#BC HE’S KINDA RIGHT. And the hero alludes to this too

[shima-draws]

What's PMD Explorers of the Spirit? 0v0

It’s a PMD Sky romhack! It serves as both a sequel and a canon divergence kinda thing. I’m not super far into the game but it’s really interesting so far 👀 I’ll definitely be posting more about it as I play through it!

[just-jammin]

ok so i have an idea of the archetypal Digimon (mostly based on Adventure) that the main Omori gang would have, plus some ideas about how the AU would work, so lemme type this out and see if that works ig??

disclaimer that i’m depending on what i vaguely remember + their TV Tropes pages for both Digimon and Omori, so apologies if i get a bunch of details wrong from both parts

(especially since it’s been years since i’ve completed the first five seasons of the anime, i haven’t finished season 6 and Tri., and i’m not even past Vast Forest in Omori)

if you wanna add on with more ideas or inform me of some stuff i missed, please ask me in my inbox!

the speculation stuff’s under the cut bc it gets LONG (also bc there could be slight spoilers for the new Digimon game out there)

For this alternate universe, I feel like the plot would have similar initial vibes and entrance to the Digital World as Digimon Adventure, as well as the DARK content that comes later on from Digimon Survive.

Right now, I feel like it takes place a couple of weeks or months after whenever Mari’s death would happen in the game (but it will still happen; it just happens differently), so the whole gang would be present. I don’t really know much about what they were doing before the Isekai plot happens… but a possible plot starter would be the gang going on a trip after SUNNY and MARI's successful recital! So this is (initially) an Everyone Lives AU too!

(another possibility is that this would be a one-off adventure BEFORE the game's events happen, so that the kids are eventually gonna forget about it… especially since it CAN be overshadowed by Mari’s death in the way it happens in the game)

Anyways, speculations for the peeps and their partner Digimon time!!

>> —^— <<

First off, I already decided that HERO would be the resident ‘Gogglehead’, but I doubt that he’d even wear his Goggles most of the time (kinda like Marcus/Masaru ig), opting to put it in a bag or sometimes wearing it on his neck. I also think that the ‘not-wearing-goggles-all-the-time’ thing might allude to Hero not being the main focus of the AU, as well as his personality not being, uh, really energetic & assertive like the other Goggleheads.

In extension of being a Goggle Boy, his partner Digimon would be a reptilian-type, which is somehow the norm for all leaders in the main Tamer teams. However, it’s possible that Hero’s partner Digimon would be more serious & focused on the task at hand than the others. A possible candidate would be Huckmon and its whole digivolution line, with the assumption that its characterization is somewhat similar to the one in Adventure Tri.

>> —^— <<

KEL is another easy one, but like Hero, he’s kinda different from the usual characters that bear the archetype that he has right now. He’s technically a Lancer to Hero, and therefore has a mammalian Digimon partner. Buuut his personality is a LOT more similar to the usual Gogglehead.

I don’t have a specific Digimon for Kel (and for some of the others, too), but a possible personality for it would be that of a stereotypical depiction of a dog since I thought of giving him a canine Digimon to reflect the brothers having Hector back on the Real World. And by stereotypical depiction of a dog, I mean absolutely happy-go-lucky guy with kind of a lack of object permanence and gets easily distracted. I wonder how Kel would deal with that…

>> —^— <<

The archetype I chose for AUBREY before now was her having an avian or bird Digimon, but then I realized… that doesn’t make any SENSE! Like, from what I’ve seen, there isn’t any depiction of a bird motif for her in the game, so I thought ‘screw that’ and decided to give her a bunny-like Digimon!

Methinks the partner Digimon would have a rather child-like demeanor, but it’s also wise for a Rookie level Digimon. Lunamon and its evolution line would be very good candidate for Aubrey, along with maybe Lopmon and its good evolution line? But then again, it depends on whether or not i can get a good look on the List of Digimon—

>> —^— <<

Man, it’s s a no-brainer when it comes to BASIL’s archetype. After all, he’s the plant guy, so why not give him a plant Digimon? Although I gotta admit, I did briefly consider him having an insectoid Digimon for the irony, but I didn't go through with it for reasons I'll explain later.

Anyhoo, the partner Digimon would probably be a snooty type with quite a large ego, despite being only a Rookie Digimon. It also would somewhat unintentionally put others down to bring itself up, much to the other Digimons' chagrin. Not sure what to pick for Basil's partner Digimon, though...

>> —^— <<

Next up is MARI! I'm gonna give her a Digimon that eventually evolves to a Holy-type, but I do desire to make a cruel joke and give her a partner that is related to the Leomon-species... or I could give her a ghastly or spirit Digimon to foreshadow some stuff…

Her partner Digimon’s personality would be, er, probably loyal to Mari (but not as intensely loyal as Kel’s Digimon), but it doesn’t regard its own safety to protect others. This could be an important plot point in the AU, where Mari is EXTREMELY concerned about her Digimon’s sacrificial protector attitude.

>> —^— <<

And then there’s SUNNY, the main character of the game, and in extension, this AU. I thought about his Digimon’s archetype a LOT more than the others, and it’ll show in this description. I think he’ll have an overall dark or demonic Digimon, but its personality is not like that at first, having a child-like curiosity, paired with being very soft-spoken and outright mute at times. Tsukaimon would probably be his Rookie, but its evolutions are… more complicated than that.

You see, I first thought about his Digimon’s Champion, Ultimate, and Mega forms to correspond with the fears that he has to overcome in the game. While this fits with the randomness of some Digimon evolution lines, it still doesn’t make much sense in a way.

And then I remembered how Gammamon evolves in Digimon Ghost Game, having four different Champion forms, which are used depending on the situation at hand. Sunny’s Digimon would evolve somewhat similarly, with one Champion form and three Ultimate forms that correspond with each one of Sunny’s fears. They could also fill in the rest of the archetypes, with the avian, insectoid, and aquatic Ultimate evolutions.

[serosluv2]

thinking about sero going home for break and the girl he had a BIGGEST crush on in elementary & middle school is now working at his dads dinner.

<c/w: mmm one mention of reader being tall but doesn't compte their height to seros. also i think gn!reader ?? not 100% sure tho. alludes to him having a big family which you can read my hc in that here >

he's definitely the childhood friends to lovers trope... fight me on that. you were the only kid that didn't ask him intrusive questions about his "weird" quirk as a kid, and that made him feel really comfortable and safe around you. you guys were super close up until he left for UA. he promised he would meet up with you everywhere weekend and call you almost every day to stay in contact but, as training and villain attacks got more and more frequent for him, waiting by the phone until you pass out at 2am become more frequent for you. so you stopped waiting. it was hard but you soon surrounded yourself with new people, school work and your job busied you enough to keep sero out of your mind until thinking of him only made your heart squeeze a little. you started working at his dads dinner because even though you guys sorta fell out, that doesn't mean you have to with his family! plus they love you!! especially the twins. you work every saturday & sundays and occasionally go after school if you aren't too busy with school. since sero doesn't get to talk to his dad a lot about the dinner, imagine his surprise when one late night he brings in bakugou, mina, denki, kirishima and jirou and you're there taking and running out orders. literally STAR STRUCK BC damn, 16 year told you looks a lot different than 14 you. and he's definitely not complaining.

you grew into your taller stature and without thinking he just shouts "oh my god! y/n?" you turn around kinda confused bc who tf it shouting at you at 11:30 at night. but your confusion soon melts into excitement when you see your sero hanta. 5'9 now, built, and sporting some skinny black jeans with a heavky oversized beige t shirt. y'all hug, him holding on a little tighter than you were, and you talk while walking them to their table. take their orders, run them back to the chef and walk back over to continue. he invites you to sit down and looking at his friends for any hunt they don't want you there, you're met with wide and exited eyes, except bakugou, welcoming you. you answer their questions about sero before UA, answer his questions about your life now, you asking him about hero training, etc etc.

it's 12:30 when theyre all done with their food, and are walking back to the station to get to their hotel room. but sero doesn't want the night to end. he hadn't notice how much he's missed you over the years until now. he offers to walk you home, saying how it's dangerous, blah blah, it's late and dark out blah blah. he walks with you the half mile it is from your house to the dinner, and when he sees the familiar walk up to the front door, he wishes he could walk with you some more. he doesn't want to leave you. it's like all those years ago when you were his safe spot and he wouldn't dare venture outside of your comfort. he walks up the steps with you and hugs and kisses your forehead goodnight. he can feel your body tense and heat but at his action but he doesn't care, all he cares about right now is easing his way back into your life. where he belongs.

[duckugou]

the blood on our hands

bakugou x gn!reader

aged up!

cw: a n g s t as hell. comfort. cursing, mentions of drinking, smoking, etc. alluding to depression and anxiety. dealing with trauma of missions and losing people. a ton of mentions of blood

this is a heavy topic in the hero universe i imagine- and generally in the mental health world of it all.

lyrics are from purple flowers by ande estrella which hold a very important meaning that has nothing to do with this- they just worked with the story. But fr go listen to it bc its so good.

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in! Requests are open!!

------------------------------------------------

reality is heavy and loud

Spacing out was more than being distracted to Y/n. Being a young hero meant stressful situations, overbearing management, tight spaces, stuffy meetings, and so much... blood. It takes a toll on a young person. Of course they wanted to be a hero- wouldn't chose anything else. They grin and bear this shit for a reason- to save and help people.

But god, who saves the heros?

but white has the privilege of washing machines to wash out the stains from their comfortable jeans

Some nights, after wrap-up meetings, everything was a bit too heavy. The usual group of friends and young heroes would choose someone's house to go to in order to destress.

For some, that was smoking. For some, it was drinking, video games, napping, venting, sitting outside alone yet with company. And for some it was merely listening to everyone else.

Not having to make a decision. Not having to be responsible. That's what y/n picked every time.

Bakugou would always notice them alone in the corner of the room. They were the one to come up with destress gatherings after hard missions. Bakugou knew it was so they wouldn't be alone with their thoughts. That's why he would always step in at times like as get them to talk, so those thoughts dont stay trapped in their head.

"Hey." Bakugou muttered, sitting on the floor next to y/n in Denkis apartment.

"Hey."

"You good, dude?" Bakugou asked with genuine concern.

He was always a bit nicer to Y/n. Nobody knew why, yet everyone knew why. They both were fragile and chose to hide it during the day, being strong around others to not raise red flags.

"I'm okay...just. That one was bad. I almost lost that kid. Like she almost fucking- died in my arms." Y/n choked out.

"Hey hey hey, its okay. You got her to the ambulance in time. You did that shit. You always do. You're the best in the game at comforting little twerps." Bakugou attempted to comfort them- somewhat succeeding and holding their head against his chest.

One time, Y/n mentioned that they held kids against their chest during rescues to calm their heartbeat. "If you listen to a calmer heartbeat, you're more likely to try to match it and slow your own down." Of course you wouldn't think Y/n would be able to have a calm heartbeat during a rescue, but they are very talented at controlling their nerves. Part of being a hero.

wiping the blood off their hands to their thighs, wearing the blood of the people who've died

Y/n subconsciously calmed down a bit, Bakugou's ability to remember every word that drips off of Y/n's lips paying off.

"I know. I just can't stop...thinking about everyone I've- we've lost. Its so unfair."

"I know. Hey, you have- uh. Lets go to the bathroom." Bakugou noticed a smudge of blood on Y/n's face and a bit on their hands. Cleaning up was the last thing on their mind earlier on.

"Ok."

Taking each other's hands, they walked into the bathroom. Bakugou sat Y/n on the counter, turning on the sink and grabbing a cloth.

"O-oh god. Thats fucking blood. I thought I washed my h-hands." Y/n began panicking, causing Bakugou to put their hands under the water with soap, washing it all off for them.

Tears mixed with the water from the sink and Bakugou stayed silent. Wiping their face, Bakugou looked into Y/n's eyes. These two have just always known.

They know what people can hide. What secret messages the body language of a person can hold. And he let them grip onto the back of his shirt as he held them in his arms, Y/n not being able to cry anymore and just breathing in his scent from his shoulder.

but dont let the purple flowers fool you

"Listen. We're going to get through this one. I know its hard on you- all of the families involved. But you- we saved them. We're all here for each other right? I'm here for you." Bakugou pulls Y/n back a little to look into their eyes. "You are the strongest one here. I know it fucking hurts. I know it is so...scary-" He sniffles a little, letting his own emotions take over. Something only he did when they were alone together. "- but we're heroes. And human. We are allowed to feel pain and sadness and disappointment- but we're heroes for a reason, right? We can handle this shit."

"I know we can. We always have. Just... promise you'll never leave me?"

"Youre so stupid. I've been more careful lately." He scoffs, wiping tears from his face. He of course knew that Y/n was referring to a few weeks ago when Bakugou got too caught up in the mission and was almost crushed by debris. He was pulled away in time by a fellow hero but it still opened his eyes, as well as Y/n, to how fragile they are, even if they are the heroes.

"I know Kats, but please. You're my rock in here. You're my person." Y/n says looking into his eyes.

"And you're my person. I can't leave you behind. You wouldn't know what to do without me here." Bakugou chuckles, earning a shove from Y/n.

"Katsuki." Y/n starts, holding his hands in their own.

"Yeah." He sighs.

"I don't speak lightly of feelings, you know that right?"

"Of course I know that. You don't talk much about those to anyone-"

"Except you." They interrupt Bakugou, reminding him of the importance of their unspoken bond and making his heart race.

"Yeah."

"Then you'll know how hard it is for me to say this. But- Katsuki I think I love you. I know we aren't super affectionate outside of being alone but- I've never felt what I feel with you before. I understand if you don't feel the same way and if this was all just because you felt bad but I needed to tell you that because you're really important and this is very import-"

Bakugou, in the most cliche turn of events, cuts Y/n off with a kiss to shut them up.

Pulling away, Bakugou rests his forehead on Y/n's .

"I love you too. I thought that was obvious when I never stopped you from saying my first name, idiot." He chuckles lightly.

"I kinda figured you at least liked me-"

"I'm going to keep you safe forever. That means physically and emotionally. No more hiding any feelings from me just because there are people around. Pull me aside. Hold me if you need or want to- I dont care if the whole world sees that. But just- fuck Y/n. I know you feel fragile. I know what it's like to be scared and hide it. I'm your diary now, ok? Always."

"Thank you...Katsuki. Fuck. You're everything I've ever needed. Plus youre kinda cute too I suppose." Y/n giggles.

"Oi fuck off." Bakugou kisses them again, relieved that he can finally be himself with Y/n, that he has them finally.

"I'm your diary too them, okay? I mean it. Anything, any time, say the word." Y/n says lightly, squeezing Bakugou's hand.

"Fuck. I love you."

"I love you too. I love how that sounds coming from you by the way."

"Me the fuck too-" Bakugou was interrupted by a loud yelling-

"I GOTTA PISSSSSS" followed by banging on the door.

"MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK SO FAST THEN LIGHT WEIGHT!" Bakugou responds, recognizing the voice of Denki.

"DONT MAKE FUN OF MEEEE I'LL LAUGH AND PEE MYSELF" Denki whined.

"Let's go, angel." Bakugou whispers into Y/n's hair, kissing them on the head and helping them off of the counter.

[bitegrip]

what’s going to happen to bakugo, a theory

*opens my meta-writing journal and gets blasted in the face with a cloud of dust* okay it’s been A While but considering everything happening w 285 i wanna sit down and talk about a theory abt bkg’s character arc i’ve had for ages bc it’s something i’ve been wanting to do for a long time but never got around to. now with 285 around the corner & all the arrows pointing to me being right i really wanna get this down on my own post before the official release of the chapter tomorrow (i have not looked at leaks & will not be looking). i will not be providing screenshots of the textual evidence i cite like i normally would (for the sake of getting this done in time) but this is still basically just a long-winded theory meta.

anyway, part one of my theory is: bakugo is going to sacrifice himself to save deku.

this has always been excruciatingly obvious to me, as the crux of bakugo’s character development is learning to save people (selflessness). especially considering most redemption arcs involve an explicit moment of redemption, where a self-sacrifice fits perfectly, and that horikoshi has done this before with bakugo’s prototype, shishido, from his previous manga, i’ve known this was coming since like. after deku vs kacchan 1 in the first mini arc. it’s also just that obvious from a How You Write Redemption Arcs standpoint, as a fellow author.

i’ve touched on this in a messy meta essay thing before where i talked about my theory for the moment when bakugo’s hero name will be revealed (& why it should be kacchan), but i don’t actually think i’ve said it elsewhere despite it being easily one of my biggest theories (if not the biggest). considering 285 is titled “bakugo katsuki: rising” and bakugo’s self-sacrifice for the sake of saving someone (deku, presumably) is the apex of his redemption arc & potentially his character arc, i’m pretty certain this is what’s going to happen in 285.

if not now, it’ll happen in the next 5 chapters and that chapter will be titled either his hero name or allude to it. we could also get the reveal of his hero name in that chapter, as the moment that bakugo becomes willing to sacrifice himself is the moment he achieves true heroism (since his character arc as a hero is about him embracing deku’s selflessness). but that’s kinda iffy, which we’ll dig our teeth into further down.

for now, don’t despair too much because i don’t think bakugo’s actually going to die.

bakugo dying makes no sense in the narrative, as both deku’s heroism & his character arc (and thus the. story) are incomplete without him. we also have yet to see the fruits of all the foreshadowing and subtext about a wonder duo team up. if bakugo dies then it would only be for shock value, which is just shitty writing (that bnha has so far not suffered from).

the point of the self-sacrifice is not bakugo’s death or loss, it’s him being willing to make a sacrifice to save someone else (especially if it is deku). bakugo could honestly not suffer any long-term damage or loss and it would still be totally acceptable, though not quite as good. and we all know bnha is good, so this brings me to the next part of my theory:

bakugo’s self-sacrifice is going to be losing his quirk, not dying.

to get a bit meta-y, bakugo’s quirk symbolizes a fucking lot. it’s the epitomization of his own natural talent, skill, and overall greatness, but it also represents his deterioration into egoism & the ugliness of quirk-hero society. it’s what incentivized his bullying of deku and what he used to do it, as well as his belief that he’s better than everyone. it is literally the symbol of all the bad parts of his worldview, albeit a very passive one in the narrative.

however, it also represents his heroism (selfishness/winning). bakugo is, after all, not bakugo without his quirk--and what bakugo fundamentally is, is the hero who wins (symbol of victory). which is why him losing it is simultaneously symbolic for him abandoning all the egocentric, hierarchical, and harmful parts of his worldview & also his death.

bakugo won’t actually die, but i can imagine horikoshi killing him in a metaphorical manner. if bakugo loses his quirk he loses his heroism, and therefore is effectively dead in the narrative. normally i would take extreme issue with this, and tbh i’m coming to terms with it, but the key is what happens after bakugo loses his quirk.

because he can get his quirk (and thus heroism) back.

this is why the subplot of mirio recovering his quirk was introduced, i think. mirio lost his quirk because he was too selfless, and lacked the drive to win (selfishness) that bakugo has/is & deku is learning from him. bakugo would lose his quirk similarly, and this is the only reason i can configure for why this theory might not happen since bakugo’s self-sacrifice is supposed to be a good thing for his character arc.

however, this isn’t concrete. if the narrative frames bakugo’s sacrifice in this arc as a mistake he made because he’s taken on too much of deku’s selflessness, and thus lost his own heroism in the process (literally), it would solve this problem. deku would also see firsthand how his blatant disregard for his own well-being goes too far and shouldn’t be cultivated, thus furthering his character arc. and it’d make sense structurally, as bakugo being willing to get hurt to save deku is very different from him being willing to die (whether metaphorically or literally), and it’s still a bit early for him to hit the apex of his character arc. 285 being titled “bakugo katsuki: rising” also implies that this is only a step in the direction of him achieving true heroism, aka the end of his character arc and earning/revealing his hero name.

the negative element to it proposed by the mirio-deku parallels could also be nullified by emphasizing that bakugo is not disregarding himself. mirio lost his quirk because he disregarded his own well-being completely in favor of someone else (eri), whereas bakugo could lose it as a tragic but active decision on his part. he exhausts the other options and is left with nothing except a painful, but weighed & considered, choice between self-sacrifice or the loss of deku.

furthermore, losing his quirk can work so well because deku now has multiple quirks and the nature of ofa is to give quirks to other people.

i don’t think i need to point out all the foreshadowing of bakugo being a user of ofa, especially considering heroes rising was horikoshi’s scrapped idea for the manga (and what i thought was going to happen prior to deku discovering he has multiple quirks). bakugo and deku are going to team up, it’s been established over and over how they’re two halves of the perfect hero. it only makes sense that bakugo would be a user of ofa, since he’s deku’s other half (wonder duo theory anyone?).

this is why i think deku has been given multiple quirks, and is therefore the user who’s realizing the full potential of ofa. it’s also why he’s the 9th user, rather than the 10th (it’s a peculiar choice from an authorial standpoint), and also why bakugo has a homophone in his first name for a japanese reading of 10 (since he’d be the 10th user). plus yk he was one of the silhouette’s deku saw in his dream about the first user, but i digress.

point is, deku’s going to realize the full potential of ofa by figuring out how to share his quirks with bakugo.

this eliminates the problem brought upon by bakugo’s narrative death, which is that he would no longer be able to pursue being a hero. it also pushes for deku’s development as a ofa user himself and is an absolutely perfect segue for them to become a hero team, if that’s where horikoshi is going. not to mention the recent 284 foreshadowing of the reveal of ofa to the rest of the class, which was prompted by bakugo himself. and this plotline would require deku to explain ofa because of bakugo.

as for the long-term, bakugo having ofa as a quirk could be permanent or temporary, depending on whether or not the loss of his quirk is framed as a mistake or active decision. how he could feasibly get his quirk back, should it be relevant, is pretty much anyone’s guess at this point, though. i do know that if he gets it back & it symbolizes him regaining his heroism he won’t get it until the apex/conclusion of his character arc, which would only occur on the tail end of the story. eri could be involved, maybe, or afo (the quirk), but who knows. like i said, he could also end up having ofa as his permanent quirk(s) and not ever get explosion back (or want it back, ultimately).

*closes meta journal abruptly, frazzled and followed by another cloud of dust* it’s 6am now & i haven’t slept so forgive me if the writing/structure of this is lowkey awful (esp the beginning i should probably revise but brain go brr) & if this ending is ungraceful but i stand by my points.

to conclude: ofa user bakugo & wonder duo theory? more likely than you think.

[thekidsarentalright]

thoughts on the kids aren't alright? that song always hits hard for me

ahhh okay tkaa is my favorite fob song of all time forever, so it also hits Very hard for me! i have a lot of thoughts on it, like, a Lot kfkrnf obviously i have my own super personal relationship w it, but that isn't as interesting to talk about comparatively to what i think They were trying to say with it so: i think this song is about their/petes relationship w fame just as much as it is kind of a love letter from pete to the fans, mostly just bc he often (affectionately) calls us the kids. A lot of the lyrics serve a double meaning bc of those two different purposes it could have (being abt their fame vs the fans) like, if you're look at it from the lens of being abt fame these lyrics stick out to me quite a bit: "maybe i bit off more than i could chew / overhead of the aqua blue" (referring to trying to do Too Much with their fame, something fob has talked abt before... also the second part i think is just talking about flying, constantly, being above the ocean for shows, events, etc) "and with the black banners raised / all the crooked smiles fade / former heroes who quit too late / who just wanna fill up the trophy case again" (in war black flags typically mean the enemy is just going to kill instead of take anyone hostage, when linking that to what pete could be alluding to w fame... ah... and then the lyrics go on to talk about heroes who just wanna be recognized again, slight hiatus vibes anyone?) but then for the other way you could interpret the song... all the lyrics i mentioned are basically saying the same thing just in a more usual circumstance... sometimes we, as people, bite off more than we can chew, life is overwhelming, we feel blue, we often go unrecognized and just wanna be able to fill up a 'trophy case' again with praise and love. "And in the end / I'd do it all again / I think you're my best friend" in both interpretations is just saying that despite all that pain life can bring, all the suffering one experiences, it can often be worth going through again and again if you have the right people with you. Either way you look at the song and the rest of the lyrics (which i could dive into but it would be Way Too long of a post and i don't wanna be annoying lol) the song is kinda saying the same thing: its okay to not be okay, you aren't always gonna be alright, but its always better to go through that with someone. Having someone by your side is important, vital, even, when not feeling okay.

[ghoularaki]

I know you hate all might and you’ve made amazing points. Would you happen to hate Endeavor too? If so can I get some points on that because people don’t understand how shitty of a person he is (sorry if you like him)

tw//abuse mention (we are talking about endeavor here lol)

If given the opportunity I would fucking kick Endeavor’s teeth in. I despise him so much. ajngurig I don’t hate All Might, he just disappoints me lol. y’all are making me feel validated with wanting to know my opinions ahhh so I will totally make points about Endeavor. 

1. uhhh obvious one, he abuses his children. And no I didn’t put that in past tense for a reason. It is hinted that he doesn’t physically abuse Shouto anymore, but he is still very much emotionally and verbally abusive. Also he doesn’t care about Natsuo and Fuyumi. The only child he really is trying to make amends with is Shouto which is clear with how he harasses him constantly to “apologize.” 

2. His shitty ass redemption arc. I’m going to so honest and say he does not deserve it and he didn’t allude to any behavior that he regretted what he did until he got what he wanted which is gross, sorry :). It wasn’t until he became number 1 and realized “wow I can’t be a shitty person and be number 1 I guess, time to give half assed apologies to my son and send flowers to my wife who I kept in a mental hospital for over ten years instead of ya know... letting her out.” Yes he is showing remorseful behavior and is kinda? changing his ways not really, but after years of the trauma he put his whole family through he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. Also Endeavor believes he has a right to being forgiven when he doesn’t at all. 

3. his obsession with power and having an inferiority complex at fucking 46. Literally all of his reign of terror stems from him being insecure and having this one sided competition with All Might (another reason why hero ranking is wack bc it causes shit like this). The ONLY reason he had children is to breed the perfect child that he can groom into the next number 1 hero because he was sure he was never going to win. He did not marry Rei out of love and there is quite the possibility he forced her to marry him and have children with him for this reason since it was a quirk marriage. It boggles my mind why anyone would like him after having knowledge of that. When we found out Touya died (?? dabi??) the only thing he had to say about it before becoming number 1 was how unfortunate it was he had such a powerful quirk but his body couldn’t handle it. Or how he neglected Fuyumi and Natsuo because they didn’t have powerful quirks. Or how he drove his wife to the point of insanity. He will only care about power and now he got it, he realized how lonely it is up at the top.

4. He’s not a good hero and no matter how many times in the manga they say he is, I don’t believe it. What I mean by this is yes, he gets the job done but he’s such a dick. Literally everyone is afraid of him and the only reason he became a hero is for power. That’s not what a good hero is. A hero is a hero because they want to help people not for fame, glory or power. 

5. now for the counter arguments because ik people will say these. “but he’s learning to be better” he’s 46, he is way passed the mark of not knowing what he was doing was wrong. go read point 2 again. “you say a hero shouldn’t be one because of power but what about bakugou?” bakugou is still a child and is already showing behavior that he thinks power isn’t just what makes a good hero. go watch the provisional exam in season 4 where bakugou tells off that kid.  

I feel like endeavor apologists are either a) people that never got abused and b) people who were abused and are projecting onto endeavor’s redemption arc bc their abuser never apologized (which is valid). I just see too much of my abuser in endeavor so it just fuels my hatred even more lol. 

[roominthecastle]

Hello, beautiful one. Love your blog and all your insights about the recent TGP episode as it relates to M/E. Are you going to do an analysis of the episode as it pertains to our ‘ship, or at least one about the parallels between M/E and D/D? Thank you and keep up the good work. As one of my heroes liked to say, “Don’t let the bastards get you down.”

Thank you! They’ve been trying to get me down in every fandom for like a decade now but haters are usually my best motivators, so joke’s on them. ;) I don’t plan on making a separate ‘ship post bc I’ve already said p much everything I wanted (for now) in my answers to the messages that flooded in after the ep, but the ME/DD parallels? w/ pleasure! *cracks knuckles* Let’s do that one.

Eleanor and Donna are carbon copies of each other, and this episode serves as a great reminder. It’s not only their “sunbaked Arizona trash” pasts that line up, it’s also the way they left it behind, which involved “dying” and meeting the right people. Even though Eleanor doesn’t remember her afterlife journey (yet?), it matches her mom’s (and here’s hoping that she can work her way back to that happiness again). And Dave is not a Chidi or a Jason or a Tahani - Dave is a Michael.

first, a brief summary to help me stay on track:

Donna lives in Dave’s home in Tarantula (1) Springs under the fake identity of Diana Tremaine (2) bc Donna Shellstrop is dead (3), but Dave knows all along who she really is. He’s an oddball architect (4) and they met in a condemned bar (5). When she realized who he was and that tearing it down was his project, she went at him with a knife. But this antagonism switched to attraction and then evolved into a committed relationship (6).

(1) Michael’s home is the Bad Place where they happen to love spiders: they eat them, they use them for human torture, and they keep them as pets. The Fake Good Place is part of this “landscape” and, for all intents and purposes, it was also Eleanor’s home during the reboots. As Michael remarks, “We lived in the same neighborhood.”

(2) Diana Tremaine is Eleanor’s fake identity, too. Donna “wears it” in a loving, committed relationship, Eleanor “wears it” during the time when two pivotal moments occur btw her and Michael: one in the torture museum where she openly displays worry for his well-being, striking a chord w/ him, and the other is the famous portal scene where Michael demonstrates his commitment by giving her his “everything I ever wanted” pin.

(3) This is a point of interest bc both Eleanor and Donna are in a kind of in-between situation here. Donna is officially “dead” but she also isn’t. Eleanor was dead for real and then… wasn’t due to some timeline meddling. And they both turned into better people after they “died” and started a new life (or afterlife in Eleanor’s case).

(4) Dave is aware of who Donna is from the start just as Michael knows who Eleanor is from day one. They love Donna and Eleanor respectively for who they are. Also, these two have practically everything in common: occupation, general disposition, glasses, sense of humor, and, most importantly, a deep fondness for knife-wielding blonde firecrackers. Donna describes Dave as a “kind of a dork but real sweet and so fancy”. That’s Michael, too, which is why he gets picked on by other demons. Even their approach to architecture is similar: Dave is a messy screwball innovator himself (he combined a Subaru dealership w/ a burlesque club and designed the “first Hooters made out of brick” that was “sort of inspired by Monticello“).

(5) Bars are a Michael/Eleanor thing in general. Their first meeting in this Earth reboot takes place in the Desert Rosé. Dave and Donna met in the Desert Rash. The similarities are given and the slight difference btw Rosé and Rash also nicely comments on the fact that D/D is overtly sexual to the point of being seedy while M/E is - and I kinda hate this word now due to fandom over-and misuse but it’s the best one here - purer. They are variations on the same theme, though.

(6) Eleanor wanted to “physically attack Michael”, “seduce him”, “use a large/small knife”, “indecent proposal him” after she realized she was in a  condemned place, i.e. in a Bad Place neighborhood, which was Michael’s architect project. The show kindly thought of those heathens who are not into freeze-framing their way through episodes and are therefore unaware of these plans, so all this is visually and verbally alluded to in the scene where she keeps pointing her knife at him, proposes a seduction and inquires about his penis situation, linking them all up w/ Dave and Donna’s story. Michael’s gleeful reaction when Dave tells them about Donna pulling a knife on him is fitting. As is his grin when Dave remarks that he loves her “wild streak” and that he’s being turned into a “bad boy”. Despite being a demon, Michael’s deviant behavior did not flare up until he met Eleanor and then it just snowballed from there. But Dave also responds to, supports and appreciates Donna’s efforts to better herself, and the same is true to Michael around Eleanor.

Essentially, M/E go through the same emotional extremes during the reboots that Dave and Donna experience in a more condensed form and “Earth timeframe” at the beginning of their relationship. And the initial antagonism transforms into love and commitment in both cases. Everything lines up neatly here: Dave and Michael, Donna and Eleanor, and the thematic links connecting these two couples and their evolution.

There is only one thing that’s v disjointed and that’s Michael’s abrupt “father figure”  stunt. This comes out of nowhere and has no place anywhere. It doesn’t fit his character makeup and it doesn’t fit his dynamic w/ Eleanor where she is always the assertive one w/ an actual history of “parenting” and guiding him in human matters. It also has no parallel in Dave whatsoever which is very odd bc they are compared/contrasted from literally every other aspect and Dave has a daughter. This relationship and his role as a father, however, are completely ignored. He is chiefly presented to us as the dorky architect boyfriend and it’s only his v adult relationship w/ Donna that’s discussed in detail (and many of those details are also present in M/E as noted above). Similarly, Eleanor is never compared to Patricia, all her parallels are firmly threaded to Donna. There is literally nothing to pick up on btw the Dave & Patricia and Michael & Eleanor dynamics, but everything lines up btw D/D and M/E, so…

“I would have been scared if she hadn’t been the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

[nacsygen]

i was going to go on a further rant about how i wish i didn’t know as much as i do about ww2 but y’all don’t need that, writing it out and deleting it was enough.  i’ll just say there was a big difference between growing up with the narrative “nazis were evil, we were the good guys, and it’s very sad that your grandfather died on the beaches of normandy without ever meeting your not-yet-born father but he died a Hero so it’s okay,” and then growing up and reading appallingly realistic and detailed descriptions of the firebombing of dresden and other german civilian cities by the allies, and - and - you know what yeah maybe writing it out and deleting it wasn’t enough bc now i’m dwelling on atrocities again, and the void’s giving me a speculative eye.  i’ll stop.

i think maybe it is the difference between my grandfather dying a hero (posthumous medal of honor and everything) and my father living as a murderer for having the same damn job.  my father lied about his age very early on in the vietnam war so that he could enlist with his older friends, because he was  an impressionable 16-year old idiot  (who’d started drinking at 15) who wanted to go off on an adventure with his friends to the other side of the world, and maybe end up like a war hero like his sainted forever-22 father.  maybe hoping he could be something more than the ever-worse sequence of deadbeat/abusive stepdads his increasingly depressed and alcoholic mother brought in to futilely try and replace the lost love of her life. to be better for and also get away from a whole bunch of half-brothers and sisters that he was never really suited to be the oldest brother they needed him to be, who he still did his best to shield from the various violent men in their life, with the backdrop of a mother too drawn into herself to intervene.  and my father was always a stocky and strongly-built man, but he never grew to more than 5′4″.

so at 16 years old, in 1962, they shipped him off to vietnam to become a jarhead and, when they saw his skills on the range (skills my brother and i share, so maybe it is kinda innate), they put him into training to become a full scout sniper.  yeah, like in Jarhead, except in a real on-the-ground combat war.  he was in the war for a lot longer than a draftee - maybe five, six, even seven years.  it was good for him, the regimentation, the control.  he liked it. he needed it.  he’d never had it before. it was good for him. i remember asking my dad once, and i remember it very clearly.  it had to have been either before my parents got divorced, so i would have been maybe six or seven, or one of the few occasions after i saw him before he moved to jamaica for a few years, so maybe nine or ten.  i think it was more like seven, though.  by this time my father was on 100% disability from the VA due to PTSD and in maybe the worst of his alcoholism.  but i asked him once while watching him work on a job in the sweet florida sun, with me having just enough of a grasp of knowing what the vietnam war was, what war was, and that he’d been in it, “daddy, did you ever kill anybody in vietnam?”  and he laughed and said “yeah, quite a few people.  it was my childhood that really fucked me up, though.”

and understand that apart from that last part, which is one of my earliest very clear memories (and how fucked up is that?) this whole narrative, i’ve put together from bits and pieces of information over the years from both parents, and knowing how similar to our core my father and i are.  it’s a big part of why we haven’t talked in going on five years, bc as sad as this all paints him to have as an origin story, he’s still ultimately an asshole who doesn’t know how to deal with feelings and turns everything into a fight (bc, again, became an alcoholic at 15, got worse and worse, and didn’t get dry until his late 40s and was pushed into a swift divorce with two young children involved).  i understand him at his core because we have always, my whole life, been too similar in all our worst ways, and some of the good ones too.  but i still feel great empathy for the 16 year old boy with one drunk neglectful, distant, incredible at times mother and a series of abusive alcoholic not-dads and a stream of half-siblings, with the legend of his heroic, wonderful, brave orphan hard worker forever-22 father hanging over his head literally since he was born. and then he went to war, like his father did.  he killed enemies, like his father did.  he earned medals, like his father did - my father has a purple heart from both physical and psychological wounds, he has a gold star and a silver star from saving his brothers in arms from dying at the hands of the enemy. and he came back from the war to be treated not as a hero, but to be branded as a murderer in an unjust conflict, a living symbol of national shame.  that shit sticks with you. i know it has for him for fifty long years.  

upon getting home, he immediately grew his hair and beard out (not unlike how my brother does when on leave, but granted, for both it happens within a couple days of not shaving) and went straight back into commercial art, pinstriping, sign-painting and cartoonery back in the ‘70s, which is when he met my mother (who was 11 years younger than him but still technically his boss, and told him she was a lesbian when he first flirted with her, but then they ended up together 20 years) and the rest is history.   i’ve inherited from him an addictive personality - my grandmother (who herself died of a heart attack just before i was born, only in her 60s), my father, my brother and i have alcoholism. and sometimes, really, i feel like i’ve inherited his trauma too, his trauma from the always-there presence of his father’s death, his abusive childhood trauma, his war trauma.  i feel like maybe my brother, who’s way more chill than me but also joined the military at a young age and now classes himself as a binge alcoholic, inherited at least some of the trauma too.  and yeah, my brother’s never killed anybody, but he fixes the planes that drop the strikes and has for a decade, and it weighs on him.  he and i don’t talk often for a pair of siblings that were once as close as twins, but we’ve occasionally had long, very late night inter-continental skype talks where we talk about this stuff. talk about how our mom found healing in our stepdad, who was also in the military but never killed anybody, and was maybe gruff and rough with us growing up but never abusive like our dad had the potential to be when he was drinking, or like his own father, who served under patton, was to him.  talk about how we respect that he refused as much as he could to continue the pattern of abuse. talk about how my dad and i are too similar in our core nature to ever really get along, even though our traumas are different, but there all the same.

the part of me that’s from my mom’s upbringing (and she’s alluded to having quite a few alcoholics in her family too) wants to spit at this man, get the fuck over it! it’s in the past! but that part of me lead to me not getting proper treatment for my mental health until i was 25.  so maybe, for once, my mom’s not right about everything. for once. 

if this was a proper thought-out treatise, this would be a great final pragraph to sum up everything above in a beautiful way.  but it’s not.  it’s me working things out as much to myself as for anyone else.  quite a few things in this i hadn’t even realized were so obvious until my brain typed them out as i thought about them. it almost makes me want to talk to my dad again.  yeah, my dad’s alive, he’s in his mid-70s bc he was in his late 40s when i was born, and he’s been an old man since his 40s but he’s also probably gonna live well into his 90s.  but he’s also like.  such an asshole, you guys. (again, mental maturity of a 15 year old).  i’m also an asshole.  we’re too similar in the exact same way we’re assholes. since i was 16 years old, talking to him on the phone bc i really did want to talk to my dad, pacing around my old room and getting increasingly agitated, he always goads me into a fight.  it’s not enough for him to be happy, it’s not enough for him to be friendly, he can’t be sweet unless it’s for a passive aggressive bit.  and i won’t put up with his shit the way my very sweet (and god knows where he got it) brother does. generational trauma! lachaim!

[morethanonepage]

thoughts on Keanu Reeves Constantine?

y’know this is an interesting question bc i actually have a lot of….if not affection for the movie, at least respect for some of the adaptation choices made. Like the most common line in re: film!Constantine is that it’s a good movie but it’s not a good Hellblazer movie and in a sense that’s right, it’s not – but it’s interesting. A noble failure, definitely.

What I think it hinges on is that it’s an American setting so they went full blown American with it – which is a mistake in my mind bc the point of Hellblazer is that it’s a quintessentially English story, and that’s why every run with an American writer in the comics is meh for me – but in the sense of “American AU Constantine” I think there were some really interesting/clever choices made.

Like starting with their John – Keanu is all wrong for original brand Constantine. His John is broody, he’s brunet, he’s Good At Magic. And comics!John is the opposite of all those things. And while comics!John can be broody, the important thing is the comics themselves tend to undercut that – there’s a lot of kind of snarky takes about John being in a sulk for whatever reason, some of it even from John himself. You get very little of that in the movie, and the movie itself is very TAKE THIS MAN’S PAIN SERIOUSLY about it, so. BUT in a sense that loner self flagellating thing is an American Male Archetype the way comic John has a very English & self deprecating sense of humor, so: ok, I can kinda see it, more as a translation (to American audiences) than an adaptation. 

[READ MORE BC OMG WHY DID I CARE SO MUCH???]

They make John Catholic in the movie, which is another kind of interesting choice – in the comics he’s not anything specifically though I would imagine he would’ve been raised Church of England as likely as anything else. But they kind of commit to John’s Catholicism in the movie, most likely because it has more ~mysticism~ (and the association with exorcism in general) behind it. But it also kind of sets John up as An Other, because it’s the religion of a lot of the second class immigrants (like, the Irish initially, then Latinx Americans, etc). White Catholics have a bit of a different rep, but given that the film is set in LA in the late 20th century, for me it set up more of those associations than anything else. It’s also so much more about the SUFFERING and the MARTYRDOM and the REDEMPTION NARRATIVE, which is not so much a thing in the comics (where John often does/tries to do good things but usually NOT for the explicit purpose of ~cleansing his soul~, so it’s kind of notable/interesting that both American-based adaptations [TV and Movie] focus on that a lot more. It’s may also make more sense as an arc for the medium but y’know) but IS notably a big thing in the movie. 

And the thing about John, even in the comics, is that he’s an Other but Normal Passing – with comics he presents in a very Proper English Man (which is why it’s SO IMPORTANT for me that he starts off on his adventures with his shirt properly done up and his tie right, and then as the day/his bullshit unfurls he gets sloppier) way, he’s white, he’s blond, he’s handsome etc, but he’s also a bisexual mess/working class disaster mage with a progressive bent, and in the movie he’s kind of a traditional American anti hero but also has his own stuff going on. It’s not as well executed as it could be – there’s not a lot of subversion in the film version, which is kind of the point of John – but at least you get hints of his potential sexuality and they go into his mental health issues (suicide attempt, etc) and his smoking, etc. 

So John is an interesting translation – not perfect, but interesting. I would even argue that he’s the weakest point in the movie as a translation-not-adaptation (tho lol baby bear Chas Kramer is up there), bc he’s very basic supernatural protagonist with no flourish. Which is not the case for the rest of the film, which COMMITS to the genre it is and does it honestly very well.

For instance I love their conception of Ravenscar, the mental hospital John has A Bad History with – in the comics it’s got an old, spooky, mad house aesthetic from the 19th century, which fits the comics and John’s history and vibe really well. The movie version goes what I feel is a very modern American direction with it: one of the 20th century industrial monsters, a huge grey building, with the fear of mental health coming from that very specific post-war fear of anything ABNORMAL (including sexuality but y’know). 

The setting of LA is great – a couple of (American) comic writers have given John’s arcs there, probably for the irony of CITY OF ANGELS etc, but I think it’s a really interesting choice/contrast to everything London (where John’s mostly based in comics, tho he does sometimes roam the countryside fucking things up) represents: superficial, modern, bright days, beauty, opulence vs the grey gritty grunginess of John’s London life, etc. So for that to be movie!John’s homebase is kinda neat, frankly, esp because of the cases John gets to work on there. The set design is also great – very colorful, very willing to pull in the florescent glare of a modern city, with the Latinx Catholic touches on the streets (look the votive candles and shrines are SUCH an easy go to for ~creepy urban flavor~ and it’s probably at least a little problematic for this film featuring some other really questionable racial choices I will get to later, but) in general it LOOKS great. Their conception of hell is also fascinating and very well executed imo. 

I also think there’s ONE (1) thing I think the movie does better than the tv show: the setting is WAY more dug into the working class/legit poverty of LA behind the shiny surface Hollywood stuff. The show really only hit that point in the New Orleans ep and even then….didn’t fully commit to it, but it’s SUCH a key part of the comic universe. Like Chas himself (in the show) is pitch perfect but in the ep about his family they’re LIVING IN A BROOKLYN BROWNSTONE which, real talk, is worth millions of dollars. Literally millions. On a cab driver’s salary???? Ridic. Still mad about it w/e w/e. Baby Bear Chas Kramer with his shitty cab and probably shitty apartment, following John around like a stunned duckling, is way more comics canon accurate, probably. 

Rachel Weiz’s character has a lot of potential – they make her Catholic too, to have some sort of connection with John, which is eh, and they also make her a twin, whose sister kills herself at Ravenscar. Given how much John’s early backstory issue are focused around HIM being a twin (whose birth killed both his mother and his (theoretically stronger) brother) that could’ve been a cool thing to allude to, but they don’t touch on it. And Angela (ANOTHER ANGEL THING) is p cool as a character – she’s unconvinced about the ~spooky shit~ stuff until she sees evidence of it, and then believes it, as a normal average human likely would. She’s brave, she asks questions, etc. She’s not just Love Interest tho there’s a bit of that. And anyway I love Rachel Weiz generally, she’s great, could’ve had more to do though.

Tilda Swinton shows up a lot in the gifs and it was a cool choice to cast her as Gabriel – they play up the androgyny and make her less obvious of a dick than comics Gabriel is (though she ends up being…probably more of one, or at least more effective). I think their Lucifer is good too – oily and weird and creepily gentle at times. He also doesn’t get a lot to do, but he doesn’t need to – he doesn’t in the comics, usually, either. 

BUT the racial stuff – the supernatural macguffin that’s supposed to bring about the end of the world is found IN A MEXICAN DESERT and then SMUGGLED OVER THE BORDER to LA to bring about the end of the world, like, who wrote this, Donald J. Trump?? – is generally #bad. But this is something it shares with the show (GOD THOSE MEXICO EPS, I LEGIT ALMOST QUIT THE SHOW BC OF IT), tho at least they had an actual Mexican actress to temper that nonsense. NO SUCH LUCK from the movie – just lots of creepy zombish brown people trying to bring around an apocalypse, super cool.

And not only is meh as a metaphor, to impute such a conservative metaphor into a the Hellblazer Verse, with its infamous/classic DEMON YUPPIES FROM HELL and in general tips toward the progressive/pro immigrant ethos, is BAFFLING to me. I mean maybe more in tune with American sentiments about everything, which I have argued above is an interesting choice, but still, boooo.

Also the fact that John quits smoking at the end of the movie is such Hollywood garbage it almost outweighs the positives. I mostly imagine he and Angela date for like a month, he’s such a bitch when going through withdrawal that she dumps his ass, and then he goes back to smoking/sulking around LA doing bad exorcisms. That’s the real John Constantine, babey!!!