#But at the moment I hate it and I’m feeling sooooooo vulnerable lol

[herbofgraceandpeace]

—

[mimi-cee-genshin]

was going to leave a comment on ao3 but i’m logged out and lazy to log in, so here is a ramble of my thoughts after reading ur latest chapter!! (spoilers)

- i appreciate the effort you put in your dialogue sooooooo MUCH. it makes the whole story flow so well. absolutely love the effort and the way you characterise wanderer. it makes him so entertaining to read. not just dialogue for him, tbh. him holding reader’s chin and making her look at him when she was zoning out??? peak wanderer behaviour. and the comment abt her being human because she showed emotion like… i know u probably don’t mean this connect but scaramouche = robot = cried = seem as weak = emotions are human characteristics = scara wasn’t the “robot” ei wanted him to be because he had human characteristics… a stretch, but i like to be delulu!! i love the possible connection between this moment and sacra’s arc. or something. ok nvm.

- reader questioning which is the real scara and the “answer” revealing itself when scara was also concerned for collei’s safety…. oh my gosh???? when i read the question i was like 🤨 & having it be “answered” in the later part of the chapter was so satisfying. i can’t wait to see what else reader discovers about scara.

- nilou’s comment on needlework!!! love the foreshadowing. wondering if reader noticed the similarities between the doll and the boy she saw from scara’s memories??

- current theory: something about reader…. is robot like….. or maybe not but the herbal medicine she drank was for some kind of health issue…. i really wonder what the brother did.

- when reader also had past grievances with ei…… reader and scara are more alike than they think….

loved the new chapter!! thank u for sharing! these thoughts are raw and unedited (unfortunately LOL) — @milkstore

You spoil me way too much with your comments lol. 🥰

- The human/robot thing actually isn't as much of a stretch as you think. I just think that's how Wanderer would think because he's well aware that he's not human.

- About the needlework "foreshadowing" with Nilou, that was accidental. LOL. I added the doll there to remind people that Wanderer does care about people and is concerned about their vulnerability (before he hated the world). I just mentioned Nilou's comment because it was probably something the reader would think here.

- I enjoy hearing your theories 🤭. They help me figure out if I'm leading people the way I want to through the story.

- about Ei and the brother... I can't wait to share that part of the story but more will be revealed closer to the second half of the story. I'm pretty satisfied with how backstory turned out.

- "Reader and Scara are more alike than they think" <- I'll just cryptically leave this here ☺️

Thank you so much for your comment!!! I feel like it's such a rare thing to have invested readers like you, so I'm very grateful to have you as well as others actually reading my stories. :)

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S2 EPISODE 9 RECAP AKA THE KYORU CHRONICLES PART I

Look... I’m gonna be honest. I wasn’t really in the mood to do a Fruits Basket recap this week. The world’s always a mess but this time it was definitely a personal attack and I’m still dealing with it but this episode was a needed mental break. A bit triggering at times... but it was golden.

Let’s goooo...

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Lol, I love how the creators right out the gate were just like: “Look... you know what time it is...” 🤡😺

- I love Kyo in that green jacket, I don’t even know why 😂It definitely fits in well with the autumnal scene and his hair... He gets outfit appreciation this week again for the same outfit... just because.

HEART EYES, MOTHERFUCKER

*grooves to the opening song like an AC character*

- Tohru’s so happy that Kyo was invited that she’s in tears? On one hand... SO sweet! On the other hand... girl. 😩

Another adored moment between these two. Even though this episode is all about Kyo’s feelings for Tohru. I adore seeing how easy things are between him and Tohru now. At allll timesss. Gimme bucket loads of kyoru content, mannnn

Even though I’m still frustrated at these kids fighting each other, I really appreciate that this moment (and even previous episodes) has shown that Yuki has slowly been figuring out how to play the game of appeasing Akito but also trying to figure out how he can be better and stronger and more clever than the shitty situation that he’s been given. The walls are crumbling, indeed... Yuki wins Best Boi this week. I would’ve given it to Kyo but I lowkey give it to him every week so...

Tee hee... 😺✨💖

...Right, I genuinely don’t know what to say on an emotional front about the Akito and Kyo scene besides “this moment is gross and awful and Akito is a terrible, disgusting, manipulative person” so I’m just gonna talk about my appreciation for how the scene was displayed and edited.

That anime fish eye lens used for intense situations? Classic.

I really did like the flashback scene though. It starts when we see Kyo literally physically threatening Akito and yet Akito through words alone bests him... easily. The colour toning is great, it gives a slightly underwater feel which just increases the suffocating feeling. The way the scene flips from this scene to present day showing how Kyo, despite the time gap and despite all the personal developments, is still in Akito’s suffocating and entrapped position. 

I love how inhuman the designers and animators make Akito through their movements and body poses. I’ve gone into it before but I thought it was worth saying again-again.

HEARTBREAKING. But, this is some visually stunning content. I love this full on visual representation of Akito’s curse. Seeing how different it is from the other zodiac members (obviously) but also how it could be interpreted as a metaphor for how tied Kyo is to his fate in his position in the zodiac. The stuff of nightmares! Chilling!

- Kyo saying ‘please, stop’ broke. my. heart. Yuma Uchida, as always, was great. I love how different he sounded when he said that. So hurt and weak, it’s almost alien for Kyo...

- Dickheadedness aside... I really find Akito’s view on perfection being monstrous an interesting viewpoint... (even if they are mostly saying it just so they can have the upper hand)

THIS IS THE MOMENT, GUYS...

I ACTUALLY SQUEALED. 😍It hurts so goood....

- I’m glad that Momiji’s question from ‘The Foolish Traveller’ moment was brought back again to bring a full circle as to how Kyo felt about Tohru. Such a great throwback.

- But wow, Kyo having to say he hates Tohru to protect her from Akito. Aka the ONLY MEMBER OF THE ZODIAC WHO DENIED THEIR LOVE FOR ANOTHER PERSON TO PROTECT THEM, CAN I JUST SAY. Golden. Heartbreaking. Kyoru.

- STOP HITTING, KYO!!!

Not so much of a comment on what was said in this scene but more so the position of Kyo’s body. I’m sorry, I’ve turned into one of those yoga heads right now and there’s no going back. 

I noticed his position is somewhat between a ‘child’s pose’ and one of the variations of a ‘cat-cow pose’. Child’s pose is known for showing vulnerability and surrender. And the cat side of the cat-cow pose is known for tensing everything up for eventual release into cow pose (as well as it easing out your spine). Also known as by cats... getting ready for attack.

I feel like this winds back to what I was observing about Yuki earlier in which he’s pretty much playing the game that Akito has set up but he’s approaching it in a smarter more clever way. And I think through this visual representation, it shows Kyo is doing the same. 

I wouldn’t say that both Kyo and Yuki are at the point where they feel they are worthy of happiness and believe in themselves and are ready to tear the wall down but you can see... they’re kinda getting ready to do so... whether they’ve noticed or not.

Lol. Ohhhhh, the times that we’re in...

- Yuki and Kyo working weirdly in sync is always my favourite <3

Oh... kid... 💔 All of Kyo’s thoughts of whether he deserves to live and questioning why he keeps going on is... a lot... to say the least...

- I do really love the way Kazuma’s VA delivered the speech of how hope will always bloom again even if you crush it. Toshiyuki Morikawa pretty much nailed how Kazuma would say it in a frank and stern way but also making it seem gentle enough to accept as advice. We stan.

Also, this!!!! 👆🏾

KYOKOOOOOOO 😭(I envy anime only fans sooooooo bad rn, hee hee heeeee)

At first, I didn’t really love the fact that Kyo and Yuki knew (or knew of) Tohru before the beginning of the Fruits Basket story as it kinda ties into my disdain for the ‘tied together by fate’ plot line. But as time goes by, I can’t help but just be swayed by how cute the younger versions of the trio are and the uwu feels. Whatever... it cute. For the most part anyway...

I was literally hitting my chair arms by how frustratingly bittersweet this last scene was. Kyo’s ‘I’m putting up a happy front so the love of my life doesn’t worry’ face?! <3

Tohru’s genuine happiness to see Kyo?! <33

<333!!!! Look, I was already dead by this point but THEN

👀... 

AND THENNNNNN

💔🤬

BUT THENNNN!!!!

Like what am I meant to do with my heart at this point, dude? Do I mend it? Do I guard it? Like... what?!?!

That was a hell of a last few minutes. I love this episode.

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This was really fun! A great way to take my mind off current things. It wasn’t all smiles but it showed pretty much how a glimmer of hope is enough to keep going and that’s exactly what I needed to hear this week and probably for the rest of my life :) 

Hope you are all keeping mentally as well as physically well and #blacklivesmatter. ALWAYS. 💜

See you next week!

[flying-elliska]

Hey Ellie, I just spent the last three days reading your whole story and God...I have so much to say. First of all, your writing is incredible, it's the best thing I had the opportunity to read in a while! I have to admit that I am a very emotional person that gets easily affected by stuff (like heartbreaking things etc.) but I heard so much about your story I just had to read it, and I did. There is something about Lucas and Eliott in this story that really gets to me. (1/?)

It's just so healing to see this broken and lost character slowly healing. Seeing him and Lucas together, seeing him finally finding the person that has always been missing in his life. Yeah sure, there is a lot of pain and action involved in this story, that I can't relate to, but you managed to give me this version of Eliott that really makes me feel less alone in my thoughts (just like the real Eliott). (3/?)

I'm currently struggling a lot with my MH, trying to find an answer to what is wrong with me, trying to understand why I am feeling so so much and your Eliott just really hit me and showed me a lot I see in myself, including his fears. Sure, this is a very different version of him and I am not a lawyer not have I this kind of family or lifestyle, but something really connects me with him and I am so thankful you wrote this story. I can't wait to read more, you are doing an amazing job! (4/4)

Hey anon <3 I didn’t receive your second ask, I’m afraid, but I can still answer those. Sorry for taking a bit of time but I wanted to have the time to do it with care. First of all I am so happy that the story resonated with you and thank you for your compliments on my writing <3 

I really feel you, it’s complicated when you struggle with mental health to find out exactly what is going on. I hope you find ways to reach out and get the help you need, and that you are kind to yourself in the meantime. 

I think what is wonderful about Eliott in canon and all the subsequent versions of him - at least the versions that work for me - is that he is such a deep character and many of us can recognize at least some fraction of ourselves in him. And what is amazing is how he is depicted as a very flawed, vulnerable, complicated human but he’s also depicted with the eyes of love - Lucas’s POV of course but I would also argue that of its creators. It’s rare to see such a humanizing portrayal of someone with mental illness, who isn’t defined by his issues and yet they are also a part of his character that cannot be ignored. We are meant to fall in love with Eliott alongside Lucas, and so the focus is put on all his loveable, intriguing qualities : his creativity, his tenderness, his capacity to draw Lucas out of his shell and create this little bubble for them, how funny and endearing and interesting he is. The courage he has in putting his vision out there even when it fails, his need for self expression. Of course we come to see his flaws after a while : he’s cagey, bad at communicating, sort of flaky, emotionally instable...But the focus is never on that. I think this perspective is so healing because this is the opposite of the gaze we are taught to turn on ourselves : the perpetual self-criticism, self-hate, trying to figure out what is ‘wrong’ with us. For everyone but especially for those of us struggling with MI, it would do us good to look at ourselves like we are taught to look at Eliott. But in the meantime, investing in his character is a good half-way step. 

In my fic I wanted to go in depth into his perspective, but still from an angle of love. it’s possible that realistically, our canon teenage Eliott would be much harsher on himself and messy inside. I wanted to show growth from that point. I feel that in your late twenties, your issues don’t magically dissolve, but you gain a certain inner stability and ability to relativize, and I hope that for canon Eliott also. And this Eliott worked hard at that. Even though his life was far from perfect, that’s definitely something he gave himself. And I think the point is, sometimes you have moments in life when you have to put that first, before you can tackle your passion in life or get the relationship you deserve, etc. 

Of course this is an over the top action/adventure story, so it isn’t super realistic either (this sort of stuff would be probably ten times more awful for your mental health in real life lol) but even between the over the top drama bits, i wanted to put in some moments of real human tenderness and compassion and complexity that is the mark of skam storytelling. Also because I would love to see Eliott’s POV in the show sooooooo much. Mentally ill people are so often used as plot points, drama bringers, shown to ‘make no sense’, be this enigma for others to unravel or react to. But looking at it from within, the journey of finding your own balance is such a complicated, but interesting story, I think different for each person but it can be really beautiful too once we look past the fear about the symptoms. Sure, some of these things can make your life difficult but they don’t ruin it at all, and even more, they are a different vantage point from which to interrogate human experience. And that diversity is just so interesting to me. 

Writing this Eliott, who has learned to be conscious and mindful of his emotions, because there is so much of them, is just also such a good exercise for me, because that’s something I’m struggling with too. And I’m glad that resonates with others as well. 

Anyway anon hope you’re having a nice day and i wish you luck for the rest <3