#Chapter 74 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

alpha-trauma-novel-trans · 6 months ago

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Chapter 74

On the way home, Wooyeon stared out the window like he had lost his soul. Secretary Yoon didn't speak to him, and the rapidly passing scenery only made him dizzy.

'Your name is... Seon Wooyeon?'

From the first time he met him til now, every scene passed by like a panorama. Memories of their first meeting, when he was neat and mature, and how he was always affectionate and kind.

'Take care of me, Yeon-ah.'

Looking back, there was more than one or two strange things. The fact that his mother, who always only brought first-class teachers, brought an ordinary college student. And the fact that Dohyun, who was just a tutor, was so interested in him.

‘I heard you were home alone, and I was worried.’

How on earth did Dohyun know that Wooyeon was home alone? He hadn’t been able to contact Dohyun that day because his phone broke. Even Wooyeon realized the house was empty only too late.

In the end, he was the same as Daniel. He gave him affection and attention, but he didn't tell him what it was based on. His kindness may not have been fake, but it may have been intentional from the beginning.

'It's not a very good memory.'

“Ha, fuck...”

He felt revolted. His heart was pounding, and it was hard to breathe. He leaned his forehead against the car window, but the transparent glass quickly became lukewarm.

'I tried to draw a line, but it wasn't easy. First it was because I was worried, and then I felt sorry. I knew I shouldn't be like that, but I liked that you liked me.'

He realized too late why Dohyun said he was sorry and had treated him well. The parts Wooyeon had ignored came back to him like daggers. He wanted to deny it, but no matter how he thought about it, the conclusion didn’t change.

‘I'm anxious, too, Yeon-ah.'

‘I'm afraid you'll be disappointed in me.'

‘That...you'll say you don't like me anymore.'

Maybe he had felt it subconsciously since then. In that moment, he instinctively realized that he couldn't say he wouldn’t be disappointed.

There could be something that would disappoint him, and all of this could vanish like a fox star.

“Young Master, we've arrived.”

“...Don't go back, wait here.”

Wooyeon had always walked towards Dohyun without looking back, and even if he knew he was hiding something, he ignored it, drunk on the sweetness of the moment. Not knowing that it would all come back to haunt him in the end.

When Wooyeon rang the doorbell, Dohyun didn't wait long to open the door. He held his cell phone and car keys in one hand, and was dressed in his street clothes. As soon as he saw Wooyeon, his docile eyes curved upward.

“You're early. I was going to pick you up.”

For a split second, he thought if Dohyun pretended not to know, Wooyeon could pretend it never happened. It was an absurd hope that he could keep this relationship going without breaking it.

But that thought didn't last long. The moment his eyes met Dohyun's, sadness surged in like a flood. He blinked, closed his eyes, and then opened them, tears spilling out.

“....”

Dohyun's expression changed. Even his pheromones were off. Wooyeon looked up at Dohyun and barely managed to speak.

“...Why did you do that?”

His voice was heavy with emotion. Even the words he had forced out were buried in his overflowing emotions. The tears that flowed endlessly left marks on his pale cheeks.

“Why did you do that to me?”

Dohyun didn't answer, didn't ask what he meant, didn't wipe the tears away, just bit his lip and lowered his gaze silently.

Then, after a shallow breath, Dohyun let out the short phrase.

“I'm sorry.”

There wasn't a word of denial. Instead of the answer Wooyeon had hoped for, he said something he had hoped he wouldn't.

“I didn't do it on purpose.”

“...You're not denying it?”

His stomach flipped violently. His vision turned black, and his reasoning snapped. The anxiously rippling air reflected Wooyeon's feelings.

“Saying it wasn't on purpose, you won't even make excuses?"

Wooyeon glared at Dohyun with resentment. His tear-stained face was hot and damp. After taking a few breaths, Wooyeon spat out.

"I don't understand what you're thinking, Sunbae."

With that, Wooyeon turned and walked out the front door. If Dohyun hadn't reached out, he wouldn't have looked back again. Dohyun grabbed him, and spoke urgently.

“I'll tell you everything.”

He sounded uncharacteristically impatient. Anxious pheromones traveled along their touch.

"I'll explain what happened until you can understand..."

The earnest plea had fallen on deaf ears once before. Just as it had in the club room, his heart swayed in the breeze.

“No.”

But instead of looking at Dohyun, Wooyeon shook his hand away. With a thud, the hand that had been struck moved away weakly.

“I don't want to hear it.”

It was a lie to think he didn't need to show his true feelings. The betrayal, the anger. Even if he put all of that aside, the worst part was that he didn't know until now.

"You didn't tell me, I found out."

There were plenty of opportunities to tell the truth. When they met again by chance, when they were dating, or even just this morning.

“You weren't going to tell me Seonsaeng-nim.”

If Wooyeon hadn't intervened, they would have spent the day like yesterday. They would have eaten together, fallen asleep in the same bed, made small talk, and gone to school. Today, tomorrow, and the days after that. So much time had already passed like that without him knowing anything.

“What's the point in telling me now?”

“...I was going to tell you.”

A voice that was barely audible was heard. The hand that Wooyeon had shaken off fell down weakly.

“I was planning on telling you everything soon.”

“When?”

His frustration passed through sadness and quickly became anger. The emotion that had built up to the tip of his chin spilled out as sharp sarcasm.

“After you reported that you were dating me and that I was staying at Sunbae's house?”

As soon as he heard Suhyang's words, everything made sense. Rather than denying that it couldn’t be true, he suspected that it might be. The conclusion he had already guessed seemed true even without confirming it with his own eyes.

“You know what you mean to me, Seonsaeng-nim.”

For him, Dohyun was every moment of his life. He was his interaction with the outside world, the first warmth he'd ever felt, the first emotion he'd never feel again. The salvation he offered was his only support, but all of that was fake.

"If you had just said one word, it wouldn't have been like this."

He only wished he had known sooner. Before Wooyeon asked, before the whole situation was discovered. If he had, things would have been different right now.

“I would have just let it go because I liked you, Seonsaeng-nim.”

Maybe they could have remained as a nice teacher and student. They could have become friends like Daniel, or they could’ve become a passing memory. At the very least he could have let go of his feelings for him.

Countless assumptions came to mind, but in the end, nothing changed. Dohyun didn't deny it, and Wooyeon was hurt.

Every single word of apology made his stomach ache.

“But I can't do that now.”

Even at this moment, Wooyeon reacted while looking at Dohyun. His heart fluttered at the dry pheromones, and his heart fluttered at the sight of his smooth face. It was something he could have gotten over if he had just closed his eyes tightly enough, but he knew too much to do that.

“It's too late, Seonsaeng-nim.”

The reply didn't come immediately. After biting his lip for a moment, he spoke up softly.

"I couldn't tell you because I thought this would happen."

The suppressed pheromones were unnerving. The calm, settled atmosphere was sadder than ever. Dohyun clenched his fists and spoke in a hushed voice.

"I knew you'd get hurt, so I couldn't tell you even though I know I should've."

“....”

“Just a word? Yeah, it's not hard to say a word, but-”

The words that were suddenly cut off seemed like their relationship. Slowly his distorted eyes captured Wooyeon clearly.

"How could I disappoint you with my own mouth?"

The breathy voice was desperate enough to make one cry. Every expression he showed to Wooyeon was also gradually filled with regret.

“...Really.”

But none of it was what Wooyeon had hoped for. Covering his face with one hand, Wooyeon bowed his head and muttered.

"I never misunderstood until the very end."

It felt like he had been confirmed dead. Dohyun's expression and gaze shattered the last remaining hope. As if to say, don't get your hopes up.

“...Since when?”

His head gradually cooled. His overflowing emotions also calmed down at some point. His head, which had become frighteningly rational, calmly accepted the situation.

"Since when...to what extent, how did it become like that?"

The words came out incoherently, but the meaning was clearly conveyed. Dohyun, who had been quietly looking down, began to speak in his characteristically soft tone.

“I've known the President since I was a kid.”

It was a story that he didn't know from the beginning. He had never imagined that Dohyun knew Suhyang.

“I heard you were having trouble adjusting to school, so I offered to help you.”

“....”

"I reached out to you because I was worried about you when you came to college."

At first glance, the words sounded innocent enough. The voice was soft and sweet, as if he was trying to appease him.

“I wasn't trying to spy or anything. I just...”

"So in the end, you knew everything."

And yet, instead of feeling better, he was sad. No matter how hard he struggled, he was always in the palm of Suhyang's hand. Daniel, and Seonsaeng-nim too. All of them are just made-up relationships. If he had known that it was all because of Suhyang, he wouldn't have been so attached to him. The regret of hindsight kept nagging at him.

“I don't know anything about Seonsaeng-nim.”

The tears that had stopped flowed down his cheeks again. The water droplets that rolled down precariously clung to his chin.

"I don't know anything about your family, your friends or even what the tattoo on your back means. Isn't that unfair?"

Looking back, it was rare to remember Dohyun telling him anything. Wooyeon was endlessly curious about him, but he never told him anything. The ignorance that accumulated slowly ate away at his trust in him.

“You knew that my name is Wooyeon?”

He couldn't forget the emotion that the affectionate call gave him. The word 'Yeon-ah' was the first thing that saved Wooyeon from the abyss. But even that was possibly faked.

“Did you know that I hate alphas?”

Dohyun didn't give him any answer. A silent gaze was all he gave in response.

“The bullying, the bad relationship with my mom, the fact that I don't like being alone.”

“....”

“You knew all that and were nice to me?”

A crack that is not filled will eventually leave a hole in a corner of your heart. A festering, gaping wound seeped into his throbbing heart. In the empty space, the sadness that could not be contained burst out.

“...Don't be so nice.”

If he had known, he wouldn't have been intoxicated by the affection he offered. If he had, he wouldn't have realized how miserably pathetic he was.

“What did you get?”

The voice that was carelessly thrown around was sharp. The raw criticism was thrown at Dohyun as if mocking him.

“Money, or a job?”

“...It's not like that."

Dohyun stiffened and shut his mouth. His tightly closed lips formed a straight line.

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Then how should I talk to you!”

His mood was a jumbled mess. One minute he was sad, the next he was upset, the next he was in tears, and the next he was furious. His mind was so confused that it felt like he was going to vomit and he couldn't figure out what to do.

“Sunbae, do you realize you're leaving out everything important? How you and my mom know each other, how much you knew about me, what was real and what wasn't, yet you expect me to trust you when you won't explain anything important?”

Everything was just a fancy excuse. No matter how nicely packaged, the result didn’t change.

“Did you think I’d fall for what you said like an idiot again?”

Even if he told him he liked him a hundred times, his heart would still break because of the one thing he didn't know. When one thing breaks, two break, and the distrust that starts like that spreads out of control.

“How do you know this is a fake?”

Funnily enough, as soon as he said that, Dohyun looked genuinely hurt. His jet-black eyes turned gloomy, and his soft mouth moved as if he were about to speak. In a rare display of agitation, he spoke in a calm voice.

“I never treated you with pretense.”

His gaze toward Wooyeon wavered uneasily. The pheromones that trickled out of him were also different from usual. Clenching his fists, Dohyun whispered pleadingly.

“Even if others don’t, you know that.”

“I...”

Wooyeon's words trailed off as he let out a thin breath. His heart, which had been shaking precariously, finally regained its composure.

“How do I know?”

Despair flashed across his smooth face. Wooyeon was the one who was hurt, but Dohyun’s eyes were the ones that became empty. Even so, Wooyeon didn't stop talking.

"You said you wouldn't know unless you tried."

“....”

“Sunbae, you're the one who said that.”

Jiing, his phone vibrated.

The tense atmosphere changed as if glass had shattered. His gaze slowly lowered, fixed on the screen, and a look of embarrassment appeared on Dohyun's face.

“....”

Sometimes, your instincts will send you a signal. A moment when previous moments that passed by without a second thought come to mind like a revolving lantern, and the subtle changes in facial expressions catch your eye.

“....Why?”

Wooyeon twisted his lips as he spoke lightly. Hah, the laughter that burst out was incredibly cold.

“Is it just another spam call?”

For once, Dohyun looked genuinely flustered. His hand that wasn't gripping his cell phone grabbed Wooyeon's arm. Looking him straight in the eye, he pleaded in an urgent tone.

"No. This is a misunderstanding, Wooyeon."

Instead of shaking off his hand, Wooyeon tilted his head. He couldn't identify the caller, but he knew who it was without seeing it. Misunderstanding or not, it didn't matter to him.

“I'm going back to the main house.”

In the end, Suhyang was right. No matter how many times he ran away, Wooyeon had a certain destination.

"The company is going to publish an article this week. I'll still go to school, but I can't participate in any clubs. This is the last time we'll be together."

The last time. Dohyun's pheromones thickened at those words. Dohyun took a step closer, his grip tightening. The strong pheromones drenched Wooyeon.

“I can't break up with you.”

“....”

Even in this situation, Wooyeon missed Dohyun’s embrace. He wanted to breathe in his pheromones and get drunk on the sweet feeling. Like those who covet the fruit of the tree of good and evil, he wanted to cling to him even though he knew he would regret it.

But Wooyeon wasn't swayed by momentary impulses.

“...I don't trust you, Seonsaeng-nim.”

At those words he barely managed to utter, Dohyun let Wooyeon go with a blank expression. The fingertips that had fallen down barely managed to hang on to his collar.

“I'll return your clothes through Secretary Yoon.”

Wooyeon turned away without looking at him. A small voice gave Dohyun a final parting.

“I’m leaving.”

He didn't ask him to stay. Their parting was as abrupt as their beginning. Dohyun's pheromones left a lingering feeling, but Wooyeon kept walking without looking back. This time, Dohyun could only watch him walk away.

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