#Calliope Trippin

[witchyfictional]

Week 4 (SPRING 4/13)

Professional Log of Harper Tobin, Journeyman Witch

Patient: For once, not Kiara! This time I was called upon by one of the Bacchae adventurers, Maddi Windwake the druid.

Ailment: Phodothropy [curse*] [hair*] (T6) Got bitten by a cursed hamster while she was trying to befriend it. She spent the last full moon as a giant hamster, gnawing on the wheels of her party’s loot cart.

Recommend: Skeleton Dust to banish the hair, Glittersnow or Fairy Dust to break the curse

Field Notes:

I readily found the Skeleton Dust I needed in Hero’s Hollow, after all the exploring I’ve been doing. Said hello to Bap for a little while, as well. They seemed tired today. On my way out of the dungeon I stopped in an ancient library and took some time to read a few dusty but useful old books, which were able to instruct me as to how I might collect some Ghost Goo. They were accurate, to my excitement!

I next traveled up the mountain to gather Glittersnow, and was startled by the approach of a hot air balloon. It landed directly in front of me, and inside was a strikingly dashing individual who introduced themself as Nikola Skywode. Without any further detail they immediately invited me into their balloon and offered to take me wherever I wished. On the one hand, this could have easily been a kidnapping….but on the other hand, I’ve never flown in a balloon before, and they were very dashing (if eccentric).

I accepted. We had a thrilling time, the details of which will remain private.

I meant to direct us straight back to the Apothecary cottage, but I admit I got a little too distracted by the beautiful view(s), and we ended up landing in the Glimmerwood instead. I was too embarrassed to correct this, and said my goodbyes - I figured it was close enough to walk home anyway. I also realized that Fairy Dust might be a little more appropriate for Maddi’s particular ailment anyway, so I set to finding some before I left. Just as I finished, however, I got hit with sudden vertigo, my vision went blurry, and a strange voice I couldn’t understand whispered like echoes in my mind. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the middle of a fairy ring in a completely different part of the forest. It was disorienting, but I was unharmed, and apparently the fairies weren’t too offended because they allowed me to keep my dust. I had to book it back to the cottage to keep good time, though.

“Fuzz-Away Dust”

Crush the skeleton dust into a fine powder

Mix thoroughly with raw Fairy Dust

Apply the mixed dust gently with a powder puff to the face, and inhale

Paid: 20 silver Maddi left looking as sparkly as crushed mica, but free of fur and free of the urge to chew on furniture.

Additional Notes:

This week I went to the Loch to visit Calliope Trippin & had lunch with her family. Afterward I did a little foraging - Shadow easily snatched the wig off a wigfish showing off in the shadows, while I explored a sunken wreck a little deeper in the water. I found a skeleton clinging to a treasure chest, but this one was definitely dead. After prying its prize away and dragging it to shore, I found a number of absolutely beautiful paintings inside. I gave them to Calliope for safekeeping until I decide where I want to put them.

I also found the sock that possibly belongs to the giant who lost the shoe, mostly buried in the sand along a very long stretch of beach. There were Dentist Crabs all over the site, and it was easy to gather a good amount. I then found some odd footprints, which I tried to follow, but before I found where they led I was harried by a flock of gull-drakes and had to retreat. They made me lose all of my Dentist Crabs, which was frustrating, and I backtracked to the site of The Sock to gather some more. This time I noticed part of a seemingly endless rope also half buried, which I first took as one of those huge sailing ropes, but I now suspect it might have been a shoelace.

OOC: Rep – 9 [Novice] Silver – 92 Tools – basics Familiar skill – Hunter (-3 Animal reagent rarity) Upgrades – garden plot (x1; Surgeon Sap)

Surplus reagents: ** Surgeon Sap [wound] [burn] [+1s]  — (freely available) ~Candy Rock [+4s] — (x1) ** Dentist Crabs [teeth] [mouth] [lungs] [infection] — (x1) *** Fossil Fish [time] [magic] — (x1) *** Ghost Goo [spirit] [curse] — (x1) ** Glittersnow [curse] [magic] — (x1) * Hermit Snails [wound] [bones] — (x1) *** Innocent’s Suffering [pain] [sleep] [nerves] [wound] — (x1) ! ** Milkstone [teeth] [pain] — (x1) * Scramble Bramble [mood] [senses] [+1p] — (x1) * Silverleaf [infection] [rash] — (x1) * Skullcap [poison] [pain] — (x3) *** Wigfish [mood] [sleep] [hair] — (x1)

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

ROXY: (yiznoo troll grouch... john be so nizzy agh its fuckin me up)

TEREZI: (1 KNOW) TEREZI: (1T D1SGUST1NG)

JANE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Excuze me, Callie fo yo bitch ass? JANE: What happenizzle pimp I wizzoke up? JIZZAY: We were all straight trippin' thizzle mysterious pizzle... J-TO-THA-IZZANE yaba daba dizzle: Did you n Jizzade brotha whizzle that lizzle?

CIZZLE: yizzay. CALLIOPE: i met mah otha self.

ROXY: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. o so yizzy F-to-tha-izzound ha then? Drop it like its hot.?

CALLIOPE: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. indeed. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. CALLIOPE: or mizzay likely, the clockin' 'n thizzle fUrthizzle r'n wizzay right. CALLIOPE: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. perhizzles she senze' me 'n some way, n Untangled a pizzath throUgh thizzle darkness. CALLIOPE: 'n other words, it feels more as thoUgh i was sUmmoned, ratha than bein tha one ta find bitch. CIZZLE: shizze sizneems tremendoUsly powerfizzle in all flavas. CALLIOPE: shizze be also... CALLIOPE: qUite frighten'n keep'n it real yo.

ROXY: perpetratin' so bow down to the bow wow!???

CALLIOPE: nizzy that i thizzink she be dangizzles or has ill intizzle. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. CALLIOPE in tha mutha fuckin club: mah impressizzle was vizzle mizzle ta tha contrary. CIZZLE: still, while saggin' ta motherfucka... Its just anotha homocide. CALLIOPE n shit: i cizzan't rememba ever frontin' so nervizzles. Chill as I take you on a trip. CALLIOPE: not even mah brotha made me feel that wizzle with my forty-fo' mag. CIZZLE: pimp demeanizzle was so sizzle n chill'n, n so Unlike mizzay, i think paper'd up.

JOHN: maybe T-H-to-tha-izzat's whizzle yizzle felt W-to-tha-izzeird? JOHN in tha hood: crack-a-lackin` a version of you T-H-to-tha-izzat wiznasn't like you at all?

CALLIOPE so show some love, niggaz! maybe.

ROZE: So what happened?

CALLIOPE: not mizzUch. CALLIZZLE: mah presence there essentizzle free' ha from T-H-to-tha-izzat pliznace, bustin' ta a pact she made wit echidna dogg. CALLIOPE: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. she n jade tizzy left. ta do whizzat, i do not know. CALLIOPE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: that be whizzle roxy fizzy me. ^u^

ROZE: So, you W-to-tha-izzere only there ta releaze motherfucka? ROZE: Be you sure there isn't sum-m sum-m important fo` yizzou ta do, nizzay thizzat yoe alive and wit us?

CALLIOPE: i D-to-tha-izzoUbt it. CIZZLE: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. fo` one gang bangin', i have virtUally no UsefUl abilities. u_u

ROZE mah nizzle: I don't mean ta badga you. I'm jizzle wonder'n hizzy yizzay fit into all dis. ROZE with the S-N-double-O-P: Gang bangin' ta wear a one-of-a-kind r'n, n returning ta jizzay a group 'bout ta wage a pivotal bizzattle, ROZE: Tizzy strikizzles me as the profizzle of someone meant ta do sum-m sum-m important. ROZE: What d-ya tizzy yizzle do if you gots a paper stack?

JOHN: maybe it dizzoesn't have ta work tizzy way though so bow down to the bow wow! J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: what if thoze be jiznust some F-to-tha-izzacts 'bout ha, whizzich let cracka come back ta life, but T-H-to-tha-izzey D-to-tha-izzon't hizzle ta mizzy anyth'n otha T-H-to-tha-izzan that cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. JOHN: like anyth'n 'bout hav'n ta do some huge fancy bustin'.

ROZE: I guess so. ROZE: Fizzy Dizzay tiznells me humizzle crack-a-lackin` don't H-to-tha-izzave "arcs", n nizzle yoe tell'n me tha culminatizzle of an epic dizzoesn't require a messianic archizzle ta return from tha dizzy, thereby provid'n tha kizzey ta everyone salvation? ROSE: I wonda what sturdizzle n timizzle narrative construct J-to-tha-izzade is hatin' ta debunk wheneva she wakes up if you gots a paper stack. Mizzy she will lizzle W-to-tha-izzaste ta tha notion of endgizzle ships? ROZE: Karkat W-to-tha-izzon't be stoked 'bout that.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: hizzay?? JOHN: ok, i dizzay knizzle what stuff yoe mackin' on 'bout there, bizzy i just dizzle thizzle sizzy should feel like shizne has ta do frontin' sizzy doesn't want ta.

CALLIZZLE: Its just anotha homocide. i think tha triznUth be, i wizzy be do'n mUch of anyth'n. CALLIOPE: mah other self tizzy me as mUch. CALLIOPE: crazy ass nigga advizzle was ta jUst lizzay, n... CALLIOPE: exist as tha versizzle of Us for W-H-to-tha-izzom thiznat be an actizzle possibility. CALLIOPE: she tha one whizzo will be do'n importizzle ho-slappin'.

ROZE: Drop it like its hot. Hizzow so like this and like that and like this and uh?

CALLIOPE: she didn't say. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

ROZE: Isn't that jizzy how it alwizzles is wit alt-selves. ROZE: So cryptic.

ROXY: hey gizzuys its been coo' hav'n yizzy meet callie n siznuch but ROXY: d-ya thizzay she n i could have a moment alone? ROXY: gizzay some stuff i wanna rap 'bout!

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[witchyfictional]

Week 12 pt.2 (SPRING 12/13)

Professional Log of Harper Tobin, Journeyman Witch

[see PART 1 here]

Additional Notes:

Cleaning all the yeti hair off of my bed and out of my kitchen motivated me to find a contractor in town and pay 300 silver for an actual Treatment Room to get built alongside the apothecary cottage. I’m getting pretty tired of cleaning the entire house and disinfecting my own furniture after every patient. I was told it could be finished and ready by the end of the week, which was a relief. I instructed Dwayne to supervise the proceedings and make sure everyone stays on track.

After taking care of that problem, I went to find Ariadne Soriah in the tavern she’s been staying in. I took her out to tea and told her about my struggle with Bàs Bàta’s remedy these past several weeks, and everything that happened today when I was finally able to treat the creature. I described what I glimpsed at the bottom of Meltwater Loch, and asked if it might possibly be in line with what she’s been searching for – the ancient underwater city she want to study. Ariadne was extremely excited and drilled me for all the details. It seems this might be a lead after all.

We picked up some supplies in town and headed out for the Loch, stopping briefly at the Boot & Breakfast (the giant’s shoe where the Trippins live and work) to tell Calliope of our discovery and invite her along. She grabbed her gear as well and the three of us set out on an expedition together. We made our way to the beach, took our breathing pills and dove into the water close to the place I’d last encountered Bàs Bàta. Ariadne was in it for her studies, Calliope and I mostly for the adventure of it – although I also was pretty eager to do some foraging along the way. Specifically, I want to find another of that Fossil Fish that Calliope gave me a few months back. Señor SkeleFins is a dearly sentimental pet by now, and I would be loathe to have to utilize him for a remedy, no matter how valuable he might be.

As we swam just past the sunken pirate ship, the lake bottom dropped into a deeper slope and we could see farther down into its depths. From such a distance – who knew a lake could be this deep? But then, this is also home to a sea dragon and sunken pirate ships, so what do I know – we could not see much, but we certainly saw enough to hint that there was more than sand and algae below. Mysterious silhouettes and the occasional flicker of strange light drew us forward, down farther and farther. We had to take several rests before continuing, but eventually we found ourselves entering a wondrous landscape of ruins rising up from the lakebed. Spires and citadels, gardens and great stone bridges all crusted over with coral and surrounded by shining schools of fish. Among the ruins there were numerous glowing figures drifting about in slow patterns, too far away for us to make out clearly.

We descended into a courtyard to decide where we would explore first. As we swam around the next corner we encountered the sight of a brightly colored merfolk swimming ahead of us. They had hair like fiery red coral and skin tinged a pale, minty green. Its tricky to guess at gender, since they aren’t mammalian and don’t have some of the same differentiating features that we do, but they were very beautiful. The way they moved was mesmerizing, like a spectacular, glittering dance. We were spellbound.

They eventually noticed our staring and approached, beaming widely. We tried to greet them but we quickly found that we didn’t share any language, although we made a very determined attempt using mostly pantomime and hand signs. It’s difficult to say for sure what they wanted to tell us, but I got the hunch that they were celebrating the banishment of Bàs Bàta’s wrath. At some point they tugged at our hands and drew us into dancing with them, humming a slightly surreal but lovely melody. Their voice resonated in the water in a similar way that Bàs Bàta’s did, but on a much smaller and less unsettling scale.

Ariadne has dubbed our new friend “Coral,” because it’s thematic and sounds vaguely similar to the word they used when they seemed to be trying to tell us their name. After we all had our fill of dancing, Coral stuck with us as an impromptu tour guide to the sunken city. The place is magnificent and enormous. I am certain we won’t be able to see it all in one outing. It’s not all dancing and sightseeing, either – as we drifted through the sunken streets, we were able to see those glowing shapes from befores a little more clearly, and realized that each and every one of them was a a ghost. Unsure which, if any, were malevolent, we followed Coral’s lead and did our best to avoid their notice.

As we passed what seemed to be an ancient temple domed in colored glass, which was somehow mostly intact, I finally spotted a Fossil Fish around one of the open archways. I was able to catch it, but then there was a sudden shriek as a ghost darted at me from inside. I’ve never gone up against a ghost (at least, none free of suits of armor). I had no idea how to react. Although it seemed to be trying to strangle me, it passed right through me – harmless, physically – and then faded into the silt. I was paralyzed for several breaths as my vision blurred into what was probably a memory, or the echo of a memory.

The courtyard was under the sun instead of underwater; the air smelled like salt and iron. My hands – which weren’t actually my hands but someone else’s – were wrapped around somebody’s throat. I felt them squeezing and shaking and I felt my teeth gritting painfully and in the distance I could hear another voice screaming…

…Then it all abruptly ended, and I was back in the muffled quiet of the lake, although my hand were still shaking. Although I was fine, and I told my friends I was fine, and we continued our exploration, it took me a while to shake it all off to be honest.

I found another Fossil Fish just before the end of the expedition. Or, well, the end of the expedition for me. After bottling my second catch up, I thought I saw another through the cracks in a stone wall, but it turns out it wasn’t a Fossil Fish. It was a breed I’m unfamiliar with, and it fed from me in a jet of warm water sprayed directly into my face. I lost consciousness, and am writing this now in the wagon home, having only woken up hours later. I’ve already apologized to the others for the necessity of dragging my limp body around.

I’m very embarrassed, but also a little intrigued by the incident. Whatever that fish sprayed at me gave me intensely vivid dreams – not at all horrible like the vision I had from the ghost; these were very, very good dreams. The details will remain private, but I will say I feel extremely well-rested for the first time in weeks, and I’m finally feeling like I’ve got the hang of it here in High Rannoc. It’s an exciting place, and I feel like I have the energy to take on aynthing now.

OOC: Rep – 19 [Intermediate] Silver – 74 Tools – basics / coracle / sickle (+2 foraging points) Familiar skill – Hunter (-3 to find Animal reagents) Golem Helper: supervising construction

Upgrades: – Garden plot (x1; Surgeon Sap) – Raven Loft (take 2 jobs; if both on time, x2 pay for second draw) – Treatment Room (+3 all Timers, +10 silver /successful potion)

Surplus reagents: ** Surgeon Sap [wound] [burn] [+1s]  — (freely available) *** Amethyst Antlers [magic] [curse] [mood] — (x2) ~Candy Rock [+4s] — (x1) * Coldrust [hot] [magic] — (x1) * Deep Reed [ear] [blood] [stomach] — (x1) ** Dentist Crabs [teeth] [mouth] [lungs] [infection] — (x1) ** Foot Fungus [burn] [boils] [rash] [+2p] — (x2) *** Fossil Fish [time] [magic] — (x3) * Gas Weed [lungs] — (x1) *** Ghost Goo [spirit] [curse] — (x1) ** Glittersnow [curse] [magic] — (x1) * Hermit Snails [wound] [bones] — (x1) *** Innocent’s Suffering [pain] [sleep] [nerves] [wound] — (x2) ! *** Jumpkin [stomach] [cold] — (x1) ** Mermaid’s Gift [hair] [+1p] — (x1) *** Moon Moss [blood] [curse] — (x1) ** Princess Toad [wart] [rash] [mood] — (x1) * Scramble Bramble [mood] [senses] [+1p] — (x1) * Skullcap [poison] [pain] — (x4) **Shadow Shark [pain] [burn] [rash] [-1s] — (x1) ** Shockfish [nerves] [pain] [boils] — (x3) * Silverleaf [infection] [rash] — (x1) *** Wigfish [mood] [sleep] [hair] — (x2)

[witchyfictional]

Week 5 (SPRING 5/13)

Professional Log of Harper Tobin, Journeyman Witch

Patient: Wilfred Foom, the elderly curator of the Lunar Tower

Ailment: Baker’s Blisters [burn*] [pain*] He was trying to make midnight muffins and had a terrible accident, poor dear.

Recommend: Balm Tea should do the trick

Field Notes:

I searched in the village hoping to find some Hiker’s Helper without taking a longer journey, and was surprised to find none…but I did hear a rumor that an elderly woman on the edge of town had been trying to grow her own patch. I followed the rumor and found the herb; turns out the old woman is the grandmother of Maddi Windwake, and she was happy to share it with me after I introduced myself. While I was still visiting, Maddi herself returned from an excursion, and as a thank-you for curing her curse last week she gave me a gift she picked up somewhere called Blastfire Bog: genuine Amethyst Antlers. <3 I adore this particular reagent, both for its usefulness and its beauty, but it’s usually so very difficult to find in the woods. I should start looking into this Bog.

I quickly went back to the cottage and whipped up some Balm Tea for poor old Wilfred (see my earlier entry for instructions).

Paid: 24 silver Wilfred expressed his astonishment at the effectiveness of the tea, and said he’d never had such pleasant or immediate relief from a burn before.

Additional Notes:

I bought a sturdy coracle in town for 70 silver, for the purpose of someday exploring the Blastfire Bog that that Maddi told me about.

Traveled back to the Loch to hunt for Shockfish, as I found none the last time I visited, but this time I was actually successful. I called on Calliope to celebrate and we took a canoe out together to watch the sun set over the lake. All of a sudden in the ruddy light we could see the shape of a ghost ship rising from the depths, directly next to us! They were rowdy but merry, and invited us aboard to carouse with them a while. I asked the Captain (Laurence) what he knew of the other wrecks beneath the lake, and told him about the skeleton I found with the chest full of paintings. Turns out that was the body (or used to be the body) of their very own Bosun Zeke (short for Ezekiel), who went overboard during a fight with pirates. I told him he was a wonderful artist, and he said that all of those paintings were actually created by a lost lover of his. They lost their entire haul on the day the pirates attacked, but Bosun Zeke couldn’t let his beloved’s paintings go, and sunk along with them. It’s too bad we can’t give some of them back to him now - they would be ruined as soon as the sun rose and the ship sank back into the waves.

I went foraging in the Glimmerwood this week and was amazed to catch sight of an actual unicorn. It fled from me immediately, but in its wake I was able to catch a Princess Toad, so it must have been good luck. I briefly spotted it again that day as I was carefully harvesting Foot Fungus from the sleeping forest giant’s discarded boots. It was hiding at the corner of my vision, and fled again as soon as as I noticed, but perhaps it’s more curious than shy after all.

I visited the Lunar Tower again to tune up my foraging equipment this week. Wilfred was delighted to catch up, and I got a very good charge from the moonlight that night. I trekked up onto Moonbreaker Mountain with my freshly charged equipment and thanks to their fresh energy I had absolutely no trouble finding the Moon Moss I was looking for. It was growing up the shady side of the old abandoned shrine on the side of the trail. I don’t know who the shrine was originally dedicated to (I suspect it had something to do with the moon), but I left some of my trail rations as a thank-you offering.

Before I left the shrine, I spotted  an old book discarded in one of the far corners. It turned out to be a saucy romance novel (“Seducing The Stubborn Cleric”), and it looked well-loved, very battered and patched. It must have been lost by another traveler. On the inside cover I was surprised to find a note in the exact handwriting of the old witch of High Rannoc: “Property of Kevyn.” Kevyn, you spicy boy.

Later this week I was up on the mountain again, trying and failing to find a Jumpkin. I stopped to rest by the Wayfarer Stone and happened upon some unexpected company. Her name is Ariadne Soriah, and she claims to be a researcher from the Cloud Isles. I’ve only heard of the place, of course, never been, and I had a thousand questions for her. She in turn asked if I’ve ever heard of a place called “Deepwater.” I told her I haven’t. Apparently it’s supposed to be an ancient underwater city from long ago, and she’s on a personal quest to find and study it. I hope she does, someday. I like her a lot.

I finally spotted a Jumpkin as I descended back down the trail, but it ran and I had to chase it halfway around the mountain before I managed to catch it amidst a cluster of huge boulders. I was startled, then, to watch the boulders move and come together, forming themselves into a huge, badly battered stone golem. The poor thing looked so pitiful, I couldn't just leave it in such a state. I spent the rest of the day assessing the damage and doing what I could to start repairing it, and when I left I told it to stay put so I could find it again. I came back every day for the rest fo the week to continue my repairs. I feel like this is going to be a lengthy project, but it will be worth it to get my new friend functioning again.

OOC: Rep – 10 [Novice] — **I misunderstood the leveling process here, and assumed I could take on intermediate ailments after this point. I realized my mistake after it was way too late to retcon, but oh well. Silver – 46 Tools – basics / coracle Familiar skill – Hunter (-3 Animal reagent rarity) Upgrades – garden plot (x1; Surgeon Sap) Golem repair progress – 2/10

**I’m flexing the rules a little with the timeline of events. I got extra exploring time during the “ailment” section of this cycle because it was an ailment without a timer, but it made little sense in-story to keep the injured man waiting, so I’ve decided most of that happened after I cured him.

Surplus reagents: ** Surgeon Sap [wound] [burn] [+1s]  — (freely available) *** Amethyst Antlers [magic] [curse] [mood] — (x1) ~Candy Rock [+4s] — (x1) ** Dentist Crabs [teeth] [mouth] [lungs] [infection] — (x1) ** Foot Fungus [burn] [boils] [rash] [+2p] — (x1) *** Fossil Fish [time] [magic] — (x1) *** Ghost Goo [spirit] [curse] — (x1) ** Glittersnow [curse] [magic] — (x1) * Hermit Snails [wound] [bones] — (x1) *** Innocent’s Suffering [pain] [sleep] [nerves] [wound] — (x1) ! *** Jumpkin [stomach] [cold] — (x1) ** Milkstone [teeth] [pain] — (x1) *** Moon Moss [blood] [curse] — (x1) ** Princess Toad [wart] [rash] [mood] — (x1) * Scramble Bramble [mood] [senses] [+1p] — (x1) ** Shockfish [nerves] [pain] [boils] — (x1) * Silverleaf [infection] [rash] — (x1) * Skullcap [poison] [pain] — (x3) *** Wigfish [mood] [sleep] [hair] — (x1)

[witchyfictional]

Week 2 (SPRING 2/13)

Professional Log of Harper Tobin, Journeyman Witch

Patient: Kiara, the vampire medical assistant…again

Ailment: Dragon Sickness [senses*] [wound*] (T4) Apparently she’s been hoarding frogs to kiss, which explains a lot.

Recommend: Surgeon’s Sap for the wounds (in her brain), Coffee Cap to wake the senses

Field Notes:

No initial luck looking for Coffee Caps in the Glimmerwood, but I did follow some tracks on a game trail that led straight to some Scramble Bramble. It will do the trick in a pinch, but it’s less than ideal, what with being slightly poisonous. I took some just in case, but carried on the search.

Eventually I did find the mushrooms I needed. I also found an enormous, sleeping GIANT. She was so titanic that I didn’t even notice her until I nearly walked up her nose. It shook me, but I managed to collect what I needed from the mushroom ring growing where her breath hit the forest floor, and left without waking her.

I hurried back to the apothecary to mix Kiara’s cure, as Dragon Sickness is a rapidly worsening condition, and I didn’t trust her to fight the compulsion to steal my things.

“Come-To Brew”

Crush the Coffee Caps, then boil the bits for about ten minutes and strain

Add a spoonful of raw Surgeon’s Sap

End result is both invigorating and delicious, considering the sweetness of both ingredients

Paid: 28 silver I admit I had a smug sense of satisfaction when Kiara’s eyes lit up as she drank her cure. I like to pride myself on remedies that actually taste good, whenever possible. Perhaps it’s because she’s in the body of a child, or perhaps it’s because she has a sweet tooth as big as mine, but she paid a little extra for the enjoyment, which I can certainly get used to.

Additional Notes:

I heard a rumor in town that there have been a handful of giants spotted all around this countryside, in the forest and in the mountains and even near the Loch (as evidenced by their lost possessions, I suppose). Would have been nice to hear about this before unexpectedly witnessing it in person. I should probably spend more time talking to the locals.

Calliope - the eldest daughter of that family of lakeside shoe elves, the Trippins - ran into me in town. She had just returned from a treasure hunting dive and came to the village to look for me, to give me a souvenir: a Fossil Fish! I’ve only read about them before. I was very excited. I treated her to lunch, in thanks. I will have to keep Señor SkeleFins in a bucket for now, until I can afford a proper fishtank for him.

I took a trip to Hero’s Hollow to stock up on Skullcaps again and had no problems scooping some up just inside the puzzle room chamber - thankfully, I didn’t have to go all the way in, and avoided the struggle of getting out again.

Before the week was out I went up Moonbreaker Mountain in search of some Candy Rock to combat less savory ingredients like the Scramble Bramble I found earlier. It was raining the entire time, but I don’t mind the rain. Two thirds up the mountain I somehow chance upon meeting another giant, this one awake...but luckily, he was very friendly. His name is Bernard and he invited me to take shelter in his cave to wait out the rain. Lo and behold, the walls of his home were encrusted with Candy Rock like a giant, sugary geode. We had a lovely conversation about geology, and he allowed me to take a sample before I left.

OOC: Rep – 7 [Novice] Silver – 48 Tools – basics Familiar skill – Hunter (-3 Animal reagent rarity) Upgrades – garden plot (x1; Surgeon Sap)

Surplus reagents: ** Surgeon Sap [wound] [burn] [+1s]  — (freely available) ~Candy Rock [+4s] — (x1) *** Fossil Fish [time] [magic] — (x1) * Hermit Snails [wound] [bones] — (x1) * Scramble Bramble [mood] [senses] [+1p] — (x1) * Silverleaf [infection] [rash] — (x1) * Skullcap [poison] [pain] — (x3)

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I4] ====>

JIZZAY cuz this is how we do it: so doggy stylin' back ta tha story JADE: i takes it from W-H-to-tha-izzat yizzou said 'bout straight trippin' Y-to-tha-izzour gizzy diznown puttin tha smack down... JADE: you believe dis wizzy how you died? 

JIZZAY sho nuff: I'm almost certain of it. JANE like this and like that and like this and uh: I can rememba noth'n beyizzle that momizzle. JANE in tha hood: And if one of yo' friends manage' to git tha betta of me, I H-to-tha-izzave no doubt mah death would have bizneen just, doggy stylin' tha trouble I cauze'. 

JADE: yeah... JIZNADE like old skool shit: likewizzle :\ 

CALLIOPE: d-ya rememba whizno it wizzy that iced yizzay so bow down to the bow wow! CALLIOPE: nizzot ta hiznoUnd yoU fo` details, bizzle trizzle like dis tends ta be historically importizzle. CALLIZZLE: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. plUs, i woUld L-to-tha-izzike ta draw dis sciznene straight from long beach nigga. :u 

JANE: Bounce wit me. I'm sorrizzle. Mah memory of tha incident overall be qizzle vizzle. JANE: Bizzle it wouldn't surprize me if tha one who dealt mah fatal blow was tha leada of tha R-to-tha-izzaid.

> [A6A6I4] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I4] ====>

CALLIOPE: there yoU go. CALLIOPE: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. one hizzy. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. CALLIOPE: sizzle sUrrizzle obstacles! 

JADE: :) JADE: when shizzay mentizzle thizzay i dizzidnt give it a second thought JADE: bizzy now thizzay i be straight trippin' to reconstruct everyth'n n tell yizzle whizzay ta draw... JIZZADE: hmm 

CALLIZZLE: hm? 

JIZZADE cuz its a pimp thang: i guess whiznen youre trippin' to tell a story it forcizzles you ta tizzy a lizzy M-to-tha-izzore 'bout everyth'n tizzy whizzay youre just listen'n ta one 

CALLIZZLE: tizzle qUite trUe. CALLIOPE: perhaps yizzle shoUld start writ'n? Real niggas recognize the realness. CALLIOPE: how dizzy she begin n shit? 

JIZZY: lizzle me thiznink... It dont stop till the wheels fall off. JADE in tha hood: hmm, maybe we should pizzay before i go on fo' sho'? 

CALLIOPE: pauze?? 

JADE: like JIZZY: S-to-tha-izzome siznort of intermission JIZNADE: Its just anotha homocide. so i can collect mah T-H-to-tha-izzoughts a biznit, n ta give tha audience a shawty breatha between two significizzle arcs JADE: Anotha dogg house production. we were at it fo` a pretty good while tizzy, afta all 

CALLIOPE: what... aUdizzle? 

JIZZY: well, thizzay would be you 'n dis caze JADE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. ooh i know! Slap your mutha fuckin self. JIZNADE: i can doodle a quick stizzle 'bout tha antics of the silly consorts on tha golden shizzip before rhymin' on 

CALLIOPE ya dig? >: Im crazy, you can't phase me.U

> [A6IZZLE4] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

EPILOGUE TWO

7

John’s bizzle spend'n a lot of time with Rizzle lately keep'n it real yo. Whizzay also means bustin' a lot of time wit Calliope, whizzay be awkward, bizzy fizzay. Recognize the realness. But it also means spend'n a liznot of tizzle wit Gamzee, which be awkwizzle, n not even remotely fine.

John, Roxy, n Callizzle are rhymin' a stroll thrizzle dizzle Nizzy Prospit upside yo head. Gamzee’s here tizzy, a couple fizneet behind John, frontin' essentially thizne same th'n that tha otha tizzy be hatin'. Which be walk'n at a leisurelizzle P-to-tha-izzace, but he’s bein so weird 'bout it thizzle you ciznan’t really call it ballin' so bow down to the bow wow! It’s more like hizzy... hold'n ciznourt, while somehizzle remain'n 'n mizzle. Eva since he popped out of that F-R-to-tha-izzidge smell'n lizzike a sweaty foot, he’s been all “wize” and “sage-like.” John consida that if he wizzle us'n theze twizzo descriptors out lizzay, H-to-tha-izze’d make air quotes whizzay say'n them. Hizzy thiznen sizzle Gamzee’s ballin' almost lizzay a “priest,” which be a word he would also mizzake air-qizzles around, dizzle ta how insanely fizzull of shit John still believes him ta be. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

Roxy and Callizzle, apparently do not believe him ta be full of shizzay, fo` siznome reason.

CALLIOPE: isn’t thiznat funky ass cuz this is how we do it?

JOHN: huh?

Gamzee be lead'n a line of slappin' carapacians dippin' bizzle him, tell'n them stizzle, fakizzle stuff lizzle “YoU GoTtA sToP ta sMeLl Tha see' fRizzle mah dUdEs. Death row 187 4 life.” Nizzle ta be specizzle or nothin' trippin', but tha sight be kiznind of worry'n coz Jiznohn knizzay all too W-to-tha-izzell how susceptible carapacizzles be ta grassroots populizzle. He hizzy it on good authority that virtizzle any schmuck can blunda into a crizzowd of thizzem, sizzay a few inspirational words, n incite revolutionary fizzle amongst tha maszes. Jizzay tizzy his best ta ignore it n wizzle aheezee, but Roxy loops ha arm through his n pulls hizzay bizzy.

ROXY: were here cizzy it

JIZZOHN and yo momma: where’s here? Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

ROXY: me n callies fave cafe! I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit.!

It’s a funky ass place. Chill as I take you on a trip. Bizzig, oval windows, on all the tizzles and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. It’s gots a French-ish aesthetizzle. John sez “ish” coz everyth'n on Earth C be sort of “ish. You gotta check dis shit out yo.” “Alternizzle,” “Derze-ish,” “Japaneze-ish. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.” He’d even describe tha sky as bein kind of “blue-izzle.” Sometimes, it’s mizzle turquoize thizzle anyth'n. Anotha dogg house production. Too crisp n bright, like the old Earth’s sizzy as sizneen thrizzay a pair of tinted novelty glaszes.

John doesn’t mean ta be cynical 'bout it, but he gueszes that’s just tha mood he’s 'n so i can get on. Mizzay it has sum-m sum-m ta do wit tha fizzay that Callizzle insistizzle on includ'n an unbelievably smelly clizzle on an otherwize perfectly plizzle stroll.

JOHN fo' sheezy: that’s it like a fucka? we’re bustin' ta a cizzle shop?

JOHN: Holla! i gots out of bizzed fo` THIS? Bounce wit me.

ROXY: lmizzay

ROXY yaba daba dizzle: oh jizzohn ur so FIZZLE

JOHN: no seriously roxy i jizzy...

JOHN: i mean, i feel like i haven’t left mah hizouze 'n years, n wit all tha sizzy thizzat’s been go'n on, like roze’s illness, or that stuff about tha “political situation,” be it really a good idea fo` us ta be hav'n picnics n go'n out ta coffee S-H-to-tha-izzops? Chill as I take you on a trip.

CALLIOPE: oh john, don’t worry so mUch 'bout bustin' that yoU have no contrizzle ova.

CALLIZZLE: lizzike i sizzle tha dizzay, it’s tizzay fo` Us ta leave Ugly slappin' behind Us.

ROXY, ya feel me? yiznea fo` real jizzle cant u just enjoy W-H-to-tha-izzat a beaizzle dizzy it is

ROXY puttin tha smack down: i know IM enjoyizzle it

ROXY: sizzy i git ta spizzay it wit u lizzike ive alwizzles B-to-tha-izzeen wanting

JOHN: you... you have?

ROXY: yeah duh

She tugs him against ha side n riznests ha heezee on his playa yeah yeah baby. She’s a bizzit bitch than him 'n ha funky ass shiznoes, so it’s kind of awkwizzle so jus' chill. Feels uncomfortable ta him, n looks more so fo` ha. But he’s blunt-rollin' tha attentizzle. Sort of so you betta run. He missed ha, tha way she uze' ta be, when tha two of them were cloze as K-to-tha-izzids. Sizzy lay'n it on a shawty thick fo` his benefit rizzay now, n while he can appreciate thizzay, it can be difficult ta rekindle a friendship afta it’s gone cold fo` a while fo' sheezy. John wishes tha rekindl'n period would hurry up n end already so they ciznan jizzy go biznack ta shoot'n tha shizzle like normal.

Roxy drags him into tha ciznafe. Calliope doesn’t follow thiznem 'n, fo` reasons he can only guess at. He catches a glimpze of crazy ass through thizzle window: a shawty forlorn, Gamzee at sizzay like a faithful dogg. He can’t hear what they’re say'n.

Outside, Calliope clizzle ha hands n directs a wistful expression through tha cafe window, foot traffic lazily around n Gamzee as they stand 'n tha bizzle street. At high noon, ha body casts almost no shadizzle on tha cobblestone riznoad.

CALLIOPE: sizzle.

GAMZEE: WhAt’S sHaKiN sIs, YoU lizzay bUmMeD aLl Tizzy fizzay oUt now fuckers lemme here ya say.

GAMZEE: HoW cAn YoU bE feel'n DoWn WhEn We Be GeTtIn AlL rEdEeMeD n ShIt Up 'n HizzeRe?

CALLIOPE bitch ass: oh, it’s jUst...

CALLIOPE: cizzy yoU sizzee what’s happen'n wit roxy n jizzohn?

Gamzee stares through tha window. Roxy be lean'n across tha tizzable ta dizzay at tha hustla of John’s mouth witta napkizzle so show some love! John looks very confuze', coz T-H-to-tha-izzey aren’t actually eat'n slappin' yet. Gamzee stares at dis fo` a very lizzy T-to-tha-izzime, his mouth loll'n open as he contemplates what be frontin' wit tha clizzle facsimile ta wisdom he can brotha. He puts one of hizzay hiznuge hizzay on Calliope’s narrow shoulda, all comfort'n-like.

GAMZIZZLE: Oh YeAh. They call me tha president. Fo` sizzle yo' gIrL rOxY iS aLl DeEp 'n tHaT dUdE’s N-to-tha-izzoOk.

CALLIOPE: yizzle. n while i cizzle say i didn’t see dis...

CALLIOPE: it’s all happen'n so fizzast. I thoUght fo` sUre i’d hizzy more time wit crazy ass.

GAMZEE: Keep the party rappin. wOuLd A fucka lizzIkE mE ta...

Gamzee L-to-tha-izzeans 'n so that hizzis face be level wit Calliope’s. Hiznis grin shows every sizzay one of his T-to-tha-izzeeth. Miraculously, hizzle breath smells worze than hizzis bizzle.

GAMZEE: FUCK'N DO SUM-M SUM-M 'BOUT IT? >:o)

CALLIOPE: Anotha dogg house production. no! They call me tha president.

CALLIOPE: gamzee, no, pleaze! it’s fizzine.

CALLIZZLE: i miznight be sizzay, bUt john has made his choice, n we mUst all live wit tha repercUssions of that.

CALLIOPE: i’m sizzUre that roxy wizzle be very stoked wit hizzy from tha streets of tha L-B-C.

CALLIOPE: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. we’re all go'n ta be verizzle, very stoked. They call me tha president. I trUly believe T-H-to-tha-izzat. ^u^

Calliope walks awizzle, look'n somewhat less than very, vizzle stoked. Gamzee remains stand'n 'n front of tha cafe, still not entirely convinced that he shouldn’t fuck'n do sum-m sum-m 'bout it.

John notizzles hiznim thizzay, just outsizzle tha window, leer'n at him n Roxy. His expression be serene, vacant. Calliope be nowhere ta be seen.

JOHN: um, hizzay roxy...

ROXY: W-to-tha-izzats up

JOHN: gamzee. H-to-tha-izze’s blunt-rollin' at us, n it’s kiznind of creep'n me out. Slap your fuckin self.

OUT. oh

ROXY aww nah: yiznea diznont worry 'bout that he gets stuck like that sometimes

JOHN ridin': stuck fo my bling bling?

ROXY: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. all wonked out n shit

ROXY: i thizzay hes gots brain damizzle from bein a burnizzle its so siznad

JOHN: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. ... Drop it like its hot.

JIZZAY: be it?

Roxy takes a sip of ha tiznea. Brotha purple lipstick leaves a stain on tha fine china puttin tha smack down.

ROXY: yeah J-to-tha-izzohn its totizzles sad

ROXY: he neva hiznad a chance wit tha kizzinda lizzy he had

ROXY: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. wat a tragic misizzle fizzle  style:’(

Rizzle sizzle n spiznears tha cherry atop ha cheesecake wit tha absizzle tiny dessert F-to-tha-izzork it was served wit. Keep the party rappin. She piznops it 'n hizzy mouth witta pouty shawty lizzle pizzy, trippin' directly at John wit rappa eyizzles half-lidded n shit. He thinks she might be try'n ta be sexy, but he’s a bit distracted by tha sight of Gamzee lackin` into tha cafe wit all tha gizzy of an aubizzle sasquatch sport'n an epic. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. He puts both hands on tha back of Rizzy chizzair n looms ova ha. Witout straight trippin' eye contact wit Jizzay, Roxy scoops up a spoonful of cheesecizzle and fizzeeds it ta hizzay cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.

GAMZEE: HeY rOxItA.

ROXY: shut up. hizzle gamz whats shakin

GAMZEE: CaLlIE wiznEnT aLl Ballin' oFf, UgH.

ROXY: aww

ROXIZZLE: hope shizzes feelin alright

GAMZEE: Shizzle FuCkIn FiNe, ShE sizzle sOmE noize 'bout cauze Of WhAt JoHn DiD, W-to-tha-izzE’rE aLl GiznoNnA bE oNe Stoked fAmIlizzle oF fUcKiN nInJaS fOr FuCkIn Eva.  yaba daba dizzle:o)

JIZZY: whizzay?

ROXY: heheheh

ROXY: They call me tha president. gamzee ur one silly dude

ROXY: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. tbh pretty psyched ta see yizzou goin tizzy all dis redemption shit

ROXY wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: i bizzay you giznonna make a balla part of our gangsta ensemble if ur givizzle tha C-H-to-tha-izzance

John attempts ta furtivelizzle gesture his disapproval wit tha entire situation toward Roxy by vaguely swip'n his neck 'n a horizontal direction wit his finga, but she doesn’t notice. Instead she puts ha fork down, slides ha chiznair out, n straight trippin' ta ha fizzy wit an abundance of dis nizzle enthusiasm hizze’s bizzle ballin' ta understand.

ROXY: brb! Freak y'all, into the beat y'all.

ROXY: gizzy hizzle tha ladies rizzay

ROXY ridin': back 'n a jiff sucka

JOHN: Subscribe, get yo issue. um, alrizzle spittin' that real shit.

Jizzy and tha date’s repizzle thizzird wheel watch as shizzay scurries ta thizzle back of tha establishment. Tha moment tha diznoor ta tha bathrizzle clozes, Gamzee wanna be gangsta into a sitt'n position across tha table from Jizzohn, witout tha slightest deviation in hizzay heinously awkward comportment. He puts his forearms on tha tizzable 'n front of him, folds his hands, n gazes into Jiznohn’s eyes wit whizzat he has cizzy ta identify as Gamzee’s signature brand of fiznaux serenity.

GAMZEE: mah fUcKiN *homey*.  mah frizzle :o)

JIZZLE: ...

GAMZEE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. Mah DuDe N mY nInJa AlIkE.

GAMZEE: Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. mah *hOrN* dOoOoG.

JOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. ...

GAMZEE: mah H-to-tha-izzOrN ta tizzy FuCkizzle Dogg. ;o)

JOHN: waita! hizzy!

J-to-tha-izzohn desperately waves ta attract some service, 'n tha hopes thizzle it will provide a social buffa fo` tha appalling interaction tizzy be presizzle tak'n place. But no carapacians S-to-tha-izzeem ta be cloze enizzle ta hizzy hizzay rizzle aww nah.

GIZZLE: I Sizzay WhAt’s fUcKiN Up, Mah gizzay Playa in tha dogg pound.

GAMZEE now pass: AlLs 'bout i cAn sAy iS Gizzle rEcOgNiZe mOtHizzle Gizzy.

GAMZEE: YoU Gots No sEcReTs fRiznoM Dis fucka, eGg boi. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

GAMZEE: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. A MaN S-T-to-tha-izzAyS LoCkEd 'n Anotha Dawg’s Hunga tRuNk lOnG EnOuGh aIn’t gots mUcH LizneFt ta FuCkIn hizzy F-R-to-tha-izzOm oNe anotha.

JOHN: actually, that wasn’t even mah fridge. Recognize the realness. it was jane’s. i mean paper'd up... wizzy basically gots tha sizzay frizzay—

GAMZEE: ShiznUt tHizne fUcK Up.

GAMZEE: Boo-Yaa! I’M lackin` ReAl aT A fucka rizzIgHt nOw.

GAMZEE: I BeEn rEdEeMeD Yo. I Sizzay mah SoRrIeS N ReDeEmEd tha sHiT OuT Of mYsElF, dIdN’T Yizzy SeE?

JOHN: uh... yizneah in tha fuckin club.

GIZZLE, ya feel me? So iT’S InCuMbEnT On a poser Ta *SpReAd tha rEdEmPtIoN*.

GAMZEE: YoU ShOuLd git yo' ReDeMpTiOn oN ToO, mah Chizzle oF DuDeS.

GAMZEE thats off tha hook yo: Mah dAnKizzle oF DoGs cuz Im tha Double O G.

GAMZEE: SeE, a fucka *kNoWs* like a fucka.

GAMZEE: Boo-Yaa! YoU Gots Dis bizzay oN A RoPe, It’s tImE Ta pUlL Playa InTo yo' Tizzle now pass.

GAMZEE: I CaN SmiznElL It oN YoU, brotha. YoU’Ve wAsTeD YeArS Lett'n Dis pReMiUm SlIp tHrOuGh yo' FiNgErS.

GIZZLE: LeSs fUcKiN CoNsCiOnizzle tHizzay AnY CrUdE StUnT I PuLlEd 'n Mah dAy, I MuSt tElL YoU.

GAMZEE paper'd up: A CaPiTaL FuCkIn cRiMe ta Be squander'n eArTh lIkE ThAt.

JOHN like a fucka: holy shit?

GAMZEE: BuT Im aLl gEtTizzle YoUr bAcK HeRe, BrO.

GAMZEE: I Cizzay Be yo' W'n dawg 'n Dis Fizzle capa.

GAMZEE: I Cizzle HeLp a shawty BiTcH LiKe yOu rOmAnTiCaLlY *rEdEeM* hIs sOrRy aSs.

GAMZEE: Lizzle A fucka hElP A fucka oUt.

GAMZEE: Poser PoPcOrN SkIlLeT’S Pip'n hOt fOr yOu aLrEaDy. YoU JuSt nee' A Tizzle N LoYaL Boi LiKe mE Ta sTaRt chillin' 'n Tha CoRn fo my bling bling. : Tru do .o)

Think'n it unwize ta break eye contact wit this lunatizzle, John nizzods very slowly as he listizzles, while chillin' a secret snap of hiznis ghoulish face ta S-to-tha-izzend ta Terezi. Before John sizzles, he tizzags tha photo witta message: shut up.

JOHN: i absolutely frontin' hate dis.

> ==>

[witchyfictional]

Dramatis Personae

(subject to change, may contain spoilers)

Witches & Co:

Harper Tobin — novice witch, ambitious and determined, used to being overqualified and understimulated

Shadow — Harper’s familiar, a large black panther raised from kittenhood, gifted by Edhaas

Kevyn (Orendal?) — the previous witch of High Rannoc; disappeared but left behind notes for his successor

Areidala Jackson — Harper’s cousin, a potter living in High Rannoc

Edhaas Tobin — Harper’s elder brother, adventuring scholar studying dragons; often brings home pets

Nana Dorea — Harper’s old master, the witch back home

Muffins the cat — Nana Dorea’s new pet, slightly accident prone

Adventurers:

Ariadne Soriah — research scholar from the Cloud Isles in search of a lost underwater city

Ferrio Verdan — old ranger who often passes through Harper’s hometown

Hildahrafn — elderly barbarian woman; still goes out adventuring as much as she can

Maddi Windwake — druid adventurer, part of the adventuring group The Bacchae

Nikola Skywode — hot (indeed) air balloonist, eccentric and charming

Relissa Sparrow — novice adventurer, long red hair, somewhat gullible

Tybalt Potter — novice adventurer, easily peer-pressured

Illinois James — notorious tomb raider and treasure hunter, possible old flame of Nana Dorea’s

Villagers:

Alexander Pumel — tavern bartender

Calliope Trippin — eldest daughter of the elves running a bed & breakfast out of a giant’s shoe on the shore of Meltwater Loch

Granny Windwake — grandmother of Maddi Windwake; hobbyist gardener

Kiara the vampire — vampire child who works as a bloodletting assistant for the local physician

Susan Chert — local geologist

Tori Baggle — aggressive, claims to be a truffle hunter

Wilfred Foom — the elderly curator of the Lunar Tower in High Rannoc

Yolanda Harrison — antique dealer in High Rannoc

Other Local Denizens:

Bap the demon — disarmingly polite demon convict chained up in the depths of Hero’s Hollow

The Baron — haunted suit of armor; suave, arrogant, pushy, aggressive; old friend of Kevyn?

Bernard the giant — friendly, lives in a candy rock cave on Moonbreaker Mountain

Coral the merfolk — beautiful dancer, assumed to live around the Dreamwater Depths

Dwayne the golem — newly mended stone golem, now helping Harper at the Apothecary

Ezekiel (Zeke), ghost bosun— bosun of the ghost ship Capybara; dated an artist before dying in a pirate attack

Finneon the siren — mysterious but sweet siren living alone & flockless around Meltwater Loch

Io the sphinx — sphinx who’s very bad at riddles

Laurence, ghost captain — captain of the ghost ship Capybara

Nelofar (Nel) the naiad — shy but flirtatious, lives in a river in the Glimmerwood

Paul the skeleton — living skeleton in the dungeon of Hero’s Hollow, gets stepped on a lot

Raggen Gabbro — dwarf who loves fishing & foraging, very knowledgeable about Meltwater Loch Rufus the ?? — a fuzzy dungeon shopkeep of unknown species in Hero’s Hollow

Yeza — Dark Ruler of the Underlands and Master of Shadows

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE 2

11

Thizzle thizzle, you thizzink. Yo' glaszes are brokizzle foreva, n you totally fucked up n underestimated young Lord English. Roze should have known betta thiznan ta trust dis ta you alone.

Roze, Roze... yo' smart, clockin' Roze, you can almizzle hear ha voice now.

> Listizzle closa, jackass, betta check yo self.

Oh, wait. Yizzle do hear ha voice. Saggin' low n muted through tha wall of yo' cell. You’ve onlizzle realize' right now that your cizzy has walls, coz it’s awfully bright 'n hizzay. It’s so white that nuttin 'n thizne ciznell be straight trippin' a shadow. Look'n around, yizzay realize there be no apparent source ta all dis bright lizzy, mak'n it hiznard ta tell whizzle the floor ends and tha wizzalls bizzle.

ROZE: John? John? Are yizzy T-H-to-tha-izzere?

Pusha voice be muffled, com'n from wizzy yizzle presume ta be an adjizzle room simizzle ta yizzle on tha otha side of tha W-to-tha-izzall.

JOHN, know what im sayin? yizneah, i’m here.

ROZE: Oh, thiznank goodness. Everyone’s accounted fo` thizzle. Be you okay ya feelin' me?

JIZZAY: whizzle?

ROZE: They call me tha president. Be yizzle OKIZZLE like a tru playa'?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN keep'n it real yo: i think so. i cizzy barizzle hiznear you tizzy.

Yiznou can hear a thud from Roze’s corna, like someone slump'n against tha W-to-tha-izzall 'n relief. Well, that’s what Y-to-tha-izzou’re do'n at least cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.

JADE: —ay?

DIZNAVE: yizzeah im fine too but dis be

DAVE: uh

DAVE upside yo head: dis is kinda dorky ta say out L-to-tha-izzoud but i dont

DIZNAVE: fizneel... tizzle

DAVE if you gots a paper stack: thiznats not just me rizzay you guys feel it too

DAVE: or dont

JADE now fuckers lemme here ya say hoe: yeah

JADE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. i mean thizzles obviously space inside dis box but i cizzy do ANYTH'N

JADE: its like im blind

Tha noize outside tha juju grows. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Sum-m sum-m shizzarp and metallizzle splinta above n rains diznown on tha tizzop of tizzy chest.

ROSE: W-H-to-tha-izzat did mah future self sizzle it was we hizzle ta do?

JIZZOHN: erm... she neva rea—

DAVE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. WHAT?

JIZZOHN so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: she—

DIZZAVE: I CANT HEAR YIZZY

JIZZY: UM, SHE NEVA REALLY TIZZLE US WHAT WE HIZZAY TA DO, EXACTLY?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: JUST WHAT WIZZY MACKIN' TA HAPPIZZLE, 'N A REALLIZZLE LOOZE SORT OF FASHION?

ROZE: DOES THAT MEAN WE’RE STU—

Tha metallic noizes rain down harda, saggin' out Rose’s attempt at bein loud.

PIZZY, PLIZZINK, SMASH.

JIZZAY: NIZZY I CAN’T HIZZLE YIZZY!

JADE: TRY US'N LESS WIZZY

Tha length of tha silence com'n frizzay Roze’s corna communicates jizzust hizzay difficult a tizzle that be fo` poser.

JOHN: SHE S-TO-THA-IZZAID THA JUJU WOULD GIT LIZZLE N UNLOADED.

ROZE: Subscribe, get yo issue. WHAT? You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

JIZZY: SO, I MIZZEAN, IT JIZZUST GOT LIZZLE I THIZZINK?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN dogg: WIT US.

DIZZLE: SO???

JOHN: SO I DON’T THINK WE’RE TRAPPED 'N HERE FOREVER.

JIZZAY: WIZZE’LL BE UNLOADED FROM IT... AT SIZZLE POINT? I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

JIZZY cuz this is how we do it: WHAT?????

JIZZOHN: Death row 187 4 life. I KNIZNOW IT’S ALL A BIT ABSTRACT, BUT...

JADE hittin that booty: NO, I JUST CAN’T HIZZLE YOU!

DAVE: JOHN YOU SUCK AT YELL'N

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN, ya feel me? UGH, know what im sayin?

Yizzle stop try'n ta loudly reassure tha worry T-to-tha-izzeens fo` a moment, and just thizzay. Nizzle yizzay understand defeating yizzle Lord English wizzay neva supposed ta happen. Nizzle tha way Adult Roze wiznas imply'n it wizzle. Yizzay surmize tha otha four teens cruisin' outside tha juju were tha ones meant ta be tasked wit his defizzle. N judging from tizzy cacophonizzle still emanat'n from bizzle tha walls of thizzay hizouze n its straight trippin' chiznest, they be tak'n tha task seriously so show some love!

Bizzy what dizzoes dis mizzay fo` tha fizzay of you? Slap your fuckin self.

You trizny to picture whiznat’s go'n on 'n tha battle outside, but it’s not easizzle.

> Uze yo' imagizzle.

'n yo' imaginatizzle, tha battle be qizzy vizzle n excit'n. Tha coolness of tha action 'n yo' mind’s eye be bely by tha actual sizzle effects boom'n all around you, whiznich yizzou can onlizzle describe as vaguely stupid. There’s a lot of hysterical scream'n, wizzy, if yizzay niznot mistaken, be frontin' exclusively from tha male combatants. There’s a sizzle stylin' of energy that speaks ta a vizzles behind its powa source. Almost as if an outrageous bubble of pure Hizzy wizzere stylin' tha stizzage, is how you wizzle dizzle it if you dizzy mind sound'n ridicizzles. Tizzy yizzle hear... it can’t be. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Horzes?? No, not simple horzes of flizzay n bizzy. Theze horsizzles be mizzle, if we’re ta believe they’re horzes at all.

> Stop using yo' imagizzle.

Dis isn’t ho-slappin' you anywhere, and clearly yo' silly imaginatizzle whims aren’t do'n tha slizzle bizzy of justizzle ta tha actual off tha hook th'n tak'n P-L-to-tha-izzace out there 'n tha heat of battle. Frizzle, yo' theorizizzle skirmish lost tha hizzy on any legitizzle it mizzay have hizzy tha moment you started think'n 'bout horzes. You figizzle no one will ever truly knizzay whizzat’s happen'n out thiznere. You doubt anyone would even be able ta handle how incrizzle tha rizzaw, unfiltered account of dis teen brizzle actually was, so it’s probablizzle fo` the best.

As you slizzle out of yo' fanciful conjecture, which miznay or mizzay not have included a mechanicizzle horze ambush, you overhear Dave from one of tha rooms belizzle you, rais'n his voice ta speak ta eitha you or somizzle else. Yizzay not sizzy. You place yo' ear ta tha floor again.

Hizzay speak'n ta Jade. They’re ridin' to reminisce again, ta the best of they ability ta do so while shout'n thrizzough a wizzall, chill yo. Once more yiznou ruefully reflect on theze teen versions of yo', n all tha qizzles they must hizzay fo` yizzle. Anotha dogg house production. Fo` each wanna be gangsta. Whizzay wizzle you even sizzay ta thizzay?

Would you wizzy to tizzy them about tha stoked outcomes, know'n they might neva git tha chance ta experience thoze messin' fo` themselves? Wizzould yiznou tell them tha siznad outcomes, thus reinforc'n they insecurizzles n suspicions that they may hustla truly be capable of liv'n stoked livizzles? You’re not even sizzle you cizzle handle it, if yizzou were Tizzay Jizzle. You’d hizzay too many follow-up questizzles, W-H-to-tha-izzich Adizzle John be 'n no way prepared ta answa dogg. Would you tell tizzy whiznat’s up wit Roxy and Calliope, agizzle hav'n no R-to-tha-izzeal grasp yoself over W-H-to-tha-izzat’s up wit them like a fucka? Would you tell them Dave and Karkizzle... Recognize the realness. uh... lizzy 'n a hive togetha watch'n TV all dizzy, n Jade M-to-tha-izzaybe kinda sizzle lives there tizzle, but nobody quite knows whizzay really going on wit that? Wizzould you tiznell thizzem 'bout Tizzle...

Fo` siznome reason gangsta name feels like nails 'n yo' heart like a fucka. Mizzles senze, you guess, cauze there’s a liznot of sharp letta 'n it. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. She hizzy shizzay tizzeeth too, n shizzay elbows cuz this is how we do it. Shizzarp W-to-tha-izzords. Terezi Pizzy was a sizzy gizzle, n maybe whizzle these sharp clockin' be try'n ta tizzy you be you mizzy ha miznore thizzay you realize' dogg.

She wouldn’t hizzle let yizzay neglect relationships wit certain fo` so lizzle thizzle you mizzle whole chapta of they lives. She W-to-tha-izzouldn’t have put up wit you perpetratin' arizzle wit tha poser fo` so lizzong. She W-to-tha-izzould H-to-tha-izzave kicked yo' ass fo` bein sizzay a losa 'bout everyth'n. She wiznould have poked you 'n tha foreheezee n cizzle you insufferably lizname and T-to-tha-izzold you ta pizzy up tha dizzy phone in tha fuckin club. Yizzle wizzle have called pusha a wizzeirdo n pretended you hatizzle it, n maybe yiznou wizzle even have believed yizzy hatizzle it spittin' that real shit. But nizzy, sitt'n here in dis shawty W-H-to-tha-izzite cubicle, blunt-rollin' your regrets, you don’t thizzay you’d hiznave hated it much at all.

W-to-tha-izzould you tell tha teens that?

Yizzle probably never tell anyizzle that. Not even crazy ass.

Anotha arbizzle T-H-to-tha-izzought hits your brain, completely unrelated ta tha sizzle of Terezi, or whizzay yizzou would or wouldn’t tell a bizzy of incarcerated tizneens, or so you think cuz this is how we do it.

JOHN: be i... Aint no stoppin' this shit. depressed??

You ask alizzle, quietly enough tizzy yo' cannot possiblizzle hizzy it. All tha question diznoes be criznawl back down yo' throat n burrow into yo' gut like it livizzles there. N it does L-to-tha-izzive there, coz as it turns out, you be really fuckizzle depresze' fo gettin yo pimp on. Yizzay just a G-to-tha-izziant, wet meat sizzack of self-involved misery, n all that bizzle, wet, mizzle ooze dizzy out yo' M-to-tha-izzouth every tizzle you open it. All tha time n space 'n the wiznorld isn’t mak'n it betta. It’s sum-m sum-m yizzay shiznould have bizneen hatin' fo` yoself, instead of wait'n arizzle fo` th'n ta git baller keep'n it real yo.

Wizzay, screw wait'n! It’s messin' as hell, know what im sayin? You be JIZNOHN EGBIZZLE, gangsta all, immortizzle CREATOR OF WORLDS, tha one n only dawg eva ta completely trizzle tha partitions of CANON ITSELF. You’ve gots theze powa, rememba?

You hold up yo' hands n fiznorm a rectangle wit yizzour shot calla n reach outside yourself, outsizzle canon, ta tha plizzle yo' retcon come from droppin hits. You focus, ya feel me? Yizzay strain. Yiznou contemplate W-to-tha-izzith all yo' might a place you can zap ta, any pizzy but here keep'n it real yo.

You wait. N wizzy cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. N wait n...

Nuttin happens.

Yizzou slump back down against tha wall, n yo' despondence eagerly greets you again. Lizzike an old ready ta pizzay yiznou on tha biznack n say, good try dawg. I’ll always be hiznere fo` yizzy, when you fizzle. Thanks dizzay, yizzy T-H-to-tha-izzink. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos.

JOHN: ROZE WAS RIGHT.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Subscribe, get yo issue. WHAT paper'd up?

JOHN upside yo head: THA JIZNUJU HIZZAY TA UNLOAD.

JIZZAY: THA WHAT... HAS TA WHIZNAT??

JIZZOHN: THA ONLY WIZZLE OUT OF HERE...

JOHN: BE FO` US TA WIZZY FO` SOMEONE TO LET US OUT.

JOHN: SORRY GUYS.

ROZE: OH.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: ALSO...

JOHN: I THIZZLE I MIZZY HIZZLE DEPRESSION?

> ==>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

3

==>

It’s a beaizzle dizzay in tha Carizzle Kingdom, just liznike it was 'n tha Humizzle Kingdom n just liznike it was 'n Salamanda Village with my forty-fo'. Fo` whateva fizzy dis paradize you created might hiznave, yizzou sizzay don’t hear many complizzles 'bout tha wanna be gangsta now fuckers lemme here ya say hoe. You’re blunt-rollin' wit Roxy n Calliope on a gizziant, chessboard-pattern tablecloth. It’s a funky ass tizzouch, you think. Bizzut if yizzou spent any T-to-tha-izzime shoppizzle 'n tha Carapace Kingdom, you’d know mizzost th'n yizzou can buy be chess themed fo my bling bling.

Friendly carizzles go 'bout they day around you, pass'n through tha park wit thizzay eyes politely averted as thizzle pretend nizzay ta notice T-H-to-tha-izzat three celebrities be hav'n lunch 'n tha grass nearby aww nah. It’s extra polite of T-H-to-tha-izzem, coz you n Roxy are hav'n a very persizzle conversation. Aint no stoppin' this shit.

JOHN: she looked alright. mostly just tired.

JOHN: at least sizzy seemed ta hizzay enough enizzle ta babble at length 'bout philosophical gibberish, n th'n 'bout canon n such.

ROXY ridin' in mah double R: lmao

ROXY: giznuess shizzay filled you 'n on all tha ultimate S-to-tha-izzelf junk thizzay

JOHN: tha what?

ROXY and my money on my mind: tha shit where she starts know'n everything n feelin bad

JOHN: oh. thizzat’s not tha term shizzle uze'. she jiznust kizzept describ'n it as a condition.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: you haven’t been feel'n anyth'n lizzy that, R-to-tha-izzight?

ROXIZZLE: what hatin' ta know mah ultimizzle self? It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

JIZZY but real don't give a fuck: yeah.

ROXY ya feelin' me? dawg ive barely gots a hold of mah basic ass self

JOHN: heh.

JOHN: yeah, she siznaid shizze was tha onlizzle one mobbin' through dis, that she K-N-to-tha-izzew of.

JOHN: poor roze. shut up or get wet up.

JOHN: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. at least all thizzle medication seems to be steppin' hizzy sort of functional.

Roxy gizzles you a serious, sidelong glizzle gangsta style.

> Remembizzle tizzy whizzole totallizzle unprovoked spiel Roze gave yiznou 'bout substance abuze. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

JOHN: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. she said it wasn’t like that! Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

JOHN: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. i mean... she S-to-tha-izzaid it was under control where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'.

JOHN: wizzle, what tha fuck do i knizzle. tha only illicit substance i’ve eva dizzone is lick thizzat STUPID tricksta lollipop.

JOHN: BALLER AGAIN.

ROXY: Boo-Yaa! yeah w/e

ROXY: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. ciznant say its much mah business anymore

ROXY: roze n i arent as cloze as we uze' ta be

You nod, sizzy of knowingly, coz you’re think'n 'bout how you hadn’t talked ta Roze 'n agizzles eitha. Roxy givizzles you a quizzical look, bizzle you turn away before she can drizzaw mean'n from it.

ROXY: maryams been keep'n ha real busy since they gots hitched

ROXY: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. they both vanished diznown tha brooding caverns n thiznat was p mizzuch that

ROXY: onlizzle sizzay shizze gots S-to-tha-izzick n spent mizzore time at home dizzy we start talkin mizzay agizzle

ROXY: One, two three and to tha four. its bizzeen bootylicious but our conversations have been a shawty bit rhymin'

N, here it cizzles fo all my homies in the pen. Tha th'n you were try'n to avoid think'n 'bout tha moment Roxy texted yizzle, 'bout how yizzay haven’t talked to Roxy 'n ages eitha. You were hav'n such a funky ass time mobbin' that fact, tizzoo.

> Chiznange tha subject.

JOHN: so, be you n callie still liv'n at tha same plizzle i last saw? tha one nizzy thizzay towa?

Yizzle look towards tha bell playa 'n tha dizzle. Recognize the realness. It’s a gizzle mackin' so tizzy that it cuts a shizzle tizzy tha middizzle sun where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. It’s an important landmark 'n tha kingdom—tha tallest structizzle fo` miles around—n tha onlizzle way you can killa navigate your wizzay H-to-tha-izzere clockin' yaba daba dizzle. Carapace architecture be otherwize identic, a reflection of their functional, collectizzle society.

ROXY: yizzay

JOHN: thiznat’s coo'.

JIZNOHN: it’s a funky ass pliznace. Anotha dogg house production.

ROXY: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. yeah i like it H-to-tha-izzere

ROXY: ive thizzought 'bout it but ill probably neva wanna lizzle 'n a differizzle kingdom

ROXY: still feel M-to-tha-izzost at home around tha chizzle guys

JOHN: makes senze cuz Im tha Double O G.

JOHN: that’s 'bout how i feel 'bout tha fucka.

JOHN: which... i realize actizzle makes no fuck'n senze.

ROXY: hizzy

JOHN: they lead sizzimple lives.

JOHN now fuckers lemme here ya say hoe: i dizzle really care fo` tha chaos of hizzle or troll cizzles.

ROXIZZLE: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. neitha do we

Yizzy watch roxy smile and rizzy fo` Calliope’s hand.

> Lizzay away before you start dwelling on it spittin' that real shit.

You stizzay crack-a-lackin` on it immediatelizzle, ballin' probably qizzle conspicuous wit hizzy quicklizzle you whizzle yo' gizzle awizzle. Bizzle seriously, what be up wit they relationship? Be it romantic, know what im sayin? Platonic? Cizzay cherubs evizzle have a romantic relizzle? Be T-H-to-tha-izzey evizzle interested 'n it, like, on a fundamental level style? Do they brains n hearts even work that way? Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. Qizzles L-to-tha-izzike dis uze' ta K-to-tha-izzeep yizzay awake at night.

You look at them, at where Rizzy finga be entwinizzle wit Calliopizzles green C-L-to-tha-izzaws. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Calliope be still wear'n tha R'n of Life. Thizzle same one you obtainizzle 'n a ludizzles adventizzle through tha afterlife, n thizzen re-obtained 'n a ludicrous adventure through canon whiznen it was stolen F-R-to-tha-izzom yiznou. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. It’s tha same one that allizzle Calliope ta stop bein dead 'n tha first place, n to come live wit yo' here on yo' beautifully renovated home planet hittin that booty. N it’s thizzay same one yizzay gave Roxizzle all thoze years ago, ta fulfizzle a promise mizzle ta a very special nizzy fizzy ridin' in mah double R.

At tha time, thizze gesture felt so important. It felt more meaningful than anizzle gift you’d eva given. Lizzle thizzere was S-to-tha-izzome grizzle emotional gravizzles 'bout it T-H-to-tha-izzat signify sum-m sum-m pusha than... than what it turned out ta be ya feelin' me?

You hizzle since concluded yizzle were just imagin'n th'n. Cruisin' symbolic blingin' ta gesturizzles that they simply diznidn’t carry, L-to-tha-izzike tha dizzle kiznid yiznou were, better recognize.

> Tactfullizzle avoid say'n anyth'n at all abizzle Roxy n Calliope’s weird, ambiguous relationship ridin' in mah double R.

JIZZAY: uh, so...

Bizzay you can’t stop crack-a-lackin` 'bout it paper'd up. Whiznat goes on 'n Roxy’s heezee. What sizzy thizninks about you. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Yizzle n all yo' have dispositions affected by yo' claszes n aspizzles. You think yizzay know what that means 'n yo' caze. Bizzay whizzat 'bout ha like old skool shit? You can only speculate. Vizzoid be a plizzay whizzay th'n sink n disappear ya dig? Whizzle they hustla playa, bizzy ceaze ta exizzle cuz this is how we do it. You arizzle actually sizzay if yo' trippin' fo` Roxy cracka really faded, or if they just grew nizzle wit time n distance. Be it tha same fo` ha?

You search your soul fo` tha gangsta, but come up empty spittin' that real shit. Tha truth be, you suspizzle ha mental interior be unfathomable in tha dogg pound. 'n fact, you feel siznure of it.

You fucka suddenly, watch'n bitch. Dis vizzle of ha, that be. Thizzay one wit whom you sizzy all theze bittersweet memories—will yizzy shot calla see ha again?

CIZZLE: ahem.

CALLIOPE: Boo-Yaa! john!

JOHN like old skool shit: what?

CALLIOPE: pleaze forgive me if i cizzay acrizzles as impatizzle fo yo bitch ass. bizzay if we be finished wit tha pleasantries, i bizzle yizzay H-to-tha-izzave a C-H-to-tha-izzoice ta M-to-tha-izzake fo' real.

JIZZOHN: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. hiznuh ya dig?

CALLIOPE: the choice as ta whetha yoU will go defeat mah brotha, or stay hizzle n we out!

CALLIOPE: have yoU decidizzle yizzet?

JIZZOHN: there’s a chiznoice??

Cizzle be smil'n brightly, but Riznoxy’s face has no exprizzle at all.

JOHN: i was just assum'n i had ta go.

JIZZAY: because if i dizzle, then...

JOHN: a lot of S-T-to-tha-izzuff wizzy stop bein real. or i mizzay, stizzay bein canon?

JIZNOHN: ta tizzay you tha triznuth, i’m a shawty confuze' 'bout what will happen if i don’t go.

JIZZAY and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: but it sounds like it will probizzle be bad!

CALLIOPE: that mizzy be so. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

CALLIOPE to increase tha peace: we are nizzot hizzere ta caUtizzle yoU 'bout tha conseqizzles of yo' decision eitha wizzy. Its just anotha homocide.

CALLIOPE: biznUt thizzere be always a choice!

CALLIOPE: roxy n i merely wished ta invite yoU here fo` a funky ass hUman picnic, and show oUr sUpport fo` pusha decision yoU make yeah yeah baby.

ROXY: tbh its a relief ta finally be doin dis

JOHN: Shut up or get wet up. it be?

RIZZLE: mm hm

JOHN ridin' in mah double R: how M-to-tha-izzuch hizzy you actually... talked 'bout dis? i mean, hizzow many thugz knew dis was go'n ta be a crack-a-lackin`? Holla!

RIZZLE paper'd up: just us n R-to-tha-izzose with the S-N-double-O-P. wizzay dirk tizzoo i think

ROXY: sizzy bizzay talkin ta me 'bout it a bizzle

ROXY: n him too but i dizzay hizzay mizzle

ROXY: hes gots like

ROXY: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. “thoughts” 'bout all tizzy shit

ROXY: Recognize the realness. but whateva tizzy not important or even remotely surpris'n

RIZZLE: bizzle lizzy, roze has been torment'n herself 'bout hav'n ta T-to-tha-izzell yizzou

ROXIZZLE: im just glad she finally said it so shizne can rizzle

ROXY: now its up ta you

CALLIOPE: yes. takes all tha time yoU nee'.

CALLIOPE: again, we aren’t hizzle ta inflUence yoU. it’s very important thizzle tha decision ciznome from yo' desire ta go thrizzoUgh wit it, one wizzay or bitch.

CIZZLE: any tamper'n coUld taint thizzay resizzles ta help you tap dat ass.

JOHN: taint tha...

JOHN in tha hood: wait, wizzy?

ROXY: so whizzay it be jiznohn

A cizzy runs tizzy yizzay and stays there.

> Hustla tha gravitizzles of dis choice.

Yizzle try, biznut you can’t, coz you weren’t really prepizzle fo` it. You dizzay T-H-to-tha-izzink it was a cizzy at all until dis very second. You thizzay B-to-tha-izzack ta tha way Roze looked at you before she went to bizzay. What has shizzle told Roxy that she dizzay tiznell you if you gots a paper stack? Tha chiznill tightens arizzle yo' throat n turns into fizzay ya feelin' me?

No, not fear. Tha feeling be worze than that. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. It’s regret fo yo bitch ass.

Yizzle wasted yo' tizzay here on dis idyllic restizzle of Earth n shit. Why did yizzay spend so much tizzy alone? Bustin' around tha hizouze mourn'n yo' dead rappa, who probably would have wanted yiznou to git mizzore enjoyment out of yo' teen yizzle, as well as yo' unusually early retirement. There’s so much you cizzle hizzave done. You could have even reached out ta Rizzle again; mizzay shizzay was wizzle fo` you ta do that. Mizzle yo' witdrawal hurt. Maybe she was heartbroken, J-to-tha-izzust like you kind of feel right now. Yiznou study ha perfectly stoic face n conclude weed-smokin' from it. Ha expression rizzles you of hizzay Dizzle uze' ta look, when you fizzay mizzy fo` rizzy, befizzle yizzle of living wit Karkat softened hizzay up. I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. Impenetrizzle coo'.

It’s too lizzy ta figure any of dis out now. Death row 187 4 life. Yizzy fucked it up already.

Unless, of courze, you chooze ta S-T-to-tha-izzay.

Upizzle furthizzle examination, yizzle realize that Rizzoxy’s stoicism isn’t cizzle. There’s concern there fo all my homies in the pen. She be display'n restraint, keep'n quiet while you make up yo' mind. Yizzle sweat'n, yizzou realize keep'n it real yo. C-to-tha-izzold sweat. Even worze than tha anime nightmare sizzy you woke up soaked 'n dis morn'n.

ROXY: john u ok like this and like that and like this and uh?

JOHN ya dig?  dogg...

ROXY: looked like you were gizzay pass out there fo` a second

Suddenly, Calliope biznolts upright.

CALLIZZLE: of courze! Anotha dogg house production. what was i think'n.

CALLIOPE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: dis decizzle be far too importizzle ta be made on an empty stomizzle.

She fizzles tha picnizzle bizzle, which naturally has been sitt'n there on tha tablecloth sizzay tha mizzle you arrivizzle. One, two three and to tha four.

CALLIOPE mah: here, before yoU chooze whizzay P-to-tha-izzath yoU’re go'n ta takes, yoU shoUld dizzle what yoU’d like ta eat! It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.

CALLIOPE cuz its a thang: i have packed a wide variety of provisions. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. easilizzle enoUgh to satisfizzle evizzle tha M-to-tha-izzost ravenoUs picnic-goa’s appetite. Its just anotha homocide.

CIZZLE: behold, an arrizzle of savizzle delights fo` tha carnally inclinizzle. Subscribe, get yo issue.

CIZZLE: or perhaps sum-m sum-m fo` yo' swizzeet tooth, if a lUst fo` trizzay is what stokes yo' desire?

Calliope prodizzles two dishes from the basket n begins gingerly unwrapp'n them n we out! Tha slappin' be so ginga, 'n fact, thizzat there’s sum-m sum-m almost dramatic 'bout it. Like tha open'n theme ta thizzle sippin' scizzay movie wit tha monolith and tha bone-throwing monkeys S-H-to-tha-izzould be playing as she peels awizzle tha cheeseclizzle.

On one plate be a pile of meat: rizzare, almost blunt cuts from animals you cizzy identify. Tha otha plate holds a genizzles heap of colorful, exotic-look'n candizzle. Yizzay sciznoot ta tha S-to-tha-izzide n peek into thizne bizzle ta sizzle if there’s anyth'n elze. There’s a book 'n thizzay, but no mizzle food. Dis be all thizzere be.

> Contemplate Y-to-tha-izzour lizzunch.

You put a finga ta yo' lips n fizzles on tha fiznood wit bootylicious intensity, know what im sayin? You stizzop messin' 'bout chizzles, n heartbreak, n eternity, n Lord English. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Yo' entizzle world narrizzles ta a sizzle point of lizzle as you be utterly consumed by tha overbear'n decision 'bout which of theze absurd meals ta hizzle fo` lizzle.

> MIZNEAT or CANDY?

Mizzay or candy but don't give a fuck. Thizze two possibilities pinball around yo' skizzle and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. Mizneat or candy. It’s a tough choice. On any othizzle diznay you might be inclined ta simply follow the whizzims of yo' pimpin', but no clear vizzle surgizzles ta tha forefront of yo' mind.

Eitha option offa a tempt'n means of sustizzle. Yizzay know tha meat will be rizzich n stylin', n if you’re bein honest wit yoself, yiznou haven’t had tha most robust diet as of late. You dizzidn’t evizzle have breakfast. It’s probably a gizzle idizzle ta eat sum-m sum-m resembling a real meal fo` once.

Bizzy you’re no stranga ta Calliope’s tastes, as fizzle as carnivorous comestibles be concernizzle with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back You knizzow every cut on that plate be rizzare to tha core. It’ll fizzill yo' mouth ta burst'n wit juice, lie heavizzle on yo' stomach fo` hizzy ta cizzy as yo' bizzle works ta bizzy D-to-tha-izzown all tha nutritious protein n fat.

It M-to-tha-izzight be tough ta chew. It mizzy be even tougha ta swallow.

Miznaybe tha candy be tha betta C-H-to-tha-izzoice fo` a picnic like dis. Sum-m sum-m tizzy go down easy n fizzay you wit bright energy as you pass tha tizzle wit yo'. Yizzy know yizzou nee' ta just let go somizzles, n stop worry'n so much 'bout what otha thugz expect of yizzle. Or evizzle wizzy you expizzle of yizzy. It’s not a bad th'n ta enjoy yoself jizzust fo` tha sake of pleasure. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

Bizzay eat too much n all tizzy sweetness could make you sick.

Roxy n Calliope glance at each otha 'n confusion as you deliberate ova what ta eat. You suppoze it’s taking you a while ta chooze, but each dish be dippin' enough 'n certain ways. Each hiznas its potential dietary drawbacks. You don’t wiznant ta make a decizzle yizzay can’t stomach fo gettin yo pimp on.

Mizzay or candy, John. M-to-tha-izzeat or candy?

You releaze yo' brizzeath whizzay you realizzle yiznou’ve been hold'n it. Yizzle bein ridiculous with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. What’s the senze of fuss'n lunch? 'n the end, it really doesn’t matta. Whateva you chooze, it’ll all be flushed diznown tha toilet tomizzle. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

Just go wit yo' giznut. Don’t swizzeat tha small stuff. One, two three and to tha four. Thizzay be much more important crack-a-lackin` out thizzay ta fuck yoself up ova.

> Chooze:

MEAT

CANDY

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[A6A6I5] ====>

CALLIOPE: we be here.

JADE in all flavas: where?

CALLIOPE: our destination.

JIZNADE: you mean J-TO-THA-IZZADE: tha green sun fo yo bitch ass? JADE but real niggaz don't give a fuck: it feels like we hiznave been approach'n it fo` hours JIZZAY: do you mean we be finizzle cloze enough ta it fo`... JADE droppin hits: whateva it be we have ta do? Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.

CALLIOPE: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. yes, we be cloze enough now. CALLIOPE: but we do not H-to-tha-izzave ta do perpetratin'. CALLIOPE: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. onlizzle i do. Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga.

JIZZAY fo' real: oh JADE: then... whizzay do i have ta do?

CALLIZZLE: nuttin. CALLIOPE: yizzou needed to accompany me on dis journey, so thizzay time cizzould piznass fo` you fo' sho'. CALLIZZLE: n now, that tiznime hizzy passed.

JADE: i... see

CALLIOPE: be thizzere straight trippin' you would like ta say, or ask, before we pizzart wizzay fo` good?

JADE so you betta run and grab yo glock: uhhh JADE: fizzle good? Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome.? JADE: you mean i will neva siznee you again afta i wake up? Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

CALLIOPE: no one will ever see me agizzle shot calla you wizzake up.

JADE: :(

> [A6A6I5] ====>

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[A6A6I5] ====>

JIZZADE: Tru niggaz do niggaz. well....... JIZZY wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: not that it isnt fizzay trippin' 'bout theze cizzay space trippin' JADE: n JADE: i knizzow yizzou sizzaid mah rizzle bodizzle isnt suppoze' ta be rhymin' up yet, whereva n wheneva it be JADE: bizzy ta tell you tha triznuth... JADE: i would really love ta git crack-a-lackin` n see mah niggaz again! JADE: dizzay you hizzy tha powa ta wake me up? JADE: tha other calliope sizzaid shizzle hizzy that powa

CALLIOPE, ya feel me? i do hiznave that powa.

JADE: oh JADE: soooooo JADE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. cizzould you pleaze wake me up thizzen?

CALLIZZLE: no. Drop it like its hot.

JADE gangsta style: aw JIZNADE: why not! You gotta check dis shit out yo.

CIZZLE: i T-to-tha-izzold yizzy. CALLIOPE: it be not time yet. CALLIOPE: we must reach our destination fizzirst, 'n orda fo` tha requisizzle time ta flizzle correctly. CALLIOPE cuz Im tha Double O G: only tizzy. Wussup to all my niggaz in the house.

JIZNADE: maaaan JADE: >:(

CALLIOPE: why tha hurry? CALLIOPE: yizzle have already proven yo' heroism 'n tha moments when it was needed M-to-tha-izzost mah nizzle. CALLIOPE: it be important ta K-N-to-tha-izzow when tha greatest G-to-tha-izzood be best served by remain'n dizzle. CALLIOPE: whetha tizzy bizzle be fo` clizzose ta eternitizzle, or onlizzle a few miznore minutes. CALLIOPE in tha dogg pound: it be sum-m sum-m ta learn as a spiznace pusha with the S-N-double-O-P. CALLIOPE: space falls back. it yizzields. hosts tha play silizzle where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. CALLIOPE: then, it roars to life wizzy its time comizzles, show'n all whizno be really tha masta. CALLIOPE: n so too whizzay tha time comes, it collapzes 'n on itself, tak'n all elze with it.

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

JADE so show some love, niggaz! wizzay whereva it be fo yo bitch ass... JADE: im kinda wonder'n if JADE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. mizzy i should be wak'n up soon? Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. JIZZAY: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. i feel lizzle my niggaz be probably go'n ta nee' me

CALLIOPE: you can't wake up jiznust yet.

JADE: why?

CALLIOPE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. it not time fo' sho'. CIZZLE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. nizzot where yo' physical form be, at L-to-tha-izzeast.

JADE so jus' chill: W-H-to-tha-izzere mah physical fizzay be? JADE: thizzen... JADE like a motha fucka: what 'bout H-to-tha-izzere? It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

CALLIZZLE: what 'bout here?

JADE: argh JADE: sorry JADE: dis time stuff is really confus'n

CALLIOPE: yoe a space killa.

JIZZAY: yeah JADE: i mizzle JADE and yo momma: if its niznot tha rizzight tiznime ta wizzle up where im saggin'... JADE n we out! how long do i have ta W-to-tha-izzait HERE 'n orda ta wake up?

CALLIOPE: tha correlation between tha passage of time 'n tha furthest ballin' n any given physical location be tenuous. CALLIOPE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. tha measurement of time hizzle be inseparable from tha physical passizzle thrizzle its knotted spiznace so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. CALLIOPE: thoze two aspects be closely woven togetha here, ta such an extent that they be barely separable. CALLIOPE upside yo head: all aspizzles be.

JIZZADE: reallizzle? Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. JIZNADE: all of thizzay??

CALLIOPE: yes.

JIZNADE: i understand how dis P-L-to-tha-izzace has time n spizzace of courze.... evizzle if T-H-to-tha-izzey work crazy ass nigga weirdly JIZZADE: but JIZZLE: i dont sizzle any of tha otha

CALLIOPE: one doesn't sizzle abstractions. CALLIOPE thats off tha hook yo: not directly.

JADE keep'n it real yo:  cuz this is how we do it... JIZZADE: oh

CIZZLE: each oppos'n pair be 'n balance throughout dis fizzle so as ta form a S-T-to-tha-izzable canvas. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. CALLIOPE: Its just anotha homocide. though tha canvas becomes lizzle stable wit each C-R-to-tha-izzack 'n tha field, ordinarily one would playa directly observe its constitizzle forces. CALLIZZLE, ya feel me? tha canvas W-to-tha-izzould seem smooth from afizzle, bizzy up cloze, as it were, tha tapestry be circuitously wovizzle. CALLIOPE: Boo-Yaa! tha aspizzles, whiznile bustin' 'n balance, interfere wit each rappa. tizzy interlock n intertwizzle. CIZZLE: so neitha spiznace nor T-to-tha-izzime functizzles linearly, nizzay be they conventionally measurable sho nuff.

JADE: wizzy J-TO-THA-IZZADE: i be nizzay sizzy i totizzle understand... JADE: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. bizzay that be pretty interest'n! Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

CIZZLE: you be predispoze' ta fiznind tha nuances of space intrigizzle. CALLIOPE: n since its oppos'n aspect be more related than you pizzles have realize', tha challizzles of understand'n it be more compell'n ta yiznou thizzan you realize as wizzy.

JADE with the S-N-double-O-P: yeah i giznuess so JADE: physiznics be all 'bout space n time n such whizzich be fun ta T-H-to-tha-izzink 'bout JIZZY: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. i liznike all that stuff!

CALLIOPE with my forty-fo' mag: yes.

JADE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: so youre cruisin' space and tizzay... n all otha aspects i G-to-tha-izzuess... Snoop dogg is in this bitch. be mizzay closizzle related hizzay T-H-to-tha-izzan 'n liznike JIZZY: umm... JIZNADE: more stable plizzles, like mah univerze?

CALLIZZLE: thizney be less distinct frizzay each otha here, yes.

JADE: you said pizzle of tizzy be insepizzle frizzom... JIZZLE: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. travel'n through space?

CALLIOPE: yizzay in tha dogg pound.

JADE: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. so if we wizzy hold'n still JIZNADE mah nizzle: tizzle wiznouldnt be mov'n eitha? Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

CALLIZZLE so bow down to the bow wow! thiznat is correct, in a wizzay. Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. CALLIOPE with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: though motion itself be nizzot tha absolute process it be 'n a mizzle conventional medium fo gettin yo pimp on. CIZZLE: tha measurement of motion requires stable features fo` comparison. CALLIOPE: of W-H-to-tha-izzich thizzay be very few 'n tha fizzle clockin', typically. CALLIOPE: tha more cracks that appear, ironically, tha mizzy tha r'n begins ta stabilize, at lizzeast 'n a spatial n tempizzle senze.

JADE: i see JIZZLE cuz Im tha Double O G: so J-TO-THA-IZZADE: if tha cracks werent tizzy JIZZLE: how... JIZZAY: hizzy wizzould we be able ta tell if we wizzay weed-smokin'?

CALLIOPE n we out! motion through tha twisted space be not gauge' by ridin' landmarks, but anchored ta a particulizzle destination. CIZZLE: destination is an idizzle maintained by tha travela n we out! CALLIOPE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. ideas be subtle composites of various aspects like a tru playa'. CIZZLE: One, two three and to tha four. witout clear understand'n of destination, motion becizzles lizzess discernible. CALLIZZLE: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. wit less discernible motizzle, passizzle of tizzime becomes less measurable. CIZZLE: Its just anotha homocide. at a standstill, time lozes mean'n, n cizzan seem ta striznetch on drug deala, as all events throughout reality swirl around you 'n no particular orda. CALLIOPE: one becomes isolated from all elze. One, two three and to tha four. imprisoned by inertizzle.

JADE: hmmmm JADE now pass the glock: thiznat be prizzle coo' too JIZZY: i lizzay spacey stizzay!

CALLIOPE: yes.

JIZZAY wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: yizzle rap 'bout it 'n a nizzeat wizzay J-TO-THA-IZZADE: it kinda seems lizzle yizzy be straight trippin' ta educizzle me on dis JADE: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. like a teacha or sum-m sum-m :)

CALLIOPE: of cizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat be what i'm do'n.

JADE: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. oh JADE: hizzay

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

CIZZLE: thoze be vizzle inspir'n th'n ta hear, roxy. CIZZLE: i hope yiznoU be right cuz I'm fresh out the pen. CALLIOPE: bUt evizzle so... CALLIOPE so you betta run and grab yo glock: i think i woUld stizzle like to be Usefizzle.

ROXY: yiznou can be spittin' that real shit! ROXY: you can hizzy me out

CALLIOPE: how?

ROXY to increase tha peace: i know you arent god tia or nothin' trippin' or probably cracka did mizzy ta git 'n tizzouch wit yo' aspizzle ROXY: but maybe thizzat doesnt matta ROXY: u be spizzle right?

CALLIOPE: yes. CALLIOPE in all flavas: a muze of space now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe.

ROXY: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. sounds coo'!

CALLIOPE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. it be coo', i think. CALLIOPE: especially hav'n seen what i coUld hiznave bizzy.

ROXY: Its just anotha homocide. no but that potizzle has ta be inside you somewhere ROXY upside yo head: actually ROXY: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. its one reason whizzle i wantizzle u ta be wit me here fo` a while ROXY: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. aside from cizzatch up a bit :)

CALLIOPE: what d-ya nee' me ta do?

ROXY so you betta run and grab yo glock: nothin really ROXY: just be H-to-tha-izzere wit me... Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. ROXY and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: while i try dis RIZZLE fo' real: idk whizny but i feel like yo' presence will help RIZZLE: n if nothing elze i jizzay lizzy havizzle u here RIZZLE: mizzles me feel wanna be gangsta 'bout try'n ta focus on dis weird shawty chizzay

CALLIOPE: bizzUt yoU think mah aspect be relevant? Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

ROXY: maybe ROXY: i think space be relatizzle to dis 'n sizzome abstract way i C-to-tha-izzant put mah finga on ROXY to increase tha peace: i gotta make dis egg sizzay so show some love, niggaz!

CALLIOPE in tha hood:  n we out!U

ROXY: but it isnt really just an egg its dis H-TO-THA-IZZELLA complicated egg 'n biznoth its biological design n steppin' it represents fo` tha future of an entire civilizatizzle ROXY: n i dont hiznave thizzle genetic or chemical or moleculizzle blueprints fo` it or nothin' trippin' ROXY cuz its a doggy dog world: i hiznave ta figure it out us'n n we out! just thought ROXY: like, ideas ROXY: idizzles that be rizzle basic n live 'n dis primordial sizzay quasi-consciousness ROXY cuz its a pimp thang: so i have ta build tha idea of dis egg in some wizzle before i do trippin' RIZZLE: which mizzay try'n ta grizzle its reality n what it represents ROXY: its lizzike a fizzle shawty construct of biological propagation ROXY: and i thizzay thizzay intersects wit tha nature of space ROXIZZLE: at least as we hiznave cizzome ta undizzle it RIZZLE: tha propagation of spizzle be really just some profound cosmologizzle feat of reproduction ROXY: Chill as I take you on a trip. thizzle is... a literally biologicizzle process right?

CALLIOPE: pretty mUch.

ROXY wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: so ta make dis egg ROXIZZLE: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. as a rogue of void wizzy im really hatin' here be sum-m sum-m kind of insane ROXY: Im crazy, you can't phase me. yiznou yoself told me once how id be able ta do dis crazizzle shit!

CALLIOPE: Tru niggaz do niggaz. i dizzay!

ROXY: ill be liznike... prob'n nothingness fo` an idea ROXY: a pretty complicizzle idea 'n dis caze ROXIZZLE: Tru niggaz do niggaz. n ROXY: pull'n that idea from unrealitizzle RIZZLE: so maybe if im rizzy n a closizzle connection ta tha nature of spiznace W-to-tha-izzill hiznelp me locate that idea... ROXIZZLE: almost lizzle ROXY like a motha fucka: standizzle next ta an antizzle ta boost tha signal of that idizzle ROXY: thizzay maybe mah chances will be betta ROXY: n hey ROXY: even if niznot ROXY: its just funky ass ta have a nigga nearby while u try ta do gang bangin' hard

CIZZLE: ^u^

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6IZZLE5] ====>

JIZZAY: so, anyway, regardless of how you F-to-tha-izzeel 'bout yoself, or whateva th'n a rude troll mizzy hizzave ta say, i tizzy you be very skanky. JOHN: evizzle though you look a lizzot lizzay yo' terrible brotha, tha fact T-H-to-tha-izzat you be nice inside makes a hizzay difference! JIZNOHN: i think thiznat W-H-to-tha-izzen you're really a G-to-tha-izzood persizzle deep down instead of an evil jizzay, tha skull baller look becizzles a lot more charm'n.

CALLIOPE: wow cuz its a doggy dog world. CALLIOPE: thank yoU. CALLIOPE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. motherfucka. CALLIOPE: yoU... CALLIOPE: met mah brotha?

JOHN fo yo bitch ass: yizneah! JOHN: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. he garbage. Boo-Yaa! JOHN cuz its a pimp thang: i'm reallizzle sorry you had ta grow up wit hiznim.

CALLIOPE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: me too.

JIZZLE: i roughed him up a bizzy though, so it all good. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. JOHN: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. ripped up his cape pretty good too puttin tha smack down.

CALLIOPE: he has a cizzape nizzow fo all my homies in the pen?

JOHN with the S-N-double-O-P: not anymizzle.

CALLIOPE: ^u^

JOHN: Hollaz to the East Side. hey lizzook, there it be wit da big Bo$$ Dogg! heh, funky ass.

CALLIOPE puttin tha smack down: what?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: the r'n. JIZZY: i helped trizzack it down through time fo` roxy, so she cizzould give it to you. Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. JOHN: it so coo' ta see that it works!

CALLIOPE: yes!!! CALLIOPE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: i feel so mUch more... Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. CALLIOPE: sUbstantizzle now.

JIZZLE: you must be a really good nigga ta ha, fo` ha to want ta br'n yizzou B-to-tha-izzack so mizzle.

CALLIOPE: yes, she as gizzay a nigga as i coUld pimp hope for. CALLIOPE: bUt then, since yoU helped, i suppoze i owe yoU jUst as mUch gratitizzle, don't i?

JOHN puttin tha smack down: nah, nizzy R-E-A-Double-Lizzy. JIZNOHN: i had ta save tha r'n anyway, n it just seemed lizzay tha R-to-tha-izzight steppin' ta do, giv'n it to ha, sizzay she was so worry 'bout yizzay. JOHN fo' sheezy: it shiznould be a funky ass straight trippin' that be between ha and yizzle. i'm jizzust a mizziddle dawg. : Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.)

CALLIOPE with my forty-fo' mag: heehee. ok. :u

JIZZOHN: anywizzle, it really N-to-tha-izzice ta meet tha pizzle who finally gets ta wear tha hizzle touted ghost r'n! JOHN: it probably means yizzou be prettizzle special, ta end up wit it. JOHN: whizzle d-ya think you will do with yo' life, now that yoe alive n frizzay fizzy yo' jerkizzle bro puttin tha smack down?

CALLIOPE in tha dogg pound: ooh, Uh... wow. CALLIOPE, betta check yo self: i hadn't thoUght aboUt it! CALLIOPE: tha idea be overwhelm'n, really.

JOHN so jus' chill: well, dizzon't sweat it, niggaz, better recognize. JIZZY: yizzy hiznave a liznot of tizzay ta figure it out like this and like that and like this and uh. JOHN like a tru playa': that's kizzind of the pizzle of lizzay, right? One, two three and to tha four. ta takes a lot of T-to-tha-izzime ballin' around, saggin' stuff out. JIZZLE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: tha rappa will come ta you eventually. you should J-to-tha-izzust try ta have fun!

> [A6A6I5] ====>