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hagelpoint-3821 · 2 years

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Thankful For Us

Chapter 1

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Note: Chapter 1 takes place while Brandon is still in Chicago before the trade deadline in 2022.

Summary: Sydnee is a lifelong Blackhawks fan, but she struggles with her inner demons, until she catches the eye of Brandon Hagel. Will he be enough to pull her from her slump she’s in?

TW: Being hard on herself, mental health

Word Count: 2673

Dear diary,

I thought today was going to be different, it felt different at the start but as the day went on it was back to the normal everyday sadness. Everyday is the same no matter how hard I try, I just feel like I can't escape from myself. I just need someone to pull me from this darkness that is in my head but no one is there. Maybe tonight at the Blackhawks game will be a good enough distraction from myself, from my head. Hey, maybe I could even meet someone, but that is literally never my luck. All the guys go for my sister, but who would blame them, she is a beautiful woman, she has the world biggest amount of confidence. Oh if only I had a fraction of that. Anyways, we will see how this goes. Probably should get ready. I’ll be writing again soon.

I sigh to myself and put my book down, looking at my hockey jersey, nervous about tonight. Big crowds make my anxiety go through the roof.

I walk to my sister Jessica’s room “Hey Jess, what should I do with my hair tonight?” I ask as I lean against her bedroom doorway.

“I think you should curl it, it complements your face well, also do light makeup, more of a natural look.” She looks over and smiles softly, she knows I struggle with my body image.

God she really is the perfect person, she also is the only one who believes in me and helps me get through the darker parts of my days.No wonder all the guys fall for her the second that they lay eyes on her.

Walking back to my bathroom, I start getting ready, by the end of it I grab my Brandon Hagel jersey out of my closet and throw it on, Hagel being my favorite hockey player and honestly dream man, plus he is a hell of a player. He can literally do it all.

Jess comes into my bedroom and I didn’t realize that she was in there until she snaps her fingers in front of my face, I was completely lost in thought about Brandon. Oops. Sorry not.

“Hey! Love struck Hagel lover! Let’s get going, you dork.” She laughs.

“Uh, right sorry, lost in thought.” I blush lightly.

“Yeah, thinking about your boyfriend Brandon,” she says with a smirk on her face.

“Oh shut up, he isn’t my boyfriend, one can only dream right?” I say as I get my shoes on. I love that girl to death but she is such a brat somedays, today being one of them.

“Who’s driving, me or you?” I ask, I never know who is going to end up driving.

“Doesn’t matter to me, I usually drive so it is your turn,” she picks up my keys off my dresser and hands them to me.

I take them from her, “alright, let’s get going then, I want to be able to find our seats easily,”

Somehow we were able to get glass seats at the United Center, how? Not a gosh darn clue but I’m not going to complain, it will be the closest I’ll ever get to the players.

We get there after fighting Chicago traffic, which by the way I absolutely hate with a burning passion. We quickly find our seats and sit down, watching the Hawks come on the ice. While we were sitting and watching the warmups, I couldn’t help but have my eyes glued to Brandon, god he is such a beautiful human… Good lord Sydnee, get your head on straight. I’m completely lost in thought again when I hear a loud *bang* against the glass in front of me. I jump in my seat and look up to see Brandon standing there smirking at me as he shot the puck into the glass. I turn a deep red and Jess is about to fall out of her seat laughing.

“You’re such an asshole.” I mutter to her.

“It’s not my fault you were daydreaming about your boyfriend!” she says in between fits of laughter.

“First off, fuck off, second off, fuck off.”

“Well whatever you’re doing keep doing it because it has his attention,” she looks over at me and then to Brandon who’s back is literally right in front of my face since we are right on the glass.

“I guess you’re right.”

Brandon finally skates off and skates over to the bench to do the rest of his warm up. Before they skate off from warm ups I see Brandon skating over to us with a puck in his hand and a big smile on his face. He taps the glass in front of me to get my attention, tosses the puck over and then skates off.

“Ohhh! What’s that?” Jess asks.

“Uh, a puck with his phone number on it,” I blush as I look at it again.

“Wait, you just got his phone number?!”

“That’s what it looks like doesn’t it?” I sit back down after grabbing the puck from him, sitting there and just look at it

*Holy shit I just got Brandon Hagel’s phone number. What the hell just happened.* I say to myself. Maybe having my sister drag me to this game wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

After the game is over, the Hawks ended up beating the St. Louis Blues 5-2. Any time the Blackhawks beat the Blues is a good way to end the night.

We are on our way home when Jess looks over at me, “so, are you going to talk to him?”

“Uh, I don’t know, I’m way too nervous to text him. I’m nervous just thinking about it.” I blush just thinking about actually being able to talk to him.

“Well clearly he wants you to text him otherwise he wouldn’t have given you his number, fucking send it when we get home Syd. Of all the girls that were there tonight, you were the one that got his attention, don’t be scared.”

“Okay seriously, how do you alway know exactly what to say and when to say it?” I ask as I look over at her.

“I’m the older sister, I just know these things.”

“Alright, alright I’ll text when we get home.”

We finally get home and I go sit on the couch, looking at my phone and Jess looks at me, “Sydnee , I swear if you don’t text him, I’m going to take your phone and do it for you.”

I grab my phone quickly, “I’m going to do it, I’m going to text him, I’m just trying to figure out the right thing to say, he is Brandon Hagel after all and I am, well I am me.”

She gives me a blank look, “Sydnee, I swear to you, you are beautiful, now shut up and text the man.”

I put his name and number in my phone and start typing out a message;

Hey there Brandon, this is Sydnee from the hockey game, the one you threw the puck to? Yeah this is her! :)

I take a deep breath and hit the send button, looking up at my sister as I do so. “It’s sent.”

“Wait, you’re joking, you did it?” She gets excited, “I honestly didn’t think you would go through with it.”

“I… wasn’t to confident in myself honestly.”

I look at my phone one last time before tossing it on the couch and go into then kitchen to get something to eat since I didn’t eat at the game.

“What if… what if he doesn’t answer?”

“Syd, shut up, he will, and if he doesn’t then that is on him, that is his fault and that is his loss,” she yawns mid sentence, “let me know in the morning if he answers, I’m going to go to bed.”

I nod and quietly make myself something to eat, shockingly I made myself eat dinner, which hardly ever happens. Most of the time I maybe eat once a day. News flash everyone, I have depression and a eating disorder. After cleaning up my dinner mess, I go back to the living room and grab my phone and my heart is racing, my hands start shaking as I flip my phone over and turn the screen on.

BRANDON. HAGEL. JUST. ANSWERD. MY. TEXT.

Brandon- Hey Sydnee! Nice to finally catch your name. Beautiful name for a beautiful face. :)

I quickly walk up to my room and lay on my bed, trying not to completely freak out and wake up jess. My phone goes again and it is another message from him

Brandon- Also, sorry it took so long to answer, Usually things are pretty crazy around here after a game, especially when we get a big win like that!

I grab my phone quickly and answer him.

Sydnee- Oh, no worries! I figured you were busy, with it being game day and everything. It’s no problem at all. I was pretty nervous to text you if I was being honest…

Brandon- Nervous? Why would you be nervous? I’m just a hockey player

Sydnee- Yeah a hockey player for the team that I grew up cheering for, also you’re kinda my favorite player so.. Yeah I was nervous.

Brandon- Favorite huh? So that’s why you were wearing that beautiful red Hagel jersey tonight?

Sydnee- Oh my gosh you noticed that?

Brandon- Well it’s hard to miss such a beautiful girl like you, and then you are wearing my jersey? Yeah, I noticed :)

Sydnee- Wow… good thing you can’t see my face right now because I’m literally as red as that jersey right now.

Brandon- Awe! That is too cute!

Sydnee- Oh my good heavens stop it!

Brandon- I mean I could but do you really want me too?

Sydnee- ….No…

Brandon- Mhm, I didn’t think so ;)

Sydnee- Oh you’re such a flirt.

Brandon- Well, would you want to go to breakfast tomorrow morning with this flirt??

I drop my phone on my lap, shocked to answer right away, Brandon Hagel, THE BRANDON HAGEL just asked if I, out of all people in the world, would want to go to breakfast in the morning. What is actually happening right now? I pick up my phone again to answer him.

Sydnee- Well that depends, does Hagel like bagels?

Brandon- Well now look who is being the flirt

Sydnee- What? So you can do it and I can’t?

Brandon- Woah woah now I never said that! Lol

Sydnee- You’re such a brat.

Brandon- Ouch, now that one hurt

I roll my eyes and sit there, not exactly sure what to say next, but my phone starts going off again, it's Brandon wanting to facetime so I quickly answer it.

“Hello?” I answer, a little confused since we were just texting.

“Hey! I figured it would just be easier to call you!” He says cheerfully, god his voice is perfect.

“Oh it’s fine, just didn’t think you’d call tonight since it is late and you had a game on top of it.” I say softly, smiling to myself and a little shocked that I am talking to him.

He chuckles and it makes my heart skip a beat, “I can let you go to sleep if you want! There is no game tomorrow so I usually stay up a little bit later when we don’t have a game the next day.”

“No no it’s fine! I’m usually up late anyways, just have to be quiet since my sister is asleep,” I say as I stand up.

“Oh, okay. Wait, where are you going?”

“Going to go outside so I don’t wake her up, the last thing I want to hear is how she didn’t sleep well, she's a grump when she doesn’t get enough sleep,” I laugh.

He laughs a little, “but it’s chilly outside.”

“And if I get cold I will go inside, but right now I want to talk to you,” I say as I look at the camera and smile at him. He smiles brightly at his phone and I can’t help but let my smile grow at his.

“So, about breakfast tomorrow, when and where are you thinking?” I ask him.

“Um you tell me, I have an idea but I want you to tell me what sounds good,” He smiles at me again, that freaking smile could light up a whole room.

“I really don’t mind, you pick! I’m pretty easy going, so surprise me.”

“How does IHOP at around 8:30 sound?”

“Sure! Sounds like a plan to me!” I yawn but try to hide it from him so he doesn’t see me getting tired.

“Are you tired? You look like you are,” he looks at the camera quickly.

“What? I’m not tired.”

“Yes you are, you just yawned! I saw it!”

“No I did not.”

“Uh yes you did.”

“Oh Bagel Hagel, you’re seeing things.”

“Am not, I watched you yawn and you tried to hide it.”

“Geet your eyes checked Brandon, No I didn’t!”

He looks at the phone and tries to give me a serious look but ends up laughing.

“Okay yes I did, in my defense it’s like 2:30 in the morning sooo,” I laugh along with him. “But I don’t mind, I like talking to you.”

He smiles brightly, “I like talking to you too, I’m glad you came to the game tonight.”

“Yeah, I’m glad Jessica decided to drag me to the game, because honestly I wasn’t sure if I would go.”

“Why wouldn’t you go?”

“Because.. I’m socially awkward, have major anxiety, and bad depression,” I say softly.

“Awe sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” his smile fades from his face as he changes from happy to concerned.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault, it’s okay really. I’ve dealt with this for a long time now.”

“My heart… If I was with you right now I’d wrap you in my arms and never let you go.”

“Oh my gosh stop it right now,” I blush at his words.

“Well I would, mental health is no joke, so the fact that you went to the game is a huge win for you, and I’m so proud of you.”

“Oh my gosh Brandon,” I wiped a tear away, “no one has told me that before.”

He gives me a soft smile, “do me a favor okay? Go inside and get warm, I know you have to be cold and I want you to get some rest tonight.”

“I’ll go inside, but I want to stay on the phone with you, will you stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep?”

“Of course I will,” he smiles at me again.

I get up and walk back inside, I really was getting cold, after all it is March in Chicago and some nights it’s still cold. But it was totally worth it being able to get to know Brandon, the true Brandon, not the one that people see on the ice.

“Alright, I’m going to leave you in my room while I get ready for bed.”

“Okay, I’ll be here!”

I chuckle and set my phone down in my room, then walk to the bathroom, get ready for bed, and then come back into my bedroom, grabbing my phone again.

“Okay I’m back!” I say as i get curled up into my blanket.

“Mm you look comfy,” he says softly.

“That’s cause I am,” at this point only my head is poking out from under the blanket, I giggle mostly to myself as I am finally getting warm.

“Getting warm?”

I only nod, starting to fall asleep.

“If you’re tired go to sleep,”he says calmly, his voice making me relax even more than I already am.

“Mmm would be better if you were here.”

“Well tomorrow after breakfast we can go — and you’re asleep,”he says softly, trying not to wake me up, “goodnight beautiful,” he says before hanging up the phone.

#brandon hagel #hockey imagine #hockey players #hockey rpf #hockey romance #nhl imagines #nhl players #ThankfulForUs

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twdmusicboxmystery · 3 years

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11x02: Acheron, Part 2 - Analysis

Okay, let’s talk 11x02. And 11x01. Because it’s a two-part episode, it’s important to consider them together. I have a LOT to say about what’s going on in these two episodes, so I’ll have plenty to post all week. Let’s dive in!

***As always, spoilers abound below for TWD 11x02. Don’t read until you’ve watched! You’ve been warned!***

Maggie

The first thing we see is a point of view from under the train car. The instant I saw that, I knew how things would go. I never thought Maggie would die (if nothing else, there are scenes with her in the trailer we haven’t seen yet) but I was curious as to how she would survive. When I saw this POV, I knew she’d end up crawling under the train. Just as Glenn crawled under the dumpster. Massive parallels to Glenn. Which by extension, massive parallels to Beth. Major resurrection theme.

It's also important that when she reappears, she comes from underneath the car. Obviously, that’s logical given that she crawled underneath the car, but they make a point of asking if the pounding is coming from the roof. Gabriel says no and then they open the bottom hatch for her. Her coming up from the ground like that is a visual representation of a resurrection.

So we see Gabriel, Negan and the others enter the train car. The spatial details here are important, and I had to watch the episode twice to get them all straight. It’s a little confusing the first time. So, the group jumps down into the train car through a hatch in the roof because they couldn’t get the door open in the last episode. The thing is, if you watch closely, you come to realize they’re not in the train car on the end. They must have walked along the roof for two or three cars before finding a hatch that let them in.

So, when Gauge shows up, he comes behind them, and that confused me because I was thinking they came from that direction. And they did, but they entered through the roof, not the door. Anyway, they can’t get the door open. So honestly, even if they’d tried harder, I’m not sure they could have saved him.

This scene accomplished a lot of things, character-wise, that we need to touch on. It’s important to note that Gauge’s death happened due to his own choices. Does that mean he “deserved” to die or that they shouldn’t have tried to save him if they could have? Of course not. No on both counts. But that doesn’t change the fact that his choices sealed his fate.

It's especially interesting that he called Maggie a Liar. Not only is that a throwback to the Governor, but it’s a particular type of mentality they’re showing here. Even the fact that he didn’t shut the door behind him is really interesting. My first thought was to be annoyed with him. Why WOULDN’T you shut the door. You live in this world. You know better. But it’s all ego. He can’t imagine something bad will happen. He just assumes if it does, someone will save him.

But the most telling thing was how angry he got before saying Liar. It just shows very much how he approaches life. When he messes up, he doesn’t feel bad, and accept that it was his fault, and try to learn from it. No, instead he gets pissed and blames everyone but himself and his own actions.

If this had been Daryl or Gabriel or Alden or any of our other heroes, they would have recognized that opening the door would have gotten their friends and family killed and would have sacrificed themselves. Especially if they realized they’d screwed up. But Gauge became angry and defiant, even killing himself.

Anyway, I’m rambling. This really has nothing to do with Beth or TD other than perhaps being a future template for something. But I thought it was a really fascinating character sketch.

The thing is, this isn’t really a matter of Gauge being wrong and everyone else being right.

Maggie is…not doing so well either. As I told my fellow theorists, Paola Lazaro said in TTD last week that Maggie was kind of off the rails. I think she said that a little prematurely, because we really didn’t understand Maggie’s state of mind just by watching 10x17 and 11x01.

It's not until she tells that messed up story about the house she found and the people in it that we understand that her state of mind really isn’t at its healthiest. Even saying she wanted to kill Negan before is…understandable given their past. But it makes more sense now why Negan is so nervous. He’s sensing her state of mind that her moral conscience isn’t as strong as it once was, so of course he’s fearful for his life.

I don’t know where they’re going with this Maggie story line, but I have a feeling this attitude of hers will cause conflict down the road. Several of my fellow theorists believe it will cause a rift between her and Daryl. And we can see that somewhat through Alden. At first, he was very much defending Maggie, especially against Negan. He has a lot of loyalty to her. But he didn’t like her abandoning Gauge, and you can see his loyalties starting to waver.

At the very least, what she said about not feeling anything about it is the opposite of what Beth always stood for. Daryl was trying hard not to feel things during Still, in the wake of the prison going down. She made him feel things because that’s the only way a person is truly living, rather than just surviving. Now Maggie is in that state of mind.

And I’m gonna argue that makes it a prime time for Beth to return to help her. But of course I’m completely objective over here. ;D

Maggie’s Story:

Maggie’s story was definitely dark and horrible, but interesting to analyze. I’m assuming there was cannibalism going on there. That’s why the missing limbs. The men in the house were eating the female prisoners. No only a callback to Terminus, but remember that Bob’s leg was taken for food, so I’m sure that’s what we’re supposed to infer here.

She talked about no eyes, no tongue, no limbs, vocal cords ripped out. So definitely the see no evil, speak no evil themes. With the limbs, it’s also a matter of not being able to escape or save themselves.

In terms of the plot, I do have one question about this that I think may be significant. Maggie first talks about three deformed people (she says, “I wouldn’t call them men”) coming toward her. She kills them, and only after that hears the noise from the attic.

My question is, why were they deformed? If they’re “men,” then they must be at least Maggie’s age, if not older, which means they’ve been around since before the apocalypse began. Even eating human flesh doesn’t cause one to become deformed, so why the deformities? I have no idea, but I wondered if there is a radiation theme going on here. Something they’re hinting at, but not saying. Just thought that was intriguing.

After that, things go sideways and everyone almost dies until Daryl arrives to save the day. So, let’s skip to his story.

Daryl:

We first see him bust through a wall with Dog. So, dog took off in the last episode, but the first time we see Daryl, he’s already found Dog again. At least, the first time. This is where he sees the murals on the wall, the walker with the handcuff and the suitcase of money, etc. I already talked about most of that in great detail HERE, so I won’t rehash it, though it’s very important.

One thing I will say about the mural is that thematically, it’s a match to Still. So, in the golf club, we had lots of rich people who clearly hid there when the world first went bad. And I don’t remember this particularly, but several of my fellow theorists have told me they remember the TTD after Still and that the writers talked about how the golf club was a statement about the class system. You have these very rich people, but their wealth couldn’t save them. Death, walkers, the apocalypse…none of these things discriminate based on wealth or position.

On the wall, we see people with crowns standing at the top, but below, they are homeless, and one of them is being attacked and torn apart. Meanwhile, Daryl sees a line of text that says, “it comes for us all,” probably meaning death.

Well, guess what? Angela Kang, in talking about the murals, said that this, too, was a statement about the class system. So thematically, this is meant to be a parallel to Still.

It’s just interesting to contemplate because if you think about it, most of our heros—Rick, Daryl, the Greene family, etc—weren’t at all wealthy. Rick was humble and well-grounded. Hershel worked hard his whole life and never had any glory or fanfare. And then there’s Daryl, who was “nothing. No one.” They all survived.

So of course it’s a socioeconomic statement, but it’s also one about mindset. It takes not only grit to survive this world, but a certain amount of humility. Ego always gets you killed eventually, as it did with Gauge.

I’ll also mention that I thought the guy with the crown who was being torn apart was being set upon by walkers, but AK says they’re specifically not walkers. They’re people.

So, it’s not a coincidence that we see this juxtaposed with the Gauge situation. His ego gets him killed and we literally see him being torn apart because of it.

Moving on.

Daryl finds a bag with a $100 bill with a letter written on it. This is a massive TD clue from start to finish. 100 is an important number. The hundred dollar bill features Benjamin Franklin on the front and Independence Hall on the back. Look either of those up and you’ll find lots of fun parallels we could point to. I won’t go into all that today except to say it’s definitely part of the Revolution theme.

This is what’s written on the bill Daryl finds:

“Dear Dad, you always said if you don’t come back in a week to move on. Mom didn’t listen and went looking. It’s been three weeks, so we’re going next. I’ll watch Jesse and turn on the radio every day at 10. See you both soon. Love Tom and Jesse.”

He also finds a picture of two kids. So, the “three weeks” jumps out because of Rick’s line in 5x10, “it’s been three weeks since Atlanta.” It’s also about missing family members, going searching for them, etc. Possibly important that the mom is also missing. I can’t help but think of the song from Still. “Our mother has been absent, every since we founded Rome…”

There is a 10 in there, which is an important number. The turning the radio on every day is both the radio/airwaves theme (also a line from the song) but a callback to Rick and Morgan and their walkie talkies. So, really interesting symbols here.

The two kids immediately reminded me of Noah’s twin brothers. I don’t think these two are supposed to be twins. I’m assuming the brother is older. But still obviously siblings. And it hearkens back to the last episode Beth was technically in. Which also had a lot of the CRM/Revolution theme in it. (X, X).

AK says this family probably didn’t make it, so I’m not expecting these kids to show up in the narrative. But it’s also important to note that the little girl is carrying the toy rabbit Maggie found earlier. So the rabbit also ties into all this symbolism. (P.S. I didn’t get to my rabbit post last week. I planned on it, but time got away from me. I should get it posted later this week.)

So, this is massive in terms of TD symbolism. I’ll talk about it fits into the bigger narrative in a minute.

Then Daryl kills the sleeping bag walker. I wasn’t sure the significance of this at first, but I think it ties to the tents and sleeping bags we saw in Atlanta in 5x06, Consumed. Daryl and Carol passed them while looking for Beth. So, this just shows us that this is tied to her storyline and Daryl searching for her.

You could also argue that the walker was “hidden” at first, and it’s significant that Dog found it/realized it was there before Daryl did.

The other thing is that as he’s looking at the sleeping bag walker, there’s a random shoe on the ground next to it. Missing Shoe/Foot theory, which is also indicative of Beth.

They hear another roaring sound and Dog takes off, running into the dark tunnel.

Here’s the thing. I think most people will assume the roar he heard was just more air being forced through the tunnels by the storm, as Alden explained it in ep 1. But I always watch with the subtitles on and I noticed at this part, the subtitles said, “Man Roaring.” So they actually did hear someone screaming. And that’s probably why Dog ran toward it.

After watching it again, I realized it’s probably supposed to be Roy. He’s the white-haired guy, played by C. Thomas Howell, who Daryl finds wounded after he emerges from the Tunnel. I think whatever happened to him when he went topside but then got attacked by walkers is what Dog heard and went running toward.

Maybe not terribly significant in the plot, but it’s important symbolically. Because once again we have something Daryl hears from a distance but doesn’t see. Dog (a proxy for Beth) runs toward it, and Daryl follows. When he does, he find someone who had previously separated from the group. They’re hurt, but alive. See the parallels?

I will say the Roy situation confuses me just a little. He’s clearly hurt, and when Daryl tries to bandage him, he refuses, saying, “just tell my kids I didn’t die a coward.” But then later he’s with the group, all bandaged up, and seems to be okay. (He dies when they reach the Reapers by taking an arrow to the head, so he still dies overall.) But it’s just weird that it seemed he would die, then seemed he was fine again.

It may well be something that foreshadows a future situation, and that’s why it’s not making tons of sense right now. Only time will tell.

Anyway, I kind of glossed over Daryl crawling through the dark tunnel. I don’t have much else to say about it except that it’s a SUPER potent symbol for Beth’s arc and very important that he emerges on the other side and finds this person. Annnd then goes to save TF. (Dark Tunnel Symbolism).

So, he hears the gunshots and finds the train they’re on. He comes up behind the walkers attacking them from the front, kills them, moves the bench blocking the door, and lets everyone through. Then he uses a grenade to blow up all the walkers. (Ew.)

After that they all get out of the tunnels and go topside. The next scene is also super important. We see the stars above. That’s partly to show that the storm has passed now, but also constellations = Sirius.

Maggie asks what he has and he tells her about it. There is one weird moment in this scene. When she tells them about the supply depot she wants to stop at, she says Georgie (from S8) set it up for emergencies, for people on the outside to use. When it says this, the camera focuses on Daryl for a LONG moment, and he looks almost sad. I’m not sure what they’re trying to tell us there.

Anyway, they all head out. Unfortunately, when they reach the right neighborhood, the Reapers are there to meet/kill them. And Roy is the first to go.

So, a couple of things here. I’ll probably do a details post because I’m leaving out MOST of the background details throughout the episode, and there are a lot of them. Lots of details to be gleaned in this scene.

But the second time I watched it, I was struck by the people hanging upside down. Obviously a grim sight, but it occurred to me that these people hanging this way look a LOT like the deer diagrams from Scars. Let me show you some pictures:

Top pick is 11x02. Middle and bottom one are from Scars.

See what I mean? So, chances are something about Scars foreshadowed the Reapers, which is interesting. They clearly see human beings in a certain way (as animals to be strung up and…perhaps eaten?) And that makes me think that what Maggie found in that house may tie into the Reapers as well. Just kind of interesting foreshadows of coming plots.

Eugene:

Let’s talk Eugene and then I’ll shut up for today. Eugene’s stuff was very intriguing. First thing you need to know. And understand, I didn’t know this. @wdway pointed it out. Some months ago, the actress cast as “Stephanie” was announced. This is her:

And that’s clearly not the woman who steps into the train car at the end. Which means this isn’t really Stephanie. She’s a decoy. In fact, the actress from this episode is billed on IMDb as “woman 2,” not as “Stephanie.”

Knowing that, if you go back and re-watch the parts with Eugene’s group, they mean something very different.

On the surface, it seems that Zeke, Yumiko and Princess are taken away in a sinister fashion. Then Eugene melts down and tells his story. (Note: while he focuses on his feelings for Stephanie and I think most of that is true, he still says he lied both to her and to his friends about being from a large settlement. So, he’s still keeping large chunks of the truth from them.)

Again, on the surface it seems that they accept his explanation and just decide to allow them all in. All the stuff with the other three is just a misunderstanding.

But if “Stephanie” is a decoy, that can’t possibly be the case. I think Zeke and the others told Eugene the truth as they know it, but they’re all still being manipulated.

After Princess left to pee, the guy told Eugene no one was in the room and acted like he had no idea who Princess was. They were definitely using psychological torture on him, trying to break him.

I think they know very well that Eugene's group is still lying about their settlement, and they're using a decoy "Stephanie" to find out the truth.

My point is that it goes back to the hallucination, making-someone-think-they're-crazy theme. It will be really interesting to see how this unfolds, because there's all kinds of psychological shenanigans going on here.

@galadrieljones made a really interesting connection some time ago. She noticed that back in 10x18, at Leah’s cabin, there is a metal, heart-shaped chair. The same chairs show up in the Commonwealth’s sales video from the trailer. So there’s some kind of link between Leah, Daryl’s memory of her, and the Commonwealth. We don’t know what it is yet, but all of this gives credence to the idea that she is either an outright hallucination, or Daryl is just remembering things wrong.

It also might mean that the Reapers are connected to the Commonwealth in some way. We don’t really know yet, but I’m having tons of fun trying to figure it out.

I want to touch briefly on the train car theme. Once again, there’s a parallel in both story lines (Terminus, and this one at the Commonwealth). Daryl’s group is in train cars this episode. And while Eugene’s group has been at a different compound, they started in the train yard and end in it here. But what I noticed is that Eugene enters the train car at the end, which is furnished inside, and finds his friends there. They all have a happy reunion.

It made me think of the fact that when Rick, Daryl, Michonne, and Carl enter the train cars at Terminus, there is also a family reunion. What happened beyond that was not good or easy. Clearly, Terminus was not a good place. Many of them almost died at the trough and they had to fight their way out through a walker blood bath.

I’m just saying that, while it obviously won’t play out exactly the same way, something similar is probably waiting for Eugene’s group outside that train car. Not good.

Acheron Overall:

Okay, let’s get to the big cheese, here. The overall narrative. The template.

These two episodes are called Acheron part 1 and part 2. So here’s the skinny:

Acheron = Underworld. Daryl’s group going into the subway tunnels (dark, underground) is what constitutes Acheron and why the episodes are called that. That’s why, at the end of this episode, they emerge from the tunnels onto the surface (i.e. the living world).

Given all the death, cemetery, and dark tunnel symbolism around Beth, given that she ventured into the land of the dead by being shot, maybe clinically dying for a time, and being thought dead for so long, what this tells me is that everything that happens in these tunnels is a foreshadow and template for what will happen this season.

I maintain that Dog = Beth and we will soon see something where Daryl hears something (not necessarily her; it was a man screaming so I still think it will be Rick he hears word of) and goes chasing after it. While searching for it, he stumbles across Beth. Then the two of them (both Dog and Daryl returned to the train car) go back in time to save TF from something.

This is most likely why the Roy thing is weird. In a super understated way, he represents Rick in the template. Daryl will find him, but only after he finds Beth. Even consider what Roy says. He says, “tell my kids I didn’t die a coward.” And that’s all well and good, but did we even know Roy had kids? No. Have we met them? No. But who has kids that Daryl IS concerned with? That would be Rick.

So I’m thinking that maybe when Daryl finds Rick, Rick will think he’s dying for some reason, and that’s why the dialogue here. But he won’t, which is why we see Roy with the group later.

And no, I’m not thinking that Roy dying via the Reapers will extend to Rick. It’s more like what they’ve done with countless characters that have been Beth proxies. Eventually, they kill them off. He’s a minor character they were using as a proxy, and when they are done with him in the narrative, he becomes walker chow. Or, in this case, Reaper fodder.

Anyway, I think everything will end up being a foreshadow for something. Maggie and Negan. The Gauge situation. All of it. I’ll try to keep coming back to this as the story progresses to show what everything foreshadows. I’ll stop there for today.

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

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astormyjet · 3 years

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Winter of 2018 - Summer of 2021 TIME FILES WHEN YOU’RE IN YOUR 20s!!!!

OH BOY. It’s been three years (or more) since I updated this. “Time is a weird soup!” to quote a fave. I guess I quit tumblr around the time there was a purge of content and creators and a smack down on a lot of the fandom communities. Tumblr has always been something of a crapshow though so I’ve been more productive with my time than I was in some ways, but I’ve also found other ways to waste my time. *cough twitter/netflix/youtube/MTGArena cough*.

General Life Achievements since 2018 -JLPT N3 GET in 2019! -Blackbelt GET in 2018! -TESOL 120 Hour and BE 50 Hour Cert from online provider GET in 2021 -STUDENT LOAN BANISHED (Thank you grandparents) -Survived Apartment flooding in early 2020. -Mystery anxiety related illness and chronic pain in my left leg from early 2020 - Present. -A mythical 6th and 7th year on the JET Programme. -Started posting on Instagram a lot more about my wanderings around Matsuyama/Uwajima. Mainly old buildings and stray cats. @astormyknight -Surviving so far in Japan with old rona-chan.

2018 was rough. I was given an additional school in the first semester (March to July) as we had someone find a better job. I enjoyed it, but it was a bit of a rough go especially when I was transferred that August after three fantastic years at Tsubaki JHS and ES and only a semester there. I legit went through the five stages of grief - which I think is another reason I stopped blogging. I was given my current base school along with four other schools. Going from 2(3) to 5 schools was a bit of an adjustment. I still feel a bit spread out.

That said, I keep running into teachers and students who were at the Tsubaki’s. The teachers shuffle around every April, so it's always a lottery with which new faces are going to be old friends (or enemies…). A couple of kids moved and transferred into my current schools from Tsubaki too. So I have one kid I can say I've been teaching for 6 out of the 7 years I've been here!

One of the kids who was in JHS 3rd grade when I first got here (in 2015!) hangs out around one of my favorite cafes, so I got chatting with him recently. He's in his second year of nursing school - his class nearly broke me in the first year, it was really a trial by fire with those kids. I was 22 then, and he’s 20 now, so it was interesting chatting to him about that first year of teaching. His younger sister was one of my favorite students too, she was in the group of kids that graduated in the March of 2018, the year group that went through Tsubaki JHS with me - they’re newly minted University students now!

This Thursday morning when I was cycling in to work, a kid who was 2nd year JHS when I left (so 2nd or 3rd year JHS now) pulled up with their Mum in a van and got their mamachari out of the back to bike to school. The franticness of it all was hilarious. Their Mum legit sat on the horn until I pulled over. I was so happy to run into this kid, even at social distance and both of us late to work/school - because we both remembered each other and as they were going around the corners they were yelling each time they turned and humming the old elementary school directions chant and pelting me with questions about what I’ve been up to.

I've had so many students and schools now, that everything is kind of running into a blur. I remember flashes of kids faces and voices, random memories of in class or out of class shenanigans out of the blue. Also, I now, more than ever, have issues remembering kids' names, but I still know their faces (even with their masks), whose homeroom class they were in, who their friends were and which club they were in. I get random flashbacks to past conversations with them when I see them on the street or we run into each other. I feel bad because the first thing former students ask is ‘Do you remember my name?’ and I always have to be like, ‘Honestly, no, but I remember you did this on x day, x month in x classroom’.

Socially in 2018 -2019 - a few of our friends went home and things shook up a little. Our DnD group changed a bit - one of our players stepped into the role forever DM (THANK YOU RALPH). From memory the newbies were great - some of them just went home at the start of last month and it’s weird not seeing them around (JESS DO YOUR BEST!). I think we only have one or two people left from that rotation. There’s no 6th year ALTs, and only two 5th years.

Aug 2018 - Aug 2019 was the year of Hiura - my mountain school. Dang man, they were so cool. The students of the JHS and the ES combined barely hit 30, so each class was between 3-10 students depending on the grade. It was easier to get to know the kids, their abilities and their goals than it has been for me at other schools. I miss it so bad, being in nature once a week did my country-kid heart so good! The bugs! The frogs! The river! The mountain! The monkeys! The lizards! The dilapidated houses and hidden shrines!!!! The random crabs in the English room...I forgot that there was such a thing as freshwater crabs, and being right next to a river, the invasion wasn’t as out of place as I first thought...

The area is so picturesque and calming. Every week up there was a small adventure (after getting over my motion sickness from the bus ride up). The kids were constantly pranking either myself or the main English teacher. There was always some new weird bug or lizard in a tank to be educated about. There were chickens on the way to the JHS that used to escape from their cardboard box prisons to run riot on the gardens. There were old people to freak out with my youth and foreignness! The kids also got to do a lot of extra classes, sumiyakai (making charcoal the traditional way), planting and maintaining rice paddies, setting up vegetable gardens, raising fireflies, conserving a special breed of fire lily (only found in this particular mountain valley) and another rare flower, wilderness training ect.

I wish I could have stayed there a lot longer but SOMEONE (read...the BoE) decided that schools had to be shuffled again(thank goodness the dude who has it now was able to keep it from the 2021 shuffle, he's the best fit for the school). I had so many good memories from there, I wish I had been more consistent in writing it down. I do have a bunch of photos and videos from there though, so that's nice. The only thing I don’t miss is the bus trip up and down - not only was it motion sickness, there was a healthy dose of fear each ride as the driver brought us perilously close to the edge of the mountain drop…

2019 - 2020 was interesting. With the school I got given instead of the Hirua’s I was roped into more demonstration lessons which was a lot of pressure because I was also involved quite heavily with the JHS observation and training lessons too. They were somewhat rewarding, the third graders are now super smart 5th graders, but the teachers who need to embrace the new curriculum and ways of teaching really haven’t taken on anything from the lessons....

Outside of work as well, I was given the chance, thanks to an ALT buddy of mine, to join in with the local festival. It's been one of the biggest highlights of my time here, and I am gutted it’s been cancelled for the last two years, but I understand the reason…. I was able to travel to Okinawa too during that summer for an international Karate seminar with the Dojo I train with. I met the head of the style I currently practice and a bunch of people from around the world. I also got to see Shuri castle before it burned down. So that was a stroke of luck. One of the places I want to go when/if we get out of this pandemic is Okinawa. I want to see more of those Islands so bad. Just before the whole pandemic thing too - I managed to see the Rugby World Cup, a Canada vs NZ match, I even ran into Tana Umanga in Oita city!!!

2019 - 2020 was supposed to be my last year on JET, so I was frantically Job hunting. I went to the Career Fair in Osaka in early Feb/Late January 2020. I applied and got interviewed for a position in Sendai in early Jan 2020. In the end though - the Rona hit. We started hearing whispers of it around the end of 2019, then the cruise boats happened, and then Japan refused to cancel the Olympics...every holiday season there is a new wave of infections, my nurse friends in Tokyo are struggling....my teacher friends in more populous areas of Japan are struggling…

JET couldn't get new ALTs for 2020-2021, I took the extra year when it was eventually offered, as the one job I had managed to get a serious offer for was hesitating because with the rona setting in, things were uncertain. There was a lot of time spent adjusting to the new rules surrounding what we could do in class with the kids as well as textbook change. Schools shut on and off during the spring months.

I also got a reminder of my mortality mid May with an unrelated illness which is still smacking me around a bit - stress/age, it does things to the human body it has no right to. It's only been in the last three months I’ve been able to exercise like I used to, I’ve put on a bunch of weight I can't shrug off (one part medication, another part diet) My relationship with food needs to change, and I really need a kitchen that allows me for more than one pan meals. I also need to figure out what to do with a left leg that is in constant pain from the knee down and a heart that misses beats when stressed out (mentally and physically…).

My apartment also got flooded by the guy upstairs at one point, I spent most of late February/early March living in a hotel while my walls and floor got redone - I think this was one of the things that really stressed me out and kicked my anxiety right up a notch, it was right when things were getting REALLY bad with rona-chan in Hokkaido and schools were shutting down here as it was filtering into the prefecture and so Japan closed schools for the first time…

Classes in covid times have been weird. We’ve been wearing facemasks full time since the early stages of the pandemic (March 2020) - so I admit that I get a bit pissed off seeing both Americans and New Zealanders back home bitching about just having to start wearing them full time in public. I have asthma and have been suffering with the things on during the 30*C plus with high 90s humidity summers. Teachers were offered vaccines late July 2021, just days before the Olympics were open - and I finished my two shots in the middle of August. But the overall distribution and take up of the jab has been slow. As mentioned above, we can't play a lot of the games we used to play with kids in classes anymore, and a lot of the activities outlined in the textbook curriculum need to be adjusted too, so we’ve had to be creative. We use hand sanitizer a lot more too. One of the things I miss the most though, is eating lunch with the kids.

Socially from summer 2020 - now 2021 we played a lot of DnD and board games, both online and in person when we could. There were no new ALTs again for the 2021-2022 JET year, and those of us who were in 6th year were offered a 7th. Four out of six of us took it. As a whole we’re down from a peak of 38 ALTs for Junior High and Elementary school to 22 for now. We hopefully will get a new person at the end of September, and 4 more in November. Which will bring us to 27. This has led to ANOTHER round of school shuffles.

Summer vacation has been weird the last two years. With rona-chan, we haven’t really been able to travel. All the summer festivals (all the Autumn and Winter ones too!) have been cancelled, so the changing of seasons just feels, wrong. I dunno. There is so much we all miss from pre-rona-chan, and so much that doesn’t happen that makes this just feel like one long long unending year of sadness, coldness, raininess, unbearable heat and repeat. I’m tired. Time is going so fast, but so.dang.slow.

I lost my favorite school (AGAIN GDI!!!) and gained the school I taught a semester at in 2019....I had my first day there on Wednesday. Schools actually started back on September 1st so there was some drama as the BoE didn’t communicate fast enough about our school changes. We legit got told on the 27th of August (on a Friday) our schools were changing effective September 1st, but somehow some of our schools found out on the Monday 30th August. In July we were told we would be changing schools at the end of September, so.a lot of ALTs and schools were left short changed, not having opportunities to say goodbye to co-workers or students/having their planning for the semester more or less thrown out the window too. I love my job. I really dislike the way the BoE treats us, the Japanese assistant language teachers and our schools.

The new school I have is used to having an ALT there twice a week, who plans all the lessons and executes them. I’m at three elementary schools. I'm only at each once a week, I want to plan, but being that I miss an entire lesson in between visits, it's going to be difficult to do so. Not impossible, but being that I'm already doing it for two other schools, who are at two different places in the textbook ah…….. From what I have talked to my new supervisor about though, it sounds like the teachers have taken on more of the lesson planning and I'll be able to contribute ideas when I'm there. I just want to and wish I could do more without being confused all the time. (This is all usually done in my second language too, not in English so extra levels of confusion and miscommunication abound).

I feel like this at my JHS too a lot of the time. I want to contribute more, but even with constant communication with my main in school supervisor (who is a badass and pretty much on the same page about everything with me) I still feel about as useful as tits on a bull. Especially now that classes have been cancelled and or shortened, there's less time to do stuff. Any game or activity I plan is usually cut in favor of making up time in the textbook. When I'm in class, I'm back to being a tape recorder, the fun police and general nuisance.　

Also in the last week...my two of my schools were shut due to students testing positive for the rona. This is the second time my schools have had a scare in the last 8 months. And by shut, I mean the students were all at home, but the teachers all had to come into the office. Because why not I guess….. I mean, the cases increasing is really not unexpected with the amount of people who were travelling over obon and the increase of cases due to the Olympics/Japan being slow on vaccinating/delta being the dominant strain/Japan's leaders doing relatively little except asking shops and restaurants to limit people coming in at one time and closing before 8pm. I know my schools weren't the only one shut either - but still High Schools were having their sports days this week. I kept on seeing groups of kids hanging in the park after, so that was a little bit nerve wracking.

It's just frustrating - we’ve been on half days to “minimize the risk of infection” for kids and teachers, as if only being at school from 8am through to 1pm is going to reduce the risk. My schools have only just started testing out Microsoft teams and Zoom lesson equipment. Thankfully our school’s run in this time was contained real quick, the family was super good about informing us when they got their results back, and the fact they needed to be tested. The homeroom teacher and the students from the same class were the only ones tested, and they all came back clear, which was nice. But the information came back so SLOW.

I’m a little irritated because I found out on Wednesday night what was going on, and even if I am vaccinated, I am super worried that I will end up being the covid monkey due to being at different schools three days out of five. I think other than being worried that I will catch it myself and get real sick, my biggest fear is that I will be protected from bad symptoms from the vaccine, but still be able to pass it onto some of my more vulnerable friends and students. The whole thing is a mess.

Other than Covid and BoE drama, life is good. I’ve had a couple of other big changes - both fantastic and not so great, but yeah. I have my health (and health insurance!) for now. I have a job, for now. I have a sense of existential dread for the next 12 months, but we’ll see where we end up. Life post JET is going to be way less cushy and I am TERRIFIED. I mean, I have a BA in Eng/Ling and no idea what to do with it…..because I am NOT suited for academia.

TLDR: Love my job. Don’t like the system. What is life? Future scary.

#life on JET #blog post #life in Japan #jet programme #jet program

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tasteslikemolecules · 4 years

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13 and 25!

13) Arc: Your favourite arc. Get specific!

My shitty Philosophy major impulse is to ask “But what is an arc, really?” but simultaneously my brain went “Hallucifer! Demon Blood! Ruby!”

If an arc can be understood as something really broad and unintentional, something that most viewers don’t necessarily perceive as a “narrative“ at all, then it’s got to be Sam’s mental health (deterioration) and his self perception over the course of the show. That's how I watch SPN most of the time, as a story about a young angry and conflicted man who keeps trying to keep up his hope against all odds, while getting traumatized over and over again, and in an attempt to keep his hope, he changes what he hopes for (from having a normal life to saving the world to just keeping Dean happy etc) until he gets older and stagnates and gives up asking for anything but keeping the status quo for himself and averting further crisis for others. It's all very closely connected to his relationship with Dean – although of course his major traumatizing event is the Cage – and how Sam goes from trying to escape their unhealthy obsession with another, to accepting and nurturing it, to relying on it and identifying through it. I'm not sure how much this is an arc or simple my framing of the whole show, but it is my main reason for obsessively watching.

As for more intentional arcs I'm torn between Ruby & the demon blood addiction (and all that meant to Sam and Dean's relationship) and everything connected to Lucifer: from Sam being his vessel, to the Cage to the hallucinations and finally to adopting his son.

Ruby's story line was one of the few of the show that was actually well-executed from beginning to end, which made it compelling and entertaining to watch, but – and now I'm going back to Sam's mental state in a more general sense – I'm mainly obsessed with it because of how both her and the demon blood and Lucifer exemplified Sam's struggle with himself and the 'darkness' within him. How the otherness in him isn’t bad or good, but just is. 15. Favourite episode.

Baby (11.04) Beat the Devil (13.21) Red Meat (11.17) Lost and Found (13.01) When The Levee Breaks (4.21)

An impossible question that I will doubtlessly still spend a lot of time agonizing over, but the first episode I thought of was “When The Levee Breaks“. I re-read the script last night and even without the visuals and Jared's great acting, I got that same feeling of urgency and excitement. It's right before the climax of the season and is imo the most anticipatory episode of the show: You just know big things are coming. It feels important.

I love every second of that episode. The panic room is one of the most horifiying things on the show and it's bizarre that the horror of putting Sam there is never really adressed later on (but I guess there were other horrors to put him through that took priority not being addressed). I love how Sam-centric the episode is, but the horror of watching Dean and Bobby sitting there waiting, talking about the likelihood of Sam's death, is also amazing. It’s an episode about Sam, but also an episode about SamandDean in a really pivotal way.

DEAN No. I'm not giving him demon blood. I won't do it. BOBBY And if he dies? DEAN Then at least he dies human!

Sam’s hallucinations Sam while he detoxes are both so brutal and telling. Every conversation he imagines raises the stakes, from his younger self attacking him to Mary reassuring him that he's doing the right thing.

YOUNG SAM How could you do this to me? I thought we were gonna be normal. SAM I tried. I did. It didn't pan out that way. Sorry, kid. YOUNG SAM 'Sorry, kid'? That's what you have to say? It's all we ever wanted. We were so close. You got away from Dad. You quit hunting. You were gonna become a lawyer and get married. Why'd you blow it? SAM Look. They killed Jessica. YOUNG SAM Yeah. And if you hadn't run off with Dean, if you'd been there to protect her, she'd still be alive. SAM I know. YOUNG SAM You think Jess would want you to turn into this? She loved you. You think she'd be happy you using her as an excuse? SAM I'm sorry. I am. But life doesn't turn out the way you thought when you were fourteen years old. We were never gonna be normal. We were never gonna get away. Grow up. YOUNG SAM Maybe you're right. Maybe there's no escape. After all, how can you run from what's inside you?

That's such a pivotal moment: Sam's resignation to his fate. Sam blaming himself for Jessica's death and seeing it as a result of leaving with Dean. I also loooove that young Sam calls it 'running off' with Dean, the romantic connotations are A+.

SAM What's in me, Mom, it's— MARY Evil. And you know it. SAM What if it's stronger than me? Look at me. What if Dean's right? MARY Dean can never know how strong you are, because Dean is weak. Look at what he's done to you. Locking you in here? He's terrified. He's in over his head. You have to go on without him. You have what it takes. You have to kill Lilith. SAM Even if it kills me.

Chills down my spine. What an inside into Sam's head. Him admitting to himself that he thinks Dean is too weak to do what's necessary, something we don't get to see post-Lucifer. I love how clearly Dean and Sam work as antagonists in this episode (even when they're clearly struggling with it). This is the only time the show didn't shy away from it. But it makes sense, that it's only here, when Sam can still muster up enough belief in himself that he's doing the right thing to go against Dean (compare that to later seasons when he goes along with Dean even knowing full well that Dean is wrong).

And then the final straw when he thinks he’s talking to Dean who says “And I tried so hard to pretend that we were brothers. That you weren't one of the filthy things that we hunt. But we're not even the same species. You're nothing to me.” I feel that in my gut.

I love the Ruby and Sam reunion just as much. Her perfect manipulation, his desperation. And then the big finale of Dean appearing. I can never get over that visceral hate he has for Ruby for ‘stealing his Sammy’. The hurt he feels when Sam defends her and won’t let him kill her. And while Sam doesn’t want to make it about Ruby vs Dean, Dean definitely sees it as a complete either or situation.

SAM Stop bossing me around, Dean. Look. My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now I'm asking you, for once, trust me. DEAN No.

That fight they’re having is up there with the best ones in the whole show. The hurt on both sides. The crying. The “It means you're a monster.” Dean’s reenacting of John’s “You walk out that door, don't you ever come back.”

I think the only thing (apart from the overly dramatic music at the end) I don’t like about the episode is the aftermath. The implication that because Ruby was manipulating Sam, Sam was in the wrong all along. I really don’t see it that way. Given the info he had, he was right. The episode asks “who is right: Sam or Dean?” and answers with Dean, and I don’t think it’s that clear cut. I would have done the same as Sam.

#spn #my asks #4.21 #Sam Winchester #favourite episode #season 4

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twihard-diehard · 3 years

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What if the cliff diving went different?

This is pretty long, here's the Ao3 if you'd prefer.

When Bella woke up, she knew something was wrong. She tried to remember what led her to this place and all she could recall was jumping from somewhere. Now she was somewhere she shouldn’t be there were people she knew and people she didn’t. She seemed to be in a bed and breakfast. Once she feltlike she couldn’t stay in bed anymore she left the room. There were pirates, Victorian ladies, characters from books she’d once read.

She decided to leave the building and there was a river around the place and aa small area of green grass and then a forest. It was nice that this forest wasn’t scary like most of her nightmares. She felt like someone was following her but when she turned around no one was there. So, she kept exploring and finally she seemed to see people.

They were all fuzzy and sort of see through and they all seemed to be asking he same questions, why did you do it, do feel better, are you crazy, when are you coming back? Several of them seemed to be her dad, others seemed to be people from school, Mike, Jess, Angela, and a much smaller number seemed to be her mom. Was it sad that that didn’t surprise her? No, though it was pretty sad. She realized in that moment that she was ready to leave her mom behind, too bad that future was taken from her too. Finally as she started to stumble and curl up; a pair of arms picked her up. She would know that smell anywhere, it was her favorite smell, Edward. He carried her back towards the bed and breakfast and then she was on the grass and he was gone. She looked for him but he wasn’t there so she fell asleep again.

“How long until she wakes up,” Charlie demanded, once again, not that anyone listened. All they told him was they were waiting on a specialist to arrive. The way they said it made Charlie sure he knew who the specialist was and he wasn’t thrilled. He remembered how he ended up here in the first place….

“Hey, Charlie,” Alice’s soft voice broke his reverie. He just wanted to come home and Have dinner with Bella, maybe she’d have lasagna ready. She really dd make it the best it even beat his mom’s. This wasn’t good, if Alice was back were others back?

“Alice, is anyone else here?”

“No just me Charlie. I was just coming to see how you were. Any idea where Bella is?”

“She’s not here,” now she had his attention. She should be home she hadn’t seen her or Jacob in ages. He stomped past her and opened the door, holding open so she could come in too. He didn’t take anything off, her being here and Bella not being here seemed foreboding at best. So he stomped into the kitchen and picked up the phone. He called Billy’s house first.

“Hey, Chief Swan,” it was one of Jake’s friends.

He knew this voice, “Oh, hey Sam. Do you know where Jake and Bella are?”

“They aren’t there?”

“No, why would I call if they were here. Any idea what they were up to today?”

“Yeah, they were going to go cliff jumping. Charlie, get an ambulance down to First Beach as fast as you can. I’m going to go down and see if their there But I’m worried.”

“Charlie, want me to drive?”

Charlie looked up as he hung the phone up and lost it. He clung to her, god she was cold to the touch, and he cried. First his best friend, now his daughter who decided to go cliff jumping was missing. Finally after what seemed ages, he whispered, “Yes please. Hospital first, take the cruiser so we can speed. Hospital first and then First Beach.”

“Okay,” then she all but carried him to the car. She was in faster than should have been possible but he was under strain so maybe she wasn’t. Then again, it took less than one minute to get to the hospital. She said she’d stay in the car while he ran into the hospital.

Then they were at First Beach and Same was leading them down to the beach. There were two bodies on the ground. Charlie was only barely able to hide the hysteria “Sam they aren’t, are they?”

“No Charlie they’re alive. I think they are both in comas,” Sam answered and then it seemed like his lips were moving but he didn’t say anything.

It was all a blur until this moment. The buzzing and beeping and chaos was all that kept him grounded. He was sitting here with two very broken teenagers. Billy was trying to help Sue out because her kids were not handling Harry’s passing well. Alice had stayed by his side almost constantly. She only left twice, both for a phone call, neither lasted more than a minute.

------------------------

Leave it to Bella to cause this much chaos. That was all Alice could think when she had the vision.

“If Edward calls, tell him to get to Forks as fast as he possibly can. When Carlisle and Esme get back tell them we’re going to need him in Forks too,” Alice said swiftly as she threw some cash and a change of clothes into a bag.

“Great what in the hell did that stupid human do now?”

“Rose, if you don’t drop it I’ll walk away from you for a decade,” Emmett said. Alice was only mildly shocked, it had been coming because Rose kept muttering about the ‘stupid girl’ and Emmett kept growling.

“What?!”

“I said, disparage my lil sis one more time and I will walk away for a decade. I’m not dealing with it anymore. It because of that kind of bullshit that we ended up here in the first place. So you will stop, and you won’t do it mentally either, that girl is part of this family and I am part of this family and if you cannot see it then maybe you need a break from us,” Emmett said with quiet vehemence. Alice was really shocked because he was the only way she was going to get her head on straight and he almost never stood up to his ‘savior,’ so he must really care.

While the shock on Rose’s face held, Emmett turned to Alice, “Can I come? I want to be there if she’s hurt.”

Alice held up a finger and played through all the possibilities, he seemed to disappear in several of them, “Fine, BUT you have to keep your temper under control, there are things I can’t understand at play right now so we have to be cautious.”

“You’re not serious!”

“Yes, Rose I am. You stay here with Jasper and pack up the house. If things are this bad I think we’re moving back to Forks,” Emmett said soft but with no room for argument. And then they were out the door and on the road.

“No one is here,” Alice said as she came back out of the house. “I think Charlie’s down on the reservation, I lost his trail at the line,” Emmett said as he sat with her on the steps to wait, “Is she okay?”

“I’m not sure, did you smell or sense anything else? Yeah, it was like wet dog but stronger.”

“Hm, I’d have to ask Carlisle or Rose but I think that the wolves are back,” Alice said questioningly, “That would explain her sudden disappearance.”

Just then the phone rang. Alice picked it up, “Hey Rose.”

“I’m sorry. Can you tell Emmett that?”

“Yeah, anything else?”

“Oh, right, Edward is headed that way. Carlilse was finally within cell range and we got ahold of him but they’re still a few hours out. Any idea what’s happening?”

“No, not yet. Oh, wait I hear his cruiser. I’m going to go, I’ll let you know once I know something.”

Emmett went to sit in the car. Probably better for Charlie to just see me first me reasoned. God, Charlie looked terrible, did something happen to Bella was all Alice wanted to say but instead she said, “Hey, Charlie.”

“Alice, I wasn’t expecting you. Why hasn’t Bella let you in?”

“She’s not here Charlie,” that seemed to pull him out of his reverie. He looked at the street and finally registered her truck missing. He rushed past her and opened the door, though he paused to let Alice in.

He rushed to the kitchen and made a call, Alice put the number in her phone.

“Hey, Sam,” Charlie muttered, “Have you seen Jake or Bella?”

It was faint but Alice could still here the other side of the conversation, “No, they went cliff diving today. Aren’t they there?”

“No.”

Muttered curses, “Charlie, I think you need to get an ambulance and head to first beach I’ll go ahead of you.”

Alice tucked out as Charlie hung up the phone and dialed the number back quickly, “Sam, you don’t know me but I’m sure you hate me. Please hear me out before you hang up.”

Sam growled but listened.

“Carlisle can treat Jacob without the need to take him to the hospital, I’m sure that will help prevent questions about your physiology,” Sam made a noise that sounded like consent. “So, if you get there and there is an issue, hide Jake. And please allow me, Emmett, and Carlisle onto the reservation to help you move them. Emmett will meet you at First Beach.”

She heard Emmett get out of the car and shoot back towards the reservation. Then she returned to the kitchen and carried Charlie to the cruiser and rushed him to the hospital. While he was inside he called Carlisle.

“Hey, it looks like she and one of the wolves went cliff diving and no one has heard from them in hours, leave the packing to everyone else and get here.”

Carlisle while shocked got out, “Okay, I’m leaving now. I’m dropping the phone explain to Esme.”

“Alice?”

“I think something happened to Bella and Jacob. Apparently, the kids on the reservation are turning into wolves again. You guys pack cup and get here when you can but I needed Carlisle now.”

“Okay, see you soon. Keep me updated.”

As soon as she hung up she called Edward, “Hey, where are you?”

“Halfway through Arizona. What happened?”

“Jacob is a wolf and has been taking care of Bella. Charlie said he’s starting to heal the holes she’s got. However, today they went cliff diving, and no one has heard from them in quite some time. Charlie’s walking back out of the hospital after getting an ambulance, Emmett is on his way to first beach and Carlisle is on his way here to be of any assistance he can be. We could use you.”

“Shit, I should be there by dawn,” Edward growled and he hung up as Charlie got back in the cruiser.

“Okay let’s go,” he said in a defeated tone.

“She’s okay Charlie,” Alice said reassuringly.

Just then her phone rang, “Hey Emmett what’s up?”

“They were both on the beach. I think they are in comas. They are breathing but totally unresponsive past that. Sam and I are going to carry Jacob to our house.”

“Okay, I need to tell Charlie,” Alice said aloud, then silently, “Be back at the beach when we get there.”

“Okay, Emmett and Sam found Bella, she’s alive but they think she’s comatose,” Alice told Charlie. He kept his composure, barely. “Want to talk about it?”

“Harry died today, I cannot afford to lose her too,” the pain was so raw and deep. It hurt Alice to hear it, she pulled him closer and let him rest on her while she drove as hast as she could to the beach.

“We’re not going to lose her,” Alice said, “I want you to know I called Carlilse while you were in the hospital, he’s on a plane now and will be here by morning to make sure she’s okay.”

Charlie growled, “How can you just come back after ripping her to shreds?”

“I’m sorry Charlie, we didn’t want to leave. We just had to for a bit, a family emergency,” Alice said as convincingly as she could.

“Is it all handled now? No more leaving? I cannot watch her go through that again.”

“No more leaving, By tomorrow night almost everyone will be here, we’ll make sure Renee get’s here and you can just stay by Bella. We’ll get you food and everything, okay?”

The relief that rolled off Charlie was so profound it even shook Alice, “Yeah, thanks Alice.”

Then they were at the beach loading Bella into the ambulance.

-------------------

Bella woke back up in a room at the bed and breakfast. Jess was looming over her, “What was that? You were there and then you weren’t it was like a light switch; you know better than to mess with the fae.”

“The fae? What the hell? Where am I?”

And then she was being shoved through a crowd of people, she saw Jake and grabbed him. Then they were next to a giant tube that dropped into the river around the building, they bumped some sort of pirate captain too hard, and they fell. As soon as they hit the water they dissolved.

“Well, down you two go,” the bushy haired lady that seemed to run the place said, and then she pushed them done the tube.

“Jake, come on, there’s a blue light ahead,” Bella said pulling Jake along. She knew if Jake grabbed it, he’d wake up. She also knew, even if she wasn’t sure how that only one of them could get out that way. She also knew the only way Jake was going to wake up was if she made him.

Wait, why did she think they needed to wake up? Something was tickling at the back of her mind, but she shoved t off, she knew she had this one chance to save Jake and she wasn’t going to waste it.

“Why am I grabbing the light,” Jake asked, “You need to get beck too!”

“I can still get back, though I don’t know how,” Bella tried to explain, “You can’t though, this is your only chance Jake. Please, take it.”

They had made it to the blue light, it seemed like a handle to pull yourself out of the water. Water, that made the thing in her head tickle again. Finally, she made Jake grab the damn light and he was gone. Not sure where but she knew it was somewhere safe and away from here.

----------------------

Jake gasped and opened his eyes, “Where am I?”

Charlie practically jumped on him and hugged him while calling for a nurse. “You pulled Bella out of the water and you both collapsed. Then you must have woken up and tried to get help cause they found you in the woods.”

Jake remembered the water but he never left the beach. Then Jake registered Sam’s face at the same time he registered the smell.

“Don’t,” Sam said with the authority to make sure Jake didn’t do a damn thing. Ugh why had he given up the alpha role.

Then much more softly, “They came back to save you both. Carlisle hasn’t left you or Bella for more than five minutes. So, DON’T fight them.”

“Bella, what happened to Bella?!” Jake tried to sit up, but Quill and Embry held him down.

“No moving bro, doc’s orders,” Quill said.

“Wait, aren’t there nurses too?”

“Well, you only have one,” Quil said, “Remember, when I didn’t know what was happening and I went to the hospital out at the res?”

“Yes,” Jake said, though it sounded more like a question.

“I imprinted on a nurse that was out there. Apparently, the hospital in town is Anna’s main post but she picks up extra shifts out there. So, since she knows about us, Carlisle felt safe bring you here as long as she was his only nurse. He said it was to reduce strain on the hospital while he took care of you and Bella, and the hospital agreed.”

“Why is he back? Are they all back?”

“Yes, they are all back,” Sam said, “And you may not fight them, they have my permission to come and go from the reservation. We’ve called off the treaty, it’s more important for us to be allies.”

Before Jake could reply, a nurse walked by the door and looked in, when their eyes met it was like jumping into the riptide again. She looked like she felt the same way, she finally came in.

“Hey, you finally woke up,” she said, “I’ve been watching you for days. We were worried about you. Anna has been stressing, she’ll be so glad to hear you’re up.”

“Days,” Jake asked, then looked at her like she was he sun and asked, “What’s your name?”

“Yes, days, you don’t just wake right out of a coma,” she joked, “I’m Vanessa, but you can call me Nessie.”

“Oh, well, hello Nessie,” Jake blushed, “Nice to meet you. Wait, Bella’s still in there isn’t she?”

“What,” Sam, Quil, Embry, and Nessie all said together.

“Jynx, you all owe me pops,” Jake said jokingly, then much more seriously, “We were trapped in a boarding house or something, and Bella almost made it out. It was like she was being carried, then suddenly she was back in that place and her and I got shoved down a tube into the water. She said she could get out a different way but the only way I could get out was if I grabbed this blue light so she made me grab it and I woke up here.”

“Wait you shared the same coma space,” Nessie said with so much shock and excitement, “There’ve been theories about that when two people go into a coma at the same time due to a shared trauma. This is the first time anyone has seen it happen.”

“Yeah, it was weird cause I kept hearing her thoughts. ‘This isn’t like the nightmare.’ ‘He can save me but only I can save Jake.’ It was really weird. I’m assuming ‘he’ is that idiot that left. Is he here yet?”

“Yeah, he just left to get Charlie food, I’ll go get him and the doc,” Sam said, and he started to leave, then turned around and added, “Tell her while I’m gone.”

“Tell me what,” Nessie inquired.

“Well, I’m guessing you felt the universe reassemble itself a few minutes ago, just like I did,” Jake said with his signature confidence.

“Yeah, what of it?”

“Well, you two are like soulmates,” Embry chimed in, “Anna and Quil are like that too. That’s why she was allowed to help because she knows about us.”

“I’m so confused.”

“We’re wolves, well shape shifters really. Most of us are wolves, however a few recent members of the tribe shifted into eagles,” Quil said.

“You’re joking, right,” Nessie sounded very disbelieving.

“No, they aren’t I’m afraid,” came the calm demeanor of Carlisle as he swooped into the room and started to look Jacob over, “Aside from out of it how are you feeling Jake?”

“Not bad doc, just worried about Bella.”

“Well, aside from the coma her vitals are strong.”

“She really saved you?”

Finally, Jake remembered he was hugging Charlie, “Yeah she did Charlie. You should be proud of her. She really felt like if she didn’t get me out first, I’d never wake up. I think I believe her too, it was like being trapped in her head.”

“Trapped in her head,” Edward asked as he walked back in the room with enough food to feed an army, “I heard you woke up and assumed you’d be hungry too. Dig in you all.”

Jake never thought he’d be so happy to see a blood suck…no vampire he corrected himself, “Thanks Edward. Now you need to pull her out of the coma. I think you almost got her out of it once, but she stayed because if she didn’t get me out I was going to stuck.”

As he finished, the doc pulled the last wire off Jake’s chest and said, “Well, you’re as good as new. If you want, you can head home and let your dad know you’re okay.”

“I think I’ll call in a bit, I need to stay until she’s awake,” Jake said easily, then seeing Nessie’s face, “No, not like that, silly. She’s my best friend I need to be here when she wakes up, so she knows she saved me. Now, come here so I can hug you.”

Charlie got up and moved back to Bella’s bed and Nessie took his spot, wrapping her arms around him for about two second and then jumping up, “Holy crow, you’re burning up. Doc, he needs ice!”

Jake grabbed her before she could get away, “No I don’t, I run at 108 because I’m a shifter. Once Bella is awake and you’re not working, I’ll show you.”

“He’s telling the truth, I checked all the shifters just to ensure I kept him at the right core temp,” Carlisle added.

Nessie calmed down and relaxed back into Jakes chest for a couple of minutes, “Shift, right I have to get back. I’ll come see you when I’m off.”

“Okay, I’ll be here,” Jake said as she went back to work.

“Geez, you’re a lucky jerk,” Quil said in a joking tone, “Anna freaked out when I tried to tell her the first time.”

“Do you know how I can get her back,” Edward asked as he sat opposite of Charlie on Bell’s bed, holding one of hers and one of Charlie’s hands.

“Um, she’s stuck in the place, not sure how you did it earlier, but it was like she was in a trance, she left the building and wandered off into the woods. She said they felt safe, that hey weren’t the woods of her nightmares?”

“Nightmares,” Edward also added questioningly.

“Probably from just after you left, she’d have these terrible nightmares and before the screaming would start, she’d say something about being lost in the woods,” Charlie said softly, pain showing on his face.

“Oh Charlie, I’m so sorry. She was in your yard when I pulled away,” Edward said, his voice flooding with regret.

“I’m not going to say it’s okay because it isn’t, but I’m glad you’re here now,” Charlie said with a fierce look on his face, “Now get my baby back.”

Jacob smacked Embry as he started to sing under his breath, “I want my baby back, baby back, chili’s baby back ribs.”

Quil hid a snicker in a sneeze.

“I will Charlie, don’t worry.”

---------------------

Jake was safe, she knew he was, but now she was stuck in the water, drowning again. It was worse this time because she knew what it felt like, and it terrified her. Plus, there were no Edward hallucinations to make the passing feel bearable. How did she survive this the first time? Did she survive the last time? Now, she wasn’t so sure, maybe this was limbo.

“Hey, want to come back?”

Bella would know that voice anywhere, she turned to it, “Edward?”

“Sweetheart, we’re all waiting for you, please come back.”

She felt something brush her forehead, she tried to touch where she felt it, but she couldn’t lift her arms, “How?”

Then there was silence. She tried to fight her way to the voice, but she wasn’t suer where it was. It seemed like ages before anything changed. Then there was a darkness and it felt like someone was scooping her up, it had to be Edward, she never felt this comfortable near something cold.

“Bella, sweetheart, can you hear me?”

“YES” she tried to scream, but nothing came out. So, she started to swim, or claw, she wasn’t sure, towards the voice. He kept talking thank fully and she kept getting closer. Finally, she felt her hands and tried to lift one.

“Bella,” Edward sounded relieved and much closer.

“Hm,” well that was a weak way to say hi.

“Oh, Bella we were so worried,” then he set her down. She whimpered.

“I know, honey, but we’re in the hospital and I need to let Charlie know you’re waking up, I’ll lay next you though.”

She must have sighed because he leaned across her for a moment, “Charlie, wake up. I think I go her. Quil, can you grab Carlisle?”

Why was Quil here? She tried to ask but words didn’t come out.

“He’s here because Jake’s here,” Edward said, then hearing her pulse accelerate, “He’s okay Bella, you saved him.”

“Yep, I’m good as new,” Jacob said from where ever she was.

Suddenly was covered in warmth, “Oh Bells, you scared me. Why would you go cliff diving with a storm rolling in? You’re lucky Jake could pull you out of the water.”

Bella satisfied herself by humming in what she felt was comforting, since she still couldn’t speak, or open her eyes. How long was that going to last?

Two days, that’s how long she had to wait until she could see again, and twelve hours until her grunts were words.

“Hey dad, I love you,” those were her first real words.

Charlie wept, “I love you to Bells.”

“How long?”

“The coma was a little over a week,” Charlie said.

“You been here the whole time,” Bella did better with short words.

“Yeah, honey, I even rode in the ambulance with you. Haven’t left your side for more than five minutes,” Charlie said squeezing her hand.

“Thanks dad. If you want, you can go home and get some real sleep. I’ll still be here.”

“I’ll call you if anything changes at all,” Edward reassured.

“Thank you, for helping and for pulling her out of that,” Charlie said softly, “I don’t think she’d of made it if you hadn’t been here.”

As soon as the door closed, Edward scooped her up and held her, “I’m so sorry I left, I’m so sorry I hurt you. I hope you can forgive me.”

“S’okay,” Bella mumbled.

“It doesn’t count until she is actually better, bro,” Emmet said.

“Yep, what he said,” Jake chimed in.

“Jake? Emmett,” came Bella’s response.

“Yeah, we’re here, Emmett is the one that got me out of the way before Carlisle showed up. Kept me from taking ice baths,” Jacob chuckled.

“I’m just glad I was able to get you out,” Bella said, “I really didn’t think you’d get back if I didn’t force you.”

“Well, you definitely saved me,” Jacob chuckled, “and I met my other half. Her name is Nessie.”

“Ah, Jake that’s great,” Bella said around a yawn.

“Get sleep hon. We’ll still be here,” Edward whispered as he leaned down and kissed her temple.

Bella was gone almost as soon as h said I, thought she thought she heard something about a funeral. Hopefully, she would remember when she woke up.

--------------------------

It had been a few months since the incident. Jake and Nessie were already talking about marriage though they would wait for a few years; and Leah was becoming fast friends with Rosalie, something about ball busters sticking together. Edward was over almost every day.

Bella hadn’t heard him get here so she was shocked when she saw Dad and Edward in serious conversation as she came down. She didn’t get much except he came to get permission for something. Oh man if he was about to propose she was going to lose it. She had told him time and time again that she wouldn’t get married for at least five more years. She has hinted at immortality again though she was also willing to wait a bit, if only to have more time with Charlie. Bella stopped emailing her mom and her mom never noticed. Bella wasn’t surprised.

“Bells!”

“Hey dad. What you two gossiping about like a pair of old hens?”

“We are not old hens.”

“Okay, no need to get ruffled feathers, Eddie.”

“I am going to wring Emmett’s neck for teaching you that.”

“No, you aren’t. Besides, I like it,” Bella finished, leaning in to give both gentlemen a kiss on the cheek.

Edward looked at dad conspiratorially, “Do you want to tell her or should I?”

“Oh, let me tell her. I think it’ll be a bigger shock that way,” dad said laughing.

“Oh no, what are you two trying to wrangle me into now? I did prom and I’m not doing baseball ever again. So now what?”

“Ah, Bells, don’t worry. We were just talking about post high school life. You did decide to just commute up to Port Angels at first, right?”

“Well, yeah, why?”

“Since you seem so hell bent on trying to die every few months,” dad started to laugh like it was the funniest thing he every said, “Anyways, Edward just told me he bought a house just outside of the town so you two could live together. He also wants to see about making you a bit more durable before you start college.”

All Bella could do was sputter, she was so flabbergasted, she couldn’t even be upset that Edward had videotaped the whole thing just to show Emmett and Jacob.

And that’s how everyone ended up in a much better place and no weird shit happened at all.

#original work #fanfic #emmett cullen #the friendships we deserved

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hotchley · 4 years

Text

“sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed”

morehotchcontent day two: whump (in a hostage situation/hurt on the job)

tagged: @ablogofthecriminalmindsvariety

why should the team look for him? he was nothing. he would die for them, because they were his team and they deserved the world. but he was not the world. he was just one broken, old man and they could do better. they could do so, so much better than a drill sergeant, sexist, narcissistic bully.

an unsub kidnaps hotch. in his mind, he isn’t worth saving.

warnings: torture (choking, forced to choke on water, caning, punching, stabbing), depictions of violence, implied/referenced child abuse, non-consensual removal of clothing, references to the events of george foyet, references to tobias hankel and reid's torture, references to ian doyle and what he did to emily

read on ao3!

Hotch had taken one look at the case-file and immediately known it was going to be a bad case. The victims had all been kidnapped and tortured, before being dumped in the local park, stripped down to their underwear as a form of humiliation. A word- always a personality trait- had been carved into their back.

For the BAU, it was pretty standard.

For Hotch, it was like looking at a mirror. All the victims fit the same criteria, which on the one hand he was grateful for because maybe it would mean they would find the damn unsub without any more bodies appearing, but on the other hand made him want to be sick.

The victims had all been the leaders of their respective teams. The first was the manager of a supermarket, the second a senior partner in a law firm, the third a headteacher. He had no idea what the fourth was. He’d read it, but without ever really processing the words.

But their subordinates hated them. Deemed them bullies, narcissists, dickheads, evil bastards. When they’d been informed of the deaths, not a single one had cried. One had laughed. They had all been relieved enough to be considered suspects.

He looked out at the bullpen. JJ was sat with them, sat on the edge of Reid’s desk as she laughed at something Emily- Agent Prentiss, he corrected mentally- was saying. The case had come directly to him, the file lying on his desk as though it was mocking him because the previous day he’d told the team it was likely they’d be spending the weekend at home.

Morgan was watching the scene unfold with a wide smile, yet his eyes darted round the area, always watching over the other members of his team like it was his duty. Not for the first time, Hotch wondered if he should have stepped down permanently. Morgan had done well as Unit Chief. And he wasn’t hated by the team. They didn’t look at Morgan and think of a boring, misogynistic, horrid narcissist. They looked at Morgan and thought of a protector.

He sighed. Part of him wanted to ask Rossi to inform the team they had a case but that was just being unfair. It was his stupid comment about getting to spend time at home that had undoubtedly landed them in this situation. The least he could do was own it. At the last moment, he decided to read through the casefile one more time. It would give JJ enough time to finish showing them the pictures of Henry at the beach.

When JJ tucked her phone back into her pocket, he stood up. Took a deep breath and exited. Almost immediately, the laughter stopped and they all turned back to their reports. JJ slid off the table and started to head back to her office. Hotch tried to disguise his hurt as indifference and he knew he’d succeeded when Reid swallowed and Morgan looked disappointed.

It had been five years since Tobias Hankel, and yet nothing had changed. The team still hated him. Cases still ruined their everyday life.

“We have a case. Roundtable in ten,” he said. The rest of the words wouldn’t come. Because if he said more than the bare minimum, he would reveal too much and they would hate him even more than they already did. It was bad enough that he was everything they’d called him, but it would be even worse if they realised just how weak he was.

He went back up to his office to pack things away and send a quick text to Jess and Jack, before he realised that they’d benefit from having Garcia with him. He had always wondered what Garcia really thought of him, but he’d always been too afraid to ask. A part of him liked to think she liked him, but that was impossible.

JJ thought he was a bully, and when he thought of the number of times he’d snapped at Garcia for not being fast enough, he understood. Morgan considered him a drill sergeant, said they weren’t friends, and he was always breaking up their fun, teasing comments. It didn’t matter he was doing it for professionality, that was one of their only reprieves and he was constantly taking it from them. Prentiss accused him of not trusting women as much as men, and there had definitely been times when he’d looked at Garcia and felt the urge to ask where she’d got the information from. Reid told Hankel he deserved to die because he was a narcissist. How many times had he asked Garcia to look at the worst of humanity, knowing she was too good for that?

Garcia never told him what his worst quality was. He’d heard enough by the time it would’ve got to her. Jason had opened his mouth, probably to tell him to stop, but he’d had enough. He wished he hadn’t stopped him. Maybe if he’d known, he could’ve changed and then Gideon would still be with them and Reid would have someone who was actually competent as a father figure.

It was with a heavy heart that he took the elevator down to Garcia’s lair. As he’d passed through the bullpen, he saw the haggard faces of his team, and he wondered, not for the first time, how many more crime scenes they could suffer through before their hands stopped going cold and they lost their humanity.

He knocked on the door, once, slightly hesitant.

“You don’t need to knock Kevin!” Garcia called out.

Hotch swallowed the lump in his throat. Yet another relationship he was ruining. He coughed once before saying it was actually him.

Almost immediately Garcia flung the door open. “Sir! I didn’t realise it was you. What is it?”

“We have a case. And, well, I’d like you to come with us. It’ll be easier,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Of course! Just give me sixteen minutes to pack my stuff and then I’ll be up, okay?”

He nodded, then the Southern manners kicked in. “Would you like any help?” he asked, slightly hopeful that she’d say yes.

“Oh no, of course not. It’s much simpler if I just do it myself. I know where everything goes and it’s just easier.”

“Right. I’ll err, I’ll see you in a bit then,” he said, trying to not take it personally. Garcia probably wouldn’t let anyone touch her computers or equipment. It wasn’t just him. It couldn’t be. He wasn’t sure he’d survive it. He was about to exit when she called out his name and he turned.

“Yes?”

“Are you okay? You’ve seemed distant recently. And normally I wouldn’t comment, but I’m worried about you. You know you can talk to us? Any of us. I know the others weren’t particularly fond of Haley, but you didn’t have to be a profiler to realise you loved her.”

He started fidgeting, stuffing his hand in his pocket as he brushed his thumb over his fingers.

If Garcia noticed his discomfort, she didn’t comment. “It doesn’t matter that you got a divorce, you still loved each other. Recovering from that is hard. Add in the fact that you’re going back to the same job, and it’s a recipe for disaster. What I’m trying to say is: are you okay, and do you want to talk about it?”

He wanted to say yes. He so desperately wanted to hug Garcia, fall apart in her arms and confess all his fears to her. He wanted to tell her how ever since Hankel, he’d hardly been able to look at the team, or how the list of people he’d failed to save- Elle, Jason, Kate Joyner, countless innocent victims, Megan Kane, Haley- seemed to be growing with every breath. He longed to finally tell someone who horrifying it was when Foyet was in his apartment, how he could hardly look in the mirror without gagging, how he had blinked because he was human. He wanted to say that there were nights where he couldn’t comfort Jack because how dare he touch his son with the same hands that had killed a man?

But he couldn’t. The only value he held as a member of the team was being stoic. Unshaken. The one that dealt with the politics, played bad cop, spoke to Strauss and the higher-ups, dealt with unruly lead detectives without flinching. If any of them knew just how choked up he got every time Strauss asked to see a report, how every case that involved him playing the role ended with him sat in the shower, water numbing his body as tears rolled down his cheeks, they’d cast him out.

And he would have nothing.

“I’m fine,” he lied. “Just a little tired. Jack was keeping me up. He’s excited about starting school soon.”

Jack had kept him up, but not because he was excited about starting school. Because he was scared he was going to come home and daddy wouldn’t be there.

“Wow. I remember when he was just a little baby coming in to visit. Back when the Reid effect was still a thing.”

Hotch faked a laugh, ignoring the bile that was rising in his throat. He didn’t want to think about that. How the team had done nothing more than be polite, all stood a respectful distance away, as though he was poison. Or how just minutes after he said goodbye to Jack and Haley- who was still happy and in love- they were called out on a family annihilator case.

“Yeah. The time has gone by so fast. I’ll let you pack up,” he said, needing to get away from the lights and brightness.

“Oh, of course. I’m so sorry,” Garcia said, as though she had only just remembered why he’d come down.

“You have nothing to apologise for Penelope,” he said, before closing the door behind him.

Forty minutes later and they were in the air.

JJ was on the phone to the local P.D, convincing them that releasing any sort of information to the public, especially the name of a suspect, would not be beneficial to the investigation. Hotch wanted to intervene because it wasn’t fair that she had to be fielding their phone calls when she should be resting, but he didn’t want to overstep so he settled for keeping one eye on her and the other on the casefiles.

When they landed, JJ said that the local PD had wanted them all to head straight to the precinct, so they piled into the government SUVs. Hotch tried to not let it sting when Morgan sighed before getting into the passenger seat. Once upon a time, he would’ve said they were friends. But now he knew better. Morgan had only wanted him around because he could lead the team. But after Foyet, he’d proven that he couldn’t even do that, and that Morgan was clearly the better leader.

Why he was still on the team was a mystery to him.

“Miss Jareau, hello. I’m Sheriff Finkelstein, we spoke on the phone?” the sheriff greeted.

“It’s Agent Jareau, Detective,” Hotch corrected, voice betrayed his tiredness.

JJ looked over in surprise. She could have sworn she saw him drift off.

Hotch wouldn’t meet her eyes. He corrected people when they called Dr Reid agent. Of course he would do the same for the rest of them, regardless of what their opinions on him were.

“Of course, my apologies, Agent Jareau. We’re very grateful to have you here, we’re completely in over our heads. Our lead detective just took early retirement as his wife had a baby and he wants to be at home with the two of them- an admirable decision- but it just means that we’re now overwhelmed and still looking for a new lead,” Finklestein explained, leading them to one of the conference rooms. He held the door open for the ladies, who all gave him small smiles.

Hotch tried to nod. Yet another person who’d managed to do the one thing he had failed at. If he had taken the transfer, or left when Jack was born, then Haley would still be alive. There would be a tan line on his ring finger from where his wedding ring sat.

“Do you have any clues who it could be? It’s a very specific MO and victimology, which should help us narrow things down,” Morgan asked, always eager to get straight into things.

Sheriff Finkelstein sighed. “Unfortunately not. There’s no DNA anywhere. All of the team members have been questioned, and although they all hated their respective bosses, there’s no indication that any of them would’ve done it.”

“We’d like to see the recordings of their interviews,” Rossi said.

“And if I could have a map of the area to start creating the geographical profile, that’d be great,” Reid added.

“Whatever you need,” Finkelstein said, leaving.

Hotch left with him to gather some of the extra information they needed. The team- bar Morgan and Rossi, who had left to go to M.E’s office, were skimming through the files created on each of the members and their victims.

“I’m not saying they deserved it, but these men were disgusting,” Emily commented.

“Prentiss,” Hotch warned, but he knew she was right.

She stared at him, daring him to go further. He dropped his gaze and walked over to Reid. “How’s that geographical profile coming along?”

“Well it’s interesting. See, their workplaces are all the ones in red. The places in blue are the last locations they were seen in- which is another common factor actually because they were all in restaurants, cafes and takeaways which is actually similar to a previous case we solved so I may look into that to see if there are any links- and I’m doing that rambling thing again aren’t I?”

“You’re okay,” Hotch said, not wanting to cut Reid off when they didn’t really have a time crunch.

“No I’ll just get to the point, we all have more important things to be doing. Look at the area where the victims work and then where the unsub takes them. They’re all within five minutes of each other. Our unsub probably work somewhere where they can watch their targets from, otherwise how else would they be able to find them?”

“We need to deliver the profile,” Hotch said.

Two days after they delivered the profile, and the unsub still hadn’t been found. Garcia’s tech skills had given them a suspect, but he’d been out of the country during the last murder. Since the development with the geographical profile, they hadn’t been able to find anything. Hotch had felt like someone was watching him since they landed, but he hadn’t said anything, not wanting to distract the team.

Morale was low. Patience was running out and tempers were going to be lost if there wasn’t a break in the case. Officers had started joking with each other in the macabre way only people that dealt with these things on a regular basis could that they were lucky none of them were evil as the station was extremely close to the other workplaces, bur Finkelstein had shut them down almost immediately.

Hotch had cried in the shower that night. Reid had wanted to say something, but ultimately refrained because it was Hotch and Hotch didn’t blink; he’d be okay.

So things weren’t going great, and the team were exhausted. They needed a pick-me-up.

Hotch picked up his jacket. “I’m going to get us food. Does anyone have any specific requests, or is donuts and coffee okay?”

“You’re going to go?” Prentiss asked, a little confused. Hotch had gone yesterday. It was supposed to be Reid’s turn.

“Yeah. I am. Reid’s busy, and it’s not fair to ask him to go and it’s unfair to get someone else to go because they’ve all be running themselves into the ground. And before you say it, I’m not saying that you haven’t, because you have,” Hotch said, his own temper also fading. He was trying so hard to be good, to not treat anyone the way his father had but the lack of progress, combined with the way Emily seemed to get off on undermining him, even now, after everything that had happened, was beginning to wear on him.

“Hotch? Are you okay?” JJ asked, entering with another stack of files. As it turned out, the town was full of white males in their mid-to-late 20s that worked jobs where the person in charge had a bit of a dodgy history, and they were still trying to narrow it down.

“I’m fine. Any requests for dinner? I’m probably going to go to that café because Reid will want coffee as soon as he gets back from the workplace with Morgan, and Rossi likes their croissants but I don’t mind making another stop if you want me to,” he said.

JJ smiled at how well her boss- well, family member- knew their team, and also at how willing he was to go out of his way for all of them. But her smile faded when she took in his appearance. The circles under his eyes were getting worse and his suit seemed to be looser. She knew Reid was having trouble sleeping as the fifth anniversary of his abduction approached, and she knew Emily was still struggling with her place on the team in a world without Doyle, but their trauma was not Hotch’s responsibility. She just wished he would stop blaming himself.

“Surprise me with something from the café. But are you sure you should be the one going?” She didn’t tell him it was because he looked exhausted; she liked her job.

But she had her back turned to him. She didn’t see him clench his fist, rubbing his thumb over the nail of his index finger in a self-soothing motion. She didn’t see the tears form in his eyes.

“I’ll be fine JJ. Tell the others I should be back in thirty minutes,” he said, voice cracking slightly as he fled.

“Is something going on with him?” Prentiss asked.

JJ shrugged. “Jack mentioned him being unwell right after you came back, but I thought he was doing better now.”

Emily watched the space where he’d been previously stood. “I just wish he would talk to us. He has to know we love him and wouldn’t think any less of him for struggling.”

JJ nodded in agreement.

Hotch was driving, unable to focus on the road properly. He knew his team thought they were being subtle with the way they hated him, but he was a profiler. He knew JJ was only questioning whether or not he should go because he was just like all the other victims and it had been a week since the last body was found, meaning there was bound to be another abduction soon.

It wasn’t going to be him. He wasn’t deserving of even that attention.

“Oh hello again. I was wondering if I was going to see you again,” the barista said when he entered.

Hotch noted that there was nobody else there. “I’m so sorry, is it really close to closing time? I saw that the light was on and I just assumed it was okay.”

He laughed. Hotch shifted uncomfortably. He wasn’t sure he liked it.

“We’re still open, don’t worry about it. What can I get for you?”

“It’s another long order,” Hotch warned. The barista just shrugged, used to it. When Hotch was done, he took a brownie out and warmed it up.

“This is on the house because you look like you need it and your order will take a bit of time,” he said, sliding it across the counter.

Hotch stopped observing the artwork. “I couldn’t possibly-”

“Yes you can,” the barista said, his tone so much like JJ’s when she was mother-henning them all that Hotch silently took a bite. It was a good brownie. He took a few more bites, wincing when his head started to feel fuzzy.

“Do you like it?” the barista asked.

“It’s really good. But my head- I have- my head feels, not right,” he whispered, vision starting to blur as well.

“It’s not supposed to,” the barista responded, jovial tone gone.

The world went black.

The first thing he noticed when he came round was that he couldn’t move his arms. Or his legs. He struggled, unable to see what had happened to him as his eyes were taking forever to adjust to the darkness, but there was no movement to be had.

He was tied to a chair. He struggled even more, but his bonds held.

“You’re awake.”

“You,” Hotch whispered. “It was you the whole time.”

“Yep. And my name is Jonathan. You would know that if you had just bothered to read my nametag,” he said.

Hotch scanned the room, searching for anything that would act as a weapon. There was nothing. He tried to calm his racing heart and think logically but he couldn’t. The last time he’d been this vulnerable was under George Foyet. George Foyet who had destroyed all feeling in the lower part of his stomach, who had killed Haley, who had made damn well sure Aaron would never be able to look at himself without seeing the victory on Foyet’s face right before his eyes fluttered shut from the blood loss.

“I’m sorry for forgetting,” he said, fighting to keep his voice even.

Jonathan slapped him across the face. Hotch recoiled as much as he could, not making a sound. It was always worse when you made a sound.

“Stop lying to me. I know who you are. I know how you people work. You think that if you convince me that it was all just an honest mistake, then I’ll forgive you and let you go running back to your team. Well I won’t and nothing you say will make me change my mind.”

“I’m sorry,” Hotch whispered. “I didn’t mean to insult you.”

Jonathan scoffed, slapping Hotch again. Both his cheeks were red now. “You’re all the same. You do one small thing for your team, and you think it will make up for the lifetime of pain you caused them. Well it won’t.”

He turned. Hotch tried to see what he was picking up, but he couldn’t. Before he even realised what was happening, pain blossomed in his stomach. Above him, Jonathan bought the cane down again, and again, and again.

Tears were streaming down his face now. “Please, stop. Please, I’ll do anything, just stop with the cane.” He hated begging. He hadn’t begged since he was a child. He hadn’t flinched when George Foyet fired a gun at him. But he wasn’t that man anymore. He was tired now. More tired and more broken that he’d ever been before.

Jonathan laughed. “Okay. I’ll stop. But I’m going to release you from the chair, and you’re going to raise your arms high enough for your hands to touch that chain on the ceiling. If you fail, I’ll cane you till you’re curled into a ball, begging for mercy.”

Aaron was half-delirious now, but he managed to follow the instructions given.

When Jonathan ran the cold metal of his knife, the same knife he’d used with all the other victims, down his cheek and across his chest, Aaron flinched. Minutely, but he flinched.

Jonathan smirked. “Normally I killed them quickly. I made them die quickly because they didn’t deserve to live. But you, you I want to have fun with.” He cut down the centre of Hotch’s shirt with one clean cut. Aaron closed his eyes, unable to look at the scars.

“My, my, someone must really have hated you,” Jonathan laughed.

Hotch didn’t respond. Jonathan pressed the metal to the scar over his chest. Hotch jerked at the coldness, straining his arms even more.

“You’re a bad man Aaron Hotchner. I’ve been watching you since you landed. You’re very bad. Do you want to know why you’re bad? You’re a bully. I saw the way you shouted at your technical analyst over the phone because she wasn’t fast enough.”

Hotch hadn’t meant to shout. He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to remember it.

“Oh are you ashamed now? You don’t get to be ashamed. Open your eyes.”

Hotch shook his head.

Jonathan wrapped one hand around Hotch’s throat and pushed down. Hotch opened his eyes, panicked as he tried to inhale. He relaxed his hold then.

“Good boy. You shouted at her. And then you undermined the blonde one by taking over her interrogation. And the other one by interrupting her conversation with the officer. Sexist pig.”

The plan had always been for him to take over. The officer had been making Prentiss uncomfortable with his flirting. Hotch tried to say that, but Jonathan just laughed, then punched him in the stomach. Claimed those were just lies they told him to protect themselves so they kept their jobs.

“You tried to control their every move. You wouldn’t let Mr Strong do the right thing and come look for me. Drill sergeant. You cut off the baby because you needed to speak, acted like you were better than him. Like you were better than all of them.”

“I’m not a narcissist,” Hotch protested.

Jonathan dropped the knife, opting to punch him in the stomach again. Hotch let out a groan. “That’s what they all say. It’s been half an hour. They’ll be expecting you back now. I wonder what will happen when you don’t come back. Will they look for you? I think they will. Not because they love you, but because they’ll be afraid. What if you’re the one to survive? What if you escape?”

“They won’t come,” Hotch said.

Jonathan, who had gone back over to the table, turned. “What did you say?”

“They won’t come,” Hotch repeated.

Jonathan stormed over, holding a bat. Before Hotch could prepare himself, he was hitting him with it. In the knees, across the back of his thighs, everywhere that would cause the most pain. Hotch didn’t want to know what the crack he’d heard when that bat had hit his ribs was.

Jonathan liked the bat. When he heard the crack, he grinned. And then he Hotch over the head. For the second time that day, the world went black.

“He should be here by now,” Reid said, pacing up and down the conference room. “It’s been fifty-seven minutes. The journey should have taken an average of thirty minutes, forty with traffic, but it’s now after eleven when there’s virtually no traffic on the road.”

“I’m sure he’s fine, Reid. There was probably some cute barista he got stuck talking to. You know how Hotch is. Never knows when people are flirting with him, and then when he does realise, he gets stuck in an awkward conversation,” Morgan said, but it was all an act. He knew there wouldn’t be a cute barista. But for the sake of Reid, he had to stay strong.

“Look Aaron wouldn’t want us to worry. In twenty minutes, we’ll go back to the hotel. And if he’s not here tomorrow, then we’ll start to investigate okay?” Dave said.

The others nodded, all feeling uneasy, but having the utmost faith in their leader.

Their leader that was still unconscious, Jonathan having moved him to the floor. The back of his head was coated with blood. He almost looked like Haley. But Haley had looked peaceful in her coffin, face void of any expression. Aaron was in pain, despite not being awake.

Jonathan didn’t try and force him to wake up. Aaron Hotchner was going to be his masterpiece.

“Is Agent Hotchner not with you?” Finkelstein asked once they got to the precinct.

They all turned to each other. Dave immediately dialled his cell.

“Voicemail,” he said.

Emily turned away, not wanting to think about the last time his phone had gone to voicemail. She still couldn’t get the image of him, so weak that he couldn’t even sit up without assistance, his face so defeated as he said goodbye to the one good thing in his life, out of her mind. It haunted her nightmares more than Ian Doyle did.

“We need to find him,” Morgan said.

“I’ll have Garcia track his phone,” JJ said.

She tracked his phone to the coffee shop. There was nobody there. No signs of a struggle. Nobody outside had seen anything strange or suspicious.

When Morgan and Rossi returned, faces grave, Reid excused himself. When he returned, his eyes were red. JJ hugged him, words not enough to convey how sorry she was for everything that had happened between them. Emily watched, biting her nails. Hotch had put everything on the line for her multiple times. He didn’t get to go missing like this.

Jonathan was bored of watching Aaron sleep. He kicked him in the stomach, grinning when he let out a soft groan of pain, but managed to open his eyes.

“Morning sunshine,” he greeted.

Aaron tried to flinch away, but found his legs and arms were bound. His head was pounding, his ribs ached, his stomach was bruising from where Jonathan had kicked him and there were angry welts from where the cane had struck.

“You’re a bastard,” Hotch spat, trying not to panic when blood splattered onto his clothes.

“You give me the sweetest compliments, I’m starting to wonder if you really are like the rest of my victims.”

Hotch tried to glare up at him.

Jonathan laughed. “And then you do things like that, and I remember that you’re all the same. You know, I wanted to have a conversation about what you said earlier, but now I think I’ll save that for tomorrow. There’s a few things I want to do before then.”

Hotch had choked on water before. It wasn’t pleasant. But having it forced down his throat was worse. He couldn’t keep swallowing it, and most of it ended up on his shirt. That angered Jonathan. It led to more pain. More torture. Hotch couldn’t feel anything though. He didn’t think that was a good thing. A part of him was holding out hope that the team would find him, but with every passing moment, it seemed to fade slightly.

Why should the team look for him? He’s nothing. He would die for them, because they were his team and they deserved the world. But he was not the world. He was just one broken, old man and they could do better. They could do so, so much better than a drill sergeant, sexist, narcissistic bully.

There were no windows where he was being held. But at some point, Jonathan forced him to eat. And at some point later than that, he told Hotch to get some rest as the next day was going to be big.

Hotch closed his eyes, but he did not sleep.

Nor did any member of the BAU. A whole day of searching and there were still no clues that would lead them to Hotch. Nobody had been reported missing either, which meant either nobody cared enough about the person that had been kidnapped or the unsub was developing a new pattern. Either way, it wasn’t looking good.

Rossi forced them all to get some sleep. He told himself that if they got Aaron back safely, he would make sure that man knew just how much he was loved by all of them. He would finally tell Aaron how he had always viewed him as the son he’d lost, and how he had never once regretted returning.

Morgan knew his relationship with Hotch would never be perfect, but at the end of the day, they were a family. He would spend the rest of his life convincing Hotch that he deserved all the happiness in the world if he needed to, as soon as he’d lectured him about being an idiot.

Garcia was already planning what she was going to make for him. She remembered when she had first started in the BAU, and Hotch had been the only person to treat her like an actual employee. They would eat lunch together because neither of them really had any friends within the unit. Morgan and Reid were still trying to adjust to her, and Gideon had always loved Reid more than he loved Hotch, which had made her sad.

Reid couldn’t lose another father. He lay awake, thinking of stories that he could recommend for Jack. He wanted to be in his own bed, where he could look at the constellations on his ceiling. Hotch had somehow found out about his fear of the dark, but instead of mocking him, he said he’d understood. A day later, he found glow in the dark stars in his bag with a note from Hotch saying he wanted to see a picture of the constellations he made.

Reid had returned the favour after Foyet.

JJ held Emily and they both hoped that he- the man that had already lost so much and struggled through it all for the sake of their band of misfit profilers- would come home safely.

“Rise and shine Aaron,” Jonathan said, throwing a bucket of water over Hotch, who immediately jerked awake as he started to shiver.

“What’s going on?” he whispered.

“You’ll see. But first, I need to make you a little bit more… presentable, shall we say?”

Hotch knew better than to hope that would mean a change of clothes. Jonathan removed the rope around his hands, but only to slide Aaron’s shirt off his shoulders. He pushed down on the bruises, only stopping when Hotch gasped.

“They’re going to be distraught,” he commented, punching Hotch in the face.

His eyes immediately started watering. Jonathan punched him again. Hotch recoiled, feeling the blood drip from his nose. He was dead weight now, but they had been right in assuming that their unsub was incredibly strong. He pulled Aaron into the chair before tying him up, bloodied and beaten and bruised and broken.

Hotch saw the camera.

And he suddenly understood what Jonathan meant.

“No,” he shouted, voice hoarse.

But it was too late.

“Hello Agent Hotchner’s team. I apologise for not knowing your first names, but Aaron only ever used your surnames. Maybe he wanted to detach himself from you all. Let’s see. Ah, the whole team is there! I don’t actually know who you all are, but that’s no worry. I bet you’re trying to work out where he is. It’s not going to work. You should watch the show instead. I bet you really want to see your fearless leader.”

Jonathan stepped back to reveal Hotch.

Morgan had to put his hand on the screen to stop Garcia from closing it. Reid whimpered, JJ shouted, Rossi cursed loudly. Finkelstein grabbed a whole bunch of officers and told them to do whatever it took to find that man.

“Now, Agent Hotchner talks in his sleep. Did you know that? And he’s said some quite interesting things. But first, we’re going to unpack something he said to me on our first day together. Do you remember what that thing was, Aaron?”

Aaron looked up at him, dazed. “No,” he whispered.

“You told me, they weren’t going to come and get you. I killed four people. All of them laughed and told me their colleagues, or their friends, or their families would find them. You didn’t. Why? Tell me. Tell them. They’re all watching.”

Hotch closed his eyes, needing to ground himself. When he opened them, tears were pooling in them, threatening to spill. “They already failed once. They didn’t- we had a case. But they never found me. I didn’t answer my phone, but they didn’t come looking until it was too late to save anyone. They failed to save me once. Why would they try now?”

Garcia was crying. She was trying to find him, but the unsub was right. It was impossible. They’d already dispatched officers to the man’s work and home addresses, but they all knew it was just a formality. They weren’t going to find anything.

“He’s right. We didn’t find him. We should have gone the moment his phone went to voicemail,” Emily said.

“That’s in the past,” Rossi said. “We need to focus on now. Where is he, now? How are we going to save him this time?”

“He’ll send us a message. Some sort of code. He has to,” Reid said, intently watching the screen.

Jonathan looked at Hotch for a few long moments. And then he took the knife he was holding and he cut one deep line from Hotch’s knee to his ankle. Hotch begged for mercy the whole time, but it never came.

“How tragic. Did you ever wonder why they didn’t try?”

“I’m not worth saving,” Hotch whispered.

That caused Jonathan to pause. “What?”

“I’m not worth saving. I’m a narcissist. A bully. Drill sergeant. I have trust issues, I don’t trust women as much as men and they don’t want to be my friend,” Hotch said.

Rossi frowned. “Kid, what’s the message? I don’t get it.”

Reid was shaking. “I don’t- I called him a narcissist when Hankel told me to choose someone to die but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t, I said it because I knew he would understand. He never puts himself above the team. But when I said that it gave away my location. There’s nothing with what he just said. Nothing. I don’t even know where the other things came from.”

Prentiss pressed her hand to her mouth. “He genuinely believes that. He’s not lying. I know his tell. He’s not doing it. He’s telling his version of the truth.”

Rossi turned. “What do you mean he genuinely believes that?”

All three of them swallowed, unable to form a response.

“When Reid called Hotch a narcissist and then quoted the Bible, Hotch went off. He told everyone to say what his worst quality was. And in the moment Morgan called him a drill sergeant. JJ said he was a bully. Em said he didn’t trust women as much as men. He cut them off after that and it was never addressed. I told- when we got back to Quantico, I told him he didn’t wear casual clothes enough and he- he smiled,” Garcia explained.

Rossi had never been so angry at his family. “Why would you say that? You know what he’s like. You know how personally he takes things. It doesn’t matter that it was just in the moment, he needed to hear it from all of you that you didn’t mean it.”

Prentiss lunged forward. “Aaron,” she shouted. When Hotch turned slightly to face the camera, she breathed a sigh of relief. “Aaron, it’s Emily. I know you��re not sexist. I know that you trust me just as much as anyone else on the team. I promise. And Morgan loves you too. JJ doesn’t think you’re a bully. We love you, but we need you to help us. Please.”

Jonathan turned to face the camera too. “Stop ruining all the fun, Emily.”

Emily flinched. Jonathan said her name like it was something dirty, but Aaron had only ever said it like it was something to be cherished.

When Jonathan slapped Hotch, Reid closed his eyes.

“What do you think Aaron? Do you think she’s correct? Are you worthy of their love? Or are you exactly like the other victims, maybe even worse?”

Hotch shook his head. “I don’t know. Please, I just, I don’t know.”

Jonathan picked up the cane. Hotch curled in on himself as much as he could. For everyone else, it was like watching Hankel torture Reid all over again. When the cane made contact with Hotch’s stomach, the sound he let out made the tears in Rossi’s eyes fall.

“I think I’ll let you all struggle for a few hours before the grand finale. But, I am nothing if not generous. Aaron, is there anything you want to say to them?”

He looked directly at the camera. Not even Morgan could look into his eyes, so full of pain and anguish. “I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry for everything. I’m- I never meant for any of you to become so damaged and I am so- I will spend every last minute making up for the pain I caused you, but please, just, please forgive me. Forgive me. Please.”

Jonathan ended it all. There was no way of tracing them.

Reid repeated the words to himself. He needed to find the clue. He needed to work out what the message was. He refused to believe there wasn’t one. Morgan and Rossi slipped into their respective leadership roles, commanding everyone and barking orders. Garcia’s fingers were like lightning, she was finding everything she could on Jonathan. JJ dealt with the media, who wanted to know exactly what was going on. Prentiss flitted between the various groups, offering support. It was weird. Coming back had felt like coming home, but then there were moments like these where she wasn’t sure she’d ever been part of the team.

Hotch was confused. He knew Emily’s tell. She couldn’t hide it from him. He’d been searching for it as she spoke, but it wasn’t there. Which would imply she was telling the truth. But that wasn’t possible. He couldn’t let himself believe it was possible. Only, there was no other logical discussion. Maybe they loved him. Maybe they cared.

“What are you?” Jonathan hissed.

“Their friend,” Aaron whispered, momentarily forgetting where he was.

Jonathan kicked his bare foot. Aaron winced.

“No, you aren’t,” Jonathan said. “You’re a narcissist. You’re a bully. And a drill sergeant, and a sexist prick. I’m assuming- by the looks on their faces- the blonde with glasses and the old man never said anything against you. But I think I know what they would say. You’re rude. And you’re a failure. So what are you?”

“A narcissist,” Hotch replied. But he knew that wasn’t the truth. They were going to find him. They were going to save him, somehow, because that was what their family did.

Dave saved him by offering him the spot. He saved Penelope from a life of crime. Penelope saved Emily from doubting herself too much. Emily saved Jennifer from carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Jennifer saved Spencer from thinking he wasn’t worth loving. Spencer saved Derek from getting too cynical. Derek saved Dave from getting too cocky. And the cycle continued.

Reid was pacing, wringing his hands, still mouthing the words to him. Everyone else had stopped because there was nothing left to do.

Without warning, Reid turned and punched the wall.

“Spence!” JJ shouted.

Reid stared at his hand, where blood was now covering his knuckles. Shaking, he fell to his knees, sobbing. Hotch would know what to do. Hotch would take his hand and gently wrap it before talking to him about whatever it was that was going on. He would help him sort through the information overwhelming him.

But Hotch wasn’t there. And it was all his fault.

JJ and Morgan ran over to him. Reid wanted to push them away but found himself powerless to resist their coddling.

“Guys,” Garcia said, answering the call.

She let out a gasp. Hotch’s stomach was worse. There were more cuts on his leg. His face was covered in bruises. But there was something else that hadn’t been there before. A defiant, hopeful glint in his eyes. Like he knew something else now.

“Hello again,” Jonathan greeted.

Garcia immediately started trying to trace the call, not even hesitating to try thousands of other methods when it failed.

Reid pushed Morgan and JJ away, taking the seat next to Garcia to try and find the hidden message.

“I’ve trained Aaron very well,” Jonathan commented. He was holding a gun. Hotch’s gun. Hotch’s back-up gun he’d kept holstered against his ankle ever since Adrian Bale had left him defenceless.

Under the table, Reid fiddled.

“What are you?” Jonathan asked Hotch.

“A narcissist,” Hotch replied, but there was something different about the way he said it when compared to earlier. Reid leant forward, determined to work it out.

“What are you?” he asked again, now pointing the gun at his head. Reid felt bile rise in his throat. It must have been like that for everyone else, watching him with Hankel.

“A bully.”

“And?”

“A drill sergeant.”

“He doesn’t believe what he’s saying,” Reid shouted, then covered his mouth, just in case Jonathan heard. But he was too busy taunting Hotch with the negative things that had been said about him.

“What?” Rossi asked.

“Look at his body language. He doesn’t believe it anymore. Emily convinced him. We just need to work out where he is. If he knows we love him, he won’t do anything stupid.”

Garcia started typing even more furiously.

“Tell them again what you are. Let them savour the moment. Let them always remember this as the moment where Aaron Hotchner finally admitted how dreadful he was.”

“I’ve got a location!” Garcia whispered. Everyone looked at each other, then nodded. Finkelstein and his team would arrest Jonathan and get Hotch out. They would follow as soon as the call had ended.

“I’m a narcissist. A bully. A drill sergeant. A sexist prick. A failure. And I’m rude.”

“I suppose you get the smallest amount of credit for admitting it. But it’s not enough to say it. I want you to prove it. Choose one of them to die.”

Reid dug his nails into the fabric of his trousers.

Hotch’s eyes widened, and for the first time his confidence wavered. “What?”

“You heard me. If you’re truly all of these things, choose one to die. Choose one of those team members that hate you so much to die by your own gun.”

“Come on Hotch. Give us that message that tells us how to get you out safely,” Reid muttered to himself.

Hotch wasn’t answering.

“Wasn’t Agent Reid in a similar situation to this? And didn’t he say that he chose Aaron Hotchner? That must have hurt.”

“It’s Doctor,” Hotch responded, voice weak, the adrenaline waring off as he lost more blood and as his previous injuries went untreated.

“Oh god,” JJ said, the first to realise his mistake.

Hotch’s eyes widened.

Jonathan smirked. “Oh dear. Have you been lying to me? Are you not actually these things?”

“Finkelstein is three minutes away,” Rossi updated.

“I am!” Hotch exclaimed. His voice was hoarse, his eyes glazed over and unfocused.

“Then choose.”

“No.”

“My patience grows thin Aaron. Choose.”

“Two minutes,” Rossi said.

“Hotch please,” Reid pleaded. JJ rubbed his shoulder, just as tense.

“I can’t,” Hotch said, pain starting to overwhelm him as he tried too hard to think of a solution.

“Do it,” Jonathan said, fingers fiddling with the trigger.

“I choose myself,” Hotch said.

“No,” Reid whispered. “There has to be a message somewhere in there. He said: it’s doctor, but before that he said what and after that he said no and- there’s no message. Rossi there’s no message. What are we supposed to do?”

“Finkelstein is a minute away. Hotch will keep him talking. And then we’ll get him back. I promise.”

“Why? Why do you choose yourself, when your team hate you?” Jonathan was angry and holding a gun. A dangerous combination at the best of times. But Hotch had no weapon. No vest.

Restrained and already weakened by his injuries.

“Because they don’t,” Hotch said.

“Yes they do,” Jonathan said through gritted teeth.

“They just need our signal to go in,” Rossi said.

“I can’t make that call,” Morgan confessed.

Rossi looked at him. “We can’t afford to wait.”

“No, they don’t. Your team did though, didn’t they? And then you lost your job for all the bad things you did and ended up being the victim of a person that was exactly the same as you had been. Aren’t I right? You’re not exactly hard to profile, I’ve just been waiting for the right moment.”

“How fucking dare you-” Jonathan started, then sighed. “I want you to tell me. Tell me why it should be you and not one of them.”

Rossi turned away. “Now.”

“Because they are my family. I love them unconditionally. And they love me back. And when you love your family, you do everything you can to keep them safe.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“They’re your family? Who love you?”

Aaron used the last of his strength to look up into his captor’s eyes. “And I love them.”

Jonathan hmmed.

The gunshot that rang out was nothing compared to Reid’s cry of horror.

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anxiouspotatorants · 3 years

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HOLD UP!!! You immediately had me at the "Twilight AU but Rory is the vampire" here 👀👀👀👀. Color me intrigued AND inspired.

Ok so first off, the 'reveal' conversation. The COMEDY potential!! Just Jess being overall nervous but also pretty curious to know about what Rory as a vampire is like, whereas Rory is trying pretty hard to make him be more afraid and to hopefully get him to run away screaming so she can have some reason to tackle him, but this guy just isn't budging!

The shiny skin reveal! Like first off, THIS CAN'T BE THE SAME WITH EDWARD BECAUSE RORY'S NOT PLANNING ON STRIPPING IN FRONT OF JESS HERE (no matter how much she might like him despite her better judgement). Imagine the complete lack of suspense when she just uncovers her arm and shows Jess how it sparkles into the sunlight.

Rory: This is the skin of a killer, Jess!!

Jess: Wow, didn't know murderers had a continuous discount at Claire's for silvery glitter.

Rory: 😒

JESS WITH THE ICONIC GOOGLE SEARCH. THE DREAMS ABOUT RORY COMING IN WITH THE FULL DRACULA GETUP, MENACINGLY LEANING IN TO BITE HIM AS HE TAKES HIS "Paint me like one of your french girls" pose. Jess waking up from it not knowing whether he's scared or has just figured out a new kink for himself.

Jess dodging all of Rory's attempts to get him to stop wanting to see her by just coming in and asking her all of these questions while they're in the middle of the recess crowd in school. Rory giving up after the fourth attempt and answering all of his questions in a hushed tone.

Jess: So you can read people's minds?

Rory: Yes, except for yours. I still haven't figured out why though.

Jess: Huh, maybe Liz's all-round smoking diet during her pregnancy had its benefits after all.

Rory: Jess!!

I'm not sure whether I'd want Rory to be an older vampire like Edward or a more newly-made one, and in this case Lorelai is potentially still human but knows about Rory's condition despite Rory trying to keep her in the dark about it when she first turned. They still haven't found a way to break it to Richard and Emily though, despite their various brainstorming sessions over it.

Lorelai: We could get them drunk and just announce it to them!

Rory: Wonderful, and they'll accept their formerly estranged granddaughter as an undead creature.

Lorelai: Hey, you only asked how we should tell them, you never asked about how they'd handle it.

Jess just straight-up asking if she would eat the bullies in the high-school. Rory vehemently replying that no, she doesn't eat people, she just drinks the blood, but if he must know,......yes she drank from Chuck Presby once because she was angry and hungry and his blood almost tasted like Gatorade, so she's refrained from trying out the other bullies' blood. No, Chuck doesn't know what happened, he just thinks some girl went a bit too far with her hickey.

Jess and Rory talking to each other late at night and organizing a "studying" session where they just end up watching various B-movies, and sometimes Jess ends up falling asleep on the other side of the couch while Rory looks on at him and look, she's not being creepy here, she's just sitting on her side admiring this insane boy who still hasn't woken up one morning and decided that being friends with a vampire girl isn't in fact one of the smartest choices he could make in his life, and she can't help but like him because of that, ok? Also she really needs to hear more of his thoughts on some of the other American classics, it's imperative.

Rory ending up protecting Jess from an ongoing car that almost hits him instead of the whole "other vampire craves his blood" storyline but Jess ends up spraining his arm when he fell to the ground and Rory just feels guilty that she couldn't have saved him in a better way and tries to avoid him after that. Unfortunately she can't because this dumbass is walking along her trail in the nearby woods with his arm in a sling and goddamn it Jess, you're scaring away the deer!!

Yes. A thousand times yes. To all of this. The comedy. The pining. The Google search idea and elder Gilmore announcement. Yes to it all. But may I raise you some alternatives/more ideas:

In the books the sparkling looks more like the vampires are on fire. So when Rory reveals some skin in the sunlight, Jess is like «Shit, stop doing that do you have a death wish?!» and Rory just gives him a shit eating grin and waves her arm in and out of the sunlight. Also what if she doesn’t strip but takes of her sweater to reveal a t-shirt and Jess has a momentary heart attack thinking a vampire was about to flash him? All this being said the Claire’s silvery glitter scene is too good to replace ;-;

There just has to be a point while they’re close friends that Rory tries to impress/scare Jess by pulling him over her shoulders and carrying him while she speed runs. But when she tries to say something badass or seductive she has a brain fart and the only thing that comes out is: «Hold on tight... spidermonkey.» Jess doesn’t get to react before she runs, and when she’s finished the first thing he does is puke (apparently it’s hard to get used to that running according to SMeyer). Rory: «Oh no I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have done it, it was stupid and now you’re hurt and-»

Jess: «Spidermonkey???»

Rory: «oh, you’re fine.»

Jess: «SPIDERMONKEY????»

Rory: «I’ll just leave you here for the bears,» and walks away.

I’m not sure what her vampire origin story should be. It could be all the Gilmores are vampires and they bite each other at a certain age after procreating (and the eldest Lorelai decided to be an asshole and bite Rory early) or it could just be Rory like you said. In that case maybe Christopher became one and bit Rory because he wants her and Lorelai and him to be one big happy family of the night? But Lorelai refused and Rory protected her? Or maybe it was a stranger who passed by Stars Hollow?

Jess questions Rory’s humanity not after being saved by a car crash (pre friendship that is, I still think your idea should come in afterwards) but because he consistently skips school and on a sunny day («How can I lock myself in a stuffy dusty dark room on a day like this, uncle Luke?») he comes upon Rory hunting and eating a dear. That and/or she saves him from the swan. And because it’s Rory and she’s a clumsy new-born she saves him by speeding over and suckerpunching the swan so hard it does an action movie sweep miles into the forest.

Rory’s cover for sunny days in Stars Hollow is that she’s staying at Chilton longer for an assignment, or in the case of her still going to ST High it’s visiting their library for resources. Because she hates missing school, that cover is usually true, and she just refuses to go into any spot with sunlight:

Rory: «I have this skin condition, I have sun allergy»

Madeleine or Louise: «That’s not a thing is it»

Paris: «It is [starts infodumping]»

She usually locks herself in the darkest corner of the library and speeding away in a flash at closing time before anyone can spot her.

Rory has lost count of the amount of times Jess has dared her to drink from him. She refuses because she’s scared if hurting a friend:«What if I taste your blood and it’s so good I can’t stop? Like it tastes like heroin or ecstasy or coffee?» Jess usually counters with either «If you could resist Chuck Presby you can resist me» or «What makes you think I’d taste so good, huh?» Rory always ends up thinking she would have a blush right now if she was still human.

Jess wants to be a vampire too because hey what else does he have a chance at doing in life? But Rory refuses because she sees the potential in him and what he can be, and doesn’t want to take his chance at a good and normal life away from him. But at some point they get into a dangerous situation where Jess’ only options are death or vampyrism and Rory finally gives in. Also this is our AU and we get to decide which Twilight vampire-rules apply and in this AU vampires age mentally (it’s a bullshit excuse SMeyer and you know it).

This one depends on the origin but hey it’s an idea: While Rory was still a new new-born, her and Lorelai locked themselves up in the crap shack for a full week watching all the vampire movies they could in search of information that could help them. Rory decided to do empirical experiments too, and had garlic food, got a cross close to her, wore silver and stabbed her arm a wooden stake. The garlic food (like all food now sadly) tasted crap but didn’t kill her, nor did any of the rest. The wooden stake hurt but it healed fast.

Rory gets both Lorelai and Jess to order insane amounts of food just to watch them eat it because she misses the taste and needs to live vicariously through their tastebuds. In the AU where both Gilmore girls are vampires, they order so much food because they have no idea what the normal amount is (chaotic vampire Gilmores for the win).

Also I did not realize how well Bella and Edward’s powers fit Rory and Jess? Like of course Rory would be a mind reader and of course Jess’ thing would be an all-encompassing shield. Sometime when he’s still human and «bugging» Rory she poses the theory that maybe his head is just empty and doesn’t have any interesting ideas. Jess pretends to be hurt (okay he’s a little hurt but he’d never tell her that) and Rory immediately falls into apologetic mode.

Rory wants to go to prom because it’s a human teenage activity she refuses to miss before starts figuring out what to make out of her vampire life. Jess isn’t hyped for it but promises to get tickets. They end up both going as vampires because that altercation happens a week or so before. Jess struggles with not eating everyone in sight but he sticks close to Rory and they leave without a single drop of blood on their hands.

Also Luke as Charlie! Paying attention to the beat attacks and being the only one who noticed that Rory doesn’t actually eat the food on her plate anymore (her mom eats her own plate then switches it with Rory’s) and when Rory and Jess reveal the secret he momentarily closes down and has to take a fishing trip to process everything. But he comes back a ride or die wanting to protect the poor kids.

I also feel like there should be multiple moments where one is insanely attracted to the other and questions this attraction strongly. Like Rory crushing on Jess and wondering if it’s bloodthirst or just the last remains of her human teenage hormones. And Jess being full on into Rory while still acknowledging the fact that it could be some vampire seduction powers, but what the hell does he care? There’s a cute undead bookworm right there and if he has to go he doesn’t mind dying to be a pretty girl’s lunch meal.

#why does this AU work so well what the hell #also I loved your ideas so much!!!#The Google search the Claire’s line Jess consistently bugging Rory into sharing everything #this feels like a crack fic with a heart and I’m here for it #gilmore girls au #twilight au #literati #rory x jess #vampire au #midnight brunch

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deafmanscharade · 3 years

Text

As an add on to my previous post because I’m feeling talkative...

People found out I was abused (some of which was very recent but not familial)

And they want to know how. What form? How old was I? Why didn’t I say anything?

None of that is the point, but I’ll tell you some stories because ... maybe they’ll appease societal need to ask survivors what they went through before they’re ready to talk.

I’ll also say, I hate therapy. I’ve tried all kinds of mental health therapy because I want to be normal (whatever that is). I hate all of it. Rehashing trauma, for me, doesn’t help it. And I, as you see, can never stick to one thing.

SO, I’ll start at my roots.

My mother didn’t want me. She aborted a baby before me and when she got pregnant during a bender she went to my grandmother to take her to get aborted again. My grandmother refused and said that it was time for my mother to have a baby.

The other one was when my mother was 15. She had me when she was 30. My grandfather still doesn’t know he should have 2 grandchildren on my mom’s side.

I found out my mother didn’t want me when I was 31 and so many pieces that were slightly shaped wrong fell into place.

I was born a month premature, with Cerebral Palsy. I came home on Mother’s Day.

My mother and father were both addicts. My father once left me in a mall. Literally forgot about me. I was 3. My father loved drugs, my mother loves alcohol.

My grandfather found out about my mother’s habits and demanded we move in with my grandmother (they divorced in the 70s but lived down the street from each other). We did. I turned 4 and my mom forgot so my Ute (step grandmother) went out snd bought me a sheet cake and balloons after a five hour shift at the hair salon.

And two years later my mom moved us three hours away from the only family members I had any kinship with. She met my step dad. Who meant well but had problems of his own. We have since reconciled to the best of our ability but my childhood was literal hellfire on all sides.

When people ask me I say “ever heard Hell is for Children By Pat Benatar? That. I was bought off instead of parented. I was never taught basics.

It was the 90s and kids were mean. Forrest Gump is a personal attack when it comes out because for years it was the biggest joke to scream “Run Kira Run!” And throw things that would get stuck in my AFOs at me.

My only knowledge of childhood and teenage rites of passage is through teenage rom coms, WB, and TGIF. Practical application of things like driving a car, first dated, big games? No. I spent all of my time devouring pop culture and breathing musical theatre.

There was physical abuse, intimidation, verbal and mental abuse everywhere. At home, at school, on the street.

When i finally figured out it’s because I was different I’m being mean to myself because I can’t do I foutee if my ass is on fire.

I’m what I refer to as a human yellow line. I’m directly in the middle. Not disabled enough to be considered disabled or be in different classes or hang with the other disabled kids. Not able-bodied enough to make it to broadway, which is literally all I have ever wanted.

Ever tried to injure yourself to either fix your disability or make yourself disabled enough? No? I have. Don’t do it. I was desperate, alone, confused and stupid.

When I was 16 my mom and I were sitting in the basement of my grandmothers house. I’m pretty sure it was Christmas time. A Covergirl commercial starring Ellen came on. My mother says “what does she need to wear makeup for? It’s not like she needs to impress men.

My bisexual ass got her back up and somehow an argument about gay rights turned into her telling me how she made fun of all the disabled kids she went to school with. Had I not been her daughter she’d have no association with me.

I can’t remember how old I was but at some point in my teens my mom got drunk with my aunt and was a mess. I was dutiful and trying to put her to bed. She fell and as I was trying to get her up again, she told me I was a burden and she wished I was never born. I thought it was the drink talking. At 17 I got the courage to ask her how often I’d seen her sober and she looked me in the eyes, shrugged, said probably never, and left the room.

Girls always date thier fathers right? I developed intimacy issues because when I refused to have sec with a partner, he threw me through a glass table. I called the ambulance myself. I have sworn off dating because nearly every partner I’ve had has been physically abusive. To use a term I despise, because of how I was raised, it’s what I gravitate to because it’s what I know and understand. I don’t have alarms. I have “please love me no ones ever loved me before”

I do have physical reactions now, to bring it back to Dean, Jess, and the solace that is GG. The sweet after a fight, the straight path to violence and intimidation with the excuse being he’s a “good ol’ boy”, the inviting himself in or over, the fight with Lindsay over the phone. If you see that as Love or perfect boyfriend I’m scared.

When Jess said “tell me these things so I don’t have to find out from telephone polls” I cried for 2 hours. Because I’d never seen a male NOT haul off

I’m not here to tell anyone anything about doing anything. I just wish we were more aware of what we were consuming while consuming it

#gilmore girls #dean forester #Jess Mariano #tw: abuse #kira talks #kira speaks #shut up kira

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thefanficmonster · 4 years

Text

And My Heart Burned In That Lodge

Michael (Mike) Munroe x Reader (female)

Warnings: Death, Grief, Dealing with loss, Heartbreak, Swearing

Genre: ANGST

Summary: None of them will ever be the same, who knows if they’ll even heal. However, the case is different for Mike. He’s left to be dealing with the guilt, grief and the haunting memory of his friend’s death. He’s angry with himself for all the wrong things he did and all the right things he was too much of a coward to do. Now, his only closure is talking to a gravestone, hoping the wind in the graveyard will pass the message onto the person who the words are meant for.

Requested by Anon. Wish I could tag them, they have such amazing ideas ❤

PS - Sorry this is hella long, I got carried away LOL

I stand aside, watching as my friends place their flowers on her grave. I can hear their cries. For some odd reason I can’t find it in me to feel sympathy or the need to go over there and be with them. I can’t see how that would do anything but make me feel more miserable. Standing here, seeing this scene unfold in front of me, I can’t help but be reminded of how it all started.

Fuck Mondays, man. Fuck them from the bottom of my heart. Even worse, this is the first week of school after winter break so no one wants to be here. Even even worse, this is the first time I’ll be seeing Emily after out breakup. We broke up over text and while I’m aware that’s the worst way to break up with someone, I must admit it was the only way for a lot of arguing and awkwardness to be avoided.

It’s the first time I’m coming to school alone in a while. Without Emily, the car was pleasantly quiet aside from the songs on the radio. Not gonna lie, it felt a bit lonely. Being single for the first time in what feels like forever is both liberating and oddly melancholic. I try to push the self-loathing and the depressing thoughts away as my eyes scan the hallway, looking for the group of familiar faces. My gang. We used to be ten people but we lost two girls during our winter getaway at the Washington lodge. Josh’s sisters, Hannah and Beth, went missing and are presumably dead, all cause of a stupid prank Jess, Emily and I concocted, convincing Matt and Ash to go along with it. In retrospect, I don’t know what we were thinking.

‘Seriously, Mike? From one depressing thought to another? Is your brain lacking serotonin today more than usual or what?‘ I mentally scold myself just as I spot two familiar faces - Sam and Ashley.

It doesn’t take long for me to notice the rest of the gang - Matt, Jess and Chris - all standing near by, surrounding a girl I have never seen before. She sticks out immediately with her long H/C hair and shiny E/C eyes. Jess has her arm linked with the girl, a gesture really out of place for Jess. I mean, her and Emily are pretty close and I’ve never even seen them hug.

“Hey, man. How are you?“ Matt notices me first, lifting his head and smiling at me. His greeting leads the others to look in my direction as well, including the girl. I catch Jess lean down in and whisper something to her. I can’t hear what she’s saying but it clearly aggravates her. I have never received a dirtier look from a girl in my entire life. I usually have the opposite effect on women but I guess there’s a first time for everything.

“Mike...” Jess steps away from the girl and towards me, “this is my best friend, Y/N. She just got transferred here.” She turns her attention back to the girl, “Y/N, this is Mike.”

Y/N looks unamused as she outstretches her arm in my direction. “Nice to meet you” is what she says, but her expression clearly tells me she would like to see as little of me as possible. At least she’s polite, right?

“Likewise.” The handshake is brief and, despite her obvious distaste for me, she still gives me a firm handshake.

“Wait, you were transferred? I thought Jess said you came here cause you moved.” Sam furrows her brows in confusion.

“Well, it’s really a chicken and the egg type of situation.” Y/N laughs, rubbing the back of her neck almost nervously, “We moved because I had to transfer.” Yikes.“ Ashley comments, “Not to pry or anything, but why did you have to be transferred?“

Y/N looks me dead in the eyes, as if she’s sending me a message that I better not overlook, or so help me God I’ll be dead. ”Noses randomly broke when I was around.”

It hurts so much to look back on those times and not pick up on what I was feeling. I foolishly decided that if I can’t give the feelings a name or find them a purpose I should turn a blind eye. I wasn’t that ignorant, I could tell she was the cause, but I could never admit it.

And then there’s the situation with Jess...

“You hurt her, and I’ll kill you.“

I found Y/N by the bleachers and let me tell you, she’s quite the paradox. She’s a straight A, no nonsense, intelligent beyond her years girl. With all these characteristics, you’d think she’d know better than to smoke cigarettes. Wrong! She’s a smoker. Jess can never not complain about the smell of cigarette smoke, it’s a miracle these two get along.

To my ‘hi’ she responded with what looked to be an eyeroll and an annoyed release of smoke through her nostrils. Even though I know I’m not welcome to be in her proximity, I still decide to sit down a little ways away from her, for personal space and all that. Definitely not cause I’m slightly afraid of her. No way.

We just sit in silence until she hits me with the aforementioned threat. I am caught off guard. All I can do is stare straight ahead of me like a deer in headlights. After maybe thirty seconds of absolute confusion I manage to turn my head to look at her. “What are you talking about?” The question is supposed to sound harsh but compared to the way she spit out that death threat it sounded more like a whimper.

“You are such an ignorant asshole.“ She shakes her head, throwing her cigarette on the bench below her. She stomps on it and walks away. I can’t help but stare at her until she’s out of sight. I feel like I’m watching something non-human. A phenomenon you can experience once in a lifetime - if you’re lucky.

She’s the complete opposite of Jess: grounded, smart, rational. The only time I’ve seen her be so unpleasant is around me. I catch her interactions with the rest of the gang. From afar, she seems like the nicest, friendliest girl. And then she catches a glimpse of me and her mood changes. I don’t know what’s her problem with me but I know it most certainly isn’t something I’ve done to her. She’s been like that since the first moment we were introduced, so either Jess has talked a lot of shit about me or she just hates people named Michael. I may never know.

I had no idea what she meant at the time and only found out three weeks ago. Speaking of three weeks ago, the group once again headed for the Blackwood Pines, trying to hide their uneasiness with make excitement. I was pretty hyped when I heard we were going because that also meant our friend Josh was finally starting to get better. He hadn’t been in a good mindset since his sisters went missing and we were all really worried for him but weren’t allowed to show it because he always insisted he was fine.

He wasn’t. He was as messed up as ever and served as only the prologue to the nightmare of a night we had to live through.

But before all that could happen, the night started off well. Better than expected. The eeriness of the mountain combined with the bad memories we had of the place we still there, we could all feel the tension, but we did a good job masking it with jokes and whatnot. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to go and not only because of what happened the year prior.

“Wait, wait, wait. Y/N’s coming too?“ I ask, looking at Josh with wide eyes.

The guy is clearly confused by my overdramatic reaction to him counting down the names of the ones who had already RSVPd ‘Yes’. “Is that a problem or something?”

I sigh, hiding my face in my hands. It’s embarrassing to admit, really. “She doesn’t like me, and that puts it mildly. She hates me.”

He looks even more baffled than before, “Why? What’d you do to her?”

“Nothing, for fuck’s sake. Not a single thing. I haven’t even had a proper interaction with her.“ Talking about this matter exhausts me, mostly cause I can’t even express half the things I’m feeling.

There’s been a time or two I’ve caught her looking at me but her eyes weren’t filled with that distrust I’m used to. She looks away quickly when we make eye contact, as if she can’t put the mean mask on in time and she has to look away to do a system reset. I sometimes catch myself looking at her without realizing. I try to tell myself I do it for the purpose of solving her.

‘Who are you kidding, Munroe?‘

* * *

And here I am, climbing up the mountain to the Washington lodge. I’ve made it a goal to use this getaway to mend things with Y/N. It’s the only way for me to get back to normal. To get my mind back since she’s recently been living in my head rent-free. I’m bullshitting, not just recently. She’s taken over my brain since day one. I can’t place what’s going on with me, I can’t find a term to label it with and I most definitely can’t find a way to stop it. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I can’t stop it on my own, she’ll have to do it for me.

Another thing - I’ve never felt nervous or self-conscious around a girl all my life. Never. My friends joke that I’m a ladies’ man and I’d say that’s pretty true. So I have a tough time understanding how I turn into an awkward turtle that’s missing confidence when she’s around.

Once we all get settled in and there’s a fire going, giving the lodge a cozy atmosphere, it’s every man for themselves. Everyone picks a activity they want to occupy themselves with and the living room of the lodge empties out, leaving me there alone.

I scroll stare at the screen of my now useless phone. The thing has no reception and no way of keeping me busy, leaving my attention to wander to the voices that are getting more and more distant as my friends walk out of the room.

I can’t help but overhear Jess say to Y/N, “You haven’t even set your bag down yet and you’re going for a smoke? Jeez, Y/N.”

“You say as though you don’t know me.“ Y/N laughs, the sound of a door opening following after her voice.

It’s such a nice sound, her laugh. I’ve never heard it before. I’ve seen her smile and seen her chuckle at someone’s joke, but it was never actually a laugh. Seems she keeps those for special occasions.

If she’s in the type of mood to laugh, she’s in the type of mood to be civil with me. Before I can talk myself out of the on-spot decision, I mentally slap myself and get off the couch, walking to the door to the side deck.

“You’ve got this, she’s just a person”

“Who’s just a person?“ her voice cuts through the silence of the outdoors.

‘SHIT I SAID THAT OUT LOUD‘

I decide to carry this all the way, no shortcuts. No backing out. Somehow, now that she’s standing in front of me - a cigarette between her fingers, her shoulders tense from of the cold - I find it easier to get the words out. She’s just as human as everyone else. The cold causes her to shrivel up. She’s addicted to tobacco. She’s not some riddle I need to solve, just a person I need to talk to in order to understand.

“You.“ I reply, “Why aren’t you wearing a jacket?“

She shakes her head, her shoulders trembling a bit, “It builds the immune system.”

“No, it makes you suffer.“ I shrug my jacket off, cautiously approaching her and wrapping it around her.

Surprisingly, she accepts it with a nod and a murmured ‘thanks’, holding onto it with the hand that’s not holding her cigarette. “Why were you reminding yourself that I’m just a person? Do I not look like one?” She scoffs, facing away from me to look at the snowy hills ahead.

“No, no, not that. You just make me nervous that’s all.“

She whirls around, giving me this look as though she has no idea what I’m talking about.

“Really? Why’s that?“ she puts out her cigarette on the wooden railing, focusing all her attention on me.

My hand instinctively goes up to the back of my neck, feeling my face start to heat up. “Well, you’re not really fond of me. And I don’t know why, and....” I trail off, sighing in self-disappointment, “And I wanna know why.”

Her expression turns the complete opposite, a smile spreading across her face. “It’s not about something you have done. It’s about what you might’ve done.”

Despite feeling slightly relieved, I am no less confused than I was a minute ago. “And what is that?”

“Break my best friend’s heart.“ She looks a lot more serious now, “You really had no idea she was head over heels for you just a month ago. You were so oblivious and she was so whipped...“ frustration radiates off of her, “I just didn’t want her to get hurt.“ She closes her eyes, stabilizing herself before finishing her statement, “I didn’t want to hurt her.“

“Wait, what?“

The hurt that paints itself on her face is contagious. I feel it too and I don’t even know what’s causing it. “She always told me about you. Mike this and Mike that. She made you sound like the best guy in the world. And...I really wanted to be let down when I met you, but you were nothing but nice to me and to the other people in the group. But you were also such a jerk from time to time. You are just too...Fucking forget it.”

In a blink of an eye she puts my jacket over the railing and runs inside the lodge.

“Y/N, wait!“

Needless to say, running after her was the best decision I’ve made. I didn’t get her to admit to anything, but at least we lied down the armor and agreed to give each other some time to get to know one another. Drop aside the assumptions and give a this acquaintanceship the chance to become a friendship.

Sadly, all good things come to an end way sooner than we want. The rest of that dreadful night I witnessed her transform. When everyone was freaking out, she held them and comforted them. I saw the fear in her eyes but she never let it shine through in her actions. She was the one still holding it together even after she saw that disgusting creature. Her and I were the ones to turn that sanatorium upside down. We were with Josh in the mines. We were the ones to see the Wendigo first. We were by each other’s side the entire time. We had each other’s backs.

I’ve never felt such a connection with someone. I was experiencing the most intimate understanding with a person in the worst moment of my life. It was bittersweet. The poison mixed with the cure.

Even when she knew her death was approaching, her only reaction was a single tear. A single crystal drop running down her cheek.

We can make a break. We can run right out of this hell hole and turn it to ash, all we need is for this fucking to focus its attention elsewhere. Thankfully Chris, Ash and Emily have made it out already and they’re safe. However, Sam, Y/N and I are trapped. The silent looks we exchange are laced with fear and panic. We have to calculate our next moves down to a millisecond and we don’t even know what those next moves should be.

Suddenly, a sharp pain starts spreading from my hand shoulder. My adrenaline is no longer doing a good job blocking out the pain of the fingers I had to sever. I slip up, letting out a hiss. The pain is just that unbearable.

That thing turn at the speed of light, letting out a screech and heading in my direction. My whole body is tense I couldn’t move if I wanted to but my arm is in such a horribly painful position, I think I’ll faint if I don’t readjust it.

“HEY!“ The voice comes from opposite me and my heart drops.

Sam’s next to me. It’s not her. It’s Y/N.

The Wendigo loses interest in me as soon as it hears her yell turning and heading straight for her. It all starts sinking in. Now that it’s facing away, Sam and I can make it out. But she can’t. It’s over for her. There’s no way she’s leaving this lodge.

I catch her eyes from across the room. Her posture says a fighter, but her eyes scream ‘petrified’. She knows it too. She knows it’s game over. A single tear rolls down her cheek, shattering my heart.

That’s the last vulnerable moment, however. She turns her head, deciding to go out without showing a glint of fear to that piece of shit. I don’t have to look at Sam or tell her what to do. We’re both aware that we’re about to make it out, losing Y/N in the process.

It happens in a split second. Y/N spits at the Wendigo and then next thing I see is her laying on the ground in a pool of blood.

The dash out of the lodge is a blur. The last thing I remember is sitting outside of the burning building, staring at the flames. The lodge wasn’t the only thing burning. Years of memories; history; wendigos; and my heart burnt in that lodge.

I see the group leave the graveyard. I struggle to move forward, my limbs heavy. I feel gravity is a lot stronger all of a sudden.

I didn’t go to the final goodbye. I knew it wasn’t her. There was nothing left of her to bury. Sam told me they buried things that reminded people of her and objects she cherished.

Well it’s time I give my goodbye.

I shrug my jacket off - the same jacket from that night - and put it around the gravestone like I put it over her shoulders. There’s a box of the cigarettes she smoked in the inner pocket.

“I hope you felt what I felt, Y/N. I hope I didn’t have to say it for you to notice it. I wish I knew...cause now it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.” I can’t stop the tears, I’m too weak and I’ve been holding them back for far too long. “I’ve never believed in an afterlife. But I really hope there is one, just so we can meet again.” I scoff, shaking my head, “Who am I kidding, I’m probably going to hell.”

I believe that’s where I deserve to go, anyway. I’m the reason she died. And I will never let myself live that down. I will never forgive myself. A flame like no other burnt out so mine could keep burning. I will make sure it haunts me till the day I leave this world behind.

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oreoambitions · 4 years

Text

A companion to this piece for @liapetros and @jellybabykid

Lena is still standing over Lex with a smoking gun in her hand when she calls Jess. Her brother's blood is seeping across the floor, and her best friend is a liar, and she doesn't know what else to do. So when Jess picks up the phone, she says, "Lex is dead. I shot him."

And Jess replies, "Don't worry, Ms. Luthor. I'm on my way."

Lena isn't sure what compels her to add, "Kara Danvers is Supergirl."

There's a long silence on the line. Lena can hear the vague background noise of Jess getting ready to come to her rescue. "I know," Jess says at last. "She didn't tell me; it was the way she looks at you that gave it away."

Lena hangs up . The room feels empty and crowded all at once, and she's just committed a crime, and she's just said goodbye to her brother for the last time, and there's been so much betrayal, and she feels like she can't breathe. She cries and she hates herself for it. She doesn't even know which part of it all she's crying about.

She's barely made it back to her apartment when Alex calls. She looks at the cellphone ringing on the kitchen counter and she considers turning the ringer off - honestly, fuck anyone with the last name 'Danvers' right now - but she thinks better of it. Maybe Kara's been hurt. Maybe she needs help. There is nothing, not even a betrayal like this, that will keep Lena from coming to Kara's aid when it really matters. Not a damn thing. She lets the phone go to voice mail anyway, and she pours the drink she's been too upset to touch down the sink before she calls Alex back.

Alex does need help, but not with Kara. She leads Lena down into the basement of the DEO, deeper than Lena has ever been before, to a medbay Lena has never seen. It makes her wonder what other secrets the DEO might have been keeping all this time. The figure on the bed is so still that Lena might have thought she were dead if it weren't for the rasping sound of her breathing, shallow and fast, and the sickly green light flickering through her veins. Lena looks at Red Daughter and sees Kara and almost cries out in spite of herself. Not Kara, she tells herself. Not Kara, not Kara, not Kara.

"Red Daughter," she says out loud. She still has to swallow down the tears that are threatening an encore but here, trembling in the doorway of a top secret government medical facility, is not the place. And this is not the time.

"She's not getting better," Alex says.

"Kryptonite poisoning?" Not that Lena really needs to ask. She pulls a box from her pocket. A suit meant for Supergirl, but then, Supergirl is Kara is Red Daughter in a way, so what does it matter? As the suit unfolds over Red Daughter's body, Lena thinks to herself that in an odd way she is all that's left of Lex. His Kryptonian pet. His legacy.

"How did this happen?"

"Supergirl was down; Lex had a Kryptonite cannon. Red Daughter threw herself in front of the blast."

Lena thinks of Lex's mocking laughter, of gun metal hot in her hand, of the smell of blood. "She's going to live," she says. It's more of a wish than a declaration, but Alex doesn't need to know that. "She'll need a transfusion."

Alex nods. "I'll get Supergirl. Now?"

"Tomorrow. They both need to rest."

Lena sits in that dark room all night holding Red Daughter's hand while the suit filters kryptonite out of her blood bit by bit. Fast enough to keep her alive. Not fast enough to make her better. Only Supergirl can do that, and it chafes at Lena's pride, but there it is. Lex was right about one thing: humanity is only worth so much in the company of gods. Still, here is one god who would be dead now if it weren't for Lena. That's not nothing.

Alex arrives in the morning looking cowed and leading a stonefaced Jess, who has come bearing food, a change of clothes, and Lena's laptop. She tells Lena that she "took care of it" and Lena nods but doesn't bother to answer the unspoken question on Alex's lips. So that's that. Lex is gone and gone and gone. But it's not important now, because Red Daughter is very much alive, and until she's stable that's all that matters. Jess looks at the vitals on the monitor without comment.

"Will that be all, Ms. Luthor?" she asks.

"Can you clear my schedule for the next few days?"

"It's already done."

Thank the fucking Lord for Jess.

Supergirl appears in the doorway later that same morning, perfectly still for once in her life, tears in her eyes, not quite meeting Lena's gaze. She kneels next to Red Daughter's bed and squeezes her arm and whispers something in Krpytonian which Lena isn't sure Red Daughter can even hear through the helmet, let alone understand, but then again, she isn't sure she can't. Then Supergirl rolls up her sleeve and pulls up a chair.

"How long will this take?"

It takes four hours, and it's awful. Kara shudders as the first of the Krpytonite hits her system and Lena wants to look away and she wants to tell Kara that she knows it's her and she can't do either of those things. She watches that eerie green glow creep through Kara's veins and feels sick. What if this doesn't work? What if they both die by Lena's hand?

Red Daughter stirs an hour in, groans, coughs, calls for Alex. Alex shoots Kara a puzzled look but she takes Red Daughter's other hand anyway. "I'm here," she says, and Red Daughter stills. Half an hour later they have to bring in a bed for Kara when she can't hold herself up in the chair anymore. An hour after that Red Daughter's vitals start to improve.

Kara is in the kryptonite suit for three days. So is Red Daughter. Lena spends every waking moment perched on a chair between their beds, ostensibly working, but mostly crying. They're both unconscious most of the time, so it's not like there's anyone but the DEO's security camera to see her moments of weakness. She prays a lot, but she couldn't say who it is she's praying to. God? Rao? The man in the moon? She prays in silence because she's never sure when Kara is and isn't awake. Red Daughter doesn't wake at all.

On the fourth day, Alex moves Supergirl upstairs.

On the fifth day, Sam calls.

"Everyone is talking about what happened," she says. "I keep thinking that I should have been there to help." And then, "I crushed the handle on the car door today. I wasn't even mad, I was just trying to open it. I told Ruby it was a hit and run but she's not stupid; she's going to figure this out."

Lena listens to Red Daughter's rhythmic breathing and considers telling Sam that there's another Kryptonian in the world. Instead she says, "You're going to be okay. Did you enroll in that meditation class you were talking about?"

On the sixth day, Red Daughter wakes up.

It's the sixth night, really. They've finally taken Red Daughter out of her kryptonite suit and have brought in the sun lamps. Lena, used to sleeping in a dark room, is tossing and turning on Kara's vacated hospital bed but too stubborn to leave. What if something happens in the night? What if Red Daughter gets worse and Lena isn't there to help?

So she's on her feet in an instant when she hears whimpering from across the room, and she's already there to gently push Red Daughter back against the bed when she starts to thrash against the wires and the needles connected to her body. Two blue eyes meet hers, and the struggling stops.

"Can you tell me your name?" Lena asks. She tells herself she's asking because she wants to better understand the mental state of the patient. In truth she just wants to avoid another secret.

"Alex?"

"She went home for the night, but she'll be here to see you in the morning." Probably Alex would be here in half an hour tops if Lena were to call her right now, but Lena doesn't see the point.

"No," Red Daughter says. "Alex. Your brother."

Lena takes a breath to speak, but no words come out. Red Daughter's gaze is flickering back and forth between her eyes, and one hand has found Lena's.

"He's dead," Lena manages at last. And then, because the avoidance of secrets goes both ways, she adds, "I killed him. After his fight with Supergirl."

Surprise, grief, anger, and relief cross Red Daughter's face in succession. All she says is, "Good. And Supergirl?"

"She's okay. She was here a couple of days ago. Gave her blood to save your life."

"Then we are even."

"I suppose you are."

They stare at one another. Lena is suddenly aware of how close she is, one hand still on Red Daughter's shoulder, the other in her grasp, their thighs touching where Lena is perched on the edge of the bed. The sun lamps are too warm for her comfort.

"Can you tell me your name?" Lena asks again.

Another succession of feelings: confusion, grief, anger, sadness. "Alex called me Linda."

"Do you want me to call you something else?"

"I don't have anything else."

The first time Linda tries to walk, she falls down and then sits on the floor crying. When she finally pulls herself together, it's to ask how long she has until she has to leave.

Lena and Alex look at one another and then at Linda.

"What do you mean, leave?" Alex asks.

"If I don't have my powers, I'm worthless to you."

Lena has to get out of the room because otherwise she's going to lose her temper in front of Linda, and Linda will think it's her fault and not Lex's. She paces in the hallway with her hands balled into fists so tight her muscles twitch, and then she puts her head up against the wall and she lets out a long frustrated growl.

"I think we should move her upstairs," she tells Alex. "I think it will be good for her to see people."

When Linda can finally walk on her own again, Alex agrees.

Lena goes back to work. Kara texts once in a while, but Lena doesn't answer often or at length and Supergirl doesn't stop by. Lena wonders whether Kara knows that she knows, or whether she's just picking up on the unspoken tension. She tells Kara that she's just so busy with work that she can't spare the time to hang out, but of course Kara is aware that she's spending every free minute with Linda. Lena justifies it by telling herself that Linda doesn't really have anyone else.

Linda says she misses reading, and so Lena begins to bring her books. A trickle at first, but she goes through them so fast that by the end of the week Lena is bringing her a stack every day. History and romance, biology and social theory. It takes her two days to finish all seven volumes of Harry Potter. She does His Dark Materials in an afternoon. Alex gives her a copy of Bridge to Terabithia; Lena bans her from providing books after that.

Ruby is suspended for shattering another student's rib cage. She swears it was an accident; she doesn't know how it happened. Her school enrolls her in anger management classes, and Ruby says she doesn't need them but she can't say it without getting angry, and so the classes stay. Sam is inconsolable over the phone.

"She doesn't know what's happening to her," she says. "I don't even know what's happening to her."

Lena wants to say, It's the same thing that's happening to you. Instead she says, "Have you considered talking to Supergirl about it?"

Sam says, "I'm sorry Lena, I have to go."

Linda starts attending physical fitness classes in the gym with the DEO recruits. She doesn't speak to them, and they don't speak to her, but Lena hopes it's good for everyone involved. Once in a while Supergirl lingers in the doorway, watching Linda's progress, but she makes the human recruits too nervous to visit with any frequency. When Linda is in the medbay, she doesn't visit at all.

And then one day Lena gets a text message from Alex: Linda left in the middle of class. She seemed upset. Lena walks out in the middle of a meeting and trusts that Jess will make it somehow okay.

She finds Linda leaning against the wall in the medbay bathroom. Her tears have dried, but her eyes are still puffy and red, and she's still wringing her hands. She looks at Lena warily, as though she expects to be in trouble. Lena supposes that if Lex were here, she would be.

"They said I wasn't real," Linda whispers. "I'm just a copy. And it's- It's true, isn't it? I'm nothing. I'm never going to fly again. On the ground, I can’t even keep up."

Lena feels something old and painful inside of her shift. It feels like childhood, and not in a sunshine and butterflies kind of way. It feels like cowering under Lilian's gaze. It feels like Lex throwing her work in the dirt. You'll have to do better than that if you ever want to be a real Luthor.

Lena reaches out a tentative hand to stroke Linda's cheek, and when she doesn't pull away, she brings the second hand up to cup her chin.

"You feel real to me," Lena says.

Maybe it shouldn't be a surprise when Linda kisses her, but it is. She steps into Lena's space and before Lena can register that she should perhaps step away Linda's mouth is on hers and it's... good. Linda tastes like sweat and tears and something Lena can't define. She brushes her tongue over Linda's bottom lip and her breath hitches when Linda moans and slips an arm around her waist.

It's like that cliche: it feels like a puzzle piece slipping into place. Only Lena knows the edges don't quite line up, and the colors aren't right, and she's only going to make more work for herself in the long run if she leaves this piece here, this imperfect fit. She knows it when Linda deepens the kiss and Lena has to keep from gasping Kara's name into her mouth. She knows it, but she doesn't walk away.

Sam agrees to come to National City. "I can't take this anymore. I have to do something."

Lena promises to talk to Supergirl for her, and it's probably the most uncomfortable promise she's ever made. "Next week?"

"The week after; we have a thing with Ruby's school next week. Will that work?"

"I'll make it happen."

Lena opens a blank message to Kara's personal phone and considers asking her right then and there if she would be willing to talk Sam through understanding and controlling her powers. But that would mean admitting that she knows who Kara is, and it would be a petty way to break the ice, and Lena has marks on her neck from last night when Linda discovered that she could make Lena squirm by sucking just so, and all of this is just wrong. She closes the messaging app.

Two days later she falls down the stairs in the DEO. It's these damn heels. A Luthor should be allowed to wear practical shoes. She steps just wrong and falls backwards, has only an instant to acknowledge that she's probably about to break her neck when Linda catches her.

"You have to be careful," Linda admonishes.

Lena laughs. She laughs because Linda was at the bottom of the stairs talking with Alex when she fell. She laughs because there's no way Linda could have gotten to her in time.

"Congratulations," Alex says, patting Linda's shoulder as she walks by. "You've just graduated from medbay."

They agree that even though Linda is recovering her powers, she should stay in the DEO, at least for the time being. The night she moves into her new room she asks if Lena will stay with her. Lena agrees without hesitation. They share a bed for the first time, but they've agreed in advance not to go any further than that. Linda's arms are so gentle around Lena in the night, her fingers absently rubbing circles across Lena's hip, her breath hot on the back of Lena's neck, and the whole thing is driving Lena absolutely mad. She has that wrong-piece feeling when she turns to kiss Linda's mouth.

"Are you ready to fly tomorrow?" she asks, mostly to distract herself from the heat pooling between her legs and from the thought of Kara holding her like this, pressing kisses to her jaw, slipping a thumb under the waistband of her shorts.

"I'm ready if that's what you need me to be," Linda replies.

"I don't need you to be anything," she says.

Linda smiles at her sadly in the half light. "Of course you do," she says. "You need me to be her."

Lena doesn't ask who 'her' is. She doesn't have to.

#supercorp #supercorp fic #commiecorp #ficlet #angst #sorry #supergirl #kara danvers #alex danvers #lena luthor #sam arias #red daughter #linda lee

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youralternantpersonality · 4 years

Text

Falling For You

OC x Reader then Embry x Reader

Warning: Nothing.

Part 1: “Gaslight” by Snow Tha Product

Part 2: “New Me” by Ella Eyre

Part 3: “Falling for You” by Tamia

***

I was getting ready for a bonfire that Embry and the guys invited me to. Everyone and some of the elders were going to be there. I heard a knock at the door, then heard my foster father answer it.

“Y/n, Embry’s here!” Said Andre, my foster dad.

“Okay! Almost ready! Give me 5 minutes.” I yelled back.

“She’ll be done in 15. Have a seat…” they walk off somewhere in the house. I continue to do my makeup before slipping on my yoga pants and converse. I opt for a regular black sweater to match the excitement. Black is a happy color.

Could I be falling for you? Is this a fantasy come true? Is this a dream that I've waited for? Am I the one that you adore?

Whoa, whoa I think I'm falling for you Whoa, whoa, whoa What am I supposed to do? 'Cause you make me feel Like I'm falling in love (am I falling for you?)

When we get to the bonfire, I notice Kim and Clair are here. We run-up to each other and they show me the way to the table of food. I say hello to everyone and sit with Leah and Emily talking about random shit, allowing the guys to play soccer and wrestle with one another. After some time, I felt someone’s eyes on me, and I turn to look to see its Embry. He was talking to Paul and Sam when I caught his eyes. I smiled, as did he, and turned my attention back to the girls.

“Aww, look at the love birds,” Clair says, laughing into her aunt Emily.

“Embry and Y/n, sitting in a tree..” sang Leah and Kim,

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Emily. I can feel my face heating up and I start laughing a little.

“First comes love,” Kim sang,

“Then comes marriage.” Clair sang,

“Then comes a baby in a baby carriage.” Leah followed through.

“That’s not all, that’s not all,” Jared joined randomly,

“Then here comes the alcohol!” they sang together. Laughing and falling over.

“I hate, all of you.” I laugh along with them. Although I have my suspicion that Embry likes me as I do him, I’m not 100% sure. I shake my head at my friends and get up to get a bottle of water. As I turn back around to head back where everyone else was, I run into Embry.

“Oh shit, my bad Em,” I say looking up at him. He smiles at me and shakes it off.

“I hope they’re not bothering you. I know they can get a little…”

“Too much? Psychotic? Mentally deranged? Irritating?” He laughs and nods his head.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Well, no worries. I know that they were just joking.” His smile falls a little and he makes a face as if he was debating to ask me something.

“Uh oh, I know that look. What’s wrong?” He looks everywhere but my eyes,

“What if they weren’t joking...” my heart damn nearly skipped a beat. No, it skipped the bottom two steps.

“What do you-” I was cut off by Sue Clearwater.

“Okay, guys! We’re getting started!”

Could it be love, tell me, boy, Is it true? I get a rush when I think about you

Lose control from my body and my soul And when you hold me I don't want to let go (You give me reason) you give me reason Every reason just to love you babe (babe) Everything that you do is so amazing I can't believe what your body makes me wanna do I'm having visions of me all over you

Whoa, whoa I think I'm falling for you Whoa, whoa, whoa What am I supposed to do? 'Cause you make me feel Like I'm falling in love (am I falling for you?)

I sat in between Embry and Paul. Both knowing that not only am I an anemic, but I get sick way too easily. I always questioned by their body temperature was unnaturally high and why they were a walking, talking furnace. I never got a decent answer. After the third perverted joke that Jared and Paul would make, I stop bothering to ask. As Billy was telling their tribal story, I leaned into Embry without even thinking about it. I was so engaged in the story that I didn’t even realize he wrapped his arm around me and rested his chin on my head.

Being around Em was just…natural. It didn’t take long for me to come to terms with my emotions with him. This feeling I feel for him was something that Isaac could never give me. They weren’t even on the same level. Isaac couldn’t even reach Embry’s ankles (Ankles by Jesse Reyes is bomb; listen to it). Where Isaac failed, Embry achieved. And even if Isaac achieved, Embry went above and beyond. I’m not comparing the two, but Embry didn’t have to try anything. Him just being himself was, no, is enough to make me excited. Based on my calculation, I have concluded one thing.

I am falling for Embry Call. Hard and fast.

You must have known though I try to disguise The way I feel, was there fire in my eyes On that night when our bodies intertwined? I knew right then and there that you will be mine

Could I be falling for you Is this a fantasy come true? Is this a dream that I've waited for Am I the one that you adore (adore, tell me)

Whoa, whoa I think I'm falling for you Whoa, whoa, whoa What am I supposed to do? 'Cause you make me feel Like I'm falling in love (am I falling for you?)

Whoa, whoa I think I'm falling for you (falling for you) Whoa, whoa, whoa What am I supposed to do (what am I supposed to do?) 'Cause you make me feel Like I'm falling in love Am I falling for you?

“Walk with me?” Embry asked after Billy was finished. I nodded and got up to follow him down the beach towards some driftwood and out of hearing range.

“Oh shit, this is it, isn’t it? You finally snapped and you’re going to kill me with that stick?” I say smiling. Bringing the smile I loved upon his face.

“No, not yet. I was close to last week, but I changed my mind when you said you’d make pralines.” He says nonchalantly thinking as if that was a valid reason. It is, and I’m lucky.

“Noted.” I nod my head and look at him waiting to see what he wanted to talk about.

“I wanted to ask what you thought about everything?” He suddenly got shy. I leaned in closer to him for his warmth.

“I thought it was badass. I liked it. Why?” He closed his eyes and dramatically took a deep breath then turned towards me.

“Because…it’s true. All of it.” He looked at me dead in the eyes. I didn’t have to search for a sight of joking in his beautiful orbs. I could tell he was serious. I turned towards him and asked,

“When you say everything…you mean. The human to wolf changing?” he nods his head. A sight of fright is placed on his face. I nod my head and take a moment. I shrug my shoulders and look up at him.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” I said. I was curious, to say the least. “But, I need you to prove it, hun.” He smiles slightly and nods his head. He stands up and backs a distance from me and starts stripping in front of me. I don’t shy away from it, I’ve seen this man without a shirt, so that doesn’t catch me off guard. What does, however, was when he reached for his pants. My eyebrows raise as I go from his waist to his eyes. the man had the audacity to shoot me a cocky grin and bite his lips a little before taking them off. I refused to turn away. If I'm gonna have this one chance to see this, I'm going to take full advantage. Plus, he wasn’t so shy as he normally is about it.

After passing me his clothes, he steps back more, starts shaking, and not 3 seconds afterward, I see a giant ass wolf where he’s at. I instantly stood and the look of shock portrayed on my face. We stayed staring at one another for a minute before Embry looked over my shoulders. He rolls his eyes and trots off to the woods.

“Y/n! Are you okay!?” Sam calls from behind me. I turn and the look of shock is still on my face.

“Huh?”

“Are you okay? He didn’t get to close did he?” he said angrily.

“What? Oh, no. Am I on drugs, or did Embry change into a wolf? I swear I’ve never taken LSD…” I say, trying to lessen the tension and make sure Sam doesn’t go ape shit on Embry. Paul, Jared, and Quil start laughing at my joke. Sam chuckles and shakes his head.

“Yes, he shifted. We all can.” He nods towards the guys. Clair’s hyper ass points to Leah to make it clear that she can also. I nod my head and turn back to Embry who has finished putting on his pants. My smile deflates instantly. Damn, I missed my chance.

“Embry! You know you should have waited until we came over here.” Sam said roughly towards him. Embry stood there with his hands in his pockets and a blank look on his face.

“Let's get back.” Sam turns away and Embry brakes out a smile, walks up to me, and grabs my hand. Cue the adrenaline rush to my heart and stomach.

Every day You seem to find a way to make me go crazy I just can't understand But let me tell you one thing You make me wanna sing, do, do, do, oh

Whoa, whoa I think I'm falling for you Whoa, whoa, whoa What am I supposed to do? 'Cause you make me feel Like I'm falling in love, am I falling for you? Do, do, do, oh

Whoa, whoa I think I'm falling for you Whoa, whoa, whoa What am I supposed to do? 'Cause you make me feel Like I'm falling in love Am I falling for you? Do, do, do, do, do, do Do, do, do, oh

After that night, Embry and I got closer. Not close, close, but close enough that when we were on the beach one day, he randomly decided to blurt out I was his imprint.

“What’s that?” Thus, him going into detail about how I was basically his soulmate and that he’s stuck with my crazy ass forever. I smiled at the thought of that and had no problem expressing my emotion. Doing so, resulted in me pulled against his chest, his strong hand softly grasping my head, and our lips connecting instantly when I expressed my mutual feelings for him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to deepen the kiss.

In a distance, we can hear howling coming from the assholes of a friend we have. Instead of disconnecting our lips, we lift our middle fingers at them and smile into the kiss. When we pull back, Embry is then tackled to the ground by the guys, Sam moving me out of the way just in time. I go stand next to the girls and we watch in amazement at the lack of brain cells that continue to show.

“So, I take it that you guys are their imprints?” I asked Kim and Clair. They nod while looking at their boyfriends.

“So it’s official Clair. Quil is your baby daddy.” She looks at me and smiles,

“Damn straight. AIN'T THAT RIGHT BABE!” She yells to Quil, who randomly looks up and smiles. Before he could agree, Seth tackles him.

“I still can't believe I have to deal with them as wolfs,” Leah says resting her arm on Emily’s shoulder.

“You love us!” Jared says before Sam decided to join in and tackles him. I look at the girls and ask,

“You guys want to go get something to eat?”

“Sure.” Leah and Kim say.

“Cool, I’ll drive. Let's keep them here.” We all nodded, got into Emily’s truck, with Leah and me in the bed, and drove to the diner.

Back at the beach.

“Hey! Wait! Where did the girls go!?” Seth asks, curiously looking around. Shrugs passed around the group.

“Maybe back at the house?” Embry asked. There was a pause before Sam shouted,

“LAST ONE THERE HAS TO CLEAN THE DISHES!” And they all ran in the opposite direction of the girls.

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finished-ink · 4 years

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The Last of Us Part II RANT

I’m normally a “moblie user only” person myself, but Part II took the fattest, nastiest shit on me I’ve ever had the displeasure and feeling through game, that I had to hop on my computer and type this. But before I get in to all the bad, let me start off with the little good in the game.

PROS: The Sound Design, the Animation and Graphics, and the Voice Work

Sound Design: The songs and music in this game were extremely well done. It had me moved to tears to sitting on the edge of my seat anxious about what was going to happen next.

Animation and Graphics: The animation truly seemed like a TON of time, energy, and love went into designing the characters and their surroundings.The graphics were just as awesome and truly made you feel immersed in the world of tlou.

Voice Work: Great work done my all voice actors involved. They, along with the graphics, made the characters really come to life.

OK, now done with the good, time for the fucking bullshit. I am mostly going to focus an the story and the characters. Because holy fuck, I know GOT season 8 was like a milestone in bad storytelling, but the goal wasn’t to do worse than that shitty ass season.

The Shitty Story: I think the first thing that set this story up to be the fuck up that it is, was this lesson of “Violence isn’t the answer”. I think if the lesson was, “Your actions and choices have consequences” would have been a better theme to go along with this story. So, lets begin with Joel’s death.

I was honestly not surprised at all when I got to Abby at the beginning and someone was there to kill Joel. To think he would be able to evade the effects of what he did to the Fireflies would have been a bit ridiculous. I was even semi-fine with the torture of Joel, because I could see how that decision would force the player to really want to get back at Abby. Was it needed? Absolutely not because just killing Joel would of accomplished this. But if the torture of Joel was something Naught Dog really wanted to include then OK fine. We then come to the next extremely shitty part in the story, killing members of WLF and the game making the player feel guilty for it.

Now I know this is kinda a game play issue, but the issue being solved with a simple change in the game play would effect the story. And that is allowing the players to choose what the fuck they want to do. Do you want to just going in and slaughter everybody while their friends scream about their friends dying. That’s completely your choice. Do you want to quietly and tactically knock them out and leave them to live? Let that also be a choice. The could of even done it to where the more people you kill the more ammo and weapons you could collect, but it’ll be harder to travel because WLF will be sending out more brutes and harder enemies in an attempt to stop you. On the flip side, the more people you knock out, the less ammo and weapons you have, but the less WLFs there are to try and hunt you down because you’re not a bigger threat than the Scars. Then they could use dialogue said by the npcs to give the player an idea of how much of a threat they are to WLF. In a game where its trying to teach this lesson of “Violence isn’t the answer”, it sure forces you to resort to violence at every opportunity. You can even keep the intended message because in the game, violence isn’t always truly the answer. Bouncing off of this is my next change to the story, having the players make the choice about whether or not they want to kill Nora, Mel, and Owen.

Let’s get one thing straight, Ellie beating the shit out of Nora was not needed. An alternative to getting the info about where Abby was staying at could of been done through a series of little puzzle quests to give Ellie clues on where Abby was. This would be longer, but would not of had the same effect on Ellie’s mental state as beating the fuck out of Nora did. However, they could of kept the original scene as it played out. You get the info fast and you don’t lose out on anything major. Maybe some ammo and some pills but not enough to where it feels like you’ve lost out. But the choice now falls on the players to decide what they should do. The same applies with Mel and Owen. When you arrive at the aquarium, the player can decide to shot Owen to get Mel to talk, kill Mel to get Owen to talk, or grab Mel to threaten Owen to talk. The two kill options would be semi-bad because what played out originally with Abby would happen. But if the player decided to threaten Mel, Owen would talk, Ellie would release Mel but still holding them at gun point, and leave. However this would happen after another choice I think should of been implemented in the game. The choice to travel with Jesse to go and find Tommy.

When this happened even I wanted Ellie to just go with Jesse. It seemed like a great point to give the players a chance to decide what they wanted Ellie to do. Here’s how I would of wanted it to go: The player can either make Ellie continue to the aquarium, and the story would follow along as normal, or the player makes Ellie go with Jesse to find Tommy and leave. They leave and find Tommy after his encounter with Abby. You could even make another choice here where Tommy wants to try and go back to hunt down Abby, or go back to Dina with Jesse after he argues that they need to leave. If you go back with Jesse, Tommy follows with you, upset she gets to live, but moves on. From this they return to the theater, grab Dina and travel back to Jackson. This can then branch off to the future we see with Ellie and Dina, but there’s a scene where they travel to Jackson with J.J to see Jesse and his family. While there, Tommy approaches Ellie and says that he found Abby, and the player can decide what to do here as well. Go after Abby or stay. If the player goes after Abby, Ellie does find her and kills her, but it leaves Ellie feeling a bit conflicted because she doesn’t feel the fulfillment she thought she would feel. Cut to her traveling back to Jackson, visiting Joel’s grave and cue heart wrenching scene of her playing the guitar at his grave.

Now circling back, if the player decided to travel with Tommy to hunt Abby down in Seattle, Jesse reluctantly agrees, but tells them if they don’t find her by tomorrow afternoon, they all leave. This would then lead to the player finding Abby and Lev (because in my head Lev does run off but the boat he takes in the aquarium isn’t there and heard talk about the other boats the WLF’s use and takes off there, but Abby catches him in time to stop him from traveling to the island. This would happen after her encounter with Tommy) and Abby would tell Lev to run back to the aquarium with Yara. So its Ellie, Jesse, and Tommy holding Abby at gun point. Knowing a 3v1 isn’t winnable, she lays down her weapons and thus, another decision is allowed for the player. Kill Abby or let her live. Killing Abby has an effect on Ellie’s mental state and that can effect the game at the end. Not too bad that it ruins the ending, but bad enough that maybe there’s a cut scene of her having nightmares about killing her. If the player decides to not kill her, Ellie lets her go, she runs off, Tommy and her argue and Jesse tells them to drop it and get back to the theater. They do and cue to the ending I talked about earlier with everyone going back to Jackson. Now this leads me to my leads final story issue I would change about the game, Abby’s portion would be significantly cut down.

While the player would still play as Abby, the only flash back that would be included is the one about her and her father. Narratively, I don’t hate it. It allows for the player to understand why Abby wanted to kill Joel and drive home the new theme of “Your choices and actions have consequences”. However playing as Abby for, what, 12 hours of the game wasn’t needed. If the excuse was to pad for time, everything I said above would not have only extended the time, but would of allowed for players to want to replay the game. The player would still play as Abby with Lev and Yara so it can set up the players for how all the characters got to where they are by the time the player is given the choice to Kill or Let Abby Go. I’m on the fence about if the player would still be Abby and the theater scene would play as normal if you kill Mel or Owen. Kinda up in the air but what can you do. Anyways, while this would humanize the character to extent, it wouldn’t try to wash down her deeds like Naught Dogs tried to do. In my creation of this story, what happened in Santa Barbara would not take place at all.

All in all, there was some much they could of done with this story that could of made it worth playing. I have no more words for this grotesque torture p*rn game Neil and Naught Dogs decided to create. I wish I could fucking wipe my brain and get back to two days I wasted on this game. Fuck them and I hope Naughty Dogs fucking falls apart. I will finish my little essay with asking y’all to please not harass or go after the voice actors and the people who tried to make this game. Go after Neil , because ultimately this falls on him.

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whydoyouwantmyname · 4 years

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Imagine not telling the boys something important (Part 2)

Part one

“Tell me something Ailsa?” Eve asked, her voice echoed through the walls of the motel room your mind had manifested as you laid on the queen bed, the static now replaced by the projection of the world that Eve was seeing, it looked like a truck stop.

“Why do you keep calling me that.” You groaned

“I think it is cute.”

“Of course you do, alright Eve, what is your question.”

“Out of everyone I didn’t think a 207 year old cambion would be a virgin, care to enlighten me?”

“I figured you already creeped around in my memories and found it.” You answered as you sat up, and made your way to the mini bar, which instantly restocked itself, as she replied, “Nah, I didn’t feel like digging too deep.”

“Just deep enough to figure out my whole life story?”

“Exactly.”

“Well if you must know, it is so much easier to avoid feeling, and the annoying humanity I have if I just don’t let people in romantically.”

“Which is why you never made an attempt on dating Dean, even though you two are obviously meant for each other.”

“Exactly, and honestly if you do see them, please don’t tell them, I would rather..”

“I understand, I swear not a word.”

“Thanks Eve, if you weren’t investing people with your spawns, and possessing me, I would say you were pretty cool.”

“You have no idea what Crowley is up to, do you?” She asked, her voice soft as you opened your fifth miniature and downed it with no issue.

“Not a clue, but knowing the king of hell, I am sure it is something designed to get him into a position of greater power.”

“Well he is seeking to open the doors to Purgatory, for what I am not aware, but he is killing my supernatural children’s souls and imprisoning them. Rumor has it, he is not working alone, he has an angel on his side.”

You stopped mid sip, your whole body frozen as you thought, slowly lowering your arm you asked, “An angel.”

“Do you know him?”

“I fear I might.” You whispered, reflecting on your memory as a previous conversation played in your head.

You were standing alone in the living room, a lore book in hand as you paced the room, it was a rare moment where both Winchester’s were outside, leaving you alone in a blissful silence, which was soon to be interrupted by the sounds of angel wings.

“How they ever allowed you in this house is still a foreign concept to me.” He formulated the statement as you lifted your head towards him, his blue eyes piercing your figure as you raised an eyebrow, “I haven’t the slightest idea what you mean Castiel?”

“How have you managed to hid the sins you drag around with you, suppress the screams of the souls your precious hounds have torn to shred, how do you manage not to shiver in the nippy air of earth, when the flames of hell flicker at your flesh?”

“Cas, what are you implying?”

“You are a liar, and a…”

“I would choose your next sentence extremely carefully, unless you want an angel blade driven through your chest.” You warned, his face grim as he growled, “The trap will reveal who you really are, don’t worry.”

“Oh you mean that one?” You stated, pointing to the ceiling, where a classic Singer masterpiece decorated the ceiling, the book slamming shut in your single hand before being placed on the desk, as Cas smiled, almost pleased that you were caught, until you approached him slowly, his eyes filling with confusion as you got right up in his face,”Looks like you should do your homework Castiel, before you make threats to the woman who has been traveling with the Winchester’s for three years now.” Your once filled hand extends quickly, seizing his throat in your digits before using your strength to push him into the wall, leaning in you got right up in his ear, “Unless you want to see what these red eyes can really do.”

It wasn’t until you saved his ass that he truly learned who you were as a hunter, all negative feelings drifting further away with time, until he was finally comfortable enough to call you a nickname, Angel.

“So your father is working with the man who calls you Angel?” Eve replied, almost forgetting she could also see your thoughts.

“He must, Cas is the only angel I could imagine him trusting.”

“Well you’re a smart cookie, any idea…”

“Not a clue.” You answered, glancing at the TV screen as you noticed the tv screen, her eyes set on a trucker before she pushed off the wall. As she started towards the 18 wheeler, you couldn’t help but notice that Eve glanced over at the wall, the corner of your mouth lifting.

“What are you smirking about?” Eve questioned

“Nothing at all.” You replied, before a pie magically appeared.

“Like I said fellas, I remember pulling into the truck stop, and next thing I knew I was at work. I have no idea how I ended up there, or anything that happened after I pulled in.” He stated, looking to Sam and I, my head somewhere else as he spoke.

“And where do you work?” Sam asked

“Starlight Canney. After I came to, I called home, hoping my family was there. I didn’t think anything of it when she didn’t pick up, that was…” a small sob escaped his lips as Dean looked to the other officer, “mind if I have a look at the security cameras footage?”

“Not at all, let me just pull ‘em up.” The officer answered as Dean left Sam and Bobby to question Rick.

As the other officer set Dean up, all his mind could do but wander back to a memory where she was.

“Jesse.” You pleaded, the small boy's eyes flickered towards you as you remained frozen in between Sam and Dean, neither of them could see you, but the demon possessing Julia could, and Jesse.

However Sam and Dean remember it much differently then what truly happened, they remember Sam stopping Jesse, and Julia’s demon, before driving off to the next motel. However you knew it went differently

“Don’t listen to her son, you are going to do great…” As the demon talked, you lowered your own head, as Sam and Dean’s heads suddenly fell forward as the demon laughed, “So you do still know how to use your powers.”

Looking up your eyes were completely crimson red, and glued to the demon, “I can’t wait to tell my father about what you are doing, and I hope I have the pleasure of…”

“You haven’t stepped foot in hell for over 20 years, what makes you think…”

“Do you even know who my father is?” You screamed, suddenly whatever held your body stiff slowly melted away, as your arms lowered, “You’re just like me?”

Looking from the black eyed demon to Jesse, you slowly stepped forward and crouched in front of the small boy, “Yeah, my dad is a demon just like yours.”

“Jesse, don’t listen to her.” She started forward, however she suddenly became mute, and frozen, Jesse looking towards her as it happened before turning back to you, “Did they tell you lies too?”

“No, they actually don’t know, but I know that they wanted to tell you this to protect you, because it is really scary at first to learn that you are part evil.”

“Does that mean I am going to do what she said, am I going to end the world?” You could hear the small boy’s voice quicken in fear, as you put a hand on his arm and smiled, “No, all it means is that you are going to be able to do things other kids can’t, cause even though you are different, you are still human, and that means you have good in you. Listen Jesse, I am 206 years old, and have had a lot of opportunities to do some wicked stuff, and instead of doing that, I am helping people just like you.”

“You aren’t evil.” He whispered, almost as a reassurance to himself, as you responded, “And neither are you.”

“How do I beat this?”

“Well, you are going to have to run away, here.” You reaches into your bag and pulled out a notebook you had been filling with all things to do with the life since 1981, the pages worn and the book spine was well used, and with a smile you stated, “This has everything in it that I have learned over the years, it will help protect you from both angels and demons.”

“I need protection from angels?”

“Yes darling. See the angels don’t understand that we aren’t all bad, they just see the demon side of us.”

“They’re narrow minded.” He replied as you smiled, “They are just scared. You will have to move around a lot but just lay low, here you can also use this.” You pulled out a 100 dollar bill, and handed it to him, “Do you understand?”

“What will happen to my parents?” He asked

“Well they will stay here, it is too dangerous to bring them, just because the demons and angels might try to hurt them if they know where you are.”

“Have they ever done that to you?” Your face lifted to Julia, a wicked smile on your face as you thought of all the shit the demons did to Dean while in hell, and what Ruby did to Sam. “Yeah, but the Winchesters are the two strongest men I know, and no punk ass, black eyed scumbag is going to break them, not as long as I’m around to stop it.”

Looking towards you Jesse whispered, “How do I run away?”

“Just think of yourself going to a place, and just like that…” you looked down to see him gone and heard a slight thud behind you, a smile on your face as you slowly rose and looked at Julia,who went to move but remained frozen, and mute, “I like you better as a mute statue.”

As you approached her, you monologued, “Everything I said about the Winchesters is true, and I hope you all figure it out soon that nothing you do will ever make them stop hunting the bad guys. So just drop your little obsession with these two, because you got what you wanted, Lucy is running all around creation, trying to end the world. I just hope for your sake he doesn’t turn on you like he did God.”

With a single lift of your palm you sent her back to hell, her scream echoing the empty space as you watched the black goo melt into the floor from her eyes, once she was gone you turned to see Sam and Dean had fallen to the floor, the invisible force holding them still disappearing with Jesse. You walked over to the two of them and placed your hands on their heads, filling it with false memories as you mentally called out to your father.

“I was busy.” He snapped as you lifted your head to see Crowley standing before you, his eyes lifting from you to Julia’s body, “Have I ever mentioned I love it when you get feisty with your own kind?”

“All the time, yet you only allowed me to file your paperwork. Now help me get these two idiots in the Impala.”

“Here ya go, this is the footage from that night. Not really anything exciting.” The officer told Dean, snapping him from the false memory you had planted in his head. Taking a seat in the Rollie chair he muttered a thanks and started fast forwarding through the tape, until he saw something that made him stop, looking at the camera was a pair of glowing eyes, and upon rewinding and going frame by frame he saw the way the face distorted, and the eyes clearer, along with something he was not expecting to see.

“[Y/N].” He whispered, backing up the frames to before your face distorted, a slight smile was on your face, your hair was down, and you were dressed in a tank top and skinny jeans. He couldn’t take his eyes off of your face, the way your lips smeriked up as though you were taunting the camera, like you knew they would find out you were the one doing this. With the frame still pulled up he quickly rose, the chair pushing back so quickly it hit the wall, alerting Sam and Bobby to his distress, before he stormed out of the office. Frustration filling his body as his mind stated over and over that he had failed you.

When Sam and Bobby finally came out they found Dean sitting on the hood of the impala, his eyes just staring into a void above as they approached him, “Dean?” Bobby asked

“It’s her.” His eyes never leaving the sky as his voice was gruff and soft, “whatever we are hunting is inside her head.”

“We will figure it out.” Sam whispered as Dean finally lowered his head, his eyes red rimmed, bloodshot and puffy.

“Will we?” He replied.

About an hour later Dean and Sam were sitting in the motel, milling over notebooks trying to find anything on what could be possessing [y/n], “I mean it could be a shapeshifter.” Sam offered as a possible answer as Dean knitted his fingers into his greasy hair.

“Sam you saw her face distorted on the security footage, no shapeshifter has done that before.” He sighed out as Sam lowered the book.

“Are you sure you are okay dude?” Sam asked, the sound of his own question making him feel like it was a dumb thing to say, anyone with two eyes could have been able to tell that Dean was falling apart every second, especially now that he knew that something had possessed you. Dean’s index and thumb moved from his hair to the bridge of his nose, the two digits squeezed the flesh between his eyes as he let out a sigh, “This is why hunters can never fall in love.”

“Dean..”

“Sammy, please don’t feed me your positive outcome bullshit right now, we have no leads, no information of what is possessing her, we have nothing. As far as we know there could be no cure, it is possible that we could try everything and that thing will still be in her head.”

“And we will, don’t forget Dean, she wasn’t just your friend. She was mine and Bobby’s too, and we will save her.”

Before Dean could respond his burner was ringing, his response turned into him flipping it open and muttering, “Whatcha got Bobby?”

“I need you and Sam to get your asses down to Starlight Canney, Rufus and I will meet ya outside.”

“Rufus is with…” Dean started but he was cut off by Bobby’s like going dead, Dean looked at Sam and promptly stated, “Bobby found something, I think.”

While the boys drove to the canney, Cas was opening the doors to an abandoned warehouse, a glowing light seeped out from under it as he revealed the grey lab space that he and Crowley had built. Crowley was seated at the table, a sheet of paper before him as his hand scribbled across the page with a pen. Cas looked over the railing at him, as he stated, “Stop staring at me like you do the Winchester boy.”

“I have news.”

“Did you find me more souls?” Crowley’s head still did not lift as he spoke, it wasn’t until Cas replied that he finally became alert, “No, it is about [Y/N].”

“What about her?”

“She has been possessed, the boys are trying to track her down, but whatever is inside of her is ancient.”

“Eve.” Crowley hissed

“Why would Eve be…”

“She knows we are trying to open purgatory, and wants to stop us. Is she creating an army?”

“I won’t call it an army, but she is creating hybrids.”

“And she has my little girl on like a meat suit.” He stated more than asked, frustration clear in his brow as he slammed the pen down, “I thought the Winchesters…”

“They are looking for her right now. I can’t see her though, so I was wondering…”

“Eve will make her go dark to everyone who could have been able to find her, I can have my spies on the lookout for her, but Castiel….” He started before pausing, the reality of his next statement taking a toll on his still beating heart, “[Y/N] will die if you remove Eve.”

“Not all of her.” Cas replied before leaving, as Crowley leaned back in his chair, his heart breaking for his little girl.

#supernatural imagine #supernatural imagines #supernatural one shot #supernatural one shots #supernatural oneshot #Supernatural oneshots #supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #SPN imagine #SPN imagines #SPN one shots #SPN one shot #SPN oneshot #SPN oneshots #SPn fanfic #SPN fanfiction

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goldeneyedgirl · 4 years

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2020 Fic Meme

It happens every year like clockwork. The Fic Round-Up Meme. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to it this year because I’ve written so much. As usual, compiled from ancient Livejournal fic memes. I like doing it as kind of a time capsule of my writing. If anyone else wants to take a crack, feel free. I love reading writers’ throughs on their own work. <3 No tagging because that is PRESSURE.

Twilight

12 Days of Fic-Mas (Twilight, WIP) Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 + Christmas Eve Twelve days of fic extracts, previews, and drabbles focusing on Alice Cullen and Jess/Jasper Hale: Anathema, the KidFic, Married in Vegas, Daemons, Memento Vivere, Human Alice Kills James, Jess and Alice do Prom, Forgotten, Vampires in Vegas, Shadow to Light Missing Scene, Hybrid, Cowboys and Angel Solstice, and All These Broken Things

Afterglow (Alice/Jasper, AU, Romance, G) There were three things of which she was certain. The first was that her name was Alice. The second was that she was born an angel. And three, she was getting ready to die.

Against a Wall (Alice/Jasper, Human/Vampire AU, Romance, Angst, PG) If you asked anyone with the surname ‘Whitlock’, they’d tell you that the family was cursed. It was the Whitlock Curse to blame the day the bank took the ranch away from Jasper’s own father.

And Found (Alice/Jasper, Soulmark AU, Romance, PG) The soul mark appears when Alice is six. It is a twisted ribbon of a mark, from the inside of her left elbow, up her arm, over her shoulder, along her clavicle, over her right shoulder and down to her right wrist. What ugly, soulless individual could inspire such a mark?

Jar of Hearts Pt 1 Pt 2 (WIP) (Alice, Emmett, Seth, MCU xover, Angst, PG) The snap came for everyone - “He said he’d never leave me,” she says in a wobbly voice. “He promised me.”“It wasn’t by choice,” Emmett rushes to tell her. “You were his last thought; he tried so hard to get home before he…”

Never a Question (Alice/Jasper, AU, Angst, G) Carlisle is quite sure that he’s watching his son’s heart break into a million pieces as he stares at his human mate, slowly dying alone, not a single person allowed to hold her hand.

Hand in Hand (Alice/Jasper, AU, Fluff, G) “Never,” he swears, pressing a kiss to her cheek that makes her beam - “There’s not a single moment I can think of that cannot be improved by your presence, darlin’.”

Love & Duty (Alice/Jasper, AU, Romance, G) A trainee witch is sent to treat a wounded cowboy from her brother coven.

Shadow to Light (WIP) (Alice/Jasper, AU Angst, PG) In 1918, Jasper lures the newborn known as Mary-Alice back to Monterrey. He is lost to her before it even begins. (Ch 6-8)

The Way of Things (Alice/Jasper, AU, Drama, M) She truly doesn’t know what comes next. He truly doesn’t know if it will be good or bad. They will live this life for as long as it lasts, long may it last, surrounded by the people they love and trust.

What You Say (Alice/Jessamine, Canon, Angst, M) Edward might have thought Aro was their reckoning, but Alice knows for her, it is Jessamine’s hurt.

Total number of completed stories: ELEVEN.

Total word count: 90,155 words were formally posted - not including snippets, previews (aside from FicMas) or anything that was shared on the Discord server.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I fucking nailed it. Like, seriously. THREE chapters of Shadow to Light? Every single day of JaliceWeek AND FicMas? I mean, I think the lockdown definitely helped with free time, and not going to lie, the iOS shutdown of Fortnite probably assisted my productivity.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? The Discord has so much to answer for. I wrote porn. Like, what. What. What. What. I find this bizarre and did not have ‘let’s just go full NC17 in 2020′ on my bingo card, but it happened. In fact, 2019 Lexie has just gone full spit-take and yelled, “WHAT?!” at the top of her lungs.

And to make it more surprising, it’s both het and f/f porn. Like, mind-blown. Who am I anymore?

What’s your own favourite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? The Way of Things, What You Say, And Found, & Afterglow. All fics that came together really well, that felt like *me*, and had hopeful endings. I’m really proud of them.

STL doesn’t get an opportunity to be apart of this til it’s finished.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? The porn.

Apparently, I can write it. Who knew?

I definitely threw caution to the wind with JaliceWeek and just went for whatever crossed my mind and stopped worrying so much. Like, whatever, this is what I want to write so I will. I mean, the MCU crossover is happening in a slightly more obscure way than I initially envisaged it, it’s definitely a better fic for it.

I joined the Discord, and that’s been amazing. I’ve spent my last few fandoms existing in kind of a vacuum because of bad experiences and the fact I’m usually doing something niche, so having people to talk to who are so nice and welcoming and are happy to ignore my special brand of obnoxiousness is so lovely and has had such a good affect on my mental health. Sometimes you need people you can be your dorkiest self with.

My instincts are pretty good as far as fic goes, people are awesome, and I can write sex scenes. It’s been a learning curve, let me tell you that.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? I have to balance grad school, my business, and my writing, so that’s going to be interesting. I think I need to look at my fic more as downtime than a high-stress ‘job’ because I LOVE writing it. I love writing. I love reading. But I get in my own head and overthink. So my goals are BALANCE and RELAX.

My best story of this year: Oh man, that’s not something I can judge. I am so incredibly proud of how Afterglow, And Found, and The Way of Things turned out. Especially considering I was so behind with JaliceWeek, and I think I was putting out a fic a day, and freaking out because I was lacking ideas, so when these three just came together exactly how I wanted them, it was a good moment.

My most popular story: Shadow to Light. Look, if that’s my legacy to fandom, I’ve done pretty damn well. I’m really, really appreciative of how enthusiastic people are about this ‘verse. I don’t always understand it, because I can see how my writing has changed and how the story has evolved massively (first it was supposed to be a one-shot, then five chapters.) I hope that it ends up being satisfying for everyone because I have LOVED writing it, even if I am slower than molasses.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Everyone is always so damn enthusiastic about my writing. I think maybe Hybrid is kind of a big question mark for everyone at the moment because there are so many questions and no answers yet.

And any of the Jessamine/Alice. That’s a new niche, I get not everyone is into it. But it’s happening and will continue into 2020.

Most fun story to write: What You Say or Jess and Alice at Prom. Jess is a little snarkier than Jasper, less controlled, and the girls are super fun to write, even high-tension scenes.

Most Sexy Story: Oh, I can answer this now! Um, maybe The Way of Things or Jess and Alice at Prom? Yup, those are my picks.

Story with the single sexiest moment: The Way of Things. This happened before the Discord Intervention, and I’m genuinely not sure if I’m happy with the end of the Prom fic, so it might be reworked slightly in the future. But The Way of Things I was really happy with because it covered so many ideas I had in a way that fit together well.

That’s where she makes good on her unspoken promises from aeons again, of their private victory celebration. She sits astride him, her hips rolling hard against his, drawing out his groans and growls as he grips her thighs almost tight enough to crack. Their gazes are locked the entire time, her tongue skimming over her lips, as she lets her emotions tell him everything that she wants and everything she plans to take.

He remembers fucking her in the dirt in Dacia; his mouth between her legs as she hollered obscenities in a Paris attic; and the urgent, passionate loving-making of a marriage finally consummated.

She remembers bloody emeralds looped around her throat and resting between her breasts as she gets down on her knees and takes him into her mouth, his fingers tangled in her hair; the delicious weight of him on top of her, their sweat mingling and cooling in the frozen night as their flimsy bed creaked against the wall; and his soft encouragement in her ear as he grasps her around the waist, their hands resting together on the gentle swell of her stomach.

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: I think I restrained myself from anything too dark or twisted this year, actually. Oh, wait, Vampires in Vegas. That one has some pretty dark implications about Alice’s life, about the vampire underworld, and Jasper’s behaviour, especially as it goes one. No fic that deals with someone being put into sex work without educated consent is going to avoid being dark, and I think it’s logical that vampires would have their hands in a lot of illegal yet profitable areas.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Anything with Jessamine/Alice because, like, Jess isn’t a name-swap of Jasper, and the relationship dynamic shifts with the slight personality shifts. And then you have to consider the family and social dynamic of two women in the relationship, so working all that out was fun.

Jar of Hearts is another one, because I had to work out who the fic was going to follow and what was lost. And Emmett and Alice pretty much don’t interact in canon, but they were chosen for a reason. I’ve stripped them down to their worst, most isolated selves without their ‘true north’ (Rose and Jasper) or their moral center (Carlisle and Esme), or even their secret weapon (Edward). Seth, too, has been isolated from his family and friends, and is especially ‘other’ in this situation. This is an MCU crossover, so we’re kind of following a heroes’ journey with the last of Forks’ supernatural creatures.

Hardest story to write: Shadow to Light because of the way I have to use language, because of the plot strands from canon when I hate writing canon material, and how the characters have changed and how this new version reflects the old version.

Against a Wall, as well, because of the in-verse time crunch I had - I needed Jasper damaged, military-minded, and changed by age 19. And I needed the boy broken. I’m happy with it, the story is done and dusted, but it didn’t quite turn out how I planned. And that’s okay, because I like this version. But I think I tackled something a lot bigger than I anticipated with it.

Most disappointing: Look, I love the verse and the set-up, but I think Love & Duty could do with another 2k words for build-up. I just ran out of time, honestly, to build up that mutual attraction between Alice and Jasper.

Easiest story to write: Anathema, because Alice’s voice was so clear in it. Anathema!Alice knows exactly who she is, and that’s always fun. And the Shadow to Light Missing Scene; it wasn’t as long as I hoped, but it turned out exactly as I imagined it happening.

Biggest surprise: Everyone really, really liked Forgotten. And Vampires in Vegas, which I honestly thought were the weakest offerings during FicMas.

Most unintentionally telling story: The Way of Things. There’s so little dialogue, and it’s covering such a massive amount of time and story that it’s intentionally written to tell.

Story I’d like to revise: Love & Duty, and Married in Vegas. A little polish, a little shine, it’s fine. For Love & Duty, it’s definitely the time crunch I need to go back and fix; for Married in Vegas, it’s just reflective of how long ago I started it. I’m a better writer, I know the characters more, and I’m less prone to overly dramatic plot twists.

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear: Look, let me lay the groundwork now so that no one who isn’t on the Discord isn’t startled.

There’s going to be a Jess/Jasper/Alice threesome fic, and I regret nothing.

I really, really want to get All These Broken Things redone and posted because it’s getting silly how long it’s just been sitting there.

I want to actually write Monster, which is a fic I don’t talk about much but I want to write. It’s a question about who the monster of the story is, and I’m not sure I’m as skilled as I should be, to write it, but I want to try.

And one of my numerous attempts at a Haunted House Cryptid fic. It has to happen, I have so many ideas!

#my fic #writing meme #meme #twilight renaissance #jalice

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

Text

Helplessly Hoping (Favored Ones, Part 19.)

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Quote for the chapter: “And you consider yourself the saviour of the human race?” - Shawn James

Part summary: Just as Ellie demanded, there was the whole meeting about the fucking Baldwin cottage situation happening. And the results of it were more or less concerning.

A/N: I’ve tried to use as many in-game/trailer/promotional dialogue as I could, altering it to suit the story, and I’ve spent at least an hour alone on those dialogues (finding them in the first place, then re-writing it, altering it, etc.). Hope you’ll enjoy. (OPEN TAGS FOR FUNNY HAHA JOKE)

Warnings: Tommy is the purest of heart and the dumbest of ass, Jesse’s ass, and angry fucking Maria. Mentions of Abby, WLFs, torture and gore, anxiety. PROBABLY A LOAD OF TYPOS Y’ALL.

Word count: 7.3K

Tagging: @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme @peakymarvels @davnwillcome @pickleriiick @jodiereedus22 @gladiosamicitias @tamkashi @eternallyvenus @avengerssstuff @fangirl-inthe-us @avery-miller @mikah-writes @mad-hatter-98 @sadiaafrin99 @flavorishy @mr-robot-x @

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

Youtube playlists: JACKSON DAYS | SEATTLE DAYS

Early spring of 2038, two days before departure to Seattle:

Learning how to walk on your legs again was kinda funny, especially when you had Joel and Ellie around most of the time. As suspected, Joel calmed down about the unnecessary fight rather quickly, focusing on more oppressing matters at that moment, inviting Ellie to look after you when he was gone and the other way around. You were still noticeably climbing, but soon, you could walk to downtown on your own and you didn't even have to beg Joel to stop for a sec to catch your breath.

Ellie, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, was still intrigued by the fact that you and Joel are now an official couple, but that didn't mean she had got the right to tell someone what to do. And she didn't even want to... It was just... Bothering her at some times. But as long as you were looking healthy and happy with the old man, she could still get over the whole situation somehow. The bad blood between you and Dina lasted for a few days until you played a card game for spending the evening with Ellie, which you one singlehandedly, yet you showed your character and told Dina she can keep your best friend for the night.

Life almost seemed to be going back to normal... Except it wasn't going anywhere. The only people who knew about it was you, Joel, Maria, and Tommy. You didn't want to tell Ellie and you hoped that your whole mental situation will be over before you and she have some girly plans. On many occasions, you've woken up in the middle of the night, straightaway paralyzed. A single muscle on your body couldn't move and all you saw was the woman looking down on you, asking the question over and over again - where is Joel Miller? Do you know him?

And anything you've tried wasn't helping you. Pills that should give you a sleepless night? You woke up in the middle of the night, panting and disoriented. Herbal teas? Made you sick. Joel hammering you to the bed before going to sleep? You've been staring at the ceiling as the man slept with his head on your naked chest. Joel and Ellie singing you a duet while you and Dina sat on the couch, watching these two arguing about every single detail? No, that didn't help either.

You didn't know if Abby wanted to trap you inside your head, but she accomplished the mission perfectly. You could work throughout the day, as long as the job didn't need a lot of walking around, you were still the same you. But as soon as no-one was looking at you, panic and anxiety got a hold on you. One time, you were even helping in the kitchen and you were joking around with the cooks - and suddenly, your gaze fell on one of the knives. Suddenly, you couldn't hear anything but cutting vegetables, and each of these sounds reminded you of the woman. The scar on your thigh started to burn as you suddenly sat in the corner, rocking yourself to keep calm.

There was still the old you inside of that head, but it wasn't quite the same person at all. You've been a former Firefly, yet you weren't on a single mission. You killed a human person before - just to protect the man you loved. What Abby has done to you was barbarism, brutality, and vileness. And that was bringing up the conflict inside of you around which you kinda could get your head wrapped around.

No-one knew what happened in the cottage yet, because you and Tommy wanted to think about the incident on your own first. And so you did - but it was tearing you up in halves. On one hand, you didn't care for that party of shitheads at all, you didn't want to see them again. You were just glad they had left, at least seemingly, and that they aren't a threat for you or Joel anymore.

On the other hand, you had the feeling that no matter who it was, they'll be back. They were searching after Joel and they didn't find the man the first time. Who was granting you that they won't come back for round two? This time killing you for good? Just slicing your throat for the fun of it? Another question was popping on your head rather frequently. Would Abby kill you straightaway if she'd figure out you're sleeping with Joel? Just for the fun of causing pain? Just to leave a message?

All you did was consider yourself lucky - if they wouldn't come when they did, you and Tommy would've laid there dead for hours, maybe days. But the luck was supposed to run out one day, right? It was just comforting you that it didn't run out on that March day. Normally, you weren't of these who would've sought revenge. You would just go on with your life, no matter how hard that would turn out to be. But Joel... When it came to Joel, the way you took the issues had changed. You wanted and needed to know he's safe. And until Abby and her friends were searching for the man, he wasn't safe.

I ain’t a good man at all, you know? You may be thinkin’ I am, but trust me, I ain’t. You could hear Joel repeating that sentence over and over again. I’ve done some terrible things and if you’d hear them, you’d most likely get up and never come back again. I was survivin’ for a damn long time. I’ve seen my friends end up dead. I’ve hurt many people. I’ve done stuff only the worst people do, you hear me? And Abby was just of the many people he’d done wrong or dirty in the past. The result of shit Joel had done.

But you hadn't got the feeling that Joel knew Abby personally. She was young, maybe at your age, just a few years older. Maybe exactly your age, it was hard to tell. But... If Abby had known Joel personally, she'd recognize Tommy. These men bared an undeniable likeness. So Joel wouldn't know who was she even if you'd ask him. The only thing you and Tommy took as a clue was the appliques on their jackets - WLF. Washington Liberation Front. They were soldiers just as you thought so. And came all the way from Seattle. To look for Joel. Which made you everything but calm. You asked Tommy about how Joel could've come to contact with such people... And Tommy didn't have a clue.

Which only put Joel's words in perspective. You didn't know a whole lot about your man and there wasn't any certainty that you'd ever get to know these things about him. What could Joel had possibly do tying up back to WLF? Smuggle guns, bomb, supplies? Kill someone for them..? Or one of them? Joel was a man of many faces and a harsh past, which you kinda knew ever since you got to know Ellie better. But it was things like these that put everything to context.

When you both agreed it's time to tell the rest, you've gathered only the closest people to discuss what to do now. Ellie and Dina's standpoints were set completely straight, they knew exactly what to do. Joel, Tommy, Jesse, and Maria were on the neutral to calm side of the spectrum. Diego was forbidden to come and you were somewhere between going after Abby and staying put. It was all to be settled down on that evening.

"So, we all know why were here." - You started, sitting at the head of the table next to Tommy. You two somehow got out of the situation WLFs put you in, but it was sure that you're not the same way you've been before - while you were only visibly limbing and some of the leg movements made you uneasy, you were fucked up mentally. Just as Tommy was perfectly healthy mentally, he told you he lived through worse things as a Firefly, his knee was poorly working as it should. Sure, he was walking, but there was no certainty that he can lead other patrols with his current physical state. - "And we decided that it will be better from my point of view because I heard a few things Tommy didn't." - You looked at the man, who nodded to assure you. - "Shall we?"

You've started since the very morning of the eighth of March - why did you even go to the patrol in the first place, how did the horde cleansing progress, up to the point where you first met her. When you mentioned her, tears appeared in your eyes again as you looked away from all the people to calm down. - "Give her a minute, it's just too much." - Tommy said to the rest as he walked to you with his cane in his hand, hugging your shoulder as he looked out of the window beside you. He shouldn't be walking at all, but because his knee wasn't drastically broken, he persuaded Bobby to give him just a brace and a cane. Either way, it was more than a month since the whole cottage thing, you both had got better. And sure, no-one was pressuring you to talk. You had the whole night if you needed to.

For you, it was a terrifying experience to go through all of this... Again. Mentally. It wasn't good for you to go back to the day in such details, but it needed to be done. Yet with every syllable, Abby's eyes got clearer and clearer inside of your head, watching you, judging you, laughing at you. The moment when she lifted you off the ground like a piece of shit, it was all there suddenly. Your throat clenched for a second while you re-lived through the memory, making your gasp for air and gently smooth the veins there. Tommy smoothed your shoulder carefully, looking at the profile of your face.

"Feelin' good now, kiddo?" - Tommy asked when you blinked twice to get yourself out of the moment. With a long sigh, you nodded and walked back to the table to continue with the story.

"There was a blizzard out there, you could barely see three feet in front of you. So the woman, named Abby, offered us to show us the way to a nearby cabin where she and her friends were taking refuge at the time. Naturally, we agreed to this offer because we would most likely get lost in the snow and freeze to death somewhere. Abby's friends saved us from a small portion of the horse, and they took us inside." - You looked directly at Joel for a minute, trying to find comfort inside his face, finding concern only. That wasn't a good sign. - "When I stepped inside, I immediately noticed that there's something wrong with the people. I've seen a lot of groups passing through Jackson to get some sleep, gather supplies, food, water... But these didn't look anything like it. The clothes, moves, each of them looked strong. There was this lady who approached me and asked me if I'm feeling okay. To which I replied, that I am feeling alright.

I tried to signal Tommy that I don't feel safe inside that house, but he was talking to this Hispanic man, I didn't quite catch his name. So I played along and followed Abby deeper into the house. There, I met... Oscar? Omar? Oliver...? Owen. This man was Owen. And he was furious and they started to argue. For a reason, everyone started to gather in the room to look at us, and I could tell straight away that something was going downhill. Tommy was chatting with them and suddenly, Abby turned to me and asked me this question. I can hear the voice asking it every fucking night, again, again, and again. It haunts me." - A shaky breath left your lips as you jolted in discomfort. Tommy already knew what was coming, so he just stared at his hands entwined on the table.

"Do you know a man named Joel Miller by any chance?" - You repeated, hearing Abby asking you the question, staring down on you. You've been feeling everything you felt when Abby was just one foot away from you. The nerves, dry mouth, and the desperate need to keep yourself under control. And this time, it even felt harder than before, because you knew what comes next.

"To which I replied that I don't know any man by that name. But I fucked up, it is how it is. And I swear to you that this... Woman... Put her arm around my neck, picked me off the ground, and choked me. And all she said was 'Hey, we don’t wanna kill you. But we will.' And she tried to do just that. Before you guys came in." - A shiver ran down your spine as the picture of the woman kneeling beside you popped up inside your head. Owen holding the chair as Abby had beaten you up, helping her with the nails. Your hands were looking disgusting. Sure, it was way better and most of the nails started to grow back, but the ones on your pinkies and ring finger were gone.

"What are we waiting for?" - Ellie asked suddenly, having every stare turned at her and Dina. She was visibly shaken - not only did they fucked you up like two dogs, but they were after Joel as well. - "Washington Liberation Front. We know where that is, don't we?" - The girl asked fiercely, but Maria pointed her palm at the girl, stopping her from hyping a super-dangerous plan which would only get everyone killed.

"Joel, when did you work for the WLF?" - Maria furrowed, looking at her brother-in-law. - "I thought you were smuggling for the Fireflies and other people back in Boston, but you never mentioned running the business in Seattle... Or in this area generally." - The woman asked silently, and each of you looked at Joel. But the man was out of his mind as well - it was his fault, just as he thought so. The past always found its way to him, didn't it?

"I've never worked in Seattle. I don't know any WLFs, never met 'em." - Joel answered shortly, looking down on his palms

"It doesn't matter. I don't care who the fuckers are, what did they want of what they need from the old man here. They've been trying to get one of us, what if they show up again?" - Ellie jumped straight to the chase again, this time standing up. - "They most likely know where we live, it doesn't take a genius to figure out the patrol trails, and they've been here once, what thing on Earth is holding them from getting into the area again? Huh? And what if they kill us all? What if they bring more people back? Huh?" - She looked at everyone with a hint of disgust in her face. This time, Tommy was the one to take a calm approach.

"Kiddo, sit down, will ya? We have no idea what we're walkin' into. You don't know anythin' about them. We don't know how large that group is, how armed they are," - "What are you doing?" - Ellie snapped back. The girl was walking on mighty thin ice, as Joel would say, but you got what she's after. These people were nothing but a threat to Jackson - and more importantly to Joel. You couldn't simply leave that be, hoping they won't come back. But you didn't say anything out loud, you just sat there and looked into the table desk, minding your own business.

"I don't care. Joel told me that this isn't my decision to make. Guess what, Tommy. It is from now on. These people tried to harm my family. I think you got the best idea about what kind of people they are. And I'm going no matter how you decide. You can't stop this. You can't stop me." - The girl walked out of the room, leaving you all there. Dina looked at Maria, who was already scheming a plan.

"This is suicide. No-one ain't is going after them. I don't care, I... I will put my men around her house to keep an eye on her..." - Maria was whispering frantically, trying to figure out what to do to keep the girl down. Joel exhaled loudly and took one look at you, closing his eyes in pain. He knew that empty look you were giving the piece of furniture. Whenever Ellie was about to take off, you will follow her for a few various reasons - you didn't want to get herself killed. And you didn't want to see Joel get hurt. And deep down inside, there was another reason which was the most understandable - you wanted to hurt back the people who hurt you. It could be barely seen that you're trembling, thinking about what you'll do. The world seemed to be so empty suddenly.

There was no other choice - you were going to Seattle.

"If she decides to go, Maria, no patrols are going to stop Ellie. The question is who will come with her." - Jesse told everyone quietly. With that, Joel had the last spark of home inside of him - maybe you won't be so stupid to agree with Ellie's short-fire plan. Yet when you closed your eyes, having a small wrinkle on your forehead, he knew that you're not the case.

Shortly after, everyone got home. And it felt off-putting to watch Joel's house, knowing you'll leave as soon as Ellie decides to go. You and Dina agreed about exchanging the intel the other day, once she and Ellie come up with some plan.

The house was looking way better than ever before. Up to that point, you never realized it has a perfect location in a good neighborhood. Especially, when Joel didn't have many neighbors. All you could see was the best ways to sneak to his door, and when you left that out, you only knew the inside of the house. And as the spring was slowly coming back, the flowers, bushes, and trees started to finally blossom after the long winter. Birds were singing the whole time you were walking to the porch, the warm wing was smoothing your skin and messing with your hair. How comes that you've never noticed the golden film of the sunlight? Or the innocent white of the evening clouds?

"You 'kay back there?" - Joel asked you from opening the door. You were leaning into the railing, watching the surroundings. After a small while of watching the man, you gave him a vulnerable smile and nodded. For a minute, Joel still stood there and waited for you to come in, but you didn't move an inch. You turned your head back to look at the neighborhood and the mountains in the landscape. That was when he walked next to you, leaning into the wood as well. - "What's goin' inside that head of yours, huh?" - He whispered, slowly pulling closer until your shoulders bumped into each other.

"Never noticed how beautiful Jackson can be - until now, cowboy." - An honest whisper left your lips. Joel didn't like your expression at all - there was this sadness and melancholy inside of it and Joel would bet everything that he knew exactly what was going on inside your head.

"Girl, if you're thinkin' about the Abby kiddo, stop it. For both my and yours sake. This kind of thoughts won't bring any good, you hear me?" - The man whispered and lowered his head enough to kiss the top of your shoulder. - "What happens at Baldwin, that stays at Baldwin. I don't want you to see you get near the stables, weaponry, you won't be sneakin' out at midnight, we clear?" - Joel asked, having you snickering at his statement and the whole topic. You knew you're about to pull that stunt. And he knew it as well. But it felt cute that he's putting so much care into this whole thing.

"I told you that I'm not thinking about the Baldwin cottage thing. I'm not. I'm just looking at nature, taking in the sights, you know?" - You smiled, trying to look at least a bit happy for Joel. The man looked into your eyes for a moment with an unnatural expression. But in the end, he nodded and looked away from you. Both of you knew that you're lying, but neither of you wanted to talk about the lie more closely. - "I was thinking about playing some gee-tar. What about you bringing me that instrument and making me a cup of coffee before we go to sleep, Joel?" - You asked after a moment, having the man realizing how vulnerable you were at the moment. He could just call you out about the bullshit. Yet he didn't. Joel just smoothed your back with his palm, pulling you a bit closer.

"You don't drink coffee. Didn't the coma messed with your brain, baby girl?" - The man asked but slowly walked to the door. You just sighed, reminding him of sugar. He brought everything anyway - both the guitars, both the mugs with the coffee and some fruits you could both snack on. The first songs you've played were shaky and off the rhythm, your voice wasn't the best either, which had you cringe a lot.

The man was calming you down, reminding you to have patience and not to jump into things too quickly. The best moment of the night was when you played A-Ha together, Joel playing the instrument while you curled up in the rocking chair, which he brought for you from the cabin in the woods, and sang. When the conversation you two had slowly faded away, you caught yourself falling asleep as Joel was playing with his guitar, playing parts of various songs you didn't even know. He had woken you up an hour or so after, making sure you won't be too bitten by mosquitos.

The following day, the signal you were waiting for came - Dina ran to you while you were helping in the kitchen and the diner. She told you, very hastily, that you will take off the following day, two hours after midnight, and that you'll have a meeting point at the south breach. Jesse, who was authorized to spy on both you and Dina, along with Ellie and Joel, had to see it because of course, he had. It was quite logical when you had a shift in the kitchen at the same time.

"What are you two whispering about, birdies?" - The boy leaned between your heads. If you had to be honest, he was looking good with the apron and a crooked smile on his lips as he held the bowl with the yeast dough. After a smile while of looking at him, you gave him your typical chuckle, getting back to the vegetables in front of you.

"About your ass." - You answered innocently. At that, Dina joined you, leaned her ass into the counted next to your workplace. Her eyes looked at her ex-boyfriend's ass shamelessly. After a moment, her agreeing hum sounded next to your ear as both you and Jesse snickered. - "I mean, Y/N's not wrong. Maybe you'll finally have your luck with Bobby now you're single?" - Dina asked, offering you a hand to do a high five. The boy looked at you with an offense in his grinning face, running his tongue along the line of his teeth.

"All I said is that the lady has a nice bottom. It was at the Christmas party, there was a lot of eggnogs and I was drunk. Don't ever bring that up again. Deal?" - Jesse pointed the wooden spoon at the two of you. Dina and you behaved childishly quite often, but it was never too inappropriate or annoying. You know where to put the stop to the whole playing-around thing.

"I certainly can't promise that, Jesse." - "Me neither" - You both shook your heads and you started to cut the tomatoes again. You already cleaned and cut more than one big bag of them and there was still a lot remaining. And trust me, you were a lot in the kitchen since you got back from the Baldwin place. It was occurring because of two main reasons - Maria wanted to have you under control and you still weren't sure about somehow getting through the whole patrol process.

"I would miss this... If you'd were going to Seattle." - Jesse whispered, looking into the dough in front of him. Dina flashed her eyes at you and licked her lips swiftly. Jesse had to know that you were up to something and he even had to know what was that something. - "Thank God you're not that dumb." - Jesse gave you a shining smile over the shoulder, leaning back to the dough.

"Yeah, exactly. Thank God we aren't." - You repeated and watched Dina leaving as she pointed two fingers up to signal you the time you, her, and Ellie will meet up. Neither of you planned on sleeping that night - you decided to sneak out, walk at least five miles from Jackson, find a cover and sleep there. So it was special for you when you and Joel were getting into bed. Neither of you felt like sex, so you just told each other about your days as you laid down, preparing for some sleep. Just like the first time, he'll wake up and he'll be alone. That was almost poetic.

It was a repeating cycle - but this time, Joel won't find you wandering around the city. Sure, the man got a little suspicious when you didn't want to cuddle closer and you just laid there facing each other. While the man was already drifting off, or so you suspected, you were just laying there and memorized every inch of his face. The gray, maybe-too-long but still maintained haircut and trimmed beard, a bit crooked nose with a small scar in the middle, deep wrinkles on his forehead and two leading down from his cheeks - these were visible especially when he spoke or smiled at you. Your hand was itching to feel the nicely-shaped lips, slowly caressing away down to his throat to feel the rough skin with fading suntan. But you just laid there with tears in your eyes, fighting an urge to cry.

He was beautiful. He was. And you were leaving him just to make sure he was safe. What a fucking irony.

To your surprise, you had fallen asleep. When you woke up, you've just opened up your eyes and looked around, Joel wasn't in the bed. First, you thought you're late and that he maybe knew what you were planning on doing, but you exhaled slowly when you heard the water in the bathtub moving around. He was probably taking one of his late-night baths. He had tendencies to do that when he was sleeping poorly or when he had woken up in the middle of the night. But it urged you to act quickly.

You pulled a backpack from under the bed, checking that there are your gun and the knife. Quickly, you threw some sweatshirt and a few t-shirts to change on your journey, put some warm clothes on and sneaked downstairs to put the boots on. You were moving around swiftly and quietly to make sure Joel won't be suspicious - he had to hear you walking around the place, but there wasn't a single word coming from the bathroom, so you supposed you're safe.

Slowly, you took in a long breath as you palmed the doorknob, closing your eyes. - "Lord, please grant me your mercy and take care of Joel when I'm gone. And make sure hell forgive me over the time, deal?" - You prayed. You never went to the church and you, neither Fireflies nor your parents weren't religious people. You didn't know how prayers worked, what to say, or how to concept it. But it felt good to say something to the entity up there. And if there wasn't anything, you just felt good about saying it out loud.

Shit almost hit your pants when the dining room lit up suddenly and Joel leaned his shoulder to the doorframe. He didn't even have to say a word and you already knew he's pissed. He was clothed, just after a bath and his furrow, dear Lord, that was some nightmare fuel.

"You goin' somewhere?" - The man asked quietly, crossing his forearms on his chest. Slowly, your hand let the doorknob go. A quick cuss left your lips when you smoothed your wet hands on your thighs, taking in a deep breath. Jesus, you never felt so bad. You were busted, like five-year-old stealing candy from the cookie box. - "Joel..." - You put one of your palms up, trying to calm him down before he'd let the thunder fell on you.

"I asked you 'bout lettin' the whole Baldwin thing go and you looked me in my damned eyes and said 'yea'. Did you think that you're so unobtrusive, actin' like you hadn't an idea that I know what's up? You think you're so clever, huh? Jesse told me 'bout the small date you and Dina had in the kitchen." - Joel walked to you slowly and you could tell that you're just fucked up. There was no other way to put it. Joel busted your ass and probably, he told Maria, so you weren't going anywhere.

"Don't try to stop me, Joel. If you stop me now, I'll just sneak out later. All it would do would be setting Dina and Ellie alone, and if there'd be just the two of them..." - You started to talk frantically, but Joel's palms on your shoulders made you stop. He was looking you in the face with a slight furrow. When you wanted to wiggle out, his palm caught your cheek and the man made you look up at him.

"I am not stoppin' you. I told you, baby girl, that if you'd like to go after 'em, we will go after 'em together. I am disappointed and we'll need to talk about that later, but I won't be stoppin' you, nor Dina, nor Ellie. I just don't wanna lose you, 'kay?" - The man breathed out as the oxygen in his throat hitched. You put both your palms on his chest, looking him in the face. Your tongue tried to tell all the words you wanted to tell him, all the syllables you had inside your head, but nothing came out of your mouth.

Was there any sense in trying to talk Joel down from coming with you? The man had his head and he was stubborn, so you wouldn't stop him for shit. This was dangerous for him. Joel wasn't the youngest, his reflexes weren't that good either, and... Anything could go wrong. He could die. He could die for real. Slowly, you licked your lips, hugging the man. Sure, it will weird Ellie out to have Joel coming with you on another adventure. But... More eyes see more, more brains know more and more hands could do more, right? Ellie will find her way around it, you were sure of that.

"Took my revolver and the ammo I've had hidden for it with me. You're taking your bow and quiver, right?" - He whispered to your ear. Oh. OH. The bow and arrows. You would've forgotten it at home if Joel didn't bring it up. Because of the pressure around.

With a smile, you walked to the cabinet you kept your toys in, taking them out. - "You're secretly hoarding ammo without telling Maria about it? Where are the days when your ass didn't take any ammo with it on patrols?" - A question rang throughout the silent house, having Joel chuckle in response. - "You're the most paranoid person I know, Miller. But I love for that, God knows I do." - You walked back, putting the weapon on the table as you wrapped your hands your the nape of his neck. - "I love..." - Joel answered, but he was interrupted by the noises coming from the outside.

The subtle romantic moment was ruined by something going on on the street. Quickly, you walked to the window to look out of it - and your eyes widened horrifiedly when you saw Maria stomping right to your door, leading Dina and Ellie behind her. Fuck, she must've caught them earlier. And she looked so pissed that you felt your stomach tighten.

"Did Jesse told Maria about this?" - You asked Joel, quickly hiding your and his backpack, putting the arrows and the bow down from the table. It was weird enough to find you both dressed up for a stroll at two a.m., but when Ellie and Dina were busted already, you were busted too.

"No, the boy didn't tell her. He just wanted me to know 'cause he was worried you're gonna get yourself killed, that's what he told me." - Joel shook his head, already watching his sister-in-law stomping on the porch, knocking on the door. Well... Maria didn't knock. She almost broke the door in halves.

For a moment, Joel looked at you to see if you're calm enough and then, he finally opened up, a crooked smile playing on his lips. Ellie's eyes shot wide open when she saw him all ready as well, but there wasn't space for her to speak, so she just sent you a nod. And Dina? She looked the worst, like a small kid who waited for a slap. - "Hey. Wouldn't expect you here so late, Maria, howdy," - Your man started charmingly, bit the blonde woman just pushed him out of the doorframe, walking straight to the dining table.

"What happened?" - You whispered to Ellie. Before the girl answered, she licked her lips and shook her head, giving you a clear idea. She didn't know. But before she opened up her mouth, Maria pointed her finger into the wooden desk of the table.

"Sit down, all four of you. And don't test my patience." - She ordered quietly, but her voice hinted on how infuriated she was. The situation was wickedly hilarious - Joel, a man in his early fifties, you, and two girls around their twenties were getting bitched down like a band of kindergartners. And by the looks of it, Maria wasn't slowing down.

"Maria, I've headed to Seattle, I wish I could let it all go, but I can't. I have to bring these people to justice." - She started to read from a piece of paper in her palm, looking at you and Ellie specifically. - "Ellie was right. I can't let them get away with the stuff they've done to the poor girl and with the stuff they planned on doing. I just can't. What if they'd come back, attacking at us in full force? What's holding them back?" - She read the question mockingly, but let you all know she doesn't want to get an answer on that one. She licked her lips to progress with the letter.

"I know that at least one of the three girls will come after me. Assign patrols checking on their houses in the night, make them busy, take their guns, lock the guns and horses up, maybe lock all of them up?" - Maria was getting more and more infuriated just by reading the text. So Jesse didn't tell on you. Tommy had set to Seattle on his own, holy motherfucking love of Jesus Christ. That was just a dumb idea which sure will get him killed.

"Buy me some time so I can end this on my own terms. Love you always, Tommy." - She finished and leaned her palms into the table. - "Do you realize what this letter means? Any of you? He's gonna get himself killed." - Maria bent the paper in halves, taking in a long breath.

Ellie rolled her eyes and you could see her inflating her cheeks with anger. Each of you was in a different stage of anger at that moment. And Ellie's was most probably the most hot-headed and childish, but she spoke first nonetheless. - "I told you that you can stop this, Maria. We need to finish this. He should've taken us with him. You should've given us a group to go after those fuckers right away!" - The girl whispered recklessly, looking into the desk with tongue running over her front teeth. The blonde woman sighed loudly, rolling her eyes.

At that, Maria laughed cold-heartedly, looking at the girl with anger burning inside her eyes. Whatever was going on inside Maria's head, it was a real fight. Dina turned her head at you when you breathed out, shook your head, and lowered it down. This was your fault. Your fucking fault. Tommy had the feeling that he has to do it for you. The man could barely work and his arm still wasn't good either. This mission wasn't only a suicidal one, it was pure madness. - "Wish I could." - The old woman looked Ellie in the eyes rather daringly, as if she was daring the girl to do something.

"So, now what, Maria? You wanna lock us up inside our houses? Take away our guns? Will you make us... Busy?" - Ellie opposed and finally looked at Maria. This situation was extremely uncomfortable for everyone - while Ellie had full-on one on one argument with Maria, while the three of you, you, Dina and Joel, sat there in dead silence, each of you lost in your thoughts. But you still listened to the topic of the conversation, in case of Maria would try directly verbal-assaulting anyone else. Sure, she was just mad, but if this fight would go off the rails... Some rather nasty things could've been said. Some of which couldn't be taken back.

"Well, when you're asking me so nicely, I'd prefer that you'd both stay," - Maria sighed and looked at you and Ellie sitting next to each other. You two were definitely where this suicidal idea to go to Seattle came from, she was sure of that. You most likely wanted to protect Joel, which as cavalierish as it was crazy, and Ellie wanted to revenge you. At that, Ellie spangled on her feet, having an offended expression in her face. When she pointed her finger at maria, the woman lowered her head. - "That's not gonna fucking happen," - " I'd prefer that you'd both stay, but I know you better." - With that, Ellie shut up in surprise as Maria walked to the other half of the table, now looking at Joel and Dina.

"Are you going with them?" - She rose her eyebrows. The man didn't answer, he just nodded, and Dina let out an offended 'yeah' as if it wasn't obvious.

"What did you planned on doing? Just sneaking outta here? On foot? Huh?" - Maria made herself snicker ironically after hearing another yeah, this time from Ellie. You, you were impossible. Sneaking on foot out of Jackson and traveling to Seattle? In the cold and stormy spring that was coming? Sometimes, you were dumber than Maria thought. Everyone was silent as you watched Maria looking out of the window into the night neighborhood, taking in another deep breath. When she was sure she won't kill any of you on the spot, she turned back to the table, leaning into it and staring into everyone's eyes.

"I told the stable to let you out with Sadie and Shimmer. Grab some ammo too. And some food and sleeping bags." - At that, each of you shut up. And Maria started tearing up, so she closed her eyes for a moment to calm down.

"Thank you, Maria." - Dina whispered with true respect in her voice, watching the lady calming down by walking around Joel's dining room. But then, she looked at you and Ellie with a saddened smile. - "Just, uh, do me a favor and bring my dumbass husband home in one piece, please. And... When you come back from there, we won't be ever talking about it again. No Abby, no WLFs, no golf clubs, no cottage in the mountains. We'll pretend that it never had happened." - Maria sighed. Ellie started nodding as the first one as she went to hug Maria tightly to calm the woman down. Then you went to share the hug with them, having Dina joining in as the last one. Joel sat there and watched you with a sad smile.

"All right then." - Maria stepped aside, looking at the three of you. You were always together when you did something good, something bad or something crazy. And this, to Maria's surprise, checked every box. - "Get going, you're... The way to Seattle is long, even on horseback and you need as much daylight as you can get. And to your information, Jesse didn't tell me you're planning on leaving. It was Diego who heard it." - And with that, Maria walked out of the house with the letter in her hand, shaking hands and teary eyes.

You stood there for a little longer, not knowing how to react. And as usual, Ellie was first to break the awkward silence. - "Holy motherfucking shit. I can't believe it worked out." - She sighed and sat down for a little longer as you and Joel get to preparing your gear again. Dina scoffed ironically, leaning into the back of the chair.

"Not to be the one who's breaking it to you, but everything had fucked up as much as it could and Tommy with his fucked up leg and arm is currently MIA." - Well, that was one way to look at the situation as well.

"Don't worry 'bout him for now. He's a capable guy, I saw a lot of things he has done while he was a Firefly. Trust me, if someone should be worried, it's the fuckers in Seattle." - Joel answered at that statement and zipped his jacket all the way under his chin, controlling the stuff he picked up once again. Your backpacks were full of personal stuff, but once you'd get to the horses, you'll do some space management and it'll be good. - "Since when you're going, old-timer? I don't see this happening." - Ellie licked her lips, watching Joel's face with one of her stubborn gazes.

"Then open up your eyes, kiddo. If she's comin', I'm comin'." - The man looked at you with a smile and you smiled back. Both the girls were uncomfortable for a while, watching the two of you, but after a small while, Ellie nodded and clapped. - "'kay. Fine. Alrite. Maria's right. The earlier we go, the further we get, the sooner we can catch some sleep."

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