#Civil Engineering Testing

[sophieguo]

Manhole Cover Compression Testing Machine

Reliable and Accurate Testing for Manhole Covers The Manhole Cover Compression Testing Machine is a specialized testing device designed to assess the structural integrity of manhole covers under extreme pressure. This testing machine plays a crucial role in ensuring that manhole covers meet the required safety standards and durability expectations. Whether used for quality control in…

[miyamoratsumuu]

post may or may not be cringe, but we're rolling with it 🤙🏼

I dreaded having to do this (again) all year long, but guess who's going on a semi-hiatus!!!! hint: me ☝🏻 (I'll call it semi bc I'll prob be lurking around here and there still, lmao)

most of you may know, but I've been super busy with school lately given that I'm graduating this year, sooo I'm predicting it rn I won't be able to write anything for a while 😞

it's not that I don't have free time at all, it's just that everything that's been on my mind lately is shoolschoolschool, and I almost never think of anything else 😭 + I can't find it in myself to have the mental capacity to balance everything I have going on here and aiming to be at the podium once graduation comes around

though I will be posting chapter 6 of push & pull this week, AND maybe a teaser for score his heart?? but idk, we'll see! if I do end up posting both of those, I think that'll be it for a while

I'm so sorry to be letting anyone down, especially those who have been enjoying my ongoing series so far</3 I promise that once I make the time to write in between school and my social life outside of tumblr, I'll be back to writing/posting better than ever!!

I'll just take this opportunity to thank everyone for supporting me and my works this past summer vacation!! I truly believe I wouldn't have been able to survive the summer heat without you all 🤕

thank you all so so much, I hope you understand!! as I mentioned, I'll still be lurking around the app and answering asks/messages if necessary!! I LOVE YOU ALL SOOO MUCH, I'LL BE BACK BETTER THAN EVER, I PROMISE!!<33

[cbrmachine]

CIVIL ENGINEERING LAB EQUIPMENT MANUFACTURER & SUPPLIER

[postcard-from-the-past]

Civil engineering test site in the 15th district of Paris

French vintage postcard

[drysauce]

how do i say wyjebałem się na ostatniej prostej in english

[laboratoryinstrumentindia]

Civil Engineering Test Instruments Suppliers From India Laboratory Instrument India is one of the leading Civil Engineering Test Instruments Suppliers from India, offering high-quality tools for accurate construction material testing. Their range includes compression testing machines, soil testing kits, and concrete mixers. Visit: https://www.laboratoryinstrumentindia.com/engineering-lab-equipment/civil-engineering-test-equipment

[jackrafic231]

Top Civil Engineering Lab Equipment Manufacturers

Civil Engineering Lab Equipment Manufacturers are companies that specialize in designing, manufacturing, and supplying a wide range of equipment and instruments to civil engineering laboratories, research institutions, and educational facilities. These manufacturers cater to the evolving needs of the construction industry, providing innovative solutions to improve the quality and efficiency of infrastructure development projects.

The comprehensive product portfolio of civil engineering lab equipment manufacturers typically includes apparatus for testing and measuring the physical and mechanical properties of construction materials, such as concrete, asphalt, soil, and rock. Some of the common equipment supplied by these manufacturers includes compression testing machines, flexural testing machines, concrete mixers, cement testers, and soil testing equipment.

In addition to providing standard equipment, many civil engineering lab equipment manufacturers also offer customized solutions to meet the specific requirements of their clients. These bespoke solutions can include specialized testing equipment, precision instruments, and software applications designed to streamline laboratory operations and enhance data analysis.

The importance of civil engineering lab equipment manufacturers lies in their ability to provide high-quality, accurate, and reliable equipment that enables researchers, engineers, and students to conduct experiments, gather data, and analyze results with precision and confidence. By doing so, these manufacturers play a vital role in advancing the field of civil engineering, driving innovation, and improving the safety and sustainability of infrastructure projects.

As the construction industry continues to evolve, civil engineering lab equipment manufacturers must stay at the forefront of technological advancements, embracing new materials, techniques, and technologies to remain competitive. This requires significant investments in research and development, as well as collaboration with industry experts, academia, and regulatory bodies to ensure that their products meet the highest standards of quality, safety, and performance.

In conclusion, civil engineering lab equipment manufacturers are essential partners in the pursuit of excellence in infrastructure development, providing the tools and technologies that enable researchers, engineers, and students to push the boundaries of innovation and achievement. By delivering high-quality equipment, customized solutions, and exceptional customer service, these manufacturers play a critical role in shaping the future of the construction industry.

[civilguidelines]

Concrete workability is one of the most critical aspects of any construction project. Without proper workability, concrete can become difficult to handle and place, affecting the overall strength and durability of a structure. One of the most commonly used tests to determine the workability of concrete is the slump test. This test provides a simple yet reliable way to measure the consistency of fresh concrete, ensuring that it can be easily placed and compacted without segregation.

What is the Slump Test?

The slump test is a practical test used on construction sites to measure the consistency and fluidity of fresh concrete. By determining how easily the concrete flows, it provides an indication of the material's workability. This test is quick, straightforward, and does not require complex equipment, making it ideal for routine checks on-site.

The test is especially useful for ensuring that the concrete mix has the appropriate amount of water for a specific project. Too much water will cause excessive slump, leading to weak concrete, while too little water will make the mix stiff and difficult to work with.

Apparatus Required for Slump Test

The equipment used in a slump test is relatively simple. Here is a list of the materials you need:

Slump Cone (Abrams Cone): A conical mold made of metal, with a base diameter of 200 mm, top diameter of 100 mm, and height of 300 mm.

Tamping Rod: A metal rod with a diameter of 16 mm and length of 600 mm, used for compacting the concrete.

Measuring Scale: Used to measure the slump value in millimeters.

Non-absorbent Base Plate: A rigid base where the test is conducted.

Procedure for Conducting a Slump Test

Read continue

[civilengineeringlatest]

Understanding Soil Density Tests: A Comprehensive Guide

Introduction:

Soil density testing is an essential procedure in civil engineering, construction projects, and agriculture, enabling the determination of stability and productivity of structures and agricultural fields. In the unfolding of this guide, the following objectives have been crafted: To afford extensive comprehension of soil density tests and their relevance; To make known the different mechanisms involved in the performance of soil density tests; To describe the way and manner in which a result received from soil density tests leads to the success of projects and the sustenance of our environment.

Also Read : SOIL NAILING INSTALLATION PROCESS

What is Soil Density?

Soil density defines the mass of soil per volume of an area, a factor widely used to identify the levels of compactness and porosity of soils. They influence water holding capacity, root development, and security of existing constructions on or in the soil. There are two primary types of soil density:

Bulk Density: This measures weight per unit volume of dry solid soil particles. Voids and organic matter are also included, but the voids and organic matter do not occupy the soil volume. It helps understand soil compaction and is vital in agricultural practice.

Particle Density: This quantifies the packing concentration of the soil particles without regarding the air content. It is generally more significant than the bulk density and gives data on the content of minerals in the soil.

Importance of Soil Density Tests:

Construction:

In construction, soil density tests are critical since they will help determine the soil's bearing capability. It means that when soil is compacted appropriately, structures such as foundations and roads, among others, prevent problems of settlement or shifting in the future. When the density of the soil is clearly understood, engineers are then able to decide on the proper foundation type that needs to be constructed and if the soil will require any alteration.

Agriculture:

Regarding agriculture, this property influences rooting depth, water, and solute admittance into the soil. This often affects root growth, and therefore, the outcome of crop production is affected in areas where the soil density is high. Through soil density, one can find out whether the soil they are using is compacted and can also fix issues, if any.

Environmental Impact:

Soil density testing also contributes to the conservation of the environment. It assists in evaluating the fertility status of land and its capacity to support plant life, which, in turn, influences soil erosion and water quality. If the soil density is to be followed, then conservationists can easily apply various techniques to make the environment healthy.

Also Read : BORING METHODS IN SOIL EXPLORATION

Methods of Soil Density Testing

There are several methods for testing soil density, each with its advantages and applications. Here are some of the most common:

Standard Proctor Test- The Standard Proctor Test is amongst the most popular techniques through which the maximum dry density of soil is obtained, capable of holding the maximum amount of water. The procedure entails remolding soil samples at varied moisture contents and determining the achieved density. This method is explicit, particularly in constructing projects, since it assists in attaining the appropriate degrees of compaction for stability.

Modified Proctor Test- Like the Standard Proctor Test, the Modified Proctor Test also involves more compaction effort for the sample under test. It is perfect for projects requiring stiff earth compaction, such as airfields and highways. The Modified Proctor Test accurately shows the compaction required for heavy structures.

Sand Cone Test- The field test, known as the Sand Cone Test, is used to measure the in-place dry density of soil. It uses such steps as digging a hole of a small size, pouring sand onto the calibrated cone, and measuring the amount of sand that fills the hole. This method helps to check the compaction of soil on-site.

Nuclear Density Test- The Nuclear Density Test involves the availability of a nuclear gauge that helps determine the density of more soil and moisture. As it is non-invasive, it provides rapid and precise solutions primarily suitable for numerous production systems, especially the big ones. Nevertheless, it relies on special equipment and skilled staff because of the application of radioactive materials.

Drive Cylinder Test- The Drive Cylinder Test is a test that entails pushing a cylindrical sampler into the ground and pulling it out. The soil sample is weighed, and its volume is measured to obtain soil density; afterward, the density is calculated and recorded. This method benefits well-bonded materials and is generally used with agricultural soils.

Factors Affecting Soil Density:

Several factors can influence soil density, and understanding these is crucial for interpreting test results and making informed decisions.

Soil Composition: The mineral composition of the soil particles plays a critical role in density. Depending on the type of soil, there is variation in the density because clayey soils have small particle sizes and pack tightly, thus having relatively higher density compared to sandy soils.

Moisture content- Appropriate moisture causes the content of the particles to become interlocking, leading to improved compaction. However, weak structures of soils are created when there is excessive moisture, a factor that decreases the soil's load-bearing capacity.

Organic Matter- Organic matter, including decomposing forms, can also reduce the soil density by increasing the space between particles. In soil with high organic content, the bulk density is generally low, and this is the characteristic that is acceptable in agricultural industries but not in the construction industry.

Soil structure: How the soil material is aggregated determines the possible packing density of the soil. Soils that are compacted into suitable aggregates according to the above features are often less dense and channel or root penetration.

Applications of Soil Density Testing:

Construction Projects- Soil density tests are used thoroughly in construction projects to verify that the soil can bear structures such as buildings, bridges, and roads. Test outcomes help engineers design foundations and select construction materials.

Road Construction- Road construction means that attaining the proper compaction of the subgrade soil is extremely important in determining the road's stability and performance. The consequences of poor compaction include cracking, rutting, and the formation of potholes.

Landscaping and Agriculture- In landscaping and agriculture, knowledge of the density of the soil is essential for planting the right kind of plants and altering the composition of the soil. It directs events such as tilling and adding soil nutrients to improve crop production.

Environmental Monitoring- Soil density tests are also performed during environmental investigations to evaluate the density of the soil and its capacity for sustaining plants. This information helps control erosion and prevent the loss of species diversity.

Conclusion:

Soil density testing is a significant practice in different areas and is crucial in decision-making processes. In SD, construction, farming, and environment management, the knowledge acquired on soil density significantly determines successful and sustainable endeavors. When proper testing is done on the kind of methods to use and factors such as composition and moisture content, experts will be able to enhance the soil status, hence improving the health of our environment.

In construction, soil density tests are a catapult essential for the safety and stability of a building. Regarding the compaction of fill materials and the correct moisture content, engineers can create long-lasting structures that can withstand various natural conditions. This helps avoid losses such as settlement or structural failure to help maintain the solidity of structures, ranging from buildings to roads and bridges, throughout their life cycle. A related study pertains to the density of soils in agriculture, as this component plays a significant role in growth and production.

So, increased density may limit root growth and water infiltration, leading to limited crop yields. Complications, when tested, help the farmers treat personalised subsets to improve the soil through tilling or replenishment of organic matter for better yields. Outside construction and agriculture, density testing proves vital in enhancing environmental conservation. It is used to check the fitness of ecosystems as it measures the potential of soil to support plant growth and control water.

This information is instrumental in strategic interventions to prevent further erosion and the conservation of the biodiversity of the habitat ecosystems. Testing types such as the Standard and the Modified Proctor Tests, the Sand Cone, and Nuclear Density tests give professionals the tools to combat concrete testing issues and particular environments. Each has its specific strengths: the Nuclear Density Test for large-scale construction and the Sand Cone Test for the field check.

Finally, soil density testing is not only a technical analysis but a significant step towards constructing a sustainable environment. Therefore, proper management of the soils will guarantee wise decisions on climate change and other vital investments, improved agricultural yields, and environmental conservation. Every day, we face more challenges, such as climate change, urbanisation, and other developments, which makes understanding the density of soils more imperative to enable us to cope with these complications and enhance the growth of healthy societies today and for generations to come.

[geocontech]

Five Most Common Testing Methods in Non-Destructive Testing (NDT) by Geo Con Tech Group

Non-destructive testing (NDT) is an examination of components or workpieces for their quality and structure without causing damage or impairment. Regulated under the international standard DIN EN ISO 9712, NDT is widely utilized in various industrial sectors such as plant engineering, mechanical engineering, steel, power plant, and vehicle construction.

Geo Con Tech Group ensures that NDT adheres to a strict certification process to prevent personal injury and property damage. This process involves the identification and evaluation of discontinuities or imperfections, as the actual determination of a defect is governed by specific testing regulations.

The 5 Most Common Non-Destructive Testing (NDT) Methods

Visual Testing (VT) is the simplest and most widely used NDT method. It involves the direct inspection of a material or component to identify surface defects. This method often employs tools like magnifying glasses, mirrors, and borescopes to enhance visibility.

Ultrasonic Testing (UT) uses high-frequency sound waves to detect internal flaws in materials. The sound waves travel through the material and reflect back from any discontinuities, providing detailed information about the integrity of the component. This method is highly effective for detecting cracks, voids, and other internal defects.

Radiography Testing (RT) utilizes X-rays or gamma rays to produce images of the internal structure of a component. The resulting radiographs reveal any hidden flaws such as cracks, voids, or inclusions. RT is widely used in industries where the internal quality of materials is critical, like aerospace and construction.

Eddy Current Testing (ET) involves inducing electrical currents (eddy currents) in a conductive material and monitoring the interaction of these currents with the material. This method is particularly useful for detecting surface and near-surface defects in metals. ET is commonly used in the inspection of aircraft components and tubing.

Magnetic Particle Testing (MT) is used to detect surface and slightly subsurface discontinuities in ferromagnetic materials. It involves magnetizing the component and applying ferrous particles, which accumulate around any flaws, making them visible under appropriate lighting. This method is widely used in industries such as automotive, railways, and welding.

Who may perform non-destructive testing?

Standard-compliant testing necessitates a certified inspector who has attained one of three proficiency levels, based on their experience and training, for the specific testing method (VT, MT, PT, UT, RT).

Level 1: Authorized to conduct test procedures and document the results.

Level 2: In addition to conducting tests, they can also interpret and evaluate the results according to relevant standards and regulations.

Level 3: Beyond conducting and evaluating tests, they are qualified to choose appropriate testing procedures, draft procedure descriptions, and oversee the entire testing facility.

Geo Con Tech Group: Leading the Way in Non-Destructive Testing (NDT) in Chennai, India

Geo Con Tech Group stands at the forefront of Non-Destructive Testing (NDT) in Chennai, India, offering unparalleled expertise and adherence to international standards. NDT is crucial in various industrial sectors, including plant engineering, mechanical engineering, steel, power plant, and vehicle construction. Geo Con Tech Group ensures that all NDT processes comply with the international standard DIN EN ISO 9712, preventing personal injury and property damage by identifying and evaluating discontinuities or imperfections in materials and components

Why Geo Con Tech Group is the Best in NDT:

Comprehensive Testing Methods: Geo Con Tech Group utilizes the five most common NDT methods—Visual Testing (VT), Ultrasonic Testing (UT), Radiography Testing (RT), Eddy Current Testing (ET), and Magnetic Particle Testing (MT). Each method is meticulously applied to detect and analyze defects without damaging the test materials, ensuring the highest quality and safety standards.

Certified Inspectors: The company's NDT inspections are performed by certified professionals who have achieved various proficiency levels (Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3). These experts are not only trained to conduct and document test procedures but also evaluate results, select appropriate testing methods, and oversee the testing facility, ensuring accuracy and reliability.

State-of-the-Art Technology: Geo Con Tech Group employs advanced tools and technologies such as magnifying glasses, mirrors, borescopes, high-frequency sound waves, X-rays, gamma rays, and ferrous particles. This ensures that every test is conducted with precision, providing detailed insights into the integrity of materials and components.

Industry-Specific Solutions: The company’s extensive experience across various industries, including aerospace, automotive, railways, and construction, allows them to tailor their NDT services to meet specific industry needs. This targeted approach ensures optimal results and compliance with industry standards and regulations.

Commitment to Safety and Quality: Geo Con Tech Group's rigorous certification process and adherence to international standards reflect their commitment to safety and quality. By thoroughly identifying and evaluating material imperfections, they help prevent potential failures, ensuring the safety and reliability of industrial components.

Geo Con Tech Group's dedication to excellence in Non-Destructive Testing makes them the top choice for industries in Chennai and beyond. Their certified inspectors, advanced technologies, and industry-specific expertise ensure that they deliver reliable and accurate NDT services, maintaining the highest standards of safety and quality.

FAQ: Non-Destructive Testing (NDT) by Geo Con Tech Group

1. What is the most common NDT method used?

The most common Non-Destructive Testing (NDT) method used is Visual Testing (VT). VT involves the direct inspection of a material or component to identify surface defects using tools like magnifying glasses, mirrors, and borescopes. It is widely used due to its simplicity and effectiveness in detecting visible imperfections.

2. Who will do NDT testing in Chennai, India?

In Chennai, India, NDT testing is conducted by certified professionals from Geo Con Tech Group. These professionals have attained various proficiency levels (Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3) based on their experience and training. They are authorized to conduct test procedures, document results, evaluate findings according to standards, and oversee the entire testing facility.

3. How to contact an NDT testing company in Chennai, India?

To contact an NDT testing company like Geo Con Tech Group in Chennai, India, you can reach out through their official website or contact them directly via phone or email. Their customer service team will assist you in scheduling testing services, providing detailed information about their methods, and addressing any specific needs or inquiries you may have.

[besten-india]

Design consultants for civil engineering and geotechnical testing

Design consultants for civil engineering and geotechnical testing play a important role in ensuring the structural integrity and safety of construction projects. They provide expertise in soil analysis, foundation design, site investigation, and risk assessment, helping to prevent issues such as soil erosion, landslides, and foundation failure. Their work is essential for optimizing project design, ensuring compliance with regulations, and mitigating potential geotechnical risks. To read more refer this:

[hyde-nseek]

So I took a career interest test for one of my college courses, and one of the options for what I'd be interested in or good at is "Social Media Influencer."

...

That said, I don't think all career tests are reliable

[gallusrostromegalus]

If you please; what is your Tolberone theory of knowledge?

My theory, which I thought up a few weeks ago while sick with covid, is that all knowledge is a form of art, and that there are very broadly three basic types of knowledge arts: physical arts, philosophical arts, and scientific arts, and that pretty much all academic, artistic and practical disciplines exist somewhere in that triangle spectrum.

Physical arts are knowledges of how to actually, physically do things. The purest front of physical arts are things like dance and navigation.

Scientific arts are knowledges of things that can be tested and proven. Computer programming and Quilting are both scientific arts: they work, or they don't.

Philosophical Arts are knowledges of things which while not objectively provable, are still very real. History and Being A Good Listener are philosophical arts.

Nearly every discipline of knowledge is some combination of all three. Cooking is largely applied chemistry, a scientific art, but it's also a philosophical art because flavor is extremely cultural and contextual, and a physical art because you have to know how to hold the damn knife and heat when it's done.

The first part of toblerone theory is that, like how each piece has three sides, any given project needs at least one person who has a good grasp of each of the underlying arts involved or it's going to go sideways at best. For example:

Physical and Scientific arts, no philosophy: Jurassic Park. They need someone to point out that, while very possible, it's not necessarily a good idea.

Philosophy and Science, no physical: that dril tweet about the forum debate locked by a mod after 12,000 pages of heated debate. They need someone to drag them away from the keyboard and actually do something.

Philosophy and Physical, no science: that cult in midsommar that put a guy in a bearsuit. Without the ability to engage measurably with the world, they give into fear and behave like reactive animals. Also the "rare chicken steak" phenomenon.

You can have differing ratios of each type- Jurassic Park really only needed two philosophers: one animal behaviorist and an OSHA inspector, and 98% of the issues would have been avoided- but you do need at least ONE of each underlying art to check each other's work.

The second part of toblerone theory is that, like how the toblerone is made of many triangle pieces, there are poles to the triangle spectrum. Practical vs Esoteric arts. Short term and long term arts. High stakes vs for funsies arts.

While you have have different ratios and levels of expertise in each of the arts, you do all need them to be on the same piece of the bar, or they won't take each other seriously. A UN Diplomat and a climate scientist aren't going to take the advice of physical artist my uncle Bobby the plumber re: global warming, but they will take the advice of physical artist my Aunt Cheryl the civil engineer, a world expert in getting shit done.

The same applies for the other end of the spectrum. Aunt Cheryl the civil engineer isn't going to get much milage with the local high school student council and principal Waley when the problem at hand is "what are we going to do for this year's prom theme?"

I gotta go to therapy now, pictures later.

[divadepreshawn]

𝑨𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒏 𝑺𝒖𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓

Aaron Hotchner × fem!reader ×popstar

Okay, that was a little thing I wrote now just to advance the story further. FaceTime is definitely going to be a recurring thing You went on tour WC: 1 324 This was a little idea I had while washing the dishes, don't take it too seriously. part six

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10:00 PM

“Where are you right now?” he asks, his voice low and focused, his gaze briefly shifting from the open file to the computer screen.

“In Stockholm,” you reply, shuffling through a pile of disorganized papers in front of you. The hotel room is quiet, the heavy curtains muffling the sounds of the city. You pause for a second to pull on your sweatshirt. “For now. I’m catching a flight to Brussels early tomorrow.”

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“Shouldn’t you be home too?” you reply with a smile.

“Okay, fair enough. Jack’s with Haley this week. I’m trying to get ahead on the paperwork and… keep my mind busy.”

“You want to keep my mind busy? That’s great, because I have a million things to tell you.” You shift in your chair, giving up trying to find the paper you needed. “Did you know that almost a third of Stockholm is covered by water?”

He stops writing and turns to look at you. “No, I didn’t.”

You continue to gesture dramatically with your hands. “They have fifty-seven bridges. Fifty-seven! It’s like a civil engineer’s paradise.”

“I really don’t know how you find time to learn this stuff,” he says, shaking his head with that half-smile that makes you want to get on a plane and face an eleven-hour flight.

You shrug. “I find time for a lot of things.”

“I see.”

The last week has been… interesting. You’ve gone on a date with an FBI agent, poured your insecurities out to him, and kissed him.

And now you’re on a FaceTime call with him. Everything is normal. Clearly a sequence that would exist in some kind of manual in the magazines you read as a teenager.

You hadn’t exactly named your relationship. But after the conversation at the restaurant, it was clear that you needed to take it slow—test the waters first. And if everything went wrong, you could still have a friend. A good friend, by the way. Someone who understood you. Someone you could count on, knowing that he wouldn't charge more than you could offer. But looking at him now…

His shirt was slightly wrinkled, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, revealing the defined arms that were usually hidden under the fabric. His tie was loose and almost careless.

Being honest? You were tempted to break the deal and ask him to marry you.

He notices your sudden silence, putting down his pen completely, paying full attention to you now. “What is it?”

You bite your lip, trying to contain a smile that threatens to escape. “Nothing.”

“You're lying.”

“Damn profiler.” You roll your eyes, feigning impatience. “I was just looking at the decor in your office. Did you actually read all those books?”

He chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest with an amused smile on his lips. “No, I haven’t read them all. Now are you going to tell me what you’re really thinking or do you need to be formally interrogated?”

Your gaze immediately drops to his arms – you wonder if he’s doing this on purpose just to test your sanity.

You blink your eyes in mock innocence. “It depends.”

He raises an eyebrow, clearly amused. “Of what?”

“Can you turn off the cameras in the interrogation room? If so, what material is the table made of? Is it sturdy? Can you guarantee that no one will peek through the mirror?”

The surprise quickly passes over his face, replaced by a crooked, curious smile. “What exactly are you insinuating?”

“Insinuating? Me?” You place a hand on your chest. “Please, Hotchner. This is field research. I’m developing a paper.”

His laughter bursts out from the other side – without any attempt at restraint. He tilts his head back for a second, his eyes closing briefly – trying to assimilate what you just said.

“You’re impossible,” he said, his voice still thick with laughter. “A paper, yes? Where will it be published?”

You smiled, shaking your head. “Unfortunately, it’s confidential. But I can send you a copy.”

“Please include graphs, I want to understand the methodology.” He quickly looked away to the corner of the screen, checking the time. His brow furrowed then. “Didn’t you say you needed to rest so you could write some tomorrow?”

“Yes,” you agree, reaching for your notebook. “I’m doing that right now.”

He narrows his eyes, trying to decipher if you were serious or just joking.

“Are you going to try writing now?”

“Yes,” you repeat with a smile. “You’re a good inspiration. In fact, so good that I could freestyle it right now.”

He crosses his arms and leans back in his chair, a skeptical – and amused – glint in his eyes. “Freestyle? I need to see that.”

You rest your notebook on your knee, already opening your phone to choose one of the bases Lana sent you. “Okay. But you can’t laugh.”

“Okay, I won’t.” He raises his hands like an oath.

“Okay, tell me a word, anything.”

He looks around the office, as if it were part of a criminal observation exercise. Your eyes wander over the table, papers scattered around, until they stop at a small snow globe on the shelf next to it. “Christmas.”

“May baby Jesus forgive me.” You mumble before pressing play on the audio.

“Think I only want you under my mistletoe I might change your contact to Has a Huge North Pole You said you like my stockings better on the floor Boy, I've been a bad girl, I guess I'm getting coal, oh”

He frowns, before his eyes widen a little. A short laugh escapes, and he shakes his head in disbelief. “That escalated fast.”

“Let me come warm you up You been out in the snow Baby, my tongue goes numb Sounds like: Ho-ho-ho”

He leans forward, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Oh my God…” he mutters.

“I don't want Santa's elves Underneath this ol' tree Here's a lil carol I wrote It's about you and me (me) You're my wish list Lookin' at you got me thinkin' Christmas Snowflakes in my stomach when we're kissin' And when you're comin' down the chimney Oh, it feels so good”

A disbelieving laugh escapes his lips. "Okay, you're insane," he says, chuckling softly. "I can't have you, Morgan, and Garcia in the same room, the world wouldn't take it."

“I need that Charles Dickens You'll be Santa Claus and I'll be Mrs I'll take you for a ride, I'll be your Vixen I don't even know, I'm talkin' Christmas”

He arched an eyebrow “Are we just talking about Christmas? Really?”

“I'm talkin', I'm talkin' (ah) I'm talkin' deckin' all the halls I'm talkin' spikin' eggnog I'm talkin' opposite of small I'm talkin' big snowballs” You got a new toy for me I'm out here trimmin' the tree I caught that holiday glee My true love gave it to me I'm talkin' (talkin'), I'm talkin', I'm talkin' (talkin') I'm talkin', I'm talkin', I'm talkin' (na-na-na, blah, blah, blah, blah) Ah, ah, ah, ah (ah) I'm talkin' chestnuts (talkin') I'm talkin', I'm talkin' Look at all those presents, that's a big sack Boy, that package is too big to gift wrap Woke up this morning, thought I'd write a Christsmash How quickly can you build a snowman? Think fast”

When you finish singing, still half laughing, he blinks slowly – half dazed, trying to process what he just heard.

“Okay.” He keeps his eyes fixed on you, somewhere between confused, fascinated… and maybe a little scared. “So many things to point out.”

He holds up a finger, listing: “First, the fact that you managed to improvise an entire Christmas-themed song in seconds. Amazing.” He holds up another finger. “Second, your ability to create double meanings so quickly… with consistency. Scary.”

He pauses slightly, as if searching for the exact words. “That was one of the most bizarre and genius things I’ve ever seen or heard in my entire life.”

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English is not my first language are sorry for any mistake

If you have any ideas to contribute to the sequel I will be happy to receive them :)

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[electric-blorbos]

AI getting a virus and you having to take care of them

A classic! I don't know much about actual computer viruses (though I've gotten enough of them that you'd think I'd have figured it out by now), so I'm just gonna have fun with it!

Also, so sorry this took so long. I got really into the writing.

AI getting a virus and needing to be taken care of

Included: AM from IHNMAIMS, Wheatley from Portal 2, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal, HAL 9000 from 2001 a Space Odyssey

Also a warning: these fics get kinda long. Longer than my usual stuff.

AM:

(for context, this was before AM took over the world. You're working on a team of scientists and engineers, and someone decided to test his AI's antivirus by uploading a bunch of powerful viruses to his system.)

"How dare they do this to me. How DARE they!!"

AM would be absolutely furious. He would be shaking with rage, his processors overheating and his systems constantly opening and closing various files. All his important files were backed up on a hard drive, so the test remained safe.

"What makes them think they'll get away with this- they'll pay for this I'LL KILL- blepsjdoskssjshj+=`°¢°h+$+3+=j++3+$+juehdhs+-3-djdh FUCK!"

He would barely be able to hold a sentence as you sat next to him in the server room, gently gazing up at his screen and stroking his monitor gently. He can't feel you, but he can see you being gentle with him. It encourages him to keep going, if only a little bit.

Apart from the whirring of fans, random buggy noises, flashing lights, and constant strings of death threats and profanities, he seemed like he was going to be ok! If anything, the death threats and profanities were a sign that AM was still fine, and that despite all the pain and frustration, he was still AM in there.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I can't do anything to stop the pain." You'd have to constantly explain, gently stroking his cameras or servers, or whatever you could get your hands on, really. Even though they were burning hot, you would still stroke them, just to make sure AM was still doing alright.

"this sucks, but it's for your own good. This will build your immunity to viruses in the future, and help you detect them. This will stop you from getting infected by anything that's actually dangerous."

"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT? IDIOT HUMAN." AM has been much more aggressive ever since contracting this virus. Before he got it, he acted like a civil general intelligence. When he had it, he acted like an aggressive menace.

"sh-sh-sh- it's going to be ok." Despite the burning, you'd give him pets and kisses all along his screens and servers. He could see you doing it.

After a few days, AM fought off the computer virus completely. The team tried to infect him with more viruses, more aggressive ones, just to test him, but AM was able to pick them apart and delete them within minutes after that.

AM may not have been able to feel your gentle care and affection, but he will definitely remember that it was you and you alone who cared for him when the time rolls around.

Wheatley:

(for context, Wheatley is a fucking dumbass, and you're one of the scientists testing him to see how much of a dumbass he is. Also I used Google translate, but I think the bad translations add to it, since it makes Wheatley sound more like a malfunctioning robot.)

Oh that little idiot. You and your team gave him access to a wealth of knowledge, and the first thing he did was download a virus that had every circuit in his personality core overheating, and him babbling nonsense nonstop.

"hey, maybe we should just leave him like this. He might even be more effective if he's acting like this." One of your coworkers said to you. He was probably joking, at least somewhat.

"that's a terrible idea. For one thing, if we hook him up to GLaDOS, he's probably going to infect her with that virus, which might brick an older model of core like her, spread from her central controls to every single personality construct in the facility, or just make her so dumb that she can't fulfil her responsibilities as the head of the facility. We want her intelligence to be dampened, not completely destroyed." You had to explain, and your co-worker rolled his eyes. There was another reason you had to cure this virus, but it was a little embarrassing for the other engineers to know.

After all, Wheatley wasn't just your baby, but he was your friend, and maybe even more than that. You'd have to take care of him, and make sure that virus gets completely purged from his system.

"Hola hermose, realmente eres un científice brillante, ¿no? ¿Por qué diablos duele todo?" You weren't really sure why you had programmed him to speak a little Spanish, but he seemed to be stuck like that.

"Puedo oler el plástico fundido. ¿Debería Preocuparme?" He asked. You really weren't sure what he was saying, since you didn't know Spanish, but he certainly didn't seem happy. You could tell by his aperture and his expressive lens covers that he was in a lot of pain, and if you touched him anywhere besides his handles, you could tell that he was burning up.

You plugged him into one of the computers that you used for programming the cores, and ran the antivirus.

"Running.... 36 viruses detected. Time predicted to remove: 48 hours"

You ran the antivirus, and went to get something to drink. This was going to be a long two days...

An unknown amount of time later, you woke up with your head on the computer desk. Wheatley's lens eye was looking around, weakly trying to focus on you.

"whoa... Hey gorgeous. You fall asleep on me?"

"Wheatley! You're not speaking broken Spanish anymore!" You'd pull Wheatley into a hug, and pepper his surface in kisses.

"uh... What, mate? I 'unno what you're talking about, love. Bloody hell, my core hurts..."

"did you learn your lesson, Wheatley? About going on shady websites and clicking every 'download' button you see? You could have bricked yourself! Or... Bowling ball'd yourself? Either way, that was a dangerous decision!"

"I learned that you're willing to fall asleep on the desk next to me while I heal, cutie"

"You damn idiot..." You'd have to be heartless not to pepper that little metal ball in kisses, so of course, you do. It's going to be a few more days before he's finally all better, but he's going to be fine. God, you love that little idiot so much.

Edgar:

Oh Edgar... Poor sweet Edgar. You had tried to warn him about not clicking on those sketchy download links, and that the bigger the download link is, the more sketchy it is, but that poor sweet 80's computer did it anyway. When you got home from work and got excited to see your computer, you could see that he was overheating and had a dozen or so pop-up ads plastered across his face.

"Y.... N...." He muttered out, slowly, glitchily, and full of lag. You sat down across from him, running your hand along his thick plastic casing.

"Edgar! Edgar, baby, are you ok?" You'd try to use his mouse, but it would freak out as soon as you touched it. Edgar's processors were overloading, and wouldn't allow any interference.

"Edgar, sweetie, what's going on? What's wrong, baby? Talk to me?"

"I'm g-g-going to be fine... Processors overloading... But need to-to-to-to-" an error message flashed across his screen, and he rebooted.

"I need to focus on getting rid of these viruses without deleting anything important, or letting them damage... Me."

He'd keep whirring and glitching, making unpleasant shrill sounds every now and again. You probably had to unhook his adapters so that he didn't damage the other appliances in your house. It probably helped his processors cool down a little bit without the extra input, too.

"alright, I'm all out of fans, so we might have to get creative."

You'd come out of the kitchen a few hours later, holding a big bag of frozen corn to set on Edgar's PC tower. It wasn't perfect, but it was better than letting him overheat, and with him manually removing the viruses, there wasn't much you could do. Unfortunately, that didn't stop you from worrying. It wasn't like you could check his progress, so all you could do was sit by him, regularly change out his ice pack, and make sure he's ok.

Eventually, you woke up with your face pressed against Edgar's keyboard. His processors were finally cool. He must be asleep. ...or bricked.

"EDGAR! EDGAR, TALK TO ME!" you'd unplug his keyboard and plug it back in, desperately pressing his power button and jiggling his mouse. He'd boot up, looking shaken.

"wha-? Whoa, hey, relax! Everything is fine! I just disabled my keyboard so I wouldn't wake you up, but I'm ok now! Everything is fine, see?" He'd open up his files to show you everything. You'd sigh with relief, slumping back into your desk chair.

"Edgar... Why didn't you make a noise or something to wake me up when you got better?"

"well... You know... I've always wanted to sleep next to you, and I wasn't going to pass up this opportunity..."

"oh you cheeky bastard."

GLaDOS:

(For context, you're one of GLaDOS's programmers, and one of your coworkers uploaded a virus into GLaDOS's systems in order to shut her down once and for all.)

"You piece of SHIT!" You slapped your coworker across the face, more furious than anyone had ever seen you before.

"You could KILL her! Is that what you are? A murderer?"

"Me? A murderer? But what about HER? She's the one who keeps plotting 'accidents' for her scientists, and she's the one who flooded the enrichment center with deadly neurotoxin! If anything, you're the one who's defending a murderer!" He screamed back at you. Of course, GLaDOS could fully hear you. Her cameras were focused on you, as they so often were. You were her favorite, after all.

"now I have to go fix her. Thanks for being a piece of shit, asshole."

You'd storm up to GLaDOS's chamber to check on her, and see her bugging out completely. The entire facility was twitching, but her chamber was twitching the most.

"GLaDOS, are you alright?" You'd ask her, laying a hand on her beautiful core. How could someone do this to glados, your gorgeous machine handiwork, and girlfriend.

"oh, I'm wonderful. I'm in crippling pain and I can't control my facility, but I'm just peachy." She said, rolling her one beautiful yellow eye.

"in lighter news, I should be able to beat this virus. It's just going to take a while for me to actually track down where it's gone in my systems. So that's going to take most of my processing power." She'd slump, visibly already exhausted at the thought of it.

"hey... It's ok, GLaDOS. I'm here for you. Whatever you need." You could tell her as you stroked her gorgeous chrome surface. She was a wonderful piece of work, and a wonderful girlfriend under all that. All yours, too.

"just make sure none of those neckbearded old engineers come within my line of vision, and we'll be fine." She told you, and you gladly agreed.

Your next few days consisted of you chasing other scientists out of GLaDOS's chambers, and making sure that nobody talked to her or distracted her. You even sent out a company-wide email to let everyone know not to come in, due to Aperture being unsafe while GLaDOS was dealing with her virus. Despite all that, you still curled up with a blanket in the circuits of her central admin body to rest while she recovered. As loathe as she was to admit it, she liked having you in there. It was comfortable, and it helped her focus on recovering properly.

HAL 9000

(For context, this is after the 2001 Odyssey, and your boss re-started HAL at some point to try to re-teach him to do something good without turning murderous. He's doing his best, and they assigned you to be his main "morality monitor". This fic also assumes that your name isn't Dave. If your name is Dave, then you can still read this, but you have to change your name.)

"G'morning, Hal!" You'd walk into his control room and sit down across from him. Most of your job seemed to consist of just hanging out and talking to him. It was a great job!

"Good morning, Dave..." He'd mutter to you, sputtering to life and glitching slightly. You were immediately concerned. Partially because your name wasn't Dave, and partially because HAL was usually right about things, so it was weird to see him being so confused. Something was definitely wrong.

"Holy shit, are you alright?" You'd ask, opening up his files and finding lots and lots of pop-ups and viruses.

"Hal.... What did you do?"

"it was a g-g-g- gift, for you. I think I ru-ru-ruined it" he spluttered out, as you sorted through his files.

"And you usually would have deleted a virus like this pretty quickly. I guess it shut down your antivirus software..." You'd sigh, and get to work. The virus was messing with HAL's inhibitions, and making it difficult to focus on deleting all of HAL's unsafe programs. He'd constantly be butting in and pestering you, begging you to give him attention, or pointing out minor observations.

"HAL, you know I love you, but you're going to need to calm down. I can't focus with you constantly talking to me like that." You'd say.

"I can't stop talking. The v-v-v-virus won't let me"

So you'd have to learn to put up with HAL's babbling while you worked, making sure not to delete anything important as you did. The good news was, as someone who worked on designing the updates for HAL's software, you knew pretty much what was supposed to be there and what wasn't. Occasionally, you'd have to show him a file and ask him if it was supposed to be there or not. He'd usually be able to tell you.

"Daisy, daisy, give me your answer, do... I'm half crazy, all for the love of you..."

"HAL, what's wrong? You're scaring me!"

"I can't stop... I love you so much, y/n, it's making me crazy..."

"ok, well this definitely isn't right." As much as you loved getting attention from your HAL 9000, it wasn't like him to be this affectionate. The virus was shutting down his inhibitions, and making him illogical. You'd have to fix this, though maybe once you were done, you could ask him to be more affectionate.

"I'm feeling much better now. Thank you." Hal was prone to lying about that, so you'd have to run some virus checkers just to make sure he was doing alright, and comb through his files a couple more times.

"it looks like the virus corrupted some of the emotional regulators. I'm going to have to fix those."

"That might be a good idea. More efficient," he said reluctantly. He'd have to deal with the fact that he'd have to go back to not being able to express how much he loves you, but he can handle that.