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when-did-this-become-difficult · 2 years

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Yes. I also was glad it came back. And i also love how realistically they dealt with the box - a civilian finding it. I like how they wife sensed that her husband is not coming back and she took it to the police.

I also think Miriam should stay with the juveniles because they somewhat still receptive to her. At least more than adults seem to be. I also think if the character stays it is the road for her. Young people are still can change or can decide to change, older ones not so much.

Yeah. The crimes nature is not evened out. I mean releasing people who know how to handle automatic rifles and already killed people is not the same as pick pocketing and such. Also i somehow would not even put Bunny on that list because of what i perceived with the prison scenes. He defends himself if he has to but he doesnt seem that violent. I mean his thugs carry guns, he said something along the lines that the boss doesn't need a gun.

I hope Sawyer comes back. I would imagine a similar scenario, that he is needed in Kingstown especially now because i don't think the police is able to handle this heat if the things start to go really bad. I mean if not for Kyle, Ian would have been shot in the pizza place scene. Also from some pictures i have found Sawyer has a new haircut and different clothes that he wore previous seqson and the recent one, so i would assume that there is gonna be a new season. It really would not surprise me if Sheridan already shot season 3. He seems to have a crazy work ethic and people seem to be giving him a lot of trust - they know... -. I hope i see him significantly more. But i also hope for the same for Mikes assistant, Kyles wife and Milo.

I think Sheridan can surprise us. I mean Dillon played the sheriff in Yellowstone and he got into a restaurant hostage situation where he was in a restaurant as a guest when armed robbers came and Kevin Costner and Cole Hauser's characters saved the people and tried him, but he got shot in the chest and died there in the restaurant while trying to reach his daughter for the last time but he died before she picked up a phone... Kind of good scene it was. I really don't know about Ian...it could go either way like with any character in Sheridans worlds. Stevie i don't care much to be honest. In the scene with Sawyer harshly interrogating a criminal and pulling his ear to find out where the guy went who blew up his own kid and wife cooking meth at home, Stevie just straight up laughs and finds this amusing. But i don't know that was the actor breaking character or pure character.

Also i have the feeling Joseph is trying to play Milo. I mean he has a kid with that prostitute girl and it really seems so he tried to desperately get the info out the site worker before word reaches Milo. I find it hard to believe that Joseph is deathly loyal to Milo. I sense he is an opportunistic character, and opportunity just knocked.

It is a pleasure to talk, as always. :)

@minamartin always a pleasure! <3

I agree, I think that the whole box storyline was great. They subverted that same old boring scene that we've all seen already many times in thriller and horror movies, where the wife is just sitting there nervous but doesn't do anything, and gets killed—it's way more realistic for her to be like "uh fuck this I can't handle this" and run to the station to give up the bonds.

100%, Mariam should stay with the juveniles. I would be thrilled if they found a way to connect that to the plot without making the entire point of the storyline just "Mariam is stupid for trying to help people" and I actually have a little hope that they can do it! You can do it, guys! I believe in you! Haha

Yeah, I think Bunny is definitely experienced with violence, because you don't lead a gang that runs drugs and is intimately interconnected with prison gangs and—if I recall correctly?—is involved with sex trafficking somehow?? I'll be real, I skipped over a fair bit of Iris's storyline in s1 just to preserve my own sanity, so I might've misread some of the dialogue there. But I think Bunny must have a serious history to have gained his position. What makes him a standout leader, though, is that he's very much like Mike in the sense that he doesn't particularly enjoy killing and chaos, etc, he just wants the world to run relatively smoothly and for him to be in charge of his own little patch. I don't really know if this is true in real life in regards to criminal leaders, but in SHOW life, having him on the outside is hardly going to increase the amount of violent that occurs, and in show logic, it might even help keep the peace, relatively speaking.

Yeah, I think Sawyer will come back, as well as Mike's assistant. I was talking about it earlier this week and somebody mentioned that MIke's assistant wasn't in the episode, but she WAS mentioned by Kyle as leaving behind a post it note saying she'd be back or something, so surely she has to return at some point, or else what's the point of the sticky note? Milo we need more of for sure. Kyle's wife we at LEAST need once to see how the baby storyline impacts on Kyle.

I don't really think they've already shot season 3, because I think if they did, they'd have mentioned it when Jeremy Renner was injured in the accident. As a sort of "hey guys, don't worry, s3 still a go" way. Like I think right now, they don't have s3 yet, and they're waiting to see how well their leading man recovers to see whether or not they can go ahead with it, and to see if they need to accommodate him physically in the scripting or re-scripting of the season. Renner's not my fave, but the poor guy, seriously, yikes. I hope they can figure something out that doesn't put too much stress on his body.

Hmmm, but the thing is, I think they probably killed Dillon off on that other show Yellowstone because they knew Dillon would have to switch sets eventually to go work on Mayor of Kingstown. But now that he's firmly in Mayor of Kingstown, I only see them killing off Ian if the show's about to end. I also think that Stevie laughing was definitely in-character, as if it was out of character then I think the editors of the episode would've cut it out. It's definitely in keeping with the entire way that the police force (and most of the characters, let's be real) treat violence, like, they really are so casual about it when it's being done to somebody that they can compartmentalize as not being human, someone they don't have any empathy for (which again is most people alas).

Very interesting about Joseph trying to play Milo! If that is the case, Milo may have him killed or something...I don't know, Joseph is really and TRULY not the brightest lightbulb or the most capable guy. I mean come on, how many times has Mike kicked his ass—and Mike's okay, but he's not like the world's greatest fighter of all time, world class judo, he's just a capable guy (which leaves Joseph looking super incapable). I agree that Joseph is just an opportunist, but I am curious to see if this whole baby thing leads him to have any other motivations (such as interest in his family) that will make him clash with Milo.

I also really think that the madam character that Iris is dealing with is interesting...they're clearly trying to spend a little time setting up Iris's situation with what is essentially a combined club and brothel, right? Why would they spend all this time on these dynamics just to do nothing with it? So I actually have a little bit of hope that perhaps Iris will either learn from the women around her, including the madam, or that she will manipulate one of them into getting something—SOMETHING!—that she wants. I see them making a little bit of an effort with Iris, thank goodness, and I want to see where that's leading us.

So many questions and thoughts! I guess I'm gonna end up paying for more than one month of Paramount to see how it all ends, nobody look at me lmao *covers own face*

#correspondence #minamartin #mayor of kingstown

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babymilkawa · 3 years

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hi? so this is my first time requesting so i don't really know what to say but can i request quarantine dad hcs but with kaminari,kirishima and sero,pleaseee? and btw i really really love your writingssss💖

waoww I’m honored to b ur first, anon ><

quarantine dad headcanons with:

kaminari denki, kirishima eijiro, hanta sero

gn!reader :)

modernworld!au

original quarantine dad hcs

kaminari denki

lemme j say that it’s chaos

he will literally get 0 ZERO work done bc he’s j fooling around with your kid

lucky for him, his work and boss are pretty flexible so turning things a few minutes late aren’t a biggie

you on the other hand, could use some peace and quiet

now that you’re both working from home, you only have one surface to work on: your dining table, and you share that with your husband

except he can't sit still so your kid will go up to him to play and he'll reach out to tickle them, jiggling the table and causing you to lose your focus

you've contemplated going to a nearby cafe like Starbucks with good wifi but the thought of leaving your husband and child alone threw that thought out the window

it was distracting but it also meant ur breaks were never boring

if it was takeout day, you'd all sit around the table and enjoy your little meals, your kid swinging their legs underneath the table, kicking you or your husband

but if there were any important meetings, kami will understand if you need privacy and he'll take your kid out to the park

at the end of the day, they're both knocked out on the couch, cute

kirishima eijiro

he is #1 daddy

can litrally handle his kid while paying attention and being professional in his work/meetings

man ok just imagine boss!kirishima who’s always giving his coworkers a good time with him being so chill and relaxed, they don’t mind at all if his kid pops in to say hi

it’s just adorable and squeezes their hearts aww cuz the kid is like kirishima but copy paste

if he’s not working, he’ll be playing with the kid and occasionally shushing them cuz “mommy/daddy’s working” and then for no reason the two of them will break out into giggles

he’ll have a break where he’ll chop up fruit and have ur kid prepare drinks and they bring it to u in a tray

ur kids jumping around all “I poured the drink! I did!!”

and they just won’t leave the room so kirishimas gotta throw them over his shoulder

also very careful when you guys go out

if the kid fusses with the mask, y’all j can’t go out 🤷🏽‍♀️das the rule

“But daddyyy I want to go play and drink cawfee”

“Coffee?? since when do u drink coffee”

“since I put bean’s in my water!”

Keep in mind they’re like 5

but the rule is no mask no going out and he’s rly strict on it

hanta sero

very similar to kaminari except he knows when to stop

ur kid is young so they’ll need naps and all

and...so does ur hubby

yes he’ll have the two of them camp out in the living room while u work at the table

he’s got the cushions and a huuuge blanket that is often used to fit the 3 of u under it for movies

honestly, it’s tempting to wrap the both of them into a blanket burrito

I’m hungry now damn

but if he’s not sleeping it out with his kid, sero will join you at the table, giving you any drinks or snacks u want, even cleaning up the house a little

Either that orrrr he’ll be bored and go bother u

poking ur sides, having one sided staring contests and wiggling eyebrows

it leaves u giggling cuz u can’t focus

and when he’s working, don’t even bother doing the same, he’ll give u the look like just u wait...

at the end of the day, it’s the 3 of u talking abt ur day but here’s how it goes down

“So how was ur day dad?” U ask him

“Oh you know the usual, going to work, commuting to the kitchen, putting my little colleague to sleep.”

ur kid places a hand on his and giggles, “I’m not a colee!!”

“What about you babe?” He asks.

“Hmm, I went to the zoo today and watched these cute animals play with each other but then they got tired and fell asleep on my couch!”

and for a min ur kid believes you

turning to sero, they ask, “daddy can we go tomorrow? To see? Pleaseee”

and the two of you crack up cuz ur kid got the colleague joke but not this

pls this is so cute

bnha masterlist

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saintlethanavir · 3 years

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OC Interview: Calliope Tarenan Laskaris Lavellan

INTRODUCTION:

1. Can you introduce yourself?

I am Lord Inquisitor and Lethanavir, Calliope Tarenan Laskaris Lavellan Pavus. Creators, that’s getting almost as long as Cassandra’s introduction isn’t it?

2. What is your gender identity, orientation, and relationship status?

That’s…going to be just as long of an answer as the first. Gender isn’t much of a concept for us in my clan, we do what we want. They or he pronouns by themselves or together is fine, please refer to me as a man. I prefer the company of men, as one of my husbands would say. Which answers your next question, I am married.

3. When and where were you born?

Oh, one moment. Uh. I was born in 9:01 Dragon, the month and day equivalent would be..the sixteenth of Harvestmere? I believe. It’s difficult to pinpoint where exactly but I was born somewhere in the Emerald Graves.

4. What is your weapon of choice and your fighting style?

Before the events of the Exalted Council I preferred two handed weapons, and would wield a greatsword. Now I am outfitted with a blade not unlike Madame de Fer’s spirit sword, though I am no Knight Enchanter. Large bursts of magic and aggressive styles are more of my thing, I like to get personal.

5. Lastly, are you happy?

That’s quite the question. Sometimes. Other times are very hard, ‘this world demands so much of us, we must take what we can do when we have it’ a friend of mine once said. That’s how I live my life.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

1. What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

Ah, yes. I have quite a large extended family and even a larger nuclear family than most probably have. We can be boisterous and would be thrown out of parties if it wasn’t for my talented husband, Magister Pavus, keeping everyone around us in check.

I have an alright relationship with most of them. The Hawkes I get along with quite well, though Calix’s husband is wary of me still. Fenris, Ophelia, and Sam go with me for drinks often. My twin brother is the one I’m closest to though, we visit our clan from time to time together when he’s not off on Warden business. Our parents and paternal family branch live close, so they’re never far behind should we need them. They all dote upon my son, Athim, I swear he’d be spoiled by them if he wasn’t already by his fathers.

2. Have you ever ran away from home?

I would rather not answer this question, especially asked from a stranger. Next.

3. Would you ever consider marriage or having children?

Self explanatory, I think. I was always a marriage type, it was important to me. Children on the other hand…well, Athim was unplanned but certainly not unwanted. I will not be having more children, hopefully, though.

4. Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

Absolutely not. Jokingly, maybe, but never truly. You would know if I hated you and you would not be my friend.

5. Which friend knows everything about you?

I’ve been told it’s cliched to say Cole, though that would be the obvious choice. Unfortunately, I would say it’s Solas, but a true friend doesn’t stab you in the back, now does he? So..strictly a friend? Varric. He was there for me when no one else could be, from the beginning. I will always love him for that.

ASKED BY FANS

1. Are you literate? Have you been to school?

It took me quite a few years but I am literate, yes. Elvhen is my first written and spoken language, second Orlesian, some Tevene, then Trade. I have not been to ‘shem’ school, no, I was raised with other children learning from the elders of our clan. We learned minor magics, history, religion, survival, etc. The University of Orlais has reached out to me, but I’m not sure I want to go given then history.

2. The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

I jokingly made a comment about a birthmark on my chest, right above my heart, that I must have died in jn a duel in a previous life. Falon’Din was killed by Elgar’nan this way.

3. What was something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

Oh please, do I need to answer that? Aside from Solas..probably the realization I had fallen in love with my partners. Can we move on from this question?

4. Do you have mental health or physical problems?

Yes, clearly. My arm. Blind in my left eye. Aside from that..not really? I’ve had some chronic pain since I was little from larger injuries, chronic headaches. But nothing major. My mental health has always been in question, I’ve been told I have what’s called post traumatic stress and have had hallucinations since I was a child.

5. What is your current main goal?

To keep Solas away from my son and make sure the world doesn’t fucking implode again.

CHOICES

Drink or food?

I have to choose? Food.

Cats or dogs?

Both but I will be disowned if I say that, so dogs.

3. Optimist or Pessimist?

Pessimist, much more now at least. Optimism got me far but..it’s been a rough time.

4. Sassy or sarcastic?

Are they..not the same thing? Sarcastic, I suppose.

HAVE YOU EVER

1. Been caught sneaking out?

Oh yes. My mother caught me leaving our tent one night with my twin brother so we could catch fireflies, but she just went with us instead. I…don’t want to explain why I haven’t snuck out since.

2. Broken a bone?

Are you kidding me? Yes. All the time.

3. Received flowers?

Dorian sent me a whole hedge for our wedding anniversary once, I killed them immediately. Never was a green thumb. Bull is in charge of flowers now.

4. Ghosted someone?

What? No. Is that something someone truly does? That’s awful.

5. Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

Of course. What do you think I was doing at the Winter Palace during the ball?

Tagged by @siennamain !! I tag anyone who wants to do this!!

#thank u friend!#calliope lavellan #dragon age #txt

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shimmershae · 3 years

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My thoughts on Episode 3--Hunted.

Most of you lovelies already realize this, but my thoughts tend to zig and zag quite a bit, lol. So. To save some of you the headache and spare you from seeing spoilers you’d rather not see yet, I’m again placing them behind a cut.

First things first. I have totally turned into Yvette Nicole Brown with her TWD notebooks, lol, and I’m not even sorry. I just felt like it would be fun to go back when the final episode is in the books and see how well my thoughts from these early episodes line up with what I’m feeling when we say our (not-so) final goodbyes.

But that’s enough about that. Let’s get to this thing.

It really is insane how very much I love Melissa McBride. Just hearing her doing the previously on TWD recap voiceover makes me ridiculously happy.

Cole! Dude! We hardly knew ya.

Not gonna lie. That first shot of Maggie in all the chaos reminded of a shirt I’ve seen. It says--”Well, well, well. If it isn’t the consequences of my actions.”

I have to hand it to Angela and the rest of her team. These opening scenes--on all 3 episodes--have been BOMB so far. They really hook you in right away. At least IMHO.

I realize I’m behind the game on this little tidbit, but how much do I adore the fact that Dog is now in the opening credits?

Okay. Alexandria might look like it’s been on some kind of post-apocalyptic bender but all our girls are looking beautiful as ever. Maybe it’s Maybelline, lol.

I love to see Kelly and Carol still gravitating toward each other. It really speaks to each woman’s heart. Carol wants to make amends so badly and Kelly just has the most lovely, warm, forgiving heart.

Carol’s point about Alexandria still needing the horses to help with the heavy lifting and pointing out the walls and rebuilding won’t matter quite as much if they’re limited by their hunger and what they can physically lift on their own isn’t wrong. But I’m sure the same viewers that were okay with Daryl and Co. going out on Maggie’s suicide mission (using the same reasoning) and saying it made sense for the bigger picture will pretend not to recognize that the same element is there in Carol’s desire to go out there and look for the horses. You know. Because it was Carol’s idea and not that of their fave(s).

Aaron, Man. Or maybe I should say Angela. You just had to put a pit of dread in my belly mentioning Buttons like that. RIP, Buttons. You deserved better. I’m still traumatized.

Look at all the babies bonding. Look at RJ getting to sit at the big kid table.

“My mom always comes back.” She damn well better. Those babies need her. Until she does, though, Uncle Daryl and Aunt Carol (and Aunt Rosita and everybody else) are going to be there.

Anyway. Poor RJ. He barely ever gets any lines, lol.

Hershel and Judith are obviously the mini-adults in this group and baby Rhee is already more cynical and jaded than his sweet daddy was until they reached Alexandria and the wheels started to come off.

So. Does Maggie just think everybody’s already dead here or what? Hmm.

You know. Any building can be creepy AF when the lights are off and it’s dark, lol. Any building.

So much darkness so far this season. I’m going to have to invest in some blackout curtains. I just know it.

Where are all those stairs leading? Why am I thinking of Hitchcock? Am I mixing up my scary, suspenseful movies? Probably.

Of fucking course, Maggie dropped her flashlight. Thank goodness she had that lighter at the ready just before Ghost Face Reaper took a swipe at her.

Is that Father G with a screwdriver impaled in his thigh? Listen. These people deserve a Mega Bottle of pain killers and a week just vegging out in a soft, luxurious bed.

All these horror movie tropes. Some of them are cheesy, yes. But I’m totally here for it.

LMAO. That’s it, Maggie. A good old punch in the nuts works every time.

Alden really is having a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

Negan is still Negan. Self-serving and looking out for number one. But I believe the man really does feel the group is his group too. He’s like that long lost, sketchy uncle nobody wants to acknowledge much less invite to the dinner table, but that bond? However thin? Is there.

I am both hating that Maggie is being forced to work with the man that murdered her husband (my baby Glenn) and finding it fascinating the lengths she’s willing to go to survive. This your plan, Angela?

Rosita and Carol! How sad is it that the last really significant scene I can remember the two of these women sharing was way back? Before Rick and Co. attacked Negan’s outpost and Maggie and Carol were subsequently taken? If only the show had done more of these kind of scenes.

How much do I love all the girls working together? Gimps would never. They’d all be stuck back at Alexandria minding the kids and the community.

Shallow aside--Rosita is so pretty in this scene.

Rosita being worried about Carol honestly makes my heart hurt, because it’s about damn time more of them actually did. Her saying Abraham is trying to tell her something in her dreams is interesting. Angela sure loves her dreams, doesn’t she?

Where are Daryl’s dreams, hmm? No. Seriously. I guess they want to give some viewers plausible deniability until the bitter end.

“Really? We’re just gonna go toward the screaming? Cool.” Hahaha. You know. Even the smart people in horror movies sometimes bite it, Negan. Just saying. Maggie really does need to “stop running up the staircase” when she could just run out the front door though, lol.

Poor Duncan. I think you could have been another Tyreese, Jerry type for me.

WTF does this show have against horses? Those poor creatures.

Kelly is totally me right now. I’d be freaking inconsolable.

Carol needed that hug. Thank you, Magna. From the bottom of this tired fangirl’s heart, thank you.

Why give us that beautiful, golden shot with the horses when you’re planning to stab us through the heart later and twist the knife. Oh. Yeah. That’s exactly why.

Oh snap! Father G’s delivery when he tells that Reaper “I’m not. God isn’t here anymore.” Cold as ice.

Judas. That the Reapers’ work. Or. Damn. Either way, that’s harsh.

Back to what Alden was saying. All these oprhaned children. Who’s going to take on Adam if he dies? That poor kid has had a rough go of it. Knowing that, makes you wonder what Alden was thinking volunteering for the suicide mission.

Omigosh. There went Agatha. Terrible way to go. Right, Beatrice?

I’m sobbing. Carol with the horse. That hurt my baby so much but she hurt herself for her family the same way she has been doing since the Prison. Melissa Mcbride? When she cries, I cry. Every effin’ time. Aaron being there just made it hurt more. But at least someone was there to see how and really take in how she continues to break pieces of herself off to keep her family as whole and safe and happy as she can.

Rewinding a minute--that Magna and Carol conversation. I get Magna’s reasoning too. I do. But Angela is just making everything so dire right now so that the sun when Connie is ultimate found shines a ltitle brighter.

Those babies know they’re eating horse. I could never.

That’s got to be a different Coco. She’s even smaller. But she’s gorgeous.

Fucking finally. Angela having the other characters notice after an eternity of being blind to it, just how much Carol sacrifices of herself for them. It’s so long overdue and I imagine Rosita’s even more worried for Carol now. It’s a shame it’s taken 11 seasons. My baby’s had blood on her hands trying to keep her family safe and whole and happy and fed for a long damn time. So heartbreaking watching her try to scrub the blood away.

Sweet, sweet hug that Kelly gave Magna. She’s such a sweetheart kid sis to all of them, isn’t she?

Interesting place of refuge. A gutted church. A visual symbol, Angela, of where Maggie and the rest of our people are now perhaps?

“It’s easy for you, isn’t it? Being reckless with sombody’s life...” Maggie. Maggie. Those words would have hit so much harder if we hadn’t spent the majority of the last 2.5 episodes watching you ignore sound advice just because it came out of the mouth of somebody you (justifiably) hate.

But will Alden be there when Maggie and Negan get back? That is the question. Or will he eventually Lucille himself?

That little bit of lineup Negan music to remind the audience of Negan lovers and sympathizers that he once took great pleasure in murderously swinging a bag at people’s heads was a nice, subtle touch there. Like agree with her or not, Maggie is literally left to rely on the hope, however small it is, that Negan has changed just enough that he won’t try to finish a job he taken on years before--killing what’s left of her.

Oh lawd. Next episode sees the return of a character literally nobody asked for. How excited am I not?

Dog better not be harmed or so help me.

Now for Angela’s weekly explanations of WTF she/there were thinking because they been doing this plausible deniability thing so long some people out there watching with biased, muddy stan glasses can no longer separate head canon from canon.

Is Maggie worried at all about Daryl or does she just assume his superhero powers are in full effect in this episode?

“You can’t really say it wasn’t going to happen anyway.” Not Angela pointing out that simply laying the blame for literally everything bad that ever happens at Carol’s feet isn’t the answer. Say it louder for those in the back. Alpha was going to do what Alpha wanted to do.

“There is love there. There is respect there. However, there’s also frustration...” You damn skippy. Friendships and human relationships are complex AF. Like Carol. She’s honestly one of the most complicated characters on this show and any show, IMHO. That’s what makes her so memorable and such a lightning rod for discussion.

I know I might be in a minority, but I really feel like they need more of those little scenes between the kids to keep things real.

Kang saying she always feels like she’s going to get murdered in a staircase or parking lot is relatable, funny, and sad all at the same time. It’s a girl thing.

Why is Carol’s story giving me Dark Knight vibes? Like I feel like she’ll gladly shoulder the burden of their distrust, their hate, or their judgment as long as the hard choices she makes keeps them safe. And she’s still ultimately going to come back to save their asses even when they forsake her. Just like Bruce Wayne/Batman. Am I reaching too far, lol? Because sometimes I do that.

Anyway. This is the third episode of the season and the third episode in a row that I mostly enjoyed. I don’t know if I’m just so relieved and happy to have all the characters and my show back or what, but overall? I’ve been pleased with the episodes and found something to love in all of them.

There’s a much stronger horror vibe woven throughout Season 11 so far. I feel like it’s a return to the roots of the show and I like that. Literally none of the characters are making perfect choices and this viewer is here for it. My only complaint so far is there hasn’t been enough Carol but what we’ve been given has felt like a gift and significant in a way that Gimps’ version was not. Also? I really hope the trend of the ladies working together and supporting each other continues because they rule the TWD world, lol.

Hope you enjoyed at least some of my TWD word vomit.

Until next episode.

#The Walking Dead #Season 11 #TWD spoilers #things that make me smile and cry #for reasons #my heart

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captainbetonit · 4 years

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Room for more chapter 8

~.~

The next few days went well, and as those days bled into a month. Nearly to the date Pixel came back for a check in for the kids. She trusted her friends but needed to put that aside for the well-being and safety, so here she was checking on them.

It was raining that fateful day, near pouring from the dark grey clouds. Thanksgiving will be in a few weeks, the rapid drop in temperature was an odd sensation that she wasn’t prepared for. She didn’t need to knock before Cole opened the door with a smile.

“Hey, come on in.” He greeted her, opening the door.

“Thank you, now you know why i’m here?” Pixel got straight to the point, she wasn’t here as a friend.

Cole nodded, “Of course, now Zane wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk to the kids first or us so both are in the living room.”

She nodded before she brought up their file, it was rather thick and contained the information for both brother and sister. “I’ll talk with the children first, I'm trusting that they're ok.”

“In our words yes, but you have to take their word for it.” Cole simply shrugged, in the end it was up to the kids.

Pixel nodded again, before moving to the living room where the two children sat playing with toys. They did seem happier then when she’d last seen them, more like children.

Zane came out of the kitchen, apron tied around his waist and a tray of drinks in hand. “Hello Mrs. Borg, welcome.”

The children looked up from their toys and smiled at her, Kai seemed hesitant with his greeting but did so nonetheless. “Hello Mrs. Borg!” The two greeted before giving Zane their whole attention.

An exchange of pleasantries and drinks commenced, mostly small talk and such before Pixel cleared her throat, “I would like to speak to the children now please, alone.” That statement made the room feel so much colder.

“Of course, kids go with Mrs.Borg. Show her your rooms and such.” Zane motioned for the two to follow Mrs. Borg when they made no move.

Kai eyed her with caution, he knew she was a nice woman and from he was told she was fair and sweet. But social workers weren’t always nice, they seemed nice but weren’t what they seemed. Nya mostly followed her brother in mannerisms, but never really thought. Like when all the doctors thought her Mama was gonna be fine and she died a week later-or when dad said he’d be back. Nonetheless the two followed Mrs. Borg up the stairs and to Nya’s room where the children share the bed while Mrs. Borg sits in front of them.

~*meanwhile*~

Anxiety was a son of bitch, so much so that Cole was cursing every single god to let him be at peace. Granted that probably wouldn’t happen seeing as they didn’t have much to worry about-they shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

“You're pacing a hole in the carpet dear.” Zane mentioned as he sat with a book on the couch and some tea.

“Surprised you aren’t joining me.” Cole snapped before stopping and wincing, “I’m sorry babe, it’s just been really stressful lately.”

Zane sighed as he closed his book before rubbing his eyes, “I know my dear, but please calm down.”

Cole, now tired, collapses on the couch next to his husband. “I hate waiting.”

Zane guided Cole’s head to his lap and started to card his fingers through thick black hair. “As do I, my love, but if we waited this long then perhaps it’s worth the wait.”

The two were silent for a moment, the house rarely creaked but as the silence went on it felt like the house was moving with the wind of the storm.

“Are we good parents?” Cole asks as Zane picks up his discarded tea.

He was silent for a moment, contemplating his husband's words. “I like to think we’re doing a good job so far, but only time will tell really.”

“I’m not talking about that,” Cole sits up and faces his husband, “I’m talking about are we doing the right thing? Like could we be holding them back, are we taking them away from an uncontacted family member, are we doing things wrong and not knowing it?!” His voice rose an octave, panic of unknown answers to rising questions loomed over him like the storm clouds outside.

Zane wasn’t going to lie; questions like those often plagued his mind. It was times like those when he wouldn’t sleep-couldn’t stop the thoughts that reminded him that what they were doing could have been taken away so quickly.

“I like to think we're doing the right thing-we’re hopefully doing the right thing. Maybe we're helping them, or maybe we’re like our parents and don’t even know it. I…” Zane trailed off, the thought of being like either of his fathers was a difficult one to handle. Dr. Julian was a good man, just not a great parent; never really being there for his kids and favoring one over the other. His other father, Arashi was far more old fashioned with just about everything especially parenting. While he was there for things, It always felt like nothing was good enough for him, and in turn neither Zane nor Echo were good enough.

“We’re definitely better than our parents-no offence. I mean we’re going through all these hoops just to be here.” Cole thankfully interrupts Zane’s thoughts. “Plus we’ve done a lot to get here and made progress with Kai.”

Ok that was undeniable-when Kai first got there it was tense and full of trial and error, Nya while younger and mostly followed her brother in terms of what he did. Both have grown so much in the past month, opening up to them and feeling like a family.

“What i’m trying to say is, we can try and hopefully succeed?” Cole gently brought the conversation to a sorta close.

“I suppose your right, but that will never truly answer our questions.” Zane reached for his husband, seeking comfort. “And that’s good right?”

The two were quiet for a moment, before little feet were heard coming down the stairs followed by the sound of Pixels heels.

The two children joined the older on the couch and leaned deeply into their warmth. Whatever they talked about upstairs was clearly behind them.

“Alright so after i take a look around then you can go back to domestic life.” Pixel smiles as Zane detached himself from Nya’s hold on him and led her around the home for her to deem safe for the children.

~later~

They passed the check with flying colors, the kids were happy and very safe. Education wise Zane had gotten them workbooks and brought them to speed with 5th and 1st grade respectfully so they could both go to school in the spring. If they were still in their care by then anyways.

Nonetheless things were actually going well for the family, it was perfect.

Then they got a call, rather late at night actually from Pixel who sounded frazzled and stressed.

Zane picked up his phone around 3 am, answering the call without looking at the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Hey Zane-quick thing.” Pixel wasted no time with introductions or greetings. “Seeing as you and Cole are foster parents and while I know you already have two children under your care-” Pixel cut herself off with a quick ‘excuse me’ to supposedly yell at someone.

Cole turned to his side as Zane sat up and clicked on the bedside lamp, “What's happening? Who is it?”

Before Zane could answer Pixel talked to him “Can you take a baby-maybe 9 months old?”

Zane was silent for a moment, needing some time to process her words. “Um, can i talk to Cole for a second then I can talk.” He hung up the phone before letting the phone fall and falling backwards into the pillows himself.

“What happened?” Cole himself turned on his bedside lamp before following his husband and collapsing onto his pillows.

“Pixel wants to place us with a baby.” Was all Zane said. That kind of shocked Cole, when they had first considered fostering they had been open to much younger kids. Now though seeing as they already have two kids-did they really need a baby?

“Do you want to?” Zane asks, before pausing, “Foster the baby I mean.”

“Honestly, we should do it.” Cole answers after a pause. “I mean we're doing pretty good with Kai and Nya and the system doesn’t help kids at any age really.”

He turns to his side, waiting for Zane’s response. He knew Zane wanted a baby, hell when they were in highschool Zane took many babysitting jobs be it with his younger brother or the neighborhood kids.

“I think we should as well.” Zane finally answers after the minutes start to stretch. “But what about Kai and Nya? They should be consulted on this, it’s a very important decision that they should have a hand in.”

“Call Pixel back, and we can talk to them in the morning.” Cole advised as he got up with his phone. “I’ll call in sick so we can all talk this over.”

Before Zane could tell him about the rain from the afternoon Pixel picked up, “Zane, hi. Did you both talk about it?”

“Yes, we’d love to foster the baby but why did you call at 3 in the morning?” Zane also got up from bed-he’d might as well check in on the kids.

Pixel was silent on the other line for a little while before she sighed heavily, “Well seeing as i was handed the baby at 2 am i figured it was better than nothing. And you did answer so.”

Zane was quiet for a second, “I’m sorry what?”

Pixel sighed again before answering, “Watch the news in the morning and you’ll understand ok? So when can i come with the baby?”

“Umm, in two days maybe? We have to talk to the kids and get everything ready.” Zane leaded against the hallway wall. “..What’s their name? The babies?”

“His name is Lloyd, he's nine months old and i think you’ll love him.” He could hear the smile in Pixels voice before his phone pinged. “I sent you some general information, I'll talk to you later ok?” They exchanged goodbyes and hung up.

After checking Kai’s room(it was empty) and then going to Nya’s to see the siblings cuddled close in the bed. After a quick picture of the two he closed the door and went back to bed. Cole was back, the bedside lamp turned off. Zane turned off his light and went to sleep.

Tomorrow is going to be hectic.

#cole brookstone #kai smith #zane julien #nya smith #room for more #glaciershipping #pixal borg

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naazaif327 · 3 years

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So I basically got called an idiot by multiple people with the last post I made about Veronica Mars (lmao), so I wanted to sort my thoughts out on the show more directly:

I think a lot of the problems people have with season 4 of Veronica Mars are problems that have absolutely been around since the original 3-season run. Stuff like minor storylines that went nowhere and got dropped, secondary characters like Mac and Wallace and Logan getting stuck in b-plots that aren’t meaningful to the narrative, issues with characters of colour, etc. Its all been there long before the most recent season, enough that I’d almost say its baked into the DNA of the show itself. I was always kind of okay with seondary characters not getting good/important storylines because for me the show was always, always about Veronica from start to finish, and I made peace with the fact that there was probably never gonna be a great Wallace or Mac story arc because they simply weren’t the lead. Its about Veronica, and I think the show falters the most whenever we leave her viewpoint. This has been true long before season 4 tbh, and anyone who thinks that these problems all of a sudden showed up in the last 8 episodes is kidding themselves.

The other part of this is of course the tragedy, specifically the tragic ending of fourth season finale. The ending wasn’t completely surprising to me when I binged the series because every prior season of the show has also ended with Veronica alone in one way or another: season 1 ends with Veronica dreaming of floating in warm sunlight with Lilly one last time, before Lilly vanishes and Veronica is left alone. In season 2, after her traumatic experience on the roof with Beaver, she waits at the airport for her father but he doesn’t make it, leaving her to go on vacation and deal with everything she’s been through alone. In season 3, after inadvertently causing Keith to lose the election, she votes for him and walks off alone into the pouring rain with an uncertain future.

Alongside all of that, the whole season foreshadows disaster from the start (Keith’s illness, Neptune’s gentrification). Neptune gets gentrified and the poor get kicked out, but Veronica lives happily ever after in her expensive beach house with her reformed 09er husband, taking cases from rich, bored adulterers with nothing better to do? I don’t see any version of the show where it ends like that. Its the same thing with the movie, she was never going to spend the rest of her life being a lawyer helping rich companies escape lawsuits and living happily ever after with Piz. Its not who she (or the show) is.

I’ve vaguely talked before about how the end made sense to me because VM is a dark, almost nihilistic noir that is wrapped in a warm, sunny teen drama sugar coating. Of course not every noir has to end tragically, just like every horror movie doesn’t have to end with the protagonists dying horrifically, but Veronica Mars IS kind of a tragedy, at least to me. Its about a girl alone, against the world, unable to move on from the devastating events that made her who she is.

I love Veronica, I care about her and I want her to be happy, but she is a character study in grief and trauma and rage. She’s Phillip Marlowe, the eternal bachelor; no matter how many times the world breaks her heart, she will keep going, keep fighting, keep chasing the storm, whether or not its healthy. When the memory of Lilly asks Veronica not to forget her, she replies, “I could never”. She can’t forget or move on, even if she wanted to. The very first line of the show is her saying “I’m never getting married”. She’s not saying that because she’s a rebellious teenager, she’s saying because she has years of experience and instinct that tells her that partnerships like that will end horribly, and she knows better. There’s an excellent article by Isabel Cole on Veronica Mars, and there’s one quote that exactly details the inherent tragedy of characters like Marlowe and Veronica: “[it is] the palpable sense that their cynicism exactly stems from their compassion, that their hardness is the scar tissue of a heart they can’t stop the world from breaking over and over.”

Veronica knows that getting married to Logan won’t fix her issues (from the big ones like the corruption and gentrification of Neptune, to the internal ones like her personal trauma and unhealthy coping mechanisms), but she does it anyways, she wants to be proven wrong by the world. And yet she is correct, just like she was right about Troy’s drug smuggling, and her professor’s adultering, and a million other things in prior seasons.

Just like the rest of the show, season 4 is very flawed in many ways, but I do think it reaffirms pretty much every aspect of the show, from the characters to the themes and narratives. This post was extremely rambly and messy, and I really recommend Isabel Cole’s amazing essay on the subject.

#Veronica Mars #If you disagree with me keep it to yourself lol #I've already had multiple people yelling at me for having a different opinion than them

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mrs-geuse · 4 years

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Empty (Hank Anderson x Reader)

This one is purely a twist of a page from my own diary.

I’ve had some requests for pregnant!reader and Hank and...I just can’t do that right now. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for a year and a close friend just announced her pregnancy today, my niece was born 3 weeks ago...it’s been emotional for me.

This is purely a therapeutic attempt at getting through this for me and I’m sorry if it disappoints.

Warnings: Infertility, mentions of alcoholism, mental health struggles, and (a history of) self-harm.

Hank hears a slam from somewhere in the house and he’s instantly peeking around the corner, down the hall, warm pizza long forgotten on the kitchen counter.

“Y/N? You alright?” he calls. No response. “Y/N?” His mind is instantly working quickly, running through possibility after possibility of the worst shit.

You’d been going through it lately, your mental health at an all-time low for the last few months. It drove you to do some crazy shit and he was always there to pick up your pieces. He worried you’d resort to some of those old coping habits he knew you had. You’d told him you hadn’t done that in years, but it was still a very real possibility to him and it kept him up at night, the image of you bleeding out.

Tonight, he thought you were doing better. You’d been working on getting answers for what was bothering you…you’d spent a lot of time working through things together and – though the touchy-feely stuff was a little hard for Hank to vocalize – you were in a better place than you’d been in, well, ever.

“I’m fine,” you finally call to him, but he can hear in your voice that you’re so not fine.

“Sweetheart, come on, what is it?”

He peers into the bedroom, sees your phone face-down on the nightstand, your body on the bed, back to the headboard, knees pressed against your chest.

“It happened again,” you start, voice breaking a little bit. This could be one of two things, he knows.

Either another friend is pregnant or your period showed up.

Hank knows it’s not the latter, based on the positive ovulation test on the sink, the fact that you’ve been all over him for the last few days…

"Fuck, sweetheart…”

You shake your head, shake it off, try to take a breath.

“I feel like such an asshole, yanno? I’m happy for her, I really am, but I’m so fucking tired of it not being us. It’s been a year, Hank, a fucking year…”

He knows this, is very aware. He knows because you’ve been to the specialist, done the ten vials of bloodwork, the ultrasound up the cooch, the follow-up. Hell, he’d even done the jizz-in-a-cup thing just because he knew how much this broke you that you weren’t a mom yet.

He can remember the anxiety for those results, remember what it felt like to think it was him. He’d been convinced it was him. Hank hadn’t really thought about having another kid after Cole…and then he met you. Young, you, and that almost scared him off – the knowing that you were gonna want kids.

Hank was a drinker, for years, still is – only now he has someone to hold him through the night and that makes the drinking a little less necessary, makes life a little more bearable.

Only the results showed that his swimmers were still good. And your results showed that your stuff was all good…so, what the fuck?

He remembers holding your hand in that office as the doctor told you news, remembers your sleepless nights up filled with guilt, for whatever reason. If there was something wrong, it was nothing to feel guilty for, yet he couldn’t talk you down from that.

The doctor rambled about how some healthy couples can try for a year with no success, have nothing wrong with them…twenty percent. Twenty-fucking-percent of couples and apparently you fell right into that group.

The agony this caused you, on top of everything else you’d been through. That year consisted of monthly breakdowns in the bathroom when the bleeding started. You’d been through your share of symptom-checking, so convinced you’d been pregnant that month – you’re not normally queasy, you’re not normally late – yet Aunt Flo always reared her stupid, fucking head and each month he’d have to hold his girl and reassure you that eventually you’ll be carrying a child, things would work out…

Hell, there were months you both went sober – just in case that might help. Only it didn’t, it only made the both of you more anxious, made the constant sex almost a chore, drove you both into arguments and bullshit…

It was only recently that you sat at that kitchen table wearing his police shirt, going on about how you needed to live a little, how you needed to learn to let time do its thing. In theory? Great idea! In practice? There were so many fucking roadblocks to that happiness.

Including when your friends post on social media that – surprise! – they’re expecting!

It’s always like a gut-punch, always feels like falling and anger and guilt and ‘how-dare-I-feel-this-way-it’s-not-their-fault’ yet each month you watch them update with pictures of pregnant bellies and then eventually they post that the baby has arrived. Not to mention the monthly updates from everyone about what their little bundle is into and what things they can do and milestones reached, first steps, first words, pregnancy announcement number two…

You’d been through it all and honestly Hank just wished you’d quit the social media bullshit, cut it out, and focus on the two of you and Sumo.

And then your brother’s wife got pregnant at month one and, fuck, did that send you spiraling. Day drinking, driving drunk, crying all the time. Hank didn’t know if you’d ever get out of the funk.

Yet somehow you did. You were so damn strong, he was excited for that piece of you to grow with a baby, couldn’t wait to see what that child could become, hoped it took more of your traits and none of his.

At first, he was tentative about a child. After Cole, he couldn’t imagine the amount of anxiety he would have. But he knew how much you wanted it, how excited you were every time you went down the baby aisle at the store…

Now all you do is cry, avoid that aisle, look away.

You’d gotten through your sister-in-law’s baby shower just fine and now that the baby’s here and you’re seeing your parents step up as first-time grandparents…that hurt is real and raw.

And it’s not their fault, you know that, and you don’t hold resentment. You do avoid, though. Avoid calling, avoid social gatherings with the family. The shame you feel for not being a mom is something Hank can’t understand as a man, he just can’t. You told him once that it makes you feel like less of a woman and that shook him to the fucking core.

What kind of society puts this kind of pressure on the ‘natural progression of life’? How many people had asked about her getting pregnant, making assumptions that you weren’t trying, that you weren’t having issues.

“How did you let your sister-in-law get pregnant before you? You and Hank have been married longer, he’s old!” -the words of an actual family-friend. What a mess. How fucking painful for you to go through. He remembers that night vividly, remembers you walking him out because he was about to fight someone, remembers the way your tears looked as you paced in the parking lot, wondered how you were gonna go in and face everyone.

People suck, that’s for sure, and this is no different. People don’t understand and no one talks about infertility, you’re realizing. No one talks about the shame of it, the pain, the emotional devastation, what it fucking does to a happy marriage…

The two of you have come through stronger and you’re on a more positive, upbeat path but you still have your down days and Hank is very aware that you haven’t had one in about three weeks…

“Maybe we should start the adoption process,” you mumble with a sigh as he sits beside you, the bed dipping under his weight.

Only he knows you, he knows that you want to carry a baby, knows that there are options…like adopting an embryo…you’d researched your heart out. Researched about proper positions, different tricks, supplements, spent so much money on ovulation kits and doctor visits and pregnancy tests…

“I’m for it if that’s what you want, if you’re ready for that…” he rubs your shoulder.

You sigh, bury your face in his chest.

“I’m just so tired of waiting. I’m so tired of trying and getting hopeful and then bleeding. I’m tired of hearing from my parents that it’ll happen. I sort of wish something was wrong because then we could intervene. But now, what, we wait longer? It’s just bad luck? I’m fucking done with being told to wait and be patient, and that I’m too stressed. I’m pissed that people can have unhealthy habits or try for a month and get pregnant no issue while we have been doing our best to be better and this has been a full fucking year. Hank, we could have a three-month-old right now…right now! Holding a three-month-old. What the fuck?” you let a few tears slip by.

“I’m right here with you. I’ve seen how hard this has been on you. You’re stronger than anyone I know, baby.” He kisses your temple, rubs up and down your back. “You’re gonna be a great mom. And it’s gonna happen. No matter what I have to do, I’m gonna make you a mom.”

He doesn’t care how much money it’s going to cost; he needs to see you happy again. He misses it. You were so full of life once, you’re like a wilted flower now.

“You’ve been great with all this, Hank. Thank you.” You kiss him, lean into it more and Hank feels that spark, feels his arousal start up again.

“Fuck,” he sighs, “I know what you want,” his fingers dance across your neck. “How ‘bout we eat some pizza,” he kisses you, “and then,” another kiss, “we come back in here,” a kiss to your neck, “bring the whipped cream,” you smirk at that, “and enjoy each other.”

You hum. “That sounds so good right now, Hank…”

He nods. “Gonna run me dry by the end of this week,” he stands with you to head to the kitchen.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, big man.” You smack him on the ass.

So maybe your life isn’t perfect, but it’s yours.

#Hank Anderson x reader #detroit become human #detroit become human hank anderson #hank anderson reader insert #detroit become human hank x reader #reader insert #detroit become human reader insert #detroit become human x reader

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papermoonloveslucy · 4 years

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MARILYN MONROE

June 1, 1926 - August 4, 1962

Marilyn Monroe (born Norma Jeane Mortenson) was an actress, model, and singer. Famous for playing comedic "blonde bombshell" characters, she became one of the most popular sex symbols of the 1950s and early 1960s and was emblematic of the era's changing attitudes towards sexuality. She was a top-billed actress for only a decade, but her films grossed $200 million by the time of her death in 1962. More than half a century later, she continues to be a major popular culture icon.

"When I was five I think, that's when I started wanting to be an actress. I didn't like the world around me because it was kind of grim, but I loved to play house. When I heard that this was acting, I said that's what I want to be. Some of my foster families used to send me to the movies to get me out of the house and there I'd sit all day and way into the night. Up in front, there with the screen so big, a little kid all alone, and I loved it.” ~ Marilyn Monroe,1962

Lucille Ball never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but meet her in 1953 at Ciro’s Nightclub on Sunset Strip, along with Betty Grable, and Red Skelton. Monroe’s immense popularity permeated Ball’s work none-the-less.

At the start of “Changing the Boys’ Wardrobe” (ILL S3;E10) the gang is heading to the movies to see “That picture we’ve been trying to get to for weeks with Marilyn Monroe.” The movie is likely Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, which premiered in New York City in July 1953. On November 5, 1953, the same day the episode was filmed, Monroe’s new film How to Marry a Millionaire was released in the US.

The November 1953 cover of TV and Movie Screen Magazine saw Lucy (in “The Camping Trip”) and Marilyn wearing the dress she wore on the May 1953 cover of Life Magazine promoting Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

Also on November 5, 1953, the town of Monroe, New York (60 miles from New York City) was temporarily renamed Marilyn Monroe.

The film later inspired much of the plot of “Second Honeymoon” (S5;E14), Lucy’s failed attempt to make their transatlantic crossing to Europe more than just a working vacation.

Monroe’s dinner companion turns out to be a seven year-old boy, just like Lucy’s ping pong partner turns out to be young Kenneth Hamilton (Harvey Grant).

Lucy gets stuck in a porthole just as Monroe did, also draping a blanket around her shoulders so passersby wouldn’t know what was really going on.

The idea for the burlap potato sack dresses in “Lucy Wants A Paris Gown” (ILL S5;E20) comes from Monroe’s real life.

In 1951 Marilyn Monroe took a series of high fashion photographs wearing a potato sack as a response to a journalist who said that she might look sexier in a burlap sack than her usual fashion choices.

Lucy first wore burlap at the end of “Mr. and Mrs. TV Show” (ILL S4;E24) as her scary version of a Phipps make-over.

In “Ricky’s Movie Offer” (ILL S4;E5) Lucy and Ethel argue about who looks more like Marilyn Monroe.

While Lucy has the facial features, Ethel has the blonde hair.

Fred (hilariously) settles the argument!

In “Ricky’s Screen Test” (ILL S4;E7) a long list of Hollywood names are dropped in anticipation of hobnobbing with celebrities, including Marilyn Monroe.

In “Lucy and Harpo Marx” (ILL S4;E28) Lucy wonders if Ethel might pass for Monroe to a near-sighted Carolyn Appleby. After Ethel tries to walk like Marilyn Monroe, Lucy decides that “nobody is that near-sighted!” Fred says that he looks more like Marilyn than either of them!

In “Lucy and Superman” (ILL S6;E13), the Appleby’s come over for a social evening that Ethel calls “the bore war” because the couples only talk about their children. As the scene opens, Caroline is in mid-sentence talking about a Marilyn Monroe film.

CAROLINE: “...and he picked up Marilyn Monroe, slung her over his shoulder and carried her off!”

Although the title is never mentioned, the film they are discussing is Bus Stop, starring Marilyn Monroe and Don Murray. It was released in August 1956, two and a half months before this episode was filmed.

When “Lucy Does the Tango” (ILL S6;E20), she stuffs eggs down her blouse and Ethel stashes a some in her back pockets. Lucy tells her, “Whatever you do don’t try to walk like Marilyn Monroe,” but the ‘yolk’ is on Ethel when Fred suddenly enters through the kitchen door!

In “Lucy the Gun Moll” (TLS S4;E25), Lucy plays Lucy Carmichael and Rusty Martin. The name Rusty Martin was probably derived from Lucy’s hair color and the surname of Mary Martin, who introduced the song “My Heart Belongs to Daddy” (music and lyrics by Cole Porter) in the 1938 Broadway musical Leave It to Me. Marilyn Monroe sang it in the 1960 film Let’s Make Love. In that same film, Harry Cheshire, who played Sam Johnson in “Oil Wells” (ILL S3;E18), played Monroe’s father. Jerry Hausner (Jerry, Ricky’s Agent) and Joan Banks (Reporter Eleanor Harris in “Fan Magazine Interview”) played uncredited supporting roles.

Lucy and Marilyn shared a leading man in handsome Keith Andes. Andes was Lucy’s male lead in Wildcat on Broadway, and later played was featured on three episodes of “The Lucy Show.”

In 1952, he played opposite Marilyn in Clash By Night, an RKO picture.

In “Lucy Gets Ricky on the Radio” (1952), the June 3, 1952 of Look Magazine actually had Lucille Ball and Marilyn Monroe on the cover! Monroe was promoting Clash by Night, and Desi had written a feature on his wife for the magazine. So Marilyn actually did appear on “I Love Lucy” - if only in a still photo.

Some Like It Hot (1959) is arguably one of Marilyn Monroe’s most popular films. What does it have in common with Lucille Ball? In 1958, both Lucy and Monroe were depicted at San Diego’s famous Del Coronado Hotel. It is the hotel that the Ricardo’s and Mertzes stay at in “Lucy Goes to Mexico” (LDCH S2;E1) as well as the backdrop for much of the film. Although Desilu filmed establishing footage of the hotel, the cast stayed in Hollywood, while Monroe went on location (as seen above). In “Lucy Goes to a Hollywood Premiere” (TLS S4;E20), Mr. Mooney says he wouldn’t buy a second hand nightie if it had been worn by Jack Lemmon in Some Like It Hot.

The Irving Berlin song “There’s No Business Like Show Business” was sung on “I Love Lucy” and “The Lucy Show.” Although it was originally from the Broadway musical Annie Get Your Gun (1946), it also served as the title and was performed (by Merman) in the Marilyn Monroe film There’s No Business Like Show Business in 1955.

In 1952, Marilyn co-starred by Richard Widmark (”The Tour” ILL S4;E30) in the film noir drama Don’t Bother To Knock. The film also featured “Lucy” players Lurene Tuttle (Fine Arts League President), Verna Felton (Mrs. Porter), Gloria Blondell (Grace Foster), as well as Harry Bartell, Olan Soule, Robert Foulke, and Bess Flowers.

That same year, Monroe starred in We’re Not Married! opposite Lucy’s friend and former co-star Ginger Rogers, as well as Eve Arden (”Hollywood at Last!”), Paul Douglas (”Lucy Wants a Career”) and Eddie Bracken (Too Many Girls).

One of Monroe’s most iconic moments came in March 1962 when she sang “Happy Birthday” as a birthday present to President John F. Kennedy in a public birthday celebration also attended by Lucy’s friends and co-stars Jack Benny, Jimmy Durante, Henry Fonda, Danny Kaye, Shirley MacLaine and Elliott Reid. A year later, Lucy Carmichael also gave Kennedy a present, a sugar cube replica of the White House on “The Lucy Show” with Elliott Reid doing Kennedy’s offstage voice as well as playing a small on-camera role!

"I never quite understood it, this sex symbol. I always thought symbols were those things you clash together! That's the trouble, a sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing. But if I'm going to be a symbol of something I'd rather have it sex than some other things they've got symbols of." ~ Marilyn Monroe, 1962

Monroe was married (and divorced) three times:

James Dougherty, Merchant Marine & Policeman (1942-46)

Joe DiMaggio, Baseball Player (1954-55)

Arthur Miller, Playwright (1956-61)

In “Lucy is Enceinte” (ILL S2;E10), Fred gives Lucy a signed baseball for his future 'godson’. When he asks Lucy to read out the signature, she at first says “Spalding,” the ball’s brand name, but then finds it is signed by Joe DiMaggio.

In “Ragtime Band” (ILL S6;E21), Little Ricky asks his Uncle Fred:

LITTLE RICKY: “Who’s Joe 'Maggio?” FRED: “'Who’s Joe 'Maggio?’ You talk more like your father everyday.”

In “Sales Resistance” (ILL S2;E17), Lucy compares herself to Willy Loman, the title character in Death of a Salesman, a Pulitzer Prize-winning play by Arthur Miller first produced on Broadway in 1949 and made into an Oscar-nominated film in 1951.

Speaking of husbands, Desi Arnaz has something in common with Marilyn Monroe, too. Both of their souses were accused of being Communists by the House Un-American Activities Committee during the 1950s. Both Lucille and Arthur Miller were cleared of charges and their careers continued, although that was not true for many celebrities of the time.

Monroe died on August 4, 1962. The toxicology report showed that the cause of death was acute barbiturate poisoning. Empty medicine bottles were found next to her bed. The possibility that Monroe had accidentally overdosed was ruled out because the dosages found in her body were several times over the lethal limit.

The character of Ginger, the movie star castaway on “Gilligan’s Island” (1964-67) was described during casting as a combination of Lucille Ball and Marilyn Monroe. Tina Louise had Lucy’s red (ginger) hair and Monroe’s shapely physique. The series also featured Natalie Schafer (Phoebe Emerson) as Mrs. Howell, and Alan Hale Jr. as the Skipper. Hale performed on “The Lucy Show” and “Here’s Lucy”. Series creator Sherwood Schwartz was a Lucy fan. His brother Elroy Schwartz actually wrote scripts for Lucille Ball.

In the 2013 web-series “Ryan & Ruby” both Lucille Ball and Marilyn Monroe are given special thanks for their inspiration. The last name of star and creator Ryan Burton's character is "Carmichael", the same as Ball's character on the "The Lucy Show". In Ryan’s kitchen there are fridge magnets with photos of both Lucy and Marilyn.

Lucy and Marilyn are street characters at Universal Studios theme parks, their iconic hair and costumes making them instantly recognizable.

The same day Marilyn Monroe was born in 1926, another Hollywood icon with connections to Lucille Ball was also born, Andy Griffith. To read his birthday blog, click here!

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thejosh1980 · 4 years

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So, how is she handling it?

My wife and I have been together for about a year.

In that time we've talked a lot, fallen in love, moved in together, gotten married, survived the first German lockdown, packed up our life, said goodbye to our careers, friends and family, after months of flight delays we moved half way around the world, quarantined for 2 weeks and now we are almost 6 weeks into our “new” life.

Phew, that was a lot!

As I've recently blogged, I'm “surviving”. Although I am back in the place where I grew up, I don't quite feel at home...

But what about Alex?

After all, this is her first time down under, and it isn't going to be a short visit either. With the pandemic and visa options currently available, we doubt coming or going would be an option for either us, for a couple of years.

How is she handling it? How does she feel? What's going through her mind?

Obviously, I can't answer for her, she would be the best person to tell you how she feels...

However, I can tell you what I see and feel. Especially the part where I am watching someone learn about living in this part of the world for the first time.

Alex is often overwhelmed. Excited. Shy. Confident. Unsure. Worried. Concerned. Lost. Enthusiastic. Happy. Frustrated. Empowered. Embarrassed. Indifferent. Delighted. Grateful. And.... inspiring.

Sometimes all in one day!

Well, that's how I see things anyhow. I have to remind myself often that when we are doing any number of things, the sights, the smell and the situation are all relatively normal to me, but for her, it's all new.

Seeing her excitement about something she found in a store, which reminds her of, or even better, it's exactly like, something from the USA that she hasn't seen in years. Or something that is German, that reminds her of Christmas or a night out she had... Or, something completely new that isn't from any world she's previously experienced.

Basically, that's the 3 options...

We often discuss the differences between country and culture. Sometimes short, sometimes long discussions... We've both lived in at least 3 different countries, and overlap a bit, but both our experiences have been quite different, until now.

Now we are doing this together...

Alex often takes forever to find something in a supermarket, not so much because she can't find the right aisle, but because once she's in it, it overwhelms her. There's a lot to take in, even at Coles (which, for all the Germans, is Kaufland). How many different types of sauce is there? How many different cheeses are there? (You get the picture).

Alex has already started applying for jobs. She can't start until her next visa kicks in, but she's getting prepared. Seeing her excited about work is a lot of fun and inspiring.

A new career. New country. New challenges.

I was a bit surprised she found a path so easily (completely the opposite to me, where I have too many paths to wander along). I'm excited for her!! Fortunately, I can even help her too, some of my contacts from 20+ years ago, are coming in handy to help her along the way!

We've managed to see quite a few native animals during walks and drives. Echidnas, wallabies, plenty of birds, lizards, geckos, skinks, goannas and the other week I took Alex up the coast to hand feed lorikeets....

Sometimes she's smiling, sometimes she's concerned, sometimes she lets out a scream... Oh, and yeah, she's run away a few times too! All in good fun, all fun to watch!!! Nothing has come close to killing her yet!

She's obviously not sure about spiders. By not sure, I mean scared to death. That's OK, even I have been privileged to live in a country or two without a 10thof the deadlies that lurk here. I'll get used to it, as she will too.

We'll be expanding on the animal kingdom experiences as time goes on....

We went to the local video store!!

Yes, there is one in this small coastal town. Maybe the last one for a 100 miles, but there is a video rental store. It's been there since I was a teenager, family owned. In fact, I went to school with the daughter of the family who runs it, and we are still friends and she still works there from time to time.

We walked in and Alex flipped her lid.

She was like a kid in a candy store. I had to limit the amount of DVDs we could rent that day, otherwise she'd have taken out a 100 or more DVDs... Again, so many options... so overwhelmed.

Even with the ease of streaming services, the old school way of going to the store, choosing a video, getting some chocolate or popcorn, is just, freakin' awesome. And by the look on her face, she felt it through and through. It was a nostalgic moment, which I'm sure will be repeated, often.

I've taken Alex to a few waterfalls, short hikes, farming countryside, forests, windy mountain roads, sunrises, moonrises and beaches... That sounds like a lot, but in fact here, you could also most do all of that in just 1 day. There's a lot on offer in the natural landscape.

We do enjoy walks along the dog beach. We both miss our dogs, so it's nice to see happy puppies running around an almost deserted beach. One day we'll walk our own dogs there...

We have been shopping... A lot! Like, almost every other day... It's not that Alex spends a lot of money, but she loves to see all the new things on offer here. I don't know how many times I've heard her gasp and then, with wide eyes, show me a shirt or outfit she likes, or a store she's super excited about... Or a story about how she's always wanted that kind of overalls, but hadn't found them until now.

Alex has started driving. It's really her first time on the “wrong side”, and after we got her a lesson with my driving instructor from the 90's, I've taken over the duties of helping her navigate the wrong side of the road with confidence. Things have been going well. Although I think the way some folks drive over here, she'll never get used to someone tailgating or not indicating... But neither will I...

Germans taught me how to drive... I hope I don't unlearn those skills! When it comes to driving, I hope she doesn't become like the locals...

During Halloween, Alex had an afternoon nap and slept through one of the strongest storms we've had since we've been here. Hail, strong winds and lots of rain. I guess she found the winds and noises peaceful...

She then got to treat a bunch of neighborhood kids and watch a scary movie, so the day wasn't ruined.

It's a bit like a young child learning about the ways of the world. It's fascinating to watch. Sometimes her questions are so random... Sometimes they're really deep and worth an answer (not a laugh) and sometimes she's too stunned to respond!

Her reactions to local slang and dialect, well that look of confusion will be a regular occurrence until she settles in a little more.

Even I forgot how dry the sense of humor is here.

It's been a real gas watching Alex integrate... Soon she'll be off driving herself to work, making her own friends and finding a few adventures of her own... But for now, I am a very happy and proud husband holding her hand, taking her wherever her heart desires...

Thanks for reading

Josh, @dogsaremypatronus @dauntlesscoffee

#happy wife happy life #relationship #couple goals #marriage

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pluviophile-bookworm · 4 years

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AWAE 2x6 rewatch: thoughts and reactions

I see this episode picks up right where the last one left off - all of Anne’s hair has just been cut off and now she refuses to go to school - what else? I feel like this cold open is going to be long and dramatic.

I also see they’re building suspense for the reveal. And Diana is waiting for it along with us. And, good friend that she is, she gives Anne her ribbon, and thus Anne’s first hair evolution look of this season is completed. Now it’s finally time for us to see it.

Oh, there’s Gilbert, too. Of course he’s back now and it’s a complete surprise. I want to see his reaction. Oh, but there’s no reaction at all, and I think this is the best possible reaction right now. I love this guy.

So it wasn’t enough for Phillips to effeminate and humiliate Cole in front of everybody, but now he’s mocking Anne too? This dirt-bag has no place as a teacher.

I told you this cold open would be dramatic. But it ended so abruptly...

Ooh, Marilla intends to give Josie’s mother a piece of her mind about how her daughter has been treating Anne. I love this. But I do wonder where it’s going to lead. Bullies aren’t easily stopped by talking to their parents.

So nobody knows yet about the new man in town. And he is certainly struggling with Canadian winter. Well, he will get used to the cold soon enough. For now I just wonder how he’ll be received in his new home by his new neighbours.

Late John Blythe’s room is as sad as ever. And there’s something in the was Bash says ‘Mr. Blythe’ that reminds me of his mother’s attitude to Gilbert in season 3. Although there was a hint of irony, the bitter traces of black-as-opposed-to-white history are still there. This scene has three levels of sad - the grief over John Blythe’s death, the heartwarming feeling of Gilbert giving Bash something that was his father’s, and the aforementioned race segregation that is still there. #blacklivesmatter

Gosh, Diana looks so magnificent in her dress and tiara... and so would Anne, if only she wouldn’t refuse to try it on. Cole, on the other hand, is more than ready to do just that. I love that guy. I love how. at least around his friends, he is never ashamed to be 100% himself. The world needs more people like Cole Mackenzie. Also, Anne being the boy with Cole as the girl is a hilarious kind of heartwarming. Thanks, I love it.

Awkward... Marilla’s reaction to the scene playing in Anne’s room was... what I expected and not what I expected at once - if that’s even possible. But I see it doesn’t faze the kids one bit. So that’s great.

I love the parallel between Anne, Diana and Cole and the young children singing Twelve Days of Christmas. I love parallels, and, for a non-Christian, I love Christmas carols a bit too much. And watching the preparations for the pantomime in full swing when it’s not even quite autumn yet... it’s surreal. A beautiful, warm kind of surreal.

I can’t bear Phillips - he asks for his line and then, when Prissy gives it to him, he says ‘Don’t tell me!’ And how dare he yell at her like that? Neither his position as her teacher nor that as her almost-future-husband gives him the right to treat her so badly.

If poor Matthew went mad from all this noise, I wouldn’t blame him. Sure, it’s young children making the noise, but it’s still overwhelming. I got dizzy just by watching the scene. Of course he would run off ‘crying like a baby’, despite the rudeness of that description.

‘Did you ever have any childhood?’ Whoa, that was rough. Sure, it comes from a place of pure curiosity, but hey, it’s not like Anne had much of a childhood herself before arriving in Green Gables. Still, it must have hurt Matthew a little to be asked that question. See, his childhood memories are strongly connected to Michael and it was with him that Matthew’s childhood was gone all at once. Heartbreaking.

Great, now Anne is crying in Matthew’s spot. Heart-brea-king. And I see Anne has an idea. A brilliant one, no doubt.

‘You’re the one talking about it, not me.’ See, Jerry couldn’t be more right. If Anne didn’t think everybody was staring at her hair and judging her, it would probably attract much less attention. See, Gilbert said nothing about it, even though he couldn’t not have noticed it. She should, you know... ‘Talk less. Smile more.’ Then maybe nobody would see any difference.

This ought to be interesting. Marilla meets Bash for the first time and her reaction is just what I expected. ‘You must be...’ She must have thought Gilbert had brought back some help. And while Bash will be a great help to Gilbert in his otherwise lonely life, he is not, and will never be, the help. This interaction was so flipping awkward.

Oh, so that is Anne’s plan - an experiment to see how people would treat her if she ware a boy. But it’s almost ruined when she sees her puff-sleeved dress in the window-shop. And Jeannie is the only one who recognised her. She knows her too well, and she’s not at all upset about her meddling in her and Matthew’s correspondence. I like that woman a lot.

The way Billy stares as the girls admire Cole’s talent... jealous much? Maybe if you weren’t such a dirt-bag, Billy, they would admire something in you too. Why do you think they’re all over Gilbert and Cole? It’s not just because of their looks. It’s because they act like real men - which you’re apparently not. I mean, no real man hurts another man on purpose just to assert dominance (which he can’t have in any other way). Pathetic. But now... poor Cole won’t even be able to finish his work of art. Thanks, I hate it. And by it I mean Billy.

Awww... that is so heartwarming! And I bet Jerry is the only one Anne would forgive for missing the E in her name. She so obviously loves the card, I might just cry of happiness.

But then there’s Cole. He’s so devastated about his unfinished piece... but he’s forgotten one thing - he’s got so many friends to count on, and they’re all going to help. I’d give anything to have friends like them. And I love how Moody takes initiative to paint first.

I love how excited Anne is to meet Bash, and how happy she is at last despite her hair drama earlier in this episode. And let’s not forget how beautiful she looks in her dress, long hair or short.

Anne, Anne, remember what we talked about: Talk less. Smile more.

Not to Gilbert, girl, you can talk to him. Nay, you really should.

I’m more of a Yule person myself, but I love this particular Christmas. Oh, and there’s the dictionary. I see the spelling contest has just begun. :)

Another person who assumes Bash is the help. I hate it when people assume things based on skin colour. Rachel makes for many awkward situation.

So this is how Anne becomes the boy... but there’s still no shovel. And here, as we know, is where Matthew steps in, whether he likes it or not. He’s a true hero. #inmatthewwetrust

Diana is so magnificently beautiful as the fairy queen... it makes me want to draw her like this... I might just do that once I’m finished with this rewatch.

I don’t know who looks more awkward on stage - Thomas Lynde or Matthew. Oh, well, I’ve got to say - both were actually magnificent in their own way. But you’re killing me - Phillps as the dashing hero? At least he’s got one of those roles everyone laughs at, like Billy as the owl. At least at the panto people get to show their true faces - however ironic that might sound.

Ah, now they’re going to blame Bash! I can’t. But at least Matthew is there to save the day. And he gets to live a part of his childhood he’s missed out on - being part of the Christmas panto, if only for a couple of minutes. Breathe, Matthew, breathe. There, he did it - for Anne, no doubt. I love this man. I love this family, and I love this episode. But I remember loving the next one a tiny bit more. We’ll see next week how it holds up.

Let’s sum up this episode: Anne’s got the pixie cut of shame; Phillips is a dirtbag - but we already knew that; Gilbert is back and Bash is received awkwardly by the people of Avonlea; Matthew’s own childhood trauma; Jerry dishes out wisdom; Anne is a boy for a day; Billy is a dirt-bag, injures Cole out of pure pathetic jealousy; Jerry spells Anne without the E, but it’s fine because it’s him; preparations for the Christmas panto; Talk less. Smile more. (I might or might not have listened to The Room Where it Happens from Hamilton a few times too many before coming into this rewatch); the pocket dictionary; Bash is not the help!; in Matthew we trust; a magnificent Christmas panto with a magnificent fairy queen, a magnificent boy and a magnificent snowy owl (Matthew, not Billy).

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anneshirlxy · 5 years

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Sorting the awae characters into Hogwarts Houses

Because I’m trash and I have opinions

❤️Gryffindor❤️

Anne Shirley Cuthburt- Anne is a Gryffindor! She’s brave and and chivalrous. She fights for whats right! I see a lot of people putting her in Ravenclaw, and yes she is very smart. However Anne is very much someone who acts before she thinks, which is definitely more Gryffindor.

Minnie May Berry- this child went up to a criminal and kicked him! I also feel like she’s going to end up being a rebellious teenager (even more so then Diana because she won’t lie about it) as she has no care for propriety. Big Gryffindor vibes

Moody Spurgeon- I feel like Moody’s a Neville Longbottom type character. It’s doesn’t seem like he would be a Gryffindor, hes a bit of an underdog and expected to be In Hufflepuff, but the sorting hat (in this case me) sees how brave he is.

Philippa Gordon- she may not be in awae, but she’s still one of my favorite characters in the series (kinda mad she won’t be brought to screen). I feel like if you’ve read the books you understand why I put her here.

Mary Lacroix- she is just so strong and powerful! Like she raised a child on her own, I mean really can’t get more brave then that. Also look at how she treated bash when she first met him, she takes no shit!

💙Ravenclaw💙

Winifred Rose- women of her financial status often didn’t work. Winifred was obviously very smart and academically focused (I imagine her family life was a bit like Diana’s and she had to fight for her position at Dr. Wards)

Diana Berry- look at my bby girl! Fighting for her education! She just wants to learn! Also blue is her color.

Ka’kwet- another icon who just wanted to go to school. I mean because people are awful it didn’t work out, but she is such a bright girl.

Murial Stacy- I don’t think I have to explain this one.

John Blythe- we don’t really know that much about him but he was reading Walt Whitman on hes death bed.

💛Hufflepuff💛

Gilbert Blythe- I feel like Gilbert could have been a Slytherin or a Ravenclaw, but I put him in Hufflepuff for 3 reasons. 1. He is definitely honest and loyal. He defends his friends and family constantly. 2. He is very hardworking. I think that he had a Slytherin momment when he considered going the easy way by marrying Winifred for his ambitions, but he ended up going agianst it for his heart (a Hufflepuff move) 3. I’m a Hufflepuff and I’m selfish. He would look so cute in yellow though!

Cole Mackenzie- Hufflepuff artist boy, need I say more

Mathew Cuthbert- I mean i think it’s obvious...

Marilla Cuthbert- she values loyalty and hard work a lot. Also I think the Cuthberts were probably a majority Hufflepuff family.

Ruby Gillis- literal baby. Agian, no explanation needed

Bash Lacroix- he loves his family so much! He’s got such a big heart and works so hard!

Thomas Lynde- we don’t really know much about him, but he seems nice and really just lets Rachel do all the talking. (Also Rachel’s a Slytherin and Hufflepuff x Slytherin is really hecking cute)

💚Slytherin💚

Josephine Barry- I have this theory that the Barry’s are an old Slytherin family. Everyone in the family has been sorted into sytherin untill Diana and Minnie May. Ms. Barry is definitely a queen and I think she’s very ambitious. She really takes no shit.

Mr&Mrs Andrews- I think the Andrews are another old Slytherin family where everyone’s been put in that house for generations.

Billy Andrews- 1. He’s an Andrews 2. He’s cunning, ambitious and a little bitch (also he is very mean, but we don’t support negative Slytherin stereotypes in this household.)

Prissy Andrews- ok I was so close to putting this queen in Ravenclaw. However in the first two seasons she did bend to the will of her family. I think she would be someone who asked to be in Slytherin even though the hat saw her Ravenclaw potential. Also her standing up to her father and asking for her dowery? I could definitely see a Slytherin doing that. (Although once she marries Winnie and they raise 2 kids who are both put into Ravenclaw. She disowns herself from Slytherin and only supports 1 quidditch team)

Eliza Barry- very into whats proper and whats not. Probably came from an old family and met her future husband at school

William Barry- man definitely gives of Slytherin vibes. Also is a Barry.

Rachel Lynde- I don’t think this one needs an explanation

Josie Pye- I mean just look at her motives for doing things and I think you can understand (agian I’m not trying to put the villains in Slytherin because of negative stereotypes. I just do think she’s a Slytherin)

Jane Andrews- she may be a lesbian, but she is also an Andrews and therefore a sytherin

Nathanial- this guy was in Slytherin before he was kicked out of hogwarts.

💜Squib💜

Mr. Phillips-I don’t know how to explain that he gives off squib vibes

Mr. Dunlop- my theory here is that Nathaniel kinda manipulated him into doing his evil plan. They both kinda bonded over the fact that the wizarding world had disowned them.

The end! (Ignore all the spelling and grammar errors)

#awae #i am the sorting hat now #gilbert blythe #anne shirley #diana barry #marilla cuthbert #annewithane #anne with an e #hogwarts #sorting #ruby gillis #cole mackenzie #mathew cuthbert #a lot of other people

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 6 years

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A Place To Call Home (Part 1)

Summary: The reader isn’t thrilled to be going to yet another foster home and is simply looking to get by until she’s an adult. Only her new family isn’t going to let her give up so easy...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 7,100ish

Warnings: language, angst

You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow when your case worker started to drive through a grand neighborhood full of million dollar homes.

“Hey, Cole? Are you sure we’re going the right direction?” you asked.

“I’m sure. I’ve been here a few times before. I think you’ll like it. It’s a pretty private home but still in a neighborhood. I know you weren’t a fan of the city place,” he said, turning down a side street.

“Yeah,” you said, staring out the window. It was a beautiful neighborhood, full of pretty trees and large homes with gated drives...but you didn’t plan on being there for long so there wasn’t much point of getting attached.

Cole turned down a driveway to reveal a huge home nestled back behind some trees, your head already shaking while he laughed.

“Okay, it’s big but they’re nice people, Y/N. These are the kind of people you deserve to be with,” he said, parking behind some high end luxury SUV and turning off the engine.

“Are they like stuck up snobs?” you asked, wincing as you glanced out the window. “I don’t think I can deal with that.”

“They are fairly normal from what I’ve seen. A bit sarcastic but then again, so are you. You’re their first foster child so they’re still learning all of this too,” he said.

“Oh, great. If I call you up and want to leave, how long before I can get in a new place?” you asked.

“Kid, I’ve known you for almost seven years. When have I ever not had your back?” he asked. “Even though you haven’t been in great places, we always got you moved somewhere else. These guys are different. We finally got you in a good home.”

“Until they decide to get rid of me again,” you said, rolling your eyes. “I’m on my own in just over a year anyways, Cole. I should honestly just try to get emancipated.”

“You know you’ll be turned down if you do that. I want you to give these people a chance, Y/N. They have 3 kids of their own, all young, but you’ll be the only foster there. You’ll get the one on one time you’ve never really had,” he said.

“Can we get this over with?” you asked, rolling your eyes again.

“Behave, Y/N,” he said. You slipped out of the car and went to the trunk, grabbing your backpack and duffel bag, Cole waiting as you looked around at the quiet yard. “Ready?”

“Foster home and new school number fourteen? Oh yeah, I’m totally excited,” you deadpanned.

“I think you’ll get along with them just fine,” he said with a smile. You sighed and followed him to a large front door, glancing through a window, spotting a large kitchen and family room. You stood next to Cole, used to the song and dance of awkward introductions by now.

You were surprised how young they were for a split second when the front door opened, the man and woman both wearing big smiles.

“Hi!” said the woman, opening the door wide so you could step inside. “I’m Danneel and this is my husband, Jensen. We’re the Ackles.”

“This is Y/N,” you heard Cole say but you were wide eyed, looking around the living room you were in, staring out the back window to see a pool and big yard and a big stretch of water and- “Y/N.”

“Hm?” you hummed, blinking a few times, turning to face them. “Oh. Hi. I’m Y/N.”

“Here, I can get that for you,” said Jensen, looking at the duffel on your shoulder and holding out a hand.

“I got it,” you said, Jensen nodding and dropping his arm to his side.

“So, Y/N. Why don’t we let these guys show you around and then us four can have some lunch together? Sound good?” asked Cole. You nodded, Jensen and Danneel both losing a little bit of their smiles when you didn’t say anything more. They showed you a thousand rooms it felt like and you were pretty sure you could barely find your bedroom if you needed to. They apologized that it was a bit plain and grownup since it’d been the guest room. There was a bathroom across the hall that’d be just yours to use though. You simply nodded and put down your bags in the new room, the couple showing you upstairs where their kids rooms were located.

They had a dog which was cool. Most of your homes didn’t have pets and you’d always wanted one, this guy a little older but he was cute and friendly still. You ate a few sandwiches at the kitchen island, Cole talking about a few things with them, going over his check in schedule again. You played with the dog some when you finished, Cole waving a hand in front of your face to get your attention.

“I’m heading out, Y/N. I’ll call in the morning to see how everyone’s first night went, okay?” he asked.

“Sure,” you said, getting a hug from him.

“Try for me, okay?” he said quietly. You gave him a small smile, Cole giving them both a quick exit rundown before he left. The house felt strangely quiet. All 13 homes you’d been in before, there were always other foster kids there, someone who understood. Now it was just you and two adults that had no clue what to do with you.

“You like dogs?” asked Jensen, walking around from the front door, Danneel hanging by the kitchen, sipping on her glass from lunch.

“Yeah,” you said, the little guy choosing that exact moment to walk away and go up some stairs to another part of the house.

“Some friends of ours are watching the three munchkins for the afternoon. Is there anything you’d like to do or need? You didn’t bring a lot with you,” said Jensen.

“I’m fine. May I go to my room, please?” you asked. He hummed and you stood up, walking for a moment before pausing and looking around.

“It’s just down that hall over there, sweetie,” said Danneel. You forced a smile and left, quickly closing the door behind you once you found it.

Everything was too perfect and nice and these people were so doing this to show off to friends or family or whatever charity crap thing they were involved in. You pulled out your phone, ready to figure out who they really were when a knock came at the door.

“It’s just Jensen. Can I come in for a second?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said back without thinking twice. You hadn’t had your own room since you were ten. You’d gotten so used to sharing and lack of privacy and not being given any in the first place, you were surprised to remember that you had some here.

“Hey,” he said as he stepped in wearing a smile, leaving the door open behind him and shoving his hands in his pockets. “Everything alright? Room okay?”

“Yes. Thank you,” you said. He stared for a moment and pursed his lips, pulling his hands out of his pockets and rubbing them against the back of his neck.

“Cole said this isn’t your first rodeo. It ain’t even your tenth rodeo,” said Jensen, dropping his hands, something sad on his face. “I know we’re strangers and you probably expect to be moved again but De and I, we’re not going to push you out. You turn seventeen next week. We want you to stay, no matter what or how long. We want you to know that.”

“You don’t even know me, Jensen. Only what you read in a file and what Cole told you. Don’t make promises you won’t keep. I’ve heard them all before,” you said calmly. He blinked at you, opening his mouth when you cut him off. “I’m only being honest.”

“Give us a chance to prove you wrong,” he said softly.

“No. You can go ahead and try but I won’t believe you. I won’t trust you either. It’s nothing against you or your wife or family. I’m just waiting this out, Jensen. A year max and I’m gone,” you said.

“I guess I got a year to change that then,” he said.

“You really shouldn’t waste your time,” you said.

“Helping one of my kids? Not wasting my time at all,” he said. His comment took you aback, Jensen nodding before he turned to leave. “This is your house too, Y/N. Feel free to roam around it.”

“Okay,” you said, grabbing your phone.

“Hey, before you go and look me up online, I got to ask one thing,” he said.

“What?” you asked.

“Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.”

“It’s not polite to stare, Y/N,” said Jensen when you’d finally come out of your room. His tone was playful though and there was a small smirk on his face.

“You’re an actor? On a show that’s like five hundred thousand years old?” you asked.

“Hey now, I’m only 40,” he said, quietly chuckling.

“Still like I totally get the fancy house and cars now but why don’t you live in Hollywood? Why Texas?” you asked. Jensen sighed dramatically, resting his chin in his hand on the kitchen counter as he leaned over it.

“Maybe because I wanted to live here, away from that life style, close to where I grew up. Maybe because in the grand scheme of things, we were supposed to live here so you could join our family,” he said with a shrug. “Just a thought.”

“So you don’t live here all the time?” you asked.

“I don’t. De and the kids do. I hop back and forth most of the year. Our winter break started this week which is why we thought now would be a good time for you to come to us, before I have to head out in a month. Otherwise I travel back and forth on the weekends between here and Canada. I’ll have another nice long break in the spring and summer for a few months,” he said.

“You fly that far every weekend?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I like spending time with my family,” he said, giving you a smile before standing upright. “De should be back any sec.”

“Where’d she go?” you asked. You both heard another door in the house open, the sounds of tiny squeals and then bare feet barreling down a hall.

You saw a brown patch of hair followed by another, a slightly older girl with blonde hair on the tail end, all rushing in front of you in the kitchen and coming to a stop.

“Guys, this is Y/N. Let’s take it-“ said Danneel, the little boy and girl both giving your legs a hug. “Easy.”

“Hi!” said the girl, the boy echoing after her.

“They’re twins,” said Jensen.

“Hi! I’m JJ,” said the girl, standing back for a moment before deciding to dive in and give you a hug too.

“Uh, hello,” you said, giving them all a light half hug, glancing to someone for help.

“That’s enough, rugrats. Y/N’s had a long day,” said Jensen. They eventually all peeled off, the boy grabbing your hand though and walking you over to a couch in the family room, climbing up next to you and grabbing a stuffed dog from the corner. He handed it to you and stared at you.

“Thank you?” you said, the boy wrapping his arms around you before hopping onto the floor.

“Zeppelin picked that out of all of his toys to give to you,” said Jensen.

“Me?” asked the little girl, looking at her parents.

“Go ahead Arrow,” said Danneel. Arrow and JJ took off down a hall, popping out of a room with a little bag. You peeled it open when they returned, pulling out a pair of bright pink and obnoxious pajamas. “The girls both have a matching pair. They wanted their big sister to have some too.”

“Thanks,” you said, giving them smiles, carefully putting the items back in the bag.

“You’re kind of funny,” said JJ after a moment.

“JJ,” said Jensen. “That’s rude.”

“She is! She doesn’t get excited for presents,” she said.

“We already told you guys Y/N’s having a long day today. She’s also a lot bigger than you so we don’t expect her to act like you guys do,” said Jensen.

“Oh. Sorry, Y/N,” she said.

“It’s okay,” you said.

“Alright. I say we grab some dinner and get some grub in the tikes pronto,” said Jensen. “Y/N’s not the only one with a long day around here.”

“Hey,” said Jensen, knocking on the door to your room later that night. “You like dinner? You haven’t said much today.”

“It was good. Thank you,” you said.

“I mean, I appreciate this well behaved thing you have going on but you are a person. You can say you don’t like veggie lasagna and not get in trouble for it,” he said, flashing a knowing smirk.

“It’s not really my place to question it when food is given to me,” you said.

“Right...that sounded really weird you realize, right?” he asked, coming in and taking a seat on the bed.

“Old habits,” you said, scooting over on the bed.

“That was the sixth home, wasn’t it? The super shitty one?” he asked. You stared at him, Jensen chuckling. “You’re almost seventeen. I’m not afraid to swear in front of you, kiddo.”

“Yeah. It was the sixth one,” you said, rubbing your arm.

“Here’s the deal. You don’t like something, speak up. Whether it’s dinner or something we say or do...nothing bad is ever going to happen here. I swear,” he said.

“I don’t really like cooked vegetables. Some but not really in lasagna,” you said.

“Makes two of us,” he said. “Want a burger instead? I was going to whip one up on the grill now that the three musketeers are down and out for the count.”

“No thank you. I’m full,” you said.

“Kid...olive branch. Take it,” he said. You rolled your eyes, Jensen humming. “Oh, so you aren’t a robot after all.”

You glared at him, his face dropping.

“I didn’t...it was a joke since…” he said.

“I’m tired. I want to go to bed,” you said.

“Alright. If you get hungry, kitchen is right around the corner,” he said as he stood up. “I’m sorry if I-“

“It’s fine. I’m just tired,” you said.

“You know where our room is if you need us?” he asked.

“Yes,” you said quietly.

“Okay. Sleep tight,” he said. You nodded and he pulled the door shut on his way out.

The sooner this guy left you the hell alone the better.

“Rise and shine!” you heard, a fist pounding on your door. You grumbled and threw it open, Jensen smiling at you. “Wow. Look at that bedhead.”

“What,” you growled.

“Not a morning person, okay,” he said, taking a step back. “Well put on some clothes and get dressed. It’s Sunday so breakfast burritos for breakfast. Let’s go.”

“I’d prefer to stay here,” you said.

“Wasn’t asking. Fifteen minutes,” he said.

About twenty later you were in a back seat, driving out of the neighborhood, JJ sitting next to you, the twins all the way in the back.

“What are you gonna get?” she asked.

“Don’t know. Never been before,” you said.

“How old are you?” she asked.

“16. 17 on Friday,” you said.

“Are you gonna have a party and invite your friends over?” she asked.

“No,” you said, staring out the window.

“Why not?”

“I don’t have friends and I don’t have birthday parties,” you said. She didn’t ask anything else and you realized you’d probably been too blunt with her. “How old are you, JJ?”

“Five,” she said.

“You go to kindergarten?” you asked.

“Uh huh. What grade are you in?” she asked.

“I’m a junior,” you said.

“Y/N’s going to go to your school, JJ. Just in the other building for the bigger kids,” said Danneel. They started to explain the new school to you, Jensen eventually stopping outside a small restaurant. JJ piled out but you stayed to help unbuckle the little ones, Danneel thanking you as you handed them off. She got them sat at a table while Jensen went to order.

“...and kiddo will take a classic, a spicy cheese and a loaded,” said Jensen.

“Um, I can’t eat all that,” you said.

“Well I’ll eat your leftovers. I’m sure you’ll find one of them you like,” he said. You stayed up there for a moment, helping carry the food back to the table, everyone diving in. “Go ahead.”

You cut off a piece of the classic first, not expecting eggs, sausage, peppers, cheese and bacon inside.

The spicy cheese one was amazing as was the loaded, Jensen smirking when you ditched the fork and knife and just started eating it with your hands.

“So Y/N, I was thinking after we stop home, you and me could go shopping, pick up some girl stuff for you,” said Danneel.

“Oh. What’s in the bathroom is perfectly fine,” you said.

“It’ll be fun. I swear.”

“First things first, we are so going shoe shopping,” said Danneel, walking into a mall with you on her tail. “Do you like those sneakers?”

“I guess,” you said.

“There’s a store that always has that brand on sale,” she said, turning right, popping into a huge one filled with row after row of shoes. “Alright. Sneakers, some flip flops, boots. A pair of black flats and heels because every woman needs a pair of those…”

“My shoes are fine, honesty,” you said.

“Those sneakers are literally falling apart. You can save them for doing stuff out in the yard or something. We’ll get you a new pair,” she said.

“I really don’t need those other shoes though,” you said. She paused, smiling to herself.

“Sorry. You must think I’m...I want you to be comfortable is all, sweetie. You shift on your feet a lot. I thought you were nervous but those sneakers just don’t have any support, do they?” she asked.

“These one’s I got for free at a holiday thing once. I don’t think I can afford a pair brand new,” you said

“Y/N. I don’t expect you to pay for a thing today. We get the sneakers, an extra pair or two of jeans for you, maybe a couple shirts and a jacket since I know I didn’t see you bring one. We’ll keep it simple and then grab a late lunch, okay?”

“Okay.”

“How’d you make out today? Survive the shopping trip to hell?” asked Jensen as he leaned against your door, Danneel whacking him on the back of the head as she walked past with a laundry basket. “Hey, I’m still not over the incident of ‘09.”

“Let it go, Jens,” said Danneel with a smirk, setting the basket down in your room. “We can wash up the new stuff once the tags are off.”

“Thanks, De,” you said. She headed out and Jensen walked inside, glancing at the clothes on your bed.

“You like the clothes?” he asked. You nodded, Jensen moving his hand around from his back, holding out a empty black duffel bag. “Your other one looked like the strap was tearing. I’ve only used this one a couple of times. It’s bigger too.”

“Thanks,” you said, holding it in your hands for a moment. “Why are you giving me this?”

“Cole advised we read up on some stuff before we met you. I know you aren’t going anywhere but I know it’s important to you to know that you have the ability to go. All your new and old stuff would definitely fit in there,” said Jensen.

“Is that what it said in the kiddie shrink book?” you asked with a laugh.

“No. It’s what the war vet one did,” said Jensen, watching you stare at him. “Like you said, me and De both read your file. You put up with crap people shouldn’t have to. You’re not just a kid that’s parents passed away. If a duffel bag makes you feel a little better, you can have a duffel bag.”

“Thanks,” you said, setting the bag on the ground. “Is this stuff okay to go to a private school with? The clothes and jacket I mean?”

“Yeah. It is private but it’s not uppity uppity. JJ wore a pajama shirt last week if your worried,” he said.

“JJ is also not in high school,” you said.

“Don’t worry, kiddo,” he said, ruffling your head. “It’ll be fine.”

“Hi!” said Jensen, standing outside of his car after school Monday. “How’d the first day go?”

“Alright,” you said, JJ running up beside you from her building.

“What about you?” he asked.

“I painted a cat in art class and I learned how to spell Mississippi today,” she said.

“Oh, exciting. Anything like that happen for you, Y/N?” asked Jensen.

“I got assigned a paper on media and my lab partner in chem is an idiot,” you said, pulling your backpack off your shoulders.

“That’s not nice,” said JJ. “Maybe they just aren’t as smart as you.”

“Maybe,” you said. “It was just another new school. I’m used to it.”

“Well De and I want you to get involved in something. Maybe a club or sport,” he said.

“I don’t really do that stuff,” you said, climbing into the passenger seat.

“What do you do then?” he asked once he got in, JJ buckled in the backseat.

“Nothing.”

“Um,” you said, knocking on the door to Jensen and Danneel’s room a few nights later, both of them sitting on a bench in front of window, the dog passed out at their feet. “Sorry, but I had a question.”

“You’re always welcome to come in,” said Danneel, waving you over. “What’s up?”

“Do you guys have a computer? I wrote a paper for school but it needs to be typed,” you said.

“There should be a laptop in your room, kiddo,” said Jensen. “The printer’s in our office.”

“Oh. Okay,” you said, turning to go when he tsked you.

“That’s for you to keep, Y/N. A little early birthday present from us,” he said.

“That’s too much,” you said.

“Take it. You’ll need it for school and maybe college someday,” he said.

“Thanks.”

You made it to Friday, mostly busy with school and getting caught up until Zeppelin wandered into your room close to six.

“Hey little dude,” you said, putting away your computer. “What’s up and what are you doing being all unsupervised?”

“Doggy,” said Zeppelin, glancing at your bed. “Can I have ‘im?”

“You want your doggy back?” you asked, grabbing it off of one of the nightstands, handing it to him. “Here you go.”

“No. Yours,” he pouted. You held up your hands and put it back, the boy scrunching up his face.

“You look a lot like your dad, Zeppelin,” you said, the boy huffing. “What’s wrong?”

“I want doggy,” said Zeppelin. “Icky.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand, sweetheart,” you said, bending down and giving him a smile.

“He’s looking for Icarus,” said Jensen, leaning around the doorframe. Zeppelin nodded. “He’s in the family room, bud.”

“Okay,” said Zeppelin, glancing back at his dad. “Surprise!”

“Uh…” you said, Jensen rolling his eyes and stepping in, scooping up Zeppelin under his arm.

“Never send a boy to do a man’s job,” said Jensen, grabbing your hand. “Come on.”

“Come on where…” you asked, pulling away your hand quickly.

“We’re having a little birthday party for you,” he said, holding out his hand. You stared at it until he dropped it. “It’s just us six, I swear.”

You grumbled but followed down the hall, a cake sitting on the kitchen counter. JJ and Arrow were all smiles and your forced one on your face for the kids. You felt the adults watching you carefully though and you did your best to keep things light and airy, even helping put the kids to bed a few hours later.

“I’m gonna get some sleep,” you said when you’d finished up for the night.

“Alright. Night, sweetie,” said Danneel. You hummed as you left the kitchen, pausing once you rounded the corner. “Why do I feel like that went horrible?”

“Because it did. The kid doesn’t even smile for her own birthday,” said Jensen with a sigh. “Not to mention I grabbed her hand earlier and she about tore my arm off ripping out of it.”

“Jens, Cole said she has an issue with men touching her,” said Danneel. “It’s nothing you did.”

“Yeah but I scared her. She’s not happy. She rations her food, barely talks to us…” he said.

“She spent a lot of time in some bad places, Jensen. We knew that going into this,” said Danneel. “She’s a strong girl but she’s guarded and she’s not letting her walls down because we made her a cake or bought her some new t shirts. She’s used to scraping by and this is overwhelming in a way we can’t understand.”

“This is not the happy family I thought we’d have, De,” he said quietly. You lifted your chin and walked back to your room, packing up your backpack with your old things. You did pull on your jacket but otherwise everything else new stayed behind. You carefully made your way to the garage door and punched in the number on the keypad, slipping outside before anyone saw a thing.

It was getting late and the sun had gone down hours ago. It was raining and you were cold but you could find somewhere to hunker down once you got off the dark road you were on.

Tomorrow you’d call Cole, try to file for your emancipation and go stay somewhere else where you weren’t ruining the Ackles perfect little family anymore. It was obvious you weren’t the only unhappy one there and you weren’t getting attached again. You just weren’t. No matter if they tried to buy you things or throw you the first birthday party you’d had in forever.

“Fucking assholes,” you muttered, wiping your hand against your face. “You don’t even like those people you idiot. Just forget about it. You’re a charity case to them, plain and simple.”

But the longer you walked, the longer you got cold and wet, the longer you had to think. They were kind to you and had given you space you wanted. They’d even asked their children to give you that space. They’d read books and tried to treat you like a normal teenager for the first time and it was the first home you weren’t afraid of since you’d wound up in that shitty system.

That terrified you the most because what if they didn’t get bored or mean like the others had? What if you’d just run away for no reason?

No, you left so they could be happy. They didn’t need you around to screw up their lives anymore than you already had.

You were shivering, walking along a road that hopefully took you to a bus stop or shelter when headlights flashed behind you. The car went past, like all the others had, until it suddenly swerved onto the shoulder. You paused and saw the drivers side open, Jensen in a raincoat jumping out.

“Y/N!” he said. You stared at him, Jensen immediately walking over. You inhaled sharply, not expecting the pair of strong arms to wrap around you and pull you to his chest. “Scared us to death, kiddo.”

He kissed the top of your head and pulled back, giving you a sad smile.

“You hurt?” he asked, touching your cheek. “Shit. You’re like an icicle. Let’s get you home.”

“No,” you said quietly, Jensen scrunching up his face. “I don’t want to.”

“I...Y/N if I scared you earlier or just now, I am so sorry, honey. I am. You don’t have to run away. I will never hurt you, ever. I’ll protect you, that’s my job,” he said. You shook your head, biting your bottom lip. “Yeah. It is. Let’s go home.”

“S’not my home. It’s yours,” you said. Jensen tilted his head, not getting it quite yet. “Most families I went to weren’t good and the few that were, I knew I wasn’t much to them and always got moved real fast. Your family is good though and I’m gonna screw it up. I already screwed it up.”

“No, no, sweetie. You haven’t,” he said.

“I’m not a normal teenager or person. I just want to be by myself. Please,” you said.

“You are normal and very bad things have happened to you, and me and De don’t give a shit about any of them. We’re trying our best and we don’t know how to prove to you that you’re exactly what we want in our family yet. We’re still learning and part of that is going to take time, for all of us. Give us the chance, please,” he said gently.

“Leave,” you said, a mixture of rain and a few tears running down your face, this guy just not getting it.

“Not happening,” he said.

“I said leave,” you said again.

“I said I’m not abandoning you on the side of the road in the middle of the night, frozen half to death, where who knows what or who is going to come along and do god knows what to you,” he said.

“Leave me alone,” you forced out, brushing past him, walking around the car and along the shoulder again. Something bumped against your arm and you glared when you saw him. “I said-”

“You can’t exactly make me not walk next to you so deal with it,” he said. You frowned and kept walking, waiting for him to turn around and go back to his car. Five minutes later he was still right there and were getting so horribly cold.

“Why won’t you just let me go? I haven’t even known you a week,” you said as you came to a stop.

“I don’t care how long I’ve known you,” he said.

“Jensen-”

“You are my child and I don’t give a fuck if it’s been a day or a week or however long. I will give you all the things those three little ones have. De and I both. You can talk to us, about the crap you carry, about your past, about your parents. I know, I know, you have every right to be afraid. I am begging you to trust me, for just a second because I know how hard it is for you, but to trust me that you will never ruin this family. You make it better. We need you to know that, Y/N. We don’t want you to be afraid anymore, to think that even our affection has a price. We want you to come home, honey. Please.”

It was too apparent that you were crying after that, ducking your head down and Jensen pulling you in for a hug, rubbing a hand up and down your back as he shushed you. You barely remembered the walk back to the car, freezing as you got in and he blasted all of the heat on you.

“Hey,” said Jensen, Danneel hopping up from the couch when you both walked in dripping water everywhere a half hour later. “We need to get her warmed up.”

“Take a hot shower and I’ll crank up the heat, get some warm pajamas for her,” she said. Jensen turned you down the hall to your room, putting your wet backpack in the laundry room while you got in the shower. You were cold for most of it but weren’t shaking anymore, Danneel knocking once to bring in warm clothes, asking you come to their room when you finished.

You sighed but eventually got out to face the music. The pajamas were warm, something fleece. You dried your hair as best you could before you slowly walked across the house to their room, knocking on the door. It opened and Danneel was quickly there, wrapping a blanket around you.

“Sit on the bed,” she said. You kept your head down and sat on the end, Danneel nodding for you to move up. You heard Jensen moving around somewhere, walking out of their own bathroom with warm pajamas of his own after a minute. “You too. Warm up.”

You stared at your lap, waiting for the yelling to start.

“Feel better?” asked Jensen as he sat down facing you. You nodded but kept your gaze down, the bed dipping as Danneel sat on your other side doing the same.

“I know it’s very late and we’re all a bit exhausted,” she said. “We’ll talk more in the morning but right now our main concern is that you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled.

“We’re not asking that. We want to know if you’re okay, Y/N,” said Jensen. His foot tapped your leg and you risked a glance up, nothing but a concerned pair of faces staring back.

“I don’t think you guys…” you started, cutting yourself off, taking a shaky breath. “I appreciate everything you both have done for me and given me. I do. I know you’re trying to make me feel like a part of your family. But neither one of you are listening to me. I don’t want a family. I’m done with it. I just want to grow up and go somewhere else and go live a quiet life by myself. I don’t want this thing you’re trying to force on me.”

“Try that again but this time, don’t lie,” said Jensen. You scrunched up your face, his own softening. “On the road you said you didn’t want to ruin our family.”

“I was lying,” you said. They shared a look, Danneel shutting her eyes. “I don’t care what you say. In the morning, I’m going to emancipate myself.”

“Sweetie, you can’t and even if you tried, you’d likely be denied. You don’t have a job or income. You’d have no insurance. You’d need a place to live, food. You aren’t in a bad home at the moment...it’s not something we believe is in your best interest,” she said.

“Cole mentioned that this was something you’ve been bringing up lately. It’s part of why he chose us. He believes we could be your permanent home if you let us,” said Jensen.

“Maybe I’ll just run away again then,” you said with a scoff. “Do a better job this time.”

“We’ll come looking again,” he said.

“Why will you people not listen to me? I. Don’t. Want. You,” you spat out. Danneel looked down, Jensen’s jaw clenching briefly. He hopped off the bed, curling his finger at you.

“Up. Now,” he said. You climbed off the bed slowly, Jensen walking out of the room. You stared down the short hallway, Jensen crossing his arms. “Here.”

You scurried over there, Jensen stepping to the front door, walking out to the covered entrance. You followed, Jensen staring out at the dark yard, rain coming down hard. You didn’t dare speak. You’d seen enough angry people to know when they were about to snap.

“A little bit of grown up advice? Life is fucking hard,” he said, glancing at you. “Most of the time, you don’t realize how hard it is until you get older, become an adult. You’ve dealt with shit I don’t know if I could or not. You’re strong. But if you want to be treated like an adult, fine. Here’s the honest truth. You’ve been very mean to us tonight. Not the kids, just me and De. You hurt her feelings in there and I mean really hurt them. You hurt mine. Adults have feelings too, Y/N. We want you to have love and a family because that out there? That dark, cold place? That’s what being alone is. No one wants that. Anyone who says that is lying because they’re afraid of being hurt. I know you think we’re going to hurt you. I know for split second it crossed your mind that I was going to do something to you out here even. But all I’m doing is saying the crap De doesn’t need to hear right now.

“There’s your home and family,” he said, pointing back at the open front door then turning to the yard. “There’s your independence. There’s your adult life when you have no one to turn to. No family or friends. No one to check on you when you have nightmares. No one to make you a meal when you’re sick. No one to give a shit if you drove home safe. If you want to go, fine. It’s your choice. But I’m following and I promise you I won’t quit until you decide to turn around and come back home. I don’t care how mean you try to act because I know that’s all it is. It’s just an act. So it’s your choice, Y/N. We going for another walk in the rain tonight or we going back inside?”

“You’re mad at me,” you said, shifting on your feet. “Like really mad. But you didn’t do anything.”

“I’m not mad. I’m disappointed. I’m failing you. We’re all failing you. I can’t even get you to trust me that I wouldn’t hurt you,” he said.

You frowned, his hard face you thought was hiding anger before slipping, a broken thing in it’s place. You swallowed thickly and stepped in front of him, grabbing his wrist and holding up his hand, turning it around.

“You’re really strong, aren’t you,” you whispered. He didn’t say anything. You dropped his hand, putting a hand on his bicep. “Really strong.”

You pulled it away and walked around him, Jensen standing still but watching you go. You stopped in front of him, hesitating for a moment before you gave him a very loose hug. He tensed up, body rigid while you got closer.

“Tonight I hurt you, didn’t I. Not physically but…” you trailed off. “I think my parents would be disappointed in me too.”

“I don’t believe that and I never said I was disappointed in you,” he said, carefully raising his arms up to return the hug. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” you said quietly. “I just...I’ve gotten attached to people too many times. Then they turn out to be monsters or I never hear from them ever again and I realize they never cared about me the way I did them. It starts to hurt and I already hurt. I’ve been in this system almost half my life and no one ever wanted me. I’m 17 now and no one, I mean no one, ever picks out the 17 year old to join the family. No one adopts us and I’m too scared of getting close again so I come off as mean and standoffish and no one wants that.”

“Lucky for you I know this kickass family that does want a 17 year old. She’s not mean or standoffish either. She’s very smart, very protective of herself. I know it’ll take time for those walls to come down. We’re willing to put in the effort,” he said.

“Can we go back inside now?” you asked. He nodded, letting you pull away, on your tail as you both stepped into the house. You heard him lock up as you went to their bedroom, De sitting on the bed, fiddling with one of the blankets. “De?”

She popped her head up, giving you a short smile.

“I’m sorry for tonight and for being rude,” you said, feeling Jensen walk in behind you. “I won’t leave again.”

“Thank you for your apology,” she said, watching Jensen pick up a blanket and hand it to you.

“Get some sleep, honey,” he said once you took it.

“Okay,” you said, tucking it under your arm, running your hand over it. “Thank you for the birthday party.”

“You’re welcome. We’ll talk more in the morning. Go rest,” said Jensen. You nodded and left, climbing under your covers with your blanket on top once you were in your room. You were halfway asleep when the door opened softly, a quiet thud on your nightstand. You rolled over and saw a glass of water, Jensen not seeing you as he pulled the door shut after him.

For the first time since you got there, you slept soundly.

A/N: Read Part 2 here!

#spn #supernatural #rpf #jensen x daughter!reader #reader insert #spn reader insert #supernatural reader insert #spn fanfiction

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mautadite · 4 years

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april book round up

20 books this month, which i didn’t see coming. i had more free time than expected, even with working from home and *makes vague hand gestures*. i still have a scribd membership so almost all these books came from there. also i’m putting some thought into reviewing on netgalley, so a couple from there as well.

american fairy tale - adriana herrera ⭐️⭐️⭐️ contemporary m/m romance in herrera’s dreamers series that follows immigrants and children of immigrants. this second book was fun, a kind of fairy tale romance as the title suggests. a rich guy/poor guy situation which isn’t usually my cup of tea, and the domineering, throw-money-at-every-situation personality of the rich guy got on my nerves, and i wasn’t totally sold on the way the conflict was resolved? but i enjoyed it. herrera’s books just have this down to earth vibe that i love.

unfit to print - k.j. charles ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ historical m/m romance. vikram, a young lawyer doing a lot of pro-bono work in the indian community in london, lost touch with his childhood friend gil years and years ago, is pretty sure he’s dead. so imagine his surprise when he comes across him in an unlikely occupation in an unlikely place. this was a charming, touching novella, really interesting historically, with a lot of cool titbits about porn in the 19th century. very sweet romance-wise.

american love story - adriana herrera ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ another dreamers novel, this one about a black professor and political activist and a white ADA who had a fling a while back and are now living in the same town. and same apartment building. lol. it did get into real world politics, which i know some people don’t like, but i honestly thought it well done? there were some great bits in this, good insight, one really harrowing moment, and just really great chemistry and character moments.

wanted, a gentleman - k.j. charles ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ more historical m/m romance from k.j. charles, which i always like, but this one i REALLY liked. which surprised me, because it’s a novella, and with novellas you never spend enough time with characters to really know them and their story and get attached? but that’s exactly what happened here. a well-to-do ex-slave and a poor gazette owner team up to untangle a young love affair. i seriously loved this, the characters are so good together. T__T

far from the world we know - harper bliss ⭐️⭐️ contemporary f/f romance about a young widow with a traumatic past who moves to a tiny new town to take care of her ailing aunt, and slowly falls into a relationship with the owner of the local newspaper. the premise was good, but this honestly felt like every single harper bliss book i’ve ever read, except it had nothing to recommend it. ask me why these characters even like each other. i can’t answer!

the hound of justice - claire o'dell ⭐️⭐️ the second book in a series that re-imagines the sherlock holmes universe, except as near-future scifi set during a civil war, and both holmes and watson are black lesbians. i LOVED the first book (with a few caveats) and i’ve been looking forward to this one for so long... but it was disappointing. in terms of the writing, in terms of the direction the characters took, in terms of the plot... i have to wonder if i read the first one with rose-tinted glasses. :/ won’t be continuing this series.

the vintner's luck - elizabeth knox ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ *CLUTCHES MY CHEST WITH BOTH HANDS* in my goodreads review i said i didn’t know how to talk about this novel, and i still don’t. but i ADORED IT. so completely. in early 19th century france, the young son of a winegrower climbs a hill on his father’s property, and there, meets an angel. this is the story of them falling in love, but also about family and friendship, love and death. it’s written SO beautifully, and i’ll be thinking about it for a long time.

the family fang - kevin wilson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ OOOF. i went into this knowing that several friends loved it so i knew i probably was gonna too and i DID. it’s about two siblings whose parents have been obsessed (since before the birth of their children, and until the present day where they’re both grown) with the idea of creating perfect art, and how the kids survive that. i actually didn’t enjoy reading many parts of this, but only because it was so well written, if that makes sense? like, it took me right in there with some of the shitty emotions and just made me feel. OOOF.

mrs. martin's incomparable adventure - courtney milan ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ a VERY sweet and charming historical f/f romance between a wealthy 74-yo widow and the cute young 69 (nice) yo landlady who comes to ask for her help. and then they have an adventure! i read it at a great time, because i was beginning to feel really bummed out about how people are trivialising and discounting the lives of older people in this crisis, and there was a really great message of like... life not being over until you SAY it’s over, living like you have 20 more years left. i loved it a lot.

his convenient husband - robin covington ⭐️⭐️ m/m contemporary fake marriage story, about a russian ballet dancer and the widowed american football player he marries to get citizenship. and then they fall in love for realsies. i love fake marriage as a trope, it can be so cute but this was very meh. if a book is gonna handle racism/homophobia in such a shallow way... i’d honestly prefer if the book just pretended those things don’t exist lol. :/ it’s also very very rushed and not well plotted at all. alas.

once ghosted, twice shy - alyssa cole ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ alyssa cole is like my good luck charm, because starting here, i read a bunch of lesbian romance novels that i really liked. this one is part of a series about reluctant royals, and follows the dapper assistant to a prince as she falls for a girl who seemingly ghosts her, and then meets her again months later. it’s a novella, and sort of relies on the fact that you would have met one of the characters in a previous book (which i did read). but i really really liked it, thought it was super cute, and the mcs had great chemistry. it was almost insta-love, which i really don’t like... but i still like this book so much. also best cover?? BEST COVER.

who'd have thought - g. benson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ now THIS is fake marriage done right!!! f/f contemporary romance about a struggling nurse who comes across an ad offering a chunk of money in exchange for one year of marriage... and the person on the offering end turns out to be the cold, stuck-up but brilliant doctor at the hospital where she works. this was the perfect slow burn, with great character writing, really good set-up, very believable arc as they slowly fall in love. it got me so emotional at times. definitely gonna make sure i read more from this author.

three reasons to say yes - jaime clevenger ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ f/f contemporary about two women who strike up a romance while on vacation in hawaii; one an overworked professional, one a doctor-mom of twin girls. another winner for me. just an extremely cute, very genuine butch/femme romance. it’s funny because i definitely nitpicked on a lot of things in this book, but i only remember the parts of if that made me so fond.

we set the dark on fire - tehlor kay meija ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ f/f YA fantasy in a world deeply divided by class. in the upper echelons of society, girls are trained either to become one of the two wives of upper class men; the primera and the segunda. the story follows a girl who has faked her social class becoming the primera of a very powerful man, getting involved with revolutionaries, and developing a surprising relationship with her husband’s segunda. really interesting world-building, some lovely writing, a really heart-felt core. i had my nitpicks with the plot but i still super enjoyed it, really want to read the second part.

a tale of two mommies - vanita oelschlager ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ netgalley book. a cute children’s story about a kid with two moms. <3

crier's war - nina varela ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ more f/f fantasy YA, this one with the added benefit of being about something that i ADORE reading about in fiction: artificial life. in this fantasy world, automae were created, perfected, became aware of their place in society, fought a war for their autonomy... and won. the story opens up 50 years later, in a society ruled by robots, where humans are subjugated. it follows the current robot ruler’s created daughter and a young human rebel whose one goal is to kill said daughter. i loved this SO much, the enemies to lovers trope was peeeerfect. i wish the writing was tighter, and some plot elements could have used cleaning up, but i enjoyed this so much. the ROMANCE especially was... gah! <3 the second book comes out soon, but i want it like, now.

second dad summer - benjamin klas ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ another netgalley book. a fun and charming primary/middle school story about a kid spending the summer with his father, and his father’s new boyfriend, who he doesn’t quite get along with. over the summer he makes new friends, nurtures some plants, learns some lessons. i thought this was well-written, touching, and does a pretty good job of telling kids about queer stuff.

tempting fate - sloane kennedy ⭐️⭐️ contemporary m/m novella (short story honestly) about two ranch hands realising their feelings for one another. it was fine, i read it because i was in the mood for a quick HEA and i got that, but it was also kinda flat and there were several kinda irksome things about it. i reeeeeally don’t like overly possessive characters, lol.

all the reasons i need - jaime clevenger ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ more contemporary f/f romance, this one about long time friends who have been in love for ages, slowly coming to a place where they can finally admit their feelings and try to embark upon a relationship. again, while on vacation! this was a lot more sombre than the previous clevenger book, as it deals with past abuse and eating disorders. but i also found the writing to be better in general, and the relationship between the two women was just... so great. the writing definitely isn’t pulitzer prize-winning or anything, but there are so few good butch/femme books out there, i ate this up, and will def. be reading more from this author.

interpreter of maladies - jhumpa lahiri ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ speaking of pulitzer prize-winning authors... i’ve had this author and this book specifically at the back of my mind since secondary school; one of my literature teachers really loved it and would bring it up all the time. i really enjoyed it! it’s a collection of stories about the indian diaspora in america, as well as life on the subcontinent. i really like her writing (very simple, very precise, but very evocative) and there were a few really striking stories.

and that’s it for april. look at me, actually writing this entry on time, lol. for may i’m just gonna... keep reading whatever catches my eye on scribd i guess. i remember vaguely saying that by this time of the year i would have moved on to reading the books on my physical bookshelf that i haven’t gotten to yet but... i go where the wind takes me etc. currently reading silver moon, about women who turn into werewolves once they hit menopause? absolutely metal.

#book talk #long post

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blackrosesfanfic · 4 years

Text

Chapter 211

Cammie

"Really?" I giggle.

"Girl, yes."

I chuckle. I was talking to Kiesha Cole about her kid's grandmother. "What? Me and Trey's mother went out last night. Just the two of us. That's not normal is it?"

"Hell no."

"Well, I don't have a bad attitude like you." I laugh.

"Oh, bullshit." She snaps. "Don't get me started on you helfa. I swear."

I pick Caden up then lay him on the scale that the lady had tapped. Me and Caden are at the doctor's office. April and Lane are at the house. Trey is wherever he is being a jackass for some odd reason.

"Let me get off the phone. This boy lost weight."

"Oh no. Okay. Call me back and let me know what's going on."

I sigh then pick him up. "Like... can you zero it again."

The nurse does. "Has he had more wet diapers? Diarrhea? Maybe increased vomiting?"

"No." I say blankly.

"Well we will figure it out. What about changes in diet? Are you still breastfeeding?"

I sigh taking him off the scale. He had lost 8 lbs. What the hell?

"He was at his grandma's for a few days. I breastfeed him when he is home."

"He might not be taking in as much with the bottle." She suggests. "Let's have the nutritionist come down and ask some questions."

I try not to cry. "I'm starving my baby."

"No. He isn't starving. He hasn't been crying more has he?"

"No."

She nods. "Don't worry. If he not in any discomfort then he will be fine. We see this all the time with mothers going from bottles to breast."

I don't say nothing to her. She leaves not for a few minutes. I dress Caden back up and hold him up in front of me. He doesn't look like he lost any weight. I don't need the stress in my life of him not doing good. I really don't. There's a tap on the door.

"Nutrition. Good morning."

"I guess. Why is my baby losing weight?"

She smiles hard. "Because he is a baby. No I'm just kidding. Don't worry. Let's talk about solids. Have you added them to his diet?"

"Rice but it makes him gassy."

"Try to introduce something else. Maybe cereal with less milk. Something through a spoon. If he hasn't had any changes in his diet then he needs more nourishment. You getting to the stage where breastmilk just isn't enough."

I wipe my eyes. "Okay. He has been away from e more in the last few days. Not breastfeeding, just bottles."

"Formula?"

"Breastmilk."

She writes some stuff down on her paper. "That could be another thing. Let's do this, stop crying. 8 lbs is nothing. He came along way and 8 lbs will do nothing to him. Let's stay away from the bottles for at least a week. He could be hungry but getting exhausted from how different the milk flows. If he gains weight we will know that's the problem. But if he has more weight loss we will know he needs more solid foods. He is 3 months if you start at his expected birth date. So we can't advance him too fast. So we can't expect him to be an expert at both breastfeeding and bottle feeding."

I inhale holding it then exhale. "Okay, breastfeed for a week exclusively then come back for a weigh in?"

"Correct. Depending on his weight we will either get him some new bottles or add solids."

"I have a very busy week. What if... nevermind. I'll just cancel anything that forces me to be away from home for more than 3 hours. Okay."

"And Mommy. Make sure you are drinking enough fluids with your increase in activity. Also make sure you are eating enough."

I make my eyes big. "Wait that could effect my milk? Like the calories?"

She smiles. "No. But you don't want to become unhealthy. Yes, it's about baby but remember Mommy."

"Okay." I say fixing Caden's clothes. "I need to get Lane in here for an appointment. See if he losing weight."

"He is walking and talking. Let's focus on Caden."

I put Caden in his seat. "I feel like I'm always focused on Caden. Caden?"

He watches me like bitch get me back out of here. I sigh then turn to the doctor. She was writing some more stuff down. I wonder what she is fucking writing. I roll my eyes and take out my phone. I feel like being grimy and not even letting Trey know nothing. He is being a real jackass. Like he literally told me not to call him. Like when has me calling you ever been a fucking issue? I have always called this man when I fucking wanted. I'll talk to April and let her tell him. Or maybe Forrest. It might piss him off more to hear Forrest ranting about Caden being sick... well losing weight.

Trey

Forrest sucks his teeth. "Aye, you already know what the deal is with that. Fuck yeah. Love you too, sis. Yeah."

"What?" I snap.

"Damn, I can't fucking come in here?"

I put my phone down. "No."

He shrugs. "Well any fucking way. I'm leaving. You being a fucking dick."

"Sounds like you gonna fucking cry."

"Naw. But anyway. You know your fucking kid had a doctor's appointment today? Don't worry about calling Cammie cause she said she rather not deal with your shit. But Caden lost 8lbs. At his age he supposed to be growing she say. So she has to exclusively breastfeed for a few days. I just want you to know that you being a fucking bad ass husband and father right now. You not even doing shit in Miami. You just here to be away from there. But anyway."

I sit up. "Bitch, you don't know what the fuck I have to do."

"You just sitting here."

"I fucking got here early bitch."

He shrugs. "Yeah, and that bitch that just so happened stood you up just so happened to contact you cause you here early? Okay though. I won't tell cause your wife not stupid. But I'm leaving cause if I see you with another bitch my lips might just run themselves."

"Bye then bitch. I don't give a fuck."

"Aight." He says shutting the door.

I shake my head. Fuck every fucking body. I call the doctor that was seeing Caden when he was in Atlanta.

"Mr. Neverson, I received Caden's update just a few minutes ago."

"I was calling to see if you could explain it to me. I mean how bad is losing 8 lbs?"

He takes a deep breath. "Honestly at this stage of brain development it can be critical. But the brain does have its defenses. It will slow the growth of his body in proportion to the brain. Right now he only lost undetectable body fat. His face is still round and his belly is still fat. We will know more after exclusively breastfeeding. He might have missed his mother and ate less. You never know. Just keep an eye on changes in diaper patterns. Things such as using more or less."

"Alright. Sounds good. Just wanted to know what you think."

"Keep Cammie focused. I warned the doctor there about how she worries. Just reassure her that everything is okay. Babies go through these things."

I nod. "Alright. Well do."

He hangs up the phone. I feel like shit. I'm not going to reassure shit. I'm not feeling no fucking remorse about the shit I've been doing. I simply feel like shit and nothing makes it better. I drop the phone on the bed. I had some damn Xanax pills. I grab my bag and pour some in my hand. I sit there staring at them. Get lost to the world or deal with my problems? I shake a few back into the container. Not that far away from the world. I throw them in my mouth and swallow them dry.

April

"Ma." Forrest blows when I answer the phone. "Trey being a damn fool. What are we going to do?"

I chuckle. "Nothing. I got my grandbabies."

"Caden with you too?"

"Yes."

He sucks his teeth. "He gonna fucking destroy everything. We not gonna sit around and let that happen."

I flip Caden over on his belly. "Baby, some times you have to let people fall on their ass."

"Ma." He snaps. "Damn, what's wrong with everyone? He could lose his kids."

"No he will not. If anything he will lose his wife."

Forrest blows frustrated. "You gonna let that happen?! What is really going on?"

"I went to Trey when he was in LA acting like he had left the state. I simply told him that he fucking up. He does not care right now. He wants to self destruct. Let him."

"I can't believe this shit." He says hanging up on me.

I pinch Caden's little thigh. He finds that so funny that he couldnt hold his own head up anymore. Lane brings himself over to the bed. He was acting like an asshole two minutes ago. He is so emotional and bad. He stares at Caden to see what's funny. I pinch Caden's thigh again making him laugh. Lane reaches for Caden then pulls his hand back. He stares at his hand then starts licking it.

"Lane, gotdamn it. What the fuck is that?" I ask grabbing his hand.

"Chocolate."

I smell it. I was relieved that it was actually chocolate. "Where did you get chocolate? Were you in your mama's room?"

"No."

"Are you lying to me?"

He licks his hand. "No, ma'am."

I grab a wipe then his hand. "Let me clean it up before you have it all over the house."

"No!" He yells pulling his hand away from me and stomping his feet. "Stop! Ouch!"

I let him go. This boy is bad. He hits the floor smearing chocolate on the carpet. He looks at his hand then he starts screaming. So much for not getting that chocolate all over the place. He brings me his hand crying really loud. I don't know if he crying cause he hurt or if he think he in trouble.

"It nasty!" He cries shoving his hand at me.

"Boy." I snap grabbing it and wiping it off. "You are enough by yourself."

He frowns at me. I clean his hand then turn Caden over. He had started to cry. He has been doing that lately whenever Lane cries. They are both too much. I give Caden his pacifier. Cammie went to the studio for an hour to teach her assistant something about the routine she was teaching a group. Well now the assistant is teaching the group.

"I sleepy." Lane says grabbing Caden's pacifier. "Caden? Caden?"

"Caden can't talk."

"Why?" Lane says stuffing the pacifier in his mouth roughly.

I sigh. Caden didn't mind. "He doesn't know how."

Lane pokes Caden's stomach making him smile and drop the pacifier. Lane does it again. Thank God he wasn't being too rough with his poking. Lane frowns his face at Caden. He touches his cheek.

"Caden hurt."

"No he is okay. Just a scratch."

Lane pushes Caden's face to the side to get a better look. "Who did it?"

I chuckle. "Caden did it. His nails at too long."

"I do it."

"Lane let's not cut his nails."

He was determined. He walks out of the room then he comes back. This smart ass little boy brings back the kit Cammie had. It had nail clippers and other stuff for Caden. Lane taps it showing me the clippers. I take them out. He makes his eyes big then grabs Caden hand. He understood what was happening. I start cutting Caden nails.

"Careful." Lane attempts to say.

"Okay." I smile.

True definition of brother's keeper. I instantly think about Forrest. He is worried about his brother like his brother worries about him. Of course I don't want to see Trey lose his family. But I tried. He is at that point where my opinion doesn't matter. Forrest's opinion means nothing. I watch Lane's little eyes carefully making sure I dont hurt his brother. They have it from birth. It can't be faked. It's just them. I wait until I'm finished then call Cammie.

"Hey, Ma. Everything okay?" Cammie says out of breath.

"With the boys everything is okay. I'm just worried about Trey. He has been acting stupid distant."

She sighs. "Yeah. I think so too. I just don't have time for that."

"Well Cammie who else is going to have time for it if you don't?"

"True." She sighs. "There's nothing I can do from LA and he won't come home. You know he hasn't called about Caden?"

"I'm sure he called someone asking questions."

She sucks her teeth. "Well who fucking else should know better than his wife? Ma, I'll be home shortly."

"He might need that extra push."

"I'll think about it. It's always about him. I want to be selfish too."

I pick Lane up on the bed. "Yes, baby, I know. But your marriage. These boys. The promise you both made them."

She sucks her teeth. "Bye, Ma. I'll think about that later."

"Okay, Baby. We'll be here napping."

"Okay."

I feel confident in that conversation. If anybody can get him out of his shit, its Cammie. If she fucking wants to. I just didn't want to help his dumbass. He probably somewhere cheating on her. Fucking dumbass. But anyway. I tried.

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