#Clockwork knew it would make things funnier in the long run

[dclovesdanny]

4/5

Dcxdp trope twist

This was just supposed to be Danny’s introduction to the watchtower.

Tim and Kon had finally decided that, Danny, at six years old, was old enough to be introduced to the rest of the Justice League, while wearing a mask of course. While Young Justice knew he was Tim Drake, Batman still hadn’t outed himself as Bruce and Tim certainly wasn’t going to do it.

It had been going well too. Danny loved looking out at the cosmos, and everyone had been doting on him. He had chosen the name Crow, wanting to commit to the bit of birds. He looked adorable in his little suit and small cowl, and everyone loved him.

Then, Constantine walked in, made eye contact with his son, and paled before swearing wildly and fleeing. Now, Diana and Bruce were trying to get Constantine to explain, while Danny kept sticking his tongue out at Constantine whenever Constantine looked at him.

Meanwhile, Constantine is grappling with the fact that the Bat’s grandkid was king of the dead, and had a claim on his soul. That part was more worrying since Constantine had only ever dealt with one Infinite Realms being.

Danny is just trying to figure out if he should give Constantine his soul back, or let Constantine know part of his soul was currently being housed in a teddy bear.

One thing was for sure, Danny wasn’t letting Constantine take Dr. Bearbert the second.

[miaclemeverett]

Hello loving citizens!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mqTuaM1fusw0rIsZCzlRfgKr0bCFK_cwYBC6SJ8GL6g/edit?usp=drivesdk

Have a nice night!

Your beloved president,

Card "Card Game Anon" Griffin-Anderson

YOU HAVE A LAST NAME??

Endorsement 1

under the read more holy shit this is a good read. you are quite terrifying

Content warning for: blood, death, torture, alcohol, brief mention of fictional police brutality

"All due respect, I'm not sure this is a good idea, president." The robotic TTS voice behind them was unbelievably grating while sober.

CGA blindly reached behind them until their hand found the cold metal of their flask, then they picked it up, brought it to their mouth, and chugged the contents. (That should help).

As they wiped the slimy residue that their mouth left on the flask off, they took a moment to truly appreciate the GeoguessburSMP's skyline. The lights were all off, the citizens all inside and, presumably, asleep. The curfews had done wonders for stopping civil disobedience! That and the beatings.

The only lights were the waning gibbous moon, sickly yellow from its place in the sky, (or was that just the glass? Damn it, you really had to pay the window cleaners less if this was the quality of the work they were doing,) and the lights from their office.

They cleared their throat and spoke, "And why do you think that, TTS?" (Listen, you were trying to be nice, at least for now.)

"Well, it's just that, no one really knows you, outside of the SMP. I don't think you have the mass-market appeal that being president requires." CGA heard the TV headed... thing shift on its feet. (Oh god, the voice was even more grating when you were drunk. Just fucking great.)

"Ah, bullshit, everyone knows me from that, uh, that cat declawing pamphlet I published a while back! Yeah, everyone likes that one." (Except for the rebellion, but who gives a fuck about what those nobodies think?)

"Well, I'm not sure Checkmate really-"

"Don't fucking speak that name here." CGA whirled around, pointing a slimy, accusatory finger at TTS, venom filling their voice, "That traitorous fucking pussy cat can go blow themself up with their own damn nukes for all I care!"

They forced themself to take a deep breath, calm down, and slicked their hair back with their hands. (Calm down, keep control of your temper. You're looking for an endorsement, not another person to exile.) "I mean, dear TTS, that Checkmate doesn't live here anymore, so their opinion doesn't matter to me."

TTS put their hands up defensively, their TV monitor head being unreadable colorbars, as per usual. (Oh how you wished to get rid of those awful colorbars, but it had to wait.) "Sorry, president." They put their hands back down. "What do you want me to even do to endorse you, exactly?"

CGA sighed, filling their flask messily with the whiskey bottle on their desk and taking a long swig before turning back to their glass wall. "Oh, don't play dumb, TTS. I know about your snarky little radio shows where you make fun of everyone and everything here. I want you to make fun of my opposition and run some lovely programming slots that talk about how great and kind and benevolent I am. Got it?"

TTS was silent, and CGA could almost hear the annoying cogs turning in its stupid clockwork brain. "Card, I'm not about to sacrifice the integrity of my program with state propaganda. It's not happening."

CGA frowned. (Damn, you were hoping this would go the easy way.) "Oh, what a shame. Guards, restrain it, please."

"Wait, what are you- no, stop! Please, wait!" CGA heard TTS struggling, but it was clear that their guards were stronger.

They didn't deign to look at TTS, instead setting their flask on the desk and kneeling behind their desk for a moment. (You couldn't say that you weren't looking forward to this.

You actually looked at TTS as you stood back up, noticed the tangible fear in their body language as they noticed what was in your hands. "No. No, please! I'm sorry! Let me go! I'll do whatever you say! Please!"

You couldn't resist the smile that came over your face at watching their suffering. "Oh, TTS, the time for negotiation is long past. I gave you the chance, but nooo, you had to go on about integrity or whatever the shit." You said, trying to keep your words coherent as you made your way over from behind your desk.

"I-I'll tell you everything I know about the rebellion! I'll do anything! Please don't do this!"

You pause and pretend to consider it. Might as well give the dumb chunk of metal some hope before you crush it beneath your heel. It would be funnier like this.

But, you shake your head eventually. It wasn't going to happen. "Oh, you're too late! I have a spy, dumbass!" You giggle in spite of yourself, your slime almost going goopy as you do so, nearly dropping what you have in your hands, but managing to keep it together. Literally.

"Say hi to the devil down in hell, you useless can of bolts!"

TTS barely had time to get a plea out before the sledgehammer in your hands made its way through its monitor.)

Another one down. Card nodded to the guards, and they took away the body. They knew what to do with it.

After they had left, Card looked down at the glass shards on the floor, kneeling down to look at them better. (And definitely not because you can't stand anymore, nope definitely not at all.) They took one in their hand, grimacing at it as it sank halfway through the slime that their "skin", "organs", and "bones" consisted of.

'TTS sure was one to talk about mass market appeal, being a revolting technological monstrosity like it was,' they thought, as they forced themself to their feet, 'but maybe they had just a bit of a point.'

Who was gonna vote for something as revolting as them? A slimy person with brown hair coated in the stuff and two large, winding ram horns. Yeah, some changes needed to happen, and quickly.

As they stumbled to the trash can, their grip on the shard tightened, in a way it hadn't been able to in a long time. They were too stuck in their own thoughts to notice this, though.

That was, until they felt a sharp pain unlike anything they'd felt in months from their hand, where they were clutching the glass shard.

And, in that moment, Card Griffin-Anderson did something that they hadn't done as far back as far back as they could remember

(They bled.)

[captainficspace]

Included- Ben’s Day

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy 

Characters: The Hargreeves Bros

A/N: There’s not enough fics with the guys being bros. And Ben is a ray of sunshine and deserves the world.  

     Because the 60s had no internet, Klaus and Ben were determined to make up for lost time the best way they knew how. They set aside a lazy Saturday morning for  watching hours-long Vine compilations, even though they still knew just about every one by heart. They took the task upon them this time to assign every clip to one of their siblings, which only made the videos even funnier.

“Diego is the toddler running with the knife and mom is the one going ‘NO!’” Klaus said. Ben snickered. He was pretty sure there were moments in the house that were damn near identical to that clip.

“Absolutely.”

“The girl with the awful glitter eyeshadow is Allison.”

“That’s you.”

“Hurtful.” Klaus couldn’t exactly tell him he was wrong, exactly.

Just as they were going to debate whether or not a clip of a Chihuahua trying and failing to run up the stairs truly matched Five’s energy, a scream interrupted their trains of thought.

 “Again?” Diego and Five were locked in some battle that had been going on-and-off all week, starting when Five deciding to launch a near-lethal tickle attack on Number Two.  There were several sets of footsteps now clattering around upstairs, each getting closer to landing until one stopped altogether.

“Five must have gotten away.”  Klaus mused.

Another stopped.

 “Incoming in three, two…” Diego dropped from over the edge of the bannister, sticking the landing on the living room floor.

“You could have just used the stairs.” Ben said, before realizing Diego couldn’t hear him. It would have taken all of three seconds, but his dramatic entrance didn’t mean a thing because whoever he was pursuing was nowhere to be found.

“Five’s not here?”

“Nope. What’s the occasion?” Klaus asked, as if he was unaware that the two of them had been acting like complete children for the past four days.

“He knows what he did.”

Five materialized at the top of the stairs, staring down at the TV. He watched for a second, a faint smile crossing his face.

“The one with the guys yelling at the duck reminds me of you and Ben.” And he was off down the hall once more, Diego tearing up the stairs after him.

It took about thirty more seconds before shrieks were heard. The screeching went from muffled threats of violence, to jagged streams of profanity, to high-pitched cackling, occasionally broken up with screams. Everyone could depend on the stages of Five’s laughter like clockwork.

“It sounds like he’s getting him good.” Klaus went to turn up the volume, but realized Ben was listening closely, a wistful grin on his face.

“It hasn’t changed.”

“You miss it, don’t you?” He gently poked Ben in the side and he squirmed, biting back a smile. They had all been ruthless with him as kids. He was too fun not to. All of the siblings would pile on him or hold him down and tickle him silly until his laughter went silent, only letting out squeaks mixed with hiccups.

“You literally torture me every spare second you have.”

“Liar.”  More screeching came from upstairs. Diego must have found that sweet spot on the back of Five’s knees.

“We could go watch. Get some blackmail material.”

“…you want in, don’t you?” Ben refused to meet his eyes, trying to act invested in the Vines again and not the fun going on in the other room.

“Oh, look it’s the ‘Welcome to Chili’s’ guy. If that’s not you, I don’t know what is.”

“Do you want a visitation?” They hadn’t done it much at all since they had gotten back. Getting trust back was hard enough and it was such an awkward time of wordless apologies that even talking about possession again seemed much too soon for the longest time. But when Ben was having one of his down days, a few hours in a tangible, living body seemed like the least Klaus could give. Being able to walk in the rain or visit the farmer’s market or hug his brothers and sisters was such a gift.

“Won’t it be weird to jump in like that?”

“I let you take over at movie night that one time and you picked out- without me, for your information-“ Any claims got caught off by a new surge of hysterics coming from upstairs. Klaus noticed how Ben’s eyes lit up at the sound.

 “Just go. Have fun.” He hopped up and got into the proper stance for Ben to take over, giving him a wink.  Nine times out of ten, Klaus would be doing the same, eager to finally make some better memories.  Ben got up as well, Klaus not having to tell him twice as he took a few steps back to get a running start and threw himself into Klaus’ body.

The body shuddered as Ben took over, and he caught his footing with a lurch. Back inside. Everything came as a shock at first. It did every time, feeling a little like coming out of a dream. The dream was real enough, of course, but not as real as being truly present. Except unlike previous “visitations” where Klaus would let him take over in the garden or on the street, he knew exactly what he wanted to do.

He felt downright giddy racing up the stairs, following the laughter down the hall and around the corner where Diego had Five pinned to floor of his room, holding him down with one hand and digging into his ribs with the other. The smaller brother cackled and writhed, kicking uselessly as his cheeks grew red.

Ben wished he knew how to announce himself, for all they knew, it was Klaus standing in the doorway in such an awkward, uncharacteristic manner.

“Klaus! Help!” Five gasped out, desperate enough to call for backup, but not yet desperate enough to beg Diego for mercy.

“Oh, I’ll help. But Klaus isn’t home at the moment…”  Diego slowed his assault, still firmly holding Five to the floor. His eyes lit up and Ben felt his chest grow warm seeing the excitement clearly written across his face.

 “Ben?”  He nodded, so happy he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“By all means-“ Diego gestured towards their squirming brother still pinned to the floor. As fun as that sounded, Ben had a promise to keep to Five. He lunged for Diego instead, taking him from his kneeling position to flat on his back.

“You traitor!” Before Ben could launch his attack, Diego grabbed him by the shoulders and reversed their positions. As kids, they were an equal match for each other, down to their deathly ticklish tummies. They could go wrestle for what seemed like hours, arms locked, until they both went for the risky move of attacking the other’s worst spots at the same time and would end up screaming with laughter. Now, not so much. Damn Klaus and his noodle limbs. Ben was now finding himself in the exact same way he had walked in on Five, now the two were staring over him, an especially devious smirk on Diego’s face.

 “You think it’s gonna be that easy huh?” Ben was already giggling. He never could pull it together when he knew he had gotten himself backed into a corner. He blamed the anticipation; he hadn’t been tickled in this body yet. Who knew what that would even feel like?

 Five, who had been trying to scowl at Diego as he caught his breath, suddenly grinned. “That’s not how Klaus laughs at all.” Even when Ben was reaching his absolute limits, his laugh stayed bubbly and sweet. Klaus cackled like a witch and would wind up hoarse after a tickle fight or a good story. Hearing Ben’s breathless, squeaky laugh coming from Klaus’ voice and body was jarring, but strangely adorable and endearing.

“You’re right. Good lord, it really is you, huh?” Ben tried to answer, but Diego started to squeeze at his sides and he couldn’t even begin to hold his laughter in.

“I think you should prove it again.” Five said, smugness dripping from his voice.

“I-I got youhou out of this mess and-“ He yelped, trying to get his arms out of Diego’s grip so he could cover his face. The feeling was nearly driving him out of his skin. He could feel everything. There was the feeling of being pinned down by hands he couldn’t phase through and the feeling of the carpet beneath him as he squirmed and the awful, awful feeling of Diego skitter his fingertips across the surface of his belly. Klaus had been wearing a crop top when Ben took over and that made everything so much worse.  

  “So if you laugh like Ben, I bet you’re…sensitive in all the places he is too.” He giggled all the more at the fact Diego still couldn’t say the word, even when he was in the rare place of power for once.

“What’s happening?”  Luther appeared in the doorway, no doubt intrigued by the latest battle in Diego and Five’s ongoing saga. Apparently Klaus was involved in things now? Maybe they had settled their differences and picked a mutual foe. Five wasn’t above joining in a one-sided tickle fight, content to poke away at Ben’s ribs.

“Ben’s visiting for a bit and already got himself into trouble.” Diego announced. Luther took it as an invitation to join them, switching places with Diego to properly hold Ben’s arms down so there were four hands on him. .

“Good to see you again.” Ben couldn’t even get a response out, only able to shake his head and squeeze his eyes shut as tears pricked at his eyes. Somehow, his tickle spots had made the journey with him into Klaus’ body, and his brothers exactly remembered just how to attack his ribs and belly.

 He was gasping for breath now? When was the last time he had felt breathless? Klaus tickled him all the time and even though he used “I can’t breathe” as a reason for him to stop, it was more because he was reaching his limit that anything else. He couldn’t even pay attention to the ways his siblings were teasing him or how way his laughter was ringing in his ears. He couldn’t begin to get past feeling. There were so many other parts of these interactions he forgot about. Blushing was one because for the first time everyone could see him. The ways his sides were beginning to ache was another. The way it felt to be manhandled in all its playful roughness and to laugh with complete abandon. It was something that felt so alien, but also like coming home.

“Do you remember the claw monster?” Five asked, flexing his fingers and vibrating them into Ben’s ribs.

“He remembers being a squeaky toy, that’s for sure.” Diego added, prodding up and down his sides, just to prove his point. Ben’s laugh was full of little squeals and squeaks; and to everyone’s delight, he hadn’t outgrown it.

“And that spot right around his portal. He screamed so loud that one time.” Luther said, thinking back to when they were younger and would “inspect” the port “just in case” and tickle around and around the edges until he cried laughing.

“If I recall, there was something that used to drive him wild.” Diego said, circling back to Ben’s exposed belly, leaning in close and taking a deep breath before blowing hard.

“NO!”

And it was too much.

He didn’t mean to leave Klaus’ body, but there was something about Diego’s scruff making contact with his stomach that had launched him out of the physical plane.

The others didn’t see Ben leave, but they saw how Klaus’ body shuddered and they all pulled back at once.

“Did…did he just?” Luther asked, biting back his own laughter.

“What-what happened?” Klaus was back in control but still trying to put back the pieces of how he got there. How did he end up on the floor? Why was his heart racing? He felt like he just did 20 sets of sit-ups while holding his breath.  When he looked over to Ben for an answer, he refused to say a word, hiding his face in his hands.

 “Apparently he’s still just as ticklish as we remember.”

“His soul actually left your body.” Five said, giggling.

 “You fucking tickle-exorcised Ben. I don’t believe it.” He tipped his head back and let out a wheeze of laughter. In the corner of his eye, Ben flipped him off, cheeks darkening. Klaus didn’t tell the others, but he was still giggling. He didn’t need a body to feel safe and appreciated, exhausted and content. The visitation had helped, but when Klaus’ hands glowed blue and everyone could see him for a second as he squeaked and hiccupped, all he could see was fondness on his brothers’ faces. They hadn’t forgotten how to make him feel included and happy. Ben hadn’t forgotten he was loved.

[sincerely-insanely-me-blog]

Sincerely Three x Comedian!Reader who writes music

Jared

Okay this boy is a meme so once he’d find out you’re a comedian

He would lose his shit

But you writing music tOO? Pump the fuckin breaks

I feel like he’d find out by barging in on you during a writing session

You wouldn’t have your phone near by Bc you’re working like an adult and Jared would be texting you a million times, like a child, asking you to hang out

“I just found my old Nintendo 64. Get ready to get your ass super smashed”

“That sounds dirty and I stand by it completely”

“Hey”

“BB”

“BABE”

“Y/N”

“Fuck it, I’m coming over. I hope you’re not naked.”

“Actually….that would be farthest from the worst thing…”

So you’d be pluckin away at your keyboard and chuckling at some of your own jokes when

BOOM

Jared bursts in the door, Nintendo 64 in one arm and and handful of games in the other

“You didn’t answer your phone so I just ca-what are you doing?”

“Are you playing pIANO? YOU CAN PLAY PIANO?”

You blush a little (which he secretly melts at because your cheeks get all red and I stand by the fact that Jared would love his S.O’s cheeks? Anyways..) and tell him

“I was writing some songs for a comedy show I want to do…I don’t know I was just trying some stuff out I guess”

“Can you play it for me?”

“I’m not going to have a choice am I?”

“No, no you will not”

He would get the bIGGEST smile on his face

The big goofy Jared smile

“So you’re like….Bo Burnham…”

“I mean I guess so, but ya know one comedian is different from the other it all comes down to perspective and it’s ju-”

“No no you’re better than Bo Burnham”

He’s your biggest hype man

“You’re the only person I know who’s funnier than me, Y/N”

He. Would. Tell. Everyone.

He would be so proud to tell everyone that his S.O is the “King/Queen of Joke Songs.”

Connor

Connor would’ve met you at one of your comedy performances.

Jared decided he wanted to try stand up comedy and dragged Evan and Connor along to watch.

He would not be having any of it

“You’re gunna fucking blow it, Kleinman”

“I’m so glad you brought me here to watch you fucki-”

And you’d come on stage and Connor would instantly shut up

You went on and had everyone in sTITCHES, especially Connor.

Evan and Jared were looking at him like he was broken, they didn’t think he was capable of laughter?

You performed one of your favorite comedy songs you’d written about the patriarchy or something like that and Connor would be in love the second you said something like

“This next song is about everyone’s favorite societal tit punch: the patriarchy”

Connor hadn’t laughed like that in a long time

Surprisingly enough, Evan convinced him to talk to you after the show

(Jared sucked, but you gave him some pity laughs)

Connor would come up to you and he would be n e r v o u s

What if you thought he was a freak or just dismissed him like everyone else did

He’d tell you how he hadn’t laughed like that in a while and he really loved your sense of humor and point of view on things

Which sparked a lively discussion

You of course making Connor laugh through the whole thing

He would make you laugh quite a few times too

Connor is very clever and you’d admire that

You’d! Ask! Him! Out!

He would be shocked

“Wait fuck really?”

Okay now him w the comedy while you’re dating

You’d be the most important person in his life

You’d make him laugh when he’d think that he couldn’t even smile that day

He would be at every single one of your performances (and he would always bring you a flower)

Ok so I HC that Connor plays guitar sO

He’d help you write some of your stuff

“You could always write about how fucking hilariously awful jared’s set was”

You’d both laugh over that a LOT

The Murphy’s would really like you too Bc they’d notice connor’s mood change when you’re around

Connor would get annoyed when you’d come over and he’d just want to take you up to his room and talk and (fuck) cuddle n shit but his parents or his sister would constantly ask how your comedy is going

(Connor would love to cuddle don’t fight me on this)

You’d practice your show in front of him

He’d cry genuine tears of laughter

And he would at your show too even tho he’d already heard the jokes

This boy loves you so fucking much

Evan

This. Boy. Is. Your. Biggest. Fan.

You’ve known Evan for as long as you can remember and for as long as he can remember, you’ve been the funniest person he knows (Much to jared’s protests)

You and Evan would be up in his room on his bed watching Bo Burnham’s “What” and of course you were both laughing up a storm

Evan would be clutching his stomach and his lil nose would be scrunched up

And when Bo started playing “Repeat Stuff” you of course knew all the words

Evan would look at you and blush through his laughter Bc I mean you’re so cute and hilarious and he likes you a whole lot

After it was over Evan would look at you and Evan like

“Ya know, y/n. You-you could uhm you could do that”

“Do what Evan? Comedy?”

And he’d shake his head vigorously

“Y-yeah! Like uhm yeah like Bo Burnham! You uhm you h-have a really really good sense of humor and you have a really pretty voice and you know how to play pianosoitreallymakessenseforyoutobeacomedianand”

“Evan, Evan hey”

He would blush BC he was rambling again but his feelings for you make him flustered!

“You really think I could do this kind of stuff?”

“C-completely”

So you’d try, Evan has always been your biggest supporter so you’d do anything for him

You started with a song first, thinking it would be easier than writing a whole bit

You’d be in jazz band with zoe so you got the piano on lock

You’d write your song about growing up with Evan or something funny about childhood

When it was done you’d immediately run to Evan’s house and show it to him

“W-will you sing it for me?”

Of course you would so you’d sing it for him and like clockwork, the nose scrunch

He would be laughing so adorably hard and his face would be all red

“I-I haven’t laughed that hard since you pantsed Jared in seventh grade”

You would be so grateful for Evan and him pushing you(in his own way) to pick up comedy

He would always be your #1 supporter and him and Heidi would always be at any performance you ever did because they love you. (But not as much as Evan loves you)