#BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT HUMAN WOMEN WERE TREATED BETTER THAN TOONS WERE

[aparticularbandit]

I shall give you a character, and that character will be...!

Jessica Rabbit. *wiggles eyebrows*

untitled? ask? meme?

it's because you knew i was writing jess stuff isn't it i'm taking a break from writing jess stuff to answering jess memes it's like 2014 up in here again wow

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you

How I feel about this character: You really. You really just going to ask me this one. You really just gonna ask me a question I can write a book on how I feel about Jessica Rabbit and how she deserved exactly nothing I put her through and really she is happy for me to not be writing her anymore because it means she's not in pain but she's still around do you know I have a character in a book named in homage to her do you know I named one of my kittens after said character do you know that I now have a pet literally named after her without being named after her that is the biggest deal that is the big cheese that is so important I don't even write her anymore and yet I'm sitting here answering this question taking a break from writing a fic to give a character a potentially happy ending because I actually can even though it has been YEARS since I wrote her Jessica Rabbit keeps finding her way into my fandoms even when I switch them do you know she was in one of the first fics I wrote for Roisa do you know that I had an entire arc based around her do you know that she just--

All the people I ship romantically with this character: YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO ANSWER THIS ONE FRIENDO?! -SOBS- We're doing best hits because I'm not gonna go into all of the Jess ships. YOU ARE CRUEL. Roger, obviously. Like. Duh. The Jess/Scully ship wrecked me, and I miss it. So much. SO MUCH. (Also if we're throwing blame, I'm gonna blame @fictionpenned because I can.) And I will not elaborate because I honestly don't think I can. The Jess/Regina ship ALSO wrecked me, and I blame @notoriousjae for this entirely. I also will not elaborate here except to say that Claude didn't deserve half of what we put him through. I miss Ducky and our Jess/Annie and Jess/Evanora ships. The soulmate timer universe I keep going back to was created for Jess/Annie, and they were cute together. I miss the vulnerability of Evanora with Jess. (Alana shall not be mentioned because that is OC!Jess and her relationship with actual Jessica Rabbit was so fucking toxic that I can't actually ship it. Like we literally had to create another alternate universe to make up for the shit we did to those two.)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Jess/Eddie. Give me more Jess and Eddie things. Always give me more Jess and Eddie things. (Also Shadow. OBVIOUSLY. I MISS THEIR BANTER. SO MUCH.)

My unpopular opinion about this character: I know that the Jess is Ace headcanon is really popular, and I love it, you know as an ace who writes Jessica Rabbit, I love this headcanon, and I hold it dearly to my heart...but also it is not my headcanon, Jess is pan, she was created with a very specific purpose and being pan fits with how she was designed. I love your headcanon very much please keep it I love Jess as an ace icon, mine just isn't. ><

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: ...in the movie? Honestly, I don't want changes to movie Jess. She's great. That was an excellent movie. I would not add anything to that. The book is its own special form of.... It's a weird fucking book, y'all. Not bad, just. Weird. Good? Subjectively? Disney kept...names, mostly, and the barest of bare concepts (Jess is still humanoid, Roger is still a rabbit, Herman is still a baby, and Eddie is still a detective) and that is about it the plot is entirely different the book is about finding out who killed Roger and there is no Judge Doom it is so wild but I don't...know if...I would change it...either? I'd have to reread the book to think of things to change. (JESS DESERVES BETTER IN THE BOOK, TOO, ACTUALLY.) And honestly...I don't really - like I'd love more WFRR stuff but I don't think...I don't think it would capture what the original did. So I actually...don't have an answer for this one. Whoops?

My OTP: Don't make me choose, I literally have one Jess funko pop between Scully and Roger and another (different) Jessica figurine between Scully and Regina (and yes I guess this means Scully gets both of them, don't judge me) like. Don't make me choose between them. (I love Jess/Roger, but it's Jess/Regina and Jess/Scully I have a hard time choosing between.)

My OT3: ...did I have an OT3 for Jess? ...I don't really think...the ships I mentioned above...have OT3 potential. Roger is way too jealous for that (Jess could share Roger; Roger couldn't share Jess). I mean. OT3 doesn't have to be sexual in nature, so then, like, Roger/Jess/Eddie would be...yeah? Kind of? (But also I'm feeling intrigued by the idea of a Jess/Alana/Scully thing because like. There's potential in that. Would have smoothed out some things. Remember how Jess actually went to therapy and it didn't fix anything and actually in fact made things worse because I DO. Reasons you don't have sex with your therapists, kids; it might just add to their trauma and end up with them turning into a cannibal.) Actually, I could conceivably Annie/Jess/Evanora because there are some interesting things that could be played around with in that, but then that gets weird because Annie and Evanora were twin sisters - or probably would have been if they were both involved (their verses were usually separate, so it wasn't an issue), so it would be more Jess being involved with both of them. I could bring Haruko back, but that's a bad plan. You know what, actually, Miyo and Jess could easily be open to a third person. Can I just say I don't know? Because I don't know.

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

ATDT!AU Post-Escape Halloween thing 1-5 (or more)

The little town at the base of Mt. Ebott was practically buzzing with excitement. Normally, due to restrictions put on by an H.O.A that feared and hated Halloween as “The Devil’s Birthday”, Halloween parties were rarely held unless they were in secret and at home. A lot of normal people in town were delightfully surprised that the power-tripping harpies in charge didn’t try to ban trick-or-treating or house decorating altogether but the townsfolk were often muffed at the strict rules surrounding it: “Trick-or-treating starts at 6:30 and ends at 7:00″, “Any house that puts up decorations before Oct. 28th and or leaves its decorations up after Nov. 3rd will receive a fine”, “All Outdoor Halloween decorations must be 5′ tall or shorter”. And other such ridiculous rules were put in place to shackle Halloween to the ground.

But what made this year so different? This year, Mettaton and Sammy Lawrence were holding what could only be described as the BIGGEST Halloween party/Haunted mansion romp in the history of humans, monsters, and toons. And thanks to the co-stars’ charisma, Mettaton hiring a really good lawyer, and the currently dominant half of Sammy being too darn spiteful to be contained by mortal means, the H.O.A. was completely powerless to stop them.

However, it didn’t stop them from trying anyway. This week, Linda Simmons (Not to be confused with Linda Stein, who is a lovely lady and an excellent member of society but is not human in the slightest.) Was the one to march up to the monstrosity of a haunted mansion in progress to demand to speak to the pair.

She clutched the cross on her necklace tightly in her hands as she saw the mansion in all its ‘unholy’ glory. As per Mettaton’s usual ‘go big or go home’ approach to his work, the damned thing looked like something out of someone’s nightmares! The mansion itself looked like an old-fashioned but normal one but the “Decorations”? Large patches of fleshy growths scattered all over and presumably within the mansion, giant human-like bones and organs growing in and around the area, thick black fluid being pumped into the monstrosity, and god knows what else!

Linda felt sick to her stomach when she walked up the thing, almost swearing that she saw the flesh patches writhing, as well as the bloodshot eyes embedded into the outside walls staring directly at her. In her other hand, she held a copy of the H.O.A.’s very strict rule book, clutching onto it as if it were a bible. She took a deep breath in, and pounded on the door.

“Just give me five minutes Darling!✨”

The mechanical menace whom she once adored on television before meeting him face-to-face oh too cheerfully responded over the sound of a roaring chainsaw and nails being pounded into wood on the other side of the door. After an exact five minutes had passed (she checked her watch between impatiently knocking on the door and tapping her foot on the ground), she was greeted with a giant calculator-like robot wearing a spiffy Halloween-themed suit complete with a tie with a bat pattern on it.

“Why Linda, how nice of you to drop by!”

She frowned at the superstar machine.

“Mettaton, are you aware that you’re violating the H.O.A. rules regarding Halloween decorations?! And what on earth are you two thinking holding a Halloween party here?! Do you have any idea how many noise complaints you’ll get?! The fine you’ll get is-”

“SShhhhhh”

Mettaton put his finger against her lips and Linda crossed her arms in frustration as he continued to draw out that ‘shush’ noise. His other arm extended into the room behind him and retracted with a large pile of papers in hand. He stopped shushing when the papers where in her face. She internally groaned at the sight of them, she hated it when people found loopholes.

“As you can see here, here, here, here, here, here, and here... Everything we’re going is completely within the H.O.A. rules and regulations.”

“What the?!” Her eye twitched, her face turned red, and after skimming through Mettaton’s papers, she spoke through gritted teeth “Okay, so your decorations are Technically allowed... But only because nobody would ever think that we’d have to make a rule against animating MEAT with black magic to make Halloween decorations... But what about the party itself?! And the noise?!”

While Mettaton did not have eyes at the moment, Linda could feel him rolling them at her.

“The ‘Party’ you claim we’re throwing is actually a charity ball that happens to have a Halloween theme to it, which as you can see under this section right here, IS allowed.”

She raised an eyebrow at the robot.

“What type of charity?”

The lights cut out, all replaced with a single spotlight on Mettaton, who was now dramatically draped over a piano while a sad melody on a violin began to play and white rose petals started to fall on him.

“A great tragedy had fallen on thousands upon thousands of innocent lives... Men, women, and even small children stripped from their homes, from their friends and families and all brutally slaughtered! And after death? Their souls broken, and forcefully fused together within a prison of vile ink made by a cruel man who cared not that he was turning nightmares into reality, as long as it meant his dreams come true... These restless souls have finally been freed from their devilish tormentor, and had grown attached to this world, no longer humans, but not quite monsters either. These people are lonely, confused and scared in a new modern world that while offers them new chances and opportunities, is a strange and foreign place that overwhelms them to the point where they want to go back. As having a familiar yet horrible home can be more welcoming than an unknown yet kind home at times. We’re raising money and awareness to help these poor people get back on their feet.”

 Linda bit her lip and rolled her eyes at Mettaton’s overly sappy and over-dramatic speech, she knew that the “people” he was referring to were most likely those strange, hyper, 2-D creatures and or those disgusting, smelly, ink things that took up residence inside Mt. Ebott after all of the regular monsters came up here.

“And what about noise complaints?”

The lights flicked back on and Mettaton threw himself off the piano in annoyance.

“Well, Sammy and I are constructing sound proof walls as we speak, so when the building is properly complete, there wont be a thing to worry about.”

Linda threw her head back laughing.

“Sammy is helping build them? Sammy Lawrence? That weird giant slug thing with the creepy mask? What does he do? Ooze on the wood that needs to be nailed up?”

“You can always ask him what he does yourself, Darling!” He pushed her down the hall and into the next room before slamming the door behind him while she stayed on the other side. “He loves to answer questions!”

“Hey! Don’t just shove me in here with that disgusting mass of slime! I don’t care if you’re a celebrity or not, I can have you arrested and- Oh sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph...”

“Have a Banana, Hannah, Try the salami, Tommy, Get with the gravy, Davey, Everybody eats when they come to my house.”

While she was pounding on the door, she looked back just to make sure that the creature Mettaton often worked with wasn’t about to pounce on her and gnaw her limbs off, but instead of a giant black slug that had arms and reeked of spoiled meat and moldy art supplies, she was starring at a human being. And he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen in person.

“Try a tomato, Plato, Here’s cacciatore, Dorie, Taste the baloney, Tony, Everybody eats when they come to my house!”

The man was tall and broad, his skin was clean-shaven, on the paler side and had healed claw marks all over it, he wasn’t wearing a shirt at all (A fact which Linda was very thankful for.) which revealed that he had a large, strange tattoo on his back, and he had dirty-blond hair that was so long that it was only stopped from dragging on the floor thanks to the braid it was in.

“I fix your favorite dishes, Hopin’ this good food fills ya! Work my hands to the bone in the kitchen alone, You better eat if it kills ya!”

He had his back turned to her, singing to himself and clearly very focused on the task in front of him, but she happily watched his every move in awed silence. In addition to his body, the man also had a lovely singing voice.

“Pass me a winda, Linda,” he gestured behind him. “In all seriousness, if you could pass me that window pane behind you, that would be great.”

“Oh!”

Linda snapped up and instantly scrambled for the window he had gestured to.

“Thank you, that’ll do.”

The head of the PTA and member of the H.O.A. stared intensely at him, taking in every single detail of his front. From his black pants to his washboard abs- until he gently tilted her head up so that she was looking at the man’s face.

“You know,” He said teasingly with a wink. “My eyes are up here.”

His sharp-featured face that only had one long claw mark on it as opposed to the rest of his body, his bright white smile that she couldn’t find a single flaw in, and his eyes, his deep, dark brown eyes that just made her melt by looking at them. Oh sweet lord, this man was so far out of her league that she honest to god thought he was blind to be flirting with her.

“I’m so sorry sir!”

Linda blushed redder than a jar of tomato sauce and looked away altogether, trying to fruitlessly cobble together an explanation.

“MettatonpushedmeinheretospeakwithSammyLawrencebutyouwerehereinsteadandyouhaveareallyprettyvoiceandimsosorry-”

“Wait, Mettaton sent you in?”

“Y-yes..?”

“And you’re looking for Sammy?”

“Yes?”

“Well why didn’t you say so sooner? What do you want to speak with me about?”

She went from bright red to white as a sheet as soon as that sentence left his mouth. Now that she thought about it, didn’t the local news channel say that the ink creatures could shape-shift? Oh god, this man was that gross slimy creature... The gross slimy creature that she kicked in the face with her high heels the second she saw it in person...

“N-nothing!”

She then ran out of the house as fast as her legs could carry her, jumped into her car, slammed down the breaks and sped as far away as she could. Once she was possibly miles away from everyone, she buried her face into the car horn and screamed.

Back at the haunted mansion, Sammy let out a long held sigh of relief.

“Thank fucking God she’s finally gone, just listening to that harpy’s voice makes me want to bash my head in against a wall.”

“Oh my...” The robot star half-dejectedly mused. “And here I thought the winds of romance would turn her cold, dead heart.”

“Mettaton, my standards might be rock bottom, but they’re not in the mariana trench.”