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clubdionysus · 3 months

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[BAD DECISION #47] Time Out

warnings: the bd lovers doing what they do best: being in luv!! cute date, lots of throwbacks to earlier chapters <33

notes: u can really tell jungkook is my muse bc I'm always so inspired by the content released of him, and the back photo was no different!! soz jimin for cropping u, still luv u tho <3

wc: 4.7K

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

Two and half million people call this city their home; hang their washing on lines, walk over the cracks in the pavement, rush through the downtown areas with americanos in hand and smiles on their faces, while they gossip with their friends.

They'll whisper about the latest drama at their workplaces, stories told like folklore, repeated and reimagined a dozen times over. These whispers spread like wildfire; blaze the city with what it means to be alive.

And yet as you and Jeongguk lay on your backs, blankets beneath you, punnets of strawberries and packets of breadsticks to the side, there's no intrusion of anyone else.

Sure, the whir of delivery moped motors rattle a few floors down, and every now and again a jet takes off from the military base for routine laps, but neither of you notice.

There's a city of stars inside Jeongguk; dreams and ambition. Hopes, fears - ones you know, and ones you don't. You could get lost down his roadmaps, and yet always find your way back home.

"See," he says with a smile as he points towards a peach cloud that's lazily tailing across the dusky blue sky. "That's the tail right there. You're just looking from the wrong angle."

"Where?" You laugh right back, head resting midway down his chest. The birds that fly overhead would think you're in a 'T' formation, if they had any understanding of the Latin alphabet.

He's been trying to convince you for a good few minutes that the cloud is shaped like a dragon, but you just can't see it how he does. Looking at the same sky, yet seeing different things.

It's sort of always been that way with you too. Different understandings of the world, and different ways of communicating these understandings. Neither one of you are right, nor wrong. Just different.

The hand of Jeongguk's that isn't pointing to the sky rests by your head, not really doing much. Strokes your hair, occasionally. Scratches your scalp like you're a little puppy. Mostly just holds the top of your head, as if he's protecting your mind from thinking too hard. There's a little bit of dried paint on his fingers, but nothing that bothers you. If anything flakes off, it'll just be washed straight out that evening when you eventually shower.

"Right there," he laughs, chest vibrating hard enough to make your head shake.

There's a safety that comes with Jeongguk; how his palms gently stroke your skin, keeping you close, always. A simplicity, too, in how nothing ever feels too difficult.

In fact, the hardest part of being with Jeongguk like this is the fact that you can't let yourself give in to your emotions; how you want to show him how deeply your affections for him run.

Sex has always been a tool, in that regard. A helping hand. A facilitator of your feelings.

And while you miss the intimacy you're used to sharing with him, it's undeniable that a new, uncharted , form of intimacy is forming.

The clouds drift on by. New shapes greet you just for long enough for the pair of you to dispute what they are, before departing once more. Fleeting and frivolous, the conversations you're engaging in mean nothing at all, and that's one of the things you like about time spent with Jeongguk; how nothing becomes something.

With time, much like your feelings for Jeongguk, the sunset deepens. Grows darker, but not in such a way it invokes fear – more so in the way it embraces you like a warm hug. Welcomes you back. Hides you from the world.

There's still some colour to the sky, and you want to preserve it. Could just take a picture – but you've got so much leftover paint. It's a no-brainer. Only issue is, you've used all the canvases.

Your only option, it would seem, is to use Jeongguk's back.

And who is he to stand in the way of your creative vision?

He lies on his front, arms folded beneath his cheek that's resting upon them. Shirt discarded, his skin is yours to adorn in whatever you like. Eyes closed, there's not exactly anything for him to be looking at – not when you're straddled across his back, out of sight. Why would he care to look at anything other than you? Would only be a waste.

With a knee on either side of his hips, your hands trace over his back gently, assessing how you want to paint him. Part of you doesn't want to do it all; wants to leave his skin pristine.

The broadness of his back is no sudden surprise. You've left marks down the valley of his spine more times than you care to remember. Have left evidence of your lips between his shoulder blades. Pressed dainty littles from the of his tattoo sleeve up to the nape of his neck. Adored. Appreciated. Valued. Worshipped.

But even now, there's something about his body that destroys your mind. It's just atoms. A cluster of cells. A little stardust – and yet he's like a constellation yet to be discovered. They'll honour you. Name him after you. Your big astrological finding; Your Jeon Jeongguk. Tie you to him endlessly. Forever.

The concept of Jeongguk being 'forever' is not new to you. In fact, his permanence has been steadily established over the course of your friendship.

It's just that 'forever' and 'yours' hadn't ever seemed like a real possibility back then.

But now they do.

Articulating such thoughts so early on in the whole dating thing would be naïve and premature, so you keep your mouth shut – but you do also lean down and press a soft kiss to the top of his spine.

"Doesn't feel like paint," he mumbles, a smile on his pretty lips.

"It is," you insist.

"Oh, well in that case," he says, turning his head a little more intentionally to rest his chin on the top of his shoulder. Eyes still closed, there's a sweetness to him whenever his like this; skin dewy, stars hidden. "You missed a bit."

"Did I really?" You simper, leaning a little closer. Let your nose nudge down against his. When your lips are close enough to touch, you whisper, "Where?"

"Right," he husks, pressing his lips up to yours. It's slow. Pastel compared to how brightly he makes you feel. Gentle. "Here."

And even though the kisses are tiny, unable to accurately convey the weight of your feelings for him, Jeongguk knows exactly how you feel. Know that when you first met him, the idea of affection displayed in such a way would send you running for the hills – and now you're the one keeping him locked in place as you straddle his back.

"I'll never get bored of this," he admits. "Never."

"It's only been two dates."

"So? Gimmie two hundred. I'll be saying the same."

"You're so dumb," you giggle as you sit back up, the butterflies in your stomach doing their utmost to let you know they're alive and kicking. Are so violent beneath your ribs that it's a miracle they don't crack one. Wouldn't matter even if they did – Jeongguk'd just it better.

"Determined," Jeongguk counters, that serene smile still on his lips, piercing glimmering in the low light of sunset.

The skies are fading from cherry blossom pink to periwinkle grey, and soon enough they'll be as dark as the lashes splayed across the top of Jeongguk's cheeks. The stars will appear like the freckles on his skin, and it'll be even harder to resist him.

For now, though, you focus on emulating the gradient of the sky, gently dipping one of the brushes into the paint set out especially for this. Your little canvases are dry now, Jeongguk's annoyingly better than yours. You did three tiny paintings each, all with different prompts. No bigger than your palms, they were finished quickly.

The first prompt was a little abstract: paint how the other person makes you feel.

You'd gone with gradients of pink for a background, and a little disco ball in the middle. He'd gone for a starry night sky.

The second was far more direct: your favourite feature of one another.

It had been a struggle for you both to decide on just one feature, and Jeongguk totally cheated by drawing a little stick person and claiming it was you.

But you had cheated too – a teeny black dot.

"Freckle," you'd stated plainly, and when asked which one, you'd grinned and said, "All of them."

The third and final canvas had been the most complex of them all: your favourite memory together.

You spent longer deliberating it than actually drawing it. Settled on Busan; Gwangalli Bay and the infamous bridge that runs across it. Jeongguk couldn't help his smile when he realised what you were creating. Made him feel all kinds of fucked up seeing his forever home painting his childhood home.

When he finally showed you his, you were a little confused.

It was his bed, that much was certain, a flock of paper birds above it.

No distinct memory tied to it, or so you think, until he sheepishly admitted, "I just... Those birds changed everything. Who knows where we would have ended up without them? They're my favourite memory 'cause they cleared the path for the rest of our memories to follow."

"You don't think we would have ended up here regardless?" You had teased, as if it weren't entirely plausible.

Jeongguk had shrugged. Pulled you onto his lap. Kissed you with such intent it felt like you were melting into the warmth of his embrace. "Think you stole so much oxygen from me during that first kiss, that you might have damaged my brain a little in the process. Haven't been able to think straight since then, unless I'm thinking about you."

"I can steal more, if you like?" you'd grinned against his lips. "Make sure you never stop thinking about me."

"B, I don't think that's anything you ever need to worry about," Jeongguk had whispered. "Think I'm gonna be stuck on you until the day I die."

"Morbid."

"Honest."

"Why are we even torturing ourselves?" You'd whined beneath laboured breaths and little kisses, hips languidly grinding against his. "I'll give you forever – just fuck me. Please ."

His hips had picked up as much pace as they could in his position, one of his large hands coming to clasp your wrists behind your back. Still straddling him, you relinquished control as he angled you further back, exposing the wanton look of unadulterated desire on your face as he rutted up against you.

"They're gonna think we're fucking," Jeongguk grunted, nodding to the high-rise towers across the street from your mid-rise apartment. There's an easy twenty floors that look down upon your rooftop.

"Let them."

"Gonna think you're taking my cock," he'd husked, well aware of how thick the bulge in his trousers was. "Gonna think you're bouncing on it like a pretty little slut, aren't they?"

"You want that? Want people to see me getting fucked?"

With a shake of his head, he'd said, "Nah. Want people to see you getting fucked by me . Want them to know exactly who this pussy belongs to."

"You don't own shit."

"Why can I feel how wet you are then, if it's not mine?"

"Basic biology, baby," you'd teased, 'cause you'll never give him the satisfaction of an easy victory. You know that Jeongguk is competitive, and the fair sport in him will always enjoy having to work a little harder for an honest win. "You never go to school?"

"Clearly you didn't," Jeongguk smirked right back, enjoying the bratty side of you he doesn't see as often as he'd really like. You're always a pain in his ass, but something about it when you're in a position like this just really gets him going. "Lacking basic discipline."

"So punish me," you'd flirted. "Show me how you want me to behave."

"Address me properly first."

"We've had this fight before," you reminded him, quietly enamoured by the predictability of it. He's a Virgo, after all. Stuck in his ways. Disciplined . You guess it's why he gets off on topics of conversation like this – order, rules , and the desperate need to stick to them. You don't mind the flirt. What gets him riled up will always, inevitably, have the same effect on you. Just a by-product of how hopelessly infatuated you are. "You don't wanna go down this path."

" Properly ," he'd reinforced.

Fine , you thought.

"So punish me, Sir ."

"Better – but you're in no position to be giving orders." He'd gripped your wrists even tighter. Pulled your posture straighter. Had you gasping a little. "Ask nicely, baby."

"Please," you'd husked, giving in to him because – fuck . " Please punish me, Sir."

Tilting his head to the side, Jeongguk had smirked. Shrugged. "Fine." Kissed you softly, then loosened his grip. Manoeuvred you off his lap.

Adjusted his throbbing cock beneath the confines of his pants, then said, "You're in detention."

"What?" You'd exclaimed, staring at him with wide eyes and an even wider mouth.

"Time out, whatever you want to call it."

The flippancy of his remarks and sudden disinterest wound you up to no avail. You knew it was intentional, and still, you let it. Couldn't help but play right into his little game.

"Under what grounds?!"

"For talking back to a superior-"

"A superior?!"

"There you go again, baby," he'd smirked, reaching for your hand to give it a little squeeze (and check that you weren't really annoyed). "Just extended that time out."

"Oh, you are gonna rue the day you-"

"Extended again," he'd laughed, pulling you closer despite your protests – but when he kissed you, all you could do was give in. You wanted him so badly it hurt . He'd laughed, mumbling into your lips, "You never learn, do you baby? So bratty. So cute."

"I hate you so much."

"So stop kissing me."

"Fuck you."

"You're not allowed," Jeongguk had grinned against your lips. "Time out."

For all of his incessant neediness, Jeongguk could be a stubborn mother fucker when he wanted to be – and proved his point effortlessly for the rest of the evening.

You hadn't tried instigating again, because you knew how it would end up and decided that perhaps he was right to put you on time out.

While no, it's not your fault he's the sexiest man that's ever walked this Earth, and no, you can't be blamed for turning into a salivating mess at the mere thought of getting his cock in your mouth, it is your responsibility to honour the challenge you've set yourselves.

If he can do it, so can you.

It's also sort of why you've made him lay on his front.

If you were to be painting his chest, instead of his back, you'd only end up in the exact same position as before. This way, you can control yourself a little (even if he does have the peachiest ass you've ever seen (guys and girls alike, there's no one beating him (though you never really looked at Jimin's ass for all that long))).

You take great pleasure in the slight chirp he does when you adjust yourself, reaching back for a different shade of blue. It'd be a lie if you said the grind against wasn't even a little bit deliberate.

"And you were saying you didn't want me to fuck your ass," you mutter with a dramatic flair, teasing him slightly for his reaction.

"Never said that," he smirks, mumbling a little. "But a little decorum, please B. If you're gonna fuck it, at least eat it first."

"You prefer to be wined and dined?" You tease right back.

"Don't we all?"

"Romantic."

"Who said anything about romance?" Jeongguk deadpans. "We're just friends?"

"Ah, yeah, my bad," you joke along with him. "Besties."

"Besties who've had each other's genitals in their mouths."

"Don't all besties give each other head?" You question, tone so flippant your joke almost goes over his head.

"If they don't, they should," Jeongguk declares. Thinks fucking his best friend is arguably one of the best things he's ever done. Probably wouldn't recommend it, if he gave it serious consideration, but knows he'd do it again.

"Let's stop talking about sex," you blurt out a little too quickly, which only leads Jeongguk to laugh and question your motives for such a statement.

"Why? Can't control yourself?"

"Have a little decorum, Jeongguk."

"Fair."

He lets you paint without much disturbance. Loves the way it feels to have a saturated brush stroke across his skin. Hums little tunes and makes you guess which song they're meant to be. It's something you could listen to for hours; his voice, and how angelic it is.

Before you know it, you're done, and his back is the prettiest sunset ever witnessed on this earth – all pinks and oranges, blues and pretty white clouds.

You quickly snap a picture of his back – a little angled, capturing just how divine his physique is, but also the art that adorns it. You're no Picasso, but you ain't half bad.

"Here," you say as you clamber off him, and pass him your phone.

He sits up a little, resting on his elbows and looks at the picture with a smile so warm he could burn a hole in the blanket he's lying on top of. Doesn't ask your permission as he presses a few buttons and sets it as your wallpaper.

"I love it," he says softly, passing you back your phone. Angles himself perfectly for a kiss, and you don't even give a second thought as you sink your lips into his. "Talented baby, aren't you?"

"I'm okay," you blush, a little embarrassed by his praise – but he shakes his head.

" So good. Give Tae a run for his money."

"Now that's just an insult to Tae," you laugh, getting comfy on the sheets beneath you both. On your back, you look up to the sky above you. Deep and dark, nighttime greets you like an old friend.

Still on his front, Jeongguk sinks back down, but keeps his head angled towards you. "You don't give yourself enough credit, B."

You think you give yourself plenty. Won't argue against him, 'cause you know what he's like. He'll just double down and be even kinder and then you'll have no choice but the say fuck it and break the rules of your little five-date challenge. It's already been torture. Having him play nicely will only make it worse.

Looking over at him, you brush a little bit of his hair back, as if it were out of place. It wasn't. You just wanted an excuse to touch him. He knows this. Doesn't object. Lets you toy with his hair, because he likes the contact just as much as you do. Has got those pesky stars in his midnight eyes again.

"That thing you said earlier," you muse. "About the birds, and them leading us here..."

"What about it?"

Smiling a little to yourself, you weigh up whether or not you want to divulge a weakness – then decide that he deserves to know. Even though he's never expressed much insecurity over what happened with Jimin, it must be something he considers from time to time.

"I had such a crush on you," you smile, leaning into your weakness, 'cause you know they'll make whatever you have going on with Jeongguk stronger.

"Had?" he hums. "Past tense? You stopped?"

"No," you whisper, as if you're sharing a secret. Bite down on your lip, eyes just as sparkly as the glitter around them. He'll never grow tired of looking at you. Never. "Let me finish my little story."

"Sorry, sorry," he grins, biting down on his lip too, 'cause he just can't help himself. Is so terribly enamoured with you. Can feel his blood as it races through his body, alive with the sensation of what it feels like to experience all the high of a drug without any of the comedowns. In the corner of his mouth, his lip ring does the thing, and it confirms that your crush could never be past tense.

"You remember that first night? In Dionysus?"

He nods.

"I just... God, I fancied you so much," you laugh covering your face with your hand – but it's pulled away by an equally smiley Jeongguk. "Like... You were just so cool, and nice, and – I mean, you have access to mirrors. It's so embarrassing –"

"It's not," he encourages, squeezing the hand he's still holding.

"Oh, but it is," you assure him ever so playfully. "You asked me what I liked – "

"I remember," he says, not to interrupt you, just to reassure you that the memories of that night are just as impactful for him. That he cared just as much as you did, even if neither of you realised it. "Said alcohol."

You nod. "It wasn't a lie – but it wasn't the whole truth."

"No?"

"No," you admit. "Was totally lost for words. Couldn't think of an answer that wasn't 'you'. Panicked and just said alcohol and like – oh god, it's so embarrassing – I just... I thought you were so nice. And not in the way that people say 'nice' to mean boring, I mean nice in the kindest of ways. You were like... like this beacon, right. Like this light . And I just wanted to be wherever you were."

You've never really thought about it, but a light is the best way to describe Jeongguk. He's hope after hardship. The promise of something new. Stars burning so brightly they could blind. It'd make sense.

After all - disco balls need to be shined upon. Need light to reflect the magnificence of their mirrors.

And perhaps you needed Jeongguk. Not to fix you, nor to pretend like your past had never happened; but to help you restore yourself. Become stronger. He put glue on your glass, and let you stick it in place. Different from what you once were, but arguably far more beautiful. Complex in a way your past self wouldn't recognise.

Maddeningly complicated, and yet so effortlessly simple; that's you and Jeongguk. Just a girl, and a boy. A disco ball, and a barman. A bad decision, and the conviction to make it regardless of the outcome – and fuck . You're glad for it. Would make all your mistakes ten times over if it put you here.

Your only regret is that it took you so long.

"That's why you kept coming back to the bar, hm?" He hums.

"I drank far too much that night," you laugh. "Would also get halfway through a drink, and then give it to Hobes just so I could run back to get another one from you."

The admittance is just as freeing as it is embarrassing. Honesty is nice, and the least of what you both deserve.

"That first summer," he says, exhaling a deep breath. Decides to repay your vulnerability with a little of his own. "I looked for you. Every shift. I served drinks, and I looked for you in the crowd and did little else. Drove myself crazy on the nights you weren't there."

"I was there most weeks," you remind him – but then that reminds you both that the first weekend you weren't there was the time when Seokjin came back to town just to fuck with your still fragile heart. It doesn't affect you now, not in the way it did. Still annoys you. Pisses you off that someone could treat you so horribly – but it doesn't hurt. Not anymore. "And even when I wasn't... Well, I mean I still ended up at yours that night, didn't I, Gguk? My silly little brain felt like it was falling apart and it thought , y'know what'll fix this? Fix me? Jeongguk ."

There's silence for a second. Acknowledgement that this has always been more than what you've tried to cosplay it as.

"Just took me a while to realise," you admit a little sheepishly.

"When?" he quietly implores. "When did you realise?"

"Think I've known for a while, now," you admit. "But for definite ? Pohang – Yoongi and Seoyeon's celebrations – that's where I kinda reached the point of no return, yanno? Knew that if you didn't want more, then I was screwed."

He shakes his head with a disbelieving smile - not at you, but at how stupidly poetic it all is. Mutters, "Something about sea air, man."

"Whatcha mean?"

"Busan," he simply states. "That's when I knew. I mean, I already knew – but then Busan happened and I just... you asked me what we were. And I panicked. Thought that you were reinforcing the whole... friends thing."

"Oh, you idiot," you laugh. "Gguk, I was practically begging for you to say that it meant more."

"Yeah, see, retrospectively, that's very clear – but hey! You never outwardly said you liked me!"

"Because rejection might not be my main issue, but it's still not nice!"

"Oh my God," he gasps, coming to an awful realisation. " I rejected you . I totally rejected you. Oh, I'm so sorry."

And despite the apologies that are mumbled through little giggles, and the way he keeps calling you baby, it's the way Jeongguk holds your cheeks and peppers you in teeny tiny kisses – forehead, nose, cheeks, lips – that let you know he really does mean it.

The night dissolves in much the same way – laughter and kisses that are really just an excuse to feel close to one another. The security that comes with admitting you didn't rush in, that this is something you've given an endless amount of thought to, is liberating.

Jeongguk does argue, again, that you don't need the five dates. Whines. Says that you're both sure of it. Says that he's basically been dating you for months. Tells you how nice it feels to talk like this. How happy it makes him feel. How much he wishes he could go back in time. Undo things, and get them right the first time.

"I don't mind," you muse, still up on the rooftop as it nears midnight. You're looking up at the stars, and Jeongguk is on his front, head resting on your chest. Mindlessly playing with his hair, you provide him with a comfort he doesn't think he's ever felt before. "The things that went wrong, I mean. You're still obsessed with me regardless-"

"I tolerate you," he jokes, and it makes you smile.

The thing is, you've been tolerated before.

Jeongguk doesn't tolerate you. He venerates you. Reveres. Worships, on occasion. Adores, constantly. Even when you fight, or are being quite intolerable, he never looks at you without stars in his eyes. You've argued before. Insisted that he didn't give a shit, but you've never believed it. Not really. Just wanted him to say that he cared.

'Cause unlike people from the past, you know that Jeongguk does. Know that you don't need to beg him to treat you with compassion.

And so you say, "You're a liar, Jeon Jeongguk."

"Yeah," he whispers with a smile. "I am."

"You are obsessed with me."

"Yeah. I am."

"You should shower," you eventually concede, knowing you need to go back to reality and face the world at some point. "Wash this paint off. Have left it on for far too long already. You'll break out."

"Don't act like you give a shit about my skin," Jeongguk laughs. "You just want me naked."

"I never said I'd join you."

"You always join me."

"Not today."

"You're gonna kill me," Jeongguk whines into your chest. Squeezes a boob, just 'cause he can. "So mean, Disco Ball."

"And that," you laugh, ridding his grip on you. "That's exactly why I won't be joining you."

Funny, really.

Not even ten minutes later, he's standing beneath the steamy onslaught of your shower, back pressed to the tiles, a brow raised as the water runs down his torso. The rivulets drip across his abs, down his v-line and to his –

"That thing where I said I wasn't gonna join you-"

"Get in."

28 notes · View notes

crimeronan · 4 years

Note

Can you explain the appeal of Julian Blackthorn? This is a genuine question because I read the books and came away utterly bored by him and unconvinced of his moral greyness as opposed to like, Adam Parrish’s. He seemed so one dimensional to me but I want to know if I’m Wrong TM considering I tend to be very very biased toward my favourite characters and bored by the rest, and my favourites were Mark and Kieran. So maybe I just didn’t pay him enough attention??

it’s been a while since i wrote any earnest tsc meta but cringe culture is dead and the chance to infodump about my julian thoughts has me vibrating where i’m sitting so. yes okay.

technical stuff

(aka: things pertaining to How The Story Is Constructed)

cassandra clare’s characterization has become much stronger just in general since she first began writing the series like twenty years ago

perhaps most importantly: the more recent stuff i’ve read from her has involved characters who actually grow, change, and learn from their past mistakes

rather than repeating the same stupid decisions over and over again

and over and over and over some more

seriously take a shot every time someone in tmi miscommunicates or self-destructs in ways They Have Learned Not To Do for no real reason. u will die of alcohol poisoning

in tda this shines ESPECIALLY with the evolution of mark, kieran, and cristina’s relationship, but that’s a separate post

clare’s trademark is also the angsty traumatized jerkass love interest with a secret heart of gold

the woman is almost singlehandedly responsible for draco in leather pants and the proliferation of this kind of character type in fandom and teen lit. this isn’t a criticism it’s me marveling at how if you commit hard enough to a single trope you truly can change the world. follow your dreams

sad jackass with a heart of gold isn’t an Inherently Problematic Character Type

but poorly done it can lead to relationship dynamics in which one partner is constantly being hurt by and then forgiving the other despite them making no real effort to change, because they are narratively absolved due to being sad

(there’s a lot of this with earlier jace content. in some ways i think will was later created specifically to be a same-archetype protagonist who actually does get called on his shit and grow. that’s also another post)

also if all of your sexy male love interests are tortured jackasses with a heart of gold then people start calling you a one-trick pony

enter julian blackthorn!

from the very start everything about him is designed to be the INVERSE of the heart of gold jackass. which immediately makes him interesting just from a meta perspective

(mark and kieran are also both alternate angles on this time-honored archetype. mark gets the heart of gold and kieran gets the jackass and then they’re both much more deeply messy than that. yet another post)

julian is kind, self-sacrificing, empathetic, artistic, emotionally supportive, responsible, and favored by old grannies everywhere

so a completely nonthreatening milquetoast guy, right

immediately forgettable if you’re only here for the dramatic conflicts and shithead antics of clare’s other protags

except that he is A Mess

and that he has structured his priorities very carefully, and they are as selfless as you expect from The Hero (TM) but they are also Not Heroic (TM) and they do not align with the moral framework The Hero (TM) is supposed to use

moral ambiguity in characters always exists in relation to their narratives imo. you mention adam parrish - trc’s narrative already mucks around in different ethical shades of gray, and adam falls on the canon scale about where julian does on his canon scale. both more willing than the average pov character to do the ruthless thing or make the fucked-up choice if the ends justify the means; both with an intensely strong sense of internal priorities that they adhere to at all costs, both so unbelievably fucking down for murder; etc

i do think there are ways julian’s choices could have been pushed even further, but considering the number of readers who hate his guts already, i can see why clare opted not to go for the most controversial possible conflicts

so we’re flipping the narrative

instead of seeing this angsty bad boy and peeling back the layers of his trauma to find his heart of gold, we’re seeing the put-together selfless family man and peeling back the layers of his Responsibility Mask to expose the rotting husk underneath

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

THAT IS FUN AS FUCK

then when julian DOES lash out in hurtful, uncontrolled ways, he has significantly more narrative justification for it than most of clare’s protagonists (will elaborate in characterization thoughts)

julian is also interesting as fuck because of how his struggles allow for a more in-depth look at the failings of shadowhunter society, something that’s also sorely lacking in clare’s earlier work

his apparent amorality is simply the result of him making pragmatic and impossible choices because he has been faced with fucked-up ethical dilemmas since age 12 Because Society Has Failed Him

which opens the door for narrative exploration of how and why he’s been failed so badly & what needs to change

i also love that he has such a coldly calculated way of analyzing situations and allowing harm to occur when need be, bc a lot of clare’s early protagonists have such a bad case of Rush In And Get Myself Killed Because I’ve Got Feelings About Impulsive Heroism syndrome that i wanna push them in front of a truck

probably there’s other meta narrative stuff i could say but i’m stopping myself and moving on to character analysis

characterization stuff

(aka: reasons why i’m also attached to him in a vacuum)

i don’t read him as one-dimensional at all tbh

u may feel the narrative pushes “ruthless julian blackthorn” too much without delivering enough actual ruthless julian But i don’t think that’s the same as having only one dimension

from the get-go, the big question centered on julian is always “how far are you willing to go?” and the narrative pushes the stakes slowly higher and higher to continuously test julian’s “the price is always justified” mindset

he has a far more layered and realistic response to trauma than clare’s early protagonists - trauma affects every single aspect of his personality and how he conducts himself, and the effects vary depending on the circumstances

his conviction that he has to be the perfect parent to his siblings because they will fall apart if they see him show weakness?? rooted in how he feels like he’s fallen apart since losing the stable adult support he once relied upon

his willingness to hurt semi-innocent people, commit coldblooded murder, manipulate people using political leverage, allow harm to befall any stranger if it protects his family?? rooted in how he has already had to ask himself how much he’s willing to sacrifice, and how his family is his only source of stability when the world has never done Shit for him

his conviction that he has a darker heart than anyone else because he killed his possessed father, even though intellectually he knows he was saving his brother’s life?? rooted in having no means of processing this trauma and being unable to voice his feelings for fear of backlash from a deeply non-understanding society

the way he represses every single negative emotion he ever has, to the point where emma - his actual literal magic soulmate who can feel his emotions - is startled to find him hurting or angry?? once again all about how he has to be the perfect father or he’s failed completely

the way his anger is so totally disproportionate to different situations and the way his negative emotions can only come out in completely uncontrolled breaks?? all that repression baybey. this kid has not processed a single bad feeling in five years. every single real grievance and petty annoyance has been festering indefinitely inside him like a slowly spreading infection

julian’s arc involves him needing to get thru being his worst self to actually start to heal

as in, he has to actually learn to acknowledge his feelings, take care of himself, lean on his family, and let other people take some responsibility

he also has to learn that in his quest to be the perfect emotionally controlled authority figure, he has not actually learned how to control or deal with his emotions. like. At Fucking All. good god

the narrative setup is also about asking “how far are you willing to go?” until the answer is finally “not this far. not this far”

and once he reaches that point, he has to reevaluate everything about how he weighs his priorities and morals and plans, etc

(i also like that emma has a perpendicular arc in which she’s always the one tempering julian and telling him “no we can’t go that far” until she’s willing to do something horrific that he absolutely won’t and HE has to stop HER. very sexy)

it’s also just really nice to have a character who’s learned to relate so well to literally every single member of his family while still having a very detached ruthless interior consciousness. i have similar feelings about how adam teaches himself to love people, but with julian it’s spelled out more explicitly in canon & it’s a more central character theme

i’m sure i’m also forgetting stuff here but this post is long enough so i’m gonna say good enough

and like i said in the tags on my other post, there are things i’d personally write differently if it were my story - plot points i’d shift, character contrasts i’d up, themes i’d explore differently, pacing i’d adjust, etc. i have plenty of ways i could be nitpicky and editorial about the effectiveness of julian’s arc. but i also don’t feel like writing them out at the moment & none of my critiques on effectiveness have an impact on the core appeal of his character 2 me. he’s so fucking good

#replies #tsc #tda #julian blackthorn #meta #long post #ungodly long post.#shadowhunters #Anonymous

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snkpolls · 5 years

Text

SnK S3E15 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 321 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

RATE THE EPISODE 308 Responses

Overall the fandom enjoyed the episode, with the vast majority of votes being at either a 4 or 5.

Best ep of the season thus far, Bert's monologue/transformation was amazing. Some fantastic VA work by Tomohisa and Inoue as well. CG CT also looked far better than I thought he would. These next few episodes are going to kill me. I can't wait.

Fantastic episode. Bertholdt's monologue was the best part.

Great episode, very dramatic, awesome OST. I am not looking forward to the next few eps, except for Floch's villain origin story!

Can’t wait for the next episode, this one was so good!

Editing was a bit choppy, voice lines cut half a second too quick a few times.

First ep of S3P2 to get a 10/10 from me <3

The animation was pretty lacking in this episode. R&B’s running animation on the wall felt pretty lazy, there was that reused shot of the beast Titan’s throw from season 2, Bertholdt’s character design felt inconsistent as well as Zeke’s. They really need to get the old team back on the animation cause the current team clearly doesn’t know how to handle aot. It’s getting on my nerves.

The episode was absolutely awesome.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 308 Responses

The Bertl Bomb™ was the scene that respondents were most excited about. Following behind that was Mikasa’s brief skirmish with Bertolt, and closely behind that was Armin and Bertolt’s shouting match on the rooftops.

BERUTORUTO=GOD

I’m mikasasexual

As a huge Bertholdt fan, it was so great to see Bert as the centre of attention for once. It makes me really sad knowing what comes next.

Bert bomb made my bomb go off

I love Bertholdt's resolve. This scene made him one of my favorite characters.

Bertholdt vs. Mikasa was so fire 🔥

One of the best episodes without a doubt. Bertholdt's monologue before transforming was even more impactful than in the manga.

Explosion aftermath was disappointing. I expected a sea of fire. The one they gave us doesn't feel like something big just happened

That "Levi's 5 seconds of screen time" was good, too!

Why isn't "Mikasa comforting and protecting Armin" an option for favorite moment in this episode? Because those were definitely my favorite moments in the episode

The partner gesture between Reiner and Bertl is the death of me

Am I the only one who get's goosebumps in the scene before he transformed himself into the colossalus titan and said: 'I feel like, no matter how this all plays out, I can accept whatever happens. That's right, nobody's in the wrong. There's nothing we could do. Because this world....is just...that cruel.' This scene was impressive back in the manga and I'm proud how good Tomohisa Hashizume nailed it. He's an amazing voice actor, especially for Bertholdt.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE APETITAN AND YOUSEEBIGGIRL REARRANGES? 296 Responses

Overall the fandom was excited about the new versions of familiar songs with 71% of respondents feeling that they were “totally epic!” 18% agree that the rearranges were good, but that they can’t surpass the original versions.

The soundtrack was lit.

Music was awesome!

Ngl I've watched the episode many times bc the OST during some scenes is just SO GOOD!!

WHO WON THE SHOUTING MATCH? 308 Responses

Over ¾ of the fandom agree that Bertolt dominated the shouting match on the rooftop.

I feel Armin won the "debate" because Bertolt, in his zeal to convince himself that he wanted to kill people he used to see as friends, wasn't making any sense

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT BERTOLT’S DEVELOPMENT AT THIS POINT? 308 Responses

46% of respondents were happy to see how far Bertolt had come as a character at this point in the story, while 34% were just happy to get more dialogue and thoughts from him. A small percentage had been curious where his character would go from here.

Godtolt on the way

He ditched the alter ego built up out of guilt, and it's cool to see him truly one of the strongest characters fighting off Mikasa while in human form

I wish we had more Bertl development! He could’ve been really complex, but just isn’t due to a lack of screentime. Compared to someone like Reiner or Annie, this was his one moment of pure raw character development

He reveals his true warrior colors

I loved it, one of my favourite chapters because of his resolve and how he himself was surprised about it.

He's only moving forward as a character and does what needs to be done. Bertholdt, your doing amazing sweetie!

With all this development just to kill him off was heart breaking.

Honestly, I’m so proud of him. He was amazing and it’s so nice to see a confident Bert. I don’t think it’s a development worth praising in terms of moral standards but it suited and made sense for his character

I feel like this is where his character peaked. It was pretty flat before season 2

I just don’t like bertolt in generalI really like his development but it's a shame that he severely lacked screen time before this episode

I'm not really a fan of Bertolt so I'm neutral on this

I still hate his traitorous guts and can't wait for THAT scene to be animated

Fucking loved it. It's one of my favorite chapters (and now episodes) just because he's talking so much and he's badass af. My boy is finally shining!

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT ARMIN BLUFFING ABOUT ANNIE A SECOND TIME? 306 Responses

Just over half of respondents feel that Armin should have tried a different tactic with Bertolt, while 46% felt that it was worth another shot to try and manipulate Bertolt’s feelings for Annie again.

Has Armin ever convinced anyone of anything they didn't already believe?

He was so used to Bertholdt’s behavior and there was nothing that would’ve made Armin think Bertholdt would have the reaction that he did

Lame. He didn't use much of intelligence here.

It's low, I'm happy it didn't work again

He learned some pretty vital things - how far the Warriors are willing to go, what their priorities are, what Bert's state of mind is, and where his loyalties truly lie. I don't imagine Armin went down that track solely because he thought it would have the exact same effect, but rather to 'check something' - exactly the same as Bertolt.

I think it not only was a good attempt to take (it worked before, why not try it again), but I also think it is incredibly important to show Armin's flaws. Yes, he's an amazing strategist. He's also still sixteen and not always entirely confident. Having Armin make mistakes like relying on old ploys that worked keeps his character more grounded and realistic

Smart people tend to use the same tactics over and over again as long as they're successful and for good reason. After all, why wouldn't you use the same tactic if you know it brings success? If it ain't broke, don't fix it. It's only when said strategy or tactic doesn't work where the individual would entertain the prospect of changing it or never using it again.

That’s Very Unfortunate!

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT CGI COLOSSAL TITAN? 306 Responses

36% of respondents aren’t very impressed with the CGI colossal titan, while 29% actually found the effect to be pretty awesome! 13% feel it’s disturbing and a small 7% just find it cringeworthy.

Alright

CGI doesn't bother me. What bothers me is how animators overly rely on it. Several decades ago animators made great masterpieces without cgi, all by hand. I understand using it because it makes things easier, but exceeding quality should still be top priority. If you can't make it better with CGI, then go old school and do it right.

Decent but could be better

U can still notice it is CGI but I think their CGI has gotten better compared to some of their earlier uses of it

Doesn't fit with the art style, which is as bad as unfair splitting potatoes

Not too bad but could definitely have been better. Understandable since there has only been one full body shot of it before and that was a sharp backwards, down looking angle.

Don’t really care much for cgi complaints, animating that would be a lot of work, their efforts are better elsewhere

It was necessary and didn't look appallingly bad.

I don't get why people hate it so much? I think it's fine

I hated it in season 2 and I hate it more now

Bad

Don't like CGI anything in any anime so take from that what you will

Most angles he looks fine! The only part that he looked off was when we got the face shot of him panning out to the rest of his body

Thought it looked solid. There were some really great shots of him this ep imo. Hopefully the action bits will look as good, and they mix in some 2D shots as well.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE 104TH RIDING ON TITAN EREN? 306 Responses

Over half of the fandom agree that this detail is something that’s very adorable, while 22% feel it’s just pretty neat. A combined 21% of respondents either feel it’s not that big of a deal or simply don’t care about it.

>AMJCS who cares?

Good boy protecting his friends? Hell Yeah!

I want to ride pieck - Not an innuendo, i just want a go in one of her turrets

It's gay

Lads you would never get me off that thing, I'd be saddling him up to go grocery shopping

Save me a seat guys!!

HOW WELL DID THE EPISODE ADAPT THE CORRESPONDING CHAPTERS? 306 Responses

Manga readers are overall happy with the adaptation of chapters 77 and 78, with over 90% saying that it was close to being perfectly done.

DID MARCO’S DEATH AFFECT YOU AS MUCH AS IT DID IN THE MANGA? 305 Responses

41% of respondents felt more heartbroken to see Marco’s death play out in the anime, while 31% say they felt more sympathetic toward Marco. 14% weren’t affected when this scene played out in either story-telling medium.

About the same level, still utterly heartbreaking, though

DEATH TO THE TITAN TRIO!

Didn't feel as much. Not because it was a bad adaptation, but just because I've already read it and knew what went down.

I felt more sorry for RBA than Marco in this version

I still had lot of emotions with the adaptation, but there's no compare to experiencing it for the first time

I was absolutely sobbing when I read it in the manga. Anime-wise I was more prepared to handle the scene

Watching Marco die again reminds me of why, even in current manga, I still completely and utterly LOATHE/DESPISE/HATE RBA. No, I don't care about their "tragic backstory", they don't deserve empathy of any kind.

It had the same impact when I first watched the trailer for the Lost Girls OVA, which spoiled me his death

It was tough to watch, but it was necessary to deepen Reiner, Bertolt, Annie (and Marco)'s characters. It was very well done, dramatically

Oh fuck it was WAY WORSE animated. Actually hearing his cries and screams is something that can never be duplicated in written form

I did not anticipate being as affected as I was by the Marco flashback. That doesn’t give me hope for how I’m going to handle the rest of the RtS arc. The emotions of the characters are being portrayed very well this season.

NOW THAT WE’VE HAD A CHANCE TO LISTEN TO ZEKE HAVE MORE DIALOGUE, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HIS VOICE? 305 Responses

The majority of the fandom believe that Zeke’s seiyuu is a good fit for his character, although over half of the fandom had expected his voice to sound a bit different. 10% feel it wasn’t the best choice, while a small sliver of respondents don’t care for the voice at all.

I can't unhear DIO. Thanks Zeke, thanks Koyasu.

Zeke's VA also voices a lovely, kind character in Violet Evergarden, so his lines are making me really, really uncomfortable

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT PIECK’S TITAN VOICE? 307 Responses

30% of respondents are excited about Pieck’s titan voice, while 28% feel it’s not what they expected to hear. 18% find the voice “acceptable” while 17% want to wait and hear more before making a final verdict.

Pieck's voice was unexpected in that it was terrifying, much like Ymir's Titan voice

Holy shit. I'm gonna hear it in my nightmares

I rabu Piku.

REGARDING CURRENT MANGA EVENTS, DO YOU THINK REINER STILL WANTS TO STAY TRUE TO HIS PROMISE TO YMIR? 308 Responses

Nearly half of the fandom believe that Reiner would still like to honor his promise to Ymir, but feel that he will never actually get to pull through. 15% believe that he’s still determined to save Historia no matter what, and 18% believe that he’s actually stopped caring about his promise (or perhaps just Historia in general) altogether.

Good question. I really want to have a scene with him facing Historia, his reaction to her pregnancy should be interesting

He doesn't want to save HISTORIA because he doesn't know her. The one he wanted to save was KRISTA. But she is already "dead"

I think Reiner has done what he needed to

I'm not sure, I think his main concerns are the kids and stopping Eren

It has to be real low on his priority list right about now given the circumstances

Of course not, Reiner only cares about his own manpain

He still calls her Krista and she probably has already chosen a side most likely Yeagerist

ARMIN HAD WISHED FOR A CHANCE TO NEGOTIATE AT THIS POINT, SIMILAR TO CURRENT MANGA EVENTS. IS THIS PROOF THAT HE HASN’T BEEN CHANGED BY BERTOLT’S MEMORIES? 308 Responses

44% don’t want to say either way whether Armin’s pre-titan behavior is indicative of the influence that Bertolt may or may not have over the Armin we know in the current manga. 39% believe that this is proof Eren’s words to Armin were total B.S., and 12% think this isn’t really proof of anything.

Armin Has always been the diplomat, while Eren is a man of force. Mikasa is in between. It has always been that way.

Past and future are influenced the same when paths are concerned so there's no way to tell.

I don’t think it’s enough to prove or disprove but this is an interesting idea

I don't get this 'changed' shit. Of course having access to someone else's memories has its own influence on a person, but that's true of anyone on the planet who's read a memoir as well. Everything has its effect. The titan shifter thing is obviously a bit more invasive than that, but it doesn't mean he's now suddenly possessed by Beartoto's fucking undead spirit.

I'd like to think it is but with everything Isayama's been throwing at us from out of left field who knows

he's always wished for negotiation, but he seems to have changed in his methods for negotiation. armin used to be more abrupt and upfront, whereas now he seems more tentative

No, he wasn't chanced that much. He understands RBA better and has more sympathy for Annie (maybe even has a crush on her) but it has nothing to do with being a slave.

SIMILARLY, MIKASA POINTS OUT HOW BERTOLT FEELS LIKE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON. ARE THE MEMORIES OF HIS PREDECESSOR AFFECTING HIM IN THIS ARC? 306 Responses

Over half of the fandom feel that Bertolt’s current behavior at this point in the series is of his own will, and not influenced by any prior holders of the Colossal Titan. 38% think it’s possible he’s being influenced by memories of his predecessor(s) at this time, while a small percentage feel that he is definitely being influenced by someone else’s memories.

He was badass but I think he was affected by memories of the previous CT owner.

I think that Mikasa thinks he’s acting like a different person because he is. I think this is what Bertholdt is really like but with the 104th he was playing a role so he didn’t get too attached to them.

Still wondering if the "he seemed like a different person" comment was a note about development or supposed to foreshadow something about the Titans influencing their hosts.

I think it’s original Ymir controlling him through the paths

Probably. It seems like a bit of a drastic change to go from quiet, self-deprecating and remorseful to cold, outspoken, and trying to morally justify his actions. It's just too drastic a change.

Confidence boost is completely irrelevant to paths.

We don’t even know Bert’s previous predecessors!

Nope, that's have something to do with "character development", people change sometimes after time and grown more indepented and strong of their own shadow.

I always thought of it more as Bertie finally coming down on a side and the pair picking up on that. He was always so meek and indecisive, but now he's been forced to make a choice and to do it he has to shed his old skin and become more ruthless.

Not at all he ditched his guilt that made up the act they knew him for.

WHAT SCENE ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO IN THE PREVIEW? 307 Responses

The overwhelming majority of respondents are looking forward to the Survey Corps’ suicide charge against the Beast Titan and his flying boulders. Nearly 30% are looking forward to the moment that Levi gives Erwin his promise to kill the Beast Titan. A small percentage are most looking forward to Armin and Jean decide who’s going to lead the 104th to victory.

I am not ready for the next two episodes

I’m gonna get my ASS FUCKED SO HARD I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. THERES GONNA BE SHIT EVERYWHERE. ERWINS GONNA FUCKING DIE. LEVIS GONNA BE SAD.

fuck next week's shit is good, hype

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

The "predecessor's memory affecting current shifter" is, as far as I'm aware, just a theory that I don't buy into. I've only seen a person "changed" because of the Founding Titan's vow. Otherwise, the shifter's personality remains the same. Armin has always been an advocate for talking and negotiation. We see this in the Trost arc when the Garrison nearly kill Eren with that cannonball. So no, I don't think anyone's memories are "affecting" anyone, including current Eren.

Loved pretty much everything in this episode except for the CGI CT. Didn't expect to see uncensored Reiner, which was weird because Mikasa cutting off Bert's ear was more censored. And I'm a bit disappointed we didn't see more shots of Bert with his V fringe off his forehead. He looked so cool in the manga!

This episode gave me anxiety 'cause I know what we'll going to deal in the next three ones. The soundtrack gave intensity in every scene that its put on it, plus the fantastic job of the VA, perfect work. And just thinking about how the next episodes will be.... *goosebumps*

Wit studio handled the cgi very well imo. It's very difficult to animate this action heavy arca with rubble, smoke, odm scenes etc. and I think they are adapting the manga very well with the right pacing per episode which is also a challenge to fit within 20 minutes.

Bertolt is best boi and this episode was the best of all 3. He deserved to survive and mature up. Hashizume nailed him JUST RIGHT and his interactions with Reiner this episode were on point. The scene where he outsmarted Armin and countered Mikasa was worthy of applause.

i wish it wasn’t too rushed some moments aren’t as emotional as they should be

mikasa looked so good this episode and i'm so happy with how wit isn't screwing her over

After seeing this episode and Marco's death, it makes me sad that Reiner lost his pal Bertolt. They should be suffer bois together. Even still, some of the animation this episode was reallyy not great, so I rated the episode a 4.

Bertolt has proved on this episode that he's one of the best character of the series

I miss berthold so much and seeing him at his best was awesome but it’s really hard knowing what’s going to happen next

This is shaping up to be the best season of Attack On Titan. Cheers for more!

zeke’s beard is the tenth titan shifter

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 295 Responses

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again in a few days!

#snk spoilers #snk s3 #snk poll #snk polls #poll results

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