#But honestly theyre both on the same boat but for different reasons

[theprinceandthewitch]

Honestly, I'm never really going to get over how the writers use Luz lying to her literal girlfriend as plot convenience. They really think that little hug at the end of Eclipse Lake fixes Amity's insecurities surrounding her relationship with Luz. Even though Luz shows her time and time again that she doesn't trust her enough to be honest with how she feels lmao.

[hauntedjohnny]

just wanted to let you know that johnnys-breastmilk is a proshipper in case you didn’t know <33

hi i know you mean well but i am well aware of the people i interact with. me and the block button are close friends <3 theres been a lot of hostility from both sides this week so here's grounds for a calmer discussion about it.

honestly i think the pro/anti ship labels are reductive and redundant. just because someone explores darker themes in their writing/hcs doesnt mean theyre open to ship anything. there is no definition to what being 'proship' is other than letting people use their creative outlet to explore whatever themes they want. would i identify with this? no because i have limits. just like you. just like J-B. but do i also believe people should be policed into only writing socially acceptable themes and relationships? also no. the thing about the limits is that it looks different for everyone. am i a proshipper for writing and enjoying noncon fics? to some people yes! to some people no! would i write and enjoy underage or beastiality fic? no because theyre hard limits for me (and probably are for a lot of people). to some people we're all in the same immorality boat but i think there's a nuance that an all-encompassing label refuses to acknowledge. 'proship' is reductive because it doesnt actually MEAN anything. sure they could be a genuinely harmful person and hurting a community through their content but 95% of the time theyre not!

when it comes to something like incest (hot topic in the tcm fandom) maybe take a moment and consider why someone would be into a topic like that, why they enjoy exploring that theme in a safe way through writing or drawing etc. sure fiction can affect reality but often times reality also affects fiction. im not saying you have to enjoy the posts but opening your mind and offering some grace to the people who need an outlet explore these themes doesnt hurt.

in the early days of this fandom i did not enjoy seeing incest posts (specifically johnny/sissy*) so i did what i know best: block the blogs and blacklisted the tags. it worked !! as time has passed ive become much more open to the themes of incest in tcm. for me, when i interact with these themes its not to fulfil some kind of desire, it's usually analytical discussion: realistically what would these people do? what dynamics are formed if you introduced these themes? you unlock a world of potential by looking at things through a lense you normally wouldnt, especially a taboo one. however, just because this is how i prefer to interact with these topics, it doesnt make the people who have a more emotional connection to them any weirder than me, if anything i find myself grateful to not have an emotional reaction strong enough to the point of needing an outlet to process them and you should too!

*i later realised that the reason i initally didn't vibe with johnny/sissy was actually because i didnt enjoy the way people characterised them in that dynamic and not because of the 'incest' (theyre not even related lol).

i just think everyone should be a bit more open-minded and nicer to eachother. and this goes both ways. im not saying you have to be into this shit. if you arent then block it and move on without whining about it in the tags. if you are into it you have to accept that not everyone is. just block any disingenious comments/questions. you will not change their mind.

tldr; im not one to post too much about taboo topics like incest/necro etc but im not gonna hate or even disagree with people who do. if you get genuinely mad over this then just take a moment to think about what kind of people post about darker topics and why they may need to do so.

[tillman]

Sorry about this sad question( i remember you said that the grail quest is sad) pls infodump about lancelot and galahads relationship since i mostly see bad takes about them in both modern books and fanfictions. Do they have other interactions other than the boat scene? And also including about the du lacs family if its okay? since i cant stop thinking about them after you post about them the other day.i know about the orkney bros but not the dulacs and i havent read the grail quest

eowhtfije god. yeah ok. its. ok yeah listen no one has any good takes on the du lacs for some reason when the entire family’s dynamic is way simplier than the orkneys. ill get into the grail quest in a sec cus i know ive talked about taht one before but ok. ok.

the main point of the orkneys being so close and so willing to do QUITE LITERALLY anything for each other is the fact growing up they had no outside figure besides their mother (and i guess lot for the older few, but hes less important to the family dynamic as a whole and more just gawains personal shit). so you have 4 (gareths too young and has an inherent mistrust of most of his brothers) already traumatized children sent to war too quickly and who really only had each other for emotional support and any sense of togetherness. so from this, the 4 literally only have each other. thye know nothing besides each other, and thus will do anything to make sure the others are ok.

this is different from the du lacs who, though in the same boat as the orkneys as 3 kids raised as brothers by one central mother figure, had outside influence and a mother who fights to be there and supportive of them. the du lacs do anything for each other, yea, but the thing is bors and lionel are willing to stand up for morals on top of this. both are willing to call each other and lancelot out when something is wrong, and are willing to help each other make a change for hte better, which is something the orkneys never really learned how to do in a sense? whatever. in short they r all SUPER SUPER close and thus from that have a sense of comradry not as ride or die as the orkneys, but more like. open and willing to talk about shit instead. 

wehn galahad is add to the equation shit doesnt really change, besides the three going full dad mode over baby. bors is repeatedly shown as fighting tooth and nail to protect galahad and watch over him, and lancelot is shown time and time again trying to be there for him emotionally in a twisted mirror of how the lady is there for him. he tries to be what he needs, and though lancelot is not an emotionally responsive person, is almost alwyas seen as making sure galahad is respected and emotionally ok (see boat scene and the scene galahad first gets to court). while lancelot and galahad dont have that many interactions, the few they do are exclusively positive with lancelot either bragging about galahad to others, quite literally crying over how proud of him he is, or him asking over and over if galahad is ok with what is happening, and if he chose this path himself (this DEEPLY ties into galahads personal themes of freedom and destiny but lets not get into that).

uhhhh mariners revenge song came on and i kinda spaced out and forgot what iw as saying but basically in short: they love each other very much and all of the du lacs have a rlly weirdly close bond that i never really see get talked about which is sucks cus i like them a lot. bors lionel and lancelot were fucking raised as brothers bro. how is that never touched on. also this doesnt reach out to a lot of lancelots other cousins (ie bleobris or the other 50 i cant remember rn) cus all of them suck? and also none of them really truly seem to care for lancelot and instead use his name as a “hey guess who IM related to” instead. 

id also include hector but hector has no personally outside of existing (go king give us nothing!!!) but iashchor in the povest loves his brother very much which is very wonderful. i love iashchor. galahad doesnt show up much in it but he is tehre but iashchor in the few sections he appears is described as having a huge heart and is willing to drop everything to help his brother and his stupid boyfriend <3 luv iashchor. 

anwytatys yeah bro the du lacs love each other so fucking much and are willing to call each other out and do EVERYTHING for each other so i honestly think theyre the better family :-/ sorry orkneys. u guys just left gareth there. even he resorted to the du lacs. oh man speaking of that how fucking cute is that. gareth was like yeah i dont trust gawain or my brothers <3 lancelot can u please adopt me. and he did. god. thats a weird pattern tho lancelot can not stop adopting children and then getting the shit kicked out of him by them. what a man. lancelot has not one in his life won a fight against someone younger than 17. 

ok im done im done my head is hurting owrg8et49pu3owithgfwgb4f i hope this makes any sense at all 

[midyearflowers]

Not to be scary but I want to know everything abt ur cat

honestly ive done this to so many people it was only a matter of time before someone told me to answer every question so its cool lol

1. Name?: ive got 2 but ill use Smokey for this since i hand picked him as a kitten2. Fur color?: grey with a white patch on his chest, mouth, and feet like little socks. some patches actually turn brown in the sun and when he was a kitten he had stripes3. Any family you know (other than you)?: i met both his parents and he has two siblings however we only have him. and my other cat Princess is his reluctant roommate4. Age?: hes a grandpa now at like 13/145. Favorite toy?: we have these plastic cage balls with tiny bells in them and he absolutely loses his mind when he hears it6. Nicknames?: dumbass, weiner, goober, smoters, buddy, dumb butt, poop machine, my boi, the list goes on man7. Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: problematic fave for sure. hes a little shit. but i would also die for him8. Length of fluff?: i guess he would be a medium length9. Any funny habits?: literally everything he does. he makes this adorable little noise thats basically the “???” noise and when he drinks out of the toilet he stands on his hind legs and daintily dips his head down. he also looks like a galloping horse when he runs and his tail does this weird curve10. How old were they when you met?: i hand picked him as a kitten when i was like 1111. What does their food bowl look like?: a fuckin mess cause hes a slob. its shallow cause if we put too much food he eats until he throws up, thus the dumbass nickname12. Indoor or outdoor cat?: indoor for the same reason as Princess13. Recent picture?: boop and boop14. Old picture?: precious baby15. Cuddly?: oh hell yes he loves to snuggle up in your lap or on your chest. he would sleep hanging over my dads shoulder as a kitten and loves to be in contact with you16. Ever changed their name?: no i gave them the most stereotypical name since i was 11 and kept it18. Eye color?: a pretty emerald green with a tiny little brown speck in the right one19. How do they express love for you?: hes always licking me. every inch of skin. and he sounds like a motor boat when he snuggles up20. How do you express love for them?: i smother him with kisses and give him the chin scitchies he loves21. Any theories on what breed?: no idea. i honestly dont know much about cat breeds. they are just.. cats22. Do they ever wake you up?: GOD YES every single goddamn morning he is in my face licking me and pawing me cause he wants food23. How much do they meow?: he never used to be very vocal, only making that “???” noise but he meows more now. mostly when hes curious about something and not getting answers or when we come home24. Any hiding spots?: if he can get under it he will be there. the bed, the table, your chair, the china cabinet, you name it25. Do they enjoy guests?: yes and no. hes pretty friendly if theres only one person and theyre quiet but the moment my cousins step in he is gone26. Lofty objects to sit on?: loves to sit on desks and the backs of couches/chairs. we put the ottoman by the window so he can sit there too27. Wear a collar? (and describe collar?): no collar cause they never leave the apartment28. How much shedding?: lots. not as much as Princess and ive managed to clean him up a bit but man for a while there i wanted to fucking shave him29. Do they enjoy brushing?: yes though he is always trying to rub his face on the brush and will not sit still30. Ever drink from the toilet?: yea and he looks so silly doing it31. How do they get your attention?: stares at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, sometimes he meows, most of the time he licks himself cause i hate when they do that right beside me32. Embarrassing thing they’ve done?: i once saw him trip up the stairs cartoon style, back legs went up over his head and i could practically hear the sound effect33. Weirdest thing they try to eat?: cat eats his own fucking vomit man. he is a vile creature who will eat just about anything34. Are they like your siblings, children, or friends?: he is my boi, my son, my precious companion35. What time do they eat breakfast?: before we leave for work so usually 7:30-8ish36. Do you cut their nails?: yes tho he doesnt like it one bit37. Do you think they understand you?: hes done things in the past that suggest he can tell when i need comfort but other than that hes an idiot38. Ever make fun of them?: literally all the time. im doing it right now39. Do you take their picture often?: my computer is filled with cat pictures like you have no idea40. Ever hiss at you?: not that i recall41. Ever try to scratch or bite you?: he goes for the bite all the time but im so used to it i dont care42. If you try to grab their paw, what do they do?: pulls away or tries to lick my hand43. Do they ever eat bugs?: he has a few times if it ended up on the floor. but mostly he just likes to stare at it44. Canned or dry food?: dry food. god help me if he only wanted wet45. Weight?: we used to make fun of him for being fat but honestly he has always been lean and solid. hes mostly heavy cause of his size and build.46. Ever got lost?: not lost per se but there was one instance where he somehow got out  of the house without anyone noticing (back when he was with my dad) and suddenly he was just in the window panting from being out and about. im so glad he came back cause we never would have known otherwise47. Do you buy them presents?: not really. we have so many toys as it is48. Do they respond when you call?: most times. if hes hyper and i over the top call him over he comes bolting49. Do they ever see other cats?: he grew up with two cats, one old female and the other a male around his age. now he lives with Princess50. Declawed?: unfortunately yes. i was too young to have any say and it was a long time ago51. Funniest expression?: his wide eyed empty stare52. Favorite place to be pet?: he likes chin and butt scritchies and will always move his head to meet your hand53. Worst thing they’ve destroyed?: nothing really comes to mind but he has ruined some plants by eating them and then the carpet when he threw them back up54. Give them a head kiss.: absolutely55. What time of the year is most exciting for them?: i dont think he can tell the difference56. Are they good at hunting real prey?: i doubt it. hes a little too hyper for his own good57. Do they ever attack nothing?: sometimes yea58. What are they doing right now?: no idea cause hes in the other room. probably cuddling with my mom59. How long have you had them?: his whole life so about 13/14 years60. If you could have them stay as a kitten forever, would you?: honestly he still acts like one so the only difference is the size. but i like him as an adult. more to cuddle61. Ever baby-talk to them?: all the time. certain nicknames i will say in a baby voice62. Favorite napping position?: he likes to curl into a ball and turn his head upside down63. Have you ever stepped on their paw?: yes :(64. Ever tripped you on stairs?: not on the stairs but just about everywhere else cause hes so damn fast65. Any ear hair?: i think? idk i dont really look in his ears66. Favorite view from a window?: he likes to watch birds and cars67. Describe why they are precious.: he has been my baby for so long and i picked him myself and i can tell he is happy with me68. Fit the cat stereotype?: practically to a T69. Chaotic neutral?: chaotic chaotic more like it70. Do they enjoy following/ keeping you company?: yes he follows me around if im home alone and wandering from room to room thinking out loud71. Are you their favorite human?: i like to think so72. Do they like tv?: not so much recently but we used to leave the aquarium channel on for him73. Favorite noise to make?: his “???” noise makes my heart make a “!!!” noise74. If they were a Neko Atsume cat, what would their momento be?: a string with a bell on the end

thanks for the questions!

[abs0luteb4stard]

Year's Edge. Year: 20

I wish I could focus. My head is scattered at the years end.

It's a standing at the edge of a precipice. Another year went by with little accompliment. For me it's not just that. It's the arrested development of myself. Often I feel my life just carries on but I don't carry with it. I'm another year older every year, but I'm frozen, I'm not moving forward.

And I'm not. Not really. I have nothing to show for it. All the dreams I had in my pre-teen years were stomped out before I had any ambition or determination to do any of them. Some say don't blame the past, move on, success is the greatest revenge. But how?

It still crosses my mind often enough. The names and faces, the pushing my books out of my hands between every class period, spitting on me, calling me every name that can be called. Making fun of my clothes or how I look, or my name. Choking me, hitting me, making up rumors about me to get more people to avoid me or bother me. Sexually bothering me, harrassing me. Watching friends abandon me, betray me, make fun of me too.

This wasn't when the mood struck them or when they saw me, these bullies were in almost all my classes, when they weren't in my class their buddies were. Always threatening me hurting me all day, every day, for 2 years in middle school, then it continued but with a more casual frequency as the more vocal and focused 'leader' of them went to another high school than I did. Although it wasn't a hierarchy like so many fictional stories portray, it was a loose but interconnected group that somehow took to finding me their scapegoat.

If I fight I get into trouble. Of I don't I get bullied. If I'm provoked nobody cares, they only care when I retaliate. Should I have fought a group of them? Gotten beaten up, bloodied of maybe killed? All it would take is one too many of them or someone to hit me in the temple hard enough or the back of the neck and paralyze me. They could say I started it. A thousand things could happen.

I could have easily gone there and shot a few of these assholes with a big fucking grin on my face. I knew where my dad's gun was. But what then? Go to prison? Or a death penalty? That wasn't going to help me either.

So now what? Two thirds of a lifetime later I'm still trapped in my head. Post-traumatic stress disorder. Whatever it is. It doesn't change that this is where I am. Call it PTSD or lactose intolerance. The name and description doesn't mean anything to me. It's the broken spirit. It's that I can't move on even now when it's so far in the rear view mirror, but it doesn't matter because it's effect is still embedded in me, like a deer tick gives you Lyme disease even if the tick is removed, your liver is still going to be fucked from it.

So now, I look up the first bully, the one who got the ball rolling. Probably not good thing to do emotionally, but I did it. He's got a wife and kid and house and is a regular person. He's balding, so at least there's that. He got a picture from some wedding where he's drinking a beer but he's got a nasty looking booger in his nostril.

How nice for him. The others aren't too different, some balding, some are losers druggie assholes, some are happy go lucky successes and sell outs.

But they look pretty damn well off socially, they're in their own places with mortgages and all that. I don't know if they're happy from pictures. Even the most depressed person on earth is happier than usual from time to time.

Honestly I don't care. I hope in my heart that theyre suffering, that they have some horrendous medical issues, that theyre relationship is on the rocks, that their loved ones are dying, that their kid died from a dog mauling. I hope to the depths of my soul that they are suffering in some horrendous way. They don't have to suffer as much or more than me, but I hope they are. I hope they are breaking inside like I did. I hope they're contemplating suicide like I have many times over, everyday coming home from school hopeless and defeated by their cruelty. Too worn out to care about my grades or my education or my future.

I'll always hate them and wish them unending tortures. Whether I ever find any peace in myself or not.

I tried forgiveness. I've said and even prayed for it when such a thing even used to cross my mind, I was never a very religious person, but even as much as my family was, I tried even that in my desperation to get over their cruelty.

What else is there to do in desperate existential crisis, a war that both inside and outside of them? Coming home after school, After My dad left to go to the store, My fingers interlocked so tight I would leave nail marks on the backs of my hands, tears uncontrollably coming out of me, asking why "would God give Moses the power to split the red sea, or send word to Noah that he should build a boat, but not rescue me from this thing that would effectively end my dreams. Because I didn't care anymore. And I still can't find a reason to care all this time later. I have very little to care about in regards to myself.

It cut me down early enough in my life that after food never tasted the same, that I'm forever marred in my sensations of the world. Faith broken, not just in some silly God that I only half believed in anyway, but broken that anyone would ever do anything when there was injustice being visited on me. Countless principal visits, both when I retaliated and when I needed help, needed this bullying to stop, needed to be shown that the ones who hurt you are punished, but they weren't.

So here I am. In my insomnia I traveled into this painful introspective territory that I usually pretend to ignore all year until the last week of December.

Sadly it always brings me back to the movie quote from "Scent of a Woman" (1992), probably because I saw that movie for the first time all the way through about when I left community college because of my social anxiety/phobia took it's toll and pushed me out of school.

"I've been around, ya know? There was a time I could see. And I have seen. Boys like these, younger than these. Their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there is nothing like the sight of an amputated spirit. There's no prostetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot solder back home to Oregon with tail between his legs, but I say you are executing his SOUL!"

- Lt. Col. Frank Slade (Al Pacino)

Because it was how I felt in school, how I felt ever since. I feel all the spirit I had until tha point in my life was gone. Growing up I had birthday parties with friends, i had people come over, I was always a deeply shy little kid, but my mom got the whole thing together, and when I was around a few people I felt comfortable with I was able to come out of that shell a little, sometimes at regular hangout with 1 or 2 friends I was talkative and had as much fun as my bad little knee pains would let me have.

Now I look at the pictures of myself from grade school or the ones on the wall when I was 5 and I see a cute little boy, who's smile came naturally, who had some kind of answer for "What do you want to be when you grow up?" When it was asked.

Now if you were to ask me I'd have a hard time telling you anything. If it was particularly bad day I could say "dead".

But even then in all my self doubt, insecurity, anxiety, and hopelessness I prefer being alive to dead.

I mean being is better than not being. At least there are a few good days in with the bad ones. My parents love me, And I've made a few friends that make things enjoyable and even lovely to have.

But I just can't get free of those traumatic experiences, and I still feel even with all the good parts of my life that made me happy, and sometimes feeling content, there are parts that are still war ravaged and are like salted earth where nothing can grow ever again. That my spirit is amputated as the movie quote says. Because I feel truly dead inside in that way. I have little hope for the future.

How does anyone escape that kind of prison by that kind of prolonged thing happening to them? I guess you don't or you do. There's no middle ground, because I've tried the "processes" of one day at a time and all that buzzword bullshit. So that's all there is to it I guess.