#pta linda

[ltwharfy]

From "PTA It Ain't So":

Joanne: ...this is about those three special letters that make the world a better place.

Linda: S E X?

I love Linda Belcher so damn much.

[littlespoonevan]

i swear every time they put eddie in a scene with a woman in a romantic context it just strengthens my belief that he's gay lol

askdjfhsd i actually don't know how to explain it!!!! but it's just so Rare to see him in any kind of romantic context with a woman that when it does happen it's like, hmm there's something fishy about this 👀👀

like with shannon i think it worked because they knew each other and we met them at a very fractious point in their relationship where there was clearly So Much history so you buy into it, y'know? and hell, even with ana in that first scene in fools it's more or less normal flirting (awkward though it may be)

but ever since then it's like....i almost feel like giggling when i watch him interact with women because it's just Different. like he wants to be their bff and trade recipes and commiserate about their nosy tias and he'll have a great time doing it but that's it lmao

[captain-hen]

the ‘sunshine personified’ / ‘he makes everyone around him happy’ thing is sooo interesting because i don’t think we’ve really seen that from buck, have we? and by that i specifically mean in the fanon context of buck being the social PTA dad at all of chris’s school functions while eddie broods in the corner and only wants to talk to buck. if anything, we’ve seen the opposite behavior with eddie — he’s clearly good friends with chris’s friends’ parents, he was so happy and glowy when he first met the 118, he befriended may and linda so easily at dispatch, and i could go on and on.

he just seems to connect with people so easily, and i think a lot of that genuine friendliness is lost on people because he also has a tendency to get casually snarky with people he isn’t so fond of, whether it’s annoying temporary coworkers or selfish people on calls or opportunistic reporters. the same thing goes for his private nature vs. buck’s bleeding heart — it’s assumed that eddie isn’t a people person because he likes to keep his innermost feelings close to his chest and it’s also assumed that buck is good at instantly forming connections bc his feelings spill out of him at all times.

and like. it’s not that buck isn’t a kind and friendly person, but i do feel like his specialty is deep acts of love for the people he loves. idk if i’m articulating this right but i’m trying to point out that he’s never more ‘sunshine personified’ than when he’s with the 118 and co. he would do anything for them and he lights up around them in a way that he doesn’t really do with anyone else. and we haven’t seen him be so casually close to people outside that friend group.

when we got a glimpse of connor and buck’s friendship, it seemed more about what they could do for each other than about true connection. when we got that episode about buck and red, a lot of it was projection on buck’s part re. his fear of abandonment and his desire not to let his future turn out like red’s and it was also about his need to fix things for everyone else so he can feel like he’s needed. when he met lucy, he was desperate to fill a void and not feel as hollow as he felt going home to taylor kelly every night with his sister and his brother in law and his partner gone.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not trying to ascribe selfish motivations to buck bc i do believe he always tries to do the right thing, but when it comes to people outside of the 118, with the way it’s been written in canon, i feel like those dynamics have always been more about his own issues than they’ve been about actual friendship. and this isn’t even getting into how he acts when he feels like someone new is encroaching on his territory (see: eddie in 2x01 and lena). idk….i just think that kind of casual connection comes so much easier to eddie for whatever reason. maybe it’s because his abandonment issues are a whole other flavor, or because eddie’s upbringing was so different from buck’s. either way, it’s so interesting and ppl blinded by fanon are really missing out. i apologize for the long ass rambling and i don’t think i really articulated this well, so TL;DR — fanon sunshine buck and broody eddie do not exist in canon and i’m Very excited to see the way that mr. possessive, jealous, broody evan buckley acts when eddie meets someone new this week :)

no, you're so right about all of this, though! buck genuinely does light up and is at his most comfortable and golden retriever-like around the 118, because he sees them as family and trusts them so much—and i think people get carried away and attribute the same thing to everything else (like, for example, the social PTA dad thing). when in canon, buck on multiple occasions has not dealt with new people too well—whether it was eddie, or lena, or ravi...and now, as it looks like, tommy. and you kinda hit the nail on the head about how most of buck's relationships outside the 118 being very transactional in nature up to this point, it's sad, but it's true.

eddie is the complete opposite in this regard, though, like, the guy goes around collecting new friends like they're pokemon. lol. he is so wildly different to the fandom portrayal of him as this anti-social loner that i struggle with understanding how people even got there in the first place (i mean, i know why. but still).

anyway, buck's issues with jealousy and insecurity are sooo interesting to delve into as character flaws and so much more compelling than fandom's portrayal of him as a perfect angel baby who's never done anything wrong, but 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ at least i have canon giving me the stuff i want lol

[sugar-omi]

PTA meetings with the boys.

Derek is the most popular bc he's girl dad and cuz he's got his shit together. Lots of plans for the kids.

Cove has no idea why he's there but he's got the spirit and trying his best. He likely avoids big arguments that escalate *cough* Karen parent *cough*

Baxter is either loved or hated. He's fun and smooth but the moment a Karen plans a party there's a throw down. Stop overspending shit to look impressive Linda we don't have the budget!

LMAOO BAXTER IS A MENANCE

especially since he's a planner he's like "no no no that won't work. that's not even appropriate for a kids soccer game"

[celticcatgirl2]

“…mommy…Frieza is trying to kill me…”

“Oh YEAH?!?! What is he? A little white lizard? Can’t be too tough…if Linda form the PTA can’t beat me I don’t think his bitch ass stands a CHANCE….”

[sunshinediaz]

some of my personal fav eddie hcs 🫶🏼

he's the oldest cousin and only boy so he doesn't know what it's like to have any older siblings, but when he met hen and chimney, he felt for the first time what it was like to be taken care of as a younger brother and he's never ever going to take it for granted

it took him a while to grieve his wife, but eventually he brings shannon's things out of storage and puts them out all over the house. sometimes it hurts, but it's all worth it when he gets to answer his son's questions about where the eccentric iron armadillo came from

when shannon found out she was pregnant, she told eddie and they decided to run away. it was fun while it lasted, but eventually they ran out of money and had to return home. he'll forever treasure those few weeks they had together; it was their happiest time.

shannon loved music, so when he's missing her he'll put on the songs she liked and dance all over the house with christopher

he LOVES watching movies at the theater and often goes alone in the mornings after he drops chris off at school. he stops at the dollar store first and get snacks and puts them in his boots to sneak them in

he's queer (it's easier than explaining the complexities of being bi and on the ace spectrum) and he's known since he was 20 years old. it wasn't a sudden realization; it hit him slowly, like snow falling one by one. he's comfortable in his queerness and he has support from his family.

he wore his wedding ring even after shannon died. he lost it, though, and he went to a pawn shop to buy another one, and then buried it next to her grave when he finally felt ready to let her go

what sold him on the 118 after graduating the academy was how hard bobby fought for him without even knowing him. he didn't have to prove himself. it was nice.

he doesn't want anymore children. he didn't even want christopher, honestly, but it takes two to tango and shannon was excited and he was, too, even though it took him a while to wrap his head around the idea of being a dad.

bobby and buck are his emergency contacts.

he used to wear his abuelo's boots because the man was a real-life cowboy and eddie wanted to grow up to be just like him

he used to love thunderstorms but after buck's accident he doesn't like them much anymore + listens to music when it's late and the thunder's too loud

he has his childhood dog's name tattooed on his leg

his favorite flower is magnolias. he likes dark chocolate covered strawberries and buys two dozen for himself every valentine's day. he brews his own sweet tea. he leaves his tomatoes on the windowsill to sun and ripen further.

bobby's like a dad to him, the kind he deserved

he had a little crush on linda when he was at dispatch (and buck LOVED it)

he loves buck, like that, but his heart's big enough for more than buck buckley and he's enjoyed every relationship he's had that led him and buck to one another

when buck proposes and they start planning their wedding, he turns into bridezilla. groomzilla?

he is a sassy dude. his mouth gets him in trouble sometimes, but he says stuff so dryly and blandly people look over it. it drives chim up the wall.

he dances with maddie at her and chim's wedding, and jee-yun, too, who stands on his shoes

he tries really hard to be normal when christopher starts dating, but it's hard when it's the kid of abbie jean gentry, pta president and eddie's sworn enemy

he visits shannon's grave often and talks with her. she's dead but he isn't gone, not when he can see her in their son's smile and hear her in their son's laughter, and he likes to tell her what chris is up to even though he's pretty sure she's watching

he loves cartoons. LOVES them, i'm so serious. i can't stress enough how INTO cartoons he is, okay.

buck said kissed him first and decided they were going on a date. eddie went batshit, didn't go to the date because he was making a list of all the reasons why he and buck shouldn't be together, and buck finds him in his kitchen and he's pissy, and eddie shows him in the list, and on it there's 'buck keeps his loft on 68. cold.' and 'buck uses too much onion powder' and 'buck doesn't wear socks to bed and he sticks his cold feet on me' and buck just laughs and laughs and laughs because they're terrible for each other, kinda, but that's what makes them perfect for each other, too. losers.

his favorite color is green and when apple came out with a green iphone he was so excited he squealed

he's a fan of country music. not that new age, jason aldean, toby keith did to country music what pantyhose did to fingerfucking type shit, but the real country music, full of outlaws and rebels and rednecks. it's one of his roman empires.

his favorite movies are twister, titanic, without a paddle, dirty dancing, and dazed and confused

patrick swayze in roadhouse was his Awakening

he enjoys sex, even with the people he had one night stands with, and doesn't care whether he tops or bottoms because it feels good regardless. he does tend to lean toward the (soft) dominant side of things, which his partners respond to beautifully

he was born 31 october 1991

he was held back a grade in middle school to give him another year of eligibility of playing baseball in high school

he was a member of ffa, held office as sentinel all throughout high school, and supports the organization still. chris is in 4h, but the high school he wants to go to has an active ffa program and eddie's really excited about it

he's soft and so full of love he doesn't know what to do with it sometimes. it just spills out of him, splashing at his feet and flooding everybody around him. he doesn't hold it in anymore because he likes the way people respond to him when they realize he's sharing his love, all smiles and acceptance and unconditional love in response

[just-an-enby-lemon]

[AU They actually bonded in Assault on Arkham and scaped together in the end]

Amanda Waller: Let me remind you again of your situation, kill switch or no kill switch. Tell me, what's the worst accusation each of you ever got?

Harley: Being straight. Ew

Boomerang: Having a fake australlian accent.

Killer Frost: Not being as cool as the other Killer Frost.

King Shark: Not being an actual shark?

Deadshot: Being a bad father. That one was from you, by the way.

Amanda Waller: What are you talking about? All of you were accused of actual crimes.

Harley: Yeah. That we comited. I'm okay with being a certified derranged criminal, but straight?

Boomerang: Exactaly. I steal things and sometimes hurt people a lot, I'm okay with being a Flash Rogue, but they said Jude Law had a better australian accent than me. I AM australian.

Deadshot: The only two people that ever called me a bad father were you and Linda from PTA. I love my kid and take parenting seriusly. So it's only logical this stupid lie is worse than being called a killer, the last one is just my job.

Amanda Waller: I was going to say I could give you the death penalty at any moment with any acusation real or fake but now I don't have a momento.

King Shark: Too bad?

Killer Frost: You know that if you actually have done or even threatned that we would just kill you right?

[philhoffman]

This week's Monday Philm is Magnolia (1999), dir. Paul Thomas Anderson, which has been on my mind for a while. I haven't watched it in over a year but small things keep reminding me of it—songs, actors I see in other projects, lines and ideas.

It turned out to be a perfect film for Yom Kippur, too. YK is the holiest day of the year and it's all about teshuvah—repentance and atonement, reflecting on the year and seeking forgiveness. That matches up well with the themes in Magnolia: "We might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us." Every character is so lonely, everyone has done wrong or been wronged or both, everyone is dealing with the past that ties them together and won't let them go.

We fast for 25 hours to reach a higher level of spirituality—to put aside human needs like food and sex, to be more like angels—which reminds me of what PSH said about his angelic nurse: "[Phil Parma] probably has problems, but Phil’s not gonna be worrying about his skeleton in his closet because he’s got someone dying in front of him… He might’ve gotten in a fight with some girl a week ago, he said the wrong thing, it bothers him, but the next day he’s showing up at work at Earl Partridge’s house… It’s very selfless. He’s really putting himself aside for other people and therefore pretty much enriching himself."

Magnolia always makes me emotional, apparently even more so when I'm tired and hungry and otherwise afflicted. Burst into tears when Linda comes home and yells at Phil Parma for being on the phone, not because she hits him or because it's so intense or because they're both crying—but because the scene is filmed entirely over his shoulder and I was sad we couldn't see his face. PTA put so much of Phil Hoffman into Phil Parma, it's even easier to miss him when you watch it. I just wanted to see more of his sad, beautiful face.

[stregoniconiconii]

thinking about Stobin Parents again. They are wreaking havoc at those PTA meetings. steve having to be like “Rob. you can’t flirt with our daughters teacher. you’re not as subtle as you think.” Robin being like “Please don’t argue with linda again it’s making our kids play dates kinda awkward. She tried to talk to me last week, Steve.” they’re kind of annoying but but also the suburban moms are jealous because even though they think they’re raising some weird kids the family is clearly quite happy and the two of them seem to actually be insanely in love and every time someone asks what their secret is to a happy marriage they give a different stupid answer each time because they think it’s funny. “i only feed steve red meat.” “robin and i actually fist fight once a month in the living room. our youngest is the referee.”

stobin accidentally becoming the lavender marriage version of the Addams family, so very real I also think the kids are in on the joke 100% ooh but now im wondering how in the know the kids are especially since I see them fostering/adopting

[zanyzendraws]

undertale fandom things i randomly remembered around 1 am. Or insanely specific childhood memories I hold.

- Amino back then was so fucking funny because the UT amino had featured a post where some kid I guess found a hole in the ground and went “GUYS NO LOOK IT MATCHES THIS PICTURE OF MT EBOTT” and people were losing their minds. I was losing my mind. Okay amino isn’t funny- KIDS are funny.

- PTA Sans was a popular concept and i don’t see people do it anymore. It’s funny. I miss seeing him go ham when it came to putting Linda or something in her place

- Apparently Genshin Fans are starting to find out that Sean Chiplock is the one who made the “Papyrus Makes a Mixtape” audio and it kinda amuses me. I’m the opposite. Instead of “omg this is the guy that voices Diluc” I always see Sean Chiplock’s name and go “Papyrus?”

- omg the sans and papyrus vocaloids / utauloids. The Drop Pop Candy. The Childish War. The Kangerou Days Sans cover that was made by sTEEL FROM THE UNDERTALE MUSICAL

- The Echo animation for Gaster is legendary. Also gentle reminder that the UT community led me to the Vocaloid community. Anyone else? Just me? Okay.

- there was an undertale dating simulator that was in the works and it had auditions and everything but it got cancelled (i’m not referring to bonely hearts club btw but PLEASE CHECK THAT ONE OUT)

- speaking of discontinued projects / gone tumblrs WHERE DID CRASHBOOMBANGER GO. WHERE. PLEASE. SIR. YOUR FELL VOICES WERE LEGENDARY. AND ALSO YOUR METTATON.

- Vannamelon was commissioned to play Undertale and THAT’S HOW BAD PEOPLE WANTED HER TO PLAY IT

- IMPACT. CALIBRI. TRAJAN. PAPYTON ENJOYERS RISE UP. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M REFERRING TO.

- Has anyone noticed there’s an image of Jack Black wearing a Sans shirt. If you didn’t know, now you know.

- There was a weird period of time where people drew Monika and Sans together and I guess it was due to the characters both being self aware of their respective games though it was weird looking back

- okay so idk if i’m tripping but I swore the channel pshattuckproductions had more undertale comic dubs than they do now. like they don’t do comic dubs anymore because it’s called Gaming for 2 now though the vids are still up. Though I swore there was a comic dub of Sans and Toriel at the store and Sans being a “cashmere-velvet candy cane” with what he’s treating himself with and then Papyrus is going to seemingly spoil the fun but then treats himself with a batman costume too. Where did that go. There was also a comic dub where Papyrus learns to use the gaster blasters and summons spaghetti

[chaoticornot]

Wishlist season 6

This is my very late rendition of what I want to happen in season six of 9-1-1. I haven't watched anything yet, so it's spoiler free.

- Eddie is in therapy. What I mean is I want to hear about his therapy and that he is still going and maybe even seeing a little bit of it. 

- I want Chim to apologise to Buck about punching him because that was out of line, and it was never acknowledged, even though I think it was a lot for Buck, emotionally. Or at least an acknowledgment that it happened and that the team and Maddie are aware.

- I want the team to find out about the will and their reactions to it.

- I want more poker nights with Buck, Maddie, Josh, Hen, and Chim because it's fun.

- I also want Eddie hanging with the girls, trying new recipes, and just having fun and self-care, yay! And with the girls, I mean Karen, Linda, and May, even if she is off to college.

- About May going off to college plus Harry being with Micheal. I am curious to see how Bobby and Athena's relationship is going to progress because they always had the kids there and worried about them, so how different is it without them? 

- I also need more detective and detective Wilson. I love them. More pleaseee. Just cute, no angst. 

- Uncle Buck (Jee's)/ dad Buck (Chris's)

- I also always need more Chris. Always.

- I want Maddie and Chim back together, but I feel like they need to talk about everything that happened and why it happened the way it did and for them to slowly work their way back to each other.

- More team hangouts

- Carlaaaa!!!!

- One thing I am not sure about is wanting more of Eddie's childhood because what they did in season 5 with Eddie's family was bullshit, and I don't want that to be made worse. Like, I want it only if it follows my idea of canon otherwise, never mind. 

- Also, I DON'T want anyone to die.

I know Chris growing up is a theme for this season, and everything under here has something to do with that.

 - I want Eddie to explore himself and do things that he hasn't done before and normally wouldn't do but has the freedom to do so now. Also, partly because I don't think he was able to when he was younger. Maybe go clubbing, meet new people, and not tell anyone about it because he is a bit ashamed but also kind off wants to figure it out himself first. And maybe a bit of Buck is angsting over the fact that Eddie is not telling him something. Not incredibly angsty, though, just a little for spice. 

- I think Eddie is going to struggle a lot with Chris becoming independent for multiple reasons. One is because of Chris' cerebral palsy. He wants to protect and help him, but he starts to realise that he can't always, which is hard. Second, I think he is going to doubt his worth as a father, specifically. I think he feels that he already missed so much of Chris's life, and he wants to keep him close to himself a little longer. He is going to second guess all his decision, especially if Chris is going to get emotionally hurt. 

- I just know that Eddie is going to talk to Buck about and Buck is going to try and soothe him and help but internally Buck is just as freaked out about it as Eddie. So they are freaking out together. Buck rants to Hen about Chris growing up because Hen is in that same stage with Denny. Also, someone needs to address that Chris is looking more like Buck, every day.

- I also need more domestic Buckley-Diaz family moments. They heal my soul.

- And last but not least, maybe unpopular, but I don't want Buddie to get together yet in the first part of season 6. The reasoning is that of the Eddie thing (hoe) and because I love a slow burn and because I want to see everyone being done with them being oblivious, and I want outsiders' perspectives on their situation. Like the PTA mums. I also want Chris to just tell people that he has 2 dads but that they are not married but should be and will be if Chris has anything to say about it. 

Also, I want the love confession to be this beautiful, small, peaceful moment. For example, Eddie accidentally kisses Buck, goes on with his day, and then somewhere realising, oh shit, I kissed Buck, and then I want him to go back home to a sleep rumpled Buck and then a confession. Or cuddling in the same bed because of nightmares, and then waking up next to each other and then a love confession. I'd rather it not happen when one of them just almost died. Anything but that. 

[gh-0-stcup]

Trying to think of more ways Darla living and making it to the end of the show could work. Mainly something that's not just a complete rehash of Angel or Spike's plots.

What if Connor continued functioning as Darla's soul? Not in a mystical, motherhood inherently makes you a completely better person sort of way. In a parenthood forces you to grow up and reevaluate the impact your actions have on other people way.

Darla survives the birth and it turns out the love she felt for Connor came entirely from her. She gives up her murder girlboss lifestyle so she can be part of his life. Connor's only going to live for like 82 years - what's that to someone who's been around since the 1600s?

So that's what kicks off her arc, trying to be a decent mom and not traumatize or endanger her child. From there, she starts to relearn how to interact with humans and live in their society. She'll have to play nice if she's going to be organizing playdates and going to doctor's appointments, PTA meetings, etc.

You could have a comedic episode where the B plot involves Darla getting a group of mommy friends who she despises but puts up with because it's "normal". And also they know a lot more about caring for human babies in the 21st century. They're all catty upper middle class winemoms, ofc.

Darla gets a job, because she wants Connor to live a cushy, spoiled life where bills are never a concern. She could have a little sugar daddy arc that ends when he expresses dislike about her son. Maybe she becomes an interior designer/stylist to the stars. She could also end up working for Wolfram & Hart, in PR or Marketing, which helps set up the s5 arc.

As the show continues, Darla slowly begins developing some empathy. She starts to see herself in mothers, Connor in children. She could be involved in a couple episodes featuring cases of kids or mothers, showing progress from disdain/boredom to offense or (repressed) sadness.

Season 4 or 5 could have a second episode featuring Darla's mommy friends. Usually just a recurring gag, this one could humanize them a bit. One of them has some sort of heartbreak - maybe it turns out her husband is a cheater and he makes her feel responsible for it (not pretty enough, bad at sex, etc). Darla helps the friend leave him and they enact some sort of petty, human revenge. Maxing out his credit cards, trashing the house, getting him fired, etc. It ends with the girls chatting and laughing about it, a new sense of camaraderie between them all.

Basically just helping show Darla's evolution, becoming protective over some women she was initially just using, feeling anger on behalf of another person. "Linda's botched tit job does make her sexually repulsive - but I'M the only one who's supposed to say that! And definitely NOT her HUSBAND who is middle aged, balding, and smells like cheap cheese!" kinda vibes.

Towards the end of season 5, she can start expressing a tiny bit of regret for some of the more heinous things she did to kids/mothers in the past. Her and Angel could have a chat where she concedes she may have gone a little overboard with the babynapping in China.

She could have a scene where she realizes Connor will probably have kids, who will themselves have kids. She's no longer so certain she can go back to her old lifestyle when Connor dies.

Darla doesn't end the series as a good person, exactly. And she'll never be a hero like Angel or even Spike. But she's a little more responsible, a little less selfish, and a very good mother.

Besides just being a way to keep Darla around, this idea helps tie her into the "faces the struggles of adulthood" theme ATS has going on.

Becoming a parent as a person with a complicated past or unhealthy lifestyle means you need to make adjustments if you want to be in that child's life. Loving and caring for a child changes you and the way you see the world. It's not a quick fix to all your problems, but it can motivate a lot of positive change if you let it.

Utilizing soulless!Darla to explore this opens up opportunities for representing real life struggles like:

How can I be a good parent when I have the history I do?

How do I not allow my problems to negatively impact my child?

Learning to interact with people normally after spending so much time basing your life around manipulation and selfishness.

Overcoming your addiction for the sake of your child.

While Angel could be used for these in an AU where Connor wasn't aged up, Darla is the better character for it having a stronger impact. She doesn't have 100 years of abstinence under her belt or an internal compass to guide and motivate her. All she starts with is love for her son, from there she must pull herself away from her impulses and change her life through sheer force of will.

It mirrors pieces of both Angel and Spike's arcs, thematically connecting Darla to her vampire family, while still being a story unique to her.

[sleepythug]

comfort moobis??? 🧸🤗🥰❤️‍🩹

paris, texas (wim wenders)

terminator 2 (cameron)

hard boiled (john woo)

36th chamber of shaolin (lau kar-leung)

once upon a time in hollywood (tarantino)

linda linda linda (nobuhiro yamashita)

akira (katsuhiro otomo)

fallen angels (wong kar-wai)

evil dead (raimi)

drive my car (ryusuke hamaguchi)

indiana jones and the temple of doom (berg)

punch-drunk love (pta)

something wild (jonathan demme)

rushmore (wes anderson)

jackass: the movie (jeff tremaine)

cemetery of splendour (weerasethakul)

thunderbolt and lightfoot (michael cimino)

red post on escher street (sion sono)

repo man (alex cox)

[jomiddlemarch]

Turn and face the strange changes

“What you have to understand is, I have two lodestones, Ted and David Bowie, and at any given moment, it’s hard to say which is better suited to a world infested with zombies,” Beard said quite conversationally, as if they were making small talk at a small sort of place, like the produce section of a bodega or the snacks table at a PTA meeting, if Lauren’s descriptions of the latter venue were held to be accurate. “Also, I’m an ex-con.”

“Also?” Grace said.

“Ex-con?” Joel said. He narrowed his eyes, but Grace could tell that Beard’s disclosure was something Joel considered as a possible asset as much as a strike against the man.

“Who’s David Bowie? Is he related to Ted?” Ellie asked. She’d been hanging out at the other end of the mess hall, around the resurrected foosball table, which was why they’d started having what Grace would have called an “adult conversation” but now all bets were off.

“Oh, you sweet summer child,” Beard said.

“She didn’t know Linda Ronstadt either,” Joel offered.

“To be fair, there’s a good chance Ellie wouldn’t have known either without cordyceps or Fedra,” Grace said.

“I’m here, you don’t have to talk about me in the third person like I’m not,” Ellie said.

“Sorry,” Grace replied. Neither of the men appeared to be bothered by her remark.

“Whatever,” Ellie said and walked away, more a lope than a stalk, which was likely motivated more by Ellie sighting Araceli and Meg than by Grace’s apology, but Grace wasn’t about to argue with the relative lack of teen vitriol. She knew Ellie’s intermittent snappish retorts about inconsequential things were a good sign, that it meant she was having something that resembled a normal adolescence, but it could be exhausting and certainly Grace herself would never have been allowed to speak to her parents or any elder relative the way Ellie did.

“I’m only alive because of Ted,” Beard said. “I wouldn’t have left England except for him, but Jane and I weren’t speaking and he was so damn worried about Henry—”

“His boy,” Joel said. He didn’t mention Jane because he wouldn’t have wanted to be asked about Tess, Grace thought. Or maybe it was because Grace was sitting next to him, his arm draped across the back of her chair, and as often as not, she slept in one of his tee-shirts, while Jane was beyond any reach, any sea rendered uncrossable, even if she’d escaped infection and survived the aftermath. It was easier to talk about Henry, with Ellie laughing across the room with her friends.

“We didn’t find him,” Beard said. “Been looking for years. Jackson’s a breather for us, if you will.”

“Ted won’t give up hope,” Grace said.

“No. He has. He humors me, so we keep searching. We spent a few weeks with a Shakespeare rep troupe outside Chicago because we’d heard they had a young kid with them, but turned out to be a girl,” Beard said. “I would have made a fetching Mustardseed, but they were pretty invested in Hamlet. At least it wasn’t Lear, for Ted’s sake.”

“Why do you do it?” Grace asked.

“Because Ted won’t make it otherwise,” Joel said surprising Grace. Beard nodded and suddenly looked old and a little wise. Grace really hoped he wasn’t going to pivot and tell them how to make toilet wine. Have a little faith, dead-Lauren said. She had a soft spot for Beard, largely because of his willingness to read every Maeve Binchy in the Jackson library, alternating with their far more meager collection of Neo-Platonists.

“Ted’s broken,” Beard said, his lisp more pronounced, as if he were speaking some truth that required his purest voice to utter. “If he doesn’t have someone to push him and coax him and hell, coach him to keep going, he’ll stop. Lie down and die. He won’t ever let a friend down, so if I say we should keep looking, that there’s still a chance to find Henry, he won’t argue. He goes along and I go along and it’s something like a life. Sometimes it’s just the two of us and sometimes we find some people like yourselves to rest a while with.”

“How long do you plan to stay?” Joel asked. It was a good question and he asked it in a way that made Grace wonder about his own plans. Whether Jackson was home or Ellie or the three of them. Whether Jackson was a refuge or a pit-stop.

There was always the question of Ellie’s arm, about the potential she held within her, and what it would take to release it. At least, it was a question for Grace. She was pretty sure Joel had answered it for himself, in a way he could never risk altering.

“The truth is, of course, that there is no journey. We are arriving and departing all at the same time,” Beard said. Once upon a time, this man had coached a professional sport team. It boggled the mind.

“Bowie,” Joel said. Beard smiled as broadly as Grace had ever seen him.

“But really, how long?” Grace pressed.

“Well, you don’t serve regular English tea in your coffee-house,” Beard began.

“No one can get it anymore,” Grace said. Protested? Was she trying to encourage them? Are you? dead-Lauren said. They’re a pair of odd ducks but then, that’s all that’s left.

Joel said nothing, stone-faced as he was wont to be when something mattered too much or not at all.

“You mistake me, milady,” Beard replied. “It’s a point in your favor. Ted hates English tea. Won’t drink the stuff to save his life, which has never actually been a situation we’ve found ourselves in, but I’m still confident of the outcome. He’s less offended by the herbal tisanes and the chicory and he likes the cider. You’re short on mulling spices but who isn’t these days?”

“Who indeed?” Joel said, playing it straight, making Beard laugh.

“I knew you had it in you, friend,” Beard said. “You can call me Willis, but don’t let it get around. There’s an urban legend I’m trying to nurture about being called Beard since I was born—”

“How can you start an urban legend these days?” Grace asked.

“With impunity. Fedra helps,” Beard answered.

“How?” Joel said.

“They told so many lies, people’ll believe anything, especially if it’s inconsequential and reminds them of when the world wasn’t this version of shithole hellscape,” Beard said. “We all do our part.”

For @tessa-quayle​ who wanted more of my zany/cracky Ted Lasso x The Lasso of Us crossover AU but with Coach Beard as a featured player

[cryzhire]

࿀  𓂂 ⓘ feliz cumpleaños ✺ 𓏸 𓈒 nana❗

dónde está mi lesbiana favorita ❓ esto no es un regalo tan elaborado como mis regalos anteriores, pero de verdad me gusta recordarte que te quiero. ahora dejando un poquitin de lado la cursilería, omg cada día más vieje amika 😹 pero me pone triste pq te conocí A LOS 14 y estoy junto a ti desde tu cumpleaños número 15, q rápido pasa el tiempo de vdd, ya hasta me siento viejita diciendo eso, me pegaste la vejez (yA SÉ QUE SOLO ME LLEVAS 3 MESES, ES PARA DRAMATIZAR OK). volviendo a la cursilería 🤗 estamos creciendo, me duele bastante que ya no podamos ser las mismas niñas que todas las tardes hablaban hasta mui noche (o al menos tu, yo en mi 5to sueño, PTA MADRE SPOTIFY ESA NO, ESTOY ESCRIBIENDO ALGO SENTIMENTAL, NO ME PONGAS ESA QUE TERMINARE LLORANDO) de nuestros favs principalmente y de nuestras vidas, teniendo más problemas y estudios por enmedio y más tu, no sé aún que tan pesada sea la uni, sabes que puedes contar conmigo para lo que sea y sobre todo, para mí siempre vas a ser la linda niña que conocí en mi mayor año de soledad 💔 fin del sentimentalismo, si les esto me puedes comprar un pc de baekcito? si gracias t amo guapa 🫦

[golgolfruit]

Doffy PTA Parent AU

He's more of a PTA Uncle, as the kids are all adopted by Roci, because Doffy has an interesting past. However Roci is not allowed in the kitchen, so it's Doflamingo who did the baking for the one time that Law and Baby 5 got picked for the bake sale.

The first time he went to a meeting was because Roci was working overtime with Sengoku and begged his brother to go in his place, as he had never missed a single meeting.

Almost instantly, all the moms fall in love with Doffy, thinking it so sweet that he cares about his bro's kids. He went again because Roci was busy. The third time was because, at that second meeting, he learned that Mihawk, Shanks, and Whitebeard were all PTA parents as well.

Doffy is absolutely *that* PTA mom. You insult his kids and he will fight you in the parking lot out back. Mind you, this is high school. The first bake sale of the year results in him, Shanks, Mihawk, AND Whitebeard bringing in goodies. Each bribes their kid's friends to buy more.

During meetings, they all sit in the back of the library, subtly glaring at each other. None of their kids attend, but Marco is often there. Roci never shows up again because there is only so much ego he can take.

To rub it in everyone's face, Doflamingo starts the official Instagram and Twitter page. He quietly donates a lot of money to the PTA and the school because of how much they have done for Law and Baby 5.

Donquixote "Linda I asked for pink sprinkles, not peach sprinkles. Get those ugly shaded sprinkles out of my face" Doflamingo. He is the official media coordinator. He will make anything from Instagram posts to massive banners.

When he found out that there was a district-wide food drive competition, he dropped several grand on food to ensure that Sabaody High would win. For the sophomore year trip, he made sure every kid could go. Even Shanks' brat.

Doflamingo one-man armied the entirety of the sophomore/junior dance. He locked himself in the high school's gym for over 10 hours and set up and decorated all by himself. The only person allowed to come in was Roci because he was either bringing food, Starbucks, or supplies.