#CW Lesbophobia mention

[disventurecamptakes]

Yul being everything in the sun BUT transphobic is so hilarious to me.

“Yeah, i called a lesbian a carpet muncher, but I’ll totally call u Aiden and use he/him for u. No problem 👍🏼”

.

[battybiologist]

James Somerton is a misogynist piece of shit, but the way he speaks about lesbians is an infuriating betrayal of the queer community.

Legally, lesbians were and are treated on the same level of bad as gay men. Gay panic doesn't and has never excluded them, same as convertion therapy, same as anti-sodomy laws, same as police brutality, and many more I could mention.

And socially? Women as a whole are already persecuted, so add homophobia to the mix, and I doubt that'd lead to less discrimination than what gay men suffer from. And that's not even getting into how shittily trans lesbians are treated

But frankly, we all know why he said that. The section where he misgenders Nate Stevenson and Rebecca Sugar and throws them under the bus really says it all: it's because, in his fucked up mind twisted by misogyny, there was more "lesbian representation" in media.

The kind of representation where they're demonized, dehumanized, and erased, where their deaths and hardships are treated shallowly and without a hundredth of the compassion spared for their straight leads, where they're fetishized and objectified for the sole eyes of straight men, sometimes all of the above at the same time.

Fuck this guy.

[leikeliscomet]

Let's Talk About Thasmin

Chapter 1 - Not Something I Usually Do

Mentions of sexual assault in this chapter

It’s known and widely accepted by most queer fans that the Doctor is an undeniably queer character - but how they’re queer comes with Ts and Cs. Thirteen’s queerness or alleged lack thereof, has been a fairly big talking point in the Thasmin discourse. Some joke about her being the only straight one in the lineup. Others consider her the only actual asexual doctor, as in not having any real sexuality at all. Some even claim Thirteen is the most oblivious about sex completely due to her childish personality. With Fifteen’s explicit attraction to men in the newest episodes, some even consider this as a one-up of Thirteen’s queerness, claiming Fifteen’s the first incarnation to have a same-sex romance instead. Chibnall’s calmer approach to the Doctor’s sexuality compared to the ‘Moffatisms’ of previous doctors comes into play here. Many interesting words are used to describe this; sexless, prudish, frigid and of course, asexual (used incorrectly that is). Critiques made about Thirteen’s alleged prudishness are tied to her womanhood, in the sense that Thirteen’s lack of sexual interest was a mistake or part of Chibnall/The BBC’s misogynistic agenda to silence a woman’s sexuality. There is a slight truth in this as a now woman-Doctor going around lipsing men throughout the stars wouldn’t have been supported like her male predecessors. Women are often shamed and degraded for showing any form of explicit sexuality whether it’s through revealing clothing or having many sexual relationships. A common patriarchal myth is that women are less interested in sex than men due to biology. Men can’t help having the hunger but women, ladies, don’t do that. Thirteen being as flirtatious as Ten would've been dragged for sure. This bleeds into the desexualisation of lesbian and bisexual women too. It’s not uncommon for most adult shows to show heterosexuality in the most blatant of ways but conveniently skip out the desires of their sapphic characters. Now Doctor Who’s a 12 at the highest, but this still plays a key role in talking Thasmin. To have a long list of m/f couples, with bold declarations of love and kiss scenes to go around then show the first f/f doctor couple leaving unlipsed seems like a massive red flag. In a long list of doctor couples, why is Thasmin now the no-go? Especially as the first canon m/m doctor couple, FifteenRogue got their smooch? If previous doctors can be flirty then why can’t Thirteen? Most discussions about Thirteen’s sexuality involve the concept of a removal or repression of her identity and I understand the concerns but I wanna raise an alternative interpretation; what if Thirteen isn’t repressing her sexual attraction, she just has little to none of it?

Compulsory sexuality is the idea that sex is intrinsic to the human experience. Everyone wants to, has and will have sex. If you say you don’t you’re a liar. To lack sexual relationships and sexual attraction is unhuman, abnormal, poor physical health, poor mental health and immature. I want to specify compulsory sexuality here instead of compulsory heterosexuality or acephobia because apart from how I’ll get into comphet in Chapter 2, compulsory sexuality specifically describes the pressure of sexual participation, the erasure of consent and the removal of bodily autonomy. Plus compulsory sexuality is a force that harms everyone, regardless of sexuality and/or gender identity and we would all benefit from learning about it and fighting it. Thirteen’s not human and neither is any incarnation of this Time Lord but they all look like one, so this expectation is constantly made of them regardless (which could be a whole other essay in itself). A large chunk of the queerbaiting allegations aimed at Thirteen specifically are due to her little sexual attraction towards Yaz, which not only is seen as proof that she only doesn't share her feelings but that this means Thirteen isn’t even queer. In Eve of the Daleks, it’s confirmed Dan knows Thirteen likes Yaz but she denies it. In Legend of the Sea Devils, Thirteen confirms she likes Yaz but can’t promise a long-term relationship with her because of her unstable time-travelling life. How Thirteen’s feelings were handled is up for debate in terms of writing quality but regardless, it is confirmed she shares Yaz’s romantic feelings in return. So why doesn’t the Doctor Who fandom believe her? Some fans have been bold in claiming Thirteen is sexless and frigid but is this even true? Well no actually. She makes a few sex jokes in the era such as the ‘You’re not filling me!’ comment to the Morax in The Witchfinders. There’s Hyph3n with a 3 assuming what she pulled out of Ryan was recreational in Orphan 55. That episode also starts with Thirteen apologising for not knowing the octopus-style aliens were in their mating season. She even flirts with Yaz directly in LOTSD, even if it’s late in her era. She’s aware but doesn’t care. The ‘unofficially asexual’ approach to Thirteen isn’t exclusive to her either. Nine’s simple ‘No’ to Jackie and Twelve’s confusion as to why Dr Chang would wanna see nudity in a swimming pool show this isn’t the first time the Doctor’s been disinterested in sex and sexual things. Plus throughout Classic Who, many OG Doctors seemed uninterested or unaware of the advances made towards them. They were surrounded by beautiful women probably! So why is Thirteen uniquely weird for doing this? Why are the men in the lineup asexual but this woman is frigid?

Not only is Thirteen fake queer but she’s also fake woman. In a society of desexualisation that shuns women for expressing sexuality, a woman as the lead with no obvious sexual desire seems like a threat or reinforcement of that standard to non-asexual women. If patriarchy wants women to be non-sexual, then the non-sexual woman looks like she’s a product of that, despite the various reasons why she might be that way through choice, nature or both. And also despite the fact women are expected to be sexual in specific contexts like sexual reproduction and the sexual pleasure of cis heterosexual men. The patriarchy doesn’t reward non-sexual women regardless. Even if Thirteen was fully sexless with no sex jokes in sight that would be a morally neutral thing, but to fandom, it’s inherently bad. A frigid woman in a society that believes in the sexual entitlement to women’s bodies is inherently bad. The fandom can only imagine the Doctor’s little to no sexual attraction because they are repressed, sanitised or restricted but never asexual. The days of ‘no hanky panky in the TARDIS’ have been left behind, but it’s still blamed for the frigidity of this modern doctor. The only way Thirteen could have little to no sexual attraction is due to a barrier instead of her having a fully autonomous asexuality. This isn’t just a Doctor Who fan issue. It’s a human issue, to be honest.

[SA mentioned in this paragraph] Compulsory sexuality additionally blurs the lines of consent. In this rhetoric, any and all sexual interaction is seen as better than having none at all because the quota of human sexuality has been met. Thirteen and the Chibnall era as a whole have been joked about for failing to live up to the hornier days of RTD1 and the Moffat era. With FifteenRogue on the scene, there’s been praise for ‘ending the drought’ of the lacking kiss scenes and touching of Chibnall Who. A return to the ‘better’, ‘healthier and more ‘progressive’ sexuality in a way. But it needs to be said that these celebrations are in vain. Many kisses and sexual moments involving men as the Doctor weren’t consensual. They were sexual assault and fall under the banner of sexual violence. Missy forcibly kissing Twelve, Eleven forcibly kissing Jenny (a whole lesbian mind you), Cassandra possessing and feeling up Rose then forcibly kissing Ten and Amy’s forced kissing and rubbing on Eleven are all examples of sexual violence in the show. And the list is way longer than it ever should’ve been. Abolishing the need for sexual violence in the show will do more for women’s representation and sexual lib than just having a woman doing it instead. Trust me. Even if we look at the consensual kiss scenes of these eras, many of them weren’t inherently romantic either. Rose and Nine’s kiss was to save her life, Ten and Martha’s was a ‘genetic transfer’ and Twelve and Missy’s actual consensual kiss was affection between friends for example. After many users were exposed for sexual and domestic abuse in the fandom and the exposing of Noel Clarke and John Barrowman, glorifying sexual violence also makes the fandom unsafer victims and survivors than it already is. You’d think in light of this, the link between compulsory sexuality, consent and asexuality would be made and yet… crickets. Well, I’m volunteering to make that link. Even apart from all this I still have to ask why and ask queer fans to start asking why. Thirteen’s main criticisms are that she has inconsistent morals, lack of authority and not being challenged enough by the main narrative. Making Thirteen hornier seems irrelevant in the grand scheme of things because increasing her sex drive wouldn’t fix these fundamental issues of her character or of Chibnall Who as a whole. So why does it matter that bad?

Under compulsory sexuality, Thirteen does lack value in fans’ eyes because she ‘fails’ to live up to her sexual purpose as a woman, a lesbian/sapphic, a lover and a human. If she had sexual attraction she would ‘really’ be those things. But she didn’t, so to fandom, she’s not. Even if we did entertain the compulsory sexuality of these arguments, that Thirteen is just a lesbian with internalised homophobia, or afraid of dating Yaz because of hidden sexual trauma, or Thirteen’s not ace but just has some ‘abnormality’ that stops her from having ‘normal’ sexuality and ‘normal’ romance, what is the fandom’s conclusion of this? It’s not to push for a storyline that explores the pain of internalised lesbophobia. It’s not to discuss the ways the Doctor’s trauma shapes the character and their relationships. It’s not to give her any grace or empathy for dealing with an experience many queer people struggle with. It’s to ridicule and blame her for the trauma she’s accused of having. It’s to exclude her from queerness completely.

Fans will shun Thirteen for her lack of sexual interest in Yaz, joking about the missed chance of a good ol’ lesbian sex scene, but stick a ‘but I’m aware aces exist!’ at the end for good measure. There’s a weird cognitive dissonance in the Doctor Who fandom regarding asexuality. It’s generally accepted amongst fans in theory but not in practice. It’s generally accepted asexuality is queer, but the Doctor being ace isn’t enough to qualify them as queer. They’re only queer now as the Fifteenth Doctor, expressing sexual attraction (?) towards another man and in a relationship, but not any previous incarnations before. It’s understood having little to no sexual and/or romantic attraction and disinterest in romance and sex are big parts of many asexuals’ and aromantics’ lives but when these traits are present in Thirteen, she’s flagged as having internalised homophobia, being sanitised or non-queer instead of asexual or even aromantic. This is a common experience for many asexuals, specifically asexual lesbians, bi asexuals and pan asexuals. A feeling of attraction to women that’s incomplete and being viewed as incomplete. Similarly, this happens to aromantic sapphics. How can you love a woman but not want to have sex with her? How can you have sex with a woman but not love her? It’s common for many asexual sapphics to feel like their romantic attraction and asexuality are opposites or that only one identity can exist at a time. Lesbian, bi and pan asexuality are usually reduced to just being a sapphic with a low sex drive, a person that can date but can’t fuck or the instant classic, a cishet that just wants to be special. Because of this, it’s common for the asexual sapphic to feel isolated in both sapphic and asexual communities. I argue the Thasmin discourse has reinforced this isolation because Thirteen is flagged as asexual or lesbian/sapphic, but never both and that many non-asexual critics, both non-sapphic and sapphic, view Thirteen’s asexuality as the barrier preventing her from reaching her true queer potential. There are also aspec critics that treat her lesbianism/sapphism as the barrier from reaching her true aspec potential. Thirteen can be flagged as ace, but it’s because she’s seen as sanitised. Thirteen can be flagged as lesbian/sapphic, but it’s because she’s doing it ‘wrong’. When non-asexual sapphic fans want to push back on desexualised sapphic representation whilst aspec fans want a doctor that decenters romance and sex, the idea of a doctor that does both seems impossible for an identity that people already think is impossible. There is no ‘wrong side’ in this binary, so where can an asexual sapphic Thirteenth Doctor then feel right?

In reverse, Thirteen’s sexual attraction is flagged, but only in the context of puritanism and lesbophobia. Conservatives discuss and ‘support’ an asexual doctor but not ace as in ace spec, ‘asexual’ as in actual sanitisation. They want the doctor to be sex and romance free not as a way to fight compulsory sexuality and not to centre the aromantic asexual experience, but to restrict desire, especially queer desire. They don’t want the Doctor to be without sexual and romantic attraction, they want them to have those things so they can be restrained for a heterosexual moral ‘good’. Suddenly, Thirteen beats the frigid allegations because she’s now a predatory lesbian and inappropriate for her audience. This is where the other side of the coin shows its face; the sexualisation of lesbian and bisexual women. Romantic and sexual attraction between women is seen as immoral and perversion in Christian puritan contexts. Conservatives believe Thirteen’s lesbianism corrupts the ‘innocence’ of Doctor Who and sexualises it, calling it an adult issue not ‘right’ for children. Without any sexual behaviour, she’s seen as sexually predatory solely due to her identity. The reactions to Thirteen’s sexuality, or lack thereof, match the contradictions many asexuals, especially sapphic asexuals, deal with in real life. To right-wing fans, Thirteen’s romantic attraction to Yaz is inherently sexual, and that makes it perverted and a disgrace to their preferred pure ‘asexual’ male doctor. To non-asexual pro-queer leftist sides of fandom, her attraction doesn’t even exist and she is a sanitised, straight cosplayer, failing to copy the queer experience she doesn’t deserve to be a part of. The Thirteenth Doctor is shunned for her lack of sexual attraction whilst being denied the right to have any attraction in the first place.

Legend of the Sea Devils, in my opinion, is the closest the Chibnall era ever got to exploring this paradox. It should also be noted a queer woman, Ella Road, wrote this episode, which to me explains a little why I think this episode’s Thasmin moments worked. In the thassie favourite beach scene, Thirteen’s clearly referring to the short-lived nature of Time Lord-Human relationships, how she’ll eventually lose Yaz to something inevitable or outlive her. Because of this, the relationship between the two can’t work out, or at least not in the way they both want.  But watching this episode, I saw this slightly differently. I saw that subtext but also the asexual lesbian subtext. Her confession to Yaz is awkward. She doesn’t have Bill or Vastra’s charm or pull a big romantic gesture flowers and all. She just… gets it out. She doesn’t describe River Song as a Sappho-type lover or a leng babe but as a big inspiration in her life. She doesn’t call Yaz hot or beautiful but one of the greatest people she’s ever known, not in the sense she’s lesser, but that she’s more. Her attraction to women doesn’t fit traditional romantic and sexual tropes. Thirteen knows she can’t give Yaz the conventional sapphic relationship she wants because she knows it won’t last. Thirteen and Yaz can’t help either of their circumstances but Thirteen blames herself regardless. In terms of a sapphic relationship, she thinks she’s the problem. A feeling many asexual lesbians and sapphics sadly know too well.

That being said, we can’t know for sure what Chibnall’s approach to Thirteen’s asexuality was or if he even had a plan. RTD went for a sometimes-flirty sometimes-indifferent Nine, a heartthrob Ten and currently has a very flirtatious Fifteen, so it’s safe to assume writing the doctor as ace wasn’t on his mind (however I still support any ace headcanons of these incarnations as sex-favorability doesn’t automatically rule asexuality out). Moffat’s multiple anti-asexual takes confirm that an ace doctor wasn’t in this vision and was in fact against it, despite the glaring irony in how many ace fans would resonate with his characters regardless, how Matt Smith would see Eleven as ace anyway and how his work would end up working as a commentary on compulsory sexuality itself. Chibnall however had written a very ace-coded doctor but didn’t actively use the words ‘ace’ or ‘asexual’ to describe her. So I’m conflicted. Whilst yes, Thirteen’s lack of interest can easily be interpreted as an ace character and I see this myself and do accept it, asexuality isn’t a ‘lack’ or ‘absence’ of anything. To paraphrase the Asexual Manifesto (1972), asexuality is its own self-contained sexuality. Looking at other media with asexual leads, especially ace women as leads such as Koisenu Futari or The Imperfects, asexuality isn’t just hinted at or suggested. It’s explicitly stated. To many non-asexual queer fans, the idea of an explicitly asexual queer character might seem like a contradiction because how can you explicitly be asexual? But it’s not. Having a character explicitly state their little no to sexual attraction is a clear declaration of their asexuality and from the shows I’ve stated before, alongside other media such as Selah and The Spades, Bojack Horseman and even Heartstopper, this has done wonders for asexual representation. Chibnall having Thirteen assert this boldly could've meant listing his era alongside these shows, but I can’t. Thirteen’s asexuality ends up becoming another victim of Chibnall’s subtle approach to representation, which I’ve written about before. You can’t have a first marginalised person fulfilling a major role in the show, then treat it like another day at the office. It needs to be addressed, protected and celebrated. To give him credit for this just wouldn’t feel right. 

What I would’ve liked to see is an approach similar to how other shows were actually brave enough to tackle gay asexual characters. As stated before, The Imperfects has an asexual lesbian lead, Abbi Singh and her asexuality is addressed from the jump. Abbi’s insecurities in herself, her attractions and the sexual POVs people have of her make the show a great watch and Abbi an interesting character. There’s also Heartbreak High and their representation of Darren Rivers and Ca$h Piggott. How Ca$h’s asexuality affects his relationship with Darren is the backbone of their storylines. The joys, the heartbreaks and the solutions are all explored between these two. I honestly feel like the emotion and tragedy of Da$h is something Thasmin would've heavily benefited from and if Thasmin had it I’d probably join the thassies tomorrow! Take the groundwork and do something with it. Have Yaz wonder if Thirteen’s lack of sexual attraction means she won’t like her back. Have Thirteen doubt herself, her queerness, her humanity and her capacity for love because of her little to no sexual attraction. Make the doubts and concerns she has about herself and what the fandom and essentially society has of her as an ace sapphic part of that plot. Just do something! Asexual-sapphic-Thirteen had so much potential and I’m honestly sad we’ll never her develop in show. That being said, I’ll always support this interpretation of her so at the very least, she’ll always be somewhere here.

<-Intro Chapter 2 ->

[elysianmadness]

you can't say "i wish there was more f/f fiction" without a bitch in your ear screaming about how you're a misandrist yaoi hater who's just too lazy to write f/f fics yourself

[sodasprites]

i'm about to say something that might sound bizzare so be nice

[yuribeam]

thinking a nonbinary lesbian doesn't deserve to be lifted out of poverty by their community because they don't think lesbians are attracted to men is an unspeakably fucking ridiculous take

someone in the comments of a blog discussing it rn said if the young queers dissecting people's politics to deem them morally pure enough for basic need donations grew up a few decades ago they would have let people go hungry and die alone during the height of the AIDs crisis and it's so fucking true

we are letting each other down so horrifically

[pipwife]

my e-rated incest noncon fics rarely get hate but my g-rated aged-up transfem!character and especially my polyshipping fics get hate way too often, especially if there's femslash involved

??? i hate people fr

[loppori]

cishet men: write about having experienced sexual attraction to their mothers

audience: teehee oh well boys will be boys 🤭

nagata kabi: writes about her confusion over sexuality including how she reacted to and felt about her mother's body

audience: wow! incestuous creep! pervert! how could she advocate for things like this!!!

[yuripoll]

KNOCKOUTS: Gunjou (2007 - 12)

Gunjou (aka, Gunjo, or Ultramarine) is a 3 volume seinen series by Nakamura Ching about a woman conspiring with the lesbian in love with her to murder her abusive husband.

"I want you to kill him..." Her husband abuses her on a daily basis. Unable to stand it any longer, she asks her lesbian friend to kill her husband for her. And unable to say no to the woman she loves, the lesbian kills him... Only 22 years old when the series began, Ching Nakamura offers up a work carved from flesh, blood, and bone. - MAL

ENG available on the author's site & JP available on Book Walker.

CWs under the cut. General severity rating: major.

In particular, if you are sensitive to any kind of abuse or are just generally in a bad place, I suggest taking caution with this one. Very bleak outlook & a very uncomfortable read. Heads up that while I've tried to be thorough, its very dense with triggering content and the list below is definitely not fully exhaustive.

sex & nudity <- explicit but not erotic

violence & gore <- blood & stabbing from the murder. not super gory, but there's a lot of visible injury ie deep cuts & heavy bruising. i was listing individual instances here but it got too much; other violent imagery includes (but is not limited to) blunt force trauma, slapping/punching, choking, being hit with a glass bottle.

rape <- references to rape here and there, but most significantly there's a scene where the lesbian deuteragonist is pressured into having sex with a man in ch6. the same character also had transactional sex with a man to get an opportunity to kill him. while this is the worst example, afaik the vast majority of sexual encounters shown or referenced have some kind of transactional, dubiously consensual edge to them.

homophobia (& lesbophobia specifically) <- protag refers to deuterag a "stupid lesbian" on like. the second page of the first chapter. and it doesn't really improve from there. deuterag was also rejetcted by her parents for her sexuality.

victim blaming <- deuterag calls protag stupid for marrying an abuser.

toxic relationships & manipulation <- main duo. they aren't even in the realm of healthy. see the above two points. things get violent between them at points but not to the same degree as with protags past abusers.

physical abuse (inflicted by a father and by a husband) <- major aspect of the protag's past. semi-frequent scenes showing this abuse. deuterag attacks protag in ch4 and immediately hates herself for it.

emotional abuse <- tbh i do think the degree of toxicity that the main duo get to reaches this point.

csa mention(?) <- i remember it being brought up once towards the end on my first read but i missed it on my second, so either i made it up or its literally just one little mention.

vomiting <- ch4, not shown on screen but there are sound effects. same in ch5. you DO see it in ch23 though, not super detailed.

suicide <- attempted suicides shown in ch2 (by jumping from a pier), ch6 (by asphyxiation), ch9 (getting onto train tracks). suicidal ideation regularly brought up by the main characters as a way of escaping their situation. both characters regularly express wanting to die. one character death is dishonestly framed as a suicide.

child death <- ch2, side character accidentally left her baby to drown in the bathtub. you see it happen in ch5.5

miscarriage <- protag mentions that she has had multiple miscarriages, one being caused by being kicked in the stomach. ch25 has a character (unknowingly) really rub salt in the wound.

animal injury <- ch1, a cat gets hit by a car (its taken to a vet and lives). we see the animal + blood but nothing detailed.

grooming(?) <- deuterag's older lesbian friend hit on her while she's still in high school, and they later entered a relationship. this never actually plays into the relationship that we see, but it happens.

mentions of teen prostitution <- ch3, suggested a couple of times that the protag (at 17) sell herself to escape poverty.

heteronormativity <- multiple lesbian characters consider trying to just adapt to men or try and settle down to avoid societal rejection.

character death <- side character, accidental drowning

[cyberpunk-20xx]

On Johnny’s trans journey

cw for internalized and externalized transphobia, lesbophobia, alcohilism mentions, canon-compliant violence

Yeah so one day (this is my hc in my CP15 AU where Johnny doesn’t get to stay with the Aldecaldos the whole time between summer 2013 and the 2020s and instead goes back to Kerry NC, thus leading to a Reunion Tour that gets Victor hired by Samurai’s label), there's yet another quidproquo between Victor and him.

In a panic, he suckerpunches Victor rasping "I'm not a fucking tranny [unsaid: like you]"

And something clicks inside Victor's head (probably their chrome thinly-veiled skull rebuffing against the impact) and everything falls to place. As comprehension sets in, their response is instantaneous:

"Well fuck, damn you stupid bitch, I didn't say you were, but now I know you are!!"

And they look at him in disbelief like he's pulled the biggest bit they've ever witnessed, there's a blank where Johnny is pale as a fucking sheet, looking like a ghost that got killed twice more, starting to hyperventilate as he stares at them, and they righten themselves, rubbing and cracking their jaw back into place (that's also when Johnny understand how borged out they secretly are), and they look at him, eyebrows rising, and whistles out,

"Fuck, that explains so much."

—

Johnny once fell upon an entire fortune. Literally. While raiding an abandoned house the enemy forces had been hiding out at, the poor kid had collapsed right onto some corpse of a guy still clinging to a wad of cash. Johnny did what any shellshocked underage impulsive teen soldier would have.

He pocketed the money and hid it, the stress and fear of being caught with it making him sick. He had to get rid of it and quick. And he couldn’t waste it.

He’d gotten the whole premium package: he’d already had a medium shit quality T implant, so he got a mammectomy he paid a fortune for, a scrotum and penis transplant, and a few months later, he got back to the clinic using the rest of the cash plus the little military credit and health care he had for cosmetic surgery that erased his chest scars, rendering him unidentifiable as trans to the naked, cis gaze.

Robert Linder died for good with Johnathan Nauman, and he was a pre-op trans man hopeful for a future that had more colours to it than just reds and blacks and maroons.

—

Only Kerry and Denny knew. Kerry only did because he was himself a semi-closeted trans man. And Johnny acted with such disgust toward the subject anytime he’d brought it up, unless it was about himself and then suddenly it was fucking magically fine (it made Kerry feel special, so he did not question it- if only he’d know just how special he actually was, so special to Johnny that Johnny had to resort to violence to deny himself another chance at loving a man the way he wished he could-) and Kerry’d always just assumed it was just yet another Raised in The Bible Belt thing.

He’d not been entirely wrong.

Denny on the other hand, knew about it because one day, she’d been the only one semi-sober– to this day she does not understand how nor why it had to be her of all people to learn this about their cryptical, aggressive frontman.

He’d been curled up in a corner and mumbling to himself, which wasn’t unusual but rare, but he was also sobbing and clutching his head. 

That, was not normal. It was fucking bizarre actually, and she felt even more mortified see this much from him than she’d been the first time she’d gifted a bouquet to a girl she liked (her name was Natasha, she had long auburn hair and a face like a gentle doll, lips pink like fruit) who’d then looked at her up and down and spat,

“I’m not a fucking lesbo.” 

As if just the thought had soiled her.

Well somehow that was worse.

And yet she’d approached him, and kneeled beside him.

Now, everyone in Samurai knew about Johnny’s horrid war-induced C-PTSD, and the first rule of thumb about Johnny’s horrid war-induced C-PTSD: You don’t talk about Johnny’s horrid war-induced C-PTSD.

If it needs to be brought up, Johnny is more than capable enough doing it himself and then by gods he’ll only stop when he’s done talking about it.

Many-a-one jaws and noses and ribs and walls and chairs and tables and car windows had beared the testimony of what happened if you broke that rule.

So they didn’t talk about it.

Then the 2013 raid happened. And it somehow got worse.

But let’s not get sidetracked.

Denny had sat next to Johnny, and a decade later she wonders if she wasn’t on some acid trip after all, when he’d not only not slapped her hand off of him, but collapsed against her chest, in the most uninterested way, and wailed just a tad louder, a tad clearer, about some guy he’d stolen everything from, the man who’d taken a bullet from him, and how he was a fraud and one day they would all find out, how he could only keep lying to himself for so long, he’d always just be the delusional bitch his older brothers said he was.

She had not even thought it was possible for Johnny Silverhand to have brothers, much less plural, much less ones that would have abused him and won.

More things were said. Garbled and disjointed, but Denny knew how to speak tongues with men who’d been swallowed by the bottle.

Oh, everyone assumed she was so patient with Henry because she was naive and stupid, but what they didn’t want to understand is that she just knew better. She knew that beneath the violence and the smell of chemicals lied terrified boys who’d grown into broken men, begging for anyone to just understand.

Her father had been such a kind man before the incident.

And so, she’d learned a secret Johnny hadn’t told anybody else, not even Kerry, and that was when she knew.

It was bad. She could never fucking mention it to anyone.

But Denny was used to taboos, and one more didn’t shake her. She just kept on drumming, taking out her rage at the world for burdening her with the pain of everyone around her by beating the shit out of her drumset and making bank off it.

She just knew some things were better left unsaid. Sleeping dogs lying and all that, y’know?

—

And then Victor had to go and fucking ruin it, making Johnny have to come out and say it.

And Johnny’s fists could barely scuff their face, it only broke the skin and bled but nothing underneath got any real damage, so, seemed they were all fucked.

They were gonna have to talk about it. Or at least put words on it, thinking about it, now.

Johnny hated them even more for that.

(That must be why he slept at their place, in their bed, for the next few weeks following.

Sometimes, Kerry would stay over so they could work on their songs, Victor keeping themselves busy with what the fuck ever it was that their imp ass did during their free time, and he’d sleep into bed behind him, or as the little spoon when Johnny felt small like humouring him.

Victor would stay on the same side of the bed and latch onto him one way or another, kissing his scalp softly, and he’d fall asleep, and if he were lucky, he dreamed of cocoa butter scented hair tickling his face, strong lanky dark skinned arms around his frames, two sets of dogtags clinking together softly under the rustles of the sheet.

Sometimes there would be blonde hair falling in a halo around a pale figure, but most of those dreams ended up as nightmares, so that’s not what we’re talking about if we’re talking about the times Johnny got lucky dreaming.

And when he’d wake up, there would be no blood. No screams. 

Just Victor’s stupid little hanging charms chiming softly as the AC droned on.

Just Kerry’s snoring against his neck.

Just peace.)

[pulpitude]

meet my mc ✦ ilw edition 2/4

yes i know i mentioned 5 mcs in ame's introduction post but i got rid of the fifth one lmao. rip milena wilder you and your slutty antics will be missed. also got rid of aoya and replaced him with mia since there's just something about ao that didn't leave me satisfied enough with their character to keep her as a mc 😭

also a little fun fact about mc's sister: since all my mcs are so different and have different ethnicities i headcanon their sister's full name to be something else every time i play. in mia's case her full name is annalise labelle, in ame's case it's joanna grimes, for my korean mc it's shin an-hee and for my egyptian mc it's anipe el-sayed

(cw/tw for mention of sa and lesbophobia under the cut)

full name: euphemia "mia" labelle

age: 22

birthday: march 20th, 2000

gender: questioning if cis female or non-binary

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: greysexual lesbian (apologies for forgetting to put the grey flag above 😭)

personality type: genuine 99% of the time, aggressive once in a blue moon

love interest: amalia de león

occupation: unemployed, thinking of becoming a writer/poet

fate: merged with her human half, successfully defeated matty and cured the horrors

fates of friends: everyone survived and stayed

more:

♡ she has two mothers, esmé and miranda labelle, who only legally married when mia turned 12. she calls esmé "mom" and miranda "mama" or even "mamita". her name came to be because esmé wanted something that shortened to mia but didn't want to use just mia itself (she felt it's too basic), to which miranda suggested euphemia.

♡ however, what she doesn't know (and what neither of them wanted to reveal to her, for obvious reasons) is that her biological father is matthias. he used to cheat on silvia with esmé, who tried to leave him after finding out that he's married and that she's into women, but he manipulated her into repressing her attraction to women so she'd stay with him and coerced her into having sex with him.

♡ she's fairly loud about her shipping of abel and lincoln (but obviously not in front of them) and has gotten up to many shenanigans together with amalia trying to set them up, starting from the very first moment they saw the two interacting without arguing.

♡ she is 100% a girl written in pink, glittery gel pen. she frequently listens to female pop artists like britney spears, madonna, sabrina carpenter, (as of recently) chappell roan, girls generation and tomoko kawase. she's also a sanrio girlie and likes dressing in kawaii fashion with a bit of coquette inspiration. (yes all of my mcs are fashion icons don't blame me)

♡ mia does not sleep in that grey hoodie, most of the time she sleeps in bloomers or night gowns/baby dolls but those last ones are usually saved for when she wants to impress amalia. she does wear hoodies (rarely, but she does) but they're in her usual pastel color palette.

ps: if any matty stans follow my blog i'm sorry for making him into an even worse piece of crap than he is in canon

♡ she's very into writing and has been since she was a kid. she writes a bit of everything from poetry to fanfic to original stories and wants to have her works published in the future. ever since amalia got into fanfic as well, mia has beta read for her as well as given her writing tips.

♡ despite neither of them seeing matty as a father, mia still has a healthy sibling relationship with lincoln and considers him to be one of her best friends (and her one closest platonic friend ever since her relationship with amalia turned romantic). the fact they're related has yet to fully sink in for her, but the more time they spend together, the more things in common they realize they have. mlm wlw solidarity fr

[cygnus-art]

MASTERPOST

Welcome to my blog! Call me Cygnus. My pronouns are he/him/his, and I am an artist currently studying in university (and yes, that means my drawing-to-reblogs ratios will go down depending on how busy I am).

This masterpost will be edited to keep up with my artwork, writing, comic pages, and my commission details, as well as any other things I make.

You might find me over at... [SOCIALS]

Twitch | YouTube | BlueSky | My Neocities Website

What I make... [PROJECTS, ARTWORK AND WRITING]

Of course, I post art, but more specifically, I also post:

Drachenstein, my webcomic

Hrafn

Runi [I still need to post art of her]

Irin

Morgann

Anatola

A complete list of other characters [still in progress]

Fan Art: I do and have engaged w a lot of media lol but I'm too bogged down w study to make fan art for it atm....( T ~ T) , going through this tag for my older posts tagged fanart!

My current interests are Skyrim, TTRPGs (incl. Dungeons and Dragons, Pathfinder, and homebrew worlds), Naoki Urusawa's Monster, Genshin Impact, The Magnus Archives and The Magnus Protocol.

Other stuff currently in the works

Short stories relating to Drachenstein

Character profiles, and little lore bits for each character

Commission Details

TW/CWs I tag for:

stylised blood, blood

gore

nsfw mentions

homophobia, lesbophobia, biphobia, transmisogyny, transandrophobia, exorsexism, perisexism, aphobia.

csa, cocsa, domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault, murder, violence, animal abuse, hate crime

flashing lights, gif, motion sickness

drugs, alcohol, self-harm, suicide

I tag ships with their most common name(s), and when reblogging, I add their individual tags.

psst you wanna see some cats?

[lesbian-polls]

CW: Lesbophobia, harrasment and men

non-lesbians DNI: I understand misogyny is an issue regardless of sexuality but it affects lesbians in a different way than other victims of it. Please be respecful

[xenosagaepisodeone]

Re: fucked up ladies. Yeah murcielagotypes is good or also girls that have been put through a wood chipper physically and or emotionally. Girls with baggage. Ladies that do a thing and you're immediate reaction is. Oooh there's like something WRONG wrong with you. Thank you also

Alright, so I've compiled a list of manga series (struggling to think of a movie that can be described as Murcielagoesque that isn't already popular with people who seek out that stuff). As a preamble, I want to mention that a lot of these series are messy (if not, are only about average) for reasons independent of their messed up girltagonist(s). Regardless, I find the main female characters of the series I will be listing below either compellingly written, or at least interesting to follow. You can find a synopsis of all of these series via a quick google search, but I'm going to be including content warnings and some minor notes so you get a sense of the atmosphere.

Bota Bota - the story of a 29-year-old woman's quest to have sex for the first time while managing a condition that gives her violent nosebleeds whenever she touches something 'unclean'. She's also goated with the sauce.

Aku no Hana - Most people have already read this already, but if you haven't, what are you doing? CW for SA. Also, Chi no Wadachi and Avant-garde Yumeko are from the same mangaka and have strange female characters. The former of the two is a harrowing and very personal tale of child abuse however, so the female character's behaviour is more grounded as opposed to a spectacle.

Gunjou by Nakamura Ching- Thelma and Louise but in sub optimal circumstance. CW for lesbophobia, physical abuse, emotional abuse, child abuse (discussed not shown), general misery (I love this series lol)

Onani Master Kurosawa - This was one of my favourite manga series when I was in high school. While the male protagonist is the centre of the story, the female protagonist is the emotional core. And the patron saint of mentally busted girls everywhere. CW for SA (fantasized about, not actualized), bullying, blackmail, self harm and suicide attempts

Welcome to the NHK - If you only watched the anime (or even just read the light novel), for the love of God read the manga. They do Misaki so much better here. True Cluster B girl representation in media. I would have loved to see this particular iteration of the story get an adaptation.

Aspergirl - Has it really been that long since I last talked about this series? I love it. It's about a traumatized but quirky autistic girl and a shut in writer she takes up residence with. It's not dark like some the other series on this list, but the writer is very unflinching with how he depicts his subject matter. CW for discussion of emotional and physical abuse, animal abuse (it's only once) and self harm

Aa toka Uu shika Ienai - This series also isn't dark by any stretch, but the main girls are weird as hell and have baggage.

Helter Skelter by Kyoko Okazaki - All of her stories have strange women but it felt mandatory to recommend her magnum opus.

Usotsuki Mii-kun to Kowareta Maa-chan - Haven't read this one in a while, but I remembered liking it. Idk its not long so it can be here too. CW for child abuse

Tokyo Girls Destruction - there are no serious CWs for this one. It's like a 90s fight shounen with girls and it rules.

Sumire♡16-sai!! - Does this count? Probably not, Sumire is a nice girl. Regardless, it's still good. I recommend it.

Himegoto: Juukyuusai no Seifuku - Alright so you know how I mentioned that some series in this might border on mid to some. This is one of them; but it does have something special that may or may not land for you like it kind of (?) did for me. CW for discussions of gender/body dysphoria, SA (both enacted by and against certain main characters), CSA (not graphically detailed, but it's a core component of one character's backstory) and emotional abuse.

Franken Fran - You've definitely read this but just in case. CW for body horror LOL

Alien Nine - You've probably already watched the OVA but the manga gives the series an actual ending + further character development and darker content (some REAL bad stuff happens to our girls). If you can stand the more off-putting components of the anime, you'll likely be able to read the manga just fine. I'm also reading Propeller Heaven, which is by the same mangaka and is considerably similar. CW for body horror for both

also if you're a fan of Alien Nine, I would recommend Terumina. The female characters aren't unhinged, but there's a very strong, dreamlike atmosphere that's pervasive throughout the story, so they sometimes do strange things.

Bokura no Hentai - Alright so I want to highlight that only one of the main characters in this is a girl, the other two are boys who like to dress effeminately, but all of them have a very knowable forms of baggage that become intertwined as the story moves forward. CW for gender dysphoria, homophobic/transphobic bullying, CSA (not graphically detailed, but discussed and depicted in an abstract sense), SA (both enacted by and against a main character), physical and emotional abuse

Swweeet - This is a story where the questionable (or outright bad -_-) character development is upheld by the fact that the art is gorgeous and that there's an alluring sense of intrigue as the plot unfolds. The female main character of this one is certainly Going through it. CW for SA (main character against another) and questionable displays of violence ? at times

Dead Dead Demon's Dededede Destruction - I remember in an interview Asano Inio did after he completed Punpun he said that he started DeDeDeDe because he finally understood why people gravitate towards cute girl sol manga. Anyway this series is about the most girls ever.

Gensou Gynaecocracy - So this is a collection of oneshots by Hiroaki Samura. It's not completely translated, but has his signature style and a reasonable amount of intrigue per chapter. The stories seek to convey a sense of magical realism and atmosphere above all else, so while characters aren't particularly deep, they're at least weird. I recommend the first few chapters (the story about the pineapple girl in particular) as a starter, and then you can see if you want to continue reading. I changed my mind, just read the pineapple girl chapter and then go read Wave, Listen to Me!

Hanshin - Just read the oneshot, the other chapters aren't related

Aishiteimasu, Kyouko-san. - It appears that scanalators have abandoned this one for the time being, but I'm honestly intrigued enough to see where this one goes (even if it does end up being Dead Tube level trash). CW for some very weirdly depicted child abuse

trash. - Man, I really didn't want to recommend trash., but most of my list doesn't actually deal too much with girls who bite and kill and murder. trash. is a pulpy exploitation horror, but it has more tact than Dead Tube about how to portion out the Edge. it's female cast has reasonable enough characterization and motivations that I can say things never really get boring. You just gotta read it and see if it's for you. CW for anything you could possibly think of short of outright guro.

Golondrina - Not too unhinged, but still rather unique. It's about a lesbian who becomes a bullfighter after a devastating breakup.

also I havent read this one yet but I hear Machigatta Ko wo Mahou Shoujo ni Shiteshimatta is good. I'm apprehensive towards the whole "magical girl, but edgy" thing because of how many writers transparently do not consume any of the genre they're trying to take apart, but this doesn't appear to be torture porn

[reviewsthatburn]

DWELLERS is a twisting story, where two brothers fleeing something terrible end up in a situation with its own set of problems when they take over the bodies of two strangers. Tightly constructed, this winds through tense boredom and fear as Jonah and Louis try to figure out why the people they replaced have a dead body in the basement.

Full review at link.

[anothermonikan]

I do think it’s a bit... weird that when lesbians use the terms WLW or NBLW and vice-versa, they can get people in their notes / comments saying that those terms are ‘TERFy’ because ‘Lesbians can be attracted to men too’, I’m not here to argue about that claim, Gender and sexuality is a complicated thing that’s different for everyone, however I never see this happen for gay men. If Lesbians can be attracted to men then by that logic gay men can be attracted to woman too, right? So why is it not ‘TERFy’ when gay men use the term MLM or NBLM? 

It just appears like....It’s a little Lesbophobic....Perhaps...