#Con Sucker Punch tampoco

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

What did he say? - Daniel Ricciardo one shot

Update: I just realized it's Carlos' birthday TODAY! I'm so so sorry hahaha I feel like a jerk, but it's just play pretend ok?

Guys, this is based on a dream I had but listen, it’s so weird cause I KNOW this is not like Carlos AT ALL. He’s kind of the vilan in this one... Please don’t be mad if you’re a Carlos fan, it’s just for fun, I swear. I’ll even try to write something with him later to make it up to you guys! Also, I clearly don't know how vacuum works in racing, so again, just humor me and pretend I got it right, ok?

As always, please take the time to let me know what you think, means a lot to me (even if it’s constructive criticism)! And thank you so much to everyone that always does! 💕 Your lovely messages always motivate me to keep writing!

Warnings: angst, jealous Daniel, kind of a dick Carlos (again, sorry! I know he’d never)

.

I was in the “side stage” at the press room for the Austin GP, the first I ever went and of course, the first with Daniel, as his girlfriend. He was answering questions along with Pierre Gasly on stage. There were a few people besides me, including some of the drivers, waiting for their turn to face the press.

"Coco, ¿quién es?" I heard Carlos Sainz whispering to his cousin, nodding his head in my direction.

"No conozco. ¿Creo que es periodista?" his cousin answered looking at me. I just acted like I wasn't listening, or understanding, not sure why though.

"No, si fuera periodista estaría allá fuera, haciendo preguntas" Carlos continued.

"Sí, pero no me parece estar perdida" his cousin commented, they kept whispering but I could hear them very clearly.

"Qué pena, no me importaría darte direcciones" Carlos said with a smirk and I felt really uncomfortable at that, which only made me stay even more frozen in place and wish Daniel came back sooner.

"Si no te conociera, diría que acabas de romper una relación. Ni siquiera puedes ver a una chica alrededor" his cousin said hitting him playfully in the head.

"¿Y te parece esta una chica cualquier? Siempre debes andar con supermodelos, ¿no?" Carlos joked back.

"Vale, tienes razón" his cousin answered him and I was counting the seconds for Daniel to come back now.

"Pero sin duda es nueva aquí. Me recordaría de algo como eso. Tampoco pienso ser americana, ellas no tienen esta-" Just then someone called him.

"Sainz, you're up next" Daniel walked out, coming by my side. "Hey" he said to me and I smiled. "They just asked to wait 5 minutes, something about changing the batteries of the mics" he said looking back at Carlos, his cousin, and Kimi, who was going to be pairing with Carlos in the press conference and was just hanging in the corner by himself this whole time.

"Alright, thanks mate" Carlos answered.

"Hey, have you guys met (y/n)? Carlos, Carlos, (y/n)... (y/n), Carlos, Carlos" Daniel made the introductions grinning like a teenager, probably finding it super funny that they had the same first name.

"¡Hola! Mucho gusto en conocerlos, soy (y/n). ¿Como están?" I extended my hand to greet them, feeling much more confident now that I had a 5' 9" Australian by my side. They looked startled at me and then at each other.

“¿Hablas español?” Carlos asked me.

“Sí, y compreendo muy bien también” I told him and my tone made it clear I knew exactly what they were talking about earlier and didn’t like it a bit.

"Carlos, Kimi, they're ready for you" an assistant called.

"Good one kid" Kimi said to me when he walked past us, winking at Daniel. Carlos followed him to the stage and since I didn't want to just stand there in the remains of the awkward situation with Dan and Carlos’ cousin, I just walked in the opposite direction, outside the press room. Not too long after, Daniel walked after me.

"Hey, what was that about?" he asked, still smiling. Boy, he wouldn't be smiling for too long after I told him what that was about.

"What?" I asked, trying not to make a big deal. He reached for my hand, taking it in his.

"You know what. Come on, what happened back there? Did you guys know each other?"

"No!" I have to tell him now, or he'll think I have something to hide. I took a deep breath. "They were talking between themselves before you come out, in Spanish. And I don't think they thought I could understand" he looked at me confused but then it hit him and his expression changed from confusion to rage.

"What did they said?"

"Nothing, it's not a big deal ok? I just wanted to let them know I could understand, so I just said 'hello' in Spanish, that's all" I said, walking away from the place where we were standing and pulling his hand. God knows I didn't want to be there when Carlos walked out, or better, for Daniel to be there.

"I figured that much. But what did he said? Just tell me" Daniel looked at me.

"Let's just go? Please? It's not worth it. What are you going to do? Sucker punch him?"

"Do I need to sucker punch him? Is it that bad?"

"No! Dan, please, let's just go. This is not going to lead us anywhere"

"(y/n)"

"I'll tell you. Promise. Back at the trailer, okay?" I tried to negotiate.

"Fine"

When we stepped back inside his driver's room, Daniel closed the door and looked at me.

"Alright. Spill it"

"Promise me you won't do anything to him"

"Absolutely not. The longer you stall me, the more pissed off I get"

"Okay” I knew I had no choice and honestly, why should I protect him really? I’m just worried about how this might make Daniel feel. “They were wondering who I was, his cousin was teasing him saying he was only interested because he just ended a relationship"

"That's not all" he said and I didn't answer, just looked away, shaking my head. "Alright. I'm sorry you had to hear that. But you can tell me these things ok? I want to protect you baby" He said stepping closer to me and hugging me.

"I don't want you to cause trouble for something stupid"

"Hey!" he said pulling away a bit to look at me. "This is not stupid. Nothing about you is stupid. It's a big deal baby, that’s plain disrespectful. I want you here with me, always. And I want you to feel comfortable here, okay?"

"I feel comfortable now" I said hugging him closer. He smiled and kissed the top of my head.

"Fuckers" he whispered to himself.

"Promise me you won't confront him. He'll deny, or start a fight. Or both. And besides, it’s not so much what he said, it’s more like how they were eyeing me. And I don't want you to get involved in a scandal" I said pulling away and sitting down in a chair. Daniel leaned against the table, looking at me.

"A scandal?" he laughed.

"You do know gossip is the major product of motorsports, right?" I smirked at him.

"Fair enough" he agreed. "Fuck baby, the things I have to deal with for having a goddess as a girlfriend" he was joking now, so the mood seemed lighter, but knowing Daniel, I knew he hadn't completely let that go yet. I just rolled my eyes at him. Hopefully, the events of the weekend would be enough to get his mind out of it.

.

.

Friday and Saturday kept us busy enough so that we didn’t touch the subject anymore, but I could still catch Daniel staring at Carlos here and there. And I could definitely see Carlos staring at me too, which I tried to avoid at all costs, staying out of his visual field. If Daniel saw that, I don’t know if I’d be able to hold him back again.

On Sunday I’d be watching from the garage with Michael and Blake, which was super exciting, to see all the action from the front row. But I didn’t want to disturb Daniel’s routine, so I tried to stay back a little. Yet, he kept coming to steal kisses and joke around. He seemed really relaxed and confident. He was P5 and I took the care to see that Carlos was P8, so I knew they might race each other eventually but I also knew that Dan would be much more preoccupied doing what he does best and overtaking the 4 in front of him to even think about whoever was behind. Everything was going to be fine, no harm done.

“Alright. Time to go” he announced to me. “Kiss for good luck?”

“Good luck. Just go and do what you do best, okay? And try to come back in one piece” I smiled through the kiss and then watched him take his helmet from the table, wink at me, and turn to walk towards his Mclaren. My chest was tight but I could only pray and hope now.

The cars were already outside the garage for some reason, so Dan was walking out when Carlos passed in front of the orange crew. He stopped to greet some of them and that would be fine, except he was not paying any attention to the people he was talking to. He was looking inside the garage like he was looking for something, or rather someone, cause when he saw me he nodded like he was greeting me and checked me out, head to toes. Dan saw it and looked back inside just in time to see me step aside, behind Michael, clearly uncomfortable with the whole thing.

“Hey... man” Carlos greeted Daniel. And his tone made me sure that it wasn’t even about me anymore. Carlos knew how much it must be bothering Daniel and was clearly using it to try and get him pissed off and unfocused. The thing is, very few things were capable of getting Daniel out of his “all good all ways” vibe, but when they did, you definitely don’t want to be on his way. I’m actually a bit worried about the other drivers now, Carlos included, because Dan just turned back to his machine, like he knew exactly what he was going to do and nothing would stop him, getting inside the car a mere formality. He didn’t even bother to take a second look at Carlos.

“Oh boy” I commented.

“Yeah, I saw it” Michael said to me. “What was that about anyway? I thought they got along fine”. I don’t say anything else, and from that moment on my eyes are glued to the screen in front of us, following any micro movement Daniel makes.

They go for the warm-up lap, which feels like it takes forever, and then, finally, Grid formation. That sign must be broken cause the lights also took hours to change.

3, 2, 1... there they go. Thank god we’re wearing masks, otherwise, my nails and fingertips would be long gone.

The first turn is a sharp one and Daniel had an opening to overtake Perez, the first driver in front of him, we could see it clearly from the drone view, but he didn’t take it. What is he doing?

“What is he doing?” Somebody in the garage voiced my thoughts.

“You had an opening Daniel” the engineer said on the radio.

“All under control. I know what I’m doing. How far are the others behind me?” Daniel answered.

I hoped he wasn’t doing what I thought he was doing but I already knew he was. Being the risk-it-all-idiot he was, Dan was waiting for Carlos to catch up to him. Knowing him, I knew he wanted to race and beat him personally, which was crazy stupid, but wouldn’t take long since Carlos had already overtaken Gasly and Alonso, and was now only a few nanoseconds behind Daniel.

“Come on Dan” I said to myself.

“Come on Daniel” Blake practically yelled at the screen.

I feel like throwing up. He’s gonna get hurt and jeopardize all the work the team put into the weekend just to... to what? I don’t even know. If he gets out of this race alive, I’ll personally kill him.

The race’s still going, no major changes after the first turn. Then suddenly Daniel seems to remember he had a gas pedal, finally getting speed in the big straight and leaving Perez behind. Carlos followed him, seeming to use the vacuum in his favor. Everybody in the garage celebrates, but I’m too focused to cheer along. He’s so close to the podium now. Just keep it up, baby. Carlos is still on his tail.

“Good job mate” the engineer says on the radio. “Watch for Sainz on your right. Bottas’ next”

“Keep me posted on Sainz’s time” it’s all Daniel says.

A couple more laps go and he’s really trying to overtake Bottas, not playing games anymore. Carlos doesn’t seem to try to overtake him even once though, he’s too far behind still.

More laps go by and I can’t standstill. When they’re in the 19th lap, with Max and Hamilton battling each other and taking turns in the lead, Daniel’s voice comes on the radio.

“Let’s be the first to box” I’m not sure what he’s playing at, as it’s still too soon to box, but the team seems to agree.

“Copy that. I’ll let you know when. Let’s get a couple more laps in. Keep this up for now” his engineer answers.

“Understood” Daniel’s voice come through the radio. “How’s Sainz time?”

“At least 1.5 seconds behind you” the engineer informs him.

“Understood” Daniel says.

He’s planning something. Not sure what, and I don’t know if I even could, not knowing much about racing strategies, but it definitely has something to do with Carlos and what happened earlier.

“Ouch!” I hear Michael say and nod towards the screen, making me focus on the race again, and not only on Daniel. Max and Hamilton had touched tires. “They're really going at it, definitely using way more tires than necessary"

"If Dan box before them..." I begin to ask.

"He needs a fast box, gaining speed later and for their box to be slower, but yeah, that's his best shot at them" Michael explains to me.

"Come on baby" I whisper to myself.

Daniel seems to finally get close enough to Bottas, but the Finnish guy won't make it easy for him. Turn 11 on sector 2 will be his best shot now and it's getting closer.

The garage and the radio go silent. Feels like the whole world is holding their breaths while Daniel smoothly overtakes Bottas from his left. And then I almost go deaf with all the cheering around me, it's a podium for Daniel, for now.

Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to last too long, cause once he comes to the box all the other drivers will pass him. It's just so frustrating.

"Good job mate. Spectacular time. Box now" the engineer informs on the radio.

"Box confirmed. We need to ace this, boys" Daniels says.

Not even a full minute later, I hear his car and see it on the screen. I look outside to see the orange machine with the big 3 in front of it, but I don't even have time to try and take a look at him, cause 2.3 seconds later (or at least that's what the TV tells me) there he goes again. The good news is, only Bottas passed him. The bad news is he almost crashes into Carlos when he comes out of the Pit Lane.

Some of the crew were still celebrating the fast pit stop when they realized what happened. I let out a gasp. They touched tires but Carlos seemed to have managed to get away from Daniel, quickly returning to his side a moment later but struggling to keep it up. Dan, on the other side, seems unbothered. He keeps gaining speed, even though the pit exit is right on the first turn.

"Take it easy now mate, even if Sainz passes you, his time is not enough to stay in front" the engineer informs Daniel, clearly worried that the risk doesn't justify the ends.

"Understood" Daniel responds.

We're on lap 30 now and just as the engineer said, Carlos is a full 2 seconds behind Daniel. Bottas still in front of him (which is frustrating for me because he had just overtaken him before the pit stop), then Hamilton, and finally Max.

"Daniel" the engineer calls him. "How're the tires?"

"All good"

"Good. Ready to race, mate? Hamilton's going to box now"

"Before Bottas?"

"Yes, that's confirmed"

"Understood"

I listen to the conversation between Daniel and the engineer closely, but I can't say I know exactly what the implications are.

"Bottas' going to second, Daniel to third again. Let's hope for a slow pitstop for Hamilton, so when he comes out, he comes in third and races Daniel. That's the best-case scenario, so he needs to gain speed now" Blake explains to me.

"Got it" I confirm to him. "What about Bottas? He should box on the next lap right?"

"Yeah. If Daniel overtakes him still on this lap, the difference will be too big for him to recover after his pit stop. Hopefully" He tells me.

There's a lot of 'hopefullys' and 'best-case scenarios' in this conversation, but I'll take it. I start to silently pray right away, eyes glued to the screen to see exactly what Blake predicted unfold: Hamilton pit stops, Bottas and Daniel are the firsts to go up on the positions, then Carlos, Alonso, and Gasly. The first turn comes again and Dan seises the opportunity to overtake Bottas, who, to his credit, is fighting real hard, but Dan isn't letting him take back his position.

Dan is P2 now. Max is almost 3 seconds in front of him. Hamilton comes out of the pit lane behind Gasly, it should take him long to again his positions.

"Bottas to box on this lap mate" the engineer announces.

"Not worried about Bottas. What about Max?" Daniel answers. A few moments of silence follow.

"Box confirmed for Max on this lap as well. Just get closer to him" the engineer instructs.

"Understood" Daniel answers.

"Come on, baby" I cheer silently again.

"Fuck! He's gonna make it" Michael yells. "Come on Daniel!"

Bottas is 2 seconds behind Daniel, and on the big straight Daniel manages to shorten his time difference to Max to 1.8 seconds. The next thing I know, Max is coming down the pit lane, quickly followed by Bottas. Daniel is P1. I can't believe this. Carlos is P2, but he hasn't boxed yet. Surprisingly enough, Alonso is P3 and, not so surprisingly, Hamilton is already P4 and gaining speed.

"Alonso hasn't boxed yet" Blake comments. That's bad news if we were hoping for him to defend his position against Hamilton. I take a look on the TV and they're showing the conditions of his tires, which to me doesn't mean anything.

"Will he be able to hold him?" I ask Blake.

"Not sure, he's tough though and doesn't want Hamilton to win, that's for sure" Blake answers me.

Then we hear Max passing outside, had almost forgotten about him.

"That took him longer than normal" Michael comments and we look at the screen, his pit stop was 3.6 seconds long. An eternity for the Redbull team. But awesome news for us. Bottas had already left the pit lane, his pit stop was 2.4 seconds long.

The grid is now Daniel, Carlos, Alonso, Hamilton, Bottas, and then Max. Alonso is still holding Hamilton back. Normally, I'd guess Carlos would box soon and maybe even Alonso, but since I know Carlos has some personal motivation against Daniel, I feel like he's going to hold on the longer he can and the same goes for Alonso regarding Hamilton.

We're at the final 10 laps now and nothing has changed, except Carlos is dangerously closer to Daniel now. Alonso still hasn't let Hamilton go by him, repeating the Hungaroring events. I hear the signal of the radio, indicating we're about to hear some communication between Daniel and his engineer, and my chest tightens. It's Daniel's voice that comes on then.

"Something wrong. I'm losing power" Fuck. No.

"Sainz is at your tail. Can you hold on?" the engineer asks.

"I don't know. Fuck. It's just not working. How much's the difference?"

"Less than 1 second"

"Fuck. Why hasn't he boxed yet?"

"His tires are in real bad condition. But I don't think he's going to do it now"

"I'll put some pressure on him"

"Negative. Negative. Stay away"

"Not going to touch him. Pinky promise" Bastard. I can hear the smirk in his voice, even though this is extremely dangerous and insane pressure, Daniel's still having the time of his life.

9 laps to go.

8 laps to go.

Carlos almost overtakes Daniel.

"Engine's not good. Can you do something?" Daniel asks.

"Negative. 7 laps to go mate, just hold it"

"Understood"

On the big straight of the 51st lap, Carlos overtakes Daniel, but then on the next turn, Daniel takes back his position. The sequel of turns that follows is the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever seen in my life, they're so close to each other, and at such a high speed that if they simply touch tires they would fly off the track and everything would be lost to both of them, maybe even their lives.

"Hamilton passed Alonso, mate. Watch out" the engineer informs him, and I look at the screen. Fuck.

"Fuuuuck" Daniel says on the radio.

It's the 52nd lap now, only 4 more to go and Carlos doesn't even signal a pit stop. He's going to try to make the whole race without it.

"Ferrari is not happy with him" Michael laughs a dark laugh. I knew he had a history of being stubborn but this is too much.

"His tires are at less than 10% integrity. How is he still going?" I ask.

There's the big straight again and Carlos falls a bit behind Daniel, but I've watched enough to know that that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing. Just as I predicted, he tries to use Daniel's vacuum to gain more speed and overtake him, Daniel doesn't let him through and get in front of him, making him almost go off track. That would be a "normal" movement, except Hamilton was using Carlos' vacuum in his favor and, when Carlos is forced to change directions, Hamilton hits his back left tire, which makes it blows off and it's a mess from then on.

Daniel is far from the whole ordeal by now, safe and sound, thankfully. But Carlos spins in the track, taking Hamilton with him. They both go off track and Max flies by, followed by Bottas, Charles (where did he come from?), and then Alonso.

"Are they alright?" It's the first thing that comes up to me to ask.

"Fuck! That was crazy. Is everyone ok?" Daniel asks on the radio.

"Positive. Everyone's ok. Keep going, mate. 3 more laps to go" the engineer informs him.

"Who's behind me now? Bottas?" Daniel asks.

"Max. But he's at least 2 seconds behind, we should be fine" I hear the engineer say and it's like I can almost breathe again. Daniel's going to win this thing. He's so close now.

"It wasn't Daniel's fault, was it? Can they punish him in some way for the accident?" I ask Michael.

"Don't know. He was defending his position, but he's been closing in Carlos ever since the begging of the race. Depends on how Ferrari and Mercedes spin this, they'll try anything that favors them" Michael explains to me in a worried tone.

They're in the final lap and Daniel's been clearly losing speed. Something's wrong with the engine. But it's the final lap, just a few more moments, come on baby, you can do it. Max is so close to him though, I wouldn't be surprised if the winner was declared based on the replay of the finishing line. The big straight comes up and Dan has to stay out of Max's front, so as to not give him any advantages.

I can barely see it, but at the same time, I can't take my eyes off the screen.

"Full force now mate, final sector. You can win this" the engineer says on the radio but Daniel doesn't respond. Max is right by his side, he's going to pass him.

There's smoke coming out of his car, the whole thing is going to blow off any second now. Oh my god, please just a few more seconds.

5 turns to go.

4 turns to go.

3 turns to go. Max overtakes him. Shit.

2 turns to go. Daniel wins his place on the podium back.

Final turn. Daniel's in the front, barely. They cross the finish line and the whole garage explores with cheering. There are people running outside to wave at him. I can only smile and hold my own head like it would fall off otherwise. He did it. He fucking did it.

"Woo-hoo! Yes! Yes! Fuck yes!" I can hear Daniel on the radio, screaming his lungs out.

"Good job mate. Spectacular work. First-class, really! Well done!" the engineer cheers on.

The next thing I know, Michael is hugging me and lifting me from the ground just to puck me back down and Blake lift me up again. I can only laugh at their excitement. I'm so happy for Daniel I can barely grasp it!

"Let's go!" Blake puts me down and runs outside the garage. I follow him out, to the place where Daniel is stopping the car, a bunch of smoke coming out and some people with fire extinguishers around it.

He's got his fists up, celebrating. But is still inside the car. Then he takes off the steering wheel and handles it to one of the mechanics waiting outside. He gets out of the car and stands on top of it, smokes still coming out from behind. It's a nice picture. I just hoped he got away from that thing before it explodes, but it's a nice picture, can't deny it.

Then he jumps down and run towards the crew, jumping over them, helmet still on. Everybody is celebrating and cheering, I can only laugh and clap at the scene before me. So much joy and happiness going on, the energy is amazing! Then I can see Daniel looking around, but since his helmet is still on, I have no idea what he's doing. Somebody seems to understand though and they wave at me, calling me to come closer. I approach, but I'm still unsure, don't want to get in the middle of the team's celebration. But Daniel grabs me, pulling me closer and hugging me. I just laugh, can't barely see him with the suit and helmet still on. He's saying something, but I can't understand a thing.

"What?" I laugh at his attempts to communicating with me. He opens his helmet visor and repeats.

"I fucking won baby!" He yells laughing.

"I know! I know! You won Dan! I'm so proud! You're the best baby!"

"I need to get this thing off" he says struggling to get the helmet and the balaclava off, when he finally manages to do it, he jumps over the fence that was separating us and hugs me again, lifting me in the air and kissing me deeply, making everyone around us cheer even louder and I smile against his lips. I wrap my legs around him and he keeps kissing me, only after a few seconds do I pull away to breathe and he touches our foreheads. I laugh again, just enjoying the feeling of pure happiness for him.

"I'm so proud of you. You were so good. This is crazy" I whisper to him.

"Get used to it, cause there's more where it came from" he answers kissing me again.

[conejoscantando]

Sucker punch

Me pica la carne. Para este momento mis uñas están llenas de células muertas (las maté con la fuerza de mis rasguños) y mi piel está roja, irritada, sangrante. Es que me pica tanto la carne, que cada tanto miro mis brazos esperando encontrar hormigas bajo mi piel, pero solo hay una sábana cubriendo comida podrida.

No condice mi cerebro con el mundo, yo como payaso psicópata tocando el piano y el mundo dedicándose a madera para guitarras de mimos mentalmente estables. Mis cuerdas cada vez se tensan más y suenan más desafinadas, me pregunto cuando alguna saltara para cortar mi mejilla.

Larvas, tal vez logren quitarme el veneno infectando mi piel; pero solo me quitan la sangre y, en ese estado deshidratado, me ahogo. Es que es tan cansador pelear contra las contradicciones, que desearía poder apagar mi cerebro y vivir bajo el efecto de las drogas legales.

Vivir y morir. Sucio y limpio. Ordenado y desordenado. Feliz y triste. Yo y ya. Ya, vivir, triste, sucio y desordenado. ¿Y si Kant tenía razón y alguien controla nuestros sueños?, pídale a quien controla el mío que me despierte.

Quiero gritar, en un lugar tan grande mi voz haría eco, pero no puedo y te veo irte mientras me dejas en los brazos de un desconocido. Se siente como la vida real, acá tampoco grito y todos se van. Tal vez esta es una alucinación que yo creé; porque la vida con aquel desconocido al que no le grito es tan miserable, que me creé una vida miserable, pero socialmente aceptable.

Solo sentí la paz cuando conecté con vos y fueron los segundos más efímeros de mi vida, cuando yo vivo deseando que la vida pase rápido, y te siento en mi alma cuando estás en mi mente. Solo a vos y solo con vos es que siento paz.

Reloj de arena de dos dimensiones frente a un espejo succionante, en el que te espera la arena movediza. Pareciese a propósito que vas metiendo los pies más profundo, como si quisieses que te tragaran para dejar de tragar.

¿Quién soy?, no sé realmente, porque puedo ser tantas cosas y no sé cuál quiero ser. Tal vez sí sé quién quiero ser, pero no sé si lo quiero o me hicieron quererlo. Volvemos a primera base, las personalidades de la gente se vuelven cada vez más filosas y yo cada vez más amorfa, ¿podrán mis vértices erosionados soportarlo?

La vida está pasando y yo todavía vivo con mi cabeza en el 16 de marzo, no sé si quiero salir y no sé si debería. Hay muchas cosas peligrosas afuera y yo soy una sola, soy como un globo entre alfileres, aunque ya estoy a medio desinflar.

Que miedo y que frío crecer, pero que placentero querer. Que bonita levantarse temprano en las mañanas y que triste tener que ponerse la máscara y el saco de fuerza. Estoy creciendo sin dejar atrás las tristezas de mi ayer y sin levantar las felicidades de mi hoy, ¿qué será de mi mañana?

¿Es un grito de auxilio o una carta de despedida?, tal vez una de bienvenida para quién se atreva a conocerme. Como escalar el monte más alto del mundo, siempre rocas y mucho frío, riesgo de muerte y la satisfacción de saber que lo lograste. Por favor, no provoques una avalancha.

Es esta la razón, me pica la carne cuando pienso, porque no sé. Me pica el cuerpo a montones y a autodestrucciones, porque la picazón cerebral de la incertidumbre es destructora por sí sola y es mejor desviar la energía a la carne. Siempre a la débil, humana carne.

[sesiondemadrugada]

La madre de todos los horrores. A propósito de Liga de la Justicia (Zack Snyder, 2017).

I.

Lo más curioso de esta tercera aportación del director estadounidense Zack Snyder al proyecto del estudio Warner Bros. de crear un universo superheroico consistente a partir de los cómics editados por DC, es que se ha concebido y se proyecta en formato de pantalla 1.85:1. El hombre de acero (2013) y Batman v Superman: El amanecer de la justicia (2016), aventuras previas de Batman, Superman y Wonder Woman a cargo de Snyder, así como el resto de su filmografía –de Amanecer de los muertos (2004) a Sucker Punch (2011) pasando por 300 (2006) y Watchmen (2009)–, se han debido mayormente al formato panorámico 2.35:1 o incluso el 2.39:1, que otorga perspectiva y gracilidad a su sentido del espectáculo.

La proporción 1.85:1 resulta más satisfactoria de cara a traducir este tipo de superproducciones en versiones 3D, IMAX y caseras, amén de procurar a las altas resoluciones con que se filman y manipulan sus escenas un mayor impacto en el espectador. Pero, además, la relación más ajustada entre altura y anchura del encuadre favorece la intensidad de la acción y la presencia del actor en pantalla. No es casual que, ante la polarizada recepción crítica y popular a El hombre de acero y Batman v Superman: El amanecer de la justicia, Warner confiase en el caso de Liga de la Justicia Warner a Joss Whedon la escritura de secuencias extra a las ya urdidas por Zack Snyder y Chris Terrio. Whedon, que a la postre se ha encargado también de rodar dichos añadidos, fue el director de Los Vengadores (2012), película que reunió a los superhéroes más conocidos de la productora responsable máxima del boom cinematográfico actual del género, Marvel Studios... y película que fue materializada en formato 1.85:1, a fin de armonizar los tamaños y características diversos de personajes como Hulk y la Viuda Negra.

Los Vengadores tuvo una gran repercusión. Disipó cualquier duda en lo tocante a la verosimilitud y viabilidad del universo cinemático Marvel. Es lógico que se haya fichado a Whedon para que ejerza influencia creativa en Liga de la Justicia, apuesta en paralelo de Warner/DC por afianzar de una vez en imágenes fotorrealistas el panteón que integran el hombre murciélago, la mujer maravilla y el hombre de acero, más otros superhéroes que debutan en sociedad y sobre los que se preparan lances en solitario: Flash, Cyborg, Aquaman. La prioridad de esta película no pasaba por contar una historia más, por centrar nuestra atención en el sempiterno relato a que nos ha acostumbrado el género acerca de la lucha de un superhéroe o un grupo de ellos –como ocurre esta vez– contra un villano monstruoso empeñado en sojuzgar nuestro planeta. Se trataba más bien de anclar iconos épicos a nuestro ánimo y nuestras retinas, de familiarizarnos con determinados rasgos y acrobacias, de seducirnos con ciertos colores y diseños de uniformes y con una sublimación digital, melodramática, de los cuatro elementos primordiales  –tierra, aire, fuego, agua–, que nos hiciesen desear volver a arrobarnos en su contemplación en ocasiones posteriores.

II.

Así pasa durante los primeros minutos de Liga de la Justicia, en los que Batman y Wonder Woman reclutan a humanos con habilidades extraordinarias –y caracteres pintorescos– para formar una liga capaz de vencer a Steppenwolf, un Nuevo Dios que, a través del control de tres misteriosas Cajas Madre, pretende conquistar la Tierra, desguarnecida tras la muerte en Batman v Superman: El amanecer de la justicia del hombre de acero. La configuración de la imagen en 1.85:1, una paleta de iluminaciones y colores elemental, y un trabajo de montaje atento al magnetismo de los rostros y la coreografía de los cuerpos antes que a la agitación de unos y otros, hacen de los planos viñetas, y, de su progresión, una dialéctica entre composiciones antes que un fluir de impresiones. Algo, por otra parte, habitual en el cine de Zack Snyder. En las películas anteriores a su adopción por Warner/DC, Snyder reiteró la confrontación entre el poder –y las servidumbres– derivados de entender a individuos y objetos en términos iconográficos, en clave de construcciones culturales y de consumo, y sus dinámicas de fuga; una incertidumbre entre la reverberación de la figura, y su potencial cinético.

En Liga de la Justicia, esas particularidades llegan a apreciarse en el enfrentamiento inicial en una azotea de Batman con un delincuente y un esbirro de Steppenwolf; en la equiparación de Diana Prince –Wonder Woman– con una escultura clásica que restaura, labor que interrumpe una emisión televisiva; en la estampa de Aquaman erguido sobre el casco de un buque semihundido, contra el que rompe una ola que perfila un aura regia en torno a él; en la disputa por una de las tres Cajas Madre entre Steppenwolf, pesado como una montaña, y un puñado de atléticas amazonas que se pasan la pieza de unas a otras –quizá el instante más digno de la película–; en el momento en que Flash descubre con asombro que un Superman devuelto a la vida y desbocado comparte su increíble velocidad de movimientos…

Lo sobrio y arquetípico de un par de monólogos, y la preeminencia en ellas de Diana y los valores de inocencia e idealismo que encarna –al fin y al cabo, Wonder Woman (2017) es el único éxito incontestable hasta la fecha obtenido por el universo extendido DC–, terminan por hacer de Liga de la Justicia un intento de corrección, y hasta de autocrítica en toda regla, a lo sombrío y confuso de El hombre de acero y Batman v Superman: El amanecer de la justicia. Por mucho que se perciba todavía de fondo que, en oposición a los personajes de Marvel Studios, cuyos problemas mundanos y psicológicos no les impiden creer por lo general en una visión tradicional del bien y el mal y en que nuestro orden socioeconómico merece ser preservado, los de Warner/DC, más complejos o peor escritos, pecan de una considerable desorientación moral y no tienen demasiado claros, ni el rol que han de desempeñar como superhéroes, ni por qué es importante salvaguardar nuestro mundo de las catástrofes que ambicionan perpetrar contra el mismo billonarios psicóticos, alienígenas repugnantes y deidades de segunda.

III.

Con tales mimbres, estará cavilando el lector, Liga de la Justicia ha de ser, como mínimo, sugerente. Lo cierto es que no. Nos hallamos ante un filme tan calamitoso como para trascender su condición de entrega menos inspirada hasta el momento del universo extendido DC –y no nos olvidamos de la caótica Escuadrón Suicida (2016)–, y erigirse en ejemplo histórico de blockbuster tan despilfarrador como inepto, capaz de agotar la paciencia del crítico o el cinéfilo interesados, contra el sentir mayoritario, en reconocer méritos siquiera sintomáticos a estos productos. Es la segunda vez que sucede esta temporada, tras El muñeco de nieve (2017). Las razones, volvemos a Liga de la Justicia, para que una inversión de trescientos millones de dólares sumados gastos de producción, publicidad y distribución, luzca en el mejor de los casos como una realización fantástica de los años noventa dirigida al mercado videográfico, y, en el peor, como una mala parodia pornográfica del género superheroico, son varias.

Por una parte, las decisiones apresuradas y meros cambalaches con que ha salido adelante la película, de desarrollo marcado sobre la marcha por las reacciones dispares que suscitaban en la esfera pública los estrenos sucesivos de Batman v Superman: El amanecer de la justicia, Escuadrón Suicida y Wonder Woman. Por otro lado, el plazo tan breve transcurrido entre el inicio del rodaje en abril de 2016, y la fecha del estreno, noviembre de 2017. La compresión del metraje a ciento veinte minutos, lo que permite programar más pases en multicines durante los primeros y cruciales fines de semana de exhibición. Y, por último, la incapacidad de los artífices de Liga de la Justicia para articular el simulacro de relato a que aludíamos, gracias al cual nos sumergeríamos en las maravillas expresivas y escenográficas consustanciales, con los claroscuros que se quiera. a una gran producción acerca de superhéroes.

El efecto de esas circunstancias es tan explosivo como para que los fragmentos más potables de Liga de la Justicia, en los que tienen oportunidad de destacar peculiaridades como el formato o lo totémico de los personajes, hayan sido explotados hasta la saciedad en sus tráilers. El grueso de la fábula es un revuelto indigesto de diálogos entre lo enunciativo y lo sonrojante en ausencia de una mínima organicidad en lo narrado, una historia descontextualizada por completo del mundo en que tiene lugar y plagada de absurdos, algunos héroes y un antagonista de nulo carisma, efectos visuales de tercera categoría tanto da si en detalles o en situaciones llamativas, largos minutos de vergüenza ajena –todo lo que atañe a la resurrección de Superman, las peripecias de una familia rusa a merced de Steppenwolf–, y un regusto kitsch en las imágenes que tampoco es ajeno a Zack Snyder, pero que en Liga de la Justicia no adquiere el valor irónico, deconstructivo, que poseía en Watchmen o Sucker Punch, sino que delata tan solo su proverbial mal gusto estético.

Cuando en un trance del filme Steppenwolf denomina “la madre de todos los horrores” al apocalipsis que va a desencadenar sobre la especie humana, es inevitable bromear con el hecho de que se trata de un comentario metarreferencial dedicado a una película cuya función era la de servir a los superhéroes del conglomerado Warner/DC como parada y fonda, como refugio en el que tomar fuerzas juntos antes de proseguir sus caminos por separado, y que únicamente acaba por dejar en evidencia que, a pesar de las escenas insertas en los créditos finales que anuncian futuras aventuras de los superhéroes en cuestión y sus némesis, del balón de oxígeno que ha supuesto Wonder Woman, y de que Aquaman (2018) se encuentra ya en postproducción, el universo extendido DC carece de credibilidad, herido de muerte desde el principio por su evidente afectación, lo errático de sus producciones, lo discutible de los talentos embarcados en las mismas, y su supeditación a lo logrado una y otra vez sin esfuerzo aparente por Marvel Studios. Como ha concluido En The Telegraph el crítico Robbie Collin a propósito de Liga de la Justicia, “las propuestas de Marvel son más o menos mediocres, irritan más o menos por su amoldamiento a un patrón, pero pueden considerarse ficciones. La película que nos ocupa, en cambio, es un agujero negro de referentes culturales pop, obligado a absorber también, para recuperar las paletadas de dinero que Warner ha invertido en ella, la buena voluntad de la audiencia“.

Diego Salgado (crítica publicada originalmente en Cine para Leer).

[larahera]

Siempre me duermo viendo pelis en el sofá. Y en los momentos de más acción... Creo que es un mecanismo de defensa para escapar de tanta violencia. O una manera de disimular lo mucho que me gustan realmente las hostias como panes.