#But think abt it: what if Icarus did reach the sun?

[lyculuscaelus]

Still imagining Sirens’ song as a song that tells all one knows on Earth, and all one needs to know.

It tells everything you desire to know. All the knowledge, all the stories, are compiled into one song. That’s exactly what makes the song beautiful.

It tells dangerous truth, the allure of which nobody can escape. It shows a truth that is so fundamental and so beautiful, a truth that one wishes to grasp even when it means to risk their all, a truth that is worth dying for.

They know it’s the truth, because of the melody.

It is dangerous because that all who have heard it, know.

They know too much, and they themselves become dangerous. They now hold secrets that shall not be conversed about with others. And the knowledge itself has changed them. They won’t live a normal life the same as it once was, for their mind has been opened. Gods are only granting them mercy by permitting them to be allured to death.

Orpheus knew the consequences. So he interfered it with his lyre, overlaying the song with mythical tones. And the truth remained safely hidden.

Until that man came.

[ofcapers]

– i'll angel in the snow until i'm worthy .

( sophie thatcher / cis woman / she/her / caper ) did you just see LILITH “LILI” MADDOX walking through the halls? they’re a TWENTY TWO year-old THIRD YEAR PSYCHOLOGY student from SAG HARBOR, NY. rumour has it they’ve been a member of praeditus since they were in their SECOND YEAR. i’ve heard they have a tendency to be IRREVERENT and VOLATILE, but ADVENTUROUS and WITTY, too. well, anyway, you’ll know if you spot LILI again because they always seem to remind me of AN EMPTY NEST AND A BROKEN WING, RED WINE SPLATTERED ON PRISTINE SHEETS, SPARKS FROM A FIRE DANCING IN THE AIR & YESTERDAY’S MASCARA BECOMING TODAY’S EYELINER. just like the rest of us, they have something to hide.

𝑩𝑨𝑺𝑰𝑪 𝑰𝑵𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑴𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵 . 

full name:  lilith jade maddox . meaning: ghost / night monster . precious stone . nickname(s): lili , lils . age: twenty-two . date of birth: tba . zodiac: cancer sun , tba moon , tba rising . hometown: sag harbor , ny . gender: cis woman . pronouns: she / her . orientation: bisexual . relationship status: single . education: third year psychology major . occupation: ur local dealer . living arrangements: lives on campus so "her aunt can keep a better eye on her" .

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𝑨𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑻𝑰𝑪𝑺 . 

a red stain blooming upon white sheets, damsels can become the distress, icarus flying dangerously close to the sun, sparks from the fire dancing in the air, drowning your struggles in whiskey bubbles, the last pomegranate seeds, happy little pills, making shapes with sparklers in the dark, always a few steps ahead as though being chased by ghosts, sweet bourbon runs through your veins, all those who wander can never be lost, the shift of the temperature as a storm approaches, an eternal crossroads and you chose the wrong path .

faceclaim: sophie thatcher . hair: long , dark hair . slight curl to her hair, which only adds to the Messy, Grungey, Textured Look™️ that she swears she isn’t going for. it’s typically left loose, until she gets annoyed with it and throws it up in some half assed messy ponytail. two braids if you're being spoiled . eye colour: blue . height: 5’6 . style: her & her aunt often butt heads at the way lili presents herself. " it's a reflection on your family and on me! " as if that would make her care at all. they have reached a very interesting compromise. she leans into the dark acadameia style, but her skirts are short & her tights are ripped. she's a mess but she's sexy abt it and makeup: dark eye shadows, black liner smudged around her eyes. she doesn’t often wear lipstick ( does make exceptions but they're rare ) and would die before wearing lip gloss. the best you will get day-to-day is a tinted lip balm. think clinique black honey. signature scent: cherry, but not the artificially sweet cherry syrup/candy notes. more of a bitter cherry. specifically lost cherry bc tom ford bc she Does have money even if she doesn't always act v classy usual expression: resting bitch face ; a smirk rather than a genuine smile ; rolls her eyes without even trying to hide that she’s doing it .  

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𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀 . 

label: jerk with a heart of gold . lili kind of sucks. she's got her guard up, she pushes people away, she's selfish. lots of bad things on the surface. deep down, however, she's not a bad person. she just does a lot of bad things. the few that can slip past lili's defences have a loyal friend for life. the desire to find out what happened to professor dupont, even if it means tolerating buckthorn, despite claiming she doesn't care, etc tv tropes: anti-hero, dark-haired aloof girl, the bratty teenage daughter, the rebellious spirit, lady swears-a-lot, good bad girl, deadpan snarker, wildcard, hard drinking party girl, mood swinger . positive traits: brave , adventurous, decisive , witty , resourceful , assertive , spontaneous , protean , adroit , direct , observant . negative traits: abrasive , reckless , bad-mannered , bitter , disrespectful , freewheeling , aloof , fickle , irreverent , cynical , argumentative , moody , irresponsible , destructive . mbti: enfp . alignment: chaotic neutral .

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𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫 . 

christopher maddox had always been the black sheep of his family. every night was another reckless adventure, and each morning another hangover laced with regret. a direct contradiction to his hardworking, straight-laced sister – the dean. real “she’s everything, he’s just ken” vibes. but if ken was a raging dickhead

chris met rebecca on one of his benders. a one night stand turned into a friends with benefits situation. they were just as bad as each other, giving in to every impulse, and encouraging the other to take what was already a bad decision even further. 

the apple didn’t fall far from the tree with their daughter lili. she was an unplanned child, her parents not even bothering to hide their disappointment. with pregnancy came sobriety, for rebecca at least. chris would continue to stay out until late. coming home smelling like liquor, if he came home at all. 

despite being checked out of the family before it had even started, chris got down on one knee when rebecca was six months pregnant. a courthouse wedding just so they could say they were married. 

when lili was born, she was pretty much immediately shoved on her aunt for babysitting. a bender disguised as a honeymoon seemingly more important. 

unfortunately for everyone involved,, they Did come back to collect her eventually. 

growing up, lili quickly learned her parents were not as strict as the other peers’. she could get away with a lot more than the other kids. apathy or intoxication; whatever the reason, she didn’t question it. sneaking out for parties, sneaking people in – it was all too easy to get away with. 

the label of ‘wild child’ came naturally. 

lbr this is probably a cry for attention. she won’t admit it!! as she got older, she started to hang out with a “bad crowd”. her actions getting more and more reckless, skipping school, drinking & smoking more. this will get fleshed out soon soz 

she was sent to meraviglia (and her aunt) as punishment, hoping it would straighten her out. something, unfortunately, not happening. she plays the part well enough to keep the dean off her back, but it's amazing how much you can sneak under the nose of a woman with a million jobs.

her relationship with professor dupont is a tricky one. she finds it amusing to watch him go head to head with the dean, but that’s still her aunt. he knows her secret, but he didn’t tell. every time the professor pushed lili, it was a flip of a coin as to whether she’d take his advice or argue with him. 

she had never asked to be a part of praeditus. didn’t want to be there, and she knew they didn’t really want her there, either. they wanted the dean’s goddaughter but they didn’t want lili. 

navigating the group now that dupont is gone? it’s tricky to say the least. it was easy to pretend the apathy was all she felt when he was alive, but now he’s gone and she can’t cling to that aloofness. he’s not inserting himself into lili’s life anymore, but she can’t let it go. 

though her godmother seems content turning a blind eye, lili has made it her mission to find out what happened. even if that means dragging buckthorn along for the ride.

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[tsukishumai]

HELLO! i was wondering if your requests are open,,, if they are can i pls request prompt 44 from angst with oikawa??? THANK YOUUU!!!. p.s the kita angst broke me i- TT

HELLO!! Yes, requests are open, tysm for requesting something! 💘 & aw I’m sorry haha, I wasn’t too confident abt that one so to hear that u liked it makes me uwu 🥺 hope u like this one!

Send me a prompt + ur fav character here :)

44. “What am I in your life? Because as of lately I feel as though I’ve been nothing to you.”

Word count: 1.2k

A/N: Eek, again I suck at angst so I apologize if this is terrible <3

You really only had one goal in life, and that was to be successful. There was no nuance to it, no specific path you intended to follow. Hell, even which career you wanted for yourself was up in the air. But all of those things were just minor details. Regardless of whichever mountain you decide to climb, you had every intention of sitting yourself right at the very top.

It was only natural to want to be the best, isn’t it? You couldn’t think of one good reason why you should be satisfied with anything other than first place. That’s why out of all the applicants, you were the one awarded a scholarship to the prestigious Aoba Johsai. It wasn’t a stroke of luck, nor an answered prayer; and it truly irked you when people tried demeaning all your efforts by simply boiling it down to happenstance. You studied your ass off, spent days and nights with your nose buried in a book or camped out in a library, and in the end it paid off.

Not a lot of people understood. If people were trying to be nice, they would say you were just ambitious. But if people were trying to be mean, they would call you shrewd and cold. None of those things mattered to you either way; the view of their upturned faces as you looked down on them from your pedestal provided you enough fuel to warm your lonely nights.

It’s not that you didn’t value friendship; you managed to cultivate a few acquaintances, and it’s not like you sat by yourself a lunch. But high school just felt so arbitrary; Aoba Johsai was just one of many steps towards your future, what was the point in forming connections with people you would probably never have met if not for the fact you were all born around the same time? You watched as your classmates settled into their cliques, formed their little groups, and - as much as any high schooler could - fall in love.

You didn’t hate love. You just didn’t see the point, really. You saw the way some of your friends start obsessing over their significant other; friendships start to break, grades start to slip, mental health goes on the decline. Why would you want that? Not after spending all your time in setting up the foundation for yourself; there wasn’t a single part of yourself that you were willing to give to anyone else.

So why was it you were standing in front of Oikawa Tooru, eyes nearly swollen shut from the tears that forged a streaky path down the planes of your cheeks, snot disgracefully dripping from your nostrils as you desperately choked back a sob?

“How long have you known?” You asked, but you weren’t prepared for the answer.

“A year,” he mumbled shamefully, unable to even look you in the eye. If you did, you would see tears of his own threatening to spill, but at the moment all you saw was red.

“You’ve known... for a year?”

“Y/N,” Oikawa attempted to reach out to you, but you stepped back and slapped his hand away.

“Is this why you’ve been blowing me off lately,” you whispered, Oikawa’s odd behavior finally beginning to click in heard.

You haven’t felt the touch of Oikawa’s hands in weeks; the very same ones that always reached out for you, guiding you to exactly where you need to be with their permanent presence on the small of your back. His eyes that always seems to be able find you in any crowd were downcast, shifted away until you forgot what it felt like to melt under their intensity.

At first, you simply chalked it up to his devastating loss against his oh so beloved kohai. Nationals had been a dream of Oikawa’s that will now never come into fruition. You, of all people, knew the overwhelming heartache of coming up short. It was his passion and dedication to the sport that drew you to him, after all.

But after weeks of near radio silence, you start to feel yourself begin to unravel. Had you done something wrong? Was he still this upset about the loss? Is there something more you could to help alleviate some of his stress? Is he starting to lose interest in you? Maybe he doesn’t find you attractive anymore?

These were thoughts that would never have even had the chance to cross your mind before. Now, the lack of sleep and uneasiness building in your chest had you two seconds away from bursting.

Instead, you felt your whole existence deflate when you had been handed back your first failing grade. The angry red marks began to swim in your peripherals, wondering how you could possibly have let yourself fallen this far.

You had one goal. One clear goal. Now, your vision had been expertly muddled by wavy brown hair and bright teal volleyball shorts.

“And you just made this decision without even thinking of me?” Your voice cracked at the last accusatory word of your question, growing increasingly irritated Oikawa’s unusual silence.

It’s infuriating the more you thought about it, really. You didn’t want this. You never wanted any of this. You just wanted to graduate high school at the top of your class, get into a good college, and start working your way up in the world. You were content to stay in your little bubble if it meant that you’d be able to achieve your dreams.

But Oikawa was Oikawa. He was simply too bright to ignore. And like Icarus to the sun, you thought yourself invincible until you flew close enough to burn from his radiance.

“What am I in your life?” You spat out, and the words left a bitter taste in your mouth, “Because as of lately I feel as though I’ve been nothing to you.”

Oikawa’s head snapped up, anguish stamped on his features as he desperately said, “You’re not nothing to me!”

“Then how could you do this?” You pleaded, disgusted at your pathetic groveling.

Oikawa shook his head, as if begging you to understand. “It’s not about what or how much you mean to me. I have to do this for myself and my future.”

It was so ironic, it made you livid.

Oikawa Tooru had successfully wedged himself into your life, deconstructing your walls brick by brick, gracing you with the warmth of his presence and the ardor of his love.

Only so he could be face to face as he drove the knife into your heart himself, allowing you a taste of pseudo happiness until it was time for him to take it away.

“Good luck in Argentina, Oikawa.”

His eyes widened at use of his last name, panic shooting across his features as he tried to stop you from leaving.

“Wait, Y/N -“

“Good bye.”

And you knew it wasn’t fair to him. You knew he was only doing what he felt was right, you understood that much too perfectly. It was irrational of you to shed tears over the most logical choice for Oikawa to make. You should be supportive, you knew that. But the embittered thought of being left behind was just too heavy to bear.

You walked away and never looked back, leaving behind two broken hearts.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

(You look up at the sky as an airplane left trails of clouds that blasted through a sunset painted with pastel pinks and purple hues.

You briefly wondered if this plane was taking Oikawa Tooru back home.

It never is.)

[oflgtfol]

bc i cant stop thinking abt that dream.. im gonna elaborate on it because it was so detailed and so long and felt so real

so it started off with me in a small library but like, it was so cramped and the lights were off. bookshelves were everywhere, and most were like only waist high? strange adults were everywhere, standing against the walls/shelves or sitting in the aisles. all had their hands cuffed behind their backs or in front of them and they all had like, tape or something over their mouths. but there were some adults among them in bullet proof vests and with guns in their hands. i dont know the situation like i dont even think i acknowledged it in the dream but from context clues im p sure it was like a hostage situation

so im in there sneaking around, in the back of my mind i just Know that my parents and my brother are also in the room also sneaking thru the aisles. all the hostage adults are staring at me like, acknowledging that they know im here to help rescue them. so after a few close calls around corners almost getting caught by the gunmen i get to a somewhat open area, meanig that its still cramped but its a small square between bookshelves with a table and 2 chairs. theres a TON of hostages squeezed into this area. i knew that that was the objective, that i had to get there

so me and my family burst forward and the gunmen spot us, but the hostages all help us overwhelm the guys. the gunmen are shooting blindly into the crowd, aiming mostly for me and my family, and SOMEHOW everybody else dodges it but me. literally it went in slow motion and i saw it like in third person, watching it come towards me and i was like “watch it hit me lmao. oh fuck its actually gonna hit me”

so i get shot in my stomach during all this and the pain just, it wasnt all that bad really? like it felt like uhm. getting hit with a water balloon actually (i was just in a water fight yesterday and now upon realizing this its like.... did that contribute to this dream....) so then its all clear like the bad guys are defeated, it gets kinda blurry at this point but i know in some disembodied way that i told my parents after everything wrapped up when they were asking if everyone was okay that i was hit, and they like, didnt care. i was like “HEY i got SHOT in the stomach!” and theyre like k and it took them foreverrrrrrr to get me medical attention. and i wasnt even.. bleeding outwardly? so i was so worried about internal bleeding because like HEY i have a bullet in me so i must be bleeding somewhere like,,, come on lmao

the next like visual thing i remember is in the hospital. its been a while since like, i woke up so this is kinda blurry too but i remember being put into a wheelchair by some nurses.. ive been in a wheelchair only once and that was in 2nd grade but this one i was allowed to use like, on my own, so it threw me off? and at this point i was like, fuck, i’ve been shot before when i was little. i’ve done this before. i had to go into surgery and everything. but it was all vague flashes i could barely remember it but it felt a lot like when i remember the major things from my childhood that i just COMPLETELY forgot about for so long, like speech therapy? like i had gotten injured from a gun when i was less than ten years old and i just, forgot about that? i was like HOW did i forget about this

so i was already in the hospital at this point but for the one room, i wheeled up to the entrance and it felt kinda like the 11th/12th grade cafeteria entrance that i use in school?? a small double door, blank walls, kinda dark, empty, and there was a nurse checking us in. at this point i was surrounded by all my classmates from my ap lang class, or maybe not ap lang in particular idk since like all the ap kids are mostly grouped together despite class? idk man. but my classmates were literally all fine idk why they were there? they werent even there for checkups or anything (disregarding the fact that you dont get a check up at a hospital you get that at a normal doctors office..) so i was there in my literal wheelchair and the nurse was like “wait your turn!!” she was really snooty it was annoying i was like, word for word, “uhm HELLO i have a GSW in my abdomen!!!!!!” and my one classmate finally spoke up as he was being checked in he was like “uh hey brot is here and like, got shot, so i think she should go first lmao?” so the nurse finally smiled at me and admitted me in

and it led to this small cramped room where they scanned your entire body for every single thing wrong with it adn they displayed it on a board where everyone could see, including my classmates, and i was like ohh my god. oh my god. the nurses were like “hm you could eat better but overall you’re in good health!” and i was like DUDE thats embarrassing i dont want everybody to see all my minute issues and LIKE I AM LITERALLY INJURED I HAVE A BULLET IN MY STOMACH WHY ARE YOU DISCUSSING MY DIET WHEN THERE ARE MORE PRESSING ISSUES...

so finally we go into the actual room and its this giant giant mostly empty room, im remembering this room from my first go at this from when i was a kid. theres a table in the middle thats pretty big but has.. no chairs around it... but theres puzzles and weird bookmark things scattered around on it to keep you occupied, and then theres a single table far removed from everything else, only long enough for a body and slightly wider, and theres one identical to that on the other side of the room. and i know from when i was a kid that those are for surgeries and like, i KNOW this but i was like, wrow thats unsanitary lmao

so i go to the table in the middle because thats where you’re supposed to wait till you’re called for surgery, but im so ANXIOUS because like.. its surgery... and now im remembering more of it from when i was a kid like im remembering going into it, waking up from it... my classmates are all sitting on the table like its some casual after school thing, theyre all talking

and then i remember from the first surgery. i remember the surgery itself. i apparently wasnt put under for it. i was conscious during it. i was numbed out obviously but like, i was AWAKE, and that makes me SO fucking scared for my upcoming surgery. like, enough that some of my classmates sense that im getting more and more anxious so they start shoving the bookmarks in my face, and the bookmarks are like the weird ones from the library irl that have quotes on them, and like i cant even read any because im just so anxious like im keeled over in the wheelchair so anxious about it, and the fact that my classmates are trying to interact with me during this is just making it worse like i APPRECIATE trying to make me feel better but i CANNOT read right now

and like, i was never called for surgery? im sitting there until the sun sets, but i only know that because i eventually leave the room just needing to do SOMETHING and the hospital lobby, for all the people waiting for patients? is empty and the sky outside is the dark blue kind of like, twilight

i really dont know how this dream suddenly turns, like i cannot remember the breaching moment and idk if its because its been almost 12 hours since i woke from the dream or if there even WAS a breaching moment

but the next thing i know is that me and shannen are running (me wheeling furiously) along the top of some like, wall. and the hospital looming in front of us is now some sort of fortified citadel, and we’re on one of the defensive walls around it, theres towers and spires everywhere in the distance around the citadel. and theres fucking. ANGELS attackign the place. the angels are classic white dress wearing, harp playing, type creatures but their eyes are all closed and black tears are running down their faces, and literally everything else about them is white. the dresses are this weathered white, their skin is weathered white (like, like marble but without the darker lines yknow?), and their eyes + tears are the darkest things on them so they stand OUT. and their mouths are flat lines, also black like as if its like, lineart or something yknow? like their faces look like masks but they arent. they have harps in one hand and then LONG ass swords in their other hands and they are fuckign terrifying

so me and shannen are outside of the main area of attack and we stumble upon this part of the wall thats like, collapsed, and theres a fucking OCEAN next to the citadel. so the stones that have fallen into the water, theres some sort of chariot on it with the same kind of look as the angels, white + black accent kinda look to it. the chariot is low lying and theres a figure laying over it, collapsed, reaching forward at nothing almost like a zombie trying to move? and he.. god i wanna say it was icarus but i really dont know because i feel, deep down that his name started with an e but i have no idea what dude it would be then bc i know it was a guy from greek mythology somehow but IDK WHO... so this guy also has the same vibe as the angels but his face is like, a fuckign mess, like it looked like he was melting (maybe thats why i wanna say icarus idk) but the melted parts were black, plus the black eyes (whcih were semi open) and the black tears and his mouth was kinda open in a silent wail (also black). i wanna say he had black hair too but idk maybe the whole black mass on his overall head was just the melting.. and this melted black liquid is strewn all over the chariot and the stone block thats barely out of the water. and out of the water, behind the chariot, all the angels were bursting forward and heading to the citadel like as if it was the Angel Spawn Point

IDK it was such a weird fuckign sight it looked like a fallen angel but i just knew deep down that it was some guy from greek mythology but I DONT KNOW WHO IT WOULD BE especially with a name starting with e..!!!

anyway yeah i woke up then. the whole angel sequence was super short compared to the rest of the dream, but it was more on par with what i normally dream than the rest? like i dont recall ever having guns in my dreams except for maybe one dream in middle school that was like,,,,, nuclear apocalypse type thing......... and never have i ever been like, INJURED like that in a dream? i’ve died in dreams yeah but ive never been like.. shot.. the closest thing i can think of was that one weird borderline nightmare earlier this year where i died of internal bleeding in school due to school negligence..... hm!

like idk this was just such a weird dream i normally have very very wild dreams with a more fantasy element to them, and the mundane ones are just me in school or on tumblr, like ive never had like, an ACTION MOVIE kinda thing??

and it felt SO REAL like when i woke up i literally thought that i had some sort of repressed gun related traumatic event from my childhood that i was only uncovering now and it was only when i realized that i was in bed and not like, at the hospital with a gun wound in my stomach, that i was like oh haha no thats not real