#BUT it sure is nice to know i can make myself invincible and immune to hunger at any time lmao

[suolainensilakka]

Spent the whole day playing subnautica after I got a sudden burst of Inspiration™️ and accomplished the following:

- found two new biomes and explored one of them (sparse reef/deep sparse reef and blood kelp zone)

- checked out another abandoned lifepod

- discovered ps4 console commands and went HAM upgrading my underwater base

- upgraded and named my seamoth (predictably, Mothra)

[magiciaa]

Welcome to Magicia chapter 11: oh shit, Magicia is actually relevant now?

((I should probably mention that not all of the characters will actually appear in the story, I can already barely keep track of everyone as is))

“Fine, if that’s what it takes” Bronze agreed as Sock picked up Vanessa by the back of her jacket “restore”

Sock’s antennae popped back into existence on the top of her head, and the rest of the magical girls’ animal features returned as well

Meanwhile, Rapid Sprinkles was going for a walk, fidgeting with Nightmare’s transformation device shards in her pocket “why did you have to protect me, Lynn?” Sprinkles spoke to nobody in particular as she wandered into an empty and run-down subway station. “Maybe I’ll find something around here that will help, if not, I can just jump in front of a train or something”

Sprinkles walked down the tracks until coming across a beautiful underground city she didn’t even know existed. Purple lights decorated the many small shops lined up in rows as monsters walked between them, from large werewolves to tiny fairies, seemingly without a care.

“What is this place?” Sprinkles asked a young gryphon walking past “I’ve never heard of a monster city underneath the town”

“You’re in Magicia” the gryphon replied “and that’s strange, I thought all monsters knew about this place”

“Thanks” Sprinkles replied, walking away towards the shops. She stopped in front of a candy store with an old-looking sphinx running it.

“Hello, child” the sphinx said “something seems to be troubling you, why don’t you tell me over some tea”

“I don’t have any money, I’m sorry” Sprinkles apologized

“No need, child” the sphinx replied “monsters help each other out, you know”

“But I’m not a monster” Sprinkles corrected “just a useless magical girl”

“A magical girl, huh?” the sphinx replied “haven’t seen one of them down here in a long time”

“Well, most magical girls nowadays are cold-blooded murderers” Sprinkles lamented “including me”

“Did you get your friend caught by monster hunters?” the sphinx asked “I did that a fair few times in my youth”

“No, my girlfriend was killed by this piece of shit magical girl named Kitten, she was only trying to protect me” Sprinkles began crying “and it’s all my fault”

“There there, it wasn’t your fault” the sphinx pat Sprinkles on the head “what is this made of? Frosting?”

“It’s slime, don’t eat it, it’s poisonous” Sprinkles answered

“Interesting, it smells very sweet” the sphinx sniffed her paw “this could make a good candy if I could figure out how to remove the poison”

“Wait, I have an idea, how about making a box of magical girl blood candies” Sprinkles grinned “I need some serious revenge on someone, and this would be perfect”

“You aren’t planning to poison them, are you?” the sphinx asked

“Nah, they’re immune to the poison in magical girl blood, it just tastes absolutely horrible” Sprinkles answered “and I want to see the looks on their faces”

“Alright, do you mind collecting the blood for me?” the sphinx replied “if I have extras, I might have a new product for the shop”

“Like those jelly beans with the weird flavors mixed with normal ones that the humans have?” Sprinkles asked “and no problem, I can do that

“That’s a good idea” the sphinx replied “I almost forgot to introduce myself, I am Mina”

“Rapid Sprinkles” Sprinkles replied “but Alice is fine too”

“Before you go, put the blood in these” Mina handed Sprinkles a basket full of small glass jars

“Thanks” Sprinkles grabbed the basket and dashed off with inhuman speed

Sprinkles ran into the city not far from town, where she knew a lot of powerful magical girls lived. It was a large city, but super speed really comes in handy at times like this.

“Rapid Sprinkles, it’s unusual to see you without Nightmare, heard she died or something” a mad scientist looking magical girl said

“Yeah, she did…” Sprinkles sighed “but anyway, I’m here to collect some magical girl blood”

“Oh, what for?” the magical girl asked “trying to poison someone?”

“A little revenge on MG-348, that’s all” Sprinkles answered

“Hell yeah” the magical girl replied, summoning a small spear and stabbing her hand with it as Sprinkles held a jar underneath to catch the yellow-green blood

Sprinkles continued running around the city, collecting magical girl blood in the jars, organized by color, until her transformation device started ringing.

“Hello?” Sprinkles took the heart-shaped compact out of her belt and opened it to see a hologram image of Sock

“I don’t have a lot of time, but the boss is planning something, something big, and I don’t like the sound of it” Sock explained “you’ve gotta stop it, and fast, or we’re all dead, meet me at Alistair’s circus tent at midnight, I’ll explain everything there- gotta go, Sapphire found me-” The transmission cut off

“What was that about?” Sprinkles asked, going back to collecting magical girl blood

Sock leaned against a tree in the park, waiting for the idiot squad to arrive, the only light coming from her eyes and the tips of her antennae.

“Yo, I thought you were on Bronze’s side, what’s up with you still helping us?” Ace asked

“I thought it would be a good idea to have a spy” Sock answered “and it turns out I was right”

“What’s up? I brought candy!” Sprinkles walked up holding a box of magical girl blood candies

“You seem happy” Sock replied “can I have one?”

“Sure” Sprinkles grinned smugly and tossed Sock a round red candy “but this is meant as a little surprise for Bronze”

Sock popped the candy in her mouth, and her face immediately turned green “bleh, it’s spicy, what’s in this thing?”

“Magical girl blood” Sprinkles replied “a really nice sphinx lady in Magicia made them for me”

“These would be perfect to give to you-know-who” Doc added “seeing their faces would be priceless”

“That was the plan” Sprinkles replied

“Did someone say blood candies?” Alistair poked his head out of a circus tent

“You can have one, but you might regret it” Sprinkles tossed Alistair a green candy and Alistair popped it in his mouth immediately

“Oh god, why is it so sour?” Alistair spat out what was left of the candy into a nearby trash can

“It’s magical girl blood” Sprinkles laughed

“How did you even get enough blood to make this many?” Doc asked

“The city. Most of the magical girls willingly gave it when I said it was for revenge on MG-348” Sprinkles answered “seems like they hate them too”

“So what was the big thing that you called everyone here for?” PJ asked Sock

“Oh, yeah, that.” Sock answered “Bronze is trying to figure out how to upgrade transformation devices, and if she does, she’ll be invincible”

“That won’t work” Sora added “they’ll probably just end up as weird half Soul Beast things”

“A couple of the experiments have been at least semi-corrupted from it,” Sock replied “but they’re getting close, they’ve figured out how to fuse animal features and elements already”

“That’s not good” Sora replied “really not good”

“You can say that again” Doc added “but I’ve got an idea, and this time it’ll work”

[whenwomenrefuse]

Almost too late

I met this guy when I was in high school and I liked him from the start. We went our separate ways and both joined separate branches of the military. He became infantry in his branch and I became an MP (military police). He sent me letters when I was deployed but that was kind of the last I’d heard of him. I was still in the military years later, home on leave, when I ran into him again at a bar my younger brother worked at. He was really sweet and hilarious and basically everything I remembered. I found that I still liked him a lot. I found out he had finished his enlistment and was home for good.

We hooked up and eventually started dating long-distance. I traveled back and forth whenever I could on breaks, and he would come to visit me. He was always very sweet and nice except there were times when he would get a little controlling. It started out small, like telling me I shouldn’t post certain pictures or wear certain things. I didn’t see it as an issue because sometimes men just get protective, right? I figured everyone had their issues occasionally and the good seemed to outweigh the bad.

Every time he made me cry (which wasn’t often because the military had taught me to hide these emotions) he would apologize and make up for it somehow, whether it was flowers or a date night or whatever. One time he got angry with me because another guy, one of my platonic friends, messaged me, and he read my phone while I was asleep. He woke me up to angry sex which, at the time, didn’t seem to be such a big deal but he scared me to the point where I started crying when he started grabbing my throat to the point where I couldn’t breathe. When he saw my reaction, he was sweet and went completely 180, as if he had shocked himself. I chose to forgive him

I think I had this idea at the time where I was invincible. I’d been in relationships before, some that ended poorly, but I’d never been physically or mentally abused. I pushed the early warning signs to the side in hopes for a good future with who I thought was the man of my dreams.

We got married and I finished my enlistment, and moved back home to be with him. But I wasn’t sure what I was doing with my life, and in this sort of limbo I was in, all of a sudden, things changed. He became extremely controlling, obsessive, and angry all the time. I wasn’t good enough for him. He would coerce me into having sex with him when I didn’t want to. He would get drunk and say terrible things to me about my family. He gossiped about me to my friends.

All of these things had me in a deep depression. I started having random panic attacks, triggered by nothing I could rationally explain away (I’ve had generalized anxiety for a while but it was usually triggered by stressful events, not out of nowhere like this). I got to the point where I could barely get out of bed and function because I felt so exhausted all the time. I didn’t want to have sex with him. This seemed to make him even angrier. He would constantly tell me how worthless I was and how I deserved this. He told me if I ever cheated on him or left he would kill me and himself. I started to believe him.

I finally got the courage to go stay with my mom. I told him it was just for a few nights so he wouldn’t kill me. But he went on a rampage and after belittling me for an hour to the point of me sobbing uncontrollably while not allowing me to leave (he kept blocking the doors) he finally relented out of nowhere and went 180 again, though with a warning that if I tried to leave, he would bankrupt me and take everything I had. He could afford a good lawyer. I still didn’t have a job and I couldn’t afford this. I only had the last of my deployment money and it was almost gone, and a meager disability check from the VA which is not quite enough to live on, so where would I really go anyway? I believed him. I didn’t leave, and I forgave him once again.

The cycle continued. The next time I tried to leave to stay with my mom, just to get away from it for a while, he racked his .45 and put it to his own head, saying he would kill himself in front of me if I left. I didn’t leave then either because I knew I could not live with myself if he killed himself because of me.

The final straw was after a night of drinking. We went out and partied and came home, bringing one of his friends who couldn’t drive. My husband shouldn’t have driven either but we somehow made it back. When his friend went to bed in the spare room, he started trying to have sex with me. I didn’t want it and I told him so. He started screaming at me (how he didn’t wake his friend up, I don’t know). He grabbed me by the neck and started choking me. I tried to fight back, even hit him to get him off me, but I legitimately thought I was going to die. He told me he was going to kill me and then my mother. He relented for a minute, and told me to get on the bed so he could have sex with me.

In my head, I reasoned that being raped was better than dying, and I complied but I still begged him not to do it, thinking that maybe he would be merciful. He didn’t listen and started having sex with me so I just laid there and prayed it would be over soon. I laid still like a board and after about a minute of him trying, he pushed off me and told me I was useless because I couldn’t even get him off. He resumed trying to choke me though it wasn’t quite hard enough to kill me. I don’t know if he was trying to scare me or what. I didn’t fight back this time because he wasn’t as savage about it this time for whatever reason, and I knew he could fight better than I.

He then told me to get on the bed because he was going to shoot me and kill me. He had guns laying all around the house. I knew he could do it and I was genuinely afraid it was the end for me. I don’t remember what exactly I said, but I think my previous training finally paid off for me, because somehow I convinced him that this wasn’t what he wanted to do, and that he didn’t want to ruin the rest of his life by doing this. I still don’t know how I got so lucky. To this day I don’t know how I managed to survive that night. He could have killed me at any moment and somehow he didn’t.

I finally told him I was leaving (not the same night but within a few months of this last event). I began planning my escape well beforehand but even still, I needed luck on my side to get out of there in one piece. I had handled domestic altercations in the past as an MP, and I knew from my training that the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she decides to leave. He had told me (jokingly, but with a hint of foreboding) plenty of times that if he killed me, no one would ever find my body. He had killed people before and I didn’t doubt his capability to do so. But I had always considered myself mentally strong and I’d always told myself (especially not after handling a domestic) that I would NEVER put myself in an abusive relationship, yet here I was, trapped by my own fear of this man who had somehow exerted so much control over me. But I was no longer going to be his victim. I had decided that I was getting out, whether it was to safety or to my own death, and I was not going to live out the rest of my life in such a toxic environment.

Somehow, I managed to convince him I wasn’t right for him, that I was bringing him down and that he could be so much happier without me. It took months of throwing this idea at him, only when he was in a good mood. In his defense, he did seem sad that our relationship was so terrible. He had PTSD from being overseas in combat. I think a lot of his violent reactions were because of this. I didn’t hate him, but I needed to get out while I still could. My words slowly got through to him. I don’t know how it worked, I honestly don’t. I knew I was was taking a huge gamble but my strong points have always been my abilities to convince people, to calm a tense situation, and to utilize what the military calls “verbal judo”. I used all of these to my advantage, and slowly the idea of us getting divorced started to sound better to him. He was truly unhappy with me and he started to rationalize this over his obsessiveness (his therapy helped a lot with this too). I told him I wasn’t going to take anything of his (the judge looked at me strangely in court when I said this and even tried to tell me that I was probably entitled to something, considering I wasn’t working due to disability at the time). I did this even knowing I would be living in poverty so he would be more likely to let go. He made lots of money and I didn’t ask for a single cent because I valued my life more than his money.

I moved states away after we finalized the divorce to live with a friend, and cut all ties to my ex husband. I made it out and after seeing all the stories of women who didn’t, I consider myself extremely lucky. I also learned something from this entire ordeal: every woman can be a victim of domestic abuse. I used to think I was strong, both mentally and physically, and completely immune to it because I had seen it so many times firsthand. I never thought it could happen to me. But I was wrong, and I found out the hard way that an abuser is always going to be an abuser and no matter what you do, you can’t change them. Your best bet is to recognize the early warning signs: unhealthy possessiveness/obsession, mood swings, insisting on sex when you have stated you don’t want to, things of that nature. Because by the time you live with someone, it may be too late. It almost was for me.

[himynameisobed]

mood swings.

last night, my family celebrated my sister's 31st birthday. my mom had been asking me when i finished work, as if 7pm was pushing the boundaries how late we could celebrate. i told her i could finish up by 6 but we ended up getting to my sister's place at around 9pm anyway, since we had to wait for her and john to get back from a day trip. we ate pizza and talked and had several desserts (the birthday cake, a cheesecake that john made, and several donuts courtesy of joy), all vegan. i think i had maybe 5 pieces of pizza and i tried every dessert (though admittedly not every single flavour of donut), so by the time we were done dinner, i was really full. we also had some tofu that my mom brought out late because she forgot about it. it was really good and i forced myself to eat more than i probably should've because i liked the way it tasted. they bought it in a vegan shop in kensington market, and now i'm thinking of checking it out myself. the only setback of the night was that i was feeling pretty sick. i'd been feeling sick all day, having come down with a stuffy/runny nose, a sporadic cough and spells of light-headedness. i was a bit nervous it was covid since i'd been with a bunch of people that weekend and it probably wasn't the safest environment, but i think i'd just been out too late, and my body was still reeling from it and my immune system was shot to shit. that in combination with eating outside in the cold at kinton with omri on sunday night didn't make for a very healthy or restful weekend, and i think it caught up to me. i'm pretty sure i just caught a cold, but i went and got tested at an assessment center today anyway, even though i was feeling a lot better and my symptoms had for the most part alleviated. i'm babysitting my sister's cat for a couple of days while she and john are away at prince edward county, and it's nice having this strange, low-maintenance animal around. the cat, and feeling a lot better and way less sick, kept me in good spirits for most of the day, and i felt strangely strong and invincible. i rode the momentum of being in a good mood, trying to appreciate it and not take it for granted since i'd been feeling so shitty so recently. it's strange to recognize something as a passing thing while you're experiencing it, thinking "oh, this is a nice feeling, i wish i could feel like this more often," knowing it's not going to last. the feeling was kind of like when you're drunk and you think you can do just about anything - surges of overflowing confidence, the recognition that life is what you make of it and feeling like you're the creator of your own destiny. you feel as though a better life, a happier life, is simply a few easy decisions away, if only you were brave enough to make them. i was feeling little snippets of this kind of inspired drive throughout the day, but then later on, in the evening spilling into night, i felt desperately lonely, and even in the moment, i noted how strange it was for my mood to shift so. i tried to read it away, i watched an episode of never have i ever, and i hung out with the cat, but i couldn't help feeling so tragically alone, and i thought about how loss is an inevitable part of life, and how we structure ourselves around it, always marching on and hoping for the best, bracing ourselves for the next dwindling thing. i texted megan asking if she was doing anything, hoping to maybe get a drink somewhere - immerse myself in the night and draw strength from the vivacity of strangers around me, and the comfort of knowing life stretches on beyond the walls of my apartment, and maybe my sorrows aren't so big and insurmountable in the grand scheme of things. but by the time she responded, it was pretty late, and i was tired, so now i'm just going to sleep. i feel better though, after scrolling through instagram for a bit and watching a few youtube videos - distracting myself with mindless, light-hearted nothingness and the slightly numbing effect it brings. at least it keeps me from dwelling too long or too pointedly on new aches that i'm still getting used to, or the old existential questions that seem to punctuate my life. sometimes i wonder if i will always feel this specific kind of loneliness. though i hope i spend more days feeling the courage and the strength.

[survivekohsai]

Episode 5 - I Just Want To Go Chill On The Beach With My Friends ~ Quillynn

THIS TRIBE IS FUCKING UGLY OH MY GOD  IM GONNA SCREAM. *screams* dana Im going to kill you and yes I blame dana for everything. Anyone, putting me on a tribe IN THE MINORITY  and on a tribe with ryan of all people... well might as well just dig my grave now. Like rest in peace regan. May 28th, 1998- October 2nd 2017 rip

I'm glad this is happening. We have the comp beasts besides Regan on our side, AND we also have Akito. So it's tit for tat. Hopefully we can have some Yala tribe alliance going. However, I like Jackson. He's seems really nice. Also Jordan can go because he hates us all so bye. And why did Ry block Akito? I now love that they mutinied.

wow i mutiny'd, blocked this whole tribe, didn't use my idol and still stayed during tribal. lol 

So I talked big during the voting confessionals. AND GUESS WHO JOINS!!! Bryce... AINT THAT NICE but tbh i talk big yet i cant help myself but now I have to lie about certain people because i need to build trust and relationships.

I swear to god if they send Jordan Means to Exile im quitting because people should want him gone ASAP!!!! He's a target in everyone's radar and if he makes it to the end like god almighty it's like Drew All over again.

*clap* I hope we win!

Okay havent done one of these since the swap but here goes. I am not happy with this swap because even tho i have raf as an ally im not really liking not being with richie and regan seeing as how they actually do well in challenges. Luckily the other tribe still has a bunch of inactives but regan and richie have shown in the past that they can solo carry a chalenge so im worried. Especially since trixie wanted to go to exile and then wouldnt let us send regan. i was away at the time and it sucks because i really think we should have sent regan or richie so they couldnt compete instead of quinlynn who idk if they are really playing. Luckily the challenge is something im not bad at so maybe I'll do well. Plus we did  win reward by a landslide so maybe the other tribe will bring regan and richie down. speaking of the reward i think some people like erased their names last minute which is sus but w/e!! We still won. But im looking to make something with jackson and raf because i like them both and maybe rtp but i feel like raf and him wont work together idk?

Im going to miss kelsey and linus but fuck regan and jordan lol! I don’t even care game wise i just want to go chill on the beach with my friends~

The curse is broken!!!! Final 13 and possible Merge is coming!!

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my fifth confessional.

I'm not going to to tribal!! Thanks to a tribe swap that basically gutted old Rayong (leaving only me and Akito left), new Rayong won reward AND immunity and THEN we gained Quillynn from a mutiny! this is the best shit ever because now Ryan and Jordan (who i don't want to play with) are stuck on a losing tribe with Regan (who I've heard can be temperamental) and it's going to drive them up the wall. Hopefully Jordan's wasted idol play will come back to bite him and he'll get voted out because I would still prefer that Kelsey and Linus survive. Anyway I've gotten to know pretty much everyone on the new tribe except for Eric and Ryan T., who seem nice but haven't really been responsive to me except for in the group chat. If we lose, I'd kinda like to see one of them go but to be honest I'd be fine with riding a series of wins until the merge. Okay bye I'm procrastinating too much

i hate..... everything i was on a tribe that didnt lose a single challenge, i didnt have any 1 on 1 private conversations or relationships with anyone on the tribe but we all got along well and had worked well as a group so i was satisfied.... then yall swap and now im on a tribe of 7 where 5 of the people were from the flop tribe so not only am i in the minority but i'm in the minority where the majority was on a tribe that couldnt win a challenge to save their lives so unsurprisingly we lost this immunity and now its time for tribal with people who ive never talked to :) :) :) quillynn mutinied so thats one less person to have to worry about but still it could easily be a 4 vs 2 vote and the 1 person from my original tribe is regan who i love dearly shes truly one of the most iconic people of all time but in my list of people who are reliable game strategists i can count on to come up with plans and bounce ideas off of shes not necessarily someone i can do that with...... i did talk to Ryan a little bc we were on the same starting tribe before he mutinied so i got some light tea from him regarding the dynamics of the other tribe and he said that the alliances on the pther side were a 5 person alliance of akito, Jackson, quillynn, Kelsey and linus versus tyler, isaac and jordan.... tyler and isaac are gone so jordan stands alone from that minority group + its kinda weird that quillyn mutinied onto a tribe where original yala has the numbers especially since she was on a tribe with linus and kelsey who ryan said she was in an alliance with????  but maybe shes closer to akito and jackson + the other tribe is full of the people who kept winning challenges so idk but regardless idk whats going to go down for this vote but im annoyed that im on a tribe with a bunch of people who suck and im miserable

I AM A CHALLENGE GOD!! NO MATTER WHAT TRIBE IM ON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE BET EVERYONE WANTS TO BE ME HUH. jk omg im so glad to be on this tribe thats winning. people joining this tribe? not cool.... hope Q is nice tho. I feel like jackson is a threat tbh but like im gonna idol myself and vote him when we lose so watch out

I don't even know what to say. Tribe swap, sure, now that Akito and Jackson are both gone, I'm stuck with an angry Jordan, an unsure Linus, Quill who's just...THERE and these new people. Richie seems very close to me and I do feel confident talking with him and then there's Regan...girl. I feel very shaky around Regan. She's hit or miss, and when she misses, she misses pretty badly...but eh, I'll work with what I've got. Now, going into the tribal, it would be spectacularly easy to vote out Quill because of her absences but I'm the LAST person to judge on that area so...it's hard. Now that Jordan is rather distant from me, I could easily vote him out but I really do want to be in the end of the game with him and I want us to do as swell as possible. Out of everyone...I don't know. I'd rather vote for Ryan. But GOD. I have been to FIVE. BLOODY. ELIMINATIONS. IN A ROW. Geez LOUISE, I hate that this is happening. Girl, I'll do whatever it takes to get the crown, don't get me wrong...but WHY is this HAPPENING?!? I can't keep doing this...I really can't. My tribe has GOT to pull it together. It's testing me, I'm really ready to just go off on everyone for their lack of trying. I know that I TURNED this last immunity out so...WHAT'S the tea??? I just hope that I will just get a week to SIT and RELAX with these people. Because currently, there's no time to talk about life, we have to cut hookers WEEK after WEEK and it's...tiring. Girl, I can't even tell you where I'm going this week. Hopefully, straight back to camp. Let's give it everything we got.... *sigh* And THAT'S all there is to it~! W-We've got to win eventually...right? -Kelsey V Mikaelson

I am glad we won the challenge because honestly, I didn't really know my position in the tribe and whether or not I could be a target. Everyone seems so social and I wouldn't be surprised that most of them are in alliances without me.

I am happy Quillynn is back with us? But also I feel like I have to stick with Jackson's Alliance... despite me wanting to make moves but looking at how this game goes on forward. Trixie/Regan alliance is far more powerful then us. So if Linus and Kelsey are still here to the end, I may have to betray Quillynn and Jackson at that time. I hope I can make it through. 

hi im happy to be on a tribe with jackson and quil. boba tea + fish has arrived!!

So what the fuck do i even have to talk about...havent lost a fucking challenge yet which is awesome...and now ppl are mutinying to us...its getting interesting...im still being the old gramps and no one is even talking to me...but we will see how this goes lmfao

I hope these people vote me out because I don't like them and I threw the challenge because I don't like them.

Here's your confessional stop blowing up my inbox!!

Voting Confessionals

Meh whatever, I vote for Jordan

Kelsey was medevaced

[survivorpanem]

EPISODE TEN - “I’M THE JAIDEN WHISPERER “ - JC

Tribal council certainly was interesting tonight. I wonder what caused Samantha to use her onion necklace on me... I'm actually kind of pissed off that she did that, even though I had voted for her in the first place. It makes me think that that knew I had voted for her or something, which is what caused the vote to flip around. Isaac and Jordan and Andrew all really fucked up and Jordan paid the price for it. I kind of wish that someone had played their idol for Jordan just to see their reaction when Andrew ends up getting the boot, so now I'm pretty sure one of them have it. Jake missed out on a ton of stuff which wouldn't have been vastly different if he had stuck around instead of going off to exile. From now on, I won't stray from the alliance. It's pretty obvious that they all were going to wake-up and start playing only when it became convenient to them all, and that's why Jordan got voted off. They were going to use my vote for Zack against me in the future to help Zack flip against me or something? Power move, good job losers. I'm going to completely own up to voting for Sam B as soon as possible. I have no doubt that she got the same advantage that I had and checked to see if I was intending on flipping on the alliance. But wouldn't that have sent me out instead of Jordan??? Who honestly knows. It changes a lot in the game now and I'm pretty pissed off that this all went downhill as quickly as it did, because now I need to make a massive apology to Samantha for voting for her. I don't know what I'll say, but I'll need to think of something. And quick.

OK SO BITCH SO!! That tribal was i n s a n e! Zack approached me at like 9:40 telling me that my weird suspicions were right and that people were trying to make a move to take me out. Apparently Isucc/Boredan/AndrEW approached Sam Bussy asking her to vote me out. Now what worries me is that she did not tell me about them approaching her, Zack did. So she must have been at least considering it? Idk her and Isaac are relatively close and ik she was worried about whether or not Isaac would be mad at her if she voted Jordan instead of me. But anyways I'm like oh boo not today, not today! Like I was really unworried by their bumasses because I'm like girls, I have an idol, a vote negator, AND Sam told me about her blood bracelet that had to be played at that tribal, so I was just like might as well just get her to play that on me so I don't need to use anything. So like I got Sam to switch her blood thing from Jaiden to me after she used a vote sneak in order to see who Isaac really voted for and turned out he truly did vote for me! How cute. Like I don't know why these little boys came for me but they did, like I was not a threat I feel like my game has been shit but ok I guess just keep pushing me to be better huh?! Oh, and apparently Jaiden voted for Samantha to try to stir up distrust between Zack and I and cause rifts in the alliance. But then later he switched it to Andrew because he was getting nervous I guess? Idk I don't buy it but knowing Jaiden it's highly possible. But I'm like atm I want to take out Isaac/Andrew before taking out Jaiden because they both actually voted me with intents of getting me out and for that they need to go, especially as Isaac probably has an idol. Like I feel like he was gonna play it on Jordan but changed his mind last minute after Sam played her bracelet on me. and like now I'm worried because it's only f8 and I have a target on my back. Totally not what I wanted at this stage in the game! I have to really work hard to keep myself safe because my advantages don't make me invincible. I need to make FTC in this game and it's most likely going to be a f2 since jury started at f11 rifpp. I hate f2's! But yeah I just have to keep fighting and look at the bright sides, like I solidified loyalty and cleansed paranoia between my relationships with Sam and Zack, I still have an idol and I'm still fighting. My game plan honestly is to go to my sponsors and get them to buy vote sneaks for me because that would be heavily beneficial to see who's voting who.

Samantha is on my birthday shitlist, basically. I still don't trust her so I spilled the beans to JC about her maybe sorta considering voting for Zack. Also that she played the onion necklace on me. Regardless, someone knows that I voted for her. And now I'm out for blood! I will absolutely expose her vote at the next tribal council, AND I'll make I think my priority to send her right to the bottom of the alliance like she deserves at this point. Samantha if you're reading this and you're like, you're completely wrong Jaiden, then that's your fault for playing the onion necklace on me (envy) But I still love you outside of this whole game...but I still hope you get seventh place. Sorry not sorry. I'm going to CONTINUE to hammer in the idea that FLIPPERS NEVER WIN. If you flip on the alliance, enjoy losing solely because of a bitter jury :)

Me trying to escape the SNAKES who voted me last week and may try to again http://suprchnk.tumblr.com/post/152885516750

Later...

Omg poor Sam she's coming up with all these cracked out theories of where the idol could be that are actually kind of wildly accurate (she thought the idol may be hidden in the beach bc of the moodboard Amir made her having many sea themes, and it was in the beach), but the idol is in my pocket akxhxbabz. Maybe I should tell her...idk aaaa!!!

so to #catch up on my messy ass game, i was exiled for a round and apparently things got even more messy. i honestly barely understand what happened bc no one wants to give me a full story but yeah jordan lelft which was my contract thing?? no idol clue for me rip. but now i guess a lot of people want my vote which is nice. zack told me that jaiden was telling people that i was threatening bc of my comp wins in generations, neverland, and sarawak and its so annoying!! like bitch u think i have time in my life to dedicate to these immunity challenges like i could in gens when i had 24/7 of my summer dedicated to it?? bitch?? and u went against me ONCE in sarawak and look how that turned out. haha they never learn, do they? there's already talk about getting jaiden out and i'd be MORE than delighted to send his ass packing bc i literally cannot DEAL with him targeting me for no reason A G A I N!!!!! jaiden: jake won immunities in gens everyone: omg :O hes laying low… me: i literally just have no time to dedicate to this game god these fucking freaks. anyway i cant stand most of these ppl.. andrew is honestly my son and i love him so i dont want him to go. and it was nice to hear zack wants isaac and jaiden out back to back bc that protects lil andrew. i dont even talk to andrew like ever but for some reason hes the only one i trust bc ik he only has like isaac in the game. i dont trust either of the sams. especially sam g?? that girl is like killin it i feel like everyone is just following her around. have barely spoken to her but shes doing her thing. i hope i can get her out soon but literally no one wants to make a move against her. props to her i guess. i want JC gone soon, he's so transparent and fake and ldskjfghkj yeah i don't like dealing with it. i mean i'm fake right back so i mean dflksgjhdklfjgh me. unless i get lucky with immunities im gonna have to rely on keeping a low profile and telling people im doing nothing (which is partly true, i did do THAT at the allison vote). a lot of people are telling me they like me so... that's good! the more ppl who like me the better!!! i like zack a lot i hope the f3 is me zack and andrew but one can dream huh!

Soo last tribal was WILD! I was gunna just play my bracelet on Jaiden and say it was because he's always a target so to put his mind at ease for once blah blah blah but then like 15 minutes before tribal JC comes to me freaking out about people voting for him and he needs the bracelet blah blah blah, so I asked Isaac who he voted for and he told me Jordan. Then just to make sure I played my map of the arena and checked out Isaacs vote and found out THAT LYING SNAKE VOTED FOR JC!! So I played my bracelet on JC even though they only got 3 votes, Jordan got 4, and Andrew got 1. Also apparently that 1 for Andrew WAS for Sam B but then Sam looked at Jaidens vote and played her onion necklace on him meaning he can't vote for her until the final 6? Or after the final 6? Either way I was really expecting this to cause distrust in our 5 but apparently it still hasn't? I'm so shook that we're all still voting together but like maybe I'll be proven wrong tonight? We'll see. Either way we're al so dysfunctional and terrible at communication so I mean how are we doing this?? I was hoping to save Andrew and Isaac but apparently people want Andrew out. Hopefully he has an idol but he'd idol out Jaiden and not Sam B which kind of stinks. But anyways I'm waiting for more exciting stuff to happen this tribal because last time was the first exciting tribal in a while. This merge has been pretty yawn and frankly I'm part of the problem.

I wasn't going to talk about it but I need to post a confessional and the reason I'm feeling the way I am is tied into personal stuff and it won't make sense unless I explain it to you so here it goes. I've just been feeling extremely shitty about myself recently and just overall really lonely. Like in the past two weeks I've felt like my friends have been doing whatever they can not to talk to me. It's irrational but it's how I've felt. But Jordan and Samantha B were mostly there and they helped everything by just being there and talking to me. So yeah I've taken his elimination pretty hard. According to many sources Samantha B was the one who told Jc that it was them who was getting votes and caused Jordan's elimination and the idol play. I was really apprehensive about believing anyone because I thought there was no way she'd do that to me like we've became closer friends since this game started, but then she admitted to it. I'm not going to lie I'm hurt But this is a game and we're supposed to play to win so thank you Sam B for waking me up. I'm NOT going to lay down and die if I go out tonight I'll go out trying to get as far as I can. Is this the second coming of Despairsaac? Maybe. But Jesus Christ I'm tired of these people telling me what I will and will not do. Fuck them. 

I've made it so far in the game without wanting to make any big moves, so tonight I'll make one. If I get rocked out, then #legend. If I get blindsided by the entire tribe, then so be it. But I had to stand up and do something, because fifth place just wasn't going to cut it. I wanna win, damnit. People can respect someone who went against the grain and made a move, right? I surely will receive Andrew and Isaac's respect if this doesn't work out. The plan is to vote for Sam G. If she plays an idol, Andrew goes home and I look like a chump. If anyone gets pissed, they will either flip their vote to her, or they will draw rocks and leave it up to chance. Either way, I get what I want. I'll be okay with leaving tonight if that's what happens, because at least I did something... I just dont want to go 7-1 because everyone was pissed off.

Okay so truthfully this game I've felt like I'm the Jaiden Whisperer. He's like completely wild and messy in this game but I feel like I've been able to direct it to things I want, or at least work with the insanity. But it's coming to the point where he's really rubbing people the wrong way, Zack and Jakey both want to vote him and Sam Bussy probably would too if she hadn't played the onion on him. Not only that but Isaac and Andrew both wanna vote him too!! That's 4 which is enough to tie, and jaidens dumb ass might vote for Jakey instead of Isaac!! Mess omg. I totally feel bad to be campaigning for Isaac/Andrew to go, but like what choice do I have after they came for me first? I feel like it'd be dumb to vote out either jakey or Jaiden because they're both good for my game and the others are most probably not! OMFG NOW JAIDENS TALKING TO JAKE ABOUT GOING TO ROCKS WHAT IN THE FUCK OMFGGGGG KILL ME. He needs to freaking rest before his ass gets sent home!! This vote is honestly the largest fucking mess, we have Jaiden who wants to vote out Jakey, Jakey who wants to vote out Jaiden, Zack who wants to vote out Isaac only if not Jaiden, Samantha who I think wants to vote out Isaac or Andrew and Sam G who wants to vote out Samantha later but Jakey now. KILL ME WHY CANT WE JUST VOTE ONE OF ISAAC/ANDREW OUT HNNNNG I TOLD JAIDEN TO JUST STAY SEATED AND TO NOT CAUSE DRAMA WHEN HE ASKED ME IF HE SHOULD MESSAGE PEOPLE BECAUSE I KNEW EVERYONE WAS ON THEIR LAST STRAWS WITH HIM AND WHAT DOES HE DO??? DOESNT LISTEN AT ALL!! OMG I CANT HONESLEE Like bitCH WHY DID JAKEY SEND ME THIS: [12/7/16, 7:32:21 PM] j a i d e n: but I don't think I can win against my alliance and I know they're coming for you once it gets down to it [12/7/16, 7:32:40 PM] j a i d e n: you, me, Isaac, Andrew vote for one of them, and they vote for one of Andrew/Isaac FUCK IT HES LEAVING TONIGHT EVERYONE WANTS HIS HEAD ON A STICK EXCEPT PROBABLY SAM B AND FHATS JUST BECAUSE SHE PLAYED HER ONION ON HIM UGHHH I LOVE YOU JAIDEN BUT WHAT CAN I DO YOU PUSHED IT

I feel soooo bad about lying to Isaac. I really want to work with him and get Jaiden out but there just aren't numbers for that. Me, Isaac, Andrew, and Jakey is only 4. All that would do is tie it. But Jaiden has been super messy lately, especially with jakey, so hopefully Jc will read the message jakey sends him from jaiden and will realize that jaiden is a horrible player. Like honestly I love jaiden as a person but he is messy af when it comes to spilling information. And not even information, its anything. Jaiden tells so many lies, for no reason it seems like. This is just super messy. As much as I love jc and zack, I think I want to work with Isaac and Andrew from now on. But I just hope they trust me enough to let me do that.

So way too much has happened/is happening for like a paragraph based confessional, so here's a lot of bullets of whats happened bc I'm an organized hoe. -Zack wins immunity and Isaac and I are like fuck what do we do -It seemingly looks like Isaac, Sam B, and I are on the outs -We find out that it's between Isaac and I -Sam G tells me that Sam B is the one who leaked to JC that they were going so that Sam G could play her idol on them and get out Jordan -Isaac doesn't wanna believe it but Sam B sketches me out -The 3 of us still decide anyway that we need 5 votes to take out Jaiden bc that's the easiest target -Zack and I have gotten surprisingly close and he doesn't want me going -Zack wants Jaiden out -I go to Jakey and ask about getting out Jaiden and he's down -I go to bed and we seemingly have 5 votes to eliminate Jaiden -I come home today to find I'm the name being thrown around and Jaiden is the one to tell me -Sam B is being very sketchy in the alliance chat -She then admits to Isaac that she told JC they were getting votes and apologized but has ultimately lost our trust -We now don't know what the vote is going to be and scramble -Jaiden comes to Isaac and I saying he will go to rocks for me if we can get Jakey on our side -He makes a chat and the 4 of us agree to vote either Sam G or JC bc Jaiden cannot vote Sam B -We decide on Sam G so that someone may be more willing to flip on her rather than JC in a tie vote -Sam G and JC suddenly wanna work with Isaac and I again and want to vote out Jaiden who wants to help Isaac and I also -Jaiden might be doing the rocks plan more for himself/to make chaos -Jakey also makes the point that Isaac, himself, and I will be in minority next week if we vote out Jaiden -I ask him if he thinks Zack would flip to us and he doesn't think so and asks if I would sacrifice Isaac next round -I don't wanna do that and ask if Zack might flip on Sam G and JC to break up the duo at final 7 So now I'm at a conflict. Jaiden wants to go to rocks for us. But that might be to create chaos. Idk where Sam B is voting but she might be voting me but now people wanna vote Jaiden. So if it does tie and we vote with Jaiden, then it could tie between Jaiden and Sam G and then they're safe from rocks of I flip on Jaiden. So Jaiden might be doing this to save his own ass because according to Sam G, Jaiden thinks I'm voting him anyway. So I have no fucking clue what to do. We all helped build a web of lies and now everyone is running up a different thread. And it's utter chaos. And I need to make the move that I think will help me advance to the end after this if I stay tonight.

Later...

Okay I also left out that Jake revealed the rock plan to Sam G and JC, so now Sam G knows she might be getting votes and Jaiden might play his thing on me to reveal my vote before he votes and if he sees I didn't vote Sam G, then he'll be suspicious. And he might have an idol so idk. I think I'll vote Sam G anyway in the case that either Jaiden sees how I votes and pulls some sketchy shit, or the rock plan actually goes down. I asked Sam G if she cares if I vote her so Jaiden isn't sus but she doesn't wanna be potentially idoled out. I'm gonna tell her I'm throwing to Sam B, but I'll vote her anyway. I just have to to be safe. Wish me luck™.

im voting for jaiden since hes a mess and my alliance wants him gone. I'll explain more in my next confessional. im gonna take a nap