#Bc anything else would just be a disservice to the character as he's unfolding

[waitingforsecretsouls]

The main reason I go crazy for Traumerei is that I love characters whose core concept revolves around unbending loyalty regardless of the collateral and if that isn't Traumerei to a t (his entire introduction as a villain involving the beastkin even centered around it as well, just to drive the point home). You can accuse Traumerei of a lot of stuff (he's manipulative and sadistic, for a start), but NEVER that he's disloyal to his chosen allegiance. A true ride or die for Zahard

[grokebaby]

Vision vs finished product

Hell's high judgements

(this is just me rambling about my initial ideas and process for their character designs)

Tw for a(n image of a) sort of veiny eyeball creature (okhula from fran bow)

Delilah - I think pretty early on, like almost from the start I decided to have her be Deirdre's sister so i already had some footing and reference to go off of for her design. Tho it's possible that at some point in the hazy beginning I hadn't thought of that yet but nonetheless my image of her was some kind of large horned demon. I may have pictured the character as more masculine, or at least not a woman initially but I think that changed really quickly bc like I said she became Deirdre's sister pretty much upon conception. Her initial idea wasn't very different from what we ended up with, my first vision was just a vague, tall, intimidating looking demon who had like their head mysteriously in the shadow and the only way you could tell where the face is was thanks to her glowing horns. Her first vision was more of an aesthetic and a vibe bc being one of twins, she was very easy to design from then on. I also pretty much immediately knew I wanted her to be heavily scarred, particularly on the face, but it took me a bit to figure out how, specifically. I think at first I thought of her missing even more eyes than she is now. Her designing had a clumsy first few steps but it wasn't difficult to settle on. What ended up being difficult was redrawing her at all lmao, I still feel like i do her disservice every other time I draw her ;-; Idk why she's so hard for me to make look decent bc she's not intended to look off-putting or anything like some of my designs intentionally are. Aside from struggling to learn to draw her, it was pretty straightforward. I would say I'm pleased w the final product if I was confident in how I draw her but as of rn I feel like the problem is more me than the design lol :')

Hart - My idea was an indistinguishable mass of eldritchean tentacles, sprinkle in some eyes and whatever extra freaky stuff and yeah. The final product ended up having alot more distinguishing features bc originally I had them be like, an actual black blob. Void with eyes. Like those black cats you only see when they open their eyes. My idea did develop a little from there and I thought of adding onto the "What is this" factor by having them sort of resemble having a legit body structure but twisted and twirled into such knots that it'd be impossible to tell where everything was actually meant to be. Like just, the most tangled uncanny mess. It had this kind of theme, an idea of being folded into itself and having multiple parts that could open and be straightened out and it'd be like this interesting thing w Hart looking a bit different when they're actually completely unfolded. Sort of like how hedgehogs are just spike balls when in defense mode, but w a Lovecraftian horror who is maddeningly dizzying to interpret. Just a weird, uncanny, what am I looking at creature, of resembling body parts that actually aren't those body parts but just placed and knotted to look like them. I'm not sure if I achieved that vibe, tbh the final product looks more like just a generic Tentacle monster with a flavor of Toothless from how to train your dragon but hey. It looks charming and expressive and I'm fine w that :]

Xerxes - He's probably the most visually different from the first idea. I actually actively challenged myself w him, particularly to diverge from the very first idea somehow and do something a little different. Only thing that stayed constant, and the thing I knew I wanted for him from the start, was One Eye. And look at that, he still only has one eye. Technically. My very first visual was this sort of weird.. This. I wasn't sure how else to describe it

Like, that, but just very muscular lol. This sort of. Muscle eyeball demon. Kinda grotesque looking now that I think about it but it felt fitting for a hell demon or Wrath. Just a massive eye. My idea evolved slightly into like an orc or a cyclops after that but this is where I diverged to challenge myself and I thought maybe it could be some beastly looking animal, closer to a minotaur or some animal warrior you'd find in an mmorpg, stuff like that. Initially I had Xerxes be quadrupedal tho, like a feral animal, but still be sentient and demonic somehow. I wanted him to look really fierce and I designed armor and really heavy chains around his neck. I did really like the chains aesthetic but I decided instantly that I WILL NOT be drawing chains that often no sir! When I made him more centaur in body structure I still kept him like, a cyclops for a little while until I decided he could just have battle scars and just lost the other eye. I actually had him resemble a boar at first, I'm not sure when he shifted to being a bull. I could be remembering this part wrong too but I just remember trying to practice drawing a very fierce looking (herbivore) animal. I specifically wanted him to not be a predator animal ykno. I felt like a lion or something would've been too generic or predictable and I wanted some practice, and hey, I've since become pretty attached to bulls specifically. Apparently. Which is neat I think, not sure why I'm so fond of them but I sure am now. Thanks Xerxes. From then on he's mostly evolved to just look more, uh, Idk, better represented as the animal he is? I just know I was poor at drawing bovines and similar animals way back then but have since gotten notably better so I think Xerxes looks amazing these days. I didn't struggle learning to draw him nearly as much as Delilah, he was actually fairly easy bc I proceeded to draw him a fair amount once I really learned him. But like I said I've gotten practice and improved in things like drawing buff people since then so, the final product is great, even though I draw his armor way, way less lol. I'm not that great w armor and besides, I don't draw him in battle all that often..

[legobiwan]

I’m freaking out because i just...i’m SO psyched for the Kenobi series but i’m so afraid that they’re gonna give him a romance. I hate it because i...i just, and you’ve talked about this before, he’s he perfect Jedi. To Obi-wan, being a good person IS following the code, even after the order is gone. He wouldn’t have realistically ever left the order for kryze (even tho i don’t consider that canon that always felt ooc to me) or the others bc he’s completely devoted to the code above all else 1/2

Especially after what he saw happen to anakin and padme because of that attachment. I highly doubt he would, 8 years later, be willing to even have temptation of a romantic partner. And god forbid we hear more Rey Kenobi theories. I’m just worried Disney is going to do a disservice to his character bc hollywood HAS to have a romance plot in everything. Do you think they’ll go down that route? 2/2

So we’re dealing with a few different issues here. Let’s break this down:

“The Perfect Jedi”

Obi-wan attempts to be the perfect Jedi. He tries, oh so hard, to keep himself at that exacting, impossible standard. Of course, no one is the perfect Jedi - not Obi-wan, not Yoda, not Mace Windu - and certainly not Qui-gon. (And yet there is something in there, the delicate balance of striving towards excellence as opposed to striving for perfection, and it is an important distinction, one that I don’t think the Jedi, as a whole, always got correct as a sense of extremism took root within certain sectors of the Order.) Now, the reason behind this predilection - well, we could point at a few factors. Obi-wan’s sense of impostor syndrome (not at all helped by one Qui-gon Jinn, who seemed to be constantly thinking Obi-wan was somehow behind on his development, as shown in Master and Apprentice.)

(There’s a whole other meta I’ve touched on regarding the whole inter-Lineage…I don’t want to use the word trauma, but let’s just say they all inherited their predecessors’ issues and manifested them very differently.)

But yes, from the get-go, it seems that Obi-wan needs to prove himself. To Qui-gon, as a Padawan. To Qui-gon’s memory, when he takes Anakin. To Anakin, to prove he could be the Master of the Chosen One. To the Council. Etc. It’s a lot of pressure on one person. And the thing is, Obi-wan cracks, more than once. His sardonic, biting sense of humor is indicative enough of his less-than-perfect adherence to the Code, not to mention all the rules he bends for Anakin, his devotion to Satine - which is an interesting case study. In the end, Obi-wan does not succumb to Maul’s taunts to go feral/Dark Side but Obi-wan’s actions on Mandalore, precipitated by his very un-Jedi actions regarding Satine, set off a cataclysm of far-reaching events. As does his refusal to kill Anakin on Mustafar, which could be construed as a wild infraction of the Jedi Code. I mean, had Obi-wan killed Anakin, made *sure* of it and not walked away, what would have happened?

And yet, he tries to do good. Even as he realizes his faults, his part in moulding galactic events. Obi-wan could have done more, could have done differently, and yet despite his awful circumstances, he never gives in to hate. He is flawed, imperfect, but still holds on to some core part of himself. And I think that core part is something…that’s not the Jedi Code. The Code, in the end, is meaningless after Mustafar. (And I really REALLY hope the series touches on this idea of loss of faith, because Obi-wan held on to the Code so tightly, as a way of justifying so many of his actions because what else did he have? And I love existential crises when they’re not my own. HA!) The Code may have been his way of telling himself he was doing good - was doing what Qui-gon wanted, what the Council wanted, what was best for Anakin…but I wonder when Obi-wan sat down and thought about what he wanted for himself? Without expectation, without other people’s narratives. (Okay, so I may be projecting a bit here.) 

I’m getting off-topic here. Would Obi-wan have left the Order for Satine? No. He would have thought about it, fantasized about it. But at that point, he would have been too wrapped up in expectations to actually do anything about it. And by the time the Clone Wars came around? He was too responsible, too enmeshed. And…you know, I get it. I’m around Obi-wan’s age in TCW/RotS. There’s so much narrative to unpack in your life, so much expectation that you can internalize or throw away and whose story is it anyway? Those around you? Your own? Some odd mixture therein? But Obi-wan wasn’t ready to let go of that narrative, of those expectations, of the ghost of Qui-gon and so, no, he wouldn’t have left the Order. But there would be nights, those nights. When the lights have dimmed in the quarters on board the Star Destroyer, when the company you keep is an empty durasteel table, half a bottle of Corellian whiskey, and twenty years of what if…

But you were asking about romance, about attachment. (So often conflated, although never one and the same. Or perhaps they are different terms for the same idea, not love in the carnal sense but illogical devotion to someone or something. I always like the idea of there being many words, ideas for love, as the Greeks made popular in our culture. Love, or attachment to an idea or a thing can be just as wonderful, as intoxicating and dangerous as it can be with a person.) 

Realistically? An Obi-wan set adrift in Tatooine might get attached, despite everything. (The novel Kenobi does a fantastic job of illustrating this.) We yearn for connection, and someone who has all but cut themselves off from interaction with other beings…how long can you hold out? 

This isn’t to say I would support a full-fledged typical Hollywood romance in the series. Because honestly? Not the time or place. 

Now, if it is something where Obi-wan feels a connection with someone and then purposefully acts against it? I would be okay with this. As it would be in service to the idea that he is (tragically) cutting himself off, believing himself to taint others, to be less than. And given the trajectory of recent streaming, I’m more confident than I would have been a few years ago that a series can do without a “typical” romance. (Which…thank the gods for that development. I don’t mind natural romance (I’m looking at you, Good Omens), but the shoe-horned heteronormative plots I was forced to endure through the 80s, 90s and early 2000s were…tiring, to say the least.)

We’re in a new era now, with these streaming services, with the impact fandom has on media, with social mores changing for the better, in my opinion. (But seriously, it’s wild for an old fogey like me to watch unfold. A little weird, I’m not going to lie, but on the whole, a positive development.) I’m going to put my faith in a few things, including a) Ewan McGregor wouldn’t have signed on to this if it weren’t going to be something interesting and nuanced (and gods know he held out long enough, so I’m assuming the man has standards) and b) Disney wants our wallets and has a pretty good grasp of its demographics (probably a scarily accurate grasp, but that’s another story for another time), so I’m not too worried about a prototypical romance plot.

Now, as to Rey Kenobi theories, I have to admit, I enjoy them, only because I’ve been struggling for more Kenobi content recently. I doubt that’s the route they’ll go down, especially in light of all the rumours circulating about Episode 9. And so, in the end, what I hope (and believe) we’ll get is a very human story about a man who tried to live by a narrative and failed, and tried to reconstruct himself not totally escaping the chains of those events and people, but still trying to do good.