#BRO WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I PAINTED I DO NOT RENDER LIKE THIS ANYMORE THE TECHNIQUES ARE MY OLD ONES BEFORE I JOINED ULTRAKILL COMMUNITY

[loversgothic]

you're the star of the show now, baby

inspired by robert wun's haute couture s/s 2024 collection

[daijoboob]

wassup wlws and treasured allies. heres the wilw redraw that i started/dropped back in august, freshly polished for @diakkoday​ :^)

elapsed time: 15 hours? 17?? i lost my sense of time in the lining process

(click on the images for higher quality!)

LOTS of notes and bonus art (including old drafts :o) under the cut!

most important business is up first! this is the last intensive lwa piece that i intend to produce for the foreseeable future. i burned myself out on drawing the girls way back in dianakko week, and then again last month. 

while i (accidentally,,) paced myself for this one, i’m not quite feeling it anymore. i don’t know when i will be next, or frankly if at all. rebounding back into the fandom at all was a big quarantine induced surprise in itself. which is all to say- sorry if you were looking forward to more lwa from me :(

for the moment, i’m posting a whole lotta love live, personal pieces, and likely some other fandoms. please hang around for that if you’re interested!

NOTES:

i am aware that accidentally made diana’s face too ikemen >>; i intended to redraw it every time i popped open the doc, and forgot every single time. 

i opted not to use a harsh lighting layer for this! just a gradient overlay (specific layer effect: add). i felt like hard lighting would take away from the cartoony vibe.

the lining took so long. every couple of weeks i’d just pop open the doc, slog through a couple lines, and close it indefinitely. i wanted so badly to not have to deal with the anatomy but we managed it ok bros

a lot of time was also dedicated to cleaning the lines. i’d taken so long to finish it that i figured i might as well make it just, way too polished 

i wasn’t sure whether or not to keep the colored lines! i like the version with black lineart just about equally. colored lines feel more polished to me, but maybe it could use the extra contrast haha.

i was very tempted to change the color palettes- particularly in switching diana’s shirt to a blue, like i did with the face paint. 

the last image is a reference to a meme that circulated back when the toh episode aired! i’d love to give credit to the original creator, but have completely lost track of it. if anyone recalls the link and can shoot it over that’d be very appreciated :)

lotte is a national treasure and i love her to bits

this is what the bg looks like! i rendered it just enough for it to look full with all the layers up. this was the quickest part of the process hands down- completed it start to finish in ~1.5 hours. because i rendered diakko+lotte in harsh solid lines and shading, i wanted the bg to be soft and fuzzy. ideally the contrast between the foreground and background coloring would be stronger, but i gave up trying to figure that out lol.

the og sketch!! when i was putting together this post, i did a handful of screencap redraws and saw what stuck.

more of those sketches! i liked how diana turned out :^)  you can see that i still wasn’t sure how much of the toh style to integrate at this point!

figured i might as well stick the other sketches from diakko week in here as well! the latter two led to this and this respectively. i switched to diana not Doin Too Well with scary movies purely because i thought it was funnier lmao

and that’s it! thanks for reading through if you did. i thought about not doing this at all, but i find others’ artist notes really interesting and figured some of you might as well.

[rouiyan]

𝘔𝘠 𝘗𝘜𝘊𝘒 𝘐𝘕 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘎𝘖𝘈𝘓 [ 𝘭.𝘥𝘩 ]

⧏ hyuck’s installment of the keep your cool collective ⧐

synopsis: you’ve decided that the boy in ‘66’ is yours.

✧ ice hockey player!hyuck x (fem.) reader x ice hockey player!jeno + best friend!renjun

✧ genres : fluff, minor angst ✧ word count : 2.3k ✧ disclaimer : swearing

✧ author’s note — finally my brain had the gall to pull through with this idea but i'm left with the realization that all my hyuck fics are just him simping for u.

hyuck internally sighs, his head ringing and ankles sore, as the buzzer goes off, signaling the end of the third round. he’s almost elated, even though he’s sure his team hasn’t won, by just the fact that the game is over. hyuck is by no means sick of ice hockey but lately, the mere idea of it drives him into exhaustion. as he turns to expect the disappointed stare of his coach, he’s surprised when he’s met with a halfhearted smirk. weird, the coach should know more than anyone how lazily this game had played out. but then, as an afterthought, he checks the scoreboard and realizes with an oh shit, that they were tied with the opposing team, somehow.

his line of vision is parting from the board when he makes unfortunate eye contact with the person entering the rink. your hair is pulled back with a pale pink scrunchie and your outfit is a certified mess of oversized hoodie and sweat shorts upon white sneakers. he can quite literally feel the heat that is quick to rush to his cheeks, unfailing to hide his flustered state. he knows he looks stupid but he still can't help but stare and ogle at new and blatant eye candy as she crosses the threshold into the cold space. half your figure is  now covered by the wall that separates the stands with the rink though it doesn't matter because he's still equally enamoured by simply your presence. 

"hyuck, why you staring at y/n?"

hyuck can only wince inwardly as he stutters out, "that's- that's y/n?" it seems unfair that renjun's been hoarding such a pretty specimen to himself. "like your best friend, y/n?"

"yeah, what about her?"

"br-bro, you never mentioned that she was pretty."

"hey, don't even think about it. you're the last possible person i'd set her up with. plus, she's with jeno, they went on a date after practice last time, remember?"

there's an underlying disappointment in donghyuck's tone when he's only able to produce a soft, "oh," because frankly he doesn't know why he's so worked up over someone who he's never even met and that's also dating one of his close teammates. amidst his confused trance, he almost fails to notice his coach call for a pre-game huddle.

he ends up tuning out most of it, now distracted by how jeno keeps glancing back at you and making funny faces, you returning them with the! cutest! little expressions he has ever had the pleasure to lay his eyes upon. the rest of the game is played out with enthusiasm on his part, even going so far as scoring in two more points. he's quick to doubt the truth but donghyuck knows that it's whoever that girl is in the front seats that's making him outdo himself.

the game ends and his team wins, claps and cheers at how the game had turned around in their favor, but donghyuck reverts into a sulky demeanor as soon as he's off the rink and into the locker rooms. he notices jeno, being quick and almost feisty with the other boys that are taking too long for his liking in hogging the showers. donghyuck assumes it has something to do with the (gorgeous, wtf) girl that's waiting on him for a date. hardly fair, he thinks, if only he'd met you earlier by chance, he knows he'd definitely have the ability to charm you out of your wits. after all, he's smart, his face is undeniably agreeable, his sense of humor is top notch, and well, what's not to like?

instead of getting closer to you as he so hoped he would, he ends up becoming more familiar with the routine disappointment, and yet delight, at seeing you show up after practices, games, and eventually, team gatherings outside the rink. he's okay with it, he thinks. but it becomes frequent, even, that you show up out of the blue, with the invitation from jeno, and he's starting to lose his cool when it comes to the simplest of interactions. being included in a conversation with you was no problem, as long as he wasn't talking. eye contact? bearable, but not for more than half a second. and the utmost unfortunate luck for the boy if you ever asked him to pass you a fork, or a spoon, or a goddamned napkin. 

he's not so sure anymore, one sullen night, that he could ever make you his, even if he was gifted the chance. when you're not by jeno's side, you're by renjun's, and if that isn't telling enough about how uncomfy you feel around everyone else, he wouldn't know any better. but even laying within the deepest, darkest parts of night, the screen on his phone displaying your more recent instagram post of you on jeno's back, a sun setting beach painted behind the two of you, he finds his heart yearning to know more about you. he knows you're not one to reach out, to make friends unless in a situation that calls for it, so he supposes now is as good as a time as any to shoot his shot, at being friends.

he braves himself for this hefty task. his breaths are ragged and his heart is already hammering a deep crater inside his chest at just the thought of following through with his plan. his fingers are shaking and his pupils are twitting at about the same pace and it appears that none of his bodily functions seem to be within his control anymore. but before he can press the button, his door is thunked wide open with a hard force, the handle even going so far as to lodge itself neatly into the wall that's now been broken through. donghyuck's mouth is hanging ajar but he's barely surprised to see that the culprit of such heinous and costly action is jeno. lee jeno. 

donghyuck makes swift and subtle actions to shove his phone underneath his pillow but when he takes a good look at the boy's face, he realizes that he didn't need to be so discrete in the first place. jeno's eyes are swollen, and not in the way that suggests he got into a big manly manly fight and came out the victor, but in the way that looks as if his three cats died, all at once, and he'd taken it upon himself to cry for each of their mothers respectively. 

the same eyes rove about the room before settling on the bed, his body following suit but moving as if it were part of another entity entirely. the mattress sinks down low with his body weight and he repositions himself so that he's laying down comfortably, his legs still hung over and down the side. donghyuck can hear jeno's ragged breaths, not unlike his own a minute ago, and he wonders what hell of a day the boy had had to render him into this state of numbed consciousness. but before he can even form the question that sits at the edge of his mind, jeno's voice reverberates lowly in the silence of the room.

"she broke up with me," donghyuck blinks purposefully, "something 'bout how she thinks she might like someone else, fucking bastard."

"is she the bastard?" donghyuck tries to disassociate his feelings from his words and come across as...helpful in lifting his friend's mood.

jeno chuckles, "no, hyuck, she's not the bastard. bastard's the guy who has her heart. i'm glad she told me though, she's never been one to hide things."

"yeah, would've been worse if she dragged it on, huh."

"yeah, a lot worse."

donghyuck's voice almost gets caught within the confines of his rationality, "did she tell you who he- the bastard is?" he sighs inwardly, knowing that this was none of his business whatsoever, but the desire to know seeps into his thoughts. 

jeno sighs as well, "no, not really. she said it was some boy on the team though, might even be you now that i think about it."

"oh," is, yet again, the only thing he is able to produce. 

the new revelations seem to give life to donghyuck. the mere idea that there's a possibility of interest in his direction is something that he thrives off of. mundane tasks like washing the dishes are now enjoyable hobbies, no actual brain work, head empty, thoughts of you exclusively. when it comes to practice, you're no longer there, your presence reduced to hushed talk between the boys and renjun, asking him if you really are the reason jeno's been so out of it, letting easy pucks into the goal left and right. hyuck is relieved, though, that he gets a break, a step back to rethink his crazed emotions. maybe it really was just simple infatuation. maybe it was just because he hadn't gotten laid in awhile. or even just the fact that he's been hanging out with the boys too much and that the first girl he set his eyes on in days ultimately became the protagonist to his daydreams. hell, he is especially glad that you decided it wasn't worth showing your face at the rink for the time being for jeno would've been downright devastated.

that whole paragraph of feelings is bluntly disregarded and thrown off track as he enters the corner cafe a few blocks down from his house and is met with you waving your hand excitedly at him and motioning for him to sit with you. he doesn't hesitate, of course, but makes sure he takes slow and deliberate steps to the window booth you're sitting at just to make sure he at least gets in four deep breaths before he is inevitably subjected to not breathing in your presence.

"hyuck, it's been awhile, i hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable or anything," your face morphs into an expression of realization as it hits you that calling him over was entirely to satisfy your own hopes and dreams. the boy sitting across from you, smiling lightly, might as well be feigning a pleasant disposition, grossed out by the girl that dumped his friend just because she thought she was interested in someone else. by the end of this thought, your voice is reduced to a timid pitch, "you can leave if you want, it's all good."

"actually, i think that it'd be more uncomfortable for you if i left." he feels his heart constrict at the sight and the knowledge that his words enlightened your composure. you take it upon yourself to start some light conversation, not wanting to disclose the reason you'd called him over in the first place just yet. your heart picks up pace, rivaling hyuck's own, and you can't help but think of the sheer likeliness of the luck you'd just encountered. just as you decided to brave up for once and not take advantage of your best friend setting you up on one too many blind dates that were just, too artificial for you, the boy whom you had taken a liking for had shown up before your eyes, breezing through those glass doors as if it were a sign for you to just take charge. 

"and i was telling him-"

"are you free friday?"

"what? oh, what?!"

"i'm asking if you're free friday."

"i- i mean yeah, i have practice at three, but i'm free afterwards."

"let's grab dinner together then."

"oh shoot, okay, like with the boys? 'cause i could ask them if they're down."

"no, i was hoping it could be just us. like a date."

"so, hold the fuck up, you're asking me out on a date?"

"yeah, why…? am i not allowed to do that? is going out on a date with me gonna break bro code or something?"

"n- no, nothing like that. it's just...you can't possibly be serious."

"oh, trust me, i'm dead serious."

"...holy shit, i'm in."

donghyuck fucks up big time at practice, his cheeks are way too hot and he's sweating gallons per second. his jaw is clenching and unclenching in hopes that the action might make him a little more attentive while on ice but instead, he finds his eyes roving over to your figure in the stands far more often than he'd like to admit. he thinks, no he hopes, that jeno is okay with the fact that you're not here for him but rather the 'boy on the team' he'd unknowingly referred to a few months back. hyuck knows, though, that renjun is definitely not okay with it, the aforementioned boy throwing just as many glares at hyuck as hyuck's many glances towards you.

practice is over long after he hoped it would be but you're patient and supportive nonetheless. his eyes crinkle and his smile widens as you sidle into him for warmth in the cool air of the ice rink. hyuck solves this by removing the hoodie from his own, accustomed body, and gently tugs it over your shivering one. he thinks he handles the wave of adoration that consumes him pretty well, even able to ease the corners of his lips down a tad bit. "you're cute," you pull at his cheeks and suddenly things are not so easy to handle. 

donghyuck does eventually get used to all the sneaky shit you pull just to get his ears red and shy smile blossoming, but he knows he'll never get used to the sight of you in the stands, adorning his spare 66 jersey with everything else fading, and fading further away until it's just you and him, and him and you.

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

✧ end note — i hope you find someone that holds you in such high esteem as hyuck does in this fic, i'm sure you deserve it <3

[okaywitheverything]

World’s Worst Best Men: Itachi x Wife!Reader

A/n: I'm not writing a summary but I have a feeling you'll like this one. Not so much romance as usual, but it is fun and I’m proud of it. 

Pairing: Itachi x Wife!Reader, Platonic Sasuke x Reader

Word Count: 1.7K

Here’s the dress I imagine wearing. Though, your imagination is key.

                                  ♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Uchiha weddings were nothing, if not extravagant and over the top, you should know, you have had one for yourself.

Standing beside your husband of three years, the prodigy, Itachi Uchiha, you couldn't have been happier. Sasuke was getting married and you and Itachi had the most triumphant grins on your faces, both beaming gleefully.

You and Itachi had been childhood bestfriends but didn't start dating dating until late teen years. So naturally Sasuke had been an important person in your life, an amazing boy whom you had watched grow up.

The wedding had been a blast, everyone enjoying themselves to the fullest. Asuma and Kurenai were dancing along with their son in a group with Kakashi and Gai. Kakashi drunk dancing was really a sight for sore eyes.

Genma was at the bar, really vibing with one of Sakura's distant aunts while Iruka was being paired up with one of Hinata's quiet aunts by Naruto.

Minato and Kushina were standing alongside Fugake and Mikoto drinking champagne and feeling proud.Smiles of genuine happiness were on each of their faces as they felt their life goals had been achieved.

Of course all the boys were dancing alongside the Jounins' group with Sasuke in between surrounded by a wild Naruto, drunk Kiba, flustered Lee and other friends of the like.

The girls were in their own group with the bride in between surrounded by perfectionist Ino, jovial Tenten, inebriated Temari, bewildered Hinata and likewise. Ino kept straightening the flowers in the newlywed girl's hair.

This was all you could ever ask for someone as important to you as Sasuke. You, someone who never cried, almost shed a tear when Sauske said his vows. The fact he found love in his life made you really grateful to God.

After all the guest tired themselves out by uncoordinated and off beat dancing, it was time for the best man's speech or in this case, best men.

Naruto and Itachi were the two best men as they both mean the world to Sasuke. His best friend and his elder brother.

With a champagne flute in hand, Naruto started, "Putting our rivalry aside for one day, I would go so far as to call you-, this is only a once in a lifetime privilege remember Teme," He referred to Sasuke getting off track his speech, "-my best friend. Who would have thought you would get married? Howbeit to a girl?"

Everybody laughed, silently agreeing with Naruto. The atmosphere of the wedding hall was bright, beautiful and cheery. The exuberant and buoyant gathering listened with real enthusiasm.

"I don't have anything against you marrying a guy, honestly because all of us expected you to, after you broke a lot of poor girls' hearts."

Sasuke seemed really shocked at this, even his mouth fell open with widened eyes while everyone once again silently agreed. Sasuke's shock told you that he actually had never heard about this rumor before. 

God, he was a really oblivious kid.

"I know, Dobe," Naruto said referring to Sasuke's surprised expression, "I was that shocked too, when I came to know they shipped you with me nonetheless, because that was something even I wasn't aware of." Naruto and Sauke both made disgusted faces, as if on cue. The look of terror on Sasuke’s face might have led people to believe it was the most sinister thought ever.

But they did look cute together.

"But I guess they say, you aren't really best friends if they don't confuse you as homosexuals." Naruto let out a beaming grin while Sasuke gave a crooked smile. Everyone inwardly cooed at the pure expressions.

"However, there is one female I remember you crushing on, the only one in the entirety of our lives."

Sasuke had a look of horror on this face as he shook his head 'no' immediately, trying to get Naruto to shut up, specks of red in his eyes as he threatened to activate his 'Sharingan'.

"I remember you being all flustered and look at (Y/N) with heart eyes.”

Naruto's grin widened, showing his pearly whites, clearly content with Sasuke's reaction. 

Your name caught you off-guard and you were in absolute shock. People turned around to give you a not-so-subtle glance but you didn’t care. You always thought Sasuke was a shy and quiet kid who liked to keep to himself. Mikoto let out a cheer while Fugaku smiled. Itachi let out a deep-throated chuckle from beside you which caused you to turn to him, “You knew about this?”

He silently nodded with a smile on his face and you carried on, “And never even mentioned it to me? Would it have killed you to do so?”

“It wasn’t any of my business. Also, it was pretty funny.”

You lightly hit his arm and retorted, “Oh God, I don’t even know who I got married to!”

A smile still broke out on your face as you turned to Naruto once again.

“I remember once Kiba and I were hanging out and we heard a really high pitched shriek from the forest. We ran all the way inside thinking someone was in danger but it turned out to be Sasuke squealing beacuse it was (Y/N)’s birthday and she gave him a kiss on the cheek for some gift he gave her. I swear our ears started bleeding. He was so red that we thought all the tomatoes he ate finally caught up to him.”

You blinked twice, your expression blank. Then a coy smile made its way to your face. You looked over to find Sasuke as red as a cherry, not even meeting your eyes. He was definitely praying to God that looks could kill, so that Naruto would drop dead.

“I remember that back in the academy, he never let any of us touch his hair because (Y/N) ruffled it while dropping him off. So he would sit through the lessons looking like he just woke up.”

All his classmates snickered at that, recalling the fond memory, while you were amused. It was so hilarious to see such a stoic person so flabberghasted. 

“The most interesting incident that came out of all this was, and I’m totally risking my life by telling you all this. Sasuke would kill me if I even narrate it to anyone, rather announce it on the microphone at his wedding, but your best friend gets married only once. Well hopefully. If I turn up dead by the coming of dawn, it was Sasuke Uchiha everyone.”

Everyone laughed along once again while half of the people were on the edge of their seats thinking what it could possibly be. Sasuke had a puzzled expression on his face, anticipating and fearing what Naruto had up his sleeve.

“Anyways, one when we were high........ I mean drunk, he confessed of a secret love letter he wrote to (Y/N) as a tween but never sent it.”

Your eyes widened as you let out an audible gasp while the room buzzed with chortles and sniggers. Your brother-in-law crushing on you wasn’t necessary negative news but the whole event had overwhelmed you that you could not contemplate even your reaction.

Apparently, you were the only one to be surprised as all the other guests smiled knowingly and cackled. You glanced over to find Sasuke so scarlet that you wondered if the sharingan had spread to his face given that his kekkei genkai was active now.

Itachi chuckled again seeing your reaction and put an arm around your shoulder while gently squeezing. You turned to him and finaly let out a chuckle yourself, eyes still widened in disbelief.

“Am I dreaming?” you asked and shook your head.

“Seriously though, have I been that oblivious Itachi? How could I not notice this while everyone here recalls it as some keen memory?” You held your head with one hand, leaning furthermore into itachi. Your eyes flickered to see Sasuke’s eyes, boring apologetically into your own. 

One look at his chiseled face told you of his anxiety and concern. The small frown on his face saddened your heart.

Does he think I hate him? Poor baby, NO!

You weren’t offened, flattered if anything. But the spontaneity of the situation rendered you speechless.

You gave him the best smile you could muster, wiggling your eyebrows at him and blowing him a kiss from your cherry lips, and grinning again.

He visibly relaxed, shoulders now less taut, jaw a bit slackened though his face remained painted in scarlet hues. Seeing him calm down, you winked at him and turned to Naruto again, anticipating his next words.

“My only regret tonight is that I couldn’t find that letter even inside his personal diary or his deep closet. I swear it was there the last time! No worries, hope you found this speech of mine, entertaining as it is. One last toast to Sasuke though, for his new life ahead. Cheers.” 

Sasuke cooled down with each passing word, smirking triumphantly when he realised he won’t be shred of his remaining dignity anymore.

Everyone toasted together, drinking huge mouthfuls of their wines, rejoicing in Naruto’s words for Sasuke.

Itachi kissed your temple, and left you while moving to the centre of the stage, where Naruto was.

“If I may?” He asked as Naruto passed him the microphone.

“I’d like to say how proud of my baby brother to have come this far in life, as a great shinobi, an excellent son, a marvelous friend and a terific human overall.”

Everone clapped vigourously including you, while all his classmates hollered and hooted. A faint blush adorned Sasuke’s cheeks as he visibly pouted on being call ‘baby bro’.

“And I was about to give a half an hour long speech, but my wee brother’s best friend, Naruto just stole all my content. So much for the tales.” Itachi playfully sighed, all the specatators buzzed with laughter while Sasuke deadpanned.

Well, he wont forget his wedding day ever now. Everyone is dead set on embarrassing him.

“However, I do have something Naruto didn’t have.”

Everyone stilled, waiting with anticipation of what was about to come, including you. Itachi refused to rehearse his best man speech with you because he wanted to write a speech for Sasuke on his own, heartfelt and everything.

He reached inside his tuxedo’s jacket and took out an old cramped paper, yellowing a bit and you raised your eyebrows, questioningly.

Sasuke gulped.

“I have the love letter, everyone!”

Oh Wow.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: If you reading this, atleast you made it till the end. Thank you.

So that was that. It was some scenario I just thought about. A bit of a cliffhanger, I haven’t thought about a follow up part 2, but we’ll see if that’s what you want.

Thanks for the love you gave me on my first post, we reached 200 if you count the separate posts I made by mistake. This inspires me to write. Remember, requests are OPEN so feel free to hit my asks page. 

[rebeccahpedersen]

More MLS Musings!

TorontoRealtyBlog

This is slowly becoming a tradition; emptying my entire “Musings” folder into one epic blog post at year’s end.

That’s not to say that these are by any means “leftovers,” but rather I often try to come up with a “theme” in my MLS Musings, and sometimes, those really great pics waiting in the queue just continue to wait, and then wait some more.

If you’re a long-time reader, you know the things that really irk me.

Blurry photos, photos with people in them or reflections of the photographers, photos of inanimate objects like the microwave or a plant, bad staging, sideways photos, etc.

Then there’s all the craziness that doesn’t irk me, but puts a smile on my face.  Agents that are too lazy to visit the property, so they screenshot a Google Maps image of the house, or how about the insane things that agents will write in the MLS description?

I hate it all.  And I love it all at the same time.

So today, let me regale you with everything that I have left, and see if I can fit these into some themed sections…

–

First, let’s start with the MLS write-ups, shall we?

Call me a stickler for the details, but this is a classic example of inventing a phrase for your own benefit:

What is an “open concept, one-bedroom” anyways?

Is that anything like……………..geez……………..I dunno………………a bachelor condo?

Maybe!

Let’s take a look at the photo from this “Open Concept One Bedroom”

Well, I’m no real estate expert, but that is a bachelor condo.

Maybe this is all part of that trend toward not “labelling” people anymore.  Like callling the homeless, “housing-challenged.”

–

Here’s another gem, although this one is a bit more honest:

True.

This unit does have an “unobstructed city view.”

For now…

But you could literally put a timer to this “unobstructed view.”

It looks to me like……..maybe………..another six months…

–

Tell me if you immediately understand this reference:

If you do, great.  We can hang out.

If not, then you’re too old, or too young.

And no, I’m not going to tell you.

But in a related story, we had a class called “Vocal Music” in 1991 when I was in Grade-6, and Mr. Isman told me we would sing the lyrics to any song that I transcribed.  So I wrote out all the lyrics to Sir Mix Alot’s “Baby Got Back,” and the poor teacher had no choice…

–

What a-hole wrote this, honestly?

I understand “marketing.”  Yes.

But aren’t you driving away 99% of the buyer pool to catch 1%?

And this listing wasn’t anything special, nor was it screaming “cool, single guy.”

They would have caught far more flies with honey, in my opinion…

–

If this is actually permissible, then why do we even have listing agents?

–

Screw single people, right?

–

Before you suggest that this is a relgious thing, I can assure you there was nothing religious-sounding about the agent’s name.  Just sayin’.

Maybe it’s just an agent whos’ being honest?

–

This is just really, really overselling…

This was at 1 Bloor, by the way.  I get that 1 Bloor is “expenisve,” but that doesn’t make it luxurious, elegant, world-class, etc.

I’m so tired of people equating over-priced, expensive things as automatically being worth it.

–

Jesus!

How high is this condo?

No seriously, it’s not on the 188th floor of a Mimico or Oakville waterfront condo.

It’s on Homewood, near the Keg Mansion…

–

Is this meant to be facetious?

Spectacular view of the QEW?  Is this a language barrier, sarcasm, or somebody that really believes looking at a highway is a selling feature?

Why not come up with some choice others?

“Fantastic sound of garbage chute at all hours of the day.”

“Wonderful smell of sewage plant.”

“Splendid taste of lead in kitchen tap water.”

–

How about some epic staging fails?

Let’s start with……hmmmm….

….ah, this one!

I’m a minimalist by nature, but that’s a little too bare for my liking.

–

One of the most difficult parts of an agent’s job is to show prospective buyers what various rooms are for.

Like, the kitchen!  What do you do in there?  Gymnastics?  How in the world is somebody supposed to know that you cook in there?

Same goes for, say, a closet.

That’s why it’s so important to stage a closet with three hanging shirts…

–

Awesome outdoor space!

That turquoise rug really ties the space together!

Except…………how do you get in the garage, which is advertised as the parking space on the listing?

–

How about some design, layout, and feature fails?

I understand the “beer fridge” in the man-cave.

And I have a mini-fridge in my office.

But this just looks a wee bit out of place…

–

By the same token, I think this “renovated kitchen” as described in the listing might have benefitted from an architect, designer, and child with a ruler and calculator:

I guess nobody ever uses the staircase to the basement?

–

For this next one, let me say that I’m biased.  I’m a huge fan of outdoor spaces.

I’m also a salesman, so let me put a positive spin on this….

….”Things like sunlight, air, space, and not feeling like you’re in an outdoor prison cell are overrated!”

–

Wine cellars are awesome!

It’s a great way for people who know nothing about wine to pretend that they, in fact, do.

It’s also the perfect place to store rainwater in your new $4,000,000 house…

–

This might be the saddest 2-person dinner table I have ever seen:

–

Now how about some people in our lives?

This one isn’t that bad, is it?

Either the owner locking up, while the Realtor takes a photo.

Or a Realtor-Realtor team showing that two heads are better than one.

Except, for the fact that this is the feature photo in a listing that has eight photos:

–

This one looks really suspicious.  If the agent was taking a photo, and this really is his listing, then why didn’t he wait until the owner and her friend left the front door?

–

This one looks as though it’s by design:

But is there something I’m missing here?

Is this like showing the water flowing out of the kitchen faucet, like, “This is Todd, and Todd is opening the balcony door to let air flow into the condo.”

Is it part of the marketing?  Well-dressed dude-bro lurking out over Liberty Village Parking lot, in front of large wall-art that his designer bought for him?

–

Beautiful house here, but can you see the owner inside?

–

I’m fairly certain this is a mannequin, and not a real person.

But either way, just……..whyyy?

–

And last but not least, are we really putting people out front of the house……….in artist’s renderings now?

–

Go ahead, be the person that says, “Buyers will look past it.  Buyers aren’t looking at my stuff, or the colour of the walls.”

Tell me I’m wrong to clean, paint, and stage every one of my listings.

Then tell me you think this is the best way to showcase a condo:

–

How about a couple of photo arrays?

This is the very definition of “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

It’s the same photo, three times.

We get it.  The sun sets in the east…

–

As for the next one, at least they got 3 of 8 right.

I’m pretty sure in today’s public school system, that’s a passing grade!

–

And last, but certainly not least, I don’t know what it was about this photo, it just really made me laugh.

I could call this a “staging fail,” or a classic “design flaw.”

This could be like the fridge in the living room, or the fridge blocking the stairs.

It could be like a giant statue in the front foyer.

Whatever it is, I just can’t help but wonder why the agent didn’t think to mention this to the seller.

I also laugh picturing myself working out while my family eats dinner, so I can’t be accused of “not spending family time” with them.

Seriously, I can picture it.

I’m on the stairmaster, my wife and kids are having dinner, and I’m panting while talking to them.

“Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh…..Billy………eat your peas…..heh, heh, heh, heh, heh………don’t talk back to your mother………”

I would try my hardest not to flick sweat in their mashed potatoes, but I’m a big sweater when I workout.  If I’m not dripping, I’m not working hard enough.

I can see something like the above in my future.

Thanks to everybody who submitted a photo or listing caption for MLS Musings over the past year, and I encourage you to do the same in 2019.

Coming up next week, it’s my annual tradition: Top-5 Blog Posts of 2018, followed by Top-Five Real Estate Stories of 2019.

Have a great weekend!

The post More MLS Musings! appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.

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[ethelbertpaul444-blog]

Don’t Laugh At Delonte West

He was in a Jack in the Box parking lot, donning a hospital garment and no shoes, when a devotee approached him. His attentions continued close off two word-paintings, after having “wander[ ed] the street of Houston” for some time. He was asked whether he was the Delonte West, the eight-year, well-known NBA alum. To that question, he greeted yes, and no. It was indeed West, who’s NBA career purposed about four years ago, when he and the Dallas Mavericks parted lanes. You possibly remember West as the Cleveland Cavalier who may or may not have had an occasion with teammate LeBron James’ mother during James’ first stint in Ohio. You may recollect West as the person who was arrested after veering his motorcycle in front of a polouse automobile, then, upon investigation, located loaded with a variety of weapons. And maybe you even recollect him as the person LeBron had to talk down during practise one day, after he was going through heavy emotional agitation when divorcing his longtime significant other. Answering the fan’s question the coming week, the ex-NBA participate apparently, tragically, said: “I used to be[ Delonte West ], but I’m not about that life anymore.” That follower went on to write about the incident on social media, joking that “bro had hospital robe on like he escaped from the psych ward or some s ***. I asked wat happened and he said life…….d ***! ” The post has since been deleted. But for the sake of this participate, who has had his most intimate, personal visitations strung out in the glaring public light-colored for all to see and adjudicator, for the sake of this soul who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder eight years ago and, crucially, for the sake of all those other men and women suffering from ills like West’s, this incident provides as a required, timely reminder that there is nothing amusing about mental illness or those who are afflicted by it. West was solid in the NBA for years, especially throughout his tenure with the Cavaliers. He was the backcourt mate to LeBron right as he was peaking — in those pre-Miami seasons when LeBron was the unblemished, irreproachable savior of all things Cleveland. West hit the three-ball with ease and was one of those gritties, never-say-no actors who’d employed their own bodies on the line for a apparently nonsensical loose ball in a game’s opening moments. ASSOCIATED PRESS But, somehow, stuffs descended apart both rapidly and dreadfully gradually for West. To throw it in cliched expressions, his fall from grace was literally and figuratively like a vehicle crash — none of us could turn away from witnessing this gentleman crumple before us, in the motorcycle happen, the hotel room episode or any other of the handful of pseudo-scandals that followed West as he battled his illness. One of the worst characters was that you knew he meant well. You knew he was fighting this. As the Washington Post observed last year, a bit while after leaving the NBA, he had his pregnant lover move into his home — but yielded his too-few paychecks and the too-high cost of practicalities, the family was forced to endure an East Coast winter without a hot water heater. He educated tubs for her by heating water up on the stove. He proposed to her applying a sliced-off patch of jump-start lasso, reportedly saying, “It’s all I can render, baby. I’m separated, hot ain’t toiling, intelligence ain’t wreaking right, but I love you.” The Washington Post via Getty Images Delonte West with his wife Caressa and son Cash constituted for a photo at the Dr. Pepper Arena in Frisco, Texas. This, of course, isn’t the first time a professional jock has surfaced in the rumor article with signalings of mental distress. It isn’t even the first time for West. But in a nature in which oft spiteful red-hot takes rack up retweets and shares on social media, this sad updated information on Delonte West is a reminder that mental illness does not discern — it sneaks its room into the heads and natures of my best friend and our heroes, those we grab lunch with every week and the idols we watch on the hardwood every weekend. So next time you recollect the Delonte West the incidence of 2009, 2010 and 2016 — all those rumors and all that gossip, all his prohibitions and all his admittances — remember that this was a guy who had stimulated it. Who was one of the rare few to actually achieve his dreamings — to check off the top destination on his laundry list and play video games amongst the best good of the basketball world. He had his life and his job before him, before it all came crashing down. His cancer is, inherently, an unbelievably private one — but its own position became it public. And because of that, it’s now all of its own responsibilities to consider him with respect, were informed that such an affliction can punch any of us at any time, even though we think we have it all: even when each of us is touching proverbial 3-pointers in our respective living and occupations. Delonte West is one of us. Delonte West could be any one of us. So where reference is see this man “wandering” through fast food parking lots, “re missing a” duet of shoes and wearing that hospital costume, we need to stop laughing and start be informed about what we can do to help. Read more: www.huffingtonpost.com http://dailybuzznetwork.com/index.php/2018/09/18/dont-laugh-at-delonte-west/

[ethelbertpaul444-blog]

Don’t Laugh At Delonte West

He was in a Jack in the Box parking lot, donning a hospital garment and no shoes, when a devotee approached him. His attentions continued close off two word-paintings, after having “wander[ ed] the street of Houston” for some time. He was asked whether he was the Delonte West, the eight-year, well-known NBA alum. To that question, he greeted yes, and no.

It was indeed West, who’s NBA career purposed about four years ago, when he and the Dallas Mavericks parted lanes. You possibly remember West as the Cleveland Cavalier who may or may not have had an occasion with teammate LeBron James’ mother during James’ first stint in Ohio. You may recollect West as the person who was arrested after veering his motorcycle in front of a polouse automobile, then, upon investigation, located loaded with a variety of weapons. And maybe you even recollect him as the person LeBron had to talk down during practise one day, after he was going through heavy emotional agitation when divorcing his longtime significant other.

Answering the fan’s question the coming week, the ex-NBA participate apparently, tragically, said: “I used to be[ Delonte West ], but I’m not about that life anymore.” That follower went on to write about the incident on social media, joking that “bro had hospital robe on like he escaped from the psych ward or some s ***. I asked wat happened and he said life…….d ***! ” The post has since been deleted.

But for the sake of this participate, who has had his most intimate, personal visitations strung out in the glaring public light-colored for all to see and adjudicator, for the sake of this soul who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder eight years ago and, crucially, for the sake of all those other men and women suffering from ills like West’s, this incident provides as a required, timely reminder that there is nothing amusing about mental illness or those who are afflicted by it.

West was solid in the NBA for years, especially throughout his tenure with the Cavaliers. He was the backcourt mate to LeBron right as he was peaking — in those pre-Miami seasons when LeBron was the unblemished, irreproachable savior of all things Cleveland. West hit the three-ball with ease and was one of those gritties, never-say-no actors who’d employed their own bodies on the line for a apparently nonsensical loose ball in a game’s opening moments.

ASSOCIATED PRESS

But, somehow, stuffs descended apart both rapidly and dreadfully gradually for West. To throw it in cliched expressions, his fall from grace was literally and figuratively like a vehicle crash — none of us could turn away from witnessing this gentleman crumple before us, in the motorcycle happen, the hotel room episode or any other of the handful of pseudo-scandals that followed West as he battled his illness.

One of the worst characters was that you knew he meant well. You knew he was fighting this. As the Washington Post observed last year, a bit while after leaving the NBA, he had his pregnant lover move into his home — but yielded his too-few paychecks and the too-high cost of practicalities, the family was forced to endure an East Coast winter without a hot water heater. He educated tubs for her by heating water up on the stove. He proposed to her applying a sliced-off patch of jump-start lasso, reportedly saying, “It’s all I can render, baby. I’m separated, hot ain’t toiling, intelligence ain’t wreaking right, but I love you.”

The Washington Post via Getty Images

Delonte West with his wife Caressa and son Cash constituted for a photo at the Dr. Pepper Arena in Frisco, Texas.

This, of course, isn’t the first time a professional jock has surfaced in the rumor article with signalings of mental distress. It isn’t even the first time for West. But in a nature in which oft spiteful red-hot takes rack up retweets and shares on social media, this sad updated information on Delonte West is a reminder that mental illness does not discern — it sneaks its room into the heads and natures of my best friend and our heroes, those we grab lunch with every week and the idols we watch on the hardwood every weekend.

So next time you recollect the Delonte West the incidence of 2009, 2010 and 2016 — all those rumors and all that gossip, all his prohibitions and all his admittances — remember that this was a guy who had stimulated it. Who was one of the rare few to actually achieve his dreamings — to check off the top destination on his laundry list and play video games amongst the best good of the basketball world.

He had his life and his job before him, before it all came crashing down. His cancer is, inherently, an unbelievably private one — but its own position became it public. And because of that, it’s now all of its own responsibilities to consider him with respect, were informed that such an affliction can punch any of us at any time, even though we think we have it all: even when each of us is touching proverbial 3-pointers in our respective living and occupations. Delonte West is one of us. Delonte West could be any one of us. So where reference is see this man “wandering” through fast food parking lots, “re missing a” duet of shoes and wearing that hospital costume, we need to stop laughing and start be informed about what we can do to help.

Read more: www.huffingtonpost.com