#But also I’m just very dissatisfied overall.

[vintagetimetarot]

What will your December be like? ❄️☃️ (Christmas themed) + love messages ♡︎

Hello everyone! Before I take my hiatus, I wanted to give y’all a reading to make up for not answering asks, or them being put on hold. Today I decided to make a monthly reading, and I added some love messages as well if you are interested, and to again make up for the lack of asks answered. Let’s get to it! (Also, I know this is Christmas themed, but you don’t have to be a certain religion for this reading at all, I’m not even Christian myself.) take what resonates and simply disregard what doesn’t. Pick a vintage Christmas album below!

Pile 1: I feel like the overall theme for your month is that you need to let go of the negatives currently going on in your life and what is making you dissatisfied. I see you guys might also have seasonal depression? But anyways. You’re gonna have to work very hard to make this a good month. I feel like you are struggling to stay positive or be happy right now, and if you don’t fix this it’ll just carry on into the next month. The cards suggest you can have a great month by putting yourself out there more in all aspects of your life. Go for that job you want! Kiss that guy/girl you like! Follow your dreams! But also be realistic with yourself and revaluate what you want first for this month, before you plan to pursue. You still have a couple weeks! I see this being a balanced month for you when you work hard. I think you’ll be improving in your job/school studies this month, regardless of what happens. I also think your personal relationships will be growing more this month, I think new people are going to enter your life. But I’m getting that you guys are guarded, but let these people in! They aren’t here to sabotage you. This will be a month of personal growth and divine timing and retribution for you, take it how it resonates. In terms of love this month, I see you exploring your romantic feelings, but this mainly will be about staying optimistic about your love life and working on self love this month. Love can’t fully come into your life if you can’t love yourself first for right now! Sorry if this was quite short, but this is all I got, I hope this resonated.

Pile 2: I think December is going to a very happy and successful mont for you. You may find yourself spending time and improving relationships with your family and friends. I also see your manifestations coming to fruition, whatever they are, this is your message that it’s coming this month! Things are being worked on behind the scenes. But these could be delayed if you keep up a lack of faith, which I see most of you guys have right now. Just because your manifestations don’t come ASAP doesn’t mean they aren’t coming. I see you making new friends this month, your social circle is going to expand greatly. I think you’ve been not your best lately, and that cycle is going to come to an end this month. I think this is mainly because you are learning to accept help from others. Things overall are just going to go smoothly this month, especially the holidays will be a healing time for you. In terms of love, I see that you make be deceived on what you have convinced yourself is happening right now, very specific message, but if you have an ex, they may be trying to win you back this month, but don’t fall for it. You two broke up for a reason. For those who are single, I think someone in your life currently is going to want to take things to a serious level with you. This is the time to express your love and not hold back, so things work out. I honestly feel like this is more casual and more familial like love, I’m not getting the vibe of a HUGE romantic month honestly. But it’s still gonna be great. That’s all I got, I hope this resonated!

Pile 3: This month is going to be go fast, and major change is going to happen. This is change you’ve been waiting for, but it won’t happen out of nowhere, YOU are gonna make the changes yourself believe it or not this month. Whatever you’ve been waiting for this what this is. You may find people being kinder to you and more generous this month. I think you are going to be extremely productive in terms of work/school. I think you are also going to make a significant connection while you’re at it in this area of life while you increase in productivity. I see you turning your back on things that don’t serve you anymore and finally taking the lead. This could be unhealthy relationships, stepping up your game in work/school, leaving a home environment or area that caused you turmoil, and more. You’ll be faced to make big choices this month as well, which will have large effects. In regards to love, I think you still need to wait or put a pause on that. Good things are coming, but not this month in love. You’ll be very focused on material things for now. The universe is just taking its time to make sure it all works out, and give you the best romantic situation possible. In terms of romance, you could be thinking about past relationships and exes, which is why you aren’t ready for something new yet. I think you are still inexperienced when it comes to love. Your reading is quite short, this month won’t be too eventful, but things will still change. That’s all I got, hope it resonates.

Pile 4: I think you guys are suffering right now. A lot. The past year or months might have been really rough on you. But this month, things will change, I promise. I think you may take a trip this month and that is going to be very healing for you. Or your travel life (small or big) will help you a lot this month. Your relationships will be crucial this month, all around. I think your messages will improve this month drastically, especially if they were previously causing you turmoil. I think many problems are going to get resolved this month, but with time more than anything. I see your mental state improving and getting out of this self deprecating mindset. I think with your relationships, you’ll become better at resolving conflict this you. In terms of romance, it’s safe for you to love. I think you’ll actually have people admiring you and pursuing you romantically more this month. For example, you may notice people flirting with you more. I don’t see this as straight up relationships left and right, but you’ll be discovering and exploring more of your romantic feelings this month. You’ll decide what you really want or will be, and that’s why you probably won’t be pursuing a relationship. I didn’t get much for this pile, so I advise you to go to another pile you were drawn to for more information on this month. That’s all I got, I hope this resonates.

[hapuriainen]

Some comparisons of the “Disney girls if they were the player character in a pokemon game” designs, the earliest being from 2012.

Snow White - hasn’t changed much from the initial idea. For the most recent version aside from the improved colours (which really goes for all of these) I made the pocket a bit more sensible in size and less bland with the logo and changed the sleeves into something a little less costume-y looking. And apparently I had never bothered to check what her eye colour is supposed to be before?

Cinderella - I think the first one is way too tomboyish for Cinderella so it was a good idea to give her a skirt instead. And stop trying to copy the hairstyle as is, how is it supposed to work anyway? The most recent version is supposed to be wearing see-through plastic sneakers which was the closest equivalent of a glass slipper I could think of, but I don’t think you can see that well enough from this far.

Alice - I also like the original idea but it does look a bit too much like a costume. The more recent version is one of my favourites of the set, both with the design and how the art turned out overall.

Tinkerbell - I remember being dissatisfied with the first version (mostly for being boring) and thought I should have given her shorts instead, so here is that now. The top could still use some work though.

Aurora - She feels like she’s incrementally getting towards my ideal design but isn’t there quite yet. I probably should have done more with the half pink-half blue thing.

Eilonwy - not a lot to work with about her, though what is up with the shoes on the middle one?

Ariel - I don’t know what I was thinking with the turtleneck in the middle one, it’s supposed to be a warm weather design. Though to be fair sandals would be a better fit for that, but I like the stockings to represent her tail. Also apparently I got obscenely lazy with the shoes with the most recent one.

Belle - has barely changed at all, I remember being very happy with the initial design. Though now that I think about it the bag probably should use a different shade of blue. I’ve also done an earlier design with the yellow dress, but it’s so monochrome that it’s a bit hard to work with it.

Jasmine - I clearly wasn’t even trying with the first design, it’s just her canon outfit with very minor tweaks and a pokeball, and the second one isn’t any better. But to me Jasmine had one of the biggest glow ups with the most recent design and the art turned out cute as well.

Pocahontas - I really like the pants and would have liked to use them again, but then I thought, “is this problematic”, and ended up not using the tassel fringe thing. Overall she was a huge struggle and I’m not happy with the result at all, Pocahontas’ canon design has a lot of elements to work with, but I tried so many versions of one sleeved/one sleeve off the shoulder/layered tops and they all looked like a dancer or a figure skater. And I also attempted a tunic-like design like Yellow but that just looked like a LoZ oc. So this design is definitely subject to change if I redo everyone again in ten years. At least her face turned out cute..

Esmeralda - Another mess in both attempts, her canon design also has a lot of interesting details but somehow the best I could do with ended up being a schoolgirl? In my defense she was among the last characters I drew for this set and at that point I was just burnt out and ready to move to something else, so it was either this or not being drawn at all. Better luck next time!

Megara - the first attempt is pretty random and lazy and I don’t like it at all, but I do like how the second one turned out. Overall it does skew a bit too young though especially for a character like Megara, but she’s a kid here so maybe it’s ok?

Mulan - she is my favourite Disney heroine so it’s always frustrated me that I had never been able to really get the Poke design to work. But this time it somehow clicked that I could take inspiration from the male protagonists instead. I think the details could still do some workshopping but overall I like the result this time around.

Jane - the first one isn’t a Poketrainer at all, it’s just a jungle explorer anime girl. Though I guess there’s not much change in the second one either...

Kida - this has always been somewhat of a “just throw random ideas in there” kind of design and especially the first one I clearly had no idea what I was doing. In the most recent version I think the decision to move the mark to her hat was the best update, a facial tattoo on the supposed average kid feels kind of strange. 

Giselle - I really like the most recent one, it’s one of the most dynamic poses and I think it has a nice balance of “fine lady” and “going on a Pokemon adventure”. Not sure if any of them are properly recognisable as Giselle though.

Tiana - as you can see I have no idea what to do with her. I don’t know what’s wrong, there’s so much to work with her canon design but nothing ever works out properly. Many of my ideas, like poofy pants (because of the dress shape) also felt too kiddy and so out of character for Tiana who is at the more mature end of Disney princesses. Still, with the most recent attempt there is a lot I like, but somehow it doesn’t quite fit together and I now notice that repeating the flower shape everywhere is pretty awkward. Sorry Tiana! Maybe fourth time is the charm.

Charlotte - the first attempts feel too much like a formal party outfit instead of something for an adventure, so I had to lose the updo at least. The hat is a little silly but I figured it would fit the goofier Charlotte. I do like the bubble skirt (one of the abandoned Tiana ideas) but the top could still use some work.

Rapunzel - very pleased with how the most recent one turned out apart from the hair looking a little too brown, it’s supposed to be just shading and not two-tone hair. 

Merida - I’ve never figured out how to do her hair in Pokemon form and her canon dress is pretty stingy with workable details. I got the idea of using plaid from Sword/Shield, but I noticed everyone and their mother already drew Merida in a plaid shirt so I put it on her shorts instead. But in hindsight maybe I should have just gone with the flow.

Vanellope - her design is really fun to work with and the result is one of my favourites. With the newer version I realised that I tend to use white a lot when I don’t know what to do, which usually is at least inoffensive, but that there could be a more interesting option if I dare to try something else (talking about the socks here).

Anna - quite pleased with how the new version turned out but it could still do with some work, what was I thinking with black boots and almost-black tights? 

Elsa - I really like how the cardigan thing turned out, except for the fact that I realised I had already used practically the same thing for Aurora (but hers is more boring so it’s the one subject to change). Meanwhile the dress is pretty bland. The leggings use the ice type uniform design from Sword/Shield.

Moana - Another victim of the “I have to churn out something” project finale. I think I already had this queued and had to go back to doing at least some fixes because the initial version was somehow even more boring. I think the loose pants idea is very workable but she’ll just need more time and effort.

Raya, Mirabel - they’re too recent to have a comparison but let’s have a few words on them anyway. I just couldn’t get anything out of Raya’s design (though she was one of the last characters  to be drawn and also I really don’t like her movie so I was very much not in a mood to try very hard) so the result ended up pretty boring and definitely waiting for a redesign. As for Mirabel I like her look a lot more and especially the skirt practically designed itself, but this still kinda feels like a first draft. 

[xaeyrnofnbe]

JAY FERIN MY DESIGN HERE SHE IS LOOK AT HER

i’ve been soooo determined to come up with a design for her that i actually liked and i think i FINALLY figured it out. over the course of maybe three days, the time spent totals to almost 7 hours apparently, which i’m quite proud of myself for. (i have never been very good at spending more than an hour on an art project)

anyway the purpose for this is basically i’m just pretty dissatisfied with her recent canonical redesign (for plenty of reasons im not going to go into here), and wanted a way to picture her that felt more representative of her character. plus, it was a fun excuse to get better at character design.

and bouncing off the idea of character design, this one has taken me a LONG time to get to the point it’s at now. (i first started brainstorming around when the big Offical Team Redesigns rolled out.) there were lots of things i was debating with myself about whether or not to include or change, for example there was a period in time where i wanted to seriously pull back on the amount of dangly jewelry, but after seeing loads of pirate women with similar decoration, i figured it was a good way to make her read better as a pirate. which is the overall goal: to have her traits and skills more present in her appearance. cause that’s what a character design is supposed to do.

if you have any questions about why i changed certain aspects, i’m more than happy to answer! i just don’t want to ramble on and on in this specific post. also, i’m putting concepts i had below this point

[zeglythofficial]

Tarot red here. i did a reading about:T’s future career.

this reading it’s quite confusing to me. it’s positive, but at the same isn’t. i see his career really ascending for now, him being praised and getting roles. his popularity just will raise and people will love him, an it boy (to his fandom). but i think his rising won’t be how he wants it to be, he will be dissatisfied and disappointed, this can be because maybe his movies won’t do well as he expected or get bad commentaries. but this won’t be his fault, his acting will always be praised. also his connection with other cast mates will attract people’s attention, this can be about shipping or just him being a good friend. like whatever he does will get the girlies screaming (lmaooo). but i also see here something negative, i can see a controversy around. so he needs to be careful with his actions, he seems to be a little bit careless and just vibing but now he has a lot of people’s eyes on him, a lot of people will be praying for his downfall. i can see controversies related to his love life more than anything (so this can be about cheating or flirting) i see social media, so this can be ably him texting someone or the rumors will be spread around in social media. i think he will reach success, but perhaps him and other people around had another expectations (maybe bigger). but i see opportunities for him to shine and getting projects so he doesn’t have to worry, i think he’s just very hard on himself. i think at first it will be hard getting good projects or the box office success can be difficult, but he’s just starting he needs to trust the process. trust himself and maybe manifest some stuff into his life with good energy. i don’t know but he can get in problems because of the people his close with. i see him getting a little bit greedy so this can be the reason why feels he’s not doing good.

i see him having a lot of offers, but i think to his career to really grow and expand it needs time. i think he will get discouraged a lot and perhaps it will be difficult for him to stay positive. so the best thing here is surround himself with good people and feel supported through these times that are hard for him. i also think that he gives his energy to anyone (lol) so he might pick bad friends and people that aren’t his true friends. i think he might take a lot of risks in his career and perhaps some thing will do well and others not that well. but he has a lot of passion and drive to succeed.

i don’t know if this makes sense, but this is what i see for him for now :))

Hi Tarot Red!

An IT boy (to his fandom).

Was this unintentional shade? 🤭

Part of his dissatisfaction and disappointment could be him being self-critical which is why the reading is confusing? So his performance will be praised but the projects will overall bad? I would be slightly surprised tbh. All his next projects may not be financially successful but they will be critically acclaimed. Like R with WSS. The movie flopped at the box office but still got praised and awards.

Yeah, I can see him being shipped with different people and being friends with everyone. They won’t have the chemistry that Zeglyth does and his next ship will sink quickly 🤭

I do think he’s a little careless with his IG likes. Hoping his team is discussing that with him.

From what I understand of tarot (nothing at all really lol so forgive me if I’m off base), but a lot of male celeb readings I’ve seen have cheating or flirting scandals. Doesn’t that come with the territory of being a male celeb? Law of assumption? That’s like doing a reading on an athlete and the energy reads them as cheaters. People assume they’re all cheaters so it can reflect in the readings more? Idk if I’m making sense so I’ll stop 🫢

T is very ambitious and driven so I can see him being greedy in terms of wanting more success and being financially stable. We all want more money :(

He strikes me as someone who is friendly to everyone but doesn’t give his complete energy to them. Like he has industry friends and his real friends. His real friends get his complete attention and time but everyone else is people he has fun with and that’s it. He’s seems self-aware of this though.

Thanks for the reading! It made sense to me :)

[lasi-nariyoyoreads]

Taemin's personality according to tarots

What is this reading about? In honor of his comeback, I decided to do a little reading on his personality. It's divided in three parts: in the first one I picked a card that would represent the core aspect of his personality, then I picked a total of six cards that would describe what he thinks about himself and what others think of him. The last part is about his positive and negative traits, again I picked 6 cards.

Of course it's impossible to know what each person think of Taemin. Everyone has their own unique views, so I simply tried to look into what are the general opinions going on.

The third part of the reading will be about his positive and negative traits. Positive and negative can be a very vague definition, but I tried to consider which sides of his personality are helpful (for him and for others) and which traits are negative for him and for those around him.

I've been preparing several readings similar to this, one of them should've been posted in honor of D.O's comeback, but procrastination is my second name so here I am, more than one month later, posting a reading about another idol :')

Also, have you enjoyed Guilty?

Disclaimer:

My readings are made for fun and you should read them for fun too. So don't take them seriously.

The main aspect of his personality:

4 of cups

He might feel unsatisfied, there’s a lot more out there, so much potential, so many things that can be better, that can be improved, yet they seem out of reach.

He might lack appreciation or not be fully aware of what he has, of what he achieved.

4 of cups is someone lost in their thoughts, sitting with their eyes closed, dissatisfied, bored. But if only they opened their eyes, they would notice the wonderful nature around them, the clear waters, the stars in the sky.

He feels unfinished and like a raw material that still has a long way to go before it can be called a diamond.

Perfecting himself is the core of his identity.

4 of cups is almost like an "introverted" card to me, so he's probably someone that doesn't open up easily to others and who tends to bottle up his feelings.

How does he see himself?

Rev The empress, rev the tower, ace of wands

It’s interesting, the empress is a very feminine card, it really represents the female energy in cards. It represents sensuality, nurturing and creativity.

All things you would connect with Taemin, right? But here the card is reversed and I think it can be interpreted in two ways.

The first message I get is that he might not feel fully comfortable in his androgynous image. I’m not saying that he hates it, but he might wonder “what if I tried to be something different?”, “is this really ok for me, what I truly wanted to do? Am I just pleasing others?”

It's possible it's an persona that fell on him, he just accepted it and he didn't really choose it himself.

The other message I get is that he might be insecure about his creative direction, he might feel bored or unsatisfied. 

The other point I get from the cards is that he might consider himself as someone who is somehow holding on, despite whatever life throws at him.

He tries to protect what’s dear to him, even to the point of being uselessly stubborn. Sometimes there’s less effort in rebuilding from zero a destroyed house, than trying to protect it by constantly working to fix it.

For example, he might be the type to try his best to keep a relationship, even though it would be better to let it go and start something new with another person.

It might also mean that he's simply someone who does always the same things, maybe with a fixed routine, maybe he's someone who always gets the same food in the restaurant or something similar.

I think he’s very anxious about big changes, he wants to have a solid basis and work to improve that, rather than giving up to start something new.

He’s an overall creative person, with lots of new ideas and always interested in new challenges.

How do others see him?

Rev the chariot, 8 of pentacles, 7 of cups

Some actually think he might lack direction and be a bit out of control? As if he doesn’t have a balanced energy or an objective view of himself and what’s around him.

He’s obviously considered as a successful person, with a great work ethic, who achieved important milestones.

They think he’s someone who has a lot of potential, someone who might as well try something new?

While they know he’s already very successful, some people around him might believe he could be bigger if he wanted to.

They might be like "bro you could do anything you want", but Taemin tends to be a bit afraid to jump in completely new fields? Or he needs a lot of contemplation before deciding to do something new.

He might lack the confidence to go out of his comfort zone, out of what he knows he does the best.

Positive traits:

Rev 5 of cups, 8 of swords, the lovers

There’s a childish energy about him.

I think he hasn’t forgotten his roots, he hasn’t forgotten who he was before becoming “the Lee Taemin” everyone loves. It’s possible he has good relationships with his family/childhood friends and that he enjoys going back home whenever he can.

Success didn’t change him.

Despite his tendency to keep his feelings to himself, he just seems like a really lovely and emotional person.

He might be too caught up in his inner turmoil, he might have issues with how people perceive him, but he’s truly someone ready to give love to whoever is lucky enough to be close to him.

He also tends to be faithful and loyal.

Negative traits:

3 of pentacles, rev 6 of pentacles, rev queen of pentacles

He might be too focused on his craft at times, forgetting everything else. There might be a bit of a duality here, working Taemin is a very rigid person who will only focus on improving and learning, ignoring everything else, while off-work Taemin is a much sweeter person. The problem is understanding which one of them you’re dealing with. 

He might have a bad management of his money. Either he’s too generous or too stingy. It’s possible it depends on the person.

He might be the type of person who is generous because he expects something back.

He might be too obsessed by his status, like he really wants to look good and to keep his reputation.

He might be prone to isolate himself too much or he has a bad work-life balance that brings him to not give enough quality time to his loved ones.

It's possible he's also not so good at taking care of himself and his surroundings.

[clunelover]

Things I noted from old family pictures:

- my mom always smiled with teeth, I can’t find a single picture of her with her mouth closed and I am having trouble picturing how that looked (relevant for comic drawing)

- I got her nose, eyes, and smile more than I realized

- boy, the places we lived in were sparse and depressing! In particular, an apartment where we had a too expensive couch (white with this ugly gold brocade pattern my mom felt was “elegant” but really just looked stuffy and a strange departure from her usual style) and then, nothing else in the room except a filing cabinet with a printer on top of it.

My sister recently made an annoyingly judgmental comment about how when we were kids, she has no memory of us having so many toys (as compared to what my kids have), and definitely not in the living room (🙄) and I now have photo evidence that she was half right - we didn’t have many toys but they WERE in the living room…and I think the small amount was because we were poor! I do think culture around kids toys and the amount of crap you end up with has changed to some extent, but I don’t think that’s the key difference here.

- I’m struck by how, seeing these pictures, everyone looks so happy. And we were happy sometimes! I have a very hard time accessing what my childhood felt like, overall. When cutting my mom out of my life, I was very focused on everything bad about her, but l know we did also have fun. She’s very funny and smart. And she loves us, in her twisted personality-disordered way. Ugh idk. Lots of feelings! Mostly just perplexed. I asked my stepdad, “what was it like to live with her, was she…happy, day to day?” And he said, “she was happy sometimes. She was happy if she had a goal she was working towards. Like when she wanted to open a bookstore, thinking and planning about that made her happy.” I recognize some of that tendency in me, to be extremely goal oriented, often to the point of being dissatisfied with what I have now. I have tempered it much more than she did, but it’s there. Something to think about.

[juregim]

hello i found a site to download pjo in good quality so that’s what i did today using the office wi fi. anyway live thoughts under the cut

HE SAID THE THING!!! i feel like i’m ascending rn i’m so serious

that crackly pubescent quality of Walker’s voice is 1. surprisingly pleasant to hear and 2. reminds me so much that he’s so young. so baby

the way the colours literally change when Grover appears in his life. Grover and Percy besties 4ever agenda

Chiron!

SALLY JACKSON MOM OF THE CENTURY

Grover psychoanalysing Nancy is so real

also their little sandwich exchange,,, please besties 4ever

oh i don’t know what all that bitching about the mrs Dodds reveal was, it looks amazing

nooo Percy’s betrayed little ‘Grover?’ when he starts talking to the other principal

idk what people were talking about with Gabe. he’s like the exactly casually abusive asshole man. their situation was never like. crazy abuse. it was always the guy who’s too lazy to work but likes to think he’s the authority of the house even though he’s so dependent on her he would be out on the street, stupid, doesn’t do shit except spend her money and combust when angry

Percy literally thinks he’s been betrayed by his best friends AND that he’s going actually insane and Walker is great at showing that internal conflict

and like. people have such a warped perception of abuse victims that Sally being like. a little sassy and raising her voice at him while this still being an abusive relationship is unthinkable for them

oh the beach house…

oh Percy’s monologue is reminding me exactly of the moment i fell in love with pjo. oh i’m emotional

here’s how posally can still win

‘like Jesus?’

oh i’m feeling it. oh no words just excitement

Grover: ‘lore lore lore…. also i’m 24 whoops, here’s a minotaur to fight’

Sally reaching over to hold Percy to the seat over his seatbelt…

i KNOW there are edits of their goodbye set to boygenius or mitski that will absolutely tear my heart out

Percy’s loyalty is so obvious from the very first episode

the desperate way he kills the minotaur. love

i’m surprised i haven’t really seen people talking about the end credit scene. it’s GORGEOUS!!

overall thoughts: i’m extremely biased in that i really wanted to like it as i was going in and i have to say i wasn’t disappointed or dissatisfied AT ALL! i really don’t have anything negative to say that’s not nitpicking, like i wish there was an extra 1-2 lines about Dodds never existing to hammer that sense of wrongness in. or some mention of just why the blue candy is so special. Walker really embodies Percy, Aryan has all these little quirks that that just so Grover. the music transports you in, and overall art direction is extremely truthful to the experience of reading those books. it’s a fantastic pilot and it has me so so so excited to watch more! which i’ll probably do tomorrow

[foolish-fitz]

fool's errand first thoughts

warning: this is not really a structured review, more of a ramble

I finished Fool's Errand a few days ago, and couldn't even fathom writing any sort of review because I was sad, okay. I managed to convince myself that the way Hobb was setting up Nighteyes's death throughout the whole book meant that someone else would die first, and then. nope. after the climax I felt so relieved, because everything was okay, Nighteyes was going to make it to the next book, Fitz and the Fool were together and going back to Buckkeep... and then Hobb did what she'd been promising to do all book, and Nighteyes died. it was a really beautifully written scene but it made the ending of the book feel a bit hopeless to me. (it didn't help that I wasn't in the best mood when I finished, and was also in the middle of another hopeless, depressing book.)

I do really love Fool's Errand though, and I love it for very different reasons than I loved Liveship. it was so nice to come back to Fitz and reconnect with some of our old cast of characters after what was for me a few month gap. (Kettricken!!! we saw Kettricken!) the first part of Fool's Errand feels so nostalgic, and it's so easy to pick up where we left off with Fitz. it's interesting because Fitz has changed, as would be expected in fifteen years, but those changes are easy to fill in because we already know Fitz. he still feels familiar to us, and we can see how his solitude has changed him, but it also is perfectly logical when he decides to re-enter the action and we see that side of him again. Fitz is just such a great character.

the pacing and plot structure of this book was... funky, in a good way. Fitz didn't leave for Buckkeep until somewhere around page 220 - that whole first third of the book was just for readers to re-acclimate to Fitz (and Starling, Nighteyes, Hap, and the Fool), and read the domestic fluff Fitz/Fool fanfiction of our dreams witness his slow realization that he's dissatisfied in his current life. I think this was my favorite part of the book, honestly. (I tend to love Hobb's beginnings, at least so far.) no plot? no problem!

but then once the plot did kick off, I thought it was compelling and was very interested in the tensions between the Old Blood, Piebalds, other Witted folk, and non-Witted people. lady-in-the-cat plotline was solid, I forgot her name already but oh well. I’m not a huge plot person but this one kept the story moving along just enough, and left lots of room for character moments. and humor! there was a lot of humor, which I didn’t expect. I live for Tom Badgerlock and Lord Golden’s antics.

there are so many standout emotional scenes in this book too. one was at the end with Chade. their dynamic was so great and it’s so interesting to see how Fitz has changed (specifically how his view of loyalty has shifted) and also how he’s stayed the same. also the very last scene was so bittersweet, when Fitz was at Jinna’s and was reflecting on how he never really got to fuck around and make mistakes in the way that young people should, bc of all the pressures on him, and how Dutiful can’t do that either but Hap is able to. the Fitz-Dutiful parallels were really well-done and his line about Hap being free was so touching.

overall, this book just felt very tidy. everything was pretty nicely wrapped up at the end, and I felt like it was a logical place to stop (I don’t usually feel like this with Hobb books, so it was a nice change). after getting over my initial sadness about Nighteyes, I think this was definitely the easiest RotE book to read so far and is one of my favorites. can’t wait for Golden Fool!

[alangdorf]

Hi! This is a follow-up post to my kingdom hearts fic Ten Minutes Too Late that I’ve been meaning to make for several years at this point. Under the cut will be some rambling about why I stopped writing it (tl;dr: ADHD, predictably) and then I’ll explain what my future plans for the fic & its universe were and post what stuff I did have written up. I’m totally fine with it if anyone happens to want to use my ideas for their own work btw, I probably won’t be getting around to finishing it anytime soon if ever.

Oh also! BBS Tangled AU writeup is here; I won’t bother with the few snippets of writing I did cause they were all very short false starts.

(Note: I will probably not be making a similar post for my old Undertale au. It’s been too long for me to remember much and I don’t wanna go find my notes, also it’s just not that interesting. The main secret [the Frisk in the comic was from Jerky’s timeline] was guessed immediately anyways.)

The Writing Issue

Guh. So I’ve always been really bad at the act of writing. Results are usually decent, but trying to get myself to write anything that my brain isn’t just coming up with on its own is like pulling teeth. (Honestly it should’ve been a major indicator of my ADHD growing up, but I was the guinea pig oldest child and didn’t get diagnosed ‘til I got to college and the additional time management responsibilities - and writing assignments - pushed things into unmanageable territory.) I’m also an incorrigible perfectionist and rarely manage to force myself to push out first draft material I’m not happy with. Unfortunately this also applies to writing I do for fun, so I have to really really really be inspired to be able to write and even then it’s still often a struggle.

Since I have very little practice with writing, I also just have a large gap between my skill level and my taste, and overall I’m very conscious of issues in my past writing - jokes that are lame because I couldn’t think of anything funny, inconsistent characterizations, over-reliance on plot contrivances (I’m largely resistant to being bothered by contrivances but like it’s a LOT), too much angst and not enough other stuff to balance it out because the angst is all I can focus on, trying to tackle things I don’t have enough personal experience and/or knowledge of and/or tact to handle in a way I find satisfactory, etcetera. I always like my stuff quite a lot when I’m actually rereading it, but the bad bits are what stick in my mind, so it’s hard to even think about my writing without feeling really embarrassed (and meowing). Which makes it really hard to want to focus on writing more of TMTL. Though I also just haven’t been hyperfixating on KH in several years. Maybe I’ll finish my four blaseball wips someday but the odds aren’t looking good…

TMTL Plans

Anyway, hmm, where to start… well, chapter 16 was gonna be a flashback to what happened to Ven & Vani at the start of KH1, namely that they went to the play island while Ansem was there, Ven lost his heart in a Neoshadow attack, and then Vani’s coerced into being a henchman again since Ven’s basically a hostage. He does not have a fun time with that, but he does train Riku (and yes he was the mystery person they saw at Hollow Bastion). I wrote out that chapter but I was a little dissatisfied with it. I guess at the end of this I’ll post all my snippets.

I had a whole plan for all three kids’ paths through KH1 but it was probably wayyy too overambitious to try and write the whole thing given I was never that interested in the kids or in the Disney worlds. To skip to the important bits at the end (also I don’t entirely understand my notes for the rest), Kairi gets to Hollow Bastion before Sora does and Vani ends up removing her heart (it goes to Sora) in a last-ditch effort to stop Ansem’s plan and also keep her safe-ish; in retaliation Ansem sends him to the Realm of Darkness. To be honest this was mostly just to set up Naminé’s continued existence and to get Aqua out of the RoD early.

The end of KH1 goes about as normal except Kairi tags along (also Ven wakes up but doesn’t tag along). Aqua finds Vanitas and Vanitas finds Riku and Vani portals them all out cause I guess he can do that. Then things get a little interesting: since Ven was not involved in the events of Birth by Sleep, Aqua never turned the Land of Departure into Castle Oblivion, so the events of Chain of Memories just kinda don’t happen. Naminé still pops up in the LoD, but Aqua has just returned home and takes her in. For a while. The org comes for her eventually.

The replicas also happen, but under slightly different circumstances; the org occupies part of Hollow Bastion in secret before the Restoration Committee really gets everything under control and they use several stored heart scans: Riku’s (from during kh1) to make Repliku, and, just to see what would happen, they mashed up “Princess of Heart” Kairi’s (from pre-fall of Radiant Garden) and “What I am is darkness” Vanitas’ (from during kh1) to make Xion. (That’s why I draw her with pink eyes in this au, it’s purple + red. Also the average of 4 and 26 is 15, it’s perfect) I dunno what effect them being pure light + pure darkness would have, if any. They’d probably just be a mostly regular keyblade wielder but that’s still valuable to the org.

And with Chain of Memories not happening (also Roxas still exists like normal), Axel gets four kids! I didn’t have any other plans for kh2 and beyond. Eventually Xion gets adopted into Kairi & Vanitas’ family, Roxas into Sora & Ven’s, and Namine is Aqua’s daughter and/or little sister. Also Vanqua happens but I’m not posting most of the stuff I had written for that; it was weird cause I’m not good at writing romance.

I was also very interested in writing interstitials for chapter 3, more about Vanitas and Kairi’s time in Radiant Garden and involving more of the people living there (oh man I remember I had this whole big idea about Cloud and Sephiroth being a really weird heart experiment done by apprentice Nort half-remembering the whole Ven & Vani thing), and also slice of life stuff about everyone living on Destiny islands in the long timeskip between chapter 7(?) and the start of kh1. I’ll put that list of ideas in the snippets section.

The Leftovers

The Chart(TM)

Interstitial ideas list

Ienzo sometimes hangs out with Kairi because Kids; Vanitas does NOT trust him bcuz he is an apprentice and usually brings the wrath of Even with him

Yes Braig is blackmailing Vanitas for babysitting purposes, but he’s also actively protecting him from apprentice Nort?????

Untitled Unversed Game is still so good [Note: this was basically just Unversed wreaking minor havoc in town while Vani’s sick]

All the radiant garden peeps may have had more important stuff going on at the time but they do remember the local cryptid Untitled Goose Game-ing it up for nearly a year and while they may never have seen his face or talked to him, they recognize the Unversed and they’re just like???? The cryptid’s back? And he was just a weird homeless kid the whole time? And Cid’s like yeah duh, I’ve been telling you kids that for the past decade

ALSO I only just had this idea but considering Vanitas got badly enough injured by Aqua as to be put fairly solidly out of commission for a few months, he probably didn’t manage to get entirely off the street before passing out for a while; I dunno much about ffvii Cid, but  I do get the vibe that he’d be the type to pick up strays and then gripe about it constantly while picking up some more, so? You know where I’m going with this. Although this is Vanitas fresh offa bbs and four years with Xehanort prior so he does not trust anyone further than he can throw them. Also he probably doesn’t know that Xehanort got amnesia yet, so there’s that too.

Kairi keyblade training??

Oh yeah by the way Kairi and Vanitas? You have three older sisters now who are absolutely thrilled to have surprise little siblings

If he fits he sits; iF HE FITS HE SITS

Kairi settles in nicely (by repressing her trauma) but hoo boy VANITAS is gonna be INTERESTING

DON’T FORGET THE UNVERSED BTW

Also Ven settling in with Hikari and Sora and becoming a real boy

Vanitas angst but that’s a given

Riku?? Riku???????

Ok did Vanitas actually talk through his trauma during therapy or did he just get assistance wrt dealing with trauma & emotions? Either way I think said therapist is extremely in over their head

Chapter 16 + most of the rest of what I had started for future chapters in that same document

[Not edited but a bit at the end was redacted cause I really didn’t like it. Pretty much all Vanitas angst. Very long but there’s pictures at the end. Asterisks are italics cause I use discord too much; empty brackets means there should be other stuff there]

Vanitas let his brother row the boat, since this excursion had been his dumb idea in the first place and Vanitas had never been particularly confident in his nautical navigation skills. He’d gotten off late from work, and Ventus had worked even later, so the sun was already setting. But they were adults. They could handle a little darkness.

There was a bundle of jitters crawling around in the pit of his stomach, but it wasn’t his own emotion he was feeling. He stared pointedly at Ventus, who was almost a little too focused on rowing. “You’re nervous.” It wasn’t a question.

“Hm?” Ventus looked up in surprise. “Um, maybe.”

Vanitas sighed. “You’re the one who asked me to come, idiot. Why are *you* nervous?”

He shrugged. “I dunno, it’s just... we haven’t hung out in a while.”

“Well, I’m flattered you hate me that much.”

“No!” He pouted at Vanitas indignantly. “You didn’t let me finish! I was thinking we should do something together, so that’s why I suggested this. I’m just...” He frowned. “Having second thoughts. I don’t know why, but I really feel like we should go home.”

“Maybe you should’ve thought of that *before* we reached the play island,” Vanitas said dryly, pointing out the dock only five feet away.

“Oh...” Ventus sighed and hopped out. “Never mind, then.”

Vanitas waited until Ventus dragged the boat into the sand to disembark. There was no way he was getting these shoes wet. He untied the flannel from around his waist and put it on, still unbuttoned for now, over his binder. It was going to be an unseasonably chilly night.

He followed Ventus as he headed towards the other side of the island, chatting as he went. “I can’t believe it’s been so long since we first came to the islands, Vanitas! It feels like it’s only been a few days since you and Kairi showed up.” He linked his hands behind his head as he walked, his eyes widening. “Oh, man, Kairi’s *old* now... Those kids grow up so fast...”

Vanitas rolled his eyes. “*We’re* pushing *thirty*, Ventus.”

“Hey, your thirties are the best years of your life!”

“Not when you’re a hardware store manager and the town librarian. Did Hikari tell you that one?”

“... How’d you guess?”

“Because she’s forty and misses being younger.”

“Aww, no she doesn’t. Mom just wishes we could all be home more often.”

“She sure sees you often enough at work.”

Ventus stopped and shook his head. “Just because it’s a small hospital doesn’t mean we see each other all the time, you know. But we both like working there, so it’s all good.” He turned around and smirked at Vanitas. “Besides, you love your jobs, don’t try to lie to me. Taiyo’s practically your dad, and you’d *live* at the library if you could.”

Vanitas struggled to keep a genuine smile off his face. “Yeah, whatever.”

They emerged on the other beach just as the sun reached the horizon, throwing yellow light across the waves. Vanitas made sure to stand directly in its path, basking in the last warmth of the day. Ventus just squinted and made his way down the beach, waiting for Vanitas to follow, which he did, reluctantly. He asked something he’d been meaning to for a while. “Did you ever figure out how to summon your keyblade?”

“...I’ve never tried.” Ventus put his hands in his pockets, standing in the same place he’d found two displaced kids almost a decade ago. “I’d rather not get involved with... all that if I don’t have to. And if I never summon it, we can never fight and forge the χ - blade, right?”

Vanitas stood next to him, shivering in the chilly breeze. “I suppose so. But you know, Kairi finally managed to summon hers a few weeks ago. She could totally beat you up if she wanted to.” He felt he deserved his smug expression.

Ventus looked at him, shocked. “You taught Kairi how to summon her keyblade?”

“She’s older than we were when we first learned. I wanted her to be able to fight... just in case something happens.” He shivered again.

“You’re too pessimistic. Nothing bad’s going to happen.”

“Well, you never know. I still think you should learn.”

“And I think you should wear more clothes if you’re so cold!” Vanitas yelped as his brother poked his exposed belly button.

“Hey, you can’t hide perfection!”

“Ugh, you’ve been working out again, haven’t you?”

He struck a bit of a pose, showing off his abs. “You know it.” They both giggled uncontrollably at the ridiculousness of it all.

Ventus composed himself and crouched down. “I’m still in pretty good shape. I’ll race you to the secret place!”

Vanitas got ready as well. “Oh, you’re on!”

After counting down together, they took off and sprinted down the beach, Vanitas already trailing behind. There was no way he could win against Ventus without teleporting, so he just let the wind whip across his face and through his hair as he ran, not bothering to push himself. He lost sight of Ventus as he entered the passage to the other side of the island and slowed to a walk.

As Vanitas reached the other beach, he looked around for Ventus, but didn’t see him anywhere. He must have already made it to the secret place. He laughed at the fact that Ventus hadn’t even noticed he was no longer being followed and took a step forward.

His whole body was screaming. He went limp and collapsed, his legs folding underneath him and fingers scrambling desperately for purchase in the sand. His head felt like it was splitting open, fear freezing in his veins. His senses failed, and all he could feel was his heartbeat in his ears and hysterical breaths ripping through his chest. What was happening to him?

Suddenly, it all stopped. He clambered to his feet, breathing hard, as he immediately understood. Ventus. He’d been feeling Ventus. Vanitas had experienced his upset emotions before, but nothing like this. This was sheer and all-consuming terror. Something was extremely wrong.

He summoned his keyblade and bolted for the secret place without a second thought, trailing Unversed behind him. He hadn’t lost control over his Unversed in years, but he had more important things to worry about.

His boots made a regular thumping sound on the packed dirt floor of the passageway, echoing his rapid heartbeat. It was dark, but he’d never had problems seeing without light. One of the few perks of his situation. He chuckled breathlessly at the thought, trying unsuccessfully to suppress his building panic.

He skidded into the secret place, eyes immediately locking on to the body on the floor as his shattered heart leapt into his throat. His brother’s eyes were half open, and he lay in a pool of his own blood, motionless. Vanitas *screamed*.

“*Ventus!*”

“*He’s not dead, you know.*” Vanitas looked away in alarm, searching for the source of the deep voice. It was a hooded figure turned away from him and towards the wooden door at the far side of the room. Vanitas raised his keyblade with trembling hands and growled.

“What did you do to him?”

The figure just laughed and raised a covered arm. Shadows appeared all around Vanitas and peeled themselves away from the ground, growing in size until they towered over him. Long, spindly arms. Crooked and trailing antennae. Unblinking eyes glowing a sickly yellow in the darkness.

Neoshadows.

He froze in terror, holding his keyblade in a defensive position, but the Heartless ignored him and went after the Unversed already filling the room, ripping them apart, tearing them limb from limb and wringing their necks, slowly, purposefully. Their deaths came back to Vanitas in a torrent of searing agony, bringing him to his knees, gasping for air, without so much as a touch. 

He dropped his keyblade and it shattered. Seeing him unarmed, the Neoshadows descended on him, wrenching his arms behind him, long, sharp fingers curling around his neck and slicing his skin. Claws ripping into him everywhere, twisting in his wounds and holding him down as his blood dripped to the floor. He tried not to scream again, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of knowing he was suffering, but a distressed sob escaped his throat anyways.

This was torture. The Neoshadows were avoiding serious injuries, instead inflicting pain like he hadn’t felt in years. There was no way this was natural Heartless behavior. They were being controlled by the hooded figure. Vanitas stared at it, utterly petrified. He desperately wanted to fight back, but his body wasn’t responding. He couldn’t even struggle against the Neoshadows’ unrelenting grip. His pathetic fear of them had come back in full force, and he was willing to bet Ventus had the same reaction earlier.

A chill ran down his spine as he thought about it carefully. There was only one person who would know about *that* incident.

“... X-xehanort?”

The figure turned around, but Vanitas couldn’t see into its hood. “*My name is Ansem, but I was once called Xehanort.*”  It chuckled, low and malicious. “*It has been such a long time, my dear apprentice.*”

This couldn’t be happening. There was no way this was real. He was safe here, he... he’d *been* safe, he’d been *free*. He’d had a normal life, a family; he’d been... happy. But it was all slipping through his fingers as he watched in misery.

“*Look at you, Vanitas. All grown up and mature...*” One of the Neoshadows ran its hand down his face, leaving a slit through his lip with its trailing claws as it caressed him. It made him feel sick. “*The years have been kind to you without me, have they not?*”

He tried not to hyperventilate. “How did you f-find me?”

“*It is but a simple matter to find one with the mark of the Recusant’s Sigil on their heart.*”

“Th-the recusant’s...?”

Oh.

*Oh no.*

Vanitas had a myriad of scars littered across his skin, both from battle and from cruel discipline, but by far the deepest were a pair of intersecting gashes that spanned the entirety of his back. They had been carefully and painfully carved into his flesh time and time again, and even after a decade they hadn’t faded. He had thought they’d been compelled by thoughtless sadism, but he realized now that they formed a recusant’s sigil, the intersection of which lay directly over his heart.

Xehanort never did anything thoughtlessly. He’d been branding Vanitas, marking him as his... *property*, making certain he’d never be able to slip from his clutches.

Vanitas’ heart sank. The past ten years had been for nothing.

He’d never escaped at all.

The hooded figure drew closer, observing him. Its cold voice permeated the air between them, twisting its way into his ears until he could hear nothing else. “*A being of pure darkness... how utterly fascinating. Surely, leaving you behind was one of the worst mistakes I ever made.*” He felt the Neoshadows tighten their grip on him possessively, and his breath hitched in his throat. ”*But it’s a mistake I intend to correct. It’s finally time to return to my side, Vanitas. Imagine all the great things we could accomplish together.*” 

“N-no.”

The figure came to a halt. “*... What was that?*”

Vanitas bared his teeth, ignoring the sting of his split lip and glaring up into the dark hood. “I said *no*!”

The figure waved its arm and the Neoshadows roughly forced his head down until he was bowing, staring at a growing puddle of his own blood. Their claws sunk even deeper into his neck. He had to struggle to stay conscious through the pain and panic, trying to breathe but failing miserably.

The voice was absolutely venomous. “*You misunderstand the situation. I wasn’t giving you a choice, boy.*”

Vanitas felt bitter tears collect in the corners of his eyes. He’d thought he was better than this. He’d thought he had gotten stronger, able to put his past behind him, and yet here he was, practically a child again, forced to his knees in anguish in front of Xehanort and completely helpless. Nothing had changed. He couldn’t protect Ventus, who was still unconscious and bleeding on the floor next to him. He couldn’t even protect himself. There was nothing he could do anymore. Nothing at all.

Tears dropped to the floor, mingling with his blood, swirling in sickening patterns as he watched, his vision blurring. He squeezed his eyes shut, choking out a desperate plea. “P-please... just... d-don’t hurt Ventus anymore... I-I’ll... I’ll do whatever you want.”

“*Excellent. I’m looking forward to it. Your first task is to bring Ventus to the castle in Hollow Bastion and wait for me there. You’ll be supervised by the Neoshadows for now.*” He could hear the cruel smile in the voice as it whispered in his ear, the rest of the world melting away around him. “*Well? What do you say, Vanitas?*”

He felt numb.

“... Yes, Master.”

[]

Riku threw Soul Eater down in frustration. They clenched their hands into fists. “Fight *back!*”

Their knuckles impacted solidly on Vanitas’ cheek, but he just slackened and slid to the floor, hair falling around his face. He made no move to get up. “Riku...”

Riku felt tears pricking at the corners of their eyes and slammed them shut as they kicked Vanitas in the side. “I said fight back, you *idiot*!”

His voice was quiet and strained. “I don’t want to hurt you, Riku.”

“*Then why’d you hurt Kairi?!*” Riku tried to shout, but their voice cracked halfway through.

“I - I didn’t mean...” He swallowed hard and with some difficulty, looking at Riku imploringly. “They already have you and Ventus... I... I couldn’t let them have Kairi, too.”

Riku choked out a laugh. “Nobody ‘has’ me! I’m here because I want to be!”

Vanitas only seemed more distressed. “You’re being manipulated, Riku, we all are! The Master’s grooming you to be his new vessel!”

“*I DON’T CARE!*”

Vanitas was taken aback by the outburst, but Riku just kept yelling.

“I *don’t* care, I don’t!” They were really crying now, tears angrily streaming down their face. “I want to be *strong!* Strong enough to protect myself, and strong enough to protect Ventus and Sora and Kairi! Strong like *you*, Vanitas!”

Vanitas lowered his head. “I... I was never strong.”

“You’re right,” Riku croaked. “You’re *weak*, I see that now. I’m weak too, aren’t I?” They sank to their knees, laughing and weeping bitterly. “Sora and Kairi don’t need me anymore. And I’m not even worthy of my own keyblade. The darkness is all I have left. I’m just like you!”

[]

“They’re both important to me.”

“Remarkable, then, that you’ve managed to lose both of them through your foolish actions.”

Vanitas gave Ansem a hard glare. “I swear, I won’t let you or any of your dumb Heartless lay another finger on Ventus. But Kairi...” He looked at her lifeless body, still crumpled on the floor. His stomach turned. “She’s better off without me, anyways.”

Ansem coolly considered him for a moment, thinking. “Well, Vanitas, you may be a fascinating creature, but frankly, I’ve already got all the data I need. And if you’re refusing to follow orders...” He shook his head in mock disappointment. “Then it seems you’ve outlived your usefulness. However...” He smirked. “I do have an idea for one last test.”

Vanitas scoffed, looking away. “I won’t do it.”

Ansem stepped closer, crushing a Thornbite under his boot and chuckling as he saw Vanitas flinch. There was clear amusement in his voice when he spoke. “Don’t worry, it’s a very simple observational study. It doesn’t even require your active participation.”

He retrieved Soul Eater, pressing the tip against Vanitas’ neck, just carefully enough to avoid drawing blood. Vanitas involuntarily went limp as the sword tilted his head upwards, the sharp blade threatening to dig into the exposed flesh below his chin while his dull yellow eyes met a pair of cold teal ones.

Looking at the unfamiliar expression on that familiar face, he realized he could never fight back, not against Riku’s body. Not against this child who was still precious to him. He was powerless. Just as he had always been.

A foreign, vicious grin spread across Riku’s - Ansem’s - face. “Let’s see how much it takes to *break you.*”

[]

“But you’re a creature of pure darkness. A monster.” She leveled her keyblade at him. “This is where you belong.”

He laughed, but to Aqua’s surprise, it didn’t sound at all the way she remembered it. When they had fought, his laugh had been a taunting sound, hysterical and malicious.

The way he sounded now was... heartbroken.

Instead of raising his keyblade, he dropped it, falling to his knees and slumping over, clutching at his chest. “You’re right, Aqua... Th-this *is* where I belong...”

Aqua let her keyblade lower slightly, confused. She hadn’t been expecting him to agree with her, much less with so much sadness in his voice. “What?”

He laughed again, shuddering violently, then without warning his head drooped and he fell sideways. He hit the sand and went completely still, his breathing slowing.

What in the name of Kingdom Hearts was going on? *Vanitas*, of all people, shows up in the Realm of Darkness, has the gall to act surprised to see *her*, then passes out? She was tempted to just leave him there and go on her merry way, but it had been so long since she’d seen another person (although applying the term ‘person’ to Vanitas was questionable) that she decided to have a look.

She carefully approached, wary that he might be faking it. That certainly seemed like something he would do, pretend to be unconscious until Aqua got close enough for him to execute a surprise attack. But there continued to be no indication that he was awake. She even had to kill a few Unversed that were poking around his body.

Aqua used the toe of her shoe to flip him onto his back. To her shock, the action left behind a horrifyingly large bloodstain in the sand. She took a sharp breath as she knelt down beside him, checking him for wounds as best she could through his thick bodysuit. From up close, the coppery stench of blood was nearly overwhelming.

He was bleeding profusely from a gash on his neck, running vertically from his chin all the way down to the middle of his chest. Aqua’s heart skipped a beat as she found a series of almost methodical cuts across his torso and arms. These weren’t made by the indiscriminately attacking Heartless. He’d been deliberately hurt by somebody, and badly. It was a wonder he was even still alive.

She cast a Curaga without a second thought. He may have been an evil brat, but she wasn’t about to leave him to die.

His breathing evened out and Aqua felt herself relax slightly. She settled back on her heels, wiping the blood off her hands. For a moment, she just sat there, contemplating her sleeping enemy. Although she had said he belonged here, in truth, she had no idea how he’d ended up in the Realm of Darkness, let alone with so many injuries. What had happened since the last time she defeated him?

Vanitas continued to lay quietly inert while Aqua’s curiosity grew. She cautiously placed a hand on his helmet, remembering when she had fought him in... what was the name of that city, again? She had nearly removed his mask before he’d yelled at her and run away. But if he was really out this time...

Taking a deep breath, she gingerly pulled the helmet off, exposing a cascade of messy black hair and, beyond that... a face, wet with tears and blood and marred by bruises and old scars. Aqua’s shoulders fell in surprise. He looked just like those boys she had met here not so long ago: Sora and Ventus, if she remembered their names correctly. Perhaps Vanitas had been telling the truth about being Ventus’ brother. She wondered if they’d ever found each other, and, if they had, whether Ventus had made it out of the encounter alive.

Aqua found herself brushing hair from Vanitas’ forehead in spite of her distaste for him. Aside from too-sharp teeth and a pair of pointy ears sticking out from his tangled hair, he could nearly pass for human. She sighed, her eyebrows furrowing. Had he really just been a child this whole time? A child who did horrible things, but.....

Well, he certainly wasn’t a child anymore. He was still pretty short, but he was unmistakably older than he used to be, probably even older than herself. And if his strange behavior was any indication... *maybe* he’d changed. It seemed unlikely, though, especially if he was still running around as Xehanort’s apprentice.

What had happened to Xehanort? To Terra? Aqua was desperate to find out, and Vanitas could be her only chance. If she could manage to wake him up without him trying to kill her, that is. She looked around for something to restrain him with, but, finding not much more than sand and coconuts, she resorted to using her sash to fasten his hands together behind him. It would most likely end up being useless, but it was better than nothing.

A barrage of freezing water against the bare skin of his face. Hands roughly pulling him upright as he coughed, attempting to clear his lungs. He tried to get away, protect himself, *something,* but he couldn’t move his arms and he panicked. His coughing soon turned to gagging, black bile forcing itself through his throat before he could even think.

The hands quickly drew back while a voice he didn’t recognize cursed loudly. The muck splattered on the ground, writhing in agony as beady red eyes formed within it. A keyblade was on it in an instant, sending a jolt of pain through his chest as the fledgling Unversed was destroyed. “*Light,* Vanitas, what is *wrong* with you?” He couldn’t answer, shaking and gasping as he struggled to calm down and remember what was going on.

The hand reached for him again, and though he tried to flinch away, it caught his shoulder and squeezed firmly. “Hey, relax. I’m not gonna hurt you unless you attack me.” It definitely wasn’t the Master, then.

“H-hurts when the... Unversed are k-killed, though...” The other voice said some more words he wouldn’t dare repeat in front of the kids.

Oh. The kids...

Water dripped down his face as his vision cleared, washing blood and black sludge away with it. He could tell that his hands were tied behind his back, although considering his history with the person he’d run into, who was now sitting in front of him looking perturbed, that seemed fair. “Aqua?”

“Yeah? What?” She narrowed her eyes as though he’d said her name as a challenge.

Vanitas could no longer feel the injuries left by Ansem in his last assault. “Did... did you heal me?”

She sighed, sweeping wet hair out of his face as he shivered. “Don’t take it personally. It’s so lonely down here that I didn’t feel like letting you die, that’s all.”

[]

“You mean...?”

Say it. Get it out in the open. It hurt less that way.

“... Yeah. Xehanort abused me.”

She looked horrified. “For *years?*”

He stared down at his shoes. “Yep...”

Aqua’s face cycled through several shades of upset before settling on disdain. “And is that supposed to make me feel sorry for you?” It was pretty obvious she *was* pitying him, but Vanitas didn’t call her out on it.

“I’m well aware it doesn’t excuse what I did to you.” He locked eyes with her earnestly. “I don’t know if you’ll care, but I’m sorry. *Really.* I was hurt and mislead, but that doesn’t make it right.” He looked down again, curling in on himself. “I can understand if you won’t forgive me.”

After a minute of awkward silence, she huffed and turned away. “Well, you’ve certainly become more mature. I wasn’t expecting to ever get an apology out of you. I... appreciate it, I guess.”

“... You’re welcome?”

They sat quietly for a few moments while Aqua contemplated something. Eventually, she faced him again in concern. “What I still don’t get, though, is what reason you’d have to go back to Xehanort *now.* You seem like you’ve become a semi-decent person, so I doubt you’re in it for the apocalyptic aspect, and he treats you terribly and nearly *killed* you when given the chance, so... why?”

He broke eye contact. “I... didn’t have a choice. He took Ventus, and I...” He took a shaky breath. “I *can’t get away* from him, Aqua. He’s constantly tracking me. He knew where I was this whole time, and he just... let me *think* I was free until he wanted his... f-favorite toy back...”

He could almost feel the weight of the sigil on his back curling around him like a vise.

Aqua’s hard expression finally broke. “Vanitas...” She took a deep breath as well. “For what it’s worth, I... I’m sorry, too. For being rude and calling you a... monster.”

He scoffed. “It’s not like it was unwarranted.”

She shook her head. “Maybe not, but I’m sure it didn’t help. I let my anger get the best of me and I didn’t see you were hurting. So... I’m sorry.”

He felt very small then. “... It’s fine.”

Ch 16 pics I never posted cause spoilers

A bit embarrassing though jfhsghd. I generally don’t post my gratuitously angsty/edgy stuff

Xion intro scene

[Notated for edits which I never made]

She chewed her lip nervously, twisting her hands in the hem of her dress. The lower levels of the castle always put her on edge. People in white coats stared at her expectantly as they all pretended not to hear the scary noises coming from deeper in. The silver-haired man who called himself Ansem but was *not* Ansem asked her about her new friend while the one-eyed guard smirked behind him. She didn’t tell the silver-haired man anything. He sighed.

//add

She sat down in the big chair and worried. The man who was not Ansem hadn’t asked to see her in a while, not since soon after the other Ansem had left and the silver-haired man had taken his name. The new Ansem wasn’t as nice as the old one. He’d sent the one-eyed guard to her house very early this morning, and she hadn’t even gotten a chance to tell her friend that she’d be busy today. He’d be upset. He didn’t like being alone. He was -

He was completely alone. He’d been used to being alone, a long time ago. But it felt so *different* this time. This time, he had known what it was like, to be happy, to actually be loved and wanted. And the stark absence of that almost hurt more than anything else.

Almost.

/*The dark claws ripped him apart slowly, almost reverently,*/ as if watching him suffer in their grip was the most fascinating thing in all the worlds. Maybe it was, to Ansem. The creature may have been calling itself his Master, but it seemed more inclined to research rather than actually teach, and the constant threat to the lives of the others caught in its clutches (and his own *pathetic* cowardice) left him a perfectly cooperative subject for its study. Though he couldn’t imagine what this sort of sadistic exercise was actually supposed to achieve, other than leaving him broken and empty.

Then again, maybe that *was* the point. What /*new and interesting thing*/ would Ansem find when it examined his heart? A battered shell, the already shattered remnants of another torn out and ground to dust until all that was left was a hollow, dark void? It wouldn’t surprise him, honestly. It already felt that way.

A sudden streak of agony shot through him as the claws sunk deeper, and he desperately tried not to scream, choking down his sobs as silently as he could. He’d promised himself that he’d be quiet, because otherwise *Riku* would hear, and then -

Who was Riku? She didn’t know a Riku.

She fidgeted, a bit confused. She could tell she was still laying in the chair, but it felt far smaller than it had previously. Or maybe... *she* had somehow grown much *bigger!* She giggled at the realization. If she showed up to the courtyard like this, she’d nearly be as tall as her friend -

He was a little too small. He almost laughed bitterly at that through the pain. He’d already been unfairly short; now he might even be able to properly share clothes with his closet-raiding (spunky, sassy, precious, perfect, *missing, in danger, better off without him*) sister -

*Vanitas!*

*Kairi...*

She beamed with happiness.

He wept in anguish.

His tears ran down her grinning face as he opened her eyes, and nothing had changed. She was still in that horrible room, in that horrible chair, with the silver-haired man that was and was not Ansem staring at him. She brought a hand up to his cheek, surprised to find it dry, with only the ghost of a smile and a faint memory of sorrow left.

He looked down at her unfamiliar hand, catching a glimpse of her hair out of the corner of his eye, shorter than his but a different color than hers. It... it wasn’t right. None of it was right. He trembled, carefully studying the rest of her. Everything was just a little bit wrong. She wasn’t quite him, but he wasn’t quite her, either. She could feel the panic and confusion bubbling up in his chest.

Who was she?

Who was he?

...Who were *they?*

//add

The awful man who was and was not Ansem smiled coldly at them, and gave them their name.

*...Xion.*

The one single Destiny Islands slice-of-life-ish drabble I started one time

Vanitas huffed into the pillow in his arms and pressed further into the corner where his bed met the wall, as he often did. [] He felt the pressure of several unmanifested Unversed threatening to tear themselves free, the incessant prickling of one escaped Thornbite’s vines curling around his ankle - or wait, maybe his foot was just falling asleep from putting pressure on it weird - and the unmistakable beginnings of a tension headache. Fantastic.

He opened one eye at the sound of his door creaking open (he did *not* tense up, he *didn’t*; he’d have to be an idiot to think there was any need to) and caught sight of a sliver of dim light from the hallway growing briefly and then shrinking back to nothing with a careful click of the door handle. He barely had enough time to process what that had been before there was a gentle tug at the one corner of his sheets that was still hanging off the far side of the bed, a wet sniffle, and a whisper.

“Vanitas?”

“What.” He replied flatly, trying not to be *too* annoyed that Kairi had showed up to interrupt his brooding.

“H-had a bad dream...” Kairi paused to take an unsteady breath, rubbing at her eyes with a blanket she’d dragged there with her. “C-can I..?”

He sighed and turned to face the wall. “Whatever. Not like I’m using that side of the bed anyways.”

Kairi stuttered out her thanks. Then with some effort, she hoisted herself up and onto the bed, pulling her blanket up after her, and situated herself in the empty space. Vanitas laid still, listening to her quiet sniveling as she tried to settle down and also blow her nose.

After a few ineffective minutes of this, he grumbled and pushed his irritation away as a small Flood. (Just to get rid of it. Obviously. Might even lessen his headache, if he got lucky for once.) It zipped straight to Kairi, nosing at her face and making her giggle just the tiniest bit. It flopped down beside her as she scratched the back of its neck and pet it gently, and it started warbling contentedly in a way that *aaaalmost* sounded like purring. Tch. Smug little bastard.

Vanitas was... still not quite used to receiving positive feedback through the link he shared with his Unversed, and the phantom sensation brushing up and down his own spine was bizarre, to say the least. It also felt *really* nice though, unfortunately, and he just barely managed to catch himself before the tension would’ve dropped from his shoulders entirely. Kairi hummed mildly behind him and tickled the underside of the Flood’s jaw, making him scowl even harder into his pillow. He heard a few quiet chuckles find their way through the sniffles. Ok yeah, she knew *exactly* what she was doing.

“So, any particular reason you decided to bother *me* instead of your parents?”

Kairi stilled at that, wrapping her arms around the Flood like it was a stuffed animal. “My dream... it was, um. Of home.” Vanitas peeked back towards her apprehensively, catching sight of her quivering lip and still-runny nose. “Of when we left.”

“Do you... remember it?“

Kairi shook her head. “I forgot after I woke up. It was... s-scary, though...” She squeezed the Flood a little tighter. “You got hurt real bad then, didn’t you?”

He hummed noncommittally in response.

“My grandma, the other kids, everyone...” Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. “Do you think anyone else made it out, or are they all... d-did they...?”

Vanitas looked away. “...I don’t know.” He very nearly caught the inside of his cheek between his teeth. He’d been utterly useless during the attack on Radiant Garden. *Worse* than useless; he’d barely escaped with his own life. And in the end, he hadn’t even really saved Kairi, had he? “...S-sorry...”

[]

“And what have I done to deserve it?”

[]

“Would *anything* be different if I’d just-“

*If I’d just died that day at the graveyard like I was* meant *to?*

“...I-if I’d never made it to the city?”

Interstitial of Sora talking to the folks at Traverse Town about Vani

“Why, if it ain’t Squall” - Leon grimaced but didn’t correct him - “an’ Yuffie. Heard you two beat up some kid earlier?” Cid raised an eyebrow.

Yuffie placed a hand over her heart in mock supplication. “For once, I am innocent.” Then she grinned as she elbowed Leon in the side. “This one was all Leon.”

“Sora here claims to know the...” Leon’s brow furrowed as he looked away. “Uh...”

“The cryptid!” Yuffie helpfully supplied.

This did not seem to help Leon. “...Right, that thing.”

Cid almost looked surprised for a moment, but quickly turned dour, squinting at Sora, who was casually standing with his hands behind his head, entirely lost as to what they were talking about. “Well that’d be one heckuva coincidence. Ya sure about that, kid?”

“Uh. Maybe?” Sora wasn’t sure where this was going, but Leon was looking between him and Cid expectantly, so he continued. “What do they look like?”

Cid chewed thoughtfully on his toothpick. “Black hair, yellow eyes, would be... oh, maybe ‘bout Squall’s age nowadays? An’ always had those weird li’l buggers with the red eyes - not Heartless, but kinda similar.”

“Oh!” Sora started in recognition. “Looked kinda like me?”

“Yeah, picked ‘em up off the street ‘bout ten years back. Real piece a’ work, that one. Darn near took my head off trynna get away after they finally woke up.”

[]

“Got the feelin’ he was expectin’ every hand to hurt instead a’ help. An’ looked to me like he learned that from experience, if y’know what I mean. Not too uncommon for kids ya find on the street, but he was worse off than most I seen.

Welp, that’s about it! Asks are always open but I can’t guarantee I’ll answer them. I also usually don’t respond to comments anymore just cause my fics are so old and hard to think about. Thanks for understanding!

[whimsyqueen]

Hi yes, use this ask as an excuse to just ramble about the Unkind Current please

THANK YOU @pen-of-roses I ABSOLUTELY WILL

So Unkind Current was actually based off of two characters that @destiniescollide and I played in a D&D oneshot once that I have since taken and DRASTICALLY changed. The oneshot never got a chance to reach a satisfying conclusion as we were heavily railroaded, our backstories were changed against our will, and it was an overall terrible time.

Being generally dissatisfied and wanting a better future for my rotting mushroom druid, I decided to continue with her story in a much grosser, more satisfying way. I was also just decidedly obsessed with Emily Tesh’s Silver in the Wood (which I HIGHLY RECOMMEND) and wanted to do something in that vein, but with a spooky swamp element. I’m from south alabama, so wetlands, pitcher plants, all manner of heavy air and swamp energy is kinda my home, and I wanted to be able to convey that in writing. I also wanted to kinda touch on a particular mental state that I was in at the genesis of the story, being the idea of not being able to truly run away from your problems, and the more you try to avoid them, the worse they end up when you face them head on (as well as low-key the duality of man; Angharad and Edythe literally swap moral standpoints with each other by the end of the story and it’s a really cool thing to witness, or at least, it will be.)

So basically, Angharad was chosen by the swamp when she was VERY young to be it’s sort of representative, kinda like…. The Lorax, but for a bog. The Swamp (that is a sentient, living being that works in symbiosis with the villages that inhabit it) felt that the Village that Angharad considered home was trying to overtake it, and they were getting dangerously close to the Ancestor’s Rest, which is the highest holy place within the swamp itself, and they were threatening to destroy it with their outward village expansion. Angharad spoke to the village, they refused to stop, Angharad couldn’t meet a middle ground and she got frustrated and went to sleep deep in the swamp, offering herself because she couldn’t think of anything else (it’s more complicated than that, but you get the gist). The swamp destroyed her home village while she was sleeping.

CUT TO: 100 years later- Edythe, current Swamp Priestess and devotee of the bog in which she was raised, has returned to her home village (a NEW village, built in the place of the old one that the swamp destroyed) only to discover that IT IS BEING FLOODED BY THE SWAMP. Her mother is like “hey bitch, you’re in tune with the swamp and all of its wonders, can yoooooou maybe go find this Mythical Forest Witch that supposedly can save us all and went to sleep a few miles deep into the wetland a hundred years ago for no reason?” And Edythe’s like “hm. well. I don’t see why I should get anyone to save anyone, because aren’t we supposed to want the swamp to consume us? But I guess I’ll go, and if I can’t find her, I’ll just disappear into the swamp never to be seen again and you losers can fend for yourselves!”

So Edythe goes. And she finds Angharad pretty easily, and wakes her with a kiss, because Edythe is a Little Stupid and Angharad is Kinda Hot. But here’s the problem: Angharad has been rotting in swamp water for a WHOLE CENTURY. Girlie has moss and mushrooms growing out of her face. And worst of all? She can’t remember why she went to sleep, NOR CAN SHE REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO HER VILLAGE. So like, yeah duh she agrees to help Edythe, she’s supposed to be the emissary between the Immortal Terrible Swamp and Mortality, that’s her JOB! What could possibly go wrong?

And thus the plot progresses.

There are some interesting things going on between the main characters, in that I truly cannot decide if Angharad and Edythe are going to end up falling in love or not. I’m just going to have to see as I write everything out and if that’s what they end up doing, SO BE IT. But only one of them is making it out of this story fully intact, mortal, and corporeal, I’ll tell you that much. Edythe is very….. self-righteous and uppity, she definitely thinks she’s better than everyone because of her religion and her standing within the swamp, but she is INCREDIBLY DEVOUT. It is her LIFE. Angharad is equally devout, but is in no way self-righteous. She treats the swamp more like an annoying older sibling that she has to get along with but definitely, absolutely loves and respects. She sees the humanity within it, and is connected to it in an almost Avatar-like state, where she can commune with the spirit of the swamp etc (this needs more worldbuilding and to be worked on but I’ve got the basic idea of it)

The tenants of the Swamp Religion are pretty wild, I don’t even have them fully outlined yet, but I’ll make a big post when I do. I need to be a lot more clear on this, so if you have Swamp Religion questions or suggestions, I would LOVE TO HEAR THEM!

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 💒 - December 2022 - Cancer

Singles:

Overall energy: 6 Swords

How you will meet: The Chariot

How they will treat you: 2 Cups

Long-term Potential: The Hierophant sideways

You’ve moved on from this person, most likely an ex, possibly even moved out, moved away, like it’s done done. 4 Wands rev indicates a home, and two travel cards here show moving. They’re coming back around, and you’re very conflicted how you feel about this, your messages regarding them don’t have a positive vibe. You’ve probably been separated for awhile, and if not, you meant it when you said things are over with. They’re treating you like they still love you, they messed up, you’re a missed opportunity for them and they want you back. If committing was the issue, they’re still not doing that, with Ace of Pentacles rev. You want a ring? They may not be the type. The Hierophant comes out sideways which…IS committed, but not conventionally, this is a more unorthodox sort of person that may not believe in marriage or have any interest in the legalities of it all. It’s possible there’s something preventing this as well. 10 Pentacles follows showing they ARE committed to you, and taking the relationship seriously IS what they want. It’s their dream, what they want most. They may not be able to give you exactly what you want for some reason, but they mean what they say. If they’re already married, and haven’t yet divorced, that would be the thing. Well…long term, they still haven’t. Maybe they can’t, with these travel cards here, they may not know how to even find this “spouse” or they could live in a whole other country…something difficult like that. It seems like it’s that, and not because they don’t want to commit, they do. If you’re done, you’re done, and none of that matters to you anyway.

Messages -

Their side:

- Adrenaline Junkie

- Shy 🙈

Your side:

- I just want to be alone.

- I can see RIGHT through you.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Cancer, Aries, Virgo & Pisces

Couples:

Overall energy: Queen of Wands

Current: Death

Challenge: The Sun

Potential: 8 Swords rev

This Queen of Wands feels more like your person, and there is a lot of Leo energy here, the focus this month would be on them making some big changes in their life. It could also be you, especially if you have a lot of Leo energy in your chart. If so, you’re operating out of this side of your personality, which is a very positive thing. This Queen is social, friendly, popular, beautiful, fiery, knows what she wants and exactly who/what she needs to do or talk to, in order to get it. It’s possible they’re leaving the relationship, if they feel the other person doesn’t feel the way they do, doesn’t share their passions… but with so many pentacles here I’m more getting that it’s a job for most, or something financial that’s caused a lot of difficulty for a very long time. They’re ending the situation that’s left them feeling dissatisfied and unhappy for too long, even if it hurts someone else (you) or puts extra pressure on you. They may be acting out of hurt feelings as well.

The challenge is happiness regarding the daily grind, work, money, responsibilities, practical duties and obligations. They’ve realized they’re not happy, and are now dedicating their whole selves to changing that. I’m not sure how much say they’re even letting you have in all of this. They may not be communicating how they feel out loud, just acting, like fire signs tend to do. The potential is being set free from a toxic situation that’s been holding them back and making them unhappy. It’s possible it’s the relationship, but I don’t really get that. 10 Pentacles…could be, or a home, a business, some established & solid structure in their lives. They see this as a win, and there’s an air of “finally!”, a sigh of relief, a victory dance. In the case it is the relationship they’re leaving, it could have a lot to do with a lack of passion, including intimacy. They want to feel wanted, chosen, celebrated, desired…and they haven’t been. It’s also possible they’re not leaving at all but threatening to if things don’t change, they’ve had it, and are communicating about their needs and a toxic dynamic that’s existed that needs releasing, in order to actually have 10 Pentacles together.

Messages -

Their side:

- You are the YIN to my YANG ☯️

- Don’t underestimate my potential.

Your side:

- Sexually driven

- Children

Oracles -

Their side: There is no wrong you can do that God won’t forgive you for if you have realization of your actions.

Your side: Money doesn’t make you happy. It is the good you do with it that brings you joy.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Leo & Virgo

[daydreamerdrew]

Comics read this past week:

The Incredible Hulk (1968) #142-160 and Marvel Feature (1971) #1-3 and The Avengers (1963) #100 and The Defenders (1972) #1-4

In this batch of issues I went from June 1971 to October 1972. I left off last week dissatisfied, enjoying the issues until the last issue, which seemed to be taking the series in a new direction I was dissatisfied with- Bruce choosing to become the Hulk again after being cured due to jealousy and Betty leaving Bruce for Doc Samson- but in this batch Bruce choosing to become the Hulk again hasn’t been mentioned once, it seems that they’re really just pretending that didn’t happen, and Betty wasn’t dating Samson as the ending of The Incredible Hulk #141 implied. Though in this batch Betty did discover that Bruce had some complicated feelings towards Jarella, who the Hulk is very solidly in love with, so she kissed Talbot, effectively ending their relationship and giving Bruce free reign to pursue Jarella, and while Betty later had doubts about her assumption that Bruce was surely in love with this Jarella person, it was too late to change her mind as everyone then thought that Bruce was dead (he wasn’t actually dead, he was just made microscopic) so she married Talbot (their relationship developed very quickly, though in Talbot’s defense he’s been pining over her since he was first introduced as a character years ago) and then Bruce is revealed to actually still be alive when he’s made normal size again, but Talbot doesn’t want to risk Betty potentially leaving him when she finds out and General Ross vastly prefers Talbot as a husband for his daughter, so they’re currently working together to have Ross kill Bruce without Betty ever finding out that he was still alive. I don’t fully like the way Betty has been written throughout all of this, but I am liking the overall plot. It will work for me as long as she’s genuinely very angry angry when she finds out that Bruce is alive and her new husband and father kept that from her. If her character isn’t allowed a proper reaction to that, I’ll be very annoyed. Issue #142 is the first appearance of Samatha Parrington, who becomes the Valkyrie and attacks Hulk under the manipulations on the Enchantress, who is always fun to see cause I enjoyed her in my childhood Marvel cartoon A:EMH. The Enchantress is also responsible for the creation of the second Valkyrie, in The Defenders #4, from Barbara Denton, who we last saw in The Incredible Hulk #126. I believe that issue #148 is the first time the Hulk kills someone knowingly and intentionally, which he does when he believes that they killed his love Jarella. I believe that Marvel Feature #2 is the first time that Namor properly met Bruce, and didn’t just see his unconscious body. I like that their relationship is immediately amicable and we don’t see any conflict between them. The Defenders team across Marvel Feature and The Defenders originally consisted of just Dr. Strange, Namor, and the Hulk, but the Silver Surfer teamed-up with them for one issue and the Valkyrie joined them later. My understanding is that this team is the team for the sort of recluse characters, and isn’t publicly known like the Avengers or X-Men are. I’m enjoying the Hulk’s time on this team. He likes Namor, “Fish-Man”, most of the time. He doesn’t like Dr. Strange, “(Stupid) Magician”, who he feels bosses him around. Valkyrie joined in the last issue, I suspect that the Hulk will get along well with her simply because he’s a girl and he tends to like girls, but we shall see. The Incredible Hulk #152-153 is an interesting storyline in which the Hulk is captured and put on trial with Matt Murdock defending him against the death penalty. Bruce was unable to speak in his defense because they were unable to make the Hulk turn back into him, and when the case was about to be lost Reed Richards shows up with a device that he says will turn the Hulk back into Bruce, but actually makes him briefly strong enough to escape. It’s implied that Reed did this intentionally out of pity for the Hulk and/or Bruce. I didn’t like as a reader that the witnesses that were called to speak in the Hulk’s defense were all Avengers cameos, as I felt that Betty, Rick, or Jim, would have provided better testimony that actually speaks to what’s good about him and argue that he’s misunderstood, whereas the Avengers, and even Reed, was mostly taking the approach that the Hulk shouldn’t be killed because that would also kill Bruce which would be wrong because he’s such a brilliant man and also cause he’s innocent. But I think it could be argued that it makes sense that that’s who Matt would know to call, it’s not like the Hulk was telling him much. Also the Defenders couldn’t testify cause no one knew to ask them cause their team isn’t publicly known. Writing credits for sort of all over the place in this batch, not as simple as saying all the main Hulk issue were written by Roy Thomas like last time, but the most notable names are Roy Thomas, Steve Englehart, and Archie Goodwin.

the Captain Marvel Jr. stories in Master Comics #25-31

I’ve just gone from April 1942 to October 1942. In this little batch there was one instance in which Captain Marvel Jr. accidentally turned back into Freddy Freeman when he unthinkingly said “Captain Marvel” and multiple instances of him saying it in the middle of dialogue and not transforming. Oops. I’ve seen a similar amount of this mistake with Billy saying “Shazam” without transforming across many more issues than this. It seems that it is still early on in Junior’s career, and they are still working out the kinks. The stories are really different from Billy’s- darker tone, more serious villains, more realistic art, and the stories are largely war-focused. There is still some humor, often at the expense of Nazis. I will need to read a considerable amount more to truly understand his Golden Age character, which I’m committed to doing.

are you listening? by Tillie Walden, published in 2019

I’d actually read this before years ago, as I am a big fan of Tillie Walden’s work, but since it had been some time I wanted to revisit it. Very different than the superhero comics that I’ve mainly been reading lately. The story is based around two characters, Bea and Lou, who are 18 and 27 respectively, slowly learning more about each other on a road trip. Not a tightly plotted, action-based adventure. Just people sort of falling into each other’s lives and then trying to figure out what they’re doing and how to move past things that have happened to them. Trigger warning for discussion of CSA and incest. Walden’s style is well-suited for magical realism, when the story smoothly moves from the mundane to the unrealistic, the atmosphere that has been built remains the same. Her inks make everything look soft, with the lack of harsh straight lines, and her coloring makes everything look magical- a gas station, a busy tunnel, a diner- which adds to the magical realism feeling natural to the book, though it only becomes apparent halfway through. And her handwritten lettering makes everything seem personal, which works well with the focus on learning to open up. Walden doesn’t use narration boxes, so there are parts where there’s little to no words at all and it’s just the art carrying the story, which works because her dialogue sounds plausible and natural when it’s there and because she’s so good at using art to convey a mood. It’s interesting to see in some of the process material at the end of the book, how the first attempt at pencils portrayed the world as a lot more solid, and then the second attempt gave it a more more floaty feel with fewer far-back shots that showed a lot of information and instead more specific close ups. There’s certainly lovely scenery throughout the book, but we’re not given full access to it constantly. I borrowed a copy of this from the library.

Dr. Fate (1987) #1-4

This was surprisingly accessible to me as someone new to Dr. Fate comics. At first it seemed daunting to get into, but there were useful explanations of characters’ histories within the story. This mini elicited a ‘wow, this is really messed up’ response in me. It’s not that there’s really graphic content depicted on the page, but that the subject matter of the story is so dark. This book treated this particular superhero and the consequences of his actions very seriously. It’s not something that relies on genre conventions to portray something without how immoral that act would be if it happened in real life, it just goes all the way there. Haunting. And visually the art worked very well to convey the unique magic of the book and the intense themes of the book. I intend to reread this when start reading over Dr. Fate comics.

Shade, the Changing Girl (2016) #1-12

This was a reread so that I could read the follow-up comic for the first time. I absolutely love the ‘magical realism’ in this book, as Loma Shade is affected by the madness, it warps not just her perspective but her reality, distorting the world that she in inhabiting. The story begins with Loma possessing the body of Megan Boyer, a comatose teenage bully, whose life she then has to learn to live in. I really enjoy the character’s journey of adjusting to a new body, as her precious one was avian. A highlight for me was how we’re originally presented with Loma Shade as a character that has issues- patterns of running away and such- as well as some hints about her upbringing being messed up, all of which works on its own, but then halfway through we suddenly get a lot more detail into the world that she comes from, which makes it clear that her personal issues stem from systemic issues on her home planet and didn’t just form in a bubble. Also, woven throughout the narration is excerpts of poetry from her favorite poet, Mac Shade, which had a lovely affect. The first half of the book follows Loma trying to survive the high school environment, and then the second half is her on the run, traveling the country. And throughout the whole book is the other plot line about what’s going on back on Loma’s home planet and what the affects of her traveling to earth are. I think that the second half of the book is probably my favorite. The art, the story, all of it is just lovely and very well done.

Paper Girls (2016) #1-30

I decided to reread this series after watching the trailer for the live action adaptation and being really disappointed with it. I’ll write more on that elsewhere. When I first read the series I waited for each trade to come out and didn’t reread the previous ones when I finally got the next, and it was a really great experience to reread the series over the course of a week. Paper Girls is just so incredibly well-constructed as an overall story. We mainly follow these four 12 year old girls who accidentally get wrapped up in this time travel conflict that so much bigger than them, and they’re just trying to figure out what’s going on and how they can get back home. They start off knowing nothing, as the audience does, and for the most part we’re all piecing it together with them, but we also get some scenes from other parties in the time travel conflict and get so gets some bits of information before they do. But the way that the time travel is using in the plotting, were things are explained or start to make sense often many issues down the line, and even things that weren’t questioned are suddenly given a explanation as everything is demonstrated to be connected, is what impresses me most of all. I like that while you might think that the other parties in the time travel conflict would know a lot more than the girls, by the end we see where they have their blind spots, what they don’t understand about their own conflict that they’re involved in, and the girls by not knowing anything and therefore not thinking that they knows more than they do are actually able to understand it better. Primarily, that they understand that the bloodshed isn’t worth it. There’s a lot of themes in the series that time travel was used really well to explore- generation conflict, can children trust adults, growing up, fate, ect. I also love the main characters, who I don’t feel have exaggerated personalities and instead come across more like real kids. Also Cliff Chiang’s art and Matt Wilson’s colors were just lovely.

[just-a-poor-boy-queen]

I wouldn’t mind the Live Aid scene if it wasn’t such an obvious “give us an Oscar” moment. And I agree about Rami’s face; idk who was directing him throughout the movie, but the constant twitching and him struggling with the fake teeth made Freddie come across as a crack addict 😂 Rami’s a great actor but I honestly wish they had found someone younger (and maybe an actual gay man) because I found his portrayal as a 20-something Freddie pretty unconvincing.

I’m ready for all the angry Rami fans now *hides*

Don’t worry, I am not tagging any of this. If they come for you, they’ll quite literally have to get through me first😂

I like Rami, and I think he did a very good job overall. And the job of an actor portraying a real person doesn’t start and end with their acting; it also depends on how they much they understand the person off screen. And I really liked some of Rami’s answers about Freddie, and the respect he had for him. So overall, I am not dissatisfied with Rami playing Freddie.

But as I said in my last response, I just cannot take him seriously in the close ups during the Live Aid sequence. I loved his body language, but the facial expressions seem… weird. And I get how tough it must’ve been to act with the fake teeth, and the pressure he must’ve felt recreating a performance that we have in HD. I get all of that. Despite that, though, I believe we can still criticise or at the very least express that his acting didn’t seem as magnificent to some of us as it did to others.

[gtasanandreasapkdownload]

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Inside the early '90s simply appeared like a great obvious room for all of us to search. Then my help save end up being all smudged, couple of hour or so regarding the gameplay have got went away. The really dissatisfying of which there’s no chance for you to take back them after i reinstall the sport…

The game gotten essential acclaim for its characters, narrative, available earth conceive, with visible faithfulness, nevertheless united responses towards the vision design and style, specialized copies, along with picture connected with race. The item made controversy in the event the finding in the "Strong Chocolate" minigame uncovered a screened sexual place. Many video game publications awarded the overall game year-end accolades, in fact it is taken into account one of several 6th cohort connected with gaming console gaming's the majority of big entitlements as well as among the ideal video activities actually gotten. San Andreas turned out to be the best-selling online video media diversion associated with 2004 as well as the best-selling PlayStation 2 entertainment, with over 27.5 million contents offered. Its heir, Lavish Fraud Auto IV, was launched within May 2008. It's a tiny glitchy nonetheless it works up to scratch i will get throughout the tough.

I find myself like this showing up mission particularly should be earned less concerning. Last thing I'd include can be an decision to keep photographies anyone need using the video camera in-game for you to your own call so that you can discuss insane pack in which people notice. The initial single lives about the theft quest, sometimes whenever you acquire near to anything CJ gets stuck about something after that a person can’t change which often wakes in the man or woman inside of and then you will get a 3 legend wanted level.

Expecting a complex, CJ tears to be able to Sweet's support inside a series against the Ballas. We adore L.A., with the entire gangbanging feel, as well as the road way of life. Can be so crucial plus we recognized quite a long time before which the operation needed to wind up presently there. We'd fixed the Distance Coastline with GTA3, after which '80s Miami with Vice Area, consequently going to L.A.

The nostalgia hits tough, and it’s awesome to help act over a extensive monitor phone. Bear in mind in which I’m playing with a Corona+ controller, GTA San Andreas apk download so if you plot at making use of contact manages your current judgment may range. Nonetheless, in terms of gamepad managements proceed, they stay fantastic.

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Fine duty towards dev team for the contest, that seriously owns much more sympathy put into the item as opposed to original conclusive book. Past their release, Rewarding along with CJ repeat the GSF, take away the rival companies through their area and also rebuilding throughout Los Santos. Tenpenny ends up being arrested with aimed for a lot of prisons, even so the care end up being stopped on account of not enough experiences, effect a city-wide riot. The a couple do a fight; CJ collects, with just before pass away, Fumes confesses he / she move caught up using the right in addition to funds. Tenpenny gets there, carry CJ on gunpoint while he or she takes Smoke's drug money, with sources the surge in the size to escape. He urges off in the hearths pickup truck, then CJ in addition to Musical, however gradually loses run with the automobile, crashing above the area of an bridge forgetting about Grove Street.

Inside the outcome, CJ's kin with pals commemorate their good results in the Johnson property. In the midst of the celebrations, CJ gets away from to check on around the neighbourhood. Throughout 1992, when a few yr within Liberty City, gangster Carl "CJ" Johnson (Small Maylay) incomes to Los Santos track his or her mother's fall in a very drive-by capture. He's captured in corrupt C.R.A.S.H. policemen conducted by simply Free Tenpenny (Samuel L. Jackson), whom endanger to be able to implicate CJ within the wipe out of your fellow police officer unless he co-operates with them. CJ along with Cesar experience Smoking along with Ryder ending up in Tenpenny as well as the rival Ballas company, and also notice they revealed the GSF also live in charge of wiping out CJ's mother.

One more ends up being how the wrecking ball doesn't live it can be a floating steel basketball. Anytime I make an effort to locate a vehicle inside a garage this tells a person can easily retailer anymore automobiles within this storage though my personal garage ends up being completely empty of course, if I attempt to boost the vehicle within it will certainly eliminate the idea.

An additional problem We've suffered is any time I kick the bucket during a team combat it provides each area in my experience or the item clearly removes it that I’m fairly really just isn't supposed to take place. And you should place an alternative to disable tilt charges mainly because We've in order to hold our iPad correctly smooth because if I don’t the automobile may tear towards the various other course as well as annoying.

I long they counted gps much like the certain model and possibly a bill within the silence food selection with regard to entering gain a advantage. Ive showed that pertaining to properly spanning a few years it absolutely was simple for me personally to help chart the managements in a manner that I could compete in this feel monitor model. Let me say I was fixed about the objective when you have to help boogie while using the DJ. Idk the way the resulting approach doth the job upon of which but I merely smudged once on the party branch along with didnt have enough levels. Sounds a bit also concerning I'm able to only dream the assignment when you have to regulate the RADIO CONTROLLED plane 🤦🏽. It would be mainly because im still quite a bit less utilized to utilizing touch monitor as opposed to a controller although im positive identical may be state for a lot of.

[krisdorian]

kill the weakness

ill the weakness, 

30 January 2024

I have not been working for the past two weeks. I feel like my mental state has not been the best. It’s actually pretty bad. I feel like lately, I am definitely UDUF. I have really fallen out of having a good routine. I need to be self disciplined, and take care of myself. I have been playing games of chess like a madman. I need to find a way to ration the number of  games that I’m playing. I need to cut back. I need to stop playing so late I need better sleep hygiene. I need to get to bed earlier. I need to wake up earlier and get my day started on a good foot. I don’t have any excuse.

Also, I realized that losing at Chess has really started to affect my mood I need to regulate The number of games on playing, so that I don’t go down a rabbithole of losing multiple games in a row like I did yesterday, which was fucking ridiculous. It’s not just about losing all of those games in a row on rematches. That kind of mindset can end up, hurting me badly in another life situation. I also need to learn how to regulate my mood better. I’m not sure why it’s something I struggle with so much. As. Ambra said, if something is wrong with her mood, that means that something needs to change. I need to do more self reflecting. 

Overall,   still feel like I have a lot of room for growth. I feel like I’m very underdeveloped, and it makes me very dissatisfied with myself. Part of me is so embarrassed that I feel like I don’t even deserve to live.Basically, I am being weak. I need to stop being weak. I need to be strong, be impenetrable. I need to build myself up. Why is my development so stunted?

It angered me seeing that gorgeous Latina at Athletica last night and not feeling like I’m able to make anything happen with her, especially, when it appeared like a black guy who is a solid foot taller than me, was getting to interact with her and potentially getting her number. At least that’s what it looked like. Although, it could’ve been something else. They could have already known each other. 

But either way, I’ve experienced these feelings in the past, the feeling of Envy, seeing guys who are taller and much more attractive than I am, who seemingly don’t have any difficulty approaching, or making conversation with an attractive girl. I feel completely inept and impotent when it comes to making those kinds of overtures. It really says a lot about me as a man that I am almost 40 years old and I am still underdeveloped in this regard. 

At what point did things go wrong? I guess you could say that things started to go wrong in my childhood, but if not, then, certainly during adolescence. Because of my health issues and other issues I dealt with early on, I was very mistrustful of people, and had trouble relating to people. For that reason, in addition to perhaps, being highly reclusive by nature, I didn’t actively form friendships, or try to work on my social skills and social development. Aside from the few friends that I had during, and after high school, for the most part, I didn’t actively try to form or maintain relationships. But you could say that I actively avoided forming or maintaining relationships with people.

In addition, with all the time that I have had off, I should have spent more time, self reflecting, and journaling. I feel like I should probably work meditation into my daily routine. Even though, as it is, I already have so many different rituals in place, it’s tiresome. Perhaps I should think more like Kobe did and ask myself, what will help get me the best outcome? He realized that his performance was suffering due to lack of sleep. It’s not always about what I wanna do. It’s what I need to do. It’s what I should do. Sometimes I need to ask myself that. But I often forget to.

I’m also a little bit worried because I haven’t been working for two weeks and I don’t know how the new job is going to play out. All that I can say is that I am also trying to line up a job at Lola 41. I feel like I am able to have two jobs lined up, that should ensure that I earn enough money for the time being.

[crisishauntline]

Today was long. It started off very stupidly with only four hours of sleep due to my inexplicable decision to stay up until 5am playing Civ 6. Then I called out from work so I could sleep a little more before going to Oakland to accompany L to her ultrasound appointment. She’s been increasingly anxious about the pain and what might be causing it, and about hospitals and doctors overall, which is more than valid given her history. But I’ve been able to support her in facing those fears so far, and I trust that we’ll make it to the other side.

Today was a bit scary though. They wouldn’t let me be in the room with her like they did last time when it was just a Pap smear, and the technician also couldn’t tell her anything about her results or diagnosis at the time. They posted the results on her patient portal soon after we left, but the notes were really jargon-y and hard to understand. Since she can’t talk to her doctor about them until her doctor calls her, we called my dad and asked him to translate. It turns out she has a mass a bit larger than a baseball pressing her left ovary (the only one she has left), but they won’t be able to tell what exactly it is without doing a laparoscopy/biopsy. He did convey the good news that it’s not blocking any important blood vessels or twisting, and that it’s really unlikely to be cancer given her age. Hearing that helped her anxiety (and mine) a lot. Still, a baseball-sized tumor or cyst is fucking up her life and she will likely need some kind of surgery to get it removed, so the worries and stress will continue for a while longer.

She did really well breathing though the panic today. I can see the toll it takes on her energy, but I can also tell that I’m helping her stay strong. I checked in with her again before she went to bed to see if there was a post-sundown nosedive, but aside from some teariness she sounded positive.

I was glad to hear her ground herself in two truths:

1) She’s not crazy and does know when something is wrong and unbearable in her own body

2) This process will eventually end with her feeling better.

I told her I was proud to have witnessed her harnessing her bravery and self-advocacy, and affirmed her for unlearning her default response to suffering—to grin and bear it alone and in silence. I have seen her grow so much when it comes to taking her own needs and pain seriously. I love and admire her so much.

Yesterday we played We’re Not Really Strangers and came to the question “In what ways, big or small, have I changed your worldview?” I really struggled to think of a single thing, and was very dissatisfied with my eventual answer. She was clearly disappointed by it too. I felt so embarrassed that I couldn’t even articulate the core thesis of her show, which I’ve seen now at least four times. All I could manage was a barely coherent and extremely vague string of fragments, some merely describing what her job is and some waxing poetic/woo-woo about a general sense of wonder and Interconnectedness. She said it made her feel she must be missing something from her show for me to not have even remembered her thesis, let alone take it into my worldview. She even tried to re-explain it to me—that humans and our observations of the universe through science are not separate from the universe; we are how the universe thinks about learns about itself. That sentence struck me as fascinating and very poetic, but to be honest I still felt confused about what it actually means to her, or should mean to me. I also struggled to remember her saying anything close to that in the show but mostly remember it being straightforward facts with a concluding reflection on how astronomy is for everyone—“all you need is a night sky,” or something to that effect. So maybe that larger point is missing. Or maybe I haven’t been listening right.

I’ve continued racking my brain trying to come up with the “right” answer to the game’s question. One that at least makes her feel seen in some way, even if not in this most important one. Today I tried articulating a different idea: her ability to notice, seek out, love, and find meaning in the “little weirds” of existence, no matter what. When I am depressed I so easily slip into distorted, dissociative negative generalizations about what existence is and what it has to offer. I forget that life can always surprise me. Even when it’s impossible to find or feel joy, there are still countless strange and fascinating little facts, experiences, and works of art to remind you that you don’t actually know everything about life and therefore must re-examine your judgement that life is pointless. Or you may be right about the pointlessness, but wrong to discount the richness of pointless existence. So you may as well stick around to learn and be surprised some more. Some prime illustrations of this trait:

1) The tumblr status she made when we were broken up (“My ex-girlfriend broke my heart so now I’m devoting my life to becoming an eccentric kook").

2) Her readily responding to my long, overthought text about how we could spend time together again by suggesting we make crop circles.

I’m not sure if this answer made her feel seen in the way she wanted. I hoped to offset her disappointment from last night, but I think even if this second answer were perfect on its own, the fact that the first one is still unresolved leaves a melancholy taste in the mouth. Oh well. I still meant it and think it’s a at least a decent answer.

Her answer to the question, for the record, was how I had challenged her to broaden her mindset about religion and spirituality. And hey, I worked hard on that one so I was happy to hear it. On the other hand, I don’t actually feel the need to change her worldview. I told her I like the way she thinks and enjoy when she shares it with me. I just want her to not automatically hate others’ worldviews that include religion/spirituality. But I suppose that is still a change in worldview, if not in belief.

Anyway, it’s late and I’m exhausted. There’s one last thing I want to add though: I made a drawing of her that I’m actually proud of. Admittedly, this is what I did all yesterday instead of my job, which is not ideal. But I really enjoyed making it and surprising myself with a much better-than-expected result!