#But LORD I got sick again ( TWICE !! ) and then my grandma was supposed to be moving back in

[multeasers]

Man who is consistently in looney tunes ass situations : how am I in a looney tunes ass situation

[writemywalks]

Disenfranchised grief

Disclaimer: if stories about people passing triggers you consider NOT reading this post and I won’t be posting people’s name to protect their privacy.

I still remember that January night, me and my father were having an after-dinner chat on his bed. We were expecting a phonecall from the hospital, because that very same morning, we had visited my grandpa who was at the ICU and the last time, we saw him, he was having a hard time breathing. Me, sensing I wouldn’t probably see him again, I grabbed his hand, that moved as if he asked for help, kissed it and told him: “I love you so much granpa”.

Holding back my tears, and exchanching looks with my uncle and my father, we left the building with our chest full of anxiety.

I don’t know how but somehow the bed chat turned out in a self-talk about how much I wanted to see the world and how I felt I was fustrated with my life.

“I so wanna travel” I said repeating the same wish I always say when I hate everything

“Remember you have your second cousin living in NY, I can put you through and you may talk to him, maybe he’ll give you a place to stay” my dad answered me

“Not until granpa gets better or... you know” I said brushing it off “besides I don’t wanna owe nothing to anybody, if I ever visit him, I’ll pay him”

An hour later and my chest, mixed with expectancy and anxiety, we received a phone call at midnight, with a rain outside that seem to devour our house.

It was THAT phone call. 

What we were expecting happened. And even though, I knew what was coming I remember crying a lot and awaiting for the funeral we were having the next day.

It was a very sad day. My another grandpa had tragically died, but I never had the chance to attend his funeral and when one of my closest friends died from cancer I refused to attend his, because I wanted to remember him how he was, full of life and totally devoted to the Lord. Therefore, this was my first experience seeing a dead body. The coldness of his body didn’t impress me, neither the fact that I would never see those deep blue eyes again, but I remember kissing him a lot and having a hard time breathing. It was like my lungs wouldn’t fit in my chest

On a cheerful sidenote, I remember meeting a side of a family I never knew before and the best of all, seeing people I hadn’t seen for almost twenty years. I remember being so glad meeting my dad’s cousin wife who would tell me anecdotes how I behave when I was a kid and how I would listen Xuxa non-stop. 

We burried my grandpa and even though I was sad, I remember feeling satisfied that we have had the best holidays and that, that last year we lived for what it was: his last year on earth.

Weeks went by and then it dawned on me that now nothing held me back from chasing the world and my second cousin came to my mind.

I remember stalking him on instagram and thinking “wow, he’s all I ever wanted to be and he’s a (insert last name that represents a heritage of fustrated people), that’s inspiring”

My friend Florencia and I had been planning a trip together but our schedules and economic situations never matched. When she got the job, I quitted mine. When I was free, her grandma got very sick and so we always pushed our dreams forward.

Finally the planets aligned and I got a job as a teacher and we both set our minds to plan the trip, once for all and she had a destination fixed in her mind: New York. To be honest, I never liked that city. I’ve never been there but I feel it’s just Buenos Aires with a little bit more of glamour and people talking in English but that’s it.

But it sounded like a good oportunity to catch up with my couz and I liked the idea to spend the holidays with someone I would glued to when I was a kid and who had lived in the back of my house the first years of my life. I remember having memories of telling him to wait for me because I wanted to go to the drugstore with him, some memories of playing in the patio and some others, playing hide-and-seek and doing some shinenigans. I love stories of people meeting after the years, so I made a mind note to send him a message.

But I felt awkward, probably he didn’t remember me or worst, it looked like I wanted free housing, so even though I wanted to DM him, I told myself to tell my dad to put me through him. But then my dad had an arrythmia episode and all this trip planning went again back to second plan.

The doctor advised my father to slow down and stress less. When my dad got better and the episodes subsided, I always wanted to bring the trip idea but he always seemed to be tired and not in the mood to talk so, I was always like “Ok, tomorrow, I’ll tell him about it. He must be tired”

Weeks went by and I was always almost about to tell him about the trip but due to the long hours he would be working, all he ever do at home was sleeping.

Independence holiday bridge was coming so my parents took a trip to visit my my mom’s dad grave since she hadn’t gone there since she burried him, so they planned it all out and left that weekend to spending it outside the city. So I told myself one last time:

“The moment he comes back, I’ll ask me to put me through that kid. I definitely will”. So they left and I stayed at my grandma’s house since she also tagged along the road trip. It sounded like a nice weekend.

I remember taking care of my grandma’s pet and making the budget list for the trip we were planning with my friend. I remember going to bed very excited, singing some oldies song and talking a memory lane to 90′s tunes.

The following day I woke up at 1 pm. I grabbed my cellphone and started to check upon my messages, when I came across a message the left me speechless and made my hands to start shaking

“did you know (name) passed away?”

It sounded like a joke. I replied back “are you for real?”

“Yes, I just send my condolences to his mother, she must be devastated. He died in a 4th of July celebration”

Let me be clear, with all this build up to the trip planning it sounds as if I was frustrated that my trip to NY would never happened, but to be honest, this kid had been very present in my thoughts these last years, since I knew about him and I was really eager to catch up and see how we would get along.

A part of me wanted to help, but at this point in time, I was a nobody in his family and even though I wanted to do anything to bring him back home, I didn’t have the power to.

It took almost two weeks to bring him back home from the States and I remember binge-watching the last season of Stranger Things because I knew he liked it. The time I watched the last episode, I felt like I was saying goodbye to something that we would have enjoyed together and kinda connected me to him.

And this is the part when desinfranchised grief starts taking place. I remember once writing down

“My life is a series of desinfranchised grief events that nobody will ever understand” because my life is full of pains that nobody acknolwedge. 

One of the most closest experience I had with it was my post-op. I never went back to the same girl I was before but everyone told me “be happy, you look better and you have no pain, it’s for your good”. But I was “Kid, I don’t fucking care, I wanna dance like I used to. Take this cage out of my body”

And here we were again. I sent his mother any help I could through my aunt but even like that, I wanted to do more but I also didn’t want to bother her in such devastating times. It was good I was on my own that weekend because I remember crying a lot about him. I remember my aunt showing me the last messages they had exchanged and he truly sounded as those magical people you would rarely get to know twice in life.

When my parents came back from their trip, they planned visiting his parents and since I didn’t want to bother I stayed at home. But when they came back hom,  I had to rush to my bathroom to cry after my mom told me about how his family recalled how much he adored me, how he will always be spoiling me “always was giving you kisses” and “ I don’t think you would remember how much of an angel that kid was”.

The day of his funeral was devastating. I know some people say it is the same an anticipated death and a sudden death. But to be honest, having to burry somebody who loved life and had so many dreams yet to fulfill sounded as a destiny joke. We all cried over that mother who lost her kid and I felt really guilty crying bitterly in front of her because I wouldn’t stop, when if you really think about it, I didn’t have a reason to.

Did I have memories with him? Yes, but I barely remembered them

How long since I last saw him? Almost two decades

I hope I didn’t make his family uncomfortable because my tears were real because I realized that what I perceived about who he was gave me a little motivation to push forward my dreams and that’s what connected me to him, besides part of our childhood together.

Once his close relatives left the room, I took the chance to get close to his coffin. “So soon my angel, we weren’t supposed to meet again this way” I said stroking his cold face, just-cut hair and long gone spirit and I stood there for some minutes. I kissed my hand, put it over his cheek and went back to sitting.

Things like this make you realize that:

we don’t have promised tomorrow

it could have been me

live your life to the fullest

These last days my heart has been very heavy and there’s still so many questions about his death, which makes it all more surreal, unfair and unsettling.

One last thing, it’s still lingering in my head was my mom non-chalantly saying:

“Life’s funny, the most I hear stories about his life, the more I realize that he was the kind of person you always tell me you wanted to meet”

Yes mom. Life’s a joke,

Special prayers:

I ask you to keep his mom, dad and brothers in your prayers. They are the ones who lost a piece of their life. May God turned this tragedy into a Holy-Spirit filled purpose in spite of the neverending bevearement.

[takaraphoenix]

I believe you didn't talk about your opinion of Riverdale's season 2 yet. (You know, in it's entirety and not just of some scenes.) But now I'm left curious. What do you think of the rest of the season? And since you wanted to find out on your own: Did you manage to correctly identify the Black Hood before it was confirmed in the show?

Oooh. Oh, sorry. I just always post the excitement when something, ya know, exciting happens. Still unsure about lengthy ramblings that seem too off-topic from the blog. (Yes, I am still pretending this blog has a theme. Let me. xD)

Oh dear, how do I put all the things into words and in order?

To sum it up briefly as an intro: I’m disappointed.

Now, more in detail.

Starting with the things I liked. Which are significantly less than the things I disliked, hence the overall verdict.

Toni is an amazing character and I love her addition to the show. I just hope she will get her own plotline next season, because this season she was only there to either further Jughead’s plot or Cheryl’s. I’m also very eager to see Toni’s and Cheryl’s relationship unfold, because boy do I ship it hard.

I really enjoyed FP and Alice Cooper’s development this season, much to my own surprise. Alice came out being one of my most hated characters first season, but I actually liked her semi-redemption arc and... I... somehow now ship her and FP? I am very disturbed by that, to be honest.

And... with that, we kind of reached the end of the things I enjoyed this season? Which, yeah, sad.

I didn’t like a single one of the main characters’ plotlines this season.

Archie and how his relationship with his father slowly came apart over the course of the season - despite it being semi-mended in the end, this whole arch seemed unnecessarily forced and in contrast to their portrayal in the first season.

Archie and starting his own fucking gang. TWICE.

Seriously. He gives Jughead shit for being a serpent, but then he goes ahead and starts his own gang. And the fucking names. Red Circle. Dark Circle. Wow. Such creativity, much awe.

Archie running after Hiram Lodge all season long was just... intensely disturbing to watch. He just allowed himself to be sucked in deeper and deeper.

So did Veronica and with her it annoyed me even more. First season Veronica seemed so much like the girl who was against her criminal father. And now she just... doubled down on the crime hard. And I genuinely don’t know what she was expecting? Because the girl acted like what happened was somehow a surprise or something in the end, when she turned against him again. Like. What... What did she think would happen...?

Then there was Betty’s plot.

I liked that she confided in Archie and her friends about the Black Hood and didn’t just do a solo gig. But her trying to get her brother and them just immediately accepting the creep into the family without so much as a fucking background check first.

And Jughead literally went from the sweet nerd with a blog to the fucking king of the gang. Like. Good lords, slow it down some. It seemed so incredibly rushed just how fast he came to accept the serpents as his family and the school as his home. I think that his “becoming a serpent and becoming king of the serpents” plot should have been stretched out over two seasons.

Cheryl’s plot was... so over the top too. Conversion camp? Her mom trying to murder grandma? And... her characterization was all over the place too. One second she is the Queen with the power-moves cutting her mom’s oxygen, the next she is the crying girl in the corner, weak and helpless. I mean, I get that with everything that happened last and this season to her, she wouldn’t be fully stable, but it really felt more like convenient writing. “Mh, we need more tension, so how about Cheryl is utterly helpless and defenseless in the next scene?” turning into “Oh but we could use a badass move, how about she just attacks the serial killer with her bow and arrows and without being the least bit intimidated?”.

Also Cheryl and Rose now living alone in the mansion... Honestly, instead of making her sick grandma her guardian, I think auntie Alice should have stepped up.

The relationship between Cheryl and Betty is really fascinating and I would genuinely enjoy seeing more of it. Like, having Cheryl move in with them, she can have Polly’s room. She would be forced to live a more down-to-Earth life.

The whole evil twin of her dad thing was really unnecessary. I mean. Seriously. It added absolutely nothing to the plot.

Just, overall, there was way too much going on this season for my taste.

And not just too much as in too many plotlines, also just... too dark, too deep, too heavy.

This show is indeed taking the Desperate Housewives route, but it hits it harder than I expected.

That is to say, the first season offers a genuinely intriguing, vaguely over-dramatic mystery that happens and that brings an unlikely band of protagonists together to solve it. Following seasons will so desperately try to top it that the dramatic event is completely blown out of proportions and loses absolutely all grasp on reality.

And that’s what happened this season.

We get a serial killer. And the mafia. And a psycho imposter brother. And an evil twin. And a conversion camp. And a gang war. And a serial rapist. And a drug problem.

That’s just too many “and”s.

First season worked perfectly. It had that one mystery that they had to solve and then some sub-plots around it. That mystery was one murder.

Now, to your other question regarding the Black Hood: HONESTLY HALF THE TIME I FORGET THAT HE IS A CHARACTER ON THIS SHOW.

Hal is so bland and so unimportant. When he made his first appearance this season, I legit went “OH right Alice has a husband! Ooops!”.

I figured it out at one point, but then they went misdirection with that second, or third, I lost count, Black Hood and I grew doubtful because why the fuck.

Last season, with daddy Blossom, it took me really long to figure it out. But when it was revealed, it was a thing that made sense. They set the mystery up so you had to work to figure it out, but it made sense plotwise.

This one? They purposefully wrote it so it doesn’t make sense.

There is no legit motive. They retconned some “Oh by the way his dad was a murderer but he pinned it on someone else and momma brainwashed him and Betty’s words in the last season finale were a trigger to turn him into a serial killer” so hard that it’s just pathetic.

And how he conveniently managed to stop killing when he got it pinned on someone else. That was literally only plot-convenience to make the viewer believe they got the right guy, because Hal had no logical motivation to stop killing. It was never about hiding his crimes? He literally wrote letters and made phone-calls and flaunted it in everybody’s face, why would he find a scapegoat and then stop killing? That’s just... bullshit. He should have, logically speaking, gone after like Hiram Lodge or some other scumbag criminal.

Nothing about that shit could have been guessed.

I mean, I did guess that Hal would be the son of the murderer. Or the one surviving child from the murder. But then they put the janitor in and killed that.

Last season’s mystery came natural. This one was forced in every way of the word.

That just completely took the fun out of it for me.

Well, that and the sheer amount of cruelty and brutality this season. There was no fun this season. Last season still had its lighthearted moments. This one didn’t.

It’s not just taking a bad Desperate Housewives route, that route is crossing streets with the bad Teen Wolf route of going grittier and darker and removing all color and fun from something that used to have color and fun and then somehow expecting that to be good. It is not. It never will be.

Either make something gritty and dark from the get-go so it attracts the right crowd of people, or make something that has jokes and lightheartedness in it and embrace that. But don’t attempt a genre-change like that. It’s a failure.

The musical episode was really out of place for me too. It didn’t fit to the tone of this season at all. Fun musical stuff could have gone with last season. Not to mention the musical could have been Kevin’s plotline. But... Kevin kind of didn’t get a plotline at all. He got one episode of musical thrown his way and that vague shit about him fucking in the woods and that was, essentially, it.

I am also not a hundred percent sure; did Betty and Jughead actually fuck or just make out...? I usually look away when they start undressing on screen and only look up again when the scene is over. I fail to see any reason for sex scenes at all, period, in literally any show, but especially so in a show about supposed teenagers? It’s just... weird for me. But if they did, fuck you show. I want asexual Jughead. Also, this ship has zero chemistry.

And can someone maybe get Betty a therapist now? Last season with her turning into psycho Betty with the fucking wig was already Really Disturbing, but she doubled down on that hard this season? And? Is she supposed to have some form of... personality disorder? Is that intentional? Either way, she helped cover up a murder this season and got psychologically tortured by her father who is a serial killer, so yeah please get her professional help.

So, yeah. That’s it.

I found this season too forced, too dark and too brutal and if the show doubles down on those elements with the same rate that it did from season 1 to season 2, then season 3 is going to be DCEU levels of dark and gritty.

I really hope they will slow down and that they will start remembering that you don’t have to rush from one traumatic, brutal event to the next murder to the next attempted rape and so on, but that you can... pause in between and put something more light in, to even things out. How do writers keep forgetting that...?

[blogging-bible-blog]

BLOGGING BIBLE PART 1!

Warning: If you’re religious, or easily offended, I’d recommend that you leave now and forget that this ever happened. I REPEAT: this is the Bible from the view of an atheist, and no amount of hate-anons or spiritual messages will convert me to anything other than my self-proclaimed atheistic-Satanism.

Today on Blogging Bible – I beat up the 10 Commandments and call out their rules as bullshit!

Lucy here. Dude, I am fucking ready to read a bible. (Cue the into to song “Vampire Money” by the late, extremely satanic punk band, My Chemical Romance. Shudder, I’m definitely going to hell because of my music selection.)

     Stuff to know before you start reading:

Yeah, I’m a girl. And a lowkey feminist. And yeah, I know I’m gonna get butthurt over the extremely disgusting treatment of women in this “book”.

Yeah, I know people are gonna get butthurt over me getting butthurt over this 2,000-page book made of tissue paper and incredibly bad binding. But I’ve got a brick that weighs five pounds with the word Bible on it and I’m not afraid to use it. (This thing could cause some pretty wicked blunt force trauma, y’all.)

I am an atheist. However, I have no problem adhering to the eleven rules of Satanism as stated at the official Church of Satan website. So, you could call me an Atheistic Satanist. Please don’t yell at me, I know that’s not the most popular label to identify under, but frankly, I don’t care.

I don’t have any problem outright bashing this book. Figuratively and literally. It’s a fucking book, I can throw it into the wall if I want to. (I wouldn’t do that with any other book, tbh. This one is a special case.) Also, I’ve already thought of some sick burns to use, so once again, if you easily get offended, please leave now.

 Yeah. So. Got all that stuff covered. Now… time to get out the Bible.

 First Impression:

God, this thing is heavy.

I picked this thing up at the free pile in the public library, and I can understand why nobody wanted it. There’s this awful plastic cover on the front that’s wrinkly enough to be my grandma’s face. NIrV, The Adventure BIBLE FOR YOUNG READERS.

Yeah, I’m reading the young-readers version because I would not, I repeat not, be able to make it through a normal one. Also, I am young and must be protected from the word “sex”. (JK. But seriously, this book seems to have a problem with the word sex. Couldn’t they just say, “Adam and Eve had some sweet, sweet baby-making bangin’”? It would make much more sense than “They made love. Then she went through an excruciatingly painful birth and had a child.” I think God had a thing against humor.)

Okay… first page. Looks like some sort of diary thing, because there’s lots of lines and bad little kid handwriting. Once again, I am painfully reminded of the fact that I’m reading the watered-down kid’s version.

This NIrV bible was given to…

Name: Caleb Grant Speight

On: 2-22-05

By: Daddy and Mama

Okay, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel bad for this kid, because this whole page has a “Son, this is your entire birthday present” vibe. Also – 2005? God, do you remember what computers looked like back then? Jeez. (I now realize that I just said the Lord’s name in vain twice in one go, so yeah, I’m definitely going to hell.)

Next page. I still feel bad for this kid, who’s probably 20 by now. I wonder if he still lives here. I wonder if he’s still alive. I wonder if he’s still brainwashed by… okay, here we are, the 10 Commandments for Kids! Joy, joy! These are sure to be good.

1.       You may not love anyone or anything more than you love God.

Okay but… what if you’re dyslexic? “I agree, I don’t love anything more than I love… my dog…” To be clear here, I definitely love my dog more than I love God, because she’s beautiful, loving, and always there for me. The dog, I mean. God could be some ugly troll in the sky for all I care, he hasn’t done batshit for me. This rule is bullshit.

 2.       You may not worship, or put more importance on any person or thing, other than God. You must worship only the Lord, not your parents, not a friend, not a movie star or sports hero, not a car or a boat or skateboard. Nothing.

Oh, jeez. I have to worship my parents more than I worship God, ‘kay? My parents work hard every single day to put dinner on the table and put a roof over my head. God has nothing to do with that, it’s all them. My parents are wonderful people who’ve been raising me since the day I was born. Yeah, they make me do this dishes, (gross gross gross!) but God hasn’t even given me two dollars in my life. This rule is bullshit.

 3.       You may not swear. Use God’s holy name only in a loving way, never to express anger or frustration.

Why the ever loving fuck can’t I swear? Why can’t I fucking use God’s name in an angry way? God, I’m using it now. This is a rule that not even the most Christian-y of Christians follow because I’ve seen them say it in a not-nice way, okay? If you want me to use a different word, then tell me which word you want me to fucking use, God. This rule is bullshit.

 4.       One day of your week should be set aside for rest and the worship of God. Work six days of the week only. You need a special day set aside to relax and meet with other Christians.

Relax, my ass. Have you ever been to church? I went once for a funeral and it was fucking stressful. The pews are like fucking cold ice slabs under your ass and the hymns?? God, it’s stressful to try and sing hymns when you don’t know the fucking lyrics or what the hell they’re about. It’s not relaxing at all. This rule is bullshit.

 5.       Be respectful to your parents. Love them, and the Lord will reward you with a long life.

Huh. The first part of this rule makes sense. However, I think the Bible’s absolutely retarded for talking like this. Tell this to my fucking friend who has a child molester as a father. What if one of your parents is a serial killer? Rapist? What if your parents abuse you!? Are you just supposed to unconditionally love everyone who fucking wrongs you? This is BULLSHIT, you don’t get a long life for loving people that hurt you, you get Stockholm Syndrome. This rule is bullshit.

 6.       You may not hate other people, don’t ever think of hurting someone else in any way.

Okay, I’m just gonna say this: Genesis 4:17 – CAIN FUCKING MURDERS HIS BROTHER FOR ABOLUTELY NO FUCKING REASON, AND HE BECOMES PRACTICALLY IMMORTAL WITH A REVENGE SPELL ON HIM, AND HE HAS SEX WITH HIS WIFE AND GETS CHILDREN AND BUILDS A FUCKING CITY. This is saying that it’s OKAY to hurt people, or at least that’s what I’m getting from it. Also, don’t even let me get started on self-defense. This rule is bullshit.

 7.       Keep your thoughts and actions pure. Sex is a gift of God to married couples.

Um, no. I could go and have sex with a random person I’m not married to and it would just be SEX, not a gift from God. God isn’t fucking gifting me with anything, he’s gifting me with monthly period cramps and hell 12 weeks of the year. My thoughts are not pure, that’s a byproduct of having teenage friends – friends that are perverted boys – at school. There’s no way to stop horny teenagers, ‘kay? The only thing that’s gonna come from sheltering your kids is rebellious sex and STDs. This rule is bullshit.

 8.       You may not take and keep anything that doesn’t belong to you.

This rule may be the only one that makes any fucking sense to me at all. However, I know for a fact that many notorious Christian people don’t follow this rule. THEY WANT GAY PEOPLE KILLED FOR THEIR SEXUALITY, OKAY? Gay people’s lives don’t belong to Christians, yet they’re still taking them through hate crimes. Same goes for the other people that they heartlessly murder and destroy. This rule is bullshit.

 9.       You may not tell lies, especially when that lie will hurt someone else.

This is ridiculous. In my humble Atheist opinion, Christians lie to themselves and others on that one special rest day every week. Honestly, most of the things in this book are gonna be big fat lies and exaggerations, and I’m gonna remember this Commandment as I read it. This rule is bullshit.

 10.   You may not be jealous of what others have. You may not be jealous of your friend’s new toy or clothes or the big house your neighbor lives in. Be satisfied with what you have.

Once again, my friends come to mind. They’re a pretty fucked-up set of individuals and they have every fucking right to be jealous of other stuff, because if God really exists, he dealt them a fucking shitty hand in the Card Game of Life. Also, tell this to the thousands of starving, neglected children around the globe. God could just wave his fucking hand and make our earth bigger and add more food, but no, he’s just gonna sit there and let everyone die. This rule is absolute and utter BULLSHIT!

 That’s all for now! Tune in next time for more Blogging Bible, where I’ll start reading Genesis!

[unitedvisionarysoldier-blog]

Mon, Aug 28

Please, come here pay day. I get paid on the 15th and 30th. So close. Today I sent all my messages. I read half of the book "Whale Done" Book: MAN, that book, WHALE DONE! is absolutely insane. I think I finally found the answers I've been looking for. I wasn't building friendships the right way, because I haven't been observing behavior, and providing the appropriate consequences to them with intention. Basically, I could have been so much more proactive in helping ppl in my team develop their business emotionally. I took like 2 pages in notes on the book so far. It's absolutely insane. CD : Emerald Success Story - Anthony and Callan DiGiantomasso Bill Britt - Self Image and Attitude I'm going to apply so hard :)) I didn't get to sleep in. I woke up early thanks to my grandma. She had me go to the DMV, which took like 2.5 hrs. Because I lost my drivers license, and she gave me a month to get it, or she would take the car. I guess this time waster had to be done eventually =w= I worked from the afternoon until close, so only like 5 hours. When I got home from the DMV, I had plenty of time to go contact. But when I got to my bed, I had to take a nap. My body can't take this lack of sleep. I bought double X, and rhodiola to help with this. But Luke has the product, and we haven't seen Luke. He was supposed to give it to us Friday, but Annie drove him, so he forgot since it was in his car. Luuuuuuuke. I need my rhodiola, man. I'll finally get it tomorrow at the open =w= thank lord, almighty I talked to my prospect before work today. He kept giving me excuses, and instead of just pretending like I believed him, I wasn't happy with all these ppl giving me excuses, EVERY TIME. So I slapped him verbally, used logic to get rid of his excuses, and showed him what kind of victim mentality I was seeing. It isn't a good method long term, and I realize is a mistake on my part. It isn't my place to do that for people who don't give me permission. But the guy made commitments to my face, and broke them the next day. Amazing actor. And Vinny Pappalardo says it's good to do every once in a while to blow off steam lol. I felt weirdly better after. Still very very very sleepy, but the good news is I have to get up early again tomorrow for school. I have a day off on Wednesday if nobody calls in sick. So I'll sleep in on Wednesday. I'm oddly positive today. I feel accomplished. I barely sleep, eat twice a day, and sacrifice sleep to learn. I've been going to HQ almost everyday to set the example for the team. At this point, something will eventually tip in my favor, like the scales. =w= oh boy, I'm going to finally go platinum. I'm going to watch my upline, Bohao, retire. I'm going to be at Kalahari and Achievers with him. And finally get that damn pin to put on my lapel. I don't care if everyone thinks it's lame. If I'm platinum, I'm Proudly wearing that pin. I earned it. Platinumship, be ready for me. I'll be ready for you. #1H1L #FastFoRwarD #Allin #Q12Christopher

[mousetaur]

Rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

I got tagged by @gin-no-yuki and just copy pasted so I think it’s all messed up.....

LAST… [1] drink: apple and camomile tea [2] phone call: taxi... [3] text message: my Grandma [4] song you listened to: I can’t remember [5] time you cried: Yesterday, watching Serenity, when River saves Simon

HAVE YOU EVER…. [6] dated someone twice: nope [7] been cheated on: I hope not [8] kissed someone and regretted it: Not at the time.... [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: yes [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS: [12] purple [13] yellow [14] blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes [16] fallen out of love: In a major way [17] laughed until you cried: So, so much [18] found out someone was talking about you: I think so [19] met someone who changed you: Not changed me, but allowed me to be me again [20] found out who your true friends are: I think I was good to begin with [21] kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yup

GENERAL… [22] how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all except my cousins [23] do you have any pets: two cats and a rabbit. [24] do you want to change your name: No, my name is amazing [25] what did you do for your last birthday: had people around for food and board games [26] what time did you wake up: around 8:30 [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: That was the time I went to bed [28] name something you cannot wait for: meeting Billy Boyd at Armageddon [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: Physically, January, but I saw her on Skype this afternoon [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I want full-time work [31] what are you listening to right now: Bojack Horseman [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: a bizarre question, but yes [33] something that is getting on your nerves: my boss [34] most visited website: YouTube, Tumblr, Netflix, Facebook [35] elementary: Do I need to say the name? I went to a few. They were nice, although that last one might have been dodgy [36] high school: suffering, but not the worst thing ever.  [37] college: glorious stress, I loved it [38] hair color: brown [39] long or short hair: I don’t mind [40] do you have a crush on someone: My boyfriend is pretty cute, I might crush on him a little [41] what do you like about yourself: Quite a lot, when I don’t feel terrible about myself. I’m pretty cute and funny. My butt is nice. I’m aggressively nice [42] piercings: my ears [43] blood type: O+ I think. Or O-. O something [44] nickname: Helz, lenny, smelly, buttface  [45] relationship status: happily in a relationship [46] zodiac sign: Aquarius [47] pronouns: she/her [48] fav tv show: hmmmm, not sure. Battlestar Galatica. Boueibu [49] tattoos: maybe when I’m old and have found something that means enough to me [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: none [52] piercing: my ears, and they’ve been done twice, and have always gotten infected so no more, thank you very much [53] best friend: same as in primary school, we live together now haha [54] sport: I think it was football, and it was hell. My team actively hated me [55] vacation: I recall a trip to a pier, cold and windy, somewhere in England [56] pair of trainers: how and why would I remember this?

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: I have been trying to eat this apple for some time (I am sick) [58] drinking: nothing [59] I’m about to: Probably go for a wee [60] listening to: my best friend cooking us dinner [61] waiting for: dinner, to get up and wee [62] want: to not be sick [63] get married: Nah [64] career: Oh lord, any full time work would be a blessing

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: all hugs, all the time [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: we’re looking pretty short if you’re getting below me, but it is the only time I feel grand and tall so shorter [68] older or younger: in terms of what? I don’t mind in any regards, really [70] nice arms or nice stomach: think I’m an arms gal, but as long as you a cutie patootie I don’t care what physical attributes you have [71] sensitive or loud: probably sensitive, but I am both [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: I am very hesitant, and prefer less troublesome individuals

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger: the fact I am not sure is probably a giveaway [75] drank hard liquor: I do enjoy whiskey from time to time, and have cocktails which contain rum and the like [76] lost glasses/contact lenses: lost my prescription sunglasses, that was a blow [77] turned someone down: Ummm, I don’t think so. Not directly, at least [78] sex on first date: nope, I’m not that comfortable with that for myself [79] broken someone’s heart: I think so, and that is sad but I didn’t do it maliciously [80] had your own heart broken: quite a bit. Recently, even [81] been arrested: nope [82] cried when someone died: yes [83] fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself: I’m pretty cool, so yeah, I’ll do the things I want to do and probably some surprises too [85] miracles: in a non-religious sense, things can work out in spectacular ways, yes [86] love at first sight: not really [87] Santa Claus: I am 23 and will leave out milk, a mince pie and carrots. Fight me. [88] kiss on the first date: I would prefer not to [89] angels: flesh and blood people who are lovely? Yes.

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: I ain’t telling you that [91] eye colour: (why wasn’t this with hair colour?) dark borwn [92] favorite movie: Nightmare before Christmas

Tagging: Ummm I don’t normally do these but I hope you don’t mind @ryoseirui, @amateurcatalyst