#Brother Haggadah

[girlactionfigure]

[dailymanuscript]

Folio 5 recto (The 6th & 7th plagues), the Brother Haggadah

[lem0nademouth]

million dollar ideas: haggadot edition

- american girl haggadah. rebecca as the host!! all the girls making cameos! bring ur doll to the seder!

- babysitters club haggadah. thats it thats the pitch

- d&d haggadah that’s interactive and turns ur seder into a game session

- BYOH. bring your own haggadah. let the chaos unfold.

- musical theatre haggadah. i won’t elaborate.

- Drag Race haggadah. four brothers snatch game.

[stars-inthe-sky]

So, hey. How did you and your family celebrate Passover when you were a kid? How about now?

My Rhode Island aunt and uncle almost always hosted a big family Seder, and it was the absolute best. A good Seder is educational, food-filled, and legit fun—it's a ritual meal that includes storytelling, singing, prayers, and a general focus on including and teaching everyone involved, regardless of age or even whether attendees are Jewish. (If ever you're invited to a friend's Seder, go! Do not bring a challah, which my actually-bar-mitzvahed brother-in-law did once as an attempt at a thoughtful host gift. We still make fun of him.)

And my uncle (the same one who officiated at my wedding, and the wedding of my other sister) may well be the greatest host/leader there is; over the years he compiled from a medley of sources what added up to his own Haggadah (basically the guidebook to the Seder—there are a million published and informal versions working off the same template, with readings and activities and interpretations that can go kid-centric or feminist or traditional or whatever). It was always just insanely fun, and warm, and joyous, with incredible food and an increasing array of baked-in, just-us traditions.

Since I went to college basically down the street from their house, and then lived just an hour away in Boston for so long, that was pretty much the heart of my and my family's celebration most years—right up until Passover 2020, at which point the pandemic negated what had been plans to travel from our new home in Illinois for it, and they also downsized and had their own kids scatter geographically and gain very little ones, so that particular tradition is at best on hiatus now.

But there are fun Seders everywhere—well, the Zoom ones of the pandemic years were a mixed bag, but we've found friends who've make a good go of it, over the years, too, if not quite as an elaborately planned out hourslong celebration as my uncle would do. When I studied abroad in Denmark, Boyfriend and I went to an Orthodox Seder that was in a mix of Danish and Hebrew, for instance—that was novel, and so much of the procedure and the Hebrew was familiar enough to follow along.

Still working on exactly where we'll be for those two nights this year (we haven't really met any Jewish families in Pittsburgh yet to garner an invite, and none of the Reform or Conservative synagogues seem to have community events, which is surprising? And I don't really want to go to Chabad?) but we'll figure something out.

That said, as fun as the Seders can and should be, the rest of Passover is a slog of not eating bread or adjacent products, and experiencing whatever it is matzah does to one's digestive system over the course of a week. It's a meaningful observance, and the fact that the relevant rabbinical boards have stopped including rice and legumes in the "no" column in recent years has been great, but...it's ultimately a holiday recalling the story of the Exodus, and how we were slaves once, so, like, there are some less-fun elements. But the freedom celebration parts usually outweigh that!

[tkc-info]

Of Traditions and Young Love

Day 6 - tradition

@wagner-fell @chibi-tsukiko @littleturtle95

1887

Genevieve remembered being a little girl and so very jealous of her mother.

Eliora McLelland, born Eliora Rothschild, had lived the first ten years of her life in the heart of a Jewish community in the German Confederation. In 1819, her family had been forced to flee to Scotland as a result of growing violence against Jews back home. However, up until that year, she’d had a family and friends with which to celebrate their religion’s most important holidays; she’d been surrounded by Jewish people of all ages at all times. And Genevieve had never had that.

Her maternal grandmother and uncles had been killed in Nuremberg —‘stayed in Bavaria’, as Mama used to say— and her grandfather had perished before Genevieve reached two years of age. Her Papa’s family were all Christian and had disowned him when he decided to convert to Judaism, thus it would be absurd to expect them over for Passover or Hanukkah. They didn’t have a great deal of Jewish neighbours, either, and if they did, they had always been ancient matrons, widowed men that expected women to fulfil the role of their late wives, or infants. All in all, no good company for Genevieve, who had spent her childhood resenting her mother for abandoning —thus preventing Genevieve to live in— the place her child’s eyes had withheld as an earthen paradise.

Only with the passing of the years had Genevieve come to realise that her mother hadn’t abandoned her homeland. Her homeland had betrayed her, as well as the many other Jews who’d been forced to emigrate. When Genevieve had been a little girl, she’d only seen the happiness in her mother’s remembrances, not the pain nor the yearning for a different life nor the mourning of a lost childhood. But now, watching her mother converse with Mr. Camille Woolaham of her last Passover in Nuremberg, Genevieve could see the balance of the good and the bad, and how there were times in which the scale tipped over the darker side.

“It had been the first Seder since Frau Weizmann passed away,” Mama was saying. Her silver hair hidden under a black tichel to pair up with her mourning clothes; her wrinkled skin but a faint echo of the girl she’d been “Thus my grandfather,” she continued saying while Camille nodded sombrely “Had to preside over the feast for the first time, as he had become the oldest. You see, we were a great many of us, and in order to ensure events were as little chaotic as possible, the oldest member of our community was entreated to read from the Haggadah. My grandfather was a rather good speaker, but we could all feel Frau Weizmann’s—” she turned to Genevieve and, in Yiddish, requested she translated a word into English.

“Spirit?” Genevieve offered.

She wasn’t quite sitting at the table, rather at a nearby chair watching as the maids cleared the plates.

Mama shrugged. “I suppose,” she turned back to Camille “Where was I? Ah, yes, Frau Weizmann. She was a frightening woman. Rather minuscule of height but fierce of character. My brother had a tendency of sneaking into her kitchen to steal the lekach she made, and when she inevitably got wind of his actions, she compelled him to eat every lekach she had at the moment. Abraham never once asked for any again.”

Camille let out a half-sympathetic hum.

“Naturally, Mr. Woolaham, you as a man, and especially as an Englishman, aren’t familiar with—”

“Mama,” Genevieve hastily interrupted “Do cease talking about food. You extensively told both the Misters Woolaham about your opinion on their country’s cuisine.”

Mama rolled her eyes. She had a particular manner of executing the gesture that elicited tremendous annoyance within Genevieve, for her mother was the loveliest person she knew, but she was also excruciatingly talkative in regards to the matters of culinary differences between the Ashkenazim and just about everyone else.

Camille gave Genevieve a covert nod of gratitude. However, not a second had passed before her mother commenced talking again.

“Genevieve Dinah Eichenwald McLelland, I am— What in the world are you in such a state for, girl?”

The girl in question was none other than Genevieve’s firstborn daughter, born fourteen years ago. Young Madeleine had inherited many of Genevieve’s physical attributes, including her red hair, ghostly-white skin and predisposition for bouts of incorrigible blushing. Such as was the case as of present.

“What state?” Leine protested in a too-high tone “Bube, surely your old eyes are playing tricks on you.”

“Mine are not playing tricks on me,” Genevieve said, rising from her seat as she watched —not with a small degree of private satisfaction— her daughter’s back straighten “What happened?”

“Nothing!” Leine upturned the realm of possibility and blushed even fiercer.

Camille focused on his exquisitely-tailored jacket. A small smile dancing on his lips. Genevieve would inquire after it later —he was fiendishly bright and along their acquaintanceship she’d come to learn that he oftentimes noticed what most didn’t. However, for the time being, she simply lifted her skirts slightly and went to Leine’s side.

“What happened?” she insisted; then, remembering something, or rather someone, frowned “Where is Daniel?”

More colour rose to Leine’s cheeks. She shook her head violently. “Nowhere.”

“I believe he was with Marcus and Viktor, hiding the afikoman,” Camille intervened “Apologies for my horrible pronunciation.”

Mama waved him aside. “I’ve heard worse.”

Camille smiled charmingly. He’d grown rather a lot, from the sullen boy clad in dresses to a confident, content man. Age and wisdom and manhood suited him. “Shall we look for them?” he proposed to Leine as he offered a bent arm “I wish to speak with my husband.”

“Very well,” Leine smiled widely, retreating from Genevieve and going to Camille “We shall do that. You are simply the absolute best uncle, Uncle Camille,” shockingly, she pressed her lips briefly against Camille’s cheek, which she hadn’t done largely since she was a child “I love you.”

Camille hummed. He said his goodbyes to Mama and Genevieve and went out the room, in conversation with Leine. Genevieve would’ve wanted to know what they were talking about, but, alas, they were practically whispering.

“Mr. Woolaham,” Mama supplied a theory when Genevieve expressed her curiosity “Is likely scolding Madeleine for her romance with Daniel Kirkham. And he does good, I say!”

Genevieve’s eyes widened. “Preposterous,” she cried “Leine and Daniel are but friends.”

Mama arched an unimpressed eyebrow at her.

“They are,” Genevieve pressed on “Daniel is a handsome, good boy, but he’s shared a crib with Madeleine. They’ve known each other since childhood.”

“So?”

“One doesn’t fall in love with childhood friends.”

“Bubbeleh, your father was the love of my life, but I promise that supposition is utterly wrong.”

Genevieve brought her fingers to her head, whereupon she began massaging her temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache seeping in. “Impossible, it’s simply impossible,” and, before Mama could voice a reply, she added “Please, I entreat you to keep quiet.”

She truly, fully hoped her mother was wrong. However much Genevieve adored Daniel, he was Christian —even if, on account of Aaron and Sydney’s agnosticism, he didn’t practice Christianity much, if at all— and Leine was Jewish. Their union was politically and religiously impossible, and upon her word, Genevieve wouldn’t have her daughter romantically involved with a man that wasn’t her husband. Such a lifestyle would doom her in the eyes of society.

A presence arrived in the dining room before her worry spiralled down to panic. Viktor Eichenwald, her husband, looked radiant and perfectly content. He had never been the handsomest, doted with who some would call a too-small head and too-odd height, but his smile was the most spectacular among men. He was also intelligent, kind, devoted to Judaism and his family. Capable of harbouring feelings for both men and women, like Genevieve was, thus dulling down her feelings of otherness. He was perfect.

“The kids will never find the afikoman,” he announced proudly after nodding to Mama and kissing his wife’s brow for a brief second.

“You do know they must find it, don’t you?” Genevieve reminded him, her hands on his forearms. She attempted to forget her worries about her daughter “Before midnight, in fact.”

The search for the afikoman —a half-piece of the matzo eaten during the Seder— was a crucial part of Passover. Viktor hid it every year in some obscure nook of their home, and very proudly announced, also yearly, that their children would never be able to find it.

“I’ve enlisted Marcus to help them,” Viktor reassured her.

“A good man,” Mama piped in “I remember a man, Bartholomew Krausz, who was just like him. Every girl wanted him as a husband.”

“Camille is lucky,” Genevieve commented before turning fully to her husband “Where are the kids?”

“Abraham, Hans, Adele and Sophia are with Aaron and Sydney, in the backyard.”

“And Daniel?”

Viktor shrugged. “Somewhere away with Madeleine, I gather. Those two have always been tight.”

From the corner of her eye, Genevieve caught one of her mother’s smirks. She felt the urge to stomp on the floor like a little girl, but thought it best to refrain from doing so. Instead, she got on her tiptoes to kiss her husband’s cheek and said, “You remain here with my mother while I rendezvous with Aaron, Sydney and the kids.”

She waited only for Mama’s ‘take a seat, Herr Eichenwald’ to exit the dining room.

Camille must’ve joined his brother and the rest a few minutes ago, for his form was the first Genevieve’s eyes set on upon arriving into the backyard. He was with his husband; Marcus was laying on the grass with his head on Camille’s lap, and Sophia —Genevieve’s five-year old daughter— sat crosslegged before him, smiling excitedly at something Marcus was saying. Genevieve next noticed her two sons: Abraham —twelve— and Hans —eleven. They looked a fright, what with their mud-stained suits (which Genevieve realised matched Marcus’s), disheveled mass of curls and kippahs close to falling to the ground. It was impossible to get them to remain still for more than thirty minutes; in that regard, they were much like Genevieve herself in her youth.

Aaron and Sydney were with Adele, nine. Most likely, the later man was relating her one of those princess fairytales she was so very fond of. Seconds later, Daniel also appeared from within the woods nearby as if his fathers had summoned him out of thin air. His eyes flickered to Genevieve. A shock of sorts seemed to pass down his back which caused him to straighten, and he announced, in a tight voice. “Good day, I didn’t expect you here.”

Genevieve arched a brow. The greeting had been so formal, so odd coming from careless Daniel, that it didn’t only elicit a response from Genevieve, but from everyone else, too. The kids looked up to him with frowns seeping with confusion, Camille hastened to bow down to whisper something into his husband’s ear —to which Marcus replied with a whisper of his own— and Aaron and Sydney inquired after their son’s formality with no little degree of amusement.

“There is nothing odd about being formal,” Daniel protested as an attempt at defence “Mr. Risewell continuously chastises us for the use of colloquialisms.”

“That might have something to do with the fact that he’s your teacher,” Aaron offered.

“This isn’t Eton, lad,” Sydney added.

Genevieve felt the beginnings of a smile tugging her lips upwards as Daniel further adopted a stance of defensiveness, and his fathers thus continued teasing him for erring on the side of formality. They were a lovely family, antithetical to everything society —any society— stood for, but with such successful bonds Genevieve couldn’t help but feel hopeful that, one day, the world would know how innocent, how good, families like theirs could be.

“Daniel,” Sophia eventually inquired “Where is Leine?”

“Er,” Daniel looked at Genevieve, then shifted his gaze to his hands, which he inspected thoroughly “How could I be expected to know? Oughtn’t you be searching for something?”

Sophia cocked her little head to the side. “What?”

“The afikoman, darling,” Marcus reminded her at the same time as he fondly tugged at one of her pigtails.

“Did Papa hide it again this year?”

“Every Passover, bubbeleh,” Genevieve told her.

Sophia’s eyes widened impossibly. “Really? He’s quite naughty, isn’t he?”

Genevieve laughed. “Indeed.”

She was about to add something else, but then Abraham asked, “And where is he?”

“In the dining room, with Bube, since none of you wanted to keep your ageing grandmother entertained,” she dutifully replied. Perhaps against her better wishes, for it only took Abraham a glance at Hans as soon as that last word had left her mouth, for the boys to dart into the house. Consecutively, Adele hopped to her feet and dashed after her older brothers.

“I should go with them. They truly will need help,” Marcus stood up and extended a hand at Camille “Care to keep me company, Mr. Woolaham?”

Camille clasped his hand. “Gladly, Mr. Woolaham.”

After they left, Sophia turned to Genevieve. “Really, Mummy, you ought to halt Papa’s wicked ways.”

“What do you mean?” Genevieve asked, smiling.

“He can’t keep stealing the afikoman, Mummy,” Sophia protested “How else are we supposed not to starve to death if he takes away our food?”

“Bubbeleh, you’re being a wee dramatic, don’t you think?” Genevieve kneeled down and tugged a strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear “One of the funner parts of Passover is finding the afikoman,” she glanced up and found Daniel staring intently at her, though the moment she took notice of it, he averted his eyes “Daniel, won’t you guide Sophia to the dining room? Sophia, dearest, your siblings can’t find the afikoman without your fierce intellect helping them.”

Sophia seemed unwilling. Thankfully, a tiny bit of pressuring on Sydney’s side (‘Marcus will also need your aid’) finally convinced her to acquiesce.

“My apologies for the excess of formality,” Daniel murmured before Sophia ushered him inside.

Genevieve watched his retreating form, deep in thought. She went back to her mother’s words, her belief that Daniel and Leine were romancing one another, how unfathomable it had seemed then —and how un-impossible it seemed now. Why else would Daniel abandon his familiarity so suddenly? Why else had Genevieve not once seen Daniel and Leine together, when they used to be attached by the hip?

The notion of her daughter being in love with a man who wasn’t Jewish, shockingly, didn’t upset Genevieve. Leine loved her religion —of that Genevieve was sure— but one could easily be entranced by a Christian or an atheist. Genevieve ought to know: Madeleine Woolaham had captured her heart so very many years ago, and though time and her death had dulled Genevieve’s love into mere fondness, her past passion had been real. She worried about the repercussions their love would have on their lives, were they to seek their union, but Genevieve was none to judge.

“Daniel is a good boy,” she heard herself mutter.

“He’s grown rather a lot,” Aaron replied from behind her.

They and Sydney were now the only ones in the backyard.

“Into a fine, young man,” Sydney added.

“I remember still when you brought him home. The night of the thirty-first of December.”

Genevieve turned to them, curious. The matters involving Daniel’s adoption were puzzling, to say the least. One day it had just been Aaron and Sydney, the next they were bringing along an infant for Passover. Genevieve had inquired after it only once —on Daniel’s baptism— but Sydney had made it adamantly clear that no one but Daniel himself was entitled to that knowledge, and that nothing would be disclosed without his consent, which Daniel clearly had never given.

“He should spend the rest of April here,” Genevieve proposed so as to put a halt to her friends’s dwellings.

Aaron arched a blond eyebrow at her. “That’s not our tradition.”

He’d said ‘tradition’ with so much ease it took Genevieve a second to register his words, and then be shocked about them. They’d never before talked about traditions they had built until that moment, but they did have traditions. Aaron, Sydney and Daniel —sometimes accompanied by Marcus and Camille— always went to Scotland for Passover and Hanukkah. Genevieve’s family always went to England for Christmas and their New Years. All of that was to be expected, awaited year-round, and Genevieve felt delighted by it.

“Daniel’s been terribly busy since he got into Eton,” Genevieve said, trying to conceal her happiness so as to further observe the subject at hand “Leine and my other kids would love some extended time with him,” she smiled “You two old men are permitted to stay, as well.”

“How kind of you,” Aaron commented “Is there anything that would inconvenience our stay?”

Sydney shook his head. “Not with your sister being in charge,” lazily, he hooked an arm around Aaron’s waist and rested his head on his shoulder “With that woman in charge, we could be leaving for the moon and everything would be fine.”

“She’s terrifying,” Aaron murmured.

“She is.”

“So you will stay?” Genevieve asked.

Aaron nodded. “We will.”

Just as he said that, a girlish laugh reached their ears. “I found it!” Sophia cried from within the house “The afikoman!” and then “No, Papa, you can’t have it! I shall give some to Marcus, but not you!”

Genevieve looked at her friends. “Seems like we must get back inside.”

Sydney’s hum was muffled by Aaron’s jacket.

“Let us go.” 

[jewishraypalmer]

When you ask your brother to bring his own haggadah to the seder

[bookoformon]

Ether Chapter 2, Part 4. "The Waves."

Following are the instructions God gave the Prophet for something that sounds like a submarine for use in crossing the Black Sea to the Promised Land. He calls it a "dish with a tight top." [where do I get one? The Gay Pottery Barn? All that other place had was a floppy].

He warns a flood is coming and these ships, which are not to have windows or use fire are the only way to survive when the rest of the world is washed away. All the contents below are encrypted. Since there is nothing like this in all of the canon, I will jump right into those at the end of this chapter:

16 And the Lord said: Go to work and build, after the manner of abarges which ye have hitherto built. And it came to pass that the brother of Jared did go to work, and also his brethren, and built barges after the manner which they had built, according to the binstructions of the Lord. And they were small, and they were light upon the water, even like unto the lightness of a fowl upon the water.

17 And they were built after a manner that they were exceedingly tight, even that they would hold water like unto a dish; and the bottom thereof was tight like unto a dish; and the sides thereof were tight like unto a dish; and the ends thereof were peaked; and the top thereof was tight like unto a dish; and the length thereof was the length of a tree; and the door thereof, when it was shut, was tight like unto a dish.

18 And it came to pass that the brother of Jared cried unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, I have performed the work which thou hast commanded me, and I have made the barges according as thou hast directed me.

19 And behold, O Lord, in them there is no light; whither shall we steer? And also we shall perish, for in them we cannot breathe, save it is the air which is in them; therefore we shall perish.

20 And the Lord said unto the brother of Jared: Behold, thou shalt make a hole in the top, and also in the bottom; and when thou shalt suffer for air thou shalt unstop the hole and receive air. And if it be so that the water come in upon thee, behold, ye shall stop the hole, that ye may not perish in the flood.

21 And it came to pass that the brother of Jared did so, according as the Lord had commanded.

22 And he cried again unto the Lord saying: O Lord, behold I have done even as thou hast commanded me; and I have prepared the vessels for my people, and behold there is no light in them. Behold, O Lord, wilt thou suffer that we shall cross this great water in darkness?

23 And the Lord said unto the brother of Jared: What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels? For behold, ye cannot have windows, for they will be dashed in pieces; neither shall ye take fire with you, for ye shall not go by the light of fire.

24 For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the bwinds have gone forth cout of my mouth, and also the drains and the floods have I sent forth.

25 And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?

The Values in Gematria are:

And the Lord said: Go to work and build, after the manner of barges which ye have hitherto built:

v. 16a: And it came to pass that the brother of Jared did go to work, and also his brethren, and built barges after the manner which they had built, according to the instructions of the Lord. Instructions refer to the Torah. The Value in Gematria is 8314, חג‎‎אד‎, the Hagad, the Haggadah.

According to Jewish practice, reading the Haggadah at the Seder table is a fulfillment of the mitzvah to each Jew to tell their children the story from the Book of Exodus about God bringing the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, with a strong hand and an outstretched arm.

16b: And they were small, and they were light upon the water, even like unto the lightness of a fowl upon the water.

The Value in Gematria is 9198, ט‎אטח, ttah, "work from under society and build up." As Jesus said, the poor and the meek have to come first. A foul upon the water is the request God made of us to be able to see Himself reflected within us. This is how He wants this done.

Next come specifications for the Dishes. There are many kinds of Dishes named in the Torah and there are preparations specified for each. All of this is found in Terumah:

The Table 23 “Make a table of acacia wood—two cubits long, a cubit wide and a cubit and a half high.[d]  24 Overlay it with pure gold and make a gold molding around it.  25 Also make around it a rim a handbreadth[e] wide and put a gold molding on the rim.  26 Make four gold rings for the table and fasten them to the four corners, where the four legs are.  27 The rings are to be close to the rim to hold the poles used in carrying the table.  28 Make the poles of acacia wood, overlay them with gold and carry the table with them.  29 And make its plates and dishes of pure gold, as well as its pitchers and bowls for the pouring out of offerings.  30 Put the bread of the Presence on this table to be before me at all times. =the Table represents close relationships. These are the ones that provide food of the intellectual and nutritional sort, they are where the bread of life is served. The rings represent marriage to the Table and the acacia "poles" planted as seedlings early in life must be brought to the table to serve and partake, they are the dishes and pitchers of gold, which are invaluable.

A dish we travel within, about the size of a tree found in v. 17 is slightly different. The Rab suggests the holes at the top and the bottom are Keter and Malchut, which control the fire of the intellect and sovereignty over the passions. The Kabbalah says the body is like a tree with various ornamental fires that burn along its branches and the door, the Terumah, is the Mezuzhah, the Invocation, "Baruch Ha Shem, Baruch Adonai".

The preparation of dishes before they are put to use is an exhaustive process involving clean water and specific condition. Anything involving water entails Moses, or freedom from delusion. Obviously then the Prophet is discussing immersion of the Self into a Mikvah , a ritual water bath for the purposes of freedom from any attitude or belief that separates one from a pure analysis of what reflects the Self and which thoughts and passions get in the way:

v. 17a : And they were built after a manner that they were exceedingly tight, even that they would hold water like unto a dish; and the bottom thereof was tight like unto a dish; The Value in Gematria is 11868, יאחוח‎, yahoo, "If God is to save, one will need to rest."

Ya= God

Hoo= Hosanna

We don't praise God during the bad times that is ridiculous. We praise Him during the good times and pray they last. That is how this works. So a real Jewish person hopes and prays and works for as many good times as possible knowing that is how they become the kind of person that is capable of knowing the God the most.

17b: and the sides thereof were tight like unto a dish; and the ends thereof were peaked; and the top thereof was tight like unto a dish; The Value in Gematria is 6379, וג‎זט‎, "And gazette." "Put your foot on the ground."

There are gazelles and gazettes. "Are you going towards the gas? The power?"

17c: and the length thereof was the length of a tree; and the door thereof, when it was shut, was tight like unto a dish. The Value in Gematria is 6931, וטגא‎ ‎‎, and taga, "A moment in a cell."

We have short lives within these bodies the prison cell called the planet earth. The Prophet says we need to grasp the power of the sea instead of a castaway. Dry land is the answer, and that means a world that is free of all delusion about its capacity to wage war and be violent.

v. 18: And it came to pass that the brother of Jared cried unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, I have performed the work which thou hast commanded me, and I have made the barges according as thou hast directed me. The Value in Gematria is 9565, טהו‎ ה‎, taho, "to wander in confusion, that's wrong.

v. 19: And behold, O Lord, in them there is no light; whither shall we steer? And also we shall perish, for in them we cannot breathe, save it is the air which is in them; therefore we shall perish. The Value in Gematria is 10726, א‎אֶפֶסז‎בו‎, apsezbo, "there is an abscess in him."

When we feel like there is no light on the outside, the Prophet says this is a matter of the fact there is no way for it to get in. Without repentance, which requires a healthy conscience the Light of Ha Shem will not enter the Self.

v. 20: And the Lord said make two holes. Everything in Judaism is done twice. It is doubled. Once is for reading comprehension, the other is for practical application. This is why we perform science experiments in high school so we learn not to take what is written in the text books for granted.

The Value in Gematria is 8470, חדזאֶפֶס‎‎, hadzapes, "Then you will grasp things."

v. 22: And he cried again unto the Lord saying: O Lord, behold I have done even as thou hast commanded me; and I have prepared the vessels for my people, and behold there is no light in them. Behold, O Lord, wilt thou suffer that we shall cross this great water in darkness? The Value in Gematria is 8228, חחבב‎ ‎ , habbab, "the next young sprout."

v. 23a: And the Lord said unto the brother of Jared: What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels? For behold, ye cannot have windows, for they will be dashed in pieces; The Value in Gematria is 14574, יד‎הז‎ד‎, yad hazed, "the side hand".

= the right hand bound by the Tefillin, "the children above all" which are the Devarim. "In case we become afraid of a particular ruler that is attempting to usurp God's authority, we bind the memory of what the Torah says, God is higher than the earth, and we have the authority to destroy him". This must be done at once, for the sake of the sprouts. Children must not be enslaved, they must not see adults take slaves or oppress others.

23b: Neither shall ye take fire with you, for ye shall not go by the light of fire. The Value in Gematria is 4416, דד‎‎או‎, "dada dead." "A wandering soul will drift until it dies."

v. 24: For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the drains (tears) and the floods (despair) have I sent forth.

Whales are "ways to see through the enormity of challenges." Winds blow through the mind and end all slanderous speech and outside propaganda from our thinking (there are Four, which roughly correspond with the process of Chabad). Sans plaguey influences and delusional story telling, God can be known "as above, so below" but even still the Torah is not a self-help guide.

The real problem is the "whale of the desert" the Pharaoh. Pharaohs are problems that are as big as they look, and they need proper enemies. This is why the Law was written, to empower large numbers of people in the act of taking down tyrants and setting fire to their regimes. About this there are no possible delusions.

The Value in Gematria is 12498, יב‎ד‎טח‎ ‎, yvdtach, "your iodine." "Your heel." hey and yod, "hand and foot" persons like the Pharaoh, like Donald Trump, Dick Cheney, and every member of the Republican Party, must be fought. Especially when they are breaking the law out in the open, in public. It's way too tempting not to do something about it.

v. 25a: And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come.

The Value in Gematria is 12141, יב‎אדא, yabada, ‎"God will work." Meaning what God says will work out.

25b: Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea. The Value in Gematria is 10660, יו‎ואֶפֶס‎, yufess, "You will reset."

A reset is the full accomodation of one's Jewish identity. We would all have one if God as giving us everything we need. Very few persons even know what it is. There are no living persons who understand the entirety of the Tanakh, so when we cavil before God we don't know if we can possibly be a good enough Jew or not we don't even know what it is we are working for. To ask God about this then is asking for something about which we know very little.

The answer to all Jewish problems, especially the crisis about the discovery of one's Jewish Self is Shabbat.

Let us try an Eastern approach to the Torah and perform Gematria on the first and last lines of the Torah and see what happens:

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

Since then, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face, 11 who did all those signs and wonders the Lord sent him to do in Egypt—to Pharaoh and to all his officials and to his whole land. 12 For no one has ever shown the mighty power or performed the awesome deeds that Moses did in the sight of all Israel."

The Values in Gematria are 12717, יבזאז‎‎‎‎, "Shame on you, Yabzaz! You will be looted."

and 9062, טאֶפֶסוב‎‎, tapesov, "a settlement."

Finally, For no one has ever shown the mighty power or performed the awesome deeds that Moses did in the sight of all Israel", the Number is 6981, וטחא‎, "And grind."

Grinding, the av melachah of tochen, is forbidden on Shabbat. The purpose of grinding is to break a large object into smaller pieces which can serve a new or better purpose.

="Shame on you! I will not allow this. Let us forge an Agreement. Put a stop to the grind and I will make of you a great nation."

SO until the Jewish people settle and the body of knowledge in the Tanakh is understood, hand and foot, in the mind and in the community, in the courthouse the White House, the shul, the church and the mosque, mankind is damned and doomed to do little more than repent.

God reassures us however, if we keep driving towards this mysterious state of being called Shabbat, a transgression free world, our communal and individual experiences of bliss will be finish the deal God made with Abraham for the onset of a proper human civilization on this world.

[ancestorsofjudah]

1 Kings 22: 24-28. "The Slap."

Zedekiah Retaliates

God told Moses and the Israelites, "do not go back to Egypt."

All of Chapter 22 is about the fear and trepidation the Kings of Israel and Judah feel over sending Ahab "the fraternity brothers" to the principal's office for hanging out with a violent whore instead of doing his job. There will be no going back once they complete this task.

First they contemplate telling Ahab the truth, then they wonder about the possibility a lie might be better. Either way, the Prophet Micaiah says "there is no way to safely return."

Zedekiah, "Justice and Grace" even still wants to know, "is the way out of this laden with truth or with deception?"

The Prophet says "you need to figure it out for yourself."

There was no way Moses could have delivered the Israelites to Horeb using scripture alone. Every slave had to leave on his own and walk on his own two feet and witness the glowing of the Thorn Bush on the top of the Mountain himself or his freedom would not have been at all real.

Jews all over the world, who are all still trapped in Egypt have relied upon the virtual versions of the Seder, the Haggadah, the Passover Shabbos etc. to illustrate their freedom from slavery, but even still said feedom is not nigh.

One of the reasons is disobedience to the Torah which states all men must be invited to the Passover, and they in turn must join the Column of Israel on its way to salvation. Every man must acknolwedge receiving the Decrees on the slopes of Sinai, this is the Commandment Numbered 11.

Only after a column of intrepid Jews dares to lead the rest of humanity to Sinai can the dream of the Promised Land, the Age of Mashiach take place.

This section of the Melachim says the process of leading the fraternity bros to Sinaia starts by taking the Prophet whose question is "Who is Moses?" confining him to prison:

Notice in v. 24 we probably encounter the slap in the face mentioned by Christ in the Book of Matthew:

24 Then Zedekiah son of Kenaanah went up and slapped Micaiah in the face. “Which way did the spirit from[a] the Lord go when he went from me to speak to you?” he asked.

25 Micaiah replied, “You will find out on the day you go to hide in an inner room.”

26 The king of Israel then ordered, “Take Micaiah and send him back to Amon the ruler of the city and to Joash the king’s son 

27 and say, ‘This is what the king says: Put this fellow in prison and give him nothing but bread and water until I return safely.’”

28 Micaiah declared, “If you ever return safely, the Lord has not spoken through me.” Then he added, “Mark my words, all you people!”

The Numbers are:

v. 24: The Value is 9514, טה‎אד‎, "Advance from underneath." So the truth is not what we see or hear, it is what happens behind the eyes during meditation that matters.

The slap to the face is 417, דאז‎ , "then" which has a Hebrew meaning of bara, "How God creates." Again, to witness the way creation happens one must become acquainted with the proper way to meditate, just like Ha Shem.

Without Ha Shem, the Audience with the Eye is not possible.

v. 25: We know the inner room is the mind, the place where even the light empties out in order for the purest light to be found.

v. 26: Take the Words of Moses to Amon, the Master Workman who owns the city, the Bar Mitzvah, and to Joash, "What is grasped, comes into being" and becomes the Prince.

v. 27: The Value is 8554, חהה‎‎ד‎, hahad; "He who sharpens his iron displays the edge of his sword."

Prisons with their bread and water are a Hebrew way of saying the Words of Moses are like a whet stone for a man made of blunt iron. Like a piece of iron that sharpened into a knife, there is no way back to its original form; the same is said to be true of a man who is sharpened by the Torah.

What kind of man, then, can read Parsha Noach, swear to Gosh it's a true story and spread violence without a care? How would such a thing happen?

v. 28: The Value is 6714, ו‎זאד‎‎, and zad. "The wild beasts come home."

The masculine noun שדי (saday), meaning cultivated field (Jeremiah 12:12) or wild land and home of wild beasts (Joshua 2:22). This noun is a poetic synonym of the following noun.

The masculine noun שדה (sadeh), meaning open field or pasture land (Genesis 29:2) or home of wild beasts (Genesis 4:8, Jeremiah 14:5).

The Gematria explain the Passover Seder hidden in the verses of the Melachim. At least one man who understands Horeb, whose knowledge was kept in prison by his ancestors must explain the route to the others and then, together, all at once, each generation leaves Egypt and finds its way to complete understanding of the Law and returns home as something other than the way he left.

We know there is deep delusion in the world about the role of the Jew and Judaism itself. The role of the Melech, the sharpest sword, is to lead in dispelling the delusions through Royal Edict. This ensures the transformation that takes place at the beginning of manhood culminates in an orthodox human being.

[dreamer434]

One day a plump, delicious, big brained man was gazing at one of the most striking sunsets he had ever seen. A zombie walks over to him and asks, 'Do you want a view to leave you breathless?' and proceeds to eat the big brained man.

Elisha Simkovich from The Zombie Haggadah

My brother in law had released his book, The Zombie Haggadah! Years ago, Elisha shown me his earlier drafts. I’m so glad I could help and share in the process ever since. The link over here is where you can find further information.

[rotzaprachim]

So glad that like every member of jewravenverse/jall jown jhe jawk/mar ei efshar agrees Declan’s passover Seder is the one that’s like four hours long and incredibly over detailed but everyone ends up appreciating in the end

[girlactionfigure]

[gliklofhameln]

Depiction of the baking of matzot in a Hebrew-Marathi Haggadah, 1874

Printed by Vital Sakharam Aqnihotry's Press

Published by the brothers Moses, Jacob, and Aaron Yelker

Lithograph on paper

[jerrydevine]

if, in your and your siblings childhood, you only had your parents and your parents said "the law is hard but it is the law" and your parents made the law. and your parents wanted to, NEEDED to, keep you connected to your jewish identity because that is what gave you power and let you save the world. but they were shunned by their jewish community and they were trying their best to balance working to return home and raising you and your siblings. and one day you have a new brother, and he knows more about violence than he does about judaism. and you try to teach him what you know, which is filtered down from what your parents told you, which was really only what made your parents appear in the best light. and sometimes you talk about G-d or the angels, never with your parents, though. only with your little sister or your younger brothers. and it starts to feel fruitless: how can you have a real dialogue about the pain the angels gave you all when you all were studying under the same rabbis, with no others for universes around.

and one day you find yourself with a lover, a wonderful man who you never thought possible, and he tells you: i remember traveling to see the sarajevo haggadah in 1899. and he says: isn't it wonderful to be able to witness the resiliency of your people? and you think: when have i witnessed that resiliency? you ask your mother, now different from years of changing her world. she says: you were 3 months old when we were exiled. and now you are alive and asking me about our past. is that not resiliency? you ask your sister, now expanding her beliefs from her connection with a vampire, of all people. she says: resiliency, sure, but remember the joys of our people. the smashing of glass and the drowning out of the name of evil.

you find yourself, for the first time, lost in your self, who you have always been. loving your husband took years of learning even before your meeting. loving your family has been as turbulent as the sea. but loving G-d has never been different. so, you ask your brother, who relied on you to open the door to judaism. you say: are we even jewish? with how alone we have always worshiped? and he says: i could have run away. i could have moved somewhere new. i could have demanded to return to alicante. but i did not. we made an oath, to each other. where thou lodgest, i will lodge. we stayed here, together, and we opened the door for elijah, every year. that alone answers your question. we worshipped away from alicante, but we worshipped anyway. the most important place is not there. the most important place is here. his hand pressed to his side, over his parabatai rune. remember, thy people shall be my people, and thy G-d my G-d. we choose to honor the past of our people. i chose to join our people. you chose to stay with our people.

and you return home, bestowing a kiss upon the mezuzah by the entrance to you and your husband's home. he sees you, standing in the doorway. he smiles, a brilliant thing, and greets you: shabbat shalom, alexander. and you smile, small, and kiss him gently. then, you say: here we are, baruch Hashem.

[demonoflight]

What do you think of the Prince of Egypt musical? I don't want to give too much away, in case you haven't seen it, so all I'll say is - the ending is a happier one than in the movie.

Not too pleased with it, to be quite honest. It does a disservice to both the original biblical story and the movie it's based on by diminishing the role of God throughout the story and adding villainous characters, combining Hotep and Hui into one classic Evil Chancellor character and adding Ramses' wife to the mix, to absolve Ramses of his behavior as Pharaoh. And the "happier" ending doesn't sit right with me at all. Ramses just endured weeks, perhaps months, of horrible plagues befalling his people, and has just lost his eldest and implied only son. But he's somehow willing to hug the brother who brought this upon him, support his endeavors and let him cross the Red Sea with his people? After all that? And then Hotep commandeers the army to give chase and they all drown and Ramses is all like "welp gotta go back home but I sure am glad my bro and I are still cool". Like hello???

You have to understand, I'm Jewish. I'm not particularly religious and don't believe the Torah is some kind of historical document (for the most part), but culturally I'm very invested. The story of Prince of Egypt means a lot more to me than just being a good movie - every year I read the Haggadah during the Passover Seder with family or friends, I've read the entire Torah as well, and I know the story like the back of my hand. I wouldn't love Prince of Egypt as much as I do if it didn't tell the story I've grown up retelling every Passover in a deeply respectful and engaging manner. The musical just doesn't treat the story with the respect and gravitas I would expect, and actively tries to stray away from the religious context to the detriment of the story.

And even without taking the original biblical story into account, Prince of Egypt's human drama works best as a tragedy of two loving brothers forced to become enemies due to their separate destinies. Softening it up isn't doing the story any favors.

On the production end, I'm displeased that they cut Playing With The Big Boys, which I will freely admit is likely the weakest song in the movie but is just too much fun and would have looked incredible onstage. I'm also less than impressed with the musical's version of The Plagues. And the Egyptians' clothing looks stupid. I mean I hardly expect anyone to be barechested on stage, but what is this godawful mishmash of modern royal mixed with pop culture "Ancient Egyptian" flavoring? At least they got the pschent (the unified kingdom crown) more or less right... It would have been far more impressive if they did more research and went with era appropriate clothing. I also get the impression the production is rather minimalistic which is like... why? Prince of Egypt is an absolute spectacle of a movie, why downplay that?

I'm sorry, you probably expected a different answer. When I was first told there's going to be a Prince of Egypt musical, I was thrilled, but then it ended up like... *gestures vaguely* That.

[gothgirlbethany]

You know what would be f**ck up,if the irreparable of Jacob and Esau was their tainted but role reverse,Jacob control by Angel, hunting his brother for not being a "son of god" because esau take the place of Jacob in the return to the real world(being ironic since bible Jacob take Esau birthright by pretending being he).

((yeah!!!! thats kinda what ive been thinking!))

((imagine, esau's been stewing on his murder ever since he started believing satan's lies, so when the time comes for jacob to leave he just...pulls him away from the door, or tricks him somehow to not leave. jacob is now trapped in the basement while esau lives again.))

((obv the realization of what esau has done hits him and hits him hard years later. esau tries to shake off the influence the devil had on him by going to church, but his prayers always seem to go unanswered. while he hates it he probably slips back into having a demonic influence again, just not from satan. i learned the other day that in the haggadah samael is esau's guardian angel so maybe i'll make samael the receiver of his prayers.))

((in some faiths the archangel uriel is ascended jacob. uriel's already in the game though, so i imagine jacob holds a torch in reference to him. i'm thinking he would look like a proper cherub (uriel's choir) or have a light behind him so bright he's unrecognizable.))

((you took my life, now i'll take yours. the cycle will never cease with these two.))

[glass-crayon]

Finally, a sequel: Me, an Orthodox Jew with 12+ years of Day School Education and a healthy sense of humor, explains the Haggadah

Kadesh: depending on whether it’s the first night or the second night, you’re either super hyped or thinking “Please god let this one not last till 1 am”. You drink your first cup of wine (or grape juice if you’re a lil wimp- actually who am I to talk I get drunk on Bartenurah) and get a healthy level of tipsy. 

Urchatz: The first sign that tonight is not, indeed, like all other nights. You feel like a king/queen when you get your mom to wash your hands for you, because yasss, peasants. Clean my hands. I should not have to pick up this shmucky cup by myself, that is below me.

Karpas: Now, at this time of night I am, let me tell you, STARVING. I think this step was invented sorely to torment us, because I can survive without eating anything for hours with no problem, but as soon as you open those floodgates by letting in a tiny piece of slightly salty potato, lemme tell you, it is torture. But it is a mitzvah I guess so whatever. ooh also the background behind this one is fun- why do we do it? So the children will ask! What a Jewish answer. I love it.

Maggid: This step’s length solely depends on whether you live alone and can speed read Hebrew on your own, or you live in a house with lots of children who all a) have a dvar torah on every phrase and b) need to be constantly entertained. If you’re lucky like me, you get both!!! This step features-

extremely loud, hyper children who suddenly get stage fright and hold up the seder for 10 minutes while you try to coerce them into mumbling the mah nishtana

One of my favorite passages, about Rabbi Eliezer ben azaryah from the talmud who woke up one morning to find out that BAM he looked like a 70 year old man (with beard to match!) because he was extremely well educated. There is something utterly hilarous about a Rabbi going ful Fred and George in the goblet of fire with no warning whatsoever.

The whole sons thing, which is where I personally think JK Rowling got the Harry Potter houses. Don’t believe me? Watch: 

Chacham: Ravenclaw

Rasha: Slytherin

Tam: Has to be Gryffindor. Theyre so goddarn stupid

SheEino Yodea Lishol: Hufflepuff- i have an immense hatred for Hufflepuff so here it is. You’re all babies who don’t even merit to understand why you went out of Egypt. bam roasted.

Vayehi SheAmda: I cannot get through this without invariably thinking of that one Mark Twain passage. GO JEWS!!

Then, we enter a section of maggid I like to call: We just said this passuk but now let’s be rashi and go into detail on every word. Need I say more?

Now, let’s talk about how funny the concept of spilling out a little bit of wine is for every plague. First of all, where the heck does it come from. Why? It makes no sense. Who looked around the table and thought the way to pay tribute to the miraculous plagues was to dip your grimy finger that’s been flipping through pages of a 20 year old hagaddah and drop it onto a plate? I just wanna talk.

And what about that whole section afterwards that’s basically just RABBI SHOWDOWN. Oh you think you know how many plagues there were? did you count the ones at the sea? What about accounting for the finger instead of the hand? Idiots.

K now onto Dayenu. This whole thing is also ridiculous because some of the stanzas don’t even make sense. It would have been enough to leave you by the sea but not split it? Um no then you would be attacked by the Egyptians. And splitting it but not leading you through it on dry land? helloooooo this is ancient times in the desert. They don’t know how to swim. Extra props to Nachshon now that I’m thinking about it because as far as he knew, he just drowned himself.

andddd finally maggid concludes with the second cup! Just so you can get a lil bit full before giving yourself major matzah constipation.

Rachtzah: Normal hand washing with a bracha but with that nice princely element of not having to pick up the cup yourself again.

Motzi/Matzah: Time to take that empty stomach and stuff it with burnt, crumbly and messy cardboard! This one sucks because it’s like, oh, only an egg’s worth? No problem! (This step is exacerbated by the fact that you gotta stuff it in your mouth in 2 minutes like it’s the end of the world- that’s why super religious guys full on chipmunk their pieces.) AND THEN YOU FIND OUT THAT’S IN WEIGHT AND YOU HAVE TO EAT A FULL SHEET OF PAPERS WORTH. and all of the sudden it’s a freaking olympics race to consume that against the ticking clocks.

Maror: Oh, you’re full? Too bad! Have some bitter lettuce (or, if you have a truly psycho family, horseradish. I pray for yall). You don’t even taste the charoses. It’s disgraceful

Korech: What’s that? You really can’t eat anymore? Time for the worst sandwich you’ll have all year! Consisting of this is definitely not bread and more bitter lettuce! (Seriously tho, this would have slapped in the times of the temple when there was lamb in the middle.)

The backstory behind this step is also hilarious. Everyone agreed you had to eat Pesach, matzah, and maror seperate except for renowned sage hillel, who thought you had to eat it in a sandwich. He was clearly wrong, but everyone just went “whatever, we’ll do both I guess, for your honor”. Freaking awesome- just imagine being so famous that people do stuff even though youre wrong.

Shulchan Orech: THE MEAL AT LONG LAST.

Tzafun: Oh now you really can’t take another bite? Have another half-sheet of papers worth of matzah that youve gotta compete against the clock for again. But no! Not so fast! First you have to find it. :) We love the rabbis! This step is another excuse for spoiled children who are somehow still awake at 12 am to demand presents.

Barech: Ya bentch. Not much to it. 

BUT, at the end you do the absolutely wonderful paragraph of shfoch chamatcha with your third cup of wine. What is that, you ask? Well, it translates to an extremely hostile call to god to annihilate the other nations, which you have to say with your front door open. Now, my family takes this a step further, because we’re psychopaths. We full out yell it on our porch for all of our non Jewish neighbors to hear, and be undoubtedly terrified. This year cuz of quarantine absolutely nobody was outside, so when my brother yelled it, you could hear it echoing from hundreds of feet away across the street. It was SPLENDID and we fully thought wed be arrested.

Third cup- all alcohol is disgusting and I hate life.

Hallel: Pretty standard, until you get up to what is usually the last bracha and find out nope they put in an extra 600 word paragraph as a treat! Did I mention I love the rabbis? What sadistic monsters thought this up?

And don’t forget the fourth cup so you can become sufficiently tired of grape juice that’s been sitting out for 4 hours!

Nirtzah: I can see the finish line. Now, my family has more fun traditions including saying the first long stanza (may it be “It came to pass at midnight” or “this is the feast of passover”) in spooky voices to spice stuff up because we all TIRED. 

Then, we enter a stage called I speed read everything for my family until we get up to who knows one, another favorite pesach tradition. Here, you have to say your stanza in one breath. It’s always good, especially when my brother gets 13 2 nights in a row and we all get to watch him insist he can get it for 5 minutes straight of failed takes. 

How bizzare is chad gadya also? We decide to end the seder with a horrific parable of everyone dying except for god who reigns supreme? Who made that one up?

And thus concludes the seder, where youre dead tired before you remember that you still have to clean up the table and surrounding areas, which by now are coated in a thiccccc layer of matzah crumbs because that stuff is THE DEVIL.