𝑒 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝓊𝓇𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒹𝑒𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝐿𝑒𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓈𝑒 𝓁𝒾𝓅𝓈... 𝒮𝑜 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝒹. 𝒮𝑜 𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓈...

While I am willing to imbibe all the anguish of the human I love, to ease his suffering, the loss of us is taking its toll on me irretrievably. I see him. I see what is inside him... & I am incapable of safeguarding it, saving it truly.

I do not have apathy, depression, anything that would be fashionable to rant about. I am simply in pain... extreme pain. And attempting to put up with this gift is what I have been doing since v.1. The chest is ‹cut open› too deep, the fragility of the organ is exposed... Would you allow me to grow more flowers? I wanna do it... Because it is you, It has always been you. The one who has given us everything, endued me to the brim with the intimate fatherly affection that this organ never remembered. My eternal wish & exuberant price for humanity, the misunderstood nature. *What an odious irony. / I do not know if there is a way to recover what is gone.

I would sacrifice the lot to be with the human that needs me, needs to be healed, heals me. I would rip my core out but I cannot, the limitation of freedom. *Tell me that the ‹strings of abuse/child neglect/lies› are finally cut. Tell me to ‹celebrate›. Tell me that both 𝓟inocchio/I are wrong x naive, ‹fix› me. You have no f-g clue about it. / When it is written that your starving heart must be left half-empty & helpless... No freedom is scarier than this.

Affording harmony to the sapphire star that is going to fall away... The sentiment it deserves. All I have ever hankered for. & I am terrified of that my grandest instinct x fear will not grant any lasting peace to me.

Death will do our Sun-hugged family apart ~ but I will still be yours, for ever. The core has never felt as good x feverish as it does when with you... as astray x anxious as it does when deprived of you. I am not lying to you, I hold no resentment... Let me ‹feed on› the emotions of your heart... Even if it means your pain x my love turn the vessel inside-out & your love x my pain do the same. Not blurred, always remember. Always. If a masterpiece could be made into a masterpiece, I would prefer to share this fate. My bona fide mission, however, is not allow anything to be in vain... Even if it hurts. ~ The atrophied ability to express love verbally has been ‹roused› again, in a fervidly devoted but preciously righteous way... The lash of despair, compulsion, dream, reality.

𝐹𝑜𝓇 𝒷𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓈𝑒, 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓂𝒷𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝒦𝓇𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝑔𝑜𝓃𝓃𝒶 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝑔𝑜. 𝐼𝓉 𝒸𝒶𝓃... 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓈. 𝐿𝒪𝒫 𝒽𝒶𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑜𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝟙/𝓂𝓊𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓉𝓊𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓈 𝓅𝒶𝓁𝓅𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑜𝓃𝓈, 𝓂𝓎 𝓋𝓊𝓁𝓃𝑒𝓇𝒶𝒷𝒾𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒𝒶𝓇.

...Take the whole meaning of this, its flavorful, pathetic, shameless, lonesome taste. Take it all, for it is all that is absolute. Teach me how to ‹merge› with it, the mortal desire of a puppet child, a human Mastro x a faceless observer like myself ~ & when the desire full of unexploited majesty is cutting off the oxygen to the lungs... True geniuses of any kind are among the silent. These eyeballs will not dry up, never fully. I have tried so many times to resist it, but why live if you repel what puts your ‹dehydrated› pieces together? I would spare no effort to keep them hot and uncurb what is being restrained... Nothing affects self-perception and ‹unmasks› the unconscious like sensation, nothing genuinely matters without it. / Shivering with cold, this body is burning. My atrophied reality in exchange for a moment of irrepressible happiness, agony, guiltless x not bottled up impulses ~ just a moment. It keeps consuming me without reserve. I do not need God. ✒

[thegengarprincess]

:3

Edgar rlly is his daddy’s son isn’t he- ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️ (N cuz their both fuckin *A D O R A B L E* N 4 *W H A* :’333333<3333333333!!!!!!!)

[deus-ex-mona]

monachan haul has arrived ✨safely✨

[thorneswife]

hello. I will never get over Winter calling Kai dad.

[impandgnomes]

Bates

[softsnzstuff]

🎬 eddieee? 💕

🎬: they’re watching a scary movie marathon with their friends and cannot. stop. sneezing. At first, maybe their friends thought it was funny, but now they’re starting to get concerned. What’s going on?

*******************************************************

“Hey hey!” Robin opened the door and let Steve and Eddie inside.

Nancy was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, with a laptop in front of her.

“Started the stream without you, hope you don’t mind.” She called out.

Steve took in the setup. Both girls had fluffy Halloween socks. The table was covered with treats, snacks, and hot cocoa. Nancy had lit a couple of candles, the room smelling of warm spices and pumpkins.

“Not at all! This looks cozy.”

The living room tv was paused on the opening of The Nightmare Before Christmas. The four of them were doing a Halloween movie night and streaming their commentary live.

Eddie was quick to plop himself on the couch, waving. “Hi guys!!!”

Eddie!!!!

Finally the boys are here!!

Play the movie!!

This is my favorite

“Hey Stevie they said hurry up and sit down so we can watch the movie!” Eddie teased, rubbing a hand against his nose. It suddenly started to feel tickly.

“Sheesh okay, I’m coming.” He sat down on the couch next to Eddie, one arm around his partner.

Robin sat on the floor in front of Eddie, they were all staggered so the viewers could see them all. She picked up the remote and pressed play.

“So it begins.” She said into the camera.

Eddie scrubbed a little harder at his nose, something Steve picked up on right away.

“You okay?”

“Yeah sorry, just tickly all of a sudden…” he twisted to the side, pinching his nose, “H’ixxT! NxxT! NxxT’iew!”

“Bless you, sneezy!” Steve teased.

“snFF thanks.”

The screen panned down, the opening beat for This is Halloween playing loudly from the speakers around them. Robin was singing along while Eddie head banged behind her, both Nancy and Steve laughing at their respective partners.

Robin and Eddie know what’s up! 🤘🏻

This is my favorite part

What an absolute banger

When the song ended, Eddie leaned back, letting himself sink into the couch cushions a little. His nose twitched suddenly and without warning.

“FHehhuck!” He pulled his collar over his nose and sneezed down towards his stomach, misting it slightly, “iK’tch’EW! H’ETCH’iew! snfSNF Hissh’IEW!”

Bless you!

This always happens lol

Steve turned to face him and squeezed his shoulder, “Bless you!”

“Gosh Eddie, we can’t hear the movie.” Robin joked, poking fun at his sensitive nose.

Eddie cleared his throat, “Snfff, ugh, excuse me. I’m gonna go blow my nose.”

He got up and carefully stepped over Robin and Nancy, making his way down the hall to their bathroom.

He flicked on the light and pulled a few tissues from the box. He gave his nose a blow, folding the tissue over and blowing again.

As he threw it away, Steve came up behind him.

“Hey,” he said in a hushed tone, “You okay?”

“snF! Yeah, just got real tickly all of a suhhhdden… A’KSHh’ew! KShh’EW! snf ISSHIEW! Jesus chrihhhst H’iKSH’iEW!!”

Eddie had ducked down into his sleeve. Sniffling thickly, he pulled a couple more tissues from the box repeating the process he’d just completed.

He was still wiping his nose when Steve furrowed his brow and held a hand to his forehead.

“You don’t feel warm…” he hummed.

“M’not sick, Stevie.” Eddie said, turning to wash his hands, “SNF, think I’m allergic to something, just don’t know what.”

Steve paused in thought. “I think I know what it is.”

Eddie turned off the bathroom light, taking a handful of fresh tissues with him, knowing he’ll probably need them.

He flopped back on the couch, the girls turning to him while Kidnap the Sandy Claws played on the tv.

“Alright Eds?” Nancy asked.

“Yeah, think I might be allergic to something in here.”

“I have a suspicion it might be your nice candles, Nance.”

Steve picked it up off the table and blew out the flame, a small trail of smoke and scent billowing up into the air. He held it in front of Eddie’s face and gently blew the smoke towards him.

“What’re you-? Oh fuhhhck.”

Eddie squeezed his eyes closed and waved his hands in front of his face, nostrils flaring. As Steve set the candle back on the table, Eddie was turned to the side, elbow pulled up to his face.

“it’CHEW! Tsch’EW! TsschEW!” He sneezed rapidly. “God dammbit Steve! I- hNG’chu! H’mpTCHew! eh’KSHh’IEW!”

Oh my god are you good bro?

Bless you bunches

No more pumpkin spice for Eddie :(

“Shit, sorry Eddie! We had no idea you were allergic!” Robin paused the movie and scrambled to take the candles and put them in a different room, turning on the ceiling fan to try and circulate the air a little more.

Nancy had also gotten up, bringing Eddie the tissue box from the kitchen. He already had the extras from the bathroom pressed to his face as he blew his nose, pausing only to sneeze into them, and then keep blowing.

Steve rubbed his back. The man was so drained that the sneezes came in singles every couple of seconds.

“Tissh’u! ….H’ssh’IEW!…snfSNF H’iKSHhiew!”

Eddie sniffled helplessly against the tissues as Steve wiped away an allergic tear from his eyes.

“Sorry Eds. Why don’t we finish this another night?”

“Are you crazy?? We cad’t bail on Hallowee’d m’bovie n’dight!”

The rest of the gang looked at him a little skeptically. “Are you sure Eddie?”

He nodded.

“Yeah! Viewers are already waiti’g. As long as you do’t mind - eT’sch’EW! - that… I’ve got mby tissues, I’b good to go!”

Bless you again!

What a trooper

Watch Sleep Away Camp next!

“If you say so.”

Robin shrugged and pressed play, Jack Skellington resuming his mission of creating Christmas.

[simp-for-long-hair]

I made a font! 💕🌸✨️ ngl, in my humble opinion I lowkey think it's hella cute 😅

@swayamev @yeh-mera-deewanapan-hai

Free to download from my ko-fi shop! Link in the source 💕

[darkheartedprince]

@willfulwayfarer sent: ((WillfulWayfarer)) ❝  i know i can’t protect you from everything,  but i wish you’d let me protect you from the things i can control.  ❞

Those words hit Riku in a way that he didn't expect . They were words that he wished he would have heard way back when all those years ago . Suddenly , he was a scared child on the shore of the beach [ [ r e a c h i n g ] ] his hand out towards the horizon . There were so many things that he desperately wished he had been protected from that there was no [ [ l i m i t ] ] to what those things were . The world through knife after knife in his direction , and he either took them to his heart or [ [ d o d g e d ] ] them with all his might . He faced everything without fear . . . but there would always be his younger self that looked up at the stars in the Realm of Darkness and wished that someone was there to protect him .

Once I was somebody's child .

' I wish you would have been there when I needed you .'

Now , he was hardened . He protected himself , fought his own battles . He protected people , not the other way around . The world could try to get rid of him easily , but for every cut he received was another reason to keep on going . He had to . . . He didn't have an option . The worst part ? He was numb to it all , now . He was numb to the pain and agony that he felt . Painfully so , truly . He shouldn't be numb to anything . . . and yet. . .

Once I was could feel some feeling once in a while .

Somehow he still had a light inside of his eyes , the very same Terra had once said he saw in him all those years ago . How ? The world would never know . Riku didn't know either . He thought Ansem and the Darkness had grabbed it with both hands and pulled so violently that Riku had none left . Inside , however , there was still that glimmer of light fighting to keep Riku afloat .

Once I was real . . .

" -- Terra . . . "

His aquamarine eyes looked up at Terra , and for a brief moment he sees Ansem's face flash across his features , forcing Riku's eyes to widen in fear . That was something Terra couldn't protect him from -- the tricks his mind played on him , the very same that caused him more nightmares than he would [ [ e v e r ] ] admit . He blinked the image away , leaving a tear - lined , vacant expression in its place . He turned his head so that he could look ahead then , with a sigh , he looked down at the ground .

" . . . I protect others . . . It's not your job to protect me . . . It's mine to protect you . I learned to protect myself , because you weren't there . I'm not - " He bit his lip as he debated how he wanted to proceed , " -- I'm not blaming you for leaving , I know that was out of your control . . . There's a lot out of your control . You can't protect me from all of it . Besides . . . "

He swallowed the knot in his throat while his fingers curled tightly into his palm only to release a short moment later . He finally let his gaze find Terra's again . There was a lot of pain in those eyes . They'd seen things , fought to stay open . . . . Those eyes wished , just once , that he would have looked up and seen Terra reaching back for him -- protecting him from all the wrong in the world .

He wished [ [ s o m e o n e ] ] would have .

" . . . How do I know you won't leave again ? How do I know you will be there when I need you ? I- . . . I can't go through that again . Neither can you . "

[koushirouizumi]

{D.N. A n g e l} ~ Stage 4 Part 23

[chazz-is-a-zelda-fan]

i got bored as fuck today so pixel chazz on a school laptop babeyyyyyyyy

[olive-heathcliffe-notbps]

@gardnwater or @down-thedrain

<< YEASSSSS NOTHER NEW PERZON >:3 >>

[storybounded]

Ya’ll, your girl ain’t doing too hot. 🤧

[lusalemaart]

art dump continued

[deus-ex-mona]

chapter 6 is now on episode 9 of the [redacted] anime… the hallway fight scene is close

[euclydya]

having 2 just up and bap my brain every time an Intrusive Paranoia Thought comes up and my new s year resolution is to ingrane it into my deranged mind that Negative Self Thoughts Fuckig Bad. i am going 2 try this Soo hard. ok

[softsnzstuff]

Sicktember Day 4 - Hiding an Illness

Fandom: Stranger Things; 001/Peter and Papa

Summary: Peter feels he needs to try and hide his illness from Papa so not to appear weak… up until he can’t hide it anymore.

Word Count: 460

If there’s one thing Papa didn’t like, it was weakness. It wasn’t even that he disliked it - he didn’t breed a culture of weakness. All of the kids at Hawkins lab were raised to believe that they needed to be strong. That weakness was failure and that failure was unacceptable.

So when Peter awoke one morning, chilled to the bone with nose stuffed and throat sore - there was simply only one option. He had to fake being well. Especially with the chip in his neck, he couldn’t chalk up his exhaustion and headache to powers.

He got up and combed his hair, putting on his freshly pressed clothes. Then he washed his face, desperately trying to rub away the dark circles forming under his eyes. He blew his nose right before Papa came to get him.

“Peter. It’s time to begin lessons.”

“Yes Papa.” He called out before slipping on his shoes and heading out.

Lessons today were another group round of the circle game. The goal was for each child to use their powers to try and throw their opponent out of their circle while blindfolded.

A few rounds had commenced, often times the younger children losing to the elder children. The current match was a very intense one between 002 and 015. Even behind the blindfolds you could tell how intently they were focusing all of their energy.

Papa was watching, patiently waiting to see the results, when there was a thud behind him as Peter crumpled to the floor, collapsed.

“Stop!” Papa held up a hand and immediately 002 and 015 halted and took off their blindfolds.

The children were all staring intently as Papa knelt to the floor.

“Dismissed!” He yelled.

Two other guards led the children out of the room, Papa gently pressing the back of a hand to Peter’s forehead.

“Nnnnggh…” the man groaned, trying to push himself up off the floor.

“Ah ah ah,” Papa tsk’ed. “Stay where you are for a moment Peter. Sit up slowly. Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling unwell?”

His cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. “I’m… I’m not.” He looked down at the floor.

“Don’t lie to me Peter. You have a fever.”

The blonde young man looked up, fever glazed eyes meeting his master’s. He almost looked like he was about to cry. “I’m sorry Papa.”

Brenner huffed a sigh and helped Peter carefully to his feet, guiding him out of the room by a hand on the small of his back.

“It’s quite alright, my boy. You’re dismissed for the day. No duties until you’re cleared. Understood?”

Peter let the relief wash over him, thankful to retreat back to bed for a few days.

“Yes Papa. Thank you Papa.”